WEBVTT

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Oh, God. Oh, my God. Okay, sweet. Well, uh...

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i guess before we really begin welcome back to

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cage match colon a roundabout way of meeting

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nicholas cage i'm your game master producer peter

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here with my host nick i'm cameron and my co

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-host i don't like this nick john it feels dirty

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doesn't it it does hey i'm not the one who botched

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the order And we're joined by our special guests

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and friends, Alec and Daryl, if you just guys

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want to each say hello real quick. Hey there.

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Hello, everyone. We're back. Familiar voices

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for our long -term listeners, certainly. um so

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yeah today uh kind of a change of pace we're

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playing a tabletop rpg that's going to bring

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the four final nick cage characters together

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for an almost certainly stupid fucking adventure

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um and the system that we're using is and lightly

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adapting is called havoc brigade which is a game

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that you can get for free created by grant howitt

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who does lots of different games and is a pretty

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creative wild fucker um without getting too crunchy

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for the listener uh the way this game kind of

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works The cages are going to attempt to do things

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and I will issue challenge ratings for those

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things. And then we roll dice against each other

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to see how many successes or failures they get.

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And they can augment their roles with additional

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dice by using equipment and skills and things

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that are relevant to their character. Hat tip

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to Sean for pointing me in the direction because

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this game system seems pretty fucking fun. And

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also, I'm a big fan of this designer personally.

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Yeah, it seems like he does a lot of really good

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stuff. And also hat tip to Cage Dancer John for

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giving me his house while I'm recording this,

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because now I just deal with giving it to you.

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I just got it. That's that's the thing about

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the Seattle home. I got like residential. They're

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just giving houses away. It's so cheap here.

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Uh huh. What am I going to do with all these

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houses? so yeah all we had to do was free up

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a couple residences maybe ship a few people down

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south and oh boy talking about sean not not immigrants

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what are your thoughts on 9 -11 everybody go

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around robin I mean, I am one of your few friends

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with Melon and Nick that did get sent down south.

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That's true. That's true. You know from previous

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episodes what my thoughts are on this. I'm just

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waiting for that final call to ice getting through

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on Rico. Oh, man. We're going to get rid of Rico.

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And then I can come back. Yeah. Sorry, we were

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talking about 9 -11. I don't want to detract.

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Yeah, let's get back to the important stuff.

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Back to the subject at hand. I think this is

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my fault. It's a real topic now. I know, I see

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your face and I'm just like, wait. I do. I would

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like to just give one more, just a little shout

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out to Grant Howitt for this game and how I originally

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came across it was through his game Goblin Quest,

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which had an adaption called Sean Bean Quest.

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which was a version of a game I pitched when

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we initially started talking about this. Yeah,

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it led us in the right direction, and I'm glad

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that we got here, because I think that we're

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going to have a lot of stupid fun with it. So

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yeah, let's get to it. We open right before the

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break of a new day in a world that is not our

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own, but feels somewhat extremely familiar. We

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see a glittering city of emerald. and four pulses

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of light leap out from the topmost spire, flashing

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like lightning in a near dark. Then, as the sun

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begins to rise, those beams return, but not to

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the spire. No, they land outside of the Emerald

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City, outside of the small surrounding towns

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and structures, out in a wasteland. Inside of

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those four beams, we see the symbols of vampire

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teeth, legs pantyhose, a fuzzy bunny, and a truffle.

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Our four cages appear in four separate beams

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of light. They come to awareness as they stare

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at various iterations of themselves. I don't

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think I'm in Kansas anymore. Oh, there's a hole

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in my chest. Are you vampires too? Why do you

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have my face? Where is Alpha? I'm fucked. I'm

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so fucked on this. Rob's just going to like stare

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like just into the middle distance. Hi, fellas.

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I don't suppose any of you are friends of Gale.

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Cameron will just take one slow step back and

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look around. This is not Afghanistan. Where are

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we, boys? And again, who are we, y 'all? If I'm

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being honest, I'm a little concerned that y 'all

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look so much like me. I don't see it. No idea.

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I'm the only one of us four who clearly has sex

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with a bat flying around. I believe that to be

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true. Cameron, we'll look around real quick.

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What kind of surroundings? Yeah, okay. So off

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in the far distance, you can see that Emerald

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City that I sort of mentioned. It seems like

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a very high walled castle -ish, you know, thing

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way in the distance. In between that, you can

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see sort of the populations of small towns. Nothing

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looks very big, but you can see lights sort of

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popping on as the day has started. And you find

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that you are on an extremely long, bright yellow

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highway that runs directly through those towns

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to that Emerald City. Point of order. I just

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want to know, at what point are we at with Daryl?

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What is... Where are we at in... In Daryl's decomposition?

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Oh, God. My brain. Peter Lowe. Peter Lowe. Where

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are we at in Peter's transformation slash uptire?

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So we're sort of picking up at the end of Vampire's

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Kiss. Last I checked, there was a steak in my

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chest, and I ate a cockroach, put in some teeth.

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Unseen, and now we're here. Yeah, that is pretty

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much how it went. There was a splorp, I think,

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as you took the steak out, and that was it. Are

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you actively bleeding at the moment? Other Peter,

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am I bleeding? Sure, I think there's some gore

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going on right now. Why not? I think there's

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just a gaping wound in my chest and just spurting

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out blood. I mean, you are, like, still covered

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in blood, right? Like, you did a murder before

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ending up here. I did a lot of horrible things

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before ending up here. Oh, Christ. Oh, Christ,

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where am I? Where am I? Oh, Christ. I'm not dead.

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I'm a vampire. Oh. Oh. god i'm a vampire at this

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point the sun starts to crest over the hill just

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a little bit more i just scurry on the floor

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for any kind of shade yeah so on this highway

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uh you can see that there's just derelict cars

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all over the place uh so that you're able to

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get behind something The tortures of the damned.

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I'm covering my face with my coat. Son, I think

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we need to see to that stomach of yours. Boys,

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we gotta get this man to a hospital. Maybe more

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than one. But... Can you... Help me with him.

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I don't. I don't think there's much to be done

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to help him. It's not entirely clear to me that

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it's safe to approach the man. Kill me. He was

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here from behind the car. I'll just approach

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this. this clearly disturbed individual with

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like jacket out kind of like you would trap a

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raccoon yeah just from maybe like five ten feet

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away try to shoo it over their head shoo shoo

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yeah a little net uh so while you're you're sort

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of trying to wrangle peter um you can if you're

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listening really hard you can hear in the distance

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the sound of uh engines sort of approaching you

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they're still a ways off but there is noise the

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bells toll for me i'm saying this with a jacket

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covered in my head i'm just gonna like stare

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off into fucking neck what uh in the direction

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of the uh the cars the sound of vehicles So,

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Rob, what you can tell is that there's actually

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more than one sound coming from that direction.

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There's sort of a lower rumble, and then what

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seems further off is a higher sound. Lower and

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higher sounds. Ooh, we have all the sounds. Are

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any of these broken down vehicles around us,

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do any of them look like they are close enough

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to working condition so we might be able to...

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Yeah, I mean, you can do a little investigation

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on that. I think I would love to investigate

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that. Yeah, I would be pretty capable of figuring

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out, you know, if something is able to be wired

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or anything like that. So, yeah, tell me what

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you see. What kind of vehicle would catch High's

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eye? Something big enough to put a person in

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the back of like a big old like. 70s sedan looking

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thing yeah i mean there's uh i don't know vehicles

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well enough to play this game very well but there's

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a big ass cadillac and uh there's also an rv

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if you were wanting to go that route oh much

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better rv more separation the further back the

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crazy vampire guy can be the happier i will be

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perfect So, yeah, you see a really bitching mini

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Winnebago that, you know, looks like it's been

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fucked up. It's gotten bashed around because

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it's in the way on this highway. So people have

00:12:04.799 --> 00:12:08.000
just sort of hit it. But I think, you know, there's

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some gas in there and you could probably get

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it going with a couple tries. Oh, yeah. I'm going

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to try to get that thing going. I'm going to

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give you a this will be a zero challenge because

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I don't think it's going to be too hard and you're

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kind of skilled in this way. So if you just want

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to roll a dice and see if you succeed. Just the

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one. Just one. Okay. So four, five, six is a

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success. I mean, he's stealing this, doesn't

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that? Couldn't he like maybe get another dice

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for that? I'm kidnapping the vehicle. I will

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count that. So roll two dice. Thank you, Sean.

00:12:41.470 --> 00:12:44.090
Very, very well thought. I appreciate that because

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only one of those was a success. So. All right,

00:12:49.039 --> 00:12:52.559
so this thing, it sputters to life. You can see

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the gas meter's like, it's a little low, you

00:12:54.620 --> 00:12:57.220
know, it's a guzzler, but you can get this thing

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going. All right, yeah. Get it started up, fellas.

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We want to try and find a hospital. I think this

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might be the best way. Rob will just kind of

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like let himself in, just still not really. trying

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to associate with anyone and just sit in the

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passenger seat nice all right what about cameron

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and uh peter lowe cameron will try to just corral

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and shoot almost pigeon like into the uh into

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the car into the rv perfect yeah okay so the

00:13:35.470 --> 00:13:37.809
four of you are inside of this rv hi i assume

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you're the wheel man oh yeah yeah Okay, so you

00:13:41.220 --> 00:13:43.379
get this thing rolling. The first thing that

00:13:43.379 --> 00:13:46.100
you see is a big sign on the side of the highway

00:13:46.100 --> 00:13:53.980
that says, Big Tuna, fuck you, 20 miles. Charming.

00:13:54.120 --> 00:13:58.519
Does that mean anything to any of you boys? I

00:13:58.519 --> 00:13:59.860
mean, technically, it would mean nothing to any

00:13:59.860 --> 00:14:04.759
of you all, but... Oh, you don't know about the

00:14:04.759 --> 00:14:12.669
big tuna. Is there like a first aid kit or some

00:14:12.669 --> 00:14:15.789
duct tape in this RV? I've got some diapers.

00:14:18.809 --> 00:14:21.870
Yeah, if I can find some tape, I'll tape a diaper

00:14:21.870 --> 00:14:26.809
to Peter's chest wound. Yeah, all right. Yeah,

00:14:27.230 --> 00:14:28.429
you're fine. You don't have to roll for this.

00:14:28.490 --> 00:14:31.590
You do find a roll of tape, I don't know, duct

00:14:31.590 --> 00:14:32.970
tape, something like that, that you can just

00:14:32.970 --> 00:14:35.389
kind of wrap pressure on this fucking wound.

00:14:35.950 --> 00:14:38.580
Yeah, a little field medicine for you. I'm going

00:14:38.580 --> 00:14:41.919
to turn around from the seat to Cam and be like,

00:14:42.039 --> 00:14:48.559
if he gets a little crazy, use this and I'll

00:14:48.559 --> 00:14:54.279
hand him my frying pan. Yes. The classic head

00:14:54.279 --> 00:14:59.299
clanger. I'll keep that in mind. It's quite effective.

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What's the state of... rob at this moment uh

00:15:09.500 --> 00:15:13.399
are you covered in blood no rob this is uh this

00:15:13.399 --> 00:15:17.720
is post the end of the film but uh before before

00:15:17.720 --> 00:15:20.299
new pig so still probably a little bruised up

00:15:20.299 --> 00:15:25.539
but uh as clean as rob gets still like the dirty

00:15:25.539 --> 00:15:28.320
jacket the dirty stained clothes but at the moment

00:15:28.320 --> 00:15:32.500
face is not caked in blood and like the beard

00:15:32.500 --> 00:15:38.649
is clean you're a rustic woodsman yeah sure You've

00:15:38.649 --> 00:15:42.570
got bum gloves, you know, the classics. Anyone

00:15:42.570 --> 00:15:49.990
else here from the Pacific Northwest? I'm from

00:15:49.990 --> 00:16:00.070
hell. I'm from hell. Anybody else awfully worried

00:16:00.070 --> 00:16:04.889
about that guy back there? I'm from Portland.

00:16:04.909 --> 00:16:12.210
I've seen worse. worry doesn't begin to describe

00:16:12.210 --> 00:16:16.750
my situation oh i'm gonna go back there and kind

00:16:16.750 --> 00:16:19.490
of take a look at him and i want to take a look

00:16:19.490 --> 00:16:22.289
at like i mean he's got something in his like

00:16:22.289 --> 00:16:24.149
he's got the the biters i want to like go in

00:16:24.149 --> 00:16:27.649
and like get a closer look at those yeah i mean

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you're you're a man of the world rob you uh know

00:16:30.409 --> 00:16:32.690
exactly that these are fake ass vampire teeth

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I'm just going to slowly chomp my teeth. When

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Rob vacates their seat, Cameron will slide into

00:16:51.799 --> 00:16:58.419
it up front with high. Perfect. This big tuna

00:16:58.419 --> 00:17:00.720
fuck you sign, is it pointing towards a structure

00:17:00.720 --> 00:17:04.839
of any kind? yeah so so big tuna from what you

00:17:04.839 --> 00:17:07.640
can see you know in the distance looks like any

00:17:07.640 --> 00:17:10.920
off the highway kind of small town like it's

00:17:10.920 --> 00:17:13.599
nothing amazing you can see structures it's not

00:17:13.599 --> 00:17:18.220
a you know dust bowl there's stuff there um but

00:17:18.220 --> 00:17:26.180
it insider information is a shithole uh i mean

00:17:28.430 --> 00:17:30.390
I figure we should head that way, look for a

00:17:30.390 --> 00:17:34.210
hospital. What do you think? I don't think a

00:17:34.210 --> 00:17:36.589
stop here is going to improve our friend's situation

00:17:36.589 --> 00:17:42.250
none. But someone might be able to point us in

00:17:42.250 --> 00:17:45.750
the right direction and give us some answers

00:17:45.750 --> 00:17:49.690
about what's going on. So this RV can only go

00:17:49.690 --> 00:17:52.640
about, you know. 50 miles an hour pretty successfully.

00:17:53.319 --> 00:17:55.579
You're also having to weave through these, you

00:17:55.579 --> 00:17:57.779
know, derelict cars across the highway. It's

00:17:57.779 --> 00:18:00.619
not easy, easy driving. There's nothing that's

00:18:00.619 --> 00:18:02.480
actually blocking you. It seems that somebody

00:18:02.480 --> 00:18:05.119
else has done this kind of path before, but nobody's

00:18:05.119 --> 00:18:09.240
actually cleared the highway. And you do hear

00:18:09.240 --> 00:18:13.039
the sound of those motors getting a little closer.

00:18:15.740 --> 00:18:19.210
Just kind of like. Kind of sitting there next

00:18:19.210 --> 00:18:21.990
to Peter, just kind of talking more at Peter

00:18:21.990 --> 00:18:27.069
than to Peter and be like. Mount Hood. Active

00:18:27.069 --> 00:18:32.930
volcano. This is it. This is the end times, baby.

00:18:36.410 --> 00:18:45.130
What? What? What are you talking about, old man?

00:18:48.559 --> 00:18:50.720
I'm going to just reach into my pocket, take

00:18:50.720 --> 00:18:55.599
out that unripe persimmon, just gag him. Perfect.

00:18:56.200 --> 00:19:00.660
So, yeah. Now, Peter, your mouth is very gaped

00:19:00.660 --> 00:19:02.660
open because already the falsies make it like

00:19:02.660 --> 00:19:05.500
kind of that way. And now you have an unripe

00:19:05.500 --> 00:19:15.849
persimmon just crammed in your gob as well. I'll

00:19:15.849 --> 00:19:19.049
make my way back up to the front of the RV and

00:19:19.049 --> 00:19:21.670
just kind of lean over looking at the landscape

00:19:21.670 --> 00:19:28.490
in front of us and just like be like, no. Thought

00:19:28.490 --> 00:19:32.549
the marauding would come slower, but it sounds

00:19:32.549 --> 00:19:35.150
like they're organizing faster than I assumed.

00:19:35.690 --> 00:19:39.710
I thought there'd be more water. So at this point

00:19:39.710 --> 00:19:43.710
you can hear the sound of one motorcycle. very

00:19:43.710 --> 00:19:46.269
rapidly approaching your vehicle. Yeah, lean

00:19:46.269 --> 00:19:49.529
out the window, take a look behind, see who that

00:19:49.529 --> 00:19:52.230
is coming up on us. Now, hi, that's interesting

00:19:52.230 --> 00:19:54.730
that it was you that chose to do that. This is

00:19:54.730 --> 00:19:57.289
a sound that you are quite familiar with. This

00:19:57.289 --> 00:20:00.049
is a sound from your dreams and possibly from

00:20:00.049 --> 00:20:07.990
hell. Oh, no. Back into the seat, cold sweat.

