WEBVTT 00:00:01.839 --> 00:00:24.280 Oh, God. I think I was maybe turning 23 or something. 00:00:24.719 --> 00:00:27.019 I looked at my friends. I was like, you know 00:00:27.019 --> 00:00:29.960 what? I've never robo tripped. So for my birthday, 00:00:30.019 --> 00:00:32.679 I threw myself a robo -tripping party where everybody 00:00:32.679 --> 00:00:35.579 dressed like robots. And then we just drank a 00:00:35.579 --> 00:00:39.740 bunch of Robitussin DM and got fucked up in my 00:00:39.740 --> 00:00:42.579 buddy's backyard. And then you've just got a 00:00:42.579 --> 00:00:45.679 bunch of robots puking in the backyard the whole 00:00:45.679 --> 00:00:48.899 night and then just feeling like shit. Like I 00:00:48.899 --> 00:00:51.960 would not recommend robo -tripping unless you're 00:00:51.960 --> 00:00:55.159 like seven, like 15. If you're 15 and you're 00:00:55.159 --> 00:00:57.890 listening to this podcast. And you can't find 00:00:57.890 --> 00:01:01.049 some adult to buy you real liquor. And you live 00:01:01.049 --> 00:01:04.810 in a state that can't get you drugs with normal 00:01:04.810 --> 00:01:07.650 availability. Say you're a loser and you don't 00:01:07.650 --> 00:01:11.890 have a pot guy. Get yourself some Robitussin 00:01:11.890 --> 00:01:15.310 DM. Yeah, hit the tussin. Robitussin's harder 00:01:15.310 --> 00:01:17.549 to get at this point than like fucking just beer. 00:01:17.590 --> 00:01:19.390 Oh, definitely the DM because it gets you fucked 00:01:19.390 --> 00:01:24.329 up. A bunch of losers can't properly trip. Robo 00:01:24.329 --> 00:01:27.780 trip. I don't know, more robo -tripping. I want 00:01:27.780 --> 00:01:30.400 to say something to any person that might actually 00:01:30.400 --> 00:01:33.420 take Nick's advice on this one, any potential 00:01:33.420 --> 00:01:35.819 teenagers listening to this podcast. Why are 00:01:35.819 --> 00:01:38.340 you listening to this podcast? This isn't for 00:01:38.340 --> 00:01:41.319 you. No, and holy smokes. Hey, man, we're hot 00:01:41.319 --> 00:01:44.879 with the teens. Yeah, and the teens are into 00:01:44.879 --> 00:01:48.709 drinking Robitussin. Yeah, they should be. Speaking 00:01:48.709 --> 00:01:51.069 of like gas station liquor, did you ever see 00:01:51.069 --> 00:01:53.750 those like hard things? It's fucking like, it's 00:01:53.750 --> 00:01:56.450 like a jar of like fucking liquor, like a Mason 00:01:56.450 --> 00:01:58.790 jar of like, are you just talking about buzz 00:01:58.790 --> 00:02:02.230 balls? My, I don't know. My buddy Scott, whenever 00:02:02.230 --> 00:02:04.530 his like girlfriend was at a living girlfriend 00:02:04.530 --> 00:02:07.409 was out of town, he'd want to like go drinking, 00:02:07.430 --> 00:02:09.490 but he didn't drink beer. So like I'd go buy 00:02:09.490 --> 00:02:12.430 a six pack and he'd get two of those like Apple 00:02:12.430 --> 00:02:15.009 Jacks, like just Mason jars of like. flavored 00:02:15.009 --> 00:02:17.949 liquor and just get fucked up and just start 00:02:17.949 --> 00:02:20.030 yelling at me about how, you know, he was a golden 00:02:20.030 --> 00:02:23.069 God and shit. It was fun. Yeah. That's awesome. 00:02:23.770 --> 00:02:27.050 Uh, so you started that story with talking about 00:02:27.050 --> 00:02:30.599 this guy's live in girlfriend, but through your 00:02:30.599 --> 00:02:33.240 cadence, all I heard was living girlfriend. And 00:02:33.240 --> 00:02:35.539 I was like, Oh, he's got a dead girlfriend too. 00:02:35.719 --> 00:02:39.280 Look at him with his alive. This guy's got a 00:02:39.280 --> 00:02:42.439 hot nightlife. Like when living girlfriends too 00:02:42.439 --> 00:02:45.780 tired or has a headache. Good thing I got dead 00:02:45.780 --> 00:02:49.319 girlfriend. The moral of the story was don't 00:02:49.319 --> 00:02:51.180 drink with amateurs or don't drink with tourists. 00:02:51.280 --> 00:02:53.060 If you're going to drink, drink with alcoholics. 00:02:53.319 --> 00:02:55.919 Yeah, that's fair. Although a friend of mine, 00:02:55.919 --> 00:02:59.000 he's now five years sober, but like he was one 00:02:59.000 --> 00:03:01.039 of those people that like if you drank with him, 00:03:01.139 --> 00:03:04.560 you got in trouble, like guaranteed. It was like 00:03:04.560 --> 00:03:07.379 you ended up on a roof sometime. Oh, cool. Why 00:03:07.379 --> 00:03:08.860 are we up here? It's like, I don't know. You 00:03:08.860 --> 00:03:12.419 want to fight? Maybe. OK, he brought the big 00:03:12.419 --> 00:03:14.180 balls. He brought the big balls to the party. 00:03:14.180 --> 00:03:15.879 This dude needs to stop being sober because sobriety 00:03:15.879 --> 00:03:18.840 is not his thing. Yeah. Clearly, he and I are 00:03:18.840 --> 00:03:21.780 kindred spirits. His name is Mike Primavera, 00:03:21.840 --> 00:03:23.900 which is a tight ass name. Are you fucking kidding 00:03:23.900 --> 00:03:27.080 me? isn't that amazing my middle name is mike 00:03:27.080 --> 00:03:30.639 and i want a primavera with this guy absolutely 00:03:30.639 --> 00:03:33.120 i don't know what that means but i like getting 00:03:33.120 --> 00:03:35.819 on roofs and i like fighting yeah i think isn't 00:03:35.819 --> 00:03:37.900 primavera just like a bunch of vegetables and 00:03:37.900 --> 00:03:40.580 a pasta i don't know it doesn't sound as badass 00:03:40.580 --> 00:03:42.259 when you put it that way but yeah no it sounds 00:03:42.259 --> 00:03:45.300 pretty italian and that's pretty shitty fuck 00:03:45.300 --> 00:03:49.879 italians peter peter you sent me a what a sticker 00:03:50.860 --> 00:03:53.419 a sticker yeah about the big balls oh yeah the 00:03:53.419 --> 00:03:55.319 big ball sticker i didn't know what i meant until 00:03:55.319 --> 00:03:58.819 now our big blue balls yeah it's better than 00:03:58.819 --> 00:04:02.080 the blue one yeah no this definitely tastes like 00:04:02.080 --> 00:04:06.639 uh you know those jugs of like pre -made margarita 00:04:06.639 --> 00:04:09.159 mix that you just add the tequila to yeah it's 00:04:09.159 --> 00:04:12.460 one of the chilies i know or less than that baby 00:04:12.460 --> 00:04:18.410 back ribs Chili's baby back ribs, barbecue sauce. 00:04:18.930 --> 00:04:21.430 Oh, fuck yeah. How is it that we don't have a 00:04:21.430 --> 00:04:24.430 sponsor yet? I know. Yeah. Why would, why would 00:04:24.430 --> 00:04:27.029 we not have a sponsor at this point? Chili's 00:04:27.029 --> 00:04:29.949 is having a giant comeback. Are they? Yeah. Yeah. 00:04:30.209 --> 00:04:33.449 It's a thing. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe 00:04:33.449 --> 00:04:37.310 we go. Yeah. Yeah. I would do a Chili's night. 00:04:37.689 --> 00:04:39.310 I mean, I would eat at a Chili's. I actually 00:04:39.310 --> 00:04:40.709 kind of liked their food when I worked there 00:04:40.709 --> 00:04:42.810 because I got a super cheap discount. But you 00:04:42.810 --> 00:04:46.129 were that makes a lot of things more palatable. 00:04:46.430 --> 00:04:49.529 When I worked at McDonald's, I got a sick discount 00:04:49.529 --> 00:04:54.389 and I ate McDonald's a lot. Right. But one time. 00:04:54.449 --> 00:04:57.230 Oh, my God. So one time we had a company party 00:04:57.230 --> 00:05:01.480 and. We were like down on the beach, down on 00:05:01.480 --> 00:05:03.699 the river beach, because that's what we had. 00:05:03.899 --> 00:05:07.339 And what is a river beach called? It's the beach 00:05:07.339 --> 00:05:09.879 part of the river. It's the sandy, rocky shore. 00:05:10.120 --> 00:05:15.920 It's water meets dirt. So everybody like everybody's 00:05:15.920 --> 00:05:18.500 clowning on me because I showed up to the river 00:05:18.500 --> 00:05:23.720 beach party with like two bags. I had like, I 00:05:23.720 --> 00:05:27.750 would say maybe like 40. McDonald's cheeseburgers 00:05:27.750 --> 00:05:30.110 because I got them 50 % off. Hell yeah. So they 00:05:30.110 --> 00:05:33.149 were like 20 some odd cents each at this point. 