Welcome, welcome to Round Trip Death everybody.
We are happy to have a special guest from Denver,
Colorado with us today but I want to give just
a little bit of background first about Rebecca.
It seems like every week I'm coming on saying
this is not your usual NDE and that's because
none of them are usual or average. If I said
this happened for two whole years no one would
believe me. Some explanation will be coming and
there's a gray area between I'm gonna use I'm
gonna use all the three -letter terms NDE STE
OBE These profound spiritual experiences and
I don't feel like putting any definitions on
any of them today We'll just let the listeners
do that, but you're gonna love Rebecca. So Rebecca
welcome Thank you so much, Eric. It's so great
to be here. Hi to your viewers. Before we jump
in, I would love our viewers to get to know you.
So if you take a minute, tell us a little bit
about you. Just my real life, my regular life.
I'm a speech language pathologist. I work with
children. I have a daughter, live in Colorado,
but I'm from New Orleans. And I did have a two
year long near death like or spiritually transformative
experience from age 26 to 28. As long as you
brought it up why mess around let's jump right
into it. What was going on that led up to this?
Okay. Well, the background was that I had a trauma
So while I didn't physically die like in a near
-death experience at age 13 I had a really traumatic
experience and in a way I kind of spiritually
died Do you mind telling us a little bit about
that one? I was assaulted I woke up in the middle
of being assaulted when I was 13 and I was at
my friend's house and it was really awful. And
I spent a lot of time in therapy. I was kind
of the perfect kid. And then I had this trauma
just imposed into my life. And I kept trying
to be perfect on the outside, great student,
you know, nice person, good family, but this
trauma was like, kind of eating me alive on the
inside. And I went to therapy. And eventually
my therapists in college and after college told
me that I was fine and that I didn't need any
more therapy. But I knew that I wasn't fine.
So that's kind of what led me to keep healing.
I'm so sorry that that happened to you. And by
the way, any questions that I ask that you don't
feel like answering, you don't have to. It's
OK. No, thanks. Some people don't want to hear
about it, but some people do. And I've just I've
started sharing about it because I know it helps
people. So OK. And that's probably plenty of
detail. So what did that have to do with the
experience that you had when you were 26 years
old? Yeah, so I was basically from age 23 to
26. I had decided that I wanted to heal all the
way This was kind of my goal in life. I remember
saying at 23 I want to heal all the way and I
was trying to do things that would help me feel
my heart because I just felt like after this
trauma even though my therapist told me I was
okay, I still love therapists, but I think there's
just more I had to do to heal and I just felt
like something was on top of my heart and I kept
trying to feel what was under it and so as I
was going like trying to feel my heart and like
learn how to heal myself I was writing my journal
Dear God and I would write Dear God and I would
just write about my life and then one night when
I was 26 and I was in actually in graduate school
I spontaneously devoted my life to God in my
journal. So I wrote, Dear God, I have decided
to give my life to you and whatever that entails.
I want to be guided by you by the light. This
is my pledge. I will work hard to follow this
path and bring it to fruition. Please help me
do this. Please help me bring light to other
people. Thank you. Amen. I just wrote that out
of the blue and I was crying. I've had to memorize
it because I share about it but I just was writing
in my journal about life and then I just got
really like taken over and said I wanted to give
my life to God. So that's what started my two
-year -long experience. Were you religious at
all before that? Well, it's a very good question.
I come from an interfaith family. I was raised
Jewish, but my mom converted to Judaism and she
came from 200 years of Methodist ministers on
her side and like some of them are in books.
