From the time that they pronounced me that was
a good 45 minutes They cut my clothes and then
they paddled my heart my heart stopped and I
could see people screaming and crying But I didn't
realize that was actually my physical body because
I was somewhere else The only thing that I could
feel if you can imagine Absolute love and peace
there wasn't anything else to be felt. I was
greeted by people I had known in the past I'm
back home again. Incredibly safe and felt at
home. Welcome, welcome to Round Trip Death, everybody.
And a warm welcome this morning to Holly Porter,
who's coming to us from Southern Utah. And hey,
it's great to have you, Holly. Thanks. Great
to be here, Eric. Hey, one thing that I forgot
to forewarn you of, and that is on this show.
We like to get to know our guests a little bit
personally. So if you wouldn't mind, before we
jump into your near -death experience, taking
just one minute to tell us a little bit about
you. Who is Holly? Well, thank you. Well, I've
always been an entrepreneur. I grew up with parents
that were entrepreneurs, and I am from a family
of nine children. and then my parents. And so
I've always had my own companies. I've had 11
startup companies, not even counting all the
little things that I did over the years or help
my kids set up in business, not even counting
those. So I just, I get excited about new things.
I don't jump ship easy. I usually overlap what
I do. So I've had all kinds of businesses from
I had a hair salon for 20 years. I've done real
estate for over 20 years. We've had a concrete
company for, I don't know, 30 something years.
You have a nonprofit. We have a nonprofit. Yeah,
I'll share a little bit more about that in my
story. And that's that's an exciting thing that's
came just in the last few years. We also have
eight children of our own and 18 grandkids. I
think that's it. You deserve a round of applause
for that. That's fantastic. So congratulations,
you are a busy person. And I don't know how with
everything you have going on, how you ever had
time to get sick. But in 2021, what happened?
Well, I really didn't. I got a common cold usually
once a year maybe, but I just I was a very healthy
person. So when we were in the midst of COVID,
we started going back to events and I love events.
I participate and have my own. So I ended up
going to a conference and came back with COVID,
the Delta version. And I always think about sitting
on that plane, how many people I infected on
my way home. And I pray none of them died from
that because I got so sick. So I came home, I
fought it and really almost refused and didn't
even consider going to the hospital for a week.
Because like I said, I just... thought I'd be
fine until I woke up and intuitively knew I was
not fine. I got him sick when I got home. We
were living in a fifth wheel, so we're tiny little
quarters of germs. We were waiting to close on
a house, which we ultimately ended up losing
because they didn't know if I'd live or die.
So we had to get another house later down the
road. But he took me to the hospital and just
dropped me off. Not just dropped me off, dropped
me off at the front to go park. Let me clarify
that. Just open the door and kick you right out.
See you later. Get out. I can't help you anymore.
Well, he said he parked and by the time he walked
in to the ER, they already had me on my way up
to the ICU. ER, I've never heard that quick.
moving. They knew I was in trouble. My oxygen
was at 63. They said I probably would have made
it maybe another hour as bad as I was. So four
days, I think it was pretty clear. I didn't want
to be intubated. I actually ended up getting
intubated twice, had a trachea, had sepsis, and
a couple of other life threatening infections
while I was there that any one of those would
have taken me out. But the will to live was there,
I guess, and God's will was there. And that's
where I had About within a three and a half week
period of time is where I had all of these experiences.
And I wasn't aware that there was out of body
spiritual transformation experiences and near
death experience. I just, I'd only heard of near
death experiences. So it's been a learning journey
for me and it's, it's been a game changer and
a life changer for me. Well, I want to talk about
all of those, but let's start with the near death
experience itself and then we'll branch out from
there. So was there a time where you were clinically
dead or someplace in between? Because we've heard
near -death experiences from people that were
in comas, including people that had COVID. Where
were you at? What happened? I don't ever, anyone
were telling me that I flatlined. So I guess
I would say the in -between, which is interesting.
The in -between is part of my story. So for me,
my journey started. I left in these experiences.
I mean, I laugh about it because it's kind of
funny. But I mean, it just was my story. So I
would leave in my bed. And there's even even
a chapter we're writing in a book called, you
know, my book that's called me in my bed, because
I think subconsciously, I was aware I was sick.