00:05:33.509 --> 00:05:36.389 And they're like, Nick, we all work at McDonald's. 00:05:36.389 --> 00:05:38.709 Why did you bring McDonald's cheeseburgers? Well, 00:05:38.750 --> 00:05:41.329 you know what didn't happen? The dude who was 00:05:41.329 --> 00:05:43.829 supposed to bring the barbecue, he didn't show 00:05:43.829 --> 00:05:46.670 up until like two hours later. You know who had 00:05:46.670 --> 00:05:49.889 hamburgers for everybody? Me. Yeah. Life of the 00:05:49.889 --> 00:05:55.449 party. Yeah. It was fucking sad. Welcome back 00:05:55.449 --> 00:05:56.889 to Cage Match, colon around about Wade meeting 00:05:56.889 --> 00:05:58.410 Nicolas Cage. I'm your host, Sean, here with 00:05:58.410 --> 00:06:05.250 my co -host. Nick. And our producer. Peter, hello. 00:06:06.149 --> 00:06:09.129 And welcoming back our favorite guest, Eric. 00:06:10.490 --> 00:06:16.370 Thanks, Sean. Our favorite topless guest, Eric. 00:06:18.240 --> 00:06:19.399 Yeah, you might be our first one to actually 00:06:19.399 --> 00:06:22.300 lose a shirt. And tonight we're discussing... 00:06:22.300 --> 00:06:24.459 Oh, what is this podcast even about anymore, 00:06:24.560 --> 00:06:27.100 Peter? I don't know. I mean, at this point, like, 00:06:27.139 --> 00:06:30.660 maybe Nick Cage movies, but this one, at least 00:06:30.660 --> 00:06:34.100 he's in as a star. Yeah, we are in the starring 00:06:34.100 --> 00:06:37.779 roles of Nicolas Cage again. Yeah. Before we 00:06:37.779 --> 00:06:40.060 forget, as we have done for the past few weeks, 00:06:40.120 --> 00:06:42.360 we're talking about Firebirds this week, starring 00:06:42.360 --> 00:06:47.120 Nicolas Cage, Sean Young, and... Tommy Lee Jones, 00:06:47.379 --> 00:06:50.060 baby. Tommy Lee Jones. And a definitively middle 00:06:50.060 --> 00:06:53.860 -aged Tommy Lee Jones. When they threw a 40th 00:06:53.860 --> 00:06:56.839 birthday party, I was like, I've been having 00:06:56.839 --> 00:06:59.100 a really hard time with that. I did look it up. 00:06:59.100 --> 00:07:02.040 He was 44 when he recorded this. And I was like, 00:07:02.139 --> 00:07:04.980 he still looks like shit. That man looks like 00:07:04.980 --> 00:07:07.860 he is 90. That man looks like he smoked in the 00:07:07.860 --> 00:07:11.720 womb. He looked like he was getting sponsored 00:07:11.720 --> 00:07:17.550 by Just For Men's. Like that hair color was rich. 00:07:18.310 --> 00:07:20.550 All right. So we're having a hard time being 00:07:20.550 --> 00:07:23.670 the same age as Tommy Lee Jones. Yeah. Hey, I'm 00:07:23.670 --> 00:07:26.990 not that old yet. Just as old as his character. 00:07:27.649 --> 00:07:30.009 But I feel all the same aches and pains. I'm 00:07:30.009 --> 00:07:32.529 technically older than his character. Like when 00:07:32.529 --> 00:07:36.509 I stand up, I have back pain and I identify with 00:07:36.509 --> 00:07:39.420 his character. He only had back pain after he 00:07:39.420 --> 00:07:41.920 got punched in the face. That's true. He did 00:07:41.920 --> 00:07:45.620 get fucking rocked. Yeah. Which when you're 41 00:07:45.620 --> 00:07:50.699 or 40 in his case, quote unquote. Freshly 40. 00:07:50.860 --> 00:07:53.459 Yeah. My favorite kind of 40. How's everyone? 00:07:53.579 --> 00:07:55.279 How's everyone? How's middle age treating everybody? 00:07:55.480 --> 00:07:58.139 No way better than Tommy Lee Jones. Better than 00:07:58.139 --> 00:08:01.459 Tommy Lee Jones. Holy smokes. Again, that was. 00:08:02.280 --> 00:08:05.240 If we're going to jump straight to quotes, it 00:08:05.240 --> 00:08:08.100 was going to be. I'm 40. Like, oh, yeah, nice. 00:08:08.259 --> 00:08:10.399 It's like, oh, shit. You can give your quote 00:08:10.399 --> 00:08:12.259 whenever. This show's never had good structure. 00:08:12.339 --> 00:08:19.360 Yeah. Kind of like my underwear. Ew. No, I'm 00:08:19.360 --> 00:08:23.860 aging very gracefully, actually. My grays come 00:08:23.860 --> 00:08:27.579 in in a very nice combination of Reed Richards 00:08:27.579 --> 00:08:31.420 and Ra's al Ghul. love it clearly the best ways 00:08:31.420 --> 00:08:35.120 to gray out that's what i want i want that but 00:08:35.120 --> 00:08:40.419 still all black from the neck up well celebrate 00:08:40.419 --> 00:08:42.980 that as long as you can you know yeah i don't 00:08:42.980 --> 00:08:45.159 think you can celebrate blackface at all actually 00:08:45.159 --> 00:08:50.500 anymore sean you need to like let that one go 00:08:50.500 --> 00:08:59.480 it's 2025 i walked into that I don't think I 00:08:59.480 --> 00:09:04.580 hurt any more than I used to hurt. But I admittedly 00:09:04.580 --> 00:09:09.919 party less hard than I used to. So I wake up 00:09:09.919 --> 00:09:12.179 on less piles of gravel. When was the last time 00:09:12.179 --> 00:09:16.600 you had a fight on a roof? Roof fight, roof fight, 00:09:16.639 --> 00:09:18.980 roof fight. God, I mean, long enough. I can't 00:09:18.980 --> 00:09:22.740 even identify when. So disappointing. We've got 00:09:22.740 --> 00:09:26.120 a holiday weekend coming up. And honestly, check 00:09:26.120 --> 00:09:28.730 back in next week. I don't know about roof fight, 00:09:28.809 --> 00:09:31.269 but there's definitely opportunities to punch 00:09:31.269 --> 00:09:32.789 people in the face. There's going to be a woodland 00:09:32.789 --> 00:09:35.230 fight. It's going to go wild. Yeah. I'm going 00:09:35.230 --> 00:09:37.870 to bring buzz balls. That's my contribution to 00:09:37.870 --> 00:09:40.350 this weekend. Oh, my God. You have to sneak them 00:09:40.350 --> 00:09:42.809 into the wedding, actually. So just in your pants, 00:09:42.809 --> 00:09:46.309 two gigantic buzz ball biggies. Well, do I have 00:09:46.309 --> 00:09:49.389 to buy the biggies to get the little buzzy? Or 00:09:49.389 --> 00:09:53.490 do I need to get normal? i'm pretty sure to get 00:09:53.490 --> 00:09:55.370 a little buzzy you just gotta have to you have 00:09:55.370 --> 00:09:56.850 somebody pretend to be a lady for a little bit 00:09:56.850 --> 00:10:03.629 okay wait tell me again the rules on getting 00:10:03.629 --> 00:10:07.190 a little buzzy so uh and for the people who clearly 00:10:07.190 --> 00:10:10.830 think i'm just an idiot uh saying nonsense a 00:10:10.830 --> 00:10:17.799 little buzzy is a buzz ball themed that's what 00:10:17.799 --> 00:10:20.659 they're called yeah i i'm hip i know what this 00:10:20.659 --> 00:10:23.820 is uh this is why the teenagers listen to our 00:10:23.820 --> 00:10:28.580 podcast exactly for this and my hot robitussin 00:10:28.580 --> 00:10:32.179 dm tips you need to you need to quote grab 10 00:10:32.179 --> 00:10:35.659 balls to get a labuzzy all at once i'm pretty 00:10:35.659 --> 00:10:38.220 sure you got 10 balls in hand any retailer uh 00:10:38.220 --> 00:10:41.679 sure can i just go to my you can just demand 00:10:41.679 --> 00:10:44.580 a labuzzy wherever I'm going to go down to my 00:10:44.580 --> 00:10:47.259 local shell station and I'm just going to ask, 00:10:47.340 --> 00:10:51.360 show me your LaBuzzy and I'm going to start like 00:10:51.360 --> 00:10:54.340 piling balls on the fuzzy LaBuzzy. Give me your 00:10:54.340 --> 00:10:59.740 your fuzzy LaBuzzy, sir or madam. OK, there are 00:10:59.740 --> 00:11:01.700 no women who work at my shell station. Sean, 00:11:01.960 --> 00:11:07.080 get us on track. No, this is gold. So Firebirds, 00:11:07.159 --> 00:11:09.379 Eric, what was the plot of this film? Give us 00:11:09.379 --> 00:11:11.399 the plot rundown. Other than starting with a 00:11:11.399 --> 00:11:14.799 George Herman Walker Bush quote. What was that 00:11:14.799 --> 00:11:16.720 one? I don't remember what it said. Something 00:11:16.720 --> 00:11:19.320 about rah -rah America. It was basically like 00:11:19.320 --> 00:11:22.440 a war on drugs thing. Yeah. Which is dumb. Yeah, 00:11:22.500 --> 00:11:26.159 fucking drugs rule. I mean, even if drugs didn't 00:11:26.159 --> 00:11:28.580 rule, the war on drugs was dumb. That's true. 00:11:28.679 --> 00:11:31.779 It's a loser. America doesn't do losers for at 00:11:31.779 --> 00:11:35.580 least another. 