00:20:08.789 --> 00:20:12.829
You see in your side view mirror. the very dirty

00:20:12.829 --> 00:20:19.230
visage of Leonard Smalls. Rapidly approaching.

00:20:20.529 --> 00:20:23.450
This is a man. This is a force of pure destruction.

00:20:24.529 --> 00:20:28.049
He's especially hard on the little things. Try

00:20:28.049 --> 00:20:30.690
to swerve the thing, try and run him off the

00:20:30.690 --> 00:20:35.269
road. He's quite good at avoiding, but let's

00:20:35.269 --> 00:20:36.750
do this. This is actually going to be a challenge

00:20:36.750 --> 00:20:40.450
rating of two for you. I want you to... um roll

00:20:40.450 --> 00:20:42.170
and then if you give me anything that can give

00:20:42.170 --> 00:20:48.930
you bonus roll uh bonus dice on that uh i mean

00:20:48.930 --> 00:20:52.349
it's not that it's not that none of those it

00:20:52.349 --> 00:20:55.589
could just be straight up one against i mean

00:20:55.589 --> 00:20:58.650
it could be like the his his internal struggle

00:20:58.650 --> 00:21:01.450
right one of the drives sure does affect the

00:21:01.450 --> 00:21:04.410
dice Oh, the drive's always, yeah. I mean, everything

00:21:04.410 --> 00:21:06.990
there can affect the dice. Yeah, I mean, Leonard

00:21:06.990 --> 00:21:09.569
Smalls is sort of like a manifestation of the

00:21:09.569 --> 00:21:12.150
darker side of himself in a way, depending on

00:21:12.150 --> 00:21:14.809
your read of the movie. So this is like an aspect

00:21:14.809 --> 00:21:19.450
of him warring with his own worse demons. I dig

00:21:19.450 --> 00:21:21.910
it. Of course. Who doesn't? I'll take it if you

00:21:21.910 --> 00:21:24.089
give it to me. I'll give you that dice. I don't

00:21:24.089 --> 00:21:27.670
give a shit. All right, cool. All right, what'd

00:21:27.670 --> 00:21:31.839
you roll? A four and a two. well that's a failure

00:21:31.839 --> 00:21:34.500
and a failure and i rolled a five so that's a

00:21:34.500 --> 00:21:39.920
success for me so it seems appropriate to fail

00:21:39.920 --> 00:21:44.140
that check of course a success oh i'm sorry so

00:21:44.140 --> 00:21:47.200
it's a one and a one it was a push uh so yeah

00:21:47.200 --> 00:21:50.119
all right so run this through what are you doing

00:21:50.119 --> 00:21:54.539
to kind of get in the way or fuck with him uh

00:21:54.539 --> 00:21:58.720
i'm trying to to weave in front of him so he

00:21:58.720 --> 00:22:02.599
can't like come up okay next to us all right

00:22:02.599 --> 00:22:04.259
you you were successful you kind of blocked him

00:22:04.259 --> 00:22:05.740
out and you end up getting into this sort of

00:22:05.740 --> 00:22:08.000
bottleneck part of the highway where everything

00:22:08.000 --> 00:22:10.539
is just sort of running along the sides and there's

00:22:10.539 --> 00:22:13.160
just an alleyway right in the middle that a vehicle

00:22:13.160 --> 00:22:17.579
can get down um but you do see him right up on

00:22:17.579 --> 00:22:20.519
the back of the side of one of the cars the cars

00:22:20.519 --> 00:22:22.700
on one of the sides and he is still in pursuit

00:22:24.519 --> 00:22:26.299
I don't know if any of you fellas are familiar

00:22:26.299 --> 00:22:29.640
with this man. It's a dangerous man. I thought

00:22:29.640 --> 00:22:36.660
he was dead. I'll take a look back in the main

00:22:36.660 --> 00:22:40.000
cabin of the RV. What have we got that's detachable

00:22:40.000 --> 00:22:44.259
or just generally loose in the back? I mean,

00:22:44.279 --> 00:22:47.660
so like loose stuff that isn't your own equipment.

00:22:48.380 --> 00:22:51.589
There's like. playing cards you could probably

00:22:51.589 --> 00:22:54.089
pull the microwave off of the wall there's uh

00:22:54.089 --> 00:22:57.470
i don't know like dish soap containers and shit

00:22:57.470 --> 00:22:59.490
that would just be generally in an rv in like

00:22:59.490 --> 00:23:06.430
a kitchen pillows blankets i'll start with the

00:23:06.430 --> 00:23:10.569
microwave uh i'll kick open the side door and

00:23:10.569 --> 00:23:16.970
try to throw the microwave to deter this uh motorcyclist

00:23:16.970 --> 00:23:20.880
from hell He seems to be very distressing, and

00:23:20.880 --> 00:23:22.599
I don't think I need to deal with that shit right

00:23:22.599 --> 00:23:24.980
now. This is going to be a two for you as well,

00:23:25.099 --> 00:23:27.779
because that's a pretty challenging thing that

00:23:27.779 --> 00:23:32.200
you're trying to do. I mean, I do have pretty

00:23:32.200 --> 00:23:37.880
next level athleticism. Oh, do you? He can hold

00:23:37.880 --> 00:23:41.279
himself up by his fingertips. Yeah. No, that's

00:23:41.279 --> 00:23:43.819
true. That does come into play. So is that just

00:23:43.819 --> 00:23:46.910
two dice for you? I don't have anything else

00:23:46.910 --> 00:23:49.089
that I think is going to help me on this. Yeah.

00:23:49.930 --> 00:23:52.269
They didn't practice this in prison, you know.

00:23:52.710 --> 00:23:57.549
They should have. I know. So, yeah, two dice.

00:23:57.769 --> 00:24:01.750
Yep. All right. What am I rolling out? Four,

00:24:01.809 --> 00:24:05.049
five, six is success. Double twos. That's not.

00:24:05.769 --> 00:24:09.269
Well, that sucks shit. So describe describe your

00:24:09.269 --> 00:24:14.210
failure. All right. So I. Cameron just like grabs

00:24:14.210 --> 00:24:16.470
the microwave and sort of yanks it off, but ends

00:24:16.470 --> 00:24:20.930
up just getting the door and in a puff, just

00:24:20.930 --> 00:24:23.950
throws it out, frisbees it, just kind of wings

00:24:23.950 --> 00:24:28.089
it off into the distance. So you see Leonard

00:24:28.089 --> 00:24:30.829
Smalls sort of unleash one of his shotguns and

00:24:30.829 --> 00:24:34.849
he levels it directly at you. I duck back in

00:24:34.849 --> 00:24:37.190
and lay down. So he's going to take a shot at

00:24:37.190 --> 00:24:42.730
you. Let's roll just a one against one. well

00:24:42.730 --> 00:24:47.849
i rolled a one and i rolled a six so you you

00:24:47.849 --> 00:24:52.470
take some uh some shot in your leg um you got

00:24:52.470 --> 00:24:54.690
you got pretty well out of the way but this dude

00:24:54.690 --> 00:24:57.089
is is coming up fast you know he's he's riding

00:24:57.089 --> 00:24:59.690
the waves of these cars but he's he's nearing

00:24:59.690 --> 00:25:04.869
you all is uh is there like a small like midi

00:25:04.869 --> 00:25:07.690
fridge like under a counter or something yeah

00:25:07.690 --> 00:25:11.400
fuck it why not I'm going to run back there and

00:25:11.400 --> 00:25:14.079
just try and yank that thing out and just shove

00:25:14.079 --> 00:25:17.099
it through the door. All right, we'll do the

00:25:17.099 --> 00:25:18.740
same thing. We'll do two dice for that, too.

00:25:23.819 --> 00:25:27.519
I got cooking. I know my way around a kitchen.

00:25:28.200 --> 00:25:32.440
I know kitchen appliances. I'll give it to you.

00:25:32.480 --> 00:25:38.369
That's stupid as fuck, but we'll do it. I rolled

00:25:38.369 --> 00:25:45.130
pretty well. Got a four and a two. I got a five

00:25:45.130 --> 00:25:48.950
and a five. So explain your failure. I get the

00:25:48.950 --> 00:25:53.359
I get the. um refrigerator like out and i shove

00:25:53.359 --> 00:25:55.299
it to the door but it does not fit through the

00:25:55.299 --> 00:25:57.539
door so now the door is now it's blocked and

00:25:57.539 --> 00:25:59.839
we're kind of stuck now we're stuck in the rv

00:25:59.839 --> 00:26:03.460
okay so this is perfect so leonard smalls actually

00:26:03.460 --> 00:26:05.859
has now gained in front of you guys and he jumps

00:26:05.859 --> 00:26:09.799
back into the main channel and you see him pull

00:26:09.799 --> 00:26:13.059
the pin on a grenade and chuck it back and he

00:26:13.059 --> 00:26:16.900
zips forward he chucked it back like into the

00:26:16.900 --> 00:26:21.000
road in our path correct And do I think there's

00:26:21.000 --> 00:26:24.819
time to stop before we get to the grenade? You

00:26:24.819 --> 00:26:31.099
tell me. No, there's probably not. I just swerve

00:26:31.099 --> 00:26:33.440
off the road, out of the path, away from thee.

00:26:33.900 --> 00:26:36.180
Perfect. Okay, so you kind of careen into these

00:26:36.180 --> 00:26:38.059
cars on the side. You're smashing them around.

00:26:38.220 --> 00:26:40.519
The RV's sort of like skittering all over the

00:26:40.519 --> 00:26:46.170
place. But you do stop. arguably before the grenade

00:26:46.170 --> 00:26:48.829
is going to do grievous damage, but it does go

00:26:48.829 --> 00:26:54.829
off, and it is going to disable your RV. So now

00:26:54.829 --> 00:26:56.869
you are marooned on the side of the highway,

00:26:57.069 --> 00:26:59.269
and you can see in the distance Leonard Smalls

00:26:59.269 --> 00:27:02.529
sort of rotating his way back around. Does anybody

00:27:02.529 --> 00:27:11.529
hurt back there? Raising my hand. Pop the persimmon

00:27:11.529 --> 00:27:17.390
out. Does anyone else hurt? The teeth, the teeth

00:27:17.390 --> 00:27:22.609
still on it. You've defanged me. You've defanged

00:27:22.609 --> 00:27:29.650
me. I took a couple pellets here, but I'm going

00:27:29.650 --> 00:27:33.289
to be okay. What's the situation here? What do

00:27:33.289 --> 00:27:35.789
we got going? Well, first, you should wrap some

00:27:35.789 --> 00:27:41.230
huggies around that wound. Secondly, I don't

00:27:41.230 --> 00:27:44.000
know how we're going to get away from this. Insane

00:27:44.000 --> 00:27:47.180
man on the motorcycle. You two know each other?

00:27:50.339 --> 00:27:53.519
Uh... I wouldn't say I know him, but I've run

00:27:53.519 --> 00:27:57.099
into him before. Not so much a man as a force

00:27:57.099 --> 00:28:02.599
of evil and destruction. I've also met food critics.

00:28:05.079 --> 00:28:10.460
Let me... Let me take that frying pan if you

00:28:10.460 --> 00:28:15.029
still got that handy there. i'll slide out over

00:28:15.029 --> 00:28:19.210
the uh the fridge i'd like to kind of keep some

00:28:19.210 --> 00:28:23.589
cars between me and uh leonard there our motorcyclist

00:28:23.589 --> 00:28:27.990
yep and and sort of like sneak up behind as they

00:28:27.990 --> 00:28:32.130
approach yeah okay that that works um i feel

00:28:32.130 --> 00:28:34.250
good about that you know he's got kind of blood

00:28:34.250 --> 00:28:38.230
thirst going on um i want you to just roll me

00:28:38.230 --> 00:28:41.410
a zero roll uh difficulty just a straight up

00:28:41.660 --> 00:28:43.920
to get yourself and if you have a bonus on that

00:28:43.920 --> 00:28:48.440
that's fine but um just let me know i rolled

00:28:48.440 --> 00:28:51.779
a six beautiful you are exactly where you want

00:28:51.779 --> 00:28:56.480
to be i'll lay out a little trap for when leonard

00:28:56.480 --> 00:28:59.420
comes by perfect so let's paint this picture

00:28:59.420 --> 00:29:01.960
so leonard is streaming down the highway straight

00:29:01.960 --> 00:29:05.599
for you guys um three of you are in the vehicle

00:29:05.599 --> 00:29:09.319
he thinks all four are he's gonna probably have

00:29:09.319 --> 00:29:13.599
both of his shotguns out and kind of on the handlebars

00:29:13.599 --> 00:29:15.900
of his bike, and he's going to start peppering

00:29:15.900 --> 00:29:22.720
the vehicle as he approaches. I need to search

00:29:22.720 --> 00:29:25.700
the RV to see if there are any bullets that will

00:29:25.700 --> 00:29:33.819
fit my unloaded gun. Okay, this isn't really

00:29:33.819 --> 00:29:36.299
how the system works, but we're just going to

00:29:36.299 --> 00:29:38.339
roll it. We're going to roll the dice for that.

00:29:38.420 --> 00:29:40.450
If you get a success... You're going to find

00:29:40.450 --> 00:29:45.269
some bullets. That's a four. That's a success.

00:29:45.589 --> 00:29:49.170
You get some whatever caliber bullets go in a

00:29:49.170 --> 00:29:52.009
gun. Someone else can tell me in the comments

00:29:52.009 --> 00:29:56.609
what guns use what. I mean, it's going to take

00:29:56.609 --> 00:29:59.730
me a while to find them and load them. So whatever

00:29:59.730 --> 00:30:01.369
else is happening is happening. You're in the

00:30:01.369 --> 00:30:04.049
process. The RV is starting to get peppered by

00:30:04.049 --> 00:30:07.309
these shotgun blasts. Rob, Peter, what are you

00:30:07.309 --> 00:30:12.279
guys doing? I'm gonna sit up like a vampire from

00:30:12.279 --> 00:30:21.900
a casket. Helena? Helena, where am I? I am your

00:30:21.900 --> 00:30:26.240
loyal servant. Is this purgatory? Is this hell?

00:30:27.039 --> 00:30:31.619
Do you mean Rachel? Yes, I'm very confused. I

00:30:31.619 --> 00:30:41.210
was watching Severance last night. you bitch

00:30:41.210 --> 00:30:46.950
they're all the same to me i'm just i'm gonna

00:30:46.950 --> 00:30:50.009
sort of walk to the door and then just covered

00:30:50.009 --> 00:30:52.849
in blood just like look out that this bike are

00:30:52.849 --> 00:30:57.990
going past yeah are you a vampire he just flips

00:30:57.990 --> 00:31:05.029
you the bird as he goes by well fuck you once

00:31:05.029 --> 00:31:09.490
uh once i've got a clear jump on leonard i'd

00:31:09.490 --> 00:31:13.630
like to stuff the frying pan in the shirt in

00:31:13.630 --> 00:31:17.470
like a semblance of body armor sure yeah and

00:31:17.470 --> 00:31:22.809
i would like to jump out with uh my string to

00:31:22.809 --> 00:31:26.049
try to garrotte and pull him down i got it yeah

00:31:26.049 --> 00:31:28.809
uh explain explain your string to everyone else

00:31:28.809 --> 00:31:30.170
because they haven't seen your character sheet

00:31:30.170 --> 00:31:34.609
oh uh well so it's been a few years since the

00:31:34.609 --> 00:31:39.769
events of con air and uh Casey has been teaching

00:31:39.769 --> 00:31:43.049
me cat's cradle. So I've been practicing while

00:31:43.049 --> 00:31:48.210
on my current redeployment to Afghanistan. Yes.

