WEBVTT 00:00:03.790 --> 00:00:06.669 From the time that they pronounced me that was 00:00:06.669 --> 00:00:10.250 a good 45 minutes They cut my clothes and then 00:00:10.250 --> 00:00:13.609 they paddled my heart my heart stopped and I 00:00:13.609 --> 00:00:17.129 could see people screaming and crying But I didn't 00:00:17.129 --> 00:00:19.510 realize that was actually my physical body because 00:00:19.510 --> 00:00:22.890 I was somewhere else The only thing that I could 00:00:22.890 --> 00:00:26.809 feel if you can imagine Absolute love and peace 00:00:26.809 --> 00:00:29.829 there wasn't anything else to be felt. I was 00:00:29.829 --> 00:00:33.049 greeted by people I'd known in the past I'm back 00:00:33.049 --> 00:00:36.929 home again. Incredibly safe and felt at home. 00:00:39.149 --> 00:00:40.829 Welcome, welcome to Round Trip Death everybody. 00:00:41.469 --> 00:00:44.350 We are going all the way over to Portugal today 00:00:44.350 --> 00:00:48.829 for a really amazing story with Ishtar Howell. 00:00:49.130 --> 00:00:51.509 Good morning Ishtar or evening for you. How are 00:00:51.509 --> 00:00:54.009 you? Well yes, good morning and good evening 00:00:54.009 --> 00:00:58.200 from over here. I'm very well. Good. Hey, I forgot 00:00:58.200 --> 00:01:00.899 to warn you of this, but one thing our listeners 00:01:00.899 --> 00:01:03.500 love is getting to know the guests that we have 00:01:03.500 --> 00:01:05.920 on the show. So if you wouldn't mind just taking 00:01:05.920 --> 00:01:08.840 one minute, tell us a little bit about you. Who 00:01:08.840 --> 00:01:13.140 is Ishtar? Actually, I think in a certain way, 00:01:13.459 --> 00:01:16.920 I feel like in a very positive way, I'm increasingly 00:01:16.920 --> 00:01:20.780 more of a nobody each day with each meditation 00:01:20.780 --> 00:01:23.579 practice that I do. But that doesn't really help. 00:01:24.450 --> 00:01:27.189 I'm a fellow who was born in Wisconsin, born 00:01:27.189 --> 00:01:29.269 and raised over there, moved to the West Coast 00:01:29.269 --> 00:01:32.969 to the US at 18, to the beautiful state of Oregon, 00:01:33.909 --> 00:01:37.209 and then ultimately ended up here in Portugal. 00:01:37.409 --> 00:01:40.349 I have a lot of interests, a lot of hobbies. 00:01:40.689 --> 00:01:43.849 I love playing the drums when they're around. 00:01:44.069 --> 00:01:48.319 I love meditation. I love gardening. There's 00:01:48.319 --> 00:01:50.519 probably, I love learning Sanskrit and playing 00:01:50.519 --> 00:01:53.760 and studying Chinese and cooking. I've done all 00:01:53.760 --> 00:01:57.260 sorts of crazy jobs in this life, including once 00:01:57.260 --> 00:02:01.500 cleaning up a crime scene, which was, that was 00:02:01.500 --> 00:02:05.920 an odd job. And I probably have more stories 00:02:05.920 --> 00:02:10.139 in the vaults than I can tell in a hundred podcasts. 00:02:10.919 --> 00:02:14.449 Awesome. Very cool. Well, if you need a new hobby, 00:02:14.530 --> 00:02:16.509 we'll get you into beekeeping one of these days. 00:02:16.889 --> 00:02:19.310 You know, actually that that's one of the I got 00:02:19.310 --> 00:02:20.849 really excited when I found out that you were 00:02:20.849 --> 00:02:22.409 into that because that is one of the hobbies 00:02:22.409 --> 00:02:25.430 that I've been hoping at some point to pick up. 00:02:25.870 --> 00:02:28.650 That's a whole other podcast. We love beekeeping, 00:02:28.669 --> 00:02:30.830 but that's not where we're going today. Today 00:02:30.830 --> 00:02:33.629 we're talking near death experiences. Let's jump 00:02:33.629 --> 00:02:36.770 right into it. So what was going on? You were 00:02:36.770 --> 00:02:40.599 13 years old. Paint the picture. What was happening 00:02:40.599 --> 00:02:43.840 that day of the accident? Oh God, it was it was 00:02:43.840 --> 00:02:47.319 even kind of the the night before I I had played 00:02:47.319 --> 00:02:49.819 the sort of the first baseball game of the season 00:02:49.819 --> 00:02:52.120 It turned out had broken my arm getting hit by 00:02:52.120 --> 00:02:55.060 a pitch learned that immediately after at the 00:02:55.060 --> 00:02:58.520 at the doctor having gotten an x -ray and And 00:02:58.520 --> 00:03:00.259 that was I was kind of bummed about that because 00:03:00.259 --> 00:03:02.620 that was like a highlight of my year was was 00:03:02.620 --> 00:03:05.080 sort of a summer baseball season and I was just 00:03:05.080 --> 00:03:07.689 talking with my mom before I went to went to 00:03:07.689 --> 00:03:10.150 bed at night, and all of a sudden I just had 00:03:10.150 --> 00:03:14.110 these words just sort of fling out of my mouth 00:03:14.110 --> 00:03:18.770 without any forethought, just right there. And 00:03:18.770 --> 00:03:21.610 I was asking her, are you going to die soon? 00:03:22.430 --> 00:03:25.810 Whoa. Just out of the blue. Out of the blue, 00:03:26.030 --> 00:03:28.530 yeah. It wasn't anything I'd ever really... I'd 00:03:28.530 --> 00:03:30.729 never worried about my mother's health. I had 00:03:30.729 --> 00:03:33.210 worried about my father's health. because he 00:03:33.210 --> 00:03:35.750 had his gallbladder removed a few years before 00:03:35.750 --> 00:03:38.129 and we had to, you know, it's kind of a emergency 00:03:38.129 --> 00:03:40.870 sort of thing and I've never worried about my 00:03:40.870 --> 00:03:43.750 mother so I think she was a little bit surprised 00:03:43.750 --> 00:03:46.270 by it as well right there in the moment and she 00:03:46.270 --> 00:03:48.409 maybe took a couple seconds to kind of compose 00:03:48.409 --> 00:03:52.349 herself and before sort of reassuring me that 00:03:52.349 --> 00:03:55.669 oh no I'll be here for as long as you need me. 00:03:55.879 --> 00:03:57.759 You know, I'll be you know, of course, I'm gonna 00:03:57.759 --> 00:04:00.840 die someday but I'll be here for as long as you 00:04:00.840 --> 00:04:03.340 need me and then I said Yeah, okay. Okay. I'm 00:04:03.340 --> 00:04:05.919 just gonna go to bed now Which is which is what 00:04:05.919 --> 00:04:09.819 I did and went to bed. Well, no anxiety or anything 00:04:09.819 --> 00:04:13.159 like that. No worries and Then I woke up the 00:04:13.159 --> 00:04:16.139 next morning as if I just jumped into my body 00:04:16.139 --> 00:04:19.899 from somewhere else. I Say that because I even 00:04:19.899 --> 00:04:24.339 literally my body sprang up in the bed And it 00:04:24.339 --> 00:04:26.920 was exactly at the moment that my mom and dad, 00:04:27.100 --> 00:04:28.500 it was about six a .m. or something like that, 00:04:29.139 --> 00:04:32.120 were walking outside my bedroom door. And so 00:04:32.120 --> 00:04:34.300 I shouted at them. Again, without any forethought, 00:04:34.779 --> 00:04:37.300 there's something I have to tell you. There's 00:04:37.300 --> 00:04:39.600 something I've got to tell you. And then when 00:04:39.600 --> 00:04:41.939 I went to say what I thought I had to tell them, 00:04:42.220 --> 00:04:45.860 it wasn't there. And I was like, oh God, I forgot. 00:04:46.180 --> 00:04:48.079 I forgot what I was supposed to say. And I was 00:04:48.079 --> 00:04:52.350 so frustrated. I was really... They had to take 00:04:52.350 --> 00:04:55.889 a few minutes to calm me down, to kind of get 00:04:55.889 --> 00:04:59.129 me settled. And so then I shook that off and 00:04:59.129 --> 00:05:01.629 said, OK, time to go to school. And it was a 00:05:01.629 --> 00:05:03.410 good school day because I think it was the second 00:05:03.410 --> 00:05:05.829 to last day of school, which meant you're not 00:05:05.829 --> 00:05:07.949 in seventh grade, you're not really doing much 00:05:07.949 --> 00:05:10.970 of anything. You're kind of having an award ceremony 00:05:10.970 --> 00:05:14.810 and doing some activities. And there's no strain 00:05:14.810 --> 00:05:18.120 or worry on those days. It's you know, I went 00:05:18.120 --> 00:05:20.579 and did the school went to school and then came 00:05:20.579 --> 00:05:24.579 home and and my mother was insistent that she 00:05:24.579 --> 00:05:27.800 drive my sister out to her new job at the edge 00:05:27.800 --> 00:05:30.660 of town, which was a movie theater and and so 00:05:30.660 --> 00:05:33.279 we did that and it was in pulling it was in the 00:05:33.279 --> 00:05:36.899 act of pulling out of the the parking lot and 00:05:36.899 --> 00:05:39.899 trying to go across a four lane sort of divided 00:05:39.899 --> 00:05:43.660 highway Right like making a left turn making 00:05:43.660 --> 00:05:47.000 a left