From the time that they pronounced me dead was
a good 45 minutes. They cut my clothes and then
they paddled. My heart, my heart had stopped
and I could see people screaming and crying but
I didn't realize that was actually my physical
body because I was somewhere else. The only thing
that I could feel if you could imagine absolute
love and peace, there wasn't anything else to
be felt. I was greeted by people I'd known in
the past. I'm back home again. Incredibly safe
and felt at home. Welcome, welcome to Round Trip
Death everybody. I'm really happy to have with
me today Cy Marie Johnson. How are you today?
I'm doing pretty good. It's a nice Friday. Remind
me where you're from. I am in Oregon. Okay. I've
been talking to so many people east today it's
good to talk to somebody west. Anyway we're thrilled
to have you here and before we jump into your
near -death experience which is terrifying and
beautiful and all of the above tell us just a
little bit about you could you take just a minute
let us get to know you a little bit. I am an
author and a screenwriter. I am a mother of four
children and two of my sons unfortunately were
born with Duchenne muscular dystrophy and they're
fully wheelchair bound. So in addition to what
I'm here to talk to you about today, that has
been a big cross to bear and a burden, but it
has also allowed me to take kind of of, you know,
my experiences, my trauma and my pain and learn
the lessons from those things on how I could
take that and inspire other people through my
own experience. And when you get to these different,
I mean, these are some incredibly emotionally
devastating things I've gone through. Of course,
of course they hit me hard. But everyone who
goes through those stages and has those moments,
I feel like You got two choices that you can
take on the route what you have to do healing
you and you have to tap into What that looks
like for you because it does look different for
everyone, but I'm a very spiritual person So
I kind of after my NDE that geared me into the
career field that I am now if you will so That's
just a little bit of background. I feel like
my near -death experience and some of those other
things Help shape me into who I am. So that I
could build up the confidence through healing
and this journey to become Cy Marie Johnson,
the author. How old are the boys? My oldest son
is 22 years old, and my second one, I actually
have three sons, but these are the two with the
disease, is 19 years old. Okay. One of my best
friends had a form of muscular dystrophy, so
I'm pretty familiar with it. It's a rough one.
Yeah, it's really rugged. Speaking of rugged,
we're going to talk about a really rugged childbirth
that you had about 15 years ago. Before we let
everybody know exactly what happened during your
pregnancy, did you have any hint that there were
going to be problems during childbirth? Yes,
I did. I had an incredibly rough, very high -risk
pregnancy, and I had to go to a number of specialists.
At that time, I happened to be in Nashville,
Tennessee, and they sent me to a specialist at
Baptist Hospital who scheduled to put me in because
they expected that if they didn't be proactive,
that they were going to be dealing with probably
a loss of both of mine and my son's life. Well,
do you want to tell us about it a little bit?
Sure. 2011 is when this all happened. Early 2011
is when my son was born, but the pregnancy was
mostly 2010. 2010, when I found out that I was
pregnant, I had already known a few things about
my history that had led me to believe that I
needed to be very cautious and conscientious
about my health and my growing babies. I already
had a background with some heavy, difficult childbirths
from my three other children. And I kind of had
that as a side note in my mind of okay well I'm
just going to be proactive because these things
could happen and they did happen. And what happened
with me specifically was I developed a rare complication
called placenta procreta. I've heard of placenta
previa. How is this different? It is related
placenta previa was the first diagnosis that
I got but there are two different types of rare
even worsening complications that can happen
from placenta previa and that is with placenta
previa the placenta goes to the bottom and it's
at the bottom of the uterus and it makes it really
difficult to have you know a regular childbirth
because it's blocking the birth canal. Okay so
that happened but what happens even more that
can happen is first there's placenta accreta
and that's when the placenta completely attaches
in that spot. and it cannot move at all. Sometimes
you get placenta previa and it will still shift
with the baby growing and move up, but if you
get a creta, then it's stuck there. And then
percreta is when the placenta starts to grow
through the uterine wall and towards other organs
in your body. In my case, that happened. It glued
through the uterine wall and started to try to
grow into my bladder. The reason why that occurred
is because I had had C -sections beforehand and
I had scar tissue so that it did not know to
stop growing. I should have welcomed everybody
to the women's health hour instead. And I don't
mean to get too personal. Please just shut me
down if I cross any lines here. But I think some
people are curious. These things happen and they're
so deadly. Yes. So it comes time to go into labor.