00:31:48.289 --> 00:31:50.250
Cause it's the events right after the alleged

00:31:50.250 --> 00:31:54.390
nine 11. And I've been hunting Osama bin Laden

00:31:54.390 --> 00:31:58.789
with my Rangers unit, but I'm still learning

00:31:58.789 --> 00:32:02.869
new things like cat's cradle. Stay connected

00:32:02.869 --> 00:32:06.599
to your children. I understand. Yeah. Yeah. okay

00:32:06.599 --> 00:32:09.299
so i'm gonna give this is a three this is a three

00:32:09.299 --> 00:32:15.460
dude um okay for sure uh so wait now i'm real

00:32:15.460 --> 00:32:19.940
dense explain to me again is this like taking

00:32:19.940 --> 00:32:23.519
three off of my roll or no no no so i'm gonna

00:32:23.519 --> 00:32:26.940
i'm gonna roll three dice against you so oh okay

00:32:26.940 --> 00:32:29.380
for you to do a base action is a dice for you

00:32:29.380 --> 00:32:31.819
to use equipment which you are is another dice

00:32:31.819 --> 00:32:34.940
if you're doing something that is per your drive

00:32:34.940 --> 00:32:37.579
or your skills that's an additional dice so that

00:32:37.579 --> 00:32:40.980
you can get up to four dice okay so like with

00:32:40.980 --> 00:32:46.519
my string and my extreme athleticism uh i'm rolling

00:32:46.519 --> 00:32:50.160
three dice yeah also quick point of order uh

00:32:50.160 --> 00:32:53.299
whenever peter gives uh a difficulty level uh

00:32:53.299 --> 00:32:55.400
you should put that number of dice aside for

00:32:55.400 --> 00:32:57.740
when you cage out later oh that's true yeah i'm

00:32:57.740 --> 00:33:00.420
sorry i should have mentioned that earlier so

00:33:00.420 --> 00:33:04.200
you have a pool of all the just a crazy difficult

00:33:04.200 --> 00:33:06.119
thing that's why that's why we all have like

00:33:06.119 --> 00:33:09.460
30 dice oh so i'm supposed to keep track of all

00:33:09.460 --> 00:33:12.039
of these difficulties yeah you can no one told

00:33:12.039 --> 00:33:16.019
me there was homework involved yeah you can you

00:33:16.019 --> 00:33:18.079
can use your character sheet you could just put

00:33:18.079 --> 00:33:20.059
a note in your character sheet if you want but

00:33:20.059 --> 00:33:23.059
yeah so when you cage out later you just roll

00:33:23.059 --> 00:33:24.779
all the dice that you have set aside everything

00:33:24.779 --> 00:33:32.230
yep perfect okay well then let me do Let me roll

00:33:32.230 --> 00:33:35.369
this real quick. My three dice jumping out. Yeah.

00:33:36.309 --> 00:33:40.430
I have two successes, a four and a five. You

00:33:40.430 --> 00:33:44.630
succeed. Yeah. So play it out. Explain exactly

00:33:44.630 --> 00:33:47.630
what you do and what it looks like. So as Leonard

00:33:47.630 --> 00:33:51.490
like rolls past on their motorcycle. Gives the

00:33:51.490 --> 00:33:54.650
finger. Yep. Gives the finger. Cameron will have

00:33:54.650 --> 00:33:59.529
been crouching back like behind a. like a Prius

00:33:59.529 --> 00:34:02.750
or something on the side of the road. And I will,

00:34:02.769 --> 00:34:06.230
camera will like jump out and rebound off of

00:34:06.230 --> 00:34:10.250
the bumper of the car behind them, just extending

00:34:10.250 --> 00:34:14.210
up and just catch them with the, uh, with the

00:34:14.210 --> 00:34:18.550
yarn garage and just drag them off the bike into

00:34:18.550 --> 00:34:22.969
now quite the dirty tussle in the streets, but

00:34:22.969 --> 00:34:26.880
take it off their butt. Nope, that's good. You

00:34:26.880 --> 00:34:29.780
did some grievous harm with that, too. I mean,

00:34:29.780 --> 00:34:33.380
he was going pretty quick as you leapt on him.

00:34:34.059 --> 00:34:37.579
So Leonard is surprised and a little damaged,

00:34:37.719 --> 00:34:40.920
but you are on the ground in mortal combat now.

00:34:41.699 --> 00:34:47.519
Not mortal combat with a bat. Sorry, Peter. Well,

00:34:47.659 --> 00:34:53.139
now that's a rude way of saying hello. um he's

00:34:53.139 --> 00:34:56.880
going to sort of jam his elbows back into your

00:34:56.880 --> 00:34:59.860
body and do do a little bit of damage to you

00:34:59.860 --> 00:35:01.860
too plus you know you got kind of slung around

00:35:01.860 --> 00:35:03.820
so you're you're a little dinged up at this point

00:35:03.820 --> 00:35:05.719
but you're still i mean you're fucking you're

00:35:05.719 --> 00:35:09.679
motherfucking cameron poe that's right uh what

00:35:09.679 --> 00:35:12.820
is everyone else doing at this point uh i'm gonna

00:35:12.820 --> 00:35:15.199
just like kick out the back window window on

00:35:15.199 --> 00:35:18.579
the winnebago and like climb out like kind of

00:35:18.579 --> 00:35:21.159
like straighten my jacket and just kind of watching

00:35:21.159 --> 00:35:24.860
these two tussle and just like look at leonard

00:35:24.860 --> 00:35:28.659
smalls be like what's going on with you dude

00:35:28.659 --> 00:35:35.860
like what is this what what are you running from

00:35:35.860 --> 00:35:41.920
what did you what did you want to be like what

00:35:41.920 --> 00:35:46.710
what made you this why are we here You can see

00:35:46.710 --> 00:35:49.210
him as he's originally struggling and just jamming

00:35:49.210 --> 00:35:51.269
his elbows. He's sort of slowing and they're

00:35:51.269 --> 00:35:53.550
getting softer and weaker. He's looking at you

00:35:53.550 --> 00:35:58.929
and a single tear rolls down his cheek. And you

00:35:58.929 --> 00:36:04.909
have his attention. You seem hurt. I get that.

00:36:07.389 --> 00:36:09.110
There's got to be something. I was an orphan

00:36:09.110 --> 00:36:16.179
abandoned by my parents. That's a shame. That's

00:36:16.179 --> 00:36:21.860
why I carry these baby shoes. Well, that's very

00:36:21.860 --> 00:36:29.079
specific. I learned it from someone else. I feel

00:36:29.079 --> 00:36:31.639
like High breaks out of the Winnebago with the

00:36:31.639 --> 00:36:34.500
gun just in time to hear this, and it stops him

00:36:34.500 --> 00:36:40.820
dead in his tracks. Fair enough, yeah. So when

00:36:40.820 --> 00:36:46.940
you were that child alone, wanting parents what

00:36:46.940 --> 00:36:49.880
this is what you wanted to be this is what you

00:36:49.880 --> 00:36:55.000
wanted to make of yourself well i wanted to be

00:36:55.000 --> 00:37:00.920
successful and powerful and that's that's this

00:37:00.920 --> 00:37:05.679
that's what this looks like to you it picking

00:37:05.679 --> 00:37:09.639
on what i understand to be the small things the

00:37:09.639 --> 00:37:14.699
things that can't harm you it used to What about

00:37:14.699 --> 00:37:22.019
now? Not so much. I'll sort of ease up on the

00:37:22.019 --> 00:37:33.039
garage malls. Thank you, brother. I don't understand

00:37:33.039 --> 00:37:37.139
your history with this one in the shirt here,

00:37:37.280 --> 00:37:44.179
but seems like you two have have a bit of a history

00:37:44.179 --> 00:37:48.179
and a past and I don't know. Maybe it's time

00:37:48.179 --> 00:37:51.860
to let it go. I mean, he took a baby that I also

00:37:51.860 --> 00:37:58.260
wanted to take and that's unforgivable. Just

00:37:58.260 --> 00:37:59.840
going to raise my hands and turn around and be

00:37:59.840 --> 00:38:06.780
like, no, this is above my pay grade. I'm going

00:38:06.780 --> 00:38:08.780
to take my fake teeth from the persimmon, put

00:38:08.780 --> 00:38:12.920
them back in, sort of slink out of the RV, and,

00:38:12.980 --> 00:38:15.500
like, nose -feratu my way to this, like, bound

00:38:15.500 --> 00:38:27.659
biker. Yes. Yes, and? Tell me more. You're just

00:38:27.659 --> 00:38:35.179
going to hear it getting close, like... Ah, yes.

00:38:36.220 --> 00:38:40.619
Fresh meat delivered from the grave. I know that

00:38:40.619 --> 00:38:43.500
sounds disgusting, but don't worry about it.

00:38:44.460 --> 00:38:47.760
I'm just going to look at his exposed neck and

00:38:47.760 --> 00:38:50.920
just rear my head back, open my mouth, and just

00:38:50.920 --> 00:38:53.619
slowly make my way just to take a bite out of

00:38:53.619 --> 00:38:59.960
his neck. All up. Cameron will stop you there.

00:39:01.239 --> 00:39:06.809
All right now, but... That's not how we treat

00:39:06.809 --> 00:39:10.730
people. Are you doing the literal thing that

00:39:10.730 --> 00:39:12.590
you do with someone who's smaller than you where

00:39:12.590 --> 00:39:14.630
you're just holding them at arm's length? Yeah,

00:39:14.630 --> 00:39:19.369
just holding Peter back. I don't feel a whole

00:39:19.369 --> 00:39:25.690
lot of threat here, but... Just biting the whole

00:39:25.690 --> 00:39:32.190
time. Alright, so Cameron, what are you trying

00:39:32.190 --> 00:39:39.840
to do here? I forgot who I was. Yeah, yeah, clearly.

00:39:41.619 --> 00:39:50.019
I'm Nick. It's been Chick the whole time. Boys,

00:39:52.400 --> 00:39:54.500
I think we got a lot to get through here, but

00:39:54.500 --> 00:39:59.780
the crazy ones still might die. I don't really

00:39:59.780 --> 00:40:04.559
want that on my conscience. And this gentleman,

00:40:04.920 --> 00:40:13.880
well, I think he just needs therapy. But are

00:40:13.880 --> 00:40:21.320
we just going to stand about here? Yeah, that's

00:40:21.320 --> 00:40:23.139
actually a good point. So you can see, I mean,

00:40:23.159 --> 00:40:25.880
this chase took a little bit of time. You were

00:40:25.880 --> 00:40:27.840
only about 20 miles from Big Tuna. Still more

00:40:27.840 --> 00:40:30.289
vehicles coming, right? There's still more vehicles,

00:40:30.429 --> 00:40:35.349
and you're probably only about two miles out

00:40:35.349 --> 00:40:39.570
from Big Tuna at this point. Rob's going to start

00:40:39.570 --> 00:40:45.309
walking. Yeah. I got to go up and ask Smalls

00:40:45.309 --> 00:40:51.289
why he's chasing us. He says, if it weren't for

00:40:51.289 --> 00:40:54.670
that weird dirty one, I wouldn't have said nothing

00:40:54.670 --> 00:40:59.730
to you. Ain't supposed to be no cages out here.

00:41:01.510 --> 00:41:12.070
What's a cage? Oh. Oh. You fool. Well, now that

00:41:12.070 --> 00:41:17.130
just ain't polite. I'm going to look around for

00:41:17.130 --> 00:41:24.079
any enclosures. Any enclosures? Cages. Cages.

00:41:24.079 --> 00:41:32.559
Oh. Yeah. You see vehicles. Son, I don't know

00:41:32.559 --> 00:41:36.000
who's telling you what, but there ain't no cages

00:41:36.000 --> 00:41:40.579
out here. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. And Smalls just kind

00:41:40.579 --> 00:41:43.079
of picks himself up. He says, I'll see y 'all

00:41:43.079 --> 00:41:49.480
boys down the road. He just takes off. Yeah,

00:41:49.519 --> 00:41:51.280
he starts going. He's going to pick up his bike.

00:41:52.369 --> 00:41:57.449
And you hear it start up and he boogies on out

00:41:57.449 --> 00:42:03.550
of there. You take his shotguns? Yes. But he

00:42:03.550 --> 00:42:09.570
left one grenade. No. No. I'm just going to look

00:42:09.570 --> 00:42:13.630
at Cameron like, you prevented me from my first

00:42:13.630 --> 00:42:18.369
meal as a vampire. And now I'm hungry. Whose

00:42:18.369 --> 00:42:23.769
blood will I eat in this arid wasteland? Alva's?

00:42:24.070 --> 00:42:30.010
I don't see Alva anywhere. Well, I don't know,

00:42:30.010 --> 00:42:32.650
but I'm sure there's a Waffle House around the

00:42:32.650 --> 00:42:36.070
corner. I'll just sort of turn your shoulders

00:42:36.070 --> 00:42:42.250
and guide you towards Big Tuna. So that's perfect.

00:42:42.369 --> 00:42:44.849
Yeah, the four of you, I assume, now are marching

00:42:44.849 --> 00:42:46.949
down the highway towards Big Tuna. You know,

00:42:46.969 --> 00:42:50.030
it's two miles away. It's not that far. The day

00:42:50.030 --> 00:42:52.829
is bright. Peter, I'm sure you are bitching about

00:42:52.829 --> 00:42:55.869
that. What with being damned and hating the sun.

00:42:56.829 --> 00:43:00.610
But generally, it's a pretty pleasant day. But

00:43:00.610 --> 00:43:04.670
about... Go ahead. Since we're all... I'm assuming

00:43:04.670 --> 00:43:06.570
the three of them catch up to me eventually.

00:43:06.610 --> 00:43:09.530
And since we're all walking for two miles...

00:43:10.119 --> 00:43:11.800
I think Rob would eventually break the silence

00:43:11.800 --> 00:43:13.360
and just kind of turn to Cameron and be like,

00:43:13.639 --> 00:43:21.380
Rob. Cameron Poe, pleasure to meet you. Going

00:43:21.380 --> 00:43:24.440
to look over at High. Oh, y 'all can call me

00:43:24.440 --> 00:43:29.320
High. Name's H .I., H .I. McDonough. As I'm unloading

00:43:29.320 --> 00:43:35.920
the gun again. Nice. And just going to take a

00:43:35.920 --> 00:43:39.949
look at Peter and... Just immediately, like,

00:43:40.030 --> 00:43:46.690
turn back to walking. Aren't you going to ask

00:43:46.690 --> 00:43:55.730
me by name? Your name? I'm a vampire. And I just

00:43:55.730 --> 00:43:58.030
start running away towards Big Tuna. I'm a vampire!

00:43:58.389 --> 00:44:04.530
I'm a vampire! I'm a vampire! I imagine he'll

00:44:04.530 --> 00:44:08.590
tire soon. We'll catch him. I really don't feel

00:44:08.590 --> 00:44:13.889
any need to chase him. Anyone else here worried

00:44:13.889 --> 00:44:18.829
about that? It seems to be something we should

00:44:18.829 --> 00:44:22.869
be concerned about, but I think it might be the

00:44:22.869 --> 00:44:25.469
least of our problems. I've got a great deal

00:44:25.469 --> 00:44:27.969
to worry about right now. Like, where are we?

00:44:29.989 --> 00:44:33.130
So it's at this point that... other engine that

00:44:33.130 --> 00:44:35.150
you've heard for a little while has finally caught

00:44:35.150 --> 00:44:37.909
up to you um you haven't walked that far so it

00:44:37.909 --> 00:44:42.949
hasn't been that long but uh you see a really

00:44:42.949 --> 00:44:47.489
nice big ass car kind of roll slowly up to you

00:44:47.489 --> 00:44:51.309
and it's uh driven by one man and in the passenger

00:44:51.309 --> 00:44:54.070
seat is another man with little tiny disgusting

00:44:54.070 --> 00:44:57.949
teeth and a pencil mustache named bobby peru

00:44:57.949 --> 00:45:06.389
and he turns and says how y 'all doing Well,

00:45:06.389 --> 00:45:12.610
we just out here on a stroll. Nah, a Bobby Peru

00:45:12.610 --> 00:45:17.670
knows when a man's on a stroll. I reckon you

00:45:17.670 --> 00:45:26.409
do. We're headed to Big Tuna here. And this is

00:45:26.409 --> 00:45:28.690
when the driver leans over and you see that it

00:45:28.690 --> 00:45:32.650
is also Bobby Peru. And he says, a Big Tuna?

00:45:32.769 --> 00:45:37.659
Well, that's where we're headed. Well, getting

00:45:37.659 --> 00:45:39.659
a lift would be a lot better than walking, fellas.

00:45:41.119 --> 00:45:44.280
Well, hop on in, boys. Just the three of you?

00:45:47.619 --> 00:45:54.119
I reckon so. Rob's just going to point in the

00:45:54.119 --> 00:45:58.139
distance at the figure, like, loping down the

00:45:58.139 --> 00:46:01.760
street. To be perfectly frank, there is one more

00:46:01.760 --> 00:46:04.380
with us, but we're not entirely sure of his mental

00:46:04.380 --> 00:46:08.880
state. Now, that's all right. I'm sure the only

00:46:08.880 --> 00:46:13.300
thing coming up is is big tuna. So I'm sure your

00:46:13.300 --> 00:46:18.639
gentleman friend will pop over there. I'm going

00:46:18.639 --> 00:46:26.639
to look around at the horizon and be like. So.

