WEBVTT 00:00:03.790 --> 00:00:06.669 From the time that they pronounced me that was 00:00:06.669 --> 00:00:10.250 a good 45 minutes They cut my clothes and then 00:00:10.250 --> 00:00:13.609 they paddled my heart my heart stopped and I 00:00:13.609 --> 00:00:17.129 could see people screaming and crying But I didn't 00:00:17.129 --> 00:00:19.510 realize that was actually my physical body because 00:00:19.510 --> 00:00:22.890 I was somewhere else The only thing that I could 00:00:22.890 --> 00:00:26.809 feel if you can imagine Absolute love and peace 00:00:26.809 --> 00:00:29.829 there wasn't anything else to be felt. I was 00:00:29.829 --> 00:00:33.070 greeted by people I'd known in the past I'm back 00:00:33.070 --> 00:00:36.869 home again. Incredibly safe and felt at home. 00:00:39.270 --> 00:00:41.329 Welcome, welcome to Round Trip Death everybody 00:00:41.329 --> 00:00:44.789 and our wonderful guest this morning. You are 00:00:44.789 --> 00:00:47.630 going to love her, Bridget Cooke Birch. How are 00:00:47.630 --> 00:00:51.850 you? I am so grand. Thank you for asking. Delighted 00:00:51.850 --> 00:00:54.409 to be here. You got me up early this morning, 00:00:54.409 --> 00:00:57.189 but thank you for that too. We got each other 00:00:57.189 --> 00:01:00.049 up early this morning. That's awesome. Hey, before 00:01:00.049 --> 00:01:04.640 we jump into your story, it's Interesting. Sometimes, 00:01:04.900 --> 00:01:07.599 well quite often, one of the things I get asked 00:01:07.599 --> 00:01:10.379 is how do you find guests for your show? And 00:01:10.379 --> 00:01:13.099 I admit they come from all over the place. A 00:01:13.099 --> 00:01:15.500 lot of people reach out to me through our website 00:01:15.500 --> 00:01:19.599 and people are sometimes recommended. Every once 00:01:19.599 --> 00:01:23.719 in a while I'm online in like a near -death experience 00:01:23.719 --> 00:01:26.060 social media group or something and something 00:01:26.060 --> 00:01:27.879 will just stand out to me and I'll reach out 00:01:27.879 --> 00:01:31.519 to that person. But For you, I was having lunch 00:01:31.519 --> 00:01:34.900 with a friend recently. Shout out to Val Hale. 00:01:34.920 --> 00:01:39.480 I don't think he'll mind. And he said, if you 00:01:39.480 --> 00:01:42.579 haven't interviewed Bridget yet, you have to. 00:01:42.939 --> 00:01:45.819 Her story, it'll be like your best interview 00:01:45.819 --> 00:01:49.459 ever. So Bridget, you came highly recommended 00:01:49.459 --> 00:01:55.500 from a mutual friend. And we both love and respect 00:01:55.500 --> 00:02:00.680 Val very much. So we're assuming that this is 00:02:00.680 --> 00:02:04.620 going to be as good as he hoped for. But anyway, 00:02:04.879 --> 00:02:06.739 hey, Bridget, before we jump into your story, 00:02:06.939 --> 00:02:08.699 would you just tell us a little bit about you 00:02:08.699 --> 00:02:11.900 so we can get to know you? Sure. I'm used to 00:02:11.900 --> 00:02:15.000 talking about everybody else just because I get 00:02:15.000 --> 00:02:17.300 to work with amazing storytellers from around 00:02:17.300 --> 00:02:20.259 the world. I will tell you, I'm a very proud 00:02:20.259 --> 00:02:23.620 and delighted mother of four, three daughters 00:02:23.620 --> 00:02:28.360 and one son. and also a Mimi of four. I have 00:02:28.360 --> 00:02:32.879 two granddaughters and two grandsons and they 00:02:32.879 --> 00:02:35.539 are the highlight of my existence in my life 00:02:35.539 --> 00:02:39.080 and I absolutely love it. I also get to work 00:02:39.080 --> 00:02:42.039 with stories and my clients call me the book 00:02:42.039 --> 00:02:45.639 whisperer. Just I see threads of stories that's 00:02:45.639 --> 00:02:48.979 happened ever since my near death and I'm able 00:02:48.979 --> 00:02:52.039 to help people to put that into extraordinary, 00:02:52.580 --> 00:02:55.259 you know, it's their real stories, but I'm able 00:02:55.259 --> 00:02:57.759 to see the rises and falls in a way that other 00:02:57.759 --> 00:03:00.240 humans can understand the deep impact that they've 00:03:00.240 --> 00:03:04.020 had. And so I'm, I'm a book coach and a publisher 00:03:04.020 --> 00:03:07.139 and I just love what I do. I have an incredible 00:03:07.139 --> 00:03:10.039 team and we work together and it's always about 00:03:10.039 --> 00:03:13.189 something greater than ourselves. Wow. Well, 00:03:13.189 --> 00:03:15.490 it's kind of fun talking to somebody else that 00:03:15.490 --> 00:03:19.750 has a gaggle of girls and then one boy. Was your 00:03:19.750 --> 00:03:23.710 boy the youngest? He was the youngest until my 00:03:23.710 --> 00:03:25.889 third daughter came along. So she's my bonus 00:03:25.889 --> 00:03:27.909 daughter, but she's the daughter of my heart 00:03:27.909 --> 00:03:31.129 too. Okay, I won't tell the others. They're gonna 00:03:31.129 --> 00:03:34.009 be jealous. They all hold a special place. It's 00:03:34.009 --> 00:03:37.069 amazing. You know how that goes. I know how that 00:03:37.069 --> 00:03:40.639 goes. Four daughters, one boy. But he was the 00:03:40.639 --> 00:03:44.300 caboose, and so he had five mothers growing up 00:03:44.300 --> 00:03:47.419 raising him. I was going to say he had all of 00:03:47.419 --> 00:03:51.500 that influence on him, yeah. I just wrote a book 00:03:51.500 --> 00:03:54.599 with a gentleman who had, I think, five older 00:03:54.599 --> 00:03:58.900 sisters, and he called himself the bendy doll. 00:03:59.039 --> 00:04:02.719 He was the bendy doll of his sisters, and when 00:04:02.719 --> 00:04:05.360 they all left to get married, he felt very bereft 00:04:05.360 --> 00:04:09.860 and abandoned. So interesting. Yeah, you know, 00:04:09.860 --> 00:04:12.000 it's funny and maybe I'm just old -fashioned 00:04:12.000 --> 00:04:15.780 but the one thing that I put my foot down on 00:04:15.780 --> 00:04:19.600 with the girls was you are not dressing him up 00:04:19.600 --> 00:04:23.019 in dresses and makeup and curlers and all that 00:04:23.019 --> 00:04:26.000 kind of stuff and There you go. I'm sure I'm 00:04:26.000 --> 00:04:28.500 gonna get harassed for making a statement like 00:04:28.500 --> 00:04:31.800 that. But Hopefully it turned out well for you 00:04:31.800 --> 00:04:34.740 will listeners of the show have heard about will 00:04:34.740 --> 00:04:38.839 he does our editing And he's a huge part of what 00:04:38.839 --> 00:04:42.480 goes on here. So anyway, but enough of all that. 00:04:42.560 --> 00:04:45.040 I want to jump right into your story. How many 00:04:45.040 --> 00:04:49.420 years ago are we going back to when you had this, 00:04:49.420 --> 00:04:53.399 this scare, this wonderful thing? Well, I'm old 00:04:53.399 --> 00:04:56.160 now, so we're going back decades. We're going 00:04:56.160 --> 00:04:58.699 back to when I was in my early twenties in college. 00:04:59.439 --> 00:05:04.459 I was a perfectionist. I wanted to excel at everything. 00:05:05.060 --> 00:05:10.519 I wanted to experience all of life. But also, 00:05:10.819 --> 00:05:14.220 Eric, I had a deep wound inside. I'd been adopted 00:05:14.220 --> 00:05:16.779 when I was six months old. So I'd been through 00:05:16.779 --> 00:05:20.220 three sets of parents by six months. And there 00:05:20.220 --> 00:05:23.120 was a deep part of me that didn't trust that 00:05:23.120 --> 00:05:27.680 the big people would stay. I was fiercely independent. 