Oh, God. Oh, my God.
Oh, man, you don't like have cool, like
scoping out a butt and being like, OK, that butt's like a love seat.
But I'm going to I'm going to sell them on the best love seat.
No, no, there's not a whole lot of like
there's not a whole lot of but looking. It's more or less.
I'm going to show you the most expensive shit.
I'm going to talk about getting you on a mattress
because that's where I make my real money.
OK, that's where I make my tracks with construction.
Like I'll I'll talk about getting people on a mattress.
I like that idea, though.
He's like, sir, with a dump truck like that,
the only recliner for you is this barca right here.
Yeah. Look, brother, I see you swing a big dick.
You're going to need like extra like lumbar support
because I can tell that it's hell on your back every day.
So OK, you guys, if I remember right,
we're excited because you were hoping to talk about snake eyes,
which unfortunately is not happening.
Correct. Yeah. So we we are in and around the Atlantic City area,
like both born and raised, all three of us are born and raised.
Oh, that is perfect.
Our first episode we ever did was snake eyes.
We had to. Yes.
Yeah, that leads into everything I want to talk about today,
because I really just I've always been curious about Atlantic City
as somebody who's been to Vegas plenty of times.
It's not the same. No, it's not.
And it's not even close.
You did describe yourself as AC curious earlier today.
So I'm a C curious.
I just got to know more about this city.
Like is it is it dirty?
You've got a boardwalk, right?
Yeah, yeah, it's not as dirty as it was like five years ago.
It's still pretty dirty, dude.
It's still grimy.
Like there's there's nice sections and then there's section.
Like it's not as bad as people say like
whenever I was like, oh, no, you'll get stabbed.
I'm like, no, you'll get robbed.
You won't get stabbed.
And very rarely do they spend the effort to do the actual stabbing.
They will take.
Listen, we know what we're good at.
It's slinging crack and taking your money at Blackjack tables.
I have a very important question.
What's the buffets itch and how does the how is the shrimp presented?
Oh, good question.
This is relevant for me.
Yeah, I worked briefly as security in a casino in Atlantic City
when I was in college and I was told under no uncertain terms to avoid
buffet and I have always followed that.
So I don't have any practical experience with it.
So I have a lot of practical experience because
in my college years and even up to today in my college, I was much heavier.
Not like fatter like I played a lot of poker.
Oh, that kind of heavy.
And that's and that's how I paid for my last two years of college
was through playing poker.
Dude, sick.
So I I know a lot of buffets.
The showboat, which is not a casino anymore, had a really good one.
The shrimp was not presented in any special way.
The Borgata, the brunch one, the Borgata is like the high end casino there.
We'll put their shrimp already peeled around a martini.
Oh, that was OK.
That was my question.
Like, yeah, that's pretty perfect.
Peter and I have.
A problem.
I have a shrimp problem.
But like the first time first time we were in Vegas together
and we were at a brunch buffet,
we were like, let's get weird of some shrimp and it was all peel and eat.
And we fucking bullshit.
That's too much work.
And then we were just there a month ago
and went to the wind buffet and we got shrimpy.
We're in in in Vegas.
In Vegas.
You see, I've been to Vegas in about two years now at this point.
And when I went, the only buffet that was open was the MGM grant.
Oh, yeah.
Was great because I stayed there for three days.
So I just fucked up the buffet.
That's where we went the first time.
Yeah, they're peeling it.
Peeling each shrimp. Fuck that shit.
That's too much work.
Like seven shrimp out of the time, like laid on a bed of ice.
They saw us coming so fast and they were like, these motherfuckers.
Put out the slow shrimp.
Slow shrimp for these low boys.
But Peter, how many shrimp did you eat in a I did eat
40 shrimp the last time, which was a gross amount of that's too many shrimp.
No, no, no, that's that's respectable.
You ever get the frozen wheel from the grocery store?
Fuck yeah.
I have nobody stopping you from just buying you.
You don't have to be having a party or anything.
You could just buy like 60 cocktail shrimps in a wheel.
The hardest part is just waiting for them to defrost.
That's true. Yeah.
And I don't have that patience.
I'm just going to chow down.
Now you got a safe way right before closing.
They're defrosted.
Yeah. My girlfriend's allergic to shrimp.
And I would go to Safeway and get the like five dollar like mini shrimp cocktail
and just car snack it and make her drive me around.
She's a lovely woman, but.
Her mom's there. I love it.
But shrimp is a old car snack, man.
Yeah. And she had to open the doors and stuff because she didn't want me touching
things with my shrimp fingers afterwards.
And. Oh, Peter, at my company lunch yesterday,
one of the orders was bacon wrapped shrimp.
How many did you eat?
They wouldn't give me the tray.
Were they shrimp?
They're prawns. Cowards.
They were shrimping, which are they were a big shrimp like the shrimp we had in.
I guess you working for a company that has lunch in.
Latida. Yeah.
Now they I asked if they'd give me the tray and they said no.
No, fuckers. Yeah.
That's a horseshit.
Oh, have you seen this whole
Panera charged lemonade bullshit?
Yeah, I just heard about this on.
Yeah. Wait, I'm out of the loop on this.
Is this like a Panera for Loco?
Well, there's no alcohol, but a large.
So worse. OK.
Yeah. I charged like a large charged lemonade has like 400 milligrams of caffeine in it.
People on Reddit were going on about it the other day.
Oh, there's a lawsuit about it.
Oh, there's a lawsuit.
You people have died.
Cowards.
I go to the gym with somebody who uses his free workout.
Like it just rung.
It just like rung in my brain.
I'm like, wait a minute.
I do know what you're talking about because somebody that I lift with literally
uses it as fucking pre-workout, which is insanity.
I am kind of intrigued to like get some and dump
like grain alcohol in it and just sort of relive the four local days.
The four local days.
It's just a combination of it was incredible caffeine and too much alcohol.
Miss those days a little bit.
It would probably kill me.
That's just riot punch.
Oh, God, what was it? A friend, some friends of mine
and I went revenge of the Sith came out.
We decided to stay up all night, get drunk and then go watch it.
But he was exhausted by the time we finally got there at like 10 in the morning.
So he bought two, four locos and just down them both in the theater
within the first like 10 minutes of the movie and then passed the fuck out.
Yeah.
Woke up screaming.
As one does, we're drinking two, four locos, at least back in the good days.
The classic days. Yeah.
Oh, that was that was that was the beginning.
That was that was middle of the end of his drink.
Yeah, that'll put anybody off of it.
Slamming two, four locos back to back.
You wake up screaming. Absolutely.
While watching episode one.
Oh, it was revenge of the Sith.
The only one worth watching.
Yeah, all right. Prequels.
The bar that I worked at when four local got discontinued.
Our liquor rep came by and he was like, hey, I got these four locos
and I can't do anything with them.
Do you guys want them?
Like, and I was like, yeah, the kitchen staff will take all of your four locos.
So he just gives us like multiple flats of four locos out of his van.
And so we throw a party that night just a straight up four locos party.
And it's just like going off in the backyard and like the kitchen manager
does a trust fall off of his own roof.
There's just like people shoving each other.
It's getting loud and too many locos. Yeah. How many?
How many cans are in a flat?
Twenty four. Someone do some math for me.
How many flats were there?
Three, I think.
Seventy two. Seventy two. Yeah.
That's seventy two locos.
That's too many locos.
Wait, no, no, more.
Yeah, I work at college.
I'm not doing more math.
Someone do math for me.
And then we need an Arif magician around here.
It's not not going to be any of us.
No, sorry, I went for political science, so it's even more useful
sort of math fucking degree.
I have a degree in.
Wait, you're not applying that when selling large,
derriered people like Barca loungers.
I mean, only if they want to hear the words of the great Karl Marx.
But I mean, that's really it.
Have you tried?
It might be a new thing.
First, check out their ass and then tell them about.
Tell them about surplus value.
You got to evaluate their ass using like the framing thing.
So if you get through that party with nobody getting charged with a felony,
nobody was arrested at this one.
That's a lame party.
I don't think it even got busted.
So I think the only God, the only party that I remember ever getting busted
was at my buddy Joey's house, and he used to like drive around
and like just roll up to the campus like smoke shacks and be like,
having a party.
Anybody want to come over to my house and just like invite strangers?
