Oh God. Do we need to like pre -quote with each
other real quick? No. always like when we ended
up with the same quotes so okay perfect there
aren't a lot of nicholas cage quotes and i'm
pretty sure i got mine wrong i didn't pick a
nick yeah no neither did i so oh okay i did pick
a nicholas cage quote oh good then you're you're
in really good shape how many n words were in
it yeah did he say yeah yeah yeah that no my
quote is just that just that word there's a whole
lot of fucking epithets in this uh i'm gonna
have to quack myself on that yeah you've already
recorded it my first quacking of myself oh it
took season until season three i feel pretty
good about that you know coward yeah well i probably
said worse shit and then just cut myself out
so don't worry yeah and then some guy stole that
laptop and now has all of that raw audio yeah
oh that audio is so raw yeah if there's any like
weird shit that anyone hears from me on the internet
That's definitely from some other guy. It's a
deep fake for sure. Yeah. Somebody took all the
evidence from our podcast and stitched together
words. It's the best way to do it. So how do
you guys feel about tap dancing? I'm pro. I was
in a show one time in high school. It was anything
goes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I was playing the I can't
remember the guy's name, the cuck, basically,
which was good. But like I had to learn a little
bit of tap dancing for that. And I don't know
if you know, but I'm really hard to like force
to learn things or do anything. Hadn't noticed.
So like making me learn how to tap dance. Like
I, I went to like three classes and I was like,
this is bullshit. I don't need to tap dance.
And then it's like during the show, it's like,
yeah, you're going to tap dancer in this. No,
we're like, fuck. did they just give you soft
shoes and then they put tap sounds over it no
i i learned to do the little bits of like i was
background time i wasn't like fair enough yeah
you were the cuck you were in the cuck chair
yeah i was like look i'm so excited it's a musical
and i'm a non -singing character let's go that
far that is my energy but i got i had a cool
workout scene where i had one of those like uh
one piece workout uniforms yeah yeah and uh i
did some like super manly lifts and lunges nice
there's uh i think it was for season three or
season four of new girl uh they did like a little
musical like short thing and during rehearsal
like jake johnson would just be in the back like
pretending to like do the moves yeah the director
be like you got the shake he's like got it so
when they went to film it he didn't actually
know how to do any of it. So in the final cut,
he's just like flailing because he's never bothered
to learn it. I mean, that show is gold. If you
fake shit hard enough, you know, that show is
really gold. What a good show. Yeah. One of the
few like serialized shows that I've watched that
I really enjoy. Yeah. So when I'm just going
to give you one more. I'm your host, Sean. See
you in the next part. you're my co -host okay
next next part so i was leaving the bar today
and like right as i got in my car i got a text
like um hayden's ex -girlfriend alert and i'm
like fuck and i'm like thinking is this the day
that i miss a recording because Because I have
to go back inside and meet one of Hayden's exes
and talk to them. And you guys would have been
fine with that, right? If I ditched out. If you
continue to troll on Hayden. Yeah, I would have
probably respected that. I mean, we everybody's
had one absence except me. I'm allowed one. You
got to make it a good one. That would be a great
one. Dunk on our boy. That's pretty good. Yeah,
that is pretty good. Sorry, Hayden. Yeah. Long
story short. Yeah, it was really hard for me
not to engage in a text conversation while driving
over here. I'm just getting texts of like, as
I was leaving, I was like the one in the sports
bra. And that just set things off. And I wasn't
sure it was not the one in the sports bra. Wait,
was that a new one? What? No, that was just somebody
who is walking in as I was walking out. Oh, sorry.
I'm just naming the only woman I noticed in the
bar as I left. I see. That wasn't one of our
immediate friends who I know has not touched
Hayden's penis. Do we know that anyone has? We
know one person has. Are you talking about a
parent when she was a child? Yeah, Susie. Hayden
doesn't ever listen to this podcast, so he can't
get mad at that joke. That's true. That's true.
Hayden's got a hot mom. But to be honest, I'd
Greco -Roman wrestle his dad any day. like just
for funsies yeah just all greased up what was
that movie was it the ladies man where at the
end there's like a will ferrell wrestling like
baby oil scene oh man i have no idea i think
it was the ladies man somebody in the comments
please tell me what movie i'm thinking about
i cannot which oiled up will ferrell movie is
referring to also he's nick yeah yeah and my
co -host And our producer. Hi, I'm Peter. And
in this podcast, we sometimes talk about Nicolas
Cage movies. Not this week. He's in it, but it's
not his film. It's tough, these early phase movies,
because he really is not a feature. Well, he's
got more of a character in this, at least. Totally.
Like, he is actually a featured actor. Yes. Among
fucking 50. Oh, he's got a great cast. Sorry,
Sean, we're just going to. Yeah, you're getting
steamrolled. No, I was going to say, this is
the first time we've really seen him seeing that
like budging of that budding of that character
actor we've come to love so well. Totally. That
was that was my one critique of this entire thing.
Let me get right to the Nick Cage judgment. Also,
we're talking about Cotton Club. It felt like
proto Nick Cage and he was just sort of like
kicking the tires. Yeah. And, you know, didn't
have enough time to really like do his thing.
And I wanted more. Yeah. You know, at this point,
how much more do you think Francis Ford Coppola
was going to give his young nephew and his first
like featured role? Well, no, because he had
Valley Girl already. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Valley
Girl came out. And then he gave him Peggy Sue
after this. So like it's not like he quit. Yeah.
