Oh, God. Oh, my God. Well, I'm really happy to
have you guys here. Got Nick. It was Nick joining
us. Thank you again. Thanks. It's real inconvenient.
Yeah, I know. I know. Well, inconveniencing you
is primarily what gets me out of bed. I'm going
to get yelled at for this. Yeah, thank you. Well,
everything I can do to help. And then joining
us today is also Nick. Nice to meet you, Nick.
I'm here. Hey, shake hands. I haven't shaken
your hand yet. That's nice. Yes. A round of handshakes
all around. Shake you, shake you, shake, shake.
Oh, just one shake? Yeah, just one. Okay, that's
weird. Just a firm up -down. Just quick. So,
okay, we know Nick, but Nick, what brings us,
what brings you into this fold? That's a good
question. I feel like, what was it, about two
months ago, one month ago? It's like a text,
like, hey, your name is Nick. We're doing an
April Fool's episode to review Street Fighter.
The movie from 1994, which just brought me down
memory lane. I was like, oh, man, I remember
that movie. I have a Street Fighter 2 cabinet
arcade game. Awesome. Non -functional in my basement.
Non -functional. You know, it's fine to look
at. Yeah, it is. You know, I dream. I've had
some girlfriends who were like that, too. Completely
non -functional, but nice to look at. So, yeah,
I think I missed out like twice being able to
do it. And then I think we all missed out twice.
So here we are in mid -May. Mid -May recording
that April Fool's Day. Hey, joke's on you guys.
We always follow through. Oh, that's awesome.
So you're not even surprised that the movie is
based off of Street Fighter 2, not Street Fighter
1 then. No, I totally, I knew what I was getting
into. Even as a, I don't know how old I was when
I first watched it. Probably 12 maybe, I think.
Might have been the last time I've seen it, but
yeah. Oh man, I wish that was, I've definitely
seen it a lot recently, but it's been a thing.
I think every two years I probably get back into
it. I must say, like, I expected to totally hate
it. I was so into it. Oh, my God. So into it,
you watched it weeks before. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
In preparation for a podcast that had nothing
to do with. That's okay, though. You know, and
I'm glad I did. It was worth my time. as good
as I'll say about this. It was worth your time.
You know, that's pretty high praise for this
movie. It was worth the time I put into it. I
like that. Okay, well, hey, I think we're all
introduced. We've got Nick, recurring Nick. We've
got new Nick. We've got me. It's old Nick. This
is so cool. There's going to be zero further
preambles. It's just Nick. um so nick how is
it like being well what do i think about being
nick um i think it's 80 sex and 30 dog and i
like that a lot about it well with that i think
it's really about time that i say hey everybody
welcome to cage match a roundabout way of meeting
nicholas cage on this podcast we only talk about
nicholas cage movies except for today when we're
doing oops all nicks and we're only talking about
1994 street fighter cult classic no nicholas
cage lots of john claude van damme that's who
that guy was yeah oh dude i you know there's
credits where they show the names yeah skip over
that I'm not interested in history. This isn't
a history lesson. Okay. Okay, so I didn't realize
that was him. Okay, well, let's work through
the cast. So we got Jean -Claude Van Damme as
Guile. Traditionally tall, haired, blonde, cool,
muscular, American soldier. American, yeah. Yeah,
American. Let's go. Then who do we got? We got,
obviously, Raul Julia as M. Bison. Bad ass. Like,
oh my god, I loved his performance. He really
fucking killed it. It was his last movie, right?
It was, yeah. What? He filmed this while terminally
ill with cancer. And he didn't tell anybody.
He just filmed it, and then before it even came
out, he passed away. I remember one thing from
when it came out. It was like, this is his last
movie, and my god, is it trash. From the reviews.
I do not. Agree with that sentiment. Yeah, it's
got critically panned. I think it sits at about
like 10 % or something on Rotten Tomatoes. So
pretty terrible, but beloved by nostalgia. It
was not beloved in its time, I'm sure. It did
well. It grossed well. There was a lot to love,
honestly. Like, you know, being totally unaware
of like the, you know, its release and all that.
I guess it's not surprising, but honestly, it
was just a badass action movie that had everything
I would ever want in a badass action movie. Yeah.
It had Mulan. Ming -Na Wen. She was Chun -Li.
Oh, damn. Yeah. All right. I'm not going to lie
to you, Nick. I'm going to tell it to you straight.
That is rad, actually. Yeah? Yeah. And then,
I think after that, it's a bunch of people that
nobody cares about. Oh, yeah. Kylie Minogue.
Kylie Minogue is in this, weirdly. I think this
must have been right when she was kind of getting
sort of popular and getting a little bit of an
American presence. She was only 19, I think,
when she filmed this. Wow. Yeah, that's weird.
Yeah. Also weird that JCVD slept with her during
production. Wait, what? Oh, yeah, no, like, so
when this movie was going into production, he...
He got a divorce from his third wife, and then
before the ink was dry, he was getting married
to his fourth wife, who turned out to be pregnant,
and then during production, he had an affair
with Kylie Minogue. God damn. Classic guy. What
a life. Yeah. Well, I mean, allegedly, he was
budgeting about $10 ,000 a week for cocaine.
so this movie oh my god i think it makes a lot
more sense now like yeah yeah i forgot about
how much coke people were doing back then no
yeah i was in the shower today just trying to
like do some math thinking about like how much
like today world cocaine is that and uh it's
still a lot 100 grams a week i think is what
i came up with that's a lot of cocaine i would
imagine not a kilo that was just mathematically
well i'm sure he's shared it i mean generally
people with cocaine of that amount are pretty
like insistent that everybody else does it too
i got too much cocaine so that's your main cast
and then there's people who play sagat vega e
-honda balrog Well, obviously, Blanca's in there.