00:46:29.019 --> 00:46:34.380
Seems fairly landlocked here. What is. Where's

00:46:34.380 --> 00:46:39.300
Big Tuna get its name? What's it known for? Because

00:46:39.300 --> 00:46:43.980
I can't imagine it's the fresh fish. Forgive

00:46:43.980 --> 00:46:52.719
the rudeness, but it's pussy, my friend. Big

00:46:52.719 --> 00:46:55.880
Tuna's all about filming Texas -style pornos.

00:46:58.639 --> 00:47:01.840
Well, there's a place for everything, I suppose.

00:47:05.940 --> 00:47:11.039
Let's get on down that road. Somewhere in the

00:47:11.039 --> 00:47:17.340
distance, Pete and Lousy break up. Okay, so the

00:47:17.340 --> 00:47:19.179
three of you are going to hop in Bobby Peru and

00:47:19.179 --> 00:47:23.440
Bobby Peru's car. Sorry, let me rephrase. Bobby's

00:47:23.440 --> 00:47:29.300
Peru. The visual of two sets of those teeth is

00:47:29.300 --> 00:47:34.380
too unsettling. What's really unsettling is that

00:47:34.380 --> 00:47:36.260
when they both do that thing where they lick

00:47:36.260 --> 00:47:38.440
their teeth, they do it at the exact same time.

00:47:40.159 --> 00:47:46.519
That is so, so moist. All right. So you're riding

00:47:46.519 --> 00:47:50.679
in the car with the Bobby's Peru and they kind

00:47:50.679 --> 00:47:55.219
of zip along and they pull up to Peter Lowe and

00:47:55.219 --> 00:48:00.320
sort of ride slowly next to him and turn and

00:48:00.320 --> 00:48:04.610
just look. I just like turned to them with my

00:48:04.610 --> 00:48:07.090
hands by my face, like a dried beard of blood

00:48:07.090 --> 00:48:11.050
just down from my nose, dragging along this piece

00:48:11.050 --> 00:48:22.289
of pallet behind me. Yes. They drive on. So the

00:48:22.289 --> 00:48:26.090
car goes into the distance to towards Big Tuna

00:48:26.090 --> 00:48:31.130
and Peter. You're on the way. I'll stop him after

00:48:31.130 --> 00:48:35.630
like 50 yards. You look in the rearview mirror

00:48:35.630 --> 00:48:37.610
and just see me like flopping my arms like a

00:48:37.610 --> 00:48:41.429
bat running after the car. Yeah, okay, so they

00:48:41.429 --> 00:48:44.550
do stop the car. Don't seem right. You're like,

00:48:44.650 --> 00:48:47.570
the man is in need of medical attention. Now,

00:48:47.590 --> 00:48:49.630
they do pop the trunk for you to climb into.

00:48:50.449 --> 00:48:54.650
Which is a blessing. Save you from the sun. I

00:48:54.650 --> 00:49:00.199
scurry him without a word. Yeah. OK, so we've

00:49:00.199 --> 00:49:04.860
got everyone's in the car and you all arrive

00:49:04.860 --> 00:49:07.800
in Big Tuna. And it's you know, it's a small

00:49:07.800 --> 00:49:09.539
town. There's some shit going on here, but it's

00:49:09.539 --> 00:49:12.340
nothing too major. There is probably a hospital,

00:49:12.440 --> 00:49:16.400
but it's probably pretty crappy. But Bobby Peru's

00:49:16.400 --> 00:49:20.440
Bobby's Peru take you to just like a motel out

00:49:20.440 --> 00:49:22.300
of town. And that's where they park and they

00:49:22.300 --> 00:49:25.019
kind of unload everybody and sort of point you

00:49:25.019 --> 00:49:31.360
towards a main middle area. of the motel campus.

00:49:33.579 --> 00:49:37.820
Is there a doctor in this town? Oh, sure, yeah.

00:49:37.900 --> 00:49:40.940
We got plenty of doctors, but I don't think doctrine's

00:49:40.940 --> 00:49:45.519
what that boy needs. He's gonna look at his,

00:49:45.539 --> 00:49:50.559
like, bloody chest wound. Well, no. With diapers

00:49:50.559 --> 00:49:54.639
strapped across it. I will say as a parent, diapers

00:49:54.639 --> 00:50:01.059
take a lot of liquid. So. All right. So you all

00:50:01.059 --> 00:50:04.519
are in big tuna with Bobby's Peru and they bring

00:50:04.519 --> 00:50:06.800
you to this table kind of in the middle. Just

00:50:06.800 --> 00:50:08.840
open. You can see people around. They're making

00:50:08.840 --> 00:50:11.559
hot pornos everywhere. A lot of big ladies. You

00:50:11.559 --> 00:50:15.360
know, it is what it is. It's Texas style. And

00:50:15.360 --> 00:50:19.579
out of a couple other motel rooms comes six more

00:50:19.579 --> 00:50:22.420
Bobby Peru's. And they all sit at the table with

00:50:22.420 --> 00:50:28.639
the four of you. And all at once, they lick their

00:50:28.639 --> 00:50:33.679
lips. God, that's unsettling. And you all take

00:50:33.679 --> 00:50:41.519
one damage from it. I dislike this a lot. Can

00:50:41.519 --> 00:50:44.940
I, with my vampire teeth, just lick in response?

00:50:45.579 --> 00:50:49.119
Oh, absolutely. But unfortunately, it kind of

00:50:49.119 --> 00:50:55.179
horns them up a little bit. These are Bobby Perus,

00:50:55.239 --> 00:50:58.559
after all. I'm just going to look around at all

00:50:58.559 --> 00:51:04.039
the big ladies and... You could be my new Sharon.

00:51:05.260 --> 00:51:11.900
I think I could enjoy the big tuna. Again, do

00:51:11.900 --> 00:51:15.289
you mean Rachel? Well, at the end, he's set up

00:51:15.289 --> 00:51:17.110
with like the... Oh, that's right. Right. I'm

00:51:17.110 --> 00:51:22.469
sorry. Question me one more time, Mr. DM. We'll

00:51:22.469 --> 00:51:26.690
one -on -one questioning each other. I deserve

00:51:26.690 --> 00:51:29.630
that one. Yeah, right. Fuck. Do I know anything?

00:51:29.869 --> 00:51:35.570
Oh, I rolled a five and a six, so yes. At this

00:51:35.570 --> 00:51:39.610
point, I just have to assume I've had a stroke

00:51:39.610 --> 00:51:42.599
or some type of massive brain hemorrhage. Well,

00:51:42.659 --> 00:51:45.320
especially because as the Bobby Perus kind of

00:51:45.320 --> 00:51:47.619
settle down, they each sort of cross their legs,

00:51:47.699 --> 00:51:49.780
but they do it sequentially. So it's just around

00:51:49.780 --> 00:51:54.059
the table like the wave. Yeah, exactly. So it's

00:51:54.059 --> 00:51:57.019
like a chorus line. It's a chorus line of Bobby's

00:51:57.019 --> 00:52:00.119
Peru just doing gross, weird, unsettling shit.

00:52:00.719 --> 00:52:03.639
And they all lean in at the same time and they

00:52:03.639 --> 00:52:06.980
all in the same fucking voice say, you want to

00:52:06.980 --> 00:52:17.119
do some crime? Yes. Boys, I think you got the

00:52:17.119 --> 00:52:21.199
wrong impression. We're just passing through.

00:52:21.920 --> 00:52:29.260
But I do need to know what is going on here.

00:52:30.320 --> 00:52:36.639
Well, be a little more specific, son. I see eight

00:52:36.639 --> 00:52:41.340
of y 'all. Oh, yeah. Bobos and Bobby Perus are

00:52:41.340 --> 00:52:49.280
easy to pull into this world. Never heard of

00:52:49.280 --> 00:52:56.320
a Bobo? I got a baby -o, but I'll just pull out

00:52:56.320 --> 00:53:01.719
my photo of baby -o. Handsome feller. Never seen

00:53:01.719 --> 00:53:05.619
him. You just keep that on you? Yes. Keep that

00:53:05.619 --> 00:53:09.860
in your wallet. I trust Baby -O with my life.

00:53:11.039 --> 00:53:14.719
He's one of three men I trust. Just imagine your

00:53:14.719 --> 00:53:16.320
wallet has one of those like fold -out things.

00:53:16.400 --> 00:53:18.099
It's like one picture of your child and like

00:53:18.099 --> 00:53:23.199
six pictures of Baby -O. Baby -O and I went through

00:53:23.199 --> 00:53:26.860
a lot together. It just seems right that I carry

00:53:26.860 --> 00:53:30.440
him in my heart. I pull out my wallet and it

00:53:30.440 --> 00:53:32.300
just like drops down to a picture of the Hetherton

00:53:32.300 --> 00:53:40.690
contract. Have you seen this? Eight individual

00:53:40.690 --> 00:53:45.730
tears roll down Bobby Peru's cheeks. Rob will

00:53:45.730 --> 00:53:49.110
just pull out from his pocket just like wads

00:53:49.110 --> 00:53:52.570
of like just kind of receipts that have been

00:53:52.570 --> 00:53:55.130
there since like before he left Portland the

00:53:55.130 --> 00:53:57.530
first time that are just kind of deteriorating

00:53:57.530 --> 00:53:58.989
and falling apart and just like drop those on

00:53:58.989 --> 00:54:01.449
the table. You never know if you need those for

00:54:01.449 --> 00:54:06.579
tax time. What if you got audited? I'm absolutely

00:54:06.579 --> 00:54:08.739
not really paying attention to this conversation

00:54:08.739 --> 00:54:10.960
because I'm looking for a copy of jugs magazine.

00:54:12.159 --> 00:54:16.539
Oh, believe me. Hi there. That's like coffee

00:54:16.539 --> 00:54:19.039
table magazine. This is everywhere. I am collecting

00:54:19.039 --> 00:54:23.079
copies of jugs magazine. Add many copies of jugs

00:54:23.079 --> 00:54:29.440
magazine to your inventory. Wonderful. I'm going

00:54:29.440 --> 00:54:31.800
to just lean to like the closest Peru to me and

00:54:31.800 --> 00:54:36.630
just sort of whisper in their ear. You could

00:54:36.630 --> 00:54:39.949
choose a pair of teeth like mine and become a

00:54:39.949 --> 00:54:45.429
real vampire. I've done many crimes. And then

00:54:45.429 --> 00:54:47.510
I just pull out from my pocket at a capitated

00:54:47.510 --> 00:54:52.710
pigeon. You like that? This one fucking does.

00:54:53.170 --> 00:54:55.909
Peter Lowe, this one loves that. And actually,

00:54:55.909 --> 00:54:58.269
for the remainder of the next couple minutes,

00:54:58.369 --> 00:55:03.710
the two of you just go like at each other. It's

00:55:03.710 --> 00:55:07.130
a teeth off. It's a teeth off. Some are big,

00:55:07.150 --> 00:55:12.489
some are very small and weird. So are you all

00:55:12.489 --> 00:55:19.969
brothers? No, we're all Bobby Peru. I don't understand

00:55:19.969 --> 00:55:23.050
what you're not understanding here. Is this like

00:55:23.050 --> 00:55:27.210
a George Foreman situation? Your dad named you

00:55:27.210 --> 00:55:29.630
all the same thing? George Foreman, rest in peace.

00:55:31.389 --> 00:55:34.219
Is George Foreman dead? Yeah, just recently.

00:55:34.219 --> 00:55:36.539
Just recently. The past few days, yeah. Wow.

00:55:36.900 --> 00:55:40.380
Yeah. I've got to get my grill out. Cage match

00:55:40.380 --> 00:55:45.860
is where Sean gets all of his fucking news. All

00:55:45.860 --> 00:55:48.260
the world news for Sean comes from cage match.

00:55:48.360 --> 00:55:52.980
What are you talking about? Who's dead? They're

00:55:52.980 --> 00:55:54.420
cremating George for one that they're going to

00:55:54.420 --> 00:55:59.179
try to catch all the grease. It'll be a good

00:55:59.179 --> 00:56:04.170
panini, but you know. As we know, the best sandwich,

00:56:04.289 --> 00:56:11.250
right? Clearly, yeah. So, no, they seem actually

00:56:11.250 --> 00:56:14.829
kind of puzzled by your confusion in this situation.

00:56:16.309 --> 00:56:18.510
And the Bobby Perus are sort of looking at each

00:56:18.510 --> 00:56:26.690
other. This is normal for you. Yeah, this is

00:56:26.690 --> 00:56:30.550
a standard day in Big Tuna. Well, now, listen,

00:56:30.690 --> 00:56:34.920
fellas. I've never heard of Big Tuna. I don't

00:56:34.920 --> 00:56:37.099
know where we are. But if you could just point

00:56:37.099 --> 00:56:39.800
me the way back to Arizona, I'd be perfectly

00:56:39.800 --> 00:56:42.519
happy to be on my way. Oh, we don't have Arizona.

00:56:42.820 --> 00:56:46.679
We got a Red Rock. But that's not for you. There's

00:56:46.679 --> 00:56:52.139
no Arizona. Huh. Why would we need an Arizona?

00:56:52.659 --> 00:57:00.619
Utah? Nobody needs a Utah. Do y 'all have a Seattle?

00:57:02.000 --> 00:57:06.639
Fuck Seattle. Fuck Seattle. I'm just going to

00:57:06.639 --> 00:57:08.699
turn my attention from the one Peru I'm chattering

00:57:08.699 --> 00:57:12.900
teeth with. Listen, as a literary agent, I think

00:57:12.900 --> 00:57:17.840
I know what's going on here. I'm a vampire. This

00:57:17.840 --> 00:57:21.380
disgusting man, there's eight of him. And did

00:57:21.380 --> 00:57:26.500
you see all that? This is classic story. I publish

00:57:26.500 --> 00:57:29.840
these all the time. We're in a fantasy world

00:57:29.840 --> 00:57:33.360
where I could exist and you could exist. And

00:57:33.360 --> 00:57:36.159
I just point to the same Peru and you and you

00:57:36.159 --> 00:57:41.119
and you. I turned into a bat earlier. Did you

00:57:41.119 --> 00:57:44.219
see that? Did anyone see what I turned into a

00:57:44.219 --> 00:57:48.869
bat? The driving Bobby Peru is like. Yeah, we

00:57:48.869 --> 00:57:53.030
saw something. We saw. It's the limit of imagination.

00:57:53.170 --> 00:57:57.329
This is fantasy land. This is where the contract

00:57:57.329 --> 00:58:03.630
takes us. Don't you see? Oh, this is where Rachel

00:58:03.630 --> 00:58:07.630
wanted me to be, yes. My wound is still spurting

00:58:07.630 --> 00:58:09.769
slightly on the table and back on the decapitated

00:58:09.769 --> 00:58:17.409
vision. Gross. Does anyone else think that perhaps

00:58:17.409 --> 00:58:22.090
we should get this man to a doctor? I'm still

00:58:22.090 --> 00:58:28.030
not sure a doctor will fix this, but. I need

00:58:28.030 --> 00:58:32.489
my psychiatrist. Eight Bobby Perus look over

00:58:32.489 --> 00:58:37.469
at Peter Lowe and then look back sort of to all

00:58:37.469 --> 00:58:40.190
of you and say, you help us out. We can help

00:58:40.190 --> 00:58:45.710
your friend out. What kind of help do you need?

00:58:46.289 --> 00:58:51.269
Yes. Oh, very above board. And they wink at Cameron.

00:58:52.949 --> 00:58:58.570
Definitely not an illegal operation. Wink. Why

00:58:58.570 --> 00:59:02.530
did you say wink out loud? Because I'm a Bobby

00:59:02.530 --> 00:59:07.630
Peru. Well, the jury rests. Subtlety is not my

00:59:07.630 --> 00:59:13.050
specialty. And what is your specialty exactly?

00:59:13.570 --> 00:59:20.610
Mainly robbing hayseeds. Well, gentlemen, we're

00:59:20.610 --> 00:59:29.630
not sure a bank robbery would be the best. No

00:59:29.630 --> 00:59:33.070
one here is an experienced bank robber. Anyways,

00:59:33.289 --> 00:59:38.389
we just need to look around at our Companions,

00:59:38.389 --> 00:59:43.789
clearly no bank robbers in this bunch. Uh, hi?