20 years. All right, Eric, guide 00:11:35.580 --> 00:11:38.100 us through this movie. Firebirds, 1990. Director, 00:11:38.320 --> 00:11:41.480 David Green. George Herman Walker Bush. I mean, 00:11:41.500 --> 00:11:44.080 what? A lot was going on. Well, when we started, 00:11:44.200 --> 00:11:48.299 I thought it was just going to be a a what? Top 00:11:48.299 --> 00:11:51.659 gun. Clone. Yeah, yeah. Clone. It happened right 00:11:51.659 --> 00:11:55.899 after the original Top Gun. And yeah, it was 00:11:55.899 --> 00:11:57.840 kind of. Which is a hot time to make these. It 00:11:57.840 --> 00:12:01.360 was. Yeah, it was a helicopter Top Gun. Helicopter. 00:12:01.379 --> 00:12:06.980 Yeah. It's like Airwolf. Yes, but Top Gun Nicolas 00:12:06.980 --> 00:12:10.120 Cage. But I really I really enjoyed how they 00:12:10.120 --> 00:12:13.259 were talking about the cartel as if it's singular. 00:12:13.600 --> 00:12:15.899 And that could have been there might have just 00:12:15.899 --> 00:12:19.419 been one at the time. That's true. Like now there 00:12:19.419 --> 00:12:22.919 are cartels competition. I'm pretty sure we were 00:12:22.919 --> 00:12:25.840 just dealing with one of the time to get them. 00:12:25.840 --> 00:12:31.669 Yeah, cartel. oh man i fucking loved how they 00:12:31.669 --> 00:12:35.470 what eric coulter is that his name uh the the 00:12:35.470 --> 00:12:39.929 the mean the mean helicopter pilot the bad guy 00:12:39.929 --> 00:12:43.750 the bad guy stoller eric stoller yeah anytime 00:12:43.750 --> 00:12:48.080 they had fucking um fucking briefs army briefs 00:12:48.080 --> 00:12:50.519 oh yeah you're doing army briefs and you're talking 00:12:50.519 --> 00:12:53.440 about the guy and he's just there like just doing 00:12:53.440 --> 00:12:59.019 like just like uzi yeah as opposed to army boxers 00:12:59.019 --> 00:13:03.320 which we get to later botches and briefs jokes 00:13:03.320 --> 00:13:06.179 like this guy good this guy's this guy's really 00:13:06.179 --> 00:13:08.960 evil and he's just like uzi next to his side 00:13:08.960 --> 00:13:12.690 or just like looking like looking off to the 00:13:12.690 --> 00:13:15.389 side really bad yeah did you guys look at any 00:13:15.389 --> 00:13:18.269 of this guy's uh like other acting credits etc 00:13:18.269 --> 00:13:21.649 fuck no oh my god okay so the actor's name is 00:13:21.649 --> 00:13:24.529 burt ryan hell yeah i was like okay he's probably 00:13:24.529 --> 00:13:27.230 been in nothing else and i was dead on but what 00:13:27.230 --> 00:13:30.330 he was very very successful at for a while was 00:13:30.330 --> 00:13:35.289 producing like low rent soft core porn Oh, my 00:13:35.289 --> 00:13:37.309 God. Yeah. I can't believe I didn't know his 00:13:37.309 --> 00:13:41.289 name. So Bert Ryan. All those fucking shots were 00:13:41.289 --> 00:13:43.610 from his softcore porn days. Listen to some of 00:13:43.610 --> 00:13:46.970 these titles. Best buns on the beach. Yes. Perfect 00:13:46.970 --> 00:13:50.330 body content. Of course. The wildest office strip 00:13:50.330 --> 00:13:53.889 party. And then he gets into a real niche. Nude 00:13:53.889 --> 00:13:57.590 stretching. Nude Tai Chi. And nude cigar smoking. 00:13:58.230 --> 00:14:02.620 What? Oh, man. You guys, you guys want to go 00:14:02.620 --> 00:14:07.159 smoke cigars down at Denny Blaine later? But 00:14:07.159 --> 00:14:08.860 yeah, anyway, they do. They paint him as like 00:14:08.860 --> 00:14:11.159 the most badass motherfucker that's ever existed, 00:14:11.240 --> 00:14:14.179 which like I get it. Being a badass helicopter 00:14:14.179 --> 00:14:17.639 pilot is cool, but also kind of not that cool. 00:14:17.740 --> 00:14:20.759 I like that he's presented himself as like the 00:14:20.759 --> 00:14:24.389 Darth Vader of cartel. He gets in the TIE fighter 00:14:24.389 --> 00:14:27.690 and shoots people down. You are a weak -ass cartel 00:14:27.690 --> 00:14:31.269 boss if you are out there doing the killing yourself. 00:14:31.590 --> 00:14:34.029 He's not the boss. He's not in something so dangerous 00:14:34.029 --> 00:14:37.429 as helicopter. He's just a contractor. They said 00:14:37.429 --> 00:14:43.929 that he went to terrorist school. I forget where 00:14:43.929 --> 00:14:46.450 it started, but he ended in North Korea. They 00:14:46.450 --> 00:14:49.230 really need to shut that place down. They should 00:14:49.230 --> 00:14:52.419 really shut that school down. don't worry did 00:14:52.419 --> 00:14:57.559 he get college credit now at the trade school 00:14:57.559 --> 00:15:01.460 well yeah in north korea yeah of course uh okay 00:15:01.460 --> 00:15:04.779 so clearly i didn't pay enough attention to that 00:15:04.779 --> 00:15:07.480 element of the story he was not the cartel boss 00:15:07.480 --> 00:15:09.659 i thought he was cartel boss he's cartel cover 00:15:09.659 --> 00:15:12.679 oh he just protects their bodyguard he's their 00:15:12.679 --> 00:15:15.950 helicopter bodyguard helicopter bodyguard yeah 00:15:15.950 --> 00:15:18.830 this movie is fucking stupid i wish i had a helicopter 00:15:18.830 --> 00:15:21.870 bodyguard actually and every time i'm like about 00:15:21.870 --> 00:15:24.970 to have trouble like say i'm driving home and 00:15:24.970 --> 00:15:27.850 like a cop comes to pull me over like my helicopter 00:15:27.850 --> 00:15:30.909 just comes out from over beacon hill just right 00:15:30.909 --> 00:15:32.870 over the hill and it's just like ready fucking 00:15:32.870 --> 00:15:35.490 scorpion he's just right there on rainier and 00:15:35.490 --> 00:15:37.950 it's like oh shit okay maybe we won't pull this 00:15:37.950 --> 00:15:40.330 guy over you're you're on team scorpion then 00:15:40.330 --> 00:15:45.330 yeah obviously I don't think I have room around 00:15:45.330 --> 00:15:48.830 my home for an Apache to land. To your point, 00:15:48.850 --> 00:15:51.610 Nick, they like build this guy up who has no 00:15:51.610 --> 00:15:56.169 speaking lines in this film. Zero. None. 90 % 00:15:56.169 --> 00:15:59.169 of the film, 90 % of his like screen time is 00:15:59.169 --> 00:16:03.330 like our headshots. I love the fucking headshots. 00:16:03.409 --> 00:16:06.909 They're oozy. They're supposed to be like telephoto 00:16:06.909 --> 00:16:09.350 lens photos from like spies. And they're just 00:16:09.350 --> 00:16:12.320 dudes like they're just. Justice headshots. It's 00:16:12.320 --> 00:16:16.120 great. Yeah. It's pretty incredible. He's got 00:16:16.120 --> 00:16:18.840 like the most non -existent, non -threatening 00:16:18.840 --> 00:16:22.440 role. He kind of gets in every once in a while. 00:16:22.759 --> 00:16:25.340 But again, if you're doing army recon photos 00:16:25.340 --> 00:16:27.679 and you're just like, oh shit, he's just putting 00:16:27.679 --> 00:16:30.019 a gun in this guy's mouth and then just like, 00:16:30.100 --> 00:16:33.389 oh yeah, what else he put in that mouth? softcore 00:16:33.389 --> 00:16:36.490 porno nude stretching right there bad guy bad 00:16:36.490 --> 00:16:40.149 guy nude cigar smoking this was your audition 00:16:40.149 --> 00:16:45.850 this is how we got into it oh man okay so yeah 00:16:45.850 --> 00:16:47.850 what other plot line is there so there's that 00:16:47.850 --> 00:16:51.090 guy no there's a bunch jones is supposed to teach 00:16:51.090 --> 00:16:54.429 nick cage what are these characters names nick 00:16:54.429 --> 00:16:58.019 cage is jake preston Holy shit. That's the... 00:16:58.019 --> 00:17:01.779 So Jake Preston is like the hotshot young helicopter 00:17:01.779 --> 00:17:05.640 pilot who survives an encounter with... He's 00:17:05.640 --> 00:17:08.460 the best. He's absolutely the best. He's the 00:17:08.460 --> 00:17:11.960 greatest! I'm the greatest! I'm the greatest! 00:17:12.440 --> 00:17:16.940 I'm the greatest! I can't wait to be playing 00:17:16.940 --> 00:17:20.240 a video game downstairs in like a week. Like, 00:17:20.299 --> 00:17:22.259 I'm just fucking playing. I don't know. Put your 00:17:22.259 --> 00:17:26.200 monocle on. Yeah. Put my monocle and my top hat 00:17:26.200 --> 00:17:29.180 on. I'm just like, I'm the greatest. Josie's 00:17:29.180 --> 00:17:30.859 going to be like, you're the fucking dumbest. 