They jammed them all in there, everyone. I say
some words about 49 % evil Blanca. Oh my god,
that was one of the coolest things ever. Right
at the end, they toned it down. Gave them its
humanity back. I love the bags of... Oh, yeah,
mutagen and, like, the orange anabolic plasma.
And the green. Lots of it. Yeah, the anabolic
plasma for his hair. Because it's orange. And
green for his skin. And as a Dhalsim fan from
the game, I could not have been more. I think
just about every character did a pretty good
job of disappointing anybody who was ever a fan
of the franchise. And that's pretty cool. Yeah,
it's pretty cool to like really get out there
and just be like, fuck y 'all. I think, Nick,
why don't you go ahead and give us a quick summary
of the movie? All right. Let me see if I can
try for all the uneducated out there. M. Bison.
Has taken over a South Asian country called...
Do you guys remember what it was called? Oh,
Shadaloo. Shadaloo. So that's actually in Street
Fighter lore. We're going to do lore. The criminal
organization that M. Bison runs. Hold on, is
there actually lore to Street Fighter? Yeah,
a weirdly absurd amount. Oh my god. If you go
back and look at lore... the the character biographies
sometimes it's like oh this person was a failed
boxer and then the next one is like this person
was a ninja whose second father was killed in
the mountains of this and then this person is
a cool cleaner it's like wow yeah very inconsistent
i guess i realized as someone who played the
game a lot as a kid That as characters came out
as being, like, evil or good, I was just genuinely
surprised. Like, I was like, oh, Vega, bad. E.
Honda, good. Blanca kind of in the middle. I
was like... Yeah, the original, like, bads were,
what, Bison, Sagat, Vega, and... Dhalsim wasn't
bad, but... God, there was somebody else. I can't
remember now, though. And Ryu and Ken, not. douchebags
as they kind of were. No. In written canon, Ryu
and Ken were not hustlers who were trying to
scam major terrorist cabals with tennis ball
guns. Did they find meaning in the end, though,
or whatever? I doubt it. I bet they went on to
do shittier scams. They probably just scammed
the U .S. government, which is the safest way
to get money. Okay, so one thing I have been
wondering about this movie, and if you know the
cast, I'm curious about the voiceover lady for
the computer. like in the game no in this movie
it's one of my favorite parts it's like you know
when she's all like you know danger you know
increasing blah blah blah and you know it's all
just standard warning things it's like it seems
like a normal job and then one of her lines is
all like hostage pit opening where am i working
again somebody's in the voiceover booth just
recording these and they're like Yeah, and there's
a whole self -destruct sequence one, and it's
all like, I guess, as long as I'm being paid.
Yeah, this was way before you had a TikTok AI
voice to cover these things for you. Yeah, and
so I just kind of wonder, who was that person?
I don't know. Let's see if it is uncovered in
Nick's summary. It's not. Definitely not. Yeah,
so... I forgot. Shadaloo? Shadaloo. Shadaloo
is being opposed by a kind of quasi -UN led by
Colonel Guile, really hopped up on cocaine just
right from the get -go. Comes in, shows his muscle
with his really stellar American flag tattoo
and tells Bison to shove it. Are you ready for
another interruption? Yes. So there were days
that Jean -Claude wouldn't just go on set and
his excuse was he was pumping his muscles. Like,
not coming out right now. I'm pumping my muscles.
What? Cocaine! This guy is freaking nuts. Oh
my god. All right. So we got Guile's muscles.
Guile's muscles. Hella pumped. We've got, like,
a spunky, dedicated reporter for International
News Corp, Chun -Li, you know, getting the story.
And apparently, I don't know if we're jumping
ahead, but apparently they had instant chemistry
that I only became, like, aware of at the very
end of the movie when, you know, Guile and Chun
-Li, like... I don't think they had... anything
between them it caught me completely off guard
and all of a sudden at the end they like yeah
I like I really like that because like throughout
the whole movie Cammy's just like throwing herself
yeah and then Cammy's just like oh you know she
weeps at the end and he's like no I'm sorry Chun
-Li I'm in love with you he's like there was
tear gas on the escape yeah no I'm just dropping
it in Chun -Li so it's Chun -Li and her crack
oh yeah her crew like her whole news team of
balrog balrog and ihonda hawaiian ihonda i mean
it's what a great crew why the hawaiian choice
i like whenever you could mismatch the like because
another big part of street fighters like you
take a plane it goes to a different part of the
world and you're like oh i'm in japan ihonda
is a sumo wrestler and they're like no let's
let's go Let's go Hawaii for this guy. And I
can't even remember, what was their backstory?
They were all individually wronged by Bison.
I think that's as deep as it gets. I think Chun
-Li's the only one who gave it more than a sentence.
Everybody else was like, ooh, I got beef. It's
a line. Street beef. So yeah. And what does Bison
want? Twenty... billion dollars the astounding
oh my god amount of 20 billion dollars totally
i love that he wants 20 billion dollars but then
like he's explaining to dj in like a scene shortly
later where it's like I'm going to pay you in
bison bucks because each bison buck is going
to be worth more than five pounds once I've kidnapped
their queen and forced them to. So it's like,
what's the 20 billion dollars going to be worth?
