Oh, God. I'm going to point this out because
nobody else has. I'm the only person here not
wearing glasses. Oh, yeah. I got LASIK on Friday.
Did you really? I did. Oh, hell yeah. Two days
out. It's weird. Oh, I bet. Yeah. How often do
you touch your face now? Just like trying to
put your glasses back up. I have this morning
getting out of bed. I reached for my glasses.
And then when I was like, you know, splashing
water on my face first thing this morning, I
did it on my eyes and immediately regretted it.
Oh, yeah. That would drive me insane. As someone
who constantly looks for the glasses they are
currently wearing, not having glasses would drive
me insane. I think about it fairly often. It
would be interesting, but I've had glasses for
so fucking long. I got mine when I was eight.
Yeah, you beat me. Second grade. Yeah. That's
seven. Yeah, that's when I got it. Third. All
I know about John's illustrious backstory is
you had glasses when you were eight and you used
to be a bodybuilder. I am imagining a tiny buff
child now with glasses. Little buff boys. Oh,
I was fat. I graduated high school at 320. Damn.
Wow. I don't remember when I was bodybuilding.
I was 198 and a quarter. I just barely made weight.
Wow. God, that's crazy. I had to go pee to make
weight. Shit you not. Empty that bladder out.
We got it. Couple more ounces off. Done. There
was dudes spitting in cups. That's so wild. Well,
that was a weird tangent. Sorry. No, that's OK.
That's kind of what our bread and butter is.
So, yeah. Oh, the interesting thing is I've had
moments walking around the house and realize
I'm not wearing my glasses and then think, oh,
I can't see. And then a half second later being
like, oh, actually, I can. That is like that
cognitive dissonance. Yeah, it's been real odd.
because i'm used to you know hey if i don't have
my glasses on i can't see right that's right
i think i'd have to get like if i had if i got
lasik and like i could see normally i'd have
to get like glasses just for style like just
just style and normality like i don't think i'm
thinking about being that guy that wears like
just a tiny bit shaded glasses all the time oh
you know what i mean i mean it would go with
your whole hat vibe yeah It's true. And the low
pony that I've got going now, too. So tiny bit
shaded. You're just going to live like at all
times. Just a little yellow. In a world where
like you're the guy with transitions who just
came inside. No, not that dark. I'm thinking
more like Matthew McConaughey in Days of Confused.
That kind of vibe. That's not a vibe a lot of
people look for. It's kind of a scummy guy. Looks
aren't everything. It's what's in your heart,
Nick. So you watch this movie, these movies,
this morning. I set an alarm to get up and watch
these this morning because I forgot about it
until about Thursday. And then we were throwing
a Friendsgiving, so I had zero time. Yeah. So
they're fresh in your bloodstream. Don't regret
it, honestly. Okay, there you go. Sipping coffee.
Welcome back to Cage Magical and a roundabout
way of meeting Nicholas Cage. Since Peter's already
gotten started before you've even... announced
to the films uh this week we're kind of going
off book and well not really we've discussed
movies that nicholas cage is barely in and this
week we're just discussing movies that he's not
in uh we're doing the grindhouse films death
proof and planet terror yep and uh in the little
trailers that come along with it which is where
we do get nick cage this is maybe the least nick
cage screen time we've had ever though right
I would argue, though, it's still more Nick Cage
acting than Dazed and... Not Dazed and Abused.
You're welcome. Now you have to leave that in
for continuity. I am going to leave it in. Fast
Times at Ridgemont High. For Fast Times at Ridgemont
High, where he's there, but says nothing. He
at least makes some faces in that one that were
okay. He makes faces in this one. He makes racist
faces in this one. Racist faces. Yes, in the...
Great Rob Zombie trailer for Werewolf Women of
the SS. Nicholas Cage plays Fu Manchu. Nice long
fake mustache. Did any of you find the Rob Zombie
interview where he discusses how this happened?
no no but i wish i had yeah uh so in a short
little interview with rob zombie he was talking
about how he's like so i was doing this thing
and you know i never asked my friends like for
favors to be in my thing but like you know you
don't know if you don't ask so i asked nick like
hey do you want to be like the head nazi in this
thing he's like no no man i can't be a nazi so
i was just like fuck i want nick cage in this
um so i just made up on the spot uh do you want
to be fu manchu and nick cage is like Yeah, I'll
do that. There was no Fu Manchu in the script.
There was no Fu Manchu. I just said it. And apparently
that was less problematic than a Nazi. Yeah.
And that was essentially the interview. And that's
why Fu Manchu is in that trailer. This is a tough
question now. So who wants to be Fu Manchu for
the poster? Not it. Oh, man. 100 % it. Yeah,
all right. You can be one of the two fawning
women at his feet. It's Fu Manchu or Nazi. Those
are your choices today. And Peter's going to
do a really good job on the Nazi photo. Really
get your likeness in there. I don't. know that
i need this in my life well we had a good run
sean did we i don't know we had a run and the
runs technically we've just discussed the entirety
of nick cage's role in these films so we'll see
you next week peter hit us with that outro yeah
right okay but so he gives us a laugh is all
yeah right yeah he's pretty much just like a
turn and a laugh and i think he said i thought
there was one line yeah it's very brief i don't
know what he actually says also i did not have
this trailer in either of the movies i watched
i had to find it on youtube and even then because
there are tits in it all i could find is a camcorder
from a theater version of it gotcha so you got
to watch a handy cam version of which is probably
the best way to the best representation yeah
yeah okay i like the most authentic way right
machete is awesome great yeah i made it Did you
ever see the actual movies? No, but I want to
now. I know. No, you don't. It's not bad. No,
that's too bad. I feel like they looked awesome.