00:05:28.120 --> 00:05:30.800 I wanted, it was one of those oxymoronic things, 00:05:30.980 --> 00:05:34.139 like I wanted so much to be wanted. I wanted 00:05:34.139 --> 00:05:36.819 so much to be loved and felt I had to prove myself 00:05:36.819 --> 00:05:39.439 for that love. But when it would come, sometimes 00:05:39.439 --> 00:05:42.459 I would push it away. By this point in life, 00:05:42.819 --> 00:05:45.660 everything was crumbling. I'd been working in 00:05:45.660 --> 00:05:47.980 Salt Lake and was making decent money as a waitress 00:05:47.980 --> 00:05:50.060 and then I moved to Logan to go to Utah State 00:05:50.060 --> 00:05:53.959 University and The economy there was very slight 00:05:53.959 --> 00:05:56.300 and tips were very poor. And so all of a sudden 00:05:56.300 --> 00:06:01.199 my income plummeted. I was doing construction. 00:06:01.379 --> 00:06:04.120 I was working at a gas station at night. I was 00:06:04.120 --> 00:06:07.079 waitressing and I still, I could not keep up 00:06:07.079 --> 00:06:10.139 with my expenses. I had no social life. I was 00:06:10.139 --> 00:06:12.560 trying to go to school. I started failing classes, 00:06:13.180 --> 00:06:16.420 was failing in my relationships with my parents, 00:06:16.579 --> 00:06:20.680 with my friends, with my roommates. I just, I 00:06:20.680 --> 00:06:25.240 was not living a great life. The stress started 00:06:25.240 --> 00:06:28.100 to eat away inside my body, but I didn't know 00:06:28.100 --> 00:06:30.560 what was going on. I just kept pushing and pushing 00:06:30.560 --> 00:06:32.519 and pushing and going to work and going to school 00:06:32.519 --> 00:06:35.480 and staying up and trying to, you know, manage 00:06:35.480 --> 00:06:41.699 a final and failing miserably. And in my world 00:06:41.699 --> 00:06:44.639 where I kept trying to prove myself to fail was 00:06:44.639 --> 00:06:47.620 the worst thing that could happen. One day I 00:06:47.620 --> 00:06:51.019 was just so sick. I didn't know what was going 00:06:51.019 --> 00:06:54.680 on. My brain was a little fuzzy and I just wanted 00:06:54.680 --> 00:06:58.040 my mom. I took my last five bucks in my pocket 00:06:58.040 --> 00:07:00.759 and filled my truck with some gas and headed 00:07:00.759 --> 00:07:03.660 down this very steep canyon from Logan to Brigham 00:07:03.660 --> 00:07:07.220 City that had no business driving. And all I 00:07:07.220 --> 00:07:09.319 could think about on the way down there, Eric, 00:07:09.319 --> 00:07:16.399 was just what a miserable failure I was. I still 00:07:16.399 --> 00:07:19.699 get a little emotional about it because It was 00:07:19.699 --> 00:07:23.519 such a big part of my identity. I pull up in 00:07:23.519 --> 00:07:25.519 my mother's driveway and I can barely get out 00:07:25.519 --> 00:07:28.740 of my truck and I go to the door of the woman 00:07:28.740 --> 00:07:31.480 that I wanted to please the most. She opened 00:07:31.480 --> 00:07:34.839 the door and she took one look at me. I was completely 00:07:34.839 --> 00:07:37.540 emaciated. I'd lost 30 pounds in three days. 00:07:38.259 --> 00:07:40.740 And she said, we're going to the doctor. And 00:07:40.740 --> 00:07:43.629 she put me right into her car. and rushed me 00:07:43.629 --> 00:07:46.250 off to the doctor's office and luckily was right 00:07:46.250 --> 00:07:49.129 next to the hospital because I collapsed in the 00:07:49.129 --> 00:07:52.089 doctor's office and they rushed me into emergency 00:07:52.089 --> 00:07:55.810 surgery and they had to do exploratory surgery 00:07:55.810 --> 00:07:58.430 to figure out what was going on and they pumped 00:07:58.430 --> 00:08:02.069 out pints and pints of sepsis from my abdominal 00:08:02.069 --> 00:08:06.620 cavity. I was in a lot of trouble. Because I 00:08:06.620 --> 00:08:08.500 was so emaciated, they had to give me what's 00:08:08.500 --> 00:08:11.579 called a subclavian. So they had to put an IV 00:08:11.579 --> 00:08:15.600 in near my heart and pump in all these intravenous 00:08:15.600 --> 00:08:18.420 antibiotics. There was about six or seven and 00:08:18.420 --> 00:08:21.779 I would remember them bringing them in on a whole 00:08:21.779 --> 00:08:24.100 pole and then hooking me up to the wires and 00:08:24.100 --> 00:08:27.060 things. But what nobody knew was that I was allergic 00:08:27.060 --> 00:08:31.060 to one of them. I never had it before. It was 00:08:31.060 --> 00:08:34.279 making it so that it was killing me. So I was 00:08:34.279 --> 00:08:38.000 spiking fevers up to 106, 107. They were getting 00:08:38.000 --> 00:08:40.600 worried about brain damage. There were all the 00:08:40.600 --> 00:08:43.320 things. My mom brought in the priest. I had grown 00:08:43.320 --> 00:08:45.460 up Catholic in a Mormon town in Brigham City 00:08:45.460 --> 00:08:48.600 and she was very worried about me. She stayed 00:08:48.600 --> 00:08:52.139 by my bedside for the longest time and a couple 00:08:52.139 --> 00:08:54.500 days went by and I wasn't getting better. I was 00:08:54.500 --> 00:08:59.840 only getting worse. And then I had befriended. 00:09:00.250 --> 00:09:04.330 Behind the curtain, this faceless woman found 00:09:04.330 --> 00:09:07.870 out her name was Linda, but her husband was reading 00:09:07.870 --> 00:09:11.169 to her from what was called the big book. I recognized 00:09:11.169 --> 00:09:15.210 these words of God. And in my high fevers and 00:09:15.210 --> 00:09:18.490 when I wasn't feeling good and I was reaching 00:09:18.490 --> 00:09:21.830 towards this, I had been through a 12 -step program. 00:09:22.190 --> 00:09:24.289 It was something that had been a light in my 00:09:24.289 --> 00:09:27.190 life. It had reintroduced God into my life. So 00:09:27.190 --> 00:09:30.269 I'm hearing these words. So we talked a little 00:09:30.269 --> 00:09:34.570 bit and then she went in for gallbladder surgery. 00:09:35.250 --> 00:09:38.230 And when she came back, you know, I'm still just 00:09:38.230 --> 00:09:41.970 in my bed and I'm still just dying and she was 00:09:41.970 --> 00:09:45.789 writhing in pain. And her husband and a clergy 00:09:45.789 --> 00:09:49.210 member of their church gave her a blessing, this 00:09:49.210 --> 00:09:51.970 bishop. gave her a blessing and part of it was 00:09:51.970 --> 00:09:55.210 that her body wasn't accepting any pain medication 00:09:55.210 --> 00:09:57.649 and she had that old -fashioned gallbladder surgery 00:09:57.649 --> 00:10:00.990 and she could feel every cut and every stitch 00:10:00.990 --> 00:10:03.909 and I didn't even know that I was empathic but 00:10:03.909 --> 00:10:08.629 I felt her pain in my body and I was hurting 00:10:08.629 --> 00:10:12.929 for her and felt so bad for her and then I heard 00:10:12.929 --> 00:10:16.450 this clergy member he commanded her body to accept 00:10:16.450 --> 00:10:19.879 the medication And it was the craziest thing 00:10:19.879 --> 00:10:21.799 for me to experience from behind the curtain 00:10:21.799 --> 00:10:26.220 because the pain left my body, I heard her sigh, 00:10:26.399 --> 00:10:29.879 and then she fell asleep. And I was like, oh, 00:10:29.879 --> 00:10:32.220 that's wild, but I didn't know what to do with 00:10:32.220 --> 00:10:35.100 it. It didn't have anything to do with my upbringing. 