00:17:31.700 --> 00:17:34.559 Again, then we get to that. He puts the monocle 00:17:34.559 --> 00:17:39.619 down. Oh, shit. Eye disparity. Right. Yeah. That 00:17:39.619 --> 00:17:43.789 fucking. right eye dominant oh shit eyeball dominance 00:17:43.789 --> 00:17:46.329 that was that was a big part of the film it is 00:17:46.329 --> 00:17:48.970 a real thing but so that's the thing that was 00:17:48.970 --> 00:17:50.569 kind of i mean yes it is a real thing that's 00:17:50.569 --> 00:17:51.809 the thing that kind of blew me away about this 00:17:51.809 --> 00:17:53.369 movie do you guys want to give a little context 00:17:53.369 --> 00:17:58.069 to the listener no no uh you're right i actually 00:17:58.069 --> 00:18:01.710 would uh so i have driven drunk with one eye 00:18:01.710 --> 00:18:05.069 several times what's your dominant drunk eye 00:18:05.069 --> 00:18:08.980 uh well i actually used to have the same uh the 00:18:08.980 --> 00:18:11.440 same apparatus as they were using in the movie. 00:18:11.759 --> 00:18:15.240 Okay. Uh, with the, uh, helicopter pilot helmet 00:18:15.240 --> 00:18:18.019 with the, uh, yeah, where they made the periscope 00:18:18.019 --> 00:18:21.859 with the one eyeball periscope. Yeah. Okay. That's 00:18:21.859 --> 00:18:25.660 how I use same red panties. So nothing's more 00:18:25.660 --> 00:18:28.599 inconspicuous than driving down the road after 00:18:28.599 --> 00:18:31.319 a few beers with red panties on your head and 00:18:31.319 --> 00:18:33.779 a periscope sticking out your driver window. 00:18:33.880 --> 00:18:37.759 Yeah. The sunroof. Okay. So for the listeners, 00:18:38.640 --> 00:18:43.400 Jake Preston is a helicopter pilot and he has 00:18:43.400 --> 00:18:46.559 a eye dominance problem where he for the Apache, 00:18:46.759 --> 00:18:48.460 you have to have your one of your eyes is in 00:18:48.460 --> 00:18:51.380 an actual like screen viewer and the other is 00:18:51.380 --> 00:18:54.569 viewing. real life out the window but his are 00:18:54.569 --> 00:18:57.750 opposite yeah he's left eye dominant so he can't 00:18:57.750 --> 00:19:00.029 do it and he has a really shitty time one time 00:19:00.029 --> 00:19:02.529 in the helicopter when he's in the bag and he 00:19:02.529 --> 00:19:05.130 fails his test and he feels like a piece of shit 00:19:05.130 --> 00:19:08.289 because he is the greatest but not that day so 00:19:08.289 --> 00:19:12.569 he has to go and figure out his shit by wearing 00:19:12.569 --> 00:19:14.849 a pair of panties on his head and using a periscope 00:19:14.849 --> 00:19:16.970 out the window yeah tommy lee jones teaches him 00:19:16.970 --> 00:19:21.730 the way he had like learned eye dominant stuff 00:19:21.730 --> 00:19:27.769 which you know i guess in the 80s uh well it 00:19:27.769 --> 00:19:31.230 would be the 60s 70s i guess this is supposed 00:19:31.230 --> 00:19:32.990 to happen i think it's the 80s well it would 00:19:32.990 --> 00:19:36.309 have been 20 years prior to the movie takes place 00:19:36.309 --> 00:19:41.109 in 1989 correct yeah so 20 years prior 69 nice 00:19:41.109 --> 00:19:44.730 and tommy lee jones is driving around with panties 00:19:44.730 --> 00:19:46.650 on his head you know what that's a cool movie 00:19:47.210 --> 00:19:49.630 Well, yeah, all right. That would be a cooler 00:19:49.630 --> 00:19:51.569 movie. I do like, though, that they're like, 00:19:51.670 --> 00:19:54.869 I'm going to teach you this trick by letting 00:19:54.869 --> 00:19:59.349 you drive at speed on an active army base while 00:19:59.349 --> 00:20:02.210 being practically blindfolded. Next to, like, 00:20:02.250 --> 00:20:05.390 the fucking general. Yeah. Oh, hello, general 00:20:05.390 --> 00:20:07.890 and your wife. Don't mind this weird fucking 00:20:07.890 --> 00:20:11.589 apparatus. Yeah, as we blast through ditches 00:20:11.589 --> 00:20:14.210 at high speeds. Yeah. Because you're an Apache 00:20:14.210 --> 00:20:16.410 driver. You can't drive slow. No, you're the 00:20:16.410 --> 00:20:19.609 greatest pilot, not a driver. But yeah, this 00:20:19.609 --> 00:20:21.329 movie, there's so much shit that goes into like 00:20:21.329 --> 00:20:25.309 the final showdown with Captain Porno. that like 00:20:25.309 --> 00:20:28.529 i was like two -thirds or more into it where 00:20:28.529 --> 00:20:30.970 i was like nothing has nothing has happened this 00:20:30.970 --> 00:20:34.789 movie was insanely boring for what the movie's 00:20:34.789 --> 00:20:37.289 like 120 some odd minutes long yeah i mean it's 00:20:37.289 --> 00:20:38.849 still insanely boring for the entire thing so 00:20:38.849 --> 00:20:41.829 100 minutes kind of suck yeah and then you've 00:20:41.829 --> 00:20:46.109 got 20 minutes of action scene right i want to 00:20:46.109 --> 00:20:49.470 talk about how just cheap this how cheaply this 00:20:49.470 --> 00:20:52.269 movie was made because none especially when it 00:20:52.269 --> 00:20:53.769 comes to the action scene at the end the big 00:20:53.769 --> 00:20:56.509 helicopter fight there's never two helicopters 00:20:56.509 --> 00:20:59.670 on screen at once and it they like use the same 00:20:59.670 --> 00:21:02.630 footage a lot complicated too much money sure 00:21:02.630 --> 00:21:05.230 but they put their money into the helicopters 00:21:05.230 --> 00:21:09.009 for sure yeah i mean right yeah you get a one 00:21:09.009 --> 00:21:11.509 day rental on a helicopter and you just fly it 00:21:11.509 --> 00:21:14.349 around really hard yeah get as much b -roll as 00:21:14.349 --> 00:21:17.849 you can yeah and come back the next day with 00:21:17.849 --> 00:21:21.359 the other helicopter It's all B -roll. And they 00:21:21.359 --> 00:21:25.660 do use the same shots a few times, including... 00:21:25.660 --> 00:21:27.640 Are you sure they didn't just use the same offensive 00:21:27.640 --> 00:21:34.480 maneuvers? Speaking of offensive maneuvers, my 00:21:34.480 --> 00:21:38.720 favorite time where they use the same exact shot 00:21:38.720 --> 00:21:40.500 for something isn't a helicopter scene. It's 00:21:40.500 --> 00:21:45.319 when he's trying to hit on Sean Young at the... 00:21:45.589 --> 00:21:47.809 at tommy lee jones's 40th birthday party and 00:21:47.809 --> 00:21:49.769 she kind of gives him the eye over the shoulder 00:21:49.769 --> 00:21:52.549 and then two minutes later they use the exact 00:21:52.549 --> 00:21:55.170 same like cut of her giving him the eye over 00:21:55.170 --> 00:21:58.390 the shoulder are you sure she wasn't using the 00:21:58.390 --> 00:22:03.589 same sexual maneuver oh there you go actually 00:22:03.589 --> 00:22:06.329 some people only have one move do a barrel roll 00:22:06.329 --> 00:22:09.630 no they they had a whole their whole fucking 00:22:09.630 --> 00:22:15.380 uh They had a army training situation where all 00:22:15.380 --> 00:22:17.619 they were doing was sexually innuendos. Yes. 00:22:18.160 --> 00:22:20.660 Absolutely. Not very good. Oh, I thought it was 00:22:20.660 --> 00:22:23.319 glorious. Well, now I know how to light your 00:22:23.319 --> 00:22:25.839 fire. It was very sexual. No, I'm very sexual. 00:22:26.039 --> 00:22:28.880 I'm still hard. Well, now I'm up on top and behind. 