1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:09,400 Hey there, this is Jen Wade, part of the core team here at Springs Church. 2 00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:13,120 We just want to say thank you so much for joining us and listening to our podcast. 3 00:00:13,120 --> 00:00:16,520 We are praying that it encourages you and it inspires you. 4 00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:20,720 And if you'd like to find out more about Springs Church, please visit our website springschurch.co.uk. 5 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:22,720 Here's today's message. 6 00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:26,280 Good afternoon everybody, everyone okay? 7 00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:27,280 Excellent. 8 00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:28,280 Good, good. 9 00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:31,920 I'm just going to airplane mode this because I tend to get my eBay notifications while 10 00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:32,920 I'm preaching. 11 00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:37,880 So I'll just airplane mode that and helpfully set a timer. 12 00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:41,960 It is wonderful to be with you this afternoon. 13 00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:46,640 For those of you that don't know me, my name is Ben, part of the leadership team here at 14 00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:52,000 Springs and have been for, is it eight years or nine years? 15 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:57,280 My wife will know, eight years. 16 00:00:57,280 --> 00:01:03,320 It's the same length of time that we've been married, minus two months. 17 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:09,140 So a huge welcome to you all, whether this is your first time or your hundredth time, 18 00:01:09,140 --> 00:01:10,400 you are equally as welcome. 19 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:16,200 And this afternoon I'm going to continue our message, our messages, talking about the 10 20 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:22,480 commandments and going through these seemingly really old school biblical things and wondering 21 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:26,340 how could that be relevant for us in 2023? 22 00:01:26,340 --> 00:01:30,800 There are a bunch of messages available on our YouTube and on Spotify and wherever you 23 00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:31,800 get your podcasts. 24 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:36,440 If you want to listen back to previous messages, you can do so there just in case you've missed 25 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:37,440 anything. 26 00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:43,920 But this afternoon it appears that I have drawn the short straw. 27 00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:50,120 This is the first ever message of Springs that has an age restriction that we've actually 28 00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:56,880 shooed out 11, 12 and 13 year olds, just in case anything here is a bit too much for them. 29 00:01:56,880 --> 00:02:00,800 So bear in mind today's message is going to deal with adultery. 30 00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:03,200 We're going to talk about sex and pornography. 31 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:08,800 So any children under the age of 18 possibly, growing up city is your decision. 32 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:14,920 Hopefully my young daughter who's not two yet is not going to hear any of this. 33 00:02:14,920 --> 00:02:19,160 If this is your first time in church, please know we are a Bible believing church and we 34 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:21,360 take the Bible seriously. 35 00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:26,160 Hence when we're teaching into the Ten Commandments, we're going to talk about them in a bit of 36 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:27,160 detail. 37 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:30,840 So I apologize if this is awkward at any point. 38 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:35,280 I promise you it is more awkward for me than it is for you. 39 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:40,320 But just we might know apology for talking about the Bible and explaining things in a 40 00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:43,240 little bit of detail. 41 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:47,720 So we're going to talk about Exodus 20 verse 14. 42 00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:52,680 And on the face of it, it seems like the most plain black and white sentence in the world. 43 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:54,740 You shall not commit adultery. 44 00:02:54,740 --> 00:03:00,120 You shall not sleep with or have sex with anyone who is not your married partner. 45 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:02,560 Okay, job done. 46 00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:04,560 That's it. 47 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:10,920 However, before I continue, I'm aware this afternoon, there's going to be a range of 48 00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:18,800 experiences in the room, those untouched by adultery, those deeply hurt by it, those 49 00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:23,480 that have been victims of adultery and possibly those who have committed it, those married, 50 00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:27,440 those in the room that may be divorced, those who are dating, those who are single. 51 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:33,720 And the last thing that we want to do is re-trigger any past hurt or any past pain. 52 00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:38,480 We believe that there is not a sense of guilt or condemnation that comes from hearing these 53 00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:39,480 words. 54 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:45,720 In the Bible says, in Romans 8 verses 1 to 3, therefore there is now no condemnation 55 00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:48,120 for those who are in Christ Jesus. 56 00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:53,040 Because through Christ Jesus, the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from 57 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:55,120 the law of sin and death. 58 00:03:55,120 --> 00:04:00,640 For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending 59 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:06,600 His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. 60 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:11,520 And so that paints a wonderful picture of what the Old Testament Ten Commandments were 61 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:15,060 supposed to do that they just could not achieve. 62 00:04:15,060 --> 00:04:20,120 The Old Testament Ten Commandments being powerless because they were weakened by the flesh and 63 00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:25,360 Jesus coming to make those Ten Commandments not only purposeful but perfect. 64 00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:29,360 And we know that Jesus talks about these in quite a lot of detail. 65 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:35,240 And what we want to say to you this afternoon is there is a Savior God, a Jesus Christ who 66 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:42,760 died for you and He forgave you for everything you've done even before you did it. 67 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:45,640 The fulfillment of forgiveness is found in Jesus. 68 00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:47,000 So I just want to open this message. 69 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:52,540 I want to take a moment to pray that our hearts would be protected against any sense of guilt 70 00:04:52,540 --> 00:04:53,800 or condemnation. 71 00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:57,520 The Bible says that does not come from Jesus and that as we listen to this message this 72 00:04:57,520 --> 00:04:59,880 afternoon that the Holy Spirit would be here. 73 00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:03,160 So let's just take a moment just to pray. 74 00:05:03,160 --> 00:05:11,600 Lord I thank you that there is no sense of guilt or condemnation that comes from you. 75 00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:15,240 And so if there's anybody in the room that's feeling that sense of guilt or condemnation 76 00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:20,500 just as I even say the word adultery, Lord we ask in Jesus' name that it be shattered. 77 00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:22,800 Condemnation and guilt does not come from you. 78 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:24,360 Forgiveness and love come from you. 79 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:29,280 Lord I pray that there would be an overwhelming blanket of your Holy Spirit over this room 80 00:05:29,280 --> 00:05:33,360 this afternoon that people would feel loved and accepted and welcomed. 81 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:35,560 Lord this is not a holy club. 82 00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:39,760 This is a room full of broken people that are trying to live their lives for Jesus. 83 00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:40,760 So Lord we love you. 84 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:44,560 May your Spirit come and be with us in Jesus' name. 85 00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:45,560 Amen. 86 00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:46,560 Amen. 87 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:53,800 As Pumba says to Simba in The Lion King, I know this is an odd start to a preach, he 88 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:57,640 says you've got to put your behind in the past. 89 00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:01,000 Being a mix-up of you've got to put your past behind you. 90 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:06,840 And so one thing Jesus cannot do is change the decisions that we have made in the past. 91 00:06:06,840 --> 00:06:09,360 Can't change our past or our old decisions. 