00:59:44.010 --> 00:59:51.030
No? I've never robbed a bank. It would probably

00:59:51.030 --> 00:59:55.929
hold you back if we joined you. We should just

00:59:55.929 --> 01:00:00.590
be on our way. Fair enough, if that's what y

01:00:00.590 --> 01:00:03.730
'all decide. I think, why don't you head over,

01:00:03.929 --> 01:00:07.869
see, check out the hospital. And I'll be right

01:00:07.869 --> 01:00:10.630
behind you as scooch up to one of the Bobby Perus

01:00:10.630 --> 01:00:16.070
and say, now tell me more about this job. This

01:00:16.070 --> 01:00:18.670
Bobby Peru is kind of whispering to high on the

01:00:18.670 --> 01:00:22.969
side. Dead simple job. Hayseed Bank. Unprotected

01:00:22.969 --> 01:00:25.230
for the most part. You got a couple old timey

01:00:25.230 --> 01:00:28.250
tellers. You get in there, you get out real quick

01:00:28.250 --> 01:00:30.929
and easy. There's some cash. There's some treasure.

01:00:31.190 --> 01:00:33.789
All sorts of shit is in a safe. Who even knows?

01:00:35.210 --> 01:00:37.409
And if we help you out with this, you help us

01:00:37.409 --> 01:00:40.389
out? Absolutely. It can send you right on from

01:00:40.389 --> 01:00:43.250
Big Tuna straight to the Emerald City. Dude,

01:00:43.289 --> 01:00:48.190
can you help me get back to home? Uh, that's

01:00:48.190 --> 01:00:52.150
a concept I don't fully understand for you. But

01:00:52.150 --> 01:00:54.329
you understood when I said where Arizona was.

01:00:54.409 --> 01:00:56.869
You said there wasn't any Arizona here. We know

01:00:56.869 --> 01:00:59.969
we don't got an Arizona. But you don't know how

01:00:59.969 --> 01:01:03.949
to get to an Arizona that you don't have. Now

01:01:03.949 --> 01:01:05.710
that's a complicated question for a Bobby Peru.

01:01:11.269 --> 01:01:13.650
Rob wants to go. He's going to like, just kind

01:01:13.650 --> 01:01:17.329
of stand up and like make his way over to the

01:01:17.329 --> 01:01:19.110
motel office or anything and just start kind

01:01:19.110 --> 01:01:23.730
of looking for coffee maker, George Foreman grill,

01:01:23.849 --> 01:01:28.210
like any, any, any cheap cooking accoutrement.

01:01:28.510 --> 01:01:31.769
Yeah. Okay. So you a hundred percent, there's

01:01:31.769 --> 01:01:35.590
a Mr. Coffee, like, Super, like, 70s piece of

01:01:35.590 --> 01:01:39.889
shit Mr. Coffee. It works, like, still good.

01:01:41.070 --> 01:01:45.329
Is the coffee in it fresh? Yeah, it's Folger's

01:01:45.329 --> 01:01:50.429
best. Just gonna take the pot and just drink

01:01:50.429 --> 01:01:53.789
from it. Your wounds are healed. As I'm looking

01:01:53.789 --> 01:01:57.670
around, just looking around the office. Yeah,

01:01:57.730 --> 01:02:00.030
other than that, I mean, it's gonna be kind of

01:02:00.030 --> 01:02:04.099
the... continental breakfast that you would expect

01:02:04.099 --> 01:02:08.380
from a place called big fucking tuna uh it is

01:02:08.380 --> 01:02:13.119
very old stale bagels and like you know peel

01:02:13.119 --> 01:02:15.719
the cream cheese cup and that's about it and

01:02:15.719 --> 01:02:19.119
some like plastic knives fill in my pockets you

01:02:19.119 --> 01:02:22.400
got it uh put miscellaneous bagels cream cheese

01:02:22.400 --> 01:02:29.199
and knives into your inventory please i'll roll

01:02:29.199 --> 01:02:32.550
a cameron will roll up here and Pour out a couple

01:02:32.550 --> 01:02:40.070
cups of coffee. Smart. It strikes me as odd that

01:02:40.070 --> 01:02:49.989
there are eight of them and four of us that look

01:02:49.989 --> 01:02:54.590
like me. I just don't understand what's going

01:02:54.590 --> 01:02:58.389
on, but I need to be getting home. Nobody seems

01:02:58.389 --> 01:03:03.440
to be helping us here. You have any idea what's

01:03:03.440 --> 01:03:10.960
happening? I'll drink a cup of coffee. I feel

01:03:10.960 --> 01:03:13.119
like we're just passing the pot back and forth

01:03:13.119 --> 01:03:18.719
to each other. As I can tell, I've had a massive

01:03:18.719 --> 01:03:22.139
stroke. I'm on the floor of my cabin waiting

01:03:22.139 --> 01:03:25.260
to die. The heat death of the brain. Only thing

01:03:25.260 --> 01:03:29.099
that makes sense to me. But since we're here,

01:03:32.110 --> 01:03:40.030
I don't quite trust that those Mr. Perus have

01:03:40.030 --> 01:03:48.449
our best intentions in mind. I have been in the

01:03:48.449 --> 01:03:53.130
company of many a Bobby Peru in my life. And

01:03:53.130 --> 01:03:56.989
I do not think they have our best intentions

01:03:56.989 --> 01:04:04.159
at heart. You are correct. Ah, hmm. Did you,

01:04:04.159 --> 01:04:10.380
uh, you happen to spot a police station or, like,

01:04:10.400 --> 01:04:20.519
some type of authority figures, like, office

01:04:20.519 --> 01:04:27.119
on the way into town? I didn't see anything.

01:04:28.920 --> 01:04:34.639
Nothing that's gonna help us here. What about

01:04:34.639 --> 01:04:39.159
a post office? I'm assuming Big Tuna has a post

01:04:39.159 --> 01:04:44.840
office. Yeah, sure. Absolutely. How far how far

01:04:44.840 --> 01:04:46.860
away is the post office? I mean, Big Tuna is

01:04:46.860 --> 01:04:48.380
actually pretty small. I mean, we're talking

01:04:48.380 --> 01:04:52.659
it's a three stoplight, three stoplight kind

01:04:52.659 --> 01:04:54.780
of town. You know, there's not a lot going on

01:04:54.780 --> 01:04:58.860
here. Just going to take going to take the pot

01:04:58.860 --> 01:05:01.199
of coffee and just wander over to the post office

01:05:01.199 --> 01:05:03.730
real quick. All right. Cameron, are you going

01:05:03.730 --> 01:05:06.909
with? No, I'll bring the other cup of coffee

01:05:06.909 --> 01:05:11.010
back to Peter. Perfect. I think they need something

01:05:11.010 --> 01:05:13.710
to shake them loose. Yeah, Peter, you were about

01:05:13.710 --> 01:05:16.550
to start something. Before you head out, I hand

01:05:16.550 --> 01:05:21.369
you, like, a pocket bagel. I'll look at the state

01:05:21.369 --> 01:05:23.489
of your hands, look at the bagel, and just kind

01:05:23.489 --> 01:05:27.989
of nod. Peter, you were about to do something.

01:05:29.919 --> 01:05:32.579
I'll certainly take any bagels that are given

01:05:32.579 --> 01:05:35.559
my way. Then with sort of the bagel in hand,

01:05:35.699 --> 01:05:37.980
I'm just going to look around on the floor on

01:05:37.980 --> 01:05:40.099
hands and knees for any bugs and cockroaches

01:05:40.099 --> 01:05:44.300
to put in the bagel. Yeah, there's like pill

01:05:44.300 --> 01:05:46.039
bugs and shit. I don't know. You can find some

01:05:46.039 --> 01:05:51.800
stuff. It's an everything bagel. Then I'm going

01:05:51.800 --> 01:05:55.320
to cram in a nice bagel, a bug bagel. And I'm

01:05:55.320 --> 01:05:57.480
just going to start biting into that still with

01:05:57.480 --> 01:05:59.360
the fake teeth. They keep getting stuck in the

01:05:59.360 --> 01:06:06.039
bagel. I keep putting them back in. Now, hi,

01:06:06.099 --> 01:06:08.920
this whole time, you've got a Bobby Peru basically

01:06:08.920 --> 01:06:11.760
in your ear just talking about all the treasures

01:06:11.760 --> 01:06:14.559
and successes that are in that vault. Everything

01:06:14.559 --> 01:06:16.480
you could ever dream of. All you got to do is

01:06:16.480 --> 01:06:20.460
this one score, son. Yeah, I'm trying to get

01:06:20.460 --> 01:06:23.860
him to tell me, asking him about, like, what

01:06:23.860 --> 01:06:26.920
is at the Emerald City? Why would it help us

01:06:26.920 --> 01:06:34.840
to get there? Well, the wizard. Wizard? Yeah,

01:06:34.840 --> 01:06:39.280
son. Now, might the wizard... Did I stutter?

01:06:39.559 --> 01:06:42.699
Bobby Peru doesn't stutter. Might the wizard

01:06:42.699 --> 01:06:46.260
be able to send me home? I mean, a wizard can

01:06:46.260 --> 01:06:51.000
do all sorts of wizardly shit. tell me more about

01:06:51.000 --> 01:06:55.400
this bank yeah so he starts laying out a little

01:06:55.400 --> 01:06:57.199
bit more it's not that much more information

01:06:57.199 --> 01:06:59.019
that you're getting out of this bobby peru it's

01:06:59.019 --> 01:07:03.260
a seems pretty like simple as a job overall not

01:07:03.260 --> 01:07:05.840
a lot of guards you know you gotta disarm a couple

01:07:05.840 --> 01:07:10.880
people that kind of thing all right uh as as

01:07:10.880 --> 01:07:14.639
my compatriots come back to the table uh now

01:07:14.639 --> 01:07:19.809
now fellas seems that there's a wizard in the

01:07:19.809 --> 01:07:22.030
city over there who might be able to help us

01:07:22.030 --> 01:07:26.090
get back to where we came from and uh if we help

01:07:26.090 --> 01:07:29.010
these fellas out with a job they say they might

01:07:29.010 --> 01:07:33.789
be able to help us get seen by this wizard eight

01:07:33.789 --> 01:07:39.230
bobby peru heads nod in unison they all seem

01:07:39.230 --> 01:07:47.920
very trustworthy to me so uh Post office. Is

01:07:47.920 --> 01:07:52.039
it open? Yeah, actually, Rob, the post office

01:07:52.039 --> 01:07:54.420
is open. It's staffed by just one person. I mean,

01:07:54.460 --> 01:07:57.699
small operation. Is it a Bobby Peru? It is not

01:07:57.699 --> 01:08:02.239
a Bobby Peru. It's just a schmuck from Big Tuna

01:08:02.239 --> 01:08:05.260
Universe. I'm going to like go down there, kind

01:08:05.260 --> 01:08:07.420
of keep my head down so my hair is kind of in

01:08:07.420 --> 01:08:12.960
my face. I want to find the wanted posters. The

01:08:12.960 --> 01:08:15.159
wanted posters? You always see wanted posters

01:08:15.159 --> 01:08:19.239
in post office, like, you know, in TV and movies.

01:08:19.399 --> 01:08:23.739
Sure. That's what this is. So the wanted poster

01:08:23.739 --> 01:08:26.560
situation is really just a picture of Bobby Peru.

01:08:28.619 --> 01:08:31.800
No, nobody who looks like me. Nope. No, sir.

01:08:33.340 --> 01:08:37.539
Do you approach the counter? Sure. Yeah. So the

01:08:37.539 --> 01:08:40.119
clerk sort of says, what can I what can I help

01:08:40.119 --> 01:08:45.619
you with, sir? This might be an odd question.

01:08:47.439 --> 01:08:49.000
Nothing's an odd question for the post office.

01:08:50.159 --> 01:08:53.659
You ever... Ever see anyone who kind of looks

01:08:53.659 --> 01:08:58.420
like me? Maybe younger? Sort of does a big stare

01:08:58.420 --> 01:09:08.680
at you. Can you lift your hair? Oh! Oh, shit!

01:09:08.899 --> 01:09:15.119
We haven't seen one of you in ages! One of me?

01:09:16.159 --> 01:09:24.359
Yeah, sir. Of course. A cage. Okay, I've heard

01:09:24.359 --> 01:09:28.659
this before. What exactly is a cage? Well, I

01:09:28.659 --> 01:09:30.119
don't know how to describe it other than one

01:09:30.119 --> 01:09:32.939
of you. You look different a lot of the time.

01:09:33.319 --> 01:09:35.319
Sometimes skinnier, sometimes teeth different,

01:09:35.439 --> 01:09:38.680
sometimes hair different. Different accents.

01:09:38.760 --> 01:09:43.739
A lot of Boston. A lot of Boston. But yeah, I

01:09:43.739 --> 01:09:48.920
see a lot of you. But not for a long time. Any...

01:09:48.920 --> 01:09:56.159
How long? Oh, shit. It may have been three, four,

01:09:56.279 --> 01:10:00.659
six months ago. Something like that. Not a lot

01:10:00.659 --> 01:10:04.420
happens in Big Tuna, I'm sorry. What about outside

01:10:04.420 --> 01:10:07.420
Big Tuna? Well, ain't all that much going on

01:10:07.420 --> 01:10:10.979
outside Big Tuna. So what changed six months

01:10:10.979 --> 01:10:18.300
ago? Well... There was the message. Message?

01:10:18.779 --> 01:10:24.859
Yep. Care to elaborate? I don't know how much

01:10:24.859 --> 01:10:27.760
more to say. All the cages got a message, and

01:10:27.760 --> 01:10:31.520
then there were no more cages. I mean, I delivered

01:10:31.520 --> 01:10:36.439
most of them to anyone who was in Big Tuna. So,

01:10:36.619 --> 01:10:42.500
message as in, like, certified mail? Yeah, how

01:10:42.500 --> 01:10:46.460
else would you... it's not door to door, you

01:10:46.460 --> 01:10:48.500
know, like flower delivery. Yeah. I brought it

01:10:48.500 --> 01:10:50.539
to their mailboxes and delivered the messages.

01:10:50.779 --> 01:10:54.260
Then they all were gone. How many cages lived

01:10:54.260 --> 01:10:59.039
in big tuna? Oh, I don't know. Shit. We had a,

01:10:59.060 --> 01:11:06.460
we had a, I don't know, 12, 13. Seems excessive.

01:11:08.300 --> 01:11:10.779
I mean, to us, they were just our neighbors.

01:11:10.939 --> 01:11:13.619
They all seem mostly. All right. Do you have

01:11:13.619 --> 01:11:18.500
any undelivered messages? No, that was the last

01:11:18.500 --> 01:11:24.000
missive. I mean, I got some spam mail and shit,

01:11:24.060 --> 01:11:27.279
but that ain't going to do you much good. Could

01:11:27.279 --> 01:11:32.539
I get the addresses of these cages? Sure. Yeah,

01:11:32.640 --> 01:11:37.079
that seems totally on the up and up. I mean,

01:11:37.079 --> 01:11:38.779
you got their face. I can't be too mad about

01:11:38.779 --> 01:11:43.420
it. Thank you. so yeah you get a little list

01:11:43.420 --> 01:11:44.960
there's a couple addresses in big tuna again

01:11:44.960 --> 01:11:47.260
big tuna is not that big yeah i'm just gonna

01:11:47.260 --> 01:11:51.180
like take my copy uh leave my bagel walk out

01:11:51.180 --> 01:11:54.399
the front door uh walk across the street to what

01:11:54.399 --> 01:11:57.260
i'm assuming is walk across the street to like

01:11:57.260 --> 01:12:00.420
the closest address yeah which is not far yeah

01:12:00.420 --> 01:12:04.539
let myself in sure um big tuna also pretty you

01:12:04.539 --> 01:12:06.399
know it's a porno city but it's pretty safe people

01:12:06.399 --> 01:12:10.140
are trusting here um so doors are open um and

01:12:10.140 --> 01:12:13.260
you can see it's a pretty unused apartment um

01:12:13.260 --> 01:12:18.560
nothing seems really out of out of line um there's

01:12:18.560 --> 01:12:24.359
a a picture of um i don't know what you would

01:12:24.359 --> 01:12:32.220
know as like vegas uh elvis's hanging out In

01:12:32.220 --> 01:12:35.739
the sky? No, on the ground, but I mean, they

01:12:35.739 --> 01:12:41.020
definitely are near a plane. I'm just going to

01:12:41.020 --> 01:12:45.300
go looking around for some mail. Yeah, go ahead.

01:12:45.380 --> 01:12:47.539
Give me a roll. We're going to do a two on this.

