Oh, God. I got to just always be recording. Don't
do that. Nick and I say bad things that should
not be recorded for posterity. Oh, so let's just
not do the podcast anymore? I've been saying
this for years. That's true. So how you been,
Daryl? Yeah, pretty good. Pretty good. Just saying,
surviving the heat wave over here. So it's like
low 30s, which is like, what, 80, 85 Fahrenheit
or something. Thanks for dumbing that down for
me. It's what we do here. And obviously the UK
accommodate us. Obviously, UK infrastructure
is not built for a heat wave, so we don't believe
in AC here. So underneath this shirt, I am dripping.
I am so hot. So multiple points in this, you're
just going to hear me go, and just fight for
my life. I mean, we hear Nick make those noises
all the time. Yeah. We're men in our 40s. As
Daryl dies on that end of the call, I'll just
be making the same noise for different reasons
on this end. Just busting. When I'm slumped like
this, just wrap up for me. I'll do my best Daryl
impression. Yeah, perfect. There we go. I had
a dream about that yesterday. Daryl dying? No,
about you doing a Daryl impression. Oh, interesting.
It would not go great. It didn't. It was hilarious.
Daryl, I was trying to remember, how many episodes
have you been on with us at this point? You helped
us coin Honey Won't Melt Steel Beams, a permanent
gem. You were on the D &D podcast episodes. You
were a guest on another one, weren't you? I would
say it's been three episodes. Wicker Man was
one of them. Wicker Man next? No. What's the
math one? Knowing. Knowing. I think it was knowing.
It was knowing because you talked about a giant
butt plug spaceship. Oh, yeah. Sounds like me.
I think it definitely spoke about Spider -Man
at some point as well. That feels familiar. Oh,
yeah, we did. Sucking and chucking. Sucking and
fucking. Sucking and fucking. I like how Michael
Caine might come out of retirement for a Vin
Diesel sequel. A Vin Diesel sequel? For Last
Witch Hunter. I love Vin Diesel 1. I can't wait
for more. No, I did not know that. There's rumblings.
Interesting. What a weird one to come out of
retirement for. I mean, you know, Charles III
bought his mom that great house. It's true. When
the money's right. I'm sure he's got, you know,
illegitimate children who need money. Oh, yeah,
of course. You're a celebrity. Yeah. You're Michael
fucking Kane. Yeah. You definitely sucked and
fucked. I've died by a fair share of sack of
good fucking. I love that movie. That movie is
really good. I was thinking about that the other
day. This is a good movie. You know what movie
I didn't love? This one. Yeah. And what movie
are we talking about, Sean? Oh, it's got such
a generic name. Out for Vengeance, Payback, For
Blood. You're close. You're getting there. Starts
with an S. There's something to be... Something
to be somethinged. A score to settle. Yeah. You
got there. Yeah. No help needed. This movie was
just the most generic worst thing. Welcome to
the bottom of the barrel, people. I loved it.
We started it up, and from the very first interaction,
I was like, oh, he dead. It's like, you can't
sixth sense me twice. Yeah, they did not do a
very good job. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool
me twice. Well, you can't fool me twice. Welcome
back to Cage Magical and Roundabout with me,
Nicholas Cage. I just got my coffee. Give me
a break. I'm Sean, here with my co -host. Nick.
And our producer. Peter, hello. And back again,
Daryl Edge of Cage Rage and getting to foe you.
Hello, you get me once a year and you've cashed
in on this, you idiots. Let's go. We don't have
a lot left. I believe I pitched out the options
to you, Daryl, and you claimed this one. You
can't prove that except for the chat where that
happened. Damn you, paper trail. I think that
you have a soft spot for this, but prove me wrong.
This is just one of those where it's like only
the Cage aficionados are going to look for it,
but there's a lot of good Cage content in it.
I was kind of surprised by that because I thought
this was going to be just ham -faced Cage the
whole time, especially because he starts the
movie with that snarl lip that he had for the
2019 movies. I think that's permanent now. It
might be. I think he's learned to smile again.
He found joy after 2019. And I was really thinking
that we were just going to get kind of the nothing
photocopy of a photocopy of Cage, but he kind
of does a good job. Yeah, he tried all the way
through. Yeah. The script sucks. I mean, it's
pretty, pretty awful, pretty blocky. But Nick
Cage kind of does give it his all. I do have
to say from the first scene of this movie, when
we see a young, what's his character name? It's
not Joey. That's the only name I remember. Joey's
character? Frank. Frank. Frankie. Frankie. When
we see a young Frankie and I see this guy, I'm
like, if you didn't know what young Nick Cage
looked like, if you only seen him now, I'd look
at that guy and be like, yeah, that might be
a young Nick Cage. Yeah, it doesn't help us because
we started with like watching young Nick Cage
movies and it's like, oh, right. We know what
he really did look like. But I'm like, that was
a decent facsimile, I thought. I had to get to
the time jump to be like, oh, OK, that was him
as a youth, a youth. I wasn't sure either, but
I'm like, it'd be really weird if they had that
guy. not play young nick cage like if he came
back at the end and it's like what the fuck was
that scene about yeah yeah nothing else is about
that baseball bat we're just just a very big
baseball bat beating enthusiasts so when i started
this movie up i was like okay this feels like
one of those movies that's going to have six
production studios And it had seven intro cards.
Oh, nice. Incredible. Once we hit Saturn, I was
like, oh, I didn't even count. But there was
no way I was rewinding at that point. I was in.
At Saturn, there were two more. Yeah. You just
say six, seven. I'm doing it. God damn it, Daryl.
No. It finally got over the water, over the pond.
