WEBVTT 00:00:03.749 --> 00:00:06.730 From the time that they pronounced me dead was 00:00:06.730 --> 00:00:10.210 a good 45 minutes. They cut my clothes and then 00:00:10.210 --> 00:00:13.130 they paddled. My heart, my heart had stopped 00:00:13.130 --> 00:00:16.129 and I could see people screaming and crying but 00:00:16.129 --> 00:00:18.589 I didn't realize that was actually my physical 00:00:18.589 --> 00:00:22.010 body because I was somewhere else. The only thing 00:00:22.010 --> 00:00:25.390 that I could feel if you could imagine absolute 00:00:25.390 --> 00:00:28.510 love and peace, there wasn't anything else to 00:00:28.510 --> 00:00:31.600 be felt. I was greeted by people I'd known in 00:00:31.600 --> 00:00:35.079 the past. I'm back home again. Incredibly safe 00:00:35.079 --> 00:00:40.820 and felt at home. Welcome, welcome to Round Trip 00:00:40.820 --> 00:00:43.340 Death everybody. I'm really happy to have with 00:00:43.340 --> 00:00:47.100 me today Cy Marie Johnson. How are you today? 00:00:48.140 --> 00:00:51.340 I'm doing pretty good. It's a nice Friday. Remind 00:00:51.340 --> 00:00:56.280 me where you're from. I am in Oregon. Okay. I've 00:00:56.280 --> 00:00:58.500 been talking to so many people east today it's 00:00:58.500 --> 00:01:01.939 good to talk to somebody west. Anyway we're thrilled 00:01:01.939 --> 00:01:05.439 to have you here and before we jump into your 00:01:05.439 --> 00:01:10.280 near -death experience which is terrifying and 00:01:10.280 --> 00:01:14.379 beautiful and all of the above tell us just a 00:01:14.379 --> 00:01:16.560 little bit about you could you take just a minute 00:01:16.560 --> 00:01:19.500 let us get to know you a little bit. I am an 00:01:19.500 --> 00:01:24.219 author and a screenwriter. I am a mother of four 00:01:24.219 --> 00:01:27.579 children and two of my sons unfortunately were 00:01:27.579 --> 00:01:30.180 born with Duchenne muscular dystrophy and they're 00:01:30.180 --> 00:01:33.319 fully wheelchair bound. So in addition to what 00:01:33.319 --> 00:01:35.359 I'm here to talk to you about today, that has 00:01:35.359 --> 00:01:38.700 been a big cross to bear and a burden, but it 00:01:38.700 --> 00:01:41.620 has also allowed me to take kind of of, you know, 00:01:42.099 --> 00:01:45.260 my experiences, my trauma and my pain and learn 00:01:45.260 --> 00:01:47.799 the lessons from those things on how I could 00:01:47.799 --> 00:01:51.739 take that and inspire other people through my 00:01:51.739 --> 00:01:54.719 own experience. And when you get to these different, 00:01:55.219 --> 00:01:57.159 I mean, these are some incredibly emotionally 00:01:57.159 --> 00:01:59.680 devastating things I've gone through. Of course, 00:01:59.959 --> 00:02:03.480 of course they hit me hard. But everyone who 00:02:03.480 --> 00:02:06.099 goes through those stages and has those moments, 00:02:06.099 --> 00:02:09.800 I feel like You got two choices that you can 00:02:09.800 --> 00:02:11.939 take on the route what you have to do healing 00:02:11.939 --> 00:02:15.159 you and you have to tap into What that looks 00:02:15.159 --> 00:02:17.080 like for you because it does look different for 00:02:17.080 --> 00:02:20.439 everyone, but I'm a very spiritual person So 00:02:20.439 --> 00:02:25.080 I kind of after my NDE that geared me into the 00:02:25.080 --> 00:02:28.039 career field that I am now if you will so That's 00:02:28.039 --> 00:02:29.680 just a little bit of background. I feel like 00:02:29.680 --> 00:02:32.460 my near -death experience and some of those other 00:02:32.460 --> 00:02:36.750 things Help shape me into who I am. So that I 00:02:36.750 --> 00:02:38.710 could build up the confidence through healing 00:02:38.710 --> 00:02:41.849 and this journey to become Cy Marie Johnson, 00:02:42.250 --> 00:02:46.469 the author. How old are the boys? My oldest son 00:02:46.469 --> 00:02:51.129 is 22 years old, and my second one, I actually 00:02:51.129 --> 00:02:52.849 have three sons, but these are the two with the 00:02:52.849 --> 00:02:56.530 disease, is 19 years old. Okay. One of my best 00:02:56.530 --> 00:02:59.710 friends had a form of muscular dystrophy, so 00:02:59.710 --> 00:03:02.689 I'm pretty familiar with it. It's a rough one. 00:03:03.330 --> 00:03:06.169 Yeah, it's really rugged. Speaking of rugged, 00:03:06.990 --> 00:03:10.090 we're going to talk about a really rugged childbirth 00:03:10.090 --> 00:03:13.789 that you had about 15 years ago. Before we let 00:03:13.789 --> 00:03:17.409 everybody know exactly what happened during your 00:03:17.409 --> 00:03:19.870 pregnancy, did you have any hint that there were 00:03:19.870 --> 00:03:23.090 going to be problems during childbirth? Yes, 00:03:23.169 --> 00:03:26.370 I did. I had an incredibly rough, very high -risk 00:03:26.370 --> 00:03:30.289 pregnancy, and I had to go to a number of specialists. 00:03:30.669 --> 00:03:32.909 At that time, I happened to be in Nashville, 00:03:32.909 --> 00:03:35.650 Tennessee, and they sent me to a specialist at 00:03:35.650 --> 00:03:39.069 Baptist Hospital who scheduled to put me in because 00:03:39.069 --> 00:03:42.669 they expected that if they didn't be proactive, 00:03:42.770 --> 00:03:45.469 that they were going to be dealing with probably 00:03:45.469 --> 00:03:48.009 a loss of both of mine and my son's life. Well, 00:03:48.030 --> 00:03:49.810 do you want to tell us about it a little bit? 00:03:50.530 --> 00:03:54.849 Sure. 2011 is when this all happened. Early 2011 00:03:54.849 --> 00:03:58.189 is when my son was born, but the pregnancy was 00:03:58.189 --> 00:04:03.419 mostly 2010. 