turn. Yeah. Yes, you're dealing with Traffic 00:05:47.000 --> 00:05:49.579 going both directions. Okay. Yeah. And of course 00:05:49.579 --> 00:05:52.180 it's, I don't know, it's like 4 PM or something 00:05:52.180 --> 00:05:54.600 like that in small town, Wisconsin. So usually 00:05:54.600 --> 00:05:57.399 there's not much and there wasn't, you know, 00:05:57.399 --> 00:05:59.319 we looked and there was, you know, one car that 00:05:59.319 --> 00:06:03.800 was well off and, and kind of, you know, going 00:06:03.800 --> 00:06:07.240 slowly and there was no, no cause for alarm at 00:06:07.240 --> 00:06:10.120 all. And we, we started driving across and I 00:06:10.120 --> 00:06:12.319 was looking out the window to my right. When 00:06:12.319 --> 00:06:14.970 I turned to the left to talk to my mom, all of 00:06:14.970 --> 00:06:18.269 a sudden there was a large kind of, I think it 00:06:18.269 --> 00:06:20.350 was big Lincoln or something like that, like 00:06:20.350 --> 00:06:25.310 a Lincoln town car, a big car, clearly what must 00:06:25.310 --> 00:06:30.149 have been hidden behind the other car. And perhaps 00:06:30.149 --> 00:06:33.470 they even had started to accelerate quite a bit 00:06:33.470 --> 00:06:35.529 because it was much further along than the other 00:06:35.529 --> 00:06:38.990 one. And it was just outside my mother's door. 00:06:39.389 --> 00:06:42.889 So maybe I have no idea, maybe certainly less 00:06:42.889 --> 00:06:48.029 than a foot. Looking over there to in that moment 00:06:48.029 --> 00:06:52.829 basically I could only register one thought which 00:06:52.829 --> 00:06:56.850 was shit and Had some more thoughts after that 00:06:56.850 --> 00:06:58.529 I was I was fairly certain that this was the 00:06:58.529 --> 00:07:01.149 end of my life as well that this didn't look 00:07:01.149 --> 00:07:05.110 like a good situation it was And instead of you 00:07:05.110 --> 00:07:07.470 know kind of freezing up because at the time 00:07:07.470 --> 00:07:11.129 even at 13 I was I was consciously very afraid 00:07:11.129 --> 00:07:14.230 of death I had developed a fear of death somewhere 00:07:14.230 --> 00:07:19.490 between age 6 and 13 that was pretty formidable. 00:07:20.750 --> 00:07:24.129 So instead of finding myself clamping up and 00:07:24.129 --> 00:07:26.509 tightening, I found myself loosening and relaxing, 00:07:26.649 --> 00:07:30.089 which was very strange, as I would have expected 00:07:30.089 --> 00:07:32.550 myself to do the opposite and go into a panic 00:07:32.550 --> 00:07:35.509 mode or something. But instead I found this involuntary 00:07:35.509 --> 00:07:39.689 relaxation happening. Instead the next thought 00:07:39.689 --> 00:07:44.439 was a calm, detached, philosophical kind of thought. 00:07:44.620 --> 00:07:46.220 Well, not really philosophical, but calm and 00:07:46.220 --> 00:07:49.319 detached. And it was, I really thought this one 00:07:49.319 --> 00:07:53.000 was going to go more than 13 years. I wasn't 00:07:53.000 --> 00:07:56.060 attached. It was just, okay, this is it. So as 00:07:56.060 --> 00:07:58.519 if it was a voice from somebody else, not from 00:07:58.519 --> 00:08:01.759 your head? No, it was mine. From you? Yeah, absolutely. 00:08:02.139 --> 00:08:04.519 The deep voice. And I was familiar with that 00:08:04.519 --> 00:08:08.339 deep voice. I think more familiar when I was 00:08:08.339 --> 00:08:12.759 younger. When I was five or four or six, but 00:08:12.759 --> 00:08:16.079 as I got older each year, I think Incrementally, 00:08:16.079 --> 00:08:19.139 I started to lose my connection to that That 00:08:19.139 --> 00:08:21.959 that depth of presence or consciousness or awareness 00:08:21.959 --> 00:08:25.740 that that you know had that kind of clarity in 00:08:25.740 --> 00:08:29.379 it And so that the next thing I knew also involuntarily 00:08:29.379 --> 00:08:32.080 of I found myself going through a life review 00:08:32.399 --> 00:08:34.779 which also was interesting to me consciously 00:08:34.779 --> 00:08:37.159 at the time because I'd heard of the phenomena, 00:08:37.679 --> 00:08:39.519 at least the phenomena of the life flashing before 00:08:39.519 --> 00:08:43.200 one's eyes, and I was very skeptical that the 00:08:43.200 --> 00:08:44.740 whole thing could be packed in. Of course, it's 00:08:44.740 --> 00:08:47.519 like, come on, I can barely remember my life 00:08:47.519 --> 00:08:51.200 as it is. And sure enough, it was perfect detail. 00:08:52.120 --> 00:08:54.980 In fact, it was detail better than I consciously 00:08:54.980 --> 00:08:58.730 remembered it. And in fact, in that life review, 00:08:59.389 --> 00:09:01.850 I have to say that the quality of consciousness, 00:09:02.070 --> 00:09:07.230 the clarity was much greater than in normal waking 00:09:07.230 --> 00:09:11.470 consciousness. And so as each sort of moment, 00:09:11.909 --> 00:09:14.950 finally it did go and rewind, but in a non -confusing 00:09:14.950 --> 00:09:17.429 way. So as each moment happened, another thing 00:09:17.429 --> 00:09:20.909 that surprised me was it was as if I was with 00:09:20.909 --> 00:09:24.830 either a deeper aspect of myself or another presence 00:09:24.830 --> 00:09:27.580 altogether. whether we want to say higher self 00:09:27.580 --> 00:09:31.419 or God or whatever word, I'm not really even 00:09:31.419 --> 00:09:34.019 now attached to any particular framing. But it 00:09:34.019 --> 00:09:36.519 was as if I had like a soul guide there that 00:09:36.519 --> 00:09:39.679 was omniscient and perfectly objective. And so 00:09:39.679 --> 00:09:42.500 it basically went through my whole life with 00:09:42.500 --> 00:09:45.740 kind of a fine -tooth comb. Can you give me some 00:09:45.740 --> 00:09:49.360 examples? Do you remember any specific things 00:09:49.360 --> 00:09:52.950 that you saw or experienced there? Oh, yes, many. 00:09:53.450 --> 00:09:56.769 So where to start? Well, first, broadly, any 00:09:56.769 --> 00:10:01.769 time that I had lied in life, or any time that 00:10:01.769 --> 00:10:06.210 I, and lying here also included such things as 00:10:06.210 --> 00:10:10.509 didn't say exactly what was in my heart at certain 00:10:10.509 --> 00:10:13.289 moments, or any time I sort of put a mask on 00:10:13.289 --> 00:10:16.129 because I was afraid. All those things were sort 00:10:16.129 --> 00:10:19.139 of pointed out very compassionately. And they 00:10:19.139 --> 00:10:22.980 said, yeah, you don't need to do that. Some of 00:10:22.980 --> 00:10:25.419 the highlights of life, for instance, I would 00:10:25.419 --> 00:10:27.340 not have picked up myself. One of the highlights 00:10:27.340 --> 00:10:30.080 was a memory. I think it was from third grade. 00:10:30.279 --> 00:10:32.139 So at that time it was only four years before, 00:10:32.259 --> 00:10:34.139 something like that, second or third grade. It 00:10:34.139 --> 00:10:36.879 was a memory of getting out to recess, walking 00:10:36.879 --> 00:10:39.080 around on the blacktop, and it was just starting 00:10:39.080 --> 00:10:42.080 to rain. And I was looking at a puddle on the 00:10:42.080 --> 00:10:46.080 blacktop and looking at the drops and this kind 00:10:46.080 --> 00:10:48.480 of omniscient guide. pointed this moment out 00:10:48.480 --> 00:10:51.259 to me, because I wasn't just looking at it. I 00:10:51.259 --> 00:10:54.399 was falling into a deep mystical state, only 00:10:54.399 --> 00:10:56.899 I didn't know I was in a mystical state or have 00:10:56.899 --> 00:11:02.100 words for it. I was in complete silence and complete 00:11:02.100 --> 00:11:05.320 peace, just looking at the raindrops going into 00:11:05.320 --> 00:11:08.720 this puddle. And the omniscient guide said, more 00:11:08.720 --> 00:11:11.679 of this. This is it. Basically, suddenly, this 00:11:11.679 --> 00:11:14.759 is the bullseye for this life. And even use that 00:11:14.759 --> 00:11:17.080 language, for this life, this is the bullseye. 00:11:17.419 --> 00:11:19.559 Another experience that was added to that along 00:11:19.559 --> 00:11:22.519 the same lines was from my second grade year 00:11:22.519 --> 00:11:25.059 I was in a really very pretty school that had 00:11:25.059 --> 00:11:30.019 these big really quite tall windows and And so 00:11:30.019 --> 00:11:32.320 I remember looking out looking out one of these 00:11:32.320 --> 00:11:35.340 windows again on a rainy day Going into sort 00:11:35.340 --> 00:11:37.659 of a daydreaming space, but instead of daydreaming. 