People are doing it. It's not going to be cool
anymore. Oh, yeah. The day that I saw some old
dude do it at a hockey game and they just like
kind of held on him for a second and then everybody
got real sad. I was like, cool, it's dead. We
saw it die a death. Yeah, just old dudes at hockey
games. Hell yeah. So, yeah, I mean, like running
through the characters in this, there's not that
many that even matter. So you've got Nick Cage
as Frank, his son played by Noah Legro, who was
also in the old way, apparently, which. I think
still to date, I didn't actually watch that movie.
It might be one of the few that I haven't seen.
Oh, yeah. I think that was one that just Sean
and I recorded. Yeah. OK. And we've watched it
again for fun. I don't know why. I don't either.
Gross. What's wrong with you guys? Your brains
are bad. I mean, we did it to ourselves. We could
just watch that fucking Buffalo Hunter one again.
No. No. I'll probably watch it again. I would
just watch Gunslingers again. Daryl, did you
see Gunslingers? You must have. I have seen Gunslingers.
My favorite part of Gunslingers, this is only
for the eagle -eyed Cage viewer, and spoilers
if you haven't seen it, when those two people
who don't matter go into that cave to get all
the weapons and they've got all the posters,
there's a poster of Nicolas Cage from a different
film. uh from the old way and i was like you
thought i wouldn't notice i pointed that out
yeah yeah sean clocked that i just love the way
that voice doing that for the podcast record
fucked my voice up so bad i had like a week of
damaged throat yeah i tried to do it immediately
when i was watching it i was like oh he's he's
doing his miles davis impression um Which is,
of course, Nick Cage has a Miles Davis in his
repertoire. Of course he does. It looks like
a baby angel. Fuck me, that hurts. I don't feel
good when I do that voice. So then the only other
like important characters, there's a sex worker
named Simone slash Jennifer. And then, of course,
Benjamin Bratt is a character just named Q. Yeah.
And then there's some other like miscellaneous
goon types. The dragon. Tank. That's Jimmy the
Dragon for you. I really enjoyed the bellhop
kid. He was like, I don't know about those nursing
homes, mister. I'll give you 500 bucks. He is
just throwing wads of cash. It doesn't count
a single bit of money. Just wadding all over.
This is my kind of movie. Okay, Daryl, give us
the summary of this fucking movie, because there's
not that much. So it's basically an ex -criminal
who is now a deeply sleepy man in jail for some
of that sweet vengeance. I don't know if there's
much more to say than that. Kind of not. He reconnects
with his son. I just love that he's terminally
tired. Terminally tired, refuses to sleep. Oh,
thinking about the premise of this movie just
kills me again. I googled it. It's a real disease.
i mean i believe that it was it just seemed like
what a weird choice for this like you could just
make him have kind of lost his mind in prison
for having taken the fall and it was supposed
to be like five years in the joint and it turned
into life and the only reason he got out is because
he had this condition he would have just fucking
died in prison yeah i think my favorite thing
was that they tell him like oh you've got really
bad insomnia it could kill you give you hallucinations
and this that and the other and then they release
him at night time when people go to bed I was
like, I don't think the U .S. prison system cares
that much. And they just watch them wander up
the road. Yeah, they're kind of just a big fuck
you. Yeah, I do feel like it's the most inconvenient
time possible is when they will open the doors.
Absolutely. I got let out at three in the morning
one time. Oh, it's like, who the fuck let somebody
out at three in the morning from like, they're
just hoping to get swept up again. Yeah. Fucking
assholes. Cops suck. They do suck. This movie
didn't have a lot of cops. The correctional system
is even worse because they're not. Oh, yeah.
They are worse. Yeah. Did you just admit it's
like crime? Are you a criminal? Am I talking
with like criminal? You've admitted to a crime
every time Daryl's been on. I think you've admitted
to crimes on many episodes. Yeah, I think there's
a pretty solid double digit percentage of episodes
on this podcast where I've admitted to having
crimed. Yeah. Yeah. It's fine. And you probably
admitted crimes on here that you didn't get hemmed
up for. Oh, yeah. But there's probably a statute
of limitations. Probably. Who doesn't love a
statute? I know. OK, so he gets let out of prison.
and he immediately sees his son walking down
the nighttime road which i had not i had already
lost interest in this movie at this point we're
like seven minutes in and i had looked down for
a second and looked back up and i was like wait
his son is here so i rewound it and i was like
oh he's a ghost yeah he like fades in it's not
even trying to hide it i missed that because
i was so upset with his hoodie I could not focus.
I'm like, why do you have a hoodie with no sleeves?
It's got short sleeves. Yeah, it did have sleeves.
They were just very short. Yeah, it's just like
that seems so pointless. It's for shooting up.
Yeah, I know you want to get to the veins quicker.
There you go. Science reason. Yeah. So his duck,
his fucking dumb ass son is there. Joey, who
looks like shit. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He's always
got those stupid bags under his eyes. Hella bags.
Yeah. And he's like, kind of a dick. But kind
of nice. I don't know. It's weird. And he doesn't
touch anything. No. He never lifts his hands
to touch anything. He doesn't eat. Yeah. Doesn't
eat. He won't drive the car. I mean, obviously,
because he's a ghost. Yeah. A hallucination.
Yeah. Not even a ghost. Not even a ghost. This
isn't even a cool paranormal story. It's just
Dumb Dumb got tired and started to bug and see
his kid. So they go and they dig up a bag of
money. And a cabbie sits on the side of a road
for like an hour, which there's no chance that
guy would have stayed. Oh, no. He'd be like,
oh, there's no one else in the car. Right. He's
been talking to nobody and gets out of the car.
He's like, I'll be back in two minutes. Casually
peruses some photograph books and finds a shovel.
Oh, my God. As soon as he picked up a shovel,
I was like, this isn't a two minute thing. Got
to wander into the back nine. Yeah, dig up your
money sack, which is what he does. Money sack
and baseball bat. One bloody baseball bat. Right.
