WEBVTT

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Oh, God. Oh, my God. I mean, there is prickly

00:00:23.329 --> 00:00:28.160
pear. It's a good one. That works. That isn't

00:00:28.160 --> 00:00:31.539
great. No, they were on sale. I get the sale

00:00:31.539 --> 00:00:35.119
ones. We don't get the high end buddies. Why

00:00:35.119 --> 00:00:40.759
does it taste a little bit of fart? It depends

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on what your flavor is, I suppose. But yeah,

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I mean, mine always has more of a like a rotting

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pumpkin vibe to it. Yeah. Your farts. I was like,

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white peach shouldn't taste like pumpkin. Yeah,

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that's weird. This is this is opening up exactly

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as I expected. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go around

00:01:01.409 --> 00:01:03.469
real quick and just describe our farts. We got

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a rotted pumpkin for Peter. Mm hmm. Adam with

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a hint of like meat. Oh, yeah. Meat and pumpkin.

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Yeah. So some kind of African dish, I'm assuming.

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Yeah, it could be that or like there's probably

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like a pumpkin and beef ravioli or something

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like that. Pumpkin and goat. There you go. Cubed

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goat meat. I have to go next. Is that what you

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said, Sean? Yeah, that's right, Rob. OK, I do

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eat a lot of red beans. So I wouldn't I don't

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I wouldn't describe the fart as beanie, but it's

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the kind of farts you get from from beans. Yeah.

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So prolific, fibrous. It's just got like a rancid

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quality to it. And then I have to announce it

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in the brewery that like you guys don't just

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say it's bean farts. Stay over where you're at.

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that's that's reasonable uh mine just smell and

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taste like sins this is something something just

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isn't a front to god and it's in my ass where

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it belongs sean uh i can only describe my worst

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farts as being akin to andy muschietti's the

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flash that's right this was an intro this is

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cage i'm sean here with my co -host I'll give

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you that. Weirdly enough, that was better than

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most. You actually did segue for once. You know

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what? It's taken four years and like, you know,

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three episodes left and I finally got there.

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Nice work. I'm producer Peter. And we got Adam

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back with us. I think this is five, right? This

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is the you're the five timer. I think you and

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in. daryl are maybe the only five timers oh five

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timers let's call them the fist club the fisters

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yeah we got our fisters here adam i think if

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you host snl five times you get some kind of

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jacket or sport coat so uh well we can't afford

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that but we can't afford one of you one of you

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get the fuck to a good will then buy me a coat

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no i'm about to spit on this thing and give you

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what you deserve Become the puppet that you are

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for us. I don't like that at all. Adam's just

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a mouthpiece. You didn't have to make the gesture.

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I did have to make the gesture. It's so much

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better. Nick and I did it in stereo. It was worth

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it. This week, as I alluded to, we are discussing

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The Flash, which has the honor of having exactly

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zero actual Nicolas Cage in it. was it all cgi

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yeah yeah i mean he i guess he had done like

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a body scan for it or something body and i guess

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mostly face scan and then was originally going

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to have lines and then they didn't have him have

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lines yeah well nobody really had lines in that

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segment so it's weird that they had him do a

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face scan only to have it look that bad considering

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the cg christopher reeves looked slightly better

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eh i mean okay all the cgi stuff in this looks

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bad anytime it's in like the time whatever chronosphere

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or whatever yeah time dome everything looks like

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that like weird rubbery early cgi's yeah i don't

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know it's just there's something about the cgi

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in this that really bugged the shit out of me

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it looks like the uh angley hulk or whatever

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yeah oh yeah but even when they had like actors

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that they could just like have stills of they

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still cg'd them into like these rubbery monstrosities

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like when we go through the history when barry's

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watching like his new timeline with his mom alive

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and it's just like creepy uh creepy rubber mom

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don't like it when they had the actress like

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she could have just they could have just done

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it done acting but no they did make a weird rubber

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mom which some people would be really into but

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oh rubber mommy I hadn't thought about it that

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way. I mean, I can tell that the CGI was bad,

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but when you talk about how it felt like it was

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going really far back in time, as far as the

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CGI, at one point, maybe 30 or 40 minutes in,

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I thought this would be better if The Flash was

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played by Tobey Maguire because I was thinking

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of the original Spider -Man because that's how

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it felt to me. And now that I think of it, it's

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because it was kind of similar. a similar type

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of cgi yeah it's pretty pretty similar look this

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uh but only like 20 years after the toby mcguire

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spider right yeah exactly but this one they can

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say shit and fuck it's true i was i certainly

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was the whole movie this this shit is fucked

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it took me fuck uh it took me three efforts to

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get all the way through it and i finished the

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last 30 minutes this morning and it was just

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not the way i like morning coffee Yeah, I regret

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that this is not the first time I've seen this

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movie. I very much recreationally watched it

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like a year ago. And then knowing I had to rewatch

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it, it was a lot of effort. I did have to split

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it up because I fell asleep. Yeah. Uncommon for

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me. I tried to watch this film when it came to

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streaming because I do love DC comics and I do

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particularly love the Flash as a character and

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I've always wanted like. a flash movie so i was

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like i know all the shit behind it uh ezra miller

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like i know it's not getting great reviews i

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know it's gonna be a train wreck but i just want

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it for the spectacle and i got through the gotham

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city scene and i just turned it off i'm like

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oh yeah everything everything that isn't ezra

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miller isn't the worst thing in the world uh

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high point in the first seven minutes ben affleck's

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batman getting to batman around for a bit i loved

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but all the actual flashing about i was just

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like i hate this also i just want to call out

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right at the top um the fake out um intro card

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when he's like starting to like target for the

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run oh yeah and then the fans are like it's the

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flash i'm like that should have been cut considering

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you know that time he choked out you know A chubby

00:07:34.040 --> 00:07:36.319
fan. Yeah, Ezra Miller is definitely a problematic

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bit of this thing. So, Oric, you had not watched

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a lot of DECU content, right? Ever. I haven't

00:07:45.540 --> 00:07:48.660
watched really much of any comic book movies.

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I've seen a few. Ooh, this will be great. I've

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seen the Tobey Maguire. spider is it spider -man

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or spider -man's that's dc no it's marvel i know

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i'm just talking about comic book movies in general

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oh i i saw just spider -man i saw the christopher

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reeve uh superman and i've seen um which ones

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all of them i saw the yeah so you're familiar

00:08:14.279 --> 00:08:17.399
with going back in time um michael uh michael

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keaton as batman and uh the christopher nolan

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yeah batmen um because i think he did several

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right he did three yeah so yeah so batman or

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batman's and batman's i don't know so the thing

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the decu of it all you know this like led by

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zach snyder you know kind of weird edgy takes

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on it or whatever i none of it ever appealed

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to me i don't think i've ever gotten through

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a single one of them so watching this i was like

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ben affleck seems really weird as batman but

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i didn't see him play batman i got to see him

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as like a basically a five minute cameo in this

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and they i did like him as thick batman though

00:08:59.690 --> 00:09:02.309
that was pretty nice i like dummy thick batman

00:09:02.309 --> 00:09:06.590
i like thick batman too uh i think what was the

00:09:06.590 --> 00:09:09.190
uh colloquial version he's like bulldog batman

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because he had like the rubbery like bulldog

00:09:11.049 --> 00:09:15.340
mask was his batman versus superman was that

00:09:15.340 --> 00:09:18.259
his one yeah yeah he was also in was he in the

00:09:18.259 --> 00:09:21.159
justice league movies now here's another question

00:09:21.159 --> 00:09:24.409
about the character in this one Did they already

00:09:24.409 --> 00:09:26.710
beat Zod? I'm assuming they beat Zod in a different

00:09:26.710 --> 00:09:28.529
movie, right? That was in one of the Superman

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movies. That was the first movie. So that's why

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I think this will be interesting. Adam, it's

00:09:32.690 --> 00:09:34.909
your job to recap the film for us. And considering

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this entire movie relies on having watched all

00:09:37.830 --> 00:09:41.570
of the Zack Snyder movies, for it to make any

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sense, go. I can't. I mean, I can tell you about

00:09:47.309 --> 00:09:49.769
the movie and I can tell you about why it's pretty

00:09:49.769 --> 00:09:54.799
bad. But I mean... I remember General Zod from

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the Superman universe. Am I recapping or just

00:09:59.860 --> 00:10:01.620
telling you what I think? Why don't you recap

00:10:01.620 --> 00:10:04.340
and we'll ask you pointed questions that we know

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you don't have answers for. I had to look it

00:10:08.399 --> 00:10:13.539
up because this opens with Alfred, played by

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Jeremy Irons. Wonderful catch. Well done, guys.

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What a catch. I did love his Alfred. Yeah. Well,

00:10:22.830 --> 00:10:24.889
in the one minute that I got to see him, I thought

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he was pretty great. I'm going to call back to

00:10:27.009 --> 00:10:30.470
a previous Cage Match episode in which Nick explained

00:10:30.470 --> 00:10:33.009
his hope that Jeremy Irons would one day become

00:10:33.009 --> 00:10:36.549
disabled and be in a wheelchair. Jeremy Ironsides?

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I'm a good person. Just wishing for disabilities

00:10:43.470 --> 00:10:51.299
on other people for my amusement. I didn't know

00:10:51.299 --> 00:10:53.759
anything about the Justice League, seriously.

00:10:54.139 --> 00:10:57.539
And so I was like, wait, who's this guy? And

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then it's Alfred. It's like, why is Alfred calling

00:10:59.419 --> 00:11:03.899
the Flash? Yeah, apparently Alfred is dispatch.

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And then it was like, oh, have you... called

00:11:08.559 --> 00:11:11.179
superman or have you called aquaman or have you

00:11:11.179 --> 00:11:13.220
called and it was like oh we're getting everything

00:11:13.220 --> 00:11:16.659
yeah um they were all literally my first choice

00:11:16.659 --> 00:11:20.179
over you and then so he's pissed off the the

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flash uh barry allen ezra miller He's pissed

00:11:24.740 --> 00:11:26.580
off because he's in a coffee shop trying to order

00:11:26.580 --> 00:11:28.379
a bullshit sandwich. He wants the guy to hurry

00:11:28.379 --> 00:11:30.799
up and then he has to go change into his suit

00:11:30.799 --> 00:11:33.940
and run. He's such a rude little dick. Yeah.

00:11:34.000 --> 00:11:36.580
Which one? Both of them, but Barry in particular.

00:11:36.740 --> 00:11:40.259
I found him incredibly unlikable. He's hungry.

00:11:41.059 --> 00:11:45.159
He had to. So he had to go into Gotham City and

00:11:45.159 --> 00:11:47.679
because it was all kinds of shit was going down

00:11:47.679 --> 00:11:50.740
and like the fucking hospital was falling into

00:11:50.740 --> 00:11:53.240
a sinkhole and shit, which I love the explanation

00:11:53.240 --> 00:11:55.690
for that. Falcone's kid decided to get the big

00:11:55.690 --> 00:11:58.649
time, got a crew together and stole a virus and

00:11:58.649 --> 00:12:02.090
bombed the basement of a hospital. It's never

00:12:02.090 --> 00:12:04.909
explained why the hospital's falling down. I'm

00:12:04.909 --> 00:12:07.789
assuming Molman. There's just Molman involved.

00:12:07.970 --> 00:12:12.210
There's always Molman. He has to leave this coffee

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shop while his sandwich is being made and run

00:12:14.929 --> 00:12:20.049
to Gotham City. From Star City, right? Central

00:12:20.049 --> 00:12:23.049
City, I think he's from. So I looked it up and

00:12:23.049 --> 00:12:27.539
it Because it shows him running over mountains

00:12:27.539 --> 00:12:31.659
and what I assumed was across Lake Erie. And

00:12:31.659 --> 00:12:35.679
I looked it up and it was basically like Central

00:12:35.679 --> 00:12:39.480
City is sort of like in Missouri to like New

00:12:39.480 --> 00:12:43.000
Jersey or New York or something, which if anybody

00:12:43.000 --> 00:12:47.360
has ever driven from Missouri to New Jersey.