And I was aware I wasn't doing well. And if I
left my body to go to these places. I might not
get it back. And I think I really knew that.
And so I took it with me. So the near death experience
was the same. I took my bed and now I'm going
down the hallway to the long corridor. And I
remember kind of sitting up shaking my finger
at the receptionist saying, I rescind my DNR.
I rescind my DNR. And I think they had just had
me sign all that because when they put the ventilator
in you, you pretty much sign your life away,
which seems really odd because that's under duress
for real estate. I don't know how that's not
duress. Yeah, terrifying. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, whatever.
Anyway, and it's really tricky when they intubate
you, by the way. They only have these few seconds
because you've got to be stable enough that you
could not have a breath long enough for them
to get the tubes down you. Yeah, it's traumatic.
I never suffered from PTSD or... or anxiety before.
And so all those things, I mean, if you, anyone
that has that kind of experience definitely has
suffered from that. But in the experience, I'm
going down the corridor and then I'm seeing all
these other beds going with me. I don't know.
I didn't give it much thought, but we're all
just hanging out, going down these hallways.
And I look back now and think those were probably
other people in the hospital dying because we
had half of them at the time dying. They had
two full floors full of people with this Delta
version. Next thing I know, I'm in like what
I call a stadium. It was like you figure the
biggest football stadium or whatever that you
see. And in the sky boxes was where all of us
got to go because we were in beds and we couldn't
get out of them. So we all got put there. And
then there was this like pause. It's like, next
thing I know, I'm out of my bed and I'm in that
stadium and there's thousands of people. I remember
seeing all this matter floating around and everything
was just, it was so bright that I'm surprised
I could see. I could see very clearly and I'm
legally blind. I need hefty correction to get
my eyesight. I remember that being kind of an
aha. I was like, Wow, I can see the best I can
see, even with all this matter and stuff swirling
around. What do you mean by matter? What did
it look like? Like fog, but it was bright. Everything
necessarily maybe wasn't white, but just bright.
Yeah, it would just like swirl around, but I
could see most everybody I could see from the
waist up, but I do remember seeing feet and nobody
was on the ground. So there's thousands of people,
nobody's touching the ground. I don't remember
having any thoughts that that was weird because
I was like in the moment. I was there. I was
like so fascinated with this experience and they,
everybody's having fun. I say it was a concert
because then the music starts and the music is
coming from all four directions everywhere. It's
singing and it's, it's just like. the most angelic
voices I've ever heard. And I'm a singer, not
now, COVID took my voice away, unfortunately,
but I remember I didn't recognize any of the
songs, but I knew the words to every song. So
I'm just sitting there enjoying it with people
singing along and they're having these conversations,
nobody's talking. So it all had to be, you know,
telepathy. And I remember it was like light speed.
If you had a thought, you had an answer. If you
wanted to know something, you knew it just like
everything was just like, and so I remember doing
all that. And then the next thing I know, I'm
having what I would call my life review. And
all I'm seeing is love. All I'm seeing is, you
know, hugging and, and acts of good service and
kindness. And, and I don't know if at that moment
I remember thinking, where's all the bad? I mean,
I probably had that thought. That was just it.
I just kept seeing good after good after good.
And then I was told two things. I was told I
had pitched a company with a new business idea
that had a billionaire backer. And the day I
found out I had COVID, I pitched about nine people
on a Zoom. And I was told not to partner with
them. That wasn't the highest and best use. to
put with that company that that wasn't the right
thing to do and don't do it. It'll take you longer.
Don't do it. So that was the first thing. The
second thing I was told was to start this nonprofit
and it was called Adventure Bucket Wish. And
I thought, oh, that's a, I remember thinking
that's a fun name. That sounds fun to me, you
know, and I like fun. If it's not fun, I'm not
doing it. So that was the only instructions I
got. Nothing else was laid out. No other assignment.
