Oh, God. Oh, my God.
Now you're ready to win an arm wrestling contest.
Of course. Just go over the top.
Maybe perfect.
Do you guys have any strong feelings on which movie we should discuss first?
It could it could have happened to you, is that what it is?
It could happen right now. It could happen to you.
Well, it can't happen right now.
Something else has to happen first. That's true. Well,
welcome back.
Welcome back to Cage Match, around about meeting Nicholas Cage.
You do have to do that again.
But that was the perfect segue.
It wasn't. It was just the introduction.
Welcome back to Cage Match, around about meeting Nicholas Cage.
I'm your host, Sean, here with my co-host Nick.
I'm Nick and our producer Peter. Hello.
And this week we have a special guest.
I'm Brandon White. Good to see you guys.
Welcome. So this podcast,
we are taking 64 of Nick Cage's best movies.
Heavy air quotes.
They heard the inflection
and whittling it down to whatever we think his best film is,
as decided by Nick and myself.
No one else, including our guests.
Hard parameters right there.
There's no rubric. There's no nothing.
It's just what we like.
It's changed basically every episode.
It varies wildly.
I know the performances of Nick Cage.
Yeah. And the first episode that we really kind of bent the rules
was the first time Army of One came around.
So the second episode.
I don't think that was really even bending the rules.
I think it was just
adapting them to fit what we wanted.
We were exploring what you wanted. Exploring the space.
Yeah, it was an intelligent exploration of rules.
It beat adaptation adaptation, which was wrong, which is no.
Adaptation is a great movie, but it just wasn't, you know, a contender.
Couldn't go the distance.
No. It's like get into that.
Kissing your hand to that.
It's like kissing your what?
There was a palpable tension in the room that you all couldn't feel.
Just wait till we get back to the not primal episode.
No, yeah, no, no. Primal will come back.
We're going to do a loser's bracket, bring Primal back now.
Primal against Primal.
And now it wins every time.
Every time it advances.
We should do adaptation versus Primal.
Oh, man. It'd be sad when adaptation still lost.
So Brandon, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself
real quick since we got you in the chair?
No, Nick, for a long time, we went to school together.
He moved up here.
I'm a standup comic in the Seattle area.
I'm kick ass.
That's really about it.
Maybe watch two of the strangest movies I've seen in a long time
with these two movies.
So that's been an interesting experience.
Very cheap, very cheap movies to rent to, by the way.
I just want you to know out of the gamut of movies
that I could have rented off of any platform, these ones were very cheap.
So I appreciate that.
I wouldn't know that I personally.
You personally own these movies.
I do.
These are proudly displayed on my wall.
All right. We have we are different people.
That's for sure.
Nick knows how to do a go with a bit.
No, I'm just committed to a lifestyle.
A cage lifestyle, a Nicholas Cage lifestyle.
Yeah, it's the I've got a girlfriend and please don't ever let her leave me
because this is all I've got lifestyle.
Fair enough. Fair enough.
Is her and Nicholas Cage.
Some people clamor for that.
And you're lucky you've got it.
So, Brandon, do you have a relationship to make cage movies at all?
Or is this just because of Nick?
This is just because of Nick. Good.
Has your opinion on the man changed at all?
Not not so much.
There's an episode of Community.
I don't know if you guys know this, the where they discuss Nicholas Cage,
good or bad, and I kind of agree with the conclusion of that,
that he's a good, bad, bad, good.
And I think these are two examples of both of that.
Good, bad and a bad good.
I don't think you're wrong there.
You're not the first people to do a podcast about Nicholas Cage, I'm sure.
We're not. We're actually not even the first cage match.
Fair enough.
But we've produced more work than them at this point.
That's true. We're better than they are.
Come at us, Kate. Of course.
I feel like you're come on our show.
Justify your existence.
Cage for us.
Didn't you get it?
I don't think we need to start encouraging people to start coming on our things.
I'm glad Vegas hasn't changed you, Nick.
No, it's emboldened you.
You're sticky or somehow.
I don't know.
So come, come.
I got the juice.
I do want to tell one quick anecdote about our Vegas trip.
On the last night, we got most of everyone together
to try and watch one of these movies in a hotel room,
and we couldn't get it to cast to the TV.
So I just suggested Nick and I like cuddle in the bed and watch on a tablet.
And no one else was having that.
Which did you watch while you were cuddling?
We started Army of One and then we got about as far as the like production
splash screen.
John was like, no, you're not doing this.
And we watched Renfield instead, which I want to win this week.
Good choice. Good movie.
I liked it. All right. Renfield goes forward.
Next episode.
Thanks for being here.
Of course, my pleasure.
This has been quick. I'll get out of here.
I'll beat the traffic.
We value your time.
All right. 1994 is it could happen to you.
Heavily 1994.
I'll tell you that.
Nicolas Cage is a New York City police officer
who is married to Rosie Perez for some damn reason.
And he essentially runs into another woman who is
Bridget Fonda, who is super hot in this movie.
Didn't think I was going to think she was that hot, but she.
Oh, no, she had it.