00:10:35.799 --> 00:10:38.679 I thought I might want to become a nun at one 00:10:38.679 --> 00:10:41.120 point, but to be honest, Eric, I didn't feel 00:10:41.120 --> 00:10:45.340 like I was ever worthy enough to be, you know, 00:10:45.600 --> 00:10:49.740 considered and then nothing like that. So later 00:10:49.740 --> 00:10:52.220 on, it was about two o 'clock in the morning. 00:10:52.879 --> 00:10:55.639 And I only know because of Linda, but we were 00:10:55.639 --> 00:10:57.899 listening to nurses outside in the corridor. 00:10:58.120 --> 00:11:00.179 And the one said to the other, I think we better 00:11:00.179 --> 00:11:02.940 call her mom back because she's not going to 00:11:02.940 --> 00:11:07.279 make it until morning. And I just laid there 00:11:07.279 --> 00:11:11.100 recognizing that I was not going to be around 00:11:11.100 --> 00:11:14.799 anymore. And I will tell you that there was this 00:11:14.799 --> 00:11:18.820 deep part of me that had recognized that I had 00:11:18.820 --> 00:11:21.179 not fulfilled the measure of my creation. There 00:11:21.179 --> 00:11:24.759 was something that I came here for, but I didn't 00:11:24.759 --> 00:11:27.419 know what that was. I had no idea what that was. 00:11:27.759 --> 00:11:30.659 But in that moment, hearing them talk about my 00:11:30.659 --> 00:11:34.159 death, I just knew I hadn't done it. So I felt 00:11:34.159 --> 00:11:39.179 this deep sadness, and I reached my heart out 00:11:39.179 --> 00:11:42.360 to God. You know, like, I don't want to die. 00:11:43.760 --> 00:11:47.379 I also felt my mother's intercessory prayers. 00:11:47.940 --> 00:11:50.440 She had been praying her heart out for me that 00:11:50.440 --> 00:11:53.299 I would survive. It was one of those I like to 00:11:53.299 --> 00:11:56.919 call it a Mack truck moment. Never before would 00:11:56.919 --> 00:12:00.059 I have let down my guard enough to go against 00:12:00.059 --> 00:12:05.000 my own religion, but also my own beliefs about 00:12:05.000 --> 00:12:08.039 who God was and what I was worthy of. And I just 00:12:08.039 --> 00:12:11.639 said, hey, can anyone have one of those blessings? 00:12:12.080 --> 00:12:15.860 And she said, yes. And so she called her husband 00:12:15.860 --> 00:12:18.720 right then, and he came down with another gentleman. 00:12:18.759 --> 00:12:22.080 It wasn't a bishop, but they gave me a blessing, 00:12:22.559 --> 00:12:25.620 and the energy of it, the frequency I can now 00:12:25.620 --> 00:12:28.220 say, but at the time I didn't know how to describe 00:12:28.220 --> 00:12:31.399 it, was different than when the priest had given 00:12:31.399 --> 00:12:33.179 me a blessing, and they were both comforting. 00:12:33.840 --> 00:12:37.340 And I just said, thank you. And I fell asleep. 00:12:38.559 --> 00:12:44.480 And when I woke up, My entire hospital room was 00:12:44.480 --> 00:12:48.460 just filled with light. Like it was this brilliant, 00:12:48.899 --> 00:12:51.500 amazing, you know, you've been a producer. So 00:12:51.500 --> 00:12:53.740 you know what a bright, bright white light is, 00:12:53.820 --> 00:12:57.779 is nothing like that. It permeated everything. 00:12:58.299 --> 00:13:02.539 It was so brilliant. It was blinding. And at 00:13:02.539 --> 00:13:06.279 the same time, like I could feel the light in 00:13:06.279 --> 00:13:09.559 my body and I recognized it immediately. It was 00:13:09.559 --> 00:13:12.840 this unconditional love. I was filled with so 00:13:12.840 --> 00:13:15.519 much love, so much joy, so much bliss, and there 00:13:15.519 --> 00:13:18.919 was a figure right in front of me. There was 00:13:18.919 --> 00:13:21.820 another light -filled being over in the corner, 00:13:22.259 --> 00:13:24.259 but I hardly even paid attention to him because 00:13:24.259 --> 00:13:29.740 this being right here, I knew him. And his eyes, 00:13:30.500 --> 00:13:33.759 oh my gosh, his eyes, they were filled so much 00:13:33.759 --> 00:13:37.159 compassion. and so much love and he didn't care 00:13:37.159 --> 00:13:39.779 what debt I was in. He didn't care how lousy 00:13:39.779 --> 00:13:42.080 my grades were. He didn't care about my love 00:13:42.080 --> 00:13:44.379 life and everything that I had screwed up. He 00:13:44.379 --> 00:13:47.559 didn't care about, you know, the mistakes that 00:13:47.559 --> 00:13:51.299 I had made with my parents. He didn't care about 00:13:51.299 --> 00:13:55.100 any of those things. He just, he loved me for 00:13:55.100 --> 00:13:59.320 me. And I could feel that love permeating everything 00:13:59.320 --> 00:14:03.029 in the room. It was like... A scripture came 00:14:03.029 --> 00:14:05.730 to me later about how the rocks and the stones 00:14:05.730 --> 00:14:08.750 themselves, you know, would sing his praise. 00:14:09.090 --> 00:14:14.370 Like my skin was vibrating with his love. My 00:14:14.370 --> 00:14:18.450 metal tray table, I'll never forget. Like I could 00:14:18.450 --> 00:14:22.750 see it vibrating in his presence. Every atom 00:14:22.750 --> 00:14:26.850 was excited to be in his presence. And I knew 00:14:26.850 --> 00:14:30.570 why, like I knew him. And I was so grateful. 00:14:31.000 --> 00:14:36.120 to be with him. And it was like, it was like 00:14:36.120 --> 00:14:38.840 I had been living in a thimble. And all of a 00:14:38.840 --> 00:14:42.659 sudden, all the universe was open to me in his 00:14:42.659 --> 00:14:47.080 eyes. It was the most extraordinary thing. And 00:14:47.080 --> 00:14:50.659 he told me I was being given a second chance 00:14:50.659 --> 00:14:55.100 at life. I can't even tell you the joy that I 00:14:55.100 --> 00:15:00.309 felt in being able to have a do -over. My round 00:15:00.309 --> 00:15:04.649 trip, right, to be able to do this was extraordinary. 00:15:05.769 --> 00:15:09.690 And I fell asleep. For the first time, my fever 00:15:09.690 --> 00:15:12.809 went down and stayed down. Early in the morning, 00:15:12.850 --> 00:15:14.649 they wake you up and they're bringing in more 00:15:14.649 --> 00:15:17.169 into intravenous antibiotics. And I looked at 00:15:17.169 --> 00:15:20.509 the nurse and I had never been one to go against 00:15:20.509 --> 00:15:23.470 authority ever in my life. But I looked at the 00:15:23.470 --> 00:15:25.970 nurse and I said, hey, I can have every single 00:15:25.970 --> 00:15:29.639 one of these, but I cannot have this one. Cannot 00:15:29.639 --> 00:15:31.720 have this one and she says what do you mean? 00:15:32.120 --> 00:15:34.580 This is the only thing saving your life We thought 00:15:34.580 --> 00:15:37.080 we were gonna lose you last night. You have to 00:15:37.080 --> 00:15:39.659 be on these and I've said not this one. It's 00:15:39.659 --> 00:15:42.779 killing me so she goes racing off to tell the 00:15:42.779 --> 00:15:45.379 doctor that you know, I'm a french fry shy of 00:15:45.379 --> 00:15:50.000 a happy meal and I was really blessed because 00:15:50.000 --> 00:15:53.570 I had a doctor who'd had other patients with 00:15:53.570 --> 00:15:55.789 near -death experiences. I didn't know that's 00:15:55.789 --> 00:15:58.850 what it was called, but he said, well, it doesn't 00:15:58.850 --> 00:16:01.250 matter. She's on all the rest of these. We'll 00:16:01.250 --> 00:16:04.389 take her off this one and see how she does. And 00:16:04.389 --> 00:16:07.230 the next day, on my own power, I walked out of 00:16:07.230 --> 00:16:11.450 the hospital and I would never forget the love 00:16:11.450 --> 00:16:15.789 that I felt. Never forget how I was changed, 00:16:16.169 --> 00:16:20.669 how I was reborn, how I was made whole and different. 