They were hitting something fun with that. And
I guess Robert Rodriguez had had him in mind
for like a really long time to do a machete movie
and then was like, we'll just prime the pump
with this sucker. Yeah. I mean, we're going to
get in. I mean, I'm going to get into it later
as to. whether or not i find i feel this like
the rodriguez like grindhouse films work but
spoiler yeah yeah that tone kind of answers the
whether you think i object i mean you know i
have my opinions but uh i think it works as a
sizzle reel i don't know that it works as a 90
minute joke as most jokes don't work as a 90
minute you know you know past five how long are
these podcasts Like an episode runtime? I mean,
it depends. When we were doing the double features
in the past, we would get anywhere from 55 minutes
to close to an hour and a half was like our biggest.
90 minutes, you say? Yeah, 90 minutes indeed.
And the jokes didn't work. It's all been downhill
since Paradictal. Oh, yeah, that's true. That
was an early one, too. Oh, yeah. So let's see.
The other one was the Edgar Wright one. Don't.
oh yeah i kind of liked that you know it was
stupid way but yeah it made me laugh in a dumb
way oh i missed that one too that one i actually
enjoyed that one uh i forgot about that trailer
there's also the eli roth one yeah the thanksgiving
one yeah that was fantastic i wanted to see that
especially i'm fucking the turkey fucking the
turkey yeah there was some weird visuals in that
eli roth's a weird dude he's a very weird guy
yeah Yeah, the grandma trussed up as the turkey
in the end. Yep. Oh, I forgot about that. Gross
and hot. Gross and hot. It took me a second to
realize what was going on there because it doesn't
show it for very long. Oh, as a connoisseur of
grandma bodies, I knew right away. We know what
category Nick goes for. Oh, God. Gross. I think
it was kind of cool, and I'm sort of sad. in
the state of affairs of cinema and movie theaters
that something like this just probably can't
exist again. Um, it's like the concept is just
like incredibly low budget, pretty fast to produce
movies that, you know, mostly exploitation style
movies and, you know, lots of sword fight movies,
martial arts movies kind of fit in that category.
Um, yeah, it's just low budget action, horror
and exploitation. Yeah. Shocking kind of bite.
definition i guess or by trying to be by trying
to be usually i think like more modern things
you could point out it would be like uh trauma
films right they're very much in that vein but
they just don't get a theatrical release so it
it hits different but i like this idea that you
had theaters that like kind of had to fill time
right so it's like what are you doing between
all these blockbusters it's like okay i don't
know It's like it's like public access, you know,
and there's some horrible shit on public access
and there's some kind of amazing shit that you
find. And this, I'm sure, falls into both of
those buckets. But, you know, it's kind of a
cool idea in general, just being able to go to
a movie theater and watch like, I don't know,
an all nighter of like absolute nonsense. Like
that sounds kind of fun. Yeah. I mean, like most
things, it all got ruined by capitalism and studios
wanting to like. monopolize every screen all
the time rather than you don't get indie stuff
anymore because no one will like pay for it because
you guys watch the studio i haven't seen on apple
tv super good yeah really yeah amazing can't
recommend it enough but they talk about a lot
of that actually of like because first episode
spoiler alert half the season is about them having
to make a kool -aid man movie and like fucking
hating it and trying to figure out you know how
to make it decent and stuff and the exact argument
you're talking about of making like auteur films
versus having to make these blockbusters that
pay for the auteur films right well time was
you know studios would just produce things and
would look at the overall how much they made
versus each individual project some projects
would do worse some projects would do better
but stuff would get produced and you know it
would all come out in the wash as a whole but
now each film needs to make so much money yeah
it's the same thing that's happening with video
games too you know where it's like everything
has to be these triple a releases ultimately
for the people at the top who don't like don't
like video games well who don't make art who
aren't involved in that they're just there to
make money Yeah, it's opportunity cost, right?
It's like, hey, if I get a loan for a billion
dollars, I want to make as much possible money
off that billion dollars. Right. So fuck the
auteur films. I don't care. Yeah. You're right.
It's pure money. It's just money. Yeah. It's
just a bummer, though. You know, like it makes
me we should make a fucking grindhouse film.
Let's do it. We should. We might as well. We
could. We might as well. We could. I mean, there's
no reason we couldn't. We can totally shoot the
beacon. I mean, the one thing that keeps us from
doing it is time. oh i was gonna say skill and
no you don't need skill that's unnecessary i'm
really so time is right you're right in in the
uh in the uh vein of that like uh are you guys
excited for anaconda yes who loved a movie so
much they wanted to remake it it is it's i mean
kind of like i do sort of think that they're
going to have a better time with it than the
original one you know and it could be fun you
know that kind of shit is enjoyable when people
who make a thing have fun doing it and it's not
like i mean we are talking about the same jack
black film right Yeah. OK, what are you guys
talking about? What's happening? Jack Black's
remaking Anaconda. No, it's a movie called Anaconda.
And it's the premise is these friends really
loved the movie Anaconda as kids, because I mean,
have you ever seen that movie? Yes, I have. And
they just kind of like decide, hey, we have to
make this film. So they just try to do a shot
for shot remake of it. But they have zero budget,
zero skill. And. It's a dumb movie. Looks dumb.
It should be okay. Great. I'd see that. Yeah.
That's all I wanted to talk about. I mean, the
premise, the premise also being that to cut costs,
they just get a giant snake who then the like
remake of Anaconda just becomes them in an Anaconda
situation. Yeah. Oh, it's so it's sort of like
the unbearable weight of massive town a little
bit. Yeah. Yeah. It becomes the action. I'm your
guest, John. yeah all right who are you sean
no i mean that's actually a good uh segue into
kind of my main issue with these two films in
terms of like grindhouse cinema it's just like
can you make our tour like low budget like films
with in the studio system or are we just you
know i don't think these movies come go far enough
to be considered parody but because they're made
within the system i don't know if they're made
with enough integrity is the wrong word but like
yeah they just come off a little inauthentic
yeah that's a fair assessment yeah um and because
i'm the anal retentive fuck i am um the film
grain over it i could see where it loops and
like where the digital like streaks were coming
in and that annoyed me the entire fucking time
yeah It was unnecessary. Yeah, you don't need
to do that shit. Well, and also in Death Proof,
it kind of like came and went, too. Yeah, I was
noticing that. It was at the beginning, there
was a midsection where it had none, and then
at the end, maybe it was back again. I don't
remember exactly the sequence. Who was the DP
for that? They were their own DP. Oh, I was going
to say, I saw that Robert Rodriguez was his own.