A plot device. Right. I can word. But he also
made baseball bats in the joint. Yeah. And was
just handing them out like candy. It was just
to give that one drug gun runner lady's kid a
bat. He also gave his dead son a bat. Yeah, he
tried to, but his kid was like. How would that
work? He's just holding it out and then just
like it clacks on the ground and his brain is
like. Did he even, like, take the bat? I don't
think so. Yeah. No. I can imagine he would just
hallucinate even holding it. Didn't Joey hold
the baseball card at one point, though? Because
he was like, I could sell this. Nope. He held
it up to him and he was like, I could sell that.
And he's like, well, please don't. Okay. And
then he puts it back in his pocket. I think he
was going to take a bat and then Cage was like.
Not that one. It's not maple. It's beech. You
don't want to wear a beech bat. Not birch. You
don't like birch. He was going to grab the murder
bat. He was going to grab the bloody bat. The
bloody bat, yeah. It wasn't the optimal bat.
Yeah, you don't want a fucking birch bat. What
are you, a bitch? Fuck. Fuck. Why did you bring
it if I can't have it, dad? Birch -ass bitch.
But he also boasts about getting worldwide orders.
Yeah. I love that he just carries around this
evidence, this piece of evidence. I know the
whole time. Well, I was going to use it for some
sweet revenge. Yeah, but he's just like in a
duffel bag walking around town with a he's for
also talking to nobody. Yeah. The scene of him
where they like show all the scenes where he
was out with Joey and it's just like him like
sad alone. Like that's depressing. Yeah. Yeah.
The big reveal later when it's like he's been
dead the whole time. What? And then it's just
all these cut scenes of Nick Cage just sitting
by himself. That guy's ordering a lot of food
himself. I meant to look up, how much was that
car? I don't know how much that car was. Under
$450 ,000. Right. Well, less than that because
he had $100 ,000 left for Simone at the end.
Right. And he paid, he bought so much stuff with
cash that you can't just buy with cash. Like
what? Going to a hotel. Well, these were different
times. It was like. Actually, I think you probably
still can pay cash at a hotel. You need ID. Yeah.
He probably had ID. From 20 years ago. Yeah,
it's just got a hole punched in it. Yeah, whatever.
That's what we do to show that IDs are not valid
anymore. They're expired. You are living in the
future. I know, we have hole punches for everything
these days. Yeah, just straight through that
plastic. Yeah. We just have IDs forever because
no one checks and gives a shit. Young forever,
baby. Oh. That's the way. So they get a bunch
of money. They buy a bunch of shit. There's a
weird presentation of a cell phone in a box,
but it's like a jewelry box. Yeah. Daddy's first
smartphone. Daddy's first smartphone. Never even
got to crank up some porno on it. I know. You
didn't need to. You got that sweet, sweet sex
worker sex. Also, OK. He probably could have
warmed up with a little porno. Yeah. I am not
a sexual dynamo. But in my understanding, if
you are the one being ridden, I don't think you
usually get the accolades of nice work. If you're
paying them, you do. Fair enough. He's paying
like $1 ,000 a go. If they're just like, well,
that was fine. I'm like, what am I paying for
here? You're supposed to lie to me. Oh, my God.
That was the best I've ever had. And it's like,
you just wrote an old man's dick. That's it.
You didn't do anything. You didn't do anything.
Way to not bust too fast. Yep. Nice work. It's
all sad and old and confusing. He pays like another
thousand in advance. He's like, there you go.
Like, you know how to make a woman feel special.
Well, that's what you do, right? He's been in
the slammer for 19 years from young cage to old
cage. Let's be honest, age like milk. And then
he goes, so it's like, go bang a woman. okay
there was one there was one scene later where
his son is like so you're gonna tell me about
fucking that lady yeah and he uses a phrase making
mercury oh yeah is that i've never heard that
before I'm Googling making Mercury slang. You're
telling me you made Mercury and you're not even
going to tell me about it? You're my 20 -year
-old son. No, I'm not going to talk about fucking
a prostitute. I will say he did age terribly
in jail, but also I'm so glad because at this
era of Cage, we would just have 20 -year time
jumps and they would just have Nick Cage play
a 20 -year -old younger Nick Cage. Yeah, they
just wouldn't have done the hair makeup. Yeah.
Not even Google has got anything. It's all astrological,
like all Mercury and retrograde. It's nothing.
What about Google? Are you not on that one? Just
Google? Google? Have you ever gotten to the end
of Google? It's a weird, scary place. I don't
like it. No, but have you ever Googled anything
and it's like, we don't have an answer for that?
Oh, yeah. It's weird. It's weird. I don't like
it. It's scary. Nowadays, they just filter in
sponsored stuff at that point. Yeah, exactly.
They fill the gap. So let's see. They buy a bunch
of shit. He goes and buys a gun. The revenge
tour begins by buying a gun from that lady. Who
was the daughter of one of his old crewmates.
Yeah, just irrelevant. And then she had a kid
and he's like, it comes full circle. Have a baseball
bat. Yeah. Do a murder with this when you're
19. These swing real good. Yeah. I love that
he was getting like commission requests while
in prison making bats. He was like, people. People
used to line up to get bats from me. It's like,
hmm, I don't know about that. I think you hallucinate
all of your customers. Do you think he put his
name Frankie Fingers on the bats? Because, like,
it would burn it in. Here's a bat from prison
from Frankie Fingers. Honestly, that's a pretty
cool, like, prison bat memorabilia kind of thing.
I would be into that. Yeah, fair enough. There
was a guy in county named The Wizard. Did he
have a maple pole? I didn't check his pole. I
think I was a little too old and suspecting.
