Oh, God. Oh, my God. It was all a dream. He was
in the shower the whole time. No. Those are the
worst. Fucking dynasty. Just thinking about it.
Yeah, for real. Was that Dynasty? Probably. I
can't remember. My pop culture references are
going to be all fucked up tonight. Well, good
thing you don't have to have too many pop culture
references. You just need four. I have one of
them right here. That's true. Oh. I don't like
coconuts and that doesn't do anything for me.
You know, I don't like coconut either, but in
the spirit of this, I'm definitely going to house
one of those snowballs. Yeah, there is absolutely
nothing about a snowball that I find attractive
aside from the pinkness of it. Yeah. And the
chocolate cake. But I'm not a huge fan of the
hostess frosting like same. So, yeah, you know,
we're just going to get through it. I'll take
one to the mouth and that's fine. This is now
a snack cake podcast. Yeah. When was the last
time we made that joke? Oh, changing what the
podcast is? Yeah. That's a good question. I feel
like we've been kind of on it these last few
rounds. Doing our work? Boo. Fucking cowards.
I love how it's taken us three years to get good
at this, and we're literally two episodes from
the end. Yeah. It's still arguable about whether
we're good at this or not, too. Fair enough.
But we are still here and less distracted. I
mean, for those listeners out there, you are
going to hear these in strange order, I suppose,
because this is going to come out and then the
next episode, I think, is going to be gunslingers
if we can track that shit down. And then it's
going to be the Nick Cage Universe D &D game
part one and two and then the surfer and then
the finale. So that'll be interesting. Oh, you're
splitting the game up into two episodes? It was
quite long. Yeah. plus there are two there's
like a good in -between point that i think we
can you know last time on cage match i'm pretty
sure you like inserted one of those while we
were playing and i was like thrown back for a
second i was like oh that's probably his natural
breaking point like emotionally yes i mean i
will say that the first time i heard daryl do
the peter low voice i lost my shit uh yeah That
was pretty incredible. Man, I was just watching
some YouTube stuff today. And this is going to
tie back in a second. And I was watching a scene,
a Norman Reedus scene from the new Bike Riders
film. Tom Hardy motorcycles and Australia shit.
And Norman Reedus has the most Bobby Peru teeth
ever in that thing. They're tiny and they're
moldy and it's gross. Ew. Yeah. It was very hard
to watch that scene, but it was nice. Emotionally,
like loyally. Did I tell you guys when I was
acting in college, I played a like down south
racist in the play called The Foreigner. And
as a Chiefs fan, that probably wasn't too hard.
Really big stretch. I know. I feel like I knew
this about you. Yeah. The director had me use
that stuff that makes your teeth look absolutely
fucking disgusting. You just paint it on. I wish
I had a picture of it. I don't think I have a
picture of it anymore, but it was repulsive.
It's like grease makeup for your teeth. Yeah,
really, really gnarly. They look so fucking bad.
I don't like it. I never had to do anything like
that. Well, play more racist. I'll try. I hate
being typecast, though. Yeah, right. I played
I played a villain. I think four out of the five
plays that I was in. Which is kind of amazing.
I was a villain, I think, only once. I was Henri
Labise in Victor Victoria. Oh, nice. The French
club owner. Yeah, cool. Honestly, playing a bad
guy is pretty amazing. It's pretty great. Like,
there's something so fun. The bad guys have the
most fun. There's, like... The bad guys are always
the character who has a plan, who has a goal,
who wants to fucking do something. And the hero
just shows up and fucks that shit up. Yeah. Catches
the breeze. What an ass. Yeah. Speaking of fucking
shit up, welcome back to Cage Match, calling
a roundabout way of meeting Nicolas Cage. My
name is Sean, here with my co -host. Nick. Thank
you for fucking that up. I'm Nick. And our producer.
Peter, hello. Thank you for not fucking that
up, Peter. Yeah, you're welcome. Hey, I got my
name right. You did. Yeah. No jicks here. No,
I checked. And this is, did I say this is Cage
Match calling around about Wade meeting Nicolas
Cage? You did. I did. Way to fuck that up. So
Sean is working off of very minimal sleep for
you, dear listener. Yeah, I got two 20 minute
naps today after like two and a half hours of
sleep last night. You should be able to fucking
go. I've been up since 2 .30am. Yeah. Woo. I
had a shot of espresso before hitting the mic.
So I'm going to crash hard at some point. Did
you boof it? Yeah. But coffee. No. Have you tried
brown and brown amphetamines? For the sake of
my job, no. Reasonable. On this podcast, we.
have watched 64 Nicolas Cage films bracket style
and have gone round after round to now the final
four skin, the top four movies. We're going to
discuss them and we're going to decide what the
final two are today on Cage Match. Calling a
roundabout way of meeting Nicolas Cage. With
your hosts, Sean and Nick and me, Peter. Nice.
I don't like this. Now you're just fucking with
me. I'm sleep deprived. This is perfect. I don't
know where I am. We can do whatever we want.
It is the ideal time to start doing that. Well,
so I think it makes the most sense to just kind
of kick it off from the top of the bracket where
we started. And it's going to be action versus
comedy. Sure. So it's a Con Air up against Raising
Arizona, which, you know, both of them. have
action and both of them have comedy so of the
two head -to -heads that we're dealing with today
this is the one that makes more sense yes uh
nick you suggested some uh prompts if you will
do we want to like yeah so there's a couple things
that we're uh looking at in you know talking
about these four rather different films uh because
you can't like compare an action film to a comedy
necessarily and say which one's better because
they're doing different things so we're looking
at some of our what is definitely better though
well well let's debate yeah so we're looking
at some of the the core items that we set out
to uh figure out what was the uh really the meat
of this podcast and like finding the cagiest
like best kind of nicholas cage film so we're
looking at uh our caginess you know if you've
gotten this far and you haven't figured out what
that is it's you're more yeah this is your first
episode of cage match you chose poorly it doesn't
get better i will say in terms of caginess uh
that much like the fucking whims we decide what
is good uh does change drastically uh movie to
movie right uh generally caginess we would describe
as his uh eccentricities yeah the the bug eyes
the freak outs yeah you know the big motions
the you know the and emotions the caginess of
it all uh within the film you know we're gonna
look at the performances how well that conveys
what it needs to in the film you know just yeah
you know look we're not like film critics we're
we're gonna do the best we can but This isn't
science. The originality of the film and of the
performance. We'll look at that. As well as a
general effectiveness of the film in reaching
its goal in the film to audience touchiness.
Touchiness? Yeah, perfect. And you say we're
not professional film critics. Yeah, I know.
