Oh, God. Oh, my God. So what's your favorite
water sport? that's conducted in russian hotel
rooms does the do they involve water beds no
typically no there is some water on a bed usually
yeah it's pee stuff yeah oh no oh god i drank
a soda before i came over here so i'm gonna be
fucking it's a terrible idea yeah why'd you do
that i took a nap and then i was like i'm tired
so i needed like a little energy but i didn't
want to drink coffee yet well also because it's
fucking hot and so i had like half a soda i was
like soda's gross and then i threw it away in
your garbage oh good yeah yeah thanks well technically
you're recycling i mean i appreciate that rachel
would get mad at me if it was in the garbage
can so she would blame me too yeah why are you
drinking coca -cola god on a hot day it's not
even the true sugar cane stuff god nope it was
not it was just full -on gross ass normal soda
corn syrup soda what's the temperature corny
up there it's like 90 ish yeah yeah so it's about
the same here yeah well i mean you're not that
far far away well portland is actually usually
a good five to ten over us especially on the
hot yeah yeah all right that's fair something
about marine layers closer to hell speaking of
hell our brows what Oh, the head coach for Baylor
that helped with sexual assaults. Yeah, that
guy. Fuck yeah, this is a good conversation.
What was his favorite water sport? It was probably
water rafting. I quit. Oh, gross. That's where
you just fill a big water raft with piss. Did
any of you guys ever know somebody to put pee
in a super soaker? No, I never knew anyone who
actually did the pee in the super soaker. Do
I know one now? No, everybody wants to. Like,
peeing in the super soaker sounds like the greatest
thing in the world. Right. But you never get
that back. That's always the pee super soaker,
no matter how many times you boil it. Oh, yeah,
that's fair. People are boiling their super soaker?
No, there's always pee in the super soaker after
you put it in. I mean, so there's never and it's
never known as anything else. That's fine. I
mean, especially when like when you're of the
age where you have a super soaker, you didn't
buy that and you know you're not getting another
one if you ruin it. That's a good point. mom
is definitely not giving you a new one that you
filled with piss you know it's like hey guess
what sean you get to keep that one forever enjoy
your piss soaker whatever i'd be piss soaking
everything then i'd be like okay mom this is
what we're doing now mr mcdonough wet himself
do this is super soaker still a brand i mean
the need for water guns hasn't gone away Did
you guys ever have the backpack one? Oh, yeah.
No, actually, I didn't have it, but a friend
did. Yeah, it's always a friend. It's always
the rich friend, too. It's always the one that
has the mansion on the hill. That's, I guess,
for the Eastern Washingtonian here, literally
the friend that had an airstrip in his backyard.
Like, yeah, that guy. Yeah. Of course that dude
has the backpack. I didn't associate with any
people like that. My rich friend just had like
a bigger house than I did. Yeah. He just got
to watch TV in the hours that I didn't get to
watch TV. I was like, oh man, his life is so
rich. He didn't have a private fucking jet. He
didn't have a pool in a Cessna's backyard. No.
No, no, he still drank from the hose, but he
had the super soaker that had the backpack attachment.
A backpack full of piss. Yeah. How long do you
think it would take to fill that backpack? Well,
if we all pool our resources, I think we could
do a pretty good job. Yeah, I mean, you've got
the whole hose there. So you just put the hose
in your mouth. Oh, yeah. You just let it cycle
through. That's true. And eat asparagus at the
same time. So obviously, we're talking about
The Boy in Blue. Which is a movie with Nicolas
Cage. And zero piss. Zero piss. Honestly, I expected
more of that. Yeah, I mean, if you're already
out on the water, I'm surprised we didn't see
more of those guys just wanging one off the side
of their little boat and just having a piss mid
-row. It's very unrealistic if there's somebody
not pissing off their boat at some point during
the film. Yeah. i think he just ran into other
people's boats for a reason to jump in the water
and then take a leak very valid take i never
thought because it was the 1800s so like propriety
dumb yeah he did wear cool like uh dude capris
he definitely wore the old school henleys that
are i don't get why that's still a thing but
that's definitely still a rowing thing wait explain
so like uh the henley is a regatta over in england
still um one of the places that they actually
still they're that they actually showed it on
the tips but yeah they legitimately have these
really stupid shirts that have like a little
instead of like the buttons right there it's
like a little thin piece of fabric right down
the center like where the buttons would be for
like your normal polo and it's like yeah no that's
a apparently that's a henley shirt that they
can wear while they're rowing it's very stupid
but also very british seems to work yeah i mean
fucking he could row yeah every i said everybody
wearing one of those in this movie fucking road
yeah well the crazy bit is i mean shoot we can
go into all the rowing stuff here in a bit but
oh yeah we're going deep on the road Most of
my notes are on all of the rowing stuff. For
anyone who doesn't know Hayden, he is a slut
for sports. What? And a real coxswain, like a
professional coxswain. And the coxswain is the
guy who sits in the boat and tells other boys
how to stroke the boat. You're welcome. Yeah.