92 00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:15,200 And so if you are possibly here thinking gosh maybe I've done this before, I believe in 93 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:19,040 the total and utter forgiveness of Jesus Christ. 94 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:23,600 If you've been a victim of adultery or it's affected your friends or your family in any 95 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:29,640 way, although this isn't going to change, I believe that Jesus is totally capable of 96 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:32,960 healing your hurt and healing your heart. 97 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:37,520 He is love and he is the ultimate expression of love. 98 00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:42,640 God doesn't end the pain that we're in but he does hold our hand and he does walk with 99 00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:44,680 us through it. 100 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:47,600 So I hope this afternoon that there's something for everyone here. 101 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:50,640 If you're single please don't switch off. 102 00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:53,920 I believe that you're here for a reason and God wants you to hear this, single people 103 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:56,880 can commit adultery with married men and married women obviously. 104 00:06:56,880 --> 00:07:02,480 But I really do believe the way that you treat your singleness and then your dating will 105 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:05,600 influence your marriage either positively or negatively. 106 00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:09,040 So hopefully there's something for everyone here this afternoon. 107 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:16,840 According to the Institute of Family Studies, this is UK research conducted last year, 20% 108 00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:23,240 of men will cheat on their married partner and 13% of women will have sex with someone 109 00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:26,080 who isn't their married partner during marriage. 110 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:31,600 That initially seems, that's quite small on the pie chart Ben, 20% is one in five, one 111 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:33,560 in five men. 112 00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:38,260 Statistically, and this is just the people who have owned up to it, one in five men will 113 00:07:38,260 --> 00:07:42,920 commit adultery during the course of their marriage on their partner. 114 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:47,900 The impact of adultery on a marriage is obviously catastrophic and I'm sure you don't need me 115 00:07:47,900 --> 00:07:49,600 to spell all that out this afternoon. 116 00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:54,800 Having an affair or cheating may seem exciting or sexy, the other party gets you in a way 117 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:56,920 that your husband or your wife doesn't. 118 00:07:56,920 --> 00:08:04,080 There's no baggage, there's no shared pain but of course that's all fleeting, all momentary. 119 00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:09,960 What's not momentary is the trust broken between two people who vowed to always do their best 120 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:12,200 for one another. 121 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:18,160 And this Old Testament law, the law given in Exodus 20, you shall not commit adultery, 122 00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:24,360 was given to a group of people who were in the middle of a desert in the book of Exodus. 123 00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:27,960 Israel as a nation finds itself in the wilderness. 124 00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:33,040 They have been held captive in slaves for several years and so what these Ten Commandments 125 00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:38,480 were about was not necessarily a strict set of rules you have to follow but it was about 126 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:41,200 bringing an identity to a lost people. 127 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:45,560 Hey, if we're going to be known as the nation of Israel, these are the ten things that we 128 00:08:45,560 --> 00:08:46,560 stand for. 129 00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:51,280 Can you imagine how easily it would have been to commit adultery in the middle of the desert 130 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:54,720 in a group of tents that you see people every single day? 131 00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:55,800 Imagine how easy that would have been. 132 00:08:55,800 --> 00:09:00,920 You could have living out in tents, travelling together as one tight-knit community, it would 133 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:05,480 have been incredibly easy to commit adultery in that setting. 134 00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:12,960 However, it would have also been incredibly damaging, dangerous and destabilising to their 135 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:19,320 community but also the mission that God was sending them on to bring glory to Him. 136 00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:23,640 The reason we're covering this topic is because it is important. 137 00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:28,440 Jesus himself spoke about adultery and he actually took the Old Testament law a little 138 00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:29,440 bit further. 139 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:33,680 Jesus, the Bible says, is the fulfilment of the law. 140 00:09:33,680 --> 00:09:40,880 So any rules that we may have to follow were always checked against what Jesus said and 141 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:42,520 what Jesus did. 142 00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:46,360 In the book of, actually before we get to that, there's this little quote here that 143 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:52,160 I used last time I preached by a pastor called Alan Redpath and he says this about the way 144 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:54,840 that Jesus talks about the Old Testament. 145 00:09:54,840 --> 00:10:00,440 The great message of the Christian faith is that we are free from the law's condemnation 146 00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:07,200 in order that we may be able to fulfil its obligation by the power of Jesus within. 147 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:15,600 My obedience therefore is not legal but inspired by love and empowered by God's Holy Spirit. 148 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:21,360 Does New Testament grace and forgiveness allow for a lower standard than the Old Testament's 149 00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:22,680 harsh law? 150 00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:23,680 No. 151 00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:27,240 The standard under grace is even higher. 152 00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:34,320 And Jesus says this, Matthew 5 verse 27 to 28, you have heard it said you shall not commit 153 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:40,120 adultery but I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed 154 00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:44,720 adultery with her in his heart. 155 00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:47,640 That is a higher standard for sure. 156 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:52,760 I mean by Jesus's standards the man preaching to you right now is an adulterer and every 157 00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:56,080 single person here is an adulterer as well. 158 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:59,760 I mean this is a higher standard. 159 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:06,520 Thank Jesus that he died for me, that he died for you and that his sins, not his sins, our 160 00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:10,360 sins were nailed to that cross with him. 161 00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:14,920 Thank the Lord that he forgives me because I do not measure up to that standard. 162 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:17,840 Now let's just pause and make it clear here. 163 00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:23,560 Jesus says whoever looks at a woman lustfully, Jesus is applying the same standard to men 164 00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:24,560 and women. 165 00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:27,560 I mean you don't get off scot-free here I'm afraid. 166 00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:33,960 Jesus spoke from his own viewpoint and obviously so used male pronouns but it absolutely applies 167 00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:35,680 to everyone equally. 168 00:11:35,680 --> 00:11:38,560 Jesus did not apply different standards to men and women. 169 00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:40,200 He applied them absolutely equally. 170 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:46,720 In fact the first people to discover Jesus's resurrected body, the first people to meet 171 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:48,600 Jesus were his female followers. 172 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:51,240 Jesus doesn't apply standards differently. 173 00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:57,880 However with the words whoever looks at a woman, Jesus correctly locates the origin 174 00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:02,960 of lust back to the eyes, whoever looks. 175 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:09,920 Since Jesus considers adultery in the heart a sin, not just with the body, we know what 176 00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:15,760 we think about and allow our heart to rest on is actually based on choice. 