Oh, God. Oh, my God. Cheers, yeah. Enjoy some
buzz ball. Cheers, Sean. Salud. I mean, it kind
of just tastes like a white Russian. It's not
terrible, actually. It pretty much is a white
Russian. Yeah. Except it's orange wine. Wow.
It's a very weird concept as a base for a beverage.
For a chocolate drink. For a chocolate drink.
Here's your orange wine base. Your 15 % alcohol
chocolate milk. What is happening over there?
Well, OK, so a couple of recordings ago, a couple,
like quite a few recordings ago, Nick, for some
reason, brought. buzz balls which i'm sure you
have seen in like the gas station yes oh you
can get them on the airplanes too oh really yeah
get those on an airplane that's a hundred are
you flying spirit you can get them on spirit
you can get them on frontier you can get them
on allegiance you can get them on all the low
-cost carriers yeah nice um so then when i was
in leavenworth i was wandering around and i said
nick a picture i was like well next time we've
got to up our game a little bit and it was What
he's about to show you, a buzzball biggie. It's
one and a half liters. This podcast is going
to devolve real quickly. Well, it depends if
we drink all three of those buzzball biggies.
I may be leaving my car on the side of the road
and you're bringing it home. That would imply
this podcast has ever evolved into anything.
Yeah, that's true. We've never really been on
the rules. I mean, it evolved into something
that lasted as long as it has, so it involved
in something. Yeah. I mean, that's just sheer
stick -to -itiveness. And Peter not letting us
skip a week. You mean stubbornness. Stubbornness
is the correct word, Sean. I like stick -to -itiveness.
Hey, who's a podcast host here? Yeah, Michael.
We get to make up the words. You're in our realm
now, bitch. Fine. Yeah. Considering you've never
listened to an episode of our podcast, you have
no idea what you're in for. I've listened to
five. Hey, all right. Really? When did that happen?
The first five. Oh, you picked Portland. And
then I realized, no, I don't really need to hear
Sean and Nick talk about Nick Cage anymore. I
listen to Sean and Nick at the bar almost every
day. So, you know. Yeah, but you don't get your
fill of me now, now that I'm in Portland. I know.
So maybe I'll go back and listen to them. I recommend
going backwards now. Start from the beginning.
No, no, no. Start from the end and go backwards.
I will promise you one thing. Except for the
podcast episode. That one's weird to do reverse.
I will promise you one thing. I will not listen
to this episode that we're recording now. That's
fair. Because I hate listening to myself, whether
it's in an interview or anything. Join the long
list of other people who hate listening to you.
Yeah, I know you're on it. Yeah, you're really
only here for one reason. Yeah, just because
you made me watch that god -awful film. No, to
answer for the Italians. Yeah. Oh, I get it.
This is a racist heritage thing. It is, in fact,
actually. Because we've decided long ago that
Italians are not people. My nonna will come after
you. I don't need to go after Uncle Sal here.
We have a strong stance in this podcast about
this. I don't even remember why it started, but
we really dug into it. Captain Crowley's Mandolin,
I think. It was Captain Crowley. That tracks.
The other war movie. That tracks. He at least
did an accent in that one. This one was really
not even an attempt. No. oh i mean he was like
25 when he did that movie this movie i mean yeah
but he's done accent work at this point i mean
well at 25 really well so i mean previously he
had done an accent it's a very like weird new
yorker kind of accent for um vampire's kiss but
he he's doing a voice certainly it's like he
can commit he just didn't commit to being poorly
Italian. I don't think anybody ever, like, asked
him to do a voice for this one, though. Why did
he get into this movie? I don't know. This is
a very strange one. I mean, I gotta surmise that
he must have been dating some Italian chick who
knew the director and wanted to impress her.
Maybe. There's very little facts out there. Sean,
what were you gonna say? I would assume, to Nick's
point about no one having asked him to do an
accent, I assume someone asked him not to, because
I think his go -to response would be an accent.
He does love his accent work. Yeah, maybe Boston
Cop just really didn't play. That's probably
it. Welcome back to Cage Match, calling a roundabout
way of meeting Nicholas Cage. I'm your host,
Sean, with my co -host, Nick, and our producer,
Peter. Hello. And our friend, Michael. Hello.
Welcome aboard, Michael. Thank you. You arguably
have more on -mic experience than us. No, we
probably have more. We got hours on this shit.
Yeah, you guys probably have more than I do.
We got days worth of content. We got days worth
of our voices. Except I have TV experience where
you don't. That's true. But that's because we're
heinously ugly. And that's because I do politics.
It's only because Pornhub wouldn't let me put
up a sponsorship thing with them. Thank God.
It was going to be a great deal. I'm sure. We
should have done it like when South Park had
Saddam Hussein. you know it's just the head with
a little flappy jaw it's just our faces doing
that the whole time like just do a jib jab yeah
yeah yeah exactly but like a porny jib jab of
course yeah this makes sense to me that makes
our p episode a lot weirder no way guy so uh
nick what do we do on this podcast uh we mostly
talk over each other uh tell p jokes and Make
fun of Hayden. Yep. Yeah, that pretty much sums
it up. Yeah, I just left Hayden over at the bar
and he told me, yeah, they're going to talk about
piss for the first five minutes like they did
with me. I mean, we can. You guys want to do
piss talk? Here we are. Just wait till you get
older and it slows down. Oh, man. I think this
movie only brings up poop talk. That's true.
