Oh, God. Oh, my God.
As soon as it starts like crying, which is immediately right.
You start planning how to get rid of it.
You. Yeah.
I know this because I'm a child
bearer. You once
I bear children. You once were a child, at least.
Yeah. And my parents couldn't get rid.
You couldn't get rid of me fast enough.
Sure enough.
Welcome back to Cage match, Cohen, a roundabout way of meeting Nicholas Cage.
I am your host, Sean, here with my cohost Nick and our producer.
Peter, hello.
And this week we're doing something a little different.
We're going to talk about the movie G Force.
Welcome. Welcome back, Shay.
Thank you.
I'm so glad to be back.
Why were you here last time?
I was talking to you about some Nicholas Cage movie
attraction was Sally girl.
No, I know.
Hello, way to ruin the comedy, Peter.
God, sorry.
You know, we usually reserve that for me.
Big joke explainer.
She's yeah, that's what I was doing.
Talking about Weatherman and girl with all that Kim or Shelley.
Poor show. Shelly was a badass.
She was a badass. I'm a stand for Shelley.
I mean, but what was that for that tone?
What was the song for?
What was the song from Valley Girl?
Get it, girl. Oh, is your boyfriend.
Joey, are you gay?
It's queer.
Oh, Joey, are you queer?
Yeah.
Joey, are you queer boy?
Something, something.
We're here, boy.
Sounds right.
The only rhyme I've got for you are you queer boy?
Why are you so weird?
Thank you.
Yeah, there we go.
Speaking of Rears,
guinea pigs, G Force.
Yeah, that's terrible.
All right. I accept it.
Is it not a segue?
No, no.
I still don't know what segues are.
Doesn't matter.
Shay, those like scooter things that dumb people fly around on.
Did you guys ever ride on a segway?
No, never ridden a segway.
And now they've all been outlawed.
Yeah, they're definitely gone.
My friend really.
Oh, yeah.
Segues are going.
My friend in high school, his mom got them like a family segway to her.
And then his sister didn't want to go.
So he was like, do you want to go ride a segway around?
It's like, fuck, yeah, I do.
Then they made you wear a helmet.
Well, we had to wear the helmet.
We had to do like the safety training.
The whole point of segues is you can't fall off.
Right. And then our president showed you showed you could.
Everyone can.
So they pivoted to you shant to fall off.
No one may ride a segway.
Yeah.
I have tried to ride one of those
like hoverboard things.
Yeah. The way worse experience.
I hated that. Yeah.
I got on it and like my whole body just like was a big wiggly noodle.
And then I fell off backwards and then all these kids laughed at me.
And it was a family reunion.
So I have to see them all the time.
That's scary.
So don't don't try to ride one of those for the first time
when you're like 37 years old.
Yeah. Family or in front of your coworkers.
Like this person did at my old place of business and the offices.
There wasn't a whole lot of people there that day.
And she broke her fucking ankle.
That's amazing.
And then all of a sudden there were new rules at the office.
The following week.
This is like in high school when Healy's were a thing for like a week.
Yeah.
But you were in high school when he was a thing.
That's cute.
I think we're all the same age, roughly.
And why were he was a thing when you were in high school?
People had Healy's.
I don't know that I recall Healy's being a thing in high school.
You just people like strapped two wheels to the outside of their shoes.
I mean, I know I guess wearing roller skates.
I graduated a year late because I failed the first grade.
Oh, that's what it's just that year.
That one year.
So I agree.
I joined a no three. Fair enough.
So G Force, sell us on this movie.
Voice cast.
You've got four guinea pigs.
You've got a mole.
Wait, there were four guinea pigs.
John Favreau was the fourth.
OK, he's the add on.
So you got you got Sam Rockwell as Darwin.
You've got Tracy Morgan as Blaster.
Jesus, that really dates this this movie.
And then Penelope Cruz's Juarez, which
that you're going to say, Juarez,
was like, God damn, Zach Galifianakis is their human handler.
Yeah, you've got John Favreau's Hurley and then Nick Cage is
really the one who steals the show.