01:12:47.659 --> 01:12:51.760
Just see what you get. How organized is this

01:12:51.760 --> 01:12:55.859
abode? I mean, this is a guy who kind of parties

01:12:55.859 --> 01:12:57.720
a little bit. It's a little messy. There's not

01:12:57.720 --> 01:13:02.550
anything like super. coordinated about it. All

01:13:02.550 --> 01:13:10.449
right. I'm trying to think. Now I can't think

01:13:10.449 --> 01:13:14.510
of any anything to use this with. He keeps all

01:13:14.510 --> 01:13:22.949
his mail in the fridge while cooking. That's

01:13:22.949 --> 01:13:26.810
a one. OK, well, in this particular house, you

01:13:26.810 --> 01:13:29.560
do not find anything. All right. so let's go

01:13:29.560 --> 01:13:31.100
ahead and we're gonna speed run this a little

01:13:31.100 --> 01:13:32.939
bit um sean because i like what you're doing

01:13:32.939 --> 01:13:36.020
um but instead of going like every house yeah

01:13:36.020 --> 01:13:39.500
just roll me another uh two and just see if you

01:13:39.500 --> 01:13:41.659
end up can i i'm trying to cut through some bullshit

01:13:41.659 --> 01:13:48.279
here yeah yeah you mean my game i mean i'm just

01:13:48.279 --> 01:13:51.619
trying to get information yeah no this will speed

01:13:51.619 --> 01:13:53.439
it up a little bit if you uh get a success on

01:13:53.439 --> 01:13:59.409
here um i think i got a four okay So you do find

01:13:59.409 --> 01:14:02.729
a letter. It's this kind of gilded letter. And

01:14:02.729 --> 01:14:08.350
in this particular one, it says, Mr. Furpo, you

01:14:08.350 --> 01:14:13.350
are welcomed back to the Emerald City. You are

01:14:13.350 --> 01:14:17.710
expected here tomorrow. And if you are not present,

01:14:18.010 --> 01:14:23.210
we will come find you. When was this dated? I

01:14:23.210 --> 01:14:25.390
don't know. The envelope says, let's just assume

01:14:25.390 --> 01:14:31.359
three months ago. All right. I'll pocket the

01:14:31.359 --> 01:14:34.520
letter and go find my compatriots. All right.

01:14:35.180 --> 01:14:37.020
In the meantime, what have the three of you been

01:14:37.020 --> 01:14:39.880
doing? Oh, also, just while I've been going through

01:14:39.880 --> 01:14:42.899
the houses, if there's been any like photo, like

01:14:42.899 --> 01:14:45.779
frame photos or photos of like the cages that

01:14:45.779 --> 01:14:47.659
live there, I would like collect a few of those.

01:14:47.840 --> 01:14:49.880
That's great. Actually, yeah, you have, you know,

01:14:49.880 --> 01:14:52.500
not everybody had a picture, but let's say you've

01:14:52.500 --> 01:14:55.220
got like eight photos of various different cages.

01:14:56.140 --> 01:14:59.350
You definitely got a Bill Furpo. Yeah. Yeah.

01:15:00.010 --> 01:15:02.590
And you got a whatever his name was from Honeymoon

01:15:02.590 --> 01:15:12.550
in Vegas. Gotta catch them all. I feel like Pete

01:15:12.550 --> 01:15:17.350
has just been talking to the communion of Peru's.

01:15:18.229 --> 01:15:21.010
And then I told her I couldn't think of a more

01:15:21.010 --> 01:15:24.430
horrible job if I wanted to that she had to do

01:15:24.430 --> 01:15:27.289
it or that I would fire her. You understand?

01:15:29.519 --> 01:15:33.180
The Bobby Perus fucking love this shit. They're

01:15:33.180 --> 01:15:37.520
horrible creatures and they are into this. I

01:15:37.520 --> 01:15:40.140
turn around to the other cages with me. You chased

01:15:40.140 --> 01:15:43.460
her into the bathroom? I turn around to the other

01:15:43.460 --> 01:15:46.000
cages with me and wink and like, these are my

01:15:46.000 --> 01:15:52.000
people. I'd probably just let Peter talk with

01:15:52.000 --> 01:15:56.220
them. Fair enough. I'll stroll back up to the

01:15:56.220 --> 01:16:00.800
table while Peter's got all the Bobby's Peru

01:16:00.800 --> 01:16:04.039
distracted. I'll just kind of like sidle up to

01:16:04.039 --> 01:16:06.140
the other two and just kind of like hand them

01:16:06.140 --> 01:16:10.819
a wad of like random photos of us. And the letter.

01:16:12.180 --> 01:16:16.300
Oh, yeah, the letter was signed The Wizard. Boys,

01:16:19.659 --> 01:16:23.500
I hate to say it, but we might have to play ball

01:16:23.500 --> 01:16:29.859
here. This is what I've been saying. He's trustworthy.

01:16:30.100 --> 01:16:34.539
I always said, the more gum a person has, the

01:16:34.539 --> 01:16:39.220
more you can trust them. There's a lot of gums.

01:16:39.699 --> 01:16:43.380
I think we could trust all of these people. And

01:16:43.380 --> 01:16:46.079
I think they know what's going on. Isn't that

01:16:46.079 --> 01:16:50.420
right, Peruse? And I was just like... Eight Peruse

01:16:50.420 --> 01:16:54.579
nod. Like, in my head, they're not saying this

01:16:54.579 --> 01:16:57.220
all, but in my head, they're going... Peter,

01:16:57.300 --> 01:17:01.500
Peter, Peter. It's probably the blood loss, but

01:17:01.500 --> 01:17:04.560
I'm just like cheering myself, congratulating

01:17:04.560 --> 01:17:09.079
myself, finally found my audience. And I turn

01:17:09.079 --> 01:17:11.600
to the cages. They wouldn't misfile anything.

01:17:17.159 --> 01:17:19.880
I don't see that we have much of a choice here.

01:17:20.020 --> 01:17:23.680
And we seem to be in somewhat of a... moral and

01:17:23.680 --> 01:17:26.260
ethical gray area, seeing as, I don't know if

01:17:26.260 --> 01:17:28.520
this is all a delusion or a parallel dimension

01:17:28.520 --> 01:17:31.520
or what, but I'm thinking we're probably not

01:17:31.520 --> 01:17:36.180
subject to the local laws and ordinances. Anyone

01:17:36.180 --> 01:17:42.199
else suffer severe head trauma lately? Just jest.

01:17:44.880 --> 01:17:49.140
Not that I recall, but it wouldn't necessarily.

01:17:52.970 --> 01:17:57.949
I don't think so, but life is rough. All right,

01:17:57.970 --> 01:18:02.270
boys. I turn back to the peruse. No one gets

01:18:02.270 --> 01:18:07.909
hurt. No one gets hurt. Bobby Peru's a lover,

01:18:08.029 --> 01:18:14.350
not a fighter. And I'm all about finding love

01:18:14.350 --> 01:18:18.649
in all the right places. I'm just gonna like

01:18:18.649 --> 01:18:21.489
loudly whisper. I think we could have an army

01:18:21.489 --> 01:18:25.949
of peruse. Think about the contracts that this

01:18:25.949 --> 01:18:30.390
could inspire. A vampire leading these freaks.

01:18:31.289 --> 01:18:34.630
Can you believe it? I've never felt more confident.

01:18:38.029 --> 01:18:41.050
Alva's gonna love this when she's finished her

01:18:41.050 --> 01:18:48.449
time. I'm just... Cameron will just sort of nod

01:18:48.449 --> 01:18:52.899
reassuringly and kind of... Push the coffee back

01:18:52.899 --> 01:18:58.239
towards you. It'll wear off. He can't be half

01:18:58.239 --> 01:19:03.020
forever. I'm just going to choke some more down.

01:19:04.659 --> 01:19:07.000
A little bit spurts out of the chest. No, I'm

01:19:07.000 --> 01:19:14.539
kidding. Okay, so let's brainstorm this a little

01:19:14.539 --> 01:19:16.819
bit. So you guys are going to rob a hayseed bank.

01:19:18.239 --> 01:19:22.090
Bobby Peru's, Bobby's Peru are not that. sharp

01:19:22.090 --> 01:19:25.050
um and they really don't have a plan other than

01:19:25.050 --> 01:19:27.550
going in guns blazing so if you don't want to

01:19:27.550 --> 01:19:30.069
do that it is your job to figure out a better

01:19:30.069 --> 01:19:33.329
option so if you're really trying to do no damage

01:19:33.329 --> 01:19:35.710
cameron then you got to think about how you're

01:19:35.710 --> 01:19:37.350
actually going to get in here get the money out

01:19:37.350 --> 01:19:39.590
of this bank or get into the vault that rather

01:19:39.590 --> 01:19:44.310
can i is it possible that i can somehow convince

01:19:44.310 --> 01:19:47.649
them that we are to be trusted and that i can

01:19:47.649 --> 01:19:51.539
be their leader I'm going to have you roll for

01:19:51.539 --> 01:19:58.579
that. It's about time. How many dice will that

01:19:58.579 --> 01:20:01.800
be? I mean, this is a maximum challenge one.

01:20:01.920 --> 01:20:03.500
So, okay, it's going to be a three die situation.

01:20:04.140 --> 01:20:06.199
I'm also going to roll some additional die because

01:20:06.199 --> 01:20:08.619
I have that power. I'm going to roll six. I'm

01:20:08.619 --> 01:20:11.079
rolling six against you. Son of a bitch. Fuck

01:20:11.079 --> 01:20:13.119
you. I'm rolling for eight Bobby Prues. No, you

01:20:13.119 --> 01:20:17.640
charm two of them. Six. For the listener, my

01:20:17.640 --> 01:20:22.090
sleeves have been pulled up. What skills do you

01:20:22.090 --> 01:20:25.409
got there, Peter? Whatever Peter Lowe skills

01:20:25.409 --> 01:20:28.149
and equipment that are applicable for this, you

01:20:28.149 --> 01:20:31.189
play it out. My skills, one of them is false

01:20:31.189 --> 01:20:37.850
confidence and gear. I mean, one of them like

01:20:37.850 --> 01:20:41.909
the decapitated pigeon. They all seem to like

01:20:41.909 --> 01:20:44.850
your teeth. I've got fake teeth, decapitated

01:20:44.850 --> 01:20:47.520
pigeon, piece of pallet. Heatherton contract.

01:20:47.720 --> 01:20:50.279
I mean, the Heatherton contract might be your

01:20:50.279 --> 01:20:53.119
ace in the hole on this one. So I think you have

01:20:53.119 --> 01:20:58.119
at least those three. What about a drive? Yeah,

01:20:58.119 --> 01:21:01.159
do you have a drive that matches? My drives are

01:21:01.159 --> 01:21:03.119
finding love in all the wrong places and bat

01:21:03.119 --> 01:21:09.689
arousal. Can I slide down like the Hamilton contract

01:21:09.689 --> 01:21:13.630
and says, I'm wearing a suit. This here contract

01:21:13.630 --> 01:21:17.630
means that we get a fair split of our share from

01:21:17.630 --> 01:21:21.770
the hayseed bag. And I'm just going to hope that

01:21:21.770 --> 01:21:24.510
like none of them actually look at it, but they'll

01:21:24.510 --> 01:21:27.069
be convinced by the contract that this is like

01:21:27.069 --> 01:21:31.789
a legit thing. So one of them sort of flips it

01:21:31.789 --> 01:21:33.710
towards themselves and they kind of look at it

01:21:33.710 --> 01:21:35.930
squinty eyed and then kind of flips it back.

01:21:36.779 --> 01:21:41.100
I mean, it's a contract. It is what I've been

01:21:41.100 --> 01:21:47.020
working my whole life towards. All right. So

01:21:47.020 --> 01:21:52.859
you're rolling. How many dice? I've got false

01:21:52.859 --> 01:21:58.079
confidence. They like the teeth. Pigeon. Contract.

01:21:59.039 --> 01:22:01.720
I think you're only doing four. Right. We'll

01:22:01.720 --> 01:22:07.250
say four. I will tell you, I rolled four successes.

01:22:09.109 --> 01:22:14.470
You need to go fuck yourself. Roll hot, Daryl.

01:22:15.069 --> 01:22:17.329
Roll four successes, Daryl. Just for the ASMR

01:22:17.329 --> 01:22:27.090
aspect. Good, thank you. I have two fours, a

01:22:27.090 --> 01:22:34.409
five, and a two. Oh, so fucking close. But go

01:22:34.409 --> 01:22:37.149
ahead and add six die to your cage out pool for

01:22:37.149 --> 01:22:39.229
later. That's true. You get to really rock that

01:22:39.229 --> 01:22:42.989
shit later. OK, so here's what I'll give you

01:22:42.989 --> 01:22:45.689
from that one. You have convinced the majority

01:22:45.689 --> 01:22:49.670
of the Bobby's Peru. There are some that still

01:22:49.670 --> 01:22:52.210
are maybe not trustworthy in this situation.

01:22:52.569 --> 01:22:56.489
But in theory, you have, we'll say, five Bobby's

01:22:56.489 --> 01:22:59.149
Peru that are kind of like, that's our dude.

01:22:59.989 --> 01:23:06.180
All right. I start flapping their wings. Ah,

01:23:06.399 --> 01:23:09.460
ah, ah. We're flapping in unison. And I look

01:23:09.460 --> 01:23:11.619
to the other three. He's like, you don't know

01:23:11.619 --> 01:23:20.220
what you're missing out on. All right. So we'll

01:23:20.220 --> 01:23:22.739
fast forward a little bit to you all are outside

01:23:22.739 --> 01:23:25.060
of the Hayseed Bank, whether it's a block away,

01:23:25.140 --> 01:23:27.739
whatever you want to do for your plan. But you

01:23:27.739 --> 01:23:29.279
need to guide me through what you're going to

01:23:29.279 --> 01:23:31.760
try and do to break into the safe inside of the

01:23:31.760 --> 01:23:34.460
Hayseed Bank. It is literally called Hayseed

01:23:34.460 --> 01:23:41.500
Bank. I think. Oh, I was just going to say we

01:23:41.500 --> 01:23:44.220
should all put on one of these and hand out legs

01:23:44.220 --> 01:23:49.380
pantyhose so we can't be identified later. Now,

01:23:49.420 --> 01:23:54.140
in my admittedly limited experience in similar

01:23:54.140 --> 01:23:57.560
situations, I think it's important we get in

01:23:57.560 --> 01:24:02.310
and get out as quickly as possible. That seems

01:24:02.310 --> 01:24:09.350
prudent. Pull the thing on. We should send the

01:24:09.350 --> 01:24:17.770
vampire and maybe appoint it Rob the Counselor

01:24:17.770 --> 01:24:26.229
in first as a good distraction. And maybe you,

01:24:26.430 --> 01:24:33.300
myself, and a Bobby Peru. quickly come in, capitalize,

01:24:33.439 --> 01:24:39.500
nobody gets hurt. We just get that money. Other

01:24:39.500 --> 01:24:43.840
Bobby Perus, they can watch the back. Sounds

01:24:43.840 --> 01:24:48.560
like a plan to me. So let me just make sure I

01:24:48.560 --> 01:24:51.619
am understanding. You're sending Peter Lowe,

01:24:51.800 --> 01:24:56.380
several Bobby's Peru, and Rob inside the bank.

01:24:56.859 --> 01:24:59.460
No, the other Bobby Perus I would like to...

01:25:00.300 --> 01:25:05.579
drive man the perimeter uh not be involved okay

01:25:05.579 --> 01:25:07.840
so i don't i think they're a little hot yeah

01:25:07.840 --> 01:25:11.899
one bobby peru with us for you know yeah i'm

01:25:11.899 --> 01:25:15.000
sure well how many were unconvinced to lead us

01:25:15.000 --> 01:25:19.920
three were unconvinced yeah so you've got so

01:25:19.920 --> 01:25:24.060
so peter lowe's going in with a loyal bobby peru

01:25:24.060 --> 01:25:28.210
and a robinfeld and the three of them will will

01:25:28.210 --> 01:25:33.229
be a distraction yeah yeah i was gonna say create

01:25:33.229 --> 01:25:34.810
but they don't really need to put any effort

01:25:34.810 --> 01:25:37.550
into it big tuna's used to seeing lots of bobby

01:25:37.550 --> 01:25:42.590
peruse don't worry but backed up with a wild

01:25:42.590 --> 01:25:47.670
vampire cage it's true and a slick speaking homeless

01:25:47.670 --> 01:25:54.800
cage I could have my creatures of the night swarm

01:25:54.800 --> 01:25:57.600
in bad form at the click of a hooked finger.