And she's working at a cafe or something.
And he can't pay her.
So he says, if I win the lottery, I'll come back tomorrow.
We can split this ticket.
And if I win, I'll give you a tip if not.
And then she hilarity ensues from there, I suppose.
Hilarity is a strong word.
A good tie in. This is the week of true stories.
Both of these movies are based on true stories,
based off of true stories.
So we've got that inspired by true stories, I think is a well.
Right. Faulkner's is all true.
Yeah, 100 percent.
I only say that because so I thought about this while Peter was watching
the movie on the airplane at one and a half speed, which
that must have been rough to listen to Rosie Perez.
Rosie Perez at one and a half speed was not pleasant.
No, that's a lot.
I still feel like she's naturally at one and a half speed.
I told you it was my dead father and he had fours in his eyes.
Why would it be a four?
Shut the fuck up.
I still can't stand those little baby teeth.
She's teeth are like little bits of corn.
Yeah, corn stuck in her gums.
Your teeth. I don't like it.
So this movie is based on a true story.
And Isaac Hayes tells us that this is basically a real story.
The cop and his wife in real life still like never got divorced.
None of that. So just how rough would it be to like
you sell the rights to this story?
They make the movie and they just turn you into a terrible shrew.
They turn you into Rosie Perez.
Well, they did it.
So apparently the 64, whatever million dollars they won in 96
did not go as far as they thought it was going to.
Yeah, it got them.
Got them a couple more weeks down the road.
And, you know, I would sell my story at any time to have Nicholas Cage play it
kind of like Gary Faulkner.
What about Rosie Perez play it?
I mean, it's a take.
Rosie Perez in.
Well, yeah, in my story, it would be great.
Uh, no, there'd probably be some kind of like appropriations call like,
oh, she's taking our culture and stuff.
The Internet's wild, man.
I know I live there.
I've been there once or twice.
Yeah, I know. Scary place.
It's where they keep the porn, right?
I used to just go down by the train tracks.
Yeah.
Every once in a while, I still find like skin rag out in the wild.
We found a page.
Like the term skin rag. Yeah.
Yeah. We're talking about the 90s.
That's a face off reference, right?
Yes. OK.
Now, we found a page blowing down the street up in Capitol Hill
the other day when we were at work and put it on my co-workers windshield.
It was pretty good.
It had like thought bubbles and stuff imprinted on the the pages.
So you could tell what the lady was thinking.
It was mostly about butt stuff.
That's pretty progressive.
I don't think if you read the thought bubble, you'd find it progressive.
It's incredibly sexy and gross.
OK, so this movie, I mean, sucks, but you can cut that out.
The plot is terrible.
I mean, just there's there's nothing that that causes one thing to happen.
Can't go from one spot to another.
They just like this is the part of the plot we need to get to.
Now we're at this part of the plot.
Now there's no explanation. Right.
And like now we're playing baseball with kids.
Yeah. Nothing really drives the story except for just like,
oh, let's show how good they are and how shitty Rosie Perez. Right.
The one the fact that he can just find her places to where he's just like,
oh, I got kicked out and I'm going to go to the plaza
and she happens to be at the plaza and then he gets kicked out again.
And he's like, I'm just walking in this spot in New York.
And she happens to be there in the largest city in the entire world.
Made no sense. It's super convenient. Yeah.
I will say that I was in New York recently and I ran into my across the street
neighbors just arbitrarily walking around in the city.
Was it like a super touristy place, though? No.
Oh, fair enough. Yeah, it was pretty weird.
Got me on that one.
But I think my daughter has to shit.
Geez. That's why I don't want kids.
Oh, yeah, I like that. This was unapologetically 90s.
They have a scene that's like roller skating.
Rollerblading. Yeah. Yeah. Very true.
Let's talk about the kid's hair in this because it's kind of there.
God, I'm trying to remember this.
This is still kind of like pushy, backy, thinning, right?
Yeah. OK. It's very wispy.
This is back when he just looked like a kind of normal, handsome dude.
Yeah. He still had like the weird teeth.
Yeah. He hadn't jumped into like veneers and plugs and stuff.
He just looks like a normal guy.
Pretty work. No work done on him. Yeah.
Yeah. I do have to say I like Nicolas Cage fully worked out.
That's the only time you're going to see like really weird Nicolas Cage to.
Right. Like a final product.
Yeah. Leather jackets and giant bejeweled glasses and karate chops
and like probably a studded belt.
Those are my Nicolas Cage's.
Did she shit false alarm?
No, no, shouldn't.
Oh, no, she's just wandering around in her room.
What a jerk.
You got to put like some cowtrops down whenever before she's got a shit.
Usually. Or kind of.
OK, fair enough.
Just like just walking it out, that's trying to find a spot.
And this is a good spot.
This is like day nine of not pooping.
So we're back into that again.
OK, I mean, yeah, I know it's imminent.
You know, I read an article this weekend about Disney employees
having a special like code, like radio code for when some human guest
has shit in the queue at one of the one of the rides.
They call it a human code H because a code H was just when the horse craps
on the parade.