Speckles the mole.
Speckles with a voice.
With a full voice.
Yeah, and he's kind of like the techie, you know, let me find out where all the things are.
That was basically pretty good.
Yeah. Yeah.
Also, Bill Nighy's in this movie and we'll learn it and we'll learn it.
And everybody has a forgettable role.
Yeah. And Steve Buscemi.
There was so many as a hamster.
Yeah. Why?
Bucky, a very aggressive hamster.
Why not? Why not have Steve Buscemi play an aggressive hamster named Bucky?
I don't know. I'm mad at Steve Buscemi because he's taking
good work away from Jason Alexander in this film.
That's true.
I thought you were going to bring up Conair again.
No, I love Conair.
The records will show.
I absolutely love that movie.
You just hate Steve Buscemi.
Just Garland Green.
Garland Green did nothing wrong.
So, OK, apparently he's walking free.
That's right.
All right. I mean, basically a bunch of guinea pigs
were like working for the FBI, some kind of federal, some crap.
And they're like agents and they're guinea pigs and they're smart
and they're trying to do all this stuff.
And then they have to like go into like basically
they get shut down and then they're still trying to save the world
from some crazy shit going on.
Microwaves.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
There's like appliances that are involved here.
Right. Bill Nye owns this like appliance company
and he wants to be the top appliance company in the fucking world.
Right. It turns out these appliances are more than just appliances.
Smart appliances.
They're extra smart and they do, you know,
horrible things and violent things and trying to like eradicate.
But not a single sexy thing.
Humans are not because it is a PG movie.
Like, I want to remember that, too.
This is which is why it's a PG movie where they shoot
like spinning blades at the main character and stuff.
And like it's a constant threat of like annihilating.
Oh, they're going to microwave one of the characters. Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, they show like, well, yeah.
And not to mention one character gets thrown in a dump truck
and crushed and crushed.
Yeah. And not to mention like the weird, cool sexual tension
between two guinea pigs.
Why does anybody worry?
Can you make three?
Well, in the first time, like when they blaster and they come
when Juarez comes in with blaster in the scuba gear
and does the classic like spinning head
head like drying off the hair, but it's the full body and like for toss.
Yeah. I'm like,
wait, what kind of grunt was that?
Oh, I don't know if I like that either.
I don't like that face either.
I have to shit.
Oh, it's a patient.
As long as it's not like the horniness coming out,
this is the wrong time for you to tell me that you're a furry
and to clarify, there's never a right time.
That's a line I'm going to draw on the sand.
And I'm sorry to that community.
And that's really
don't be a furry. Don't be a plushie.
But actually, you know what?
Be a furry. Be a plushie.
Just don't come at me with that.
Do your thing.
Do it up.
Just don't come at me.
But anyway, back to getting to our cartoons.
I actually surprisingly enjoyed it because
it's just this hour and a half long movie.
It's not very long.
They I mean, which I still think is too long for children.
But it was surprisingly like entertaining the whole way through.
You know, there were maybe some action sequences.
I was less like, OK.
And you could definitely tell that they all recorded their audio
separately from one another because nothing was like
no one was reacting to anyone's emotions.
But for a little PG movie about some guinea pigs doing things,
I thought it was pretty good.
And the twist, which we will talk about, I'm sure the shocker moment.
I seriously I know I'm dumb, but I wasn't.
I didn't see it coming.
Oh, I pegged surprise.
The speckle surprise.
I did not. I picked I I called that shot from like minute five.
You also wasn't trying to call.
But well, yeah, so that's what my note says.
Wait, I didn't know the mole was the mole.
Wow, I'm dumb. That's what it said.
Well, because it's like it's minute like seven of the film
when they're going over the files that Darwin steals and speckles like,
it's not here.
And I'm like, speckles, it's a you're just fucking with them.
You're the bad guy.
I was I was mildly drunk and just trying to be shitty about a kids movie.
And then come the end of the film like, hmm, well, all right.
I 100% had the same reaction.
I was like, this is bad.
But I am also a little drunk and having kind of a good time.
I was probably pretty so.