yeah you're good at telling never mind both boys
had a both boys had a stroke keep it short boys
so in all honesty i only i only i wrote in college
i wrote in college but like yeah we were only
in the fours and the eights for for rowing side
of things so the sing is that how many boys yeah
okay so the singles was always there was no person
in there although back in the day apparently
like i was looking through some old records And
they had a coxed pair, which was literally just
two people in a boat with somebody steering the
boat, which is so bad. So bad. That's where you
just propel yourself somehow by jerking each
other off. Yeah, it's like one of those old -timey
railroad carts. The pull carts. Yeah. But it's
like, as you row, you're just jerking your buddy
off. Yeah, I mean, everybody wins. It would be
very impressive just to have the dexterity. They
would have to be, like, monkey -deep goofy to
be able to reach around and just have the bubblegum
arms. Uh -huh. I don't get that reference. Oh,
my God. Oh, you're not inert enough for that?
Sean only deals in sports, Hayden. Yeah. Welcome
back to Cage Magical and Around a Bow Wave meeting
Nicholas Cage. I am regretting all of my life
decisions. My name is Sean. I'm here with my
co -host, Nick, and our producer, Peter. Hello.
And you've already met Hayden. We don't need
to introduce him again. I already know Hayden's
favorite water sports, so it's OK. And as Peter
alluded to earlier, we're discussing the boy
in blue. What made you think you wanted to get
in a boat with other dudes and just be the guy
who yells? uh if you want me to be truthfully
honest about this and not joking about it it
was literally i would we're an honesty podcast
so yeah very honesty podcast i was i was on a
european trip right between uh my uh it was basically
my graduation gift and there was a guy that wrote
in in high school that was on the trip and he
was like you'd be really good at yelling at people
so That's the weirdest take. I would never pick
that for you. You're like the nicest motherfucker.
And so I was light enough to do it. I think I
get to read through the lines here. What he was
telling you is you never shut the fuck up. Yeah,
you're small and you don't shut up. These are
good traits. Don't worry. They're better now
that I'm in Portland. Okay, so some foreigner
told you to yell at people in boats and you were
like, you know what? I could do that. And so.
I started, I had no experience going into college
and won a national title my first year. And then
from there, just kind of fell in love with yelling
at people in the back of the boat while not knowing
completely how to row. Which, if you're somebody
in rowing, that's about right. You won a national
title or the people rowing the boat won a national
title? We all won a national title. Yeah, they
couldn't have done it without him. It is a we.
It is a we. He was a we. You didn't we. Nobody
we's. We established there's no we -ing in rowing.
I have to say for this movie, the cover of this,
the cover I've seen and the photo of Nick Cage
I've seen specifically for this movie, not what
I was expecting this movie to be. I was expecting
a rough tumbling street fighting man. He kind
of was. Yeah. Yeah. They just kind of. I'm looking
at this jacked picture of Nicolas Cage with a
headband with a bandana all like sweated up.
And I'm like, he's going to go kick some ass
down by the docks. Oh, no. See, you're still
stuck up on. rumble fish rumble fish like we
want everything to be a fish yeah i love rumble
fish i mean he did look like he was supposed
to be an extra in mulan but still he is jacked
as fuck this is probably the strongest cage has
ever looked right definitely the like cleanest
like leanest muscle and literally just based
off of the rowing footage it looked like he was
the person actually rowing in a lot i think he
was i mean he doesn't really fuck around like
i think now that he's like older and fatter i
think he doesn't do a lot of the stunts as much
or they cater the stunts a little bit down yeah
for sure oh i do want to say a nice uh through
line in his career still banging with pants on
yeah yeah that's the only way to fuck especially
while cops are knocking on the door apparently
he's always ready for a gunfight He never disrobes
before. Was that the worst sex scene we've seen
of him? Vampire's kiss. Total lack of passion.
Even with the yogurt. There was passion with
this one, at least. Yeah, it seemed like he was
trying to have a good time with Dulcy. i do like
her oh face at the end yeah i don't know i still
think uh drive angry has some pretty passionless
sex like he's got the sunglasses on and everything
that was like the style it's like crank style
where he just has to keep going you know if i
don't fuck or drink i've got to go back to hell
i guess yeah you got to keep sinning to stay
out of hell that's right that's right so hayden
why don't you tell us what like the plot of this
film was uh so the plot of the film dude dude
doesn't want to go row uh literally my entire
favorite quote in the movie is at the very or
is close to the very beginning and one of his
very first lines rowing in the hot sun too much
like work legitimately that's the or so it goes
from there to a guy that actually turns out to
be one of the best rowing champions of all time
if you go by the amount of consecutive races
and all that Had you ever heard of Hanlon? No.
Yeah, I didn't either. What? He's early 18. A
professional coxswain like yourself had never
heard of Ned Hanlon? 1800s, man. Canadian rower
from 1878? World champion Ned Hanlon with 200
consecutive wins? I got to be honest, anybody
before 1900, I have not heard of, and I'm okay
with saying that. Who's your favorite rower?