I didn't get a choice to stay or to go. I just
had to come back. So next thing I know, I'm back
in my body. I'm very anxious and probably a little
agitated and scared. So my husband couldn't come
stay with me in the hospital for three and a
half weeks because he had COVID. So they wouldn't
let him in. And when he did finally get to come,
I can have one person every 24 hours. And so
I had two twin sisters that would take 24 hour
shifts. Most of the time they were the ones with
me and they would stay. And I think intuitively
they knew in the beginning that I needed I needed
them there. I feel like they saved my life by
being there. Just the accountability for the
medical staff, just for the comfort for me. So
the sister's there and she could tell something
was going on. Well, I couldn't talk because I
was still intubated and they had brought out
an alphabet and I could point at letters to spell
things out, which sometimes one word took me
like two hours to spell because I was so weak.
She starts bringing that out and I start spelling
K -I -D. And she says, oh, do you need me to
tell your kids or do something with your kids?
And she knew that wasn't it. And then N -A -P.
And she said, when you spelled out kidnap, I
had ran an errand because I was doing better.
When I came back, obviously my body was doing
better. And she ran an errand. came back and
she said, what happened? She goes, I wanted to
throw up because I was like, I just left for
a little bit. So right when she figures out what
I say, the doctor and the nurse come in and they
come to exubate me and take the tube out. So
she said, this was in between my first and my
second intubation. And she said, when they took
it out, you could talk, not very well, but you
had a lot to say. I realized quickly there were
people in the room, spirits in the room, and
I realized quickly that I was the only one that
could see them. After the doctor and nurse left,
my sister was opening up the bathroom door, the
closet, the drawers, showing me no one's in here,
no one's in here. And so I was always really
unsettled. Why did I feel kidnapped? I just was
at the best concert of my life. That's the way
I looked at it at the time. I mean, I was having
the best time ever. Why would I feel kidnapped?
So I didn't get an answer to that until two years
later. So two years after that, I had the worst,
worst two years of my whole life. I was doing
things that I was told I incorporated these two
companies within like three months out of the
hospital. And because long COVID was just getting
known of what that is, of course that came and
then all the crappy diagnoses came and all the
life -threatening lung disease came, and all
these other things came after I got out of the
hospital, not counting the rehabilitation, staying
on oxygen for eight more months. There was a
lot of things that were happening, a lot of COVID
fog. You would think that your family would embrace
you thinking they just about lost you, and they
still could have. I was still very ill. And it
was like I repelled everybody. I had my husband,
a couple close friends, and a couple siblings
who I felt like my whole world was. I felt like
they were the only ones that had my back. I found
myself in jeopardized relationships with siblings
and with my children. And I couldn't make sense
of any of it. I was going through the hardest
time ever. So for two years, I went through this,
cried every day, prayed almost every day that
I would have died. I just thought, why would
a God of love, why would he save me to put me
through this hell? Why? I don't understand. Why
didn't you just let me die? So of course, when
we're in things and in circumstances, we don't
really understand until later when we look back
and see really what was happening. So fast forward
two years, I was really feeling like I was working
on a book and I was feeling like I knew the out
-of -body experiences. I knew the spiritual transformation
experience that I had. I was very clear on all
those. But then near death, there was some gaps.
I mean, when I bounced from the bed to the arena,
it was just like... What's going on here? So
out of integrity for my book, I asked a friend
of mine who does hypnosis and he trained me in
hypnosis a few years prior. So I was very familiar
with the way it works. And I asked him if he'd
do a session on just my NDE. So we did about
an hour and 40 minute session. And I'm telling
you that was almost as good as the NDE. It's
weird that I didn't compare them, but I'll share
and then you'll understand why. Can I just interject
a couple things as long as we have a little pause
here right now? It is relatively normal for people
to remember some of their NDE immediately and
then have more memories of it come back as time
goes on. That doesn't make it any less real,
okay? In fact, I want to hear all about the hypnosis.
So how about if we do some questions on this
part and then let's move on to the hypnosis in
the next chapter? You said that the songs that
were being sung by this angelic choir in this
stadium, that you didn't know them, but you knew
the words somehow. Do you remember any of those
words? Do you remember anything that was sung?
That is such a good question. I never thought
about it. I don't think so. I don't think so,
but hopefully that's more of what I'll remember
later. Because I just remember they were so beautiful.
And I was like, I've never heard these, but I
could sing right along. Like I had everything
memorized. OK, my next question. I have too many.