But apparently it's a far more common thing.
And my brother confirmed it that humans will just drop trow and take a shit
in the middle of the queue of like the new like Star Wars.
Intentionally, we're not talking somebody shit their pants on accident.
No, no, like they didn't want to go find a bathroom.
They didn't want to ask somebody to just like get out of line, hold their spot.
There's usually a mid queue bathroom that's accessible.
But yeah, people will just like take a crap and then like just walk off.
Well, if you're just going to leave anyways, why did you just sit here
and wait? Not see that?
Oh, no, people will see it.
And that's why they leave because now they're the people with the kid
who shat in the queue.
Why not just leave then?
That was the point, right?
Yeah. So that's logic.
All of us got little taken aback by that.
That was actually really good logic.
Why would you just leave if I shat?
I mean, it makes sense to us.
But if I was in line for three hours and I shat in the middle of the line
in line for three hours, any amount of time, people stand in those long
fucking lines of Disney.
Like if I was in line for more than an hour and I had a shit and I should.
The only option was to shit right there.
I'd say in that line, I pooped in the parking lot, walking into Arrowhead Stadium
to go to a chief's game one time.
I would poop in the parking lot of Arrowhead Stadium, too.
I appreciate that. Yeah.
I was going to poop my pants.
It was different reasons.
I feel I've pooped in like my parents backyard.
But we grew up in the woods and I locked myself out of the house.
So the nearest set of keys was like 20 minutes away.
If my grandma stepped on it, wiping with like big broadleaf
maple leaves and stuff, it's just whatever I can reach. Yeah.
It's a cautionary tale.
Remember your keys, children.
Don't marry Rosie Perez.
That is the biggest life lesson for this fucking movie.
If I learned anything, who is Rosie Perez married to?
How does he feel about baby corn?
He must love it. I'm assuming pretty good.
Like little bits of cream corn just stuck in her mouth
and he's just in there kissing and licking his little chick.
Let's say a lot.
I don't know. I can't get over her mouth.
I'm sure she's a very nice lady.
Yeah. So this movie doesn't really move along all that well.
It's kind of it kind of just bounces in and out.
Yeah, it's a lot of just here's the scene.
Here's the scene.
Stanley Tucci shows up. That's oh, yes.
Stanley Tucci shows up for no reason in this.
So high. I love him in this.
I so hairy and weird.
OK, what's your favorite Stanley Tucci part of this movie?
That's something we can talk about.
OK, yeah.
The scene where he's just in the room.
Yeah. Eating the macadamia.
So good for sure.
I love when he just takes the nuts from her and locks her out the door. Yeah.
I also like because I notice weird shit like this when he's in the towel,
like he squats at one point and he's wearing underwear.
I saw that too. I think I was checking.
I wanted to see some to chong.
Why? Why in the world would you?
It's just continuity that just doesn't make sense.
It broke the fourth wall for you.
How do you get in there?
Like she unlocks the door to get in there.
There's no damage.
I'm assuming it's I mean, I'm assuming it was their apartment.
Maybe. Yeah.
So he's they were access to a very true.
I did like how in his first scene when he calls her up
and he's like at the payphone, he's coming like
those wisps of that Homer Simpson haircut.
He has all 17 of his hair of a head of hair that he still has.
I love this reaction when he when she's all like,
you just want the money.
And he's like, what?
No. What money? No.
You want something else?
Well, that's just like when I saw him because I didn't see the whole cast list first.
I thought he was like a young Jim Rash.
Oh, it was like, what is he?
Oh, no, that's not Jim Rash.
Stanley Tucci never saw that connection until now.
We do get a couple of Tucci connections in our movies.
There's this and Kiss of Death.
I think those are them.
Those are they? Yeah.
They them. Those are these.
I thought this movie is fucking charming.
I think I agree with you.
The plot line is stupid as fuck and it's meandering.
But it's a romantic comedy. It's cute. Charmed. It's cute.
Yeah, I enjoy it. I had fun.
I do like that they fall for each other and that they are adorable.
Yeah, like they are very cute couple that is an endearing quality.
I also like all the product placement in it.
She says you have to have forever things.
And she's talking about like Hellman's Mayo or something like that. Oh, yeah.
Oh, no, she's a miracle.
Well, at one point they mentioned Jiffy Pop is in there.
Like there's a whole like just that 90s thing of, oh, a miracle.
Now I don't think Bridget Fonda's hot anymore. Yeah, no.
She put an appropriate amount of bacon on there.
It looked very fine, but Miracle Whip is just not right.
She did just have like a dope sandwich
like she could just whip up out of nowhere, even though she was super broke.
Well, I mean, it is like a four ingredient item.
Yeah, but maybe five if you count the.
Got docked all the pay from the cafe job.
I know that job sucks. Yeah, that guy was an asshole.
Also, who is she to think that showing up late
is not going to dock your wages? Right.
Like you're a waitress. You're hourly.
I well, I haven't met a salaried one yet, but
she apparently had sick time, though, because she mentions that to him.
She says coming up, though, she says, I have like three weeks of sick time.