00:12:47.440 --> 00:12:49.399
Anywhere other than Missouri. Well, you just

00:12:49.399 --> 00:12:53.820
you don't cross many mountains. No. You can actively

00:12:53.820 --> 00:12:56.820
not go through a lake. And then he saves a bunch

00:12:56.820 --> 00:12:59.480
of babies that have fallen out of a window. He

00:12:59.480 --> 00:13:01.879
puts one of them in a microwave, which was fucking

00:13:01.879 --> 00:13:05.220
awesome. He stuck a baby in a microwave. House

00:13:05.220 --> 00:13:07.679
to burrito, stuck a baby in a microwave. They

00:13:07.679 --> 00:13:09.840
try and explain that away later because he's

00:13:09.840 --> 00:13:11.779
like, you can't move living things. You can move

00:13:11.779 --> 00:13:14.580
like, like you could, you could, you could put,

00:13:14.659 --> 00:13:16.080
you could put a baby in a microwave and move

00:13:16.080 --> 00:13:18.259
the microwave, but you can't move the baby. And

00:13:18.259 --> 00:13:22.740
I'm like, what? yeah none of that the the logic

00:13:22.740 --> 00:13:24.539
of that makes any sense because later he gets

00:13:24.539 --> 00:13:27.200
moved and he barfs all over the place yeah i'm

00:13:27.200 --> 00:13:29.039
gonna complain about the logic in this movie

00:13:29.039 --> 00:13:33.500
so much today i did research i took notes good

00:13:33.500 --> 00:13:37.019
uh right off the top discussing his like hundreds

00:13:37.019 --> 00:13:41.200
of mile run to uh another two across several

00:13:41.200 --> 00:13:44.019
state lines uh that he did in the course of like

00:13:44.019 --> 00:13:47.200
a minute and other times this movie he can run

00:13:47.200 --> 00:13:51.100
faster than the speed than anyone can see he

00:13:51.100 --> 00:13:53.860
can even just kind of like on her and like pick

00:13:53.860 --> 00:13:56.639
up a can of tomatoes and put it in a cart at

00:13:56.639 --> 00:13:59.980
a speed that people cannot see but for some reason

00:13:59.980 --> 00:14:03.580
when he has to fight he can only run just fast

00:14:03.580 --> 00:14:04.919
enough where people can see him and punch him

00:14:04.919 --> 00:14:09.639
yeah yeah so the the scene in gotham city is

00:14:09.639 --> 00:14:13.860
just this was a 200 million dollar budget and

00:14:13.860 --> 00:14:18.679
they probably spent 180 million trying to make

00:14:18.679 --> 00:14:21.559
that Sean, I appreciate you calling out how bad

00:14:21.559 --> 00:14:24.639
it was because the first note I took in my notes

00:14:24.639 --> 00:14:26.799
app for this movie was this is the cyber truck

00:14:26.799 --> 00:14:34.200
of opening scenes. And that it looks awful. Yeah,

00:14:34.259 --> 00:14:36.860
looks awful and actually is awful. And that it

00:14:36.860 --> 00:14:39.100
was like this was clearly made for eight year

00:14:39.100 --> 00:14:44.460
olds and dude bros. Yeah, that's it. The CG in

00:14:44.460 --> 00:14:46.899
this is so bad. I'd rather watch an episode of

00:14:46.899 --> 00:14:50.980
Reboot. And so then he, uh, he runs, he saves

00:14:50.980 --> 00:14:53.240
all these babies, takes the one out of the microwave.

00:14:53.779 --> 00:14:56.379
After the microwave dings. Yeah. After the microwave

00:14:56.379 --> 00:14:58.799
dings. Cause it was still, how was it still?

00:14:58.860 --> 00:15:01.419
Yeah. Right. Um, it's been floating through this

00:15:01.419 --> 00:15:05.179
guy. And, uh, so then he runs back to Missouri

00:15:05.179 --> 00:15:08.740
and gets the, the barista finally has his sandwich

00:15:08.740 --> 00:15:11.340
almost ready. And then he gets his sandwich and

00:15:11.340 --> 00:15:16.080
like goes to work and, um, where he's habitually

00:15:16.080 --> 00:15:19.019
late. yeah fastest man on the he's habitually

00:15:19.019 --> 00:15:23.059
late and abused by what's her name sirsha monica

00:15:23.059 --> 00:15:25.379
jackson sirsha something jackson the north irish

00:15:25.379 --> 00:15:28.799
actress is really good and they make her do an

00:15:28.799 --> 00:15:31.740
american accent for for no reason for no reason

00:15:31.740 --> 00:15:34.000
so he gets abused by his co -workers a little

00:15:34.000 --> 00:15:37.000
bit and then we kind of that's kind of how we

00:15:37.000 --> 00:15:40.299
learn the start of his background whereas his

00:15:40.299 --> 00:15:42.860
tragic past do we know how long his dad had been

00:15:42.860 --> 00:15:45.639
his dad been in prison for like 18 years yeah

00:15:45.639 --> 00:15:48.039
since he was like a kid like he got raised by

00:15:48.039 --> 00:15:50.200
iris's parents waiting for this i didn't even

00:15:50.200 --> 00:15:52.700
gather that part i mean it wasn't really addressed

00:15:52.700 --> 00:15:56.220
in the film yeah that's not at all in this film

00:15:56.220 --> 00:15:57.779
like because they only knew each other from college

00:15:57.779 --> 00:16:00.620
in this film him and iris yeah right okay and

00:16:00.620 --> 00:16:03.519
then yeah so his dad's played by ron livingston

00:16:03.519 --> 00:16:07.100
also like this movie was like got a banging cast

00:16:07.100 --> 00:16:11.539
absolutely um All the Batmans. And so that's

00:16:11.539 --> 00:16:13.200
kind of how we learn. Except for Christian Bale.

00:16:13.919 --> 00:16:15.919
That's kind of how we learn sort of his motivation,

00:16:15.919 --> 00:16:19.240
which is similar to Batman. Mom died. Now I'm

00:16:19.240 --> 00:16:22.039
angry. It's like everybody's parents died. Yeah.

00:16:23.179 --> 00:16:25.659
But his dad got blamed for the murder. But his

00:16:25.659 --> 00:16:28.580
dad gets blamed for the murder. And he was helping

00:16:28.580 --> 00:16:32.440
exonerate his dad. Where does this bring us to?

00:16:32.480 --> 00:16:35.419
We see the murder scene. We see like him as maybe

00:16:35.419 --> 00:16:37.340
a seven or eight year old complaining about homework

00:16:37.340 --> 00:16:40.100
and how sweet his mom was. Yeah. And then some

00:16:40.100 --> 00:16:43.820
rando came in and kills her. So then Barry gets

00:16:43.820 --> 00:16:47.539
sad and runs real fast. Yeah, he runs away. And

00:16:47.539 --> 00:16:50.100
he's been running ever since. And that's the

00:16:50.100 --> 00:16:52.600
end of the movie. But then now we go back to

00:16:52.600 --> 00:16:55.279
present. He figures out that he can time travel.

00:16:56.110 --> 00:17:00.470
if he runs fast enough faster than time um what

00:17:00.470 --> 00:17:03.889
what did they call it the the time flow the chronosphere

00:17:03.889 --> 00:17:06.650
is it really called the chronosphere i think

00:17:06.650 --> 00:17:07.890
that's what they called it he called it in the

00:17:07.890 --> 00:17:09.950
movie i mean the speed force is what he uses

00:17:09.950 --> 00:17:13.509
to like run okay yeah that that's what gave him

00:17:13.509 --> 00:17:16.289
his power what first off i hate the whole effect

00:17:16.289 --> 00:17:18.910
of him running in slow -mo but the world like

00:17:18.910 --> 00:17:21.529
speeding by him i think that his running looks

00:17:21.529 --> 00:17:24.880
real dumb especially as stupid like speed skating

00:17:24.880 --> 00:17:28.779
like maneuver he does i hate it so much it sucks

00:17:28.779 --> 00:17:32.700
i did appreciate that heather barry allen doesn't

00:17:32.700 --> 00:17:34.940
just runs like a spaz doesn't have his stupid

00:17:34.940 --> 00:17:38.500
like speed run um so he tries to go back in time

00:17:38.500 --> 00:17:41.420
all notes on this one movie i mean they're not

00:17:41.420 --> 00:17:43.720
like notes in a good way these are ways that

00:17:43.720 --> 00:17:45.779
my brain can remember a movie that i'm like i

00:17:45.779 --> 00:17:48.559
don't like any of this wow you have so much written

00:17:48.559 --> 00:17:54.079
down well yeah i do it as i watch it so also

00:17:54.079 --> 00:17:56.279
i just want to let people know this was a two

00:17:56.279 --> 00:17:59.180
and a half hour movie it's a lot of movie god

00:17:59.180 --> 00:18:02.960
it was so long and it feels every minute of it

00:18:02.960 --> 00:18:06.119
yeah it was really tough buckle up we're 10 minutes

00:18:06.119 --> 00:18:09.160
in there's so many times about a guy who runs

00:18:09.160 --> 00:18:11.619
real fast this movie moves at a snail's pace

00:18:11.619 --> 00:18:13.940
yeah there were there were so many times there's

00:18:13.940 --> 00:18:17.619
i mean it had to have been 15 or 18 times i paused

00:18:17.619 --> 00:18:19.740
it to see how much i had left it was like oh

00:18:19.740 --> 00:18:23.859
god god how have i only been watching this for

00:18:23.859 --> 00:18:27.259
28 minutes that's when i stopped it the first

00:18:27.259 --> 00:18:28.900
time and then i remembered that i can watch it

00:18:28.900 --> 00:18:32.779
at two speed i i i got through 35 and went and

00:18:32.779 --> 00:18:37.039
walked two miles like i just got to listen to

00:18:37.039 --> 00:18:41.019
music or do something else so We learn in the

00:18:41.019 --> 00:18:43.099
death scene that his mom was making dinner, had

00:18:43.099 --> 00:18:45.880
forgotten a can of tomatoes. Dad has to go back

00:18:45.880 --> 00:18:48.319
to the store for a can of tomatoes. And that's

00:18:48.319 --> 00:18:53.400
when the break -in and stabbing happens. So when

00:18:53.400 --> 00:18:56.240
Barry Allen realizes he can manipulate time,

00:18:56.619 --> 00:19:01.400
he's, I'll just go back to that day. He shuffles

00:19:01.400 --> 00:19:05.630
through the store. furious speed so nobody can

00:19:05.630 --> 00:19:08.130
see him puts a can of tomatoes in his mom's shopping

00:19:08.130 --> 00:19:12.250
cart on that day and then tries to move forward

00:19:12.250 --> 00:19:15.230
in time but what what happens when he gets punched

00:19:15.230 --> 00:19:17.569
out of the time yeah out of the chronosphere

00:19:17.569 --> 00:19:21.829
yeah yeah and so he ends up uh he ends up back

00:19:21.829 --> 00:19:26.509
on september 29th i think of 2013 yeah the the

00:19:26.509 --> 00:19:31.349
the exact day that he got his powers and so he

00:19:31.349 --> 00:19:35.589
very irresponsibly went into his own home to

00:19:35.589 --> 00:19:38.069
hang out with his parents, talk to his mom. We

00:19:38.069 --> 00:19:40.250
got to pause for a second. He thought he was

00:19:40.250 --> 00:19:42.250
back in his own time. He didn't realize he was

00:19:42.250 --> 00:19:44.509
in the past. Oh, that's a good point. He didn't

00:19:44.509 --> 00:19:45.849
think he was in his own time. But the thing that

00:19:45.849 --> 00:19:48.670
really... Okay, so he's in his flash suit, right?

00:19:49.130 --> 00:19:52.069
Yeah, right. But they established that the flash

00:19:52.069 --> 00:19:55.069
suit can get unsuited and he'd just have clothes.

00:19:55.250 --> 00:19:57.549
But instead, he goes and he steals two old people's

00:19:57.549 --> 00:20:00.720
clothes who are presumably just like... naked

00:20:00.720 --> 00:20:03.539
on the street i don't think i don't think this

00:20:03.539 --> 00:20:05.099
clothes goes over suit because he has to change

00:20:05.099 --> 00:20:08.160
into them i think he's just raw dog so anytime

00:20:08.160 --> 00:20:11.220
he has to get into his suit he just leaves his

00:20:11.220 --> 00:20:13.660
clothes in a little pile somewhere yeah he's

00:20:13.660 --> 00:20:16.440
just like there's just one person getting raptured

00:20:16.440 --> 00:20:18.579
everywhere everywhere he's like damn there's

00:20:18.579 --> 00:20:21.039
another one folded yeah i don't think barry's

00:20:21.039 --> 00:20:24.299
neatly folding i mean honestly again at his speed

00:20:24.299 --> 00:20:29.220
he could run home hang his clothes come back

00:20:30.250 --> 00:20:35.490
catch the suit yeah yeah right so he um he's

00:20:35.490 --> 00:20:37.349
having dinner with his parents and then he sees

00:20:37.349 --> 00:20:42.329
his freshman in college self walking up and he

00:20:42.329 --> 00:20:44.470
goes out and like sort of instigates a fight

00:20:44.470 --> 00:20:48.150
with him with himself and then talks to himself

00:20:48.150 --> 00:20:51.009
they lock they lock the underwear on his head

00:20:51.009 --> 00:20:54.349
yeah they lock themselves in their bedroom and

00:20:54.349 --> 00:20:58.039
then he realizes that oh this is the day i get

00:20:58.039 --> 00:21:00.460
my powers, we have to go do this. And I loved

00:21:00.460 --> 00:21:03.359
the fact that he got his powers by being struck

00:21:03.359 --> 00:21:07.660
by lightning while hit with chemicals. A bunch

00:21:07.660 --> 00:21:12.099
of unnamed chemicals. That is canonically how

00:21:12.099 --> 00:21:15.099
the Flash gets his powers, yes. Why is it always

00:21:15.099 --> 00:21:18.900
chemicals though? Like the Joker, chemicals.