Like, usually it'd be like a bunch of freshmen and stuff would be like,
yeah, I need a place to drink, but the cops bust this party
and I'm outside smoking a cigarette and this kid's like, oh, man, I got to.
I got to get out of here.
I can't like be holding this weed and I'm too young to be drinking.
And I'm like, well, toss that bag in the barbecue there.
And that'll be fine.
I'll never look in the barbecue.
Then hop the fence and book it.
And so he does and then I just take his weed and I never saw this kid again anyway.
So like, it's like, oh, yeah, it's played worked out great.
One of the kids that jumped over like landed in the neighbor's
Koi pond and like actually landed on some very expensive fish.
I mean, I got a free 40s out of it.
So I was pretty.
I didn't care. It wasn't my house or anything.
I just partied on the roof all the time.
Poor fish.
And with that, because there is no good segue tonight.
Welcome back to Cage Matt's colon around about wave media, Nicholas Cage.
I'm your host, Sean, here with my cohost Nick.
I'm Nick and our producer Peter.
Hello. And from Nick Cage fight.
We have some special guests.
Why don't you guys introduce yourselves?
I'm Josh and here with my usual cohost.
Hi, I'm Rich.
I am the one who is talking now.
Well done. You guys are fucking consummate professionals.
Well, yeah, yeah, you have to know the voices.
I mean, this is a when you take us off our intro script.
We scramble, dude.
Yeah, I was just like, wait, Josh is talking.
What do I do?
Because it's always Josh is talking.
Ryan answers I answer.
Thanks, Ryan, for fucking it up.
We can just cut some audio of Ryan from your podcast and we'll just put him in.
We got to put a bye bye in is what we'll do.
Does he have a good bye bye?
He he ends every episode with a different bye bye.
Oh, OK.
I would say you want to hear some good shit.
Just go to like part two of every single one of our episodes
as we have two episodes a week.
If you want to hear something good, skip half of our content.
Not even I'm missing for 3% of the content.
Perfect. That's all you need.
Listen to one ad read and then just the end.
Yeah, listen, we need that money.
Yeah. So do you guys want to describe kind of what you do for your show?
Obviously, you go deeper than we do because you're doing two episodes
for one movie and we do one episode for two movies because we're lazy.
Or stupid, I don't know.
A little column a little column.
Yeah, no, we do like we do synopsis and
like our opinions, breakdowns, tidbits, trivia,
try and figure out what went wrong in a lot of these movies.
So like we always start great.
Like we always start with, you know, directors, writers,
some of the notable cast and then basically the plot beats of the film
and then commentary on them.
It does take two episodes for everyone of these movies
because we're a little pedantic about the details.
Seeing as we never do this in any proper order in this podcast,
we take two Nicholas Cage films and put them against each other
till one day we decide what the cages film is.
Yeah, we're into our 32 round of 32.
Round of 32.
And this is wacky.
Yeah, this is the wacky episode.
Sorcerer's Apprentice and Wicker Man.
And do you guys have any sort of strong feelings one way or the other
as to which one you would want to talk about?
My whole thoughts on this was like, so the answer is Wicker Man.
And we can just talk about anything else, right?
Because as far as I know, Sorcerer's Apprentice
does not have Nick Cage dressed in a bear costume punching women.
All right, we're getting right to it.
So Wicker Man, we go.
Re-watching this film.
Well, hang on.
I have a quick question because we're in the wacky category
and I did not see between worlds anywhere on your list.
It's in there.
I was chatting to a person on a dating app recently
and I put my Nick Cage podcast on there
because I have so much going on in my life.
And their first question to me was, did you see the movie
where he's a trucker and fucks the ghost of his dead wife
through a teenager?
I'm like, between worlds.
Yes, I know.
Intimately.
Yeah, that's a deep cut from somebody.
You know, I love when he reads that Nick Cage poetry.
It's so.
My.
Hi.
I want to be like a full book and I want to buy it.
Oh my God, I just want to get it tattooed on my back, full back tattoo.
Of that.
So this this podcast has introduced us to at least two of my
favorite movies of all time that I would have never seen, one of which
being between worlds and the other one.
Josh already knows where I'm going fucking kill chain.
You did love kill chain.
It was so good.
Yeah, that's it.
It didn't make a cut for us.
Just just watch it.
Just OK.
Just watch it.
I mean, for me, like for me, the movie that I think I never would
have watched or heard about without this podcast, but I absolutely love
is Red Rock West.
Absolutely.
We just watch that.
It's very good.
It's so good.
That movie fucking slaps.
I love it.
I had a guy unsolicited ask me if we watched that.
And I was like, fuck yeah.
And he's like, I love that movie.
So good.
I'm so excited to go back to that.
That's going to be sooner than later.
Is it in the next round?
To the next episode.
There you go.
Nice.
Oh, my God.
Everyone get out.
I'm going to watch this movie right now.
Yes.
See you guys.
Good episode.
Thanks.
Going back to Wicker Man and the punching of women.
On our first go around with this movie, we decided the appropriate
rules for when you can punch a woman, which is when they're trying to
burn you in a giant human effigy.
You get one free punch rewatching this film with Peter.
We realized.
The one like the one punch he does do sister beaches.
An asshole.
She's an asshole.
And he is in no danger at this point.
No, he definitely.
Yeah, it breaks our rule.
He broke.
He broke the one rule.
And then he roundhouse kicks Lili Sobieski immediately.
She did jump on his back.
She did attack him.
That's true.
That was self-defense.
Sister Beach didn't do jack shit.
She was just an asshole.
I mean, I'm sorry.
Wicker Man was such a fever dream that it's entertaining every time I watch it.
Was watching a podcast or I'm just throwing it on.
I'm just like, this is bonkers.
Whereas Sorcerer's Apprentice is fine as like a like a kids movie,
pretty formulaic, but every time I see it, which I watched it again today
in preparation for this, I was like, this is the longest music video
for the song, Secrets by one Republic.
Oh, my God, first scene.
When he does the light show is that's that's like the jumping the shark moment.
At least for me.
Or was was that before or after Nick Cage is just housing sandwiches?
Because that's one of the best parts.
It's right after it.
It's right at the pickle waggling scene, which is one of my favorite ones from that.
So I will say because we haven't watched these movies in over a year now.
Right. I absolutely loved going back to the Wicker Man because it's so dumb
and it's so bad.
It is bad and dumb and like so much.
Monkey and the writing is terrible.
It was so much more fun to watch this one with someone like watching this
with Peter because the dream within the dream sequence.
Oh, yeah.
Which I still maintain should have ended with a third dream
where he just gets hit by a semi-trial.
He wakes up.
A third time.
You know that got kicked around the writers room.
You know, absolutely.
In fact, that they were like, is that too much?
Yeah, it's probably too much.
Too many dreams inside of dreams.
This is pre-inception.
So, you know, fucking Nolan being this great director
and he just stole the train, the train thing.
Yeah. This movie.
Come at us, Christopher Nolan.
Don't do it.
I cannot afford that lawsuit.
Same. We love your movies.
Allegedly.
What was in that bag?
I just want to know the shark bag.
What was in the bag?
Is that a shark?
It's a.
I just I do appreciate that this movie does go so far out of its way
to like justify everything dumb about it to like explain it away
within the scope of the film because he's a terrible detective.
So they make sure to like make a joke about him.
Like, what are you going to go for detective?
He has no reasoning skills.
He is just so bad.
Yeah. Yeah.
I struggle with this movie.
I enjoy it and I enjoy just like watching it being dumb.
But at the same time, I just I find it so hard to like anything about it.
Like, I'm going to house this mead.
And now I'm going to start slamming my badge around and just threatening people.
Why? Yeah. Why?
Did you guys end up watching the original Wicker Man?
I had seen the original years ago.
I haven't rewatched it since we watched it for recording our episode of it.
But it was more tightly done.
It wasn't as absurd and over the top.
And I like I wasn't sure what they were going for with the Nick Cage version
because Cage does play it sort of straight, but a little wild
and then completely loses his mind at the end of the film.
He does go full cage.
It's fair to think that you had hit a breaking point at some moment during all of this.
I did say one of my favorite favorite parts of the film, like if you can just
pluck it out of context, because I thought it was the most sincere bit of acting
in the whole thing is when he finally gets a cell like cell signal
like right at the very end and is like, buddy calls him.
