Oh, God. Oh, my God.
I'm concerned. Yeah. Yeah.
Sorry. Well, that's not going into this podcast.
So, but yeah, no, the date and it was fun.
The the weirdest thing was definitely in the morning breakfast.
I send you a picture of it, but we went to the like fancy hotel restaurant.
And then I got like an egg and cheese sandwich and it came out with no cheese.
So I was like, hey, like this doesn't have any cheese on it.
And they were like, oh, shit, we're really sorry.
Like, no shit. 10 to 15 minutes later, they come out with a fancy plate
and three craft singles.
Can you just set the photo of the cheese with no explanation?
Yeah. So that's what they gave me.
And I was just like, the fuck am I supposed to do with three cold craft singles?
So I did eat that cheese, but that sandwich was pretty bad.
You're proud of yourself.
I cried a little.
Don't care for the food, but I do care for the crew.
I'll take it. We'll keep trying.
Well, wait, I ended up on, oh, crude family tree.
Never mind. I was like, the fuck is this?
Hmm. That is a TV movie of the crude's.
I'm assuming doesn't have Nick Cage.
It does not. It also has nobody.
Not even Clark Duke.
It does not have that.
No, the second I looked him up, I was like, oh, shit.
Yeah, that guy. What happened to that guy?
He was great. Hot tub time machine. Yeah.
Also great and hot tub time machine, too.
He was also in the latter seasons of The Office.
Yeah, I didn't ever get to those.
You're not missing much.
Yeah, that's like the Will Ferrell seasons and stuff.
I mean, he's only in a couple episodes.
And then who becomes the boss after that?
But James Spader fucking Spader's great.
Like all of like Robert California scenes are amazing.
His name is Robert California. Yeah.
Duncan, Idaho.
He's fucking great.
Bobby Peru. The rest of the.
I'm just going to say people place names.
Yeah, the rest of the. Joe Montana.
What was the California guy from Max California?
Son of the Robert.
Yeah, there you go. That's my dad.
I saw somebody with an Ultron like T-shirt on the other day,
like from the movie.
And I'm just like, that doesn't get enough love.
I still think that was one of our funnier, dumb things that we did.
We were just like, let's dunk on this movie all night.
And then it was like, I kind of liked it.
Speaking of segues, I thoroughly enjoyed Crude's too.
Welcome back to Cage, match, colon around about wave meeting.
Nicholas Cage.
Today, we're talking about Crude's too.
I'm your host, Sean, here with my disgruntled co-host Nick.
I'm Nick and our producer, Peter.
Hi, how are you?
And now I'm just going to I'm going to rip that bandaid right off.
I did not go into Crude's too thinking it was going to be anything special.
And I had a fucking blast.
I think I love you.
But what am I so afraid of?
The Jack Black cover of that at the end.
Astounding. Oh, fuck.
Yeah. Yeah, that was good.
I'm sorry. I want to know.
Normally take 64 Nick Cage movies and Final Four
bracket it down to the most cage film, but seen as somebody here
is going to have a baby or and I've had this out for a little while
and talk about movies that didn't make the cut.
Mm hmm. Starting with Crude's to do still the recruiting.
We'll also watch USS Indianapolis, colon the men of courage
or men of courage, men of courage, man's of courage.
You know, just the men.
Yeah. What was your reaction about, Nick?
Oh, Sean, you can't just say speaking of segues and then say a segue.
Well, like say something else when no one was talking about segues.
That's not a segue.
Or no, it's not just a hard right.
We're talking about crude scene now, though, aren't we?
I got us there.
We are talking about Cruz, too.
Yeah, but nobody was speaking of segues. That's like.
I mean, I don't. Speaking of racism, Sean,
I have some serious questions about yesterday.
Nobody was talking about racism or yesterday.
Wait, what happened yesterday?
Is this podcast safe?
We'll leave it for later. OK.
We'll table that.
Can't use any of this.
Cut it all. Speaking of racism.
Crudes, too. Yeah.
Which is kind of.
That's sort of like racism. Yeah.
Speciesism.
I know. I want you elaborate on that.
What? Some of them are cavemen.
I think they're all cave people.
Some of them are better men.
Some are better men than that.
Just their name.
But they stand up straight and they're proportionate.
And they know how many three is.
I love that. That's the joke that fucking got me that like
I was just like, this can be terrible.