2010, when I found out that I was 00:04:03.419 --> 00:04:06.159 pregnant, I had already known a few things about 00:04:06.159 --> 00:04:09.479 my history that had led me to believe that I 00:04:09.479 --> 00:04:12.120 needed to be very cautious and conscientious 00:04:12.120 --> 00:04:16.959 about my health and my growing babies. I already 00:04:16.959 --> 00:04:21.459 had a background with some heavy, difficult childbirths 00:04:21.459 --> 00:04:25.759 from my three other children. And I kind of had 00:04:25.759 --> 00:04:28.459 that as a side note in my mind of okay well I'm 00:04:28.459 --> 00:04:30.860 just going to be proactive because these things 00:04:30.860 --> 00:04:34.060 could happen and they did happen. And what happened 00:04:34.060 --> 00:04:37.500 with me specifically was I developed a rare complication 00:04:37.500 --> 00:04:40.879 called placenta procreta. I've heard of placenta 00:04:40.879 --> 00:04:45.300 previa. How is this different? It is related 00:04:45.300 --> 00:04:47.759 placenta previa was the first diagnosis that 00:04:47.759 --> 00:04:51.120 I got but there are two different types of rare 00:04:51.120 --> 00:04:53.680 even worsening complications that can happen 00:04:53.680 --> 00:04:57.319 from placenta previa and that is with placenta 00:04:57.319 --> 00:04:59.620 previa the placenta goes to the bottom and it's 00:04:59.620 --> 00:05:01.860 at the bottom of the uterus and it makes it really 00:05:01.860 --> 00:05:04.480 difficult to have you know a regular childbirth 00:05:04.480 --> 00:05:08.279 because it's blocking the birth canal. Okay so 00:05:08.279 --> 00:05:11.600 that happened but what happens even more that 00:05:11.600 --> 00:05:14.240 can happen is first there's placenta accreta 00:05:14.240 --> 00:05:18.379 and that's when the placenta completely attaches 00:05:18.379 --> 00:05:21.480 in that spot. and it cannot move at all. Sometimes 00:05:21.480 --> 00:05:23.519 you get placenta previa and it will still shift 00:05:23.519 --> 00:05:26.240 with the baby growing and move up, but if you 00:05:26.240 --> 00:05:29.060 get a creta, then it's stuck there. And then 00:05:29.060 --> 00:05:31.600 percreta is when the placenta starts to grow 00:05:31.600 --> 00:05:34.540 through the uterine wall and towards other organs 00:05:34.540 --> 00:05:37.660 in your body. In my case, that happened. It glued 00:05:37.660 --> 00:05:40.000 through the uterine wall and started to try to 00:05:40.000 --> 00:05:42.920 grow into my bladder. The reason why that occurred 00:05:42.920 --> 00:05:45.779 is because I had had C -sections beforehand and 00:05:45.779 --> 00:05:49.129 I had scar tissue so that it did not know to 00:05:49.129 --> 00:05:51.870 stop growing. I should have welcomed everybody 00:05:51.870 --> 00:05:55.430 to the women's health hour instead. And I don't 00:05:55.430 --> 00:05:57.649 mean to get too personal. Please just shut me 00:05:57.649 --> 00:06:01.449 down if I cross any lines here. But I think some 00:06:01.449 --> 00:06:04.089 people are curious. These things happen and they're 00:06:04.089 --> 00:06:08.790 so deadly. Yes. So it comes time to go into labor. 00:06:08.990 --> 00:06:11.819 What happens then? Well, they didn't want to 00:06:11.819 --> 00:06:14.160 allow me to go into labor, so they actually scheduled 00:06:14.160 --> 00:06:18.779 me to go in. I went to have a scan on Valentine's 00:06:18.779 --> 00:06:22.639 Day. My son was born February 18th. So Valentine's 00:06:22.639 --> 00:06:25.620 Day, I went in and the doctor said from the scan, 00:06:26.439 --> 00:06:28.160 we're really worried. We think we need to get 00:06:28.160 --> 00:06:30.339 you into the high -risk labor ward as soon as 00:06:30.339 --> 00:06:32.959 possible to prevent you from going in and schedule 00:06:32.959 --> 00:06:35.889 a C -section. we can have all the staff on hand 00:06:35.889 --> 00:06:39.050 to help you with any hemorrhaging you might have, 00:06:39.110 --> 00:06:43.189 which obviously I'll tell you that. You know, 00:06:43.189 --> 00:06:45.350 and also to get me the steroid shots. And one 00:06:45.350 --> 00:06:47.750 of my aunts had to give me a steroid shot the 00:06:47.750 --> 00:06:50.149 day I went in the morning, I actually got admitted. 00:06:50.209 --> 00:06:52.069 So I had to take one that night and then the 00:06:52.069 --> 00:06:53.769 morning I got admitted as well. And I was in 00:06:53.769 --> 00:06:55.529 the hospital for about two and a half weeks. 00:06:55.790 --> 00:07:00.269 Okay. Keep going. Okay. So in the hospital, I'm 00:07:00.939 --> 00:07:03.399 I'm telling you Eric, everything that could happen 00:07:03.399 --> 00:07:06.240 to somebody happened to me. Very much tested 00:07:06.240 --> 00:07:10.480 my strength as a person and my faith in anything. 00:07:11.079 --> 00:07:16.220 So I get up there and they get me all set up 00:07:16.220 --> 00:07:19.139 and they start me on my IVs and they tell me 00:07:19.139 --> 00:07:21.519 I can't eat and everything because they're getting 00:07:21.519 --> 00:07:26.040 me prepared for pre labor, pre OR. And everything 00:07:26.040 --> 00:07:28.680 seems to be going pretty standard the way that 00:07:28.680 --> 00:07:33.459 I am used to C -section planning going. So we 00:07:33.459 --> 00:07:36.220 go and they had to, this was something that was 00:07:36.220 --> 00:07:38.000 different. They were sent me to radiology and 00:07:38.000 --> 00:07:40.420 they said, okay, so we're doing something and 00:07:40.420 --> 00:07:42.459 it shouldn't hurt at all, but we're going to 00:07:42.459 --> 00:07:45.139 take these balloons and we're gonna cut into 00:07:45.139 --> 00:07:46.879 the apex of your thighs and we're gonna thread 00:07:46.879 --> 00:07:49.279 these up. So if there's any hemorrhaging when 00:07:49.279 --> 00:07:52.839 we do this operation, we can inflate them and 00:07:52.839 --> 00:07:55.980 it will cut off. the blood supply so that we 00:07:55.980 --> 00:08:00.699 don't have an overbearing problem that we can 00:08:00.699 --> 00:08:03.139 try to stop it before you lose all of your blood 00:08:03.139 --> 00:08:05.279 and die, basically. And it shouldn't hurt when 00:08:05.279 --> 00:08:08.660 we cut into your legs and, yeah, okay. That's 00:08:08.660 --> 00:08:11.379 what they told me. They sent me into radiology 00:08:11.379 --> 00:08:14.220 and they're like, this should be fine. I mean, 00:08:14.300 --> 00:08:15.779 they made it seem like it was just going to be 00:08:15.779 --> 00:08:18.360 something simple like a pen prick or maybe a 00:08:18.360 --> 00:08:21.920 shot. Not the case. I felt all of it. And there 00:08:21.920 --> 00:08:26.540 was no anesthetic used. And I also had to completely 00:08:26.540 --> 00:08:28.500 hold still because of what they were doing and 00:08:28.500 --> 00:08:30.459 everything else that I had already attached to 00:08:30.459 --> 00:08:33.679 me with the IVs. And it was painful. And I told 00:08:33.679 --> 00:08:35.500 the radiologist that, you know, this is painful. 