But it's not like he liked Cage's decision making
skills in Peggy Sue. So like. I'm sure there
was a little more control by Coppola and a little
less willingness to explore from Cage. So I think
it was a little both. Yeah, that's probably right.
But he had a pretty straightforward role. He
played the brother of Richard Gere. Yeah, Richard
Gere. Dixie Dwyer. I liked. Richard Gere's creep
-ass mustache. I love a pencil mustache. It was
really working for me. I don't know why. And
like Cage also has kind of a shitty like creeper
stache, but Gere's is real on point. It was a
good time for that. Everybody looks like John
Waters. This is a proper period piece of like
the late 1920s, early 1930s because we get Nick
Cage, high -waisted pants, suspenders, no shirt.
Oh, yeah. I thought you were going to say unabashed
N -words. Well, that too is of an era. You guys
made it seem like there were so many more. There
are like six. There's a lot in there. There's
not. When I'm not watching a Tarantino film,
more than one set of phalanges worth of N -words.
It's more than I'm accustomed to in a day. Yeah.
Larry Fishburne dropped like. Larry, it's it's
the white people ones that are the harder ones.
And you're right. There's only about six of those,
but you add them all together. Those are the
hard are ones. Yeah, that's true. I do like how
they beat the shit out of that one bouncer, though.
Oh, yeah. Which is to say Lawrence Fishburne's
character beats up a white guy who was a real
piece of shit. Yeah. OK, so this is so we already
you already told us what like you wanted more
of from this film, which is more cage. I wanted
more of. Any fucking narrative in this film,
because there's like three or four through lines
that all just kind of are happening around each
other. Yeah. But there's no there's no real build
to anything because to the Fishburne bathroom
beating. That starts off because, oh, God, I
have IMDb open up here because there's this.
It's a pretty decent, pretty spectacular cast.
Gregory Hines, his characters, and he's a dancer.
He's a tap dancer. He's a featured artist at
the Cotton Club. Yes. He's in love with a singer.
And like the stage director keeps telling him,
like, keep your hands off the merchandise. And
like, you know, kind of roughs him up a bit.
So Gregory Hines, a Sandman's like, I'm gonna
kill him. I'm gonna kill him. And gets Fishburne,
who is a gangster to like deal with it. Well,
he's a pimp. Yeah. Bumpy roads. Yeah. Years pass.
And that dealing with it is. A bathroom beating
many years later, which is fairly large for this
Jim Crow era. Yeah, I mean, that's a pretty bold
ass move. Yeah. I mean, considering people are
getting like shot down into the street in this
movie. I mean, they did make him like lick the
toilet and swirled him. Oh, yeah, they swirled
him real good. Pretty power move. You're right.
This movie could have had a much tighter. It's
two hours and like eight minutes or something
like that. And it feels like four. I mean, it
feels lengthy. You feel every minute and maybe
a few extra. They could tighten the script up.
They could define some of these stories that
are in it. It is pretty central about Dwyer and
Vera and their relationship with Dutch the gangster.
Yeah. And Oni. Yeah. Played by Hoskins, Bob Hoskins.
Yeah. Fucking great role. He's like such a lovable
guy until he's like, I will chop your head off.
And you're like, you will. Yeah, that's fair.
I get it. Yeah, I don't know. Like to try and
summarize this is tough because you're right.
There are sort of like a couple different arcs.
And the only ones that really matter are Dixie
and Vera kind of tangentially to that. And then
Sandman, right? Yeah. Well, I mean, let's just.
The major arcs are, say, like the Dixie and the
Sandman arcs. And Cage's character is involved
with the Dixie Dwyer story. Right. Brothers.
Not so much in the Sandman story. Also, hey,
we've got two pairs of brothers here. Oh, yeah.
Because Sandman's brother, who is also Gregory
Hines's real brother, is in the movie. Yeah.
And they're dance partners. So two brother stories.
Until. Until Sandman betrays him. Hey, they get
tight again. Yeah, the kiss of fame, man. Yeah.
And then an actual brotherly kiss on the lips
later. Yeah, they really got all three. Yeah.
Brother loving. No, I liked their characters
actually a lot. One, I like dancing and tap dancing
was cool. I also think that that era is really
impressive what they were doing. You know, having
to perform for a shit ton of white people. Probably
not great. yeah um especially white people like
nicholas cage who heckle you as you as he walks
to his shitty table yeah he's a piece of shit
yeah he was i will say taking that aspect out
of the era just the nightclubs the old nightclub
scene though is so fascinating because like now
if i want to see live music i gotta buy tickets
three months out to go see a show i want whereas
before the you know advent of The Internet. It
was local. It was always locals only. Yeah, it
was locals only. You went and saw people you
knew like it was like a community. And that's
what culture was. And I don't know. I was like,
oh, that's cool. I wish we had that. Yeah. And
more commonly, it was you go to the club you
go to and who's performing is who's performing.
You're not even following like a marquee. Right.