177 00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:21,200 Many people who have committed adultery believe they have no choice and therefore no responsibility 178 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:23,320 maybe for even what they think about. 179 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:29,120 I can't help thinking those things but this contradicts the teaching of Jesus here. 180 00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:35,320 We may not be able to control our fleeting thoughts but we'd certainly decide where our 181 00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:38,480 heart and mind will rest. 182 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:44,200 The Bible says take every thought captive and we quite often end the statement there. 183 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:51,200 The second part of that verse says take every thought captive and make it obedient to God. 184 00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:59,000 A passing or a fleeting thought will lead you to a choice. 185 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:04,920 Imagination is a God-given gift but if it is fed dirt by the eye, all sin, not least 186 00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:08,640 sexual sin is going to begin with the imagination. 187 00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:13,260 Therefore what we feed the imagination is of maximum importance. 188 00:13:13,260 --> 00:13:17,640 Then we are in the pursuit of kingdom righteousness. 189 00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:25,440 Jesus was tempted in all of these ways, endured such temptations the same as us but he did 190 00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:28,160 not yield to the same sin. 191 00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:32,440 He was able to see women as other than objects for his own gratification. 192 00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:38,440 He was tempted in all points as we are but desire was expelled by the mighty power of 193 00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:45,760 a pure love to which every woman was a daughter, a sister or a betrothed, a sacred object of 194 00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:46,760 tender respect. 195 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:53,240 What a wonderful example and what an impossible example at the same time. 196 00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:56,160 Something that we just cannot live up to. 197 00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:59,480 So how can we try and solve some of these issues? 198 00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:04,120 Ben, you're talking about this in very difficult standards. 199 00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:05,800 At the moment you haven't given me anything concrete. 200 00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:09,640 You haven't given me anything that's going to help me in my day to day life. 201 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:14,720 Well let's look at 1 Corinthians 6 verses 18 to 20. 202 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:19,400 This is St Paul writing and he says, flee from sexual immorality. 203 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:24,280 All of the sins a person commits are outside the body but whoever sins sexually sins against 204 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:25,280 their own body. 205 00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:29,640 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you 206 00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:31,400 have received from God? 207 00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:33,120 You are not on your own. 208 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:35,080 You were bought with a price. 209 00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:39,320 Therefore, honor God with your bodies. 210 00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:44,880 And the danger is that Christians live their whole lives thinking that sex is a bad thing 211 00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:48,680 because so often it's said from the front that we can't do this and we shouldn't do 212 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:51,000 this and we should be careful with this. 213 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:53,100 God invented it. 214 00:14:53,100 --> 00:14:55,220 God created your body. 215 00:14:55,220 --> 00:14:57,000 He created everybody's body. 216 00:14:57,000 --> 00:15:01,400 And so if God's created it, God's designed it and God's ordained it. 217 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:06,360 And he's got a way to do it. 218 00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:08,600 Not literally. 219 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:13,200 The Greek word here where it says, flee from sexual immorality. 220 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:14,920 The Bible was not written in English. 221 00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:19,800 The Bible was written in Hebrew in the Old Testament and Greek in the New Testament. 222 00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:23,640 This word sexual immorality was not two words in the Greek. 223 00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:25,120 It was one word. 224 00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:30,620 And the word here used is pornea which is where the modern term pornography comes from. 225 00:15:30,620 --> 00:15:37,960 This word pornea was a simple word that included every Jewish custom around sex. 226 00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:41,960 So it would have included sex before marriage as well. 227 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:43,700 Flee from sexual immorality. 228 00:15:43,700 --> 00:15:47,520 The original translation would have included sex before marriage. 229 00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:52,840 But we are so desensitized to sex outside of marriage that it's just commonly accepted 230 00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:55,360 in our culture that that's what couples do. 231 00:15:55,360 --> 00:16:00,160 Nearly every film or rom-com you're ever gonna see involves the couple sleeping together 232 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,520 as a development of their relationship. 233 00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:06,520 They've met and they've flirted and they've seen there's a connection between the two 234 00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:09,560 and they've probably gone bowling or he's brought her flowers. 235 00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:10,560 Something like that. 236 00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:14,320 And then at the end of that they sleep together and then the day after they realize there's 237 00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:17,600 some horrible thing they haven't told each other and disaster happens and there's that 238 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:20,560 moment in the rain and then they reconnect. 239 00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:27,920 Society will paint sex as a way to develop a relationship and to work out is he the one, 240 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,120 is she the one. 241 00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:32,200 This is not sex as God intended it. 242 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:34,800 It's just a corruption from the enemy. 243 00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:39,600 Now what I do want to say at this point again, I really want to push forward that sense of 244 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:42,880 there is no sense of guilt and condemnation in Christ Jesus. 245 00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:47,200 And you'll understand this more when I get to the story at the very end I'm gonna deal 246 00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:48,200 with. 247 00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:52,840 This last story I'm gonna use is how did Jesus deal with this issue? 248 00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:57,400 Before we get there, porn and sex outside of marriage, they are just huge topics. 249 00:16:57,400 --> 00:17:03,040 We could quite easily fill hours discussing them and what the Bible says about them. 250 00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:07,440 And today's message is specifically focused upon adultery but seeing as Jesus says, if 251 00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:10,680 you have so looked at someone lustfully you've committed adultery. 252 00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:14,320 I think we kind of need to talk about these things a little bit. 253 00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:18,120 If you're single at the moment, I believe again this will have a profound effect upon 254 00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:24,560 your married life, how you deal with your singleness right now. 255 00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:27,120 Porn is not a modern day problem. 256 00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:32,200 Pornography was found carved and etched into the walls of Pompeii, would you have it believe? 257 00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:35,160 Jesus makes his stance on this pretty clear. 258 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:39,680 But I tell you anyone who looks at somebody lustfully has already committed adultery with 259 00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:41,800 them in their heart. 260 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:45,400 And so why did Jesus want us to turn our backs on lust? 261 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:51,240 Why did he want us to turn our backs on pornography and lust with the eyes and taking thoughts 262 00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:53,440 far too far? 263 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:56,120 It's because it is a deception. 264 00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:58,160 It's a lie. 265 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,800 Porn is an untrue picture of sex. 266 00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:02,400 It denies intimacy. 267 00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:07,920 If you break that word down and say it slowly, into me see, intimacy. 