Oh, God. Just get it so soggy that the stuffing
just falls out. Yeah, gross. That's how I like
my blowjobs. Just so soggy. Soggy and gummy.
Oh, God, the stuffing. That's what I call it.
I call it the stuffing. Oh, this has been Cage
Match, folks. Time of death, 8 .03, 12 .16. Yeah.
Well, this comes out on Christmas. So Merry Christmas,
everybody. It's a white Christmas after all.
A very white Christmas. I hope you enjoy stuffing.
Oh, God. Merry Christmas, Bill, as I assume you'll
be the only person who listens to this on the
day. I text my boss that the site was up and
she was like, oh, yeah, baby, should I test her
out? I'm like. I mean, you can. It's a website.
Yeah, just get in there and start fucking clicking
links. Yeah, baby. I'm going to fucking click
these links so hard. Oh, man. Oh, contact us.
I'm about to contact that ass. Range clicking,
dead linking. Yeah, let's go. You want to do
an A -B test? I don't know what that means. That
sounds horny as shit. Yeah, I'm about to lose
my stuffing. Contact this bitch. Oh, man. So
kids movies. I went to the roller skating rink
this weekend, Sean. Then it was goth night at
the roller skating rink. Did you tell me that
part already or no? No, I omitted the part that
it was goth night. Fucking awesome. So it was
just I mean, it was like Hornback's dream. It
was just like good looking goth chicks just fucking
going around in circles like trapped. just how
he likes them yeah contained forced conversation
options yeah not all of them were good skaters
so he was bound to catch at least one or two
that's true was he there or were you just imagining
he would love it he was supposed to come hang
out uh that night um but he like he couldn't
get away because he had you know uh But so I
kept him appraised of the situation. I didn't
take photos because not a creep, but. Yeah, he
probably would have wanted you to, but good job.
Yeah. Way to maintain. I like to deny him a little
something. That's true. Edge him along. Yeah.
That way when it comes, there's just too much
stuffing. So much stuffing. Blam! Busting out
of the seams. This is a kid's episode. Yeah,
I'll get it all out. I mean, it's not like we
play it for kids. No, although Cora multiple
times saw me like looking at screen grabs of
this movie and she was like, I want to watch
that. And I was like, I don't think so. No, I
don't think I could sit through this twice. Please
don't. Please just forget about this one, Cora.
Ignore this one. I would watch Frozen again a
hundred times over watching Astro Boy again.
Oh, man. I mean, yeah, animations changed a lot
in 16 years. It's interesting to think, though,
that like Astro Boy came out in 2009. Another
movie that we watched of Nick Cage in that was
animated in 2009. GeForce. Oh, OK. Which like
also looks like shit, but maybe looks like better
shit. Yeah, I would take GeForce, I guess. I
mean, were they both 3D? This was 3D, wasn't
it? Well, GeForce was like that half and half.
They had real actors in there as well. Yeah,
but they just had things like busting out. There's
a lot of busting. No, like it was 3D, like made
for a 3D screen, wasn't it? Yeah, I mean, it
was in that era. Yeah, I'm sure. there was like
a hamster ball that bounces into the screen or
whatever the fuck. Fergie just swings out of
a door. Boom, boom, pow. We just had to slip
one more into the script, so we got Fergie. It
was cheaper than the royalties? I don't know.
Welcome back to Cage Match, colon, roundabout
way of meeting Nicholas Cage. I'm your host,
Sean. I'm here with my co -host. Peter. And our
producer. Nick, I guess. Shit. No, that's a lot
of work. Yeah. Being you, sometimes I can imagine.
I mean, that's a lot of head to have to carry
around. That's a lot of head to fill. I can just
put my face on part of it. That's the best part
about being me is all the head. Speaking of giant
heads, this week we're talking about Astro Boy.
He does have a big old fucking dome. Big noggin.
Yeah. Big noggin -y boy. Not a boy. This movie
is fucked. He was a boy. He was briefly. He briefly
was a boy. And then he got atomized. Yeah. Yeah.
And then his dad had a nervous breakdown, made
robot son and immediately was like, what have
I done? This is not my son. Send it away. Yeah.
So like the thing that I immediately thought
about when I started watching this, I was like,
one, that's pretty fucked up plot line. which
is accurate for the TV show, too. But like I
had forgotten how much this is just Mega Man
and made me really want like an actual proper
Mega Man movie. Oh, that would be pretty cool.
