Oh, God. Oh, my God. All right, Peter, where
the fuck are you? Oh, don't worry about where
I am. Don't worry about this box that just says
crap. You're in the crap closet. Are you are
you running from the Colombian cartel? Perhaps.
So there's going to be a freeze frame of me and
it'll just say the producer. Oh, my God. This
film was something else. But before we get to
that. welcome back to cage match colon a roundabout
way of meeting nicholas cage i'm sean here with
my co -host nick and our producer peter the producer
from the crap closet the crap closet and our
special guest this week my part -time therapist
and full -time bartender kindra what's up you
guys hey do we all get cute the names like can
i be the bartender you can be the producer yes
absolutely so nick and sean you've got to come
up with your own names Well, that's rough because
I immediately wanted to be like the asshole.
And it's like, but I'm the asshole. I mean, it
could be both. Yeah. I mean, I want to say the
talent, but that seems like the asshole and the
talent. Yeah. No, it's the talent, but in quotation
marks. There you go. I like that. Yeah. We can
just leave both the talent and the asshole on
the floor and let whoever walks in figure out
what's what. Like, I don't know. I do want to
call off the top since I'm assuming the poster
is going to be Lawrence Fishburne and Nick Cage
sitting on the car after they killed the Hebrew
Hammer. I call not Fishburne. No, I got a picture,
a screen grab of the guy, the Mexican guy from
the cocaine production at the little cafe. Get
out of here, Nick. Did you call Dibs Fishburne?
Maybe. Okay, so use that then. I called not Fishburne,
so let me make Nick Fishburne. We have not once
done that, so nope. I know. I'm not blackfacing
a single person. I'm sorry. We got six episodes
left, so come on. Now is the time to do blackface.
Are there six? Is that our whitewashing? I think
we got four left, yeah. I mean, yeah, we just
watched Running with the Devil. It's not good.
No way, we get to watch Flash next. By the way,
we watched Running with the Devil from 2019 starring
Nicholas Cage, Lawrence Fishburne. And it's about
the drug, about cocaine and getting drugs from
Colombia to Canada. So, OK, the first thing that
I want to say about this is like, is it worth
that much fucking effort? There's so much shit
and so many people get killed in this. And it's
like it's all just for some coke. let's let's
let's ask our canadian friend who loves coke
yeah you clearly haven't been addicted before
my friend i feel like uh this movie makes it
a lot more difficult than it is i feel like it's
probably easier to get cocaine from central america
to canada i'm surprised there was no like inner
body smuggling you know everything's outside
of a body everything but that giant dildo that
definitely went in lawrence fishburne well yeah
that's for sure But even the character named
the mule doesn't put anything in his asshole.
Like, come on, man. I mean, stick a little in
there. Professionally, but maybe recreationally.
No balloons. At least recreationally. No, that
was his problem. See, he was he was taking his
little bit. Just a just a spoonful in the butthole.
A spoon in the butthole. exactly right so this
is my i'm just gonna get right to my immediate
issue with this film one i think patriot pictures
clearly hates america because every movie we've
watched from them is all about how america is
terrible it does have a certain theme that they've
kind of glommed on to because the other one that
i can think of was vengeance a love story which
is all about how if you're a woman who likes
sex you deserve to be raped Oh, yeah, it's that
one. Yeah, OK. Except, you know, then Don Johnson
will write off on a sick Harley. Oh, hell yeah.
Don Johnson's motorcycle made up for that whole
movie. Like if you had just led with it's the
Don Johnson movie, I'd have been like, fuck,
yeah. But then you had to bring in that whole
like story that went with it. No, give me Don
Johnson as a sleazy lawyer riding off motorcycle.
No helmet. just the wind in his hair what was
i saying oh so yeah uh patriot pictures uh canonically
hates america i'm trying to see what some of
their other films are now i can't remember oh
okay so prisoners of the ghost land was another
one of theirs so that would be wrong can't all
be bad they they also have how the gringo stole
christmas okay that doesn't have nicholas cage
in it though it does not but they did do also
do tokarev I also like when I went to their website,
I believe they also have distribution rights
for the Matrix. Oh, I'm sorry. This is the most
important thing that we buried on this. They
are also the movie or the production company
that created Chocolate City, which looks like
a all African -American magic mic and Chocolate
City to colon Vegas and Chocolate City three
colon the live tour. Well, why are we not doing
a podcast about this? Oh, also Lord of War. Are
there more chocolate cities than Magic Mike's?
Sounds like it. I just want to talk about the
sequels, or as I'll only refer to them, the colons.
Talk to me about those chocolate colons. Gross.
So, Kendra, you get the honor of telling our
guests what the movie was about. Do I? You do.
You get that special gift. Well, let's see. I
believe this movie was about... How to make cocaine.
That was a really interesting part. Comes from
leaves. They chop them up. They, you know, cook
them up. And then one guy gives it to another
guy, gives it to another guy, gives it to another
guy. And then somewhere along the line, Nick
Cage is like, man, my shit is dirty. People on
the streets are dying. Who could it be? Could
it be in Colombia? Couldn't be my man. There's
no way it could be my main man. There's no way.
There's no way. Well, it is. And that's basically
the plot of the movie. Sorry. Spoiler alert.