268 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:12,600 You see into somebody's soul. 269 00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:15,920 Porn and lustful thoughts are me focused. 270 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:21,200 It's about not only me focused and selfish, it's breaking your marital vows. 271 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:25,840 Jen and I at our wedding, I know she's disappeared at this point. 272 00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:29,880 Jen and I at our wedding said, we both vowed to each other, we said, with my body I honor 273 00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:31,000 you. 274 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:35,040 If I'm looking at these things and taking thoughts too far, I am not being honorable 275 00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:40,120 to my wife and the things that I vowed to her in front of God. 276 00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:44,720 God honoring and marriage honoring sex is about self-giving love. 277 00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:47,200 Righteous sex is about self-sacrifice. 278 00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:52,440 It joins two people together in love and it should always strengthen a relationship rather 279 00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:53,960 than weaken it. 280 00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:57,880 The book of Genesis in the second chapter of the Bible is the first time God talks about 281 00:18:57,880 --> 00:18:58,880 sex. 282 00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:02,120 He says, and they shall become one flesh. 283 00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:06,680 The opposite of God's design for sex between a husband and wife can be seen in the use 284 00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:11,560 of porn where satisfaction is always at the expense of somebody else because it's all 285 00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:13,080 about you. 286 00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:19,760 God created sex to be about love, sacrifice, mutual respect, dignity and care between a 287 00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:21,360 husband and a wife. 288 00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:25,640 Right sex happens when the focus is on serving each other and not getting your own needs 289 00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:27,600 met. 290 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:32,240 My own experiences with pornography were met pretty head on with what was in hindsight 291 00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:35,480 some absolutely incredible parenting. 292 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:41,240 I was about 12 years old and I finally discovered that I could probably leave Lord of the Rings 293 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:46,000 and Pokemon alone and girls were fit. 294 00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:51,800 The only internet access that we had in the house at that time, it was the early 2000s, 295 00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:54,120 was the family PC in the back room. 296 00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:55,800 It was just after dial-up days. 297 00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:58,320 We'd just got our first wireless modem. 298 00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:00,880 We were about 2005-ish at this point. 299 00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:05,440 I discovered that before mom and dad got home from work when I was back from school, I could 300 00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:07,880 use this PC to search all sorts of things. 301 00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:12,440 A mate of mine had told me that Ask Jeeves was the best search engine to use. 302 00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:17,520 Remember Ask Jeeves, you could ask Jeeves a lot of things guys. 303 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:21,040 All the grown-ups use this new thing called Google so my mate said, look, just use Ask 304 00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:22,040 Jeeves. 305 00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:28,680 After a couple of weeks, I remember my dad coming upstairs into my room and shutting 306 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:33,800 the door behind him and I thought, uh-oh, this is bad news. 307 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:38,660 In the Wade household, we generally dealt with things pretty head on. 308 00:20:38,660 --> 00:20:43,080 That was either not really in a loud or a shouty way, but if there was something that 309 00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:47,160 needed to be called out, we were pretty good at saying it straight on. 310 00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:51,280 Well, little 12-year-old me, little 12-year-old Benjamin did not know about the delete internet 311 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:54,200 history function, did he? 312 00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:58,480 Dad sat me down and dad, to be fair to him, called some things out. 313 00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:04,400 He just said that he'd found some websites and honestly, I remember the one in the ground 314 00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:09,040 to open up and swallow me so bad. 315 00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:18,520 What I remember was my dad wasn't cross, he wasn't angry, he was upset. 316 00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:24,040 I imagine my mom was fuming, but my dad, my dad was just upset when he spoke to me. 317 00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:26,280 He was nearly on the verge of tears. 318 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:32,000 He proceeded to speak to me about my images of women and the value that I should have 319 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:38,280 for them, not as objects or things for me to lust over, but as powerful beings, love 320 00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:41,920 designed, created by Father God. 321 00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:48,240 He told me how porn created a false image of sex, one that was not to God's design. 322 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:55,260 I don't remember his exact words, but I do remember leaving that conversation equally 323 00:21:55,260 --> 00:22:00,600 enlightened and ashamed in equal measure. 324 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:07,520 Once in the room, I just hope that's a good example to us, an example where my dad didn't 325 00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:09,040 come at me full of anger. 326 00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:14,120 He came gently to explain things and talk them through. 327 00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:20,000 Honestly, that was incredibly powerful because about 18 months after that, when I was about 328 00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:23,640 13 and a half, 14, Jen and I started dating. 329 00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:29,040 We actually made it official on the 20th of October, 2006, and that was when we put each 330 00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:31,600 other's names in our MSN chat name. 331 00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:35,080 That was the way he made it official when I was a teenager. 332 00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:39,320 Tell you what, in hindsight, boy am I flipping glad I had some of those conversations with 333 00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:43,600 my dad before I started dating anyone. 334 00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:47,440 Decisions made in the moment are poor masters. 335 00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:51,280 I had a conviction that I shared with Jen early on, and she was really strong on this 336 00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:55,480 as well, that we would not sleep together while we were dating. 337 00:22:55,480 --> 00:23:02,560 What we're not trying to do here is create a holy club of holier than thou people. 338 00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:08,600 There are 110 things wrong in my life, and what I don't want this message to do is leave 339 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:13,960 feeling a sense of some people have got it all together and some people haven't. 340 00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:16,760 This is just the reality of our story. 341 00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:24,040 I'll tell you what, hand on heart, that was the best tool I have ever had for sharing 342 00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:26,280 my faith with my friends. 343 00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:30,760 Whilst all of them lost their virginity, went from messy teen relationship to messy teen 344 00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:35,400 relationship, they all knew that I actually took my faith seriously. 345 00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:42,000 Lots of them didn't believe me, but about 15 or 16 of my mates came to youth as a result 346 00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:45,840 of me asking them and them knowing that I took my faith seriously. 347 00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:51,480 What I did with my body lined up with what I did with my faith. 348 00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:58,600 Many of those friends are still leading worship and serving in churches across Dudley today. 349 00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:00,520 Now did Jen and I mess up? 350 00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:02,000 Did we get close to having sex? 351 00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:03,680 Did we do things we shouldn't have done? 352 00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:05,920 Apps are flipping lootily. 353 00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:10,560 We were hormonal teenagers who didn't wear puberty rings, we didn't have the Bible strapped 354 00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:12,520 to our belt buckle. 