And then Grug counts two people and holds up three fingers.
And I'm like, amazing.
I was completely ready to be taken away to a world of caveman whimsy
that and the red assed flying koala bird.
Did they have a name? I can't remember.
I don't think they had. I don't think so.
Yeah. But land sharks, just the creature designs in these movie
in this movie was insane.
Yeah, I enjoyed the creatures.
I enjoyed the land sharks. I enjoyed the punch monkeys.
We're going to get to the punch monkeys.
It had, you know, fine elements that elevated it to OK
for a children's movie for me.
I have a pretty low opinion of children's movies a lot of times.
And this doesn't necessarily change that.
Where would you put this against G-Force?
It's better than G-Force.
The animation is worse.
Yeah, the animation is good.
But Dreamworks. Yeah. Yeah.
Dreamworks, there should always looks bad.
Yeah, it's super smooth.
There's no good textures.
Yeah, that's fair.
Which I think is why they just do minions now.
Yeah, you don't need textures for them now.
Other than their bodies are smooth.
You just need nude minions only.
Speaking of nude minions.
See, that would be a good segue if only we went.
If we had something to do with it.
But yeah, that's how you segue into berating Sean about segues again.
I don't need to segue into that.
You just do it constantly.
Yeah, that's true.
I kind of agree with Sean, though.
I mean, I think I enjoy a kids movie a little more than you, Nick.
But like this was not that bad.
And I think it's because my expectations were very, very low going into it.
Yeah, it's not it's not bad for a kids movie.
I mean, it also it's always going to have a qualifier.
You're going to be watching a bunch of these here soon.
Hmm. True enough.
I mean, so like, give me a kids movie that you think
doesn't hit that qualifier that that actually gets.
It's good. And a kids movie.
How to train your dragon.
How to train your dragon to a crime that one also dream works, right?
Yeah. Yeah.
Kind of also looks like shit.
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, animation is too is quite beautiful.
I think the cloud work and stuff.
Paddington to Paddington to is terrific.
I really enjoyed that.
I like, you know, I liked that movie.
What is it like Mr.
Magorium's Wonder Emporium or something like that?
It was something like that. Yeah.
I felt like that was a pretty decent movie.
The Toy Story's is I haven't watched all of them.
Four is unnecessary.
I have oddly only watched one, three and four.
And everyone's like, who's the best one?
Who is the reason I haven't seen it?
It's got Kelsey Grammer like casting couch in a Barbie.
Oh, OK.
That's a good thing.
I mean, it's a thing.
Yeah, it depends on what you like.
Yeah.
I am horny for some Kelsey Grammer, so here we go.
We're not here to talk about Toy Story's.
OK, who's your favorite character in this movie?
This movie, The Crudes 2,
which is also not called Crudes 2, it's the new age.
Yeah, I'm probably going to say the grandma.
Grandma goes hard.
Also fucking eight pack.
Oh, yeah, right.
Yeah. Grandma's pretty good.
But what's their fucking plan?
Where's on me real fast?
The thunder thunder.
Wolf's thunder. Yeah.
Thunder. Thunder pussies.
Grandma also probably is a thunder pussy, but yeah.
Also, I like her flying hairpiece.
Mm hmm. Oh, yeah.
Wolf spiders. That was a good one, too.
Spiders were great.
Wolf spiders is my favorite character.
Just all of them. Yeah, they were great.
I mean, for you in that route, punch monkeys.
It was I liked that the punch monkeys have their own language,
which is which is punching and just, you know.
Yeah. So rock is just a slap to the head.
And I think they're getting away.
Get them is just like a slap on the belly.
I was trying to translate punch monkeys.
I was watching this.
I like the better men's.
Oh, yeah. Oh, God.
I just love Peter. Far more relatable.
I mean, I generally don't like Peter Dinklage as a short person,
as a voice actor.
But once he's tall, he's great.
He was very good. Tall.
I love Peter Dinklage in things.
I generally haven't liked his voice work before.
I can't remember other Dinklage voice over work.
Maybe I'm just thinking of the original destiny real flat.
But no, he was good in this.
I think it was a fun character overall.
Real smarmy. And manipulative. Yeah.
Yeah. Why do I like him?
What does this reflect on me?
You get you guys. You do have a similar look as well.
That's true. Yeah. It was a vibe thing.