What happens then? Well, they didn't want to
allow me to go into labor, so they actually scheduled
me to go in. I went to have a scan on Valentine's
Day. My son was born February 18th. So Valentine's
Day, I went in and the doctor said from the scan,
we're really worried. We think we need to get
you into the high -risk labor ward as soon as
possible to prevent you from going in and schedule
a C -section. we can have all the staff on hand
to help you with any hemorrhaging you might have,
which obviously I'll tell you that. You know,
and also to get me the steroid shots. And one
of my aunts had to give me a steroid shot the
day I went in the morning, I actually got admitted.
So I had to take one that night and then the
morning I got admitted as well. And I was in
the hospital for about two and a half weeks.
Okay. Keep going. Okay. So in the hospital, I'm
I'm telling you Eric, everything that could happen
to somebody happened to me. Very much tested
my strength as a person and my faith in anything.
So I get up there and they get me all set up
and they start me on my IVs and they tell me
I can't eat and everything because they're getting
me prepared for pre labor, pre OR. And everything
seems to be going pretty standard the way that
I am used to C -section planning going. So we
go and they had to, this was something that was
different. They were sent me to radiology and
they said, okay, so we're doing something and
it shouldn't hurt at all, but we're going to
take these balloons and we're gonna cut into
the apex of your thighs and we're gonna thread
these up. So if there's any hemorrhaging when
we do this operation, we can inflate them and
it will cut off. the blood supply so that we
don't have an overbearing problem that we can
try to stop it before you lose all of your blood
and die, basically. And it shouldn't hurt when
we cut into your legs and, yeah, okay. That's
what they told me. They sent me into radiology
and they're like, this should be fine. I mean,
they made it seem like it was just going to be
something simple like a pen prick or maybe a
shot. Not the case. I felt all of it. And there
was no anesthetic used. And I also had to completely
hold still because of what they were doing and
everything else that I had already attached to
me with the IVs. And it was painful. And I told
the radiologist that, you know, this is painful.
And I think they were a little bit surprised
that no one else had actually vocalized that,
I guess. I don't know. I know that it hurt me.
Yeah, of course it did. Alright, keep on going.
So we get through that procedure and I have these
balloons in my legs and they had to put a CV,
another IV in me, like a central one in my neck.
And that was a preventionary in case they did
have to immediately attach any kind of blood
transfusions or platelets or anything that was,
you know, blood product to me. and it would be
able to go straight into the neck through the
carotid and rest of my body. They went to do
that and they had to get a radiologist with a
portable x -ray machine and they came over and
they well before the x -ray machine person came
they tried to put it in and they pinched a nerve
in my neck. Then they're like oh no so they went
and they go get this radiology person and they
have to get them to scan my neck so they can
make sure they don't hit the nerve and they still
get the the artery right. So these are all the
things that are leading up and now I'm starting
to get anxious obviously because I've been put
through through pain that I was told wouldn't
hurt Now I've had a nerve pinched and all these
extra things happening that I've never had before
so I'm up to that point and they finally get
me into the OR and They're like, okay, we're
getting ready to do this We're gonna count you
down because when the with the type of c -section
I was having in that case It was the abdominal
length one instead of the across horizontal way
They put you completely under with that when
they do what's called the bikini cut incision,
which is the horizontal way at the bottom of
the abdomen. They usually do either an epidural
or a spinal tap on that. And in this case, because
it's a bigger abdominal section that's cut, they
just completely put you under. And so they started
to count me down and I remember hearing two and
that was it before my near -death experience
happened. So I'm in the OR, I get counted down
to two. And the next thing that I know, and I
will tell you what people told me happened. in
real time while I was under, but this is what
I know happened after I was under, okay? I'm
awake and I'm suddenly in this... I express it
as kind of like it's a hallway, but when people
have asked me does it feel like it was like a
tunnel, like it had walls that you could see,
and the answer is no. But I felt like it was
tunnel -like because I'm standing in this darkness
and this just open, dark, black space. I'm standing
there and I'm looking around and it just it feels
the same as what it would feel like being in
a dark tunnel so that's the way that I felt on
initial and so At first I'm just like where am
I? You know, I've never had any kind of dreams
like this. So this was weird and so then I See
this tiny distant like ball of light like it's
really tiny like an ember Way way way deep in
the darkness And so I'm drawn to this like a
moth to the flame because it's the only other
thing besides me in the darkness there. And I
start to walk towards it slowly, curiously, and
suddenly I feel pressure on both of my shoulders.