They're really enjoyed my time with this film.
Yeah, I watched it and I didn't I was with.
Yeah, I didn't like catch that until later.
But my brain was actively trying not to watch the movie.
The brain was trying to escape your head. Yeah.
So let me just let it all happen in front of me.
And I wasn't really pretty much thought into it at all.
I was just kind of letting things unfold.
Let G force happen to you.
I do want to say I did appreciate that the big rennet like the big
shake up to the system that Bill Nighy's character,
like the Sabre brand was going to bring to everything was like your coffee.
Your coffee maker will have a computer in it that will tell
tell the store window or do you new coffee?
Yeah, which is essentially what Amazon does now.
Yeah. Yeah. Or those smart fridges that are. Yeah.
Yeah. Hey, you need milk. Yeah.
Careful, the smart fridges are about to come alive.
That's why I don't own any smart technology.
Just dumps a lot of pointy shit in them. Apparently just dumb stuff.
The smartest thing I have is my probably my PlayStation.
And I keep a hammer like right next to it just so it knows what's up.
It's hard to me was to point out your iPhone.
No, no, it's not mine. That's his.
He technically owns it. It's true. Yeah.
I'm on Peter's family plan.
You're paying it off eventually. I paid you this month. Yeah, you did.
Yeah, that's why we get together now to just reconcile bills.
This is about strong.
And then I'm just here.
So G4.
It's a children's movie.
Just like this podcast.
So it's a Bruckheimer movie and Disney, which is what I think is so funny
about this entire thing, it's like it was also 3D.
OK, so the the animation in this is God awful.
It's it's talking animals, but it's so like there's no way
to have good talking animals.
OK, so the main character.
Unless it's air, but Darwin, but don't air, but ever talk.
Now, this is an air, but podcast dunks.
He just dunks. Fuck you. Or plays hockey or soccer.
I don't know. But he never boxes.
Well, are we talking about one or air?
There was never the air, but boxing movie.
Darwin is the worst culprit of bad animation
because every other hamster seems to have like or guinea pig.
It seems to have like an attempt at natural like fur and hair.
But he's just like this weird, smooth, like textured lizard.
He's got some hair. I disagree.
There was some texture.
I was noticing I was actually.
Did you think you could just reach out and pet him?
You're like, I fucking believe it.
I mean, I believe in you.
Were you watching in 3D?
I in my mind, I was it was definitely just popping right out.
No, I'm not talking about anyone's.
So all of you can shut right now.
I don't even know why we get together on this podcast.
I just come here for the conversation.
I'm talking about this. What are we even here for?
Yeah, I don't know.
I'm not an animation snob, so I just really enjoyed.
I didn't. Nothing was like glitchy or weird or looked funky to me that way.
And I just thought he was a short haired guinea pig.
And the other ones were different.
So it didn't really that I never really actually had another thought about the hair.
So that might just be you.
The animation was not offensive to me, except for the fact that they animated
animals talking. Yeah, I mean, that maybe I only.
I just like all my animals talk for real.
Clearly, you don't enjoy drugs are nice. Yeah.
So I don't like fun. Yeah.
Yeah, that's what I just said.
John Favreau's character, I fucking hated.
Yeah, early was rough.
Oh, yeah. Well, he's just there as like a fart joke.
Yeah. System. He was there for the kids.
He wasn't there with like the the high level spy thriller.
We were all there for.
I'm talking highbrow stuff. Yeah. So
I guess what I really like, though, is that there was just so many big
celebrities in this, which I always love about any kind of film with animated
elements and not all of the big movie stars were the animated characters.
So, you know, like you said, Zach Galifianakis and Will Arnett.
This would have been early Galifianakis, though.
He wasn't really great at being like the like a sentimental dude.
I mean, I guess, you know, he was he was all right for the role, I suppose.
He was to draw the adult.
He was a human in a human role.
Yeah. And that's about all he provided.
And he fulfilled that.
OK, so the counterpoint is is Marcy, his like assistant
who doesn't satisfy anything other than she was a woman.
Is Marcy just an assistant name?