So Daryl, I'm guessing you didn't go to the joint
ever. Only the prison of the mind. Did we ever
truly leave the prison of the mind? I've never
been in the slammer. I've only ever seen it on
TV, but people just throw boiling hot water in
your face all the time. Sean Bean's probably
in there like, oh, please don't stop me. You
get de -loused a lot. Yeah, exactly. Shawshank
Redemption style. Yeah. Just long -handled brush.
You don't want to get too close. No, they don't
want to get lice or louses. They don't want to
be lousy. Lousy with lousy. No, I mean, I don't
know that I'd start a prison Etsy business for
making baseball bats, though. Does the prison
take a cut of your take? I feel like you're co
-opting culture at that point. I'm going to need
to join a gang, and I am ambiguous at best. That's
true. You could probably fit in with the native
crowd. If I ever started a blog ranking hot dogs,
I would be able to rank... Columbia County Jail.
Where would they rank? Very low. Wasn't it just
white bread? It was white bread with just mustard
poured over it and two just hot dogs steamed
or whatever sitting there. Or maybe boiled. Probably
boiled. Yeah. Big batch boiled wieners. White
bread and mustard. The terrible thing to wake
up to when you're really, really, really hungover.
Well, you were vegetarian at the time too. And
I was a vegetarian, yeah. doubly doubly not good
this one got you off vegetarianism no did you
eat the dogs yeah i'm pretty hungry yeah very
bad it's already gonna wreak havoc on your system
anyway might as well yeah you know make that
first jail shit really worth it one that fucking
gets everybody away from you like nah i don't
want that ass i heard what happened and life
ain't for the weak OK, so revenge tour starts.
He goes to meet Q, Benjamin Bratt, who is owns
a bar now called Q. Yeah, they're Q's place or
some shit. I like Benjamin Bratt. Yeah, he's
the only other like actually decent actor. The
only other person in this movie I recognized.
Yeah, I didn't. I don't know who that is. Benjamin
Bratt. Yeah, I don't know. That's fine. Yeah,
it doesn't matter. I'm really bad at faces and
names and things like that, though. He replaced
Jimmy Smith says. bail organa in various star
wars properties oh okay that's nice yeah i you
know what i'm for that jimmy schmitz was a little
chubby i i don't like a fat bail organa doesn't
do it for me give me that sleek slender slender
bail organa aerodynamic billy bratt benjamin
but benny bratt benny bratt i said it first the
whole time yep Okay, Daryl, I want you to describe
what happens with the dragon, though. So one
of the only other named characters is a guy called
Jimmy the Dragon, who Cage used to run with at
some point. I feel like every character he meets
is like, we used to have some fun back in the
day, huh? Well, they're mobsters. How do you
get another mobster so they don't talk like that?
We're always reminiscent. Can't live in the present.
Oh, we used to have some fun, huh? He has a dragon
tattoo. He is at some kind of adult parlor where
he suns around, full hoggies out. They don't
call me the dragon because of my tattoo, it's
because of my cock. They call me Jimmy the Dragon
because of my dragon cock. And they have a little
scuffle, at which point Jimmy the Dragon manages
to get fully dressed into like a green tracksuit
off camera, which is great. I didn't understand
how he got fully dressed. When did that happen?
He ran out of the room. Nick Cage runs after
him and he like... The dragon tackles him in
a full green tracksuit. Sprays him with an aerosol
can. It's probably the same aerosol can that
he painted that beard on with. That thing was
filled in. I do like all the silk robes that
came running out of the rooms. Yeah, they couldn't
get past my cage. So then he escapes. My favorite
part about the escape, though, Jimmy the dragon
gets the upper hand, but as he runs off, he goes...
I love it when bad guys run away and laugh. It's
like, we'll meet again, Frank Carver. It's the
last of all dragon boy here. Grabs onto a rope
and flies away on a giant Chinese paper lantern.
That was convenient and incredible. So the dragon's
gone, but still in the wind somewhere. So then
you go see the other guy, Tank, who's just like,
I deserve this. A mellow butcher. Yeah. Yeah.
Just hanging slab. Used to have some fun back
in the day, huh? Frank, I'm pretty sorry. That's
it. Didn't put up a fight. Nope. Yeah, what a
fucking worthless scene. Like, it just shows
up. Okay. The best part of that scene, though,
is Frank just mowing down on that beef jerky
stick that he walks in with. Well, and also Tank
does the whole, like, doesn't see him come in
and he's just like, Frank? Yeah, I heard you
were in town. Oh, God. Aura. It's pure aura that
he felt in that quick -stole that meat. What
is a... It's a Nui Bol film, Dungeon Siege, one
of his really bad, like, video game adaptations,
which my friends went and saw in theaters and
I'm like, no, I won't. Wasn't Christian Bale
in that? he was in he was in one like terrible
dungeon or dragon he's in a dragon a dragon movie
it's not that it wasn't this has jason stay the
minute but the first line of the movie is like
this person comes into a shadowy room and the
other character the room goes i felt you come
before you came well i'm getting a tattoo and
that's me with every sex worker ever Were they
very complimentary? Absolutely. I was the best
they'd ever had. Hey, baby, you laid there so
good. Didn't cry once. Here's your gold star.
God, now I'm just thinking about dream scenario
in that hookup scene. Is it even sex if you don't
cry? No. If you don't cry, how do you keep it
wet? Yeah. That's right. What were you going
to say, Daryl? like before this like frank and
simone of raw dogs twice and then there's one
said that she's riding him in that car my notes
are just sex so good you see your dead wife yeah
that's some good guilt right there could you
tell me your real name she breaks all the rules
for him for no reason i know like usually i don't
tell people my real name But then also is like
that guy freaked me the fuck out. Don't don't
send me back to him. Yeah. Yeah. You showed him
where you live and gave him your real name. Like
this on you. Yeah, it's pretty weird. Yeah. Oh,
she talked about her pimp, though. Yeah, he looked
like he followed the Miami Heat. He looked like
he belonged in that like a Jamie Kennedy sketch
comedy show. I don't know if I'm joking that.