00:16:21.520 --> 00:16:26.639 Definitely not perfect. I have made so many mistakes 00:16:26.639 --> 00:16:29.940 in my lifetime. And I will tell you that I had 00:16:29.940 --> 00:16:34.620 a recent spiritual experience where he told me 00:16:34.620 --> 00:16:39.559 a very uncomfortable truth. He said, ever since 00:16:39.559 --> 00:16:41.899 that day in the hospital, you have been lying 00:16:41.899 --> 00:16:45.419 to yourself about my love. And I'm like, what 00:16:45.419 --> 00:16:48.120 are you talking? No, I haven't. No, I haven't. 00:16:48.120 --> 00:16:51.809 He says, yes, you have. He said, I came to you 00:16:51.809 --> 00:16:55.789 with this unconditional love. And he said, you 00:16:55.789 --> 00:16:58.710 told yourself there must have been something 00:16:58.710 --> 00:17:03.509 worth saving. And you have set out to prove that 00:17:03.509 --> 00:17:07.450 to yourself ever since. And I didn't realize 00:17:07.450 --> 00:17:11.490 that that had become my impetus before I wanted 00:17:11.490 --> 00:17:14.369 to be worthy of love. Then I knew that I was 00:17:14.369 --> 00:17:16.789 worthy of his love, except I wanted to prove 00:17:16.789 --> 00:17:22.859 it. crazy what our human egos will do even in 00:17:22.859 --> 00:17:25.380 the presence of something so beautiful. And I 00:17:25.380 --> 00:17:29.359 think that's a good lesson in what exactly unconditional 00:17:29.359 --> 00:17:32.420 love is. When we use that term and it gets thrown 00:17:32.420 --> 00:17:36.599 around like whatever but it really means something. 00:17:36.720 --> 00:17:39.599 So what did you learn that unconditional love 00:17:39.599 --> 00:17:42.660 really means? I learned I could be sitting on 00:17:42.660 --> 00:17:45.640 the couch eating bonbons and watching TV and 00:17:45.640 --> 00:17:49.460 he would love me just as much. And in my mind, 00:17:49.799 --> 00:17:53.140 I couldn't even put that together. It was like, 00:17:53.460 --> 00:17:56.759 well, how could that be? Because that's not fulfilling 00:17:56.759 --> 00:17:59.099 the measure of my creation, right? Like that's 00:17:59.099 --> 00:18:03.259 just, that would be a waste is what I felt in 00:18:03.259 --> 00:18:07.240 my mind. And his love came in again, so strong. 00:18:07.920 --> 00:18:13.500 And it was just the truth of it, of the love 00:18:13.500 --> 00:18:17.500 around. the choices, how important our choices 00:18:17.500 --> 00:18:21.900 are. And I'm the one who wants to fulfill the 00:18:21.900 --> 00:18:26.339 measure of my creation, but I am His creation. 00:18:26.779 --> 00:18:32.160 And He loves me just as I am, just as I am. Like 00:18:32.160 --> 00:18:37.579 I still get so emotional in remembering the love 00:18:37.579 --> 00:18:41.440 in His eyes. There was there was no condemnation. 00:18:41.480 --> 00:18:44.819 There was no retribution There was none of the 00:18:44.819 --> 00:18:47.200 the things that I thought God and Jesus would 00:18:47.200 --> 00:18:51.039 talk to me about when I met them again You know, 00:18:51.099 --> 00:18:54.799 there was nothing like that. It was all just 00:18:54.799 --> 00:18:58.579 this like You know the the delight that you feel 00:18:58.579 --> 00:19:01.220 when when you've well, you wouldn't know about 00:19:01.220 --> 00:19:04.259 giving birth to a baby But you would know with 00:19:04.259 --> 00:19:06.579 your gaggle of daughters and your son. When you 00:19:06.579 --> 00:19:09.960 hold that child and you look in their eyes and 00:19:09.960 --> 00:19:14.880 they look at you and you have this outpouring 00:19:14.880 --> 00:19:17.400 and it doesn't matter what they would ever do. 00:19:17.400 --> 00:19:20.359 You would never stop loving them. Those words 00:19:20.359 --> 00:19:23.920 are paltry compared to what I felt in his eyes, 00:19:23.980 --> 00:19:27.960 in his presence. And so now I just seek to be 00:19:27.960 --> 00:19:32.220 that wherever I go as much as I can in my very 00:19:32.220 --> 00:19:36.769 human frail Sometimes really stupid form. I just 00:19:36.769 --> 00:19:40.269 love to be that love and show that to people 00:19:40.269 --> 00:19:44.210 and it's really not even a showing it's a It's 00:19:44.210 --> 00:19:48.490 an embodying. It's a Recognizing the gift of 00:19:48.490 --> 00:19:52.769 every presence, you know, I remember just within 00:19:52.769 --> 00:19:57.309 several months after this I I got married I Got 00:19:57.309 --> 00:19:59.750 pregnant and I was told I'd never have children 00:19:59.750 --> 00:20:02.690 because of how messed up my entire abdominal 00:20:02.859 --> 00:20:05.640 System and cavity, you know, I had issues and 00:20:05.640 --> 00:20:10.579 and I had fissures in my colon and it just spread 00:20:10.579 --> 00:20:13.720 everywhere that sepsis and I had. Several things 00:20:13.720 --> 00:20:17.000 that happened afterwards and topic pregnancy 00:20:17.000 --> 00:20:20.099 and and some other things, but here I was I was 00:20:20.099 --> 00:20:24.359 pregnant and it was going to be okay. I was going 00:20:24.359 --> 00:20:28.640 to be able to give birth. And so I was just overjoyed 00:20:28.640 --> 00:20:31.119 that not only was I going to live, but I was 00:20:31.119 --> 00:20:34.059 also going to be able to be part of this process 00:20:34.059 --> 00:20:38.140 of giving birth to a new creation. And just how 00:20:38.140 --> 00:20:41.839 incredible that was. And I gave birth to her. 00:20:42.000 --> 00:20:44.720 Her name was Brianna. She now goes by Raven, 00:20:44.940 --> 00:20:48.319 but I'm holding this miracle child in my hands, 00:20:48.339 --> 00:20:51.990 in my arms. holding her and just recognizing, 00:20:51.990 --> 00:20:55.950 you know, what a miracle life is. Before this, 00:20:56.069 --> 00:20:58.990 you know, I just, that avid student, I was going 00:20:58.990 --> 00:21:01.170 to go to Washington. I wanted to be an envoy 00:21:01.170 --> 00:21:04.289 at the Capitol. I was taking Russian, although 00:21:04.289 --> 00:21:06.970 I was failing at the time. But there were all 00:21:06.970 --> 00:21:09.230 these things that I wanted, you know, to prove 00:21:09.230 --> 00:21:13.329 myself. When I held her, it was like, oh, what 00:21:13.329 --> 00:21:16.650 can I do in the world that's different? What 00:21:16.650 --> 00:21:19.670 can I do in the world and still be with her? 00:21:20.309 --> 00:21:23.089 And so one of the things I'd always loved was 00:21:23.089 --> 00:21:26.210 writing and books and other things. And I would 00:21:26.210 --> 00:21:28.769 take her to the gym with me when I would go to 00:21:28.769 --> 00:21:31.490 work out. And she got to be around these other 00:21:31.490 --> 00:21:33.890 children, which she delighted in. And I would 00:21:33.890 --> 00:21:39.430 work out. At the YWCA, there were these young 00:21:39.430 --> 00:21:42.650 kids that were high -risk youth that were brought 00:21:42.650 --> 00:21:45.190 in by a place called Community Learning Centers. 00:21:45.519 --> 00:21:48.859 And I could see the story that I had told myself 00:21:48.859 --> 00:21:52.680 for so long about, you know, the big people would 00:21:52.680 --> 00:21:56.240 always leave. I could see those stories in their 00:21:56.240 --> 00:21:59.779 eyes. I could see the way that they looked at 00:21:59.779 --> 00:22:03.700 the world and it was in a box. And, you know, 00:22:03.839 --> 00:22:06.000 talking to them and asking them questions and 00:22:06.000 --> 00:22:08.940 being curious about their lives. And, you know, 00:22:09.119 --> 00:22:11.660 mom and dad are gang members and grandma, grandpa. 