Yeah. Now you just need flip flops, a little like stone thing
that that insufferable walk.
Yep. They are real cunty, aren't they?
Yeah. They're pretty rough.
Kelly Marie Tran plays their daughter.
The most famous person to ever follow me on Twitter.
That's a pretty good one. Yeah.
I think my most famous is Darryl. So
I don't have a Twitter account.
That's probably for the best. Yeah.
Kelly Marie Tran's character was a pretty cool.
I enjoyed her like when she got the bee sting.
Yeah. She's like, I got a scar.
The big puffed up hand.
Uh huh. That made balloon sounds.
Yeah. The more we're talking about this movie, the more I'm just here.
And it's great.
I wish I had more to dunk on on it.
Yeah. I mean, largely, it just doesn't look very good.
Yeah, it's pretty ugly.
My animation is pretty lackluster.
And you guys all hated when they got food that first.
That was so gross.
Yeah. I don't like watching them eat. That was gross.
They all go bug eyed and just go nuts.
I don't like the way they sleep.
I don't like the sleep pile.
I think that's pretty.
Sean's come to the sleep pile, man.
I mean, I don't really get a choice considering my clan here.
Also, they're a they're fucking lizard dog thing.
Makes me think of Rosie.
Oh, yeah, I think that was probably like a character in the first one more.
I did not think about that thing.
I mean, Clark Duke was probably a character in the first one
because he gets obsessed with a window.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. The point was just carrying around like a little frame
so we can like look at things through it.
Mm hmm. That joke got tired fast.
Yeah, I feel like all we can probably make guesses about what crude one is.
Actually make guesses about what crude one is.
They meet guy and he's strange and different.
They don't like him.
Hmm. They meet guy and they
show dominance over him by having sex with him.
I mean, that could have happened.
And that's how they fold him into their pack.
You're ours now.
You. So there's so many people in this movie.
Yeah, it's got a great.
Dream's work does that thing where there's like we're going to hire
a list actors to do voice work.
That just seems like children's movies.
Which is also funny because it's like kids don't give a shit who plays Mario.
No, it's only there for the adults who have to again, attend it.
Right. I think like Disney will hire just people.
Disney will hire actors.
Dreamworks usually tries to sell the movie based on their stars,
I guess, for premiere purposes. Sure.
I mean, you do have that.
Take it. Chris Hart as Garfield and Mario.
Also fucking what's his name from what we do in the shadows?
Guillermo is the voice of Odie, the dog.
That's weird. Yeah.
I'm assuming Garfield gets high at some point.
Nobody talks to. Well, Alan Tudyk is the voice of the chicken in Moana.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Which is actually hilarious.
But he's actually a good voice actor.
He is a good voice actor.
What was it? K3SO in Rogue One?
He's fucking amazing.
But I would consider more of a character actor as opposed to like a big name.
Sure. He's a recognizable human being.
He's definitely recognizable.
I mean, he's you almost can't recognize his voice in Ralph Rex the Internet.
He's like the candy king.
Oh, that was the first one.
The first record, Ralph. Was it? Yeah.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
But I guess we should talk about the whole Nick Cage of it all.
He goes hard for this role in a way I wasn't expecting.
I thought it'd be really flat and kind of just like him phoning it in.
And he cages out 90% of his lines.
And I love it.
I didn't feel that strongly.
Shocker.
Although the voice of reason over here.
Yeah, I don't think he went that hard on it.
Like, it's like he was doing Nicholas Cage.
That's like it's like Nicholas Cage was doing Nicholas Cage.
It was a little more restrained.
It wasn't like, wow, is a big I felt it didn't.
It felt like it was being done from like five feet away.
I see, because I the outside of G G Force.
The only other thing I think of him for voice acting is Spider-Man Noir.
All those line reads sound like he's under water.
Like those sound so bad as opposed to this room.
Like he sounds energetic.
He sounds like he's like getting into it and moving around and having fun.
Well, yeah, I'll say that.
Yes, he sounds more energetic than Spider-Man Noir.
A noir film based voice performance.
But and he is having fun with it.
I'll give you all that.
I don't think it's his biggest injection of Nicholas Cage
into a performance.
But I did like him as that character.
I mean, I think that's the thing is like, you know, you often think about like,
oh, who would have done a different or a better job?
And like, I don't know.
I mean, but like it's a good performance.
He seems like a weird caveman dad.