Yeah. I mean, so this is like. partially a love
letter to like the actual cotton club you know
it's somewhat historical drama i don't know how
much of the characters are based on real people
other than like you know cab calloway's like
they have cab calloway on stage at one point
charlie chaplin is like in the audience and yeah
yeah he does his little potato dance yeah yeah
classic um was there's no other way you would
recognize that no fucking hitler's here too that's
cool they didn't even give him the stash yeah
he was the 30s he was still an okay he was an
artist that's right yeah the like but the basic
premise of the film is you know there is a looming
potential dang war tension uh richard gare's
character dixie is a musician just trying to
like make his Get his big break and accidentally
winds up saving Dutch, a gangster, from an assassination
attempt and becomes kind of his driver, his go
to man, like at, you know, on pain of death.
That doesn't seem to matter very long because
he gets out and I don't know, then it kind of
just loses the plot. The last 45 minutes picks
up, but like. There's a whole bit in the middle
where he goes off to Hollywood. The second act
is very much less of a Dixie Dwyer story as that's,
I think where it picks up more of the Sandman
story. Like the second act is where both characters
kind of get into their, their big moment and
Dixie, he leaves for Hollywood, but Sandman,
he gets into like his solo career. So it stays
local with him. While Dixie goes out and then
as Sandman and his brother make up in the third
act, Dixie comes back and resolves his story.
That's kind of how I took it or where I would
address that. I did like when the mobsters are
like evaluating if Dixie's a good candidate to
go to Hollywood. They're like. He's a terrible
actor, but he doesn't look like a fruit. Yeah.
Yeah. He's not a fruit or a commie. But like,
I'm not quite sure why, like why Hoskins sends
him to Hollywood. Like he does it as a favor
to get him out of from under Dutch. Yeah. But
I don't understand why. Hoskins is a sweetheart.
I mean, everybody seems to actually really like
his character. I mean, he's a piece of shit and
he's a bad guy, but he's also like kind of doing
good stuff. I, this movie has such a wild swing
in the third act because the first act is gangland
mobster film. The second act's more about like
backstage drama at these clubs, competing clubs.
And the third act just leans right into kind
of some magical realism and breaks like the fourth
wall breaks like a wall between like this, what's
happening on stage and like what's happening.
in like people's lives and it ends with like
a really weird kind of like staged so wave to
the camera yeah the ending is super weird i loved
it i loved the end of this movie like the last
the last 20 minutes of this movie i was riveted
i think that was part of my problem with this
is like i had a really really hard time i just
was distracted a lot by like literally anything
else other than the movie even though i was really
enjoying it like the music was great the acting
i think is pretty solid the cast is amazing i
think the directing was pretty good there's really
good moments of writing like there's some good
character interactions yeah but yeah like i couldn't
i wasn't captured ever i i was able to just let
this movie kind of play out and yeah i was really
enjoying elements of it like throughout i really
enjoy this movie uh to be frank. Um, but yeah,
if, if something came up and I looked at my phone,
I was like, okay, that's fine. I'm not going
to miss, like, they're not making like split
second, like character moments. It's the movie's
long enough. Like all development happens in
a span of time. Yeah. It's not like, Oh, and
this happened. So I missed a, a beat in the film.
I was able to just be like, Oh, okay. Like I'm
enjoying and just experiencing the film in my
day. We don't have to say where you pirated your
film, but was your audio super fucked up? No,
mine was OK. OK, mine was fine. It was like very
delayed. So that also threw me off. I had a problem
with the subtitles originally. And as soon as
we were like these subtitles, like what's going
on? Because it looked like they were just mentally
speaking to each other, like Dixie and Vera at
one point. Nice. And then like. A whole scene
later, this dialogue starts to happen. It's like,
oh, OK, no fucking shut the subtitles. Everything
is fucked on these. I'll struggle. I'll use my
ears like God intended. I also had no subtitles.
Yeah, it's fine. But my audio is OK. Mine had
subtitles, but they would come and go like they
would just turn themselves off. Cool. Yeah, I
just manually turn them off. I took control of
that situation. So, OK, the cast of characters
is great, right? Like everyone is good. Fishburn's
in there. Diane Lane, super hot as usual. Like
I liked her as a brunette. I liked her as a blonde.
She was a good like flapper era type person.
Tom Waits again. Tom Waits was back in there.
I like to scratch his voice. I had to go back
and ask Josie where Tom Waits was because I never
recognize his face, even though we just saw him
in the last film, too. Well, he looks really
different as Benny. Yeah. And this was a very
quick scene. Yeah. Yeah. But this is also the
least Tom Waits I feel like Tom Waits has ever
looked. Probably true. Yeah. I mean, the most
Tom Waits is probably... Rumblefish? Oh, that
superhero. No. The superhero movie. Mystery Man.
Oh, yeah. Mystery Man. But one of my favorites
was probably fucking Frenchie. Oh, Frenchie's
my favorite, dude. Frenchie's such a good character
just in general. And then, like, the fact that
that was Herman Munster is awesome. Like, yeah.
I think that was the best written, best acted.
Yeah, he was Herman Munster. He's Fred Gwynn.
Oh, I love that so much. Yeah, he stole the show
every time he was on the scene. Well, there's...
There's this whole weird scene, and this goes
to my whole, like, how disjointed this film is.
There's a scene with him and Hoskins where he
gets, Frenchie gets kidnapped by Nick Cage. For
reasons? Hoskins pays for ransom, just for ransom,
for $50 ,000. Cage felt like he was owed. Yeah,
and, like, Frenchie gets back, you know, and
starts giving Hoskins shit for, like, only paying
$500 ransom and, like, breaks Hoskins' watch.