00:21:19.359 --> 00:21:23.500
Like Clayface. Chemicals. Cosmetic chemicals.

00:21:23.559 --> 00:21:26.599
Was it Two -Face also? Two -Face, probably chemicals.

00:21:27.309 --> 00:21:30.650
yeah yeah that's a chemical chemical yeah the

00:21:30.650 --> 00:21:33.150
flash chemicals two -faced didn't get powers

00:21:33.150 --> 00:21:37.470
from his chemical burns he got the power of dual

00:21:37.470 --> 00:21:41.660
thought people out but so They go to. Probability.

00:21:42.000 --> 00:21:44.460
They go to the place. The power of probability.

00:21:44.799 --> 00:21:51.680
The power of 50 -50. So he takes himself to the

00:21:51.680 --> 00:21:53.680
place where the chemical room where he was struck

00:21:53.680 --> 00:21:56.359
by lightning and kind of forces him. But they

00:21:56.359 --> 00:21:59.880
both get struck by lightning and. It goes through

00:21:59.880 --> 00:22:03.460
him. Young. Yeah. Young self gets powers and

00:22:03.460 --> 00:22:05.619
old self. Doofy Berry has powers now. And old

00:22:05.619 --> 00:22:09.700
self loses his powers. How how interesting is

00:22:09.700 --> 00:22:12.680
it to get to watch a Flash movie where the Flash

00:22:12.680 --> 00:22:17.200
for 70 percent of the film doesn't have his powers?

00:22:17.819 --> 00:22:21.380
Well, a Flash has their right. Not a good Flash.

00:22:21.519 --> 00:22:23.940
Yeah. Well, actually, that's the thing. So, like,

00:22:24.019 --> 00:22:26.720
I hated Barry Allen and then I met Doofy Barry

00:22:26.720 --> 00:22:28.599
Allen. I'm like, I kind of like that dipshit.

00:22:28.640 --> 00:22:31.220
Like, he's such a moron. I fucking hated his

00:22:31.220 --> 00:22:34.200
laugh. Oh, his laugh is terrible. Don't get me

00:22:34.200 --> 00:22:36.720
wrong. But like that guy, at least I was like,

00:22:36.779 --> 00:22:40.150
yeah. I was 18. I know what that's like. Barry's

00:22:40.150 --> 00:22:43.170
just a rude dick. Yeah. Yeah. No, the characterization

00:22:43.170 --> 00:22:46.730
of Barry in this sucks. Yeah. Yeah. To be fair,

00:22:46.849 --> 00:22:50.130
his life kind of sucked. Fair enough. I mean,

00:22:50.130 --> 00:22:51.970
and that's the thing is like maybe I would have

00:22:51.970 --> 00:22:54.369
benefited from one knowing anything about the

00:22:54.369 --> 00:22:57.430
Flash storyline or two having watched any of

00:22:57.430 --> 00:22:59.869
the other DECU stuff that Flash was in. But like,

00:22:59.869 --> 00:23:02.410
they'd fuck. No, they do address it in the script,

00:23:02.450 --> 00:23:04.789
though, that he's a very unlikable human. Yeah.

00:23:05.009 --> 00:23:09.430
Yeah. Well, also, They did with this what they

00:23:09.430 --> 00:23:11.450
did with the fucking Ryan Reynolds Green Lantern

00:23:11.450 --> 00:23:14.190
movies. Like we're going to take a character

00:23:14.190 --> 00:23:17.109
who is largely fairly straight laced and just

00:23:17.109 --> 00:23:21.809
turn him into kind of like a goofish jokester.

00:23:22.450 --> 00:23:24.369
Like we're going to just try and make him quippy

00:23:24.369 --> 00:23:27.109
rather than like an actual like character who

00:23:27.109 --> 00:23:29.890
is for all intents and purposes, probably kind

00:23:29.890 --> 00:23:33.390
of boring with just cool powers. Yeah, that's

00:23:33.390 --> 00:23:36.059
fair. This isn't like this isn't my Barry Allen

00:23:36.059 --> 00:23:38.759
or any Barry Allen I would care about. Like the

00:23:38.759 --> 00:23:42.380
Flash TV show was had a solid two season run

00:23:42.380 --> 00:23:46.000
before it got real bad. The 90s Flash was a lot

00:23:46.000 --> 00:23:49.440
of fun. And again, just kind of like very straightforward,

00:23:49.799 --> 00:23:53.640
straightforward fella with a cool muscle suit.

00:23:55.059 --> 00:23:58.859
Yeah. Both versions of the Flash and Mark Hamill

00:23:58.859 --> 00:24:03.029
is the trickster. Oh, interesting. Now, my favorite

00:24:03.029 --> 00:24:05.470
moment in this movie is when Barry has lost his

00:24:05.470 --> 00:24:07.529
powers and he attempts to run in that lobby.

00:24:07.970 --> 00:24:12.829
He looks like a person who has never run ever,

00:24:12.990 --> 00:24:16.450
ever, ever in life. And it's just like, do you

00:24:16.450 --> 00:24:18.670
just wing your arms around? Is this how it goes?

00:24:19.630 --> 00:24:21.950
My favorite. My favorite scene was the first

00:24:21.950 --> 00:24:30.190
time I saw the suit. It was just like flaccid

00:24:30.190 --> 00:24:34.450
corpse. Like a little mask suit popping out of

00:24:34.450 --> 00:24:39.470
a ring. So the suit, when it comes into contact

00:24:39.470 --> 00:24:42.849
with air, expands. So there are just like a bunch

00:24:42.849 --> 00:24:46.769
of loose flash suits out there. It's not folded.

00:24:46.869 --> 00:24:49.150
It's like a molecular expansion. So it's not

00:24:49.150 --> 00:24:51.490
getting put back in the ring. Maybe the ring

00:24:51.490 --> 00:24:55.779
has some kind of like... Dyson powers that just

00:24:55.779 --> 00:24:57.980
suck it down. Now, here's a follow -up question.

00:24:57.980 --> 00:25:00.119
In which case, I would like one of these rings

00:25:00.119 --> 00:25:03.640
for reasons. For reasons. So, here's a question,

00:25:03.720 --> 00:25:05.460
though. Like, he's got this ring that the suit

00:25:05.460 --> 00:25:08.039
exists in and it's magic expando suit powers

00:25:08.039 --> 00:25:09.119
or whatever, like you're talking about, Sean.

00:25:09.539 --> 00:25:11.500
Where the fuck did the ring come from? His powers

00:25:11.500 --> 00:25:13.819
came from chemicals and lightning. I wondered

00:25:13.819 --> 00:25:15.339
the same thing. Where did he get the goddamn

00:25:15.339 --> 00:25:18.000
ring? I'm assuming Batman, but they never explain

00:25:18.000 --> 00:25:21.059
it. I thought the same thing. Wonder Woman compliments

00:25:21.059 --> 00:25:24.519
his new suit. um that's true i know a lot of

00:25:24.519 --> 00:25:27.359
people didn't like the um justice league suit

00:25:27.359 --> 00:25:28.819
where it was like made out of like space age

00:25:28.819 --> 00:25:31.500
polymers and actually looked like you know something

00:25:31.500 --> 00:25:33.619
that you would shoot through the atmosphere i

00:25:33.619 --> 00:25:35.819
thought that was pretty solid i thought that

00:25:35.819 --> 00:25:38.420
like looked pretty good but i guess they needed

00:25:38.420 --> 00:25:43.059
i like the expando ring i like the comic accurate

00:25:43.059 --> 00:25:46.039
shit in it because i love the flash so i didn't

00:25:46.039 --> 00:25:50.430
hate it but the suit's weird looking yeah Also,

00:25:50.569 --> 00:25:53.089
apparently a young Barry Allen has a bigger dick

00:25:53.089 --> 00:25:56.450
than an old Barry Allen. Apparently growing up

00:25:56.450 --> 00:26:02.250
with a mom gives you a big old dick. I mean,

00:26:02.309 --> 00:26:10.349
Barry's mom gave me a big old dick. Mom boners.

00:26:12.029 --> 00:26:15.230
Getting back to the rubber mom of it all. Getting

00:26:15.230 --> 00:26:19.839
back to the script. Where did we leave off? Where

00:26:19.839 --> 00:26:23.099
do we? Yeah, we do. You made me watch this movie

00:26:23.099 --> 00:26:24.799
and you made me come over here and talk about

00:26:24.799 --> 00:26:28.240
it. We've got new Doofy Barry with with powers.

00:26:28.640 --> 00:26:30.980
Yeah. He like burns the city down real quick.

00:26:31.180 --> 00:26:33.539
And then they're like, fuck, we got to go find

00:26:33.539 --> 00:26:36.019
Batman. I go find Batman. Yeah. But before that,

00:26:36.119 --> 00:26:38.700
they hang out with Barry's roommates. Right.

00:26:38.839 --> 00:26:42.460
Which was again, what's her name from Dairy Girls?

00:26:42.559 --> 00:26:46.519
Right. How does how does Barry realize that the

00:26:46.519 --> 00:26:53.339
timeline's fucked? a tattoo on the calf of some

00:26:53.339 --> 00:26:55.900
guy in whitey tighties yeah they just keep talking

00:26:55.900 --> 00:26:59.559
about uh back to the future eric stoltz yeah

00:26:59.559 --> 00:27:04.259
eric stoltz marty mcfly it's like it's like eric

00:27:04.259 --> 00:27:05.599
stoltz was art back to the future how do you

00:27:05.599 --> 00:27:10.740
explain marty mcthigh like because it's a tattoo

00:27:10.740 --> 00:27:14.019
of eric stoltz marty mcfly on dude's calf And

00:27:14.019 --> 00:27:18.220
it's upside down. That was my favorite joke in

00:27:18.220 --> 00:27:20.700
the movie. Yeah, but the way he makes it right

00:27:20.700 --> 00:27:24.680
side up is so good. It's very good. Right. So

00:27:24.680 --> 00:27:29.380
then they go find Batman and Batman is now Michael

00:27:29.380 --> 00:27:32.960
Keaton, which was real scrubby. Yeah, kind of

00:27:32.960 --> 00:27:35.720
hot, though. He's got like some real Lebowski

00:27:35.720 --> 00:27:38.859
energy going. I thought I thought that was a

00:27:38.859 --> 00:27:40.900
great script choice. It was like he was just

00:27:40.900 --> 00:27:44.309
like an angry, retired Batman. Just like he did

00:27:44.309 --> 00:27:48.130
the same voice that he used in Beetlejuice. He's

00:27:48.130 --> 00:27:51.630
just like, yeah, I don't know, kid. And it was

00:27:51.630 --> 00:27:54.150
I loved I loved Michael Keaton in this movie.