Yeah, and so was Terry. That tracks, yeah. Which
is, I mean, fine. I like the idea of them trying
to kick the tires on different aspects, but,
you know, I think to varying degrees of success.
Yeah, I really wish Quentin Tarantino would stop
trying to act. Oh, he's so fucking bad. He's
bad. He's even bad in Pulp Fiction, and that's
probably his best, you know. Yeah. Well, I kind
of just wish Tarantino would go away at this
point. Just on the whole. Who? Tarantino. Tarantino?
I just kind of wish he'd go away on the whole
right now. Have you heard his most recent, like,
tirade of interviews and him just kind of shitting
on everybody he fucking can? Yeah. I mean, he's
always been sort of that way. Yeah. Just at the
point now where he's just throwing names out
of people he doesn't like, like he's not even
asked about things. He's just like, I fucking
hate Owen Wilson. People are like, why? He's
like, I don't like the way he acts. It's like,
nobody asked you. Fair enough. I've met people
like that. Yeah. I don't like his face. Well,
I actually don't like Owen Wilson's face, but
I do like him. He's very charming. Yeah. He seems
like kind of a cool guy. Honestly, he grew on
me. Wow. Luke Wilson, however. Not a fan. Insufferable
brother. Yeah. Nepo brother. Nepo brother, right?
Owen's got all the talent. Yep. Bottle rocket,
baby. Okay, so wait. Who are you, Sean? Nick.
I'm Nick. Oh, hey. Yeah, we're still doing the
intro. I'm your host, Sean, with my co -host.
I've done my part. And our producer, Peter. Hello.
And our guest. John, I said it like five minutes
ago. Yeah, it's good. This is going to be perfect.
No edit episode. Nope. You know, honestly, I
haven't listened to an episode in like two years.
So I don't know. I don't know if any of this
stuff actually ever makes it to air anymore.
We actually don't even put anything out anymore.
It's like in a wet hot American summer when it
like pans down from the kid doing the radio announcements
and it just shows everything unplugged. Yep.
I've never actually seen that movie. It's pretty
fun. Oh, it's terrific. john you want to run
through the plot of a planet terror yeah i can
try to do that um there's not a lot it's basically
they wanted to make a generic zombie movie with
a lot of gore and like stuff but there is a little
bit of a plot um i'm thinking about i'm trying
to debate do i go with chronological order let's
do that sure i mean that's often a way to tell
a tale well i mean like so i'm seal team bruce
willis uh finds osama shoots him twice and his
laptop once and i think that's at the time that's
when they find the like gas stuff dc2 yeah which
everybody seems to know exactly what that is
i don't is it a real thing it can't be no i think
it's just something that they didn't need to
explain because it is in that world yeah dick
chemical too whatever yeah whatever it would
be dick chemical too it would feel weird to give
exposition about something yeah like that in
that it makes you mutate if you don't see breathe
more of it yeah that's the thing is you need
a little bit of it so like i don't know it's
sort of a bane situation because if they take
their masks off they start you know getting all
boily and then eventually seems like your brain
gets taken over and you kind of just go zombie
yeah but fast zombie and strong zombie right
real bubbly zombies though yeah i want to see
weak zombie like malnourished zombie movie where
like they they don't really like catch you or
anything they just kind of shuffle at you and
like can barely get their arms up but you could
like push them over my musculature is rotting
away they had those in the walking dead actually
they were like the real malnourished ones and
stuff they get like real weak and shit and then
they like chain them up perfect yeah i want to
live 28 days later too oh yeah that's true oh
we haven't seen that one yet 28 days later? Oh,
wait, no. Sorry, what did I say? You said days.
I was thinking 28 years later. Yeah, I haven't
seen that one yet. Likewise. And you haven't
gone to the Bone Temple? That's the other one.
Oh, okay. No, I guess not. You haven't been to
the Bone Temple? Is that a different film than
28 Years Later? I think it is a different film.
I am not entirely sure and don't care. I'm so
confused by the 28. universe the show the movie
really starts with rose mcgowan and we should
probably talk about the whole brought to you
by the weinstein company this is rose mcgowan
not the weinstein company brought to you by your
friends yeah yeah at the weinstein company i
heard that and i just went oh yeah and then i
realized it was rose mcgowan and i was like oh
no oh yeah um sad now so she's not a stripper
she's a go -go dancer which go -go not cry cry
right thank you yeah that was one of the lines
that i actually wrote down we were talking and
about um i was writing down good lines and then
i just gave up because there were so many of
them there's a lot of like witty one -liners
in this especially at the beginning like i feel
like it hits like a lot hard oh yeah they got
all their best writing out yeah and then they're
like now it's just gonna be like zombie heads
popping and then occasionally we'll give you
another good quip yeah yeah okay so she leaves
um she gets bumped into a trash can and cuts
her leg and then she goes to a barbecue joint
called the bone shack tight name yeah my favorite
is later when it's very on fire and all you see
is the barbecue sign i was like spot on yeah
Art masterpiece. Yeah. Oh, so we kind of forgot
one part. So Bruce Willis wants all the DC to
write from the weird drug dealer. Naveen Andrews,
the scientist who also has the weird ball jar.
And I just did not want to miss the ball jar.
I was going to get to that. The most 80s scientist
ever, including the blazer with the rolled up
sleeves and the headband. Yeah, that was a pretty
good look. Why did he have the ball? Why was
that a thing? He liked to collect balls. Yeah,
when you're a bad guy, you like to cut off balls.
And he had the knife and the cool scissors for
it. He had the cool ball tools. He did have cool
ball tools. What was the middle part of the ball
scissors for? I think just an anchor point. It
was like a scissor with a knife in the middle.