Like somebody is on trying to push me, stop me.
And I look this way and I see my dad's mother
who passed away when I was three years old. Clear
as day, she's right there and her hand's on my
shoulder and she's looking at me. And I know
it's her. I remember, I have very few memories,
but I remember what she looked like. And I've
seen pictures through time, you know. And then
I look this way and I see my great -grandmother
from my mom's side, my mother's, mother's mother.
Same thing. And she died when I was 15. And I
see the light between them, like in the distance.
And I keep trying to walk and they're trying
to stop me. And they say, no, stop. It's not
your time. There's lots of things you still have
to do. I feel so compelled to just keep going
towards light and this feeling that's undescribable
this beautiful whole pure love Goodness every
good energy emotion that we could ever have on
earth Times like five thousand so strong and
it's magnetic and all I want to do is get to
it and my Grandmothers are both telling me no
stop if you go any further you won't be able
to come back The next thing I know I'm back But
my eyes are not fully open and I can just hear
lightly my ex -husband and my cousin who were
in the hospital and they were in the post OR
room and they were talking about how I almost
died and this is what I'm hearing as I'm and
I finally opened my eyes and I look at my cousin's
the one the closest to me and my ex -husband
was more towards the foot of the bed and the
first thing out of my mouth is where's my baby
and they're both just like oh my god you're awake
you've been out for hours It felt like 10 minutes,
Eric. Okay. I'm not quite sure what to make of
this big darkness area. Some people refer to
a void. Do you feel like it was a void or do
you feel like it was more of a tunnel going somewhere?
I think it was both and I've told that to people
more than once and it is a void but I also think
that if you keep moving forward it does lead
to somewhere. And people have asked me before,
well, where do you think it leads? I didn't get
that far. I was told by people that I've already
passed on that I recognized in a loving way to
go back to my body that I still had things to
do. And at first I kind of didn't want to, but
then I heeded the advice. I feel that it's definitely
just like a big void to start out with, but there's
something when you move forward through it. I
don't know what it is. Well, the fact that you
were super drawn to that light says a whole lot
Of course you said you were feeling pure love
Times five thousand and things like that Do you
think it was coming from that light or where
you were? No, it was definitely the source of
the light and the source of the light is what
sent them Okay, so that's why you were drawn
to it. That's where all that good feeling was
coming from Now it makes sense. All right, tell
me about grandma and great -grandma Well, my
grandma Elizabeth, which was my dad's mother
again Like I said, she passed away when I was
three years old So I only got to know her for
a very brief amount of time during some just
starting to get your formative memories, just
a few stay, you know what I mean? I will say
I was fortunate to be able to hold on to a lot
of my toddler memories about that time period.