And then I did a little dive into it and there
was like a homemade home brew. Sure, sure. And
it looks so fucking bad. It actually has some
CGI in it. But like the main character playing
Mega Man is like. I don't know our age and his
blaster is so shitty looking. I know. Did you
ever see the brief American nineties Mega Man
cartoon show? I'm sure I did. I don't really
remember it very well. It wasn't good. And Mega
Man was like, all the robots were like super
jacked. Awesome. You know, America. Well, yeah,
we're, we're horny for buff boys. Yeah. And Mega
Man had like his power was if he just touched
another robot, he absorbed that power. So that's
how they got around that. So he's Kirby. Kind
of. It was fun. It had do yourself a favor after
the record. Go watch the intro because it had
a banger song as all 90s cartoon shows did. Yeah,
all right. I'm fairly intrigued by that. So I
do want to ask two things. One. You can ask.
Okay. First statement. Stupid boy. Even robot
boy. Dumbest child we've seen yet in this, in
any Nicolas Cage project. Has perma shorts, you
know, on. Doesn't take notice of that. Metal
feet. Still thinks he's a boy. Isn't only after
he's flown through the city, dug through a mountain.
It has to be told he's a robot. He does bust
straight out of that mountain, too. Yeah, he
fucking goes hard. And even then, he has to use
his own X -ray eyes to look into his hands to
see the robot skeleton to realize he's a robot.
Yeah. Dumb child. Yeah. I mean, if you woke up
tomorrow, I just don't know, if you woke up tomorrow
and, like, you did something just wild, like,
you fucking... Got up without aches and pains.
Yeah. Let's start with that. Would you think
that it was cool or would you immediately suspect
you were a robot? I would think it was cool,
but would have questions. Yeah. And when you
take your morning shit, when it's just motor
oil, would you think that that would see a morning
shit would be the most concerning thing because
I am not regular at all. Oh, man, that's unfortunate.
There were a lot of like weird aspects about
being Astro Boy. It's like, why did he breathe
heavily when he was working hard doing something?
It's like, shouldn't that not be an issue? Yeah,
he doesn't really need to breathe. Blinking seems
unnecessary. Yeah. I mean, maybe for maybe it's
just that human brain coding. Why did they give
him eyelids? Because have you ever seen a doll
like, oh, man, you know, those dolls that like
when you lift it up and it lifts its eyelids.
That's fucking creepy. It is creepy as shit.
Yeah. Well, maybe he just wanted a really creepy
son. Maybe his son was creepy previously. He
was kind of a shit. Yeah, it's interesting. So
for this movie, they tried to like Americanize
up. toby a little bit oh yeah he liked weapons
yeah well that's true he did but they like they
they defeminized his eyelashes and they made
him less pear -shaped and you know they aged
him up a little bit they gave him clothes and
they gave him clothes although he does have his
like classic astro boy look the trunk when his
stuffing has busted yeah yeah when he's out there
busting stuff okay so plot line sean you were
kind of getting into it dumb kid dad yeah no
uh dumb kid dies uh brutally brutally massive
murder atomized there are two there's positive
and negative energy and never the twain shall
meet um and the president uh has decided that
the only way he's gonna win his re -election
the president of this flying city that has just
said fuck ground people um has decided the only
way he's going to win his election is with a
big, cool war machine that he can just sick on
sick on the terra firma folk. I did like that
it was called Peacekeeper or whatever. Yeah,
but and he wants to give it like the red energy,
which is uncontrollable. Yeah, it's all bad stuff.
It's all the spice, no sugar. Toby like sneaks
in. And yeah, his father, played by Nicolas Cage,
created the robot, created most robots. And when.
The experiment inevitably goes wrong. Toby, being
the asshole kid he is, sneaks in, gets stuck
behind the explosion -proof glass with the exploding
robot, and is vaporized. Yeah. But not his mega
hat. Not his mega hat. I pegged that, too. And
then his science daddy... feels bad and makes
himself a new boy and then immediately regrets
it when the new child has thoughts of its own.
And then president wants old blue energy back.
So wants to hunt Toby down. Astro boy. Now, if
he got the blue energy to energize the peacekeeper,
it just wouldn't kill people. It was just going
to use all the positive stuff. Yeah, it really
would have been a friendly handholding. You save
people, but. Like Hugbot. Yeah. Nuclear Hugbot.
Hugatron. Yeah, I don't know what the real goal
of that would have been because it had guns and
shit. Yeah. You know, by default, they were peace
guns, though. I mean, Toby had guns, too. That's
true. In his butt. Butt guns. I got machine guns
in my butt. Which is canonical. That's awesome.