That is exactly the phone call you would get from me if I found myself in that situation.
Like, please, please help.
Are you there?
Help me.
It's just pure panic.
I'm in a bare suit.
I don't know.
I don't know how I got here.
I just all the shit they put him through for this like noble night.
Yeah, the noble night thing coming of his own accord.
I mean, all that was true before the everything else him just showing up like.
So this was just them fucking with them.
Yeah, they could have just snatched him and burned them, I'm guessing.
But like, according to the rules of whatever fertility spell, I guess they're
casting and then instead they're like, nah, you know, we only do this every couple
of years.
Let's have a little fun with it.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, roll out.
Beasting man, let him let him see that guy.
Or the woman covered in bees.
Do you think those two are connected?
Beasting man and he was in recovery.
If I was in this situation and I showed up on this island, if they were like, oh,
yeah, this is your child, I'd be like, well, great, I'm a terrible swimmer, but
peace.
I'm fucking just swimming out.
I never would have gotten into this problem.
Yes.
Well, they only they said it was only a couple of miles.
I could it be slow, but I could do it.
I would drown and that'd be fine, too.
Better than what?
Better than child support or burning to death after being hobbled.
Yeah, going with drowning over burning to death.
You do a real complete opposites there.
What work? So it's only on the rewatch that I noticed that like they completely
this is supposed to be for their harvest to like make sure that the honey is
sweeter or whatever.
But what do we want from honey?
I don't even know.
They completely fuck up the rest of their like islands, little economy or because
the guy who brings them all their stuff that isn't honey, they kill for this.
What they do to his face.
Like it looked like he had weird, like, I don't know, wicker threads, like sewing
his mouth shut.
Weird wicker hands.
Yeah, like cut us hands off and give him little like spiky things.
But like that's fucking weird.
Yes.
That's the guy who brings up all their supplies and like.
Yeah, they kind of fuck themselves over on that one.
Well, the whole thing like the whole big reveal of the wicker man at the end is
they only mention the wicker man like once in the movie before that.
So there's no real big good thing about that.
The wicker man like once in the movie before that, so there's no real big
reveal. It just is there.
It's occurring to me for the first time.
How did you not catch a glimpse of that fucker at some point while you're
running around the island?
He's all over the place in that fucking island.
They put a blue tarp over it.
It's just 60 foot tall blue tarped.
Yeah.
They just put some bee wings on it and Nick Cage like instinctively won't look
at it.
He's like, oh, fuck no, the bees.
I don't know.
It's also one of those movies where I'm just like, how good can it be that
its most memorable scene was deleted?
Well, it's from the extended cut, right?
Yeah, the not the bees.
They're in my eyes.
Not the bees.
Yeah, I think we watched the scene.
We did watch it together, but it doesn't add anything except for him just
being absolutely fucking bonkers.
Yeah.
Well, the audio was already included.
Now you just see it instead of it being a black screen.
It's like, well, he never says the bees thing.
It's the hobbling that they did the black screen.
Yeah, which I think there's no footage of him being hobbled that we know of.
Just him being pulled up by his ankles after the hobbling just his insult
to injury at that point.
I mean, I think it's injury to injury at that point.
Well, they don't care at that point.
He's going to die anyway in six minutes.
Just hot meat.
Yeah.
Burn to death by his own daughter.
I still like the thing.
We said this in our first episode, our first go around of this.
And I just like, he's like, no, honey, don't burn daddy.
And it's like, don't daddy.
Obviously she doesn't give a shit about you dude.
Was that a don't wake daddy.
The board game reference.
Okay.
Yeah, I was going to move past it personally, but here we are.
No, it's my one joke.
It is he uses it all the time.
It's just don't burn daddy.
I will say both of these movies include one of my favorite niche types of
scenes, which is an adult character saying an insane thing to a child.
So you have don't burn daddy and you have a Molina going, you are wasting
my time to attend your old Dave.
He gets broken out of the prison.
When, when Molina, I'm just going to throw this in here now.
Critics the Napoleon.
Also, why was that kid, he's like 10, that's fourth grade.
Why is he writing reports on Napoleon?
I agree with that 100%.
But I did love the scene where he's roasting that he's like, your
brother was weak.
He's like, what's a fucking child?
He's like, no, that was probably the best interaction there.
Did you guys find anything new with wicker man watching it recently?
I forgot that James Franco was in it.
And John Ritter, Jason Ritter.
Peter, you'd mentioned like, oh, here's that weird, like take me with
you scene that never goes anywhere.
And oh, yeah, no, she says it at the end.
Right.
She's practicing for when she like is going to, you know, seduce Franco.
She's a little old for boys.
Allegedly.
Is it, is it allegedly at this point?
Come at me, James Franco.
Oh, yeah.
I have every time I rewatch it, one of the weirdest things that I
like that just bothers me because I don't know what they were going
for was the teacher also playing like a farmer who's like, I have
no idea who the fuck you are.
Yeah, the two.
The twin thing.
Sister Rose and sister Thorn.
The twin thing just in general kind of grinds my gears because
twins are so gross.
And they've also got those like shitty old ladies, like,
and they're not and the wicker man.
No, I would have asked for the day off if I was on set and they
were filming that.
I'd be like, gross.
No, there's, yeah.
Well, there's a bunch of like the worst little kid twins commercial
ever.
But no, like, is that what they were going for?
Is it were they going for her being like the next set of twins
because this place is all cyclical or was it just the teacher fucking
with them?
Because that's what I read it as. It was just like, now you're
just being really blatant with this guy.
I think he's starting to get suspicious.
A lot of twin children, like a lot of the girls were twins in the
school and outside of it.
Also, when he goes to like, when he just starts kicking indoors
and asking to see kids.
Oh, yeah.
And there's the like, there's the one child who's like pre hiding
in a closet to like scare him.
Oh yeah, pretending to be dead.
It's like, why were you in that closet?
This is our fun harvest game.
They don't show you the five other houses with like kids like
waiting in the closet and they get no pay off.
Like maybe next time, kiddo, you know, I guess they alluded to
that with the crow in the desk early on.
Like we put it in there to see how long it could take it.
And then just do that to kids.
When I was a kid, like in preschool, the other kids put me in a
closet and just locked me in the closet.
This is a metaphor. No, no, that's my life.
You were a nerd.
Yeah.
Well, jokes on them.
I threw blocks at all their heads.
Jokes.
I have a Nick Cage podcast now.
Yeah.
Come at me.
Other kids.
Fucking kids.
They suck.
So if, uh, if you punch one person on the island, do you all
know what you're doing?
I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like,
do you have the girl on the Osman.
I don't know about it.
Did he ever say it when I just got here?
How was this kid'sthen?
When you have your build in that you have more stuff in there?
Yeah.
If you punch one person on the island, do you also get to punch
their twin?
Or.
Okay.
Does their twin feel it?
the like fucking MMA chops to just lay waste to this island of women with
because they don't give you any of that in the setup.
You just sort of get blown up as far as like MMA credentials in quality
of beating up women. That's a poorly, poorly structured sentence.
His ability to beat up women being unparalleled on the island is.
What?
Oh, please continue.
Can't wait to get canceled over this.
We haven't been.
If we have it's amazing that we haven't said something that's because.
Well, the trick is you just don't have a feminine audience.
And these are never going to be problems.
That's true. Yeah.
Yeah. If you just start a Nick Cage podcast, you'd know women aren't going to listen.
Yeah. This is a real dudes rock podcast.
It's all fucking chess hair and come gutters. Come on.
So you're saying.
He beats up women real good.
I don't know where I was going with it, but I like it.
They're obviously doing something right down in California.
Now, but I do like this like with a lot of some of the cage movies that we've seen
where it's like they threw in they clearly threw in shit just because it was cool.
Not because it made narrative sense.
Like he disguises himself as a bear.
And as soon as he gets to where people are, he removes.
He's like, it's me. I'm the bear.
And it's just like why I even do it then.
Dude, it's nothing gained from it.
I just remembered one of my favorite things that's when he's at
Sister's Summer's Isles place and she's telling it like he's leaving and she
opens the door and she's like, oh, your transport is here.
The like Butler hands him his bicycle.
Like your transport has arrived and he fucking all the time he spends just
pushing that bike around, not actually riding it.