So she was originally from Missouri. She was
a woman of incredible fortitude and faith. She
came from the Ozarks and she was from the Appalachian
area. And she ended up moving from there to Oregon
where she met my grandfather, my dad's dad. and
he was a soldier during World War II, fought
over across seas in Germany and things. The two
of them settled here in Oregon and raised their
family. And she was, she was a kind of had some
mythical beliefs, old folklore, because she was
from Appalachia. And but she was also a very
strong faith driven woman and had a lot of belief
in God and tried to raise her family. with that
kind of conviction. So that definitely stemmed
forward to my raising through my dad. So she
was a person that, evidently from what I've been
told, adored me and was ecstatic. I was her second
grandchild. I have an older cousin named Rachel,
but I guess really thrilled when she would have
Rachel and I together. We were the light of her
life. Did you get a good look at her? Like what
she was wearing, how old she looked? Tell me
about that part. Not really like clothing wise
but like faith face wise and like what she looked
like and it's important to note my dad passed
away in 2022 and the day that he passed away
I had a dream with her in it in a very similar
way and he was with her I Knew when I woke up
that I was gonna get the news that my father
passed away that day and I did So she looked
just like she did when she was young I could
tell that it was her, but it was before age had
taken over and she had gotten, you know, older.
I would say probably about 30 -ish. Her hair
is a similar color to mine. She had auburn hair,
which was kind of like chestnut brown, but with
like a red, rusty kind of highlight. I have that
naturally too. And kind of wavy, curly, about
to here, which was how she wore it when she was
young, about 30 years old. Good health, very
vibrant. Full of that same kind of like that
same light Kind of filled her eyes if you will
Okay, how about great -grandmother? So my great
-grandmother I knew a little bit better She was
with me a little longer through life and she
was originally from Wisconsin and then she was
moved to California during the Second World War
She was a redhead blue eyes and fiery personality,
but also incredibly faith driven as well. And
part of that was because of some of the experiences
that she had in her life. For example, my grandmother
almost passed away as an infant because of a
house fire that they just barely got out of.
So these kind of experiences really shaped her
into becoming very spiritual person as well.
She was always an incredibly open minded person.
She taught me to accept all people. And she taught
me that she grew up during a time when there
was a lot of hatred in the world that we don't
have to carry forward. She was a person who wanted
to bring joy to people's lives. And she got cancer,
which is what took her. When she was 76, she
passed away. And that last time I spent any time
with her was the May just before that. She passed
away November. She told me, she goes, you know,
you're only ever as old as you allow yourself
to feel. no matter what's going on. So I always
try to stay in my 16 year old self. However,
that's not how she looked. She also looked about
30 and in good health, the same as my grandma
Elizabeth. Her name was Bernice. Full red hair,
flaming, curly like when she was young and just
beautiful. Like both of them were just beautiful
and full of light and vibrance like if they were
on their best day in life. You had mentioned
that after you woke up, you immediately were
asking about your baby. Did you think about your
baby at all when you were in this experience?
No, none of any of my concerns that I had on
the earthly plane, if you will, were with me
at that. The only thing I felt was that draw
to this incredible over all beautiful, all encompassing
love. And if not for the two of them telling
me to go back, I would have continued toward
it. That was the only thing. I wanted to be in
the presence of that. Do you feel like you had
a choice or they were making you go back? No,
I think that after they first tried to stop me
and they said what they said to give their message
that that was an opportunity for me to make a
choice, but to be aware that I was making a choice
in that moment that I would not be able to come
back from if I had moved forward. That was when
I actually I think it was in that moment that
I realized there's something behind me. I have
to do Do you remember coming back into your body
at all? I just like I said, I remember hearing
people at first and then slowly cracking my groggy
eyes and seeing my cousin and They were talking
amongst themselves of right when I opened like
I could hear them for probably a minute before
I opened my eye She lost almost all of her blood.
She's been out for several hours and my cousin
saying, well, I got these pictures of the baby.
And that was when I woke up when I looked at
her and I said, where's my baby? Was she in the
room with you or in the nursery? Well, he went
to the NICU because he was incredibly premature.
So she, when he was taken and I was under went
to the NICU because she had been given pre -permission,
pre -authorized by me. to be able to go there
because I knew I would not be able to see his,
I wouldn't be able to take any firstborn pictures.
I wouldn't be able to do any of those things.