Rower? Yeah. Okay, well, hold on. Who's your
favorite coxswain? Let's start there. Oh, my
God. Man, there's a few coxswain tapes I used
to actually listen to back in the day, but I
totally don't know their name because I would
have actually written them down and everything,
but no, I didn't. I generally don't learn their
names either. It's just all about getting what
I want and then... closing the tab what is a
coxswain tape is it just men yelling grown men
yelling the word row over and over again so essentially
like as it's just like any other thing like for
you guys you know how you guys record yourselves
and you make you actually listen back to the
episode sometimes at least i hope sometimes you
do yeah that's actually probably saying with
a voice like this no but uh we used to i used
to listen back to other people's uh especially
like from the Olympics and some of the world
trials, I would listen to some of their, to some
of their cadences and try to pick up on some
of the calls that they would, or that some of
these people that were a lot better than me would
make. Oh, okay. Just to see if I, if it would
work for practices and things. So you're not
just on the back, just screaming now, now. now
now now now that's all it was it was just seems
easy yeah it's it's essentially now essentially
you're just trying to make like the coxswain
which is not in this movie at all whatsoever
it literally essentially there we're just trying
to help make sure that we stay on a race plan
to make sure and try to make sure that we try
to win the race as best as possible Isn't that
literally everyone's job on the team, though,
except they actually do something? Yes, but they're
tired, so they don't want to make strategic calls,
but I do. Yeah, the coxswain is the only one
who gets to see where you're going, right? Yeah,
because everybody's turned backwards and they
can't see what's in front of them. That makes
sense. Yeah, right. So there is some benefit.
Which is why they keep on making the insult of,
I'm going to piss down your back, which is such
a weird one. Now we're back to piss again. Yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah. um so if you had to tell the
boat to move like turn 15 degrees starboard how
would you do that i would just do it i have the
rudder i can just use the rudder and oh that's
cheap you gotta or the more fun way to do it
like if there's a massive degree that you have
to move and you can't uh do it just do it the
rudder there's at points there would be people
that would actually stick their hand into the
water off the side of the shell and that would
give you more drag yeah and so it would actually
it would basically basically drift it's like
an ebay it's a massive drift that's sick i actually
pulled that off in a couple races once and i
felt like such a badass oh yeah you fucking tokyo
drifted the boat it was great nice i'm really
excited about that did you ever use any accents
or do any like voice work i tried and they made
fun of me so much what did you do so so it wasn't
it wasn't scottish or south african it would
be it was always english because our uh our coach
at the time that when i first started he was
english he literally wrote for cambridge so i
tried to to mimic his voice or i would uh mimic
our uh our uh head coach's voice because he he
had a just an iconic for for us at washington
state at the time he had a really iconic just
cadence just like ha all righty gentlemen let's
go so it was always fun i didn't even have to
ask you to do that yeah that was great so did
you first and then all right so ned hanlon uh
-huh i really enjoyed reading about this dude
because i was like what the fuck this is a weird
character and cage doesn't play like a he doesn't
do a great job this is not his finest acting
you know he's very like nonchalant american in
as a canadian hero but i was reading about him
i think he says a once yeah So, all right, Hanlon,
who was only 5 '8", weighed a mere 150 pounds,
yet his powerful stroke enabled him to beat larger,
stronger men. While he rarely rode at more than
30 strokes per minute compared to as many as
42 for his rivals, he usually led from the start,
often toying with opponents. During his championship
race against Morris, he slowed down, twice stopped
altogether to enable the American to make a race
of it, and he still won by three lengths. He
competed with icy calm and mastered psyching
out opponents with timely taunts. He had no qualms
about humiliating those who he disliked. While
racing the arrogant tricket, he chatted with
spectators, blew them kisses, stopped and waited,
faked a collapse, rode in zigzags while the Australian
labored in his wake. And on one occasion, Hanlon
crossed the line so far in front that he leisurely
rode back to his opponent and then beat them
again. So essentially, you know what that means?
Especially during this time. You know what that
sounds like? What does it sound like? It sounds
like an interesting movie. It was all of that
shit. I know. I mean, I wish they had done a
little more of that kind of stuff. That was half
of my notes, by the way, was just how much of
a thing that they tried to make this up. But
now knowing that bit more so than it makes a
lot more sense. But I will say this. It sounds
like everybody of the time period didn't know
how to use their legs. that is exactly like as
somebody trying to analyze this because the entire
thing was he was the first person to use a slidey
seat yeah instead of a greasy butt instead of
a greasy butt on a literally just a board a board
but literally bum boys oh greasy bum boys but
literally The entire rest of the field didn't
know how to use their legs in the rowing stroke,
which is where 80 % of your power comes from
if you listen to any rowing coach. So literally,
they're not using 80 % of their power source.
If you didn't use your legs, it would be the
biggest handicap of all time to give somebody.
So the sliding seat really changed the game.