In fact, my aunts and uncles on that side of
the family have heard my story and they're like,
oh yeah, that happens to us all the time. I think
it's kind of a family thing, but so I'm interfaith
Jewish and Christian. Okay. It seems like, you
know, YouTube's a weird place. And of course
the audio version of this is on all the regular
podcast apps, but on YouTube it's easy for people
to comment. And it seems like almost any time
that somebody starts talking about devoting their
life to God, somebody just feels like they have
to comment and go, you've got some, you know,
whole Christian thing that you're trying to shove
down our throats or something. This show is,
what's the term that I'm looking for? I don't
want to call it agnostic, but we are not pushing
any faith on anybody. All we're doing is listening
to people's stories. It's a safe place to do
that. So Rebecca, keep going. Okay. Well, on
top of that, between the Jewish and the Christian
I had, and indigenous steps out of my 20s. So
I'm truly interfaith. And I didn't mean to write,
dear God, I want to give my life to you. I was
just writing that. So yeah, there are a ton of
questions that come up from that. Well, it sounds
like a prayer. It was a prayer that was very
spontaneous. So after I wrote that, I didn't
really think much about it. And I was just going,
I went, I was going to sleep. And as I was getting
ready to fall asleep that night I saw a light
come over my bed it went from one end of the
room to right over me and it was like a white
light that could see into my heart and my soul
and I was really scared for this light to see
me because it was like I still was hiding a lot
of myself so I tensed up and I said go away I'm
scared go away I'm scared right to the light
I didn't know what it was. And then once I said
that, I started to feel this tingling come in
my head and it started to spread from the top
of my head and come down my head. And it was
very loving and it felt like a loving headache.
I was like, this is a weird headache because
it felt like love and peace in my head. And as
I felt that it got stronger and stronger, I had
a boyfriend at the time and I looked at him.
He was asleep and I was like, should I wake him
up? Is he having this really weird headache?
I don't know what this headache is. it got stronger,
I just relaxed into the feeling and I felt a
voice come into my head. I swear I asked myself
a million times, I thought I was losing my mind,
but the voice came in and it said, you don't
have to be afraid in the most loving way. You
don't have to be afraid, but if you are, you
can wear a hat. And it put a graduation hat into
my mind's eye. And at the time I thought that
was an ugly hat and I said right back to the
voice, here are some other hats you could choose,
because that one's not cute. Because I didn't
know what was happening to me. But now I know
like at the time I was actually a graduate student
at Columbia University Teachers College. And
the message was I think you can wear the hat
of a graduate student and make it through while
you go through what became two years of spiritual
experiences. I just really didn't know what was
happening. Before you move on, can I please ask
more about this light? Was the whole room light?
Was a little pinprick of light? It was like this
maybe, and it went from one end of the room to
right over me. I honestly think if I had better
spiritual sight, it might have looked bigger
or like an angel or something, but I could just
see this light, and it was like moving up to
over my head. I knew it wasn't like a light you
turn on in the room, because like you turn on
a light, it's not a big deal. This was like a
light that was seeing into my heart, and I could
feel it, and I was terrified of it. I'm not ready
for this level of like, I don't know what it
was. It was just seeing all the parts of myself
that I was still hiding. I heard people tell
me about seeing spheres that were light of different
colors. Sometimes there were people that they
knew that had passed away in these lights. Would
you describe that light as round like a sphere
or more like just a bulb of light that turned
on? It was round, you know, I wish I would have
written all of this down because it was just
happening and I was like, I think I'm crazy.
So I didn't write a lot, I wrote some of it down.
It was white, round, but I think as it moved
up, I kind of imagine like feel it was definitely
round, but it might've been like waving up over
me kind of. It sounds like the feeling was even
stronger than what you were seeing right? Yes,
it was looking into my heart It was like it was
like my soul was being met by this light It wasn't
my personality that I got by in school and I
was like Rebecca and I was your friend This was
like, okay. Who are you really? I'm looking at
that part of you No, that's okay and if you don't
mind I'm gonna keep digging just a little bit
and maybe it'll help you put all this together
in your mind also. You keep talking about it
almost as if it had some kind of a life or personality
or something. Could you expound on that a little
bit? Oh, the light? Yeah. It felt like a loving
presence. So I guess when I say it, I'm thinking
of, well, I guess I could say God. I don't know
if God just comes into people's rooms with like
a light. but that's what I wrote in my journal.