And his dad, so he was my second husband. It
was his firstborn child. So there was a lot of
things he was really nervous about, but this
was my cousin that was already a mom and was
kind of like here, you know, I'll help out and
kind of be there as a support person for you
while we go through you having your first child
and all these other traumatizing things that
are happening. How premature was he? He was not
actually supposed to be born until May and he
was born in February. So three whole months.
Yeah. Wow. Let's get to the tough stuff, which
is physical healing after something like that.
How long were you in the hospital? Well, two
and a half weeks total for me. For him, it was
two and a half months. Yeah. He had to put on
weight and he had to be able to breathe on his
own and be willing to eat and all these different
things that different premature babies have to
meet. I already knew from my previous C -sections
that there were a couple of things that were
standard protocol that I would have to do despite
the fact that I had had a hysterectomy. I had
to have an emergency hysterectomy partial because
of this, because the placenta growing through
my uterus just mangled it. I couldn't live like
that. So they had to take it and I had a really
hard time for a while because they had a drainage
tube in my side that didn't want to heal. It
was very stubborn and they were afraid they were
going to have to go back in and do more surgery
to ensure that it was healing right. And I didn't
just have this constant open wound. So that happening
and I still knew I had to get out of the bed
within 24 hours and do at least four walks rotations
around the ward. um, in front of the nursing
station because when you have abdominal surgery,
all the gastric buildup can cause a lot of pressure
that can, I don't want to be gross, but it can
cause you a lot of problems with the incisions
and healing and staples and things like that.
So you have to get up to move to make sure that
your bowels are moving to get all of that excess
gastric gases out. So you don't have that problem.
Of course, that hurts. It's very painful. I had
the 25 blood transfusions that happened almost
immediately. They started giving me that. After
they did that and they thought that I was stabilized
and they noticed that I still had the drainage
tube problem with that wound, they had to give
me an extra platelet baglet. It was just a transfusion
of pure platelets, which is basically plasma.
Then things did turn around. I was there for
a while and I wasn't allowed to eat for three
or four days. It felt like I was going through
absolute H -E -L -L because I was seriously so
parched that I was crying to my husband just
to see if they'll let you give me some ice chips
because I can't. I'm so dehydrated. This is horrible.
And he's like, we're not supposed to give you
anything. So it was challenging. And then I just
kind of... Followed the advice of the doctors
and nurses and did my best I think it was earlier
that you and I were talking about some of the
more detail about what happened during the surgery
and How you lost all the blood so let's go ahead
and go back into that for a minute Okay, so they
had put in those balloons in an effort to try
to prevent any hemorrhaging but When I was under
evidently what occurred was they went ahead and
they started to do the incision and there was
such a mangled mess with the uterus that the
blood flow just like it just The placenta and
all of that blood that it had and was connected
directly to me went everywhere they inflated
the balloons and They did the emergency hysterectomy
quickly to try to deal with that mess. It just
was everywhere. I I guess it was like a horror
scene on the table. I of course was under so
I don't know more than what the doctors and my
husband and my ex -husband and my cousin told
me, but it was evidently just an instant waterfall
of blood. It all just came gushing out and they
were able because of all the prep that they did
to keep me stabilized and immediately just started
my transfusions. Yeah. You wouldn't have made
it if they hadn't have done all that. Certainly.
An experience like this changes people. How did
you come away different from this? Before I had
my NDE, I was a person that was incredibly anxious.
Anxiety was a big problem of mine. I'm not going
to say that it's totally gone away. I was very
insecure. I had a very low caliber of confidence
and faith in myself. Was living a half -life
is how I feel after the near -death experience
and I healed and I started to have some time
to introspect and Meditate a little bit about
what I had gone through what I seen and then
I finally told people this is what happened to
me while I was under and people were They were
interested in hearing what I had to say. It started
to really make me see that I had always been
a writer I had done that, but I didn't share
it. I didn't have a lot of confidence. I didn't
believe in myself and I was actually incredibly
talented. Now I'm a published author. I work
on three podcasts as a creative lead. I guest
on other people's podcasts all the time. I get
to go and experience things and I'm blessed in
a way that I had never believed I could be before.