00:27:54.990 --> 00:27:58.089
It's one of the few things I really enjoyed about

00:27:58.089 --> 00:28:00.190
it. Absolutely. I really appreciate there's a

00:28:00.190 --> 00:28:02.549
sequence where Barry is trying to like. google

00:28:02.549 --> 00:28:04.250
like the justice league trying to like track

00:28:04.250 --> 00:28:07.190
down aquaman track down wonder woman seeing if

00:28:07.190 --> 00:28:08.970
he can like google anyone and like none of the

00:28:08.970 --> 00:28:11.170
heroes exist in this world and he's like oh if

00:28:11.170 --> 00:28:12.529
i can only talk to batman and then everyone in

00:28:12.529 --> 00:28:16.730
the room just goes i'm batman yeah i thought

00:28:16.730 --> 00:28:19.670
that was so batman exists and he still has the

00:28:19.670 --> 00:28:25.150
same shtick some things are universal you know

00:28:25.150 --> 00:28:28.950
yeah so then dead michael keaton was able to

00:28:28.950 --> 00:28:32.329
explain how timelines work and where they overlap

00:28:32.329 --> 00:28:34.930
and what it all means etc spaghetti yeah with

00:28:34.930 --> 00:28:37.670
spaghetti that he happened to be cooking anyway

00:28:37.670 --> 00:28:40.710
right convenient breakfast spaghetti it was a

00:28:40.710 --> 00:28:43.210
breakfast for one lonely old man i understand

00:28:43.210 --> 00:28:45.950
it you have breakfast spaghetti but i would like

00:28:45.950 --> 00:28:48.049
it's it just seems rather convenient i would

00:28:48.049 --> 00:28:50.130
have preferred it if he was like trying to explain

00:28:50.130 --> 00:28:51.930
the timeline to barry and he's like you know

00:28:51.930 --> 00:28:53.210
what this will work better with spaghetti and

00:28:53.210 --> 00:28:56.230
then he actually makes spaghetti yeah did they

00:28:56.230 --> 00:28:58.910
address why there's no alfred i'm assuming he's

00:28:58.910 --> 00:29:02.089
just well he died uh i'm assuming he's just dead

00:29:02.089 --> 00:29:06.710
yeah i was gonna say did he die in the old yeah

00:29:06.710 --> 00:29:09.750
so right yeah and alfred's canonically older

00:29:09.750 --> 00:29:12.869
his alfred was very old and that was the thing

00:29:12.869 --> 00:29:17.809
with um batman and robin was like alfred was

00:29:17.809 --> 00:29:20.109
dying and like that's why alicia silverstone

00:29:20.109 --> 00:29:22.170
got brought in to like oh that's right start

00:29:22.170 --> 00:29:26.690
butlin and and and then put on those chris o'donnell's

00:29:26.690 --> 00:29:31.170
badass laundry oh man i fucking love batman and

00:29:31.170 --> 00:29:34.470
robin that's such a good one batman and robin

00:29:34.470 --> 00:29:36.930
and batman forever those are my batmans those

00:29:36.930 --> 00:29:41.470
are really quality fuck all other batmans i have

00:29:41.470 --> 00:29:43.410
never watched all of that and i'm robin every

00:29:43.410 --> 00:29:46.069
time i start watching it i'm like no that's one

00:29:46.069 --> 00:29:48.809
of those early movies in my like in my life where

00:29:48.809 --> 00:29:52.380
i was just like wait people like people actually

00:29:52.380 --> 00:29:55.880
take time to make bad films you have seen you

00:29:55.880 --> 00:29:57.599
have seen the tough guy laundry scene though

00:29:57.599 --> 00:29:59.299
right oh yeah i've seen batman forever i love

00:29:59.299 --> 00:30:00.980
batman forever oh is that batman forever that

00:30:00.980 --> 00:30:03.140
wasn't batman forever no because batman forever

00:30:03.140 --> 00:30:06.180
is where he gets where he meets robin where bruce

00:30:06.180 --> 00:30:09.839
wayne adopts a 26 year old man yeah that's how

00:30:09.839 --> 00:30:13.589
it goes like you do Sometimes you just need a

00:30:13.589 --> 00:30:23.529
new dad, man. Get a new daddy. We got to go faster

00:30:23.529 --> 00:30:26.529
on this shit. Canonically in those Batman movies,

00:30:26.630 --> 00:30:30.289
it is Alfred who makes those costumes. Yeah,

00:30:30.410 --> 00:30:33.269
right. Alfred is responsible for the nipples

00:30:33.269 --> 00:30:38.230
on the Batsuit and Robin's giant codpiece. Alfred

00:30:38.230 --> 00:30:40.029
was just sitting there thinking, you know what

00:30:40.029 --> 00:30:43.880
Bruce needs? nipples what would really strike

00:30:43.880 --> 00:30:46.759
fear into the hearts of the criminals of gotham

00:30:46.759 --> 00:30:50.319
a bat with nipples actually that is kind of terrifying

00:30:50.319 --> 00:30:54.359
if you think about it you just had like big old

00:30:54.359 --> 00:30:58.359
like erasers just sticking out and like you're

00:30:58.359 --> 00:31:00.359
trying to fight him and like you punch it it's

00:31:00.359 --> 00:31:02.720
just like the nipples and he grabs you and like

00:31:02.720 --> 00:31:05.279
a nipple just across the face and it's like god

00:31:05.279 --> 00:31:09.069
you fucking stop it Trying to have a serious

00:31:09.069 --> 00:31:14.049
crime career. And you're making it mean nothing

00:31:14.049 --> 00:31:17.490
with your stupid fucking bat nipples in my ears

00:31:17.490 --> 00:31:20.869
and my eyes just poking me all over. Batman's

00:31:20.869 --> 00:31:24.289
just doing this a lot. Put him on the glass,

00:31:24.369 --> 00:31:28.650
Batman. Maybe the end of The Flash would have...

00:31:29.119 --> 00:31:31.039
been quicker with the fight against generals.

00:31:31.819 --> 00:31:34.160
They're getting more bat nipples. Yeah, which

00:31:34.160 --> 00:31:36.039
is one of those nipples of worms its way through

00:31:36.039 --> 00:31:41.059
Zod's little 4C mask. It's like, Earth sucks,

00:31:41.200 --> 00:31:44.779
I'm leaving. I don't need this planet. Everyone's

00:31:44.779 --> 00:31:48.960
got big fake nipples on them. so yeah we finally

00:31:48.960 --> 00:31:51.740
get to batman who doesn't want to help because

00:31:51.740 --> 00:31:54.059
oh sean doesn't want to talk about bat nipples

00:31:54.059 --> 00:31:58.000
for once his so also his reasoning for no his

00:31:58.000 --> 00:32:01.160
reasoning for no longer batmanning is gotham

00:32:01.160 --> 00:32:03.799
safe like gotham's the safest city in america

00:32:03.799 --> 00:32:05.660
there's no need for a batman so he's not even

00:32:05.660 --> 00:32:08.740
an embittered old batman he's just like comfortably

00:32:08.740 --> 00:32:12.920
retired so the reason for like why the timeline

00:32:12.920 --> 00:32:14.359
is completely different even though it's just

00:32:14.359 --> 00:32:18.319
barry's mom and why batman is older an older

00:32:18.319 --> 00:32:21.839
man now is because when you affect the time stream

00:32:21.839 --> 00:32:24.619
it doesn't just make a branch it just completely

00:32:24.619 --> 00:32:26.640
spaghettifies the universe so you're fucking

00:32:26.640 --> 00:32:31.140
with both the past and the future yeah which

00:32:31.140 --> 00:32:33.619
is some real comic book logic and then you get

00:32:33.619 --> 00:32:36.140
the spaghetti multiverse yep so they have to

00:32:36.140 --> 00:32:40.400
save superman the spaghetti but first they have

00:32:40.400 --> 00:32:43.779
but first they break into the bat weapons vault

00:32:43.779 --> 00:32:46.640
is that that's part of that's part of like the

00:32:47.049 --> 00:32:49.589
in the flash universe like he he can yeah he

00:32:49.589 --> 00:32:52.349
can phase vibrate through things he can vibrate

00:32:52.349 --> 00:32:54.990
his molecules at a speed that is like that can

00:32:54.990 --> 00:32:57.410
go between other molecules the flash has all

00:32:57.410 --> 00:32:59.970
the powers i did i mean that is that is actually

00:32:59.970 --> 00:33:02.869
pretty fucking tight um i did like when he first

00:33:02.869 --> 00:33:06.130
uses that skill to go like get beer for iris

00:33:06.130 --> 00:33:08.750
oh yeah he cracks it and the beer just explodes

00:33:08.750 --> 00:33:12.009
everywhere it's like oh right you hyper vibrated

00:33:12.009 --> 00:33:16.549
that beer yep classic Oh, we did miss the reason

00:33:16.549 --> 00:33:19.549
he's going to get Batman is because Zod has invaded.

00:33:20.029 --> 00:33:23.309
Right. Oh, yeah. Zod's back. Oh, yeah. He's trying

00:33:23.309 --> 00:33:24.730
to. Because previously killed in a Superman.

00:33:24.829 --> 00:33:26.710
Which, yeah, because that was the original Man

00:33:26.710 --> 00:33:29.150
of Steel, which started off this universe. And

00:33:29.150 --> 00:33:31.549
they don't really bother to set it up. This movie

00:33:31.549 --> 00:33:33.369
makes no sense if you haven't actually watched

00:33:33.369 --> 00:33:37.549
these films. Yeah. Does not in any way stand

00:33:37.549 --> 00:33:40.630
up as a like standalone solo movie. I'm unlikely

00:33:40.630 --> 00:33:44.279
to put. the entire library together for myself.

00:33:44.380 --> 00:33:47.960
So I will never watch one of them. Yeah, I did.

00:33:48.000 --> 00:33:50.259
Like when Wonder Woman was there and she used

00:33:50.259 --> 00:33:52.519
her Lariat of Truth and Barry was like, I know

00:33:52.519 --> 00:33:55.740
what sex is, but I've never had it. Yeah, it's

00:33:55.740 --> 00:33:58.299
like we know, buddy. I had I didn't know what

00:33:58.299 --> 00:34:00.400
the Lariat of Truth was. So when they just started

00:34:00.400 --> 00:34:02.980
talking, I was like, well, what the fuck is this?

00:34:03.019 --> 00:34:07.900
I do appreciate like when she like she's like,

00:34:07.920 --> 00:34:10.320
she tells Batman good job. He's like, I'm too

00:34:10.320 --> 00:34:13.090
proud to admit that I needed help. what yeah

00:34:13.090 --> 00:34:17.730
yeah he's like if i really just like why are

00:34:17.730 --> 00:34:19.389
you going on like if i would have just like if

00:34:19.389 --> 00:34:21.210
i really wanted to like solve crime i'd like

00:34:21.210 --> 00:34:23.630
solve poverty and just give away all my money

00:34:23.630 --> 00:34:27.550
but i won't because i'm a millionaire fuck thank

00:34:27.550 --> 00:34:30.170
god i'm out of that lariat it's like i am like

00:34:30.170 --> 00:34:32.210
i have parental issues and the criminal's like

00:34:32.210 --> 00:34:36.429
i do too this is this is the point right in the

00:34:36.429 --> 00:34:39.579
movie Which Bruce Wayne decides to take the berries

00:34:39.579 --> 00:34:42.980
to Russia. Correct. Yeah, because in this version,

00:34:43.219 --> 00:34:46.820
Superman never crash landed in Kansas and was

00:34:46.820 --> 00:34:51.119
intercepted. So Superman's cousin, Kara, landed

00:34:51.119 --> 00:34:54.019
in Russia, apparently. Yeah. And then got put

00:34:54.019 --> 00:34:57.079
into some sort of magic cage. Oh, because there's

00:34:57.079 --> 00:34:59.280
no sun. Yeah. They get power from the yellow

00:34:59.280 --> 00:35:04.309
sun. Right. I... Just remembered seeing a review

00:35:04.309 --> 00:35:07.210
of that scene where they break her out and it's

00:35:07.210 --> 00:35:11.889
like no Russian accent. You speak in an American

00:35:11.889 --> 00:35:14.650
accent. Well, all the Kryptonians spoke English,

00:35:14.670 --> 00:35:22.909
but also actually in the community college. They

00:35:22.909 --> 00:35:27.530
did a summer abroad in Toledo. Since this movie

00:35:27.530 --> 00:35:29.449
requires you to actually have watched these films.

00:35:30.000 --> 00:35:32.800
for this story to make any sense um it's not

00:35:32.800 --> 00:35:35.079
the yellow sun in the snyder universe it it's

00:35:35.079 --> 00:35:37.219
partially the yellow sun but it's also they establish

00:35:37.219 --> 00:35:40.579
uh the gravity on earth compared to krypton is

00:35:40.579 --> 00:35:45.900
less um that the oxygen is um denser or lighter

00:35:45.900 --> 00:35:48.079
either way it's like it's the atmosphere that

00:35:48.079 --> 00:35:50.420
gives uh her her powers and existing on earth

00:35:50.420 --> 00:35:52.360
should be what gives her powers not just the

00:35:52.360 --> 00:35:53.960
yellow sun so she should have already been kicking

00:35:53.960 --> 00:35:57.050
ass and taking names from the jump Also, the

00:35:57.050 --> 00:35:58.389
Kryptonians should have been able to do all that

00:35:58.389 --> 00:35:59.610
shit because they didn't get their powers till

00:35:59.610 --> 00:36:01.269
they took off their breathing apparatuses and

00:36:01.269 --> 00:36:03.590
they all had them on there because they needed

00:36:03.590 --> 00:36:06.809
to like cover up the shitty CG of Michael Shannon's

00:36:06.809 --> 00:36:11.289
face. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, there's very

00:36:11.289 --> 00:36:14.530
little that makes the Kryptonian power set make

00:36:14.530 --> 00:36:17.090
sense. It's like, why can he travel to space

00:36:17.090 --> 00:36:20.510
then? Why can they go to other planets and soup

00:36:20.510 --> 00:36:23.349
up? It's like, I don't know. Supergirl, the new

00:36:23.349 --> 00:36:26.289
Supergirl kind of talks about that a bit. I have

00:36:26.289 --> 00:36:28.409
not had a chance to see that yet. I do want to,

00:36:28.429 --> 00:36:31.150
but it's pretty good. I really liked it. I feel

00:36:31.150 --> 00:36:34.309
like it's enjoyable and I feel like it got kind

00:36:34.309 --> 00:36:37.309
of shit on. Well, anytime there's a female lead

00:36:37.309 --> 00:36:39.369
movie, it's going to get shit on. I mean, if

00:36:39.369 --> 00:36:44.239
they would just smile on the poster. That's true.