Coming. But he does say, if you want to use it, get sick.
Yeah. Which I've had employers pull that on me, too, which is also dumb.
Fucking boss is secret.
Yeah. Just tell your boss you shit your pants that morning.
That's all you got to fucking do.
Tell him he ate too many raspberries and shit.
The bed will be super fat and just say you ate something funny.
That's what I do all the fucking time.
That's what I do all the time.
And they've never like, yeah, no, dude, you just stay home.
We know you're not feeling well.
Too often in my career, like, I mean, it'd work,
but I'd have to find a new job.
Like it would be ridicule.
We already play games like Farty Friday
where we're just competing with farts.
You must work with all dudes.
Uh, almost exclusively.
Friday does not sound like a female thing.
Well, yeah.
Well, we haven't found the one who wants to play yet.
But when I do, I'm sorry, Josie. Right.
This is why this is why I stopped running D&D on Fredis.
Oh, well, yeah, I do get pretty gassed up.
But back to the Peters thing.
No, this movie's cute.
It's it's a romantic comedy.
It's a Nick Cage romantic comedy of this time.
There's this family man.
They tried to make him like a leading romantic comedy guy.
And this is the better of them.
And it's got like a mystical black dude in it.
Yeah. Oh, I keep forgetting.
I always forget Isaac Hayes.
Yeah, with Angel.
He's the he's with the lobster tie, if you will.
Yeah, because, yeah, it's just like he's omniscient to the whole story.
But at the end, he's he's just talking to these people.
The whole movie.
And then at the end, he's just like, Oh, by the way, I'm a good guy.
Like, I like he like because he shows up in all these scenes
and at the end shows up as a homeless man.
Yeah. To eat some pie, to eat some like pie.
I like his mime work.
Great physical comedy.
But had like a secret camera watch that wasn't that secret.
Yeah. But he's like everywhere.
And he's narrating this movie only to like be a photographer slash.
Yeah. Journalist.
I kind of just accept his narration as if like he's telling us.
Obviously throughout this whole thing, he's telling us the story.
And his moments of narration are just like an overlay.
Yeah. And it's just everything's happening in the past to him.
Yeah. Just as it is to us, because this is 2023.
But it's just such a weird like structure.
Yeah, it is.
To make him an actual character later rather than just never explain it
and have him just be magical.
Magical Black Man is by far the better.
To their credit, though, about with one about 18 minutes left in this movie.
I was like, how are they going to make this happy at the end?
And he was the only reason that made it happy. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. He turned it all around for them.
Could you imagine if they just ended that movie and they were like,
Well, you're poor now, but you're in love by like that might have
won an Oscar shit. Yeah.
I'd be like, it's so real.
Any major discoveries on rewatching it?
I enjoyed it about as much as I enjoyed the first time.
It rekindled my hatred for Rosie Perez's teeth.
I can't get over it. I'm sorry.
Just hate so Rosie Perez's teeth are like my your penis to Sean thing.
Sean can't get over your penis in the moonlight.
And I can't get over Rosie Perez's teeth.
It looks good in moonlight, man.
What can I say? Unlike her teeth.
Heroin, I tell you, you're going to have to cut out five minutes to talk.
No, this is not talking teeth.
Yeah, we're back to a dental pod.
No, this movie didn't give me anything new on a rewatch.
I mean, it's it's enjoyable.
I mean, for what it is, I'm never in the mood for a romantic comedy.
It's not something I go to often, but having to watch it.
I didn't hate it.
You know, since you are familiar with the cage of it all from community,
the good, bad, bad, good concept, where would you pop this one?
For just Nick Cage himself?
Yes, I would say it's on the good, bad spectrum
just because he's pretty good in it.
Like he's not a bad actor in it.
It's just not that good of a movie for him to be in the good, good spectrum.
You know, you can't get everything with it.
But I think it falls in the good, bad.
I feel it's a real middling movie.
So good, good, bad is about all I can do for is I good enough to be good.
Just summer entertainment or it's ultimately fluff.
I would go good cage.
I enjoy him in this.
And like I said, the film is charming.
Fluff is a good word for it.
There's no fluff is a good no, no great substance.
I don't I'm not offended by the film, but it's not something I would seek out.
Did you have a favorite like stunts they pulled?
Could be Nicholas Cage could be Bridget.
Oh, I just like the whole rollerblading sequence.
Oh, yeah. Where he just rolls right into the lake for some reason.
For some reason, she can stop on the grass, but he can't.
I just don't. It's just that whole thing.
I was just like, this is just like a speed skater.
He's like, I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't know.
Naruto runs right into the lake.
I really do enjoy it.
Did enjoy like the one part of this movie where it actually becomes
kind of like a cop drama and he has to stop the robbery in the bodega.
You get shot tackling that guy through the window like,
ah, this doesn't fit into this movie at all.
It does show him being a nice cop.
And oh, his partner is in this.
What's his name? Wendell?
Wendell Pierce.
Fucking love Wendell Pierce.
I like that he stops the rubber with a can of beans or whatever.