No, that's pretty much it. But then there's also
like Leslie Bibb is in this and she's like, I'm
a special agent. I'm going to get to the bottom
of this. But then she's like also a double agent
and she somehow has the ability to kidnap and
torture people. Yeah, that didn't make a lot
of sense. But then is also an FBI agent. So like
I didn't get exactly where she stood, whether
she was like a good cop or a bad cop or a both
cop, you know, because she gets a she gets a
call while she's interrogating the Hebrew hammer
about like. because she's like let him go and
her uh partner's like you can't let him go she
gets a call hands a call over to dude and dude's
like i guess we let him go yeah so who made that
call was that like the boss guy the canadian
boss guy like i because she like walked up to
him and was like how dare you this is all you're
doing and he's like whoa it wasn't me huh so
and by canadian boss guy do you mean all caps
the boss correct yeah the boss yes okay that's
his name nick cage and this is named the cook
which i think is a misnomer because he's not
actually making drugs no the mule is actually
the cook come on yeah he is a chef he does cook
pizzas he's an actual he's a chef he he owns
a pizza restaurant in seattle i think they did
that on purpose to be cute because it should
have been the chef yeah yeah i agree So I did
not realize this until the credits that nobody
had a name that the whole of the title thing
was just kind of the bit because it really bothered
me when the agent in charge showed up at the
scene of her dead sister was like, where's the
child? Where's the child? Instead of, you know,
where's Lisa, my niece, that human I care about.
Yeah, it was always the kid. We were like, the
child, the child. And then in the credits rolling,
it's like the child. We were like, oh, I guess
her name was the child. It's like I could understand
all the main characters being the but like you
could just name her Lisa or whatever, right?
Like it would have been fine. It was the dead
prostitute one and the dead prostitute two. Yeah.
Do you think that was a bid from the production
companies to pay people less? Like if we don't
give you a name, we don't have to pay you as
much. I don't know that that's how it works,
but I like that idea. I think much like Tenet,
it's just up its own ass. Yeah. That's probably
true. Except much more watchable than Tenet.
You heard it here first, folks. Running with
the Devil, more watchable than Tenet. I agree
with that. This movie was like, we can be a little
Guy Ritchie. We can do a little Guy Ritchie cool
thing. No, no, it can't. It tried. It didn't.
It did try. At the very least, this was more
audible. Yeah, I mean, you could hear them. Yeah.
Hear first, folks. More audible than Tenet. Listen,
getting better than Tenet is not exactly a big,
big ask. Now, hold on. Is it Tenet? Tenet? I
think it's Tenet, but I like saying it wrong
on purpose. I like Tenet. Yeah, Tenet, it seems
right. Yeah. It's French, which explains why
it's shitty. Take that, Christopher Nolan. We
know you listen to our podcast. Yeah, absolutely.
Take that, French soccer team. Yeah, they sucked
today. They got creamed. Yeah, fuck you, France.
So let's see. So yeah, you've got Leslie Bibb
as agent in charge. Peter Falcinelli, who never
has a name. He's the other fed with the mustache.
he was in like the twilight movies or as i call
him um gringo pedro pascal yeah that's a good
one yeah i i referred to him in my notes as capitals
the mustache so lawrence fishburne is the man
who we get to watch a fucking jack off in a porn
theater uh as his opening gambit oh yeah yeah
also just to like two ladies kissing lightly
like that's what gets you off dude yeah i'm not
gonna lie that scene really sold me a movie that
it could not deliver on because that came in
the first like five minutes and coincidentally
same but this uh this movie fell apart it fucking
sucked after that i was excited to watch lawrence
fishburne press it up against the glass and just
i paused this movie at that scene i'm like yep
five minutes because my initial understanding
of this film was nick texting peter and i Five
minutes in, I love this fucking movie. And then
nothing ever again. But like, it's so obvious
he's the bad guy immediately because it's like
you have these wholesome people like Nick Cage
is making pizzas for children. And then you have
Lawrence Fishburne. He's like whacking off to
some soft core ladies making out. You're like,
this guy's definitely the bad guy. Guess what?
Big reveal. He is. So that was a little disappointing.
Also, just dry humping away with with some sex
workers. For sure. Yeah, you got to get wet to
stay wet, Larry Fish. He also kissed one of them.
Like, girl, as a prostitute, you don't make out
with your money, OK? It's true. Not on the lips.
Yeah, there's a couple of scenes of this where
there's some there's some kissing of the night
ladies. They just don't do that. That's just
bad Hollywood. So the whole thing kind of ends
up being this like Nick Cage gets a call from
the boss. And so the boss calls him and is like,
my shit's fucked up. Like, you got to figure
it out. So he has to go to Mexico, right? Yeah.
Before this, though, there is a scene of a drug
shipment, this specific cocaine getting stolen
by feds, sniper in a helicopter shooting the
truck driver and the truck getting mowed down
and then pulling coke off it. So I thought the
coke was going missing at the start of this movie.
But it turns out that by the time it's getting
to Canada, it's being laced. Yeah. So what's
the point of that scene? Like, were they? Nothing.