The light was just loving and kind and seeing
me, but it was strong. It was loving, but it
was also intense. Why do you think you were afraid
of it? I think my personality was afraid of it
because I think many of us, and I know I was
very used to hiding my true self. I think there
were a lot of parts of me that were covered up.
From my trauma or just from being in society
and and I had gotten really used to not like
I don't know it was like being seen Fully and
I was just I was afraid to be seen But these
are good questions. No one ever has asked me
this. So thanks Eric. I'm taking over for your
therapist Okay, I've actually never gone to therapy
about this I've spoken to like my stepdad and
spiritual people about it, but not I'll send
you the bill later Okay, tell me about this headache
Okay, so I really the only language I had for
it was that was a headache, but it was like tingling
It just started like once the light and I was
so scared then then the light like I guess it
went to my head And it was going like I felt
like this tingling and I was like, what is this
headache? It was just getting really strong and
it felt loving and peaceful but stronger and
stronger and stronger It felt like I was getting
a love massage on the top of my head. Wow, that's
really awesome Yeah, I did not know. I wish I
wouldn't have talked back to the voice. I wish
I wouldn't have told the light to go away. I
feel like I made a promise that my soul went
into make when my personality was like WTF. What
did I just do? I have a feeling the light didn't
mind. That's a good point. It didn't mind. Like
as soon as I talked back to the voice and said
that was a bad hat choice. The voice did just
stop in that moment, but it wasn't like it was
upset. It just knew I wasn't ready to hear anymore.
But like, what if I would have just said, OK,
thanks for the hat. And it would have kept going.
But I didn't do that. All right. What happened
next? Well, I went to bed and I woke up the next
morning thinking like that was really weird.
I really don't know what that was about. And
then I'm walking to class and I see beautiful,
ethereal white light coming out of everyone I
pass like everyone was an angel. And I had never
seen that before. When I was in a place of trauma,
I thought everyone I ever saw was really angry.
And now I was seeing like that everyone was really,
really beautiful and had all this light coming
out of them. And it wasn't just like auras, like
different colors. It was just like a beautiful
white light coming out of everyone. Like I could
see their souls and I just was in love with everyone.
And that was the next thing that happened. And
then I thought I was going crazy again. So then
I started having psychic dreams. So like the
first few things happened the very first week
and they haven't really stopped I don't see the
light as bright but I do see the light in everyone
and I started having psychic dreams and I still
have those now Give me an example Okay, so My
mom was a PhD psychologist and my dad was an
MD with a PhD in biochemistry. So psychic dreams
were not a thing in my family. Some people grew
up with that. I didn't. I grew up analyzing my
dreams. So some of the biggest ones I've had
about events were like mostly my own life, like
a dream about a car accident. And then I have
the car accident five days later. a dream about
getting carbon monoxide poisoning, and then I
got it and survived it like that week. And I
don't always remember the time. Dreams about
my friends, they come to me in my dreams and
tell me things, and then they tell me the same
thing in real life. So those were starting to
happen right away. And I just remember doing
things and thinking, oh my gosh, I dreamt this.
And I had never had that before. That's been
a consistent part of my life since then. Okay,
you mentioned that this whole experience was
about two years though, and now you're talking
about things keeping going. Let's get back to
the two -year window. We've talked about the
beginning. Was there sort of an ending to it?
Yeah, so that all of these things started within
the two years and there was an ending. Other
things that happened were like I felt angels
around me, really, really strong, like right
around me, like loving presences. A few other
things that had happened, I saw an an alternate
and lived an alternate timeline of my life during
those two years. So all these things would happen
and it was just like I think most of it was getting
me on the right path. I also had a spontaneous
life review where like while I was alive like
just seeing and feeling in my body how much everything
I did affected everyone around me. But the ending
was the most beautiful and the hardest part of
my experience. So during those two years, I was
like, I'm learning all this cool stuff and I
think when I'm done, I'm gonna go. Like I just
had this sense that either it was gonna continue
the rest of my life. Or if it did end, it was
because I was going to be leaving and going to
heaven. I don't even know what I thought was
going to happen. That's not really possible.