Yeah, he just picks it off.
What brand was it?
It must have been Heinz.
Well, I feel like it would have been like Bush's or something.
Who needed it most in 1994?
Probably Bush's.
All they had were those dog commercial.
Yeah, right.
All they had was the dog had the secret recipe for a while.
I like that long dead by now.
Oh, for sure.
Nobody knows that recipe.
I liked when Rosie Perez was remodeling their place
and what it turns out to be like the gross pink walls, the painting of her.
All over the.
Her is amazing.
Yeah, it's like, God damn it.
Rosie Perez or whatever name the Muriel with the heart of gold.
Such terrible taste.
I did indulge in a bit of the one and a half time
on the plane yesterday, trying to just get this and just get through it.
But just yeah, Rosie Perez and chipmunk voices is a thing.
I couldn't do it.
But I mean, I would probably just have trouble with watching a comedy sped up.
I feel like it would take a lot of adjustment for me to like settle into the timing.
But I guess the whole point that we mentioned earlier is it's not that much of a comedy.
It's really more just like romantic with a little bit of haha.
Yeah, it's chocolate.
That's all it gets.
It's not as depressing as the family man.
Less camel toe.
No, wait, family man was the other one.
Never mind. I was thinking weatherman.
Oh, yeah, no, the family man has Jeremy Piven also didn't have camel toe.
No, but I had Jeremy Piven, a human camel toe.
And with that, should we discuss Army of One?
Because there is a camel in that one.
There is a camel. You did it.
Nick, do you want to share this one out there for us?
Army of One is the absolutely true story of Gary Brooks Faulkner,
a guy from Colorado who gets a mission from God to go to Pakistan,
find Osama bin Laden, capture him and bring him back for justice and stuff.
So he meets up with Wendy.
What's her face from Reno 9-1-1?
They form a relationship and he keeps dipping out on her
to try to go to Pakistan.
And she's just cool with it.
That is the weirdest part about this movie.
I mean, she she gets tired of it after like the third time,
but still lets him move right back in every time. Right.
Well, she's working three jobs and has a handicapped child.
She doesn't have a lot of energy left for her fighting this
largely inoffensive thing living in her house.
Thanks. I couldn't get behind the idea of there being like
instant romance and attraction there.
Other than the fact that they set it up as like a world high school
sweetheart kind of people or whatever, at least used to be hot for each other.
I love the tramp stamp, though.
The tramp stamp. Yeah, that's you still got the tattoo.
Oh, yeah. Man.
Oh, no. As soon as I threw this movie in, I was like,
I remember exactly why I love this movie so much.
Gary Faulkner is just absurd.
Yeah, the series of him telling people
what not to buy and what not in Home Depot is just perfect.
My favorite scene is still him buying the hang lighter.
Yeah. Yeah.
So can I take this apart?
How many pieces should I come? The dude's like, don't do that.
Doesn't come apart.
What do you say?
What song should I use to pump myself up?
I know Tom Petty. Wrong answer.
Yeah, you hadn't seen this one either, right?
No, I hadn't seen either of these.
I actually when it said something about being this absurd,
it's I did the same thing with Tiger King.
I stopped it immediately and I researched what the fuck was going on,
because I thought Tiger King was like an excellent mockumentary
with really good actors. Oh, because that's how strange it was.
I was like, nobody can write this.
This movie had that same effect on me.
I five, six minutes and I was like, Gary Faulkner, what the fuck?
And I stopped it and I researched this man.
Nick Cage does a good job with the voice to that dude's voice is weird.
Yeah, it's not as far as it takes it, but he's got a voice.
So like amp it up. Right.
They do forget that in this film, Nicholas Cage playing Gary
talks about getting Nicholas Cage to play.
Oh, yeah. I have forgotten that.
That was something that I caught again on rewatches.
Like, oh, yeah, it's super meta. I loved it, though.
I got real into it, though, like once I kind of understood the style
and like this is not going to be high class film.
And I got over that.
I was like, OK, let's just have fun for an hour and a half.
And that's what it is. It's a fun movie.
Exactly. It's ridiculous.
Will Sasso's in it for some damn reason.
And Paul Sherry is his friend.
Like, it's just like you can tell that this director was like,
I have four friends in comedy who have an OK following
and they can act a little bit.
I love when they're in that bar and with the knife,
with the knife and the Marines.
He just goes, Oh, this has happened like nine times already.
Stabbed your friends straight up.
Why would anybody give Gary the knife ever?
In Gary's defense, why did Will Sasso walk in front of the dark one? Right.
That's what I'm talking about. It's not like it went wide.
I imagine he just like pops up. Yeah.
Like he was just crouching down and just like for comedic effect, jumped up.
I'm pissing guys.
Or this is a planned thing that they do to get out of like to get out of these fights.
Every time Gary gets like to wound up, he has to do the knife thing.
Oh, another thing that I didn't
didn't catch the first time it did the second is when he gets that boat.
It's called the Aries and then he just paints a G on it.
That's hilarious.
That is that.
Oh, that's fantastic.
Just yeah.