I mean, nothing. Yeah. Like my main critique
of this movie is you could easily cut every other
scene and it would still be the same movie. There
were a lot of obligatory scenes that didn't need
to be here. And everything was just like 90 to
180 seconds long. Yeah. Minute and a half, three
minutes. That's all you're going to get from
anything. Three minutes is a real slog. You're
really hoping they switch it up soon. Yeah. None
of this feels like it needs to be a focal point,
except for Lawrence Fishburne whacking off at
the five minute sex booth. Yeah. Well, also the
whole like drug dream. sex party he has where
it's just like his head in the foreground doing
blow and just like lewd acts happening behind
him but but fully fully clothed lewd acts that
was my favorite scene of the whole movie was
my favorite it was very artfully done you know
it's like you were almost even there in the scene
like with the strap on that's the one scene in
this movie that i'm like maybe drugs are fun
it makes people look fun yeah wait how many people
how many people are in front of uh mr fish during
that scene is it two people two people gang yeah
gang banging sexing yeah yeah so that that's
the poster right you're just putting me and sean
just bone down and he and he was lawrence fishburne
that's why nobody else can be lawrence fishburne
because you already got it i understand you just
gotta tell me man don't let me get my hopes up
uh can we just be the two dead sex workers Yes,
exactly. How I feel inside. And we'll have, I
don't know, we'll have Lombardo be the snitch
or something, just peeking in the window. Oh,
God. Okay, what is that actor's name? I keep
calling him the Hebrew Hammer because he was
in the Hebrew Hammer. It's the only thing I know
him from. I will tell you, I did not do a lot
of good work on this one. I didn't even write
the cast list. I know Leslie Bibb. I know Barry
Pepper, which is a fucking tight name. That's
a good name. Delicious. Yeah, that's the boss.
Adam Goldberg. Yeah, that's right. You got like
Timu Luis Guzman later as like the Mexican drug
runner. Timu Luis Guzman with the hat. There's
like a Brett Kavanaugh looking lawyer. Fuck,
man. That might be it. Like 10 too many characters
in this movie. Way too much. But then what pissed
me off is that not every character that they
introduced got a name. Like that made me mad.
Not even a cool the name. Yeah, there was like
that red -headed Mexican drug guy who slices
the guy's throat. It's like, no name. Come on,
man. He was the pig man. The pig man. The pig
man. Yeah, barbacoa. Also, did you notice that
after he like kills the guy, he like uses the
same butcher knife to like eat? Yeah. That's
badass. So yeah, Cage goes to Columbia to try
and track down the issues with his drugs. Every
stop of the way, he's like testing the cocaine
to make sure it's still pure. One of the things
that I had a hard time with this is like he and
Cole Hauser, the enforcer or whatever the fuck
that guy's name was. Oh, the assassin. I think
like they're just there at every fucking possible
juncture. I don't understand how they are there
every fucking time. How did Cage get to Death
Valley? I don't know. I mean, they're following
the shipment to make sure that it gets through
clean light. Like, do you think if we looked
in the rearview mirror of the truck or something,
we would just see Nicolas Cage and like a fucking
Yugo or whatever? Yeah, I mean, when the when
the bus gets pulled over and they bribe a soldier
to like overlook the bag with the drugs in it,
like Nick Cage is in the car behind them. Yeah,
just immediately right there. Yeah. And then
he's immediately in Death Valley the following
split second. Well, no, there was the other one
because he's also there with the fucking redheaded
Mexican dude. Like he's there right after that.
Yeah. Like every single time. Because they were
following the mule who got the cocaine stolen
in the club because he was trying to get gay
sex. And then the coke got stolen. And he was
like, oh, well. And then they went and retrieved
it. And that's when he goes in the the twink
gets, you know, a little bit. Which also, again,
just Patriot pictures showing like playing their
cards. We're just like the only guy who actually
gets killed in the whole drug run section is
the guy who is attempting to have gay sex. Well,
and some dirty cops, but. And Lawrence Fishburne.
OK, but why wouldn't the cook test his cocaine?
in seattle where he lives what he needed to find
out well you wouldn't be able to you gotta figure
out where that's the last person so you gotta
check it out you know it's every intersection
all right but wouldn't it be nice to know like
okay it's bad here okay he knows it he's got
to go all the way back to the source first trace
it all the way back i mean i guess the guy did
say you don't want to like he can't have another
batch go bad like you don't want to go backwards
you know like You don't want to go from Seattle
to Death Valley to Monterey to Columbia. You
got to start from the source. I mean, you're
risking more contamination contaminated runs
that way. Are we? What are we doing? I mean,
you're not because it doesn't end. I mean, you're
not because it is getting contaminated in Seattle
by Lawrence Fishburne. Right. But to the point
of like, why not? I guess if you're checking
it each time, it's like, OK, it's contaminated,
contaminated. Well. You'd have to be checking
new runs every time, not the same run. And then
also you want to check the same run because you've
got to find out where it's going bad in the run.
Right. I'm saying if you worked it backwards,
you couldn't do the same run or the same batch
the whole time. It seems like it'd be a little
quicker, but maybe not as fun of a movie, I guess.
I mean, it's only quicker if it's at the end,
which fortunately for Nick Cage, it was. And
us. Let's be real. And it could have been a lot
sooner for me. What really frustrates me about
this film is most of it, with the exception of
the agent in charge. It's not acted terribly.
It's not shot poorly. And for the most part,
I was not horribly upset with this film. Until
we got to the end, but we're back at the beginning,
but we're not right back at the beginning because
there was a shot from later in the film that
came before that at the beginning of the film.
The setting on fire part. Yeah, because then
after that, it cuts to Lawrence Fishburne handing
the Sinead O 'Connor looking lady and her friend
the cocaine in the bar. And then we go back to
the start of the film. But then at the end of
it, we see the same two women getting help, getting
the cocaine in the same bar by Lawrence Fishburne.
And then he gets taken to Columbia to be murdered.
So it's like. I know what the movie is going
for, which is just like it's an endless cycle
no matter what. So it doesn't matter if it's
the same person or a different person. But structurally,
it's stupid and I hate it. Yeah, that's fair.