Our listeners know this. I go crazy with questions,
but I'll I'll try to keep them brief. Was there
any kind of an unusual feeling going back into
your body or was it just a very natural thing?
I remember just, yeah, just being there. I remember
not getting a choice to come back and just being
there. OK, I want to know a little bit more about
your life review. You said you only remembered
the good things. Can you give us any examples
of some that you remember seeing or experiencing
in that review? Yeah. I saw a lot of acts of
service that I had done over the years. Everything's
so fast. The time is just so different. What
I'm seeing is almost like clips. I don't know
how to explain it than that. For me, what was
slow and what was moving was the hugs. I remember
just like that's how love was being shown a lot
to me. My opinion is I believe that God shows
everybody in their experiences how you will understand
it so for me, you know love love meant hugs and
support and People having your back and it was
just for me. It was more of what I was showing
people They were giving back because of what
I was giving does that make sense? Yeah, and
what are you feeling during all of this? Oh,
unconditional love and joy and the peace. I don't
think I had ever felt that kind of peace ever.
A lot of people are worried that this is going
to be some kind of judgmental shame, how dare
you, this kind of stuff. But life reviews aren't
that way. Although some people report that they
remember some things that they had done wrong
in a way that they hurt another person. But it
still was not associated with guilt and shame.
It was just a learning type of experience. Did
you have any of those too? Because you said you
only had positive ones. Yeah, well, and I found
out later when I did a hypnosis session, why.
All right, jump into the hypnosis. Okay, I was
like, I want to tell you. Okay, so I go to have
this hypnosis session and the first place I end
up being being in here was where I didn't remember
from my NDE. So I was in this what I call the
in between. It was in dark and it wasn't light.
And so the darks on the right side and the less
of the light side. And I'm seeing all that matter
that I saw in my NDE of the light. But now it's
like shadowy. It's it's I wasn't scared. I didn't
feel evil things around me. I just I remember
I felt confusion. I felt why why am I here? It
was just weird to be stuck in this in -between.
I remember looking off on the right side, but
way off in the distance in front of me was a
mountain that had one eye on it. And I remember
thinking that was really weird that I saw that.
And so I saw it twice. When I saw it the second
time, I remember saying to myself, all right,
noted. Obviously, I'm supposed to see this. I
don't know why you're looking at me, but whatever.
So there was that experience. And then the hypnotist
said, is the matter, is there a person there?
And I said, I don't know. And so he basically
kept saying, can you try to hold the energy?
bring it together when it's swirling around and
it would swirl around and then some of them would
they form into a heart and the heart would would
go towards the light like everyone's attracted
to light and and i remember thinking that was
that was really really neat to see and then he
said hold that energy there and so i did and
then i'd hold it and it would disperse and i'd
hold it and it would disperse and he's just just
keep trying to hold it is it a person yes It's
an entity. Okay. So in hypnosis, I don't know
if people know this or not, but a lot of times
whoever you're having a challenge with or working
on a problem, they have them become you so that
the hypnotist can speak to them and find out
how do we resolve this. And I knew all that.
I was trained. So I knew all that. I wasn't afraid
at all. I mean, I thought about it later and
I thought, why would I want to become an entity?
But it wasn't a fearful thing. So he has him
become me. And he says, when I count backwards
from three, to one, you're going to tell me your
name." He says, three, two, one, and I blurt
out Darby. I'm still listening to all this, so
I know what's going on. I don't even know where
that name came from. Interestingly enough, three
times in the month after that, I heard that name,
Darby. That was interesting. He talked to Darby.