I was thinking about that, but as you're operating
your own government, you do need various foreign
currencies so that you can maintain a valuable
exchange. And I know as a future dictator wannabe,
you have looked into this. Yeah, so it does actually
make sense that he does need various world currencies
in order to establish his reign of terror. Post
-gold standard. nation state of bisonopolis i
would live there though it looked cool man and
honestly i had a sweet like sinister skull with
wings kind of building like it seems like as
long as you don't cross him he's not a bad boss
either yeah i mean he's got that smoking jacket
and the the nighttime like velour dictator hat
that goes with it oh that's pretty sweet yeah
the casual dictator All right, so we've got the
reporting team. We know who they are. What do
we got else? I feel like next we transition to,
like, the underground fighting slash gambling
circuit where it's like a cage fight. Might have
been electrified. Vega is the hero. Yeah, I think
the cage was electrified, yeah. I think, and
to me, as a kid... I was most disappointed by
the characters who, like, appear next being Ryu
and Ken. I was just like, they were the coolest.
And they kind of, you know. They got really weak.
Bop in and, you know, they're selling some guns
to Sagat. Yeah. They thought they were tricking
him in some way. You know, they had the guns
hidden and they were going to walkie -talkie
and tell him the location. he already knew it
he already found the nerf guns and yeah you know
he shows them uh by shooting them in the face
what about ken's outfit the denim shirt with
the tie and like the brown i don't know is that
like a suede vest that he's wearing it's just
joey from full house it's the whole it's all
i thought the whole time i'm like oh no oh yeah
yeah those guys come in looking like supreme
dorks and like with everybody in this film like
they're kind of like juiced up and big and like
those two just look like guys yeah yeah i didn't
even realize they were main characters like theoretically
i don't know i always felt like they were kind
of the main street fighter characters you know
no i really thought like this was a story about
guile and bison and Chun -Li for some reason.
Well, the movie certainly. The movie, yeah. The
games, Ryu is like the primary protagonist. Yeah,
I should say, I played Street Fighter a few times,
but not often. I wasn't allowed to, you know,
growing up. Kind of develop bad habits. it. You'd
be out there, like, throwing fireballs at people.
Wish. Oh, man. That was my safe one. Like, my
parents were like, oh, well, Street Fighter,
that's okay. It's animated. It's that Mortal
Kombat with just that intense gore that would
warp your mind. That is true. That's the one
I had to sneak. Yeah, Mortal Kombat is definitely
full of Satan. Did you know that they made a
video game based on the movie? So it was Street
Fighter, the movie, the video game. I did know
that. And they used Mortal Kombat technology
to film the actors doing all this stuff. So it's
just like... This is amazing. Jean -Claude Van
Damme, yeah. It looked even... I kind of need
to know. The video game has a higher rating on
IMDb than the movie does by like 0 .2%. It's
like 4 .2 to 4 .3 or something. Oh, that's so
sad. Yeah. I felt like I did... I felt throughout
this movie, there were two movies that I couldn't
help just like think of. Like as I was going
through first was the super Mario brothers movie.
Oh yeah. Just like, cause it was from that era
where like movies knew they wanted to make like
video game adaptations, but they did not know
like how to execute on that. To just like lean
into like. And they were just kind of, yeah,
they wouldn't lean in. And whereas Mortal Kombat,
which is the other movie I thought about, just
I felt like totally leaned in. And they're like,
we need to show everyone's signature move. We
need to make sure that we deliver on like everything.
And still really, you know, cheesy and bad. Oh,
that one was so bad. This one is just like, let's
just, we'll get every character in, but we're
just going to go fucking anywhere. When the newer
Mortal Kombat movie came out, like during COVID.
I went back and I tried re -watching the old
ones. Holy shit. Those are so hard to look at.
They're like, I don't think the graphics are
like in any way better than the video game. It's
rough. It's like real aggressively bad. That
is a saving grace of Street Fighter. I feel like
they did not have CGI. Early 90s CGI. At the
end of the movie, Ryan was supposed to have a
Hadouken. And you see a white flash on the screen.
It's like, yeah, we had no post -production credit.
They were like, maybe if we have a little money
left over, we'll throw a little Hadouken in there.
We'll just throw one white cell in there. And
it's like, okay, great. One frame. I was wondering
where that was supposed to come in. It was like
the one thing that I was looking for. He does
the move and it goes nowhere. That's all the
flashiness. Not a sonic boom. Not a... No single
move. No yoga flame. Oh, well, you did have M.
Bison, like, doing his, like... Oh, that's true.
Oh, God, I love that. He did have something like...
He's, like, his lightning jetpack. Ember Palpatine
situation going on. I love this jetpack move
where he's just, like... upward fisting sideways.
I love upward fisting. That's such a good move.
One time I was watching this adult documentary
and this chick was like just squatting next to
a pool and then in slow motion a fist just came
out. Bam. I was like, sure you can see a little
dictator hat from off screen. You know, that's
just to connect with what you were saying. He's
all like, I'm going to levitate now. And then
he's all like, I'll show you powers of superconductors.
Yeah, he really leans into the power of superconductors.
With no, no explanation. For no reason. Like
there's no, that came out of nowhere. All of
a sudden he's all like, check it out. I'm really
into superconductors. I love that when he gets
into that position, like when Guile puts him
down. Spoiler for everybody. We haven't gotten
to this yet. When Kyle puts him down in that
last fight and then he's like checking in on
the radio. And then in the background, there's
just the M. Bison life support computer. And
it's like, oh, applying CPR. His fucking chest
starts going up and down. Electric shock. Adrenaline.
