WEBVTT 00:00:03.790 --> 00:00:06.669 From the time that they pronounced me that was 00:00:06.669 --> 00:00:10.250 a good 45 minutes They cut my clothes and then 00:00:10.250 --> 00:00:13.609 they paddled my heart my heart stopped and I 00:00:13.609 --> 00:00:17.129 could see people screaming and crying But I didn't 00:00:17.129 --> 00:00:19.510 realize that was actually my physical body because 00:00:19.510 --> 00:00:22.890 I was somewhere else The only thing that I could 00:00:22.890 --> 00:00:26.809 feel if you can imagine Absolute love and peace 00:00:26.809 --> 00:00:29.829 there wasn't anything else to be felt. I was 00:00:29.829 --> 00:00:33.049 greeted by people I'd known in the past I'm back 00:00:33.049 --> 00:00:36.950 home again. Incredibly safe and felt at home. 00:00:39.670 --> 00:00:41.829 Welcome, welcome to Round Trip Death, everybody. 00:00:41.950 --> 00:00:44.490 We're happy to have our special guest today, 00:00:44.770 --> 00:00:47.670 Cedar Branches. Good morning. How are you, Cedar? 00:00:48.509 --> 00:00:51.350 Morning, Eric. I'm okay. How are you doing? Good. 00:00:51.549 --> 00:00:55.009 It's good to see you. We had a great talk yesterday. 00:00:55.770 --> 00:01:00.079 And I feel like I need to give sort of a Intro 00:01:00.079 --> 00:01:02.500 disclaimer, whatever we want to call it before 00:01:02.500 --> 00:01:06.040 we get started today to let our audience know 00:01:06.040 --> 00:01:10.079 While this is going to be full of positive energy 00:01:10.079 --> 00:01:15.620 and thoughts. This is a very unusual near -death 00:01:15.620 --> 00:01:19.219 type of experience that some people are going 00:01:19.219 --> 00:01:23.680 to Maybe have a harder time dealing with and 00:01:23.680 --> 00:01:26.939 that's okay. We're also going to be discussing 00:01:26.939 --> 00:01:32.060 some sensitive topics like suicide and so if 00:01:32.060 --> 00:01:35.359 that's something that you know maybe you're not 00:01:35.359 --> 00:01:37.500 ready for it this time that's okay just wanted 00:01:37.500 --> 00:01:40.280 to give you a little heads up on that and remind 00:01:40.280 --> 00:01:43.079 everybody if you're ever in any kind of a crisis 00:01:43.079 --> 00:01:47.000 there's the 988 crisis line you can always reach 00:01:47.000 --> 00:01:50.200 out to and have somebody to talk to but let's 00:01:50.200 --> 00:01:53.739 jump in on a more positive note cedar take just 00:01:53.739 --> 00:01:56.900 a minute and tell us a little bit about you I'm 00:01:56.900 --> 00:02:01.579 51 years old, turning 52 tomorrow. And I previously 00:02:01.579 --> 00:02:04.739 lived a corporate life, living the American dream. 00:02:05.120 --> 00:02:10.099 And I left my career in 2011 and dedicated myself 00:02:10.099 --> 00:02:14.080 to a path of devotional spiritual service. After 00:02:14.080 --> 00:02:16.840 that period, the journey has been really wild, 00:02:17.120 --> 00:02:18.539 which I'm sure we're going to talk a little bit 00:02:18.539 --> 00:02:22.060 more about today, including a few near depth 00:02:22.060 --> 00:02:25.120 like experiences. You know, I'm going to be sharing 00:02:25.120 --> 00:02:27.479 what I share today. And this is a little bit 00:02:27.479 --> 00:02:31.120 of my disclaimer as literal because my rendering 00:02:31.120 --> 00:02:35.219 of my experience is very literal to me. Hope 00:02:35.219 --> 00:02:38.159 that anything that I can offer today is, is a 00:02:38.159 --> 00:02:43.500 value to anyone. Well, I appreciate you being 00:02:43.500 --> 00:02:47.520 here. I know it's not easy to be as vulnerable 00:02:47.520 --> 00:02:49.400 as the things that we're going to be talking 00:02:49.400 --> 00:02:52.800 about today. And hey, let me be the first one 00:02:52.800 --> 00:02:56.060 to say happy birthday tomorrow. Oh, thank you. 00:02:56.439 --> 00:02:59.719 I will spare you the singing, but happy birthday 00:02:59.719 --> 00:03:05.199 and congratulations. And what does it mean to, 00:03:05.199 --> 00:03:07.979 I forget how you worded it, something about how 00:03:07.979 --> 00:03:10.659 you left regular life and started on a spiritual 00:03:10.659 --> 00:03:13.560 journey about 15 years ago. What does that mean? 00:03:13.900 --> 00:03:16.879 How did things change? Well, I found myself living 00:03:16.879 --> 00:03:19.099 a corporate life. I actually worked at Microsoft 00:03:19.099 --> 00:03:22.039 Corporation as an analyst. I had worked really 00:03:22.039 --> 00:03:24.919 hard over the years to gain that position. And 00:03:24.919 --> 00:03:27.360 I had what a lot of people might really believe 00:03:27.360 --> 00:03:30.159 is the American dream. You know, I had a beautiful 00:03:30.159 --> 00:03:32.939 family and I drove a Cadillac and I had a good 00:03:32.939 --> 00:03:35.439 paying job, a condo in the suburbs of Seattle. 00:03:36.240 --> 00:03:40.860 And I still didn't have happiness. And I, you 00:03:40.860 --> 00:03:43.419 know, I really felt like on a daily basis that 00:03:43.419 --> 00:03:46.599 I was sort of serving the beast for lack of a 00:03:46.599 --> 00:03:50.319 better metaphor on that, poisoning my soul. My 00:03:50.319 --> 00:03:52.819 health was in decline and I just truly wasn't 00:03:52.819 --> 00:03:58.240 happy at a soul level. And so in 2010, I really 00:03:58.240 --> 00:04:01.099 reached a rock bottom point where every day I 00:04:01.099 --> 00:04:03.639 was waking up with a very difficult question. 00:04:04.360 --> 00:04:07.319 That question was, should I get up and go to 00:04:07.319 --> 00:04:12.139 work today or should I die? And while my mind 00:04:12.139 --> 00:04:14.860 basically told me on a daily basis that I would 00:04:14.860 --> 00:04:18.319 choose that, I didn't. And I made the right choice. 