100%. It's honestly the biggest outside of...
moving outside of ores and or literally the carbon
fiber like rowing shell it's the it's the biggest
invention to rowing yeah i mean doing this was
a real bitch just hand paddling your way i'm
sculling i'm sculling i'm sculling what i found
fascinating about this story was the opening
like the opening like text crawl that said you
know before baseball and football there was called
whatever it's called ruined and i all i could
think was man there really was a sport more boring
than baseball yeah it's soccer but oh oh 90 minutes
of dudes running around in a field to get a draw
and be happy about it fuck off sorry a tie a
tie but legitimately like back in the day like
even in seattle and across over to like the east
coast like rowing was one of if not the biggest
sport like there were there were crowds back
in the day that were like 50 plus thousand watching
rowing races back in the early like 1900s in
seattle i mean there really wasn't much to do
there was no booze because of fucking prohibition
prohibition assholes no tv no But they do say
that they want to shoot you. You're fucking with
your clothes on. Yeah. Did anybody else find
the cops in this just really freaking weird?
Well, we've always watched Nick Cage movies and
noted that the cops suck. There's only one cop
that we've ever counted as good, and it was because
Nick hated the movie and he killed one of the
main characters. That's true. I didn't like that
cop. Otherwise, all the cops are bad. They shoot
so fucking fast. They're just assholes and bumbling
morons. Typical cops. Typical cops. Yeah, cops
suck. Fuck the police. I do love at the beginning
of this film when the cops try and like get him
while he's bootlegging. They like grab the they
grab the rope to pull him in and like he just
cuts the rope, hops out of the boat, which is
like six inches deep and like starts running
away. They could have just walked up to the boat
and grabbed him. Yeah, you would think. Well.
He was kind of out there. It was just a really
shallow shore there. But yeah, they could have
made a run for it instead. But, you know, cop
boots, maybe. Maybe they don't get paid enough
to. They didn't want to. They didn't want to
clean all their nice, clean uniforms, you know,
or they were rich. I think all the races should
have been bootlegger races where it's all at
nighttime and you have a boat full of fucking
booze. That would have been sick. Outrunning
the cops? Well, in that first scene where, or
not first scene, it was when he gets back to
his house where they're like, you should see
him when he's running away from the cops. Like
that would, I wanted to see more of that. More
of the booze running? Yeah, like where he, I
mean, shoot, in the one scene we do get of him
running from the cops, he literally rose through
one of their own boats. Yeah. Oh, I do have to
say, this movie kicks ass. It has boat chases.
It does have boat chases. The whole movie is
boat chases. It's mostly boat chases, yeah. Yeah.
And I love boat chases. This movie is like 60
% boat chase, 40 % montage. Yeah. Very fair.
Honestly, this movie is... Two separate training
montages. Yeah, but they don't feel like montages.
They feel like easygoing montages. Or sabotage
montages. Was there a sabotage montage? Well,
maybe not. No, there was just sabotage. Just
sabotage. Just regular sabotage. Was it two or
three sabotages in this? I got really confused.
So, okay, they try to poison him at one point.
Yeah. Oh, yeah. They try to beat the shit out
of him a couple times. Okay, so there's three.
Some of these are just good -natured fun, though.
Yeah. Then his buddy Bill tries to sabotage Trickett
by fucking with his seat, but I was very confused
while I was watching that because I was like,
is Bill being an asshole and fucking with Cage's
seat? That was one that I actually understood
what was going on there because they were all
on the same payroll as Dingle McCringleberry.
Yeah, Dingle McCringleberry. Are you talking
about Knox? Knox. Knox. Also, Christopher Plummer
as Knox was great. I loved him. Yeah. Amazing
mustache. Amazing mustache. The real star of
this movie are the mustaches. Very much so. Knox
had one of my favorite quotes. I don't know if
anybody else had that same quote, but. All right.
So his. So Bill and Knox and Cage are sitting
around and Knox is trying to convert. cage to
come be his like his dude and bill says big words
don't butter the beans colonel oh i'll see to
it that everyone's beans get buttered it is such
a good quote yeah that is a good one butter them
beans uh if we're just doing some light quote
work right now uh my my quote from this movie
is boats are life who said that is that walter
actually nobody said it i just forgot to write
down a quote and then i went to like look up
something again on the way and i was like oh
there's only one quote apparently on the internet
it's just something from nox so boats are life
my quote is uh when they're trying to get um
when bill's trying to get a boat for nick cage
at the beginning of the movie and the guy he
like had a deal with renegs they meet this kid's
like this kid's like i can get you a boat it's
like where it's like my quote is cost you a dollar
and one of them cigaroos that was really good
i love a good street urchin yeah right it's like
that kid's gonna be dead in two years a dollar
line made me think of a god what's the movie
a million ways to die in the west when they bet
a whole dollar that pulls out a dollar bill Everyone
takes off their hat. It's like, take off your
hat, boy. That's a dollar. I never saw that movie.
Yeah, me either. It's actually pretty funny.