And then I was like, I paid fifty thousand. And
then Frenchie gives him a gift and it's a new,
better watch. So it was just a joke. Yeah, dude,
I fucking love that. That's probably one of my
favorite scenes in the film. It was a great scene.
He just shows up and he's like, you know what?
I got this boy of mine. I'm a troll him. Like,
yes, I was just taken hostage and I know my dude
paid fifty grand for me. I'm going to come in
hot. I'm going to accuse him of shortchanging
my life. I'm going to destroy his property, but
I'm going to replace it with something like leaps
and bounds better because I know he just shelled
out shit tons of money for my life. So he's getting
from my heart like a thank you, dude. Great scene.
Not saying it's not a great scene. It's hilarious.
It's weird structurally in a narrative. everything
yes i think every frenchie scene exists kind
of in its own story like it's its own movie yeah
he does not he like he barely fits into this
film and i love it he's just a giant kind of
intimidating dude who talks a little he looks
like a fucking frankenstein yeah it's like there's
a reason he was herman munster and his name is
frenchie and he He's just kind of like your goofball
comedy element to a movie that never asked for
a goofball comedy. That was what that's my quote,
though, was someone says, what about your nickname?
Frenchie? He says, that's different. I'm trustworthy.
That's my quote, too. Yeah, because Frenchie
doesn't trust anyone with a nickname. Yeah. Since
you guys both gave your quote, I just want to
give mine, which is just when they get to the
comic book for the first time. You can't do that,
Sean. All right, go ahead. Take a fresh one on
that. Nicolas Cage is just hollering at the dancers
and he says, look at the rump on that one. Just
because I love the word rump. I love colloquialisms
for butt. Yeah, that is good. He was so awkward
going back to their table, like standing by the
stage and like hollering at all the dancers where
like. Clearly nobody else does that at this club.
Yeah. You could see their outsider isms kind
of really showing in that sort of thing. I mean,
seeing as this isn't a cage podcast, we should
like talk about what he does in this film. So
he plays Dixie's brother who wants to be a gangster,
like wants to get in with Dutch and uses Dixie's
like random happenstance of meeting Dutch to
like get on the payroll. He's just gotten married
to Jennifer Gray of Ferris Bueller fame. Cool.
And then disappears for a good chunk of the movie,
then comes back demanding like a bigger take
to be like a partner, you know? Yeah, you see
him every once in a while and he's kind of just
muscle. So you see like his muscle and he's like,
oh, I need more money because he shot some people.
So he's like. there's a little bit of reasoning
for why he's coming back for more i mean i i
knew he was in the background but like you know
like he's not yeah but our listeners don't watch
these movies and we barely describe what happens
in these films we kind of do sometimes it's better
when we have a guest that we can make do it oh
man yeah they talk good they talk pretty someday
uh but then you know nick cage's little sidekick
gets killed so he has his boys mow down that
guy, mow down Frenchie's, like, not Frenchie,
Dutch's right -hand man. Couple kids get killed.
I was like, holy shit, they killed kids. Oh,
yeah. Oh, one of those kids, Sofia Coppola. Oh,
tight. Yeah, Josie was, we think it is. Yeah,
she was listed in the credits for, like, Corpse
Girl on Street or something like that. She's
the one who sold an apple. Yeah. She didn't get
shot. Oh, maybe. Maybe she got shot. Wait, OK,
so here's where I got really confused with this
movie. So Cage's buddy gets killed. I got that
part. OK, that was Bob Hoskins, man, who did
it. Or was that Dutch's man who was Dutch's man?
But he works for Dutch. Yeah, but he was clearly
not in Dutch's favor, especially after he crumpled
up the hundred and fifty and threw it back at
him. And I was going to get a psycho. So then
he he kills that dude. But then steals Frenchie.
Yeah. Why? Why wouldn't you keep fucking with?
But that's a different dude. Frenchie doesn't
work for Dutch. It was about the money. He's
a he just wants to be a gangster. That's all
it is. He's not smart. He's dumb. Yeah, he was
a dumb character. Yeah. Like that character was
not. Well, like both this and Rumblefish kind
of exists in this whole. The end of like a criminal
era, like Rumblefish, it was the end of like.
You know, street youths fighting. This is kind
of the end of kind of gangland gangster era.
And Nick Cage is he wants to be a part of that.
He idolizes it, even though it's not really what
he thinks it is. And it ultimately gets him killed
because he kind of treats it like a game and
then gets mowed down real bad. Yeah. Tommy Gund.
In a phone booth. In a phone booth. Hard to get
out of a phone booth. Can't defend yourself.
door's too silly it's true well i really did
appreciate so he gets like referred to as a mad
dog in the press he's like this hated criminal
but every time you see uh either dutch's men
or um what was uh you can just call them the
dutchman the Dutchman or Oni's Hoskins men. Anytime
they walk into a place and they're about to do
a hit, they like tell the staff to get out or
to get down. Like they give people nods. Like
it's very, those assassinations are very Columbine
esque of like, Hey, don't go to school today.
Sorry. I've been watching a lot of Columbine
videos. Oh, why? Yeah. that's a terrible answer
as you can give i suppose i don't even know what
started it but then like obviously youtube like
you do you watch one video of something kind
of obscure and they're like have i got the playlist
for you and it's like well how flat is this earth
not as flat as you'd think but Pretty fucking
flat. Why are you not allowed to fly over Antarctica?