We're professionals. Yeah, so those four categories,
we're just going to kind of talk them out and
use that as a diving board? Yeah, I mean, so...
Jumping off point. A jumping off point, so I
think that... A jumping off board that you put
into a pool. Ooh, a jumpy board. A jumping off
board. Hmm. It's the next big thing. It'll catch
on. So, Con Air. Yeah, what's this movie about?
Convicts in the air. It's got show tunes. It's
amazing. No, it doesn't. It is amazing though.
It does have that Lynyrd Skynyrd song. It does.
That's not Lynyrd Skynyrd. No, it is not. Although.
fucking there we go without you this would make
such an amazing broadway musical in the vein
of like spider -man turn off the dark or like
the king kong musical like taking like yes it
would a fucking yeah i just wouldn't want it
to get canceled that's the problem with those
ones yeah that's true those are all the ones
that failed we have to see it immediately i want
i want cyrus the virus's big number yeah Do you
remember when there was the Evil Dead musical?
Evil Dead? No, just Evil Dead. Oh, there was
Evil Dead, the musical. Yeah. I never saw it.
No, no one did. It like performed in Toronto
and closed. That's really disappointing because
I bet it was good. I bet it was great. Yeah.
Yeah. Got to get to more theater. So, Connor,
Nicolas Cage plays Cameron Poe, who is. arrested
and sentenced to seven years in prison after
killing a man in self -defense. Still such bullshit.
Like, I hate that part of it. I mean, I get it.
He has to go to prison. That's the whole point.
But like, it's so dumb. His hands are deadly
weapons. You should have known better. He's held
to a high standard. It's a good thing that guy
took the knife off the ground when he ran away.
Yeah, because then there was no way to prove
that Nicholas. Otherwise, this would have been
a very short movie and very different. Yeah.
it it does bother me though that at the end he
just gets to like go off with his wife i'm like
there's paperwork to sign like he's going back
to prison because like he just like left if i've
learned anything from watching jack reacher is
it's that he can just fuck shit up and leave
and it's okay because he you know did it in the
name of good right and also because the powers
that be probably won't report his involvement
Also, just being a giant motherfucker who is
super imposing. Yeah. Yeah. Alan Rickson's a
huge dude. I mean, Nick Cage is pretty big in
this. Like, this is this is this is swole cage.
We're getting up there. Yeah. Have we ever talked
about how tall Nicholas Cage is? No. No. Oh,
my God. Who's going to Google that first? I I'm
going to guess that he is. Six foot one. Oh,
that's it. Yeah. OK. Yeah. So he's 5 '11". Yeah,
exactly. No, I think he's probably going to come
in at like six foot true, but maybe like six
foot higher. Yeah. Yeah. Six foot even according
to the Googles. OK, so still 5 '11", but yeah.
OK, so, hmm. All right. I found I found a flaw
with with face off. John Travolta is two inches
taller. John Travolta is that tall? With his
lifts, apparently. Yeah, apparently. Jesus Christ.
And he kind of has a pompadour some of the time,
too. Yeah, that gives you extra height. I've
told you guys the story about how I saved my
ex -girlfriend from Scientologists. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Okay. Yeah, fuck. That's an interesting
cult, for sure. Cults are interesting, just in
general. This is now a cult podcast. What's your
favorite cult? What's my favorite cult? Yeah.
Probably the. Sean, we're losing you. We're losing
you. It's almost as if this was a comedy podcast
at one point. Yeah. OK, I'm thinking about cults.
I like that hillbop comet cult. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Also, that was a 1997 thing. Yeah. A lot of shit
happened in 97. I think I got to go true to my
roots and go with the the Oregon cult. Yeah.
That makes sense. What were they called again?
The. But they did some wild. Rajneesh. Yeah.
The Rajneesh. Yeah. Rajneesh. Rajneesh. That's
such a fun word to say wrong. Yeah. Rajneesh.
I'm trying to poison the the water in Portland
with salmonella. That was pretty good part. Yeah.
and all the firearms what about you manson you
a manson guy no i'm not a manson guy uh fucking
jim jones is fucking jonestown's wacky fucking
they killed an orangutan in that one yeah oh
man yeah the family had a pet orangutan like
if you if you listen to uh is that was that one
of those where like he used to be a door -to
-door ape salesman or whatever monkey salesman
yeah sorry yeah totally a career yeah it was
dude the fucking 70s was a wild time was it the
70s i don't remember all the people who didn't
live in the 70s right okay so door -to -door
monkey salesman was a job at one point in this
nation's history we live in the worst possible
time you can claim anything is a job i suppose
i mean if somebody transacts money for a thing
you do like there you go if we went out and got
monkeys today we could still be door -to -door
monkey salesman we would just be very... Unsuccessful?
Urgent monkey salesmen, because we don't want
to get caught with these monkeys. Or killed by
them. Yeah, or killed by them. Well, we keep
them in the trunk, obviously. Oh, good, trunk
monkeys. God, it's safe. Nice. Come on. These
monkeys are priced to move. Con air. This movie
has, like, almost no caginess to it. It's a pretty
straight action performance. He is kind of a
blank canvas upon which bad things happen, and
he reacts with violence. Yeah, I mean, he gets
to be a badass in response. Violence and sarcasm.
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeehaw. Oh, yeah. But that's
like, I just rewatched this two nights ago, and
I'm just like, he has so little to say in this
film. It's not bad. Like he serves the role of
like fucking brick shithouse. What to do with
the violence that saves the day. But there is
a definite lack of a personality in Cameron Poe.
What is the sound that we are hearing? Yeah,
I don't know. That's my voice. Well, what is
this horrible noise? Yeah. It's just the heat,
but it was. It sounds weird and rattly. Yeah,
maybe the fridge. Also, don't try and open that
fridge because the handle will just fall off.
Oh, sick. I'm going to do it. Yeah. Sorry, John.
And then I'm going to find out in the fridge.
There you go. Nice. But how is he going to open
the door to get the handle out? I'll trick him.
I'll put the handle on the wrong side. He'll
pull the fridge over. We should just switch his
door. No, you got a turtle backpack. You got
to turn it inside out. Yeah. Yes. That is still
one of the best pranks. Was that Seth who told
us that? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, that was so
fucking good. It's like the most harmless prank
that is incredible. Nick said he was going to
buy me a backpack just so he could do it to me.
Yeah. I could do it to a purse, though. You could
do it. You could definitely turtle a purse. Don't
turtle my purse. yeah so there isn't a whole
lot for the caginess but uh performance you know
like kind of like i said it's pretty standard
action performance it doesn't i don't think it
goes out of its way to be good his accent's not
good so points points lost on that one um but
it's also like an iconic performance like put
the bunny in the box Well, and I mean, it's one
of those things. It's like. He is true to the
character. Yeah, no, he definitely was playing
Cameron Poe and there's no like debate about
it. But yeah, it's it's not like he's asked to
do much. No major acting, you know? No, there's
no like. Deep dives and feelings or no, I do.