00:11:37.659 --> 00:11:42.539 I was in this big vast infinite flavor of consciousness 00:11:43.220 --> 00:11:47.019 And this experience was pointed out as a particularly 00:11:47.019 --> 00:11:51.019 good one. I also went through a lot of the traumatizing 00:11:51.019 --> 00:11:53.779 experiences that I had been through. And by going 00:11:53.779 --> 00:11:56.259 through them, it was as if a great deal of their 00:11:56.259 --> 00:11:59.659 content was sort of washed away and healed. And 00:11:59.659 --> 00:12:02.200 probably a certain amount of the psychological 00:12:02.200 --> 00:12:05.740 hangups that otherwise would have been more pronounced 00:12:05.740 --> 00:12:08.379 had they not been washed were sort of taken off. 00:12:08.659 --> 00:12:12.110 One example I had done, I think I... The circumstance 00:12:12.110 --> 00:12:15.870 of it was I was protecting somebody from being 00:12:15.870 --> 00:12:20.690 bullied. I did that. I stepped in, but instead, 00:12:20.850 --> 00:12:24.070 by stepping in, I found myself definitely outnumbered 00:12:24.070 --> 00:12:28.009 in a fight. I'm not going to win. And so I remember 00:12:28.009 --> 00:12:30.610 that the memory that's clearest was my face, 00:12:30.750 --> 00:12:35.570 the left side, being thrown against the chain 00:12:35.570 --> 00:12:39.649 link fence. In the NDE memory, it was interesting 00:12:39.649 --> 00:12:42.480 because my consciousness was being experienced 00:12:42.480 --> 00:12:45.940 not only in my own body, but I was in the fence 00:12:45.940 --> 00:12:49.100 as well. And I was in the people who were either 00:12:49.100 --> 00:12:50.899 throwing me against it or the ones behind them 00:12:50.899 --> 00:12:53.159 who were sort of taunting and egging on. And 00:12:53.159 --> 00:12:56.039 I was in the tree that was right next to the 00:12:56.039 --> 00:12:58.019 sort of the scene of the crime, so to speak. 00:12:58.720 --> 00:13:02.379 And I was in the big, vast sky. And then I also 00:13:02.379 --> 00:13:06.379 experienced what at this point I call maybe a 00:13:06.379 --> 00:13:09.259 particular aspect of divinity. consciousness 00:13:09.259 --> 00:13:12.139 or whatever word we want to use, but it was as 00:13:12.139 --> 00:13:14.200 if there was a consciousness that was everywhere 00:13:14.200 --> 00:13:17.620 in the whole thing that was actually laughing 00:13:17.620 --> 00:13:21.580 in joy at this and was even specifically aware 00:13:21.580 --> 00:13:26.500 of my tiny little speck of its much vaster tapestry 00:13:26.500 --> 00:13:29.539 going through these tiny little dramatic experiences. 00:13:29.860 --> 00:13:31.679 The more I went into that, there was even narration. 00:13:31.779 --> 00:13:34.139 There was narration like, oh, this is excellent 00:13:34.139 --> 00:13:37.049 because because he's getting beat up here he's 00:13:37.049 --> 00:13:38.970 going to develop these sorts of things and then 00:13:38.970 --> 00:13:41.070 he will get to get over those sorts of things 00:13:41.070 --> 00:13:44.549 as if it was sort of delivering commentary on 00:13:44.549 --> 00:13:50.850 the arc of my life. So this laughter wasn't like 00:13:50.850 --> 00:13:54.149 some evil presence going ha ha he's getting beat 00:13:54.149 --> 00:13:57.570 up it was it was some kind of beings on your 00:13:57.570 --> 00:14:01.169 team on your side seeing the good in what was 00:14:01.169 --> 00:14:02.929 happening even though it was not a fun thing 00:14:02.929 --> 00:14:06.090 you were going through. Absolutely, and it was 00:14:06.090 --> 00:14:09.090 not derisive at all. And the laughter wasn't 00:14:09.090 --> 00:14:12.190 simply engaged, wasn't in response simply to 00:14:12.190 --> 00:14:15.629 my thing, but it seemed to be a mirth, a completely 00:14:15.629 --> 00:14:21.649 mirthful laughter that was in all things everywhere, 00:14:21.990 --> 00:14:25.289 all at once, completely, almost in thanksgiving, 00:14:25.750 --> 00:14:30.190 almost in appreciation for the wonder of simple 00:14:30.190 --> 00:14:33.019 existence. I simply tuned into the part of it 00:14:33.019 --> 00:14:36.039 that was at the time tuning into my dilemma, 00:14:36.120 --> 00:14:39.259 but it was clear that it was everywhere. Life 00:14:39.259 --> 00:14:41.519 reviews fascinate me. So if you don't mind, I 00:14:41.519 --> 00:14:43.620 want to dial down a little bit more on this. 00:14:43.620 --> 00:14:46.799 Sure. Even on this one particular piece of yours, 00:14:47.820 --> 00:14:50.220 if you were, did you say you felt like you were 00:14:50.220 --> 00:14:54.039 in the tree and in the fence? Yeah. What kinds 00:14:54.039 --> 00:14:57.620 of feelings was that tree having? Seeing you 00:14:57.620 --> 00:15:00.820 get beat up or was it even feelings? I I'm trying 00:15:00.820 --> 00:15:04.240 to understand here Yeah, actually there were 00:15:04.240 --> 00:15:08.080 I mean in a sense everything It was almost as 00:15:08.080 --> 00:15:10.559 if I'm sure I'll use the word holographic loosely 00:15:10.559 --> 00:15:13.240 here as a metaphor But in the sense that something 00:15:13.240 --> 00:15:15.519 of everything was everywhere in every other thing 00:15:15.519 --> 00:15:18.320 The total of this holograph was also in all the 00:15:18.320 --> 00:15:20.899 little bits of it. And so that yeah, I do remember 00:15:20.899 --> 00:15:26.700 the tree The tree, funnily enough, the tree was 00:15:26.700 --> 00:15:29.240 feeling me and just basking love onto all of 00:15:29.240 --> 00:15:32.559 the homo sapiens. It doesn't matter me or the 00:15:32.559 --> 00:15:35.080 person who threw me into the fence or the taunters 00:15:35.080 --> 00:15:38.500 or the sympathetic ones or the oblivious ones. 00:15:39.259 --> 00:15:41.100 Didn't matter. It seemed to be showering the 00:15:41.100 --> 00:15:44.740 whole recess crowd with unconditional positive 00:15:44.740 --> 00:15:47.139 regard. Now, I'm not going to make a leap and 00:15:47.139 --> 00:15:48.600 say that that's what trees are doing all the 00:15:48.600 --> 00:15:50.360 time. I think they probably have a mixed range 00:15:50.360 --> 00:15:53.200 of... Feelings but that was simply the what was 00:15:53.200 --> 00:15:55.720 the case and in my own experience I can actually 00:15:55.720 --> 00:15:58.460 feel it also making a humming sound at least 00:15:58.460 --> 00:16:00.539 in the NDE life review There is a sense that 00:16:00.539 --> 00:16:03.759 the humming sound was as if I was hearing stuff 00:16:03.759 --> 00:16:08.480 trickling up its trunk In a way that this later 00:16:08.480 --> 00:16:11.379 came back as I got into meditation later in life 00:16:11.379 --> 00:16:13.460 a very very similar experience It's just not 00:16:13.460 --> 00:16:16.940 without the hassle of the of an NDE or the life 00:16:16.940 --> 00:16:20.360 review. So that was happening now the fence was 00:16:20.519 --> 00:16:23.820 Also in my NDE life review kind of animate it 00:16:23.820 --> 00:16:26.519 wasn't just dead matter I think it was that had 00:16:26.519 --> 00:16:28.379 a very different perspective from the tree though 00:16:28.379 --> 00:16:30.259 because I didn't get as much detail with the 00:16:30.259 --> 00:16:32.679 tree I could almost the tree almost felt like 00:16:32.679 --> 00:16:35.799 a human in a vegetable form the fence was like 00:16:35.799 --> 00:16:39.879 I am metal so so That's all I could pick up in 00:16:39.879 --> 00:16:42.480 the thing But I just want to say it was almost 00:16:42.480 --> 00:16:45.700 as if like everything Experienced had eyes or 00:16:45.700 --> 00:16:48.799 some some kind of consciousness, but in a non 00:16:48.799 --> 00:16:52.820 -confusing way All right. Well if you think of 00:16:52.820 --> 00:16:56.679 the quantum realm and quantum physics everything 00:16:56.679 --> 00:17:00.720 has vibration of some sort even things that are 00:17:00.720 --> 00:17:05.380 inanimate like metal or asphalt But usually we 00:17:05.380 --> 00:17:08.279 don't think or hear anything about them having 00:17:08.279 --> 00:17:12.519 any sort of consciousness or thought But it was 00:17:12.519 --> 00:17:14.519 very different than the tree. I know we're getting 00:17:14.519 --> 00:17:16.980 off a little into the the woo -woo weeds here, 00:17:16.980 --> 00:17:20.420 but I find it interesting The thing that to me 00:17:20.420 --> 00:17:22.960 is most interesting about the life reviews is 00:17:22.960 --> 00:17:26.859 there's always things for you to learn and generally 00:17:26.859 --> 00:17:30.220 the emotions going through the review are very 00:17:30.220 --> 00:17:32.839 positive. This is what most people report to 00:17:32.839 --> 00:17:36.740 me. Hey, I hurt somebody. I had this huge amount 00:17:36.740 --> 00:17:39.740 of empathy. I felt what they felt. I learned 00:17:39.740 --> 00:17:42.900 from it, but I didn't feel guilt and shame. Was 00:17:42.900 --> 00:17:46.819 that your experience also? Yes, absolutely. Which 00:17:46.819 --> 00:17:51.359 also struck me because normally at the time my 00:17:51.359 --> 00:17:55.039 personality structure probably would have felt 00:17:55.039 --> 00:17:58.240 more guilt than it needed to. And so that was 00:17:58.240 --> 00:18:02.099 very interesting to be shown all of these mistakes 00:18:02.099 --> 00:18:05.720 that I had made. And I mean, not huge mistakes. 