00:04:18.779 --> 00:04:21.720 And I continued persevering through until early 00:04:21.720 --> 00:04:26.920 2011, where in early 2011, my marriage came to 00:04:26.920 --> 00:04:30.139 a gentle and loving end and my career also came 00:04:30.139 --> 00:04:34.819 to an end. As of June 2011, through some shamanic 00:04:34.819 --> 00:04:38.959 classes I was taking, I really realized my soul 00:04:38.959 --> 00:04:42.720 calling was not about money or materiality or 00:04:42.720 --> 00:04:45.399 following the rules, but was really to try and 00:04:45.399 --> 00:04:47.839 find ways to be in service of something greater 00:04:47.839 --> 00:04:51.300 and higher than myself. That really became my 00:04:51.300 --> 00:04:55.259 path. And what that looked like to me was every 00:04:55.259 --> 00:04:58.490 morning I would wake up. And time was on my side, 00:04:58.569 --> 00:05:00.610 even though I didn't really have any finances 00:05:00.610 --> 00:05:03.949 to support me. And I would listen to my heart 00:05:03.949 --> 00:05:07.009 on what I believe Spirit was telling me to go 00:05:07.009 --> 00:05:11.350 do or where to go. And I would follow that, would 00:05:11.350 --> 00:05:14.629 think. And it led me a lot of places for a lot 00:05:14.629 --> 00:05:17.970 of years. I'll bet there's some other people 00:05:17.970 --> 00:05:21.269 listening right now that are feeling somewhat 00:05:21.269 --> 00:05:25.410 the same way. But that is a scary leap to just 00:05:25.410 --> 00:05:31.600 jump. Any advice? I wouldn't recommend it for 00:05:31.600 --> 00:05:34.759 most people. I really think that there's other 00:05:34.759 --> 00:05:38.339 easier ways. I really have gone through in my 00:05:38.339 --> 00:05:41.720 life and I've made a lot of arguably foolish 00:05:41.720 --> 00:05:44.199 decisions that were necessary for me to learn. 00:05:44.819 --> 00:05:47.819 I think other people could mediate that a little 00:05:47.819 --> 00:05:50.800 better, learn how to value a little more what 00:05:50.800 --> 00:05:54.339 is in your life, and find ways to become more 00:05:54.339 --> 00:05:57.959 authentic with yourself. without necessarily 00:05:57.959 --> 00:06:03.540 casting everything aside. All right. Well, let's 00:06:03.540 --> 00:06:07.420 get into the NDE stuff. Let's go back. You had 00:06:07.420 --> 00:06:10.300 three different experiences back in the early 00:06:10.300 --> 00:06:15.120 2010s, 2010 to 2014. Give us an idea of what 00:06:15.120 --> 00:06:18.620 was going on and what led up to the first and 00:06:18.620 --> 00:06:20.879 second ones, which were a little minor compared 00:06:20.879 --> 00:06:22.620 to the third one that we're going to get to in 00:06:22.620 --> 00:06:25.829 a few minutes. What was going on? Well, in 2010, 00:06:25.829 --> 00:06:29.550 like I said, I had reached my rock bottom. And 00:06:29.550 --> 00:06:34.250 in very early 2011, I had one of the final arguments 00:06:34.250 --> 00:06:38.490 with my ex -wife, now ex -wife. Our marriage 00:06:38.490 --> 00:06:41.970 had really been based on attachment as well as 00:06:41.970 --> 00:06:44.730 a form of love. But it was very much based on 00:06:44.730 --> 00:06:47.750 attachment and fear of loss. When I had that 00:06:47.750 --> 00:06:50.069 argument, I set out onto the roads in the night 00:06:50.069 --> 00:06:53.949 and my one of my faster cars. And I know I was 00:06:53.949 --> 00:06:56.629 out there being reckless and that the whole night 00:06:56.629 --> 00:07:00.029 was kind of a bore. I have faint glimpses of, 00:07:00.029 --> 00:07:02.310 you know, maybe having an accident, maybe not. 00:07:02.790 --> 00:07:06.350 And really when I sort of came out of my boat 00:07:06.350 --> 00:07:08.709 that I was in at the moment, I found myself parked 00:07:08.709 --> 00:07:12.370 at a gas station. And I was really certainly 00:07:12.370 --> 00:07:14.670 from that experience, even though I can't describe 00:07:14.670 --> 00:07:17.509 a lot of details from it. I was a different man 00:07:17.509 --> 00:07:20.850 when I came to in that moment. And it was the 00:07:20.850 --> 00:07:23.730 next morning that I went to my ex -wife with 00:07:23.730 --> 00:07:27.730 love and we decided to separate and that was 00:07:27.730 --> 00:07:29.769 out of love for each other. It wasn't in a fight. 00:07:29.850 --> 00:07:33.810 It was more about allowing the other to find 00:07:33.810 --> 00:07:37.269 their own happiness on their own path. And so 00:07:37.269 --> 00:07:41.089 that one taught me a lot. I'm gonna throw out 00:07:41.089 --> 00:07:43.990 another term that's used often and I don't know 00:07:43.990 --> 00:07:47.410 if you've heard this before. It's called a spiritually 00:07:47.410 --> 00:07:52.540 transformative experience or STE. versus NDE. 00:07:53.000 --> 00:07:56.060 Do you feel like the thing that you just described 00:07:56.060 --> 00:08:00.079 was more of that? Very likely, yeah. Now in my 00:08:00.079 --> 00:08:02.860 rendering, since I don't have a lot of detail, 00:08:03.240 --> 00:08:06.360 I can't really say as much as with the other 00:08:06.360 --> 00:08:10.120 experiences, the literalness of how I experience. 00:08:10.199 --> 00:08:14.019 But in that case, I would definitely agree. And 00:08:14.019 --> 00:08:17.040 that led to a whole change in your life. Absolutely. 00:08:17.699 --> 00:08:22.300 Definitely transformative. Okay. So you keep 00:08:22.300 --> 00:08:26.319 going down this path, you get to a point later 00:08:26.319 --> 00:08:30.519 where you're doing all kinds of meditation and 00:08:30.519 --> 00:08:34.580 fasting and that leads up to the next experience. 