I do. I do love the accent. I do love the subtlety
of just. he doesn't have a lot of lines but the
ones he does does have are like they're fun um
like when garland is giving uh his reasoning
why um one dude's like like how laughter like
actually hurts this guy billy bedlam um and all
he does is goes just says hi he's like hi garland
yeah like it's pretty good and like it would
be great except like the fucking i'm gonna prove
to you there is a god is the dumbest line and
i hate it it is a dumb line that's easily the
worst line in the entire fucking movie there's
no reason for it it's like he's not shown as
being religious or spiritual even beyond just
being from alabama right right but outside of
that it's like yeah no i mean he never like does
any kind of prayer or anything like that when
he's in prison like i don't know no I still maintain
he's not that smart considering he thought, you
know, his fucking four -year -old daughters was
writing those letters. I mean, somebody could
have been doing dictation. That's how each one
of those letters ended. Dictated. Dictated, not
read. Yep. Would make the most sense. But yeah,
no, I don't think Cameron is a particularly smart
man. He never needed to be. He's just a, you
know, retired army ranger. And I don't recall
them having an IQ test as an entrance in the
ASVAB. What the fuck was that? The ASVAB? You
never took the ASVAB? No, I just heard a fucking
terrifying noise on my end. Oh. Oh, well, we
can't we can't take any more breaks. You have
to just live with the horror. Yeah. In your home.
We'll tell you if something comes up behind you,
though. I mean, I can see if anything's coming
up behind me. Oh, that's true. That's a vampire
and it's not seen on camera. Maybe. Although
I think vampires would show up on digital cameras
because. I think they didn't show up in. earlier
ones because of the mirror in an slr camera right
so if you had a mirrorless cam yeah so i think
that would be the difference here and i was thinking
about it i think not to start talking about vampires
or anything but it's a vampire podcast now the
reasons that they like don't show up in mirrors
is because mirrors used to be lined with silver
right which was their bad bad feels it all makes
sense yeah Way to get to the bottom of vampires.
Yeah, I do a lot of thinking about vampires when
I'm just sitting at home. So hot. All right,
moving on. Yeah. So, you know, overall, I think
this movie does a great job of being an action
film. Yeah. Like if you look at if you look at
any aspect of this movie too long, it falls apart.
But if you're just there for the ride, fucking
great. Which is exactly where it needs to be.
But. There's no like deep themes. You're not
going to walk away from it thinking about anything
other than how cool it is. I still maintain this.
This movie has this movie's weakest point was
the fact that the script was like not finished
and was kind of being written on the days just
because they have such great archetypes for characters
and great people playing them. And most of them
have nothing really to do other than just be.
one -dimensional bad guys where you have a garland
green who's there for mild comic relief but is
set up to be so much more um cyrus the virus
really fun villain could have done a little more
with um so just and you know yeah it definitely
suffers from having too much good stuff what
is that am pm yeah yeah too much good stuff or
yeah it has a lot of good stuff just none of
it's focused yeah exactly because you can't because
there's just too much it's like oh you want to
give diamond dog some time okay but sorry we
need to focus on swamp thing for a minute you
know yeah i mean the movie's already damn near
two hours or whatever so it it gets a little
disheveled yeah by trying to include so much
but you can't cut out people because it's a fucking
airplane like you have to have a full ass airplane
of characters yeah i mean you can cut out moskowitz
yeah Yeah, I think he got removed cleanly from
the script and pinball. I like how pinball went.
I mean, you're never going to make me sad about
having a Dave Chappelle corpse doll. That is
so fucking funny to me. Every time I see it in
that like slow falling through the sky, I just
lose my shit. It is so funny. I just love that.
It's like a slightly ashy looking Dave Chappelle.
I always forget he's in this movie. I've watched
this movie five times in three years and I always
forget he's in this movie because I don't want
to fucking think about Dave Chappelle. Fair enough.
I'm glad he always dies and relatively quickly.
It takes me back to like the, you know, the old
school TV shows, the sitcoms that were on when
we were, you know, in our late. Early years,
you know, whatever it is, and like where they
would just ragdoll someone and it would not even
look at all like a real person, just like a body
flies across the screen. It's like that is just
pillows in a sack, you know? Yeah, well, I had
friends. And they were in college. I was fucking
not because I was a bum for a while. But they
were all like, you know, fucking actors and filmmakers.
And they wanted to be like the next whitest kids,
you know, like sketch comedy troupe. And one
of our one of the bits we came up with was because
we had no budget was, hey, you forgot your hat.
So we had just like. a dummy like a pillow dummy
guy so anytime someone had to take a fall down
some stairs to go out a window it would always
be proceeded with hey you forgot your hat we'd
throw a hat we'd hand the character hat and then
cut to like the dummy going out a window wearing
that hat excellent it was the only good idea
we had anything else on con air um phil uh are
so are there any themes in this film uh i would
say no um i would even say like cameron poe doesn't
even go on a hero's journey he's not at all a
different person at the end of this film he doesn't
grow or change in this film like no he just shows
you who you are throughout the course or shows
you who he is i mean maybe he shows you who you
are i don't know maybe this movie changed somebody
But it changed. It changed fucking Cyrus the
virus into a flat headed dead guy. Yeah, it changed
Dave Chappelle into a slightly body double. But
yeah, like there's no there. I mean, we're told
in the first three minutes who this character
is, and we are not surprised by anything he does.
No, he he just lives up to it the whole time.
He should have done more with his Spanish lessons,
though. And it's origami. Yeah, origami, too.
Big loss. Big fail. Now, hold on. I did find
him using his Spanish. Remember when he is he
meets up with Santino's or Sandino's in the hangar?
He says something along the lines of like. Hold
it, essay or whatever. Yeah, or like comprende.
Yeah. Essay or something like that. He uses two
Spanish words poorly. But no origami. No origami.
Unless you want to consider how he folded up
Dave Chappelle to drop him. I think he used the
foot method. Oh, OK. Oh, just also one thing
I want to add to in terms of like performance,
because it is about Nick Cage, but also I think
it should be about like. the whole of nick cage
in the film and this is very much a um ensemble
ensemble film like i think everyone almost everyone
else is given more to do and succeeds at it in
this film um or at least was given something
more fun to do you know back to the original
conversation of like being the bad guy is more
fun you know playing that role is way more fun
and when you've got 20 bad guys right there's
20 people having a great time Like, you know
who is not a good character? Baby -O. Baby -O.