I imagine it was like hell on his butthole because there were like no paved roads.
So just rough dirt roads just pounded away.
I forgot about that awkward scene.
Whether the one where he gets his butthole pounded by a bicycle.
That's in the extended cut.
Yes. Yes.
Also, do you think do you think cage
because specifically because what you were saying, you're like that had to be
uncomfortable, do you think he got to a point?
He's like, nope, find a reason for me to be pushing the bike in this scene.
I'm not riding it anymore.
I won't do it.
Call my agent.
I don't know that Nick Cage has ever said no to anything.
He's a method actor.
He got into it.
He rode that bike to the set.
There you go.
Any final thoughts on this film?
Anyone?
Entertaining, man.
It's a lot of fun.
It's dumb.
It's a lot of fun.
We did it for Halloween.
I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Yeah.
It's one of those weird movies where you have to like really focus on it,
but but like not focus on what's happening.
So you just have to pay attention enough to understand why the movie is still playing.
It's one of those things.
But don't start asking questions.
Oh, it's like it's one of those things where it has the opening where he like
the car gets pulled over and like the car that gets hit by the semi truck.
But that has nothing to do with the movie.
Fuck that little girl, too, though.
Throwing that doll back out at a second time.
You guys reminded me of one thing that we brought it up when we first watched it,
but I want your guys to take on it.
So the like other police officer, the the Lady Cop, yeah, is part of the cult on the
island. Did you catch her in like the crowd?
No, at the end.
Like we had a whole discussion went back and forth.
She's like, isn't that the Lady Cop who kept visiting him when he was all
depressed and shit about the mom and daughter burning to death?
And she's there at the end in the crowd of cultists.
That's kind of fucked up.
That's very bizarre.
It's just makes no sense.
No, it doesn't.
Do you think they're just reusing the actress?
Or like that could be budgetary.
We could only get so many people to agree to be in this movie and or what if it's
a twin? What if it's her twin? Oh, oh, shit.
That's the only way it would make sense, actually, because like I thought it was
like they they're like, oh, let's put the Lady Cop who was like being nice to him
because this whole thing is a setup top to bottom.
It's like, but then you just said like you just send these ladies out to baby
trap a dude to kill him for the harvest, you know, like seven years later or whatever.
So how has she got a full time police job?
And still doing this.
But the twin think that you might have solved the mystery for me.
And now that's not going to bother me anymore.
I was fixed wicker, man.
Yes, you did.
Good job. No more.
Oh, there I apologize for fixing this already perfect movie.
I my notes from the first time we watched this are still incredibly applicable.
I just I said, what was the point of anything?
And then this movie slaps it wins.
Agreed. Agreed.
By the end of this film, Peter, I would just like laughing or asses up like this
movie is awful and I can't stop watching.
So dumb. It's so dumb.
But man, it is fun.
I don't like I also forgot when he's going to get like his daughter from the
pyre, like the fake burning when he's going to get her like he just punches that woman too.
Yeah, our rules really didn't comply most of his actions.
Well, just because we have the rules doesn't mean he's going to obey the rules.
Like it.
Reestablish rules outside of that.
Yeah, he's punching women and maybe it doesn't fit our rules of acceptability.
He's not. He's just I don't think he's a good guy.
But he's good at punching women.
Bad cop.
So on that note, it is a bad cop.
Bad cop, bad kid. Yeah. Oh, good movie.
Good cage.
Where does this fit for you on the Venn diagram of a good movie, good cage, bad movie, bad
cage, good, bad, bad, good.
Bad movie, unbelievable cage.
It is like it is two separate circles.
Unbelievable opens up like just a undefined quality.
Like unbelievable, bad, unbelievable, good.
It's so back because I think we've
watched something like 80 some movies at this point, right?
We used to rank our movies and we just stopped doing it because it's like there's
too many we cannot continue doing this.
So we had two rankings in particular.
One was Nick Cage performance and one was Nick Cage unhinged performance.
Yeah.
Those are separate things.
It does are two.
Well, because all right, for example, I'm going to pull a movie out of the air.
Moonstruck love it.
Moonstruck has an unbelievable unhinged scene, multiple unhinged scenes, actually,
because you also have the scene where he essentially sexually assaults share.
So I mean, that happens to share.
It's an unhinged lines in that scene, too.
Right. Right. But oh, my God, she did.
But when he's not being unhinged, she's still being really good.
Josh, I'm blanking on a movie.
What's a movie where like Nick Cage was not good but had some incredible unhinged
scenes, Zandali Spirit of Engines.
Spirit of Engines is a very good one.
Badman speech, badman speech was worth a whole fucking movie.
I watched the whole movie just for that.
She was horrendous in that movie.
But that scene was amazing.
And don't talk shit on Zandali.
I wasn't love Zandali.
Movie fucks that movie fucks so hard.
He's going to black it all out, black it all out.
He's going to put cocaine in a woman's bottle.
Because that happens.
You're our kind of guys.
I cannot believe.
Red Rival did that.
Did that film find onto that film.
So fucking crazy.
Movie is so fucking good.
But yeah, no, I'm in full agreement with Rich.
It's I'm not going to lie to the listenership and say it's a good movie.
It's not a good movie, but it is entertaining.
And Nick Cage's performance is what makes it that it's worth a watch just for that.
Yeah, you put John Travolta in this movie.
It's not nearly as good.
No, same. Yeah, agreed.
Yeah, this movie exists because and is only we're talking about because of Nick Cage.
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah, I think it's a terrible movie and a wild performance.
Yes, so I'm inclined to agree.
But again, rewatching it,
there's so much intention and they played they paid so much attention to like the
narrative and trying to make sure everything made sense, even though none of it does.
But they tried so hard and I appreciate that.
I love when people try and produce terrible things.
I will say this.
Even if you omit Nick Cage's performance or you don't grade it on his performance,
I would take this movie over City of Angels.
It's going to be like there are movies that are just left behind.
Yeah, mostly the god stuff are just not going to make next.
Yeah, next.
Although next had some shit in it.
Next had great.
A great exploding.
10 out of 10.
Jessica Jessica Beale explosions.
Yeah.
10 just a few explosions.
Perfect seven out of five.
I'm not going to take the next bait because I listened to a couple of your guys's
episodes, but I specifically didn't listen to this one to see if you got into it
because I wanted to ask it myself.
So you mentioned City of Angels and I noticed in some of the episodes that I did listen to.
I was like, oh, these guys are just like me for real, for real.
It's just making, you know, talking about Nick Cage movies and making dick jokes.
So when we watch City of Angels,
we had like we got derailed for like 45 minutes straight, asking the question of
when an angel becomes a trans trans substantiated human being, are they circumcised or not?
And I'd love you guys to weigh in on that.
I mean, I would think uncircumcised, right?
Like I would think circumcised with its biblical, right?
You're going to make it.
But that it's something that has to be like your original true form.
I guess fuck my question.
OK, were there female angels or was it was all just dudes, right?
Dude angels.
There were big crowds of angels.
All of the angels we directly saw were dude angels.
But I'm not saying there weren't.
Do they have dicks when they're angels?
What's an angel need a dick for?
Exactly. The dogma has said no.
Dogma has said no.
So we went when he becomes a human, like clearly there would be a dick.
He has to urinate, right?
I mean, he does have sex at one point.
Yeah. Yeah.
The one time it's in the shower.
That's it.
Yeah, he has the worst sex in the world because it's shower sex and nobody likes shower sex.
And the other angel, the guy who looks like Ron Jeremy,
the other the other angel had children.
So I guess that you do get a dick.
Yeah. So here's here's my thoughts and the guy who's not here for saying
circumcised when he wakes up on the ground, Nick Offerman says he's like bloody.
There you go. Where'd that come from?
Poor skin. He caught it on the way down.
Yeah. And it just tore off.
That's the fall.
Yeah. So they don't have time to organize a bris.
So they rubes.
Bollberg. God works in mysterious ways.
Yeah.
Like a couple of marbles rolled down some scaffolding and pretty soon you've just
got foreskin hanging off of a window.
We fucking solve this shit.
That's how we didn't die from the fall.
The slow descent.
Like a cartoon is foreskin gets caught on something and then just snaps at the last
second, so it only actually falls like two feet.