00:22:30.359 --> 00:22:33.799 Oh, Eric, I am sorry. I let your buzzball run 00:22:33.799 --> 00:22:37.700 dry. Let me top you off here. Eric's going to 00:22:37.700 --> 00:22:41.940 have to use the apparatus to drive home. uh no 00:22:41.940 --> 00:22:44.480 we do not encourage drinking and driving here 00:22:44.480 --> 00:22:49.339 okay so yeah plotline wise all right they got 00:22:49.339 --> 00:22:52.700 to kill the guy he's the helicopter guy so they 00:22:52.700 --> 00:22:54.460 train a shit ton so they can kill the helicopter 00:22:54.460 --> 00:22:56.619 guy then they go and they kill the helicopter 00:22:56.619 --> 00:23:00.200 guy and the movie ends yeah i love that they've 00:23:00.200 --> 00:23:05.890 got like this elite level like enemy that they 00:23:05.890 --> 00:23:08.869 need to deal with and their solution is well 00:23:08.869 --> 00:23:11.730 we'd better get some rookies some people who 00:23:11.730 --> 00:23:14.549 have no combat experience in this specific thing 00:23:14.549 --> 00:23:19.430 that is apparently the best and like therefore 00:23:19.430 --> 00:23:24.210 the most complicated new thing to Tommy Lee Jones 00:23:24.210 --> 00:23:26.309 wanted in there the whole time he was like I'm 00:23:26.309 --> 00:23:29.900 the most yeah but he's got fucking but he's also 00:23:29.900 --> 00:23:33.400 40 yeah yeah that's true i mean this movie is 00:23:33.400 --> 00:23:36.480 really just you know about like tommy lee jones 00:23:36.480 --> 00:23:38.680 he's like oh i'm i'm useless i'm old and wants 00:23:38.680 --> 00:23:41.420 to recapture his youth by killing the guy and 00:23:41.420 --> 00:23:45.079 nick cage is the young buck who is already great 00:23:45.079 --> 00:23:47.700 at his job and just kind of has a weird eye thing 00:23:47.700 --> 00:23:49.339 and for some reason they can't just change the 00:23:49.339 --> 00:23:53.119 monocle side i was so baffled benched like hey 00:23:53.119 --> 00:23:55.400 how about also how about just like move it over 00:23:55.400 --> 00:23:56.940 there could you just have a helmet that can do 00:23:56.940 --> 00:23:59.779 both yeah oh we'll just put it over there we 00:23:59.779 --> 00:24:03.059 got a left eye guy yeah well ned flanders hadn't 00:24:03.059 --> 00:24:07.579 invented the left porium yet that's true so this 00:24:07.579 --> 00:24:10.299 movie makes me want a specific a very specific 00:24:10.299 --> 00:24:14.000 genre of film it's like a coming of age but it's 00:24:14.000 --> 00:24:16.980 a coming of middle age film where you just get 00:24:16.980 --> 00:24:22.240 dudes from like transitioning into their 40s 00:24:22.240 --> 00:24:27.039 like oh no i have responsibilities and it's like 00:24:27.039 --> 00:24:30.299 oh you gotta watch him mow the lawn shit his 00:24:30.299 --> 00:24:34.200 kids are gonna get so so green so green no nick 00:24:34.200 --> 00:24:36.440 nick came into that really hard he was just like 00:24:36.440 --> 00:24:39.819 oh what's so bad about hanging out and drinking 00:24:39.819 --> 00:24:45.000 beers and he did uh yeah doing sex no yeah just 00:24:45.000 --> 00:24:48.220 what's so bad about staying home Yeah. Oh, yeah. 00:24:48.380 --> 00:24:51.759 Oh, yeah. When he comes into or comes on to Billy 00:24:51.759 --> 00:24:55.039 and he's all like, oh, what's wrong with just 00:24:55.039 --> 00:24:58.059 being a stay at home mom and not flying helicopters? 00:24:58.380 --> 00:25:02.140 Obviously a lot. If you fly helicopters, maybe, 00:25:02.440 --> 00:25:07.079 maybe I'm just saying doing dishes doesn't do 00:25:07.079 --> 00:25:09.519 it for you. What if you do them like and you 00:25:09.519 --> 00:25:12.240 also have them do a barrel roll? That'd be cool. 00:25:12.640 --> 00:25:14.900 Also, I like how his argument was it was good 00:25:14.900 --> 00:25:18.049 enough for his mom. Which clearly that's what 00:25:18.049 --> 00:25:21.289 you get when you get Nick Cage. My mom did that. 00:25:21.450 --> 00:25:25.349 Yeah. They have no chemistry in this film, Nick 00:25:25.349 --> 00:25:28.930 Cage and Sean Young. I hated it. So we kind of 00:25:28.930 --> 00:25:30.589 touched on it before we started recording, but 00:25:30.589 --> 00:25:34.650 like Sean Young is pretty bad in this. I don't, 00:25:34.650 --> 00:25:36.470 I don't think they gave her much of a chance. 00:25:36.529 --> 00:25:39.609 This movie was all about Tommy Lee Jones talking 00:25:39.609 --> 00:25:42.410 fast. Oh, that's every Tommy Lee Jones film. 00:25:43.450 --> 00:25:45.970 But you cast Tommy Lee Jones when you need somebody 00:25:45.970 --> 00:25:50.170 to spit out a fucking pile of words. Yeah. Oh, 00:25:50.230 --> 00:25:52.529 words like it has a roll rate of 150 degrees 00:25:52.529 --> 00:25:54.809 per second. So if you need to duck, dive or disappear, 00:25:55.009 --> 00:25:56.890 this buggy will do it before your brain can think. 00:25:57.470 --> 00:26:00.049 We could crash this aircraft at 20 G's and survive, 00:26:00.130 --> 00:26:04.009 but I am not going to prove it to you. Yeah, 00:26:04.049 --> 00:26:10.589 that's when Nick Cage goes. Darn. Yep. Darn. 00:26:11.029 --> 00:26:14.630 Damn. Killer, killer line. Okay, if we're doing 00:26:14.630 --> 00:26:18.269 Tommy Lee Jones quotes, the first one I wrote 00:26:18.269 --> 00:26:20.250 down to this movie is, boy, you're going to be 00:26:20.250 --> 00:26:22.230 busier than a three -peckered goat. Oh yeah, 00:26:22.289 --> 00:26:25.009 that was a good one. I noted that too. Because 00:26:25.009 --> 00:26:29.450 I don't, what does a one -peckered goat do? I 00:26:29.450 --> 00:26:31.410 mean, I think they fuck a lot. Right. Goats are 00:26:31.410 --> 00:26:36.700 horny. Two peckers worth less. Yeah. Two peckers 00:26:36.700 --> 00:26:41.140 worth less of fucking, yes. Or business. We don't 00:26:41.140 --> 00:26:44.140 know what kind of busyness this three peckered 00:26:44.140 --> 00:26:46.960 goat's doing. That's what I mean. What are you 00:26:46.960 --> 00:26:48.619 going to do with those peckers? Let's bring this 00:26:48.619 --> 00:26:51.099 conversation back. I love it. I was going to 00:26:51.099 --> 00:26:53.460 say we've had that conversation before. We did 00:26:53.460 --> 00:26:56.960 two. I think we did three because we did get 00:26:56.960 --> 00:27:01.680 into triangles or is it like three wide or three 00:27:01.680 --> 00:27:04.359 vertically stacked? A goat is really busy with 00:27:04.359 --> 00:27:07.650 one pecker. right yeah yeah yeah hold on i need 00:27:07.650 --> 00:27:09.849 to sit down and think real quick i don't think 00:27:09.849 --> 00:27:12.089 i've ever googled what a goat's wiener looks 00:27:12.089 --> 00:27:17.849 like like hard you wait you haven't googled what 00:27:17.849 --> 00:27:22.349 a hard goat's wiener looks like or you haven't 00:27:22.349 --> 00:27:24.529 done a hard you haven't done a hard enough job 00:27:24.529 --> 00:27:26.690 to look for it yeah i'm looking up goat boners 00:27:26.690 --> 00:27:29.630 right now don't worry about it we're gonna oh 00:27:29.630 --> 00:27:34.690 my god we finally broke peter goat boner image 00:27:34.690 --> 00:27:39.670 search oh it's pretty straight oh it's long it's 00:27:39.670 --> 00:27:43.130 skinny uh yeah okay here's one licking his own 00:27:43.130 --> 00:27:46.349 goat boner oh yeah okay it's a sort of dog red 00:27:46.349 --> 00:27:49.849 rocket style but like i feel like more known 00:27:49.849 --> 00:27:54.529 for their balls so i feel like you guys missed 00:27:54.529 --> 00:27:57.630 out on a couple themes uh they talked about uh 00:27:58.170 --> 00:28:01.029 I don't know, just like women in normal things. 00:28:01.230 --> 00:28:05.269 Nick Cage was just like, hey, stay home. Right. 00:28:05.430 --> 00:28:08.089 And then they talked about women in combat things 00:28:08.089 --> 00:28:12.170 right after that. Like which is like get mounted. 00:28:12.509 --> 00:28:16.009 No, it was like, don't do it. Oh, sure. Oh, I 00:28:16.009 --> 00:28:19.369 thought it was. I fly the Apache, so I'm superior. 00:28:20.309 --> 00:28:23.950 There was a lot. There was a lot of that. That 00:28:23.950 --> 00:28:29.400 was a direct line, actually. For your safety. 00:28:29.500 --> 00:28:32.720 What I caught on to most about this film is it 00:28:32.720 --> 00:28:35.700 was probably getting kickbacks from Bud Light. 