But the end was I was in my room and I was talking
to this beautiful, glowing person. And I was
talking with him and my room was full of light.
And I was saying, life is hard and I don't know
why I'm here. And I don't know what I'm doing.
Even though I was having all these beautiful
spiritual experiences. And he's looking at me
with all this love and all this light is just
shining out of his eyes and his heart. And he's
just saying like, life is amazing. I just felt
like how much love there was for me. He was saying
how great life was. I needed to go have adventures.
I needed to go live a great life and that being
alive was a real gift. And then I thought in
the dream, I remember saying, oh my gosh, like
I felt all this love and I thought he was going
to be my boyfriend. And I said, what's your name?
When am I going to meet you? And he said, my
name is Jonathan. And you can meet me when you
finish swimming. And there was like no judgment
that I had made this really ridiculous assumption.
I really thought for a long time that he was
a real person. I haven't met him. He was definitely
an angel because most people don't glow that.
I mean people glow but not that much. He said
you can meet me when you finish swimming and
the dream shifted from me talking to him in my
room with all this light to me being on a big
ship at night and lowered down into the ocean
and having to just swim out alone into the ocean.
And I woke up the next morning and literally
all the light was gone. All the light I'd felt,
all the angels I'd felt around me. And I was
very confused. It felt like I got gut punched.
And I was like, where did all the light go? And
I just thought God left me and abandoned me.
And I spent pretty much a fair few years in a
deep depression. Because I didn't really understand
why it would stop and why I would be left here,
honestly. Because it was like I saw light in
everything and then it was gone. That must have
been hard. It was hard. I went and lived in the
woods by myself. My family was down the road
technically, but my friends during that time,
they told me that I couldn't really talk. I didn't
know how to process and integrate that experience
for a long time. How long did that take? It ended
in 2008 and I finally started talking about it
in 2023, but I spent a long time first trying
to figure out how to give back to the light.
Like I remember looking around, like I would
go in the woods and be like, is all the light
here? Like where did it go? I was just like,
and then I thought, no, maybe I just made all
that up. Like I must have just lost my mind and
that's not real. And I was like, wait, I think
it's real. Cause I keep having the psychic dreams
and I would start to do these prayers with the
angels I'd felt and start to feel guidance. So,
but yeah, it took me about 15 years to start
to actually accept it and start talking about
it. So. Yeah, it's a long time. Okay, I want
to go back and ask you about some of these things
Filling angels around you regularly. What was
that like? It was awesome. I felt like I had
all these team this team of helpers It felt like
I needed to listen to them Because they would
tell me like I would feel guidance about what
I needed to do like different things I should
do and it just felt like Like people made of
light standing right next to me Over time I've
been like, okay, that was real Let me try to
reconnect and I part of the whole experience
was that I was just totally in with God and God
did everything or whatever the creator love Divine
love and now I like have to be an equal partner
and when I do my sessions I just reconnect to
that I feel them and then they like go but I
just know what it feels like from this experience
Did you feel some kind of personal relationship
with these angels? Yeah, they felt like my best
friends kind of but like soul best friends like
Like they knew me deeper than most people like
anyone. Yeah, I didn't know who they were. They
felt like one time I felt them step forward and
they felt really tall. Two of them on either
shoulder felt really tall, but also just felt
like a deep heart knowing and I didn't always
even see them. I just felt them. They felt like
light. Great questions, by the way. My job and
I'm sticking to it. I have also not talked to
anybody that I can remember that had a life review.