Yeah, exactly that.
Yeah, I think we solved it. I'm so glad I waited to ask that person.
Because that's exactly what I was going for.
I think we actually just fixed that movie, too.
So we have to go back and rewatch.
No, now I like that movie. Yeah.
So bad.
Yeah, that movie sucks.
They don't even get the musical cues right.
I was so mad at that.
Like they have the fucking goo doll song, the song that this movie was written around.
You like you cannot convince me otherwise.
They're playing the song and then the song fades out and it shows fucking what's
her name, Meg Ryan and the cabin.
And the song is still kind of going on in the background a little bit, like just
very, very faintly that's a knock at the door and the song cuts out.
She opens the door and it's Nick Cage.
And I was like, OK, here comes like the fucking I don't want the world to see me
part like really nice and loud and they fucking miss it.
And that's what angered me the most about that fucking movie.
So for me, it was everything else in the movie.
OK, so for me, it was when he like finally like becomes human.
He suddenly like when he's an angel, he speaks every language.
But when he becomes human, he speaks English when I think he should be speaking
like ancient tongues and like not be able to communicate with anyone.
God works in mysterious ways, man.
God, God works in English.
Every Bible I've seen is in English, so convince me otherwise.
But the Romans have taught me anything.
Yeah, right.
Man is made in God's image and God's image is a white dude.
Yeah, I didn't know if I was actually going to be allowed to finish that sentence,
but white Anglo Saxon English speaking circumcised.
Yeah, obviously blonde hair, blue eyes, baby and fucking cut his shit.
Yeah, man, come cut like Jesus is pretty shit.
It was up on that cross.
Crucifixion is really good for your core,
but it's also a really shitty way to spend Easter.
Sorcerers apprentice.
Yeah, the natural transition into Sorcerers apprentice.
Nick Cage doing magic. Love it.
Hell yeah.
Yeah, both of ours lines are awesome.
I just love him shitting on.
They've bears though.
Or the one that plays the young version of them.
And both of them.
Yeah, they're both worthy of being picked on.
But like everything he fucking says is great.
He's just weird and wild and I don't have specific.
The character is just so extra.
And I love his wild ass old car.
I love all the old man shoe jokes.
Old man shoes really get me his weird arm warmers.
Like on his forearms, like his outfit is so stupid.
It's like a high school girl in the
early 2000s who's into like the emo scene put together his outfit.
Stay stage crew in high school.
That's that was yes.
Oh, fuck, that's exactly it.
I do love how when it's gross because I just saw my face in that and it's like,
oh, man, I would have worn that.
That's sick as shit.
I do love when they go through like the history of his immortal life and
how he's always like kind of dressed to the nines for whatever era he's in.
And then he gets to the mid aughts and it's just like I'm going to cosplay as
Harry Dresden as Harry Dresden.
The point where he's like, I'm going to get a hat that doesn't fit my head and
stand atop a building's.
You mentioned his cool car.
Did you guys know that that was Nick Cage's actual car?
We did. Yeah, we talked about that, I believe when we watch it.
But it's cool though, right?
Yeah, that is cool.
It's a neat fucking vehicle.
I'll give them that.
You know that there is an actual car crash during this that injured two
pedestrians that I did not know during during the chase scene when
out from Lena, he's like in a Ferrari, right?
And there's that's when they're doing all the mere stuff.
Yeah, the mere stuff.
That was a good one.
That was a good car chase.
Well, when they were filming it, something went wrong and it crashed like
into a Starbucks and it injured two pedestrians.
Fuck.
I honestly see nothing wrong with this.
Fuck up a Starbucks and like if I was one of the pedestrians injured,
I would I would dine out on that story all the time and just feel like,
don't worry, I'll get the bill.
I got this with my Sorcerer's Apprentice Settlement money.
Yeah, I had my Ferrari and a Starbucks driven by Alfred Molina.
Alfred Molina kind of steals this movie for me because he does not give a fuck.
He's just chewing that scenery.
Yeah, he owned his role and he he really brought his A game.
I enjoyed him a lot just as much as I liked the Chris Angel want to be.
Toby Toby.
Yeah, the bad monkey from the second plan of the Apes film.
Sure.
He was.
I only watch Nicholas Cage movie.
So you talked to me about this point and I'm not going to know what you're saying.
But I love the scene when he's bullying Dave Dave Dave.
In the bathroom.
I look what's the line?
It's like, oh, it's like, you know, I am like, are you in Depeche Mode?
And your response to that was that's a joke for no one watching this movie.
Yeah.
The core demographic of that movie is not going to know who Depeche Mode is.
Well, I still ask the same questions like, who is this movie for?
Because it's mildly like it's for Jerry Brookheimer.
Yeah, but it's like it's kind of a kids movie.
But there's a weird sex pest element where he's still in love with the same
girl when he was 10 and he kind of looks up her skirt when they were the crotch.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
I forgot about that part.
This movie was at least partially for Nick Cage.
Apparently he was a big part of getting it made because he wanted to play a magical
character, which that tracks 100 percent for me.
He got to use this really bad like New York cop accent.
Oh, man.
That was the cop scene was so funny.
So good.
So funny.
It was good.
I enjoyed that bit.
I do want to point out he does hit a woman in this movie,
but it's Alfred Molina disguised as a woman, which I'm pretty sure is a hate crime.
I broke Nick.
No, I mean, I'm not broken.
I'm just also like trying to figure out like that just reminds me of the of the
it's always sunny scene.
Dude, is that a crime?
I think it is.
But yeah, no, he flings her.
He flings her into a wall because she mistakes his Cantonese for Mandarin.
That's what that's what gives away the game.
Not just a hate crime, but one, including magic, which I think carries additional
charges. I'm not sure I'm not a lawyer.
I fucking hate that one republic song.
Yeah, swear to God, this this movie and G for us were the like two that we've seen
that just had G for boom, boom, boom, a gregious overuse of one song.
Yeah.
But what about the nodes, man?
What about the nodes?
I don't think we watched a movie that broke me yet
because next next broke you G for us broke.
I don't think I had a breaking point movie yet.
I don't know.
Next kind of broke Nick, too, because Nick made up a whole ending to that movie
that didn't exist. Yeah.
My I Mandela affected that entire movie.
And, you know, it turned out better in my head.
And then as we recorded, I was like, well, wait, this movie sucked.
Shit, this movie sucked.
One of the movies I'll guarantee you guys haven't seen yet because I don't
think anybody has seen it, except for us is The Boy in Blue.
Oh, yeah. No, no one's watched that.
Don't it's so boring.
You're not my dad.
I just remember watching it just on this fucking socks.
He's like a rower or something.
Yeah. He's a greasy bum boy.
Oh, he's a what?
It's a line from a movie specifically talking about rower.
It's like it's a biopic about that little slidey seat they have for those.
Yeah. Those rowboats before the slidey seats, they greased their asses
literally so they could slide on a static bench and they called them greasy bum boys.
Did they where they bear ice?
We're just going to isolate that and use that to get your podcast canceled.
That's the whole reason we're having a.
Yes, this is we're eliminating competition right now.
Yeah, it could only be one Nick Cage podcast.
We're doing the same. Don't worry.
We're doing all of this just as a big middle finger to reddit.
No, do they is it bear assed?
I have a lot of questions now about greasy bum.
No, they're just ruining pants and makes it.
At no point does it make any sense.
And it's extra confusing because Cage is more shredded in that film than he's ever
been and they shaved his whole chest and did like several super horny chest
band downs. They always shave his chest when he gets in shape.
When he shaves his chest, you know, you're going to get a good Nicholas Cage.
Like I'm going to sleep funny.
I'm sorry, I'm also losing it a little bit because I was I was here earlier with Nick
and we were trying to fix some shit for the audio that was fucked up.
And he was like, well, I've got nothing to do except make Sean's pictures not level.
And I just realized
that he's unleveled a bunch of Sean's shit on the wall.
I never would have noticed.
Yeah, I don't look at my shit.
I like to make pictures crooked and I like to turn the toilet paper around in the bathroom.
How did you do that? Oh, you're a monster.
Oh, yeah, that would drive me crazy.
I didn't do that one today, but I like to do that at parties.
Like if I go to a party and like everybody's having a good time, I do that.
