Oh, God. Oh, my God.
Better.
Worse.
Oh, that's much better.
Yeah, that's good. Good.
How are you showing up on the on the mouth noises, oh, meter.
Mouth nominer. Mouthy.
I'm getting good at that.
I wish you weren't.
This is the worst.
Yeah. Why can't you just masturbate when you're alone like a normal person?
Why are you going to sit here and just make the noises with your face?
That fucking alehouse guy just needs to come in public.
So fucking weird.
That makes it into the plant in the corner.
Mm hmm. You know, it works.
OK, wait a minute.
The alehouse has a plant that I could have been coming in.
Probably. Oh.
Welcome back to Cajun.
I'm producer Peter.
Oh, OK. That's not a segue.
Nope. Oh, fun fact.
I like last week learned how segue was spout spelled Nick.
I'm Nick.
And I'm Sean.
This is cage match, apparently.
Apparently, there are no more rules.
Also, we have John.
Now. So are you talking about segue, the rideable or segue?
I always knew that one. Oh, yeah.
Oh, see, yeah.
So good. That's the one I learned about.
It's a good it's like a cue.
Kua away. Yeah, way. Yeah.
Thank you for saying it correctly.
Yeah, you get it.
You know, the British pronunciation.
Quay.
You. OK, so welcome to the last episode of cage match.
We never want to see any of you again after this.
So that was interesting.
We watched a movie in a movie theater with Nick Cage with lots of people.
Yeah, no, this is the most amount of people we've ever watched a new
Nick Cage movie. Remember that time when it was just us?
Which one?
Oh, was that Renfield?
I don't know in the boat theater. Yeah.
Renfield had like two other people.
It was still really, really low.
And it was really weird because we walked in and just looked at your face
waving at us.
So happy with that theater.
This is weird. Which theater is this?
That's the Admiral Theater over in West Seattle.
Yeah, the district never been there.
It's both themed.
Both themed. Yeah.
The the doors are the door to the theater is on the same wall as the screen.
So you walk in and Nick's just staring at you walk in to look at the audience.
You have to turn around to see this.
Yeah. So like you leave for a piss and you come back in and everyone's like,
here's that guy.
I know what you did.
You wash your hands.
Yeah, obviously I did.
P is sterile. Yeah.
I just rinse it right off.
Yeah. Done. You were very efficient.
I noticed that. Thank you.
Yeah, I pee a lot. Small bladder often.
Yeah. You just not drink things.
No. Oh, I have a little.
I have a little I have a little sludge at the end of the day.
Yeah, you don't pee.
I just did.
Yeah, but I remember you said you don't pee like you pee once.
I would say on average, I pee
probably around three or four.
So you just feel like a normal person.
You lied to me about that.
Sounds normal. That sounds like just the right amount of pain.
Yeah. OK. I don't know.
I just never have to pee when everybody else has to be.
Just add like three more to that.
And that's a weird pee, which is me.
Oh, OK. I've been trying to hydrate more.
Yeah. I got a water bottle.
Have you been paying more?
Uh, yeah, I guess.
There you go. That system works.
Only one way to find out.
I could also just be diabetic.
Yeah. Mix a lot of beet juice into your pee.
Why?
Well, it was the beet juice into the.
Yeah. So he pees and then mixes the beet juice in.
Do I do this in the toilet or?
Well, ideally, you do it before you.
So drink beet juice. Yeah.
Well, yeah. But if you forget to,
I guess you could just toss it in your pee.
Same effect.
I don't do beet juice.
I only do asparagus juice.
Mm hmm. For the odor only.
Mm hmm. Nice. That's how you know it works. Yeah.
It's not just be that it makes smell funny.
So it's like the opposite of pineapple.
Yeah, I think so. Literally. All right.
Oh, we're talking about semen again.
Yeah, of course. OK.
Well, we got there. We weren't.
We were this cage match after all.
I don't know.
Welcome back to cage match.
Calling around about me and Nicholas Cage.
Apparently, we've forgotten how to do this.
Yeah. So you're Sean.
I am Sean. You're Peter.
I am. That's John.
I thought we already did this.
We're doing it twice.
OK. Yeah, I'm John.
Nick and one of these is going to be good and I'll keep it
or maybe I'll keep both.
Keep them all. I some all together.
Oh, yeah. The super cut.
We just watched Long Legs.