00:22:12.299 --> 00:22:16.339 And they were many of these kids so immersed 00:22:16.339 --> 00:22:19.500 in gang life that it was like a religion to them. 00:22:19.640 --> 00:22:23.240 It was all they knew. Someone recognized my ability 00:22:23.240 --> 00:22:27.700 to draw stories from the kids and hired me to 00:22:27.700 --> 00:22:30.779 be a consultant to write some of their stories, 00:22:31.000 --> 00:22:32.880 especially the ones that were turning the corner, 00:22:33.359 --> 00:22:36.380 the ones who decided that they didn't, you know, 00:22:36.500 --> 00:22:38.599 maybe out of everyone in their whole family, 00:22:39.079 --> 00:22:40.819 that they were going to take a different path. 00:22:41.130 --> 00:22:44.309 And Eric, I just fell in love with the human 00:22:44.309 --> 00:22:47.930 soul. I got to see how important these choices 00:22:47.930 --> 00:22:51.049 are that we make, but especially the stories 00:22:51.049 --> 00:22:54.329 that we tell ourselves, they're the most important 00:22:54.329 --> 00:22:58.490 stories. We might be bombarded by social media 00:22:58.490 --> 00:23:01.869 and parents and other people who tell us stories, 00:23:02.390 --> 00:23:05.069 but the most important stories are the ones that 00:23:05.069 --> 00:23:08.710 we decide about ourselves. And so I've been able 00:23:08.710 --> 00:23:13.170 to watch that unfold and then also see what happens 00:23:13.170 --> 00:23:16.230 when we say, I made these mistakes, but I can 00:23:16.230 --> 00:23:19.809 write a new chapter. I can do something different. 00:23:20.089 --> 00:23:23.509 That's when I began this writing journey. And 00:23:23.509 --> 00:23:28.269 I feel like every time I am privileged enough 00:23:28.269 --> 00:23:32.309 to sit before someone else and hear their story, 00:23:32.730 --> 00:23:37.289 that I get a sense of what God sees. of what 00:23:37.289 --> 00:23:40.509 a magnificent creation every single one of us 00:23:40.509 --> 00:23:44.450 is, all the opportunities that we have as we're 00:23:44.450 --> 00:23:47.750 here on the planet. It's incredible the opportunities 00:23:47.750 --> 00:23:51.869 of growth that we have here. I used to think 00:23:51.869 --> 00:23:54.890 of this place as a test and it was either pass 00:23:54.890 --> 00:23:58.769 or fail and I was failing. And then I began to 00:23:58.769 --> 00:24:01.710 see that this is a place of learning. and how 00:24:01.710 --> 00:24:04.250 extraordinary that every single morning you and 00:24:04.250 --> 00:24:06.670 I woke up early this morning going, oh, rather 00:24:06.670 --> 00:24:09.569 go back to bed for a little bit. But also the 00:24:09.569 --> 00:24:13.150 opportunity for us to talk today, for us to share 00:24:13.150 --> 00:24:16.589 experiences and discussions about our kids and 00:24:16.589 --> 00:24:20.450 just the beauty of what is possible in each one 00:24:20.450 --> 00:24:25.640 of us. Wow. I'm glad I got up early. The wisdom 00:24:25.640 --> 00:24:28.980 is just oozing out of you. I have to admit I 00:24:28.980 --> 00:24:32.160 got a little stuck on the TV and bonbons because 00:24:32.160 --> 00:24:36.400 to me that's not a bad day. But if you don't 00:24:36.400 --> 00:24:39.839 mind, let's go back and talk a little bit more 00:24:39.839 --> 00:24:42.420 detail about the near -death experience itself. 00:24:43.119 --> 00:24:45.799 I want to see if we can draw just a little bit 00:24:45.799 --> 00:24:48.519 more out of it. And what a beautiful experience, 00:24:48.539 --> 00:24:52.579 by the way. How it changed your life is amazing. 00:24:53.150 --> 00:24:57.029 I wanted to clarify one thing. A lot of people 00:24:57.029 --> 00:25:00.390 that I meet with have an experience where they 00:25:00.390 --> 00:25:04.549 feel like their spirit of who they are leaves 00:25:04.549 --> 00:25:07.869 their body and has some kind of journey either 00:25:07.869 --> 00:25:12.490 to a place or maybe up near the ceiling in the 00:25:12.490 --> 00:25:15.930 hospital room looking down. Did you have that 00:25:15.930 --> 00:25:19.789 experience or were you in your body in your bed 00:25:19.789 --> 00:25:23.200 the whole time? I was in my body, but I will 00:25:23.200 --> 00:25:26.240 tell you he gave me what I would like to call 00:25:26.240 --> 00:25:29.440 a brief glimpse. Now I've read many other people's 00:25:29.440 --> 00:25:31.440 experiences and mine was different than that. 00:25:31.599 --> 00:25:35.259 I didn't travel anywhere. What I got to see was, 00:25:35.779 --> 00:25:40.539 I got to see him looking at me and me looking 00:25:40.539 --> 00:25:45.130 at him and I was above. So I got to have this 00:25:45.130 --> 00:25:48.329 experience of this witness if that makes sense 00:25:48.329 --> 00:25:51.970 of me me staring into his eyes and him looking 00:25:51.970 --> 00:25:58.190 at me and When I was there it was like that same 00:25:58.190 --> 00:26:01.869 experience of looking in his eyes and I was able 00:26:01.869 --> 00:26:06.789 to see universes like complexities of space and 00:26:06.789 --> 00:26:10.329 time I felt like I I knew everything I felt like 00:26:11.029 --> 00:26:13.690 Like He was giving me the gift of the mind of 00:26:13.690 --> 00:26:18.609 God to understand everything. And, you know, 00:26:18.609 --> 00:26:21.289 when I woke up the next morning, I was so frustrated 00:26:21.289 --> 00:26:25.349 because I didn't have that anymore. But I just 00:26:25.349 --> 00:26:29.509 remember, you know, in that moment, me watching 00:26:29.509 --> 00:26:33.869 Him watching me and it's so hard to put into 00:26:33.869 --> 00:26:38.009 words all the colors, all the cosmos, all the 00:26:38.009 --> 00:26:44.220 stars, all the all the life. It was like this 00:26:44.220 --> 00:26:48.039 breathing organism was the entire universe. It 00:26:48.039 --> 00:26:53.000 was all of creation and it was what I saw in 00:26:53.000 --> 00:26:56.460 His eyes when I woke up and He was right there 00:26:56.460 --> 00:27:02.019 and I knew Him. You keep saying He and Him. What's 00:27:02.019 --> 00:27:09.009 His name? Jesus. Can I call Him my Jesus? Because 00:27:09.009 --> 00:27:13.529 the it was so personal it was so different from 00:27:13.529 --> 00:27:15.849 Just the knowledge and the understanding that 00:27:15.849 --> 00:27:18.990 I had as a child when I longed for him You know 00:27:18.990 --> 00:27:21.990 when I? My dad was a deacon in the Catholic Church 00:27:21.990 --> 00:27:23.950 and my mom would bring in converts to the church 00:27:23.950 --> 00:27:26.029 and they were often busy with people and you 00:27:26.029 --> 00:27:27.710 know my little brother and I would play around 00:27:27.710 --> 00:27:29.450 the churches and stuff but sometimes I would 00:27:29.450 --> 00:27:34.549 just sneak into The church itself and I would 00:27:34.549 --> 00:27:38.200 I would kneel you know in a pew but at the foot 00:27:38.200 --> 00:27:42.119 of the cross and I would long for him but he 00:27:42.119 --> 00:27:45.839 was this thing that was that was not a thing 00:27:45.839 --> 00:27:50.619 but he was this this presence this this unknowable 00:27:50.619 --> 00:27:53.799 person that I longed for this this son of god 00:27:53.799 --> 00:27:57.869 this creator He was unknowable to me as a child, 