It was right in like the saturation of Seth MacFarlane
for me where I was like, I don't know. Yeah,
I get it. I did also like the fact that Walter,
as soon as he unveils the boat to these guys,
that he's just so on the defensive. Like, yeah,
this guy's making fun of me, too. And you think
I'm queer in the head? Oh, yeah. Everybody thinks
Walter's a kook. That was weird. That was a weird
term of phrase, too, for that. Like, was that
queer? Like queer in the head. Is that like for
the time period? Absolutely. Just strange in
the head. Just weird. I guess I'd never heard
that term of phrase before watching this one.
You can still be queer in the head and straight
in the bed. Where is your curly mustache, sir?
I know. I should have a sweet ass mustache like
the colonel. Oh, that's what my nap did. I was
supposed to go down to the fucking party store
and buy a mustache today. Oh, fuck. Damn, that's
disappointing. I don't think I have one in the
costume box. I'm sorry. I'm looking at this cast
on IMDb and like half the cast does not have
like photos. Yeah, I mean. This movie was made
for the CBC. If I remember right. Because it
was weird that they cast Nick Cage, period. Yeah,
except that he's, you know, in pretty good shape
and he's had a couple of movies under his belt
at this point. He was a bit of a name, but like
it's weird for him to be a Canadian hero character
as a non -Canadian, you know, when you could
have probably found a jacked Canadian actor.
Probably the people that made this film absolutely
put a lot of care into the into the rowing side,
because I've seen a lot of movies when it comes
to this. and the rowing on it is, I mean, don't
get me wrong, the rowing's not great in this,
but it's still better than, even at points. What's
your favorite rowing movie? At this point, it
kind of defaults to Boys in the Boat, but like,
the rowing in that, you could argue that it's
worse than the stuff in this film. Yeah, what's
like the field of dreams of rowing movies? So,
Boys in the Boat, which is a fairly recent film,
name another rowing movie. I can't because I
don't know. Because I don't care. This is his
third starring lead. This is his third starring
role. So, I mean, it's still pretty new. Valley
Girl and Birdie. Right. Which, I mean, Birdie's
a great movie. Valley Girl is still high on my
list, but arguably not a great Nick Cage performance.
Better than this. This is like one of the laziest
ones, I feel. For his early career, it's pretty
lazy. Yeah, I feel like he probably just wasn't
given a whole lot. on this one but he could have
also been bored the the structure of the movie
is very much still like valley girl honestly
he he's a great cast for the character just based
off of the iron or just looking at the description
of the guy but we need more showboat oh yeah
i agree especially that that description that
i read you know it's like if they had played
that part up where he's like really kind of a
piece of shit yeah just just making the most
arrogant asshole on the water to the point where
he does it he just throws a wrench back after
he after his rigor breaks right like where his
oar connects to the boat just like just throw
it back to the dude that swam across and just
tighten it by fingers like that would be funny
as fuck yeah i mean they definitely put in the
effort to make this uh a competitive issue like
yeah we have to show him like struggle and overcome
almost lose yeah I mean, this is the problem
with like an actual semi like this is essentially
a biopic and it's one that wants to just paint
the guy as like this virtuous, like all around
likable good guy with no flaws, which makes for
a very uninteresting character. Oh, look at this
guy that was a drunk and now he's sober. I mean,
they did try to play up some of that stuff where
it's like he's missing a race or, you know, kind
of fucking up and people are losing their money
on him and all that kind of shit. Yeah, but.
When he did get that egregious foul. His whole
character is, in the beginning, a booze runner.
Is that second race? I thought was so freaking
funny and probably even more indicative to the
time, too. He was like too hungover. He was too
hungover. So everybody else puts the money on
him, but they don't want to lose their money.
So they just throw the race for everyone just
so they win their money. Yeah, I like the people
on the shore just like somebody fucking row.
I crapped my back. I can't row. Yeah, that was
pretty good. I like that. When he's at the fair
before like his first race, what was that like
steam powered like thing playing Camptown races?
that's that's how much i cared about the plot
of this film is like i just want to talk about
like weird background shit well i mean that's
the thing is there there isn't a crazy amount
of plot to talk about it's like people are betting
on him he kind of fails other people buy in and
believe in him and he comes back and he's a victor
yay you see one of the earliest ever rowing machines
of all time which i want to call tortured devices
because they suck Okay. Pains on the books. Those
machines are torture. Rowing machines aren't
cool anymore. 1878, get fucked. Yeah. Now, was
it just the rope kinds that you didn't like or
all rowing machines? Honestly, rowing machines
in general, like as somebody that didn't have
to hop on them as much. Because you weren't rowing.
Admittedly so. The only guy on the boat who wasn't
responsible for rowing. Hayden's rowing machine
was a microphone that he just had to lean into
and talk into. Correct, basically. But legitimately,
they looked... I mean, I've never been a big
fan of just machines in general that are cardio
machines. Sure. Like treadmills or any of that.
But like rowing machines in just general? They
make you hurt way more than all the rest of them
besides maybe the Versa machines, which are like
the mountain climbing ones. But that's about
it. Like it, they make you hurt way more. And
when you're doing it right, you hurt the most.
It's one of those that like you don't get the
gratification of going any further. You just
get bigger numbers on a screen and a louder fan.