And I think that that was more or less just the
recognition that This was my second chance. What
can I do differently? And I was like Try a different
method choose. You're hard. You've already tried
this way and this is where it led and you almost
died Try believing in yourself go out on a limb
see what happens What kind of books do you write?
I? Am a multi -genre author so I write a lot
of different types, but what got me a foot in
the door was romance since then I I've written
my most recent book is a nonfiction and it is
challenging the status quo 20 lessons on successful
freelance ghostwriting because that's where my
business really flourished. I have an LLC and
I offer writing services in addition to being
an author. And this has allowed me the opportunity
to be an independent artist and to inspire people
and make my own money, take my children to go
see things and do things with them despite their
limitations. I'm not rich and I'm constantly
working towards my next endeavor, but I'm still
blessed to be experiencing life on a level that
I feel more of that joy and happiness. Well,
congratulations on all of that. And on doing
the hard things, I'm sure those young men of
yours are absolutely wonderful. It doesn't mean
it's not hard for you. It's definitely hard.
I mean, and there are nine different types of
muscular dystrophy, which is something people
aren't that aware of unless they're usually a
family member or they've been involved with people
that have it. So people think muscular dystrophy
and they think Jerry's kids and they think, you
know, the shamrocks, which is all great. But
you have to understand that they're not there's
nine different types. And the two worst types
that are one of the leading fatal diseases for
pediatric death are Duchenne muscular dystrophy.
And second to that is Becker. So my sons happen
to have the leading Duchenne, which is just horrible.
And just the other day was World Duchenne Awareness
Day. So this kind of aligns with that message,
just knowing that it is, it's incredibly difficult,
but they're Is two ways to do this you've you've
got to find the strength within yourself to understand
that if your children are diagnosed with something
like that You know, this is a tragedy for all
of you but it's mostly tragic for them because
this is their direct lives and Knowing that they're
not going to get to see adulthood the way that
we expect that they will is something that's
very challenging for most parents and it was
for me to But then I stepped back and I realized
I got to be strong for my kids This isn't about
me. It does hurt because I'm their mother, but
I've got to be strong enough to carry this and
to be able to handle this without falling apart
at the seams at every turn, because it is that
kind of a disease and it does pull at your heartstrings
like that. And you really have to sit back and
go, who do I want to be in this and who do my
children need from me? Let's wrap up with a couple
of quick things. One is Do you have less fear
of death now since you had this experience? I'm
not out here looking for death just to be clear,
but I am not afraid of death at all now What
message do you have for somebody that may be
afraid of death? How can you help calm their
nerves about it a little bit? Well, it it doesn't
hurt as much as I think that we feel that it
might because of our fear of being separated
from the body And I think when you come to understand
that we are energy and that energy never dies,
that that helps to bring some semblance of calm.
That's how I thought about it when my dad passed
away. You know, it was incredibly difficult and
he died from a horrible disease. I had to watch
him go through dialysis for several years before
he passed and I'm the oldest daughter. So I was
the one that was mainly there. I had to reflect
on my experience and really just tell myself,
I kept saying, I don't know what I'm going to
do when my dad dies. And I didn't. I didn't.
I don't think any of us really do, but you just
figure it out as you go. That's what life is
about learning and finding the ways to gracefully
deal with what comes at us. And just like everything
else, every bad thing you get through that you
get through, you got through it. So my message
would be is don't fear death. and thinking that
you can't get through it. Lots of us have. So
I appreciate your time, appreciate your insights
and the things that you've been through and the
things that you're doing. So keep in touch. For
sure, Eric. I appreciate your time as well. Thank
you for having me. Thanks again for listening
and sharing this podcast. Don't forget to hit
the follow or subscribe button and sign up for
our newsletter at roundtripdeath .com. If you
want to share your near -death experience, or
if you have questions or comments about the show,
send an email to eric at roundtripdeath .com.
Until then, I wish you everything good that you're
looking for in this life, and the next.