00:27:57.970 --> 00:28:00.569 except when I was outside, except when I was 00:28:00.569 --> 00:28:04.210 among the trees and the flowers and the grass, 00:28:04.769 --> 00:28:09.529 and I felt close to Him there. And then when 00:28:09.529 --> 00:28:14.089 He was across from me, He was all of life. And 00:28:14.089 --> 00:28:18.670 I call Him my Jesus because He knew me. He knew 00:28:18.670 --> 00:28:22.569 every hair on my head, every sin I'd ever... 00:28:22.700 --> 00:28:25.960 Committed but he also knew my every joy and my 00:28:25.960 --> 00:28:29.119 every laughter my every book I'd ever read my 00:28:29.119 --> 00:28:33.900 the key he looked at me with Just he knew everything 00:28:33.900 --> 00:28:36.700 and there was nothing to hide There was nothing 00:28:36.700 --> 00:28:40.319 to hide from him. Like I was embarrassed of my 00:28:40.319 --> 00:28:44.480 life circumstances For not even a split second 00:28:44.480 --> 00:28:47.819 The love was so consuming that all of that didn't 00:28:47.819 --> 00:28:50.440 matter and I can tell you that that is the thing 00:28:50.440 --> 00:28:54.279 that has stayed with me for so long as all of 00:28:54.279 --> 00:28:57.619 that didn't matter. So even when I make mistakes 00:28:57.619 --> 00:29:00.799 in life, when my budget is not as strong as I 00:29:00.799 --> 00:29:03.339 would like it to be, when maybe I've given away 00:29:03.339 --> 00:29:06.900 the farm for too long or whatever it might be, 00:29:07.279 --> 00:29:11.200 money for me, physical trappings have little 00:29:11.200 --> 00:29:15.720 to do with what I felt in that room for Him and 00:29:15.720 --> 00:29:20.720 from Him. I love the moniker of my Jesus. I like 00:29:20.720 --> 00:29:24.859 that a lot. You very briefly mentioned another 00:29:24.859 --> 00:29:28.099 being in the room. Tell me about that. I will 00:29:28.099 --> 00:29:31.619 tell you if Jesus wasn't right there I would 00:29:31.619 --> 00:29:34.460 have been so attracted to this being as well 00:29:34.460 --> 00:29:37.880 because he was just so bright and So beautiful. 00:29:38.000 --> 00:29:41.279 It's so powerful powerful is definitely a word 00:29:41.279 --> 00:29:45.500 that I would use Was later when I was doing some 00:29:45.500 --> 00:29:49.099 some study and all of a sudden it was like oh 00:29:49.099 --> 00:29:52.450 my goodness That was Archangel Michael. It was 00:29:52.450 --> 00:29:56.089 like that immediate knowing just like when I 00:29:56.089 --> 00:29:59.329 had been in front of Christ and he was looking 00:29:59.329 --> 00:30:01.970 at me. It was this immediate knowing that that 00:30:01.970 --> 00:30:06.369 was Archangel Michael. And I will tell you that, 00:30:06.710 --> 00:30:11.569 gosh, it's hard to put into words. Magnificent 00:30:11.569 --> 00:30:16.029 protector comes to mind, which is so interesting 00:30:16.029 --> 00:30:19.420 because my Jesus did not need a protector. but 00:30:19.420 --> 00:30:23.799 there was still this presence. And I can't tell 00:30:23.799 --> 00:30:27.039 you too much more than that because there were 00:30:27.039 --> 00:30:30.480 other things that came later that helped me understand 00:30:30.480 --> 00:30:33.259 who He was and why He was there. But in the moment, 00:30:33.279 --> 00:30:36.220 I didn't know. I was just like, wow, that's cool. 00:30:36.980 --> 00:30:40.920 And my Jesus is right here. Yeah, you got the 00:30:40.920 --> 00:30:44.180 extra cool. Okay, my Jesus. Tell me about His 00:30:44.180 --> 00:30:48.119 eyes. You said you looked into His eyes. Oh my 00:30:48.119 --> 00:30:56.880 gosh. There is not a color on earth that can 00:30:56.880 --> 00:31:01.759 describe everything that I saw in his eyes. They 00:31:01.759 --> 00:31:06.019 were like this beautiful blue with purple and 00:31:06.019 --> 00:31:09.400 again I saw universes. I saw all these things 00:31:09.400 --> 00:31:13.319 in his eyes and the colors beyond description 00:31:13.319 --> 00:31:18.519 just so alive and so full of love. just so much 00:31:18.519 --> 00:31:22.259 love and compassion and I wish there were words. 00:31:22.339 --> 00:31:27.539 I'm a wordsmith and I am a voracious reader and 00:31:27.539 --> 00:31:29.920 I love words and I love descriptions and I love 00:31:29.920 --> 00:31:34.279 other things but I am often so at a loss to describe 00:31:34.279 --> 00:31:39.559 just how incredible those eyes. I knew him. I 00:31:39.559 --> 00:31:43.619 knew him. If you were an artist you could paint 00:31:43.619 --> 00:31:47.509 them maybe. Feel like I am an artist with words 00:31:47.509 --> 00:31:53.809 and I feel like I still shy from the the gloriousness 00:31:53.809 --> 00:31:57.089 there is a She's probably a woman now, but was 00:31:57.089 --> 00:32:01.430 a child painter of Jesus she is the closest I 00:32:01.430 --> 00:32:05.630 have ever seen to anyone that has been able to 00:32:05.630 --> 00:32:10.529 portray his eyes and his light and his compassion. 00:32:10.910 --> 00:32:13.490 I was really intrigued with her paintings. When 00:32:13.490 --> 00:32:16.230 I first saw them, I was like, wow, someday I 00:32:16.230 --> 00:32:19.890 will have one and put it on my wall. This is 00:32:19.890 --> 00:32:22.210 just reminding me the fact that you're a wordsmith 00:32:22.210 --> 00:32:25.210 and don't have all the words. One of the artists 00:32:25.210 --> 00:32:30.130 that I've had on the show tried to paint not 00:32:30.130 --> 00:32:34.230 so much him, but the things that he saw in heaven 00:32:34.230 --> 00:32:39.039 as he had a visit to. And he said there was a 00:32:39.039 --> 00:32:43.680 problem because those colors, they're not in 00:32:43.680 --> 00:32:47.240 my palette. I could not mix up the colors that 00:32:47.240 --> 00:32:52.259 I saw there. So it's okay that you don't have 00:32:52.259 --> 00:32:54.319 all the words because he didn't have all the 00:32:54.319 --> 00:32:59.180 colors of the paint either. But I'm going to 00:32:59.180 --> 00:33:01.740 make it even harder for you now to try to explain 00:33:01.740 --> 00:33:05.319 more with words. Please try to explain the love. 00:33:06.119 --> 00:33:09.539 We've talked about the unconditionality. Let's 00:33:09.539 --> 00:33:12.700 let's dig deeper than that. I told you about 00:33:12.700 --> 00:33:14.960 the vibration because that's one of the ways 00:33:14.960 --> 00:33:22.119 that I can describe it. My cells in my body responded 00:33:22.119 --> 00:33:26.279 in incredible joy. Like just his very presence 00:33:26.279 --> 00:33:33.099 was so amazing. Bliss and and joy and and it 00:33:33.099 --> 00:33:36.400 so was really beautiful because there was a I 00:33:36.400 --> 00:33:38.460 don't know with the recognition of him, with 00:33:38.460 --> 00:33:41.059 the witness of him that I, you know, that was 00:33:41.059 --> 00:33:44.119 such a gift, but this, this, there was a back 00:33:44.119 --> 00:33:47.539 and forth, you know, um, and my lips didn't move 00:33:47.539 --> 00:33:49.259 and his lips didn't move, but we were having 00:33:49.259 --> 00:33:52.880 conversation mostly about this, this second chance 00:33:52.880 --> 00:33:59.299 and this love. It is, see this word, the words 00:33:59.299 --> 00:34:05.470 fail me again. It was active. It was. everything 00:34:05.470 --> 00:34:11.610 that He was and is and embodies. It is why it's 00:34:11.610 --> 00:34:14.570 the very first thing that would come to my mind 00:34:14.570 --> 00:34:19.010 to describe besides light. It's an expansiveness. 