Oh, yeah. He's like, I have diabetes. I'm going
to fucking die. I'm going to try and be a hero,
but I'm really hurt and dying from diabetes.
I'm going to show you God does exist. Yeah. It's
true. Baby -O, they got history. He helped Baby
-O get his diabetes. He helped Baby -O get his
diabetes. And with that, Raising Arizona. Yeah,
let's move on. Yeah. Fucking, this is a movie
where Nick Cage is a kidnapper. Baby -napper,
steals babies. By profession, he is a convenience
store robber. Yeah. Unarmed robber. in terms
of our original bracket there wasn't like we
i thought we went into this thinking nick cage
has done a lot of comedy he has not um most of
a lot of good comedy most of what we have in
comedy is our our dramas uh for the most part
uh a couple romantic comedies um or just fucking
weird like kind of yeah they're kind of dark
comedy Yeah, it kind of fits for him. It makes
sense that that's the route that he ended up
going for comedy. Yeah, he's definitely got a
dark comedy face. Like it's not a Seinfeld face.
But it's it's definitely a face that when it
says something funny. Or when something sad happens
to it, it's also funny. Yeah, I like that. Yeah,
I think that's why we get along. Because I have
a sad, funny face. It's the nicest thing you've
ever said to me. But, I mean, this clearly deserved
to be categorized as the best comedy because
it's the funniest. Well, it's funny because it
was actually, it was a number two seed, which
I'm trying to look back at what was our number
one seed in comedy. Adaptation. Adaptation. We
were so much younger then. All right, so caginess
on this one is way easier to diagnose. Yes, it's
a very good amount of caginess. The only thing
I think that holds back. Like really giving it
like a. Top accolades is the fact that it was
more of a Cohen decision than Nicolas Cage decisions.
It is a very like the character, like my notes
I wrote down that, you know. it is a very monotone
even character for the most part which works
for a coen brothers film like this is very much
a coen brothers character it's yeah it's you
know he is the straight man in this movie for
the most part like you he has his moments uh
when he starts driving by uh convenience stores
that aren't even on the way home like he's got
some amazing lines um i was thinking about the
scene when they're trying to take the picture
on the couch he just we're fitting a pop here
but it's about to go trying to get her attention
get her focused on it and it's like he is you're
right he's he's pretty like monotone one level
but there's all these things that are sort of
like bubbling under the surface that yeah you
know you see there's that one scene where he
like i can't remember what it was but he just
like gnashes his teeth like i don't remember
what makes him do that but this is this is something
i did want to get into later but i mean we can
talk about it with all the films is These four
films specifically really show how great of a
physical actor he is. And that's something I
don't think people ever talk about. People also
don't watch all of his movies in the course of
like eight months. That's fair. Yeah. But like
he's he's got such a great like physical presence
and control. in his acting and like even when
he has a more sedate character he still brings
so much that character just by how he moves what
i'm saying is nick cage is a great actor yeah
exactly no i mean i think it shows through on
this one for sure it is interesting that he did
have like the issues with the coens and didn't
like their directing or not that it's that they
didn't want him to do what he wanted to do which
at that point in his career like Kind of everyone
was just letting him do it. You know, he had
been in Peggy Sue where he got to be the crazy,
you know, Muppet voiced. Well, he was in Peggy
Sue directed by his uncle. By his uncle, right.
He was in Valley Girl where he was like, you
know, the beefcake. But he got to be weird in
that, you know. As a total unknown. That was
his first name or first film under the name of
Cage. So, I mean, it's interesting because he'd
been given some leeway. Or was granted some leeway
because he just forced the hands. Yeah. And then
to get into a situation where the directors were
like, no, we need this from you. Yeah. And that's
a pretty big thing from the Coen. Sorry, Sean.
When that's like their second film. For sure.
So I mean, not just their second. I mean, yes,
it is just that it is their second film. But
those the Coen brothers. I mean, that is. Has
grown to continue to be kind of their. flavor
of acting they i totally seem like such meticulous
uh directors who want who have a very specific
vision and that's awesome but when you have an
actor who likes to make a lot of decisions like
in front of the camera um i could see that being
a personality clash um yeah because yeah nick
cage likes to leave it all on the fucking floor
and i can see That pairing being one where he'd
have to restrain himself a lot, which is not
something that we've ever heard he likes to do.
Yeah. You know, he just wants to explore the
the human condition. Yeah, there you go. In all
of its various facets. Usually with a very high
nasally voice. Yeah. You know what? It's because
people with high nasally voices are actually
living the best life. so sorry about it yeah
but yeah um so we've made it it's it's a you
know highly uh eccentric film he gives a really
great performance of it um a lot of that is definitely
due in part to the coens but is in no way detracting
yeah subtracting from what he provided so it's
just you know i think one of his strengths in
this and in most stuff but like in this is he
does have a very i guess this just goes back
to his physical acting but he can disappear into
a role really well like even when you see like
see that it's nicholas cage like the way he holds
his face the way he moves like he he doesn't
no two movies outside of like the cheap um doing
for tax purposes stuff like he does embody those
characters really well and kind of you forget
you're watching you can forget you're watching
nick cage a lot of the time whereas like a george
clooney i'm like that's george fucking clooney
yeah he when he's passionate about a role he
he's on and yeah um this you know he gave a great
performance uh you know be it directed into this
performance or not like He nailed it, man. He's
consistently the character. He is H .I. McDonough.
It's his best talking work. Accent work, I think
we've seen. It's his best wordy talks. Yeah,
outside of Boston Cop in Sorcerer's Apprentice.
It's his best accent. In terms of like theme.
You know, there is some talk about, you know,
there's something to be read in here about. No,
my brain is gone now. I'm falling asleep. That's
OK. We also jumped the originality. Oh, yeah.
Factor, which we didn't talk about with Con Air
either, but it's a prison escape film. So we've
had those before. It's a 90s action film starring
Nicolas Cage. Yeah. the original arizona does
have kind of its own originality it's not i mean
it's it's a heist it's the you know people wanting
a baby all those kinds of good comedy of errors
um it's a heist film uh just the instead of money
it's a baby um yeah but then the baby's worth
not a large amount of money even for like the
time like yeah i'm like fucking uh nathan arizona's
lowballing that baby well he's a businessman
he's shrewd He also has like a store selling
unpainted furniture. I don't think he's like
everyone in it, as we might hope. But they have
a fountain. They I mean, you want a fountain?