outside of a typical NDE and you called it a
spontaneous life review. What do you mean by
that and what brought it on? So this really just
started because I was talking to my sister on
the phone and I had heard her feelings by accident
and it wasn't like I saw everything but it was
so close to what NDEers describe that that's
what I call it. While we were on the phone after
I'd kind of dropped the ball for her with this
thing it really mattered to her. I suddenly just
felt all of her feelings. I felt how much it
had hurt her and it was like in my body. And
I thought, oh my gosh, I didn't even know I was
affecting anyone and I didn't know that I'd hurt
her. This was just a very real experience. I
just remember feeling like just completely like
jaw -droppingly devastated. because I felt how
she was feeling. And then I was feeling how other
people were feeling, like how much it mattered
if I was kind to someone. It just felt like in
my body and my spirit really knew what my actions
were doing with other people and even my words
and my thoughts. It's kind of an intense way
to live. Yeah, it is. So what did you learn from
that? Kindness is really important. Forgiveness
is important. And respecting everybody as a beautiful
soul who comes from God, creator, source. Seeing
that light and treating it as the light within
each person. So that's basically what I learned.
But sometimes I don't do that very well. Sometimes
I get overwhelmed. But even if I was upset a
little bit in my heart, and I remember going
to teachers when I would work in the schools
after my experience ended, I would go up and
be like, I'm so sorry. I was grumpy and they're
like, you weren't grumpy. I was like, oh, inside
I was. I just, I couldn't, I couldn't live with
myself. You faked it on the outside. Well, welcome
to being human. I know. Right? We try and we
don't always do that great of a job, but nobody
even noticed. I'm going to come back to this
Jonathan thing later. Okay. How's this changed
your life? What do you do differently now because
of this whole thing? Well, a few things. So now
that I've integrated it, well, right away I shifted
my whole life to work with children. So I had
been doing a lot of research and nothing against
research. I just think my sole blueprint, like
I have to work with kids. I work with a lot of
high needs children now. That was never really
part of my plan. If I see someone suffering,
I have to help them. I can't just walk by and
not care. I see the light in people and I did
joke during my spiritual experience, especially
I was like, eventually I was a single woman in
New York and every boy was glowing and it was
really hard for me to date. Like I was like,
wow, I love you, you know, like to everyone.
So that was kind of funny. It's true though.
I think I was kind of freaking people out. Yeah,
I just think, and I have to kind of stay in tune
with that light, that love I felt in my heart.
So I kind of try to tend to it, like, especially
now that I'm back in touch with it. I used to
not. Try to be in touch with it because I was
I thought I've made it up but and then but now
I just Actively connect to that love and I do
it every day. Otherwise, I feel really lost Also
that kind of wanting to leave the planet thing
that NDE people have I really relate to even
though it all happened while I was here I'm always
longing for all of that light that I saw and
felt like to just be here all the time I don't
know why I got to see it for a little while and
then it went but I'm hoping it will come back
for everyone Well, and that's a really hard thing,
as you know, for regular near -death experiencers,
it's not easy coming back. They're a different
person and depression sometimes happens, sometimes
not. Quite often big changes happen in their
life. The divorce rate's super high, changing
careers is, you know, a really high percentage,
a lot of kinds of things like that. and you just
had to figure out how to work your way through
it for a lot of years. But I can tell you're
happy you've done well and come out on the other
end. took a long time. My stepdad really helped
because I mentioned, you know, I have this very
interfaith background. My stepdad was an indigenous
man who came from a medicine tradition. But,
you know, on the outside, he was like a Marine
and an engineer. But as soon as my spiritual
experience started, he was starting to have dreams
about me. And so not only did he really verify
what was happening to me that later helped me
accept it, but he also kind of he wrote me some
letters about you know, how to walk in this path
of being connected to God and the Creator from
his tradition that was really helpful. All right,
just a couple more things. One is, let's get
back to Jonathan. Okay, my pretend boyfriend,
yeah. Just because you haven't met him yet doesn't
mean he's pretend. Okay, I really waited every,
so it ended and I had that dream and he was like,
you'll meet me when you finish swimming and like
for every week and then... every month and then
every year until I gave up, I was like, I think
I'm done swimming. I'm going to meet this amazing
guy. But then I thought most people aren't that
full of love. Like everyone has that potential.