00:18:05.859 --> 00:18:07.940 I didn't really have the time enough. Yeah, you 00:18:07.940 --> 00:18:11.599 were 13. Yeah, yeah. But nevertheless, you know, 00:18:11.740 --> 00:18:15.799 all the mistakes and there was just complete 00:18:16.009 --> 00:18:19.289 complete saturation of love. There was no room 00:18:19.289 --> 00:18:22.869 for any of that stuff. Corrections were made 00:18:22.869 --> 00:18:27.750 with grace and love and compassion. Quick break 00:18:27.750 --> 00:18:30.769 to thank our newest sponsor, RULA. It doesn't 00:18:30.769 --> 00:18:33.589 matter who you are or what stage of life you're 00:18:33.589 --> 00:18:36.809 in, sometimes we need someone to talk to. I'm 00:18:36.809 --> 00:18:39.650 talking about a therapist. It may be a breakup, 00:18:39.930 --> 00:18:42.970 death of a loved one, or for me right now it's 00:18:42.970 --> 00:18:45.789 the holiday season and all the baggage that can 00:18:45.789 --> 00:18:48.910 come with it. Rula makes it easy and if you have 00:18:48.910 --> 00:18:52.410 insurance, they can make it cheap. In fact, typically 00:18:52.410 --> 00:18:56.640 just $15 per session. 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Bottom line, it's 00:19:36.809 --> 00:19:53.210 the right help at the right price. forward slash 00:19:53.210 --> 00:19:56.470 round trip for quality therapy that's covered 00:19:56.470 --> 00:19:59.349 by insurance then at the end of the life of you 00:19:59.349 --> 00:20:02.109 was i mean through it it kind of felt even tangibly 00:20:02.109 --> 00:20:05.750 like like some kind of thin suit was being peeled 00:20:05.750 --> 00:20:09.329 off of me put it that way by the end of it like 00:20:09.329 --> 00:20:12.769 the suit was totally gone and i realized that 00:20:12.769 --> 00:20:16.440 basically that suit In language that I would 00:20:16.440 --> 00:20:18.539 have learned later that suit was the suit of 00:20:18.539 --> 00:20:21.779 sort of my overgrown Separate sense of self the 00:20:21.779 --> 00:20:24.339 misplaced ego being being used for jobs It doesn't 00:20:24.339 --> 00:20:27.160 need to be used for and it was gone and it was 00:20:27.160 --> 00:20:30.680 it was like good heavens the relief So that was 00:20:30.680 --> 00:20:33.380 part of it. I mean in those few moments between 00:20:33.380 --> 00:20:36.059 the end of the life review and Getting hit by 00:20:36.059 --> 00:20:39.019 the car. Those were the most alive at that point 00:20:39.019 --> 00:20:43.140 in life that I'd ever been also there was a Even 00:20:43.140 --> 00:20:45.519 in the language that I had at the time as a 13 00:20:45.519 --> 00:20:49.660 -year -old, I was not reading a lot of metaphysical 00:20:49.660 --> 00:20:51.740 books and stuff like that. But even in the language 00:20:51.740 --> 00:20:54.140 I had available at the time, the sentences going 00:20:54.140 --> 00:20:56.339 through my head to match my understanding was, 00:20:56.839 --> 00:21:00.059 oh my god, everything was love the whole time. 00:21:00.920 --> 00:21:03.940 That was a thought that moved through my mind. 00:21:03.980 --> 00:21:06.900 As I was looking at the dashboard of our car, 00:21:07.400 --> 00:21:12.259 the car again about to hit us. The the clouds 00:21:12.259 --> 00:21:16.180 in the blue sky out the windshield in the distance 00:21:16.180 --> 00:21:18.720 Everything of the scene the grass on the side 00:21:18.720 --> 00:21:23.079 of the highway early summer grass everything 00:21:23.079 --> 00:21:27.339 clearly was was love all of it that was that 00:21:27.339 --> 00:21:31.859 that was the word I I had available to to give 00:21:31.859 --> 00:21:36.519 to these things and God, you know, it was and 00:21:36.519 --> 00:21:39.039 such a relief to realize that every moment in 00:21:39.039 --> 00:21:43.099 my past everything that I thought was unfortunate, 00:21:44.039 --> 00:21:47.140 good, bad, ugly, all of it, and an emanation 00:21:47.140 --> 00:21:52.240 of this singular vastness, this vast love. And 00:21:52.240 --> 00:21:56.259 so that was where I was sitting until Impact, 00:21:57.220 --> 00:22:02.240 which came very quickly afterward. That's the 00:22:02.240 --> 00:22:06.119 breaking point in the story. How badly were you 00:22:06.119 --> 00:22:09.500 hurt? That's strange. I should have been hurt 00:22:09.630 --> 00:22:11.970 I'm like, if I saw how far the car was moved 00:22:11.970 --> 00:22:14.009 and I might've flipped, I don't think it did, 00:22:14.049 --> 00:22:16.609 but I was knocked out. I already had a broken 00:22:16.609 --> 00:22:19.250 arm. We were already going to head to the same 00:22:19.250 --> 00:22:21.589 hospital we ended up in anyways to put a cast 00:22:21.589 --> 00:22:24.910 on my arm that day. I didn't aggravate that. 00:22:25.170 --> 00:22:28.609 I was concussed. I remember being knocked out 00:22:28.609 --> 00:22:31.170 when my head hit the car window to the right 00:22:31.170 --> 00:22:35.750 of me. No bruising, no bumps. I think I was probably 00:22:35.750 --> 00:22:37.710 spared because I had been made like completely 00:22:37.710 --> 00:22:40.799 loose. by going through this experience before 00:22:40.799 --> 00:22:43.299 Impact. I think that's the only way I come out. 00:22:43.480 --> 00:22:45.380 The only thing I broke was the middle finger 00:22:45.380 --> 00:22:50.039 on my right hand. So I walked around for about 00:22:50.039 --> 00:22:53.440 a month or a month and a half or two that summer 00:22:53.440 --> 00:22:56.519 with a cast that had me in this position all 00:22:56.519 --> 00:23:01.400 the time, which was, I think, poetic and a little 00:23:01.400 --> 00:23:04.220 bit of humor to sort of soothe the grief and 00:23:04.220 --> 00:23:07.079 everything else that was going on. It wasn't 00:23:07.079 --> 00:23:09.440 my side of the car that was hit, so that also 00:23:09.440 --> 00:23:12.940 spared me some. I woke up with the sound of the 00:23:12.940 --> 00:23:15.920 seatbelt makes when like a seatbelt's not on 00:23:15.920 --> 00:23:19.359 or something, that beeping sound. My mother over 00:23:19.359 --> 00:23:23.240 there and the emergency crews were having to 00:23:23.240 --> 00:23:26.740 use sort of like the big kind of skill saw thing 00:23:26.740 --> 00:23:30.119 to get the doors off our car and get us out. 00:23:30.180 --> 00:23:33.990 And I was definitely concussed because Although 00:23:33.990 --> 00:23:36.329 I was conscious, I really didn't know much. I 00:23:36.329 --> 00:23:38.190 wasn't able to answer a lot of the questions 00:23:38.190 --> 00:23:42.230 that the emergency folks were asking me. But 00:23:42.230 --> 00:23:44.569 I remember them being very good at their job. 00:23:45.369 --> 00:23:47.869 I could feel in their hands on my body, like, 00:23:47.869 --> 00:23:50.549 oh, they know what they're doing. Being put on 00:23:50.549 --> 00:23:53.630 a gurney, then being put in the ambulance. And 00:23:53.630 --> 00:23:55.769 in the ambulance, I remember them asking me more 00:23:55.769 --> 00:23:57.710 questions. It's like, I don't know any of these, 00:23:57.769 --> 00:23:59.369 but I know that's my mom over there. That's all 00:23:59.369 --> 00:24:02.500 I know. That's that's where I had sort of I suppose 00:24:02.500 --> 00:24:04.799 an in -body and out -of -body type of experience 00:24:04.799 --> 00:24:07.380 So like a very non -local experience of consciousness 00:24:07.380 --> 00:24:10.019 because at the same time that I was looking up 00:24:10.019 --> 00:24:14.160 through my eyes on this gurney I was also looking 00:24:14.160 --> 00:24:16.819 down from the top of the ambulance at the same 00:24:16.819 --> 00:24:20.500 time My mother called my name out a couple times 00:24:20.500 --> 00:24:23.599 a couple times. I answered on the second answer 00:24:23.599 --> 00:24:27.180 I could tell I'm