It's pretty perfect. Oh, yeah, we had the street
fights. Selling guns to Sagat. Jean -Claude Guile
drives a tank with two giant missiles through
the side of the illegal fighting rink and arrests
everyone. What? Really badass. What kind of tank
has just, like, fucking Sidewinder missiles or,
like, ICBMs on the side of it? Like, those things
were huge. They were the full length of the tank.
I was impressed. They were bigger than the main
cannon. Yeah, that was huge in the 80s, 90s.
So many things were like even just getting TV
shows because they could sell toys like He -Man.
Totally tracks, but I didn't even just think
of how the aesthetic of it was. Street Sharks
was a great one. I'd buy so many Street Shark
toys if I found them right now. Biker Mice from
Mars. So many good shows out there. Dino Riders.
Dino Riders, yep. Then they're all arrested.
Uh -huh. And they all go to prison, you know.
By all of them, I mean Ryu can bust in and, like,
come out. He's just like, you are all under arrest.
It's just the dumbest. Oh, my God. The fucking
line readings in this. I love it when you have
a cast of people whose, like, primary language
isn't necessarily English, but they have to communicate.
like on a chop as if like english is their native
language and abandon all uh fucking accents uh
the the scene in the main like planning room
where it's guile talking to sawada i think was
the character's name uh and it's just two guys
definitely not like native english people giving
lines and talking like this but what if When
it happens, it sounds like this. It's just incredible.
Zero pacing. Yeah. The lack of pacing. Yeah.
I mean, I gotta say, though, I mean, I enjoyed
this movie so much. I know. It's so fun. It was
great. I thought I was going to hate it. I put
the hostage pit. Nick loves a hostage pit. It's
actually a really good strategy. Now, after seeing
their hostage pit, did you actually make any
modifications to your own hostage pit? I don't
own property. I can't afford that. I mean, you
don't have to own to install. I don't ask my
landlord for fucking shit. Yeah. But I modify
the fuck out of his place. I think I would need
to be on a ground floor apartment so that I could.
It does make pits better. Yeah. Unless you can,
like, block off your downstairs neighbor's place
and then they become a hostage. First hostage
in the pit. It's not even that illegal, actually.
Yeah, I'm sure it's not. Okay, so once you've
got your first hostage in the pit, though, at
this moment, I'm assuming it's your downstairs
neighbor. Yeah. Who's second hostage? Like, who's
your first, like, they're a hostage hostage?
The first person that knocks on the downstairs
neighbor's store. Oh, yeah. Do you have, like,
some kind of cool vacuum machine that, like,
pulls them in? No. Do you have one of those,
like, funhouse, like, tunnels where it fills
up and it's, like, you have to push through a
vagina and then, like, you can't go backwards
because there's probably thorns? Oh, yeah. One
of the... Oh, you do have that. Okay, cool. That's
a starting point. Really quick. But yeah, so
you start getting hostages. I think at some point
you need to get the word out that you have the
hostages, though. So that's what M. Bison was
doing. Yeah, for $20 billion. Yeah, I guess you
need soldiers at that point to defend. It helps.
What was up with the forced narrative that Bison
is like a drug kingpin? They're like terrorists
and drug... Overlord, M. Bison. It's like, why
is he talking about drugs? I know it's cool to
hate on drugs. That might have been how he got
the start of this empire, I would think. I don't
know. It just feels like it was unnecessary to
shoehorn drugs into this movie. I mean, Van Damme
did enough of that. I mean, he had to get to
power somehow, and it might have been like an
established drug empire. I don't remember that
on my Super Nintendo. I just remember in the
arcade, always. don't do drugs before Street
Fighter even started. Maybe that was a Capcom
request. Was Bison a good character in Street
Fighter? Was he playable? Yeah. Oh, he was great
to play. He was the cheapest character, I think.
Yeah. Easiest to win. Unless, except in Street
Fighter 2, is it Turbo? Where you get the secret
character, what's his name, Akumi? Oh, yeah.
He's, like, the alternate, like, end boss and
is, like, hands down the most powerful character
in the game. Even the dumbed -down player version
of him is, like, he's, like, banned in tournaments.
A sad non -inclusion in the movie. I mean, they'd
already, like, Nighthawk or Nighthawk. T -Hawk.
Yeah, T -Hawk, T -Hawk, yeah. Who are some of
the other weird ones? I don't know. They had
a bunch of the nobodies. I like DJ's expanded
role. DJ, the Jamaican musician. Evil tech. Yeah.
Who has a line about, you know, I'm going to
try to go back and work at Microsoft after this
or something like that, which I was wondering
was the earliest Microsoft reference. That is
probably the best. I wouldn't work at Microsoft
if I could work with folk like that. He seems
rad, actually. The old days. Okay, so we've arrested
everybody. I'm going to try to... I know I'm
going to interrupt, so I'll just jump in. So
everybody gets arrested. They're thrown into
cells. At this point, what, like... Chun -Li
breaks in to figure out where this other homing
beacon is coming from. And oh my god, it's Guile
in the morgue. Oh wait, no, I jumped some stuff.
So they hire Ken and Ryu to get themselves shoehorned
or forced into Sagat's crew. And to do it, they're
like, oh, we'll orchestrate this escape. They
don't tell you any of this. You'll shoot. Guile,
and they'll be so overwhelmed with joy that you're
in, and then you'll help give us the bad guys.