Darby didn't have any connection to me. Darby
wanted my light. Remember when I felt kidnapped
and never could figure out why I felt kidnapped
well Darby came and intervened Jokingly, I always
thought my theory was I probably all have a guide
and they all have to learn their jobs So my guide
must have been in training and he took me before
he was supposed to so I know I kind of thought
that well I wasn't that far off because in the
hypnosis session Darby was an entity, he wasn't
my guide. He was an entity that took me because
he wanted my light. So he brought me there and
I had to have a spiritual intervention to get
back on course. So he just he said, I can't go
to the light and I can't have my own, so I want
hers. And this banter went back and forth with
the hypnotist and him. And, well, you know, you're
stealing that from her. That's her light. That's
hers to have, not yours. And yes, they went back
and forth for a while till finally he wouldn't
release me until the light was coming to get
me. So I remember my eyes are closed. I'm feeling
the heat and more the heat from how bright it
was. And I remember Ah, this is the bright that
I felt at that concert, you know, and I remember
having it come and he said, it's coming together
and I'm not going to be able to stop it. So ultimately
he finally releases me so I can go to have my
own light. And when I walk forward, there's this
tree there and the tree like split. So almost
like a fork in the road for me. Like I could
go to the dark side or the light side. And of
course I chose a light, but the tree gave me
so much calmness and peace because my retreat
R &R company that I had just incorporated and
everything, when I was doing the branding for
it over those two years, I knew it had to have
a tree in the logo. And when the gentleman that
created it came back, it had 11 leaves and 11
roots to it. I never had him change one thing.
I later interviewed him about what his thought
process was when he was making it because I thought
that was not by mistake. So 1111, my release
date from the hospital was 1111, even my birthday
is 11. So there was just all these things and
it just, what it was was another, I felt what
I would call God gift that you created that logo
and you didn't even remember this from your NDE.
Well done. That's how it felt. It's like, yes.
So that made me really happy to see that. So
then I get over to the light and all of that
matter floating around over there, of course,
is light now, but now there's a bunch like pink
into it, like a pink. It reminded me just a pink
court hearts. That was the second. So I was told
not to partner with the guy on the retreat company.
And then I was told to start this nonprofit,
which I had done both by this time. I saw the
hearts, and when we had a fundraiser for the
nonprofit, our first gala, in the little gift
bag that I gave everybody, intuitively I knew
I needed to put a rose -colored heart in each
one, quartz. No one questioned it. I didn't even
give it much thought. Same with the logo. I just
knew I needed to do that. And I put everyone,
everyone had one of those in their bag. And I
remember when I saw those and realized those
are the, that's that matter, and it's forming
hearts and now they're pink. Again, it was like,
wow, you did that. You realized you needed to
do that because it is all about love. And at
that moment, the message that I forgot about,
so in the live review, when it was all about
love, well, sure, of course, heaven's all about
love. But I didn't get the rest of it. And when
I was given that, it shifted a lot of my perception
about the crazy two years I had just been through,
which I really needed at the time. And I needed
that hope. Basically, the message was, love them
where they're at. And if you think, if I would
have remembered all of that, it would have changed
my reactions and the way I dealt with those two
years. I wouldn't have had all those lessons
that I had. A lot of those lessons were for the
philanthropy work I'm supposed to do in the future.
They were to show me a corrupt system of people
and... situations and I had attorneys involved,
I had grandkids involved, I mean it was ugly.
And learning all those things from that experience,
I was grateful. I had gratitude and I thought,
wow, thank you for not giving me that message
until now. And then I was told from the hypnotist,
which I know were not his words, he said, more
will be revealed to you when the time is right.
And that brought me so much peace because I usually
want to know everything and I don't like surprises.
And I was like, okay. I was just like, and it's
been kind of nice to live my life since then,
knowing more will be revealed. That's exciting
for me. I probably couldn't have handled everything
I would have had and would have remembered. Back
to the life review. That's where I questioned,
why am I only seeing? I mean, I'm not complaining
I'm seeing good, but why am I only seeing good?
The message was said to me. because this is what
mattered. And that just, oh, made my heart happy.
I thought, you know, you're right. I can be judged
on all the bad things I did, okay, maybe, but
God is a God of love and maybe He just didn't
want me to see all that. I didn't need to relive
it. I knew what I had done. Why does He have
to show me? If He shows me the good, I felt like
that was just another healing part of the last
two years for me to feel like. You're right.
And we all need to just love people where they're
at, because He showed me in that, that is what
matters. I'm just trying to soak all of that
in. I love that. Thank you. You used the term
spiritual intervention. What did you mean by
that exactly? Well, that's the words that came
to me later when I put the pieces together. So
I just put the pieces together of, I had the
near death and I knew Darby got me, but I just
put like this year, That Darby was who took me
from the hospital I don't know why I didn't connect
that and then until I did and that was another
thing More will be revealed to you. I felt like
when I was ready to understand that's what happened
That's when I knew that so he took me from the
hospital brought me to the in -between to get
my light The words that just came to me was a
spiritual intervention because that's what it
felt like when the light came and was hitting
my face And that's when he had to release me
because it was coming to get me. And I felt like
that's what it felt like was a spiritual intervention.