Has there ever been a lead named Marcy or ever a lead Marcy?
I mean, there's Marcy's playground.
But that's a band. And three decades ago, there was Marcy Darcy,
the foil to Al Bundy and married with children.
I'm going to just do a throwback.
But she wasn't a lead.
Our conversation earlier at dinner about peanuts,
and that there's Marcy the second to Peppermint Patty.
So I'm just a second.
I guess I'm agreeing with you that I don't know, because that's the Marcia.
There might not be a top dog.
Marcy Marcy's are always the system.
Yes, always the bright side.
If you ever want your child to rise up to the middle name of Marcy Marcy. Yeah.
She's mediocrity.
She's Marcy.
Mm hmm. She's going to have two jobs in her 40s.
Marcy.
OK, so the other thing that I really do want to talk about is the Nick Cage voice.
Oh, yeah. Speckles voice is a fucking choice.
So I don't know what you're talking about.
So Peter and I talked about this briefly, or I'm like,
oh, that's an unrecognizable Nick Cage role.
And Peter pointed out, like, not unless you've seen Peggy Sue got married.
Yeah, it's almost like the same.
I mean, he had a he had a great idea for a character in the 80s
that is shot down by literally everyone and kept his uncle
from ever working with him again.
But he perfected it to play Speckles the mole. Yeah.
Get that Disney money because then he did national treasure movies
and Sorcerer's Apprentice.
Yeah, I do want to say I did appreciate a Brockheimer film
that wasn't three hours long, but it did have an obligatory red, white and blue.
Go America.
Did it have a rap? This seems like something that would have had a rap.
It should have. I mean, Tracy Morgan was in it like we could have had a rap.
Well, it's Tracy Morgan rap.
More specifically, if you count all the Black Eyed Peas songs
in the soundtrack, there are some rap.
I suppose one Black Eyed Peas song that they play not saying Black Eyed Peas
a rap, but that they speak their verses sometimes in their song.
I mean, someone's got to pay Will.
I am come at us, Black Eyed Peas.
They must have sponsored that fucking movie
because there's definitely work.
We were keeping track of the songs in here.
We're like, OK, I got a feeling. OK.
And then, oh, I got a feeling again.
OK. Oh, Black Eyed Peas again.
Oh, but it's boom boom pow. OK. OK.
And then, oh, boom boom pow again.
And then they went into something else that also played twice
that isn't Black Eyed Peas, but set similar sound to it.
And then the end credits were Black Eyed Peas again.
And that is pretty much all the music you got.
Is this movie for Galicious?
Does it make the boys go loco?
I just I just I just said that to get this look at a neck and it worked.
Yeah, that works well for a podcast.
We're a physical comedy podcast.
Really, if you want to see what this podcast is like,
you have to log into my toilet cams here.
Then you really know.
Currently, the only ones Peters allowed me to install in his house.
Allowed or not know of or assisted.
So what so much like the toilet cam.
This movie is awful.
So this does this does know this movie does stand out for one particular reason.
And it's a rare turn where Nick Cage plays a villain.
I think we've seen like maybe this two or three times.
Yeah. Yeah. And his illustrious career.
Mm hmm. He also like he learns his lesson real quick because kids film.
He turns around on the entire thing rapidly.
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
I can't be bad. Being bad is bad.
My notes say a 10 second speech about family makes speckles have a change.
Yeah, he's clearly watched Fast and the Furious.
Every like I love it.
Every bit of like moral weight
or like anything that like really should take like a real
the character moment is over in like four seconds.
It's like, oh, Darwin, you're my brother.
No, I'm not. Oh, shit, I am. OK.
I mean, I guess that is where the PG kids movie comes in because kids,
they're not there to sit through the complexities
of the relationships between the getting there for black eyed peas.
They are there for black eyed peas and that boom boom pow.
I got that boo boo pow. Yeah.
What an awful time in American history.
I also have a note here that just says
I can't stop laughing at the parts that are supposed to be heartwarming.
Yeah, it's true.
It was just silly. It was a silliness.