Yeah. Makes you wonder. It's not science. I'll
tell you that for free. Ice wall. I forgot where
I was with that. But yeah, Nick Cage. We weren't
going anywhere. Yeah, we got into Nicolas Cage's
death in this. Yeah. That's a pretty good death.
I did like that he had like a handful of Skittles
or whatever the fuck those were. Oh yeah, he
had like some hard candies from the bar and died
and it was just blood and Skittles. Yeah. So
romantic, that death. Yeah. Sure. I mean, like,
not romantic as in like heart -throbbing romantic,
but like... I mean, his wife was there to witness
it. The way it was shot, the filming. Yeah. Okay,
so I just want to say, like... i've not watched
a lot of coppola's films prior to like these
uh and especially seeing like rumble fish and
this back to back just the amount of stagecraft
the love of like of i mean i want to say practical
effects but that's not what i mean because it's
the early 80s but just the love of like stagecraft
and right location sets and things like that
location sets like all that stuff all that stuff
that very much hearkens to like live theater
performance is so well done and so beautiful
and i just love all of it yeah this is definitely
a cinematic experience that speaks more to kind
of like that well it's an experience kind of
film so when i i guess this is what filmmakers
would be talking about when they criticize marvel
movies and say like cinema is dead it's like
yeah well i mean they're totally yeah they're
different for sure yeah but blockbusters have
never been put up against like art films either
it's like that's a stupid way to compare movies
your summer movies versus your indie films so
i can get out of here scorsese i did read that
um apparently the original version of this had
i think four more musical numbers and focused
much more on sandman and his brother and the
relationship with um what's her name lila yeah
and um the studios were like we want less that
yeah i was like oh boo i think that might have
been the version i saw because that version did
come out in like 2019 yeah there was like a special
cut So, yeah, it's possible that you did, and
maybe that's why my audio sucked shit and yours
was better. I think I just had normal audio.
Did yours have credits for Francis Ford Coppola
or Francis Coppola? That was the end of the film.
I don't know. He's in the beginning, too. He's
a director. Hold on. Was this on B words, P word?
We'll cut this part out. No, I like it better
if we just talk about B words, P word. Yeah,
we'll keep B words, P word in. That's where you
watched yours. Yeah. Where did you watch yours?
Not that. Oh, OK. Yeah. Yeah. I was all on top
of the B words, P word. Yeah. I still have had
a hard time getting any of that to work for me
ever. Really? So, you know, I don't try that
hard. Well, that's fair. I can't fast forward
as well on there. I can't double speed the same
way I want. You know, yeah. Double speed. amazing
holy shit so fast it's a tommy gun yeah so can
we just say like later on in the film we see
vera's which is like the club dutch bot for his
side piece uh so much more so much so much less
interesting than the cotton club yeah it's boring
it's whitewashed you know yeah no i really enjoyed
watching like through the years that the film
takes place the improvements done on the cotton
club yeah like you get the you know uh strip
lights on the floor and everything and who those
murals though oh yeah yeah i understand this
is a period piece but yeah yeah i did like the
um cab calloway mini the moocher yep that was
good that was just like always think about blues
brothers blues brothers i was just like i just
watched that i'm like Do I have time to watch
Blues Brothers before the podcast? Just cram
that in there. Yes. I watch that movie at least
once a year. That's one of my favorite all time
films. It's a great movie. I like it. I think
I've only watched it once in my life, but I don't
really watch a lot of things in my life. I don't
either. Just Nick Cage movies and generally that.
Yeah, I mean, I suppose at this point, too, we
don't have to watch as many Nick Cage movies
again and again. No, there's more. Concept has
changed. There's more room in my life for sword
and sorcery. Ooh, I do. We talk about your masturbation
habits enough. Nope. There's never too much.
Did you ever play the I think it's an iPhone
game sword and sorcery. sword and sorcery sword
and sorcery it's pretty good uh no super brothers
sword and sorcery okay yeah not bad i don't play
a lot of mobile games yeah i don't either usually
but it's like a weird that one scratches that
itch yeah it's pretty cool uh what's it like
is it kind of like the old uh oh what was that
arcade game golden gauntlet or whatever i know
exactly what you're talking about dragon's lair
was no i don't know what you're talking about
yeah i don't know what you're talking it's fine
there was a gauntlet arcade game golden oh god
yeah not gauntlet maybe i do know that game yeah
where there were different classes and stuff
you could choose yeah i only played that on nes
oh really i was terrible at it oh i wonder if
i could get an emulator on my phone for that
because i would play that that'd be fucking rad
dude yeah dude i'm about to get so much less
work done oh yeah especially if i can play the
game without fucking kid icarus and all that
shit hell yeah you know what game i would play
right now bubble bobble yeah yeah i'd bubble
some that wasn't a constant one in my life i
didn't play a lot of that uh my formative years
were around uh altered beast rise from your grave
that game fucking slaps dude that was second
right yes yeah okay that was a good game power
up so that was what there was like the chick
there was the barbarian and there was the dwarf
uh was there a dwarf i don't remember maybe i'm
thinking of a different thing i think it was
just like the two i might be thinking of a different
game did you ever run around in like their underwear
with some chains and then you get like a power
up and you kind of like go out slightly like
canthra pick or whatever and then like i'm gonna
look this up and then you get another one and
then you're like a full wearman did you ever
play the dungeons and dragons like beat them
up like arcade beat them up i think that's what
i'm thinking There was a Dungeons and Dragons
arcade beat -em -up from, like, I want to say
Konami. Like, it was a Japanese game. Was it
the animated series characters? So it's just
children beating each other? Original characters,
but you leveled up. Like, you got experience.