I was really surprised by that. Was his father
afraid of him being molested? I don't know, man.
I looked up like what were Astro Boy's signature
moves and... Butt guns? Because he did that like
tornado spin at one point. I was like, I wonder
if that's one of them. And it is not. But butt
guns, definitely. Interesting. Across the medium.
The thing I immediately noticed about the animation
in this movie, one, is bad. Two, they gave everyone
weirdly human lips. I did not notice that. Oh,
man. How fucking sorry. How fucking great would
this be if it was like a Bob Odenkirk movie?
Everybody was just animated. But then they had
a weird fucking wet ass mouth. Everything just
looks like those old Quiznos subs commercials.
The sponge monkeys. We love the subs. uh but
yes they did have weirdly really kind of strange
lips yeah they had rent like they had like smooth
plasticky like cg skin and then just like weirdly
overly textured and wet lips and i hated it i
hated every minute of it i thought it was so
i don't know i i didn't like how uh like the
adults were so goofily drawn or animated but
like the children were all like kind of proportional
and real ish well and that's the thing that's
strange because like in the original anime and
manga they don't really look like these caricatures
oh i'm sure i mean like this is just the best
anime i guess but why wouldn't you have tried
a little harder i mean oh man you could have
done a little more style it's early 3d you could
have just over exaggerated shit yeah I mean,
they just didn't have that G -Force budget, I
guess. The G -Force budget. But I sent Sean a
picture from Toy Story 1. Do you remember Sid,
the, like, fuck -off kid from Next Door? Yeah,
a real piece of shit. He looks like dog shit.
He looks so bad. And, like, even still kind of
looks better in some ways than the shit that's
in this movie. Yeah, he's generally proportional.
I mean, like, obviously he looks like crap and
he has those dumb braces and horrible hair. But
he doesn't have, like, slick worm lips. Yeah.
good kissers right there so birds oh worm lips
motherfucker so yeah i mean the cast like to
your point a while ago sean when we were talking
about one of the other animated movies it's like
this concept of getting good voice actors or
sorry like notable voice actors versus good voice
actors is really weird to me it's like this is
a great cast but like why yeah of people who
are better at not voice acting right like donald
sutherland as the president sucks he sounded
like he was in a recording in a trash can the
entire time until he was in the robot when i
was like that kind of works now yeah samuel jackson
zog or whatever you can barely even tell it's
him yeah except for that like first line yeah
and then after that it's like he didn't say motherfucker
i think that really threw us off yeah that's
fair But yeah, I mean, it's good. Like Nathan
Lane's a main character in there. What kind of
major character? But like Elle Fanning is like
one of the kids, which is bizarre. She has like
three lines. Carlton was a squirt bottle. Yeah.
Like what the fuck? Well, this just goes to like
this is one of those films, these animated films.
I'm like, I don't know who this was made for
because you have like the Shrek era film where
I was like, we're going to make a kids movie
with a bunch of adult jokes in it. It's like
he's going to talk about shit and cum or whatever.
this isn't that like this is ostensibly for weebs
children but it is a kind of heady story that
i would be bored by as a child and i'm bored
by as an adult well and as an adult it's not
played seriously enough for me to care that's
exactly it it sort of misses that sweet spot
of like you can make animation for kids that
hits on two levels right like oh uh gravity falls
gravity falls like that's a great show that works
for somebody who is pretty young like my son
watched that when he was 9 10 something like
that he really liked it and then i watched it
at 39 or whatever and i was like i really like
this yeah so this one didn't hit anything like
no i wouldn't watch i wouldn't want cora watching
it because it's boring i think the target audience
for this is like maybe like 9 to 13 year old
kids who just discovered anime and like they're
mature enough to deal with some of the like subject
matter in the beginning and fucking dumb enough
to just be like this is this is what fucking
peak yeah animation and humor should be the squirt
bottle shitting oil okay yeah i want to talk
about the squirt bottles for a minute so you
have a squirt bottle robot and a squeegee robot
So David Allen Greer is the squirt bottle. Mr.