Yeah, I do like that loud fan. I was contemplating
somehow borrowing one of these machines from
somebody and making you row this entire time.
Oh, that would suck. I think Bill has one. I
know. Yeah. Oh, man. He actually has a good one,
too. I think he has one of those. How would you
sell the microphone for that? We would have had
to get some sort of lapel. Yeah. No, you wouldn't.
You would get me one of the like. Oh, yeah. The
headsets with the little microphone in front.
Like the. like the slap chop guy yeah you're
gonna love my nuts watch this you're gonna love
you would have to you would have to be like hi
it's vince from slap chop i'm gonna make great
food all day you would have to make it to where
like you it's like a push to talk so that way
you wouldn't just hear me breathing the entire
time just heavily just you know you hate making
salad Now I got to listen to Slap Chop Remix.
Fucking amazing. I can't wait. Oh, God. Didn't
that guy get beat up by a prostitute? She bit
his tongue and like punched him in the face.
His mugshot is so good. I love that his name
is Vince Offer and he's a sales dude. That's
brutal. That is Christian name. That is a government
name. I think he's Jewish, but it is his government
name. Oh, man. Hi, it's Vince from Slapjob. Gonna
make great food all day. The skin comes right
off. Jesus Christ. That's amazing. I haven't
thought about that in so long. Okay, let's say
something nice about this movie. Well, OK, so
hang on before we do that, because that's a good
idea. Let's do let's do something that I think
is a boring part of this movie. What do you think
about the relationship storyline arc in the whole
thing with the lady who looks like Olivia Colman,
but isn't an afterthought? I mean, again, it's
just it's a biopic. It just goes by the numbers
like they meet, they court, they marry the end.
Yeah, I guess the drama is that she was previously
engaged. Yeah, I enjoyed that, you know. She
gets paid basically or like instructed by her
uncle to lead him on just to like get him in
their rowing pocket. And then it's like, oh,
no, I can't. I feel guilty, but there's another
man. And then it's like, I'm going to not be
with you. That pisses him off. And that really
gets him hot. I loved. when he like chases down
the carriage and he's just like and he like takes
his shirt off and he's just right there he's
like fucking look at me no i know what my favorite
quote was it was when uh cage early on said i
look bigger without my clothes on oh god that
was a fucking slap of a line i fucking loved
it yeah honestly margaret had a few good lines
too yeah I mean, her character is pretty good.
The romance is kind of lame. Yeah. Also, I loved
watching him chase that carriage down, but I
was watching it at 2x at that point, and it is
hilarious. A little Benny Hill music. Well, because
I was just like, oh, shit, he's really cooking.
I was like, oh, right, right. Double speed. Honestly,
the what was it when he takes her out on the
water for the first time? With the old lady.
With her aunt there, just on the boat. And she
just is like, yeah, I give you permission to
kiss me. Oh, yeah. Do you want to wake up now?
Yeah. Yeah, she was pretty fun, actually. He
got his beans buttered for sure. I did. I did
enjoy his. I did enjoy his friendship with Bill.
They kind of they had a good thing. And they
even had a call back to their like, you take
the two on the right at the end when Bill's getting
his ass kicked. Yeah. Bill comes around. Yeah,
the ending being a freeze frame of them about
to fight some dudes is pretty solid. Yeah, I
do like you take the two on the left when they're
only fighting two guys. But that is good imagery.
Yeah, this is like one of the most 80s films
that's ever been just. You mean 1880s? I will
say the soundtrack, like all the songs. fucking
this oh yeah the synth music was kind of strange
the all the music and then the title crawl at
the beginning and the end the jump cuts from
where there's music being played and then just
all of a sudden nothing yeah that was kind of
strange i thought there was like a weird cut
you know like it just all of a sudden was dead
is whoa what the fuck you're like how did you
get here pay attention to this scene now yeah
immediately forget that music don't worry about
it he's got a shirt on now yeah don't listen
to that music first time i watched this film
i was really bored and kept like oh just the
first time kind of coming in and out of it i
paid you know second time when i knew what was
going on i noticed a few more things but i kept
like getting in and out and easily distracted
yeah every time i'd like look back at the screen
and like being a complete completely different
place i'm like what did i miss i rewound a few
times like no it's just that's just a weird cut
yeah the editing in this movie wasn't terrific
um you know there's there's technical aspects
of this movie that we're just kind of but did
you guys see what the box office was on it no
i didn't oh is it in canadian money so yeah it's
both yeah so what do you think the budget of
this was canadian dollars 1989 1989 18 million
canadians far less i would have gone i probably
would have gone i would have gone 10 $10 million?
Less. $4 million, Canadians. Yeah, $7 .7 million
was the budget for this movie. And then what
do you think it made box office? $2 million.
It has a two in it. It's not that big, though.
Oh, no! Was it $200 ,000? $275 ,000. No! Oh,
wow. Nice. That's so bad. That's pretty rough.