You leveled up. You collected items. Like, they
really kind of took the theme. Wow, this sounds
a lot like Shaq Fu. Like, there's a story, and,
like, you kind of get better. But the story doesn't.
Yeah, but the story doesn't because you're Shaq.
Because it's Shaq Fu, right? I fucking love Shaq
Fu. So bad. Do you remember? Oh, man, Shaq was
hot for a minute. It was weird. Do you remember
when Shaq had the like Arizona like cream sodas
or whatever? It was like the soda Shaq brand.
No. Oh, man. And they were giant cans with Shaq
on them. Yeah. Well, I mean, they were Arizona
tea size cans. Yeah. Fucking still 99 cents.
I just remember when they tried to make him a
movie star. Oh, dude, Man of Steel is still great,
and so is Kazam. Is it? I've never watched Steel
all the way through, but it's based on the DC
character. Does Superman exist in that universe?
You know, I haven't watched it since theaters.
I watched it in theater. Oh, boy. I think that
came. Did that come out the same year as Joe's
apartment? Oh, probably. Because that's the year
that my parents sent me down to L .A. to hang
out with my uncle. And he just didn't know what
to do with us at work. So he was just like because
he was like a photographer. He's like, I can't
have these fucking kids around. I rent half my
two years apart. Two years. One year apart. OK.
uh yeah he'd be like i don't know what to do
with these kids i rent have my fucking studio
to a porn shop or a porn studio and so he would
just drop us off at uh the theater in the morning
we're like 12 year old kids from rural oregon
and he drops us off at a megaplex in los angeles
he's like i'll be back in six hours enjoy joe's
apartment and Whatever else is out right now.
He'd give us money for one ticket. This is my
ultra conservative, like Rush Limbaugh listening
uncle who looks like a shorter, fatter Michael
Moore. And he'd drop us off at the theater and
he'd be like, here's enough money for one ticket
each. I'll see you in six hours. So I can't tell
you how many times I went back and forth just
watching Joe's apartment. Like I'd start some
movie and it's like, this movie sucks. I'm going
to go. God, my dad's calling me. It's like he
knows I'm talking about his family. And then
I just always go back to Joe's apartment. I got
a real fun fact. I got a real fun fact for the
kid from Kazam is now just his career is just
playing like scuzzy mid -level bad guys and things.
Perfect. Really? Like what was his last scuzzy
mid -level bad guy role? He was he's in a bunch
of Veronica Mars. Never seen it. Josie would.
He was in some bones. Josie would know. Yeah.
He was in blue bloods. He just plays a gangster.
He just plays like he's a TV gangster. He's a
TV gangster. Yes. But he plays like ethnic adjacent
gangster, like ethnically ambiguous gangster.
Oh, he's he's the new Ben Kingsley. All right.
Box office for July 1996. So like a big banger
summer hit 96. Superstar actors. Well, one and
then one like. That is now super considered to
be a great actor. Cool world. No. Big sci -fi
shenanigan. Aliens invade Earth. Is it Mars attacks?
No. It's the other one that's not funny. Independence
Day? Yes. Okay. All right. Who was the big actor
in that? Jeff Goldblum? Because he was already
huge. Fucking Earth Women are easy? Come on.
Will Smith was the big actor for that one. Jeff
Goldblum was like the good get. Wait, the rapper
Will Smith? The guy from Parents Just Don't Understand?
He's rapping again. He put out a new album. Yeah,
he did. It's badly. There's a great music video
for it. It's bad. Yeah. So I never cared for
his rapping. And to be real, if I have to listen
to summertime one more time, like it's only July
3rd. If I have to hear summertime one more time
on the radio. So relevant for us, number seven
was The Rock. OK. So you maybe went and saw that
after you saw Joe's apartment. It's possible.
Joe's apartment is not on this list. That does
not surprise me. Number 11, Multiplicity. That's
because you didn't get it all your money. I've
never seen Multiplicity. Yeah. Did you see Eraser?
Eraser? Not that summer. With Schwarzenegger.
Yeah. What about Phenomenon with Travolta? I
mean, I've seen these films, but not when I was
11. Right. Striptease probably missed that one.
I saw Striptease. in theaters well in a drive
-in uh my dad took us to see uh lion king and
um blank check as a double feature uh but striptease
was playing on the screen behind us so none of
the kids were paying attention to the fucking
lion king nobody cared about simba's story incredible
wait did i already say kazam was 12 no okay so
kazam was 12 Wow. And then later Mission Impossible
and then Dragonheart, which is what I saw for
my birthday that year. Kazam outperformed Mission
Impossible. Mission Impossible came out earlier.
Oh, OK. So this is still right. It's tailing
off. I was going to be like, are you fucking
giving me Shaq? Got a higher opening weekend
than Tom Cruise. Yeah, no, not the case. Unfortunate.
Joe's apartment. It was such a shit. Oh, it's
a terrible movie. Kevin O 'Connell is a terrible
actor. But all those cockroaches, man. Yeah,
great. That part was great characters. I miss
Bob Hoskins. Yeah, Bob Hoskins is great. His
character is great in this. Also, Shmi. Great
Shmi. Oh, he was a good. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah,
of course. Who framed Roger Rabbit? Amazing.