It does. It does. Yeah. That one guy, he's real
regular at 1530. 1530 every day. I'm about to
shit my pants. Yeah. I just started the new episodes
of King of the Hill. Hat tip to Sean for reminding
me that that was coming out. And it starts off
with Hank Hill struggling to piss in an airport
in an airplane bathroom. No, no, it's real. When
you're when you're taller than six foot, you
know, getting in those airplane bathrooms and
yeah. it's it's it's a real problem plus he has
a narrow you know do like this and how many times
a night are you up to pee at this point michael
it depends on how much beer i've drank in that
day so so if i if i haven't drank a lot of beer
it's one if i have drank a lot of beer it's two
to three yeah what about buzzball biggies yeah
i don't know we'll find out you tell us tomorrow
we've got three of them here are we gonna get
through each of all of them god no wait you don't
each have your own Those have to be future investments.
Yeah, we're passing that down the line to future
guests. I was really enjoying the joke because
I loaded them onto the counter and then the guy
started ringing them up and I was like, oh no,
I made a mistake. But I can't back out now. God,
this thing's delicious. I mean, that's why I
had to pick the choco because, you know, the
lime marina was going to be boring. That's true.
I mean, the berry one or this one made the most
sense. So I feel pleased. Berries that are, you
know. bright blue somehow okay blueberries blueberries
yeah but they're like more purple than that color
yeah yeah they're red on the inside very natural
color don't worry about it also blue is blue
is a flavor just oh yeah blue is definitely a
flavor but this usually raspberry this blue is
cherry berry lemonade which doesn't make any
sense oh man okay so a time to kill 1989 or sorry
not a time to kill 1989 time to kill 1989 right
big difference one has matthew mcconaughey a
real actor yeah hey nicholas cage is a real actor
he just gets paid for acting yeah yeah this was
a little rough rough around the edges but michael
why don't you uh walk us through what the fuck
this movie is yeah give john a synopsis yeah
john john called us out he's correct but uh what
did john call you out on not giving synopses
yeah okay well fair enough So, I mean, I wrote
down the description that was in Amazon Prime,
which is, you know, the streaming service that
I watched it in. Not an advertisement yet. No,
no, no. I wish it was. I wish you guys got paid
to do this stuff. That'd be sweet. That makes
four of us. So, the description according to
Amazon Prime. In 1935, when Ethiopia was invaded
by the Italian army, Lieutenant Silvestri, played
by Nicolas Cage, sets off for the nearest camp
hospital to take care of a toothache. En route,
he meets a young Ethiopian woman, which leads
to a tragic course of events that devastates
his entire life. So that's their description
of what of her life. And I really like that description
for this film because. It gives you just like
a couple of key things like. The Italians suck.
This guy's got a toothache and something is going
to change the course of this film. Yeah, it's
like leaves a lot open. And it drew me into that.
So go ahead. And so he goes, he has this toothache.
He goes to this other Italian army post where
they're building a bridge, trying to find the
doctor. This other guy says, oh, you've got to
go to the main camp. And here's the quick way.
Don't take the road. He goes the quick way. He
shows up at this little waterfall lake and there's
this beautiful Ethiopian naked girl in it. So
what does he do? I would stress girl. yeah yeah
yeah definitely definitely not um yeah so that's
another strike against the italians okay yeah
well i mean the italians didn't exactly wrap
themselves in glory in the 1930s so you know
we can wrap himself in anything in this movie
well i mean the girl tries to wrap herself up
but we'll discuss that in a second um and so
he you know the girl gets out of the lake and
she's butt naked and you know he then goes and
decides oh well she's cute i'm gonna rape her
15 minutes in the movie in a rape scene i'm like
do i just turn it off now no i've gotta commit
i've gotta watch this whole thing now you could
have come in here and done the power play of
like You stopped at that 15 minute mark and then
you just make up the rest of the story. And we're
all like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I could have.
And that thought did cross my mind. And I decided,
no, I'd stick with the bit to see where this
was going. And so then within 10 minutes, a rare
bit of integrity from an Italian. Hey, you know,
I'm half Irish. The Italian's only a quarter.
That's not making it better. I just proved you're
willing to drink a buzzball. I won't tell you
my other quarter is because that goes with the
Italian. It's German. But, you know, boy, three
drunk, stubborn, stupid. Yeah, whatever. So then
10 minutes later, he kills her. I mean, it was
accidental, but we'll get back to that. We'll
get back to that. I don't know that it was. Well,
I mean, we'll talk about that part, too. We can
talk about the inferences the movie makes in
there, but he does kill her. So we've got a rapist,
a murderer, and, you know, I mean, great way
to first 20 minutes of a movie. And so there's
really, you know, all these little scenes of
this major and that lieutenant and this person
who all could have reported him at any point.
And it would have fucked up his shore leave.
It would have fucked up his shore leave to get
back to Italy to go see his wife. Mm hmm. So
he rapes a girl even though he's married. It's
Italian. It's romantic right now. Have fun editing
this one, Peter. Yeah, it's a doozy already.
And he ends up on the boat to go back to Italy
with the entire Italian troops because they've,
quote, won the war and no one gave a crap about
what he did to the native girl because you know
that's how colonizers work yeah pretty much so
there's your synopsis john at one point he thinks
he has leprosy Yeah, I mean, so I rewrote the
description for Amazon in case anyone's interested.