assuming that she registered 00:24:27.180 --> 00:24:30.750 Because basically I just told her I'm okay And 00:24:30.750 --> 00:24:33.869 after the second time telling her, her breathing 00:24:33.869 --> 00:24:36.509 went from sort of a breath pattern that was, 00:24:36.710 --> 00:24:38.329 you know, she was definitely struggling to stay 00:24:38.329 --> 00:24:44.390 around, to let go. And I didn't, you know, put 00:24:44.390 --> 00:24:46.589 it together at the time, being concussed, but, 00:24:46.730 --> 00:24:48.890 you know, that was the, you know, last time I'd 00:24:48.890 --> 00:24:52.869 hear my mother's voice. And I remember when she 00:24:52.869 --> 00:24:56.210 let go, the part of my consciousness that was 00:24:56.210 --> 00:24:58.289 at the, sort of at the top of the ambulance, 00:24:58.599 --> 00:25:01.779 I kind of felt as if a breeze kind of you know 00:25:01.779 --> 00:25:04.380 sort of wished by me. Now again I didn't put 00:25:04.380 --> 00:25:07.079 that together with you know something of my mom's 00:25:07.079 --> 00:25:10.640 soul was was letting go or releasing. It was 00:25:10.640 --> 00:25:13.640 all a blur and next thing I knew I'm outside 00:25:13.640 --> 00:25:17.400 of sort of the screened hospital operating area. 00:25:17.700 --> 00:25:22.539 I'm myself still made horizontal on a gurney. 00:25:23.279 --> 00:25:27.009 I guess they figured I was probably okay. And 00:25:27.009 --> 00:25:32.089 then I have my sister there and then my dad and 00:25:32.089 --> 00:25:35.089 sister had arrived and I just remember my dad 00:25:35.089 --> 00:25:39.710 saying, your mother's gone. And so that was the 00:25:39.710 --> 00:25:43.589 hardest thing I'd heard in life. And then it's 00:25:43.589 --> 00:25:45.890 all quite a blur. We're leaving the hospital 00:25:45.890 --> 00:25:49.230 and going home and friends and family are rushing 00:25:49.230 --> 00:25:55.390 to our house and like anybody in that case. where 00:25:55.390 --> 00:26:00.670 sort of my story continues past that is in sort 00:26:00.670 --> 00:26:03.069 of in the week or a few days after after like 00:26:03.069 --> 00:26:07.569 the real shock of it all sort of has really worn 00:26:07.569 --> 00:26:12.630 off was I started to realize that I did I no 00:26:12.630 --> 00:26:16.890 longer had a commenting self -conscious voice 00:26:16.890 --> 00:26:22.309 in my head nor was I afraid of anything and in 00:26:22.309 --> 00:26:25.549 addition there was this big sense of a big, vast 00:26:25.549 --> 00:26:29.910 silence in my heart and in the back of my head 00:26:29.910 --> 00:26:34.869 and ultimately throughout my whole body. I could 00:26:34.869 --> 00:26:37.690 go into this silence and whenever I would do 00:26:37.690 --> 00:26:41.250 that, I wouldn't have used the word bliss at 00:26:41.250 --> 00:26:43.470 the time, I don't know why, but now I would use 00:26:43.470 --> 00:26:46.609 the word bliss. A bliss or a joy would flood 00:26:46.609 --> 00:26:50.130 through my body like I hadn't experienced since 00:26:50.130 --> 00:26:53.230 I was having mystical experiences as a much younger 00:26:53.230 --> 00:26:58.769 child. only now it was just on steroids. And 00:26:58.769 --> 00:27:01.910 so I was experiencing that novel thing while 00:27:01.910 --> 00:27:04.329 at the same time I was going through all the 00:27:04.329 --> 00:27:07.430 stages of grief one goes through, like a textbook. 00:27:08.450 --> 00:27:11.009 And so while, you know, I remember sort of a 00:27:11.009 --> 00:27:15.009 dual experience where I'd be in the garage, you 00:27:15.009 --> 00:27:17.450 know, where I could have some privacy, and I 00:27:17.450 --> 00:27:19.930 was, you know, hitting the walls with my hands. 00:27:20.170 --> 00:27:22.529 You know cuz i was so angry and i didn't know 00:27:22.529 --> 00:27:24.869 if i believed in a deity or not at the time but 00:27:24.869 --> 00:27:27.829 i think if there's a deity you know basically 00:27:27.829 --> 00:27:30.210 cuz you know why would you would you take my 00:27:30.210 --> 00:27:32.430 mother away from me no you know what you do this 00:27:32.430 --> 00:27:36.130 to our family. All that kind of anger at the 00:27:36.130 --> 00:27:37.869 same time that that was moving through me very 00:27:37.869 --> 00:27:42.690 freely there was also this profound peace. And 00:27:42.690 --> 00:27:46.309 so i was like what's all this. My mother her 00:27:46.309 --> 00:27:48.750 last profession in life was as a counselor as 00:27:48.750 --> 00:27:51.049 a therapist so she had a big sort of stack of 00:27:51.049 --> 00:27:54.450 books above above her work desk and so I you 00:27:54.450 --> 00:27:57.190 know, I picked up an Elizabeth Kubler Ross book 00:27:57.190 --> 00:28:00.170 and yet another one and I was thinking I must 00:28:00.170 --> 00:28:02.750 be going through shock Still and I was like, 00:28:02.750 --> 00:28:06.490 oh my god shock is so awesome because I realized 00:28:06.490 --> 00:28:08.930 that that like a lot of the limitations that 00:28:08.930 --> 00:28:13.509 just two weeks had been a singular Block of my 00:28:13.509 --> 00:28:17.690 life. We're just not there at all. I Remember 00:28:17.690 --> 00:28:20.150 one day I was curious to know if anybody else 00:28:20.150 --> 00:28:22.609 in my family was having a similar experience 00:28:22.609 --> 00:28:25.809 So I was about to ask my dad the question would 00:28:25.809 --> 00:28:28.910 have been hey dad. Are you this time? I learned 00:28:28.910 --> 00:28:31.009 the word bliss. Are you experiencing the the 00:28:31.009 --> 00:28:33.829 bliss that I'm experiencing and I did not say 00:28:33.829 --> 00:28:37.470 it because right as I said Hey, hey D. Hey da, 00:28:37.789 --> 00:28:41.009 you know without even finishing a That same calm 00:28:41.009 --> 00:28:44.019 deep inner voice came up and said the answer 00:28:44.019 --> 00:28:45.940 to that question is absolutely no and you should 00:28:45.940 --> 00:28:49.460 not ask that question. You should keep the adults 00:28:49.460 --> 00:28:53.099 and other people from sort of meddling in your 00:28:53.099 --> 00:28:55.880 experience and you need to sort of explore this 00:28:55.880 --> 00:28:59.359 experience while you have it. Yeah I can't imagine 00:28:59.359 --> 00:29:02.859 how hard that was as a 13 year old. Well it doesn't 00:29:02.859 --> 00:29:07.059 matter what age we are it's so difficult to have 00:29:07.059 --> 00:29:10.359 that kind of loss but when you're 13 but also 00:29:10.359 --> 00:29:13.690 what a blessing. to be able to draw on that bliss 00:29:13.690 --> 00:29:17.430 and go through the stages of grief and and then 00:29:17.430 --> 00:29:21.109 get comfort right so you could kind of deal with 00:29:21.109 --> 00:29:26.210 it at your pace i mean i mean i had that that 00:29:26.210 --> 00:29:30.069 blessing was there for about two and a half three 00:29:30.069 --> 00:29:34.750 months so basically my summer break yeah if that 00:29:34.750 --> 00:29:38.569 wasn't there Whoa, that would have been a lot 00:29:38.569 --> 00:29:40.970 harder because that eventually faded that that 00:29:40.970 --> 00:29:43.690 that sort of I'll call it a state of consciousness 00:29:43.690 --> 00:29:46.289 at this point and later I would learn words like 00:29:46.289 --> 00:29:50.329 Samadhi that kind of ongoing Samadhi Yeah, that 00:29:50.329 --> 00:29:52.630 that allowed all sorts of things to pass through 00:29:52.630 --> 00:29:55.829 where if I had like a rigid sort of ego structure 00:29:55.829 --> 00:29:58.950 Which often you know serves to fight back and 00:29:58.950 --> 00:30:01.509 repress? experiences or feelings that we feel 00:30:01.509 --> 00:30:04.250 are difficult that we're afraid of. If I had 00:30:04.250 --> 00:30:06.750 that in place, the works would have been so gummed 00:30:06.750 --> 00:30:08.769 up. Instead, at least for that two and a half, 00:30:08.769 --> 00:30:12.150 three months, the works were just like going. 00:30:12.190 --> 00:30:14.210 So if I needed to cry, I cried. If I need to 00:30:14.210 --> 00:30:16.849 hit a wall, I hit a wall. If I need to laugh 00:30:16.849 --> 00:30:19.069 in joy and sadness, it would happen. There was 00:30:19.069 --> 00:30:23.529 no editor or filtering mechanism to be an encumbrance. 