01:25:59.539 --> 01:26:05.840
I'm sure you could. I can. It's like my whole

01:26:05.840 --> 01:26:14.579
thing. You wouldn't even understand, man. You

01:26:14.579 --> 01:26:20.369
just don't get it, do you? Alright. Seems like

01:26:20.369 --> 01:26:22.689
a pretty well -developed plan. Yeah, I like it.

01:26:22.689 --> 01:26:27.270
It's good enough for me. Gentlemen, what are

01:26:27.270 --> 01:26:33.250
we robbing the bank with? I just got a gun. Pull

01:26:33.250 --> 01:26:40.609
out my gun. I have this piece of pallet and a

01:26:40.609 --> 01:26:46.329
pigeon with no head. Okay, bring those, I guess.

01:26:49.159 --> 01:26:53.520
to say this but looking at peter he's the only

01:26:53.520 --> 01:26:56.979
one of us with a suit maybe you should go in

01:26:56.979 --> 01:27:03.180
there and try to open an account bless you sean

01:27:03.180 --> 01:27:15.460
i love that idea okay so the little bell ding

01:27:15.460 --> 01:27:21.170
-a -lings as A lightly cleaned up Peter Lowe,

01:27:21.310 --> 01:27:23.909
or is it still just like bloodied suit Peter

01:27:23.909 --> 01:27:26.529
Lowe? As he's getting ready to walk in, I stop

01:27:26.529 --> 01:27:30.170
him at the door and like remove the teeth. Nice.

01:27:32.250 --> 01:27:34.930
Okay. Like dust off his shoulders and be like,

01:27:35.029 --> 01:27:45.569
whatever part of you has any semblance of reality.

01:27:46.600 --> 01:27:52.300
I need you to channel that. And keep your shit

01:27:52.300 --> 01:27:57.520
together for five minutes. I've read in excess

01:27:57.520 --> 01:28:06.119
of ten books. I know how this works. Lead the

01:28:06.119 --> 01:28:13.739
way, Peter. Me and my loyal Peru, who I'm going

01:28:13.739 --> 01:28:18.189
to call Bobby Juan. Can we have numbered all

01:28:18.189 --> 01:28:22.210
the perus? Yeah. For sake of convenience, we've

01:28:22.210 --> 01:28:25.369
numbered all the perus. Absolutely. But I'm going

01:28:25.369 --> 01:28:27.789
to make it annoying in three, five, and six are

01:28:27.789 --> 01:28:31.729
the ones who don't like you. Classic Bobby Five.

01:28:34.670 --> 01:28:38.409
I'm going to walk up to the bank clerk, lean

01:28:38.409 --> 01:28:43.149
down on the desk, say, me and my associate would

01:28:43.149 --> 01:28:46.560
like to... disgust they just sweep like the blood

01:28:46.560 --> 01:28:50.380
-minted hair out of my eye uh opening a business

01:28:50.380 --> 01:28:55.000
account with you you see i have a lot of contract

01:28:55.000 --> 01:29:01.880
deals that i need somewhere to put my gold all

01:29:01.880 --> 01:29:04.340
right you're gonna this is gonna be kind of the

01:29:04.340 --> 01:29:06.119
equivalent of a persuasion role you're gonna

01:29:06.119 --> 01:29:08.859
have to roll just a one but you can use some

01:29:08.859 --> 01:29:13.619
skills on that uh i'll take the false confidence

01:29:13.619 --> 01:29:24.880
uh so let's see asmr uh i have a five and a three

01:29:24.880 --> 01:29:32.020
okay i got a one success so um on the push we're

01:29:32.020 --> 01:29:36.239
gonna say that uh this clerk is fucking tired

01:29:36.239 --> 01:29:38.840
they're hungry they got a turkey sandwich that

01:29:38.840 --> 01:29:42.039
they want to eat you know they're like Sure,

01:29:42.039 --> 01:29:47.119
sir. You got to fill out this form. And then

01:29:47.119 --> 01:29:49.960
I've got to show you a couple different things.

01:29:50.000 --> 01:29:54.600
You got to talk to a manager. I'll speak to every

01:29:54.600 --> 01:29:58.199
damn manager in this place until I get my account.

01:29:58.619 --> 01:30:01.720
And Bobby Peru's got to put some stuff in there,

01:30:01.760 --> 01:30:05.819
aren't you, Bobby Juan? Oh, Bobby Peru always

01:30:05.819 --> 01:30:10.050
puts something in. He's a hoot. He's a riot.

01:30:10.109 --> 01:30:12.430
He's talking about his penis, but he means gold.

01:30:15.289 --> 01:30:18.050
Rob's going to look over the counter and see

01:30:18.050 --> 01:30:23.550
the like plastic baggy like sandwich. It's like

01:30:23.550 --> 01:30:30.649
turkey. Yeah, it's turkey. That's my favorite.

01:30:35.010 --> 01:30:41.449
Just wonder bread. It's a lot of bread. There's

01:30:41.449 --> 01:30:44.810
a lot of conversations, bread, as in money, and

01:30:44.810 --> 01:30:51.829
also bread, he's a chef. Is that what you eat

01:30:51.829 --> 01:30:57.970
every day? Well, yeah, I mean, most days I eat

01:30:57.970 --> 01:31:02.189
the turkey sandwich at work, yeah. You ever treat

01:31:02.189 --> 01:31:05.170
yourself? Sometimes I put some mayonnaise on

01:31:05.170 --> 01:31:09.439
it. It's probably time for us to bust through

01:31:09.439 --> 01:31:16.199
that door. I think so. Nick, come in. Go up to...

01:31:16.199 --> 01:31:18.239
I assume there's more than one teller, right?

01:31:18.880 --> 01:31:20.960
Yeah, there's two windows. I mean, it's a small

01:31:20.960 --> 01:31:23.939
bank, so it's just the two windows. The person

01:31:23.939 --> 01:31:25.500
you're talking to is a younger person. The one

01:31:25.500 --> 01:31:28.119
in the other window is an older gentleman. So

01:31:28.119 --> 01:31:30.920
I'll go up to the other one with my little...

01:31:32.189 --> 01:31:35.449
letterboard with spelled out take us to vault

01:31:35.449 --> 01:31:40.350
misspelled out on the board and just slide it

01:31:40.350 --> 01:31:43.229
can you explain to everyone what your letterboard

01:31:43.229 --> 01:31:46.390
is oh yeah my letterboard is uh when you get

01:31:46.390 --> 01:31:48.949
your mud shot taken and they have the the name

01:31:48.949 --> 01:31:54.310
i've got one of those but with a bevy of letters

01:31:54.310 --> 01:31:58.649
so yeah letters and numbers yeah so take me to

01:31:58.649 --> 01:32:01.989
vault take me to vault And you're wearing the

01:32:01.989 --> 01:32:03.029
legs pantyhose over your head, correct? Wearing

01:32:03.029 --> 01:32:09.329
the legs pantyhose. Okay. All right. So the teller

01:32:09.329 --> 01:32:14.510
is a little shook from this, obviously, and they

01:32:14.510 --> 01:32:17.210
are reaching towards the panic button. They take

01:32:17.210 --> 01:32:20.369
out the gun. And they sort of put their finger

01:32:20.369 --> 01:32:23.550
back up where you can see it. I want to distract

01:32:23.550 --> 01:32:27.779
the other teller by like describing like. how

01:32:27.779 --> 01:32:30.720
i would make a turkey sandwich perfect like fresh

01:32:30.720 --> 01:32:33.699
fresh carved like bird like cured meats like

01:32:33.699 --> 01:32:35.779
just really get him salivating and not paying

01:32:35.779 --> 01:32:37.399
attention to what's happening two feet to his

01:32:37.399 --> 01:32:41.220
left yeah all right yeah so so for you rob i

01:32:41.220 --> 01:32:44.100
want you to roll um we'll call that just a one

01:32:44.100 --> 01:32:47.399
because i think this dude is really hungry so

01:32:47.399 --> 01:32:49.619
distraction is high and also really doesn't want

01:32:49.619 --> 01:32:56.829
to engage with peter i'm just gonna stare at

01:32:56.829 --> 01:32:58.770
the telly with like wide bug eyes while this

01:32:58.770 --> 01:33:03.789
is all going on that's a five all right you you

01:33:03.789 --> 01:33:05.750
do succeed you have this this person's attention

01:33:05.750 --> 01:33:09.449
and um you know while you're describing you know

01:33:09.449 --> 01:33:12.050
cranberry relishes that you would reduce down

01:33:12.050 --> 01:33:14.569
for multiple hours and all sorts of shit you

01:33:14.569 --> 01:33:17.529
know like they are kind of just like tell me

01:33:17.529 --> 01:33:23.630
more what would you what's aioli It's essentially

01:33:23.630 --> 01:33:26.949
just mayonnaise with like shit in it. Well, that

01:33:26.949 --> 01:33:29.029
still sounds better than just mayonnaise. And

01:33:29.029 --> 01:33:32.729
that was my highlight. That was my treat. Have

01:33:32.729 --> 01:33:38.789
you ever truly lived? I'm starting to think no,

01:33:38.890 --> 01:33:43.210
sir. What are you doing here? What are you doing

01:33:43.210 --> 01:33:48.979
in Big Tuna? What is life? Fuck! Okay, so back

01:33:48.979 --> 01:33:51.319
at the other window, you've leveled the gun at

01:33:51.319 --> 01:33:54.920
this old teller, and he says, now, I don't want

01:33:54.920 --> 01:33:59.520
no trouble. This is an easy thing to do. Y 'all

01:33:59.520 --> 01:34:02.500
can have what's in the register, but the safe,

01:34:02.640 --> 01:34:08.159
you need the manager. I look over at the Bobby

01:34:08.159 --> 01:34:10.859
Peru to see what he thinks about just taking

01:34:10.859 --> 01:34:15.500
what's in the register. He shakes his head and

01:34:15.500 --> 01:34:19.100
then grins his tiny, terrible smile. i think

01:34:19.100 --> 01:34:20.880
we're gonna have to go see the manager don't

01:34:20.880 --> 01:34:25.659
you well shit i was hoping you wouldn't say that

01:34:25.659 --> 01:34:35.720
so he uh he he just goes uh harlan harlan i need

01:34:35.720 --> 01:34:39.260
you and this old man kind of stumbles on up there

01:34:39.260 --> 01:34:46.180
it's like what's going on tap the sign yeah Oh,

01:34:46.180 --> 01:34:47.960
and then he looks over and he sees the Bobby

01:34:47.960 --> 01:34:52.960
Peru. It's like, oh. It's not even Tuesday and

01:34:52.960 --> 01:34:59.420
we got a Peru. God damn it. All right. I mean,

01:34:59.420 --> 01:35:04.159
come take a look at the safe. And he opens the

01:35:04.159 --> 01:35:07.979
door for you guys. Oh, I'll go back there. OK,

01:35:08.060 --> 01:35:11.800
so Cameron, you're going back and Rob and Peter,

01:35:11.880 --> 01:35:13.399
what are you doing in this particular moment?

01:35:13.789 --> 01:35:16.949
I'm asking the teller who's got enthralled, be

01:35:16.949 --> 01:35:22.130
like, what's the insurance on an operation like

01:35:22.130 --> 01:35:29.109
this in a Peru town? How do you back this? Sir,

01:35:29.229 --> 01:35:32.069
we see a Bobby Peru basically every other day.

01:35:32.390 --> 01:35:34.750
They don't hit on Tuesdays usually. That's what's

01:35:34.750 --> 01:35:40.430
surprising. I can't turn to the Peru like, you've

01:35:40.430 --> 01:35:44.319
done this. You've done this before. All the time.

01:35:44.399 --> 01:35:48.140
We love robbing this bank. I'm also going to

01:35:48.140 --> 01:35:51.140
turn to the Perus like, who's putting their money

01:35:51.140 --> 01:35:55.260
in this bank? Because I imagine at this point,

01:35:55.300 --> 01:35:58.380
it's just like the Perus rob it. They like put

01:35:58.380 --> 01:36:00.039
all their savings in the bank and then go rob

01:36:00.039 --> 01:36:05.899
it again. You're not far off. I'm just going

01:36:05.899 --> 01:36:07.359
to give my account. We all have our hobbies.

01:36:08.039 --> 01:36:11.840
Can I deposit this please? It's very important

01:36:11.840 --> 01:36:17.460
to me. uh yes so you continually distract this

01:36:17.460 --> 01:36:20.500
other teller and you give them a dead bird that

01:36:20.500 --> 01:36:23.119
they are like i don't know what to do with this

01:36:23.119 --> 01:36:28.539
you just you just put it in the bag like it is

01:36:28.539 --> 01:36:35.640
now in the bank what's the interest draw by pidget

01:36:35.640 --> 01:36:38.789
please They immediately huck it back to you.

01:36:38.810 --> 01:36:43.869
Thank God. All right. So Cameron, you get taken

01:36:43.869 --> 01:36:49.029
back to the vault and they sort of do the usual

01:36:49.029 --> 01:36:51.569
thing. The old man sighing, he opens it up. It's

01:36:51.569 --> 01:36:54.810
a two key situation, blah, blah, blah. And they

01:36:54.810 --> 01:36:57.170
open up the vault and it's. pretty fucking empty

01:36:57.170 --> 01:37:01.430
um to rob's point or to sean's point uh this

01:37:01.430 --> 01:37:05.850
town's ecosystem is mostly bobby peruse and uh

01:37:05.850 --> 01:37:08.630
porno you know sort of being moved around so

01:37:08.630 --> 01:37:12.710
like the bank doesn't have a lot going in So

01:37:12.710 --> 01:37:17.210
what you end up seeing in there are three very,

01:37:17.289 --> 01:37:19.350
very important objects that immediately leap

01:37:19.350 --> 01:37:24.090
out to you. One is the Declaration of Independence.

01:37:24.409 --> 01:37:32.510
Yeah. Let's see. One is Jeremiah Sands album.

01:37:33.590 --> 01:37:40.770
Lift it down on vinyl. Another is a stuffed bunny.

01:37:41.279 --> 01:37:45.920
And the last one looks like poetry. It looks

01:37:45.920 --> 01:37:53.279
like a gun that was forged in hell. I will take

01:37:53.279 --> 01:37:59.479
that as I'm currently on. So you can have devil's

01:37:59.479 --> 01:38:06.380
gun to your inventory. Delightful. This everything

01:38:06.380 --> 01:38:10.279
here, I can just grab it. I mean, clearly I want

01:38:10.279 --> 01:38:15.060
this. bunny got me into this mess yep uh all

01:38:15.060 --> 01:38:17.800
right i come back out wait did you take the record

01:38:17.800 --> 01:38:22.060
yeah oh of course thank god we're robbing the

01:38:22.060 --> 01:38:25.899
whole bank i'm i'm at least thorough okay even

01:38:25.899 --> 01:38:30.100
if i'm a little reluctant perfect so um as you

01:38:30.100 --> 01:38:32.640
guys walk out back into the main lot i leave

01:38:32.640 --> 01:38:36.180
a note like just letting them know like sorry

01:38:36.180 --> 01:38:42.630
i owe you one devil's gun yeah So as you walk

01:38:42.630 --> 01:38:45.949
back into the lobby, the doors kick open from

01:38:45.949 --> 01:38:51.109
the outside and seven Bobby's Peru come in, guns

01:38:51.109 --> 01:38:57.170
pointing. I'm going to wade into the middle of

01:38:57.170 --> 01:39:04.229
this. I was your king. Had you put the vampire

01:39:04.229 --> 01:39:12.020
teeth in, you would betray me. I'm going to point

01:39:12.020 --> 01:39:18.539
my piece of pallet at the wall. So, Bobby's three,

01:39:18.899 --> 01:39:23.579
five, and six don't buy into your bullshit, Peter

01:39:23.579 --> 01:39:26.680
Lowe. And they have their shotguns pointed directly

01:39:26.680 --> 01:39:31.439
at you. Bobby's one, two, four, seven, and eight.

01:39:32.279 --> 01:39:37.319
Come, come to me. Together we can rule the night.

01:39:39.560 --> 01:39:42.840
One Bobby actually will kind of leap sort of

01:39:42.840 --> 01:39:45.699
in front of you right as another Bobby takes

01:39:45.699 --> 01:39:48.340
a shot. And that Bobby does take the hit for

01:39:48.340 --> 01:39:52.859
you. You really convinced that Bobby. Bobby too.

01:39:54.939 --> 01:40:03.090
My favorite Bobby. I don't say out loud. I could

01:40:03.090 --> 01:40:06.609
break him back. I can turn him. And I just like

01:40:06.609 --> 01:40:09.029
start nibbling at his neck. Oh my God. Okay.