I think you just get that into the taint and
then it... Oh, I thought maybe it was a sounding
situation. It goes up the middle. I don't like
that either. I don't like any of this. maybe
it's there like it's not sharp or anything it's
just there in the center to split the balls so
that way you get one ball around either side
so when it cuts oh that makes more sense it does
make sense you can watch them individually and
you know maybe it protects the ball the gonad
yeah i'll say this though when they do cut off
someone's balls they come out one at a time they
throw one over their shoulder and then the other
one comes later yeah so uh i was that with the
scissors or was that when he had his i was sure
that was this is like hook knife yeah i think
it was the scissors but yeah and then like Immediately,
the hubris of having a ball jar smashes on the
ground. He ends up getting a face full of balls.
But then he's just stuffing them in his pocket.
He scrambles like, yeah, he's like, no, not my
balls. The stuffing the balls in his pocket was
probably one of the funniest things in this film.
Incredible, incredible scene. Like, I don't even
think Naveen Andrews is a great actor, but I
was just like, this is amazing. This is amazing.
Goopy ball on your face, shuttling him in your
pockets, running away. He does have my favorite.
He does have my favorite onscreen death in this
film. You know, thinking back to Con Air and
like having to make a fake Dave Chappelle, I
was also really laughing at the idea of having
to make a fake Naveen Andrews like exploded head
doll like that because it does look like him.
Just the. Yeah. The actual practical effects
for like the gore and like the exploding heads
and like torsos. Best part of this film. So Cherry
Darling gets to the bone shack, which really
does sound like a porno. And meets her ex -boyfriend.
El Rey. Played by Freddy Rodriguez. Based on
the context clues, is also a former. Badass.
Army soldier. But he's really good at twirling
guns. Okay. That boy's got the devil in him.
I love the scene where he gets the guns and they're
like, he's showing off with his like, he's showing
off his cool gun tricks and his cool gun twirls,
but they have to keep cutting like the shot.
Yeah. I mean, it makes it look like it's a far
lower budget film. Yeah. Which is great. So let's
see. So Fergie is there. Fergie is the girlfriend
of this doctor and doctor's wife situation. The
doctor being some sadist played by Josh Brolin.
Pretty good job. Not Kurt Russell. Not Kurt Russell.
When the movie started, I was like, which one?
Which movie is this? Is this the Kurt Russell
one? They have a kid together who's a dipshit.
So Sean, you saw the actual movie, right? Like
the actual two releases. Not like the double
feature. Was there a post credit scene with the
kid? Yes. OK, I didn't see that because the version
I had didn't have that. I didn't see that. That
it's I just watched like I just rewatched Planet
Terror before this and I like was skipping to
the end to see if like the extra trailers were
at the end of it. And that's the first time I
saw it, whereas it's just the kid on the beach
at the end of the film with all of his pets.
For our listeners, the kid dies in the film,
shoots himself in the face. yeah like definitely
dead um but then at the end of the movie it's
just him on the beach with his animals so shrug
I don't like beaches. What did this in the double
feature? Whoa. Whoa. Hold on, Sean. No, I don't
care for beaches. You don't like beaches? No.
I also don't really like beaches. Fuck beaches.
Beaches suck. You guys are all anti beach. Yeah.
And I lived in Florida for 10 years. Damn. All
right. I kind of like beaches. I'm pro beach.
They're boring. They are boring. It's where dirt
meets water. What was the runtime for this? This
one was 90. 90. Okay. So. I was wondering if
they, you know, maybe cut the double feature
for time, but it doesn't sound like it. I looked
up. I actually looked up the Wikipedia page that
is just now because I feel bad for not remembering
the plot. And as I'm sitting here reading the
plot, as we're all talking about it, I don't
feel bad for not remembering the plot anymore.
It's incredibly stupid. Remarkably thin. Yeah.
There's barely a plot. Cherry Darlene, Rose McGowan
gets. her and the el rey get attacked by zombies
she gets her leg ripped off torn off right he
gets arrested because the cops don't like him
they go to the hospital yeah i mean the main
share the sheriff played by the third best bean
michael bean michael bean third to sean bean
best bean and second best bean mr bean yep sean
mr michael that's how it goes Holy shit. So I
went to Rachel's Teatro Zanzani show last night
and they had a character named Mr. Peepy, who
basically was a Mr. Bean type person, you know,
sort of walking around and making strange sounds
that are almost like talking. But he did this
thing where he juggled three ping pong balls
with his mouth. That was incredible. It was really
good. Do you get his number? Yeah, man. Fuck
yeah. Let's let's throw up. We got at least three
balls right here. Yes. I got a whole bag of balls.
Call Naveen Andrews. A weirdly fancy jar for
your balls. Yes. It looked like the thing that
in the rock that they kept the balls in. I think
that was also called DC2. well when you uh it
wasn't when you have so many balls that you want
to display you really splurge on your ball container
ball yeah i wonder i want it to be one of those
things where like it has you put a light bulb
in the bottom of it and just sort of like a lava
lamp eventually they start moving fast you gotta
warm up though the balls bit reminded me of the
bruce willis scenes for some reason uh is bruce
willis actually in this movie with anybody or
is he just shot separately I think he might be
shot separately. I don't think he's ever actually
on screen at the same time with anybody. I mean,
maybe with some like background actors running
around. Right. There would be people standing
behind him or something. Yeah. OK, so, yeah,
plot line. Let's see. Let's let's speed run this.
So Cherry Darling loses her leg. The doctors
are all at the hospital. Lady Doctor escapes
from bad husband doctor after Fergie is trying
to kill her brain. Yeah, she leaps right out
of the window. Yeah, that's pretty cool. A bunch
of trash. When she opens up the door and like
she can't. I forgot about that. Like when I first
from like initial watching and then the other
day it was just like when she shoves her hand
down in there and the like slips and falls. Oh,
God. Breaks her wrist. That's the part of this
film that I always forget about and hate. Yeah.