00:30:24.650 --> 00:30:27.990 So thank goodness. Nobody really know what's 00:30:27.990 --> 00:30:30.329 going on internally cuz i was like i'm not gonna 00:30:30.329 --> 00:30:32.529 i'm gonna keep these cards close is that that 00:30:32.529 --> 00:30:36.150 deep voice was suggesting but one person i remember 00:30:36.150 --> 00:30:38.490 if i forget who they were but they were older 00:30:38.490 --> 00:30:40.569 students i think they were in high school i was 00:30:40.569 --> 00:30:45.089 in middle school. And they approached me at the 00:30:45.089 --> 00:30:47.150 school playground as i think i was walking tour 00:30:47.150 --> 00:30:50.549 from the library. And they're like hey something's 00:30:50.549 --> 00:30:52.609 definitely different in you know like i want 00:30:52.609 --> 00:30:55.740 in on this. Basically, I told they're like, how 00:30:55.740 --> 00:30:57.799 did this come about? And it's like, well, you 00:30:57.799 --> 00:31:00.059 just got to go and like come really close to 00:31:00.059 --> 00:31:03.000 death and not die. You know, so I was like, maybe 00:31:03.000 --> 00:31:06.519 get in a car accident. And we both laughed because, 00:31:06.700 --> 00:31:09.799 you know, it was, you know, absurdly sketchy, 00:31:09.799 --> 00:31:13.519 you know, advice. But you were different than 00:31:13.519 --> 00:31:17.220 you were prior to this. And then other 13 year 00:31:17.220 --> 00:31:22.160 olds were. Yeah, that was that was Again, it 00:31:22.160 --> 00:31:26.539 was like a few days before that Completely different 00:31:26.539 --> 00:31:29.579 arrangement after it a completely different arrangement. 00:31:29.599 --> 00:31:33.359 I mean I still had Certain my personality was 00:31:33.359 --> 00:31:36.079 still there to a certain degree My memories it 00:31:36.079 --> 00:31:38.059 wasn't wasn't like an amnesiac or anything. I 00:31:38.059 --> 00:31:40.500 was like it's just like I had all the Individual 00:31:40.500 --> 00:31:42.839 stuff, but without like all that extra tension, 00:31:42.839 --> 00:31:46.619 you know without the ego structure being inappropriately 00:31:46.839 --> 00:31:49.400 given tasks that I don't think it was really 00:31:49.400 --> 00:31:53.900 meant to carry out. And you used the words no 00:31:53.900 --> 00:31:57.839 fear. Now that changes somebody also. That was 00:31:57.839 --> 00:32:00.839 the best bit. That was absolutely the best bit. 00:32:01.000 --> 00:32:04.140 I was so, I realized how afraid I was. I didn't 00:32:04.140 --> 00:32:07.940 know how afraid I was from age whatever to 13. 00:32:08.480 --> 00:32:11.200 I mean, I had a pretty easy life in the grand 00:32:11.200 --> 00:32:15.480 scheme of things. I had good parents and good 00:32:15.480 --> 00:32:18.519 friends and You know difficulties aside it was 00:32:18.519 --> 00:32:20.539 it was it was wonderful, but that was that was 00:32:20.539 --> 00:32:24.119 a huge eye -opener Was like oh my god, even me 00:32:24.119 --> 00:32:27.640 with an easy North American life I was parallel 00:32:27.640 --> 00:32:30.400 pet paralyzed and with fear and then when I would 00:32:30.400 --> 00:32:33.759 go out on walks walk around my town Afterwards 00:32:33.759 --> 00:32:37.240 with with without it. I could clearly see I could 00:32:37.240 --> 00:32:41.359 feel and see everybody's tensions And it didn't 00:32:41.359 --> 00:32:44.519 bring me down, but I was just like, watch. And 00:32:44.519 --> 00:32:47.299 previously, certain people, I thought, oh, that 00:32:47.299 --> 00:32:50.240 person really has their shit together. They must. 00:32:50.480 --> 00:32:52.099 And then going around, it's like, oh my god, 00:32:52.220 --> 00:32:55.440 no, they're faking it. Oh my god, there's so 00:32:55.440 --> 00:32:57.339 much effort going on under the surface there. 00:32:58.559 --> 00:33:01.960 And I even had this other visual stuff happening, 00:33:02.240 --> 00:33:04.980 like walking around and seeing this kind of, 00:33:04.980 --> 00:33:08.220 I'll say golden light, for lack of a better word. 00:33:08.569 --> 00:33:11.849 I'd see this golden light around people as if 00:33:11.849 --> 00:33:14.769 it was trying to come into them. I realized, 00:33:14.970 --> 00:33:16.849 now they weren't going around batting at it, 00:33:17.029 --> 00:33:20.109 but I realized like internally, sort of a psychological 00:33:20.109 --> 00:33:22.769 or psychic level, they were pushing it away. 00:33:22.809 --> 00:33:25.769 And I was sort of asking, you know, the universe, 00:33:25.890 --> 00:33:29.049 like, what is that light that everybody's pushing 00:33:29.049 --> 00:33:32.109 away? And an answer came back, very, very in 00:33:32.109 --> 00:33:34.420 short order, like, oh, that's just love. And 00:33:34.420 --> 00:33:36.859 that was like, oh my god. The answer was like, 00:33:36.859 --> 00:33:39.220 oh yeah, everybody's basically pushing away against 00:33:39.220 --> 00:33:41.759 love itself without knowing it. For the most 00:33:41.759 --> 00:33:44.200 part, it's like, oh okay, no wonder. People often 00:33:44.200 --> 00:33:47.279 also appeared like 50 foot tall angels that were 00:33:47.279 --> 00:33:51.400 now sort of crunched into little personalities. 00:33:52.720 --> 00:33:55.920 The bodies weren't an impediment. I could tell 00:33:55.920 --> 00:34:00.220 it was the psychological structure, even at the 00:34:00.220 --> 00:34:05.240 time. So I was like, oh, oh. And yeah, that was 00:34:05.240 --> 00:34:10.019 a very interesting time in life, yeah, to go 00:34:10.019 --> 00:34:13.199 around like that. Yeah. All right, let's talk 00:34:13.199 --> 00:34:15.940 about semantics for a minute. Because people 00:34:15.940 --> 00:34:21.039 like to define exactly things that we've been 00:34:21.039 --> 00:34:23.820 through. You know, your mom passing right next 00:34:23.820 --> 00:34:27.980 to you, and you kind of feeling her leaving. 00:34:28.800 --> 00:34:31.280 You know, we have a term, shared death experience 00:34:31.280 --> 00:34:35.940 for that. The term near -death experience Some 00:34:35.940 --> 00:34:39.199 would say well you have to actually die and your 00:34:39.199 --> 00:34:42.800 heart stop and you come back And that's not exactly 00:34:42.800 --> 00:34:46.059 what happened to you So what would you call the 00:34:46.059 --> 00:34:48.239 experiences that happened to you if you had to 00:34:48.239 --> 00:34:51.400 put words to him? And you don't have to by the 00:34:51.400 --> 00:34:53.519 way. Oh, yeah I don't really that and that's 00:34:53.519 --> 00:34:56.849 kind of a funny thing because I never Partly 00:34:56.849 --> 00:34:58.550 because when I was a kid, I watched the film 00:34:58.550 --> 00:35:01.349 Flatliners with Kiefer Sutherland. I remember 00:35:01.349 --> 00:35:04.530 that. I love that film. Yeah. And so they're 00:35:04.530 --> 00:35:06.789 like putting themselves into NDEs, you know? 00:35:07.210 --> 00:35:09.130 Yeah. And so like I thought, well, that kind 00:35:09.130 --> 00:35:10.750 of intensity, that's not what I experienced. 00:35:11.730 --> 00:35:15.250 Who knows? Maybe in the time after Impact, my 00:35:15.250 --> 00:35:17.449 heart did stop. I have no idea because I was 00:35:17.449 --> 00:35:20.710 out. Probably not. I never had a word for it. 00:35:20.750 --> 00:35:23.489 And so NDEs at the time seemed like the closest 00:35:23.489 --> 00:35:27.170 sort of thing because in a sense, I got to go, 00:35:27.170 --> 00:35:31.090 I did die spiritually. I mean, I suppose people 00:35:31.090 --> 00:35:32.849 use a spiritually transformative experience, 00:35:32.909 --> 00:35:35.469 whatever. There's all sorts of acronyms that, 00:35:35.469 --> 00:35:38.170 you know, one could throw at it. But I remember 00:35:38.170 --> 00:35:40.130 I watched the film. It actually doesn't really 00:35:40.130 --> 00:35:41.829 have much bearing on my experience, but I also 00:35:41.829 --> 00:35:43.969 love the old Warren Beatty film, Heaven Can Wait. 00:35:45.170 --> 00:35:47.269 And so the premise being that, you know, his 00:35:47.269 --> 00:35:49.349 angel screwed up because he was actually an athlete 00:35:49.349 --> 00:35:51.030 with great reflexes and he would have dodged 00:35:51.030 --> 00:35:55.860 the truck. And I felt in a way that I got It's 00:35:55.860 --> 00:35:57.719 more of an antinom experience. I felt like if 00:35:57.719 --> 00:35:59.539 I had been in my ego structure, I would have 00:35:59.539 --> 00:36:02.699 bloody well died in that crash because I would 00:36:02.699 --> 00:36:04.920 have been resisting. But they made me, as the 00:36:04.920 --> 00:36:07.239 Taoist, as Chuang Tzu, the Taoist would say, 00:36:07.519 --> 00:36:10.940 they made me like a baby again, or consciousness 00:36:10.940 --> 00:36:12.800 of the universe decided. And my higher self said 00:36:12.800 --> 00:36:17.139 