That is like the whole general summary purpose
of the movie, which I do really like. They're
like, it doesn't matter who many men you kill,
how many mules or bosses or special agents you
kill. It never ends. Right. And they kept on
saying that throughout the whole movie. When
does it end? When does it end? Like that's the
whole thing. It never ends. People are coke heads.
It will never end. It'll never stop. So I thought
that was a really happy ending. Everyone does
get a happy ending. Everyone was happy that it
ended. Yeah, it's really just a very heavy handed,
like don't get involved in drugs, kids kind of
thing like. unless you want to like bang two
strippers with the strap on and have a really
good night then hey i mean that's pretty cool
let's do some some ladies just gently stroking
each other like don't get me wrong touching i'm
not saying don't do drugs drugs are cool kids
all the children yeah it's probably more than
we think honestly probably as drugs go cocaine
is okay and very expensive so there are better
ones just saying you're probably not going to
do a bunch of coke kids so yeah my biggest note
at this point in the movie was how are there
40 minutes left in this uh and then oh back to
torture porn so leslie big special agent torture
porn that i was not expecting she doesn't seem
the type she doesn't she's a terrible actor for
someone else no i think she is a fed i think
she's a fed and she's all like oh my sister died
from drugs and you know i hate and we're gonna
clean up the street but again like if she gets
that random call from no one we ever learn about
so i'm like someone else is pulling the strings
i just thought that was mustache but who's mustache
other than another fed They never give us his
name. He's just the mustache. Yeah, there was
only one time like there was one time when Lawrence
Fishburne is leaving or going back to the hotel
after in Canada after he killed Nick Cage. Spoilers.
Lawrence Fishburne like throws Nick Cage off
a cliff to like save his bacon at the end. And
then there's just some random woman in the hotel
who's just like staring at him for a second.
And unless you're paying attention to it. When
the agent in charge shows up at the boss's place
later, it's like he was tailed to your to your
office. Like, OK, so that was a tale. But that
wasn't clear based on just someone being in and
being in a hotel bar. So these are the things
that look better in a script than they do in
like the final cut of the movie. You know, they
make so much more sense in pre than post. You
do have to be paying attention. And honestly,
this isn't a movie that. is really that easy
or important to do so with. So much like sex.
I was going to say much like sex with two sex
workers on a bunch of cocaine. Sounds a lot better
pre than post. Well, coke with fent and heroin.
Yeah. I'm just cutting it with fentanyl and heroin.
It's easy. You just got to get that cut right.
No, my feeling on this movie as I got kind of
like halfway through this was like, I, I didn't
want to keep watching it, but I also managed
to like completely turn my brain off. And I was
like, I am going for a ride. And I had much more
fun with it at that point. I was like, this is
a C minus D plus. And that's how I was in high
school. Totally OK. Did you like those CGI flames
at the end? Like that was like, oh, yeah, I did
copy the gif and paste it on your picture of
yourself. You know, it was exactly. So my issue
with that whole scene is that takes place within
48 to 72 hours after Nick Cage is thrown off
a cliff. But he's there with his broken leg.
He's got the broken leg. He's like, I have ability
to appear instantly anywhere I choose. So, again,
this is one of those as proven throughout the
whole movie. You're right. this is one of these
very noodley sean has a very specific type of
autism uh complaints nicholas cage is flung from
the cliff facing facing the cliff thrown away
from it so falling backwards but when we find
out he survived his back and head are facing
towards the clip so he did like he did a flip
and a turn yeah he turned around he did like
a he did like a it's like a pancake flip it wasn't
he was gonna fall in the water and be fine but
he actually landed on the ground and was fine
like oh there was snow hard pack yeah i don't
know i don't give a shit i told you my brain
was off at this point i also did appreciate when
um the snitch left his uh was texting with the
feds left his phone in the car he had the feds
uh ringtone set to quacking yeah which confused
me because that's also the text message uh the
it confused me for a moment because that's the
ringtone i have set to my ex spouse on my phone
you're like oh shit oh so i'm like oh shit meredith
needs something ah they're calling fuck yeah
i did like the whole scene where nick cage gets
wise to the snitch being the snitch all caps
and you know playing it out it's like oh you
you lost your your gum is that what you it was
gum gum you're missing yes that was cute but
why didn't he get wise to the man being the snitch
also well i think he did know at that point okay
i think he figured it out at that point i think
he knew that all of it was tied together who
gives him the gun that oh yeah He's like, I like
I've solved half the problem. So I'm like, OK,
so you're going to kill Fishburne. And then it's
like, do me now and just like move on. He still
invites him on this like a thousand mile trek
in snowshoes across the Canadian border and is
like, this will be fun. This will be a fun jog.
I was real mad when we saw the snowmobiles for
the first time because you get a quick shot of
them on the back of a Jeep. And I was really
hoping for motorcycles. Oh, yeah, that would
have been nice. I mean, we got like. 10 seconds
of snowmobile and then they just hid them under
a bush and that was the end of that i was like
finally we've got like a james bond movie here
snowmobiles yeah no no we're done i i watched
this a second time at like 2 .5 speed oh my style
much better much better watch um but it did occur
to me every scene just fly by like it was a vine
or something yeah six seconds of bullshit and
then it just next amazing next guy it occurred
to me who's collecting those snowmobiles at the
canadian border i mean it's canada like yeah
somebody's gonna take them the reason the cocaine
is so expensive at the end of that trek is because
one all the people they have to pay off and then
they have to keep buying two new snowmobiles
per run funeral expenses are kind of a lot so
okay you touched on something that really bugged
me this whole time so like they show you the
the price per kilo As it goes up, you know, they
get it from the guy in Colombia and it's like
a thousand or fourteen hundred K for a kilo or
whatever. Yeah. And then by the end of it, it's
thirty four thousand. Yeah. Price per kilo. And
there are 20 bricks that they delivered to the
boss. That's six hundred and eighty thousand
dollars. Like this is not worth the fucking effort.