Now this we watched this for the second episode
because it was adaptation of this and I was not ready for what this was
as like the third Nick Cage movie I watched for this grand experiment.
Yeah. Upon rewatch this movie, fucking rocks.
It's incredible.
It's one of those I didn't like, like I will not admit other than here
that I was really into this movie.
But I think we have a good thing we haven't recorded.
Right. No, sure.
But it's super fun.
It's just if you want to do something mindless for an hour
and a half or two hours, however long it is, it was fun.
It's like a tight 90. Yeah. Great. Yeah.
You don't really have to pay attention.
Like the whole plot is he's going to go to Pakistan.
That's the whole plot of the movie is that he's going to figure out how to get there.
And he tries to so hard.
Oh, and the CIA in.
Oh, God. Pakistan is.
Yeah, I was going to say it's somebody weird to his rain.
Wilson, what a strange to be like, hey, you're playing a CIA agent.
A CIA agent who's obsessed with going undercover.
Right. As long as to be a Dutch James Bond. Yeah.
And how strongly they believe that like
Gary Faulkner is just some deep cover person and they can flip him.
They can get him onto their side.
It's just so weird.
I'm on a mission from God. Is that is that your handler?
Yeah, that's your handler's name.
That whole sequence where they're questioning him is pretty good.
It's like pretty back and forth. Pretty quick, too.
I liked it a lot.
I think most of the dialogue in this connects really well
between everybody on like in the scenes.
Yeah. Nick Cage carries this film.
Definitely. Oh, 100 percent.
And he carries it very well.
He he's just I don't know.
He is a whole nother person like I.
It's not a character that I see him reproduce now,
although if they ever did it again and had army of two, him and the daughter.
Yeah, Lizzie. I'd be all for it.
Call it a real justice.
In a word, I just want some kind of like monster truck wheelchair.
She still doesn't talk.
He straps her to the hang glider and radio.
Oh, my God.
It's one little detail to just we need to have a radio.
And then when he gets it, there's a radio on there.
And just like the dumbest little things that this movie did from
like from the opening of him, actually just showing him
hang gliding with the sword, the boombox, cutting to him in dialysis,
talking about how America has the best
how much chicken chicken wings.
And it just doesn't stop.
I said this last time, and I still like how this movie knows exactly what it's over.
Yeah. They're like, all right.
You wanted to see it.
Here's him in Osama sword fighting in a cave.
Poorly. You got it.
Five minutes later, we're going to wrap this movie up.
You're going to go home.
And you're going to be done and out of here. Right.
That one. That sword fight still awesome.
Like getting the sword stuck in the ceiling.
It's hilarious when they go like sword to sword and it vibrates.
It's my fingers.
My fingers tingle.
You're hallucinating because you haven't had dialysis for 13 days.
This is so good.
It's just a fun little movie.
I like that he called himself the Donkey King.
Was that ever explained in the movie?
He just. Well, it's a weird animal, but like his dad used to call him a jackass.
Oh, OK. OK.
That's why they get donkey.
But just randomly at one point, that's the first note I took.
I'm Gary Faulkner, the donkey king.
And I was like, what?
Why did he say the Donkey King?
I have no idea what's going on with this.
I love nicknames throughout this movie.
There's so many nicknames like Gary's, like
Big G or G Man, the Donkey King.
He calls himself G for a while. Yeah.
Osama bin Laden is OBL.
He's the bearded one. He's Benny Boy.
It's just so fun.
Like they had a lot of fun with the writing.
Yeah, very much so.
Just figuring out how to call everybody out.
I do like how when he finally like wakes up in the cave
and he's hallucinating the fight with the bin Laden and he asked bin Laden about
like, this doesn't look like anything like your episode of Cribs.
And his own fantasy version of bin Laden doesn't know what he's talking about.
Yeah, so much fun.
I think the only thing that sucks about this movie at this point is Russell Brand.
But yeah, he didn't age well.
No. Yeah, fair enough.
Yeah. When you know what was going on at that time and then you watch this movie
and you're like, oh, this guy is a creep. All right. Whatever.
Yeah. His performance I was totally cool with. But
everything else nowadays, his personality, not so much.
The physical comedy in this movie is astounding.
It's not over the top, but it's just enough where like he's running
after somebody at one point when he's already in Pakistan
and he falls on like the scaffolding.
He gets somebody goes, why is the scaffolding there?
When he's chasing the shooter? Yes. Oh, yeah.
Oh, no, I love that because he like jumps down and it falls.
And then he reprimands them for not using American wood.
I will say the prolonged like scenes in Pakistan
where he's just running around or like on a shit ton of hash.
All those scenes where there's no like dialogue or story,
it's just kind of just a lot of visual stuff because I was on a plane
and I had to watch two movies in 24 hours.
I'm like, all right, one and a half speed for this.
So those chase sequences fucking put that shit to Benny Hill music.
It's amazing. Yeah, for sure.
When he drives the scooter through that market and he's just hitting everything
like he couldn't possibly do that without being intentional,
but just running into everybody, old ladies flying off the handlebars and shit. Yeah.