They had to come back and say, no, no, you're
not. You're not supposed to be doing this. That's
why you're in the in between. She gets to go
to the light. You know, you need to release her.
So that's just what it felt like to me. OK. And
with your life review, did you? Specifically
ask somebody, why am I not remembering these
other things? Or was it just sort of a thought?
I want to go down this path for a second. Yeah,
totally a thought. I don't ever remember speaking.
Everything was in my mind. But the answer came
as a thought also? Yeah, instantly, because this
is what mattered. Yeah. Because this is what
mattered. A lot of religions have a belief in
repentance. Is that something that you believe
in? I do. Yeah, I do. Do you think those things
weren't there because you had repented of them?
That's such an interesting thought. It's possible.
I mean, my first gut feeling on that question
would be, you know, I just got the message 11
where they're at. So it's like it was showing
me how many times I had done that. And that's
what mattered. So maybe. I'm sure there's plenty
I haven't repented of. How does love them where
they're at apply to things today? Because to
me, I love that. It sounds like just a very non
-judgmental way to live. Well, the funny thing
is I don't even know if those words are at proper
English. Love them. I don't know if they are.
I'm from a family and we say funny things for
different words, just how we were raised. I thought
about it later and I thought that could be another
way it was said to me so I would understand it.
I don't know. But I've told that story. I had
a gentleman earlier this year that I was on a
business cruise and we stayed up quite late in
the evening having me share the story with him
and he was a therapist. He had a lot of issues
and almost hate in his heart for people that
were doing really bad things in the world. And
he said, when I told him that message, the next
day he messaged me and he said, you have changed
my life by those words. He said, I am really
looking at things differently and the perception
and how I felt. You're right. It's not my place
to judge. This was like earlier this year and
it's been months and months now. And he just
messaged me the other day and was again saying,
I'll never forget that conversation we had. And
that made me so happy to think that those words,
I mean, they've changed my life, no doubt, but
it takes the judgment away. We have a people,
it's who they are. It brings in the compassion
and that love. If we just remember those words,
they're simple words. I know you also wanted
to share some about out -of -body experiences
and spiritually transformative experiences and
I'm using the full length terms because OBE and
STE is not known by everybody. Is there anything
else with the NDE that you want to talk about
before we move on to those? No, I think that
pretty much summed it up. I was just glad I got
the rest of the story and more to come is, I
guess, how I would put it. Out of body experiences,
I can just share. I had lots of them. And I really
haven't talked to people or listened to people's
out -of -body experiences much. And I didn't
do even listen to any NDEs or anything for about
a year after I got out of the hospital. I was
in my own turmoil for one. But for two, I felt
like I had so much missing those gaps that I
didn't want it to cloud by listening to other
people's stories. I felt like now I listen to
them and it helps me remember things. But then
I felt like it would have tainted what I knew
and what I felt out of body. I didn't know anything
about, again. Most of the time, ironically, I
would go to this town in Perowen, Utah. Do you
know where that is, since you're in Utah? I do.
It's not far from Cedar City, right? Right, which
is so ironic that that's where I ended up a lot.
So the funny thing is, I would take my bed with
me, because I think I thought I wouldn't get
it back. And sometimes, some days that I would
leave, I was like in a ... shipping container,
like that was my hospital room in my mind, and
an ambulance, don't ask me why an ambulance,
they would hook up to it and they would haul
me off on my out -of -body journey where I needed
to go because I knew I was sick and I couldn't
get there on my own. So I had that happen a lot.
At the end of the day, they would back it in
at the hospital. It was like a wing, you know,
to the hospital. put me back in there so I'd
have medical care at night. So that happened
many times. And I would go to Perwin, Utah, which
there is a home there that's now the city owns
and it's a museum. And I knew I had been there
with my kids when they were little. We did a
cousin's camp because I knew it was a relative.