00:08:36.279 --> 00:08:38.460 And I think they were a little bit surprised 00:08:38.460 --> 00:08:40.659 that no one else had actually vocalized that, 00:08:40.659 --> 00:08:43.580 I guess. I don't know. I know that it hurt me. 00:08:44.340 --> 00:08:49.429 Yeah, of course it did. Alright, keep on going. 00:08:50.830 --> 00:08:54.789 So we get through that procedure and I have these 00:08:54.789 --> 00:08:59.210 balloons in my legs and they had to put a CV, 00:08:59.350 --> 00:09:03.269 another IV in me, like a central one in my neck. 00:09:03.850 --> 00:09:08.110 And that was a preventionary in case they did 00:09:08.110 --> 00:09:11.409 have to immediately attach any kind of blood 00:09:11.409 --> 00:09:14.450 transfusions or platelets or anything that was, 00:09:14.450 --> 00:09:16.700 you know, blood product to me. and it would be 00:09:16.700 --> 00:09:18.460 able to go straight into the neck through the 00:09:18.460 --> 00:09:21.539 carotid and rest of my body. They went to do 00:09:21.539 --> 00:09:24.299 that and they had to get a radiologist with a 00:09:24.299 --> 00:09:26.639 portable x -ray machine and they came over and 00:09:26.639 --> 00:09:29.679 they well before the x -ray machine person came 00:09:29.679 --> 00:09:31.519 they tried to put it in and they pinched a nerve 00:09:31.519 --> 00:09:34.600 in my neck. Then they're like oh no so they went 00:09:34.600 --> 00:09:36.600 and they go get this radiology person and they 00:09:36.600 --> 00:09:38.480 have to get them to scan my neck so they can 00:09:38.480 --> 00:09:40.080 make sure they don't hit the nerve and they still 00:09:40.080 --> 00:09:43.779 get the the artery right. So these are all the 00:09:43.779 --> 00:09:45.580 things that are leading up and now I'm starting 00:09:45.580 --> 00:09:49.200 to get anxious obviously because I've been put 00:09:49.200 --> 00:09:51.039 through through pain that I was told wouldn't 00:09:51.039 --> 00:09:55.120 hurt Now I've had a nerve pinched and all these 00:09:55.120 --> 00:09:57.440 extra things happening that I've never had before 00:09:57.440 --> 00:10:00.759 so I'm up to that point and they finally get 00:10:00.759 --> 00:10:04.950 me into the OR and They're like, okay, we're 00:10:04.950 --> 00:10:06.629 getting ready to do this We're gonna count you 00:10:06.629 --> 00:10:09.529 down because when the with the type of c -section 00:10:09.529 --> 00:10:12.629 I was having in that case It was the abdominal 00:10:12.629 --> 00:10:15.710 length one instead of the across horizontal way 00:10:15.710 --> 00:10:18.309 They put you completely under with that when 00:10:18.309 --> 00:10:20.610 they do what's called the bikini cut incision, 00:10:20.610 --> 00:10:23.500 which is the horizontal way at the bottom of 00:10:23.500 --> 00:10:26.059 the abdomen. They usually do either an epidural 00:10:26.059 --> 00:10:29.039 or a spinal tap on that. And in this case, because 00:10:29.039 --> 00:10:32.179 it's a bigger abdominal section that's cut, they 00:10:32.179 --> 00:10:34.840 just completely put you under. And so they started 00:10:34.840 --> 00:10:38.360 to count me down and I remember hearing two and 00:10:38.360 --> 00:10:41.620 that was it before my near -death experience 00:10:41.620 --> 00:10:45.500 happened. So I'm in the OR, I get counted down 00:10:45.500 --> 00:10:48.299 to two. And the next thing that I know, and I 00:10:48.299 --> 00:10:51.340 will tell you what people told me happened. in 00:10:51.340 --> 00:10:54.200 real time while I was under, but this is what 00:10:54.200 --> 00:10:57.320 I know happened after I was under, okay? I'm 00:10:57.320 --> 00:11:01.379 awake and I'm suddenly in this... I express it 00:11:01.379 --> 00:11:03.580 as kind of like it's a hallway, but when people 00:11:03.580 --> 00:11:05.820 have asked me does it feel like it was like a 00:11:05.820 --> 00:11:07.860 tunnel, like it had walls that you could see, 00:11:07.919 --> 00:11:12.799 and the answer is no. But I felt like it was 00:11:12.799 --> 00:11:16.759 tunnel -like because I'm standing in this darkness 00:11:16.759 --> 00:11:21.149 and this just open, dark, black space. I'm standing 00:11:21.149 --> 00:11:24.269 there and I'm looking around and it just it feels 00:11:24.269 --> 00:11:26.889 the same as what it would feel like being in 00:11:26.889 --> 00:11:30.049 a dark tunnel so that's the way that I felt on 00:11:30.049 --> 00:11:34.830 initial and so At first I'm just like where am 00:11:34.830 --> 00:11:37.009 I? You know, I've never had any kind of dreams 00:11:37.009 --> 00:11:40.769 like this. So this was weird and so then I See 00:11:40.769 --> 00:11:44.909 this tiny distant like ball of light like it's 00:11:44.909 --> 00:11:49.090 really tiny like an ember Way way way deep in 00:11:49.090 --> 00:11:52.960 the darkness And so I'm drawn to this like a 00:11:52.960 --> 00:11:54.720 moth to the flame because it's the only other 00:11:54.720 --> 00:11:57.960 thing besides me in the darkness there. And I 00:11:57.960 --> 00:12:01.200 start to walk towards it slowly, curiously, and 00:12:01.200 --> 00:12:03.940 suddenly I feel pressure on both of my shoulders. 00:12:04.720 --> 00:12:08.519 Like somebody is on trying to push me, stop me. 00:12:08.919 --> 00:12:12.559 And I look this way and I see my dad's mother 00:12:12.559 --> 00:12:14.980 who passed away when I was three years old. Clear 00:12:14.980 --> 00:12:16.740 as day, she's right there and her hand's on my 00:12:16.740 --> 00:12:19.210 shoulder and she's looking at me. And I know 00:12:19.210 --> 00:12:21.690 it's her. I remember, I have very few memories, 00:12:21.789 --> 00:12:24.149 but I remember what she looked like. And I've 00:12:24.149 --> 00:12:26.490 seen pictures through time, you know. And then 00:12:26.490 --> 00:12:28.389 I look this way and I see my great -grandmother 00:12:28.389 --> 00:12:31.590 from my mom's side, my mother's, mother's mother. 