Squirt. Mr. Squirt and Mr. Squeegee. Yeah. Played
by Alan Tudyk. And Carl. They're like just window
washers. But like, where does all the fluid come
from from Mr. Squirt? Because like he's cleaning
the windows with his own essence. What the fuck
is it? He's got the stuff. But then he also can
shit oil. Well, you got to keep that squirter
lubricated. You got to keep it wet. You got to.
get wet to stay wet yeah i mean in all seriousness
i imagine he has like a refilling depot why wouldn't
you make him bigger i know those are really big
buildings he probably gets like one floor done
and then has to go recharge it's just it made
no sense i mean i get it's like a funny bit whatever
or attempted funny bit but it just why why the
fuck i like that they ran away And then at the
end, they're just out in the middle of nowhere.
And Astro Boy was like, we got to go back and
save the people. And they're like, that's it.
We're heroes. We're going to do it, too. That's
our protocol. Yeah. Save people. Fucking Asimov.
I didn't really think about it that the one rule,
the first rule is like robots can't hurt humans.
So how do the war robots work? Instilling these
kind of rules into robots kind of up to the people.
There isn't like just some like. That's true.
Base element that's that has to be used for robots
that unfortunately makes them incapable of hurting
people. We made these kill bots, but they just
don't want to kill people. God, I just wish I
didn't have to make the hole out of pussy. That's
degrading. Yeah. To robots. Oh, yeah. Ryan Stiles
was his teacher. Like, what the fuck? Why are
these people in this movie? Oh, did you see the
teacher's name? Mr. Mustachio. Yeah. I think
that's got to be like an actual holdover from
the real anime. But yeah, of course. Sure. Well,
again, this movie clearly isn't made for fans
of the anime. No, I mean, you wouldn't think
so. I mean, OK, so its budget was 62 million
or something like that. And it made 45 million
like it absolutely ate shit. And in the U .S.
market, it made like six million bucks. Yeah,
really? Kind of required that Asian bump. Yeah.
And even the Asian market. This is pretty bad.
No, it's actually really big in South Africa.
Really? I know. I'm just making that up. How
many movie theaters do you think are in South
Africa? I have no idea. I mean, I think it's
a it's not like a podunk country. I mean, I've
seen in District 9. I know what I'm looking at.
What was the other one with the robot? chappy
oh chappy yeah i never saw that one was that
south africa too uh yeah uh because it had the
d ant word oh of course yeah guys in it it was
terrible too i did actually kind of enjoy it
uh i just can't stand uh ninja and what fair
enough fucking bucket yeah 51 okay 51 movie theaters
in south africa So I can see how that would float
this movie. Yeah, exactly. The majority of this
is definitely South Africa. Yeah, fuck you, South
Africa. You made me watch this. Well, and just
even going back to like getting all of these
non -voice actors, like trying to get all these
star, like trying to sell this on star power.
Again, animated film, ostensibly for children.
No child knows anybody in this movie. No, of
course not. I mean, who's going to be like, oh,
Bill Nighy's voice. Nathan Lane. right oh notable
child actor nathan lane you could at least be
like oh he was pumbaa oh yeah but through the
power of friendship he you know astro boy learns
to be a hero and saves the day yeah well okay
so i mean there is some stuff that we can talk
about in the middle because they have to fill
out a lot of movie with basically garbage so
he lands on a garbage planet earth that was a
nice transition there should be a word for that
and um some like scrap heap zombie robots see
him and they're like batteries do you have charge
oh yeah i do love why the earth is a giant trash
heap because whenever they get done with a robot
or whenever a robot breaks on the floating city
they just throw it off the side and because it's
just floating over the earth The whole earth
is just like covered in garbage. Yeah, so he
ends up on like a torso pile, which is weird
and creepy. Throw him on the torso pile. Then
some kids capture him with the help of a robot
dog named Trash Can. Tight dog. I like that dog.
Best character. But then they're like, oh no,
he's a kid. And the robot dog's like, no, he's
not. He's a robot, but only... He only says it
to the illiterate child. Spells it out in the
dirt, yeah. The only person who understands what
he says are robots. Sure. And then he tries to
write it out. But everybody who lives in Trash
World are illiterate. Because presumably because
their dad adopted dad, Nathan Lane, doesn't teach
them anything because he's a dick. Yeah. There's
the robot resistance front. I loved the robot
resistance. They were pretty good. That's probably
my favorite part. Like, it's pretty dumb gag
overall. But like, I liked it. Yeah. What are
their names again? Like Sparky. Sparks is one
of them. Oh, yes. Sparks. And then like Icebox.