So I'm going to stop there. Daryl, you want to
get in on this circle? All I know about Jamie
Kennedy is what he was in the Scream movie, and
he had a series called X or something. It's like,
you've been X'd. Yeah. Oh, the Jamie Kennedy
experiment. Yeah. Jamie Kennedy experiment, that's
it. I watched UPN in the late 90s. Yeah. You
just got X'd. Frank, I think it's fair to say
that if Jamie Kennedy popped out at the end of
this when Cage was on the church step saying,
hey, Frank, you just got X'd. You got X'd. The
pimp was very much... we have logan paul at home
yeah i don't know he's just like the the total
stereotype of like a white guy pimp yeah yeah
bucket hat and all yeah didn't have a good hat
though needed a better he thinks he's cool he
thinks he's hot shit he holds the gun all sideways
cage beats the crap out of him scares him he
probably poops his pants cage and him probably
i mean cage is pretty old yeah and like infirm
at this point well i don't know he's pretty firm
with uh And this is the scene where the bellhops
just kind of sit in there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
So it starts this. This other sex worker comes
in is like, I'm whatever her name is. Sophie
or whatever. Simone. Simone. You're not fucking
Simone. And then she becomes a real bitch. And
then he throws her out. And then immediately
the pimp is there. Well, you have to be on site.
Is that a pimp rule? It's a stripper rule for
sure. Do you think that they were? I don't know.
Pimp rules. like set on the name, like before
they did any casting. Cause that chick doesn't
have any kind of Simone energy. No, there's not
even a vague Simone -ness about her. He clocked
it too. He was like, you think you could be Simone?
You ain't shit. I know my ethnic names. I think
he's a direct quote is shut the fuck up and get
out. You phony piece of shit. Like, yeah, let's
go. Yeah. That's pretty good. Yeah, I knew Simone
definitely had Jersey Shore energy. Trip turns
up immediately. And I might have misheard, but
I'm certain he introduced himself earlier as
like Trevor or something. And I was like, oh,
Trevor the pimp, that sounds crazy. And then
he's Trip. He's like, yeah, probably one of my
girls. Because she's a whore. Like, Frank, I
know you've been inside a long time, but we don't
use that language anymore. I learned this is
sex worker, but it's more fun to say whore. Hoor
is okay. You gotta put the right amount of inflection
and you can say it. That just sounds like you're
doing a Johnny Bravo dance or something. He puts
Tripp in a headlock and immediately does a Mr.
Byrne impression. He goes, excellent. Some strong
Cage quotes in the span of like two minutes.
I think it's like in the third, third half, third
half, third, third of this film. I got there
in the end. The third quarter of this film with
only three parts. I'm sweating, guys. I'm so
hot. I can't. Literally melting down. This heat
wave is nothing to joke about. I can't think.
Like you were saying before, the first hour of
this is like, oh, Cage isn't actually too bad
in this for like a straight to DVD Cage film.
And then you get into like the last 30 minutes
and it's like, there he is. There he is. I had
only ever seen that like last interaction with
Q. So I watched this entire movie and I was just
doubting the whole way. I was like, am I watching
the right movie this week? Like, is this, this
doesn't feel like the same movie. Like, I don't
remember names from the clip. It definitely starts
to ramp. I got concerned until we got to that
church. So, yeah. Yeah. And then you're like,
oh, I mean, the last seven minutes of the film.
Yeah. Yeah. I wish we had more of this. So, yeah,
it kind of like climaxes with him going to go.
No, hang on. We got it. We got to talk Max first.
Oh, yeah. So the old mob boss, the one he went
to. went to jail for yeah he's just been in a
coma for like the last 15 years yeah but yeah
for some reason that's a secret yeah i don't
know oh because q is using it as cover yeah yeah
q is hiding that so that he could make all the
decisions right so he goes and seems reasonable
i would probably do the same if i could yeah
that's pretty smart actually good job q yeah
so he goes he sees this comatose dude bloody
bat in hand ready to like bash it yeah bash the
brains because he thinks he's still in charge
But he spares him because he's already basically
dead. And he would have done right by him if
he weren't in a coma. Because he'd been in a
coma the entire time. Yeah, he realized Max didn't
screw him over because he couldn't have. Right.
So he leaves the bloody bat there. Weird memento.
In a weird, like, burying a knight of the round
table kind of stance. And then as he's leaving,
our boy shows up. and they have a shootout outside
of a retirement community. There seems to be
no urgency from inside the building. Well, they
had silencers. Glass was shattering. Silently.
The bullets silently shattered the glass. That's
what it does. All the old folks are having Vietnam
flashbacks inside. It's happening again. They're
flipping tables. I was like, I heard explosions.
This guy's shouting about his dick. Kept saying,
I'm Jimmy the Dragon. I'm Jimmy the Dragon. Cage
gets him from shooting his foot out from underneath
the cars. They should have shown his dick. Yeah.
That's a miss. Straight to DVD? What's the risk?
Yeah, it's not even rated. Hang some dong. And
then, yeah, takes him out. He's like, they're
not going to call you the dragon anymore. Shoots
him in the dick. And then leaves him alive. No,
he shoots him in the head. Yeah, well, I mean,
kills him, doesn't leave him alive is what I
meant to say. Those are two very distinctly different
sentences. The capping's starting to kick in.
And they left him alive. It's so hot here, guys.
By shooting him in the head. Oh, man. Oh, it's
so hot. We've got World Cup fever, everyone.