I could get you a fountain. Maybe. But it's when
I was looking at this, I was like, well, how
many how many films are out there about people
stealing babies? And I was like, film like this
is me Googling film. Couple steals baby. uh this
movie didn't even show up in like the top whoa
like two pages of google what were the top movies
it's all horror films oh so like in terms of
horror and thrillers and it's like oh okay well
i mean the activity exists in film but in a comedic
sense it's less prevalent what was that william
brothers movie was that little man does that
count I don't think any Wayans brother movie
counts as a comedy. Fucking Blank Man is a classic.
Blank Man. I will say, like, I think for the
time and for the Coen brothers career, like,
yeah, this is this is this is a huge thing. This
is a huge movie. This is something we people
I don't think have really seen before. And I
think within the scope of the rest of their work,
it does inform pretty much everything going on
from here and maybe isn't as original now. But
for the time. It's it's a standout. It definitely
stands out. In the world of like comedy and especially
in the Coen brothers. Not discography, but filmography.
Yeah. Case in point, everything that came after
this. Right. Yeah. So that, that is very true.
And, you know, moving on, you know, it, it fucking
crushed what it did. Like it, it was a terrific
cup. That was a weak ass bird. Was that you?
Or was that taco? Did taco just die? I had a
shrimp burrito. That's not coming up. Great.
Just one shrimp burrito. I could go for some
more shrimp now. Peter, when are we shrimping
again? I got to come down to Portland. Let's
shrimp it up. Oh, we shrimping? We sucking toes?
We shrimping, baby. Come on, boys. Yeah, I got
into it now. I came around to it. Nice. You been
hanging out with dancers? Oh, God. Get some of
them ballet toes. Sick. Fuck. I hate it. They're
so tiny. They're tiny. You need a bunch in there.
Well, they're tiny because they're all impacted.
I was thinking about like Sergeant Hatred from
the Venture Brothers and how he loves Princess
Tiny Feet or whatever. Yeah. Let's not talk about
Sergeant Hatred on this podcast, please. Yeah,
fair enough. He's problematic. So, I mean, at
this point, it feels like you guys kind of don't
have more to say on this one, unless you really
want to put a button on it. um i mean if like
if there's a theme in here it's about like you
know personal redemption like hi and um and you
know get together at kind of their lowest and
keep kind of getting lower until you know they
have to grow up like there's an arc here they
you know they go on a journey and they become
better people for each other and just as people
at the end of this i mean even um John Goodman
and. And Forsythe, like even at the end of this,
like this, having met this baby, decide that
they're not ready to be free, that, you know,
they still have to like. Change themselves and
return themselves to prison. Through that same
poop hole. Yeah. And babies don't fix relationships.
You think any other prisoners got out through
the poop hole? I mean, it seemed like a pretty
well -manned poop hole at that point, but. Yeah,
I think there were eyes on that poop hole. I
just hate the sliminess of that mud when it's
in his mouth and it just looks like. It's so
gross. Yeah, that's not all poop. I love that
the first thing they do is just go fucking use
a whole can of pomade. Absolutely. Those guys
know how to fuck for sure. Yeah. Are we are we
doing this? Yeah, let's I think let's make it
make a choice and let's. Raising Arizona. I mean,
Raising Arizona definitely has. My vote on this
one, too. Yeah, it's. Clearly. I think just a.
A superior, superior film to watch now. It has
it has more to say. Anybody who wants to watch
an action film. fucking watch con air that one's
going on me so much just don't watch anything
else any like i mean any of these final four
movies go watch like we're not absolutely whatever
goes forward from this point on like all of these
movies are fucking great yep i agree raising
arizona boom love it we got it so pig pig pig
bill I fucking love this movie. I do, too, man.
Every time I put this on, I'm like, I so I had
one of my new friends over last week to watch
a Nick Cage film. Humblebrag. I thought I would.
Yeah, that's right. I have a friend, but I my
my plan was to be like an asterisk asterisk on
that until we see them. But that's fine. My plan
was I'm going to introduce I'm going to introduce
my new friend to Vampire's Kiss. We're going
to we're going to test this friendship out the
gate. And of the four movies, I could suggest
the only one he'd seen was Vampire's Kiss. No.
And I'm like, all right, we're friends. Let's
watch Pig. And we did. And he absolutely loved
it. Yeah. So Pig. It's about a man who doesn't
fuck his pig. Yeah. It's true. He likes cast
iron and cold baths. Yeah, a nice river bath.
A good quality hobo glove. Takes me back to high
school. D cell batteries. Yep. Were those D's
or C's? Probably C's. Yeah. The sweet smell of
cassette tape. uh when we get back into the the
conversation here um again it's just like con
air it does not have a cagey performance uh if
you wanted to stretch it there's one moment where
he yells at a guy and steals his bike oh i would
say there is the breakdown at the end it's silent
but like again physical acting like you i don't
think there's fucking agony there i wouldn't
argue that that's a cagey moment i would say
that that's an emotional performance moment good
acting moment yeah okay which is a whole separate
category of our conversation yeah no i mean this
is i mean this is him disappearing into a role
this is him becoming robin feld like this for
sure yes you know he describes this as his favorite
film this is one of his best roles robin feld
just isn't a freak out character in my opinion
yeah yeah as far as like his acting and everything
goes spot on it's beautiful um i mean we could
just move right into performance he does a great
job um everything he does he does terrifically
there's a lot of this film where he doesn't do
stuff like he i mean it's not like con air where
he's just along for the ride but he is such a
like placid like driven character that he also
just doesn't speak a lot so it's it's all on
him to yeah like convey that with his body language
yeah the nuance of that is pretty impressive
which is great i mean just scenes off the top
of my head that are just purely physical is when
he goes in with when he goes into the tent with
the dumplings and he just like he just walks
in and just like or when he get, you know, when
he's writing his name on the on the cardboard
and just commanding the room, just like the way
he moves in this just. It's. Everything about
it is so powerful. Yeah, it's a very top performance
kind of performance. role for him. Just don't
expect monologues to drive that performance.
It's just not that film. He's not a loquacious
character. It's a very naturalistic performance
and a very naturalistic film. The conversations
seem quite real. It doesn't play so much as a
performance a lot of the time. I would say some
of the conversations feel pretty scripted, especially
like his takedowns. But it's not scripted bad.
It's just like, oh, you know, clearly somebody
wrote this. It's not the hermit from the woods.
Just having these well thought out. But that's
not who he is. That's the only reason those takedowns
work is because he did command something. Yes.
You know, I'm not saying that he. Isn't a commanding
presence, but conversations and stuff like that
don't just flow off smoothly, especially when
you've been living in the woods for 15 years.
Fair enough. So it's terrifically written. It's
terrifically acted. It's, you know, just also.