Mike. Mike the fridge. Mike the fridge. like
the fridge the red one i don't remember his name
crushinator or something yeah something like
i don't remember um i liked i liked mike i also
really like when they're revealing the robot
resistance front plan to fuck with nathan lane's
character whose name is ham egg tight fucking
name they're they're gonna tickle him which is
dumb but whatever they they reveal his name is
ham egg and immediately spit on the floor and
i don't know the reaction that's like one of
the few moments in this movie that actually gave
me a genuine like Because, like, Mike the Fridge
just spits out an ice cube. Yeah. I was like,
nice. I think that's the only time I laughed
in this entire movie. This movie got a solid
fucking laugh out of me. Best fucking joke I've
seen in a long time in an animated film. Nice
qualifier. When Nick Cage gives the Astro all
of the books to study, and one of them is Descartes,
and it was titled Descartes Before the Horse.
that fucking got me i took a photo of that and
sent it to peter i'm like solid fucking joke
see and then i couldn't laugh at that one because
i already knew it was coming so i ruined the
best joke for you but yeah the resistance front
is cool then astro boy gets saved by the the
kids because they think he's a boy and then he
goes to work for hammock just uh finding robots
and stuff that can be repaired for yeah uh what
is just kind of loosely referred to as the robot
games Which is Robot Fight Club. Yeah. Later
to be discovered is Robot Fight Club. But only
after Astro Boy reanimates a giant robot that
was made before. Before times. Yeah. Before Asimov's
rules. Exactly. So Samuel L. Jackson can still
stomp on people. But Astro Boy still saved the
guy he was going to stomp on. Because Astro Boy
is a good boy. Yeah. He can't allow humans to
be hurt because of, you know, first rules. Right.
Do you think that's why? Or was it just because
he was like, yeah, they explained it and like,
oh, he was compelled to do it. Yeah, they're
not allowed to hurt humans. They're not allowed
to have their actions like create. No, I know
that part, but I didn't know that Astro Boy was
beholden to the same rules. Yeah, he's still
part of it. And plus, you know, he's all blue
energy. Yeah, right. It's all good stuff. Yeah,
right. All sugar, no spice. All sugar, no spice.
That's when Astro Boy never is going to fuck.
No. Sorry, Astro Boy. It's too spicy. The butt
guns do nothing for you. Well, while on Trash
World, Astro Boy befriends Kristen Bell, who
voices Cora. Another reason you can never let
your daughter watch this movie, Peter. Otherwise,
you'll never not be watching this movie. Exactly.
She's like, I'm represented. That girl has purple
dyed hair. That's all I want now. She does actually.
Cora the other day, she was like, I really would
like rainbow hair. I was like. You and me both,
child. I don't care. You can do that. I just
don't know what the correct age to allow your
child to have rainbow hair is. Don't stymie your
child, Peter. Yeah. There is a character in this
movie named Dr. Pig Knuckle. What? Who played
Pig Knuckle? Marianne Garger. Man, I can't think
of any. Because Bill Nighy was Dr. Elephant.
And then Cage was, you know, obviously Dr. Tenma.
Eugene Levy was Orin. Yeah, I mean, there were,
like, over a baker's dozen, like, great actors
in this film. Doing mail -in voice work. Very
minimal. None of them good voice actors. Matt
Lucas is probably the only one who sold it. He
was Sparks. I thought he did a good job. Nathan
Lane was fine, I mean, but he was just playing
a fucking heel, so it's not that hard, you know?
Yeah. You get to glower and, now you're gonna
fight, you know? Yeah. Right in my games. oh
no yeah what's up with him being like oh so he
he uh tricks astro boy into like going down to
these games and then he like stuns him and throws
him in and makes him part of the game why does
he get upset when astro boy does well yeah right
like it's like this is just entertainment for
the people yeah he fucking crushes it yeah I
know. It's interesting, though, that Astro Boy
is immediately like, I'm not going to fight.
I'm not doing it. I'm not fighting. I'm not fighting.
And then that robot, like, tries to take two
swipes at him. He's like, I'm murdering this
fucking robot. I'm blasting his head off. Yeah.
I mean, he does have the memories and emotional
stability of a teenage boy. That's true. Yeah.
With butt guns. With butt guns. Butt guns. And
his mega blasters. I mean, he did have those.
Yeah. Mega blasters, butt guns. Yeah, and I love
Mega Man. What's your favorite Mega Man game?
Four is the one I played the most because it
was the one that was like most readily rentable
when I was a child. With Pharaoh Man. Yeah. Dive
Man. Skull Man. That's cool. Yeah, I think three
was mine. Gemini Man. Needle Man. Snake Man.