I do want to hear your rewrite. Okay, so the
rewrite, you know, it starts out the same. In
1935, when Ethiopia is being invaded by the Italian
army, Lieutenant Silvestri rapes and murders
an Ethiopian child and tries to cover it up from
his superiors. What ensues is a series of encounters
with army officers that could report him, but
don't. And Lieutenant Silvestri departs for Italy
with no repercussions as colonizers don't care
about the rape and murder. indigenous women nice
do you think they're gonna accept a better description
no i don't because no one would watch that movie
well facts aren't very interesting you did leave
out possibly the best scene in the film oh the
major in his poop well no uh i know it's overshadowed
by the whole uh lake rape when he's walking along
and he sees that chameleon and he's like this
is also my favorite quote And he just looks and
he's like, smoke, smoke, picks up the chameleon
and just puts a cigarette in its mouth and lets
it go. So one of the only notes I saw about this
movie is that in the UK they cut. 17 seconds
out of this movie and it was that scene yeah
nothing else no objections anywhere just that
we're not fucking around with a cigarette in
a lizard's mouth i think they actually have pretty
strong like laws against like animals smoking
they do i mean i mean pita pita started in the
uk oh okay the way that chameleon just held it
just a big ass rolly It's like that thing had
to have died so quickly after that. It's a chameleon.
It was going to die anyways. It was Africa. I
mean, come on. We all knew that cigarette wasn't
lit. There was no smoke coming off. It was a
prop. I mean, you know, but yeah, it was funny.
I agree. I appreciate it. What a weird thing
to do, though. You just encounter natural wildlife
and you're like, I'm going to put a smoke in
your mouth. To be fair, in the 30s without like
YouTube, I would probably be playing cigarettes
and animals. mouth check it out bird with a cigarette
to be fair as someone old enough not to remember
days with internet you know we did discuss living
in london putting you know alka seltzer in the
bird feed for the pigeons in trawler square so
yeah i can't say that i ever actually did that
i also can't say i never did that so you know
fair enough They can't they can't hear your wink
on our audio podcast. Yeah, you know, and if
a bird eats Alka -Seltzer, you know, birds can't
burp. Yeah, it just builds up in their stomach.
Oh, we knew this in Oregon, too. Yeah, we had
seagulls. They suck. Birds in general suck. Yeah,
fuck you, Pete. Yeah, I feel it on birds as well
now. So this movie is kind of split up into two
different narrative chunks. There's. The friend
of Mario. Yeah. Who is recounting this tale of
what happened. And he's just a narrator at this,
like in the beginning and at the end, he kind
of bookends the film with like, hey, this is
a story from the war as it was like told to me,
basically. Then it goes into Nicolas Cage's story
as it was told to Mario. And this is all dramatized
in color. And then, you know, his book ended
at the end with Mario again being like, and,
you know, that's how things went down. And I
never saw him again. Real. What's that movie?
Banger of an ending. The one with the kids and
the train. Goonies? No. Goonies doesn't have
a train. That's a boat. Say anything? It's got
Will Wheaton in it. It does have Wil Wheaton
in it. It does. Yeah. Stand by me. Stand by me.
Yeah, I was close. I didn't ask at the beginning.
You were close. Yeah. Doesn't matter. It doesn't
have Nick Cage. So it's got like a real stand
by me thing going with the whole like, oh, and
then they fade into the history. So like with
the story that Nicolas Cage's character Enrico
tells, it's like, oh, he goes off and. you know
as the toothache so he has to leave six hours
before the convoy that was going to take them
so which i can sympathize with toothache suck
and oh boy when he finally gets to that camp
and they pull that tooth out it's just like some
forceps that have been in heated yeah just sitting
there in a flame and it's like i don't I don't
envy you. Open up. Is this going to hurt? Yeah.
Yes. We did get a good Nicolas Cage scream out
of that. It was good. It's true. Amazingly short
and weird cuts in this movie, too. Like directorially,
it's very strange. Yeah. That scream. And then
it's just immediately cut off and it's just talking
next. It's it's very 80s Italian Europeans style.
Yeah. Really mashed. The filming felt very European
in it. Yeah. So like he leaves to go find this
doctor. Goes to a construction like his truck
crashes, goes to a construction site. And some
dude who's hella sketchy is like, oh, yeah, don't
walk along the road. Go into the bush. And what
does he do with that guy? He puts a cigarette
in his mouth. Yeah, it's true. He gives him a
cigarette. So we have an established like a series
of actions where he puts cigarettes and things.
It's good for him. It's when he stops doing that,
that everything goes wrong. That's true. Well,
you know, rations, you only get so many cigarettes.
I don't know. I don't think there was a scene
that went by where he wasn't smoking. Yeah. Right,
because he rationed for himself. Yes. That chameleon
got the last good one. Last freebie. I mean,
you know. Yeah. Okay, well. Gotta treat the animals
nice when you treat yourself. So, like, yeah,
all of this is just how he presents it. He is
an unreliable narrator, right? He makes himself
out to be sort of not heroic, but not like a
super bad guy. Right. Even though he has committed
horrible crimes, he's sort of like, ah, shit
just happens. Right. I'm Italian. You know, here
it is. And oh, what was me? Yeah. And in like.
He definitely shot that girl. Right. But was
it truly the ricochet because he was shooting
at hyenas? Yeah. Ostensibly. In his retelling
of it, he's shooting at a hyena or a jackal or
whatever to like scare it away. And a ricochet
bounces back and hits the girl. Right. In the
stomach. In the stomach. But then later. And
ostensibly he says. Well, yeah. Yeah. We find
out later. But his original story was, oh, and
then she died. And then I came back to camp.
Right. Because he asked his buddy, you know,
how can you can you survive a gut shot? How long?