Not. the slice of reality but it's no but you're
saying like there's no monologues and that's
what i'm talking about like there's conversations
i'm no yes i'm these are different points but
yes do you want to talk about the story like
originality of the story is that next yeah i
mean we might as well it's on the docket i guess
i mean this is clearly a very personal film to
the director and writer. I'm still amazing. That's
the first time likes no director. Um, I absolutely
love how much like suspense this movie can build.
Um, and how much it gets you to care about, like,
there's this big mystery about who is he. And
ultimately it's no one we would know about as
viewers, but the film does such a great job of
building up this legend that Robin felt. It's
like, that means nothing to the viewer but just
the way it's portrayed in this movie and treated
it's like that's powerful and that it still feels
like a reveal even if you don't know who that
is yeah well i mean robin felt's not a real person
so far as i can tell it's but in the world of
the film yeah he was a big deal and um this film
for just like a 90 minute film does a great job
of packing all of that in uh in terms of like
originality yeah i mean higher than normal uh
somebody took something from somebody and they
want it back uh i remember when the trailers
for this came out everybody was like oh it's
nicholas cage but it's like uh john wick but
with a pig clearly it's not that not even sort
of But. But it's still like has it still has
that suspense. I mean, we've watched it enough
times now where, you know, he's not going to
go fucking ham at any point. But my first time
watching through when he's sitting with his dad,
I'm like, this could go badly. Yeah, for for
a completely. I'm saying actionless, but I'm
just saying, like, there are no fights aside
from him getting punched up in a basement. Yeah,
it doesn't have your more traditional conflict
for what we would think when we originally set
out to watch this film. But yeah, you know, it's
a I think it's a fairly. Solid story that, you
know, we just hadn't explored before. It has
elements that are shared, but I mean, fucking
everything has elements. Yeah. It's hard to come
up with something that is truly original at this
point, but so this, this does a good job of stepping
away from all of the previous, like who stole
it, give it backs. Yeah. In having a rel like,
I think this cage doesn't throw a fucking punch
in the whole film physically. Right. So for a
protagonist to get through it. peaceably great
i like to see that i mean i think where this
movie really succeeds is i mean what we're going
to talk about next is its theme and its effectiveness
of telling that story because you know fucking
pig's a metaphor it's about you know him like
i was thinking about the while writing my notes
for this i was thinking about one of his last
lines in the film when he's with the mirror in
the diner and he says like if i never went looking
for her In my mind, she'd still be there. Could
be talking about a pig. Could be talking about
the life he left in Portland. At the beginning
of this film, he cannot listen to the tape of
his wife. It's too much. Somewhere in his mind,
his wife died, he left. But the place he left,
the world he left, in his mind, still lived there.
Some part of her was still there. That's gone
now. The restaurant's gone. Yeah, like the persimmon
tree, you know, his home has new people living
in it. Like everything he left is gone. And the
last connection he has to his wife outside his
memories are gone until and at the end he gets
home. He finally puts on that tape like this
does like such there's it's so effective in like
telling that story and watching that growth and
seeing his journey throughout. also mirrored
with amir's father who also lost his wife and
is trying to hold on to that but in a much more
aggressive way it's he's not trying to ignore
his hurt he's not trying to just keep the memory
he's trying to keep her at the loss of everything
else in his life like this is such a powerful
film and i just i can't get enough of it every
time i watch it i get like more from it I don't
know much to add to that. I mean, honestly, it's
like every time I put this movie on, I have a
very good emotional response to it. It's like
it makes me sad. It makes me happy. I feel things
when I watch it. It's filmed beautifully. It's
directed well. The script is great. Performance,
I think, is very solid. There's not a ton to
praise or critique on his performance because
it is the character is made to be. medium you
know because he's coasting um so it is fitting
what this you know what the task was certainly
but yeah all right let's table that one for right
now yeah let's talk about the craziest fucking
movie that we have in the bracket yeah i mean
fucking if you've seen a nick cage meme you've
seen this one fucking for sure yeah i described
this movie to people the other i was trying to
describe this movie to people and like they're
asking me about uh the time this came out like
it's like which nick cage movie is it and i just
did the fucking bug eyes and they're like oh
like ah that one i know that yeah yeah exactly
like you've seen this one an iconic performance
by mr cage uh definitely the one that like defines
or epitomizes caginess caginess like yeah this
is turned to 11 where yeah this is where it was
born uh like there were others before it but
this is its final form this is i mean this was
his testing ground right like he got to try truly
anything because the director was just like I
don't know, whatever. Yeah. Nobody will probably
ever watch this. So do your thing, brother. Yeah,
this is these were my notes for Cajuness turned
up to 11. Really fucking goes for it. Does it
work? Yes. Yeah. And, you know, that was right
into the performance because he could have done
all of that and not earned it with the rest of
the film. But my God, like holding this movie
together. With all that other like fucking bizarre
shit that he does. And making it work like the
character. He doesn't lose Peter Lowe. No. And
I think that's what's just wild to me is like.
When he's fucking eating bugs or catching pigeons
or losing himself in the mirror, you know, all
that kind of shit. Talking about being horny
from bats. It's. It's like, oh, yeah, this tracks.
It is. Yeah, it is a like we were talking about
with Raising Arizona. Nicolas Cage likes to make
choices and he makes a lot of choices in this
film. This is all choice. This is all choice.
He walks off stage left like a kitty cat. Yeah,
he crawls off stage. Yeah. In that regard, though.
It's the old like that. That performance is the
only thing that keeps this movie together. I
agree. I think that the movie in general is thin.
I think the concept is like a little fun and
interesting, a little horny, but like there's
not a ton of meat on that bone, right? Like if
you didn't have this performance, this would
be like the tiniest footnote in history. Like
no one would think about it. No one would care.
Yeah. Like Maria Conchita Alonso would be like,
yeah, I did this one weird movie one time, you
know? What else would anyone say about it? But
because it's him at fucking 11, it is something.
I mean, it is the movie. It is the movie. Exactly.
But that means that the movie isn't much. It
is the descent into madness. Sure. For a man.
It is just an exploration of how, you know, these.
big business like uh he's not in wall street
but in sure that's sort of like giant white cult
uh white collar culture uh especially in his
middle management yeah just can beat a person
down and drive them to lengths that they never
would have expected uh and rabies yeah uh theoretically
if he even ever got bit by the bat You fucked
that bad. Yeah. Oh, well, and here's my thing
going to like, this only works because of Nick
Cage's performances. Everybody we've talked about
this movie has had a completely different read
on what the story was or wasn't. Like, it is
not structured well. It is not told well. And
if it weren't for this performance, like no other
performance in this movie stands out as particularly
good. They exist at about the same level as Nicolas
Cage's performance if you stripped away the insanity.