00:08:34.919 --> 00:08:38.179 So go ahead and go through all of that. I really 00:08:38.179 --> 00:08:40.840 heavily depended during that time you're talking 00:08:40.840 --> 00:08:44.019 about on community support and being in community 00:08:44.019 --> 00:08:46.929 to make sure I got fed. But one of the things 00:08:46.929 --> 00:08:49.250 that happens in the Pacific Northwest in the 00:08:49.250 --> 00:08:52.250 winter is community sort of disappears while 00:08:52.250 --> 00:08:55.690 people go inside to hibernate, I suppose, for 00:08:55.690 --> 00:08:59.649 the winter. I actually ended up going to my stepbrothers' 00:08:59.750 --> 00:09:02.250 home in Granite Falls and I brought a small amount 00:09:02.250 --> 00:09:05.429 of food with me. It was supposed to drag me through 00:09:05.429 --> 00:09:09.230 the winter and it really wasn't enough. And so 00:09:09.230 --> 00:09:12.889 I was already just due to my health issues and 00:09:12.889 --> 00:09:16.279 basically a starvation mode. And after three 00:09:16.279 --> 00:09:19.740 months, I had run out of food. I had run out 00:09:19.740 --> 00:09:21.980 of sweetener for the tea that I was drinking 00:09:21.980 --> 00:09:25.620 on tea fasting. And I really went through a starvation 00:09:25.620 --> 00:09:29.460 experience. That was a slow process, you know, 00:09:29.519 --> 00:09:32.379 weeks and weeks and weeks of meditation and releasing 00:09:32.379 --> 00:09:34.720 through every layer of attachment, you know, 00:09:34.879 --> 00:09:39.700 attachment to ideas, to material materiality, 00:09:39.919 --> 00:09:42.960 to relationships, to my own beliefs, and even 00:09:42.960 --> 00:09:47.350 to wipe itself. And as the starvation sort of 00:09:47.350 --> 00:09:50.649 turned to where it looked like I was really at 00:09:50.649 --> 00:09:53.970 risk, which was sort of a shift in aim into euphoria, 00:09:54.490 --> 00:09:58.110 which I recognized as a symptom, as I faded off 00:09:58.110 --> 00:10:00.789 to sleep that night, I sort of, the writing was 00:10:00.789 --> 00:10:03.250 on the wall that it was likely that my organs 00:10:03.250 --> 00:10:06.769 would shut down while I slept. And as I was sort 00:10:06.769 --> 00:10:09.610 of resolving through that, I found I still had 00:10:09.610 --> 00:10:13.909 one regret that was still with me. And that was 00:10:13.909 --> 00:10:17.850 the thought of a soulmate who I didn't know, 00:10:17.909 --> 00:10:20.769 who was out in the world waiting for me. And 00:10:20.769 --> 00:10:22.830 that, you know, I might have some sort of a soul 00:10:22.830 --> 00:10:26.409 contract to go meet them. And that I regretted 00:10:26.409 --> 00:10:29.789 that I wouldn't be able to fulfill that in my 00:10:29.789 --> 00:10:33.610 life. I moved on from that as well. And the move 00:10:33.610 --> 00:10:36.730 on was kind of in the form of asking spirit. 00:10:36.850 --> 00:10:39.450 There's something left for me to complete. Please 00:10:39.450 --> 00:10:42.330 eat me here. But if there's not, I'm ready to 00:10:42.330 --> 00:10:46.429 go home. And the next morning I woke up and a 00:10:46.429 --> 00:10:48.450 friend of mine was on the doorstep with food. 00:10:48.870 --> 00:10:51.870 I guess it was my choice to return to life to 00:10:51.870 --> 00:10:54.950 fulfill that. And just on a positive note about 00:10:54.950 --> 00:10:57.389 that experience, it has since been fulfilled. 00:10:58.190 --> 00:11:02.710 Absolutely. I like how you just said something 00:11:02.710 --> 00:11:05.889 about going home. Like that was a possibility 00:11:05.889 --> 00:11:09.330 that you might be going home. That's a term that 00:11:09.330 --> 00:11:12.559 we hear a lot. from people who have visited the 00:11:12.559 --> 00:11:17.039 other side. I know nothing about your religious 00:11:17.039 --> 00:11:20.360 or zero religious background. Why did you come 00:11:20.360 --> 00:11:24.860 up with that term home? It's related to partially 00:11:24.860 --> 00:11:27.700 to belief probably because I believe we all come 00:11:27.700 --> 00:11:30.480 from one source and we all return to that source 00:11:30.480 --> 00:11:34.639 not even in a religious way. even a physics way, 00:11:34.820 --> 00:11:37.639 I suppose. It's additionally related to what 00:11:37.639 --> 00:11:40.580 I found every time I stared at that veil and 00:11:40.580 --> 00:11:44.820 that edge, and that it's as if there's a sea 00:11:44.820 --> 00:11:50.019 of just infinite peace and love, and it's a very 00:11:50.019 --> 00:11:53.279 welcoming place, and it has that feeling of home, 00:11:53.519 --> 00:11:58.320 you know? That's really where it resonates to 00:11:58.320 --> 00:12:01.059 me. Every time I stood at that edge, it looks 00:12:01.059 --> 00:12:03.379 like home. It's very inviting. There's nothing 00:12:03.379 --> 00:12:06.840 wrong there. Very peaceful place. And it just 00:12:06.840 --> 00:12:11.179 feels like home. How else would you explain that? 00:12:11.620 --> 00:12:14.120 Besides the words peaceful and home, any other 00:12:14.120 --> 00:12:17.539 adjectives to... Welcoming is really dead. And 00:12:17.539 --> 00:12:20.259 it's much like a sea of infinite love and an 00:12:20.259 --> 00:12:23.440 unconditional love at that. And, you know, it's 00:12:23.440 --> 00:12:26.139 pretty amazing for me every time I've sort of 00:12:26.139 --> 00:12:29.019 been at that place because in life, I have a 00:12:29.019 --> 00:12:31.639 lot of struggle that goes on in my