00:12:32.309 --> 00:12:35.590 Same thing. And she died when I was 15. And I 00:12:35.590 --> 00:12:37.649 see the light between them, like in the distance. 00:12:37.649 --> 00:12:39.909 And I keep trying to walk and they're trying 00:12:39.909 --> 00:12:42.929 to stop me. And they say, no, stop. It's not 00:12:42.929 --> 00:12:44.929 your time. There's lots of things you still have 00:12:44.929 --> 00:12:48.259 to do. I feel so compelled to just keep going 00:12:48.259 --> 00:12:51.600 towards light and this feeling that's undescribable 00:12:51.600 --> 00:12:57.399 this beautiful whole pure love Goodness every 00:12:57.399 --> 00:13:00.639 good energy emotion that we could ever have on 00:13:00.639 --> 00:13:04.799 earth Times like five thousand so strong and 00:13:04.799 --> 00:13:06.759 it's magnetic and all I want to do is get to 00:13:06.759 --> 00:13:08.620 it and my Grandmothers are both telling me no 00:13:08.620 --> 00:13:11.059 stop if you go any further you won't be able 00:13:11.059 --> 00:13:16.250 to come back The next thing I know I'm back But 00:13:16.250 --> 00:13:19.529 my eyes are not fully open and I can just hear 00:13:19.529 --> 00:13:22.590 lightly my ex -husband and my cousin who were 00:13:22.590 --> 00:13:24.970 in the hospital and they were in the post OR 00:13:24.970 --> 00:13:26.909 room and they were talking about how I almost 00:13:26.909 --> 00:13:29.750 died and this is what I'm hearing as I'm and 00:13:29.750 --> 00:13:32.409 I finally opened my eyes and I look at my cousin's 00:13:32.409 --> 00:13:34.570 the one the closest to me and my ex -husband 00:13:34.570 --> 00:13:37.049 was more towards the foot of the bed and the 00:13:37.049 --> 00:13:39.129 first thing out of my mouth is where's my baby 00:13:39.129 --> 00:13:41.809 and they're both just like oh my god you're awake 00:13:41.809 --> 00:13:45.600 you've been out for hours It felt like 10 minutes, 00:13:45.779 --> 00:13:48.860 Eric. Okay. I'm not quite sure what to make of 00:13:48.860 --> 00:13:52.539 this big darkness area. Some people refer to 00:13:52.539 --> 00:13:54.820 a void. Do you feel like it was a void or do 00:13:54.820 --> 00:13:57.559 you feel like it was more of a tunnel going somewhere? 00:13:58.340 --> 00:14:00.620 I think it was both and I've told that to people 00:14:00.620 --> 00:14:03.720 more than once and it is a void but I also think 00:14:03.720 --> 00:14:06.139 that if you keep moving forward it does lead 00:14:06.139 --> 00:14:08.850 to somewhere. And people have asked me before, 00:14:09.090 --> 00:14:11.070 well, where do you think it leads? I didn't get 00:14:11.070 --> 00:14:15.070 that far. I was told by people that I've already 00:14:15.070 --> 00:14:18.370 passed on that I recognized in a loving way to 00:14:18.370 --> 00:14:20.590 go back to my body that I still had things to 00:14:20.590 --> 00:14:24.330 do. And at first I kind of didn't want to, but 00:14:24.330 --> 00:14:28.590 then I heeded the advice. I feel that it's definitely 00:14:28.590 --> 00:14:30.889 just like a big void to start out with, but there's 00:14:30.889 --> 00:14:33.250 something when you move forward through it. I 00:14:33.250 --> 00:14:35.980 don't know what it is. Well, the fact that you 00:14:35.980 --> 00:14:40.820 were super drawn to that light says a whole lot 00:14:40.820 --> 00:14:45.139 Of course you said you were feeling pure love 00:14:45.139 --> 00:14:49.000 Times five thousand and things like that Do you 00:14:49.000 --> 00:14:51.559 think it was coming from that light or where 00:14:51.559 --> 00:14:55.179 you were? No, it was definitely the source of 00:14:55.179 --> 00:14:57.419 the light and the source of the light is what 00:14:57.419 --> 00:15:01.120 sent them Okay, so that's why you were drawn 00:15:01.120 --> 00:15:03.559 to it. That's where all that good feeling was 00:15:03.559 --> 00:15:07.330 coming from Now it makes sense. All right, tell 00:15:07.330 --> 00:15:11.629 me about grandma and great -grandma Well, my 00:15:11.629 --> 00:15:13.889 grandma Elizabeth, which was my dad's mother 00:15:13.889 --> 00:15:16.190 again Like I said, she passed away when I was 00:15:16.190 --> 00:15:19.789 three years old So I only got to know her for 00:15:19.789 --> 00:15:23.440 a very brief amount of time during some just 00:15:23.440 --> 00:15:25.480 starting to get your formative memories, just 00:15:25.480 --> 00:15:27.799 a few stay, you know what I mean? I will say 00:15:27.799 --> 00:15:29.720 I was fortunate to be able to hold on to a lot 00:15:29.720 --> 00:15:32.200 of my toddler memories about that time period. 00:15:32.879 --> 00:15:37.059 So she was originally from Missouri. She was 00:15:37.059 --> 00:15:41.240 a woman of incredible fortitude and faith. She 00:15:41.240 --> 00:15:44.220 came from the Ozarks and she was from the Appalachian 00:15:44.220 --> 00:15:47.840 area. And she ended up moving from there to Oregon 00:15:47.840 --> 00:15:50.980 where she met my grandfather, my dad's dad. and 00:15:50.980 --> 00:15:55.820 he was a soldier during World War II, fought 00:15:55.820 --> 00:15:59.179 over across seas in Germany and things. The two 00:15:59.179 --> 00:16:01.799 of them settled here in Oregon and raised their 00:16:01.799 --> 00:16:07.019 family. And she was, she was a kind of had some 00:16:07.019 --> 00:16:09.120 mythical beliefs, old folklore, because she was 00:16:09.120 --> 00:16:11.460 from Appalachia. And but she was also a very 00:16:11.460 --> 00:16:15.840 strong faith driven woman and had a lot of belief 00:16:15.840 --> 00:16:20.230 in God and tried to raise her family. with that 00:16:20.230 --> 00:16:23.129 kind of conviction. So that definitely stemmed 00:16:23.129 --> 00:16:26.090 