00:36:44.260 --> 00:36:46.340
It does help. You're going to keep that in, right?

00:36:46.440 --> 00:36:47.900
I am actually going to keep that in. I mean,

00:36:47.920 --> 00:36:50.159
it's true. That's the discourse. Everyone's all

00:36:50.159 --> 00:36:52.039
fucking pissy about it. Everybody bitches. It's

00:36:52.039 --> 00:36:53.679
like, why can't they just smile? Why are they

00:36:53.679 --> 00:36:55.920
so serious? If you just had a grinning Superman,

00:36:56.239 --> 00:36:59.260
you'd be like, what the fuck? Yeah, right. Is

00:36:59.260 --> 00:37:04.519
that a sociopath? What is that? I feel like it's

00:37:04.519 --> 00:37:06.659
worth pointing out at this point in the film.

00:37:06.980 --> 00:37:08.679
We're about halfway through the film at this

00:37:08.679 --> 00:37:12.280
point when they get to Supergirl. And it is.

00:37:12.800 --> 00:37:16.599
at this point there are like nobody is a character

00:37:16.599 --> 00:37:19.559
no everyone's just kind of like exists in this

00:37:19.559 --> 00:37:22.539
world to push like the plot forward but that

00:37:22.539 --> 00:37:24.599
nobody except for like maybe barry nobody has

00:37:24.599 --> 00:37:27.440
an arc they're like we don't have a central villain

00:37:27.440 --> 00:37:30.159
for this film like zod's there but he's more

00:37:30.159 --> 00:37:33.760
just there as like a threat but like there's

00:37:33.760 --> 00:37:37.530
no antagonist in this movie The main villain

00:37:37.530 --> 00:37:40.710
from my point of view, from my point of view,

00:37:40.789 --> 00:37:44.090
is... The Jedi? The Jedi were the villains all

00:37:44.090 --> 00:37:51.190
along? Yeah. The Snyderverse. Yeah. Zack Snyder

00:37:51.190 --> 00:37:54.269
was really the main antagonist for me when I

00:37:54.269 --> 00:37:56.730
watched this. And slow motion. Slow motion for

00:37:56.730 --> 00:37:59.170
sure. I also really didn't like that barista

00:37:59.170 --> 00:38:03.110
who was a dick. Yeah, if he had just made that

00:38:03.110 --> 00:38:05.329
sandwich faster. Just a little bit. I thought

00:38:05.329 --> 00:38:07.309
about that at the at the end of the movie, Sean,

00:38:07.389 --> 00:38:11.429
that the whole arc of the story was basically

00:38:11.429 --> 00:38:15.409
just that the Flash can time travel. Yeah, but

00:38:15.409 --> 00:38:18.349
and then just other stuff happened. But like

00:38:18.349 --> 00:38:20.110
that. So we have Batman there. We have Michael

00:38:20.110 --> 00:38:22.650
Keaton as Batman for the first time in 20 plus

00:38:22.650 --> 00:38:25.590
years. And he is literally just there to be there,

00:38:25.690 --> 00:38:30.489
ride and like say lines from the old Batman movie.

00:38:30.570 --> 00:38:33.929
He does kick some ass, some Russian ass. But

00:38:33.929 --> 00:38:36.829
again, he's not a character. He doesn't have

00:38:36.829 --> 00:38:40.329
an arc. Nobody in this film is a character. They

00:38:40.329 --> 00:38:42.630
introduce Kara Zor -El, and she shows up, and

00:38:42.630 --> 00:38:46.050
I was sent here to watch after my cousin Kal

00:38:46.050 --> 00:38:50.690
-El. End of character development. Yeah, but

00:38:50.690 --> 00:38:53.610
he never made it. My cousin died. Now I'm angry

00:38:53.610 --> 00:38:57.670
version. That's the arc. I can't imagine why

00:38:57.670 --> 00:39:01.769
they canceled her solo. And even the huge fight

00:39:01.769 --> 00:39:04.139
scene to end it all. It was like they necessarily

00:39:04.139 --> 00:39:07.840
had to lose. There's no. And then then they go

00:39:07.840 --> 00:39:12.139
back to their own timelines. And then George

00:39:12.139 --> 00:39:14.400
Clooney is Batman. So we're not in the same time.

00:39:14.460 --> 00:39:18.239
It's just. Right. I did appreciate that. We'll

00:39:18.239 --> 00:39:20.320
touch. We'll touch that one in a little bit.

00:39:20.320 --> 00:39:27.539
But like, OK, so I wouldn't. Gross. So they rescue

00:39:27.539 --> 00:39:31.170
Supergirl, I guess. Supergirl, right? And she

00:39:31.170 --> 00:39:35.309
seems like badass, but also weak, like often

00:39:35.309 --> 00:39:37.909
needs to take a little break. Yeah, I don't know.

00:39:37.969 --> 00:39:40.150
It's a it's a weird thing to have in that time.

00:39:42.510 --> 00:39:46.409
Nope. Of the movie. She needs a break. Maybe

00:39:46.409 --> 00:39:47.889
they should have put an intermission in this

00:39:47.889 --> 00:39:51.050
long fucking movie. They should have. So. They

00:39:51.050 --> 00:39:53.690
try and get Barry his powers back by zapping

00:39:53.690 --> 00:39:55.650
him with fucking lightning and chemicals. Oh,

00:39:55.750 --> 00:39:59.349
yeah. Yeah, right. Let's just use chemicals.

00:39:59.530 --> 00:40:02.250
Catholic spritzer throws some chemicals on you

00:40:02.250 --> 00:40:05.190
and then we'll hit you with lightning. Like this

00:40:05.190 --> 00:40:08.909
is Frankenstein. So the original Flashpoint Paradox

00:40:08.909 --> 00:40:11.289
comic, Barry gets back to his own time in the

00:40:11.289 --> 00:40:14.530
world's all fucked. The actual plot of the comic

00:40:14.530 --> 00:40:17.969
is the Amazonians and the Atlanteans are going

00:40:17.969 --> 00:40:20.190
to war and it's going to like wipe out. everyone

00:40:20.190 --> 00:40:23.809
on earth so like barry teams up with um thomas

00:40:23.809 --> 00:40:26.309
wayne batman but there's a point that thing where

00:40:26.309 --> 00:40:28.289
he's just like we need to get a bunch of chemicals

00:40:28.289 --> 00:40:30.769
and get a big old lightning rod and shock me

00:40:30.769 --> 00:40:33.539
to get me my powers back I mean, the thing that

00:40:33.539 --> 00:40:35.679
just boggles my mind about this is, like, this

00:40:35.679 --> 00:40:39.400
loose chemicals concept. Yeah, right? Does he

00:40:39.400 --> 00:40:41.400
know the chemicals? Did he know them? Does he

00:40:41.400 --> 00:40:44.719
know the exact measurements of them all? Which

00:40:44.719 --> 00:40:47.059
ones hit him where? Because in the lab, they're

00:40:47.059 --> 00:40:50.159
in, like, fucking beakers. In Batman's lab, they're

00:40:50.159 --> 00:40:52.760
in, like, the big, like, they look like buzzball

00:40:52.760 --> 00:40:55.900
biggies. Like, I don't even know. I don't know

00:40:55.900 --> 00:40:57.360
any of this. A buzzball biggie will get you moving

00:40:57.360 --> 00:40:59.820
pretty quick. It will, it will. And why did they

00:40:59.820 --> 00:41:02.760
have to? lock him in like it was an electric

00:41:02.760 --> 00:41:07.159
oh yeah he's all manacled onto it and then the

00:41:07.159 --> 00:41:09.659
super i did love the super dramatic scene though

00:41:09.659 --> 00:41:13.820
where it didn't work And so Supergirl, like,

00:41:13.820 --> 00:41:16.199
unclips him from the electric chair and just

00:41:16.199 --> 00:41:18.300
takes him up into the sky. To electrocute him

00:41:18.300 --> 00:41:20.440
again. To electrocute him a bunch. But she didn't

00:41:20.440 --> 00:41:23.219
have any chemicals. Yeah. The chemicals were

00:41:23.219 --> 00:41:29.000
the chemicals inside of us. Yeah, they banged.

00:41:29.179 --> 00:41:32.300
Sky banged. Oh, God. Okay, so he gets his powers

00:41:32.300 --> 00:41:35.440
back. Then they go and fight Zod. Yeah, but,

00:41:35.579 --> 00:41:38.179
oh, it's, yes, they go and fight Zod. But before

00:41:38.179 --> 00:41:41.860
we get to that. I need to know. I wasn't able

00:41:41.860 --> 00:41:44.579
to, with the copy you sent me, I wasn't able

00:41:44.579 --> 00:41:48.059
to put closed captioning on. So when he builds.

00:41:48.139 --> 00:41:50.179
The copy I sent you, don't worry about that.

00:41:51.380 --> 00:41:59.760
The DVD that had subtitles. So how do we differentiate

00:41:59.760 --> 00:42:03.800
between Old Barry, Young Barry? 2013 Barry and

00:42:03.800 --> 00:42:08.559
Dick Barry. Okay, so when freshman Barry. Baby

00:42:08.559 --> 00:42:12.070
Barry. He built his he built his flash suit out

00:42:12.070 --> 00:42:15.570
of a Batman suit and then was like, ask Dick

00:42:15.570 --> 00:42:17.789
Berry. What do you think? And I think he said

00:42:17.789 --> 00:42:23.570
it. It beefs. Yeah. Because earlier, 2013, Berry

00:42:23.570 --> 00:42:26.250
had said it beefs about something. And older

00:42:26.250 --> 00:42:31.030
Dick Berry was like. He just keeps saying Dick

00:42:31.030 --> 00:42:34.309
Berry. I can say it as many times as I need to,

00:42:34.369 --> 00:42:41.829
Nick. Older Dick Berry is like... Beefs? Beefs?