Just because now everybody's going to like all the women are going to go to the bathroom
and they're going to judge the host of the party unjustly.
I'm going to quote Peter here.
Like, you know, you're a criminal, right?
Yeah, allegedly.
That behavior reminds me when I was when I was in high school,
my big thing is I always carried around a screwdriver with me and I just anything
anywhere I was, I would just take a screw out of it and just chuck it out.
So by the end of high school, like doors are falling off stalls and that.
That's amazing. I love this.
It's just mild, like long, long con chaos.
When I was in my electrical apprenticeship, we had a motor controls lab that had, you
know, all sorts of stuff and whatnot.
A lot of them involved some indicator lights that you would wire up.
And every time I would leave, I would make sure to unscrew the light bulb just
enough that there wouldn't be contact so that the next person who comes in would
just worry about their wiring and never check that the light bulb was screwed in
and then waste all of their class time being like, why isn't it working?
Why isn't it working?
I'd also take the batteries out of the
remotes for the projectors so that the instructors would not be able to turn the
projectors on. That's chaotic.
Diabolical.
I have really bad ADHD
and zero impulse control.
So.
So Sorceress Apprentice.
Like I'm trying to in my own head figure out like how they got to this film
because the only connection to Disney is the Mops scene.
There's a bunch of like Disney product placement shit.
There's like a Buzz Lightyear alarm clock early on.
That I know I just met in terms of like,
I guess I just made a movie about wizards and through Disney stuff in it.
Yeah, that's basically what they did.
They just crammed Disney shit into a wizard movie because Nick Cage was like,
I'll be in a movie for you.
He was based on Yen Sid who in Fantasia, Mickey Mouse is the apprentice.
Yeah. His master is Yen Sid.
Sorceress Apprentice.
Yes, exactly.
That seems so short like from Fantasia.
It was pretty short in this movie, too.
Yeah, but it's famous.
So that's what matters.
If that's what his character is actually based on.
Is this like a Pirates of the Caribbean thing where they originally had a script
for a Dresden movie and they're like, no, we got to make it a Disney thing.
Maybe. Whereas Pirates was originally the script was the Secret of Monkey Island
that they're like, we need to put Johnny Depp in it.
I was not aware of that.
I didn't know that.
I choose to believe that's true.
I heard that somewhere and I choose to believe it's true.
Yeah, just alternative facts here.
That's all.
I can't wait for H bomber guy to do a six hour video on this podcast.
That's all that would be great.
Oh, I would love.
I wish we were in the plagiarism video.
God damn it.
We got to plagiarize more.
I oh my god.
I love that video.
I I saw that was up at like 10 o'clock at night.
I'm like, I saw it's four hours.
I'm going to start this two a.m.
I'm in my bed with my tablet just like to that screen.
What what is even this you talk about things?
Why?
So there's podcasters.
Are they ripping off other podcasts?
Or are they just podcasting about podcasts?
Because I would I feel like we'd really make it if some other podcast
did an episode just reporting on our podcast.
Oh, yeah, no, we would really arrive
unless it's an in memoriam.
Well, the the the most in the know thing, I guess, right now is,
do you know about the Illuminati drama?
I mean, now because I watch that video.
Well, I just happened to know about that because I knew about like sad milk and shit.
Mm hmm.
These are so many like I know Illuminati sad milk.
And that just it just happened like four months ago.
So it's just like, you know, what's going on?
Like that's what the H.
Bomber Guy video was about.
He doesn't know what's going on.
I have no clue.
Tell us about sad milk.
Yeah, I'm curious about this.
OK, I don't know what's going on.
What's up?
I'm up on almond milk and soy milk, but what's sad milk?
How do you milk sadness?
This podcast dry.
It's a very dry milky.
Fucking long story short is masturbation.
That's the joke there.
Yes. Sad milking.
Yep. OK, you got there.
There you go.
Wait, does anybody know when did when did Disney get the rights to Star Wars?
Because there were Star Wars, several Star Wars references.
That was 2000 and 2012, I want to say.
Oh, so they just threw those in there before they even owned it.
Yeah. Yeah.
OK. Yeah.
Then I don't know.
I don't know what they were going for with this other than,
like I said, Nick Cage was like, I'll be in a weird wizard movie.
And they're like, all right, let's just see what we got lying around.
Call up John Turtletub.
Well, yeah, Turtletub, Turtletub.
Yeah, because this was our double Turtletub,
because this was matched up against National Treasure.
National Treasure 2.
Yeah. The first time we had it.
Yeah, we watched the second National Treasure first.
I think we put that one in the weird one because we needed to balance things out.
And I thought it was weird that they made the second National Treasure.
Well, it also is a little weirder than the first one.
The first one tries to be a little more realistic or something.
Yeah. Yeah.
For a movie about stealing the Declaration of Independence,
they really tried to sell it as an honest to God like documentary.
Listen, man, they use the lemons with the gloves.
I mean, what I didn't like about the first one was that
I was told the movie was about stealing the Declaration of Independence
and they do it in the first like 18 minutes of the movie.
And I'm like, so what's the rest of it about?
And I was bored the rest of the time.
The rest of the movie is two hours.
I will say for a broad cover film,
Sources of Apprentice, not that long.
Hour 40. Yeah, no, it was great.
All right. Any actual thoughts on this fucking movie?
It's a lot of fun.
I I really despite the musical, despite the music in this film,
because I mean, all music in that time was awful.
This is my old man soapbox.
This movie knows what it is and everyone in it
cares just enough to ham it up.
And I love it.
If you could change the music to something else kind of
of the period, where would you go?
I would go with some new metal.
Yeah. Say, just give me some straight pig destroyer grind core.
Oh, fuck yeah.
God, he's so out of place.
It just be the song voodoo over and over.
It's like this doesn't fit the pacing, but God damn it.
That's so long.
You could just like you don't even need to like repeat it.
You just have you just started at the beginning of the movie and let it run for 90 minutes.
Yeah, that's the entire the entire background music for the whole film.
It would make me sit up and be like, what the fuck is going on here?
It would have been way funnier because like 2010 is kind of when that like
tumblr pop punk stuff started coming out, it would have been way funnier to have that.
I don't know. With this movie, I thought it was it's for like it's a formulae kids
movie they threw in all of the fun tropes and it's fine.
But my primary complaint is that they overused one song and just started
grading on my nerves, but the rest of it like almost everybody was typecast.
Well, and it worked. It was just somebody just hammered this out.
I was looking at my notes.
They had three different writers with like wildly varying backgrounds.
So that's what they did.
Like the casting directors like here's who we're working with.
And they're like, we got it.
We'll have it done in 45 fucking minutes.
Don't worry about it.
And then just threw it together.
I don't know why this one line just bothers me and boggled my mind so much.
But when he tells his girlfriend that he's a wizard and that magic's real,
her response to that is, and I thought my last boyfriend was interesting.
He wore a scarf.
Like that's not the exact line, but she was just like she talks about like
scarf dude being her last boyfriend and like that was his thing.
We do see some scarf dude in the movie.
I can't remember. Yeah.
He works at the radio station and he's having coffee with her.
Oh, yeah. They're having their nighttime coffees.
It is funny that she's super chill about it.
She's like, she's like, yeah, last boyfriend was a scarf one.
The one before that was really in a model train.
So all right, I can deal with wizard.
I had some background here.
And she saw her her one character thing is she's afraid of heights.
Conquers that to like help redirect the magical
sigil, which uses satellites.
And then he's like, you want to go to France?
Get on this giant metal eagle that I just learned how to control.
Don't worry about heights or falling to your death.
Well, she conquered the fear.
That means it never bothers you ever.
You know what? I've been forced to like deal with a spider or two in my time.
I still don't fucking want them in my house.
Correct. Listen, every every house needs at least two spiders.
I don't care what you say.
That's why I bring one every time I come here.
That's a good call.
It's behind the crooked pictures.
I was going to say somebody who is is tilting all of your pictures.
I take that very seriously.
Every time he's just like, there you go, buddy.
New home should always be considered.
That's how I feel about it.
It's like I should just live at such a
degree that everybody has to question whether I'm here.
Is he telling the truth right now?
Fuck, do I need to look for spiders?
What is this greasy bum boy telling me?
If you if you really want to fuck with people from here on out,
just carry an empty like like those mini cork containers.