01:40:09.250 --> 01:40:10.949
So yeah, you're, you're on the floor. What are

01:40:10.949 --> 01:40:14.890
the other three of you doing? Oh Jesus. Uh, I,

01:40:14.890 --> 01:40:16.930
I would, I think Rob would just like, kind of

01:40:16.930 --> 01:40:23.210
like walk up between like, just to, to the amalgamation.

01:40:23.210 --> 01:40:29.729
That is Bobby's Peru. Like, what are we doing

01:40:29.729 --> 01:40:33.109
here guys? Well, seems like we're about to kill

01:40:33.109 --> 01:40:40.930
y 'all and steal your shit. And then what? Well,

01:40:40.949 --> 01:40:42.890
I assume we'll do it again except on Tuesdays.

01:40:47.710 --> 01:40:51.449
Question, Bobby. I'm just going to point to one

01:40:51.449 --> 01:40:54.930
of the Bobbies. It's Bobby Six. Point to Bobby

01:40:54.930 --> 01:41:06.279
Six. You. Among this cluster of bobbies, how

01:41:06.279 --> 01:41:11.479
many of them do you actually trust? A Bobby Peru

01:41:11.479 --> 01:41:15.420
always trusts a Bobby Peru. But it seems to me

01:41:15.420 --> 01:41:22.899
that y 'all are turning on us. Y 'all ain't Bobby

01:41:22.899 --> 01:41:26.399
Peru. Say, it doesn't seem like you are the most

01:41:26.399 --> 01:41:30.649
trustworthy of people. no sir we're not what

01:41:30.649 --> 01:41:33.710
happens when you run out of stuff to rob i don't

01:41:33.710 --> 01:41:37.149
know we'll go to the emerald city shit i'm gonna

01:41:37.149 --> 01:41:40.130
raise my head from like bobby two's neck it's

01:41:40.130 --> 01:41:47.409
a bobby hive mind and i and i am in the epicenter

01:41:47.409 --> 01:41:49.909
and i'm just gonna like throw my decapitated

01:41:49.909 --> 01:41:52.529
pigeon at like bobby three this is for bobby

01:41:52.529 --> 01:41:59.039
two all right now sons listen We got the bank

01:41:59.039 --> 01:42:04.560
vault. We'll give you your goods, but let's get

01:42:04.560 --> 01:42:07.579
out of here. These people don't need this. Try

01:42:07.579 --> 01:42:11.119
to keep that devil gun up. Yeah. All right. So

01:42:11.119 --> 01:42:13.140
let's, let's use this as kind of like a coercion

01:42:13.140 --> 01:42:15.220
thing. This is going to be kind of a hard one.

01:42:15.640 --> 01:42:20.859
So let's do a three for this. Okay. I have my

01:42:20.859 --> 01:42:26.470
devil gun. Two dice. Which is certainly playing

01:42:26.470 --> 01:42:32.670
an intimidation factor. Could I assist with this

01:42:32.670 --> 01:42:34.270
since I was trying to get the bobbies to turn

01:42:34.270 --> 01:42:36.029
on each other? Or at least question each other?

01:42:36.130 --> 01:42:41.470
Absolutely, you can. Yeah, you've sowed discontent

01:42:41.470 --> 01:42:47.170
throughout the peruse. Okay. So we'll give you

01:42:47.170 --> 01:42:52.170
a bonus die just for Robin's help on this. Perfect.

01:42:55.079 --> 01:43:00.539
Why don't we take this outside? Have a four and

01:43:00.539 --> 01:43:04.159
a five and a two. Okay. Yeah, you got it. That

01:43:04.159 --> 01:43:10.220
does work. So the perus all kind of like look

01:43:10.220 --> 01:43:11.800
to each other, look back, look to each other,

01:43:11.840 --> 01:43:18.399
look back. And then Bobby five sort of whistles

01:43:18.399 --> 01:43:20.819
in a really horrible way because their teeth

01:43:20.819 --> 01:43:25.689
are so strange. They all start backing out, but

01:43:25.689 --> 01:43:27.590
they're all still leveling their guns at each

01:43:27.590 --> 01:43:31.890
of you. Terrific. I'll follow them out the front

01:43:31.890 --> 01:43:35.850
door with all the bobbies. Perfect. I'm going

01:43:35.850 --> 01:43:40.270
to weekend at Bernie's bobby too. Just as a human

01:43:40.270 --> 01:43:43.529
shield, as it should be. All bobbies, yeah. All

01:43:43.529 --> 01:43:47.770
bobbies on deck. I'm going to tell everybody

01:43:47.770 --> 01:43:50.789
in the bank. Add bobby too to your inventory.

01:43:53.439 --> 01:43:56.680
And I will. They tell everybody in the bank as

01:43:56.680 --> 01:43:58.720
we're leaving to lay down on the floor and count

01:43:58.720 --> 01:44:02.319
to 946. We'll come back in five minutes just

01:44:02.319 --> 01:44:07.800
to check. You hear them start to count. All right,

01:44:07.819 --> 01:44:09.659
so you're now in the streets, the dusty streets

01:44:09.659 --> 01:44:13.399
of Big Tuna, and you've got seven Bobby Perus

01:44:13.399 --> 01:44:17.140
sort of in a semicircle pointing their guns at

01:44:17.140 --> 01:44:21.170
you. And you have a Bobby Peru body shield on

01:44:21.170 --> 01:44:23.829
Peter Lowe, and then the three of you also there.

01:44:26.590 --> 01:44:31.369
Can I try and coerce Bobby2's slack jaw to do

01:44:31.369 --> 01:44:33.970
a bad Bobby Peru, like he's speaking from beyond

01:44:33.970 --> 01:44:39.229
the grave? 100 % yes, you may try this. Let's

01:44:39.229 --> 01:44:41.109
see if I can say to them, just addressing all

01:44:41.109 --> 01:44:46.489
Bobbies as one. Bobby! There's no one else in

01:44:46.489 --> 01:44:49.109
this entire bank I could possibly ask to share

01:44:49.109 --> 01:44:52.149
such a horrible job. You're the lowest Bobby

01:44:52.149 --> 01:44:55.510
on the totem pole here, Bobby. The lowest. Do

01:44:55.510 --> 01:44:58.869
you realize that? Every other Bobby here has

01:44:58.869 --> 01:45:01.689
been here longer than you, Bobby. Every one.

01:45:02.090 --> 01:45:04.649
And even if there was someone here who was here

01:45:04.649 --> 01:45:08.029
even one day longer than you, Bobby, I still

01:45:08.029 --> 01:45:10.869
wouldn't ask that person to take in such a miserable

01:45:10.869 --> 01:45:14.010
Bobby job as long as you were around. That's

01:45:14.010 --> 01:45:17.340
right, Bobby. It's a horrible, horrible set of

01:45:17.340 --> 01:45:20.420
teeth you got. Sifted out for its same bank after

01:45:20.420 --> 01:45:23.340
same bank. I couldn't think of a more horrible

01:45:23.340 --> 01:45:26.819
bank job if I wanted to. And you have to do it.

01:45:26.859 --> 01:45:29.800
Or the bobbies will fire you. Do you understand?

01:45:30.260 --> 01:45:36.920
Do you, Bobby? uh okay so that i'm not even gonna

01:45:36.920 --> 01:45:38.960
make you roll for that that is successful in

01:45:38.960 --> 01:45:42.380
fucking with them but what i want you to tell

01:45:42.380 --> 01:45:44.439
me is what is your objective what are you hoping

01:45:44.439 --> 01:45:48.220
to get out of this uh just hoping just got so

01:45:48.220 --> 01:45:50.760
enough discourse between the bobbies that they

01:45:50.760 --> 01:45:54.159
all either turn the guns on themselves or each

01:45:54.159 --> 01:45:56.939
other and it's just like a police shootout of

01:45:56.939 --> 01:46:00.680
bobby on bobby violence Yep. Okay. We're going

01:46:00.680 --> 01:46:03.699
to go... We're going to do... It's a three -challenge

01:46:03.699 --> 01:46:05.899
roll, but I'm going to give you a bonus one dice

01:46:05.899 --> 01:46:07.560
already off the top because I think that was

01:46:07.560 --> 01:46:09.539
a really good power play to use Bobby as a tool.

01:46:11.979 --> 01:46:14.680
It's a very confident move. It's a very confident

01:46:14.680 --> 01:46:17.220
move. I think that 100 % plays into that skill.

01:46:17.739 --> 01:46:20.880
How many challenge dice have you racked up so

01:46:20.880 --> 01:46:26.739
far? Little old me. I think I have... Eight?

01:46:28.940 --> 01:46:31.520
Seems like a proper cage out moment. This could

01:46:31.520 --> 01:46:36.079
be a cage out moment if you wanted to. Oh god,

01:46:36.180 --> 01:46:38.739
I could. You know what? I'm gonna cage you out.

01:46:39.039 --> 01:46:42.479
Fuck yeah. Roll them dice. Roll them bones. Alright.

01:46:43.319 --> 01:46:45.720
Ain't dice. I swear to god if they all fail I'm

01:46:45.720 --> 01:46:50.079
killing myself. I'm going the way of the pros

01:46:50.079 --> 01:46:59.260
here. Alright. six of the eight are successes

01:46:59.260 --> 01:47:03.420
fuck yes nice yeah i only rolled two successes

01:47:03.420 --> 01:47:07.779
on mine um so yeah you are successful in this

01:47:07.779 --> 01:47:10.880
action so play it out for me daryl you uh you

01:47:10.880 --> 01:47:13.960
as peter low have really gotten into the heads

01:47:13.960 --> 01:47:17.859
of these bobby perus what what happens play out

01:47:17.859 --> 01:47:21.220
the rest of it so i finished that big monologue

01:47:21.220 --> 01:47:23.739
i'm sort of behind like grabbing like the wrists

01:47:23.739 --> 01:47:26.659
of like the dead perus quite clearly dead but

01:47:26.659 --> 01:47:30.520
they don't seem to know uh and i'm like puppeteering

01:47:30.520 --> 01:47:34.260
him up just like wildly limply gesturing and

01:47:34.260 --> 01:47:37.439
then with my own peter low hand i end and just

01:47:37.439 --> 01:47:41.560
put like a gun uh symbol of my hand into my mouth

01:47:41.560 --> 01:47:45.100
and say i think all these bobby peru should bobby

01:47:45.100 --> 01:47:52.100
do and die themselves bang bang and it's a cascade

01:47:52.100 --> 01:47:59.520
of bobby peru heads just pop Pop, pop, pop. And

01:47:59.520 --> 01:48:02.399
seven Bobby Peru heads land in the dirt, all

01:48:02.399 --> 01:48:05.800
of them wearing legs pantyhose. Spine still attached.

01:48:06.100 --> 01:48:10.579
Yeah, exactly. It's repulsive and we're all horrified.

01:48:11.100 --> 01:48:13.039
And I'm just going to run and start drinking

01:48:13.039 --> 01:48:17.819
the blood of all those necks. So not only are

01:48:17.819 --> 01:48:19.939
you fully healed, you have bonus health now.

01:48:21.359 --> 01:48:30.279
Yes, let's go. All right. Excellent. So you have

01:48:30.279 --> 01:48:34.899
escaped my Bobby Peru puzzle. Did they leave

01:48:34.899 --> 01:48:39.500
a car behind? Oh, yeah. There's the nice big

01:48:39.500 --> 01:48:41.699
car that you guys rode in off the highway. Yeah,

01:48:41.760 --> 01:48:43.560
we should definitely jump in that and start heading

01:48:43.560 --> 01:48:47.279
for the Emerald City. Yeah. Can I rifle through

01:48:47.279 --> 01:48:48.920
the corpse pockets and see if there's anything

01:48:48.920 --> 01:48:52.039
useful dead Bobby Peru would have for us? I mean,

01:48:52.159 --> 01:48:54.500
geez, if it hadn't been all the jugs magazines

01:48:54.500 --> 01:48:56.119
already taken, I would say there were a lot of

01:48:56.119 --> 01:49:00.779
jugs. There's just a shit ton of bubble gum.

01:49:00.899 --> 01:49:04.420
You got a couple packs of smokes. Outside of

01:49:04.420 --> 01:49:06.899
that, I mean, each Bobby Peru had like a pretty

01:49:06.899 --> 01:49:09.180
crappy gun that wasn't really loaded all that

01:49:09.180 --> 01:49:10.720
well. You know, a couple shots of a shotgun,

01:49:10.880 --> 01:49:12.619
that kind of a thing. They weren't like bandoliered

01:49:12.619 --> 01:49:15.970
up or anything. I'm just going to gesture to

01:49:15.970 --> 01:49:19.229
the corpses and just take a pack of gum. Gotta

01:49:19.229 --> 01:49:28.149
take the canines clean. I'll get in the car and

01:49:28.149 --> 01:49:32.149
get it fired up here. Alright, who's the wheel

01:49:32.149 --> 01:49:36.810
man right now? I have one question in terms of

01:49:36.810 --> 01:49:38.689
the bank. I want to look back in and see if there's

01:49:38.689 --> 01:49:42.109
like regular bank teller line and like Peru,

01:49:42.409 --> 01:49:45.130
like a Peru line just like. an express lane for

01:49:45.130 --> 01:49:48.550
like bank robin the sandwich turkey sandwich

01:49:48.550 --> 01:49:51.869
boy was the uh express line for peruse uh we

01:49:51.869 --> 01:49:55.739
we distracted the wrong guy we did We just destroyed

01:49:55.739 --> 01:49:58.119
the economy of this town. Or maybe better. We're

01:49:58.119 --> 01:50:03.020
actually heroes. Yeah, Big Tuna thanks the four

01:50:03.020 --> 01:50:06.020
of you for sure. I think you introduced the concept

01:50:06.020 --> 01:50:10.539
of insurance to this place. Welcome to Big Tuna.

01:50:10.539 --> 01:50:13.199
Fuck most of you. They're going to have to change

01:50:13.199 --> 01:50:16.899
the sign now. Yeah, I guess so. Peru free since

01:50:16.899 --> 01:50:21.149
83. If I had like a Dracula cloak, I would be

01:50:21.149 --> 01:50:23.350
swooshing it dramatically on our exit right now.

01:50:24.149 --> 01:50:28.369
Absolutely. Are you taking Bobby too with us?

01:50:28.430 --> 01:50:33.829
Is he in the middle seat in the back? He gets

01:50:33.829 --> 01:50:36.689
his own grave in front of the bank. Yeah, that's

01:50:36.689 --> 01:50:38.229
special. I'm glad you took the time for that.

01:50:39.590 --> 01:50:42.590
You got to honor our dead. Okay, yeah, so give

01:50:42.590 --> 01:50:44.350
me the situation. So Cameron, you're driving.

01:50:45.050 --> 01:50:47.470
What's the other car seating orientation? I'll

01:50:47.470 --> 01:50:51.460
be shotgun. And then I guess it doesn't really

01:50:51.460 --> 01:50:53.439
matter which one of you is on which side, but

01:50:53.439 --> 01:50:57.680
unless we really get into some road antics. Unless

01:50:57.680 --> 01:51:01.020
Peter wants back in the trunk. I'm already in

01:51:01.020 --> 01:51:05.760
the trunk. I'll just be laying down in the back.

01:51:06.739 --> 01:51:13.619
Dramatically closing the trunk on yourself. Hello,

01:51:13.619 --> 01:51:15.560
everyone. Thank you for listening to the first

01:51:15.560 --> 01:51:19.819
half of our very stupid Nick Cage game. This

01:51:19.819 --> 01:51:22.520
is producer Peter saying that the second half

01:51:22.520 --> 01:51:26.039
will be coming out in another two weeks. So come

01:51:26.039 --> 01:51:28.579
listen to the great finale that we come up with

01:51:28.579 --> 01:51:31.760
and enjoy more absolute nonsensical bullshit,

01:51:31.899 --> 01:51:34.479
which is I'm pretty sure what you're here for

01:51:34.479 --> 01:51:37.800
anyway. um so as always thank you to our supporters

01:51:37.800 --> 01:51:41.659
on patreon to our sparkle buddies josh sean josie

01:51:41.659 --> 01:51:45.359
rico matt adam bill and stewart and to our cage

01:51:45.359 --> 01:51:49.239
dancers ira john freeman lance nathan and cameron

01:51:49.239 --> 01:51:51.920
we uh really love your support and thanks for

01:51:51.920 --> 01:51:55.100
continuing to be a part of this and for all the

01:51:55.100 --> 01:52:04.819
stuff that's going to come next so bye Bye. Bye.