00:42:42.989 --> 00:42:50.969
I was... Beef! Beef! just you need to splice

00:42:50.969 --> 00:42:52.889
it every time one of us says beep you need to

00:42:52.889 --> 00:42:56.590
splice in daryl this is the closest i've gotten

00:42:56.590 --> 00:42:58.510
nick to laughing like me at that fucking mom

00:42:58.510 --> 00:43:01.329
and dad episode this is the combos conversation

00:43:01.329 --> 00:43:08.090
oh my god um so i was like why because i'm so

00:43:08.090 --> 00:43:10.130
having again not seen this movie before i've

00:43:10.130 --> 00:43:14.690
only seen like stills of the bat berry suit and

00:43:14.690 --> 00:43:16.869
i was always like why did he like they're under

00:43:16.869 --> 00:43:19.170
time pressure why is he like painting the bat

00:43:19.170 --> 00:43:20.849
suit to look like this it doesn't matter but

00:43:20.849 --> 00:43:23.050
then you realize it's what i realized it was

00:43:23.050 --> 00:43:28.090
like freshman berry i'm just like yeah he's a

00:43:28.090 --> 00:43:30.809
he's a he's a goofus he would he would want to

00:43:30.809 --> 00:43:33.159
be on brand I did kind of laugh, though, when

00:43:33.159 --> 00:43:35.659
it's like him whipping, you know, zipping around,

00:43:35.780 --> 00:43:37.360
paint everything. And then all of a sudden it's

00:43:37.360 --> 00:43:39.480
just like slow -mo, like cutting the little ears

00:43:39.480 --> 00:43:43.860
off the bad cowl. I also do love when they're

00:43:43.860 --> 00:43:45.480
in the jet talking to each other, getting ready

00:43:45.480 --> 00:43:50.639
to run. And he turns his head. And his head just

00:43:50.639 --> 00:43:56.860
turns in the cowl. It doesn't turn. It's just

00:43:56.860 --> 00:44:03.980
that stupid face. there were some moments that

00:44:03.980 --> 00:44:05.920
did make me laugh in this movie yeah i definitely

00:44:05.920 --> 00:44:08.400
had some funny times but i mean this movie has

00:44:08.400 --> 00:44:10.900
i will say okay i do want to say we're bagging

00:44:10.900 --> 00:44:13.079
on this movie i do want to say there is this

00:44:13.079 --> 00:44:15.159
movie does have its moments it does have some

00:44:15.159 --> 00:44:18.159
solid jokes it does have some charm to it um

00:44:18.159 --> 00:44:22.239
after having watched it i am so this same director

00:44:22.239 --> 00:44:25.039
is supposed to be handling the next batman movie

00:44:25.039 --> 00:44:28.079
outside of the batman but for like james guns

00:44:28.079 --> 00:44:32.969
um interesting dcu which as a direct like in

00:44:32.969 --> 00:44:37.329
terms of like action comedy and just like general

00:44:37.329 --> 00:44:42.769
ability to like script script aside scripts terrible

00:44:42.769 --> 00:44:45.309
but like the director's ability to like frame

00:44:45.309 --> 00:44:49.530
action and like have entertaining interactions

00:44:49.530 --> 00:44:53.809
and characters especially given again an amazing

00:44:53.809 --> 00:44:58.010
bat sequence with uh ben affleck like gaining

00:44:58.010 --> 00:45:02.150
behind cars and like doing some like comic accurate

00:45:02.150 --> 00:45:05.250
batman stuff i don't hate the idea as long as

00:45:05.250 --> 00:45:08.210
he's not writing the script yeah no i could see

00:45:08.210 --> 00:45:12.030
how this director teamed up with james gunn could

00:45:12.030 --> 00:45:17.010
make something fun and enjoyable uh one of the

00:45:17.010 --> 00:45:20.530
things i had to point out to josie was like this

00:45:20.530 --> 00:45:26.949
the soundtrack for this movie fucking sucks i

00:45:26.949 --> 00:45:28.710
couldn't even tell you a single thing about it

00:45:28.710 --> 00:45:32.789
other than 25 or six to four yeah it is an hour

00:45:32.789 --> 00:45:37.809
and a half of just like bland score uh before

00:45:37.809 --> 00:45:41.769
you get a modern song it's like was it the raconteurs

00:45:41.769 --> 00:45:44.010
he uh during like the fight yeah it was like

00:45:44.010 --> 00:45:46.309
a raconteur there was something uh jack whitish

00:45:46.309 --> 00:45:52.440
uh or well it was a jack white song but uh Why

00:45:52.440 --> 00:45:55.280
didn't we have something like that in like the

00:45:55.280 --> 00:45:59.059
hospital dropping scene? That perfect place to

00:45:59.059 --> 00:46:01.480
add in a modern, fun song. And that's a James

00:46:01.480 --> 00:46:04.780
Gunn element that will improve. It just kind

00:46:04.780 --> 00:46:06.900
of needs that collaboration, I feel like. But

00:46:06.900 --> 00:46:10.840
an hour and a half for boring ass score like

00:46:10.840 --> 00:46:15.639
this was just scored. through like exciting things

00:46:15.639 --> 00:46:17.960
and it's like the score sucks and the only time

00:46:17.960 --> 00:46:20.880
the score even like vaguely hit me was when it

00:46:20.880 --> 00:46:24.199
was the fucking danny elf yeah exactly and it's

00:46:24.199 --> 00:46:26.320
danny elfman right and if it wasn't exactly his

00:46:26.320 --> 00:46:29.840
it was the tribute to yeah you know yeah i i

00:46:29.840 --> 00:46:31.659
agree with you it's like those are the big misses

00:46:31.659 --> 00:46:33.199
on this thing it's like it just doesn't have

00:46:33.199 --> 00:46:38.300
any fucking heart yeah yeah But I can see through

00:46:38.300 --> 00:46:40.400
the director. Yeah, let's let's get let's get

00:46:40.400 --> 00:46:42.440
to the end of this fucking movie. And then we

00:46:42.440 --> 00:46:44.579
can talk because like part of it, you know, talking

00:46:44.579 --> 00:46:46.639
about script is because this thing has been in

00:46:46.639 --> 00:46:48.880
it was in production forever. Right. It got covid

00:46:48.880 --> 00:46:51.579
fucked. It got Ezra Miller fucked. Like everything

00:46:51.579 --> 00:46:53.940
about it was sort of cursed. So we can we'll

00:46:53.940 --> 00:46:57.800
hit on that at the end. But they fight Zod and

00:46:57.800 --> 00:47:02.400
suck and lose. Everybody lose every time until

00:47:02.400 --> 00:47:05.019
Barry kind of realizes like, oh, this is an inevitable.

00:47:06.799 --> 00:47:09.260
event and so like we're always gonna lose we

00:47:09.260 --> 00:47:11.539
have to stop we have to like we can't do this

00:47:11.539 --> 00:47:14.760
i have to unfuck the fucking they lose and go

00:47:14.760 --> 00:47:16.719
back in time and lose and go back in time and

00:47:16.719 --> 00:47:20.219
lose and go back in time i have to unfuck my

00:47:20.219 --> 00:47:26.320
mom because like young barry yeah young barry

00:47:26.320 --> 00:47:29.099
keeps going over and over again and then at the

00:47:29.099 --> 00:47:32.940
two hour mark at the two hour mark we are introduced

00:47:33.630 --> 00:47:35.809
to the actual villain of the piece the guy who

00:47:35.809 --> 00:47:37.289
knocked barry out of the chronosphere in the

00:47:37.289 --> 00:47:41.510
first place which is spiky barry which is spiky

00:47:41.510 --> 00:47:44.010
barry which is young which is freshman barry

00:47:44.010 --> 00:47:46.949
who's been doing this so long that he's now an

00:47:46.949 --> 00:47:50.309
old man this is one of those things about time

00:47:50.309 --> 00:47:52.969
time stories that just always drives me crazy

00:47:52.969 --> 00:47:55.010
and like i hate it and i know that's how it has

00:47:55.010 --> 00:47:58.530
to be but it's like time barry spiky barry had

00:47:58.530 --> 00:48:02.869
to punch dick barry out of the chronosphere so

00:48:02.869 --> 00:48:07.570
he could create 2013 doofus berry powerful berry

00:48:07.570 --> 00:48:10.590
yeah and then because otherwise he doesn't exist

00:48:10.590 --> 00:48:13.889
so like it's oh god it just it makes me so annoyed

00:48:13.889 --> 00:48:15.929
everything about it appreciate i do appreciate

00:48:15.929 --> 00:48:19.030
though that the movie actually acknowledges that

00:48:19.030 --> 00:48:21.670
because spiky berry is just like it's the paradox

00:48:21.670 --> 00:48:25.710
is like i created you to create so you could

00:48:25.710 --> 00:48:29.409
create me to create me so right the only way

00:48:29.409 --> 00:48:32.849
to stop this is for you to stop off for to like

00:48:32.849 --> 00:48:36.329
go back and like undo everything but i don't

00:48:36.329 --> 00:48:39.900
want you to You gotta unfuck your mom, Barry.

00:48:40.099 --> 00:48:46.739
The actor that played old Spiky Barry. Please

00:48:46.739 --> 00:48:50.280
continue. The actor that played old Spiky Barry.

00:48:51.619 --> 00:48:55.360
I wasn't trying to make a joke. I just realized

00:48:55.360 --> 00:48:59.760
how funny it is to say old Spiky Barry. Can it

00:48:59.760 --> 00:49:03.840
be Dick Barry and Dingleberry? Do we know? I

00:49:03.840 --> 00:49:08.590
felt like I recognized it was like Billy. i couldn't

00:49:08.590 --> 00:49:10.570
figure out who it was and he's not credited as

00:49:10.570 --> 00:49:12.730
anybody so then i'm like did they age makeup

00:49:12.730 --> 00:49:16.670
fucking it's probably just all more cg everything

00:49:16.670 --> 00:49:19.630
in this movie is just fucking cg and it all looks

00:49:19.630 --> 00:49:23.090
bad oh my god so i do want to talk about the

00:49:23.090 --> 00:49:27.510
bad cg because uh uh the director to defend how

00:49:27.510 --> 00:49:30.230
awful the cg looked he just tried he tried to

00:49:30.230 --> 00:49:31.909
say that it was intentional because that's how

00:49:31.909 --> 00:49:34.170
things would be look at moving at that speed

00:49:34.750 --> 00:49:39.849
Oh, shut the fuck up. It was dumb. $200 million

00:49:39.849 --> 00:49:43.809
budget and it all just sweeps Ezra Miller's bullshit

00:49:43.809 --> 00:49:47.269
under the rug to make the movie. That's such

00:49:47.269 --> 00:49:49.469
a dumbass thing. Well, if you guys could run

00:49:49.469 --> 00:49:51.590
this fucking fast, you'd know what it looks like.

00:49:51.590 --> 00:49:54.889
Yeah, the whole time, the whole movie, I thought

00:49:54.889 --> 00:49:58.829
this would be really fun if this was made with

00:49:58.829 --> 00:50:07.829
2006 Jake Long. Yeah! yeah all right right i

00:50:07.829 --> 00:50:12.710
mean i'd enjoy it more let's let's get to the

00:50:12.710 --> 00:50:15.250
end we're finally at the point we're finally

00:50:15.250 --> 00:50:16.949
at the point of this movie uh that actually has

00:50:16.949 --> 00:50:19.190
anything to do with this fucking podcast yeah

00:50:19.190 --> 00:50:24.349
right so the multiverse is collapsing the the

00:50:24.349 --> 00:50:28.469
the crunching the crunching of the spheres right

00:50:28.469 --> 00:50:32.639
yeah apparently uh all the um alternate timelines

00:50:32.639 --> 00:50:36.360
are different like giant zoetropes why didn't

00:50:36.360 --> 00:50:38.980
they make it spaghetti like right fucking make

00:50:38.980 --> 00:50:43.559
it long tubes seriously i when when that scene

00:50:43.559 --> 00:50:47.800
was happening i my first thought was that they

00:50:47.800 --> 00:50:51.340
were collapsing the solar system and that planets

00:50:51.340 --> 00:50:54.900
were coming in and i had no idea what the universe's

00:50:54.900 --> 00:50:57.099
timelines whatever it would be cool if everything

00:50:57.099 --> 00:51:00.340
was presented in like a mobile for a very stupid

00:51:00.340 --> 00:51:03.059
child brain exactly and me at this point yeah

00:51:03.059 --> 00:51:05.500
uh but yeah sean so you're right so you've got

00:51:05.500 --> 00:51:07.519
these zoetropes like colliding into each other

00:51:07.519 --> 00:51:12.219
and you get this montage of cgi characters from

00:51:12.219 --> 00:51:16.559
dc cgi and it's so bad and like i know it's meant

00:51:16.559 --> 00:51:20.539
to honor but we get christopher reeves and super

00:51:20.539 --> 00:51:23.940
we get christopher's uh superman and the supergirl

00:51:23.940 --> 00:51:27.349
from that universe um which we don't remember

00:51:27.349 --> 00:51:30.909
obviously we absolutely ignore that henry cavill

00:51:30.909 --> 00:51:34.670
was superman ever right oh well okay i think

00:51:34.670 --> 00:51:37.110
they give him like a silhouette or whatever but

00:51:37.110 --> 00:51:39.929
you see you see him flying around when um alfred

00:51:39.929 --> 00:51:42.070
says that superman's solving a volcano thing

00:51:42.070 --> 00:51:46.269
yeah um oh that's right right i hope he had his

00:51:46.269 --> 00:51:50.480
mustache yeah oh yeah um we get a saw we get

00:51:50.480 --> 00:51:54.639
uh adam west batman uh universe uh we get the

00:51:54.639 --> 00:51:57.659
original tv superman i remember there was a bit

00:51:57.659 --> 00:52:00.179
of like a to -do with that too because that actor

00:52:00.179 --> 00:52:02.519
was like deeply unhappy hated the character and

00:52:02.519 --> 00:52:07.329
uh was dean in this no uh the original, like,

00:52:07.409 --> 00:52:11.010
serial Superman from, like, the 40s, hated the

00:52:11.010 --> 00:52:14.150
role, so was recreated in CG to honor Superman,

00:52:14.210 --> 00:52:17.630
but the actor actively hated the role and famously

00:52:17.630 --> 00:52:22.329
shot himself in the face. Not very Superman of

00:52:22.329 --> 00:52:25.050
him. This movie wouldn't have been worse with

00:52:25.050 --> 00:52:28.510
Dean Cain. Oh, God, that's the weirdest critique

00:52:28.510 --> 00:52:35.139
of this that is accurate. Dean Cain, a total

00:52:35.139 --> 00:52:37.599
piece of shit, would not have made this movie

00:52:37.599 --> 00:52:45.260
worse. He got fired from the CW Cain. Yeah, exactly.