How long can you survive a gut shot? You know,
like, I mean, also in his retelling, he's honest
about the rape. And then the immediate next scene
is her all like, let me hold your hand. Yeah,
I love you. Yeah. Being very daddy's. Yes, it's
it's just all types of just uncomfortable. And
I think having lived through the 80s. That movie
probably would have played a little better and
that scene would have probably played a little
better than how we look at it in a modern time
construct. Yeah, Revenge of the Nerds was a thing,
right? Yeah, right. I mean, this one, but this
one was just way more overt than you saw in other
80s movies. Yeah, this one had a visible no.
I'm going to rape you. And there was a visible
no. In Revenge of the Nerds, there was trickery
involved. Correct. Right. yeah and in porkies
they call it a tallywhacker yeah so that's a
that's a lost word you know this one was just
way more overt which yeah coming out of the italians
doesn't strike me as uh you know unusual also
i was just re -watching the beginning of this
film before we got on and yeah i we have the
thing with the woman at the lake and then he
says that he sees what he believes to be her
family and some type of procession come through.
And then it cuts back to the present. Well, the
present as it's being told from where he's telling
it, then the bridge site has been destroyed,
attacked by, by, you know, the, the Ethiopians
who the Italians are trying to colonize. Right.
Yeah. And then they go through and while they're
like, Trying to hunt down the attackers, they
find the bodies of all the people in that procession
for the most part. and her town well and the
thing that i think was was missed was and wasn't
very well narrated in the movie was there was
the bit where they were talking about oh this
special division of italian troops were coming
to the campsite but we better get there first
and it's very clear that quote special division
would have been the italian version of the ss
and that the all the dead villagers were reprisals
for the attack on the bridge construction site
That was something that wasn't very clear, but
I understood from, you know, watching way too
many war movies in my childhood. Being Italian,
you just knew. No, it's the war movies. You know,
you watch a lot of war movies when you were in
the 80s. Because, Sean, were you thinking that
he did those murders? I was I mean, that was
kind of like an open question I had was like,
did he kill those people like those people as
well? I was curious about it, too, because it
was very specifically like I'm looking at that
face and now they're dead. I'm looking at that
face and now they're dead. Yeah. No, I mean,
it definitely played that way. But later in the
movie, they they someone says, well, if you didn't
kill her, she'd be dead now because of the reprisals.
There was that line later in the movie. i will
admit uh i had a really hard time i started this
movie last night and i was just like nope can't
do this so i watched it this morning but i watched
it in two halves so i picked up where the movie
kind of shifts into like more of a like screwball
like i'm leaving the military kind of story part
of what i liked about that piece of the arc was
that he did seem to be going crazy Which did
make me think about Vampire's Kiss. He thought
he had leprosy. Because he was feverish because
he didn't have leprosy. His cut that he got when
he fell over and cut his hand on a rock was infected.
But, you know, they didn't know these things
in the 30s. And he had that doctor's book that
said probably leprosy. I hate to say it, penicillin
was invented in 28. Yeah, they knew it. Did the
Italians have it? Yeah. Oh, the Italians were
the first to get penicillin. Yeah, they're a
bunch of whiny little bitches. Of course they
got penicillin. Oh, I was going to say rapists.
Well, that too, but you know. Got to clean up
after. Clean up. I do like of all the people
who he thought was like, of all the reprisal
for like him thinking that people were coming
after him the whole time, there's no repercussions
for him trying to kill the doctor. Yeah, that
was weird, but he did give a fake name. So he
gave a fake name and ran away. Yeah. Well, let's
talk about the the leprosy of it all. He's got
this cut and it's, you know, kind of infected
and it looks real fucking shitty. It's on his
hand. And when he's tooling around with the black
market guy, the guy who runs the black market,
Mario and then the major. Yeah, the major. Yeah.
Yeah. Major, major. They swing by and like. uh
mario goes to try to hit on a couple ladies and
uh what you see from the back is like them showing
mario their hand or whatever and mario's like
and runs away it's like oh those the major is
just like ha ha those girls all have leprosy
and you can tell because they all wear white
turbans all the white turban girls have leprosy
so enrico flashback yeah enrico is just like
oh my god that girl i handled the blood of and
killed uh she totally had a white turban so now
he's convinced that he has leprosy and that's
where like the whole movie is kind of hinged
on this thought like that's the whole uh like
mystery of it all at this point which i think
could be a really effective movie but they didn't
do a great job with it right and i i liked that
because it kind of had the same sort of tie and
feel as like Vampire's Kiss. Like Vampire's Kiss
is just a more polished version of like, do I
have this affliction? But it held my interest
and it was definitely something I liked about
it. I was going to say this is like it's kind
of a different movie at this point. Yeah, it
is. The weird narrative like disjointedness of
this film did not work for me at all. Well, we're
not that far into the film when we get to the
leprosy question. We were halfway. We're halfway
through the film. Halfway or more. Yeah. So there's
still like an hour. Movies, Michael, I know.
This movie was an hour and 35 minutes. I looked
because I had to record how much time I wasted
on it. Yeah. No, we're like a solid like 45 into
the movie when that starts. Yeah. Yeah. At least.
But that's not like changing the movie. It's
just the way the story progresses. The the leprosy
was always going to be the major conflict for
Enrico, because if it wasn't there, well, he
would have just gotten on the boat and left for
his furlough. Yeah, nothing was holding him back.