So all that happens. Guile's in a morgue. Chun
-Li shows up, and it's like, oh, you're still
alive. And he's like, I wouldn't give you an
interview when I was alive. Why would I do it
when I'm dead? Pan to the camera. Such a stupid
scene. God, I hated that one. Well, you've got
to develop that chemistry, you know, scene by
scene. And then Guile's like, get her out of
here, and some soldiers take her away. From there,
we start... Oh, we go to the Sagat bison world.
So I really liked this area, because bison...
chooses to celebrate everything that's going
on by having some kind of weird terrorist carnival
where it's just people like selling guns and
shit out front and then you've got like a Cirque
du Soleil thing happening inside. It seemed like
a cool party, honestly. Yeah. Oh my God. All
the fucking gun runners get together and watch
an aerialist. Cool. That's a lot of fun. I would
hang out with. you know bison he he would have
won me over on that shit i mean he won you over
well before so lo and behold the the aerialist
turns out to be chung lee and like her whole
crew is there and they're trying to do some shit
to stop bison and uh they they get in there and
it's like oh we're gonna blow up all your weapons
and so they set that all up and In the lead up
to that, when she's on TV being like, Bison,
I'm going to fuck you over. Ken and Ryu are like
getting found out for like being like, oh, there's
traitors or whatever. And they're like, oh, we're
going to take you guys. And they're like, oh,
well, we're not the traitors. They're over there
and like sell out Chun -Li and all of them. So
that just makes them even more Bison troopers.
Which gets us more of my favorite character in
this, and that's Zangief. We haven't talked about
Zangief the whole time. Oh, Zangief was the other
bad guy that we forgot to mention earlier. He
is awesome. I love everything about this guy,
from his eyes that are too close together to
the stupid sideways thumb thing, because he doesn't
understand thumbs up or thumbs down. Doesn't
understand that he's a bad guy. That's the biggest
twist, I feel. He's just so stupid. He's my favorite.
I just was constantly confused as to what...
I know this sounds ridiculous. What the motives
of Ryu and Ken were. They seemed to just kind
of change sides. And I couldn't tell if they
were, like, being sneaky, like, oh, like, let's
just, like, get in their good graces more by
selling out Chun -Li and E -Honda and whatever.
They mentioned selling about, like, losing their
passports or something. I'm trying to remember.
Oh, yeah, they keep... Oh, yeah. Guile keeps,
like, withholding their passports. Which, I mean,
like, whatever. Yeah. No, I think they were definitely
trying to keep from getting killed. So they were
just doing whatever they could. to not get found
out yeah and then also like repeatedly going
back and be like hey guys we're still cool right
like they go into after this try to break out
e -honda and uh balrog and oh then they get choked
out and there's funny miscommunication with choking
and remember at this point my um like i watched
this two nights ago my daughter margo nine -year
-old like She likes to run downstairs, you know,
if she knows we're watching a movie, especially
one that she considered to be violent. And she
got to see a lot of shooting. She's very excited
about it. But then she's kind of sitting there
bored. And like Chun -Li strikes M. Bison in
some way that's like somewhat hurtful to him
by like blowing something up. And she was like,
oh, my God, I've been waiting so long for them
to blow up a car. And they finally did it. Yeah,
that must be when they blew up all those. But
I still can't remember what strike did Chun -Li,
like, you know, inflict upon M. Bice. Just blew
up some bombs or something like that. Yeah, they
put a bomb in their, like, circus truck and,
like, rolled it down and, like, blew up all of
the weapons he was trying to sell. Oh, yeah.
It's like, oh, we're going to blow up your weapons.
But my favorite line in this whole movie. And
the one that I remember, but like I thought it
was from like a history book or something like
that or like some like it's to me, it's like
such a good line when like Chun -Li has been
captured by M. Bison and she explains how M.
Bison came to her village and, you know, her
dad rallied the farmers and M. Bison, you know,
had him hung and destroyed. And, you know, it's
her reason for, you know, hating him. And he's
like, do you? When M. Bison visited your village,
that was the most important day in your life.
To me, it was just Tuesday. Such a baller line.
It's by a magnitude of 10, the best line in the
whole. I think that line, along with the majority
of his performance, but really that line is what
just kills it for most people with this film
and with Raul Julia's character and performance.
is like the fucking just straightforward way
he's like no i swore that was like a well i like
well -known line i talked to my partner megan
i was like hey you know this line right you know
to me it was just tuesday she's like no i've
never heard that line before i'm like i swear
that's the famous cinematic like you know i feel
like i know it in my bones yeah it was definitely
like this movie this movie has this line in it.
No, it's a, there's gotta be nothing more culturally
important. Oh, let's see. We have got everybody
together. We're in Chattaloo. Oh my God. I forgot
this thing's keeping going. Yeah. Oh, we haven't
even talked about the Blanca's of it all. Yeah.