Yeah. It gets a reaction. Yeah. Like after he
she gets drugged up, she loses like. you know
find muscle control in her hand so there's a
lot of like flopping around to do stuff she tries
to open the door by like sticking her hand in
the handle and like opening hitting the latch
with her foot what else i mean what there's nothing
important in this movie it's like it's incredibly
stupid uh so they patch up cherry's leg at the
hospital right and for some reason at the bottom
they put in this giant Well, they put in that
giant metal square. Yeah. Future mounting. They
give her like a Barrett arm from Final Fantasy
7. That comes back to play. Yeah, sure does.
And then jam a table leg on it, which works somehow.
No, the hospital didn't do that. No, they were
a little more delicate about the situation. Them
escaping from the hospital is one of my favorite
scenes. Just Rose McGowan like. On the fake leg,
just like stumbling around. It's done so well.
And El Rey just like fucking working those knives.
Yeah, with butterfly knives. He never misses.
Yeah, it was a good line. Escaping from the hospital
with the cops, they get back to the bone shack
and we get the history. behind cherry darling
and lra um cut to sex scene cut to film burning
away and scene missing sorry and then other movie
or just we're gonna just skip all the boring
parts and just get to the action they spent so
much time on that sex scene too it's like really
luxuriating in it it was like all right i understand
what's going on here but like come on yeah it's
no big top peewee makeout scene but But what
is? This movie does one thing right that I do
absolutely love from this type of cinema. Having
just rewatched the original Highlander, which
I'd put as like a high budget grindhouse film
in a lot of ways. The monster, enemy, whatever,
like a bad thing coming just out of the periphery
of everyone there and nobody saw it. Like when
the cop's going to give the deputy his ring.
And the zombie like jumps out of just to the
right of the camera and nobody saw him. Nobody
notices it. Yeah, right. Yeah. But I feel like
that's that kind of shit's intentional in this,
right? Like it's very purposefully dumb, right?
Yeah. Now, like I said, I just rewatched Highlander
and every like fight scene is Clancy Brown coming
just slightly to the left. Chris Lambert just
like coming just. They've been having like a
five minute conversation and Clancy Brown just
like jumps out of. Just to the left and no one
saw him there. Well, he is blind. Yeah, well,
it makes sense when you realize Chris Lambert
is legally blind. Plotline stuff, John, anything
else that you feel like to talk about? no it's
just a it's it's a there's a lot of badass action
scenes rose so rose mcgowan slash cherry um eventually
replaces table leg with a gun grenade launcher
yeah ray does that i don't remember what it is
it's that cool gun that's got like yeah like
an m16 or whatever like whatever it's got a grenade
launcher on it it also has a bayonet but the
blade doesn't stick past the barrel so why because
it looks cool for chopping yeah it's only for
chopping Also, from the school of action movies,
John Woo action movies where no one has to reload
at the end of this film, she's like grenade launching
herself over walls and shit. I was so hoping
that was going to happen at some point and then
it did. Yeah, worth it. It's like stand up in
the movie theater clapping. You're like, hell
yeah, this is for me. Yeah, the rocket jumps
great. As I'm watching this film and I'm kind
of like, you know, debating whether or not, you
know, genre like. genre picture works like is
this a spoof is it not is it too serious is it
like going far enough and it's only this last
like 10 minutes of the film when it gets to just
this craziness i'm like this is what this entire
movie should have been we shouldn't have been
building up to this we should have just started
at 10 and kept going i don't know i thought it
was fun nonsense i really enjoy this so i started
got up early this morning and watched started
watching it with headphones on um And then Marcy
got up about 45 minutes and she, you know, had
a cup of coffee and sat down and started watching
it with me. And she's like, this is awesome.
Like, it's just a fun, stupid watch. There's
stupid, bad movies, which is kind of the hallmark
of the genre, the genre that they're working
off of. And as like actual grindhouse films,
I don't think they're really. Well, I mean, they
can't really be. actual grindhouse films 30 million
dollar budget yes exactly by two massive you
know at the time superstar directors yeah but
as films of like oh you know i saw and i like
these films clearly too much money and too much
talent can make it like just look inauthentic
but yeah it feels like like these directors know
the style and they're just having a lot of fun
with it um I enjoy watching both of these movies.
I liked the effects a lot in Planet Terror. And
the comedy for me was really good. Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, it's it's just a fun, dorky little watch.
You're not you're not going to be a better person
for watching. You might be a worse person. No,
probably not a worse person. I watched the two
movies backwards because I had remembered liking
Death Proof the first time I saw this in theaters
back in 2007. And I was like, I'm going to start
there. And I wish I hadn't. Well, maybe I'm glad
that I did. But I ended up liking Planet Terror
a lot more than I remembered because it was like
very dumb. And it was the right kind of dumb
for me at my age right now, maybe. So I was as
I was watching this or as I was watching Death
Proof, I was like, these movies should have been
in reverse order. I feel like I would have been
much more into the kind of slowish burn of Death
Proof at the beginning, whereas coming off of.
um planet terror i was like it's kind of boring
i think that was probably an intentional well
my understanding is the way this originally happened
was robert rodriguez was just like i got this
fun schlocky idea for like a grindhouse style
film that he was trying to sell to tarantino
to like help produce and he's like that's great
i'll make one too and tarantino just kind of
like glommed onto this as a project and probably
helped get some funding for it overall i don't
know rodriguez had all that spy kids money But
in terms of like commercial commercials and advertising
this film, I don't think that if they went. Death
Proof forward, because I remember the original
ad campaign was all Planet Terror and like some
just shots of like car chases from Death Proof.
But I think if they went Death Proof forward,
this wouldn't have gotten as much buzz around
it in the mid aughts or interest. The main thing
I remember from the advertising was Gun Leg.
Yeah. And I was 17 when this came out. Perfect
age for Gun Leg. For Gun Leg. Never saw it. Yeah.
Interesting. Yeah. Well, I remember when this
came out because I did see it in theaters with
friends like opening night and thoroughly enjoyed
it. I think having the shorter of the two because
the Tarantino films two hours. I think if you
would have gone into that, then there was a break.