like, let's take the ego off of this guy and 00:36:17.139 --> 00:36:20.530 have him be just like made of jello. our listeners 00:36:20.530 --> 00:36:22.590 under the age of thirty i think you've got some 00:36:22.590 --> 00:36:25.230 homework to do to go watch a couple of these 00:36:25.230 --> 00:36:28.110 old films you do need to go watch heaven can 00:36:28.110 --> 00:36:31.710 wait actually it holds up it holds up in terms 00:36:31.710 --> 00:36:36.570 of pacing now the key for southerland one flatliners 00:36:36.570 --> 00:36:39.150 that one that one was a whole lot more fiction 00:36:40.420 --> 00:36:43.679 The writer of that really didn't study NDEs before 00:36:43.679 --> 00:36:46.300 making that, but still it was an interesting 00:36:46.300 --> 00:36:49.480 idea. The people wanted to die, see the other 00:36:49.480 --> 00:36:52.619 side and come back. I mean, who wouldn't? You 00:36:52.619 --> 00:36:54.900 know, it's a film about forgiveness and redemption 00:36:54.900 --> 00:36:57.880 at core. All right. Let me throw a couple other 00:36:57.880 --> 00:37:00.639 questions at you. One of the things that you 00:37:00.639 --> 00:37:04.179 learned was that everything was love. Everything 00:37:04.179 --> 00:37:08.030 was love. Okay, how did that change your life 00:37:08.030 --> 00:37:10.690 moving forward too? So you've got fear is gone 00:37:10.690 --> 00:37:14.869 And by the way fear and love opposite emotions, 00:37:14.869 --> 00:37:18.909 right? So fear left I imagine you were filled 00:37:18.909 --> 00:37:22.389 with a lot more love And feeling that there was 00:37:22.389 --> 00:37:24.469 love around you now i'm putting words in your 00:37:24.469 --> 00:37:28.570 mouth. I apologize But tell me how that affected 00:37:28.570 --> 00:37:31.989 you feeling all that love That was in this case. 00:37:31.989 --> 00:37:34.289 It was for two and a half three months eventually 00:37:34.289 --> 00:37:37.769 it faded out but in those months it was like 00:37:37.769 --> 00:37:41.210 being in a completely different life completely 00:37:41.210 --> 00:37:43.269 different nervous system and there there's a 00:37:43.269 --> 00:37:45.630 lot of adjusting but i could talk to people that 00:37:45.630 --> 00:37:47.489 i was petrified of talking to before that's a 00:37:47.489 --> 00:37:51.250 very simple of a simple change i mean i could 00:37:51.250 --> 00:37:54.349 talk to girls for instance i have to use term 00:37:54.349 --> 00:37:56.170 girls because i was a boy then but you know that 00:37:56.170 --> 00:37:58.150 was definitely not you know beforehand that would 00:37:58.150 --> 00:38:00.389 have been quite a nerve -wracking experience 00:38:00.389 --> 00:38:03.769 and Also i didn't really have to have to feel 00:38:03.769 --> 00:38:05.789 i needed i didn't have an angle with anybody 00:38:05.789 --> 00:38:08.010 i didn't have the sense which i hated to have 00:38:08.010 --> 00:38:09.610 anyways but you know you get it when you're a 00:38:09.610 --> 00:38:12.550 teenager you know. Manipulate if you're a nice 00:38:12.550 --> 00:38:16.309 person but i don't have any angles. And i was 00:38:16.309 --> 00:38:18.570 like okay what you know what's death ain't so 00:38:18.570 --> 00:38:21.969 scary so nothing so scary and so good life is 00:38:21.969 --> 00:38:24.710 much more fun and i found in a very brief time 00:38:24.710 --> 00:38:27.389 and i wasn't a huge social butterfly when i would 00:38:27.389 --> 00:38:29.780 have a conversation with someone. It was like 00:38:29.780 --> 00:38:32.000 I could really find out about who they were at 00:38:32.000 --> 00:38:34.639 the essential level because I was relaxed and 00:38:34.639 --> 00:38:37.199 often then they would be relaxed as well, Tamir. 00:38:37.300 --> 00:38:40.840 And it's like, wow, I had no idea. I had no idea 00:38:40.840 --> 00:38:43.260 that that's what was going on below your facade. 00:38:44.099 --> 00:38:46.000 Now that mine's dropped, yours can be dropped 00:38:46.000 --> 00:38:47.840 too. So on a practical level, that was just a 00:38:47.840 --> 00:38:50.099 much nicer way of getting along and getting to 00:38:50.099 --> 00:38:52.099 know people and going through the world. And 00:38:52.099 --> 00:38:55.179 I have to say also, it was at that time that 00:38:55.179 --> 00:38:59.849 my love for nature and gardening. Really opened 00:38:59.849 --> 00:39:02.730 up because I somehow I think I was sleeping on 00:39:02.730 --> 00:39:05.269 the natural world because I was so Most teenagers 00:39:05.269 --> 00:39:07.909 so kind of caught up in your own, you know little 00:39:07.909 --> 00:39:11.070 little dilemmas But my god trees were no longer 00:39:11.070 --> 00:39:13.650 trees anymore People were no longer people people 00:39:13.650 --> 00:39:16.630 were these beautiful interesting complex songs 00:39:16.630 --> 00:39:19.630 in that time period It's so beautiful. It's like 00:39:19.630 --> 00:39:23.480 I didn't even quite have time to explore All 00:39:23.480 --> 00:39:25.219 the all the little corners of nuance and everything 00:39:25.219 --> 00:39:27.539 and then like the trees came alive so i look 00:39:27.539 --> 00:39:30.760 at a leaf i could cry. I look at look at look 00:39:30.760 --> 00:39:33.760 at the daffodils went out so i think it was black 00:39:33.760 --> 00:39:36.159 eyed susans and echinacea perpura there's a lot 00:39:36.159 --> 00:39:38.599 of those in my town and like of course i'd seen 00:39:38.599 --> 00:39:41.460 them my whole life but never saw them. And so 00:39:41.460 --> 00:39:43.900 like like like william blake i was seeing universes 00:39:43.900 --> 00:39:47.320 in flower heads where before i wasn't and that's 00:39:47.320 --> 00:39:49.760 love. You know that that's I didn't know that 00:39:49.760 --> 00:39:51.980 that was the effect of like more love and less 00:39:51.980 --> 00:39:54.460 fear, but that was looking back I realized yeah, 00:39:54.500 --> 00:39:57.360 absolutely All right couple more things before 00:39:57.360 --> 00:40:00.219 we wrap up You mentioned that this only stuck 00:40:00.219 --> 00:40:02.739 with you for two or three months, but you can 00:40:02.739 --> 00:40:05.480 remember it very well Are there times when you 00:40:05.480 --> 00:40:08.360 can bring this back when you can feel this again? 00:40:08.619 --> 00:40:11.000 The most important thing in my life was I'm glad 00:40:11.000 --> 00:40:13.159 that I didn't just stay there because I needed 00:40:13.159 --> 00:40:16.260 to get back to it So five years after I became 00:40:16.260 --> 00:40:19.710 a monk at 18 Became a monk and meditation teacher 00:40:19.710 --> 00:40:22.409 I before I became a monk. I was like a monk in 00:40:22.409 --> 00:40:25.190 my house. I started meditating for six hours 00:40:25.190 --> 00:40:29.010 a day as a 17 year old I was a little bit too 00:40:29.010 --> 00:40:31.110 extreme and too intense I'd get up at three in 00:40:31.110 --> 00:40:33.590 the morning and take a cold shower and do like 00:40:33.590 --> 00:40:36.010 three hours of yoga and meditation practice and 00:40:36.010 --> 00:40:38.690 then I realized you know, I because I've walked 00:40:38.690 --> 00:40:41.469 into a metaphysical bookstore I was like I need 00:40:41.469 --> 00:40:43.570 to get back to whatever I was experiencing right 00:40:43.570 --> 00:40:46.250 after mom died and I walked into a metaphysical 00:40:46.250 --> 00:40:49.420 bookstore My sister's idea. I picked up a book. 00:40:49.480 --> 00:40:51.739 I looked at it and I was like, oh my god Whatever 00:40:51.739 --> 00:40:54.460 this person in the Himalayas was experiencing 00:40:54.460 --> 00:40:56.460 it sounds a lot of it sounds a whole lot like 00:40:56.460 --> 00:41:00.480 what I was sort of just Getting into there. I 00:41:00.480 --> 00:41:03.179 slow -walked it. I didn't start meditating like 00:41:03.179 --> 00:41:06.820 right at 14 I was kind of afraid to but at 17 00:41:06.820 --> 00:41:09.920 I was like I've got to do this Between 14 and 00:41:09.920 --> 00:41:12.840 17. I also had all these wonderful guides You 00:41:12.840 --> 00:41:16.119 know humans not invisible guys but real people 00:41:16.119 --> 00:41:19.340 in my town who were meditation teachers and psychics 00:41:19.340 --> 00:41:22.380 and she gone teachers who had that same presence. 