I thought maybe a great, great grandfather. I
found out later it was three greats, great, great,
great grandfather's home, Jesse M. Smith. So
I was like, okay, I don't know why I'm here.
But I went back there a couple years later. And
I remember they had remodeled it a couple times.
But I remember this creepy staircase that was
kind of a spiral staircase that had it went to
a dirt floor at the basement. It was still there.
And I remember that being a little bit of an
eerie feeling. You know, when you actually see
something that you saw in real life, it's just
it was interesting. I found out my grandfather
didn't live in that home very much. He was he
was a missionary for the church and so he was
gone a lot. So I don't know if they were practicing.
I think they might've been practicing polygamy
still then. This would have been 165 years ago.
So I haven't looked at all the timelines, but
that's when the house was built is about that.
So that's how far back in time I would go. So
there were some interesting things and they weren't
all good. There were some creepy things and I
don't know why I was seeing a lot of those. For
instance, there was a really scary time when
I was in, I think it was almost like a little,
a school room. And I remember there was some
evil in there somehow. And I knew, I knew something
was going to happen. So like I reversed time
and I remember standing by the door and I remember
something was going to break. I remember standing
there and this guy and I, if I saw him today,
I would know it was him. Like almost looked a
little bit. like a Jewish nose and just dark,
just very, very dark. He was over on my left
shoulder as he walked in that door. And I remember
I froze there thinking, I don't want him to see
me. I don't want him to see me. And I knew that
something was going to fall off one of the shelves
and break. And so I remember counting, you know,
counting down the one that was happened. And
when it happened, I remember his Oh, so clear.
It creeps me out. You can talk about it. I remember
him right there. I could like I could feel his
breath. He was so close to me and it broke. And
I remember him shaking his head and going. And
I just remember being so creeped out and I got
out of there as fast as I could. I mean, that
was just like one thing. I did go in present
time a couple of times to current events and
stuff. But anyway, those weren't really significant
or anything. Did these all happen while you were
in the hospital? Yeah, they were, I believe those
were probably before my near death and then maybe
after. My STE, the spiritual transformation experience
was the last thing I had. Okay, I just want to
throw in one fun fact here. But I had ancestors
in Parawan in the 1800s too. Probably related.
We're probably related or our ancestors were
friends or something. Anyway, we'll talk about
that later. Alright, STE. Okay. So my STE was
the last experience that I had in the hospital.
It was the most, it was the quickest story to
tell, but it was very powerful for me. I mean,
it was a matter of life or death. So a little
pre -story, I have a cousin, a little bit more
like a sister than a cousin. and she lives out
of state. She text a message to one of my sisters
that was in the hospital with me that day. She
had been praying for my husband and I's wellbeing
and she had a really spiritual experience and
all these spirits came around her, surrounded
her that had passed on. She asked who they were
because that's who she is. And she got the names
one by one. And she said, I normally wouldn't
share this kind of an experience on a text. But
I know Holly's not doing very well right now,
and I think she needs to hear this. And I think
she was right, because that was the beginning
of what happened. They must have put me back
in a coma. Sometimes I was in an induced, sometimes
paralyzed. I think they were always induced,
but sometimes I was a paralyzed coma, sometimes
just to be there, be still so my lungs would
heal. And the medications, I mean, they put you
on, I guess if you're in pain, you'll come out
of your coma. So they keep you on a lot of drugs.
I remember going back and I remember a lot of
my prayers at that point were, you know, this
isn't very much fun. I'm not liking this situation.
If you're not going to get me better, get me
out of here. I'm ready. I was never afraid to
die, but I was pretty much done with suffering.
I was really upset that my cousin got that experience,
kind of like the civil rivalry. Why did she get
it and I didn't? I was having that attitude.
I just said, it's not fair. I'm the one suffering.
Why did she get to experience that? I think I
was upset that I wasn't having those kinds of
experiences. I was having my crazy out of body
experiences. Next thing I know, my mom comes
to me on the side of my bed. She's on my right
side of my bed. She had just passed away about
a year and a half before from Parkinson's. She
had suffered for a long time. She was with me
a lot in the hospital, but this time when she
came, she said to me, she said, it's not your
time to go and you need to fight. It was that
like mom telling you what to do. It was with
love, but it was like your mom would tell you
to do something. It was like that. As soon as
she said the word fight, I remember a little
cringe in myself because I don't love that word.