That's that's the very that's the end of that very me entering story.
Yeah. Go support local theaters.
Yes. It was cool watching a movie with people with people.
I hated that part of it.
Whose idea was it to like have theater snacks be just
crinkly rapper things?
I mean, I sat next to John.
He had like Reese's Pieces.
I was sitting on the other side of John.
I was so worried that I was making a whole bunch of noise the whole time.
Oh, you were.
Yeah, but so were other people.
I literally I literally like part of some of my Reese's Pieces
so that I wouldn't crunch them.
Oh, nice. Like use my tongue to like squish them.
Nice. Yeah. OK.
I mean, I'm on board with that.
But you might have to demonstrate again later.
Yeah. Popcorn bags there are super loud, too.
Like you think you could quiet up a popcorn bag.
Yeah. I didn't realize Sun Chips was selling popcorn.
It's just going there.
Yes. The loudest bag that's ever existed.
I did have a non-alcoholic Blue Moon tasted like a Blue Moon.
I mean, bars pretty low.
You know, when you don't fucking drink anymore
and your options aren't great, anything that kind of tastes like beer works.
There you go. OK. So we just watch long legs.
Yeah. Long legs.
A horror movie.
It's new. It just came out today for us.
Just recording.
Yes. So noise.
No spoilers and spoilers, right?
Yeah. So just to give everyone a heads up,
we're going to talk about the movie for 10 minutes, probably
in a non-spoilery way as much as we can.
And then we are going to give a we are going to spoil shit alert
and we will talk about the rest of the movie.
What does the spoil shit alert sound like?
You we you.
OK. OK.
I don't know. It just came to me.
Satan.
Hail Satan. Hey, spoilers.
Good point.
People probably got that vibe.
I liked this movie.
I kind of fucking loved it.
I don't know.
It's the right amount of like just tense
90s serial killer like thriller
with fucking weird.
And I really like the fucking weird.
I loved the fucking weird parts of it.
I was on board until the last five minutes.
I was going to say I didn't really love the ending.
I guess. Agreed.
But I will say that hour and 40 minutes went by fast.
Yeah. Yeah.
Which is, I guess, a pretty good marker of a good movie,
especially for a thriller.
You don't want a slow thriller.
Yeah. It's like a simmer.
Yeah. I think this movie got way too hyped up for me, unfortunately.
Weird considering no one's talking about it.
Except us.
Except the algorithm has been throwing crap at me about long legs for weeks.
Oh, weird.
You should stop listening to our podcast, apparently.
Don't listen to him.
I loved the photography in it, like the walls of color.
Yeah. Like it was the screen was constantly just being dominated by
very monochromatic shots that
I thoroughly enjoyed.
It's visually great.
Fucking Lee Harker, the main character.
Yeah. Her house.
I want to live there.
Uh, if you want to get fucking murdered, for sure.
Yeah. No, no.
Her cabin house. Not her.
No, I know.
Oh, that also seems like a place that you would get murdered.
It's just a cabin. Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
It didn't work out for Mandy either.
Where most murders happen.
Yeah.
Hmm.
A stabbing cabin.
That's what they mean, right?
He understands. Yeah.
No, but, uh, Michael Monroe, I thought she did a great job.
I mean, she has kind of a weird role in that.
Lee Harker kind of.
It's a very weird character.
Doesn't have a lot because everything is sort of repressed.
But I thought she did a good job.
And did you ever see It Follows?
No. Good movie.
Good horror movie.
It's her when she was like 18 or something like that.
She did a really fucking good job in that movie, too.
Interesting. I don't watch a lot of horror.
So I don't either.
This is like outside of my wheelhouse. Mostly.
I watch a little bit of horror, but not like obsessively.
I saw the last is it Aronofsky
that does all the weird body horror shit?
That's what you're going to say the last airbender
that is terrifying.
Yeah, no.
Here it is. You know, Aronofsky is the social network guy.
That's Sorkin.
Damn it. You're thinking of
Darren Aronofsky did like Requiem for a Dream.
Oh, that guy. Yeah.
Body horror. Are you thinking of the guy who did
Cronenberg? Yes.
Thank you. The fly.
Yeah, I went to the last Cronenberg flick.
That was horror.
It was definitely very weird.
But I would be go. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, I don't see a lot of horror stuff.