Exactly. If it was Nicolas Cage playing Peter
Lowe with the same affectations but straight,
that's about what you get from everybody else.
But that's really not the point at hand. I mean,
it is important, but... From Nicolas Cage's performance.
Great performance. It's fucking nines, man. Yeah.
So he crushes it. And, you know, like you said,
he makes the movie. Yeah. He makes an entire
film that has existed for 35 years ish. All movies
have existed for an amount of time. It is culturally
relevant. 35 years later. I don't know if that's
true. You literally reference the meme every
time we talk about it. That's cultural reference
or relevance. Not in terms of like fucking a
cinema, not in terms of a cinema. Meme culture
in like high art, I would not put in the same,
necessarily equate to the same thing. Well, that's
the problem. We have to talk about movies like
Pig versus Vampire's Kiss in this. So we had
to break him down to the base. This is the weirdest
one. I mean, it's the hardest challenge because
they are very dissimilar movies, you know? Yeah.
Like in Pig, he is put into a movie that is very
good. Structurally, it's sound. Script, it's
sound. Music is beautiful. Like everything is
really well done. And he's also very good. And
in Vampire's Kiss, he's in basically a bad movie
that should be schlock and like chucked in a
bin somewhere. He made it into something that
isn't that. Yeah. Yeah. But I, I mean, I would
also say, yes, Robin is not an, a crazy caricature,
but that is an amazing role. And I don't know
that necessarily anyone does it better than Nick
Cage. Like he, I still say Nick Cage makes that
movie as well. Well, we're going to have pig
two with Rob Lowe. Oh, okay. So we've had Rob
Highs and now Rob Lowe's. Fuck. So the originality
of Vampire's Kiss. It's we do. I don't know.
It's a it's a movie about a guy going insane.
Yeah. And just kind of losing his grasp on reality.
My kind read on the theme is, you know, middle
management, like not going anywhere like but
because he is. His ego can't allow him to just
be middle management. So when he starts to lose
it, he starts to he goes down that rabbit hole.
It's like, well, clearly he has to be special.
Clearly, there's something important about him.
And that would normally manifest in like a massive
ego or like an American psycho type situation.
But for him, it's vampirism. But it's also important
to think about, like, because you did bring it
up, like Patrick Bateman could run because Nick
Cage. walked this one you know or like started
that that sprint like american psycho wouldn't
exist in the way it does if not for something
like this no it's pretty clearly informed the
performance of uh christian bale uh and but you
know in themes you know i'll i'll go with you
there it's it's definitely themes of excess of
abuse um the loss of touch with yourself uh in
an attempt to live up to an ideal of others and
also just like wanting more greed gluttony yeah
so and america america yeah absolutely like this
is capitalism and it's feeding off of the people
that are supposedly building it up too so yeah
I mean, this is this is the hardest one. This
is the biggest challenge for us, right? I mean.
I. I don't think it's a I think it's a fun movie.
I'm glad I've watched it. I'm glad I've watched
it a few times. I will watch it again. But it's
not a good movie. It is. I'll hold on. I'll ask
you a question real quick before you finish this
thought. Which movie did you want to show your
new friend out of all four movies when you first
got them back to your place? It was Vampire's
Kiss. You told us in the story ten minutes ago.
I mean, no, I know. You chose that over all of
them. Not because it's the best movie, because
it's the weirdest movie. Well, part of this experiment
is also not his best film because we left Academy
Award winning Nicolas Cage back like two rounds
ago. Yeah, but I mean, again, Robin Feld is an
astounding character and Nick Cage does a great
job with it. Again, it's the wackiness of Vampire's
Kiss is what makes it. I don't think it's the
better film and I don't necessarily think it's
the better performance. It's the crazier performance,
but I don't think it's the better performance.
I'm going to take the opposite stance. I think
Vampire's Kiss is the most informative of Nicolas
Cage as a pop culture icon and as. uh like vampire's
kiss was a springboard for his career i found
the word it was springboard oh yeah not diving
board yeah not a diving board of anxiety and
hatred uh but a springboard for his career and
it you know of the films i will throw in vampire's
kiss in any mood it's a film that i could present
to Somebody at any time. If I'm talking about
like. Not even just between the two films. If
I have to. Sit down with somebody to watch a
Nicolas Cage film. It. It. It might be Con Air
or Vampire's Kiss. Now, I'll I'll concede that
Con Air is not going forward. This is where it
comes down for me is I can't recommend Vampire's
Kiss to just anyone. hmm like they're like i
like i would do we did john do vampire's kiss
did he watch this ever uh i think that john has
watched vampire's kiss um but no we had lauren
freeman on yeah one person i can't remember and
uh i'm just using john as an example because
john is always maintained he refuses to like
indulge anything that is bad um But like, I know
a lot of people who just wouldn't be interested
in this movie for a lot of reasons and would
never give it the chance it deserves. Like, this
is a harder movie for me to recommend in most
situations. Well, no, this isn't a bad movie,
though. It is a bad movie. No, that's the problem.
It's not a bad movie. And when we talk about
it like it's a bad movie, it's just because we
don't. like some of the surrounding elements
of it. But when you look at the movie as a whole,
it is, in my opinion, a very important piece
of Nicolas Cage's filmography. And it's important
for people to see it because it does reflect
like what he was building up to before that.
And it created so much more of his career. It
doesn't it doesn't reflect anything, though.
It's a vampire. Fair, but that only matters if
someone cares about that arc of his career and
not just a standalone film. Yeah, I don't know.
This is going to be a Peter decision. I don't
actually know that I am going to take that role.
This is a really tough one because my feeling
is that my favorite movie from this entire experience
is Pig. So to have it lose. feels wrong do i
think that nick has really valid arguments for
vampire's kiss yes i watched it again tonight
and it was fucking amazing i still really love
that movie i i we're at a bit of an impasse because
i don't want to just be like i pick you know
i can tell you that i also did a poll from past
guests who have seen both of these movies and
pig Beat out Vampire's Kiss. Does that make a
difference? I don't know. Like I could be swayed
either way on these movies. It's really, really
complicated and really challenging. I think that
the themes around sexual assault and things like
that in Vampire's Kiss make it not as approachable
as something like Pig, which is basically just
it's sad if you've lost somebody, which everyone
kind of has. So. I think Vampire's Kiss is. without
doubt one of his most unhinged wild over -the
-top human crazy bananas whatever fucking performance
that has ever existed he's never done it again
he's never had the no boundaries you know opportunities
to do it which makes it worth seeing no matter
what like you have to you have to watch it and
the stuff that's hard in it just It's it's a
theme that you just have to accept in vampire
films. Fair enough. And, you know, you think
about American Psycho, like there's a lot of
sexual assault in American Psycho, too. And that's
regarded as, you know, a piece of cinema masterpiece
or whatever, which I disagree with. But, you
know, that's not the point. Candidly, will either
of you concede one or the other? No, I'll give
it to Pig. Pig's a phenomenal film. So I don't
disagree with anything Nick says. I just I think
the better we have that recording just loop it.