00:28:36.759 --> 00:28:39.859 The bar scene was every label Bud Light towards 00:28:39.859 --> 00:28:42.920 the camera. Yeah. It's like everybody drinks 00:28:42.920 --> 00:28:45.720 Bud Light. I didn't realize the army was full 00:28:45.720 --> 00:28:55.160 of bitches. You didn't? Can we talk about Nick 00:28:55.160 --> 00:28:57.019 Cage's performance in this? Because this is. 00:28:57.609 --> 00:28:59.950 this is like oh god i can't think of the word 00:28:59.950 --> 00:29:05.009 bad bad yeah but it's like it's a very try hard 00:29:05.009 --> 00:29:09.170 well he was nothing until the worst it's all 00:29:09.170 --> 00:29:12.910 his worst uh like regular things he does the 00:29:12.910 --> 00:29:15.130 he does the weird like high kick he does when 00:29:15.130 --> 00:29:18.869 he when he's acting mad he does the really high 00:29:18.869 --> 00:29:23.440 mad voice just it's it's all the greatest stuff 00:29:23.440 --> 00:29:25.940 then there's the weird like he lists off a bunch 00:29:25.940 --> 00:29:27.900 of things that just sounds like the punch monkeys 00:29:27.900 --> 00:29:33.000 from crude stew situation except without being 00:29:33.000 --> 00:29:36.720 great yeah well was that where where he's killing 00:29:36.720 --> 00:29:40.019 everybody just like uh punch him kill him yeah 00:29:40.019 --> 00:29:42.599 yeah it's right after he's been the greatest 00:29:42.599 --> 00:29:44.880 and right before that was when he talked about 00:29:44.880 --> 00:29:48.660 strawberry gum oh yeah lord yeah Yeah, video 00:29:48.660 --> 00:29:54.059 game Preston is not great. I mean, he is the 00:29:54.059 --> 00:29:58.160 greatest, but he's not great to watch. Not entertaining 00:29:58.160 --> 00:30:02.460 for sure. I love when he flies into the telephone 00:30:02.460 --> 00:30:05.700 lines, I guess, and gets shut down. I love seeing 00:30:05.700 --> 00:30:08.839 somebody cocky get shut down. They weren't ready 00:30:08.839 --> 00:30:11.539 to run Zulu. Yeah, I know. Zulu was too much. 00:30:11.680 --> 00:30:14.500 You put him through Zulu? Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. 00:30:15.920 --> 00:30:19.940 Oh, my God. I love like old tech in movies. It's 00:30:19.940 --> 00:30:22.180 just so fucking funny to me. Yeah, look at our 00:30:22.180 --> 00:30:25.599 super advanced, like top of the line training 00:30:25.599 --> 00:30:29.019 simulation. You mean the box that shakes and 00:30:29.019 --> 00:30:33.500 shows me fucking Tron? Cool. I'm ready for war, 00:30:33.740 --> 00:30:40.420 daddy. Let's do it. He is kind of his war daddy. 00:30:40.799 --> 00:30:44.000 Yeah, he is a war daddy. Yeah. Or War Poppy? 00:30:44.299 --> 00:30:51.500 Hi, Poppy. No. Oh. Yeah, I don't know. I don't 00:30:51.500 --> 00:30:54.279 have a lot of positives to say about this. I 00:30:54.279 --> 00:30:57.599 don't have a lot of like strong negatives either. 00:30:57.660 --> 00:31:02.119 This movie just kind of is lame. I would love 00:31:02.119 --> 00:31:06.700 to have seen more of the cartel side. I wanted 00:31:06.700 --> 00:31:11.220 to like really feel something. For the enemy, 00:31:11.420 --> 00:31:13.819 like whether it's repulsion for what they're 00:31:13.819 --> 00:31:18.640 doing or anybody. Yeah. Like all you see is Eric 00:31:18.640 --> 00:31:23.079 Stoller in like some close ups. Right. And then 00:31:23.079 --> 00:31:25.339 like a couple of the cartel people being put 00:31:25.339 --> 00:31:28.099 into something to get away before they get. Yeah. 00:31:28.180 --> 00:31:30.619 Running away from an airfield or something. And 00:31:30.619 --> 00:31:33.680 then there's those two jets that they never show 00:31:33.680 --> 00:31:35.660 the pilots of that just get like. Could have 00:31:35.660 --> 00:31:37.160 been the same jet. Yeah. Could have been the 00:31:37.160 --> 00:31:40.960 same jet. Oh, OK. So. Butt shot. Sean Young's 00:31:40.960 --> 00:31:44.059 shoulder -mounted missile launcher. Okay, that 00:31:44.059 --> 00:31:47.119 was pretty sick. Yeah, I liked that. And I liked 00:31:47.119 --> 00:31:49.140 as, you know, Tommy Lee Jones is explaining how 00:31:49.140 --> 00:31:50.839 to assemble it to her. It's like that one looks 00:31:50.839 --> 00:31:52.000 like a little coffee can and you put the little 00:31:52.000 --> 00:31:53.420 coffee can in the other thing and then you do 00:31:53.420 --> 00:31:55.640 this and you chuck it on there. And then obviously 00:31:55.640 --> 00:31:57.900 when you're telling a woman how to assemble an 00:31:57.900 --> 00:32:00.380 RPG, you have to use kitchen terms. Now, one 00:32:00.380 --> 00:32:02.319 of these looks like a frying pan. That one looks 00:32:02.319 --> 00:32:04.900 like a cutting board. Come on. That was that 00:32:04.900 --> 00:32:06.759 was right after the one that looked like a tea 00:32:06.759 --> 00:32:08.420 towel. And you wrap that around the other one. 00:32:09.119 --> 00:32:11.160 That was right after he said, you put the baby 00:32:11.160 --> 00:32:14.119 to bed. I broke both my legs. Like, nope, nope. 00:32:14.160 --> 00:32:16.430 Leave me alone. Yeah, I just have to. here in 00:32:16.430 --> 00:32:18.930 this fucking helicopter nope yeah it's like are 00:32:18.930 --> 00:32:21.069 you okay i don't think so i broke both my legs 00:32:21.069 --> 00:32:30.089 i love tommy lee jones yeah he talks fast i love 00:32:30.089 --> 00:32:32.890 a fast talker okay so the part of the movie that 00:32:32.890 --> 00:32:35.869 just drove me absolutely insane so you finally 00:32:35.869 --> 00:32:37.829 get to the conflict right they've gotten everybody 00:32:37.829 --> 00:32:41.750 down to fucking loosely south america you know 00:32:41.750 --> 00:32:44.269 and then they just get bombed and then they're 00:32:44.269 --> 00:32:47.289 at this base and they just get attacked by stoller 00:32:47.289 --> 00:32:50.609 but he's just shooting at the people and like 00:32:50.609 --> 00:32:53.369 firing missiles at the people on the ground when 00:32:53.369 --> 00:32:55.470 all the apaches are just sitting there fucking 00:32:55.470 --> 00:32:59.710 lame ducks they wasted so much artillery just 00:32:59.710 --> 00:33:02.470 doing meaningless explosions in the background 00:33:02.470 --> 00:33:06.930 insane they made no sense absolutely no camouflaging 00:33:06.930 --> 00:33:10.289 for these He's like top of the line helicopter 00:33:10.289 --> 00:33:12.609 sitting in the middle of a fucking brown desert. 00:33:12.670 --> 00:33:16.390 Green helicopters couldn't hit him, but he's 00:33:16.390 --> 00:33:19.349 the best. He's the best. Maybe he's a terrorist 00:33:19.349 --> 00:33:21.309 pilot. He's so cocky. He's like, I'm going to 00:33:21.309 --> 00:33:24.670 pick these motherfuckers off one by one. He's 00:33:24.670 --> 00:33:29.319 gotten paid. I've got 37 missiles on my helicopter. 00:33:29.960 --> 00:33:32.539 There can't be more than 37 Americans. Maybe 00:33:32.539 --> 00:33:34.339 he wanted an upgrade. Maybe he wanted one of 00:33:34.339 --> 00:33:36.640 those helicopters. Boom. That just crossed my 00:33:36.640 --> 00:33:38.779 mind too. Maybe he wanted to commandeer all the 00:33:38.779 --> 00:33:41.319 Apaches afterwards. So that's the smart move. 00:33:41.559 --> 00:33:43.559 So blowing all their shit up wouldn't have done 00:33:43.559 --> 00:33:46.220 it. That's smarter than this movie. Yeah. Line 00:33:46.220 --> 00:33:47.920 them all to Russia. You gave him more credit 00:33:47.920 --> 00:33:50.660 than it's worth, Sean. I think he wanted background 00:33:50.660 --> 00:33:54.160 explosions. When the first explosion happens 00:33:54.160 --> 00:33:56.640 at the camp, tommy lee jones and nick cage immediately 00:33:56.640 --> 00:34:00.380 just run towards the explosion there's like no 00:34:00.380 --> 00:34:03.279 self -preservation there yeah well their army 00:34:03.279 --> 00:34:05.960 not air force air force would have run away if 00:34:05.960 --> 00:34:08.380 you were in a situation like that running towards 00:34:08.380 --> 00:34:10.820 a thing that just blew up might be the safest 00:34:10.820 --> 00:34:13.679 spot before you know it's not like they're gonna 00:34:13.679 --> 00:34:18.519 shoot the same spot twice right away twice right 00:34:18.519 --> 00:34:21.280 away well yeah don't worry about that you're 00:34:21.280 --> 00:34:24.480 you're only talking about lightning there I mean, 00:34:24.480 --> 00:34:28.280 the helicopter had to go for another pass. Yeah, 00:34:28.320 --> 00:34:33.699 that could have been the worst. That was probably 00:34:33.699 --> 00:34:36.880 the worst part of the action sequence was just 00:34:36.880 --> 00:34:43.119 like that opening salvo of stupid. We need something 00:34:43.119 --> 00:34:46.119 to drive your heartbeat kind of action. Here's 00:34:46.119 --> 00:34:48.519 a little zoom in on the guy whose arm got blown 00:34:48.519 --> 00:34:51.380 off. Like, I mean, that's cool. I love a good 00:34:51.380 --> 00:34:54.000 arm blown off. Not a single boat chase in this 00:34:54.000 --> 00:34:57.239 film sucks. What was your favorite part, Eric? 00:34:57.360 --> 00:35:01.079 Favorite part? I couldn't fucking fix on anything. 