00:34:19.829 --> 00:34:27.329 It's a... And my words again. Remember when I 00:34:27.329 --> 00:34:29.530 said about like living in a thimble and then 00:34:29.530 --> 00:34:32.820 all of a sudden... I think the love that I had 00:34:32.820 --> 00:34:36.239 experienced and I had incredible adoptive parents 00:34:36.239 --> 00:34:42.579 that they were so loving and very open and non 00:34:42.579 --> 00:34:45.199 -judgmental in their own ways the best they could 00:34:45.199 --> 00:34:49.139 be as humans and all the love that I had ever 00:34:49.139 --> 00:34:51.820 experienced in the world which was quite a bit 00:34:51.820 --> 00:34:54.619 from many different people but it was like this 00:34:54.619 --> 00:34:59.780 thimble compared to his universes his expansiveness 00:34:59.780 --> 00:35:05.260 of love it had no bounds it had no darkness in 00:35:05.260 --> 00:35:10.480 it it had no judgment it had only truth and light 00:35:10.480 --> 00:35:15.099 it was full of joy like he was full of joy looking 00:35:15.099 --> 00:35:18.860 at me that's why I was like I hadn't not had 00:35:18.860 --> 00:35:22.320 that I had not had Been in the presence of someone 00:35:22.320 --> 00:35:25.780 who didn't care about all my foibles and my mistakes 00:35:25.780 --> 00:35:27.920 and everything else It was usually like, you 00:35:27.920 --> 00:35:30.480 know, get your crap together girl. This wasn't 00:35:30.480 --> 00:35:33.179 a get your crap together girl at all this was 00:35:33.179 --> 00:35:37.159 a You are mine and you are delightful and I love 00:35:37.159 --> 00:35:42.320 you. He was blissful in that recognition of one 00:35:42.320 --> 00:35:46.079 of his creations and When I see other creations, 00:35:46.079 --> 00:35:51.590 I recognize that like how beautiful This soul, 00:35:51.730 --> 00:35:55.170 this child that gets to decide for herself, that 00:35:55.170 --> 00:35:59.329 gets to make choices, that gets to make mistakes 00:35:59.329 --> 00:36:03.329 and learn and make decisions and choose to love 00:36:03.329 --> 00:36:08.130 and choose to err and all of these things. I 00:36:08.130 --> 00:36:11.269 still have never experienced anything like it, 00:36:11.389 --> 00:36:14.610 but sometimes I witness it in other people's 00:36:14.610 --> 00:36:18.550 eyes and I'm always looking, even in the hard 00:36:18.550 --> 00:36:21.949 stuff. I've written some really hard books about 00:36:21.949 --> 00:36:24.190 former skinheads and the daughter of a serial 00:36:24.190 --> 00:36:27.829 killer and the woman who was the 19th wife of 00:36:27.829 --> 00:36:31.389 65 women. You know, there's been a lot of darkness 00:36:31.389 --> 00:36:36.610 in their lives. I have the opportunity to look 00:36:36.610 --> 00:36:39.630 for light in the eyes of Warren Jeffs, to look 00:36:39.630 --> 00:36:42.929 for light in the eyes of Keith Underjusper and 00:36:42.929 --> 00:36:46.650 the happy face serial killer, to look for the 00:36:46.650 --> 00:36:51.329 creation that we all are and that I have come 00:36:51.329 --> 00:36:56.530 to realize he loves so much. I think that recognition, 00:36:56.530 --> 00:37:00.789 it blew away a lot of my prejudices and I felt 00:37:00.789 --> 00:37:03.300 like I grew up prejudiced against prejudiced 00:37:03.300 --> 00:37:06.159 people. I felt like I grew up in a very open 00:37:06.159 --> 00:37:08.880 family and very open, you know, to people of 00:37:08.880 --> 00:37:11.260 all different backgrounds, face, walks of life, 00:37:11.380 --> 00:37:16.480 loves, skin colors, religions, etc. He blew away 00:37:16.480 --> 00:37:20.139 all of those parameters. And it's still funny 00:37:20.139 --> 00:37:22.440 today, Eric, because whenever I hold a judgment, 00:37:22.579 --> 00:37:26.639 he'll send me a story. And then I get away from 00:37:26.639 --> 00:37:29.579 another human and I get to break down my walls 00:37:29.579 --> 00:37:33.530 again. Yeah, that's awesome. A couple more things 00:37:33.530 --> 00:37:37.170 before we wrap up here. One, you've had an experience 00:37:37.170 --> 00:37:40.570 that most humans haven't. What has that done 00:37:40.570 --> 00:37:44.170 for your level of fear in the future? I often 00:37:44.170 --> 00:37:46.329 ask people, how much fear of death do you have? 00:37:47.289 --> 00:37:51.630 So how about you, Bridget? My fear of death is 00:37:51.630 --> 00:37:54.889 only have I fulfilled the measure of my creation 00:37:54.889 --> 00:37:59.110 and now... After that recent experience, it's 00:37:59.110 --> 00:38:03.250 less about the doing to prove and it's more about 00:38:03.250 --> 00:38:06.869 am I Experiencing like what I came here to experience 00:38:06.869 --> 00:38:10.329 in this physical body where I have certain limitations 00:38:10.329 --> 00:38:14.530 and also have incredible opportunities and choices 00:38:14.530 --> 00:38:18.030 I Lost my train of thought and that rarely happens, 00:38:18.190 --> 00:38:20.769 but I was I was going into something. So please 00:38:20.769 --> 00:38:24.090 and again scale of 1 to 10 How much fear of death 00:38:24.090 --> 00:38:29.320 do you have? Oh, so of dying itself, none. Just 00:38:29.320 --> 00:38:33.059 living before I die. That motivates me every 00:38:33.059 --> 00:38:35.340 day to have new adventures, meet new people, 00:38:35.500 --> 00:38:38.280 have experiences, be as much of his love on the 00:38:38.280 --> 00:38:41.679 planet as I can be before I go. And then I will 00:38:41.679 --> 00:38:44.860 also, I would like to add a caveat because, you 00:38:44.860 --> 00:38:48.440 know, especially since COVID, in our everyday 00:38:48.440 --> 00:38:51.190 world, there's been a lot of darkness. There's 00:38:51.190 --> 00:38:53.650 been a lot of fighting. There's been a lot of 00:38:53.650 --> 00:38:57.889 anger and sides and divisions and and other things. 00:38:57.889 --> 00:38:59.889 And there have been a lot of people who have 00:38:59.889 --> 00:39:03.809 been losing hope. And I've been asked to, you 00:39:03.809 --> 00:39:07.550 know, do you see death and destruction and Armageddon 00:39:07.550 --> 00:39:09.769 and all these things? And I've heard that there 00:39:09.769 --> 00:39:12.309 are others who have have seen that. I don't think 00:39:12.309 --> 00:39:16.429 very many. I will tell you this. I came away 00:39:16.429 --> 00:39:20.469 from that experience recognizing that God and 00:39:20.469 --> 00:39:26.349 my Jesus have ultimate faith in humankind. When 00:39:26.349 --> 00:39:30.130 I went back to my studies and I was reading about 00:39:30.130 --> 00:39:33.750 the Renaissance, when I read about the aftermath 00:39:33.750 --> 00:39:37.449 of wars, when people came together, when I saw 00:39:37.449 --> 00:39:43.829 firsthand 9 -11 and I saw the horror, but also 00:39:43.829 --> 00:39:47.559 the way that people came together. And it was 00:39:47.559 --> 00:39:50.320 almost as if I could hear the collective prayers 00:39:50.320 --> 00:39:55.059 of a nation. We have a unique ability to come 00:39:55.059 --> 00:39:59.480 back from any level of darkness. God has ultimate 00:39:59.480 --> 00:40:03.079 faith in us. And it's just time for us to have 00:40:03.079 --> 00:40:05.840 faith in ourselves and to begin to act accordingly 00:40:05.840 --> 00:40:09.760 and to certainly begin acting with a lot more 00:40:09.760 --> 00:40:14.750 love. Last thing, you had mentioned