This is a subplot in the entire, like beginning,
uh, like the very beginning, we've got this whole
hostage situation where Bison's got, uh, fucking
guile's buddy carlos blanca and when he finds
out it's guile's friend he's like oh we're gonna
do this guy like dirty so take him down to the
science lab and that's where they like give him
over to dalcim and dalcim uh like an enslaved
scientist or whatever you know he's enslaved
because he's got his giant manacles and shack
like shackles and everything uh and chains and
whatnot it's very hot and then uh god damn what
we've all got a type um i like stretchy boys
uh prisoners prisoners that's my type i love
it when i don't have to crush their will it's
just done for me uh we're not gonna cut that
and so like the whole science thing is like they're
gonna fucking reverse Clockwork Orange Jim by
putting some goggles on him and showing him like
horrible shit. It's just like, it's just like
the most stupidly edited together, like orange
flames and like, like maybe face melting scream
guy and then a burning building and this and
that is like, this is going to teach him to be
like super aggressive and angry. And later when
Dhalsim gets his, his chance to try to reverse
it. He's just showing him like weddings and puppies
and shit. And it's like, this is going to fix
him. But at that point, he's already like the
biggest foreheaded green guy with his stupid
orange, like a fucking Sideshow Bob hair or whatever.
It's... And, like, every three minutes his muscle
mass would go up by 1%. Oh, yeah. Muscle mass.
50%. Meanwhile, he's, like, screaming in agony,
which I just freaking love. Yeah. I assume it's
very painful to be watching weddings all the
time. But it's also part of, like, a theatric,
like, plot. to kind of dramatically murder the
hostages by not just kind of like machine gunning
them but like oh you strip away their humanity
blanca up to like go go isn't that the plan at
the end i feel like he's like he's supposed to
be like a super soldier yeah oh yeah yeah they
were gonna kill the hostages by releasing blanca
in there and then they lift it up and like guile
comes like Doing that cool flying kick. Flying
kick. Then takes out his gun and fails to shoot.
Oh, man. Yeah, he looked so coked out, too, in
that shot. This, like, knowledge about his cocaine
use, which I didn't have previous to this, just
explains. And it's funny because, like, the one
piece of, like, Jean -Claude, like, media that
I turned to, I was like, you know what I really
want to see? I was like, I want to see that Volvo
commercial of him doing the splits. Oh, yeah,
between the two trucks. With Enya playing. I
was like, oh, man. He's in such a better place
now. Yeah, he did clean up after this. So that's
probably for the best. Eventually, yeah. I think
everybody gets one Street Fighter and then you
have to clean up. Oh, shouldn't have done that.
I can't wait for my Street Fighter. I hope this
podcast isn't my Street Fighter. Oh, shit. That
silence says a lot. So, we've got Blanca. He's
gonna be the bad, like, killer of the hostages.
Everything is like, we're in a full -on, like,
battle. We've got a stealth boat that came up
and brought... Okay. It wasn't that stealth,
right? Who sends a supersonic, like, stealth
boat with a giant wake behind it? Stealth boat.
Activate stealth mode. Take out... machine gun
turrets and just mow down the radar uh sensors
not in any way like discreet no it's like why
do you need to take out all the radar if you're
stealthed that should be doing it for you i'm
sorry can we back up a little bit because like
i there's i want to say this happens after my
favorite scene of this entire thing and it's
where like You got like the A .N. representative,
the political guy. The dork. The dork. And he's
all like, you got to tell your men we struck
a deal. And, you know, the war is off. And then
and then Guile is all like, you know. Fuck you,
man. I'm going rogue. I'm taking my band of soldiers
and we're going to disregard all the chain of
command shit. He just got fired, so there's no
chain of command for him. We're going to do our
own thing. And I just absolutely love the idea
of just bands of soldiers going rogue and doing
whatever they want. I mean, that's really...
And they try to promote this as a good thing.
Like, we're fighting for justice. Yeah. Meanwhile,
full anarchy. I love that later when the dork's
on the phone with his boss and he's like, are
there any soldiers left? And he's like, some.
And it's just a cook sitting there. Boiling shoes
or whatever. That's where I'd rather be, frankly.
I'm not going into war. No way. Not even if you
could ride in a stealth boat. So, you know, they
had the stealth boat added in later on because
Thailand refused to let them have airspace. So
they weren't allowed to fly planes for an aerial
assault. So they're like, I don't know, fucking
stealth boat? Okay, stealth boat. Did you guys
pick up on the arcade? machine that M. Bison
used to slowly release water mines to blow up
the sailboat. That was so awesome. That was a
nice touch. Yeah, it was a nice nod. I liked
that a lot. So we get full -on assault. We get
Chun -Li fighting Bison at some point, I think.
But it's mostly Guile. This is really the Guile
-Bison showdown. It happens on platforms. I really
like when Guile's up on that platform and all
those soldiers, those Bison soldiers show up
and he just pulls out his knife and they all
back away and he's like, yeah, I'm real fucking
tough. And it's like, no, he's got a bunch of
soldiers behind him. He's like, you really thought
they were afraid of you with a single knife,
a fixed blade knife? Awesome. Cocaine. that was
such a stupid scene though because like like
up until that moment like everything he did was
totally badass yeah yeah i mean yeah badass but
goofy as fuck yeah like i think everything has
a little little shine of goofiness on it in this
movie and that i mean yeah that's the charm of
it all it's like it's a bad movie but it's done
knowing that it's not great i think So then he
starts going on about superconductors for no
reason. So we have a fight, and then it gets
scientific, and in the end, everything explodes.
So what is this? Self -destruct? Yeah, there's
a self -destruct. So Bison self -destructs everything?