But also, let's be real. the it's a story of
the first guy to have a slidey seat yeah that's
that's the first not grease bum boy he was the
first guy to not put grease on his butt which
honestly the scene of everybody everybody putting
up yes exactly everybody getting lubed up in
uh freaking philly and just laughing and having
a good time at it oh yeah they're like oh that
guy's not greasing his butt what a chump so what
you're saying is he was the first First person
to raw dog it. Yeah, he is the first person to
raw dog it. You're right. Nick Cage never wraps
it. Never does. But speaking of all the races
and stuff, I was looking through... We're jumping
right into the racism, right? Obviously. I want
to tell you about all the races. All into the
races. That was some of my very first notes on
this. The opening scene. on there oh and they're
like paddle boats yeah when they're literally
in the big tanker like rowboats and stuff uh
very much so they're very much in dinghies the
guy that was leading the race looked like he
was rowing the freaking slowest he was the slowest
freaking boat in there you look at like the strokes
that he's making there they're the shortest of
the strokes And he is rowing like it's like the
slowest. You go with what you know, man. He is
like the slowest stroke rate and the smallest
stroke. And it's just like, how the hell are
you in front of all these other guys that look
like they're rowing halfway competently? And
it's just like, what the actual hell am I watching?
Oh, man. For that first race. Although it was
really funny seeing him throw literally cages.
or side oh yeah yeah i know i love that bill
just being like yep i'm just gonna take my or
just yeah i was testing you i do i do like how
yeah bill and him race the beginning and bill
cheats and then the next scene when they are
introduced bill's like opening gambit he's like
i saw you in the race today bill fucks we can
tell you know what i'm looking forward to most
about this episode whatever what you're gonna
do with all of those clean cuts of hayden talking
about stroking it's just gonna be a super cut
we're actually gonna cut us out it's just gonna
be hayden yeah actually nick and i have been
muted this entire time yeah it's gonna be the
new slap shot remix hi it's hayden with stroking
you're gonna love my skin all day short strokes
watch this you're gonna love my nuts holy shit
we gotta watch that immediately oh absolutely
I don't know if I like this movie. I think I
don't. I get it. I think it was a little too
biopic 80s for me, but like I didn't hate it.
I thought it was better than what the Rotten
Tomatoes was in terms of just percentage. I didn't
even look at what it was. It was like a 50 something.
It was like a 54. That's not bad. Yeah, I'd put
it about about a 54, 56. Like I was expecting
to. just absolutely hate the majority of this
and it was like you know what not nearly as bad
yeah and well and ultimately that's my problem
with the film is it's not good but it's not bad
enough where it's entertaining it's very mid
and that's the worst thing a film can do for
me that's fair yeah i mean if something's a real
stinker it's easy to then like dunk on it and
have fun with that if something's really great
obviously you know you cheers it on but when
something is just like it's good enough for what
i needed of it yeah i watched an hour and 40
minutes of that also okay so for the final race
did you guys think any of that was weird at all
in the final that final race against uh tell
me about the stroke what was wrong with the stroke
yeah okay so like so short or long was it weak
so the entire time for me looking at this because
believe it or not the actor for a trick it the
Aussie guy, he actually has a fairly solid, he
actually rode fairly competent. He actually gets
to full slide, which means he actually takes
a full stroke. Hi, it's Vince with Slap Chop.
He takes a full stroke. He actually looks like
he knows what he's doing. He rose halfway clumsily,
but hey, he actually knows, he actually does
one. Cage, on the other hand, on this. He only
gets to like half slide. He only ever takes like
half a stroke. Do you think he's too tall for
the boat provided for him? Oh, no. That it literally
is just he got too uncomfortable and you can
kind of tell with the way he's coming forward
and everything. Like that's one of those things
that it's it's I guess those little things where
it's like, come on, man. I know you're racing
this guy. Just just just cut the footage to where
like he actually takes a full stroke. during
those pieces and just keep re -showing that stroke
one stroke i don't care i don't care they cut
it well like come on like these guys these the
way that they cut this movie in terms of the
rowing side otherwise i mean yes they the margins
on this for like the the fact that cage was literally
down like what looked like over like 500 meters
at one point like four to 500 meters like he
was he was down an entire curve around a river
at one point in the final yeah like that was
something i was like okay guys come on now can
you can you don't have to embellish that bad
yeah i mean that's the kind of stuff where i
think if they had set up earlier that like he
is this badass that like just toyed with people
where it's like oh you can make up ground like
maybe that would be more of a play yeah that
seems like a whole nother like story to try to
add on yeah So they were definitely trying to
just hit like a couple historical markers and
Canada can't make fun of their own guy. Yo, did
you guys know when Canada got their flag? I didn't
realize this. It was like 1960. Really? Yeah,
man. 60s? That's why they have all those British
flags. I mean, I kind of got the British flag.
I mean, they were still like a British colony.