I think people might have walked. um but i remember
after seeing it loving it when i originally saw
it and like going to college talking to just
average people about the film and they're like
a double feature i don't know if i could sit
in a theater that long i'm like you've watched
all of the lord of the rings films in the theater
you could have sat through this it's not that
bad too long you get a fucking intermission i
love an intermission yeah well i went to see
the hateful eight um so quinn tarantino did the
hateful eight and that was on some fancy film
whatever and they only showed it in that fancy
film in like a dozen, maybe two dozen theaters
around the country. And one of them was near
me in Florida and actually went and did it. And
they did that whole shtick. There was like an,
like a solid 15, 20 minute intermission in the
middle. Cause it's a long movie. Yeah. And like,
you know, you got like this big handout thing.
It was a whole extra deal. But yeah, intermission
is kind of nice. I mean, as a person who definitely
has to pee every movie somewhere in the middle,
like I'm pro intermission. Well, I will say when
this movie came out, there was no intermission.
It's a bench. Watch movies at home. I just be
on the couch then. You're right. Yeah, the trailers
exist not as an intermission, but as just a transitionary.
And I remember my friends and I went to the midnight
show of this, so we didn't get home till like
4 a .m. Yeah. OK, well, let's switch to Death
Proof then and we can talk about Tarantino's
love of feet. yeah feet on display it's so it's
so egregious in this film well it's in a lot
of his shit i remember uh pulp fiction yeah i
know and i've like i've never paid that much
attention to it until i knew about it and then
the first shot of this film is just bare feet
well so so maya hawk was getting interviewed
and uh her mom's uma thurman and her mom because
my did something with Tarantino. I can't remember.
Uh, I think it's, um, once upon a time in Hollywood,
she's one of the characters in there. And her
only advice to her daughter was keep your shoes
on. Uh, pervy ass Tarantino. I enjoy this film
more personally. Um, so how do we want to discuss
this movie? Cause technically I feel like it's
two movies. Well, yeah, I mean, that's a good
point. I mean, there's sort of the invincible
version of Stuntman Mike. And then there's the
other. There's yeah, there's the initial with
Jungle Julia, the girls night at a bar. And there's
this creepy Kurt Russell character, Stuntman
Mike, who's just kind of hovering around all
night. And then yet another Rose McGowan. At
the end of the film, serial killer, but uses
his car as a murder weapon. Nice little concept.
Nice slow burn. A lot of fun. It's done in the
same grindhouse effect as Planet Terror. It's
got the grain filter. Technically takes place
in the same universe because we see the hospital,
the sheriff, and the doctor. Jungle Julia gets
a shout out in Planet Terror. yeah which was
also interesting because they they say like you
know rest in peace jungle julia in planet terror
um which obviously doesn't mean jack shit to
you at that time if you're watching it in sequence
but i thought again if these were flipped movies
you would get more of that but you know whatever
i guess the world is ruined at the end of no
that makes even more sense the world is ruined
at the end of planet terror so yeah yeah so we
have that and uh so and apparently planet terror
takes place in austin if this is the case sure
yeah but then we have you know we have that great
like murder scene where kurt russell like drives
through the car and we see each girl's death
in the car get more and more gruesome with each
death what was the deal with the cigarette lighter
because he pulls his cigarette no that's uh the
headlights in old cars your headlights were a
little pole thingy yeah before my time and then
hard cut from there and then we go to the hospital
scene then we get a hard cut to just a tarantino
film it starts off in black and white they lose
the grain filter and it's just 14 months later
i think is the time transition but it's another
movie and outside of crazy guy in a car there's
no connection yeah i never really yeah you're
right it was super disconnected i never understood
the motivation like yeah you know serial killer
whatever like you need to have a little bit of
a motivation yeah it's more than yeah find people
who have like hot cars or something that you're
like no i'm the better i'm the better driver
you know whatever it might be but it just seemed
like sort of random because it was jungle julia
butterfly who also was a dancer i think maybe
i can't remember um just like two random yeah
i think friends of theirs and yeah yeah i don't
know i feel bad for butterfly she got fucked
yeah well there's connections you know it's groups
of girls uh four girls each time yeah uh one
of them at least has to be black it's true uh
one of them has to be from somewhere else because
they have an accent uh new york and not australian
yeah i found myself getting annoyed by a lot
of the the extended lingering shots um not just
defeat but like when kurt russell's like taking
photos of the second group of girls uh coming
out of the airport and we just have like 90 seconds,
two minutes of just like shutter shots and stuff.
Like we get it. He's creepy. Move on. This movie
is two hours long. I don't need this. It's certainly
not two minutes. It's over a minute. I, okay.
I like the concept, the idea of a stunt man with
a death proof car using that to go kill people.
That sounds super cool, but like the movie just
did not pay off on that at all. No, it set it
up and then just totally fucked it over. Not
to say that the ending isn't still kind of fun,
but they just feel disconnected. I did not like
this nearly as much as I liked Planet Terror.
And I think part of it was because of the order,
like I was talking about earlier, is like Planet
Terror is just like. constant action one -liners
like real fun and then you switch to this and
it's more of a slow burn before you get to any
real like action or anything and um yeah it just
doesn't have enough to really like pull you in
or at least me yeah yeah it's a long burn to
even get to the first kill scene and then you
know all these people even like trying to pay
attention to as characters get fucking definitely
murdered in gruesome ways butterfly's face gets
tired off but i mean it works as a horror it
works as a short little slasher horror film it's
like because each movie is about 60 each half
is about 60 minutes and it works where you have
the killer kind of like you get to know him like
he seems like a nice enough guy a little creepy
a little you know but and then you get to the
murderizing and then the second half isn't about
him at all and he's barely the only association
is he shows up at the end like he sees the girls
at the beginning and then he shows up at the
end but there's not the same bill to it to his
attack on them yeah that that second one definitely
doesn't make any sense i mean it's a love letter
to um old hollywood stunt driving uh the australian
chick is a stunt woman new zealand they did all
that stuff new zealand um yeah they specifically
call that out yeah that's you know so it's a
love letter to that and that part's great but
it's just an excuse to have that chase sequence
without having an actual plot yeah i will say
this the chase sequence is pretty solid pretty
good i really enjoyed them as chase sequences
yeah i did like that um i also liked the transition
from stuntman mike being this sort of like invulnerable
asshole like force to getting shot and being
like a super bitch baby yeah like squealing almost
the beat down he gets at the end is also terrific
pretty fantastic yeah also i like the clips like
in the middle like um it would cut to two different
shots without actually like moving the camera
it's like they cut out like you know 10 frames
or something it just goes yeah Uh, also, uh,
the three girls who go off in the car, uh, bad
friends. Cause they left their, uh, they left
their one friend there with sling blade. Her
last line in the film is gulp. Especially because
they, they dress like a cheerleader. They tell
them she's like a porn star or something. Yeah,
exactly. Oh, was it one of those pornos? It's
like, here you go, Lee. Enjoy entertaining this
guy while we steal his car. Bye, friend. All
because the one girl wanted to drive that specific
car. Yeah. And then never drove it. Yeah. She
wanted to ride on the hood of that specific car.