I kind of forget. No, it's in the fight. Somebody
gets knocked over onto the controller, I think,
and it just... Really? Yeah, remember there was
the plunger that brought them up to, like, yellow
alert. And then somebody gets, like, punched
into it, and when they fall on it, I think that's
what switches it to self -destruct. If they don't
turn on the actual self -destruct, someone's
punched into it. There's absolutely no way that
there's no safeguards for, like, the fortress
self -destructing. You know how, like, you got,
like, the two keys on either side of the console
that are too far apart? Not necessary. This comes
after you've had $20 billion to invest in a second
keyhole. God freaking dang it. That's a really
fast self -destruct thing. I mean, it did give
them a lot of time. I think we also skipped over
maybe the darkest scene in the movie, which is
while he's in his stealth boat, Guile looks at
a little video of him and Lieutenant Blanco.
Like having a barbecue with their wives, you
know, back in, you know, Texas or wherever. And
then kind of, you know, looks wistfully and then
gets there, finds, you know, Blanca, the monster.
It's like, what did they do to you, man? It's
like, help me. He's like, I will. And he just
like puts a gun to his head. He's like, waits
for a really long time, but he's planning to
just kill his friend. There's nothing to try
here. I've tried everything. So I'm exhausted
all options. No, wait. I gave him 51 % good.
I gave him the puppies for like. A solid hour.
One second longer than the murder shit. He's
like, all right, all right. Okay, cool. I won't
kill my best friend. That's a good point. Thank
you. But you have to take him. Yeah. I can't
deal with him. He's fucking ugly now. Really.
I honestly thought his future was just going
to be a puppy murderer. Oh, yeah. He has capacity
for good and evil. Like, okay. If we ever get
Street Fighter the movie to... Same cast. Yeah,
same cast. But based on Street Fighter 3. Well,
because this one was based on Street Fighter
2. Street Fighter the movie based on Street Fighter
2 the game. So Street Fighter 2 the movie has
to be based on like 3? 4? What's different in
3? I don't remember. I mean 2 is the best one.
It's the only one I know. Because it also had
like 7 different releases. Everyone's just sprinkling
in a new character here and there, but nothing
else really changed. Maybe a couple graphics
updates, but yeah. So he attempts to just fucking
murk Blanka and gets shut down by Dhalsim. Did
we even ever see... Yeah, Dhalsim does stretch
at one point. Does he? No. He did not have a
single stretch? I thought he had a stretch. I
thought there was some... I didn't even know
he was an actual... I guess if we couldn't have
a Hadouken, we probably can't have a Stretch
Armstrong. There was an E. Honda slap scene at
some point, I feel like. I mean, because as a
kid, that's what you're just like, give me their
moves. I just want a sequence of scenes leading
to people doing the moves. Yeah, that's what
I wanted this week. Yeah, honestly, I was a little
disappointed. But it did make up for it in a
lot of ways, yeah. So Fortress starts self -destructing
because somebody just knocked over an elbow and
hit the self -destruct button. So Fortress self
-destructs. DJ and Sagat run off with their chest
full of money, which once they're on a boat turns
out to be bison bucks, so kind of screwed there.
Five British pounds each. For probably the lot
of it. all the allied nation soldiers get together
and they're all like oh guile didn't make it
but then he comes out after an explosion like
classic uh cammy was crying because she's horny
and nobody else cared i think they hugged and
then they all like posed oh my gosh they really
did hit that pose at the end they really did
did you see the after credits scene uh at some
point, probably, but I haven't cared. Amazon
switched me off immediately and started playing
Major Pain. You got Major Pain? That's what it
suggested would be the best follow -up. This
one was so friggin' stupid, and I absolutely
love it. So, like, okay, credits roll, and then
you meet, like, some, like, underground ruins,
basically, just absolute rubble. And then, you
know, it's like basically a very slow powering
on of Bison's systems. It's all like, and then
it starts, you know, rejuvenating him, doing
the whole, you know, thing. And then he's all
like, I'm back online. What do I do now? And
then it's like, it shows his options on the computer
screen. And it's like. file open save undo world
domination oh my god i freaking love that i yeah
that is that is it is a crime there was no sequel
yeah i mean boy that's rough like even if there
was enough hype about this movie to get a sequel
Just like knowing, well, you just teased that
there could be more bison, but there can be no
bison. Yeah. He was amazing in that. No, he was
great. Yeah. Terrific actor. There's so many
different things that happen in the movie and
they're so kind of just disconnected. They just
kind of happen in sequence. I was like trying
to follow it for a while and then kind of realized
actually just shut up. It's mostly a let it go.
There's some weird things that are in this film
that like I noticed and like would have to like
kind of look up like in the Bison Chung Lee cocktail
scene when it pans across this room and there's
that clown dictator painting. It's like a direct.
like, homage to Gacy's Pogo the Clown, the way
it's painted, but in M. Bison clothing. Oh, damn.
Just, uh, that's weird. Weird reference. Yeah.
I enjoy that, uh, Bison is an ableist and makes
fun of Sagat's missing eye. I really... Yeah,
he went hard. Yeah, he's like a real dickhead.