Not at that point. They had just become their
own. That was like their big thing. It was their
like, yay. Hey, we're our own country. Now stop
drinking beer. Yeah, no more booze and we're
going to still wave the same flag. Well, that
was the whole. Thank God we've thrown off the
shackles of British tyranny and we can finally
be sober. Fuck me. So where do you guys put this
in the like grid good cage? Bad movie, good,
bad, bad, good. Sean, bad, good, bad. Bad, caged,
mediocre movie. It's like it's not, again, it's
not bad enough to be entertaining, so I don't
even want to give it that much credit. I'd give
it a fine, fine. I don't think it's like a bad
performance. It's not necessarily like riveting
or like impassioned, but. He's not doing things
that take me away from the film. Fair enough.
Yeah. I mean, this could be just directorially.
So this could be one of those things where he
just didn't have any kind of room to play with
the character. They're just like, no, we need
it this way. Just do it this way. Ned Hanlon
strokes this way. Yeah. He's always at a 45 when
he strokes this way. Just solid. Yeah. So what
are you straight in the middle? It's it's one
of those are just like like looking at this.
From my perspective, I'd I'd probably go maybe
just a six. But it is your second favorite rowing
film. There's not many. This is this is easily
like, oh, well, is this the Rudy of rowing? It's
worse. Oh, Rudy was off sides, by the way. Rudy.
I mean, that's just not a good movie. it's heart
well it's heartwarming i guess but that's also
not a nick cage film that's true yeah i think
if i were to give this movie a percentage rating
i would give it a 54 oh yeah let's let's all
grade it differently so we've got a 54 we've
got a six six uh i'll give it like two and a
half bags of chips okay how many strokes do you
give it sean yeah oh i mean at no point was i
excited during this movie so i guess a lot of
strokes just like nothing nothing about this
movie brings me to climax yeah fair enough i
don't know final thoughts what do you got anything
to wrap this sucker up this movie would have
been great if reese darby played trinket yes
i had the same thought except he would have been
like what four or something like that yeah no
he's older than that 10 i don't know Yeah. Maybe
he was that kid who wanted a cigaroo. He just
got that nice cigaroo. I'm Reese Darby. Honestly,
could we have made Trickett be the main character
of this and just had a lot more fun with this
movie? Because Trickett was such a better character.
Oh, yeah. But then we'd be making an Australian
movie. Well, Hayden, thanks for being here. Thanks
for telling us about rowing and stroking and,
you know, yelling at dudes. Yeah. And legitimately,
I was a little bit more surprised on the rowing
side, because honestly, boys in the boat didn't
do as great of a job on the rowing side, even
though they at least made it to where it was
the same actors that were rowing. Do you think
they had a stroke coach? They probably they had
to have. They had to have. They had to have had
a coach on the on the lodge. They had to. My
dream job. Do they want to call it a stroke coach?
No. No, they call it a coxswain. They had a coxswain
in the back, but they obviously had a coach on
the launch for sure. But no, it was better than
expected. A coxswain in the back and a coach
on the launch. You know what? I'm just going
to say what we're all thinking. Dragon boating,
better. Better. You got the guy with the drum.
You got the person who has to lean off the front
of the thing and grab the flag. Much more interesting.
All right. Well, thank you all for listening.
You can find us on social media if you really
care, or if you want to talk to us on Patreon,
we're on there at cage match pod or cage match.
Nope. Cage match. And thank you to our sparkle
buddies, Josh, Josie, Rico, Matt, Adam, Bill,
and Stuart. And to our cage dancers, Ira, John
Freeman, Nathan, and Cameron. Also thanks to
Bill Panks for our intro music. And that's that.
Nice. Gonna make great food all day. Bye -bye.
Aiden, why aren't you on the Patreon? Honestly?
That's a very valid question, and I appreciate
it. Now is the time where we just bring people
on who have never given us money and be like,
hey, why haven't you paid us yet? Or listen to
our show. We have a special tier of Patreon for
people who haven't paid. It's really expensive.
Nice. But it helps you catch up. I was going
to say, I guess Hayden is a silent investor.
That's true. I was one of the investors in the
board. You were a progenitor of the original
tech that we got started with all this. And we
did record in your room one time. Wait, what?
Never mind. Don't worry about it. What did you?
Okay. Where would you guys put the freaking microphones?
Just like on the bedpost? We probably put it
on the table. Yeah. Oh my God. We did a full
set up. I want a video of this. If you listen
to our podcast, you would have heard the story
like five times by now. That's also the episode
where I got really mad at everybody. It was also
Doggy Dog. It was a terrible episode. It was
a bad day. Doggy Dog and Ghost Rider? Fuck that.
Was Rosie at least on the bed? No. No. Her little
clickety -clacks are too loud. Hayden, why did
you have a computer chair but no desk? Because
I didn't need one. I'm a flight attendant. Stroke
practice. Stroke practice. Also, running around
the apartment on hardwood floors with a rolly
chair? Great. Yeah, fair enough. That's true.
Respect that. Underrated. I get it. All right.
Thanks for being here, Hayden. Hey, that's Eric's
cup chair to you. Cuck chair? Cuck chair. Wait,
you want an Eric chair or a cuck chair? No, that's
only Eric's cuck chair. I'd never have used it
since because of it. Oh, boy. All right. We'll
end on that note. Wait, no. I need context here.