How many people died? Like six? I mean, I guess.
I guess that's worth the effort if you're the
boss and you're just making six hundred thousand
dollars. Yeah, I mean, I suppose. I mean, they're
selling it on the street for more than that,
certainly. But like, it just doesn't feel like
it's worth it at all. It seems like a lot of
a lot of effort when you have a private jet.
Yeah. One of the other things that bugged me
is when Larry Fish and Nick Cage are wandering
through the fucking Canadian wilderness or whatever,
and Larry falls into the water for a second.
and loses his pack like i don't know how that
happened to slide off of both shoulders but he
loses his pack and then they're like fuck we
gotta find that pack but instead of following
the river they like go up into the mountains
like what the what and then he still somehow
happens to find it super luckily or he finds
on the river yep it was just lying there really
convenient yeah i don't know that really bugged
me A little too plot convenient for me. As I've
gotten older, I've really wished that my forest
package finds were more impressive. Porn's just
not cutting it anymore. I don't need that book
of Dianetics. I just want a kilo of cocaine.
I'll find a geocache with a sticker and a plastic
dinosaur in it, but definitely not 20 kilos of
coke. The dinosaur's been chewed on. What was
your first wild porn find? My first wild porn
find? Yeah. Oh, yeah. It was like a black bag
that had been buried. That's how I thought it
was going. A hustler, you know? Nice. For real.
Me and my friends were like, oh, my God. Wow.
Buried treasure. Yeah. Actual. He's also a hustler.
My friend found in the woods a random hustler.
That is not. how you want to experience porn
for the first time do we all have this story
this is my first time sharing this there's there's
a weird like it's it's generational too because
like kids nowadays don't have this you know but
like there is a window of time because we don't
have physical media porn right well we don't
have porn these days kids nowadays at six years
old are whacking off but there's this window
of time that like People really did. Well, yeah,
exactly. Was that an axolotl? What was that?
Oh, that was Rosie. Yeah. No, that's just Rosie
screaming into the void. Oh, yeah. OK, that's
better. The kids love her. But what I meant was
like, no, kids just kids have cell phones now.
They have porn 24 -7. We used to have to go into
the woods and find it. Yeah, dig. You just have
to hope you got lucky and found a bag. Under
arbitrary logs for our buried treasure. I mean,
I just stole my dad's. All other porn was bonus
porn. Hey, some of us didn't grow up with father's
neck. Yep. Oh, yeah. Shove it in your face again.
I was raised with class, too. I'm going to tell
you right now, I'm a penthouse guy. He was a
playboy? Oh, penthouse. Not even that much porn
in that. Playboy's for cowards. No, Playboy's
the shit. Playboy's garbage. That is the worst
one. I mean, Playboy, I feel like if you're going
to discover random porn in the woods, Playboy
is the safe bet. when you're like nine and you
get like oh yeah it doesn't like totally break
your brain yeah no when you get like when you
get full -on like prolapsed like uh fucking uh
shit in um in a hustler like that's not that's
not how you want to enter the world of like sexual
maturity yeah welcome to pink socks the quality
of person that's reflected in who is leaving
porno out in the woods it's exactly like level
with the hustler crowd it's like if you're buying
playboy you're disposing of it responsibly if
you're buying hustler it's just like i'm done
with this then you just like you don't bury your
penthouse okay i should have put in a gold box
i should have been looking by train tracks like
normal like normal kids yeah you just toss it
on the ground and like kick some sod over it
and you're like oh fuck you take that my shame
yeah I don't have mom issues. I'm out. We barely
touched on the movie, much like this movie. There's
not that much actually to talk about in the movie.
It all boils down to just he looks for what's
wrong, finds it at the end. I did enjoy watching
the steps of getting the cocaine through Central
America. I did enjoy that ride. yeah that was
cool again this is patriot pictures whole deal
about like you know the world is scum let's all
be good you know christian white people um and
just everything's everything's bad uh even at
the end you know nick cage is dead um lawrence
fishburne's dead but uh the drug run is still
going i hated that ending I love Nick Cage and
I want him to win. I want him to be the champion.
He's the champion of the podcast. He's the champion
of the universe. He's the champion of all of
our hearts. Why did Leslie Bibb be like, this
is for my sister, the mother of the child. The
mother. And like, she's all like, I got to get
this guy for double homicide. Well, now you got
a homicide, bitch. Like, come on. Also, is that
a double homicide? So, okay. It was the rewatch
where I picked up where I'm like the sex workers
were killed. So that wasn't intentional. There
was no premeditation thinking manslaughter. Yeah,
I mean, they definitely gave drugs that were
fucked up. Yeah, but homicide is specific premeditated
murder. Yeah, that's true. I think you're getting
into the weeds on this that you don't need to.
That's that's my bit in this whole podcast, Peter.
Yeah, that's true. You're right. I'm in the weeds.
He didn't have to die. Did you see what I put
in chat? I'm so unused to looking at this thing.