I'm trying 00:40:14.750 --> 00:40:18.769 to remember how you put it now. Something about 00:40:18.769 --> 00:40:22.489 if we could see everybody the way Jesus sees 00:40:22.489 --> 00:40:27.070 them. And you gave examples of murders and horrible 00:40:27.070 --> 00:40:32.130 things like that. How can we? Well, let's do 00:40:32.130 --> 00:40:34.849 this. Leave us with some kind of a message of 00:40:34.849 --> 00:40:40.030 hope and instruction on how we can all see each 00:40:40.030 --> 00:40:44.739 other that way. Would I be allowed to share something 00:40:44.739 --> 00:40:47.920 when my dad came back to me from the other side? 00:40:48.519 --> 00:40:53.699 Of course. I was in a meditation and all of a 00:40:53.699 --> 00:40:59.639 sudden I was gone. And my father came and he's 00:40:59.639 --> 00:41:02.159 dressed in a tux and he just has this big grin 00:41:02.159 --> 00:41:05.340 on his face. And he was younger than when I had 00:41:05.340 --> 00:41:08.159 seen him last. His hair was darker and his mustache 00:41:08.159 --> 00:41:12.539 was darker. Big grin on his face. And on his 00:41:12.539 --> 00:41:16.019 arm is my grandfather, my grandmother. This is 00:41:16.019 --> 00:41:19.440 my mother's mother. It's really fascinating because 00:41:19.440 --> 00:41:21.900 there's a story between those two that when my 00:41:21.900 --> 00:41:25.239 father married my mother and then they decided 00:41:25.239 --> 00:41:28.400 to come to Utah, she was angry with him because 00:41:28.400 --> 00:41:31.019 he was taking her and her two grandchildren away 00:41:31.019 --> 00:41:35.389 from Michigan to this heathen land of Utah. and 00:41:35.389 --> 00:41:37.710 she took down their wedding photo and put my 00:41:37.710 --> 00:41:40.010 mother's graduation picture back up on her mantle. 00:41:40.190 --> 00:41:44.170 So there was some friction between the two during 00:41:44.170 --> 00:41:47.630 their lifetime. But my grandmother came to live 00:41:47.630 --> 00:41:50.429 with us for a while before she passed, and I 00:41:50.429 --> 00:41:52.530 think they were able to make it up. But here's 00:41:52.530 --> 00:41:56.630 my dad showing me. right, showing me. So they're, 00:41:56.630 --> 00:41:58.889 they're big band dancing and my grandfather's 00:41:58.889 --> 00:42:00.929 off to the side. He's still wearing a tux as 00:42:00.929 --> 00:42:03.349 well. And my grandmother was dressed to the nines 00:42:03.349 --> 00:42:07.269 and they're dancing. And my father said, the 00:42:07.269 --> 00:42:11.289 games we play in life. And then, then he showed 00:42:11.289 --> 00:42:14.489 me this, this beautiful prayer that I've been 00:42:14.489 --> 00:42:17.829 saying, which was, father, let me see through 00:42:17.829 --> 00:42:22.489 your eyes and hear with your ears and feel with 00:42:22.489 --> 00:42:25.599 your heart. and when prompted, speak with your 00:42:25.599 --> 00:42:29.860 words. Let me have experience of you when I'm 00:42:29.860 --> 00:42:32.360 viewing the world and people." And he showed 00:42:32.360 --> 00:42:35.300 me this great light that was surrounding me and 00:42:35.300 --> 00:42:38.159 it was, it felt like that light in the hospital 00:42:38.159 --> 00:42:42.199 room. It was beautiful. It was a living intention. 00:42:42.440 --> 00:42:46.380 It was gorgeous and I was very humbled. But then 00:42:46.380 --> 00:42:50.639 Eric, there was a black wall and it was shocking. 00:42:51.309 --> 00:42:54.070 compared to this light and I was like, what is 00:42:54.070 --> 00:42:57.650 that? And he said, look behind it. So I was able 00:42:57.650 --> 00:43:00.190 to peer up and behind it and behind that wall 00:43:00.190 --> 00:43:04.230 was Keith Hunter Jespersen, the happy face serial 00:43:04.230 --> 00:43:07.769 killer in his prison cell. And my father said, 00:43:08.869 --> 00:43:11.889 how much light and love do you think he gets 00:43:11.889 --> 00:43:15.929 behind those prison walls? And I realized I had 00:43:15.929 --> 00:43:19.070 never hated this man. I was a little fascinated 00:43:19.070 --> 00:43:23.079 by him. but I had been angry at him for what 00:43:23.079 --> 00:43:27.500 he had done to my friend Melissa. I was angry 00:43:27.500 --> 00:43:31.440 with him for the way that he would psychologically 00:43:31.440 --> 00:43:35.340 twist his daughter's life around. And I had not 00:43:35.340 --> 00:43:39.760 forgiven him, nor had I done one thing. I saw 00:43:39.760 --> 00:43:44.420 that I had withheld my love in my judgment of 00:43:44.420 --> 00:43:48.320 him. And I can't say that I pour out gallons 00:43:48.320 --> 00:43:51.300 to him every single day, but I do look at him 00:43:51.300 --> 00:43:55.219 as a child of God now. And I wish for him the 00:43:55.219 --> 00:43:59.539 best and he is in my prayers. And also when I 00:43:59.539 --> 00:44:02.679 walked into the courtroom, I was just about three 00:44:02.679 --> 00:44:05.760 feet away at one point from Warren Jeffs when 00:44:05.760 --> 00:44:09.559 I went down to Texas into the trials. And this 00:44:09.559 --> 00:44:13.179 was a prophet pedophile and he was manipulating 00:44:13.179 --> 00:44:16.469 and twisting the minds of his people. And he 00:44:16.469 --> 00:44:20.170 was also hurting little girls. But I will tell 00:44:20.170 --> 00:44:25.630 you after that experience, I do not agree with 00:44:25.630 --> 00:44:28.889 nor like nor love any part of his actions in 00:44:28.889 --> 00:44:32.849 what he did. But I did look for light in his 00:44:32.849 --> 00:44:38.849 eyes. And I'm not capable of the same kind of 00:44:38.849 --> 00:44:41.989 unconditional love that I was shown, but I do 00:44:41.989 --> 00:44:45.780 my best. And I think... that if we were all to 00:44:45.780 --> 00:44:49.280 do our best, just simply come to the table with 00:44:49.280 --> 00:44:53.800 more love and to choose to have that love walk 00:44:53.800 --> 00:44:58.380 before us and have the presence of this unconditional 00:44:58.380 --> 00:45:01.940 love and beauty and light that we choose to surround 00:45:01.940 --> 00:45:05.300 ourselves in and make it a part of our daily 00:45:05.300 --> 00:45:09.260 walk, that our lives would be incredibly different 00:45:09.260 --> 00:45:12.610 than they are today. Thank you. Thank you so 00:45:12.610 --> 00:45:15.269 much, Bridget. Hey, if anybody wants to find 00:45:15.269 --> 00:45:18.769 you, should we have them reach out to yourinspiredstory 00:45:18.769 --> 00:45:22.530 .com? Yes, that would be great. Or you can find 00:45:22.530 --> 00:45:25.590 me on social media. And I love making new friends 00:45:25.590 --> 00:45:29.210 and hearing new stories. So thank you. And Eric, 00:45:29.349 --> 00:45:32.230 thank you. You're an incredible host. It's an 00:45:32.230 --> 00:45:36.019 honor to be on your show. Thanks again for listening 00:45:36.019 --> 00:45:38.460 and sharing this podcast. Don't forget to hit 00:45:38.460 --> 00:45:41.280 the follow or subscribe button and sign up for 00:45:41.280 --> 00:45:44.159 our newsletter at roundtripdeath .com. If you 00:45:44.159 --> 00:45:46.679 want to share your near -death experience or 00:45:46.679 --> 00:45:48.659 if you have questions or comments about the show, 00:45:49.139 --> 00:45:52.159 send an email to eric at roundtripdeath .com. 00:45:52.559 --> 00:45:54.739 Until then, I wish you everything good that you're 00:45:54.739 --> 00:45:57.159 looking for in this life and the next.