So, I mean, I was a little anxious going into it
because I was like, I don't know how I'm going to feel about this.
And it didn't feel too horny.
No, it's creepy.
Think it's all a thriller. Yeah. Yeah.
I agree with that.
Which is still a great place for Nicholas Cade.
Yeah, there's one pseudo jump scare and it's in the first three minutes.
Yeah, which it was a dong.
A long dong, though.
Yeah. Let's just talk about Nick Cage.
It's performance in general. Yeah.
Creepy. Yeah.
And like as people that have watched a lot of Nick Cage
movies at this point, did it not feel like he was channeling
like a lot of other.
Yeah, there was definitely the mom and dad scream.
Yeah, literally said mom, dad.
I mean, he cages out real good in the car.
Yeah, he gets a good freak out. I liked it.
He you know, he strikes me as a good hugger.
Elaborate.
Oh, he's got like good hand action.
I know he'd be attentive in a hug to your needs.
Yeah. And his needs like he'd take care of himself, too.
Let's be real. He's got business.
Are we talking about Nick Cage or Nick Cage's character?
His character. OK.
Long legs. Yeah.
Nick Cage, I don't feel like it would be a great hugger.
He doesn't seem like he wants to be touched a lot.
Yeah. The actor.
Yes. I'm trying to track. OK.
Got it. Just just lean in.
Yeah. He does not seem like someone who wants to hug.
He also seems like kind of a Keanu who probably learns that you just
when you take a picture with people, you put your arms out
and don't touch anyone. Yeah.
Operation Don't Get Sued. Yeah.
Yeah. Smart. Don't don't pull a fucking the flash.
What? Ezra Miller. Ezra Miller.
Yeah. Don't don't abduct a French lady and her kid.
And keep them in your cabin.
Cops finally come for you, Nick.
Shh. Don't say my name.
They can hear. Nick.
He's Nick. You say it twice.
They know.
This feels like we're getting into spoiler.
All right. Spoiler territory.
Wait, wait, wait. Before before we get into that movie as a whole.
I enjoyed it quite a bit.
Yeah. Same Z's.
Meh. Fair.
I think I don't feel bad for having watched it and I have no desire to see it again.
That's fair. I don't know.
I don't need to see it again.
I would probably never watch this again.
I enjoyed the ride quite a bit.
Yeah. I mean, well, with a lot of movies like this, once
the water shot, once it's out there, it's like, yeah, well,
I know the turn.
Yeah.
Speaking of that, nice white wad.
Spoiler time. Oh, wait, I got a thing before.
No, say that.
Speaking of twists.
I love whenever I see like a Shyamalan trailer in a theater
with people who don't know there's a Shyamalan movie coming out.
I didn't know because what was it held the elevator one?
I was in a theater full of people and this like trailers coming out.
I was like, oh, oh, oh, like interested sounds.
And then director M. Night Shyamalan and the entire theater went, oh,
yeah, I noticed that too.
And I felt the same with this one.
We you we you.
Nicholas Cage just straight up looks like Christopher Walken
and Michael Jackson had a kid.
But with with like more powder face makeup
and like an old timey outfit.
I love his little vest that his pants and.
Yeah, that's what I was trying to figure out is like, is the is the pale face
makeup that he puts on himself or is he supposed to be actively that pale?
I wouldn't be surprised if he puts it on himself,
just like he was trying to make himself look like a little porcelain doll.
I think he looks like a halfway melted Sally Struthers.
I was like really bad plastic surgery.
Yeah. Like cheek filler, fucked up nose, super pale.
Like I think the stringy ass hair.
I think the look was supposed to like go for trying to like either.
He's an old rocker trying to like maintain that youth.
He's trying to like look like an old hair metal rocker.
The first quick reveal from the beginning, when he's like
talking to the child, when you just like.
Yeah, we just seeing.
You see, yeah, the lips and like the stuff.
I'm like, oh, they're just going to weird trans
murderer thing.
Thinking silence of the lambs are.
Psycho, like, oh, well, this is this is disappointing.
But now wasn't that he's just a creepy looking dude.
Yeah, I never got.
Why is he called long legs?
Yeah, his legs aren't particularly long.
Well, I thought he was going to wear like stilts.
I mean, murder on stills would have been cool.
But I think it was all the murders were on the second floor
than the children that he talks to because he was like, oh,
and I still have my long legs on and then he bends down to their height.