Hold on. I don't want to switch channels. Chocolate
City 3. Oh my goodness. I want to see it so bad
now. Is it the general? It's not the most muscular
bass. No, it's just the chat for this. Chocolate
City 2 Vegas is like. Half white guys. It's half
white guys. There's a dance off. There's a strip.
I think there's a dance off. Yeah. We lost Nick
because he tried to look at the soft core. He
was like Chocolate City 3. Wow. He got too excited.
I will be burying my hustler in the woods. Give
me just one moment. Yeah. Pardon me. Pardon me.
Oh, yeah. Sorry. I went looking for that picture
of the chocolate brain or whatever. It's not
my job to work Discord. I'm an in -person recorder.
That's true. You're in -person talent, for sure.
Although, if I were you, I would hide my hustlers
in the giant fake spider at the end of your block.
No, no. Too many people like that thing. It's
always crowded. I would never be able to get
it cleanly. I feel like the producer has a great
spot for hiding his hustlers in this box labeled
crap. No one's going to look there. Seriously,
Peter, where are you? Don't don't ask questions.
People are going to look in that box and they're
going to pull out a DVD version of what's this
movie called? Running with the Devil. Running
with the Devil. I should have expected. No, it'll
be it'll be the weird VHS that they managed to
press in 19 in 2019 just because it belongs on
a VHS. on now to own on videocassette yeah i'll
tell you guys about uh the weird fucking like
uh it's the hotel on o street it's this weird
like museum in dc where it's like a bunch of
townhouses that were are interconnected by secret
doors like the g oh yeah men's house um in the
60s john lennon lived there for a while rosa
parks lived there um it's now owned by a crazy
hoarder who like pitches it as a museum that
you can go and tour and everything's on sale
and it's just boxes that say crap on them yes
because no you know what you can find there not
priced to move lost season four on dvd um full
screen oh whoa weird For $60. This film has been
modified from its original version to fit your
TV screen. That's not worth it. That's a terrible
deal. I know. I'm actually more surprised that
Lost was released not on full screen. Yeah, that
there was an option? Yeah, I figured Lost was
still like locked into that aspect ratio. Not
free to roam across your TV. all right so let's
see who are your favorite characters from this
and you can also make up fake names for the ones
yeah i liked i liked uh i liked a guy with hat
yeah like fat louise guzman with hat yeah that
guy that guy was cool and he didn't die he fucked
and he didn't die i mean he's gonna die of something
he's out there kissing sex workers he's a success
story of this movie he is probably the best success
story he was good he put all the bricks where
they belonged he didn't do anything to him that
sex worker because she's doing lines while getting
railed rails for rails i liked that scene also
and that's cocaine sex nobody's coming you're
just pushing rope nice yeah that's cool soft
taffy i was wondering how uh how the man was
able to do two hookers all night long on coke
but then she had a strap on so that answers that
question i also like none of them took off their
clothes so i think they just humped each other
all night long and just were like i'm horny this
is hot oh the tension oh yeah exactly it's all
that possibility that's true soft kissing a little
bit of nip that's all you need baby I've never
been to a porn theater. Oh, really? No, never.
Never done it for me. Well, you don't have to
go very far. There is. No, I don't. Not in Portland.
Right there. Is there is there a squeegee in
that room? Like, are you expected to clean up
your own glass or what's the deal? No, they got
a guy for that. Don't you worry about it. Don't
be such a fucking plebeian, Sean. Clean up your
own mess. No. That just made me a good Catholic
boy. Gross. I paid a dollar to watch that window
slide up. I'm not cleaning up my mess. You should
try one sometime. It's a terrible experience.
It looks like it would smell. That's the very
least you're worried. And you know what? It smells
like it looks too, so you're lucky. Alright,
to Peter's question. in order favorite characters
the uh arcade hookers i like that i'm gonna lump
them in together um i don't think they had enough
representation on their own so two two for one
louise guzman and then lawrence fishburne's oh
face yeah those are all good yeah that's all
i need that's the whole movie to me I had a weird
soft spot for the mustache. The other agent,
like I feel like the whole movie, I was like,
there's more to him. Like he's going to be the
secret big boss or something. It's like, nope,
nothing at all. We initially see him there playing
cards with Mexican doctor from Star Trek Voyager.
He looked very similar. Yeah. I swear I recognize
whoever that actor is, but I'm sure he's no one.
But I was just like, that guy has a mustache.
I'm going to see him again. They spent money
on his makeup. When we see him again, cracking
a hobbled Nicolas Cage in the airport, he pulls
out a comb at one point, just like he's like,
I'm a normal person doing a normal person thing.
He comes his mustache. That's the first thing
he comes. yeah well yeah because it's sick as
hell it also feels really good when you comb
facial hair i agree also uh something that stood
out to me when they're in columbia after nick
cage makes the first check before he gets back
on the plane and he's in the airport the restaurant
behind him is just called fish place yeah where
you can just buy a bottle of tequila and then
leave most of it yes But I guess when you got
that sweet cocaine money, it doesn't matter.