I think the correct answer is two is the best.
Yeah. But I mean, my favorite would be four.
Did you ever play the like Dreamcast Mega Man
Legends game? Yes, I played it. Yeah, I played.
So like that, that's like Mega Man without his
helmet. Most of the game, he's got like anime
hair and he's running around and there's all
these other anime people ish. You know, it's
like that's a better movie than this is. The
whole thing is easier and better. But yeah, this
is what we got. I tried to go back and play Mega
Man Legends, emulate it a few years ago. And,
oh, God, the world before they figured out that
you could use the right analog stick for a camera
is a scary one. Because the way you turn left
or right or the camera is to hold down the left
or right shoulder buttons. Gross. And it moves
very slowly. Yeah. It's sort of that Resident
Evil, like, tank movement style. Yeah. Which
did add to the, like, terror in those games.
Because it's like, oh, my God, I really can't
move. Fuck. OK, so, Sean, you were saying last
episode that your friend thought that this was
the best Nick Cage. This was their favorite Nick
Cage movie. They haven't. She hasn't watched
a lot of Nick Cage movies. I am changing. Has
she seen any other Nick Cage movies? We've gone
and seen the unbearable weight of massive talent
together. OK, so she's seen more now. But this
was the one I think she's watched the most of.
And I believe her dog was named after Toby. Oh,
wow. Shit. onward and upward toby well i hope
they don't listen to this episode because we
are dunking on movie is dog shit yeah it's bad
it's a bad movie yeah i wish i had more like
fun things to say about it but like the animation's
bad the design is bad like i didn't even i couldn't
even remark on what the music was like Cause
it rolled completely off my brain. Nope. I don't
remember. Was there music? There could have been
none. There was music when they were cleaning
Zog's body off, but it was like an actual song.
Oh yeah. It was like a montage thing. Yeah. What
was the studio behind this again? Well, I mean,
okay. So like the production company is Imagine
Animation Studios who went under immediately
after this. Of course. Good. It feels like a
passion project for somebody who then like lost
all the passion for it while they. actually made
the thing lost control of it to studios who knows
man because it definitely seems like there's
just no heart in this thing yeah for like the
anime is cute like it's all about heart it's
about like astro boy being a really good little
dude and like having this i mean his his core
in the anime is a heart like it's a little heart
power core you know but that's too femme for
the u .s audience at the time so i suppose yeah
Turned into a blue sphere instead. Because Americans
only understand red versus blue. That's it. Yeah.
No other color dynamics in this country. Too
confusing. But yeah, I don't know. It's just
an unfortunate kind of movie where there's just
really not all that much to give it credit for
even, you know. It's of the era of kind of crappy
animation and it embraces that. Like what really
pissed me off is that. this is like you could
have had hyper color you know like make everything
super punched up comic -y all that kind of stuff
but instead they picked like washed out color
palette like it's just not appealing yeah i think
this could have worked if they would have just
gotten rid of the whole earth subplot with the
other kids and just like given us 20 more minutes
of him on the run or 20 more minutes of him in
the city or just fighting aliens or something
rather than trying to like have this whole secondary
plot in the film. Or just make the movie shorter.
I'm fine with that as well. Well, yeah, cut out
an entire 30 minutes in the middle. No, but I
think you're right, because the whole point of
that is to like, oh, he learns about friendship
and he learns about his powers. That's sort of
it. And he learns that there's conflict about
how people view robots. It's a little backup
from the. ground dwellers yeah in the end the
rrf yeah but that's it like there's nothing and
you could have had that happen in almost any
other different format you can learn those lessons
i i did i don't think i hated this movie that
as much as you two did like i enjoyed it enough
um i wouldn't say it was fun but i wasn't like
miserable um and the one part where i'm just
like fuck this movie and fuck this writer and
just fuck everything was when They capture Astro
Boy. They take Nick Cage takes the core out.
Only to sleight of hand it to put it right back
in to let Astro Boy go. It's like you could have
just let him go. Yeah, I think he was still being
a good little bitch boy up until that moment
where he he realized where he had to kill his
child again. Exactly. He had to watch his son
go by dad. I love you. Yeah. Yeah, that part
probably hurt a lot more. The hardest part of
any any parent's life if their child dies is
that final when they power down for the last
time. As you hold their beating heart in your
hand. The final servo were. I remember his first
servo were. um i wish we got more of the background
of dr tenma's uh close -up magic yeah i mean
i would like to see him in college trying to
like compete in like open mic nights doing a
little bit a little bit of sleight of hand a
little maybe maybe yeah oh yeah oh it's giant
quarter He rolls it down his shoulder into a
hat and then like dumbs out like 30 pennies.