That's a great, great performance. Bob Hoskins
rules. Yeah. Yeah. And also in this movie, he
rules like he's a bad guy and everyone knows
he's a bad guy, but everyone's also like, yeah,
he's all right. I like that guy. I love at the
end of this movie. He's just like, yeah, I'm
going to get out. I'm going to get out while
the getting is good. Going to just go back to
jail for six months and go own a horse farm.
Yeah. But Frenchie hooked him up. He's like,
yeah, you're going to love what we got you in
Sing Sing. It's carpeted or whatever he said.
Better than whatever you've been dealing with.
Man, Frenchie. Yeah. What a dude. Fucking baller,
dude. Oh, wait. We didn't talk about, and I feel
like we have to mention, the knife to the throat
scene. Oh, yeah. Frenchie's real, like, exhibition
of insanity. Or Duchess. Yeah, Duchess. Sorry.
Frenchie's cool. Yeah. When Dutch, like, just...
Knives a guy through the throat. Gets on that
guy. For telling a joke. Granted, a racist and
anti -Semitic joke, but... Well, he was also,
like... dutch's former like rival in the game
like yeah he's competition yeah and they just
and uh hoskins just brokered peace and dutch
loses it and like knife through the back like
front of the throat back of the throat yeah my
note was oh damn throat stab yeah i started this
movie uh i started this movie last night kind
of late and i was just like i don't know if i'm
getting into this tonight then like you know
knife to the throat i'm like all right let's
see where this goes yeah dutch was an interesting
character i mean i don't think we have to spend
a ton of time on it but like james remar plays
a psycho really fucking well yeah yeah he's he's
played a bad guy in i think every movie i've
ever seen and it's like the face like his jaw
just goes down he's pissed off and you can tell
he's pissed you know it's like he's gonna fucking
stab you with a knife or like a piece of bone
from a ham or something you're like i'm not gonna
fuck around with that guy i like that he gets
killed in a urinal yeah well kind of well he
was taking a leak and yeah he got shot he did
wander out yeah he dies at the table but like
arguably iced at a urinal yeah yeah again like
another like weirdly anticlimactic scene like
he just gets he you know threatens to get dixie
then Five minutes later is gunned down in a bathroom
and that and then that story is over. Yeah, I
resolution, man. The amount of like overkill
in that scene was impressive to me. It's like
they shoot those dudes in the head like very
effectively and then they shoot him a bunch and
he's presumably dead and they walk out and then
they Tommy gun everybody a whole bunch to make
sure that the bullet in the brain didn't do it.
Yeah. Probably destroy evidence. Just make it
look a lot messier. Send a message. Destroy evidence.
Yeah. Well, we want to know which bullet did
it. Exactly. It's not a professional hit. That's
true. Amateurs. Yeah. Yeah. They just all have
these perfect circles in their foreheads. Also,
you buy a fucking Tommy gun. You use a fucking
Tommy gun. That's true. That sounds like a lot
of fun. Yeah. Oh, I was just going to say, with
both this and Rumblefish, like, The weird attention
to gory detail in terms of bullet wounds is impressive.
Yeah. Yeah. Coppola is weird. That's my final
take on all of this. It's like Coppola is weird.
Apparently he makes weird movies, very artsy
movies. I have not seen Megalopolis. I don't
know. It's a long weekend. Maybe I kind of want
to now. Yeah, I mean, I'll try it someday, but
I feel like that needs to be a like a Tenet movie
where we we try and watch it together. Yeah,
but it's four hours. Well, we can watch it backwards.
That's a lot of trying to hang out together all
at once. That's true. That is a lot. I like these
in one hour segments. Yeah, like this isn't fucking.
We'll hang out one hour a week for a month. Oh,
man, we need to do an Ice Pirates podcast. uh
yeah just continuously watching ice pirates yes
and i'm always hung over as shit god i felt like
death that day but it was the right movie it
was the right movie for the day uh the set i
enjoy i love the cinematography i enjoy all of
the um performances individually um i'm never
gonna go i'm never gonna re -watch this movie
for the plot you can just say i'm never gonna
re -watch this movie that's fine but there are
definitely scenes i'm going to watch again i'm
going to watch the end of this movie again i'm
gonna watch a lot of like the cotton club like
performances again like there are aspects of
this movie just visually i want to see again
i don't give a fuck about the plot of this film
yeah uh i i could easily take this as I'll never
watch this movie again, but I enjoyed it more
than Rumblefish. See, I'm going to watch Rumblefish
again. I really liked Rumblefish. Yeah, that's
fine. What you do in Oregon, you can do in Oregon.
Yeah. Nick Cage drag show. Yeah. Yeah. You have
to go to that Nick Cage. I have tickets. I bought
tickets immediately. Perfect. So for the listeners,
if you live in the Portland area, Clinton Street
Theater on the 24th of July, Uncaged and Nicolas
Cage drag show. So that's going to be fucking
wild. Yeah. Try to figure out which one is Sean.
I really hope that somebody shows up in the character
from Zandali when he shows up. Johnny, Jimmy,
Johnny, whatever. And he shows up and he does
that thing. Oh, yeah. His hair is backlit. somebody
i i need to find this clip again somebody shared
a video with me of a semi -renowned drag king
who does a nick cage themed performance and i
can't remember the song but the word or the the
letter b the word b b was prominent in the song
but every time that lyric came up it would just
be like bees the breeze was it How do I live
without bees? I've got the bees. How do I live?