We've got World Cup fever. Oh, yeah, we got so
much soccer here. No, but like... I mean, you
shot him in the dick like and you know you're
going to die. Let him leave him to suffer. Why
are you killing Jimmy the Dragon? You got your
revenge. I do agree with that. I mean, I think
that it would be better if you shot him in both
of his ankles, blew his dick off. I don't know.
Give him some stigmata on his hands or something.
So they're fucked up, too. Yeah. And you're like,
all right, I would enjoy your shitty life. Taking
a baseball bat and tried like a golf swing at
his wiener. Oh, yeah. Just like. maybe a super
cut of him just abusing the dragon's penis yeah
just like a boot on there yeah he like wedges
it up in a car door and like slams it or like
rolls it up in the window like from inside it's
just like speed bag in the other side yeah yeah
oh just rolls his sack up in the window and then
like slowly drives the car like ghost rides the
whip oh my god Yeah, you're right. There are
better things that could have happened to that
guy's genitals. Yeah. I mean, I thought that,
like, because they just let Frank leave prison
with all those baseball bats, I was like, that
seems a dangerous thing to do for an ex -con.
I thought the explanation was going to be like,
oh, I've made a baseball bat for each of the
people that I'm going to go for. That would make
more sense. A reparations bat. I'm just going
to give them to children and keep the cycle going
and, you know, do nothing to stop this violence
and also boast to my ghost son that I'm actually
a successful businessman. Right. What a waste.
Whose dick still works and didn't get fucked
in prison. Mm -hmm. Yeah. I think he got fucked
in prison. Got fucked or did the fucking? I think
he got fucked. Mm -hmm. Because his subconscious
was giving him shit about that, and he's like,
no, no. That's true. Never happened. That's a
good point. Since his son was fake the whole
time. Mm -hmm. He was? Oh, no. Yeah. The big
reveal at the gravestone is like, ugh, Jesus
Christ. I will admit, I did not go into this
movie in a... good headspace and i was really
exhausted so i missed uh joey like phasing in
oh at the beginning yeah and uh so when the reveal
happened i wasn't shocked but i was like yeah
it makes sense no that tracks i probably should
have clocked that when uh joey was sitting there
off screen and uh cages like i don't know mourning
his dead wife uh and he's like oh this kid's
was only 15 and i was like fucking joey quit
looking at your own grave and then it pans over
to his grave but he was alive for like 20 years
yeah he was talking about a different kid yeah
what a dumb line yeah there's a lot of dumb shit
in this it's a really poorly written movie yeah
until until our favorite scene and daryl's favorite
scene which is the ending where they go to q's
daughter's wedding and uh Because he figured
out everything that Q had done. Yeah, because
Q is the baddie. And ultimately, Q had killed
his son or had his son killed because he was
a liability and a druggie and all that kind of
shit. The fact that his son was murdered kind
of comes out of nowhere because I just assumed
he died of a heroin overdose. Yeah. There's just
a lot of exposition at the end of this film and
it's all drunk like this because he hasn't slept
in days. Yeah, and every shot is sort of blurry.
And it's like cuts back and forth between like
a granite wall where the murder happened. Right.
And Q's daughter's there because it's her wedding.
And he's I thought he was going to kill the daughter
as like revenge. But he's like, get out of here.
And then she stays. His score to settle wasn't
with the daughter, though. No. And the ghost
boy also said to him, like, you know what they
say about going on a journey of vengeance? You're
going to need a lot of graves. It's like, no,
go live your life in happiness, old man. I'm
going to go kill a man now. It's like the ghost
of his kids saying, like, the ghost of the person
he assumes is kids, which is really him talking
to himself. What was the dumb quote, like the
Timo Dr. Seuss quote? Dr. Seuss quote that Joey
busts out all the time. It's like, you've got
another day to try again or whatever. Some stupid
shit like that. The writer definitely thought
it sounded deeper than it was. He confronts Q
and his daughter and it's this whole thing. I'll
just lead it in for you, Daryl. Q's like, don't
worry. He's only got beef with me. Beef! Beef!
You think beef is an accurate description of
what I've got with your father? Beef! Beef! So
when you remember, though, that the whole film
he's been dealing with confusion, delirium, paranoia,
hallucinations, and death, and the one thing
he's meant to do is sleep, and he doesn't do
it. One of those sort of deliveries. Not once.
It's one of those out of context. It's insane.
In context, it's not much better, but it kind
of makes sense. Honey, you think honey is what
I've got with your father piglet? I'm obliged
for one Winnie the Pooh per episode. It is true.
It's your contract. Oh my God. It's so funny.
I'm just thinking of piglet with Benjamin Bratz
goatee. It's a vibe. Yeah. I love that scene
so much. I had seen it on like a cage supercut
or whatever and was like, what the fuck is this
movie? I cannot wait to see it. And it doesn't
let me down. Anytime I watch that clip. Yeah.
Oh, that clip is a banger. He's he's so like
sweaty and strung out and meaty and like. But
then he like, he chooses to forgive and just,
he puts the gun down and walks away. Today's
the day to try again. Yeah. And then the daughter
shoots him in the back. Yeah. It's like, you
were safe, bitch. You were safe. Yeah. Top 10,
top 10 anime betrayals right there. And the fact
that he just turns around is like, and then he
just rocks it off and walks out. He just kind
of looks over his shoulder. It's like, might
as well just wink while he's at it. Like, and
then just leave. So then the cops are there.
Fuck cops. Yeah. No need for him to go down to
the blaze of glory. It's like you're bleeding
out anyway. You've been shot like twice already.
It's like, ah, fuck. Yeah. They could have had
him just like fall down at the altar area and
like have a chat with his son. And that's it.