Well, I guess 25. 25 makes more sense, but 30
is funnier because it doesn't make sense. Some
fucking autistic person will count and be like,
hey, that's too many pennies. Oh, yeah. OK, so
let's do let's see vocal performances. Who do
you think actually did a good job other than
Matt Lucas? I would say Nick Cage at least sounds
like he was in a consistent sound booth. yeah
it just seemed like he was phoning it into me
but it was better than his performance in the
like Christmas Carol Christmas Carol yeah that
was real bad I mean I'm not saying his performance
is good I'm saying it was consistent okay which
I can't say for most other people in this movie
yeah Kristen Bell was fine but she did nothing
yeah I mean Freddie Highmore who plays Astro
Boy and Toby like again didn't have a big ask
it's like you have to be sort of a dewy eyed
Dipshit. Yeah. I mean, I like Nathan Lang. I
think he does a good job. He's a very characterful
voice. So David Alan Greer, Alan Tudyk. They
were good. I mean, they were probably my favorite
dumb bit of the entire thing. They weren't that
funny, but I liked the concept of Mr. Squirt.
So stupid. Yeah. So stupid. It's so dumb. Trash
can was great. The voice of trash can. Yeah.
There's a, there's a voice actor listed for trash
can. Well, it's kind of like, uh, speaking of
Alan Tudyk, uh, he's like the voice of the rooster.
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, just cause. Great. We can
do that. Here's $3 million. Exactly. I don't
think he made $3 million for that, but we'll
find out. Yeah, we will. we'll google that i'm
gonna find out and remind us all in a month when
no one will remember any of this perfect those
are my favorites did i think anybody else did
a really good job no no not not nothing stands
out at least yeah like none of the fights are
all that great like at the end so donald sutherland
the president ends up getting absorbed into the
bad robot with the red core because it has absorbing
powers And then he just kind of keeps like Katamari
growing and like absorbing buildings and shit.
That was kind of cool. Like the Kaiju sort of
mega robot that he becomes. It was all right.
Like I didn't dislike the design, but that was
probably the most interesting animation. Yeah.
I will say I enjoyed the gag when he like. when
the red energy and blue energy blow each other
up and he gets like deabsorbed and it's just
the president again and he like comes out of
the wreckage and he just starts going i thought
that was funny yeah yeah the other like the other
fight you know with all the robots in the robot
fighting arena the only thing i noticed about
that was the weird like bondage bot yeah yeah
i saw that oh i uh i enjoyed the chase in the
beginning where they had the weird like sticky
guns sticky guns were pretty cool and then how
he like uh flew between the two narrow narrow
gap he shot the gap shot the gap and he busted
the seam yeah he shot the gap and loosed his
stuff um this is uh this is gonna be a personal
uh grape for me because i'm all about like fucking
buckle up folks john's got an opinion i do uh
what's the term for when like you know just only
use the points that like matter like don't like
show us something if it's not going to come up
later so when he couldn't fly out of the arena
because there was a force field over it i thought
because he didn't want to fight he was just like
cool i've dug through a mountain he just like
sonic his way down to the ground and out of the
arena no just fights yeah oh how about we're
talking about that force field in the arena how
about that time where like two robots got just
like slapped like up and out of the arena oh
yeah right why do they get to just get slapped
out of there maybe it was for him no because
he kills the guy with it the robot with it yeah
he kills the first robot with it maybe that short
-circuited it i don't know Giving it a little
too much credit. Yeah, I know. I had to have
that sight gag. That one got me. I had a little
beef right there. One little ham egg. One ham
egg. Was it ham egg or hem egg? I mean, I think
it's supposed to be hem egg. But it sounds like
ham egg. And it's spelled ham egg. Oh, is it?
Oh, okay. Bye. Ham egg. Ham egg. Hey, Meg. Hey,
Meg. Hey, Meg. The general, the president's right
hand man named General Heckler. Oh, I like that.
Who was that played by? Newell Alexander. Not
a clue. I thought I recognized the voice, but
nope. Don't watch it. It's not worth it. Yeah,
I feel the same. Nick, final thoughts? No, you
don't. You don't have to watch this. This is
easily skippable. If you don't have kids, easy.