OK, I got you. OK, I miss that. Yeah.
I would have caught that on the second watching that I wasn't going to do.
I will say one of the first things that comes up is
Lee is mildly psychic, maybe.
And that's a plot point for no reason.
Yeah, that's how she gets assigned to the case.
And and it's yeah, I'm not sure why otherwise, but kind of like
just vibe with her moving the plot quickly.
I mean, she could have also just been good at her job.
And tied to the case because of past trauma.
And why would her mom or being just an FBI agent on a case?
Yeah, I mean, all of those things.
But then you wouldn't be able to include all the cool
like visual shots of like snakes and stuff.
What were the snakes all about?
Just psychic visions stuff.
Or they could have just been weird flashes
because she has trauma.
That wouldn't be a fun film.
So the core of this entire film is that it's the devil.
Yeah, that it's Mr. Downstairs.
Well, I think he was the man downstairs.
No, he was friends with the man downstairs.
Yeah, he's a friend of a friend, a friend of the man downstairs.
Who is also also the man downstairs.
And he did technically like literally live downstairs.
He did live down his mom, her mom's house.
So, yeah. So he just lived in Lee's house.
Yes. We saw we saw them.
OK, so the mom is like the other the other part of this, like
mother is the accomplice because fucking long legs
makes these creepy dolls that look like children
that get specific children, specific children that get delivered
to their house and the dolls drive the family insane and they kill each other.
Because it's got a metal ball.
So it's like, OK, I'm taking back this movie sucks.
Yeah, this doesn't make any.
So it's always like a low ring.
So it's like, OK, it's a sonic thing.
And he sings a lot. So I'm like, OK, it's a sonic thing.
But I was just like, we saw the mother leave after one of the murders
when she's like telling the story and throws up and just gets out of there.
There was no evidence left behind besides these notes.
Oh, and there's a fucking room full of creepy dolls
that look like the children in the back.
We forgot to mention and some weird vomit that maybe might be related.
Yeah. Yeah, it's just road.
No, just the fact that no one's questioning the creepy dolls
and all these murder sites.
Well, I think they get hit.
Does she hide them? Did she hide the dolls?
She did leave with a box.
After each one, she probably took the doll.
I'm just saying it's ambiguous.
I mean, that's probably what happened, but I'm just like, hey,
these are these are the things you get on watch number two
that we're never going to.
I think you're concerned about things that aren't problems.
If OK, if I have to, if I'm thinking these things while I'm watching movie,
it means you're not paying attention to the movie.
OK, so my favorite part of this entire movie was when they're watching on VHS.
His interview where he is singing Happy Birthday to Lee Harker.
Oh, and then they pause it and they're like, there's 24 minutes more.
It's incredible.
I want that 24 minutes.
That's the director's cut.
I do like how this movie ends the same way that
leaving Las Vegas ends with just his dead character just at the end
kind of just vibing.
Yeah. And backwards credits backwards.
I'm a backwards guy.
Backwards backwards.
Like mom and dad from hell.
Yeah, it's the only way going right back down.
Yeah, it's a fun film.
It is a very enjoyable film.
Just yeah, the last five minutes like, oh, it's maybe supernatural.
Maybe the devil did it.
We're not going to answer any questions.
There was a weird black smog that came out.
Yeah. Or, oh yeah, what was that devil devil?
Devil power.
Well, shit.
All right.
Oppressed memories.
I was pretty let down with that being the only kind of answer
given without it being with it wasn't ambiguous enough to be like,
hmm, let me think about this.
It was just like, OK, that's it.
What was this guy's last movie?
It was something else that did well.
Well, right.
Yes. Oliver Perkins, I think.
I love his restaurants.
Such good French.
So bye.
Yeah, good Perkins.
The Black Oats daughter.
I am the pretty thing that lives in the house and legally blonde.
Yeah, legally blonde.
No, this is OK.
This is the sequel to legally blonde.
We've all been waiting for legally blondest.
They did a sequel, didn't they?
Yeah, this is the three.
Red, white and blonde.
Yeah, I knew it was something funny.
So it's just red, white and whitish again.
Yeah. Yellow.
Yellowish white is blonde.
Yeah. So on the matrix of good cage, good movie, bad cage, bad movie,
good, bad, bad, good.
Where are we throwing this?