head and I... 00:12:31.710 --> 00:12:35.850 I find things very important in life, whether 00:12:35.850 --> 00:12:38.649 that's something I think, what my beliefs are, 00:12:39.230 --> 00:12:41.389 or I'd see it in other people, what politics 00:12:41.389 --> 00:12:44.490 are, and all of this. And really, when you're 00:12:44.490 --> 00:12:47.590 in that other place, there's none of that. And 00:12:47.590 --> 00:12:49.529 being on the other side of it, it just feels 00:12:49.529 --> 00:12:53.129 like we make so much more meaning about this 00:12:53.129 --> 00:12:56.889 life than is actually necessary. The other side 00:12:56.889 --> 00:12:59.509 has such a perfection and such an unconditional 00:12:59.509 --> 00:13:02.419 love. that you can look back and you can say, 00:13:02.580 --> 00:13:04.559 well, there was nothing wrong the whole time, 00:13:04.559 --> 00:13:07.840 and I made it mean all of this. And then it's 00:13:07.840 --> 00:13:11.899 clear on the other side. Okay. Thank you for 00:13:11.899 --> 00:13:14.840 all that. Let's move forward to 2014. Life gets 00:13:14.840 --> 00:13:18.139 even tougher. Tell us what's going on now. Well, 00:13:18.159 --> 00:13:21.220 I had continued going along with my devotional 00:13:21.220 --> 00:13:23.960 service. I was trying to teach a lot of things 00:13:23.960 --> 00:13:26.320 that I was learning at the time in my developing 00:13:26.320 --> 00:13:29.899 wisdom. Still very not matured at that point. 00:13:30.279 --> 00:13:33.559 But I did find a lot of personal healing. And 00:13:33.559 --> 00:13:37.860 one day in mid April that year of 2014, I went 00:13:37.860 --> 00:13:40.940 on a medicine walk, which is something that I 00:13:40.940 --> 00:13:43.200 would regularly do. It was kind of like a spirit 00:13:43.200 --> 00:13:45.460 guided walk without direction and listening to 00:13:45.460 --> 00:13:47.820 the heart and going where you're guided. And 00:13:47.820 --> 00:13:52.220 I ended up at a bridge over a ravine. And I had 00:13:52.220 --> 00:13:55.919 a vision there of me falling to my death off 00:13:55.919 --> 00:13:59.970 the bridge. It took me back a little bit. not 00:13:59.970 --> 00:14:03.049 just because it was such a graphic vision, but 00:14:03.049 --> 00:14:06.289 also because I didn't have any fear around it. 00:14:06.870 --> 00:14:10.190 I felt it was kind of a peaceful vision, which 00:14:10.190 --> 00:14:13.490 was a little surprising to myself. And I didn't 00:14:13.490 --> 00:14:16.629 take any immediate action on it. I had other 00:14:16.629 --> 00:14:20.169 obligations to attend to, so I moved on. Well, 00:14:20.250 --> 00:14:23.730 the next day, or maybe a couple of days after, 00:14:24.230 --> 00:14:27.389 I sort of woke up out of a writing an automatic 00:14:27.389 --> 00:14:29.529 writing trance if I would do things like that 00:14:29.529 --> 00:14:32.830 at the time. And on my computer in front of me 00:14:32.830 --> 00:14:37.389 was a suicide note. I looked at it and I understood 00:14:37.389 --> 00:14:42.509 that I had a place and that I had a plan. And 00:14:42.509 --> 00:14:44.830 I realized that these were pretty big warning 00:14:44.830 --> 00:14:49.649 signs that maybe I should call for help. And 00:14:49.649 --> 00:14:52.970 so I called a friend. They didn't answer I left 00:14:52.970 --> 00:14:55.570 a kind of a superficial message, you know one 00:14:55.570 --> 00:14:57.309 of those Oh, hey, give me a call when you get 00:14:57.309 --> 00:15:00.490 a chance sort of things and then after I didn't 00:15:00.490 --> 00:15:03.250 get a call after many hours or maybe even the 00:15:03.250 --> 00:15:06.429 next morning I Pretty much decided I was gonna 00:15:06.429 --> 00:15:10.710 walk down to that bridge But I I couldn't leave 00:15:10.710 --> 00:15:15.409 the friend that I had call With a dishonest message 00:15:15.409 --> 00:15:18.649 and feel like I had done them any service. So 00:15:18.649 --> 00:15:21.519 I called him back I was much more honest when 00:15:21.519 --> 00:15:25.100 I left the message at this point about sort of 00:15:25.100 --> 00:15:28.019 the urgency and the situation that I was in. 00:15:28.539 --> 00:15:30.460 And after they didn't call back for a while, 00:15:30.500 --> 00:15:33.720 I put on my shoes and I went to the door. And 00:15:33.720 --> 00:15:35.659 as I reached for the door, that friend called 00:15:35.659 --> 00:15:39.220 back. They came, they picked me up. They showed 00:15:39.220 --> 00:15:41.399 me just the great amount of love and compassion 00:15:41.399 --> 00:15:44.259 and understanding. They took me to a different 00:15:44.259 --> 00:15:46.980 location through a community house that was full 00:15:46.980 --> 00:15:50.960 of naturopathic physicians and dealers and you 00:15:50.960 --> 00:15:53.919 know a bunch of men kind of around my age or 00:15:53.919 --> 00:15:57.740 younger and I spent a couple weeks there in a 00:15:57.740 --> 00:16:00.519 lot of healing work, internal healing work around 00:16:00.519 --> 00:16:04.159 what I was going through as well as teaching 00:16:04.159 --> 00:16:06.700 and trying to give gifts to them while I was 00:16:06.700 --> 00:16:10.480 there. A couple weeks later toward the end of 00:16:10.480 --> 00:16:14.019 April there was a quiet moment which was rare 00:16:14.019 --> 00:16:18.750 in that house. I sat down to meditate and a spirit 00:16:18.750 --> 00:16:22.009 basically told me in those moments that this 00:16:22.009 --> 00:16:25.450 conversation That I had had since my youth about 00:16:25.450 --> 00:16:28.110 death and about dying and killing myself was 00:16:28.110 --> 00:16:31.509 gonna come to an end once and for all Which was 00:16:31.509 --> 00:16:35.429 honestly relief to my ears And I was like, yes, 00:16:35.629 --> 00:16:39.070 please Then spirit gave me the instruction to 00:16:39.070 --> 00:16:41.269 write that suicide note by hand and to go to 00:16:41.269 --> 00:16:45.580 the bridge And I was in brawl You know, I wasn't 00:16:45.580 --> 00:16:49.279 planning on going and killing myself, but I was 00:16:49.279 --> 00:16:52.220 definitely ready to step into what spirit had 00:16:52.220 --> 00:16:54.740 in store for me. So I scribbled the note out 00:16:54.740 --> 00:16:58.019 and I walked the number of miles over to the 00:16:58.019 --> 00:17:01.019 bridge. When I got there, I paced the bridge 00:17:01.019 --> 00:17:04.700 for a while. I meditated. I burned some sage 00:17:04.700 --> 00:17:08.859 and some kapal. And then at some point I stopped 00:17:08.859 --> 00:17:11.940 near the middle of the bridge, looked over the 00:17:11.940 --> 00:17:17.789 edge and spirit. said jump and so I jumped and 00:17:17.789 --> 00:17:22.970 I fell to the trail below and my bones broke 00:17:22.970 --> 00:17:26.789 and blood spilled out about me and I died. I 00:17:26.789 --> 00:17:30.430 was taken into, we'll call it a vision. I was 00:17:30.430 --> 00:17:33.670 taken into a vision that tracked all of the people 00:17:33.670 --> 00:17:36.490 who I loved and who loved me through the lives 00:17:36.490 --> 00:17:40.849 moving forward and while I think before that 00:17:40.849 --> 00:17:44.980 occurrence I had hoped that my death might actually 00:17:44.980 --> 00:17:48.720 make a difference for someone. What I found was 00:17:48.720 --> 00:17:52.079 that it didn't. That, you know, it made people 00:17:52.079 --> 00:17:56.500 sad for a while, that they needed to process 00:17:56.500 --> 00:18:00.119 through their healing, but I really learned that 00:18:00.119 --> 00:18:03.960 other people's lessons weren't my responsibility 00:18:03.960 --> 00:18:07.299 for them to learn. You know, everyone's got to 00:18:07.299 --> 00:18:10.920 learn their own truth in their own way. And then... 00:18:10.970 --> 00:18:14.230 something really miraculous happened. There had 00:18:14.230 --> 00:18:17.089 been a few college students who were on that 00:18:17.089 --> 00:18:20.930 bridge when I jumped and spirit resurrected my 00:18:20.930 --> 00:18:23.990 body on the trail below. And I stood up and I 00:18:23.990 --> 00:18:26.910 was complete. There was no broken bones. There 00:18:26.910 --> 00:18:30.900 was no wounds. 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This didn't last long 00:19:59.960 --> 00:20:03.299 because then I was shown that what had happened 00:20:03.299 --> 00:20:05.220 with those college students who had witnessed 00:20:05.220 --> 00:20:07.440 the fall and who had witnessed this resurrection 00:20:07.440 --> 00:20:11.059 experience. And they went on through their life 00:20:11.059 --> 00:20:13.119 and at first they tried to tell other people 00:20:13.119 --> 00:20:16.420 about it. You know, I'm sure it sounded extraordinary 00:20:16.420 --> 00:20:20.180 to anyone they told. Ultimately they got into 00:20:20.180 --> 00:20:23.380 therapy around it. It wasn't believed. It didn't 00:20:23.380 --> 00:20:26.599 land with anyone. After time passed even the 00:20:26.599 --> 00:20:29.200 people who had witnessed such a crazy miracle 00:20:29.200 --> 00:20:32.019 Didn't even believe they had witnessed of anyone 00:20:32.019 --> 00:20:36.640 and it affected less than the death itself and 00:20:36.640 --> 00:20:40.160 so I had hoped that Prior to this I had hoped 00:20:40.160 --> 00:20:44.160 that you know the the performance or the working 00:20:44.160 --> 00:20:46.720 of miracles witnessed by others would make a 00:20:46.720 --> 00:20:49.980 difference for them and I found that it really 00:20:49.980 --> 00:20:52.500 get them and again, it sort of goes back to the 00:20:52.670 --> 00:20:55.650 the same message about that everyone's responsible 00:20:55.650 --> 00:20:59.710 for their own truth and their own lessons. Then 00:20:59.710 --> 00:21:04.109 I moved into a period that I would refer to as 00:21:04.109 --> 00:21:07.150 an experience of Nirvana, which is an infinite 00:21:07.150 --> 00:21:10.789 place with no contrast and no experience. It's 00:21:10.789 --> 00:21:14.109 that place of rest that I touched on and that 00:21:14.109 --> 00:21:16.930 home that I touched on in the first death experience. 00:21:17.910 --> 00:21:21.230 But it was gone as soon as I As soon as I was 00:21:21.230 --> 00:21:24.589 there, as soon as it arrived, it was gone. Then 00:21:24.589 --> 00:21:27.910 I found myself scanning back on top of the bridge, 00:21:28.549 --> 00:21:32.349 as if not a breath had passed. And I heard three 00:21:32.349 --> 00:21:35.009 messages from Spirit at that time. I'll go a 00:21:35.009 --> 00:21:38.309 little bit slow with those. The first was, it 00:21:38.309 --> 00:21:40.829 takes more courage to live than it does to die. 00:21:42.410 --> 00:21:44.789 That answered some of my questions that were 00:21:44.789 --> 00:21:48.450 in that note. The second message was even more 00:21:48.450 --> 00:21:51.279 significant. we can affect more in life than 00:21:51.279 --> 00:21:55.059 we can in death. And here I had thought moving 00:21:55.059 --> 00:21:58.019 into this whole scenario that my death would 00:21:58.019 --> 00:22:02.640 affect something in life and I was shown it doesn't. 00:22:02.980 --> 00:22:06.140 We can affect so much in life for each other. 