So it was just a way of introducing everything
up to this is the issue. I mean, if it wasn't
if it wasn't for him thinking he had leprosy,
he would never ended up back at the village with
the father of the woman he raped and killed.
curing his infected wound. And, you know, then
him basically admitting to the father of this
girl that he raped and killed her, which was
weird. Yeah, precisely. If he never questioned
having leprosy, he would have just gone to the
camp doctor, gotten some cream on his hand and
gotten on his boat and left for Italy. Yep. So
the leprosy is the important part. And the story
with the girl is just how it gets connected into
the story. I think how I would have fixed this
movie in my mind is that all of this stuff that
he's doing after he's killed her is this like
self inflection sort of like I'm trying to make
atonement for what I've done. Like go and meet
that guy in the village, but have a language
barrier. And he's just like admitting all these
things to that guy. And the guy's like, I mean,
sure, whatever. I'm going to help you. But. You
know, it's not like literally her dad. Yeah,
it never felt super important that Johan was.
Johannes. Johannes was Miriam's. Actual dad.
Dad, yeah. The implication was there. Sure, but
like the odds of all of that are all insane.
And, you know, I mean, it's just like that. That's
the part that felt trite to me, where like if
it was really about him trying to like clear
his soul, that could be interesting because then
it's just him like. On a different pathway versus
like a forgiveness arc from the literal dad.
I don't even think like that's not something
he was actively seeking at that point either,
because he didn't go to Italy because he didn't
want to be caught because he thought he was being
like chased. He thought he had leprosy and they
wouldn't let him back in. Yeah, if that's why
he was running into a leper colony. If he had
leprosy, they would have just shot him or sent
him into a leper colony like he had no future.
in italy yeah yeah if anybody knew about what
was going on with his hand but the whole thing
with the major when he catches up with him later
he robs the major because he's trying to drive
his way onto a ship yeah to get back to italy
to his wife where his wife can take care of him
and no one will find out he has leprosy exactly
but like the whole thing with him like looking
for atonement from the father that's like that's
never part of his like the journey he himself
is on it just happens Right. That's what I think
is sucky about it. Yeah. And this could also
go back to just the, this is how he told the
story to Mario was, Oh, I went through this whole
journey and you know, through this, I got, you
know, forgiveness from the father. So like no
harm, no foul. And like, Oh, I don't have leprosy.
So cool. Don't worry about it. Like, like this
is all like him saying like, Oh, you know, everything's
good. In reality, he would have gotten on that
ship anyway, even if they knew that he raped
and murdered this native woman, Ethiopian woman,
because, you know, colonizers don't give a fuck
if you rape and murder indigenous women. Literally,
like in the beginning, when he tells Mario, Mario's
like, well, it doesn't seem like anything we
need to tell anybody. It'll just delay your furlough.
Right. Exactly. Yeah. You'll just go through
these proceedings and they'll be like, eh, no
harm, no foul. Yeah. It just keeps you on, keeps
you on land for one more boat's length. So. That
was never a concern. Even his whole redemption
arc, even in the end, he's like, I don't even
like who knows if any of that stuff was real.
Yeah, exactly. Right. Because this is Mario telling
us what this kind of shady dickhead did and what
this shady dickhead told him. Told him he did.
Yeah. This is the accounting of a terrible person.
I just don't think this movie is made well enough
to give it that much credit. Thousand percent
agree. I would disagree. I think this movie's
got a lot to it, and there's some pretty good
legs to how it's built. It's just a little unrefined.
Like, it could have been polished. I think there's
a good story to it. You know, I don't have to
like the content. But is it a story that we really
need to hear? No. Well, we can't pretend like
things don't happen just because we don't like
them. But do you really need that? And it's like
one thing like leaving in his other movie, Leaving
Las Vegas, where there's a rape scene. That was
much, much more of a of a important. plot piece
and it wasn't contrived and it wasn't whereas
this just felt like oh we're gonna rape this
woman because we can yeah it didn't have to be
rape yeah because you could take the the sexual
element out of all of it and it could be that
he found like solace with this woman in the woods
when he's lost and she helps him she gives him
some food but like they could have had moments
that were non sexual in any way you know and
he gives her the watch and all that kind of stuff
it all could still work the same way without
that and they just chose that angle and it feels
very weird yeah it could have done a love it
for a sight thing but no they chose even take
love out of it you could still have the accidental
situation quote unquote of shooting her you know
with the ricochet if there was just like oh well
it's too late to go back to the camp right now
we don't want to be stuck in the woods in the
dark let's make a little campfire like all of
it could be there in a normal way but and not
to say you can't do that you do have other hurdles
in that situation because why would he have killed
her like well if he had shot at the thing and
it bounced and hit her in the gut and that's
the ricochet was the truth well that's yeah if
it was the truth this film is As I recall from
reading the Wikipedia entry after, you know.
Mr. Research here. Wow. You know. Tell us the
director's name. The reality is I can't remember
the director's name. Some Italian guy. I went
to this movie. I raw -dogged this movie. I didn't
look at anything beforehand. The only thing I
read beforehand was the description on Amazon
Prime. I'm just like, all right, I'm just going
to go watch this. Fine, whatever. Then after
it, I looked up on Wikipedia. This movie is actually
based on a book. I'm wondering if the reason
there's dual narrators is the book has dual narrators.
Probably. Whether that works or not is a different
story. I found it a little weird because Whose
voice am I hearing this through? Whose recount
of the story am I listening to? And it seems
like in the first half of the movie, it's the
recount of Mario and how Enrique is telling Mario
what happened. And the second half in the sort
of quasi redemption arc, it's Enrico telling
us what. actually happened and then at the very
end Mario returns and it's hey we're all leaving
Italy so none of this really matters and I never
saw this guy again yeah that sums it up pretty
well really unsatisfying yeah okay This is a
tough one. Bella Luna. Bella Luna. Did any of
you have a quote that you liked from this movie?