forward to my raising through my dad. So she 00:16:26.090 --> 00:16:28.730 was a person that, evidently from what I've been 00:16:28.730 --> 00:16:32.889 told, adored me and was ecstatic. I was her second 00:16:32.889 --> 00:16:35.490 grandchild. I have an older cousin named Rachel, 00:16:35.570 --> 00:16:39.009 but I guess really thrilled when she would have 00:16:39.009 --> 00:16:41.870 Rachel and I together. We were the light of her 00:16:41.870 --> 00:16:45.649 life. Did you get a good look at her? Like what 00:16:45.649 --> 00:16:48.049 she was wearing, how old she looked? Tell me 00:16:48.049 --> 00:16:51.350 about that part. Not really like clothing wise 00:16:51.350 --> 00:16:55.070 but like faith face wise and like what she looked 00:16:55.070 --> 00:16:58.190 like and it's important to note my dad passed 00:16:58.190 --> 00:17:01.610 away in 2022 and the day that he passed away 00:17:01.610 --> 00:17:05.309 I had a dream with her in it in a very similar 00:17:05.309 --> 00:17:09.690 way and he was with her I Knew when I woke up 00:17:09.690 --> 00:17:11.430 that I was gonna get the news that my father 00:17:11.430 --> 00:17:16.049 passed away that day and I did So she looked 00:17:16.049 --> 00:17:19.690 just like she did when she was young I could 00:17:19.690 --> 00:17:23.069 tell that it was her, but it was before age had 00:17:23.069 --> 00:17:25.430 taken over and she had gotten, you know, older. 00:17:25.670 --> 00:17:28.970 I would say probably about 30 -ish. Her hair 00:17:28.970 --> 00:17:31.329 is a similar color to mine. She had auburn hair, 00:17:31.369 --> 00:17:33.089 which was kind of like chestnut brown, but with 00:17:33.089 --> 00:17:36.410 like a red, rusty kind of highlight. I have that 00:17:36.410 --> 00:17:39.910 naturally too. And kind of wavy, curly, about 00:17:39.910 --> 00:17:42.250 to here, which was how she wore it when she was 00:17:42.250 --> 00:17:47.009 young, about 30 years old. Good health, very 00:17:47.009 --> 00:17:50.339 vibrant. Full of that same kind of like that 00:17:50.339 --> 00:17:54.819 same light Kind of filled her eyes if you will 00:17:54.819 --> 00:17:58.460 Okay, how about great -grandmother? So my great 00:17:58.460 --> 00:18:00.519 -grandmother I knew a little bit better She was 00:18:00.519 --> 00:18:03.220 with me a little longer through life and she 00:18:03.220 --> 00:18:06.480 was originally from Wisconsin and then she was 00:18:06.480 --> 00:18:09.200 moved to California during the Second World War 00:18:09.200 --> 00:18:13.509 She was a redhead blue eyes and fiery personality, 00:18:13.569 --> 00:18:16.589 but also incredibly faith driven as well. And 00:18:16.589 --> 00:18:18.750 part of that was because of some of the experiences 00:18:18.750 --> 00:18:21.849 that she had in her life. For example, my grandmother 00:18:21.849 --> 00:18:24.470 almost passed away as an infant because of a 00:18:24.470 --> 00:18:26.650 house fire that they just barely got out of. 00:18:27.069 --> 00:18:29.990 So these kind of experiences really shaped her 00:18:29.990 --> 00:18:32.170 into becoming very spiritual person as well. 00:18:32.829 --> 00:18:35.710 She was always an incredibly open minded person. 00:18:35.789 --> 00:18:39.740 She taught me to accept all people. And she taught 00:18:39.740 --> 00:18:41.940 me that she grew up during a time when there 00:18:41.940 --> 00:18:45.640 was a lot of hatred in the world that we don't 00:18:45.640 --> 00:18:48.680 have to carry forward. She was a person who wanted 00:18:48.680 --> 00:18:52.319 to bring joy to people's lives. And she got cancer, 00:18:52.380 --> 00:18:55.579 which is what took her. When she was 76, she 00:18:55.579 --> 00:18:57.960 passed away. And that last time I spent any time 00:18:57.960 --> 00:18:59.819 with her was the May just before that. She passed 00:18:59.819 --> 00:19:03.119 away November. She told me, she goes, you know, 00:19:03.119 --> 00:19:05.059 you're only ever as old as you allow yourself 00:19:05.059 --> 00:19:08.160 to feel. no matter what's going on. So I always 00:19:08.160 --> 00:19:11.359 try to stay in my 16 year old self. However, 00:19:11.420 --> 00:19:14.500 that's not how she looked. She also looked about 00:19:14.500 --> 00:19:17.319 30 and in good health, the same as my grandma 00:19:17.319 --> 00:19:20.440 Elizabeth. Her name was Bernice. Full red hair, 00:19:20.539 --> 00:19:23.740 flaming, curly like when she was young and just 00:19:23.740 --> 00:19:26.460 beautiful. Like both of them were just beautiful 00:19:26.460 --> 00:19:28.700 and full of light and vibrance like if they were 00:19:28.700 --> 00:19:31.720 on their best day in life. You had mentioned 00:19:31.720 --> 00:19:33.980 that after you woke up, you immediately were 00:19:33.980 --> 00:19:37.059 asking about your baby. Did you think about your 00:19:37.059 --> 00:19:39.859 baby at all when you were in this experience? 00:19:41.000 --> 00:19:46.000 No, none of any of my concerns that I had on 00:19:46.000 --> 00:19:49.259 the earthly plane, if you will, were with me 00:19:49.259 --> 00:19:53.640 at that. The only thing I felt was that draw 00:19:53.640 --> 00:19:58.420 to this incredible over all beautiful, all encompassing 00:19:58.420 --> 00:20:01.460 love. And if not for the two of them telling 00:20:01.460 --> 00:20:03.400 me to go back, I would have continued toward 00:20:03.400 --> 00:20:07.009 it. That was the only thing. I wanted to be in 00:20:07.009 --> 00:20:09.789 the presence of that. Do you feel like you had 00:20:09.789 --> 00:20:14.190 a choice or they were making you go back? No, 00:20:14.190 --> 00:20:16.690 I think that after they first tried to stop me 00:20:16.690 --> 00:20:18.569 and they said what they said to give their message 00:20:18.569 --> 00:20:20.769 that that was an opportunity for me to make a 00:20:20.769 --> 00:20:24.950 choice, but to be aware that I was making a choice 00:20:24.950 --> 00:20:27.650 in that moment that I would not be able to come 00:20:27.650 --> 00:20:31.119 back from if I had moved forward. That was when 00:20:31.119 --> 00:20:33.279 I actually I think it was in that moment that 00:20:33.279 --> 00:20:35.380 I realized there's something behind me. I have 00:20:35.380 --> 00:20:38.420 to do Do you remember coming back into your body 00:20:38.420 --> 00:20:42.039 at all? I just like I said, I remember hearing 00:20:42.039 --> 00:20:45.259 people at first and then slowly cracking my groggy 00:20:45.259 --> 00:20:50.559 eyes and seeing my cousin and They were talking 00:20:50.559 --> 00:20:52.839 amongst themselves of right when I opened like 00:20:52.839 --> 00:20:54.579 I could hear them for probably a minute before 00:20:54.579 --> 00:20:57.859 I opened my eye She lost almost all of her blood. 