Yeah, it's fine.
It doesn't sound phoned in. Right.
No, yeah, it's not phoned in.
I think you and I have like just a different one to 10.
Well, how much not upset about that by being a kids movie?
Like, you know, the excitement doesn't sound as excited to me as it does to Sean.
That's fair. I mean, I do.
I mean, based on the fact that this could have been a phoned in performance
and he didn't phone it. Right.
And I do think that there is something about seeing a cage freak out.
The physicality of it is an important element.
Right. Like actually seeing his body moving around and his eyes getting all bug
eyed and weird angles that he takes and all that kind of shit.
Full sternum bush.
He sent this on without a shirt on and they made a joke about him
taking his pelt off and he's like, I did.
And I'm just like, there we go.
I resemble this. Yeah.
Also, what Nick Cage might look like if he never got those veneers
because Groot does have like he is designed to look cagey.
Yeah, it's always interesting to me when they do that.
Because sometimes they go like really hard into it and it's weird
and unsettling and sometimes they do sort of like an homage,
but then they only do it for him.
Yeah. Nobody else really looks like them.
Catherine Keener's character doesn't look like her.
Peter Dinklage's character doesn't look like Peter Dinklage.
I think also of all of them, Nick Cage does have the most kind of like
caveman features.
Pretty easy to caricature that face.
I'll probably watch this movie again at some point in my life for a laugh.
But never crude's one.
I might go back and watch crude's one now.
At some point, you are probably have to.
Well, yeah, I guess for completion, if we are really going to complete
the entire fucking circuit, we are going to watch everything.
We're just fine.
We're going to go into a monthly, monthly release
every two weeks for the rest of my life.
My kids will go into college when we finish this ship.
Oh, we'll be long dead by then.
Oh, good.
It'll just be me with your AI voices and Hayden.
Hayden's going to stand in for me when I die.
Oh, it's a sports pod now.
He's the one who's going to keep track of the bracket for you.
So I guess what this movie,
they stumble on like this magical wall thing that confuses them
and then they go in and all of a sudden there's like this bountiful
new world and they get all stoked only to discover that it's like the home
stead of Peter Dinklage and wife and their daughter.
Who knew guys and guy and guys parents guy played by Ryan Reynolds,
who's like an orphan that got absorbed into their, you know, packs.
Sleep pile. Yeah.
They're weird. Sleep pile.
And his parents were killed by like rising tar.
Yeah, it looked like the like a tar pit.
Yeah. They didn't seem to be in any rush to get out of there.
They seem to.
They've been around for a while.
They seem to. They didn't really try very.
Yeah, I'm assuming guy was a terrible kid.
No, no, go on.
Fine. Tomorrow.
I bet they I bet they weren't sinking at all.
I bet they hit the bottom of that.
And they're just like, it'll take us two hours to get out of this,
but we can get rid of this kid in the meantime.
Yeah, that's true.
I mean, feeding kids is terrible.
And then, you know, they meet Dinklage and wife and daughter and,
you know, they the Dinklage tries to get rid of them.
But keep guy because guys are high commodity. The Dinklage.
The Dinklage.
You can't call him the Dinky Man, though.
That's not right.
Leslie Mann plays Hope of Betterment.
Yeah, she does a good job.
I like her.
She's a real asshole at first and then finds her spirit as bogwater.
Yeah. As as usual, once you unleash the hair,
ladies start loosening up.
Another great scene that just got me just like, oh, the names,
the character names of all of them.
They can't know.
But when like the hair goes wild.
Oh, yeah.
I had such a great time watching this movie.
And maybe it's again, because my expectations were so low that
anything just was better.
But I came out of this very chuffed.
I'll tell you, I watched most of it.
I watched 60 minutes of this on regular speed and then double time
because I needed to go to bed.
Yeah. So so I got fast.
I think I love you by the Partridge family.
Josie, watch this with you.
Yeah. Thoughts.
I know, Josie, put it in the comments.
I show us, show us with your Patreon support.
It's like, do you go up or cancel?
No. I wager she enjoyed herself well enough.
I did love the description of all the different punch monkeys,
punch monkeys, kick monkeys, blow the belt monkeys.
Mm hmm. And then the last one.
That one is weird eyes.
Oh, yeah. Weird eye monkey was the best.
Definitely the highlight.
Yeah, that might.
That's up there with like, you know, that's above wig.