355 00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:14,920 We got seriously close to sex several times. 356 00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:17,920 I'm not holding us up as a perfect example. 357 00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:26,080 But what I am saying is it's the only example I've got. 358 00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:30,960 Before we were in that situation, we made a decision. 359 00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:36,120 Before we were in the situation, we made a decision about what we weren't going to do. 360 00:24:36,120 --> 00:24:40,200 We started dating in 2006 and we got married in 2015. 361 00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:44,960 So trust me, I know how difficult it is not to sleep together while you're dating. 362 00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:46,840 We lived it for nine years. 363 00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:54,320 It was probably the most difficult thing that I've ever had to do in my Christian life. 364 00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:56,920 The most difficult thing I've ever had to do is not do something. 365 00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:59,760 Isn't that a lesson in self-control? 366 00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:05,480 I can honestly say that God has blessed and honoured that decision. 367 00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:10,240 Now does this mean, oh no, I've already slept with the person that I'm going to marry. 368 00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:11,800 Have I ruined it all? 369 00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:12,840 Absolutely not. 370 00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:16,160 There is no sense of guilt or condemnation in Christ Jesus. 371 00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:20,320 He is the one who comes to set us free. 372 00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:24,520 But boy did it give some weight to my faith when I was trying to share it with my friends. 373 00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:28,500 They knew that I was different and that stood out from that. 374 00:25:28,500 --> 00:25:32,120 We must acknowledge at this point, everyone in the room, that porn and sex addiction is 375 00:25:32,120 --> 00:25:34,680 a genuine, real thing. 376 00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:39,280 It's something that people can and should seek professional help with. 377 00:25:39,280 --> 00:25:43,240 It's also something that Jesus wants to set you free from. 378 00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:49,800 Proverbs 4 verses 23 and 25 say this, above all else guard your heart for everything you 379 00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:52,520 do flows from it. 380 00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:56,360 Verse 25 says, let your eyes look straight ahead. 381 00:25:56,360 --> 00:25:59,960 Fix your gaze directly before you. 382 00:25:59,960 --> 00:26:03,400 So let's maybe combine all of these thoughts and stories that we've had here and let's 383 00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:05,000 put something together. 384 00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:09,000 If Jesus says, you have heard that it was said you should not commit adultery, but I 385 00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:13,720 tell you anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in 386 00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:14,720 his heart. 387 00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:19,840 If Jesus says that, what is he for? 388 00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:20,920 What is Jesus pro? 389 00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:22,840 What would he want us to take from this? 390 00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:30,300 Jesus is for healthy, fulfilled marriages with a healthy view of sex. 391 00:26:30,300 --> 00:26:33,240 He is for divorce rates lowering. 392 00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:38,760 He is for happy spouses, deep in love, rooted in the love of Jesus. 393 00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:40,560 That's why he said those things. 394 00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:45,800 Not as a stick to beat ourselves with and to bring a sense of guilt and condemnation. 395 00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:48,960 It's because he is pro marriage. 396 00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:51,500 He wants your marriage to work. 397 00:26:51,500 --> 00:26:56,200 So I'm going to try my best to offer some practical advice for the things that I do 398 00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:57,200 in my own life. 399 00:26:57,200 --> 00:27:00,480 I'm aware in the room right now, there are people who have been married five times as 400 00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:05,480 long as Jen and I have, and I may not be the most qualified person to speak on this, but 401 00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:09,920 this is some of the things that I've picked up in my life. 402 00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:15,660 First of all, that one Corinthians verse says flee from sexual immorality, flee from pornea. 403 00:27:15,660 --> 00:27:17,360 It doesn't say stay near to it. 404 00:27:17,360 --> 00:27:20,080 It doesn't say just keep your distance and you'll be all right. 405 00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:24,720 It says flee, run away from it. 406 00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:28,920 After that discussion with my dad, I quickly realized why the family computer was in the 407 00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:32,720 back room and not in my bedroom. 408 00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:37,440 As I got a smartphone, the internet suddenly became accessible everywhere we went. 409 00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:39,440 Mom and dad, fair play. 410 00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:40,440 I didn't think this at the time. 411 00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:42,440 I thought they were being horrible, but fair play. 412 00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:47,320 They monitored my phone carefully and me and my sister did not take them upstairs. 413 00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:54,000 I learned the best way to avoid sexual immorality was to avoid the opportunities altogether. 414 00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:58,160 Now as a 30 year old man, I've been married eight and a half years. 415 00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:04,520 We've got two wonderful children and a wonderful house and God's doing amazing things in our 416 00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:09,520 lives, but even now I do not take my phone upstairs if my wife and children are not in 417 00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:10,520 the house. 418 00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:15,240 Well, Ben, you're a 30 year old grown up. 419 00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:16,240 Grow up. 420 00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:18,160 Of course you can take your phone upstairs. 421 00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:22,040 It's a rule I've set in my life because I'm avoiding the situation. 422 00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:25,880 I'm removing temptation before it becomes a temptation. 423 00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:29,360 The Bible does not tell me to entertain sexual immorality. 424 00:28:29,360 --> 00:28:32,520 It says flee from it. 425 00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:38,200 There are some really good, excellent accountability software apps that you can get where you download 426 00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:43,040 an app and it sends your whole internet history to someone else's email address. 427 00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:47,680 It was something that my friends and I did when we were about 15 or 16. 428 00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:49,000 There's a group of four lads. 429 00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:51,440 They all ended up being my best men, funny enough. 430 00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:55,640 When you share things with people like that, you know each other inside out. 431 00:28:55,640 --> 00:29:00,640 It used to send to each one of us, it would send our internet history for the month and 432 00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:08,680 it was terrifying, but very, very helpful. 433 00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:13,720 You need to talk openly with someone if this is something that you're struggling with. 434 00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:18,520 Not openly to share your bad news with every single person going. 435 00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:19,920 Openly and carefully. 436 00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:21,060 Someone that you can trust. 437 00:29:21,060 --> 00:29:23,240 Someone who knows Jesus. 438 00:29:23,240 --> 00:29:27,720 Make sure it's someone that you've got a really close, loving relationship with. 439 00:29:27,720 --> 00:29:31,440 Make sure it's not someone of the opposite sex, I would suggest. 440 00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:36,440 Jen and I, to this day, we've got a really low tolerance for sex scenes in films. 441 00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:39,600 It's just something that we can't stomach. 442 00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:42,640 Game of Thrones, for example, we watched the first episode and turned it off. 443 00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:44,440 No condemnation for those that have seen it. 444 00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:47,560 I've heard season two to seven are great. 445 00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:50,200 It's something that we just couldn't stomach together. 446 00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:51,760 That's true separately as well. 447 00:29:51,760 --> 00:29:55,600 We just don't have a very high threshold for those sorts of things. 