Just the have a smoke to the chameleon. No, not
really. I don't think his acting is great in
this film, but there are some performance choices
that are made that are entertaining. Yeah. I
mean, in terms of quotes, Michael, did you have
one? The only one that made me laugh in this
whole movie, there's only one that made me even,
and it wasn't even a laugh, it was a chuckle
at best, was, you know, they're drinking. Not
a comedy. I understand that. But, you know, they're
drinking with the major and he goes, oh, do you
know this person? And the guy goes, not personally.
And they find that absolutely freaking hysterical.
Yeah. So not personally, no, I don't really have
any. Yeah. I there were two that kind of stood
out to me. There's one where he's giving her
food or trying to. I know you're hungry, so I
have something to eat. This is yum, yum, good.
That's the kind of like performance I'm talking
about. Yeah, it was very weird for an Italian.
And then the other one, when when he's with the
major at the end, when he's going to rob him
and the major has to go take his, you know, 330
shit or whatever. 1530 1530 shit sorry in the
military here military 1530 sure European too
I like that he's just doing it like right by
a tree right next to his buddy when you gotta
go you gotta go just right in front of the truck
even god that reminds me of my trip to Mongolia
that's how you had to take a poop in Mongolia
I get it I mean come on you just shit where you
shit you shit where you shit uh but yeah then
so the major is watching him like walk off after
he's been robbed he says if this is your idea
of a joke lieutenant I order you to come back
right here immediately and it's just I'm not
joking, Major. And then he just says, fuck you.
And fuck off. I love that. I love how he also
calls him an anti -fascist in that scene. He's
like, you're an anti -fascist and tries to shoot
him. I took the bullets from your gun. Curses.
Meanwhile, I'm illegally setting up a black market
operation in Ethiopia. I'm not an anti -fascist
at all. Yeah. uh the major was a great character
i liked the major the major was a lot of fun
to watch i had a hard time trying to figure out
the difference between the mario and the major
every once in a while i would mix them up especially
looking at their imdb pictures they aged basically
the exact same and look like the same human being
that's all of italy that's italian oh also amazing
on imdb the the art for this movie is just like
a folded up poster that has all the creases in
it and everything this movie is weird you cannot
find it fucking almost anywhere yeah you found
it on probably freebie on amazon no i had to
pay for it okay yeah yeah so not only did you
guys waste an hour and 35 minutes of your life
yeah well i thought i was gonna watch it twice
so i actually bought it at seven dollars and
74 cents that would have been a steal you guys
wasted seven dollars 74 cents of my money in
an hour and a half half my time you get this
you know i mean that's yeah okay you do get sounds
like eight hours getting closer to even to watch
a rental i will say my favorite part of this
film nick cage has an awesome hat when they're
going in like check looking for um oh yeah he's
got the jungle hat the pith helmet oh yeah those
are cool yeah i always wanted to get pita pith
helmet because he used to wear that safari shirt
all the time like the brown one with the lapels
on it for some fucking reason Yeah, you should
get him a pith helmet. I know. I've got a picture
of me wearing a pith helmet trying to convince
Pete. So good. Fantastic. I love a good pith
helmet. OK, so I understand, Sean and Michael,
where you guys are. It's not like super high
on your list of movies that you liked. But were
there things that you did enjoy about the movie?
OK, so I have to say, you know, right from the
beginning, I kind of had mediocre hopes. for
this movie because you cut to the scene where
the con so he he leaves six hours for the convoy
on his journey you know enrico does and then
then the truck crashes and enrico goes and starts
walking to wherever he's walking and then you
cut to the scene where the convoy has left and
they're going down the road and they're about
to find the crash truck and it really reminded
me of the scene in the movie Patton about George
S. Patton in Sicily, driving down these, this
narrow winding road, the whole column of tanks.
And it felt like the director was trying to take
from that movie. And so I got, oh, hey, wow,
this is someone who actually knows movies and
can actually produce maybe a good war movie here.
And then it just goes downhill from there. So
that's like my one good point. It was an interesting
cinematography. Cinematography. Cinemagraphic
moment. Thank you. Thank you. That's not a word.
We're podcasters. Trust us. Yeah. Anyway, it
looked good on screen. So for me, narratively,
structurally, just this movie does not hold water
for me. kept taking me out of the film which
is largely what i will judge a movie based on
the most is like if i have to like if i'm critiquing
the film while i'm watching it it's not doing
a good job of engaging me visually i will say
i did like the cinematography um i can't tell
you why it's black and white at the end i can't
tell you why it's black and white at the end
uh my assumption is because they wanted to like
cut newsreel footage in there and have that match
up that's exactly why but narratively it does
nothing for the film. And it's just like, this
is weird. And I just, I, it's just an, it just
punctuated the, this wasn't made well for me.
Fair enough. I mean, there's a reason why I got
a 28 % on rotten tomatoes. Yeah. I mean, there,
there's a lot of like pretty bad Nick cage movies
out there, you know? And it, so now the next
thing that I want to talk about is just sort
of like, we didn't really do this back at the
beginning. five episodes that you've listened
to, but we later got to it with sort of like
the, the matrix of good movie, good cage performance,
bad movie, bad cage performance. Where on that
grid. Yeah. Thank you, Sean. Where on that grid
would you put this dot? Uh, it would be very,
very far on the bad movie list and it would be.
below the line on good, bad Cage performance,
but not a lot below. He didn't do a bad job,
but he wasn't given much to work with. I mean,
he could have done that accent. Yeah, right.