Is that it? No. That song sucks then. Yeah, fuck
that. Yeah, our song kicks ass. Yeah, sorry you
have a bad song, Sean. Old bad song, Sean. So,
okay, last thing, because we haven't done this
in a while, the Cage Performance Grid. Good movie,
good Cage, bad, good, good, bad, bad, bad, bad,
good, bad. Close enough. I think Nick Cage is
pretty good in this. Like I said, this is the
first time in kind of the start of his career
where we see, you know, the hints of that character
actor. And, you know, he doesn't have a lot of
screen time, but he uses it well. And I'm like,
yeah, that's Nick Cage. I like it. Yeah, I agree.
I think Nick Cage does really well. I think it's
a, you know, I'll even say it's a pretty good
movie. You have to want that kind of movie. Yeah.
If you're in the mood for this, I mean, it's
long. It's yeah. The plot meanders. Yeah. Yeah.
But it's interesting. I don't remember the last
time I thought about Richard Gere outside of
like romantic comedy. The last time I thought
about Richard Gere was when we recorded Rumble
Fish and I thought he was in The Outsiders because
I was reading about Cotton Club earlier. So,
yeah, that's the last time I thought about Richard
Gere. I used to have a. oh god what was that
like so there was a some kind of like form of
media that looked like giant records you're talking
about laser disc no they weren't like laser discs
they looked like vinyl records but they were
on these weird cassette things that were record
like slightly larger than a record and inserted
whoa and i don't know what it is but i used to
have a copy of breathless on that that i just
kept because for some reason there was a part
of my identity that was like oh that's nick he
likes richard gear movies this was like at the
height of his like gerbil butt scandal oh yeah
and i was like yeah nick's big on gerbil but
like he didn't do it and if he did that's his
business so patreon supporter josh tell us what
media nick is talking about because i don't know
I might still have it. This is the sort of thing
that I probably never got rid of. I'll look around.
Yeah. All right. I forgot about the gerbil thing.
no i never forget about the triple thing whether
it's true or not doesn't matter yeah whenever
somebody says when was the last time you thought
about richard gear like immediately i'm thinking
about the gerbil things right now whether god
i love the early free internet where anything
goes oh yeah no fact checking you can say whatever
you want i'm sorry for all the people that were
hurt by it well that's a good point well it's
easier to disprove things at this point but like
this is is it Yeah, because there's just more
sites that are dedicated to disproving stuff.
But like back in the early 2000s, if somebody
on the Internet was like, hey, this famous guy
shoved a gerbil in his butt. Literally, there
aren't sites being like Richard Gere didn't do
that. Like the best you could get is like a quote
or like if he even deigned to respond to this
sort of thing. Unlikely. Yeah. Of like. I didn't
put a gerbil in my butt. Like, that's the best
you can get. Easily disprovable things. It's
just like, OK, well, I'm going to leave Breitbart
and I'm going to look at Snopes. I don't know.
What was the last thing Richard Gere did? I don't
put a gerbil in his butt. Like we just discussed
this. Like literally, that's what just happened.
And then just gerbil in his ass. Yeah. I think
he's in a constant state of ass gerbiling and
that's fine. That's his thing. Leave the man
alone. Leave Richard alone. What if he has like,
you know, the tubes that you would put a gerbil
in a cage? What if he has that just like from
his ass through to like an outlet port? What
if hold on and stay with me on this one? Yeah,
I'm right. What if every morning the gerbil tubes
into his butt like a daily commute, sits down
at a desk and just pumps out like whatever a
Richard Gere asked gerbil does for eight hours.
And at the end of the day, Richard goes back,
just. beep beep beep backs up into the tube and
the gerbil comes out like little punch card like
clocks out for the day it's a tough business
but you know it's a living yeah okay i'm gonna
oh that's all folks no i'm gonna pivot i'm gonna
there's one last thing i want to do i want to
pitch a new nicholas cage film lord i want a
sequel to the rock i wanted to feature nicholas
cage and sean connery's daughter from the film
and i want them to escape from alligator alcatraz
okay there's flooding there's gators there's
weird swamp men it's perfect yeah it tracks i
like it she's probably getting deported because
her dad was illegally in the country true yeah
uh And her birthright citizenship has been removed.
Yeah. Villainous president. This is great. Yeah.
I'm in. Yeah. Trump orders a nuke to be dropped
on Florida because he's a fucking idiot. Exactly.
Well, if you want to support us making this movie,
you can support us on Patreon at Cage Match.
Yeah, we are. Thank you to our Sparkle Buddies.
Josh, Josie, Rico, Matt, Adam, Bill, and Stuart.
And to our Caged Dancers, Ira, John, Nathan,
and Cameron. Stuart. Bill. Stuart. Bill. Also,
another good quote from this movie is, what's
in that bugle case? Bugle. Yeah. Bye. Bye. oh
we're gonna have to circle back to this when
we talk about spider -man now oh yeah for sure
yeah we'll have a flashback hey peter remember
to put this in later current peter remember to
tell future peter to flashback to previous peter
yeah okay i'll do my best okay cool nice i mean
fuck we gotta keep this thing going for probably
at least two more years until the final spider
-verse movie comes out since nick cage is yeah
i think that's probably about where we'll die
yeah The heat death of this podcast and my brain.
Neat. Yeah.