Oh, when headed to Louise's mom, he like shows
up and after his run, he shows up in the strip
club and he buys the bottle of tequila. And then
he just throws like a wad of cash on the table
in front of the stripper. I'm like, you blew
your load, my dude. You got it. You got to tease
that shit out. Hey, she went home with him and
then made out with him at the motel. But that
blinds wide open, the blinds wide open. And then
the bed is just like. peeking in going oh there's
my guy oh no that was fishburn okay also yeah
when fish when the fed shows up at fishburn's
place when he's in the motel with the with the
prostitute and like the camera just pans over
from the door that was just opened to the open
window where the blinds are wide open and all
the rails inside and all the railing inside and
she's just like you guys i got him there's so
many things about this movie that sounds so much
cooler than i expected than it is yeah yeah i
know right when we talk about it it sounds like
not bad but it's pretty bad again like this is
what annoys me like peter you said this in the
initial text like i like i don't like it but
i don't understand why it's like panned so hard
because like again fishburne and cage who arguably
get the most screen time are fine in this film
like nobody is so terrible that this movie is
just like so bad like it's a serviceable film
it's just not good yeah i think it's just the
structure it suffers from the way it jumps scenes
so much nothing is ever like there's no tension
ever it's just because everything's just over
yeah it's like oh uh -oh we're in a pickle okay
yeah it's it's like trying to be crash or something
where everything threads together and it just
doesn't i mean like the guy who the guy in his
family who are making the cocaine you're like
oh what's gonna happen with them i was so wholesome
yeah that was a wholesome family moment it was
a wholesome family moment what was that uh spider
movie where nick cage was la rania or some shit
like that and it was like full like cyclical
shit like this again but actually did it well
or weller yeah it did it robocop peter weller
like we both got the same joke we've been doing
this too long i'll buy that for a dollar we only
have two interests and it's nicholas cage and
robocop so it's pretty easy to figure out where
either of us are going to go with any joke we
both do love us some robert koppman I'm in my
room with my RoboCop light switch plate. It looks
like RoboCop pops a boner when you turn it on.
I was going to say, it's his dick, right? Yeah,
it's right there. He's in a good leg up pose.
You know what? Let's do a Weller podcast next.
We'll be done in six months. It's very short.
You just do RoboCop. 12 different episodes over
and over again. Oh, God. Buckaroo Banzai. That's
three. Two Robocops, Buckaroo Banzai. That's
a good movie. yeah actually i did really like
the part at the quite at the very end where they
cut off lawrence fishburne's tattoos and feed
it to the dog off his arms i thought that was
a particularly gruesome detail that was actually
really gross kindred pointed that out to me i
just thought they were i thought that guy was
being a dick but no he uh he was like covering
up evidence even though they set his whole body
on fire i don't see the point of it other than
that i mean yeah i guess there's a chance that
some of it wouldn't have burnt but yeah oh just
his anchor tattoo survived we know who's this
is oh that's that the one guy with an anchor
tattoo that's the man oh no my other favorite
character in this was the uh irish uh sea captain
oh yeah that guy was cool as fuck yeah liver
and onions yeah oh okay because he hands off
the he hands off the cocaine sorry the liver
and onions right he hands off the uh cocaine
to lose gives him the envelope of money and goes
That's it. And then just walks away. That's the
kind of guy I want on my code running team. Yeah.
Yeah. He seemed like he added shit together.
This movie is just like a a 90 minute brownout
for me, like totally sober. I don't fucking remember
half of what we talked about happening. Even
the ending, the dog stuff that was new to me
again. But like, I just sat there. It's like
I remember bits. here and there so for the people
who are listening I think we already kind of
talked about it but like it ends with Leslie
Bibb showing up at Nick Cage's pizza joint and
being like you're a dick and you're not going
to get busted and then she just pulls her gun
out and he's like what are you going to arrest
me and then she shoots him four times and that's
it he dies end of movie yep And are we like our
weight? Are we happy because she was the protagonist?
Was she the cops? I don't know. Do we or do we
feel bad for her because she lost the mother
of the child? Or did we really like Nick Cage
because he was the actual protagonist? I don't
know. Yeah, I don't know. It's a good question.
It's a weird movie. Not a good movie. no like
i said it's like a c minus d plus you know yeah
i give it it tried but like that's all of uh
again as soon as i saw patriot pictures as like
on this i'm just like ah i know what this movie
is this is this is a this is just left of maga
wet dream yeah and we know it's not a chocolate
city which is really a travesty because it could
have been All I want is to see this. Oh, maybe
I'll look at it on my phone. Why didn't I just
I should just be on my phone during this podcast.
I don't know what I'm doing anymore. You should
just be watching Chocolate City 3 live on your
phone this whole time. What are you doing? That's
the live tour. Now you can see it all live. Yeah,
MAGA people really love shots and scenes of like
hanging out in the woods with your snowshoes
and your camo outfits. Black best friend. Yeah,
right. And then falling in a river and losing
your backpack full of 10 kilos of coke and then
magically finding it down the river a few minutes
later. Like they eat that shit up. I do. I will
say I did enjoy when the the mule after the twink
steals the coke, how it was like then the drag
queen just like comes up and like bodies the
dude. So like the twink and like hand it to a
guy out the door like that shit was planned.
Yeah, they know what they're doing. Yeah, those
days. Why are he gay? I mean, they do love their
coke. They do. Coke and cigarettes. That's that's
the fuel that drives the twink machine. Yeah.
The gay diet. Yeah. I like how Nick gestured
at his body. Oh, yeah. Waves to myself. It's
like, yeah, this is a body made by the most twink.
That's probably it. Yeah. The most twink. I mean,
Sean can be the talent and the asshole. I'll
be the most twink. I get a superlative. Fuck
you. This might be my favorite episode in a while.
This has been fun. So what do you do? Do you
tell people like you should watch this movie
or maybe don't watch this movie or we've spoiled
it for you. Maybe still go watch it. Honestly,
like at this point, it's kind of like we'll never
say don't watch this movie because there's always
something like dumb or fun or like because we've
now talked about it and people listen to this.