He's like, oh, you didn't see that? But it's
so mean. It's like, you didn't see it. It's like,
really driving it home. Yeah. And, uh, I mean,
like, I could justify this, but, like, in Washington,
it's like, why the fuck is there a giant bell
inside of Bison's command center? Like, twice
they throw somebody into it, so you get the,
like, head gonging sound. It's like, okay, sure,
it was a temple once upon a time, but, like,
that's fucking weird. Yeah. Like, if I was setting
up a, like, command center, that's a lot of real
estate. I'd get that out of here. question though
what was the floating platform for i mean it
seemed like they spent a lot of money on that
floating platform i don't know if it had a reason
other than to kind of i think it was just really
into superconductors yeah floating doctors it
is really cool i think it's like he was getting
a little sidetracked from his world domination
thing and it's like you know what i bet i could
do i bet i could make superconductors work and
make them make me fly I don't know. I figure
if you're going to be a top -tier dictator and
world dominator, you need something to set you
apart early on. What's better than floating above
your troops and yelling down at them with your
joystick commands and everything? I mean, look
at everybody else who's ever had it. Eggman or
Professor whatever from Sonic. He had a floating
platform. He did. He had a floating platform.
Koopa had a floating platform. Emperor Palpatine
floating platform. Everybody in the Senate did.
I do like to lord over people. I see the appeal.
Exactly. Float over a hostage pit. It feels good.
You want some food down there? Just drop it on
them. Sprinkles like they're pigeons. Pigeons
who've had their... White feathers clipped. You
guys, you know how much it made? I don't know
shit about any of this. They fucking made this
movie for $35 million. What? Seems like a lot.
That's so much money. $35 million, 1994 dollars.
That's a poor choice on your part. It did gross,
like globally, 99 .4. So, it pulled in a lot
of money. Nobody liked it, but it made a lot
of money. uh would you kind of like uh i guess
made everybody believe that yeah we can make
movies about comic books and uh video games and
all these other little franchises there's a there's
a market out there when did the mortal kombat
movie come out in really like was this same year
or like one year later so this was the uh the
impetus the inciting incident that's pretty cool
Is this actually like the first video game movie
or something? Probably not like the first, but
it was the first like big one that I can remember.
Or Mario, like when did Mario? Oh, Mario came
out later. Okay. Yeah, you know, I think we've
got it. The only thing I really noted otherwise,
aside from, I guess, once the actors found out
about like the... massage parlors in the area.
A lot of actors were taking off multiple times
a day to go get work done. Oh my god. So that
became a problem. There were a lot of production
problems between cocaine and... This is amazing.
Like, hand jobs. I need a new career. And adultery,
and... What have I been doing with my life? Yeah.
He was just pumping his muscles. I don't know
what he was doing. Probably just cocaine. Pumping
his muscles, yeah. Yeah. Cocaine. Whacking off.
Kylie Minogue. I mean, take your pick. His fucking
fourth wife, the one he just married and was
having a kid with, is also in the movie. She's
in a scene. Whoa. Like, I can't remember if it's
the little, like, movie that they pop in. Like,
why the fuck is there a cassette player inside
of the... Oh, in the... It's not a cassette player,
but like a... In the stealth boat, yeah, yeah.
In the boat, and that's the perfect time to just
toss it. It's like, I don't have a lot to do
right now. But his wife's in like a cafe scene
or something, like seated there with some other
characters. And it's like, ugh. How many wives
has Jean -Claude Van Damme had in his romantic?
I mean, if the over -under was four and a half,
I'd say over. I would definitely say over. I
would definitely say fourth was not. Wow, what
a life. Last, yeah. Yeah, I don't think that
one made it too far. Fourth wife, third kid.
I looked up Jean -Claude Van Damme. Never played
a character named Nick. Raul Julia played somebody
named Nick in Street Kill. Ming -Na Wen, never
played in Nick. Damien Chapa, Ken, played in
Nick in Enemy Within and Love, Hate, and Security.
Ryu, never in Nick. Kami, she was in a music
video with Nick Cave. That's pretty Nick adjacent.
That's close. Sorry, in the cave. Yeah. Cigar,
basically. He played a Nick in an episode of
something called Launchpad and something called
The Roof, which was a short. DJ was a Nick in
a movie called Clue. C -L -E -W. Wow. Yeah, I
don't know what that's about. Oh, Balrog. Do
you know what his, like, the actor's name is?
His name is Grand L. Bush. What? Yes. That is
amazing. Oh, man. He played a Nick once in something
called Hagen. And Blanca was a Nick in Satisfaction.
So we've got quite a few extra Nicks in here,
too. And I just thought it was important to look
that up. Or oops, I'll mix. Just that they had
so many other roles besides this. The fact that
they got it. That additional work. I'd make a
movie like this if they would let me. I would
let you. I don't have $35 million, but I might
have $35. It's a start. Awesome. Let's just do
the... If you can add in the cocaine and massage
parlors, I can swing that. Well, they're getting
pretty hard on the massage parlors here in Seattle
right now. They've been busting a lot of them,
but... Busting. But I don't know, maybe like
$35 worth of cocaine, that's not going to get
us too far either. Maybe I can get you a bump
and a handy, but... Good enough. All right, let's
film it. So this has been my dream of talking
about Street Fighter with a bunch of Knicks.
I really enjoyed having all these Knicks with
me. Nick, thank you for coming. My pleasure.
I was talking to Nick. I'm sorry. I was looking
at you, but I was talking to Nick. Nick, thank
you. Yeah, I'm glad I made the time. Yeah, and
we're really pleased to have you here, Nick.
Your time's done. okay but yeah it was a total
pleasure i mean any chance to revisit street
fighter yeah always gotta take it awesome so
closing word everybody we uh how do you feel
about this movie i think everybody loves it shockingly
good i i had a really good time with it awesome
well me too more people need to do cocaine yeah
in their films. So, yeah. I think that's a stance
that this podcast has been very firmly, like,
on. It's like... Yeah. In general, yeah. Yeah.
Bye. Bye.