Oh, yeah. It started with she wanted to drive
it. And then once she was there, she was like,
I want to do the ship's mast. Ship's mast. Yeah.
Oh, I will say my favorite quote from these films
does come from Death Proof. And it's. the connecting
bit of death proof and, uh, planet terror when
they're in the hospital and you have, uh, the
doctor's, um, dad, uh, sheriff goes talking about
why Kurt Russell killed these girls. Well, I
guesstimate it's a sex thing. My favorite line
from this movie or these movies was in the machete
trailer. He's talking to his priest buddy, trying
to like pull him in and he goes, like a cheech
marin yeah and he goes like thanks bro i mean
padre to uh very enjoyable scripts of bad writing
but like purposefully bad writing i feel like
yeah which is kind of how i get to the point
of like i mean they miss the mark of being actual
grindhouse films but they're uh they're still
enjoyable well i think this is a good time then
to talk about some of that shit right like you
you did a bigger dive into the actual grindhouse
movies so like one what movies did you watch
two which ones were best and then three you know
like what's your takeaway on that genre uh so
okay yeah there's since it's kind of a broad
genre that's mostly you know uh best characterized
by like low budget action horror And I watched
a couple different types of movies. So I watched
a couple of Pam Grier movies. I watched Coffee
where she is a shotgun toting nurse that goes
around and kills bad people. Like she's just
a nurse vigilante with a shotgun. Pretty cool.
Then I watched a movie called Dead End Drive
-In. This one's a post -apocalyptic. movie where
jails or uh drive -in movies are used as uh jails
for people and so this kid and his girlfriend
go there and like they're kind of shitty people
and while they're watching the movie the cops
steal the tires off of his car so they can't
leave and it's in the middle of nowhere so that's
how these kids get stuck in there and it's all
uh an adventure of trying to like get all their
stuff to get out but it's like as soon as he
gets tired somebody steals part of his engine
so it's like oh well it's like the surfer yeah
you just always stuck there you definitely can't
just walk nope i watched uh white mom black mama
white mama which is pam greer and some white
lady i love how much pam greer is in all of these
like so cool the lady from archer was she an
archer yeah she's one of the voices in archer
uh so yeah i'm gonna continue on uh they're like
handcuffed together and they're escaping from
prison but they're like two completely different
kinds of people like pam greer is a prostitute
and uh different one yeah is the character name
oh yeah it's judy greer is the actress and then
pam is the badass character i think we combined
not played by judy greer Correct. Carol slash
Cheryl slash Charlene. Sorry. Outlaw country.
Nailed it. So, yeah, it's a prostitute and a
revolutionary like handcuffed together as they
try to escape jail. But they have different motivations,
so they have to work all that out. That sounds
great. Yeah, these movies sound kind of awesome.
Dude, they're all fucking great. That also makes
me think of Crippled Masters again. But, you
know, I don't know to dive into that right now.
so after that i went a little harder and i went
to ilsa she wolf of the ss and that one is uh
kind of like a combined story about a lot of
the different horrors that were going on in the
concentration camps of like medical experimentation
and torture and all that wrapped into something
that's borderline a porno and because every woman
in this movie you will see topless at some point
there's pretty good sex scenes in it no no pen
but uh you know you get everything up to that
point um you gotta earn that x rating yeah but
that was pretty good lots of uh a very very gory
kind of booby -filled movie so speaking of pam
greer we should probably mention jackie brown
since the time with quentin tarantino right which
came out in i literally just looked at it 90s
i was gonna say early 90s right 97 oh later than
i saw 10 years before this but you know he's
already got that kind of he's already delved
into well that's black exploitation but yeah
you know well all the exploitation films fit
nicely into grind houses i like that there's
a canadian exploitation sub -genre of that too
what can exploitation oh well ilsa is a canadian
film there we go perfect i got to claim i was
watching foreign films that day that's right
it's an art house film uh it's from another country
it's okay i can watch this all the german peace
stuff art film yeah but uh just watching all
of them like they have kind of certainly different
styles and different fields but it they all kind
of they they jive the same way and like your
acting is going to be pretty straightforward
like uh just line deliveries and people like
making it to where they need to stand like hitting
all their marks and stuff like that that's the
baseline yeah not a lot of retakes yeah no that's
true film's expensive so um and In that, I can
see the way Rodriguez and Tarantino were emulating
the styles, but clearly there was just too much
talent behind the work and too much money. Going
to the talent behind the work, getting Hollywood
actors, good Hollywood actors, to act bad is
its own special kind of hell. yeah i bet everybody
had a lot of fun filming these yeah i agree with
that i'm sure i'm sure it was fun i just i watching
good actors try and be bad actors is just painful
for me yeah i would have preferred if these were
like nobodies yeah Like the most we got, the
best bad acting that seems very authentic is
the kid who shoots his head off, which is one
of Rodriguez's kids, I believe. Every kid is
a terrible actor. They're so bad. They don't
even know who they own are. One every generation
turns out to be a good actor. I mean, fuck, dude.