You know, I did like when he go, when they training
day him on the, on the steps. And then like,
he goes to like fall down and you can just like,
see him like gently sit himself down and like
lean back and then kick one leg out. Yeah. That
was good. just get comfortable yeah then he had
like the bloody mouth and his son shows up again
and i'm sure his son said something that was
intended to be profound it is completely like
rolled out of my smooth brain at this point like
i have no clue what that kid says and then the
movie is just done it's not anything it's like
he it's like why are you still here he's like
i don't know i thought we could hang out some
more like that's it that's it's not anything
deep thought we had a pretty chill time i don't
know that was more or less it oh god that's and
he just goes i like that and then end of movie
yeah yeah yeah you bought your ghost so obviously
this is a 10 out of 10 yeah oh do you think they
rescheduled the wedding nah you fucking just
write it are you kidding me that place looked
very difficult to book yeah you just finish it
yeah Plus, nobody remembers a wedding that has
no flaws. You remember the important, like, weird
ones. Remember when Uncle Frankie came to our
wedding and threatened to kill us all? Yeah.
With all those cops there, you know it was probably
pretty easy for them to get a witness for the
certificate. That's a good point. Very good point.
I do like how all the bridesmaids just ran out
past Q and no one thought to mention, he's got
a gun. Yeah. Gun man inside. Fucking weirdos.
Broads. Yeah, I tell ya. So, Daryl, what's your
take on this movie overall? I mean, overall,
I think what he had, he settled two of four of
his scores. He settled with Jimmy the Dragon
in Tank. Max is already in a coma, so he let
him off. He let Q off the hook. So not all of
the scores were settled. Just some of them, because
his ghost son talked him out of the one thing
that's kept him alive for 19 years. But he had
some nice visions of his dead family. He got
to bang before he went out. He did some donuts.
He did some donuts. He drank some whiskeys. Drank
some whiskeys. He had a quote when they were
watch shopping. He sang, please bring me my watches.
Oh, he played the piano and sung that weird rainbow
song too. That was a good one. I liked the song
on the piano. according to imdb he genuinely
learned the piano for this role i mean you know
that's our boy yeah fine show where you can uh
he gives simone a hundred grand and then meets
her son who is way too big to be in that stroller
absolutely that upset me so much i'm like that
that's a lazy fat fucking kid maybe that kid's
got gout and he can't walk because he's so fucking
fat That was a 15 -year -old boy in that stroller,
and I will not take it. He had a fucking mustache.
Whose name was Joey. Or as he said it, Joey.
Pick the tobacco out from his teeth and kind
of spits this out. It's Joey, mister. I'm going
back to my nap. We had some good times there,
Frankie Fingers. What? His mom told him about
it. Oh, no. Oh, yeah, she found out about Frankie
Fingers. Yeah. Yeah. I think he had a good time.
I enjoyed this podcast more than I enjoyed this
movie. I feel like that's usually how it goes
with the bad ones. I liked when he saw the hotel
maid in his room. He's like, oh no, you finished
your job. He immediately collapses and she walks
over. He was like, I blow English. And she's
like, no. And leaves. You cannot get the stuff
these days. Well, I definitely would have feigned
ignorance also if I had just scooped up and stolen
all of this guy's GHB pills or whatever. I do.
Oh, no, no, no. Blowing glass. I do like how.
No, no. Has like has a fight with a pimp in his
room that involves a gun. He goes out and comes
back to the hotel and they just let him right
back in. I know they open the fucking door for
him. Money goes a long way. He's in the presidential
suite. That's diplomatic immunity in any hotel.
I mean, that floor's got its own pimp. That's
a good point. She did come out of another room.
And then straight into his. That's just smart
business sense. That's good business sense. I
think my other favorite line is just before he
meets Jimmy the Dragon, he's got the gun in his
hand and he goes, bitches, leave. And I was like,
that's tough. That's tough. I like it. I like
that. That is a good one, yeah. Oh, Jimmy the
Dragon. He didn't give Simone's kid a baseball
bat. I know he fucked up. He had at least one
more clacking around in there. You think the
writer just forgot about the whole baseball bat
thing by halfway through the movie? I think the
writer forgot about a lot of things throughout
this movie. Yeah. It's pretty bad. Yeah. This
is definitely on the list of don't watch it.
Yeah. Do watch a Nick Cage supercut and enjoy
the beef quotes. Yeah. That's it. That's kind
of it. I think this might be in my bottom three.
Of all the movies? Yeah. Wow. Boy, I'd have to
think about that. Yeah, where do you slot this
one, Daryl? I mean, I think there is an argument
for bottom 10. I mean, this is the thing that
Cage isn't particularly bad. It's just the entire
film is just not good. It's just very bland.
We joked about earlier, you can predict within
the first five minutes that the son is dead and
has been dead the whole time. You kind of see
where it's going. And you get that caginess,
but you can tell it's straight to DVD fare because
a lot of Cage movies at this time are very fucking
similar. You could roughly describe the plot.
It could be seven different other Cage movies
in the 2010s. Yeah. It's probably going through
them chronologically. yeah so yeah so 2019 he
did color out of space great movie this one running
with the devil which we haven't seen yet but
we will soon um kill chain which we did watch
as a bonus episode yeah primal and which is a
banger i mean the movie sucks shit but we had
fun best of 2019 and grand isle which i've heard
as like it's one of the worst of the entire batch
so i just for this movie i mean why i rank this
one so low is just because I feel like most other
things we see him in, I see why he's doing it.
And I'm like, there's nothing of value in this
film other than like his great performance at
the end. But I'm just like, nothing else in this
film was done with any care or intention. Yeah,
it's weird. Just think about like why he would
have wanted to do this movie. Like what enticed
him? This definitely feels like he didn't do
an accent. No, definitely for the money. Yeah.
I think that's okay to do things for the money,
though. Yeah. Also, $450 ,000 to go away for
five years. Yeah. I guess that was 90s money.