00:35:01.719 --> 00:35:04.760 It was a stupid thing. And credits were pretty 00:35:04.760 --> 00:35:06.980 cool. Was it fucking to that Phil Collins song? 00:35:07.380 --> 00:35:12.679 Oh, good Lord. The Phil Collins sex scene was 00:35:12.679 --> 00:35:19.440 a lot. Yeah. It was like, oh, there was nipple. 00:35:19.579 --> 00:35:22.530 There was nipple in there. I will say that fucking 00:35:22.530 --> 00:35:24.750 to Phil Collins is pretty run -of -the -mill 00:35:24.750 --> 00:35:28.610 for me. I'm a pretty hard Genesis fucker myself, 00:35:28.929 --> 00:35:33.469 but... You like those compression drums? Yeah. 00:35:35.050 --> 00:35:37.710 What, you guys don't have a curated soundtrack? 00:35:38.769 --> 00:35:42.849 My fuck track? Of Phil Collins songs? Of Phil 00:35:42.849 --> 00:35:51.679 Collins, yeah. It's all Susu Studio. yeah that 00:35:51.679 --> 00:35:55.360 tracks god did i even have a favorite part of 00:35:55.360 --> 00:35:58.000 this film it's a tough question right yeah i 00:35:58.000 --> 00:36:00.320 like when uh i like when they finally kill uh 00:36:00.320 --> 00:36:04.500 stole the bad guy and he has this one like spoken 00:36:04.500 --> 00:36:07.199 part where he just kind of yells and just it's 00:36:07.199 --> 00:36:12.539 weirdly gory yeah they really like fucking really 00:36:12.539 --> 00:36:14.920 relished the fact that they were killing him 00:36:14.920 --> 00:36:19.320 up good this guy we had zero interest in killing 00:36:19.849 --> 00:36:22.610 Aside from getting through the film. Yeah. Yeah. 00:36:23.670 --> 00:36:26.550 And knowing what he went on to produce, I'm like, 00:36:26.570 --> 00:36:33.670 no, he's a hero. National treasure. Yeah. Any, 00:36:33.730 --> 00:36:37.769 any favorite moment or quote? That's fine too. 00:36:37.909 --> 00:36:40.130 I mean, my quote was the three pecker goat quote. 00:36:40.170 --> 00:36:43.389 That's a good one. It's so good. I got some, 00:36:43.389 --> 00:36:47.030 I got some actual Nick Cage quotes here. I was 00:36:47.030 --> 00:36:49.269 a fan of, I lost a little bit of control there. 00:36:49.630 --> 00:36:54.650 But now everything's cool. Oh, man. Who is the 00:36:54.650 --> 00:37:00.050 lady in there? Sean, Sean, Sean Young. She really 00:37:00.050 --> 00:37:03.269 didn't like what he was saying. And and Nick 00:37:03.269 --> 00:37:05.210 Cage just raised his eyebrows. Oh, yeah. She 00:37:05.210 --> 00:37:08.110 says, I want you to stop this. Right, right. 00:37:08.170 --> 00:37:11.190 Waggles his eyes salaciously. That was my favorite 00:37:11.190 --> 00:37:14.130 quote. Yeah, that was a good one. He is so horny. 00:37:14.150 --> 00:37:16.510 Yeah, he's super horny. Oh, I respect that a 00:37:16.510 --> 00:37:21.320 lot. Arguably, the most clever line of this film 00:37:21.320 --> 00:37:25.380 is Jake Preston to Brad Little. Well, that's 00:37:25.380 --> 00:37:29.739 really big of you, Little. He's so dumb. I loved 00:37:29.739 --> 00:37:33.820 it. You know what I love about this movie and 00:37:33.820 --> 00:37:35.179 what I couldn't stop thinking about the whole 00:37:35.179 --> 00:37:40.300 time? It has the budget and feel of an early 00:37:40.300 --> 00:37:45.199 90s USA TV show. This is something I would have 00:37:45.199 --> 00:37:49.380 watched right after Renegade. Yeah. I told Josie 00:37:49.380 --> 00:37:51.539 I would much rather be watching Airwolf through 00:37:51.539 --> 00:37:54.519 this whole thing. Oh, 100%. No, there's a reason 00:37:54.519 --> 00:37:58.780 that this thing got made. It had a time and a 00:37:58.780 --> 00:38:03.059 place. Yeah. Immediately after Top Gun. Yeah, 00:38:03.239 --> 00:38:07.920 exactly. Top Gun came out in 1986, and it had 00:38:07.920 --> 00:38:09.860 a budget of $15 million, and this had a budget 00:38:09.860 --> 00:38:14.440 of $22 million in 1990. So it's basically the 00:38:14.440 --> 00:38:17.829 exact same budget, but sucks shit. By comparison. 00:38:17.829 --> 00:38:21.750 Was there that much inflation between in three 00:38:21.750 --> 00:38:25.269 years? That's Josh. Yeah. Hey, drop down in the 00:38:25.269 --> 00:38:27.269 comments. Tell me what the inflation difference 00:38:27.269 --> 00:38:30.530 was. What was the cost of living difference between 00:38:30.530 --> 00:38:35.090 89 and 86? Yeah, I think the only other quote 00:38:35.090 --> 00:38:38.210 that stood out to me was right at the end when 00:38:38.210 --> 00:38:41.309 Cage gets himself in. He's ready to mount. You 00:38:41.309 --> 00:38:43.449 know, he's pulled himself into the back position. 00:38:43.769 --> 00:38:46.969 He just says. I thought that happened. And he 00:38:46.969 --> 00:38:48.869 just says, I'm going to kill him now. And that's 00:38:48.869 --> 00:38:53.550 it. Yeah. That was a sweet maneuver when he got 00:38:53.550 --> 00:38:56.750 into that. Like, Oh yeah. Yeah. Pretty tight. 00:38:57.489 --> 00:39:00.590 I just want to say, I love that. I'm just scrolling 00:39:00.590 --> 00:39:02.409 down IMDB and when I get to the user reviews, 00:39:02.570 --> 00:39:05.250 the first two that popped up are just like, not 00:39:05.250 --> 00:39:09.190 as bad as most people say. Yeah. Okay. So I was 00:39:09.190 --> 00:39:10.710 thinking about that. Cause I saw that, that review 00:39:10.710 --> 00:39:13.150 too. And I was like, you know what? It's kind 00:39:13.150 --> 00:39:16.010 of accurate because like, I thought this was 00:39:16.010 --> 00:39:20.530 going to be a two. And like it was maybe a four. 00:39:20.829 --> 00:39:25.789 This is a solid very poorly reviewed. And I think 00:39:25.789 --> 00:39:29.489 it's kind of less worthy of that kind of hate. 00:39:29.590 --> 00:39:32.610 Yeah. To fully align with what everybody else 00:39:32.610 --> 00:39:35.929 is saying, but with using different words. Yes. 00:39:36.010 --> 00:39:42.289 Yeah. It is not as bad as you think it is. But 00:39:42.289 --> 00:39:46.219 it's bad. Yeah. Like temper your expectations, 00:39:46.280 --> 00:39:50.159 but don't let yourself fall into the trap. All 00:39:50.159 --> 00:39:51.460 right, Eric, where would you put this on the 00:39:51.460 --> 00:39:54.860 matrix? Good movie, bad movie, good cage, bad 00:39:54.860 --> 00:39:57.239 cage, good, good, bad, bad, good, bad, bad, good. 00:39:57.619 --> 00:40:03.679 OK, movie, bad cage. OK, bold. He had he had 00:40:03.679 --> 00:40:07.079 his cage moments. Holy shit. Like in the simulator. 00:40:07.340 --> 00:40:10.039 Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That that was huge. But 00:40:10.039 --> 00:40:14.739 no, this was Tommy Lee Jones. I wish he narrated 00:40:14.739 --> 00:40:18.719 his actual fights the way he narrated his simulated 00:40:18.719 --> 00:40:21.519 fights. Yeah, his video game. Just with some 00:40:21.519 --> 00:40:27.699 complete gamer douchebag in the air. I'm the 00:40:27.699 --> 00:40:31.340 greatest. I'm the greatest. I am the greatest. 00:40:31.579 --> 00:40:34.739 I am the greatest. No, the best part of the movie 00:40:34.739 --> 00:40:40.500 was Nick Cage doing his shoot him, sting him. 00:40:42.380 --> 00:40:46.059 Finger in the bottom. Yeah, he had it all. LaBuzzy. 