If you do have kids, just don't. There's plenty
of other crap you can watch. Yeah. If you do
have kids, but you don't like them, why not?
If you've got kids, just fucking go outside.
Like, come on. Quit watching this shit. You can
do something better with your life. Fuck off.
Yeah. Well, did you guys have any favorite quotes?
We addressed mine, but I didn't. Mine was mine
was Descartes before the horse. Did you have
a favorite quote? Yeah, mine was the interaction
between Robotsky, the big red guy, Sparks and
Mike. And they're like, you have been rescued
by the robot revolutionary front. I'm Sparks,
the brain. And I'm Robotsky, the muscle. And
I'm Mike, the fridge. I'm the fridge. Yeah, I
heard that. I was just like, I'm the fridge.
It reminds me just a quick about the one time
I didn't meet him, but I saw on the streets,
Billy the fridge while I was walking around downtown.
Who's Billy the fridge? Billy the fridge is I
didn't know originally either. I had to be educated.
This is this one's out there for the real Seattleites.
Billy the fridge was a amateur rapper. here in
seattle and uh he was a really large guy and
so i noticed him because i was you know catching
a bus downtown and there's this like mammoth
of a dude and he's just got like a donkey rope
on his on his neck with just a glazed donut just
hanging from around this thick gold necklace
and i was like holy shit so i like pretend like
i'm on my fucking flip phone but i'm walking
past and i'm like trying to take photos and it's
like i don't know if i'm aiming right i don't
know anything yeah so i had some real like fucking
bigfoot footage of this guy billy the fridge
yeah and i'm showing my friends at uh work the
next day and one of them's like oh it's billy
the fridge what billy the fridge amazing yeah
are you looking at building the fridge no i had
to look at what donkey rope was uh wait uh but
talking about the robot revolutionary front uh
that did remind me there was one other gag in
this movie and it's a robot revolutionary gag
that did get a chuckle out of me is um When they're
going to try and kidnap a ham egg and they're
like in disguise as boxes, but boxes of the things
they are when they're like, all right, let's
go. And they like pop out of the boxes. They're
making transformers noises. Yeah. With their
mouth. That got, that got, that got a chuckle
out of me. Robot revolutionary front. best part
of the film yeah i would watch that movie yeah
i would love to watch the adventures of robotski
sparks and mike the fridge yeah with delightful
cameos by mr squirt and mr squeegee i do uh god
um fucking tarantino i just want to see the pulp
fiction the stuck in the middle with you seen
The robot revolutionary front. Oh, yeah. From
Little Dance. Reservoir Dogs. Yeah. Reservoir
Dogs. Yeah. Now, that's a very different scene
in Pulp Fiction in the basement. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Bring back the bondage mask. That robot's there.
He doesn't love the gimp scene. I know. So, I
mean, he was there in the robot. Yep. Kids love
gimps. They do love a gimp. They're like, why
can't he talk? Because he's been a bad boy. All
right. So next, we've got Seeking Justice from
2011. Never heard of it. Yeah, it has been described
as yet another phoned in Nick Cage performance.
Awesome. We shall see. I think it's like a crime
procedural bullshit. I'm sure somebody has like
taken a thing from him and he gets revenge. Can
we start introducing the next week's movie with
a review? like of it in like in advance yeah
like to pull up a review yeah pull up like one
one hot review about it wow so right off right
off the top very enjoyable very watchable film
um serious plot issues but a good action flick
not bad at all worth watching pleasantly surprising
not bad at all could have been worse but it's
good you You're out here telling me like it's
not going to be a good performance. And now I'm
excited. This one maybe is from like Nick Cage
himself. One of Nicolas Cage's best movies ever.
Oh, hell yeah. Seeking Justice and Dying of the
Light are two of our favorite Nick Cage movies.
OK, OK. My my expectations are a little lower
now. Wouldn't pay to watch it. Wouldn't pay to
watch it. Watchable mess. Oh, yeah. See there.
All right. I feel better about this. Yeah, we
can pull up a couple. I think it primes the pump.
Ready to bust those. Yeah, my stuff and pump.
All right. Thank you all for listening. Happy
holidays. Merry Christmas. Whatever. If you chose
to listen to this on Christmas Day, I'm sorry.
um but yeah thanks to all of you and to our sparkle
buddies josh josie matt adam bill stewart and
willow and to our cage dancers john freeman nathan
and cameron and thank you to bill panks for our
intro music so ham egg merry christmas bill bye