I mean, that's pretty decent. You're getting
paid to go to prison, you know, for $100 ,000
a year -ish. Non -taxed. Yeah. But then 19 years.
Hardly seems worth it. No, fuck that, for sure.
Two hots and a cot ain't doing it. No. Did get
some mean basketball woodturning skills. Baseball.
Basketball woodturning skills would be fucking
tight as hell. There's wooden basketball. I don't
need you correcting me today. It's Con Air Day.
It's Con Air Day. It's Con Air Day. This on Con
Air Day? How dare you fucking slap in the face.
Yeah, there will be no corrections on Con Air
Day. Only alternative facts on Con Air Day. Yeah,
exactly. um yeah this is not in my mind that
i mean it's not a great film but when i stack
it up against things like inconceivable and which
one was inconceivable that's the one where she
couldn't conceive so she was going and taking
all her adopted yeah like the egg donor babies
yeah she collected them like pokemon or some
shit it was just fucking crazy It gave me that
awesome IMDb review. She didn't need to take
her top off. We know how good of an actor she
is. Oh, Nikki Whelan. Yeah, I mean, like Left
Behind is way up there in my least favorites.
As bad as Left Behind is, I can see whoever made
it cared. Poorly, but someone cared about that
movie at one point. I don't think caring. is
enough of an excuse when it sucks though because
if you care a lot and you can't make something
that like makes me want to care about it i mean
it's no stronger to me that's fair not caring
and making me not care that's fine i mean yeah
you know teach their own i just like i'd rather
see someone fail at something they actually wanted
to make rather than whatever this was i'm pleasantly
uh tickled anytime someone fails and i get to
watch i think i could say that this is in a bottom
20 ish 2025 ish for me only because it's like
the action was relatively lame and whatnot but
you know this put this pushed a dog eat dog up
in my book oh that's rough yeah i hate that movie
well daryl any final thoughts on this If nothing
else, some great lines, some great quotes, and
it makes you want to eat beef! Beef! Beef? Just
saying beef like that has been a consistent stim
for me ever since I watched this film for the
first time a few years ago. Both for podcast
-related reasons, not for recreational fun. Yeah.
It's not great. It's just another in like...
Cage's 2010 landfill era post 2013 to 2020. This
is the kind of film that you'll find for like,
let me convert it for you fiends, a dollar in
one of your charity stores in like a bargain
bin. Hell yeah. What's a charity store? Like
a Goodwill. Yeah. I think the only good thing
is to see if someone's made like a super cut
of this or just watch the beef scene. That's
the only scene you're playing for. um because
nothing about this matters at all um three out
of ten three and a half if i'm being generous
add a push for his cage isn't terrible in it
everything about it is i think that's the fairest
thing i can say yeah yeah that's that's pretty
solid i think this movie could easily benefit
from us just reshooting the various scores that
he settles and then cutting them in And pretending
like it was always that way. Yeah. Like we put
Sean in a Nicolas Cage wig and you get to paint
on your beard for the dragon for the dragon.
And then we just really amp up that fight. We
just really beat your balls up. Yeah. All right,
let's do it. We got Sean for the rest of the
day. Yeah, I can be sad tank. Yeah. Yeah, I like
it. We can break down and have a real emotional
moment. still around some beef around some beef
around a bunch of beef maybe this movie's deeper
than i thought because there was a lot of beef
in that scene where he's one of the few times
he squashed his beef that's true surrounded by
beef yeah that's beef all the way down i don't
know if he squashed his beef he did just uh shoot
the guy in the head yeah that's true also i'm
just like cool we're gonna get like we're gonna
get an old guy fight scene in a deli like that
meat hook's gonna come into play fighting amongst
a bunch of hanging meat yeah Could have been
tight. Incredible. I love that. Classy movie
move. Didn't do it. Yeah. Really missed out.
Maybe they didn't have the beef budget. All right.
Well, I think that's kind of it, right? Yeah.
I can't think of a single thing else I want to
say about this movie. Yeah. Well, we're back
on our regular cadence. This will come out just
after 4th of July. So hopefully we'll celebrate
the 250th anniversary with Trump being dead or
something like that. But I'll be shits his pants
and dies at the party. Falls in the reflecting
pool. That would be a good way to go. The algae
just like eats him. Yeah. But yeah, anyway, so
next up we've got running with the devil, which,
um, I don't know that much. It does have Lawrence
Fishburne. So that should be kind of interesting.
Don't spoil it for us, Daryl. I know, I know
we're in the only bad movies zone of our podcast.
So, but, uh, if you are interested in supporting
us, we are on Patreon at cage match and, uh,
thank you to our sparkle buddies, Josh, Josie,
Matt, Adam, Bill, Stuart, and Willow. And to
our gauge dancers, John, Freeman, Nathan, and
Cameron. And, of course, to Bill Panks for our
intro music. Thank you very much. And that's
kind of it. I feel like there's nothing left
to say except beef? Beef? Beef? Beef? Daryl,
do you want to plug anything before you go? Beef?
Beef? Keep eating beef? Do you think beef is
an accurate description of what I've got with
you, President? Yeah, Cage Rage, Nicholas Cage
podcast. Recently released episode on gunslingers.
I got beads for my hair. And Cage Rage is one.
Oh, God, I'm so hot. I'd like to plug AC. I think
air conditioning is an underdeveloped thing in
the UK and a heat wave. And Getting Defoe You,
a Woodham Defoe podcast with me and fellow...
Cage Acolyte, Mr. Petros Patsilovas covering
all the dahis, all the dahlos, and all things
Willem Dafoe. I'm so wet. You have no idea how
wet I am. I am beef. I am beef dripping over
here. You are beef wet. Sloppy steaks. Sloppy
steaks. Slop them up, boys. Good to see you,
Daryl. Pleasure as always. Go melt now. Bye -bye.