00:20:58.400 --> 00:21:01.950 She's been out for several hours and my cousin 00:21:01.950 --> 00:21:04.109 saying, well, I got these pictures of the baby. 00:21:04.809 --> 00:21:07.589 And that was when I woke up when I looked at 00:21:07.589 --> 00:21:10.750 her and I said, where's my baby? Was she in the 00:21:10.750 --> 00:21:13.529 room with you or in the nursery? Well, he went 00:21:13.529 --> 00:21:16.750 to the NICU because he was incredibly premature. 00:21:17.089 --> 00:21:20.990 So she, when he was taken and I was under went 00:21:20.990 --> 00:21:24.430 to the NICU because she had been given pre -permission, 00:21:24.690 --> 00:21:27.259 pre -authorized by me. to be able to go there 00:21:27.259 --> 00:21:29.519 because I knew I would not be able to see his, 00:21:29.700 --> 00:21:31.680 I wouldn't be able to take any firstborn pictures. 00:21:31.720 --> 00:21:33.480 I wouldn't be able to do any of those things. 00:21:33.980 --> 00:21:37.519 And his dad, so he was my second husband. It 00:21:37.519 --> 00:21:39.299 was his firstborn child. So there was a lot of 00:21:39.299 --> 00:21:41.160 things he was really nervous about, but this 00:21:41.160 --> 00:21:43.559 was my cousin that was already a mom and was 00:21:43.559 --> 00:21:46.400 kind of like here, you know, I'll help out and 00:21:46.400 --> 00:21:49.680 kind of be there as a support person for you 00:21:49.680 --> 00:21:51.400 while we go through you having your first child 00:21:51.400 --> 00:21:53.380 and all these other traumatizing things that 00:21:53.380 --> 00:21:57.019 are happening. How premature was he? He was not 00:21:57.019 --> 00:21:59.099 actually supposed to be born until May and he 00:21:59.099 --> 00:22:01.960 was born in February. So three whole months. 00:22:02.759 --> 00:22:07.119 Yeah. Wow. Let's get to the tough stuff, which 00:22:07.119 --> 00:22:10.519 is physical healing after something like that. 00:22:11.200 --> 00:22:15.160 How long were you in the hospital? Well, two 00:22:15.160 --> 00:22:17.940 and a half weeks total for me. For him, it was 00:22:17.940 --> 00:22:21.029 two and a half months. Yeah. He had to put on 00:22:21.029 --> 00:22:23.410 weight and he had to be able to breathe on his 00:22:23.410 --> 00:22:26.089 own and be willing to eat and all these different 00:22:26.089 --> 00:22:28.349 things that different premature babies have to 00:22:28.349 --> 00:22:33.509 meet. I already knew from my previous C -sections 00:22:33.509 --> 00:22:35.230 that there were a couple of things that were 00:22:35.230 --> 00:22:37.430 standard protocol that I would have to do despite 00:22:37.430 --> 00:22:40.630 the fact that I had had a hysterectomy. I had 00:22:40.630 --> 00:22:42.769 to have an emergency hysterectomy partial because 00:22:42.769 --> 00:22:45.130 of this, because the placenta growing through 00:22:45.130 --> 00:22:48.400 my uterus just mangled it. I couldn't live like 00:22:48.400 --> 00:22:54.680 that. So they had to take it and I had a really 00:22:54.680 --> 00:22:56.920 hard time for a while because they had a drainage 00:22:56.920 --> 00:22:58.940 tube in my side that didn't want to heal. It 00:22:58.940 --> 00:23:00.920 was very stubborn and they were afraid they were 00:23:00.920 --> 00:23:03.119 going to have to go back in and do more surgery 00:23:03.119 --> 00:23:05.420 to ensure that it was healing right. And I didn't 00:23:05.420 --> 00:23:10.339 just have this constant open wound. So that happening 00:23:10.339 --> 00:23:12.200 and I still knew I had to get out of the bed 00:23:12.200 --> 00:23:15.599 within 24 hours and do at least four walks rotations 00:23:15.599 --> 00:23:18.150 around the ward. um, in front of the nursing 00:23:18.150 --> 00:23:21.710 station because when you have abdominal surgery, 00:23:21.990 --> 00:23:25.670 all the gastric buildup can cause a lot of pressure 00:23:25.670 --> 00:23:29.009 that can, I don't want to be gross, but it can 00:23:29.009 --> 00:23:31.789 cause you a lot of problems with the incisions 00:23:31.789 --> 00:23:34.069 and healing and staples and things like that. 00:23:34.130 --> 00:23:37.970 So you have to get up to move to make sure that 00:23:37.970 --> 00:23:41.349 your bowels are moving to get all of that excess 00:23:41.349 --> 00:23:45.089 gastric gases out. So you don't have that problem. 00:23:45.470 --> 00:23:50.069 Of course, that hurts. It's very painful. I had 00:23:50.069 --> 00:23:53.849 the 25 blood transfusions that happened almost 00:23:53.849 --> 00:23:57.890 immediately. They started giving me that. After 00:23:57.890 --> 00:24:00.049 they did that and they thought that I was stabilized 00:24:00.049 --> 00:24:02.609 and they noticed that I still had the drainage 00:24:02.609 --> 00:24:05.329 tube problem with that wound, they had to give 00:24:05.329 --> 00:24:08.809 me an extra platelet baglet. It was just a transfusion 00:24:08.809 --> 00:24:10.809 of pure platelets, which is basically plasma. 00:24:11.269 --> 00:24:14.569 Then things did turn around. I was there for 00:24:14.569 --> 00:24:17.190 a while and I wasn't allowed to eat for three 00:24:17.190 --> 00:24:20.009 or four days. It felt like I was going through 00:24:20.009 --> 00:24:24.269 absolute H -E -L -L because I was seriously so 00:24:24.269 --> 00:24:27.670 parched that I was crying to my husband just 00:24:27.670 --> 00:24:30.250 to see if they'll let you give me some ice chips 00:24:30.250 --> 00:24:34.609 because I can't. I'm so dehydrated. This is horrible. 