Again, I have to assume he just asked him not
to. Yeah, I like that take. I think that makes
a lot of sense. I mean, he probably tried it
and the Italians just looked at him and were
just like, no. He probably tried and started
sounding like my Uncle Sal from New York. Yeah,
you know, I mean. Well, he'd done Moonstruck
at this point, right? Yeah, which is not a good
Italian accent. No, I'm not talking about the
accent, but he knew how to do the hand work.
He had the hand guide. He only had one hand.
Oh, that's true. This one was static. Yeah. Both
characters have a weird hand thing. That's true.
I won't say the performances are like terrible.
They're forgettable. Like Nick Cage is ultimately,
I feel like forgettable in this. My one like
thought while watching this film was just like,
I'm surprised this man became the star he is.
Well, I'm surprised he was given as many chances
as he was given some of these films. Now, you
guys obviously know a lot more about Nick Cage
than I do, but he strikes me as the actor that
just doesn't say no to shit. Well, at this point
in his career, he really didn't have much weight
to say no to a lot of things. The few successes
he has had were pretty limited in scale. Yeah,
Valley Girl and things like that. Pegasi was
later. I'm pretty sure by 1989, he's already
done Moonstruck. He probably could have rejected
a Italian directed Italian movie that really
probably didn't have a lot of money behind it.
He is a cinephile, though. Yeah. I mean, he's
still doing foreign films at this point. This
Greasy Bottom Boys. Mm hmm. Foreign movies. Yeah.
I mean, it's an interesting thing. So at this
point, he was a nothing in Fast Times at Ridgemont
High. He was. a star Valley girl. He was a character
in rumble fish racing with the moon was his like
big Europe, part of the star names on this, but
he was the lesser star cotton club. He's a bit
part birdie. He's a main, but that was not like
a super. hot movie no it's pretty indie for the
time boy in blue was canadian peggy sue got married
did happen before this um so he was in there
but that was nepotism and a bit of a bit in a
weird part yeah raising arizona that's the standout
certainly moonstruck another standout vampire's
kiss should have been a standout but wasn't um
and then time to kill and our next one never
on tuesday where he plays man in red sports car
yeah nice yeah so he isn't like a star or anything
at this point right he's had some films he's
had you know some like good parts a bunch of
those movies like i don't think we're critical
successes in their time like when they came out
right retrospectively it's different but like
we look back with the lens of history on our
side and we can tell he's gonna be a star but
he's got it at the time like you know he was
also still trying to be a fairly well -rounded
actor at this point like do a do a foreign film
do something do some historicals and there is
still some of that like getting out of the shadow
of your family name right you know yeah that's
true so It's a weird one. I don't disagree with
that assessment, but it does kind of make sense
in some of the context. What you're talking about
later is when he was in Tax Trouble and he did
do most movies. Yeah. Why does it not surprise
me that Nick Cage was in Tax Trouble? When do
we watch Tax Trouble? Tax Trouble. Oh, it's a
musical? Shit. Tax Trouble the musical. Jazz
hands. It's just a whole bunch of T -Rex skulls
clanking around. A missing Superman comic. Action
Comics 1. A King Cobra loose in the audience.
Yeah, just let it go. So to get back to The Matrix,
I think there could be an interesting film here.
I just don't think this is it. But I put Nicolas
Cage firmly and kind of mid in this, which for
me is kind of the worst thing you could say.
You could give the worst review you can give
Nick Cage. Sure. You know, I'll put his performance
in. you know serviceable it's it's good enough
i was never taken aback by his choices or anything
in it and the movie um i'd give it slightly better
than i give it like a 5 .5 so yeah okay that's
pretty generous i'm kind of in like movie and
performance at the like 35 sort of zone where
it's like they're both fine i can see what was
going on here and why it doesn't super light
it for me but different director different time
different change everything and i might like
i just like chasing the thought of like like
i'm i was fairly sure through the whole film
that he was not gonna have leprosy but it's like
you have to stick around and be like what if
i can yeah Like show me that he doesn't have
leprosy. Like show me that he does have leprosy.
Cause it's like, he's going through, he's going
through, he thinks he has leprosy. He thinks
he has leprosy. Eventually he's going to find
out he just had an infected wound. And then what
does he do with himself? This is why he was just
so unsympathetic, even though the movie was trying
to make him a sympathetic character, because
y 'all knew that he was going to eventually find
out he doesn't have leprosy. And then. was he
going to still be guilty about raping and killing
this woman? Or was he going to be a typical colonizer
and be like, yeah, okay, great. I waved and killed
a native woman. And then I went home to my wife.
I would argue that the movie doesn't try to make
him sympathetic. It's his recounting of the events
that makes him. And that's, that's the plot.
That's part of the movie. So whether or not the
direction and everything else tries to make him
sympathetic, the plot is trying to make him a
sympathetic character. yeah if you buy the plot
right i think that's where what i was saying
earlier like if you had really played up how
unreliable a narrator he is that angle plays
right yeah if we had gotten some sympathetic
from his own perspective and then you look at
it from any outside perspective and you're like
that guy's fucking lying this movie could have
been like improved a lot by having somebody there
to kind of call out the bullshit like once or
twice right and it's like the doctor tried to
call out the bullshit by making him by wanting
to like look at his hand and you know yeah you
don't have here's the book on it you could show
that you don't have leprosy right you come on
just show me your hand right then that's basically
the doctor was trying to do and nicholas cage
was the care enrico was so paranoid about having
leprosy and then someone asking questions about
how you got it then going Being guilty of raping
and murdering someone, even though, you know,
colonizers don't care about that. You know, it
was it was a little. Disbelievable that someone
even in 1930 wouldn't have realized that, oh,
it's my cut that's infected. I don't have leprosy.