But again, I was thoroughly entertained and I definitely wrote down
several quotes from Speckles that were quite good.
I don't know. This is, you know, the informant.
I'm also doing close.
I don't know. You have you have the voice of a speckles.
Why don't you give us a couple of those wrinkles from Speckle on me?
I created an army of robotic appliances
and they created an array of electromagnetic nodes.
Nodes capable of pulling down all the space jump orbiting planet
and driving every human underground.
Nodes.
When he says nodes like that, I
shit my pants. I was laughing so hard.
It's like what? I had to rewind it.
No, no.
Whoa. Did you take a crap while you were saying that or what?
Because it sounds like, oh,
you have our new outro for season two.
Now it's my turn to do a little pest control.
Oh, yeah. The lines are terrible.
The writing is terrible. The directing is terrible.
Sam Rockwell's pretty good.
Sam Rockwell's fine.
Except when he says Yippee Ki-Yay, coffee maker.
So, Nick, this will probably make you happy, but I don't know if you know this,
but the director of this point, Yeatman, has no other directorial credits. Good.
OK, wait, there is one thing that I have to talk about,
and I just need to know if anyone else
you should have this whole thing with I have one thing to talk about. OK.
It's going to save me a lot of trouble.
What's the night? What's the first bill?
No, thank you. OK.
In the beginning, there's
when they're doing the whole beginning sequence and they have their little fly
friend who's a little flying, not much to fly.
And he's flying around getting, you know, all the intel or whatever.
And he flies into Bill Nye's nostril.
And then Bill Nye, he decides to take two fingers and hold them up.
Now, I just everybody listening, just take two fingers and hold them up
and then look at your hand like the fingers are together,
not like a peace sign, but they're together.
OK, now you are you're all thinking things right now.
But he just takes these fingers just like that.
And he decides to swat at his nose and face just with those two fingers like that.
He just goes like in front of his nose like that a few times with his two eye.
I that broke my brain.
I was like, wait, wait, babe, I look over, I look over.
I'm like, is it just me or is this a really weird way to
fly in your face?
It just oh, OK.
He's had a fancy dinner.
He doesn't want anybody to think that he smelled a fart or something.
Oh, that's a two fingers impression.
Yeah. Yeah. OK. A big fart.
That's four. Sometimes.
So that's the only thing I came here to actually talk about.
So if anyone else wants to go, go ahead.
Do you swat a fly?
How many fingers does it take?
I'm like a whole hander.
Yeah, I just I'm like, grab.
Yeah. Or the the clap, you know, not just swatting.
Even just one hand open palm in front of my face at a new get away from me.
And you know, fly.
That's weird.
I've never had a fly in my face before in my entire life.
So I don't have the experience to.
You just don't attract flies.
Yeah, no. That's not what I heard about crap.
Sorry.
There there seems to have only been two interviews
with Nicolas Cage that I could find about this movie.
And one of them, the host of the interview was awful.
He he annoyed me more than the movie.
So I got like a minute in.
So I wouldn't watch that one.
So I'm only going to talk about this other one where he talked to some people from Ireland,
which is irrelevant to the story.
He was saying and the way he phrased it, it sounded like he almost got to just like
pick what movie or what role he wanted from this.
Like they just gave him a script and they're like, I don't know.
You want to be an animal?
And he was like, well, I won't be a gerbil or a guinea pig,
because then they just want me to use my normal voice and I don't want to do that.
So I'm just going to be the mole and I'm going to use a voice for that.
And that'll be fun.
And I'll just go up an octave.
And that's that nodes.
Well, it is interesting because my only I know he's been in the Croods movies,
which I haven't seen, but my only other not yet.
My only other example of him doing voiceover work is into the Spider-Verse.
We just kind of does his own voice.
It's kind of muffled. It's not really good.
Maybe Nick Cage just isn't a good voice actor, but the voice is terrible,
but it's a good performance with a terrible voice.
Yeah. Yeah. I think he had enjoyed it.
The second most fun in this movie.
What the first Tracy Morgan.
Yeah, for sure.
It was Tracy Morgan's first voice acting role.