All above my bed, so I'm laying in my bed now,
and all above my bed come all of these past relatives,
all in white. I could see them from the waist
up. and they all came all above me. Grandparents
and aunts, uncles, my brother had died in a horrific
car accident and his wife separately in a horrific
car accident. I had just lost a grandbaby six
months before. She was two days old when she
passed away, but she was an adult and I knew
it was her. And that was really special. And
so they start chanting, fight, fight. fight.
And every time that word would get said, a whole
nother group, now in street clothes, which were
living people, my siblings, my kids, my husband,
they all appeared. And then every time they just
keep chanting that just more and more people,
I would see more friends and more relatives.
And it just went on and on and on. I would say
thousands of people finally appeared in that.
And in that moment, I knew I'd live. It was like,
well, how could I not? Look at all the support
I have. And I realized later that all those people
I didn't know that were there, chanting fight,
were all those prayerless. I mean, we were still
kind of shut down from COVID. people were hanging
onto social media. They were definitely hanging
on to my social media. I had friends all over
the world. That was the only way they knew if
I was living and my sisters would post updates,
I would get three or 400 comments on each post.
I mean, it was just the love that was shown at
later. I printed all that out because you have
a bad day and you go read something like that.
It shifts you really quick. It was just knowing
that you have all these people had my back. And
I knew I'd live after that. It was like so clear
to me that, okay, this isn't gonna be easy, but
I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna fight. That's
what I've done every day since. That's awesome.
All right, what's the takeaway from all this?
How has it changed your life? It's interesting
because I still feel like I'm the same person
in some aspects and then so different in others.
I would say I was religious, spiritual, and now
I feel like I'm spiritual, religious. If that
makes sense, it is shifted that for me. We're
just men and women here and having an earthly
experience. And I feel like I don't consider
time to be as of essence as I like. I'm not.
I don't push like I used to as a lot slower health
wise, obviously. But I just feel like this is
such a small speck of time in the big perspective
of things. I share with people, I'll probably
explain it different ways sometimes when I say
it, but I feel like when we want to know what
heaven's like, I say one second of heaven is
like every, every, every good moment, day, time
period that you had here added up together is
maybe one second of what you will have up there.
So think of all the joy you had in your whole
life experiences you had, and if you could experience
that in one second. So think about living there.
as an eternity, I mean, that's how I would explain
it. I love it. How much fear of death do you
have? Zero. I mean, I want to live. Obviously,
even going to my near death telling her to rescind
my DNR, I obviously knew I was in trouble and
I wanted to live. I joke to my kids, they're
all adults now that I can help them better from
the other side than I can't hear because now
they don't have to listen to me. But really,
I have no fear of death. All right, last thing.
I'm going to let you have the last word here.
If somebody out there today is really, I don't
know, really concerned about a loved one that
they've lost, besides missing that person, gee,
what has happened to my loved one? Can you help
fill some of those gaps for them? Just help us
understand a little bit better. Well, let's think
of it as a stadium. Well, two things. Let's think
of it as a stadium where I was and there were
thousands of people there. None of them were
living. Whether they were going or coming, I
don't know. I don't have that answer. But think
about all that love and support there. And then
just think about my spiritual transformation
experience and all the people I saw that were
wanting me to fight to live. Everybody, everybody
has that. We all have a team of angels and a
team of support. Even when we don't feel like
we do, even when we feel alone, it's there. And
sometimes we just need to dig a little deeper
and just fill your heart with love. I think you'll
find that you won't feel so alone. Thank you.
Holly, I appreciate your time. And just sharing
all of this, it can't be that easy to share.
Hopefully it also makes you feel good. But if
anybody wants to reach out to you, can we put
something in the show notes where they can contact
you? Absolutely. Yeah, thank you. All right,
we'll do it. Take care. Thanks again for listening
and sharing this podcast. Don't forget to hit
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our newsletter at roundtriptest .com. If you
want to share your near -death experience, or
if you have questions or comments about the show,
send an email to eric at roundtripdeath .com.
Until then, I wish you everything good that you're
looking for in this life and the next.