00:40:46.519 --> 00:40:51.800 LaBuzzy. Get him in the LaBuzzy. I'm inclined 00:40:51.800 --> 00:40:55.039 to agree with that. Yeah, like... You're inclined 00:40:55.039 --> 00:40:59.480 to agree with get him in the LaBuzzy? Yeah. No, 00:40:59.480 --> 00:41:03.280 but like, fine film, bad cage. Yeah. I would 00:41:03.280 --> 00:41:07.780 watch this movie again if I was in an Airbnb 00:41:07.780 --> 00:41:11.829 that... Only had basic cable and this is what 00:41:11.829 --> 00:41:15.050 was on. Or just a bunch of weird VHS. Yeah. Yeah. 00:41:15.130 --> 00:41:17.929 And it was between this and City of Angels. Oh, 00:41:17.969 --> 00:41:20.510 I would watch this over City of Angels for sure. 00:41:21.530 --> 00:41:25.550 Like any day of the week. Actually, every day 00:41:25.550 --> 00:41:29.329 of the week. Yeah. Give me seven choices between 00:41:29.329 --> 00:41:32.590 this and City of Angels. I'd watch this. Yeah. 00:41:32.690 --> 00:41:36.010 All right. I'd find a better quote. I would stop 00:41:36.010 --> 00:41:39.860 Googling what goat penises look like. And I would 00:41:39.860 --> 00:41:43.139 start using Chad GPT to stack three goat penises 00:41:43.139 --> 00:41:45.360 so I know what a three -peckered goat's up to. 00:41:46.079 --> 00:41:47.940 Is that a thing about goats? Do they fuck a lot? 00:41:48.039 --> 00:41:49.380 Do I just not know anything about goats? I think 00:41:49.380 --> 00:41:54.179 goats are known to be horny. No, one pecker on 00:41:54.179 --> 00:41:55.599 a goat wouldn't be sufficient. I'm just thinking 00:41:55.599 --> 00:41:58.719 horny goat weed. Oh, yeah. One pecker on a goat 00:41:58.719 --> 00:42:00.019 would be fine. Right back to gas station drugs. 00:42:00.119 --> 00:42:03.500 Nice. Yeah, there we go. I grew up only knowing 00:42:03.500 --> 00:42:06.340 that goats get on your cars and they eat everything 00:42:06.340 --> 00:42:09.179 because my dad is very prejudiced against goats. 00:42:09.579 --> 00:42:13.059 And so we never had goats. We had a lot of animals 00:42:13.059 --> 00:42:17.019 when I grew up, but we never had goats. Because 00:42:17.019 --> 00:42:22.159 my dad would straight up say, we won't have goats 00:42:22.159 --> 00:42:25.219 because they climb on the vehicles and they eat 00:42:25.219 --> 00:42:28.159 all the things you don't want them to eat. They 00:42:28.159 --> 00:42:32.269 eat that little buzzy. A goat will eat that LaBuzzy. 00:42:32.469 --> 00:42:35.530 Yeah. A goat don't care between Bussy and Pussy. 00:42:35.750 --> 00:42:37.809 They'll eat a Wednesday LaBuzzy. They don't give 00:42:37.809 --> 00:42:45.010 a shit. Oh, Lord. Sean, last thoughts. I'm going 00:42:45.010 --> 00:42:48.630 to tell your kids this is Top Gun. Fuck you. 00:42:49.829 --> 00:42:52.289 Here's my secret shame. Laid bare. I've never 00:42:52.289 --> 00:42:56.130 actually watched Top Gun. Me neither. Oh, yeah. 00:42:56.989 --> 00:42:59.389 Hell yeah. OK, I'm going to watch the volleyball 00:42:59.389 --> 00:43:01.650 scene. It is fun to watch. Yeah, I mean, I've 00:43:01.650 --> 00:43:05.250 heard that. I'm sure it is. You get the Val Kilmer 00:43:05.250 --> 00:43:09.630 Iceman scenes like, oh, I love me some Val Kilmer. 00:43:09.650 --> 00:43:13.110 Gold, gold. In college, there was a chick that 00:43:13.110 --> 00:43:15.510 I called Rook because she was new to the program 00:43:15.510 --> 00:43:18.670 and she was calling me Gunner. That was pretty 00:43:18.670 --> 00:43:22.570 cool. Nice. I liked having that nickname. Gunner. 00:43:22.570 --> 00:43:25.010 Gunner and Rook. So that came about because she 00:43:25.010 --> 00:43:27.489 was working at a movie theater and they only 00:43:27.489 --> 00:43:30.730 had to so many things that they could play like 00:43:30.730 --> 00:43:33.449 audio wise in the lobby. So she listened to the 00:43:33.449 --> 00:43:37.610 Top Gun soundtrack a lot. OK, I think that's 00:43:37.610 --> 00:43:40.190 it. Right. Eric, final thoughts. I don't have. 00:43:40.289 --> 00:43:43.429 Yeah, actually, I think this movie was great. 00:43:44.190 --> 00:43:47.889 Well, hold on. You just changed everything. What 00:43:47.889 --> 00:43:51.960 made it go from fine to great? Two extra peckers. 00:43:52.059 --> 00:43:56.519 So many peckers. They touch on women in the military. 00:43:58.059 --> 00:44:00.219 And how they shouldn't be there, right? Yeah, 00:44:00.219 --> 00:44:05.480 okay. Yeah, that's what Nick said about it. Cage, 00:44:05.800 --> 00:44:12.760 not me. I'm cool. I'm cool. I'll use gun tone, 00:44:12.840 --> 00:44:15.019 ladies. Don't worry, I'm on your side. Yeah, 00:44:15.019 --> 00:44:18.260 there you go. Is this my fucking dad again? Yeah, 00:44:18.340 --> 00:44:20.840 it is. It is. That's funny. He's inviting me 00:44:20.840 --> 00:44:23.139 to a fishing trip this weekend, but I can't go. 00:44:23.340 --> 00:44:25.460 But I haven't been able to talk to him in the 00:44:25.460 --> 00:44:28.760 last 30 minutes. Fair enough. Hey, dad, if you're 00:44:28.760 --> 00:44:30.900 listening to this in a week and a half. Yeah. 00:44:31.280 --> 00:44:33.519 I can't make it. I can't come. Tomorrow. Sorry. 00:44:33.820 --> 00:44:35.679 Has your dad listened to the podcast? Oh, man. 00:44:35.860 --> 00:44:37.760 Dad, I can't come. No, I think they listened 00:44:37.760 --> 00:44:41.099 to like one episode, but they were. fully unprepared 00:44:41.099 --> 00:44:43.079 for the words that come out of my mouth yeah 00:44:43.079 --> 00:44:45.019 my parents uh they struggled with that a little 00:44:45.019 --> 00:44:46.719 bit like the words that come out of my mouth 00:44:46.719 --> 00:44:50.000 no my mouth um certainly i mean yours too probably 00:44:50.000 --> 00:44:53.440 but uh i'm largely the most offensive person 00:44:53.440 --> 00:44:55.599 on this podcast i hold no bones against that 00:44:55.599 --> 00:44:58.599 but my mom my greatest discovery was that my 00:44:58.599 --> 00:45:01.679 mom has like a really filthy mouth but was always 00:45:01.679 --> 00:45:05.139 reined in by my dad throughout the years so like 00:45:05.139 --> 00:45:06.760 every once in a while i've had these like phone 00:45:06.760 --> 00:45:08.260 conversations with her where she's just like 00:45:08.260 --> 00:45:10.980 your dad's not here fuck that shit and i'm like 00:45:10.980 --> 00:45:15.539 yes get it mom do it i identify with that so 00:45:15.539 --> 00:45:17.340 much yeah holy shit but anyway she was a little 00:45:17.340 --> 00:45:19.780 surprised by some of the shit that we say maybe 00:45:19.780 --> 00:45:23.239 a little too much dick and cum talk but too much 00:45:23.239 --> 00:45:25.440 three pecker goat what's a goat boner look like 00:45:25.440 --> 00:45:27.500 we didn't talk about piss at all this time hey 00:45:27.500 --> 00:45:31.949 it's not too late all right it is too late thank 00:45:31.949 --> 00:45:34.010 you all for listening and thank you to our sparkle 00:45:34.010 --> 00:45:37.550 buddies josh josie matt adam bill and stewart 00:45:37.550 --> 00:45:40.469 and to our cage dancers ira john freeman nathan 00:45:40.469 --> 00:45:43.309 and cameron and to bill panks for our uh theme 00:45:43.309 --> 00:45:46.730 music and thank you all for being a part of our 00:45:46.730 --> 00:45:51.110 dumb assery that includes you sean and you nick 00:45:51.110 --> 00:45:54.789 and you eric and me yep i'm glad to be finally 00:45:54.789 --> 00:45:58.230 included in this yeah right it's only taken three 00:45:58.230 --> 00:46:18.380 years Bye -bye. Thank you. Bye -bye. I see so 00:46:18.380 --> 00:46:22.639 many adults wearing dare shirts down here. Oh, 00:46:22.639 --> 00:46:25.380 I used to have a sick dare shirt from when I 00:46:25.380 --> 00:46:29.139 was in dare. Nice. And it still fit me because 00:46:29.139 --> 00:46:33.719 I was a... A broad -shouldered child. Yeah, I 00:46:33.719 --> 00:46:35.840 was a giant child. Look at me. Obviously, I was 00:46:35.840 --> 00:46:38.900 a giant as a child, too. How old were you until 00:46:38.900 --> 00:46:42.739 you grew out of your head? Never. I'm still growing 00:46:42.739 --> 00:46:45.559 into it. One of these days. Yeah, I think I've 00:46:45.559 --> 00:46:48.860 still got three inches in shoulder width to go 00:46:48.860 --> 00:46:50.820 before it matches my head size.