But I don't think anyway, I think I think I finally
decided in the last few years he was an angelic
being. He was very full of light and I felt completely
seen and completely loved in a really deep way.
And that whole thing was symbolic, right? Yeah.
The ship, the water. So what does swimming really
mean? How have you interpreted it? Is it the
end of some kind of journey you're on right now?
I think it was that I needed to learn how to
live a spiritual life in the physical world.
And I think in the beginning I was drowning.
I didn't know how to do that and I wanted to
leave. And then it was just, I think it's the
rest of my life. I think about that dream more
and more now that I tell it. I remembered it
was nighttime. Like I always knew that, but I
never talked about that part. It was nighttime
and then there was no shore in sight. I was just
swimming in the middle of the ocean at night.
So I think it's the rest of my life is me swimming.
And maybe he's one of my angels I'll get to meet
when I finish this life. I don't know. That makes
sense to me. But I will be careful to not put
your email address in the show notes because
every Jonathan in the world may be emailing you.
Don't worry. I've already emailed them. I used
to email people named Jonathan and be like, I
think I had a dream about you. No, I would think
I never actually did it. But like how weird would
that be? But I did used to like specifically
try to date people named Jonathan because I thought
maybe it would be him. like get on Tinder and
look for all the Jonathans. No, it was more just
like if their name was Jonathan, I would give
them a chance. But I honestly, I think the thing
that was really confusing, but also beautiful
was that I saw light in everyone. So it was almost
like if I was on a date or even with my friends
who are girls like anyone, I would just be like,
oh, you have that same light that I saw. Like
everyone has it. And then I would also think
like maybe everybody's that guy because I was
just seeing so much light if I kept looking into
people's eyes and into their hearts. Just such
beautiful light, so. It seems like how God sees
all of us. Yeah, and I got the littlest glimpse.
I think he's, God sees us much bigger, but much
more, but I got a little glimpse and it's really
beautiful. Yeah, very cool. Okay, I'm going to
give you the last minute. Leave us with some
kind of a message of hope. There's a lot of people
out there struggling today. Yeah, thanks, Eric.
First, I'm sorry if you're suffering and struggling.
Life is not guaranteed to be easy, but I do truly
believe because of my experience that your prayers
are heard, that you're deeply loved and deeply
cared for, and that you can kind of reach out
and feel that love that's there for you individually
as a beautiful, beautiful soul. So don't give
up and pray or whatever you want to call it.
Call out to God, the Creator. That love is here
for you. I really believe it. And what about
the future after this life? Do we have something
to look forward to, do you think? Yes, I think
we definitely have something to look forward
to, but hopefully, because my experience is a
little different, I hope we can all look forward
to seeing all that light right here. I'm not
having to leave the planet. But yeah, I definitely
believe there's definitely a beautiful world.
And I think the goal is to bring it as much as
we can bring it here, too. By the way, I want
to give you a second just to mention your book
if you'd like to. Sure. I recently wrote a book.
So part of how I reconnected with my experience
is I would write prayers and feel answers to
prayers. And so I made a book of messages that
I share. I share these messages on my Instagram
and Facebook every day. Well, every day, Monday
through Friday, I take the weekends off. But
I feel these words come in. So I've made a book
of them, of these messages. It's daily moments
with the angels. It's 365 angel messages that
I... That I wrote and every month has a little
page where you can write your monthly reflections
A lot of people in fact people who've had spiritual
experience or near -death experiences says it
really reminds them of what they felt So i'm
just basically bringing that frequency through
in this book Sounds beautiful. Send me a copy
I'll send you a copy. I'd love to be an honor
All right. Thanks again rebecca. Thank you so
much. Thanks eric Thanks again for listening
and sharing this podcast. Don't forget to hit
the follow or subscribe button and sign up for
our newsletter at roundtripdeath .com. If you
want to share your near -death experience or
if you have questions or comments about the show,
send an email to eric at roundtripdeath .com.
Until then, I wish you everything good that you're
looking for in this life and the next.