448 00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:57,840 I work in a predominantly female environment. 449 00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:01,680 I'm a primary school teacher, if you don't know. 450 00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:06,960 All my career, 10 years now, worked predominantly in environments with people of the opposite 451 00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:07,960 sex. 452 00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:12,960 I learned very early on in my career, on a night out, which I should add, that you need 453 00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:16,720 to set some really clear boundaries at work. 454 00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:21,960 If I'm alone with a female colleague, I make sure I'm sitting opposite her and there's 455 00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:23,600 plenty of distance between us. 456 00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:29,860 I know this literally sounds silly, but scripture says flee from sexual immorality. 457 00:30:29,860 --> 00:30:32,760 Not flirt with it and you'll be all right as long as you don't do anything. 458 00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:35,560 I'm consciously careful on work nights out. 459 00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:37,680 I still have a good time, but I don't have too much to drink. 460 00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:38,680 I keep my distance back. 461 00:30:38,680 --> 00:30:44,280 I stay in groups of people, making sure I'm not going off for one-to-one chats, watching 462 00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:47,320 what I drink and what might be going in my drink. 463 00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:54,600 I also make sure, and this is massive for me, I do not speak ill or negatively of Jen, 464 00:30:54,600 --> 00:30:58,440 of my wife, to my female friends and colleagues. 465 00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:00,920 Number one, if I have an issue with Jen, I need to go straight to her. 466 00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:01,920 She's my wife. 467 00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:03,800 I need to be honoring of that. 468 00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:08,800 But number two, it creates a secret that only me and this other person share. 469 00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:11,840 It creates something that my wife doesn't know. 470 00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:17,720 In that, I'm not honoring her, and it's creating something that could very easily develop further. 471 00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:22,920 That's something that I do in every relationship that I've got. 472 00:31:22,920 --> 00:31:29,760 I choose to respect my wife and our relationship over every other human relationship. 473 00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:32,240 Do we argue and bicker like every other couple? 474 00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:33,240 Absolutely we do. 475 00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:35,520 Do I get annoyed when she over-packs for holidays? 476 00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:36,520 Yes, I do. 477 00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:38,440 I can't fit all the stuff in the boot. 478 00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:40,280 Do we agree on parenting stuff? 479 00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:42,720 No, I just do what I'm told. 480 00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:47,360 We're not holding us up as an example of a perfect marriage. 481 00:31:47,360 --> 00:31:49,680 We've got stuff wrong just as much as everybody. 482 00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:53,360 But what I do say is we make time commitments to each other. 483 00:31:53,360 --> 00:31:59,080 Literally, in my phone, I looked at next Wednesday because next Wednesday I was talking to Wayne 484 00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:01,040 and Sarah and said, oh, there might be Life Group. 485 00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:05,140 It says Jen and Ben date night on my calendar for next Wednesday. 486 00:32:05,140 --> 00:32:07,040 We put these in regularly. 487 00:32:07,040 --> 00:32:14,240 Guys, it would be so easy with the lives that Jen and I lead to just drift away from each 488 00:32:14,240 --> 00:32:15,240 other. 489 00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:18,600 There's definitely times when that has happened and we've had to call it out and say that, 490 00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:19,920 no, we need time. 491 00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:20,920 We need time together. 492 00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:25,240 I'll give you a little rundown of our calendar just to illustrate what I mean. 493 00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:30,320 I work full-time, so I leave the house about quarter to eight, sometimes eight if I had 494 00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:31,320 a line. 495 00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:32,920 I'll get back about five-ish. 496 00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:34,760 Jen works two days of a week for church. 497 00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:38,480 She's got other commitments in the week where she does the Moms and Tots play group here 498 00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:40,320 and all that sort of stuff. 499 00:32:40,320 --> 00:32:44,840 Monday evenings, they're generally free for us except the odd trustees meeting that Jen 500 00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:45,840 has for Springs. 501 00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:51,640 Tuesday evenings, for the past 10 weeks, have been alpha for me, but we do core team meetings 502 00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:52,960 as well as a leadership team. 503 00:32:52,960 --> 00:32:55,480 We meet on a Tuesday and talk about church. 504 00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:59,680 Wednesday evenings are either filled with prayer meetings or life groups. 505 00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:03,040 There's not one this week, so you can have a date night with your spouse. 506 00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:07,280 Thursday evenings, we have band practices, so if Jen's singing or I'm playing, we're 507 00:33:07,280 --> 00:33:08,280 down here. 508 00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:10,440 Then Fridays, Jen serves at youth. 509 00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:14,240 Saturdays, we generally need to see our family because we've not seen them all week. 510 00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:17,400 So Saturdays, we'll see our family and catching up with them. 511 00:33:17,400 --> 00:33:22,080 Sundays, we come here from like two o'clock and serve our butt off at church in between 512 00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:23,080 seeing family. 513 00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:29,240 What I'm trying to say is we know what a busy schedule looks like, just as much as I'm sure 514 00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:32,360 your diaries look really similar to ours. 515 00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:36,680 Everybody is busy, but what we've got to do above all if we're going to have a God-honouring 516 00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:41,120 marriage is put that as a priority. 517 00:33:41,120 --> 00:33:46,560 My relationship with Jen is more important than my relationship with my children because 518 00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:52,720 my relationship with my children comes from my marriage and the health of my marriage. 519 00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:57,200 It would be so easy for us to let that fire dull down and then suddenly see a new spark 520 00:33:57,200 --> 00:34:01,000 that looks exciting or fun or inviting. 521 00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:05,160 The antidote to that is do not let the fire of your marriage die down. 522 00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:08,120 Keep it alight and bright and full. 523 00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:12,720 Those sparks, those thoughts, they suddenly look a lot less appealing in the light of 524 00:34:12,720 --> 00:34:13,720 that fire. 525 00:34:13,720 --> 00:34:18,140 One of the things that my mum and dad installed in us when we got married, we did a thing 526 00:34:18,140 --> 00:34:22,320 called a pre-marriage course, which was just incredibly helpful. 527 00:34:22,320 --> 00:34:28,040 We had to drive to Purton for 15 weeks before we got married every single night to meet 528 00:34:28,040 --> 00:34:32,840 with a wonderful couple called Stephen and Rach Baker. 529 00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:37,000 They talked us through every single little thing you could about marriage. 530 00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:41,160 Pete and Rach run the same sort of thing for couples who are getting married in this church 531 00:34:41,160 --> 00:34:42,160 now. 532 00:34:42,160 --> 00:34:45,080 It talked us through what are your opinions on drugs. 533 00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:47,920 I haven't really got a strong opinion either way. 534 00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:52,160 It talked us through how are you going to deal with issues between your in-laws? 535 00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:57,040 It talked us through how are you going to... Before you are in the situation, what's 536 00:34:57,040 --> 00:34:58,320 your decision about it? 537 00:34:58,320 --> 00:35:00,560 It was incredibly helpful. 538 00:35:00,560 --> 00:35:04,400 One of the things that mum and dad installed in me, dad's a patron of a charity called 539 00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:06,120 Care for the Family. 540 00:35:06,120 --> 00:35:10,160 He installed in me that every marriage needs an MOT, like a car. 541 00:35:10,160 --> 00:35:14,040 Every single year your marriage needs an MOT, a yearly checkup. 