00:41:23.280 --> 00:41:25.420 That i experienced in the wake of the car accident 00:41:25.420 --> 00:41:28.679 so i was really a half time teenager and a half 00:41:28.679 --> 00:41:32.139 time spiritual seeker. For about three years 00:41:32.139 --> 00:41:33.860 and at the end is like i gotta do this thing 00:41:33.860 --> 00:41:37.340 full time i gotta see what i can do and slowly 00:41:37.340 --> 00:41:40.800 but surely meditation started to take me. back 00:41:40.800 --> 00:41:44.380 into that space, you know, little bits at a time. 00:41:44.579 --> 00:41:46.559 And then I learned this practice called the Ishaya 00:41:46.559 --> 00:41:50.860 Ascension, meditation practice. And my God, did 00:41:50.860 --> 00:41:53.599 that blow the doors off. That was when I was 00:41:53.599 --> 00:41:57.920 18, 2002, a kind of a bridge was formed in a 00:41:57.920 --> 00:42:01.860 sense, you know, that like a bridge between now 00:42:01.860 --> 00:42:05.420 and some of those experiences at 13 for sure. 00:42:05.599 --> 00:42:07.619 that's that's been my whole life was was getting 00:42:07.619 --> 00:42:09.280 back to that because i knew just telling people 00:42:09.280 --> 00:42:12.760 to go get in a car accident was something in 00:42:12.760 --> 00:42:14.619 me knew as soon as i said that said actually 00:42:14.619 --> 00:42:16.780 it even told me when right there in the park 00:42:16.780 --> 00:42:18.940 is a 13 year old that said oh yeah you're gonna 00:42:18.940 --> 00:42:21.500 you're gonna lose this state when the next school 00:42:21.500 --> 00:42:23.920 year starts because the purpose of your life 00:42:23.920 --> 00:42:28.320 is to teach people like simple methodologies 00:42:28.320 --> 00:42:31.119 that they can do to get back get back to that 00:42:31.119 --> 00:42:35.190 starting with yourself So I was like, okay. And 00:42:35.190 --> 00:42:38.269 so yeah, that's what my Dharma, if you will, 00:42:38.809 --> 00:42:41.889 or my vocation has been for 20 some years as 00:42:41.889 --> 00:42:46.190 a meditation teacher. And that's what I love, 00:42:46.409 --> 00:42:49.349 seeing people without having to get into car 00:42:49.349 --> 00:42:52.809 accident. I love seeing people get back in touch 00:42:52.809 --> 00:42:56.250 with their original innocence. Get back in touch 00:42:56.250 --> 00:42:59.739 with that sort of primordial. Consciousness pure 00:42:59.739 --> 00:43:02.219 consciousness whatever word we want to use for 00:43:02.219 --> 00:43:05.179 it the pure self with a capital S in that sense 00:43:05.179 --> 00:43:07.639 I'm grateful. I remember an early spiritual teacher. 00:43:07.820 --> 00:43:10.280 I think she even knew the the details of my life 00:43:10.280 --> 00:43:12.280 shit She's she's they were tears like, you know, 00:43:12.360 --> 00:43:14.199 your mom kind of had to die for this and it was 00:43:14.199 --> 00:43:17.639 her choice and it was a deal that you two made 00:43:17.639 --> 00:43:19.420 because otherwise you would have been a very 00:43:19.420 --> 00:43:22.139 happy person and a very successful person sort 00:43:22.139 --> 00:43:25.019 of outward ways But that's not what you want. 00:43:25.019 --> 00:43:28.130 You you want to wake up You know, you want to 00:43:28.130 --> 00:43:31.949 experience waking up from the waking dream of 00:43:31.949 --> 00:43:34.650 having the ego be the dominant filter over life. 00:43:35.050 --> 00:43:37.090 I very much think that was true. If my mom had 00:43:37.090 --> 00:43:39.449 lived, I would have enjoyed that and I probably 00:43:39.449 --> 00:43:42.989 would have been a happy lawyer somewhere. Ain't 00:43:42.989 --> 00:43:45.349 nothing wrong with that at all. Absolutely not. 00:43:45.690 --> 00:43:48.150 All lives are beautiful. But yeah, it wasn't 00:43:48.150 --> 00:43:49.570 the one. That wasn't the one that was trying 00:43:49.570 --> 00:43:53.110 to happen. The deeper one was the mad monk. All 00:43:53.110 --> 00:43:56.489 right. I'd like you to leave us with some just 00:43:56.489 --> 00:43:59.829 on a really great positive message of hope. And 00:43:59.829 --> 00:44:03.269 here's my thought. You had a lot of fear prior 00:44:03.269 --> 00:44:07.289 to age 13, fear of a lot of things, but especially 00:44:07.289 --> 00:44:10.369 a fear of death. Tell me where that level of 00:44:10.369 --> 00:44:13.469 fear is at now. And for those that are feeling 00:44:13.469 --> 00:44:16.409 that fear, what message do you have for them 00:44:16.409 --> 00:44:19.210 to help alleviate that? I want them to be able 00:44:19.210 --> 00:44:22.250 to be filled with love instead of fear. Well, 00:44:22.250 --> 00:44:25.320 I'm actually grateful that Some fears came back, 00:44:25.519 --> 00:44:27.619 because then I can be sort of a normal person 00:44:27.619 --> 00:44:29.880 who's in the trenches of life. Fear of death, 00:44:29.880 --> 00:44:35.559 though, no. That one remained conspicuously absent. 00:44:36.199 --> 00:44:38.420 But I have to say, just as much as the next person, 00:44:38.579 --> 00:44:41.739 I'm not keen on having a great white shark bite 00:44:41.739 --> 00:44:44.559 me in half or something like that. I don't necessarily 00:44:44.559 --> 00:44:47.840 want to be run over by a London city bus. Yeah, 00:44:47.840 --> 00:44:50.340 fear of death is not there. And I'll say, yeah, 00:44:50.340 --> 00:44:52.949 you don't have to get into a car accident. I've 00:44:52.949 --> 00:44:55.409 seen people who haven't had near -death experiences 00:44:55.409 --> 00:44:58.849 touch this what I could call the deathless cut 00:44:58.849 --> 00:45:02.030 part of ourselves That there is a part of ourselves 00:45:02.030 --> 00:45:04.829 and we've all actually all experienced it if 00:45:04.829 --> 00:45:08.050 we've had a and Almost all of us have had a peak 00:45:08.050 --> 00:45:11.050 experience as Maslow coined the term In fact, 00:45:11.170 --> 00:45:13.690 I say all of us have at the core of the peak 00:45:13.690 --> 00:45:15.989 experience and we don't necessarily notice it 00:45:15.989 --> 00:45:18.710 at the core of the peak experience is is an immersion 00:45:18.710 --> 00:45:21.449 even if it's ever so briefly Into the deathless 00:45:21.449 --> 00:45:24.389 part of our own consciousness and when people 00:45:24.389 --> 00:45:26.829 systematically just a little bit of time each 00:45:26.829 --> 00:45:31.389 day doesn't have to be In an ashram, you know 00:45:31.389 --> 00:45:34.429 24 7 or whatever an hour each day could be pretty 00:45:34.429 --> 00:45:37.369 robust for most people of touching that deathless 00:45:37.369 --> 00:45:40.849 space and It's it's it's a wonder the things 00:45:40.849 --> 00:45:44.230 that fall off. It's it's just it's it is a wonder 00:45:44.230 --> 00:45:47.190 Including the fear of death. I think actually 00:45:47.190 --> 00:45:49.849 other fears are more difficult in a sense though 00:45:49.980 --> 00:45:51.679 For most people, I think the other fears are 00:45:51.679 --> 00:45:54.239 a little bit more intractable than the fear of 00:45:54.239 --> 00:45:58.659 death. But there's a space that knows, not up 00:45:58.659 --> 00:46:02.239 here, but in here. Or as Heinlein would say in 00:46:02.239 --> 00:46:03.840 Stranger in a Strange Land, there's something 00:46:03.840 --> 00:46:07.739 in us that grocks that no matter what happens 00:46:07.739 --> 00:46:12.360 to us, we'll be fine. And you can't plug it in 00:46:12.360 --> 00:46:14.880 up here. You have to dive into it. You have to 00:46:14.880 --> 00:46:18.400 immerse yourself in that gear. Yeah, life has 00:46:18.400 --> 00:46:23.000 been very, very different. for me, both in that 00:46:23.000 --> 00:46:25.219 period after the NDE and then later. I'll call 00:46:25.219 --> 00:46:28.880 it a slow burn NDE of about several years of 00:46:28.880 --> 00:46:32.440 lots of meditation. Life changed permanently. 00:46:33.260 --> 00:46:36.320 Ishtar, I really enjoyed it. I hope we can do 00:46:36.320 --> 00:46:38.699 it again someday. We will do it again someday. 00:46:39.159 --> 00:46:41.960 We'll talk again in the future. That'd be lovely. 00:46:43.400 --> 00:46:46.320 Thanks again for listening and sharing this podcast. 00:46:46.659 --> 00:46:48.980 Don't forget to hit the follow or subscribe button 00:46:48.980 --> 00:46:51.420 and sign up for our newsletter at roundtripdeath 00:46:51.420 --> 00:46:54.900 .com. If you want to share your near -death experience, 00:46:55.420 --> 00:46:57.219 or if you have questions or comments about the 00:46:57.219 --> 00:47:00.119 show, send an email to eric at roundtripdeath 00:47:00.119 --> 00:47:03.280 .com. Until then, I wish you everything good 00:47:03.280 --> 00:47:05.599 that you're looking for in this life and the 00:47:05.599 --> 00:47:05.960 next.