00:24:34.670 --> 00:24:36.190 And he's like, we're not supposed to give you 00:24:36.190 --> 00:24:42.150 anything. So it was challenging. And then I just 00:24:42.150 --> 00:24:45.539 kind of... Followed the advice of the doctors 00:24:45.539 --> 00:24:49.359 and nurses and did my best I think it was earlier 00:24:49.359 --> 00:24:51.599 that you and I were talking about some of the 00:24:51.599 --> 00:24:54.119 more detail about what happened during the surgery 00:24:54.119 --> 00:24:57.460 and How you lost all the blood so let's go ahead 00:24:57.460 --> 00:25:01.559 and go back into that for a minute Okay, so they 00:25:01.559 --> 00:25:04.119 had put in those balloons in an effort to try 00:25:04.119 --> 00:25:08.779 to prevent any hemorrhaging but When I was under 00:25:08.779 --> 00:25:11.579 evidently what occurred was they went ahead and 00:25:11.579 --> 00:25:14.299 they started to do the incision and there was 00:25:14.299 --> 00:25:18.740 such a mangled mess with the uterus that the 00:25:18.740 --> 00:25:21.700 blood flow just like it just The placenta and 00:25:21.700 --> 00:25:23.660 all of that blood that it had and was connected 00:25:23.660 --> 00:25:27.339 directly to me went everywhere they inflated 00:25:27.339 --> 00:25:31.920 the balloons and They did the emergency hysterectomy 00:25:31.920 --> 00:25:35.279 quickly to try to deal with that mess. It just 00:25:35.279 --> 00:25:39.220 was everywhere. I I guess it was like a horror 00:25:39.220 --> 00:25:43.680 scene on the table. I of course was under so 00:25:43.680 --> 00:25:47.259 I don't know more than what the doctors and my 00:25:47.259 --> 00:25:49.539 husband and my ex -husband and my cousin told 00:25:49.539 --> 00:25:53.680 me, but it was evidently just an instant waterfall 00:25:53.680 --> 00:25:56.900 of blood. It all just came gushing out and they 00:25:56.900 --> 00:25:59.980 were able because of all the prep that they did 00:25:59.980 --> 00:26:03.759 to keep me stabilized and immediately just started 00:26:03.759 --> 00:26:07.279 my transfusions. Yeah. You wouldn't have made 00:26:07.279 --> 00:26:09.920 it if they hadn't have done all that. Certainly. 00:26:10.440 --> 00:26:13.720 An experience like this changes people. How did 00:26:13.720 --> 00:26:16.720 you come away different from this? Before I had 00:26:16.720 --> 00:26:21.660 my NDE, I was a person that was incredibly anxious. 00:26:21.759 --> 00:26:24.480 Anxiety was a big problem of mine. I'm not going 00:26:24.480 --> 00:26:27.299 to say that it's totally gone away. I was very 00:26:27.299 --> 00:26:32.059 insecure. I had a very low caliber of confidence 00:26:32.059 --> 00:26:36.509 and faith in myself. Was living a half -life 00:26:36.509 --> 00:26:40.490 is how I feel after the near -death experience 00:26:40.490 --> 00:26:44.069 and I healed and I started to have some time 00:26:44.069 --> 00:26:47.390 to introspect and Meditate a little bit about 00:26:47.390 --> 00:26:49.369 what I had gone through what I seen and then 00:26:49.369 --> 00:26:51.349 I finally told people this is what happened to 00:26:51.349 --> 00:26:55.769 me while I was under and people were They were 00:26:55.769 --> 00:26:57.930 interested in hearing what I had to say. It started 00:26:57.930 --> 00:27:00.069 to really make me see that I had always been 00:27:00.069 --> 00:27:02.109 a writer I had done that, but I didn't share 00:27:02.109 --> 00:27:04.049 it. I didn't have a lot of confidence. I didn't 00:27:04.049 --> 00:27:06.589 believe in myself and I was actually incredibly 00:27:06.589 --> 00:27:10.230 talented. Now I'm a published author. I work 00:27:10.230 --> 00:27:13.029 on three podcasts as a creative lead. I guest 00:27:13.029 --> 00:27:16.349 on other people's podcasts all the time. I get 00:27:16.349 --> 00:27:19.309 to go and experience things and I'm blessed in 00:27:19.309 --> 00:27:23.529 a way that I had never believed I could be before. 00:27:24.130 --> 00:27:27.109 And I think that that was more or less just the 00:27:27.109 --> 00:27:31.549 recognition that This was my second chance. What 00:27:31.549 --> 00:27:35.630 can I do differently? And I was like Try a different 00:27:35.630 --> 00:27:38.789 method choose. You're hard. You've already tried 00:27:38.789 --> 00:27:40.789 this way and this is where it led and you almost 00:27:40.789 --> 00:27:45.369 died Try believing in yourself go out on a limb 00:27:45.369 --> 00:27:48.450 see what happens What kind of books do you write? 00:27:49.410 --> 00:27:52.670 I? Am a multi -genre author so I write a lot 00:27:52.670 --> 00:27:54.730 of different types, but what got me a foot in 00:27:54.730 --> 00:27:59.359 the door was romance since then I I've written 00:27:59.359 --> 00:28:05.359 my most recent book is a nonfiction and it is 00:28:05.359 --> 00:28:08.299 challenging the status quo 20 lessons on successful 00:28:08.299 --> 00:28:10.559 freelance ghostwriting because that's where my 00:28:10.559 --> 00:28:13.640 business really flourished. I have an LLC and 00:28:13.640 --> 00:28:16.599 I offer writing services in addition to being 00:28:16.599 --> 00:28:20.130 an author. And this has allowed me the opportunity 00:28:20.130 --> 00:28:23.569 to be an independent artist and to inspire people 00:28:23.569 --> 00:28:26.369 and make my own money, take my children to go 00:28:26.369 --> 00:28:29.269 see things and do things with them despite their 00:28:29.269 --> 00:28:32.450 limitations. I'm not rich and I'm constantly 00:28:32.450 --> 00:28:35.529 working towards my next endeavor, but I'm still 00:28:35.529 --> 00:28:39.549 blessed to be experiencing life on a level that 00:28:39.549 --> 00:28:43.109 I feel more of that joy and happiness. Well, 00:28:43.349 --> 00:28:46.990 congratulations on all of that. And on doing 00:28:46.990 --> 00:28:50.829 the hard things, I'm sure those young men of 00:28:50.829 --> 00:28:53.930 yours are absolutely wonderful. It