So, OK, wait, I felt like I remembered him cutting somebody's arm off or something,
but I didn't see it. No, that didn't.
OK, he did not cut anybody's arm. That was Renfield.
That was Renfield.
Oh, no.
I felt like there was some kind of violence that we just said, why didn't.
That was jujitsu.
I don't know.
We've been doing this for 17 months.
Yeah, maybe that was Bangkok dangerous.
I can't remember. Did he have a sword?
I don't know.
The only crime committed in that was against cinema.
What about prisoners of the ghost land?
Maybe he had a sword on that one.
And you did have one of his balls blown off.
He had a sword hand.
Oh, yeah. For the record, I haven't known any movie you guys have named
since we started recording this.
We haven't literally known any of these.
These are. Yeah, sure.
This is like the deepest cuts to like those are some real fucking dogs.
It's no dog eat dog.
What is there?
OK, so first time watching this, did you watch this with your family?
No, I watched it.
So probably was.
Shamefully under in a dark room.
Yeah, it was pretty dark.
But yeah, it was an interesting little little bromp.
It was just like I said, once I got over
like the weird style, like knowing that this was not going to be
highfalutin bullshit, this was definitely going to be a good thing.
I'm stoned for a kind of movie.
I had a great time watching it.
It was very fun.
Decent soundtrack to like the soundtrack is pretty good.
Can't name specific songs from it, but it's decent.
Nothing ever felt like out of place.
It's not like I mean, like they could have put Free Bird in this
and it would have been brought to. Right.
So I like that he whenever he gets hurt for something, he comes back
and it actually shows that he's hurt.
Like at one point he's got an arm cast and another point
he's got a cast on his arm and his leg.
And he's like, let's go out tonight.
We saw how we got the arm and leg cast because that's what he did.
He glided. Yeah.
When he was hanged at one point, he just well, he's on a boat.
He just has the arm.
That's what I thought.
He was just on the boat with the cast for no reason.
The he explains it to the lady cop.
The the the security.
I shouldn't have prefaced that with Lady, right?
It's fine to just call it a cop.
Yeah, he could probably ask if he knows how to sail.
Cop boat cops asked if he knows how to sail.
He's like, of course it's not.
I broke my arm trying to like lift the sail, like hoist to the sail.
He was trying to boat.
Now, if she's a boat cop, she was out of her jurisdiction
because she was on land.
So I wouldn't have listened to her either.
I was water adjacent structures.
But what do docs count as docs aren't land?
Come at me, Doc.
Cop. Get in that water and give me a citation.
Yeah, sounds like another Nicolas Cage movie.
And then he feels like that would be a vehicle that he would pick up.
OK. General thoughts.
Obviously, I love this movie.
Everybody here loves this movie.
You'd be a fool not to.
And that's why it beat adaptation.
100 percent. It's still the wrong call.
Adaptations should still be here, but I thoroughly enjoyed this film
so much more the second time.
I'm mad that I liked it as much as I did this time.
Yeah, but I did.
It's never going to get old.
I love to hate that. I know. I'll watch it again.
You say that.
We're sure going to watch that again. Yeah.
You see, it's not going to get old.
You know, we're going to watch it at least one more time.
I yeah, probably.
So the back to the Venn diagram.
Good cage, bad movie, bad movie, good cage, good bad, bad, good.
This is definitely bad. Good.
Oh, you think bad performance?
No, no, no. I don't think it's a bad performance.
I think it's just overall the the budgetary
amount that they had for this movie.
They could not make the movie that they wanted.
So it's technically a bad movie that is done really, really well.
No. OK. I think it's definitely a we generally go like grading the performance.
Oh, I got a performance. He's stop notch. Yeah.
He's he's such a good character in this whole movie.
You don't dislike him even though you should dislike him.
He gives you a thousand reasons to dislike him.
And you're still like, yeah, he deserves everything.
He's getting here.
Where does he get all the money to is my question, if he's like
supposed to be on some kind of a fixed income, he's like, yeah, no,
I'm just out here buying hang gliders and shit like that.
That can't be cheap to Pakistan. Right.
I imagine there's a little more downtime between his
a jaunts to the right.
But it jumps around time wise a lot at the beginning.
He's sleeping on a construction site, then wakes up Pickles one night
and Pickles says he's been there for months. Right.
So it jumps around.
I like that we get to see him in his underwear again.
That's a real classic Nick Cage look in these movies.
Yeah. The tighty whitey T-shirt and tighty whitey's.
Yeah. Really showing off that dindji, dindji, tighty whitey's. Yeah.
Oh, I got to get me one of those American flag
sleeping bags, though, because that was tight.
Great, great performance by Nicolas Cage and that he really disappears
into this role and just keeps it up the whole time.
Yeah, it never flags.
Isn't it still like the big method actor crazy?
Because I have to imagine this would have been painful to film.
That was the game.
Fucking hilarious. Yeah.
Just doing that voice for however long he had to do that voice
for and just the cadence with which he speaks is so different
than anything else I've ever seen him in as well.