00:22:06.480 --> 00:22:09.759 Really the value of the gift we have here. And 00:22:09.759 --> 00:22:12.700 then the third message was I still have more 00:22:12.700 --> 00:22:15.779 works to complete and specifically another work 00:22:15.779 --> 00:22:19.519 to complete. It was really around Not so much 00:22:19.519 --> 00:22:22.759 me teaching but someone learning what I had to 00:22:22.759 --> 00:22:26.619 teach This was at the same time on the same day 00:22:26.619 --> 00:22:28.559 that I wrote the note. I just found this the 00:22:28.559 --> 00:22:32.640 other day, too I had seeded philosophy all the 00:22:32.640 --> 00:22:35.680 applied karmic magic it's 12 years later now 00:22:35.680 --> 00:22:39.160 over 12 years later and I actually just finally 00:22:39.160 --> 00:22:43.119 published that work and What it became after 00:22:43.119 --> 00:22:47.299 growing for over a decade? Okay, I'm trying to 00:22:47.299 --> 00:22:51.859 unpack all this. Let's jump into it a piece at 00:22:51.859 --> 00:22:55.500 a time. And by the way, what you wrote, it is 00:22:55.500 --> 00:22:58.359 a memoir. It is available out there if people 00:22:58.359 --> 00:23:00.480 want to read it. We'll stick a link down on the 00:23:00.480 --> 00:23:04.240 show notes later. Let's talk about a few things. 00:23:05.279 --> 00:23:09.589 We have listeners that are religious, I'm not 00:23:09.589 --> 00:23:12.710 religious, we have atheists, we have Christians, 00:23:12.990 --> 00:23:16.150 we have Buddhists, we have you name it, okay? 00:23:16.849 --> 00:23:21.230 And I don't want to at all pigeonhole what you've 00:23:21.230 --> 00:23:24.130 been talking about into one of those kinds of 00:23:24.130 --> 00:23:27.150 boxes, but I do want you to clarify a few things. 00:23:27.869 --> 00:23:31.109 And that is, let's just start here. When you 00:23:31.109 --> 00:23:35.000 say spirit, What are you talking about exactly? 00:23:35.559 --> 00:23:38.359 Because Christians might think of the Holy Spirit 00:23:38.359 --> 00:23:42.440 and other people might think of, well, it's just 00:23:42.440 --> 00:23:44.960 the spirit world in general. What does that mean 00:23:44.960 --> 00:23:48.839 to you exactly? For me, it was my name. It was 00:23:48.839 --> 00:23:52.940 my name for God at the time. I'm a very spiritual 00:23:52.940 --> 00:23:55.220 person. I've done a lot of religious studies, 00:23:55.319 --> 00:23:58.059 but I don't subscribe to any particular religion. 00:23:58.240 --> 00:24:01.829 I like to keep my heart open. And even from a 00:24:01.829 --> 00:24:04.549 Christian background, what I've learned is that 00:24:04.549 --> 00:24:07.089 if we have faith in Him, we'll find Him everywhere. 00:24:07.710 --> 00:24:10.250 And there's no reason for us to fear some other 00:24:10.250 --> 00:24:14.390 language. And so, spirit to me is sorts. It's 00:24:14.390 --> 00:24:18.450 a unified soul that we all share, regardless 00:24:18.450 --> 00:24:21.710 of what our culture or our religion is. Other 00:24:21.710 --> 00:24:24.089 people who are non -religious may call it the 00:24:24.089 --> 00:24:29.180 universe. I actually... Really like physics myself, 00:24:29.180 --> 00:24:32.220 you know as a different kind of language. It's 00:24:32.220 --> 00:24:36.619 like how does this experience work and What is 00:24:36.619 --> 00:24:39.559 this world that we live in and how is that rendered 00:24:39.559 --> 00:24:42.619 for us? We don't necessarily have a really good 00:24:42.619 --> 00:24:45.079 language for a lot of these things and so I'd 00:24:45.079 --> 00:24:47.259 use the word spirit I've used the word magic 00:24:47.259 --> 00:24:49.619 then one of my two one of my two new books. I 00:24:49.619 --> 00:24:54.279 use the word armor Thank you that helps now I 00:24:54.279 --> 00:24:57.160 have to interject a little of my own belief here. 00:24:57.880 --> 00:25:01.579 And I try not to do this very often, okay? But 00:25:01.579 --> 00:25:04.980 if spirit to you is like God to me or to somebody 00:25:04.980 --> 00:25:10.619 else, I just can't wrap my mind around God telling 00:25:10.619 --> 00:25:14.519 you to jump from a bridge. Please explain how 00:25:14.519 --> 00:25:18.440 that could be a thing. Well, so I've done a lot 00:25:18.440 --> 00:25:21.859 of actually Transcendental Meditation and Buddhist 00:25:21.859 --> 00:25:26.079 practices, which involves really spilling the 00:25:26.079 --> 00:25:30.920 ego, and stealing that monkey mind, and listening, 00:25:31.579 --> 00:25:34.259 and learning to listen. That's also been nearer 00:25:34.259 --> 00:25:36.640 to the shamanic practices I've learned. It's 00:25:36.640 --> 00:25:39.160 about listening, about paying attention to the 00:25:39.160 --> 00:25:42.220 symbols that come forward, about learning what 00:25:42.220 --> 00:25:45.079 spirit's telling us. Really when it comes down 00:25:45.079 --> 00:25:48.759 to it, when I say that the spirit told me something, 00:25:49.200 --> 00:25:52.200 it's not words, I'm not hearing voices. It's 00:25:52.200 --> 00:25:55.819 not so literal like that. It's that I've got 00:25:55.819 --> 00:25:58.559 a still mind, a still way of being. I'm listening 00:25:58.559 --> 00:26:01.500 to my heart and I'm observing the symbols and 00:26:01.500 --> 00:26:04.440 visions that come forward. And then I'm putting 00:26:04.440 --> 00:26:08.059 those into words, into my own, you know. Sure. 00:26:08.339 --> 00:26:11.660 Okay. Okay. Let's talk about, you used the term 00:26:11.660 --> 00:26:15.039 vision, which sounded quite a bit like a life 00:26:15.039 --> 00:26:17.259 review. Would you say it's similar to a life 00:26:17.259 --> 00:26:21.410 review? The first... Sorry, the second death 00:26:21.410 --> 00:26:23.809 experience, the starvation death experience, 00:26:24.029 --> 00:26:27.150 was what I would consider a life review. It was 00:26:27.150 --> 00:26:30.130 looking at my past, it was looking very much 00:26:30.130 --> 00:26:33.789 at where I had been, and it was really centered 00:26:33.789 --> 00:26:37.069 for me at the time around regrets, or missed 00:26:37.069 --> 00:26:39.589 opportunity, or regrets for things that I had 00:26:39.589 --> 00:26:42.490 done. So that really looked more like a life 00:26:42.490 --> 00:26:45.859 review. And the third experience, the bridge 00:26:45.859 --> 00:26:48.980 experience, the life review was much more forward 00:26:48.980 --> 00:26:52.799 -looking. And so I'm not sure I would call that 00:26:52.799 --> 00:26:57.140 a life review in the same way. Okay. No, I get 00:26:57.140 --> 00:27:00.460 it. Sort of a forward -looking life review. Like 00:27:00.460 --> 00:27:04.160 if this had happened, then that would be a result. 00:27:04.180 --> 00:27:06.039 Is that kind of a thing? Sort of a cause and 00:27:06.039 --> 00:27:10.319 effect? Yeah. Okay. I like that. Another thing 00:27:10.319 --> 00:27:12.140 that some people are really going to have a hard 00:27:12.140 --> 00:27:16.049 time with. So let's talk about it. This is not 00:27:16.049 --> 00:27:20.589 me Giving cedar a hard time. Okay, we're just 00:27:20.589 --> 00:27:23.210 we're just talking through things that people 00:27:23.210 --> 00:27:27.349 are feeling right now You use the term resurrected 00:27:27.349 --> 00:27:30.569 Yes, sir for your body after jumping from the 00:27:30.569 --> 00:27:33.890 bridge and most people that believe in resurrection 00:27:33.890 --> 00:27:37.230 are gonna say No, no, no, no. No. Okay. Maybe 00:27:37.230 --> 00:27:40.650 you were healed but resurrected. That's a whole 00:27:40.650 --> 00:27:44.519 different thing So explain why you use that term. 00:27:44.960 --> 00:27:48.640 I have no other term for someone who is dead 00:27:48.640 --> 00:27:53.220 being brought back to life and You know, I really 00:27:53.220 --> 00:27:55.079 don't want it I really don't want to challenge 00:27:55.079 --> 00:27:58.279 people's belief structures and I mean even when 00:27:58.279 --> 00:28:01.019 you get into to scriptures Christ wasn't the 00:28:01.019 --> 00:28:04.460 only resurrection that's noted and You know, 00:28:04.460 --> 00:28:07.339 I this is a big one. This this is a big one for 00:28:07.339 --> 00:28:10.180 me to say I think this is really important I 00:28:10.180 --> 00:28:12.880 speak about these things as literal because they 00:28:12.880 --> 00:28:16.460 were literal for me. I really have nothing to 00:28:16.460 --> 00:28:19.599 prove to anyone else. There's no benefit for 00:28:19.599 --> 00:28:23.079 me to prove these ideas to anyone else. And I 00:28:23.079 --> 00:28:25.859 just hope that they can take on this story however 00:28:25.859 --> 00:28:28.200 they take it. And I hope it had value to them. 00:28:28.680 --> 00:28:30.660 You know, the themes are more important than 00:28:30.660 --> 00:28:34.940 the proving of something. As long as we're talking 00:28:34.940 --> 00:28:38.460 about proving, do you mind? And I'll edit this 00:28:38.460 --> 00:28:42.990 out. if you do mind. Do you mind if we talk about 00:28:42.990 --> 00:28:46.430 a medical diagnosis that you have had recently? 00:28:46.710 --> 00:28:50.910 Because to me, this shows you absolutely are, 00:28:51.650 --> 00:28:54.750 you're just trying to be honest. What's going 00:28:54.750 --> 00:28:59.009 on with you? Well, the end tale of it is called 00:28:59.009 --> 00:29:02.670 hypogonadism and cricaxia, which are two muscle 00:29:02.670 --> 00:29:06.130 wasting conditions. And they basically mean that 00:29:06.130 --> 00:29:09.819 my body is continually actively consuming the 00:29:09.819 --> 00:29:13.779 muscle, and the hypodonadism doesn't allow me 00:29:13.779 --> 00:29:16.960 to create new muscle. I'm currently in the one 00:29:16.960 --> 00:29:19.740 percentile for my age group. I've pretty much 00:29:19.740 --> 00:29:24.859 given everything that I have. And those two conditions 00:29:24.859 --> 00:29:27.960 are sourced from other chronic conditions, celiac 00:29:27.960 --> 00:29:32.880 disease, systemic bucus, COPD, a non -alcoholic 00:29:32.880 --> 00:29:35.200 fatty liver disease, and a couple of others. 00:29:37.380 --> 00:29:43.000 That's just my life and my karma. I was sort 00:29:43.000 --> 00:29:46.380 of born with it, and it got exacerbated through 00:29:46.380 --> 00:29:48.599 all kinds of things in my life, especially the 00:29:48.599 --> 00:29:54.079 art lifestyle. I was told just over a year ago 00:29:54.079 --> 00:29:58.619 that there was a 70 % chance of me dying by April 00:29:58.619 --> 00:30:03.440 of 2026. And here we are, it's July. This year 00:30:03.440 --> 00:30:06.259 I've got an updated prognosis. It says there's 00:30:06.259 --> 00:30:11.359 an 80 85 chance of me dying before June of 2027 00:30:11.359 --> 00:30:18.220 and The road doesn't end until it ends Keep proving 00:30:18.220 --> 00:30:20.880 them wrong my friend keep proving them and meanwhile, 00:30:20.880 --> 00:30:24.920 I'm going to complete everything that I can You 00:30:24.920 --> 00:30:28.519 know because coming to that point for me I understand 00:30:28.519 --> 00:30:31.579 that it's the worst suffering I've ever experienced 00:30:31.579 --> 00:30:33.599 in life and I've been for a fair share of what 00:30:33.599 --> 00:30:37.400 I call suffering