542 00:35:14,040 --> 00:35:19,640 Make sure things are in order and where possible, do something that's just for you. 543 00:35:19,640 --> 00:35:24,320 Now that Evie's a little bit older and we've got wonderful in-laws and parents and family 544 00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:26,240 that are happy to have our children. 545 00:35:26,240 --> 00:35:29,280 For us it was this little three-day break we did recently to Barcelona. 546 00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:30,280 No kids over Easter. 547 00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:34,040 Honestly, that trip did our marriage so much good. 548 00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:38,440 I'm aware not everyone is in the position that we are with kids and family and babysitting. 549 00:35:38,440 --> 00:35:40,160 But I have a thing. 550 00:35:40,160 --> 00:35:42,880 What could your marriage MOT look like? 551 00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:44,080 Could it be a few days away? 552 00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:45,960 Could it be with your family? 553 00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:47,520 Could it be a marriage course? 554 00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:50,360 There's charities like Care for the Family that put these things on. 555 00:35:50,360 --> 00:35:52,840 Care for the Family, they're an incredible Christian charity. 556 00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:54,160 They do wonderful books. 557 00:35:54,160 --> 00:35:56,840 I've got about five of them if you want some books. 558 00:35:56,840 --> 00:36:00,360 They do courses, online courses about marriage as well. 559 00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:06,360 Their founder, actually, Rob Parsons, sent us a video for our wedding day. 560 00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:11,000 Dad surprised us and played it at our wedding. 561 00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:14,920 Could it be maybe attending a prayer meeting together and knowing during that prayer meeting 562 00:36:14,920 --> 00:36:19,200 I'm going to pray for my spouse and vice versa, we're going to pray for each other. 563 00:36:19,200 --> 00:36:22,320 Could it be getting up in the morning and praying together every day? 564 00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:24,960 Could that be your little marriage MOT? 565 00:36:24,960 --> 00:36:27,680 Could you set aside time to try and read the Bible together? 566 00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:30,640 Jen and I aren't perfect at these things. 567 00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:31,640 Definitely not. 568 00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:32,640 I'm not holding us up an example. 569 00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:35,840 It's stuff that we try and do as well. 570 00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:39,480 So why did God make this statement such a priority in the Ten Commandments? 571 00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:41,800 Why did Jesus take it even further? 572 00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:45,160 Because God is for healthy marriages. 573 00:36:45,160 --> 00:36:46,760 Marriage was God's idea. 574 00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:53,200 He is for marriages that are full of trust, commitment, strength, faith, intimacy, adventure, 575 00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:56,520 excitement, kindness, romance. 576 00:36:56,520 --> 00:37:00,080 All of these things are worth fighting for. 577 00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:05,600 Unfortunately, our flesh, the world and the enemy is full of lies and deceit and it will 578 00:37:05,600 --> 00:37:08,800 do anything possible to distort God's ideas. 579 00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:10,480 How do we know God's ideas? 580 00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:13,760 We go back to the Bible every single time. 581 00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:16,460 So I don't know how you're feeling right now as I bring this into land. 582 00:37:16,460 --> 00:37:19,580 Maybe you're feeling like you're on the right track. 583 00:37:19,580 --> 00:37:21,240 Maybe you feel like you've got some work to do. 584 00:37:21,240 --> 00:37:22,240 I don't know. 585 00:37:22,240 --> 00:37:26,920 Maybe there are feelings of embarrassment in the room, shame, hurt, pain, guilt, maybe 586 00:37:26,920 --> 00:37:29,220 a mixture of all of those. 587 00:37:29,220 --> 00:37:31,700 So maybe we can look at Jesus. 588 00:37:31,700 --> 00:37:34,960 How did Jesus react to adultery? 589 00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:39,320 How did Jesus react to sexual immorality? 590 00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:41,360 John 8 verses 2 to 11. 591 00:37:41,360 --> 00:37:46,560 At dawn, Jesus appeared again in the temple courts where all the people gathered around 592 00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:48,840 him and he sat them down to teach. 593 00:37:48,840 --> 00:37:53,080 The teachers of the law and the Pharisees, the teachers of the Old Testament, brought 594 00:37:53,080 --> 00:37:55,120 in a woman caught in adultery. 595 00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:59,320 They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, teacher, this woman was caught in 596 00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:04,720 the act of adultery, in the law that Moses commanded us to stone such a woman. 597 00:38:04,720 --> 00:38:06,720 Now what do you say? 598 00:38:06,720 --> 00:38:11,280 They were using this question as a trap in order to have a basis for accusing him. 599 00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:19,560 But Jesus, I love this, Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 600 00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:24,920 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and he said to them, let anyone of you 601 00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:29,880 who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her. 602 00:38:29,880 --> 00:38:34,960 Again he stooped down and he wrote on the ground, at this those who heard began to go 603 00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:40,520 away one at a time, the older ones first until only Jesus was left with the woman standing 604 00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:41,880 there. 605 00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:46,240 Jesus straightened up again and asked her, woman where are they? 606 00:38:46,240 --> 00:38:48,440 Has no one condemned you? 607 00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:50,800 No one sir, she said. 608 00:38:50,800 --> 00:38:53,600 Then neither do I condemn you, Jesus said. 609 00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:57,240 Go now and leave your life of sin. 610 00:38:57,240 --> 00:39:04,440 Can you imagine being literally ripped from the bed of the person you're committing adultery 611 00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:11,720 with in the act, naked, ashamed, thrown before a group of religious leaders and told you're 612 00:39:11,720 --> 00:39:17,680 about to be stoned, paraded through the streets for all your friends and family to see, for 613 00:39:17,680 --> 00:39:21,280 your husband to hear about when he returns from work. 614 00:39:21,280 --> 00:39:28,640 Interesting, there's no mention of the man during this story. 615 00:39:28,640 --> 00:39:35,540 We can either presume that he escaped or that possibly he was in on this all along. 616 00:39:35,540 --> 00:39:44,680 Now this woman, naked and ashamed, is thrown before Jesus, the most famous Rabbi in Israel. 617 00:39:44,680 --> 00:39:49,160 She's heard of him, she's heard of the miracles he's performed, she's heard that he knows 618 00:39:49,160 --> 00:39:51,200 the law better than anyone. 619 00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:55,960 She's in front of a crowd, naked, terrified, ready to feel the crack of the first stone 620 00:39:55,960 --> 00:40:00,640 on her back when Jesus does something unexpected. 621 00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:04,560 He bends down and writes in the sand. 622 00:40:04,560 --> 00:40:06,080 What was written, we don't know. 623 00:40:06,080 --> 00:40:11,040 I think that's because what he wrote is not actually important for us. 624 00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:13,840 Think if it was important for us, it would be in the Bible. 625 00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:19,160 The fact that he bent down and started writing, I think the point of that was to shock the 626 00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:20,280 crowd. 627 00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:25,560 This crowd would have been shouting, baying for blood, top of their voices. 628 00:40:25,560 --> 00:40:30,600 Eventually there would have been a silence, say for the crying woman, the pants maybe 629 00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:34,640 of the Pharisees who dragged her kicking and screaming through the town. 630 00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:37,880 There would have been little murmurs creeping in, what's he doing? 631 00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:38,880 Can you see? 632 00:40:38,880 --> 00:40:39,880 No, no, I can't see. 633 00:40:39,880 --> 00:40:40,880 Is he writing? 634 00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:41,880 What's he writing? 635 00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:48,480 Eventually, probably the Pharisee who dragged the woman here speaks, well, what do you say? 636 00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:57,520 Jesus stands and he responds with the most kind, life-changing words possible. 637 00:40:57,520 --> 00:41:02,800 Let anyone without sin be the first to throw a stone. 638 00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:10,400 Jesus bends down again and he continues writing, but the baying crowd means nothing to Jesus. 639 00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:13,080 There's a stunned silence. 640 00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:19,040 And slowly but surely, the crowd who were calling for blood two minutes earlier leave 641 00:41:19,040 --> 00:41:20,200 one by one. 642 00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:24,440 The Pharisees who dragged her here are probably the last ones to leave, throwing their stones 643 00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:28,960 to the ground in anger, staring daggers at the man writing in the ground, who has torn 644 00:41:28,960 --> 00:41:33,760 down their holier than thou attitudes with one sentence. 