If I were a director, 100 % I would put my kids
in these things. Why not? It's fun. Give it an
opportunity for them to just have fun being silly.
Like you get to hang out with your dad. That's
how you get a Jaden Smith. Well, I mean, okay.
So for every, for every Jaden Smith you get.
What about the Apatow kids, right? Like they're
in all of his movies and they don't, they seem
normal teenagers by now. Probably. Yeah. I haven't
heard any crazy shit. Yeah. But yeah, I mean,
Jaden Smith is a outlier. Sofia Coppola. She
just is a shitty actor. She's a fine director.
Yeah, I'm just saying, like, don't don't cast
your shitty kids in fucking movies. Cast other
people's shitty kids in your shitty movies. That's
right. But at least make sure those kids can
fucking act. Yeah. I don't know. All in all for
this, like, I felt pretty good about watching
it other than the time commitment, which was
a stark reminder of the fact that we used to
do two movies every single fucking episode. I
don't miss that. Wow. That was a lot that we
put on our plate for two and a half years or
whatever it was. I think I will say my final
thoughts on both these films. I enjoyed Death
Proof a lot. I don't know that I'll ever watch
Planet Terror again. It just does not instill
joy in me at 41 as it did when I was 27. I think
I lean pretty heavily in the same direction.
I like Death Proof a lot. I like the suspense
aspect of it. The kind of film where it's like
you see Mike the Hunter and then you see the
aspect of like the prey seeing Mike the Hunter.
So it kind of flips the narrative in that on
the split. I like the character that Kurt Russell
gave. uh overall i like that movie a lot um and
you know i fucking love car chases and cool stunt
work so it's it's definitely filmed better it's
a more beautiful film like i think it needed
to not have the film grain garbage on it i mean
that filter could have been deleted from both
films and it would have been better i think if
i watch death proof again i'm gonna watch the
first half the actual like slasher film and then
i'm gonna watch the last 20 minutes and i'm just
gonna cut out All of the second group of girls
like. Yeah, they're hanging out at a coffee shop
or whatever. I don't need to know anything about
these characters other than two of them are stunt
women and they're going to get in a chase later.
But Planet Terror, I liked enough. You know,
I enjoy myself when I watch it. I don't think
it's really that good. Even for like what I think
it's trying to be. But, you know, it's enjoyable
and it's fun. It's got great special effects.
And I love good practical effects like popping
the big like pustules on their faces. Oh, so
gross. Oh, yeah. Greg Nicotero, by the way. Same
guy that did Walking Dead and then actually took
that show over. Like kind of a famous makeup
guy. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. Yeah. And I mean,
you think about like that when they're driving
El Rey's truck, you know, to escape towards the
end. And it's just like. People getting slammed
by it and turning into balloons. Does he call
it the killdozer? He does. He does at one point.
Oh, the helicopter. The helicopter is what I
was going to mention. That was awesome. Also,
that's not how physics work. No. No. The minibike.
Did we need the minibike? Oh, my God. Was there
a payoff to the minibike? Oh, my God. I don't
care. No, it was amazing. Just seeing him with
his legs splayed out in silhouette was incredible.
Doing the wheelie as he rides off. uh that's
just like that's the kind of fun that i got from
that one that like i wanted both of them to have
more of well planet terror is definitely like
a a whole uh yeah horror comedy or whatever uh
the comedy aspect is ingrained in it it's intentional
and it's meant to be there and yeah yeah i would
much rather watch planet terror over death proof
um no that's fine Yeah, I know. My vote doesn't
count. I think what I've learned from this episode
is I don't really care for either of these directors
at this point in my life. Fair. So I don't remember
who it was. Somebody was talking about how terrible
it is watching good actors be bad actors. It
was Sean. Yeah. I really enjoyed it. I like when
I can see intentionality behind art and like
watching these people clearly have. a blast being
bad actors like it was just fun for me it was
like watching um like a band on stage that's
clearly having fun kind of thing i don't know
it just gives me the warm and warm fuzzies you
know i think back to some of my favorite low
budget like films ice pirates You have a couple
of people who went on to do great things, but
you have like the main guy. I have no idea who
the main guy is and he hams it up and he's cheesy
and you know, he's trying his fucking hardest
and that's why it works. See, I don't like that.
As opposed to Bruce Willis being like, just kind
of trying to act bad. And I'm just like, this
is just weird and just stilted in a way that
isn't authentic and doesn't like, it just seems
a little try hard to be bad. Yeah, I don't know.
I the Bruce Willis of it is hard because I think
he's actually just kind of a shitty actor. But
I literally turned to Marcy as we were watching
this and I was like, I miss Bruce Willis. Yeah,
me too. I mean, the classics are the classics,
but like beyond the classics, it's like it's
a bunch of dog shit. Yeah. Well, I was just kind
of also thinking about just kind of like what
went down with them, you know? Oh, totally. No,
it's very sad. I mean, so much of his later output
was just to try and make money for his family
because he knew he was on borrowed time. Well,
let's end on that beautiful high note. We miss
you, Bruce Willis. Yeah, we love you. If you
ever hear me say this, you're going to forget
it immediately. Oh, I made myself sad. I know.
Next up, we got Astro Boy, which I have never
seen before, so I'm kind of interested in this.
One of you watch like the old school like anime.
Oh, yeah, we'll check some out. You know, I want
to see some of it, like the inspiration behind
a weird full 3D movie. Like why? Why Nick Cage
is the dad creator? We will find out. This is
my friend Tiffany's like favorite Nick Cage movie.
So I'm excited. She's talked this up to me, so
I'm excited to see it. It'll be great. So, yeah,
thanks to our sparkle buddies, Josh, Josie, Matt,
Adam, Bill, Stuart and Willow. And to our cage
dancers, John. Hi. And Freeman, Nathan and Cameron.
I paid to be here. That's true. You have. You've
earned it. You've earned it by paying us. And
a special thanks to our for our intro music to
Bill Panks. And thank you all for listening.
And we'll be back in two weeks for more antics.