Right. So there's room for improvement for sure.
Yeah. But I like the premise of this film. it's
it's fine don't go watch it don't go watch it
it's hard to find anyway yeah i mean if you want
to know you can rent it on amazon prime yeah
it's not really that hard you can rent it it's
hard to find it for free it's impossible i looked
uh the internet internet archive man i sent you
a link i know i know i know i actually had to
boot up the internet archive because the amazon
version which looks like a straight up vhs rip
oh yeah uh is missing like the last two words
so i wasn't like of the narration so it's like
the movie just cuts off and i was like how does
it is there more was there more lines i had to
get on the internet and no no there was there's
like two more words two words and it was like
and i watched it via my xbox and so i was able
to go back to the button that says watch credits
and it was there yeah if you back out of the
like coming up next like if you back out of the
you know booting up the next thing it'll play
the last two words oh it didn't want to do that
for me like it was just like What were the last
two words? To kill? No. Ever again, probably.
Ever again. Yeah. Because it was like, and we
thought we never had to do. It was this ever
again. Yeah. Oh, sure. Because it was that foreshadowing
of World War Two. We never had to do. Yeah. Also,
just the title means nothing. Time to kill. I
mean, also, if you look for images for this movie,
which I have to do because I do the poster art,
everything is just like him looking insane with
a gun. And I'm like, this is not that movie.
Not at all what this movie is. No. The only connection
to the title is the last, the closing monologue.
It's like, we thought the killing time was over.
Right. But this movie isn't about them like having
to really deal with their atrocities. Like Nick
Cage is on his own thing, but I would say that's
still largely glossed over in terms of like the
plot of this film. Yeah. So I would, okay, so.
I think that this is very much a indie Euro sort
of film thing because every individual scene
after he gets back to camp from raping and killing
this woman, every individual scene is about a
moment where he could kill this person to cover
up this thing, but doesn't. And so is that, is
the person he's interacting with, Enrico is interacting
with, worthy of killing? Is it a time to kill?
Every single action. Not a time to kill. I know,
but is it the time to kill? Just time to kill.
Right. So, you know, when he's with the doctor,
he shoots him, but. shoots at him ostensibly
he purposely misses he could have killed johannes
he could have killed um anyone the major he kind
of made your die though because the major he
may have made the major die but he didn't kill
him i like i like this light of thought and i
have another uh i have another take on it okay
if he would have just not done anything and just
killed time and let the days pass he would have
been fine Or had he just gone and gotten the
fricking stamp from the guardhouse, he would
have been on the first boat and not the next
boat. I do like how every description of this
movie really kind of hammers on that whole like
dental issue. Like the toothache. Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, that's just like what gets him out of
bed in the morning. Yeah. I mean, it was like
the first thing in the entire movie. It's like
my tooth fucking hurts. I'm going to go. Yeah.
The toothache is just simply the thing that starts
the chain of events. The inciting incident. The
kill chain. Who are our Patreon supporters? So,
thank you to our Patreon supporters. Our Sparkle
Buddies, Josh, Josie, Rico, Matt, Adam, Bill,
and Stuart. And our Cage Dancers, Ira, John,
Freeman, Nathan, and Cameron. Thank you all for
supporting us. Thank you all for listening to
this and making it through this. Pretty rough
film. Get ready for an even weirder one next
week with basically no Nick Cage in it at all.
And thank you to Bill Panks for our intro music.
And thank you to Michael for being here and joining
us for this. Hey, no worries. I'm going to now
go give a chameleon a cigarette. Just because.
Hey, man, have a smoke. And thanks to Buzz Balls
for making one and a half liter balls. Repulsive.
I mean, we're definitely feeling better now.
That's true. That's true. It's doing fine for
me. I'm so glad I'm in Portland. Bye bye. Bye
bye. Are they expensive? They gotta be 30 bucks
each. No, no. I mean, like after tax, it's like
23 each. That's OK. More than I was expecting.
Still be wrong. I would be like, here's your
sixty nine dollars worth of buzz balls. It's
like, God, my life sucks. What have I done? Yeah.
Give me a bag. I don't need to be seen transporting
my biggie ball. It looked like you were carrying
a ball full of bowling balls when you came back
full of bowling balls when you came in. Yeah.
You know, I spent all my money on a really good
bowling ball. I couldn't get the bag to go with
it. Exactly. Just a plastic piece of shit. You
know, just carry them right here. crotch and
if anyone asks say you have elephantitis biggie
balls oh before we get started i just want to
share uh the nicholas cage drag show was a delight
um it went through the whole oeuvre of his work
starting with moonstruck and a very suggestive
use of a baguette but to unbearable weight of
massive talent the performer did do a whole thing
to the uh the Boston cop monologue from the beginning.
And it was spectacular. That is pretty good.
Did they cover time to kill? No. No, uh, but
they did do a ghostwriter. Uh, there was an awesome,
uh, big daddy from kick -ass, which was a standout.
And then of course, uh, my favorite one was face
off. Um, which all I will say is the Travolta
box will haunt me the rest of my living days.
I think I've decided officially that I don't
want to know what that means ever. Yeah, I'm
fair glazing over that one. Yeah. I'm just going
to let your minds run rampant with it.