645 00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:36,720 Jesus stands again looking at the woman crumpled to the floor. 646 00:41:36,720 --> 00:41:38,960 Woman, where are they? 647 00:41:38,960 --> 00:41:39,960 Has no one condemned you? 648 00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:42,960 No one, sir, she said. 649 00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:46,440 Then neither do I condemn you, Jesus declared. 650 00:41:46,440 --> 00:41:51,000 Now go and leave your life of sin. 651 00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:57,000 God pronounces judgment on the sin, but he provides a way to escape condemnation. 652 00:41:57,000 --> 00:42:02,400 Jesus does not encourage the sin, but he loves the sinner. 653 00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:07,520 The Lord silences the critics of this world while healing hearts that are burdened with 654 00:42:07,520 --> 00:42:10,000 guilt and shame. 655 00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:14,640 God never treats sin casually, but he calls sinners to turn away from their old corrupt 656 00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:15,640 life. 657 00:42:15,640 --> 00:42:19,920 Romans 3 says, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God and are justified 658 00:42:19,920 --> 00:42:24,520 freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. 659 00:42:24,520 --> 00:42:26,760 All have sinned. 660 00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:32,500 By Jesus's standards, I am as much an adulterer as everybody else in the room is. 661 00:42:32,500 --> 00:42:34,560 All have sinned and fallen short. 662 00:42:34,560 --> 00:42:38,520 But Romans 8 verse 1 to 10, we use at the start. 663 00:42:38,520 --> 00:42:45,160 For there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus because the Christ 664 00:42:45,160 --> 00:42:52,000 Jesus, the law of the spirit who gives life, has set you free from the law of sin and death. 665 00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:56,240 Jesus responded with the utmost kindness. 666 00:42:56,240 --> 00:43:00,760 He responded with grace first and then a gentle truth at the end. 667 00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:02,120 He sets us free. 668 00:43:02,120 --> 00:43:08,200 He sets us free from the trappings of this world and he wants to set you free this afternoon 669 00:43:08,200 --> 00:43:09,200 as well. 670 00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:13,240 I'm going to close now and I'm going to pray three prayers. 671 00:43:13,240 --> 00:43:18,520 The first prayer that I would like to pray is for someone who maybe has never committed 672 00:43:18,520 --> 00:43:20,880 their life to Jesus before. 673 00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:24,840 Maybe you're sitting here and you're thinking, I'm not really a Christian, but my heart's 674 00:43:24,840 --> 00:43:28,640 beating kind of fast and I think I might want to become a Christian. 675 00:43:28,640 --> 00:43:29,640 I don't know what that means. 676 00:43:29,640 --> 00:43:32,600 I've got hundreds of questions. 677 00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:36,560 I have two and I'm the one standing at the front. 678 00:43:36,560 --> 00:43:37,820 So that's going to be the first prayer. 679 00:43:37,820 --> 00:43:43,160 If you want to welcome Jesus into your own heart, I really feel it's really important 680 00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:48,600 that I pray for people who are struggling with pornography. 681 00:43:48,600 --> 00:43:51,740 Maybe you wouldn't class that it was an addiction for yourself. 682 00:43:51,740 --> 00:43:55,960 Maybe it's a fleeting passing, but I believe that Jesus wants to set you free from that 683 00:43:55,960 --> 00:43:56,960 this afternoon. 684 00:43:56,960 --> 00:43:57,960 I'm not going to embarrass you. 685 00:43:57,960 --> 00:43:59,320 We're not going to ask you to come to the front. 686 00:43:59,320 --> 00:44:01,640 We're not going to ask you to look at me. 687 00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:04,200 This is between you and God right now. 688 00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:08,800 And then finally, I want to pray that our church will be known for its strong marriages, 689 00:44:08,800 --> 00:44:14,120 for an emotional healing with those who have been hurt before. 690 00:44:14,120 --> 00:44:16,600 So let's spend some time in prayer, shall we? 691 00:44:16,600 --> 00:44:20,920 Sam and the guys are going to come back up and we're going to sing, I speak Jesus one 692 00:44:20,920 --> 00:44:21,920 more time. 693 00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:25,520 While they do that, let's pray. 694 00:44:25,520 --> 00:44:30,720 First of all, if you're someone who wants to welcome Jesus into your life, if you want 695 00:44:30,720 --> 00:44:35,120 to pray a prayer that means Jesus will come and live with you, this prayer is for you. 696 00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:37,320 Say it with me in your heart maybe. 697 00:44:37,320 --> 00:44:43,440 Dear Lord, I'm sorry for the things that I've done that have offended you. 698 00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:46,920 Whether I knew they were bad things to do or whether I didn't know that they were bad 699 00:44:46,920 --> 00:44:48,960 things to do, I still did them. 700 00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:50,600 And Lord, I'm sorry about that. 701 00:44:50,600 --> 00:44:51,600 Please forgive me. 702 00:44:51,600 --> 00:44:55,600 Lord, come into my life and help me. 703 00:44:55,600 --> 00:44:59,280 Life's hard and I need a friend that's never going to leave me. 704 00:44:59,280 --> 00:45:01,000 That's Jesus. 705 00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:06,840 Lord thank you that because I ask, you come and live within me and you can come and help 706 00:45:06,840 --> 00:45:07,840 me. 707 00:45:07,840 --> 00:45:08,840 In Jesus' name, amen. 708 00:45:08,840 --> 00:45:09,840 Amen. 709 00:45:09,840 --> 00:45:14,800 If everyone just keeps their head bowed for another second or two. 710 00:45:14,800 --> 00:45:18,040 If you were someone that just prayed that prayer in your heart, again, we're not going 711 00:45:18,040 --> 00:45:21,800 to ask you to come to the front and embarrass you, but we do believe that we want to give 712 00:45:21,800 --> 00:45:25,480 you a Bible and maybe we want to help you in this journey. 713 00:45:25,480 --> 00:45:30,800 So if that was you, well everyone's got their eyes closed and their head bowed. 714 00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:34,080 Would you just be really brave and make eye contact with me? 715 00:45:34,080 --> 00:45:39,120 Just look up at me and we'll give you a Bible and pray for you. 716 00:45:39,120 --> 00:45:41,480 Bless you. 717 00:45:41,480 --> 00:45:42,480 Amazing. 718 00:45:42,480 --> 00:45:43,480 Amazing. 719 00:45:43,480 --> 00:45:50,160 Church, I want to pray for people now that specifically are struggling with pornography. 720 00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:58,360 Lord, I thank you that you do not give us a sense of guilt and you do not give us a 721 00:45:58,360 --> 00:46:00,600 sense of condemnation. 722 00:46:00,600 --> 00:46:02,560 You pick us up off the ground. 723 00:46:02,560 --> 00:46:06,680 You dust us down and Lord you say, go and sin no more. 724 00:46:06,680 --> 00:46:14,400 Lord, I pray that this addiction, these things that we watch online or see, Lord, I pray 725 00:46:14,400 --> 00:46:16,700 that they would be broken now in the name of Jesus. 726 00:46:16,700 --> 00:46:20,200 Break those chains off right now. 727 00:46:20,200 --> 00:46:23,960 Lord, help us to put in healthy safeguards. 728 00:46:23,960 --> 00:46:28,440 Help us to put in things that are going to stop us doing this, but Lord more importantly, 729 00:46:28,440 --> 00:46:32,000 would you break that need in our hearts to watch these things? 730 00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:35,040 Lord, you can help us conquer our lust. 731 00:46:35,040 --> 00:46:39,480 Lord, I believe right now there are people in this room being set free from the chains 732 00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:42,960 of pornography, the hold that it has upon people. 733 00:46:42,960 --> 00:46:45,440 Remove it now in Jesus' name. 734 00:46:45,440 --> 00:46:47,840 In Jesus' name. 735 00:46:47,840 --> 00:46:49,400 Amen. 736 00:46:49,400 --> 00:46:50,960 Amen. 737 00:46:50,960 --> 00:46:57,600 Lord, we ask that this church would be known for its strong, healthy marriages. 738 00:46:57,600 --> 00:47:02,920 Lord, we ask that anyone in this room right now who needs some emotional healing from 739 00:47:02,920 --> 00:47:07,480 hurt, from something they've done in the past or something they've experienced in the past, 740 00:47:07,480 --> 00:47:11,320 Lord, you are the God who can knit us all together. 741 00:47:11,320 --> 00:47:12,700 You can heal us. 742 00:47:12,700 --> 00:47:16,000 You can make us emotionally whole like no therapy ever could. 743 00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:23,960 Lord, I pray that you would right now come here, help us and be with us. 744 00:47:23,960 --> 00:47:28,000 Lord, thank you that your word literally lights the path of our lives. 745 00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:30,200 Lord, may we read it more than ever before. 746 00:47:30,200 --> 00:47:33,840 Lord, may we read it with our spouses like we never have before. 747 00:47:33,840 --> 00:47:35,800 May we pray together like we never have before. 748 00:47:35,800 --> 00:47:40,200 Lord, may this church be known by its standard of healthy marriages. 749 00:47:40,200 --> 00:47:42,200 Your name, Lord. 750 00:47:42,200 --> 00:47:43,200 Amen. 751 00:47:43,200 --> 00:47:44,200 Thanks again for listening. 752 00:47:44,200 --> 00:47:55,400 To hear more of our messages, make sure to subscribe to our YouTube channel and our podcast 753 00:47:55,400 --> 00:47:57,200 channel for past preachers. 754 00:47:57,200 --> 00:47:59,800 If you feel like you've got something out of today's message, why not share it with 755 00:47:59,800 --> 00:48:02,000 your friends and spread the good news of Jesus. 756 00:48:02,000 --> 00:48:03,000 We are praying for you. 757 00:48:03,000 --> 00:48:04,000 We love you. 758 00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:07,000 So please, if you need anything at all, check out springschurch.co.uk. 759 00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:08,000 God bless. 760 00:48:08,000 --> 00:48:14,000 My God's got me.