is in the times up and having 00:30:37.400 --> 00:30:41.099 regrets and I definitely wouldn't wish that on 00:30:41.099 --> 00:30:44.240 anything. Here I am, I've written my autobiography, 00:30:44.460 --> 00:30:47.180 I've written Applied Karmic Magic which is the 00:30:47.180 --> 00:30:50.460 framework for something new and it's the real 00:30:50.460 --> 00:30:53.140 gift for others. There's a lot of other things 00:30:53.140 --> 00:30:55.559 for me to wrap up in this life still and a little 00:30:55.559 --> 00:30:59.509 more work for me to do at least. So it's a personal 00:30:59.509 --> 00:31:03.309 responsibility and it's actually in a way selfish 00:31:03.309 --> 00:31:08.549 because I know now when I go to face that day 00:31:08.549 --> 00:31:11.430 that I'm complete, that I did everything that 00:31:11.430 --> 00:31:13.190 I could and that I don't have to move forward 00:31:13.190 --> 00:31:16.369 with regrets even if something didn't succeed. 00:31:17.970 --> 00:31:21.269 Do you have any fear of death? No. No, not at 00:31:21.269 --> 00:31:25.730 all. You know, I've been through it enough times. 00:31:25.900 --> 00:31:29.460 There's nothing to fear on the other side of 00:31:29.460 --> 00:31:34.160 death at all. I'm still not certain there is 00:31:34.160 --> 00:31:39.160 such a thing in reality. I think it might be 00:31:39.160 --> 00:31:41.359 something we walk through, but I don't know any 00:31:41.359 --> 00:31:46.279 more than anyone else. Well, I can tell you I've 00:31:46.279 --> 00:31:48.319 interviewed hundreds of people who have been 00:31:48.319 --> 00:31:52.039 through it, and I've had it described in so many 00:31:52.039 --> 00:31:56.220 different ways. A lot of people have said it's 00:31:56.220 --> 00:31:59.259 just like walking through a doorway. Yep. It 00:31:59.259 --> 00:32:04.279 is just that simple. Now, unfortunately with 00:32:04.279 --> 00:32:06.619 our physical bodies sometimes there's some pain 00:32:06.619 --> 00:32:09.720 associated with getting to that point. Nobody 00:32:09.720 --> 00:32:13.180 looks forward to that. But walking through a 00:32:13.180 --> 00:32:17.460 doorway into a better place is pretty nice thing. 00:32:18.640 --> 00:32:22.259 And, and we're putting that off as long as we 00:32:22.259 --> 00:32:25.259 can. That's right. That's what we're here on 00:32:25.259 --> 00:32:27.980 this earth for. We're not here to jump out of 00:32:27.980 --> 00:32:30.380 it. We're here to experience everything that 00:32:30.380 --> 00:32:34.339 we're meant to experience here. So I hope all 00:32:34.339 --> 00:32:36.180 these things that you're wrapping up, that you're 00:32:36.180 --> 00:32:38.720 doing them slowly enough that you're with us 00:32:38.720 --> 00:32:41.779 as much longer as possible. Thanks. Thanks. Me 00:32:41.779 --> 00:32:45.079 too. You know, I'm grateful for every day and 00:32:45.079 --> 00:32:46.799 you know, I couldn't agree with what you said 00:32:46.799 --> 00:32:52.140 more about it. So for those that are struggling 00:32:52.140 --> 00:32:56.859 with life right now, as you have at many times, 00:32:57.259 --> 00:32:59.279 give us some kind of a message of hope. What 00:32:59.279 --> 00:33:01.640 is there to look forward to and to keep working 00:33:01.640 --> 00:33:05.420 for? Well, all the greatest gifts in my life 00:33:05.420 --> 00:33:08.440 have actually come through suffering. And it's 00:33:08.440 --> 00:33:10.839 not to make light of suffering. Suffering is 00:33:10.839 --> 00:33:14.579 not easy. But every time I have found a gift, 00:33:14.740 --> 00:33:17.970 it's been in the darkest points of my life. Every 00:33:17.970 --> 00:33:20.970 time I've received a lesson, it's been from the 00:33:20.970 --> 00:33:23.809 suffering that I've experienced. There's a reason 00:33:23.809 --> 00:33:26.309 for this suffering. It's not that suffering is 00:33:26.309 --> 00:33:28.849 good. I can't say that to people. I don't wish 00:33:28.849 --> 00:33:31.670 suffering on anyone. But when it does happen, 00:33:31.730 --> 00:33:34.630 sometimes it's necessary. And the rewards are 00:33:34.630 --> 00:33:37.569 worth more. And that kind of goes back to something 00:33:37.569 --> 00:33:39.930 people would commonly say, you know, we take 00:33:39.930 --> 00:33:42.930 the bad with the good, enjoy the miracles that 00:33:42.930 --> 00:33:45.789 this life has to offer, and just live it all 00:33:45.789 --> 00:33:50.440 whole. Well Cedar, you're an inspiration. I appreciate 00:33:50.440 --> 00:33:52.980 all that you're doing. Any last thoughts you 00:33:52.980 --> 00:33:56.599 want to leave us with today? Love is the alchemy. 00:33:56.940 --> 00:34:00.680 Let's return to love. Love yourself. Love those 00:34:00.680 --> 00:34:03.700 all around you. Love the spirits that you believe 00:34:03.700 --> 00:34:06.880 in. Operate from love. Don't follow the fears. 00:34:07.920 --> 00:34:11.980 And that's about all I could really say. Thanks 00:34:11.980 --> 00:34:14.380 again for listening and sharing this podcast. 00:34:14.719 --> 00:34:17.059 Don't forget to hit the follow or subscribe button 00:34:17.059 --> 00:34:19.480 and sign up for our newsletter at roundtripdeath 00:34:19.480 --> 00:34:23.000 .com. If you want to share your near -death experience 00:34:23.000 --> 00:34:25.280 or if you have questions or comments about the 00:34:25.280 --> 00:34:28.179 show, send an email to eric at roundtripdeath 00:34:28.179 --> 00:34:31.340 .com. Until then, I wish you everything good 00:34:31.340 --> 00:34:33.659 that you're looking for in this life and the 00:34:33.659 --> 00:34:34.039 next.