Do you get from a Chinese food restaurant?
Just an empty one in your pocket.
Just leave it in their house.
You're like, did he bring spiders in that?
Why is it empty right now?
Oh, man.
I think this is a pretty good movie.
It's a it's pretty tight.
The script is pretty like there aren't like holes in it.
It moves well.
It's paced pretty good.
Yeah.
When when we watched it, we described it as this is a movie that you could put on
with your kids and you will probably also not hate. Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, it's not G force.
Thank God. My head just told me that this movie is kind of like a Dave Navarro
album where it's just like super plastic and easy to like digest.
But it's not going to change you in any way.
As what a five people who at one point owned Dave Navarro's solo album.
I feel called out by that statement.
Hey, I owned it too, man.
Oh, you did.
Wait, you were one of you were one of the 14 people to buy that.
Yeah.
I was two to a 14 right here.
14.
What are the fucking odds?
Yeah. And we were in different states.
Yeah.
Yeah. No, it was it was it was fine.
It was benign.
It was we run into a lot of that with kids movies.
It's kind of hard to shit all over a kid's movie.
You know what I mean?
Not G force exists.
That's true.
I don't fucking find.
I fucking love shitting on kids.
Every every once in a while, like you hit something like G force, you're like, oh,
my God, I can't believe Sam Rockwell agreed to this.
Also rockheimer.
How much do they pay people to be in those things?
Because like G force had so many names in it and it was just awful.
And the kids don't get anything out of it.
It's just service for the adults who have to watch it.
But then they don't even do anything cool with them.
I don't know.
It's got to be a big paycheck, very low lift for like the actors and actresses.
And I guess the pitch that kind of CGI budget to a studio, you got to be like,
we got Penelope Cruz signed onto it.
And they're like, all right, well, we got to be we also have Tracy Morgan.
Tracy Morgan, that's the the balancing act you have to get.
Right.
You have Nick Cage being the only one who's actually doing a voice to.
That was also super weird.
Nick Cage is the only one who came to work on.
So fucking bizarre.
But Tracy Morgan reminded me of like
ever watched 30 Rock when he was being Garfield.
And he was like, hey, I'm Garfield.
I hate Mondays, Lasagna. OK, give me my paycheck.
Wait, you mean Chris Pratt as Garfield?
Listen, Chris Pratt is currently just locked in a room and they are just
forcing him to ruin our childhood.
I don't think they're forcing him to do anything.
To be fair, putting out a Garfield movie doesn't ruin my childhood.
It just reinforces it reinforces how terrible Garfield is.
It's just like, oh, fuck, that's still around.
Fuck you, Jim Davis.
Come at me, Jim Davis.
It's like might as well make a Kathy movie.
Yeah.
Any any final thoughts for Sorcerer's Apprentice on any of you guys?
I like it.
Yeah, I like it.
It's a good performance.
I give it the good good.
Yeah.
It's middle of the road, you know, but it's it's it's fine.
Technically proficient, except the CGI is kind of bad.
But what do you expect?
I think the CGI is pretty good for like the time frame.
I don't think it's like that's true.
That's true.
Well, we also did a lot of practical effects, too.
I love the wizard fighting in this.
Yeah, that's good wizard fighting.
I love the just casual way.
Molina throws the vase out the window before Nicholas Cage gets out.
It's like, yeah, that's the perfect way to fight somebody who hasn't come out yet.
It's like, am I throwing out a window?
Yeah, I'm the first one out.
Right. It's like, yeah, OK, throw the vase out the window.
Yeah, I'm not going to lie.
You guys mentioned D&D.
So I'm assuming we're all the roughly same flavor of nerds.
We all have single digit body counts.
So yeah, I thought it was very D&D-ish with like the fighting and the ideas and
stuff like that and throwing the vase out the window is a perfect example of that.
Yeah, it's just player solutions.
Right. Yeah.
It's like, I'm a fuck this DM's day up right now.
I throw the vase out the window.
Can I just chuck it? Can I chuck it? I chuck it.
Balthazar, when chucked out of a window,
did it correctly where he grabbed the phone flagpole rather than using his foreskin?
That's true.
There you go.
So so Balthazar confirmed uncircumstied.
All right. Now we know the important questions
have been answered. Yeah.
God, thank you guys.
With his hedonistic foreskin.
I'm glad my boss listens to this podcast.
Same. Hi, boss.
I have a quick question, though.
When it comes to what movie moves on, is it is it the quality of movie
or quality of cage?
Because these two are very different.
It's yeah, it's usually.
It can be an argument.
It's never very well defined.
It's OK.
I love it.
I thrive in chaos.
This is a comedy podcast.
Yeah, that's core. Yeah.
Oh, so there's no rules.
We're just throwing rules out the window here.
OK. Oh, there's rules all the time.
But we don't follow the rules suck.
And as much like Nick Cage doesn't follow the rules for punching women.
We don't follow the rules for what we vote on.
Yeah, it's a loose guideline.
But with that, what would you guys put forward?
And know that your votes do not count.
That's fine. That's everything I've ever voted for.
America.
Isn't that just American democracy?
That's I'm used to this.
At its finest.
Yeah, no, it's it's it's Wicker Man for me.
But like my approach to it is going off of your guys.
I think I'm just like winnowing down to the movie I'm stuck with.
That's what I got from here on out.
And if it's between these two, it would be Wicker Man for me.
I'm going to agree with Wicker Man.
I choose to believe that the rules is what is the superior cage
and Wicker Man is the superior cage.
Sometimes you have an overwhelming cage and that will dominate
which movie goes forward case in point.
This was a daddy dom cage.
Daddy.
I don't know why like I say it that way, because that's not that's not how it works.
I don't know, but it works.
Well, it works now.
As someone with a dad.
Yeah, that's how you say daddy.
Oh, brag.
Listen, just just Nick Cage with four floggers.
Just being a daddy.
All right. So, Nick, what is what is your thoughts on this?
Yeah, usually I go with the feeling of what I want to see more.
What I what I can stomach to keep watching and
what I would want other people to watch.
So with those guidelines, it's definitely Wicker Man for me because.
Smart even being like maybe an inferior movie by the critic metrics.
It's important to watch in the greater cage pantheon like primal.
I was about to agree with you.
Now I have to now I have to say sources.
No, I was going to say like I watched sources of friends with you.
I watched Wicker Man with Peter and the entire time I was watching sources of friends.
Like this is this is a ride.
I'm here for all of this and Wicker Man as unhinged and as amazing as it is.
I'm just constantly is.
Oh, God, why needling it.
I love it.
But in terms of like movie, I and I will probably continue to enjoy more.
Like I'm going to watch Wicker Man when I want to watch a train wreck.
But in terms of a movie, I want probably will watch again and have fun with its
sources of friends for me.
Which means this comes to the rare Peter vote.
Ah, I finally have power again.
This is the second time this has ever happened.
Yeah, I don't know.
I was the first one.
Oh, primal. Thank fuck.
I saved the day on that one.
Don't make the same mistake twice.
I man, I thought about this fight was Bertie and Wicker Man.
Oh, that's true.
Well, no, our first fight was Army of One and adaptation, which was episode two.
Right.
Oh, that is that is not a great choice.
Well, we're going to move on from this.
Yeah, that we could talk about that for a long time.
It was a tough choice.
It was a tough choice, but we made the correct, correct decision.
Also, Army of One slaps.
That movie is so fucking good and you keep watching it.
It gets better.
I rewatch it for this round.
I'm like, now we made the right choice here.
Yeah, I hate admitting that I like that movie as much as I do, but it is really good.
It always gets a reaction, just like Wicker Man is always going to get a reaction
when you watch it, but you're going to stop reacting strongly to a movie
that is just so cookie cutter as the source of surprise.
Yeah. Unfortunately, I have to agree.
And my vote will be Wicker Man because it is just so stupid.
I love it.
I'm trying to.
The entire time I'm like, I still like it and I'm having fun and laughing.
And it's shot well and it's got like cool scenery and it's interesting,
but it's so fucking dumb.
It's so cagey.
It just has to go.
Yeah, I'm fine with that.
I it was a hard show.
It was a hard choice and I'm not fine with that.
Sweet.
Well, we can spend a little bit of time because we got to talk about this week
in cage, which is the big announcement from cage.