Just the that rambling.
Ha ha ha ha.
And then we're going to do this thing.
Oh, I don't know.
Just goes and goes.
He's a great performer in this. Yeah. Yeah.
I agree. It's great performance.
I'm going to say great movie, too.
I say fine movie that is really sold on this performance.
I like that they spend 10 minutes talking about this ramp
that he's going to rebuild and then they never show the ramp.
It takes him all movie to get the ramp done.
It's like she finally is ready to throw him out
and just comes home and he's putting the last screw in.
And it's like, which now that we're talking about the time jumps,
it's like this is a three year ramp or whatever.
Like, that's a fucking disaster.
Yeah. I mean, we go from W and end with Obama.
So there's a fair amount of time spent in this.
Yeah, that ramp.
The original ramp was terrible.
Yeah. Admittedly bad. Yeah.
And she she is in a power chair.
So it's not the worst for her to be dealing with.
It had fucking holes in it.
It was like plywood, like two by two plywood squares just screwed down.
It was rough.
Like she had trouble walking up it and she's fully mobile.
I just liked it, man.
I just had I didn't expect to like it five minutes in.
And then I was like, fuck it, let's just go with it.
And I just had a good night. Watch it all day.
I skipped work for another reason, but I watched this during the day,
which lets you know, I got stoned at two p.m. So
respect. I respect that.
Now, going back to this one, I didn't expect to enjoy it as much as I did,
because I again, it went up against adaptation.
It was our second week.
I wasn't ready for it.
And just as soon as the hang glider and music kicked in, I'm like,
this is going to be fun. And it was.
It was a perfect movie to watch on an airplane.
I will say that, too.
Oh, I'll give you that time. Time passes real quick.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
You guys make better airplane movie choices than I do.
Neither of these movies had any boobs in them boobs.
I just look like a creep watching booby movies on an aisle seat.
It looked like a creep before the movie.
I mean, you look like someone who would watch booby movies on an airplane
or in a Wal-Mart.
It's like, I got to see how it looks on this TV.
Let me just plug this in real quick.
Hey, man, you want to sell this TV or not?
They don't.
They don't care to Walmart.
It's not the worst thing you'll see all day at a Wal-Mart.
Hmm. No.
People will poop on a floor at a Wal-Mart.
Yeah. Probably on purpose.
Yeah. Yeah, for sure.
It's just a statement.
They all work there.
Well, the important question, then, in this concept,
one of these movies has to advance.
So your vote doesn't matter, Brandon.
But what would you have advanced between the two?
It's 100 percent army of one.
100 percent.
There's may have I can give it 200 percent.
I will. John, it could happen to you.
That's not true.
I saw lies.
Is it true? Lies and poppycock.
No, it's army of one.
Of course, it is.
Army of one all the way.
This movie is going to win.
It probably is.
Is calling my shot.
I see no other reason to hang out tonight.
It's army of one army.
You guys want to watch army of one.
Let's do it. I can do it.
Pop it on. It's only 90 minutes.
Yeah. Nick and I didn't get to watch this one together.
No, we tried.
No, come on for the army of one.
Well, thanks, Brandon.
My pleasure, man. Thanks for having me, guys.
You got anything you want to pitch?
You want to sell us on?
No. If you're ever looking for a comedy, just look at me up at
at B white BWH ITE comedy on Instagram.
I got all my stuff up there. Cool.
Well, thanks for coming in.
It was a real, real blast.
Real pleasure. Thanks for introducing me to two movies.
I probably never would have watched on my own.
And when you will again, one, I'm definitely watching.
We we have a list of we had 62 other in a cage.
We just send it to me.
Yeah. Yeah.
We'll get it. All right, everybody.
Thank you all for listening.
Please rate, review, subscribe.
If you want to chat with us, we're on Instagram at Cage
underscore match underscore pod and Reddit at Cage match pod.
If you want to give us money, which is great.
We are on Patreon at Cage match.
And thank you to our sparkle buddies, Josh, Sean, Josie, Rico,
Matt and Adam and cage dancers, Ira, John Freeman and Lance.
Bye, man.
That was so somber.
Bye bye.
Gary voice.
Man.
Well, I can't do that.
Gary voice. Nick, give us a bye bye in Gary voice.
You mean your normal voice?
Yeah, my normal fucking terrible voice.
Bye bye.
I don't got it today.
I feel like that kind of works.
Yeah.
I think I still have a picture of it saved on my phone.
I'll pull it up later.
We'll put it on the Patreon.
Yeah. Patreon only pornography.
So we'll look forward to. That's good.
Yeah. Thanks, Sparkle buddies.
Baby moving.
You talking about a BM?
Yeah.
I think I'm talking about a BM.
You talking about a BM?
Yeah.
Poop joke.
I am in the right place. OK.
Oh, yeah. You're safe here.
We're all idiots in this basement.
It's fine. Fair enough.
Yeah, Sean, you seem fine. Nick, can you give me something?
Penises.
Penises. Talk more like we're regularly talking.
OK. Intimately talking about penises.
Penises. Much better. Yeah.