Yeah, we're going to cut out all of this and
we're just going to be like, I like Vampire's
Kiss. I agree with everything Nick says. I just
think everything about Pig is just so much better.
OK. I like the the run up of Raising Arizona
and Pig. I think it'll be a great. A great selection,
you know. What if we just place Vampire's Kiss
into Pig in the middle? Oh, we just fight club
it. We just run long. Shoot scene. Like one or
two frames every once in a while. No, I mean,
like we've got a great, a great lineup here.
And, you know, Vampire's Kiss made it all the
way. despite and that's everything despite the
mandys of it all despite fucking just uh wild
at heart like it's it's so amazing this movie
the movie is the weirdest of the weird is terrific
from a nicholas cage standpoint i love it yeah
this movie is fucking astounding it is a great
film and i where i can i do recommend it yeah
you know i'm gonna go back and i'm gonna say
that guy on the airplane who caught me watching
it said it's one of his favorite films too so
it is great like good on you airplane guy who
watched the movie over my shoulder without sound
if we didn't if we didn't have to make a decision
uh i wouldn't want to throw any of them away
to be fair nothing's getting thrown away it all
still exists and you can come to my house and
watch it now you could also for the double header
instead we can run everything at two times speed
which is how i've watched most of these movies
throughout this experience you're not even allowed
to coordinate this now all right well i've been
fired for this enjoy editing the episode you
fuckers well it was that was a nice podcast we
had there nick run who the patreon people are
Bill. Oh, good. You got one. Nathan. Yeah, you
got Nathan. Good. We are in one of their houses
right now. John. No. You're not supposed to let
them know. It's supposed to be a mystery. Like
that time we recorded in Hayden's room. We've
talked about that ad nauseum. I don't know that
he's never he's never he's never questioned it.
No, he hasn't. Which proves Hayden doesn't listen.
Did the story of him not wiping ever make it
onto the podcast? Yes. I'm almost positive it
did. If not, I definitely have the raw audio
of that. After he helped you move and he went
to poop and he was like, that's from Nick. And
you're like, I didn't bring toilet paper down
yet. He's like. Quiet. Shit. That's how that
went down. You know. You splash enough water
on it and you're fine. That's why we wash hands,
right? You okay there, Peter? I think I might
have pneumonia right now. Oh, that's so good.
I'm glad I'm here with you. You can't get pneumonia
from me. Well, you don't know how I kiss. Yeah,
when it gets deep, you can get there. I'm all
the way down there. Now I'm just thinking about
that fucking gif of the cherries on the tongue.
Oh, I love that gif. It's your favorite, I know.
But yeah, shit. So that's going to be a cool
double header. We have to figure out what our
sequencing is going to be, but I think that's
going to be enjoyable for everybody. If you are
interested in coming to that show, there are
still tickets available. So reach out to me.
But yeah, thank you all for listening. You have
made it this far. And if this is your first episode,
you're dumb. And if it's your 84th episode, you're
also kind of dumb. But we love you more? I don't
know. This is the only episode I'm going to suggest
to people because it's the only one where we
sound intelligent. Debatable. Yeah, you can find
us on social media, cage underscore match underscore
pod or on Patreon. If you want to support us
at the end, the brain death of our podcast, why
not? You can find us at Cage Match Pod or Cage
Match. Cage Match. Yeah. And special thanks to
our Sparkle Buddies, Josh, Sean, Josie, Rico,
Matt, Adam, and Bill. And to our Cage Dancers,
Ira, Sean, Freeman, Lance, Nathan, and Cameron.
You fucked me up. You gave me an extra bill.
I like how Nick didn't put didn't name drop Josie
when we were trying to come up with like fucking
patrons. Yeah, I know. Like one of our earliest
patrons. What? We always say Bill's name like
a thousand times. We do say a lot of Bill. Bill.
Oh, I do have some. I do have some this week
in cage news. Hit us. Well, it's Spider -Verse
news, but he's going to be in the next Spider
-Verse. We got a release date. Oh, 2027. Nice.
That's a year. Yeah, that'll feel two years.
It'll feel not that far away at some point. June
2027. I'm like 83 % sure I can live that long.
That's pretty good odds. Pretty good. I don't
know. Fucking every day I watch the news, that
number goes down a little bit. Yeah, you're not
wrong. Yeah. I mean, you could still be alive,
but you'll probably be in a different country
at that point. And not because I want to be there
because they sent me there. Yeah. God. I'm trying
to stay the fuck out of the sun. I'm fucking,
I'm not trying to fucking, I'm trying to be a
day walker as much as possible these days. Get
that really, really fucking thick sunscreen that
I had. Oh yeah, that baby block. White face.
Yeah. The dresses aren't helping, I will say.
At least you're in Portland. Yeah. Go around
with blood on your face. Or salsa. Ooh. Salsa
face. It's been a long day. No shit. Get some
sleep. You're fucking telling me. All right,
let's turn this shit off. I love you guys. Bye.
Bye. It says 6 -2, so, you know. Damn, he's a
fucking big dude. Yeah. He's kind of like a brick
shithouse, too. I mean, in like a fat pudgy way,
but yeah, he's broad. Yeah. Yeah. Like he seems
like he would take up a lot of space in an elevator.
Yeah. You don't want to, you don't want him in
the middle seat of the airplane. No. Mainly because
you're sitting next to John Travolta. Fuck you,
John Travolta. Well, who knows? Gunslinger might
be complete ass. So most certainly that movie
is going to be complete ass and surfer probably
be not bad. Yeah. Or at least weird enough that
it's like... Yeah, I have high hopes for Surfer.
I want Nick Cage to be... I don't know why he
really wants to be in Westerns now, but... Because
Westerns are cool. I agree. It's a great action
piece for an older man. It's true. You don't
have to be athletic or good at anything. But
this is going to be his third Western, and this
one looks to be the worst. uh i god i have to
go re -watch the trailer i can't imagine that
it could be worse than the old way that movie
was such dog shit except for eustace yeah clint
howard and then what was the other one fucking
the one that like didn't have any barely had
any dialogue just nick cage staring like off
into the middle distance the buffalo one oh yeah
uh Bison boys. Yeah, bison boys. Wow. Butcher's
Crossing. Yeah, Butcher's Crossing. We got there.