No, it wasn't. Yeah.
This kicked off his illustrious voice acting career. Yeah.
All right. What do you guys think in terms of the Venn diagram in general?
The Good Cage bad movie. Good Cage bad movie.
It's Good Cage. Good movie for me.
I did. I watched it twice.
And I guess the least entertaining part was the action.
Just the action sequences.
Oh, my God. When they were driving around in those fucking three balls.
God. Yeah. And somehow I'm supposed to believe that a fucking human car
can't just run over it.
If this was the only fucking fast
for those things going that we've watched, I just I don't know about.
I. Those are fastballs, man.
I know I liked it because especially thinking about it
from the perspective of its target audience.
I do think it was a good movie because I know.
I know many a child that would very much.
I would have loved that movie as a kid.
Yeah, including myself. Exactly.
There were no boobs in this movie.
They would not have held my attention.
Very concerned if there were boobs in this movie.
I don't know. I grew up on strikes.
I did. I do want to say I did.
I just put them away.
It was it was enough just having there be
sort of a romantic whole storyline between the guinea pigs at all.
That was enough, including the part where she's like,
but I like Darwin because he doesn't pay me any attention.
And I was like, oh, girl.
I know it's like teaching children to neg women.
Yeah. From an early age.
I'm sorry. But even if even if, you know, as an adult,
you could have predicted the mole situation, which, again,
I'm just going to say I didn't. But hey.
And my prediction again was just me being shitty about a kid's movie.
Well, yeah. So like the kids, of course, we're going to notice that.
And that was I mean, I was I was surprised.
I was like, oh, it's got a twist in it and everything.
So I thought it was OK. I thought it was pretty all right.
I was crushed to think that
Nick Gage's character was crushed in a garbage truck.
Yeah. But he survived by hiding in a can.
Yeah. And that made me hate how he lived.
It's like it's super actually kind of.
Well, I don't hate it. It's just not an entree.
So don't present it as an entree. Fair.
So you're saying if there was a soup can for you to hide in
and not get crushed by a trash compactor, you wouldn't.
If find me a soup can that can withstand a trash compactor
and also hold your body. Yeah.
I mean, that's cool.
I find me anything that will hold my body.
The camel's chunky.
Shay, thank you for being here again. Of course.
Thanks for having me. I always I guess enjoy.
It's a thing. It's a thing.
I'm glad you bought me dinner.
Peter only bought me dinner because I wasn't willing to accept sexual favors.
It's true. Yeah.
You went some. Wait, I could have been having dinner this whole time.
You already ate that hot dog twice.
So what are you going to do now?
All right. Well, thank you all for listening.
Special thanks to our Patreon supporters in the SparkleBuddy
tier, Josh, Sean, Jesse, Rico, Matt and Adam and in our cage dancer tier,
Ira, John, Freeman and Lance.
If any of you are interested in supporting us, we are open to any questions.
We are on Patreon at CageMatch.
If you want to shoot the ship with me or Sean or Nick in the comments,
you can find us at Reddit at CageMatchPod and Cage
underscore match underscore pod at Instagram.
So get at that. Do you have it written down?
I do today. Sometimes I do it off the dome.
Sometimes I do the introduction off the dome.
As you know.
What people who listen to this thing.
I'm shocked. Yeah.
Yeah. Well, you didn't even explain it to them.
No, no, I tried to, but I also was lazy.
I was zero trying.
These are the traits I love about our producer.
Yeah. Oh, I started talking about G-Force.
So it's.
Dead. OK, so long and uncut.
Just like my hot dogs.
Wait, are you not circumcised?
You've seen his dick.
I have not seen his deck.
What I have seen your deck.
Yeah. We talk about it almost every episode.
There's been a lot of moonlit dicks.
We understand his was fire lit.
Oh, yeah.
That's actually the most appropriate way to look at my wiener.
That's just a land moon.
Lit fire is a land moon.
Sure. OK.
Tell me it's not.
I don't think you understand how the moon works.
Well, let me take my pants off and I'll show you the difference.
There we go.