00:52:45.619 --> 00:52:48.059
All right. Let's let's wrap up how this script.

00:52:48.159 --> 00:52:50.440
Well, OK, so this is the whole thing that you

00:52:50.440 --> 00:52:53.340
see. Nick Cage is Superman. It's his like it's

00:52:53.340 --> 00:52:55.739
the Tim Burton, Tim Burton, weird power suit

00:52:55.739 --> 00:52:57.440
that he has where he's got all these muscles,

00:52:57.500 --> 00:53:00.880
which really he doesn't. And sweet hair and like

00:53:00.880 --> 00:53:02.920
it's wild that they were going to have him have

00:53:02.920 --> 00:53:05.860
that hair. sternum bush superman i still don't

00:53:05.860 --> 00:53:08.539
understand sean what yeah the the sternum bush

00:53:08.539 --> 00:53:11.440
peeking out of the superman suit is just why

00:53:11.440 --> 00:53:15.860
is it cut just low enough like that's so weird

00:53:15.860 --> 00:53:18.780
and what did what did he fight like a giant spider

00:53:18.780 --> 00:53:22.159
like a an animatronic spider yes yes i think

00:53:22.159 --> 00:53:24.239
it was demon spider here's the thing the producer

00:53:24.239 --> 00:53:27.119
of superman lives which was going to be the nick

00:53:27.119 --> 00:53:29.059
cage of man directed by we're going to talk about

00:53:29.059 --> 00:53:31.699
this next next i know but just for context i

00:53:31.699 --> 00:53:36.320
mean But the whole premise was the producer had

00:53:36.320 --> 00:53:38.980
a huge hard -on for giant robot spiders. So Kevin

00:53:38.980 --> 00:53:41.619
Smith wrote Superman Lives. Oh, this is the Wild

00:53:41.619 --> 00:53:43.300
West guy, isn't it? It is the Wild Wild West.

00:53:43.340 --> 00:53:45.400
Yeah, I was wondering about that. So Kevin Smith

00:53:45.400 --> 00:53:48.840
wrote Superman Lives and was forced to put in

00:53:48.840 --> 00:53:50.860
a giant robot spider because this producer had

00:53:50.860 --> 00:53:53.860
a fucking mad -on for giant robot spiders. This

00:53:53.860 --> 00:53:56.139
movie fell through, and then he was producing

00:53:56.139 --> 00:53:59.889
another film starring... will smith and he's

00:53:59.889 --> 00:54:01.309
like put a giant robot spider in that and they're

00:54:01.309 --> 00:54:02.849
like this is a western he's like i don't give

00:54:02.849 --> 00:54:06.590
a fuck put a giant robot spider in it and that's

00:54:06.590 --> 00:54:09.030
where there's a giant robot steampunk spider

00:54:09.030 --> 00:54:12.369
in wild wild west yep all right because superman

00:54:12.369 --> 00:54:16.050
lives uh failed yeah and we'll talk more about

00:54:16.050 --> 00:54:18.210
that soon yeah i can't wait to hear about the

00:54:18.210 --> 00:54:20.969
hair and hopefully a reason for the hair there's

00:54:20.969 --> 00:54:23.269
gonna be so much that we're gonna dive into kevin

00:54:23.269 --> 00:54:25.789
smith uh used to always tell that story at conventions

00:54:25.789 --> 00:54:29.639
so like i've heard it a couple times okay i can't

00:54:29.639 --> 00:54:31.840
wait this will be fun i mean that had to have

00:54:31.840 --> 00:54:33.960
been a wig in those like screen tests that wasn't

00:54:33.960 --> 00:54:36.500
nick cage's hair so yeah that's what superman

00:54:36.500 --> 00:54:38.780
was gonna look like this was the era of mullet

00:54:38.780 --> 00:54:42.539
superman though so yeah fair enough like legitimately

00:54:42.539 --> 00:54:46.860
like superman had a mullet yeah oh yeah uh superman

00:54:46.860 --> 00:54:49.780
had a mullet and um and clark kent had a ponytail

00:54:49.780 --> 00:54:54.480
i kind of remember ponytail yeah So, yeah, Cage,

00:54:54.639 --> 00:54:57.179
when interviewed about this, there are two things

00:54:57.179 --> 00:54:59.340
that I thought were interesting. So the first

00:54:59.340 --> 00:55:01.139
one, he said, well, I was glad I didn't blink

00:55:01.139 --> 00:55:05.340
because it was incredibly fast. You barely know

00:55:05.340 --> 00:55:07.980
it's him in there until they kind of he blasts

00:55:07.980 --> 00:55:10.400
the spider. And then it's sort of this like majestic

00:55:10.400 --> 00:55:15.059
rising up sort of a thing. But then this is the

00:55:15.059 --> 00:55:16.920
one that I thought was really weird. He said,

00:55:16.960 --> 00:55:18.360
if you really wanted to know what I was going

00:55:18.360 --> 00:55:20.260
to do with that character, look at my performance

00:55:20.260 --> 00:55:24.449
in City of Angels. Hmm. It was like, what? I

00:55:24.449 --> 00:55:26.670
was supposed to play Clark Kent after that in

00:55:26.670 --> 00:55:28.489
Superman Lives, and I was already developing

00:55:28.489 --> 00:55:31.469
that alien otherness playing this angel. That's

00:55:31.469 --> 00:55:33.289
the perfect example of tonality you would have

00:55:33.289 --> 00:55:36.630
gotten for Kal -El. It's like, okay, what? Well,

00:55:36.989 --> 00:55:39.769
when interviewed about this years later, Tim

00:55:39.769 --> 00:55:42.090
Burton was interviewed by Howard Stern, and Howard

00:55:42.090 --> 00:55:43.030
Stern was like, you're going to have Nick Cage

00:55:43.030 --> 00:55:45.550
play Superman. It's like, why Nick Cage? And

00:55:45.550 --> 00:55:48.269
Tim Burton's answer is like, because the man's

00:55:48.269 --> 00:55:51.730
a fucking alien. So they were going to go weird

00:55:51.730 --> 00:55:54.519
with it. like that was the point i mean it makes

00:55:54.519 --> 00:55:57.880
sense to me i shared a photo of but mulleted

00:55:57.880 --> 00:56:00.460
superman in the chat it's good yeah yeah we were

00:56:00.460 --> 00:56:04.260
just looking at it okay yeah so all right you

00:56:04.260 --> 00:56:06.579
see all these universes colliding timelines colliding

00:56:06.579 --> 00:56:13.820
and then barry okay dingleberry Dingleberry and

00:56:13.820 --> 00:56:17.480
Dickberry. Nick, that's the funniest thing you've

00:56:17.480 --> 00:56:19.840
said in four years. It was a good one. Dingleberry

00:56:19.840 --> 00:56:22.480
is such a good joke. I'm so glad that we had

00:56:22.480 --> 00:56:24.860
such low -hanging fruit for me to just latch

00:56:24.860 --> 00:56:28.539
on to. So Dingleberry and Dickberry fight each

00:56:28.539 --> 00:56:33.119
other, and then Teen Doofusberry kind of gets

00:56:33.119 --> 00:56:35.179
in the way, but then also somehow lets himself

00:56:35.179 --> 00:56:40.039
get killed. And then he dies, which then makes...

00:56:41.840 --> 00:56:44.059
dingleberry disintegrate which i've always thought

00:56:44.059 --> 00:56:46.320
was a weird thing like wouldn't you just blip

00:56:46.320 --> 00:56:49.420
out of existence like why would you final fantasy

00:56:49.420 --> 00:56:52.800
like you know it doesn't make any sense so anyway

00:56:52.800 --> 00:56:56.940
he disappears berry dickberry gets back to fix

00:56:56.940 --> 00:57:00.199
the original timeline but still changes it a

00:57:00.199 --> 00:57:02.099
little after he has a really creepy hug with

00:57:02.099 --> 00:57:05.289
his mom as a stranger in a grocery store crying

00:57:05.289 --> 00:57:07.670
and wearing clothes that still have all the tags

00:57:07.670 --> 00:57:10.489
on them that she never questions it actually

00:57:10.489 --> 00:57:12.170
took me a minute to be like how could she not

00:57:12.170 --> 00:57:14.389
recognize him because it's like oh right because

00:57:14.389 --> 00:57:17.550
her version of him he's seven still a child yeah

00:57:17.550 --> 00:57:20.989
and i i'm not i'm not ashamed to admit this scene

00:57:20.989 --> 00:57:25.130
as bad and dumb as it is if i could hug my mom

00:57:25.130 --> 00:57:27.809
again as someone who had it as someone whose

00:57:27.809 --> 00:57:29.789
mom died when i was a child that scene actually

00:57:29.789 --> 00:57:31.570
got me because i'm like yeah that would that

00:57:31.570 --> 00:57:33.610
would be fucking rad to be able to hug my mom

00:57:33.610 --> 00:57:37.210
again That's fair. It's a bad scene. So this

00:57:37.210 --> 00:57:39.070
is very personal. But it's still it's still it

00:57:39.070 --> 00:57:41.909
hits the emotion for certain people. Right. And,

00:57:42.090 --> 00:57:45.409
you know, I get like we be watching fucking Finding

00:57:45.409 --> 00:57:47.809
Nemo. But, you know, for some reason, that one

00:57:47.809 --> 00:57:49.769
didn't do it for me as much, but mostly because

00:57:49.769 --> 00:57:52.550
I just don't like Barry Allen in this movie.

00:57:52.630 --> 00:57:55.030
I just I'm like, fuck that guy. Yeah. So anyway,

00:57:55.130 --> 00:57:57.630
you did this, Barry. Yeah. He puts the fucking

00:57:57.630 --> 00:58:02.010
tomato sauce on the top shelf. So. uses the speed

00:58:02.010 --> 00:58:05.090
force to like rearrange a grocery shelf whole

00:58:05.090 --> 00:58:08.010
grocery shelf and the asshole somebody gets paid

00:58:08.010 --> 00:58:09.969
for that again it goes to where his power is

00:58:09.969 --> 00:58:13.110
so where his powers are so inconsistent because

00:58:13.110 --> 00:58:16.409
he can either run faster than people can see

00:58:16.409 --> 00:58:20.769
or he can't yeah so like when his mom goes to

00:58:20.769 --> 00:58:23.789
like kind of touch his cheek he activates the

00:58:23.789 --> 00:58:26.530
speed force and then like can like slowly move

00:58:26.530 --> 00:58:29.030
around her say his goodbyes put the can back

00:58:29.030 --> 00:58:31.750
like i know what's happening in like a millionth

00:58:31.750 --> 00:58:34.869
of a second but it's just like also everything's

00:58:34.869 --> 00:58:36.690
electrocuted whenever he like uses the power

00:58:36.690 --> 00:58:39.690
right oh yeah he doesn't have a suit on so how

00:58:39.690 --> 00:58:42.630
is he discharging all of this energy oh sick

00:58:43.179 --> 00:58:49.320
Fucking lightning whack. So I will say. Busting

00:58:49.320 --> 00:58:57.659
bolts all over the place. Busting bolts. At the

00:58:57.659 --> 00:59:01.719
beginning of the film, like Bruce gets gets very

00:59:01.719 --> 00:59:06.719
like footage of. the grocery store but he never

00:59:06.719 --> 00:59:08.679
looks up at the camera because the tomatoes are

00:59:08.679 --> 00:59:10.679
on the bottom shelf so barry put them on the

00:59:10.679 --> 00:59:13.099
top shelf but it doesn't fuck with the timeline

00:59:13.099 --> 00:59:15.019
because they did establish that the footage was

00:59:15.019 --> 00:59:17.340
corrupted and it was wayne tech that cleaned

00:59:17.340 --> 00:59:19.920
it up that's right that's right the timeline

00:59:19.920 --> 00:59:22.920
of the dad being in jail it didn't change anything

00:59:22.920 --> 00:59:27.429
until barry's present day that's how they get

00:59:27.429 --> 00:59:30.170
around it mostly there's one because then they

00:59:30.170 --> 00:59:32.449
have the george clooney of it all where it ends

00:59:32.449 --> 00:59:34.829
with you know him getting a call from fucking

00:59:34.829 --> 00:59:37.030
his buddy bruce wayne and then it's george clooney

00:59:37.030 --> 00:59:38.670
who shows up and he says who the fuck are you

00:59:38.670 --> 00:59:42.989
yeah i appreciate i did appreciate that but and

00:59:42.989 --> 00:59:44.590
that's it and that's the end of the movie i always

00:59:44.590 --> 00:59:46.809
took that at the time i just took that as very

00:59:46.809 --> 00:59:50.989
much of a like they knew ezra miller was done

00:59:50.989 --> 00:59:54.349
and they're like how do we kind of like keep

00:59:54.349 --> 00:59:56.349
going on with our universe without a flash or

00:59:56.349 --> 00:59:59.429
recast a flash is uh ezra miller fucks with a

00:59:59.429 --> 01:00:01.190
timeline where he's now trapped in the george

01:00:01.190 --> 01:00:03.929
clooney universe okay yeah and then the real

01:00:03.929 --> 01:00:05.989
trick of it all was that you have zach snyder

01:00:05.989 --> 01:00:07.730
in charge of everything and the way you can blank

01:00:07.730 --> 01:00:09.489
it all and start fresh is you just don't use

01:00:09.489 --> 01:00:12.690
him as your main creative lead and you start

01:00:12.690 --> 01:00:17.500
over with everything yeah Spaghetti. Mom's spaghetti.