It's like, yeah, you'll probably have fun watching
it, but it sucks. This was a fun movie to watch.
That's demonstrably false. We have absolutely
told people not to watch movies. Yeah, that's
probably true. What was the last movie we watched
with the dead son? Ghost Son. Don't watch Ghost
Son. Ghost Son was bad. Score to settle. Score
to settle. Don't watch Score to Settle. Just
watch the beef. Only watch the beef scene. Yeah,
which you can find on YouTube for free. All right.
So, yeah, maybe my biggest complaint about this
whole movie was there was no like bonafide Nicolas
Cage freak out. moment except for maybe at the
very very end when he like jumps out and is like
oh how dare you laurence fishburne fuck you but
even that was like hinged for the unhinged that
we expect from an actor yeah with the with the
cloud of of his caliber yes his caliber of nick
there was there was a little bit when he was
like fucking with the snitch and that's kind
of it you know yeah right it was not like a big
freak out oh yeah it was just a touch though
it was just a tease it was just a tease like
the two strippers in the cage oh we didn't talk
about the best scene ever when the snitch is
in the uh in lock up when he's in uh uh holding
and he goes to piss and just that one guy goes
you sit to pee you sit down to pee why did he
ask that is he afraid he's gonna spray on the
seat or like is that a prison thing i don't know
as as two people have been in jail uh yes you
you generally don't make a mess people don't
like messes it's a courtesy he's teaching polite
manners well yeah people in prison and jail typically
act the way You would want your household partner
to act like you're not going to piss on the seat.
You're not going to like clog up the toilet.
I can whack off too much on the top bunk. Maybe
time it at the same time. Coordination, just
communication. Yeah, like a real partnership.
You're right. It's about love. yeah it's all
about love whack off at 305 605 and 905 okay
complete at 307 thrice in the morning then we
just go into the day rough it's prison there's
nothing else to do yeah i think that's it i think
we nailed it great movie solid 10 out of 10 no
i'd give it like a 3 out of 10 my imdb but my
imdb would maybe be yeah for i didn't hate it
i liked the ride like you said like you said
the the asshole wait yeah i like the ride but
it wasn't a good film so yeah or yeah it was
that's for the movie and that's all it's gonna
be to me it's like oh it was that was the movie
all right well from what i can remember i think
a four is pretty high like if i felt like uh
Yeah, if anything above a three, like a three
one is technically more than a three, then it's
a four. The Patriot films we've watched, this
would be one of the better ones, I'd say. So
running with the devil, the Rotten Tomatoes for
that is 25%. That sounds right. So now the important
thing, the important thing to declare here is
that the next movie we're going to watch is called
Grand Isle. and it is rated zero percent on rotten
tomatoes oh all right you know what uh so of
this grand experiment there's one movie that
i did not get to experience because of covid
that you guys did without my oh the humanity
bureau yeah i feel you're not missing that much
i know but i feel for like the patrons we need
to do uh and also because i'm a good catholic
and i hate myself um we need to do a uh clockwork
orange thing where you just like strap me down
and like pin my eyes open and make me watch that
and film it for the enjoyment of bill because
bill's a sick fuck right i think you should watch
it and record a solo episode with the backing
track of our episode underneath it and then you
have to try to like you jump in every once in
a while be like oh but i thought and then it's
like oh i talked over him again and it's just
the two of us steamrolling you i mean Sean can
never get a word in the same room. That is kind
of true. Yeah. It's because we can cut you in
wherever we want. And I say we because it's Peter.
Yeah. Because I don't know how to use Discord.
The producer. The royal way. Yeah. All right.
Well, I think that's good enough for this episode.
That's that's our that's our mantra. Mantra.
Yeah. We just crossed the hour mark. So that's
when does it stop? Right now. Never, Kendra.
Never. We're going to keep going forever. I don't
know. Kendra, do you got anything you want to
plug? Yeah. Oh, other than Lawrence Fishburne
with my strap on? No. Yeah. Maybe you get it.
Anyway, thank you all for listening. Thank you
to our Sparkle Buddies, Josh, Josie, Matt, Adam,
Bill, Stuart, and Willow. And our Cage Dancers,
John, Freeman, Nathan, and Cameron. And for our
music, by Bill Panks. So, yeah, come back for
Grand Isle, a zero percenter. I'm intrigued.
It's going to be a shit show. Who produced it?
Martin Scorsese. Oh, man, this thing's going
to suck. Absolutely not. Oh, it's it's it's only
97 minutes. We got this. We can do it. I downloaded
a. uh plug -in for chrome where i can like speed
up movies to an unreasonable rate for this film
oh dude i i've been doing this for the entire
podcast it is my bread and butter like it's weird
how much i can actually process those movies
at that speed but i've gotten there i i put this
on at two and a half speed just for the rewatch
and i'm like this is just as good yes oh my god
i can't do that that's too much i can't that's
So, like, how can you focus on it? I did it for
the rewatch. I didn't do it for the first watch.
I don't know if I can do that. I would absolutely
just be walking around at that point. It's like,
oh, it's just moving fast. I can move fast. Let's
move fast together. You just have to do some
more cocaine, plus Fenton heroin. It's normal
speed, honestly. The Fenton heroin is how you
slow down when you're like, oh, I've gone too
fast. Pump the brakes. Goodbye, folks. yeah all
right the bartender thank you uh thank you the
talent slash the asshole thank you uh nick what
was yours again the mega twink the most twink
the most twink and me the producer thank you
all for listening and uh we'll see you next time
bye