I think it's a good movie and a good Nicholas Cage.
It's weird.
And you just have to want a weird movie.
I am inclined to agree.
I loved his performance and I did enjoy the movie.
Just any if any critical thought in the last 10 minutes
will ruin this film for you.
That definitely say good cage.
I don't think I can say good movie,
math movie at best.
I'm waffling back and forth like I did enjoy myself
and I did find myself engaged and like caught up in the tension.
So I do think good movie, but I can't recommend it.
I think it's gotten a lot of like hype that maybe isn't warranted.
And I think the performance is great from him.
I think he's a fucking weirdo.
It's always great seeing him do something bizarro.
And he does.
It is really interesting seeing him
kind of channel all that other shit, like I said earlier, where it's like
you're just sort of tapping into all your crazy bits.
And that's it.
You know, it's nothing new other than prosthetics.
I think that was part of my problem is, yeah, it was nothing new.
And I was kind of expecting something new from him in this in the same way
that like the first time I saw a pig was kind of a new way to see him. Sure.
I will say his body acting like his physicality.
And this is something else like when he's in the interrogation room
and he's just kind of swaying and like getting getting fully crazy.
His weird hand motion.
Yeah, there's a physical.
There's a physicality in his performance.
I don't think we've ever seen.
Like this. Yeah, that's really unsettling.
And really does good, creepy serial killer.
His body posture and everything was really drawn in and kind of gross.
And just like all the weird plastic surgery looked like.
I don't know that I'd be able to tell that was Nicholas Cage
if I didn't already know without like looking for a while.
Yeah, sure. If you just got a still with no knowledge of this film.
I'm just saying sure. Last thoughts.
Hail Satan.
Oh, God. So I was at a bar once.
Oh, yeah.
They had a Satan nuggets because bar bar in Virginia owned by members of bar.
Fucking awesome. Great vegan menu.
But my body was not ready to process that.
And I was halfway home when my tumble.
My tummy was a rumbling. Yeah.
I. Did not make it into my apartment.
You pooped your pants.
Almost. I'll say, Tam.
And Satan basically just distilled gluten, right?
Pretty much. Yeah, I was running like a little movie.
I was trying to run into like my apartment building and it was like, nope.
And just went into the leasing office, just ran by people
and ran right into the leasing office bathroom.
This feels like a potted plant situation.
Yeah, I was hoping. Almost.
Yeah, I was expecting like just the lawn like didn't get a dog. Yeah.
There was a swimming pool. I could have just jumped in.
Gross closed for another 12 weeks.
OK, well, fuck, we are on social media.
At cage underscore match underscore pod.
And you can support us on Patreon at cage match.
Thank you to our sparkle buddies. That's the word.
Josh, Sean, Josie, Rico, Matt, Adam and Bill.
And to our cage dancers, Ira, John Freeman, Lance, Nathan
and new cage dancer on stage.
Cameron.
Yeah. Which one of us did you meet outside the Hummingbird?
Yeah, you have to tell us. Put it in the comments.
I don't disclose anything about this to strangers.
So it was you or me then. Yeah.
Anyway, thanks for joining.
Thanks for supporting us. You're not you're not you're not upselling this.
Yeah, come on, man.
OK, the birds cool because you could get a shot there.
It's a closed business.
I meant the podcast. Oh.
Also, we really should have taken out an ad. Yeah.
We are just like printed out like shitty flyers.
Yeah, exactly. Paper that fucking place.
Didn't think about no time like the president is opening night.
Well, it is. Yeah, I mean, true.
We could. Although that was probably the people that were going to go see it.
So we got tomorrow.
I think this was the crowd. Yeah.
Eh, especially especially all the murmurs of what
uh, when we were leaving the the general audience
didn't seem to vibe as well as we did.
Some people liked it. Some people liked it.
And that's the best review you can get.
Some people thought it was OK.
We're three of them.
Bye. That's the weakest.
Bye bye. Bye. Thank you.
Bye bye.
That thing was around for like a week.
Yeah. Oh, man.
And I still ate them because I love the garden salsa.
Best one. Yeah.
Harvest cheddar.
Mm hmm. That's good, too.
Two good ones. Original.
They're all good. Even original.
I've never enjoyed some chips.
You go home. I am home.
We'll excuse us then.
You just got muted.
Yeah, that's been resolved. OK.