01:00:17.739 --> 01:00:20.960
Before we move on to other things, did anybody

01:00:20.960 --> 01:00:24.719
get all the way through the credits and see the

01:00:24.719 --> 01:00:27.380
end scene? Never. There was an end scene. There

01:00:27.380 --> 01:00:31.500
was an end scene. What was it? Bus bolts? Jason

01:00:31.500 --> 01:00:35.420
Momoa as Aquaman, but except they're just like

01:00:35.420 --> 01:00:38.519
out on the street, is fucking wasted. And Barry's

01:00:38.519 --> 01:00:40.599
trying to explain a multiverse to him. And he

01:00:40.599 --> 01:00:43.059
just like passes out in a puddle face down and

01:00:43.059 --> 01:00:46.769
was like, I live here now. okay i might go watch

01:00:46.769 --> 01:00:51.210
that okay how do you guys usually wrap this up

01:00:51.210 --> 01:00:53.889
quotes and me bitching about some things so actually

01:00:53.889 --> 01:00:55.250
yeah i mean because we are actually running a

01:00:55.250 --> 01:00:58.510
little low on time um let's let's do a couple

01:00:58.510 --> 01:01:00.550
quotes from it i already said my quote uh how

01:01:00.550 --> 01:01:04.789
do you explain uh marty mcthigh um i have well

01:01:04.789 --> 01:01:09.230
i already i already dressed it beefs um in the

01:01:09.230 --> 01:01:12.750
opening scene When he sees all the babies fall

01:01:12.750 --> 01:01:15.949
out the window and Alfred's like, hey, there's

01:01:15.949 --> 01:01:20.550
a baby. And then it cuts to Barry and he's looking

01:01:20.550 --> 01:01:22.389
up and there's like nine babies and he goes,

01:01:22.449 --> 01:01:29.190
shower. And I have I have one more very quickly

01:01:29.190 --> 01:01:33.110
when when they decide after he'd been electrocuted

01:01:33.110 --> 01:01:35.570
35 times, sometimes with chemicals, sometimes

01:01:35.570 --> 01:01:41.210
not. but sometimes wet sometimes dry um we got

01:01:41.210 --> 01:01:45.769
to get wet to stay wet man prevailing wisdom

01:01:45.769 --> 01:01:50.329
that's when supergirl and and the berries are

01:01:50.329 --> 01:01:52.849
like we're gonna go do this we're gonna go fight

01:01:52.849 --> 01:01:55.389
zod she's like i'll fight zod and then michael

01:01:55.389 --> 01:01:58.829
keaton shows up in a full batman suit and is

01:01:58.829 --> 01:02:02.239
like and he's like, are you going to go with

01:02:02.239 --> 01:02:04.280
us? And Michael Keaton's already in a Batman

01:02:04.280 --> 01:02:08.559
suit. And then he does it. I'm not going to do

01:02:08.559 --> 01:02:10.360
it great, but I'm going to try my very best to

01:02:10.360 --> 01:02:13.619
do the way he talks like he's in Beetlejuice.

01:02:14.099 --> 01:02:18.599
And he said, you want to get nuts? Let's get

01:02:18.599 --> 01:02:23.179
nuts. Yeah, the let's get nuts really got ourselves.

01:02:23.320 --> 01:02:26.559
Again, his whole role in this movie was just

01:02:26.559 --> 01:02:30.119
to quote lines from Batman 89. Yeah. yeah absolutely

01:02:30.119 --> 01:02:33.179
no i don't i don't have any particular like uh

01:02:33.179 --> 01:02:36.840
moments in this movie i ever want to relive um

01:02:36.840 --> 01:02:41.840
so i did not bother remembering any quotes from

01:02:41.840 --> 01:02:45.139
this but like yes it it's dumb and there's things

01:02:45.139 --> 01:02:47.340
that happen that are fun in the moment and i

01:02:47.340 --> 01:02:49.559
hope to never think about it again okay i do

01:02:49.559 --> 01:02:52.239
i do have a batman line i really love uh the

01:02:52.239 --> 01:02:54.079
first time we see batman fight when they're in

01:02:54.079 --> 01:02:58.539
the silo and the berries are like being uh are

01:02:58.539 --> 01:03:02.000
at gunpoint with um all the russian operatives

01:03:02.000 --> 01:03:04.980
uh batman's just at the top of the silo and just

01:03:04.980 --> 01:03:08.739
like wings out and he just goes this is gonna

01:03:08.739 --> 01:03:12.000
hurt So, Peter, do you have any Batman quotes

01:03:12.000 --> 01:03:14.460
for this Flash movie on our Nicolas Cage podcast?

01:03:14.699 --> 01:03:20.400
I don't. Sadly, I do. I do have one more, though.

01:03:20.480 --> 01:03:22.800
OK, go. So the only other one that actually made

01:03:22.800 --> 01:03:26.679
me like weirdly laugh was when Dick Barry is

01:03:26.679 --> 01:03:30.679
at dinner with his non dead mom and dad. And

01:03:30.679 --> 01:03:32.900
he's like house and spaghetti because, of course,

01:03:32.900 --> 01:03:36.460
he is. And then he sees. dipshit barry like about

01:03:36.460 --> 01:03:39.500
to cross the street and he just goes oh shit

01:03:39.500 --> 01:03:46.139
i got a shit outside okay i have i i do have

01:03:46.139 --> 01:03:48.619
one thing that really bothered me about this

01:03:48.619 --> 01:03:52.099
and i'm gonna make you guys listen to it oh god

01:03:52.099 --> 01:03:57.179
okay um i looked it up and in the canon the flash

01:03:57.179 --> 01:04:01.159
uh runs at 13 trillion times the speed of light

01:04:01.710 --> 01:04:05.969
which is 2 .5 quintillion miles per second, otherwise

01:04:05.969 --> 01:04:09.670
known, 2 .5 followed by 18 zeros, which means

01:04:09.670 --> 01:04:12.690
he's teleporting. It takes seven minutes for

01:04:12.690 --> 01:04:14.610
light to travel from the sun to us, which I believe

01:04:14.610 --> 01:04:18.289
is 93 million miles. But he got his powers because

01:04:18.289 --> 01:04:21.329
he was struck by lightning. And maybe the chemicals

01:04:21.329 --> 01:04:25.309
did some. The chemicals did it all. Because lightning

01:04:25.309 --> 01:04:28.849
traveling down is 2000 times slower than the

01:04:28.849 --> 01:04:31.610
speed of light. And traveling up from Earth is

01:04:31.610 --> 01:04:35.150
one third the speed of light. So how do we get

01:04:35.150 --> 01:04:37.849
to 13 trillion times the speed of light? And

01:04:37.849 --> 01:04:40.710
if he can run that fast, I don't know what you

01:04:40.710 --> 01:04:44.079
know about time relativity, but. if he's traveling

01:04:44.079 --> 01:04:46.800
that fast like try not to get your facts wrong

01:04:46.800 --> 01:04:49.119
because i'll correct if he's traveling that fast

01:04:49.119 --> 01:04:51.940
everybody who's not traveling that fast is aging

01:04:51.940 --> 01:04:55.400
incredibly rapidly relative to him oh man can

01:04:55.400 --> 01:04:58.519
you imagine just looking at somebody and like

01:04:58.519 --> 01:05:03.079
just watching a hair gray out on them so i've

01:05:03.079 --> 01:05:05.119
been doing that with you guys for years like

01:05:05.119 --> 01:05:08.219
so the idea that you can run so fast you could

01:05:08.219 --> 01:05:11.940
travel back in time can't work because moving

01:05:11.940 --> 01:05:18.139
that fast moves time relatively speaking, it

01:05:18.139 --> 01:05:20.860
sort of speeds it up compared to you and moves

01:05:20.860 --> 01:05:24.139
it forward faster. So what I'm saying is this

01:05:24.139 --> 01:05:36.559
is not a relatable or believable character. Okay,

01:05:36.739 --> 01:05:39.539
one second. I'm going to dust off the old nerd

01:05:39.539 --> 01:05:41.800
gloves here. So technically, the lightning that

01:05:41.800 --> 01:05:46.000
struck Barry was actually Barry Allen. Barry

01:05:46.000 --> 01:05:49.599
struck Barry? Barry on Barry? Barry turned into

01:05:49.599 --> 01:05:51.980
lightning to go back in time to strike himself

01:05:51.980 --> 01:05:54.699
through the chemicals to get his powers. So it

01:05:54.699 --> 01:05:55.860
actually has nothing to do with the chemicals.

01:05:55.960 --> 01:05:58.800
It's all about the transference of powers. And

01:05:58.800 --> 01:06:01.619
Nick has left the podcast. Oh, shit. I got to

01:06:01.619 --> 01:06:07.630
shit. oh thanks for listening everybody uh thanks

01:06:07.630 --> 01:06:12.989
bill and nathan and rico and are you trying to

01:06:12.989 --> 01:06:16.929
do the guest list or the uh yeah good job sean

01:06:16.929 --> 01:06:20.170
you got it you nailed everybody yeah um adam

01:06:20.170 --> 01:06:22.289
thank you for being here thanks thanks for having

01:06:22.289 --> 01:06:24.309
me again this thank you for joining the fisters

01:06:24.309 --> 01:06:28.110
club we're really happy that you are here for

01:06:28.110 --> 01:06:30.909
your fifth time uh thank you to our sparkle buddies

01:06:31.869 --> 01:06:34.230
Josh, Josie, Matt, Adam, Bill, Stuart, and Willow.

01:06:34.250 --> 01:06:36.610
And to our cage dancers, John, Freeman, Nathan,

01:06:36.670 --> 01:06:38.449
and Cameron. And of course, to Bill Panks for

01:06:38.449 --> 01:06:41.710
our music. Next week, we are doing The Death

01:06:41.710 --> 01:06:43.869
of Superman Lives, which is going to be an interesting

01:06:43.869 --> 01:06:46.269
one just in general because we touched on some

01:06:46.269 --> 01:06:48.909
of the weird shit that went into that tied to

01:06:48.909 --> 01:06:55.190
this. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. I got

01:06:55.190 --> 01:06:58.110
a shit, shit. I got a shit. Outside. Outside.

01:07:00.139 --> 01:07:12.920
Perfect. Fantastic. Bye. Bye. An end stinger

01:07:12.920 --> 01:07:14.659
is just a joke where it's not setting anything

01:07:14.659 --> 01:07:17.000
up. It's just a dumb joke. Like I live here now.

01:07:17.719 --> 01:07:20.239
The David Harbor Hellboy has a really good one

01:07:20.239 --> 01:07:22.239
where it's just Hellboy like drinking at his

01:07:22.239 --> 01:07:25.719
dad's grave and Lobster Johnson shows up and

01:07:25.719 --> 01:07:27.599
tells him to like buck up and then just goes

01:07:27.599 --> 01:07:31.280
through the Did you say Lobster Johnson? Yes,

01:07:31.360 --> 01:07:32.940
I said Lobster Johnson. And Hellboy just goes,

01:07:33.019 --> 01:07:38.239
I love you, Lobster Johnson. You should read

01:07:38.239 --> 01:07:40.679
some Hellboy. Okay. Hellboy's fucking great.

01:07:41.480 --> 01:07:44.880
Yeah, there's a ghost Nazi killer named Lobster

01:07:44.880 --> 01:07:45.079
Johnson.