doesn't mean 00:28:53.930 --> 00:28:57.170 it's not hard for you. It's definitely hard. 00:28:57.250 --> 00:28:59.170 I mean, and there are nine different types of 00:28:59.170 --> 00:29:01.190 muscular dystrophy, which is something people 00:29:01.190 --> 00:29:04.170 aren't that aware of unless they're usually a 00:29:04.170 --> 00:29:06.289 family member or they've been involved with people 00:29:06.289 --> 00:29:09.130 that have it. So people think muscular dystrophy 00:29:09.130 --> 00:29:11.170 and they think Jerry's kids and they think, you 00:29:11.170 --> 00:29:14.009 know, the shamrocks, which is all great. But 00:29:14.009 --> 00:29:16.480 you have to understand that they're not there's 00:29:16.480 --> 00:29:20.559 nine different types. And the two worst types 00:29:20.559 --> 00:29:24.119 that are one of the leading fatal diseases for 00:29:24.119 --> 00:29:28.059 pediatric death are Duchenne muscular dystrophy. 00:29:28.400 --> 00:29:32.460 And second to that is Becker. So my sons happen 00:29:32.460 --> 00:29:36.619 to have the leading Duchenne, which is just horrible. 00:29:36.680 --> 00:29:39.019 And just the other day was World Duchenne Awareness 00:29:39.019 --> 00:29:41.460 Day. So this kind of aligns with that message, 00:29:41.680 --> 00:29:43.900 just knowing that it is, it's incredibly difficult, 00:29:43.900 --> 00:29:47.799 but they're Is two ways to do this you've you've 00:29:47.799 --> 00:29:50.279 got to find the strength within yourself to understand 00:29:50.279 --> 00:29:52.380 that if your children are diagnosed with something 00:29:52.380 --> 00:29:55.559 like that You know, this is a tragedy for all 00:29:55.559 --> 00:29:58.500 of you but it's mostly tragic for them because 00:29:58.500 --> 00:30:03.579 this is their direct lives and Knowing that they're 00:30:03.579 --> 00:30:05.680 not going to get to see adulthood the way that 00:30:05.680 --> 00:30:07.680 we expect that they will is something that's 00:30:07.680 --> 00:30:09.700 very challenging for most parents and it was 00:30:09.700 --> 00:30:12.619 for me to But then I stepped back and I realized 00:30:12.619 --> 00:30:15.680 I got to be strong for my kids This isn't about 00:30:15.680 --> 00:30:19.160 me. It does hurt because I'm their mother, but 00:30:19.160 --> 00:30:23.740 I've got to be strong enough to carry this and 00:30:23.740 --> 00:30:26.440 to be able to handle this without falling apart 00:30:26.440 --> 00:30:29.819 at the seams at every turn, because it is that 00:30:29.819 --> 00:30:31.880 kind of a disease and it does pull at your heartstrings 00:30:31.880 --> 00:30:35.059 like that. And you really have to sit back and 00:30:35.059 --> 00:30:38.039 go, who do I want to be in this and who do my 00:30:38.039 --> 00:30:41.059 children need from me? Let's wrap up with a couple 00:30:41.059 --> 00:30:44.640 of quick things. One is Do you have less fear 00:30:44.640 --> 00:30:48.240 of death now since you had this experience? I'm 00:30:48.240 --> 00:30:50.539 not out here looking for death just to be clear, 00:30:50.539 --> 00:30:53.779 but I am not afraid of death at all now What 00:30:53.779 --> 00:30:56.299 message do you have for somebody that may be 00:30:56.299 --> 00:30:59.099 afraid of death? How can you help calm their 00:30:59.099 --> 00:31:03.640 nerves about it a little bit? Well, it it doesn't 00:31:03.640 --> 00:31:07.539 hurt as much as I think that we feel that it 00:31:07.539 --> 00:31:09.500 might because of our fear of being separated 00:31:09.500 --> 00:31:13.299 from the body And I think when you come to understand 00:31:13.299 --> 00:31:17.579 that we are energy and that energy never dies, 00:31:18.720 --> 00:31:23.539 that that helps to bring some semblance of calm. 00:31:23.660 --> 00:31:26.500 That's how I thought about it when my dad passed 00:31:26.500 --> 00:31:28.680 away. You know, it was incredibly difficult and 00:31:28.680 --> 00:31:32.599 he died from a horrible disease. I had to watch 00:31:32.599 --> 00:31:34.700 him go through dialysis for several years before 00:31:34.700 --> 00:31:38.019 he passed and I'm the oldest daughter. So I was 00:31:38.019 --> 00:31:41.680 the one that was mainly there. I had to reflect 00:31:41.680 --> 00:31:45.680 on my experience and really just tell myself, 00:31:45.799 --> 00:31:47.279 I kept saying, I don't know what I'm going to 00:31:47.279 --> 00:31:49.619 do when my dad dies. And I didn't. I didn't. 00:31:49.680 --> 00:31:51.359 I don't think any of us really do, but you just 00:31:51.359 --> 00:31:53.559 figure it out as you go. That's what life is 00:31:53.559 --> 00:31:56.299 about learning and finding the ways to gracefully 00:31:56.299 --> 00:31:59.180 deal with what comes at us. And just like everything 00:31:59.180 --> 00:32:01.900 else, every bad thing you get through that you 00:32:01.900 --> 00:32:05.319 get through, you got through it. So my message 00:32:05.319 --> 00:32:10.119 would be is don't fear death. and thinking that 00:32:10.119 --> 00:32:14.579 you can't get through it. Lots of us have. So 00:32:14.579 --> 00:32:17.440 I appreciate your time, appreciate your insights 00:32:17.440 --> 00:32:20.079 and the things that you've been through and the 00:32:20.079 --> 00:32:24.599 things that you're doing. So keep in touch. For 00:32:24.599 --> 00:32:26.559 sure, Eric. I appreciate your time as well. Thank 00:32:26.559 --> 00:32:30.900 you for having me. Thanks again for listening 00:32:30.900 --> 00:32:33.339 and sharing this podcast. Don't forget to hit 00:32:33.339 --> 00:32:36.180 the follow or subscribe button and sign up for 00:32:36.180 --> 00:32:39.049 our newsletter at roundtripdeath .com. If you 00:32:39.049 --> 00:32:41.609 want to share your near -death experience, or 00:32:41.609 --> 00:32:43.549 if you have questions or comments about the show, 00:32:44.049 --> 00:32:47.170 send an email to eric at roundtripdeath .com. 00:32:47.490 --> 00:32:49.650 Until then, I wish you everything good that you're 00:32:49.650 --> 00:32:52.049 looking for in this life, and the next.