I'm sure you guys saw closing his career in cinema.
I'm about to say in cinema that our podcast will never die
because it will become episodic.
We will get to talk about one 27 minute long TV show for two hours.
Perfect. Every week.
You guys have it figured out.
I hope he lands permanent casting as like a new detective on Law and Order SVU.
That would be my dream.
I'm getting out of movies moving in the TV.
He would prefer prestige television, which makes me want to go
true detective and watch him really get like freaky, weird with like some,
I don't know, like, well, he's real big into New Orleans.
So maybe like a voodoo season.
Did they do that?
I don't remember.
It'll be like a voodoo, like an HBO level voodoo bones.
I fucking hate bones, though.
So don't do that.
Maybe you find her.
I don't know that one.
It was a bone spinoff.
And it was worse than bones.
Throw some more like Lovecraftian shit.
Yeah, that'd be cool.
That'd be such a gamble casting cage and fucking true detective.
I'd watch the shit out of it.
Don't get wrong, but it'd be a gamble.
You know what?
It's gone in it, but I mean, that was the terrible season.
Bruce Campbell's never worked with the Nick Cage.
Put them both in a show together.
Fuck, that'd be so good.
Like a new jack of all trades and Nick Cage is like his apprentice.
And Bruce Campbell has to teach Nick Cage how to, I don't know,
swashbuckle and Patrick Warburton is the bad guy.
100 percent love Patrick Warburton.
So are we taking the retirement like threat seriously?
Or is this like a Michael Jordan thing?
Or he's going to be out of money.
I mean, he's going to run out of money immediately.
Yeah, back to T-Rex skulls back.
Yeah. Anyway, where can we find you guys on the internet?
What do you got going on?
Here's your time to pitch something.
Yeah, no, you can find us on formerly Twitter acts at cage fight underscore.
Rod you can say Twitter.
It's fine. Yeah, I know.
It's terrible.
We get dead name acts. It's fine. You're allowed.
I mean, dead name is Kate.
You can dead name his company.
That's yeah, turnabout is fair play in that case.
But we're on there.
If you're an uncle, you can find us on Facebook.
We're not going to give you a link there.
You'll find us if you're that kind of person.
And rich that we are Nick Cage on that constantly.
Only messages we get on our Facebook is is Nick Cage.
I love your work and scams.
That's it. We also have a patron, patreon.com slash Nick Cage fight.
We have a one dollar level, which gets you all of our episodes
with the ads cut out. We surgically remove them.
And we also have a ten dollar level that will get you like all the basically
uncut episodes like the day we record it because we run about two weeks behind.
Uncut episodes, so not City of Angels.
Uncertainty.
So yes.
Wait, I can I can provide unedited episodes and make more money on them.
Are you telling me I could do less work for more money?
No, Peter, get get back in your box.
And it, bitch.
But yeah, that's that's where you can find us.
So I love your guys's podcast.
I watched the or listen to the pay the ghost episode early on.
It was crash. Oh my God. It's such a good, good episode about it.
It made me really excited.
Well, thank you guys very much. This is a lot of fun. Yeah.
Yeah. No, thank you for having us on.
Yeah, this was this was a lot of fun.
We'll have to get you guys on for I don't know.
Maybe, you know, maybe, maybe a Holy Trinity episode.
We can go four parts on it.
We did three parts on face off.
So it would actually be great to get you guys for one of the Holy Trinity episodes,
because we like went into this with our like the cage-iest cage films
already firmly implanted in our minds.
So with you guys having to make these like life and death decisions
about which movie moves on, we'll have to have you on for one of those.
Nick and I have had words about Conair, so that could be fun.
Oh, that was another argument, but it wasn't about whether it should go on.
No, it was just about the relevance of Steve Buscemi.
That's true. We got really contentious about Buscemi.
It was going to be a fight.
But we almost canceled the podcast.
We almost just kicked Sean off.
It would have been it would have gone on.
I could be Sean.
All right, definitely going to have to pencil you guys in for Conair.
I want to see this.
The whole.
Thank you so much for having us on here.
Well, whenever I finally make it out to AC, I'm definitely going to try
to get you guys up because I need to know what's going on.
I need to see it.
Oh, we'll take you places.
Oh, yeah. Oh, you know what we didn't do?
It was we were like, hey, here's all of our stuff.
Our podcast is called Nick Cage fight.
Right. That little fact.
Fantastic. Speaking of that, we are on all the things as cage underscore,
match underscore pod or cage match pod.
You can find us on any of those.
We are on Patreon if you want to support us.
And thank you to our. Sparkle buddies.
That's the thing that my brain could not remember.
Fuck me. Josh, Sean, Josie, Rico, Matt and Adam and cage dancers,
Ira, John, Freeman and Lance.
And yeah, quick update.
I am still planning on, but not not there yet on our porn hub account.
Oh, good. Thank you.
Yeah, I'm glad you're still.
We will have our episodes up on porn hub.
I'm glad you're still by the end of the year.
Stoking that fire.
I'm going to do it by the end of the year.
You can listen to us while watching knobs.
I mean, they could do that now.
Hear knobs. Watch knobs.
Just walking. It is three dudes locked in the cage.
Just a bunch of greasy bum boys.
Bye bye.
Oh boy.
Oh, wait, I'm allowed to curse on this, right?
Because I curse a lot.
Fuck yeah, dude.
It was funny because I always like to listen to a couple episodes
of whoever we're having on as a guest.
If they've got episodes to listen to.
And this morning I was listening to your mom and dad episode
because I thought that we had not advanced that one.
And I wanted something that wasn't going to bias me.
But anyway, I'm going to do it.
I'm going to do it.
But anyway, yeah, I was listening to you.
You guys just swear and talk shit on Dr.
Oz and I was like, this will be fine.
Perfect.
Yeah.
Fuck away.
Fuck away boys.
What is the like sketchiest thing you've ever seen in
Atlantic City?
I have a fun one and I've kind of a not tragic one.
Nobody was permanently injured,
but the funny one was one night at like four in the morning.
I was standing outside of a casino on the boardwalk smoking a
cigarette and we have these like, like rickshaw's like they're
like little pushcards that you get it.
You pay somebody and they'll push you down the boardwalk to
another seriously.
We have those.
We have pedicabs, which are not pedophile cabs.
They're like bicycle cabs and they'll drag you around, but we
don't have.
I want somebody to push me.
So, so one of the, one of the rickshaw guys is standing
out there and I'm just having a conversation with them and he
offers me homemade beef jerky.
I was four in the morning.
So I've had some drinks and I said, hell yeah, absolutely.
I will absolutely try a strangers unidentified dried meats and it
was the best piece of beef jerky I've had to date.
Excellent.
Whoa, cool.
And then the slightly tragic one was I was out for like just an
Atlantic City night with friends that I worked.
I worked at a restaurant at the time.
And so we went out and one of our friends got blackout drunk, joined
a poker tournament.
Like we lost him.
He called us like hours later.
We had gone to a nearby bar and he's like, I won $1,500 and we're
like, awesome.
We're at this bar.
Just come on through.
He shows up 45 minutes later scuffed up and we were like, what
happened to you?
He's like, I took the wrong way here and got beat up and my $1,500
and cash stolen from me.
I was like, I'll buy you a drink.
I don't know what to say to that.
Didn't get stabbed.
Nope.
That's good.
That's fair.
That's Atlantic City, baby.
I don't know, Peter, you can cut this one up for you're actually
going to use this, but I'm pitching a YouTube cooking channel called
Cooking with Diesel.
It's all about food inspired by Vin Diesel movies.
That's fantastic.
I'm stealing that.
So sorry.
It's just going to, it's just me drinking Corona saying family.
Yeah.
I'm going to be there for your entire 101 episode run.
For good family.
Oh, you can't curse.
Just family.
That's right.
Yeah.
Family.
If that does get off the ground, please link me when you get to the
Chronicles of Riddick episodes.
We're going to make some good, weird food from that one.
Cause my thing was the pitch black ones, like one of those things where
it's like, you know, eating in the dark.
Yeah, right.
It'll be one of those sensory experiences.
Oh my goodness.
And it's all just crickets.
Mix not allowed on set.
Come on.
No, let me feed you.
I'll feed you like a baby.
It's going to be toes every time.
It's just always toes.