Assess over characters.
Yeah. Weird eye monkey punch monkey is definitely.
Yeah. Weird eye monkey above wig.
Assess. That's my ranking.
So that monkey wig.
Assess. Moomath.
The rest. Moomaths were great.
I liked the Moomaths.
Oh, land sharks.
Land sharks were good.
Yeah. Land sharks.
I loved all the weird animals.
I love like a weird creature design.
So this really scratched a niche for me.
Lots of things had big red asses.
Yeah. I mean, so ultimately, like the conflict is that there are monkeys
that were giving bananas to a bigger monkey and and then they have to.
Better men's giving bananas to the punch monkeys
who were then giving those bananas to a bigger monkey.
Monkeys all the way down or all the way up, I should say.
Yeah, it's not a very deep. Barrel.
Of monkeys.
I do like that every time Mr.
Betterman tries to like outsmart the monkeys by like creating stick,
creating like a spear or fire.
The monkeys just immediately steal it from him and then turn it against him.
Yeah. When they're having their when the dads are having their big apology moment
for like trying to meddle in their kids lives.
Betterman's like, oh, I screwed up a bit, too.
And Grogg's like, like when you taught them to tie better knots,
like what their knots were so bad.
Also, the dad fight where they're just like hurling insults at each other,
but like taking body blows.
I might watch groups to again.
The more I talk about it, the more I'm just like, I enjoyed this movie a lot.
It's good if you have kids watch it. Yeah.
If you don't have kids, you can pass.
I think that's a safe assessment.
I mean, there's nothing really.
If you like DreamWorks cartoons, you'll like this.
I should say. So I don't know.
I mean, like on the grid, on the matrix.
I mean, I know kind of where you're going to fall.
I'm going to say good, good. It's not great.
It's nothing spectacular, but it's a lot of fun.
And it's a really fun cage.
It's fine. Fine for me. Fine. Fine.
Yeah, I'm kind of in the good good.
I think it hit me in the right time.
You know, I had just been hanging out with family
and I watched it after my child had gone to bed.
And it was like, oh, that's better than I thought.
That's good. Good.
The first movie of the in this whole two year long experiment
that you could have watched with your child and you like go to bed child.
I have to watch cartoons.
It was late. But yes.
You don't get to watch this.
Cruz, too, is for me.
Final words, final thoughts.
Grug.
Punch monkey.
We get this.
Well, I guess thanks for listening, everybody.
There's going to be a couple of these weirdo episodes.
We're going to have a wrap up at some point.
We're going to talk with Gary and Rox again about leaving Las Vegas,
which got lost when my laptop got stolen.
So it'll be a different kind of episode, but still good.
What else is on that episode?
Kiss of death. Oh, OK.
Yeah. We're going to talk about Rugrats on that episode for a bit.
We will. Yeah. As we will every time.
Talk about Nick Cage bench pressing Hope Davis.
Absolutely. Still the highlight of that movie.
Pretty well. And the inhaler.
Yeah. The bad inhaler. Yeah.
We'll get what does bad stand for again?
Big stick.
Owner and destroy.
Balls attitude direction.
Boom. You got it. Yeah.
That's right. Awesome. Yeah.
It'll be a good one.
So these are all going to come out in weird times.
We'll figure it out.
And if you want to find us on social media, it's cage underscore match underscore pod.
And we are on Patreon if you do want to support us.
Thank you for everyone who does to our Sparkle buddies, Josh, Sean,
Josie, Rico, Matt, Adam and Bill.
And to our cage dancers, Ira, John, Freeman, Lance and Nathan.
We really appreciate the sport and
get into a pile with your family.
Or sleep in a separate room with privacy.
I mean, it's up to you. I don't care.
Bye. I think I love you.
I think I love you.
Is that what life is made of?
Oh, it worries me to say that I never felt this way.
Could you pass me a topo Chico?
Say it like a cave man.
Topo Chico.
That's it from now on.
Topo Chico.
They have the big bubbles.
I am to be this just because there's a lot of.
Yeah, we all just did the exact same thing.
That one back.
Which flavor did you get?
That was pineapple.
Yeah, yeah, I got peach sangria spritz.
Yeah, I know. I included that terrible.
Yeah. Well, you left on my house.
I was glad that came out on top.
Fuck. You did this on purpose.
Let it loaded the deck.