WEBVTT 00:00:03.740 --> 00:00:06.740 From the time that they pronounced me dead was 00:00:06.740 --> 00:00:10.220 a good 45 minutes. They cut my clothes and then 00:00:10.220 --> 00:00:13.140 they paddled. My heart, my heart had stopped 00:00:13.140 --> 00:00:16.120 and I could see people screaming and crying but 00:00:16.120 --> 00:00:18.579 I didn't realize that was actually my physical 00:00:18.579 --> 00:00:22.019 body because I was somewhere else. The only thing 00:00:22.019 --> 00:00:25.399 that I could feel if you could imagine absolute 00:00:25.399 --> 00:00:28.500 love and peace there wasn't anything else to 00:00:28.500 --> 00:00:31.600 be felt. I was greeted by people I'd known in 00:00:31.600 --> 00:00:35.079 the past. I'm back home again. Incredibly safe 00:00:35.079 --> 00:00:40.500 and felt at home. Welcome, welcome to Round Trip 00:00:40.500 --> 00:00:43.880 Death, everybody. And a hearty welcome to our 00:00:43.880 --> 00:00:48.140 special guest from Lloyd, Florida. And our guest 00:00:48.140 --> 00:00:50.679 today is Michelle Ledbetter. Good morning, Michelle. 00:00:50.740 --> 00:00:53.500 How are you? Good morning. It's so nice to be 00:00:53.500 --> 00:00:55.240 here with you. Thank you for the invitation. 00:00:56.079 --> 00:00:59.479 Thank you. I just want to give people a little 00:00:59.479 --> 00:01:02.840 idea upfront. This is going to be so cool because 00:01:02.840 --> 00:01:04.760 we're going to be talking about your deer death 00:01:04.760 --> 00:01:08.359 experience and the fact that you are a hospice 00:01:08.359 --> 00:01:10.859 nurse and there are really cool stories that 00:01:10.859 --> 00:01:13.640 can come from that, that are faith promoting 00:01:13.640 --> 00:01:18.019 and messages of hope. We haven't had a hospice 00:01:18.019 --> 00:01:20.659 nurse on for a while. Geez, Michelle, this is 00:01:20.659 --> 00:01:22.359 the first time we've talked and I feel like we're 00:01:22.359 --> 00:01:26.859 old friends already. I do too. That's nice. Hey, 00:01:27.040 --> 00:01:28.879 before we jump in, tell us a little bit about 00:01:28.879 --> 00:01:32.400 you. Who's Michelle? Okay. I'm a registered nurse. 00:01:32.480 --> 00:01:35.579 I am certified in hospice and palliative care, 00:01:35.760 --> 00:01:38.159 and I have been a hospice nurse for a little 00:01:38.159 --> 00:01:41.159 over 20 years now. My career in nursing has been 00:01:41.159 --> 00:01:43.659 30 years, but my heart and soul and connection 00:01:43.659 --> 00:01:47.560 is with hospice. I am a mother of two beautiful 00:01:47.560 --> 00:01:50.959 daughters and a grandmother of four grandchildren 00:01:50.959 --> 00:01:54.750 and two bonus grandchildren. had a near -death 00:01:54.750 --> 00:01:58.209 experience myself that completely changed my 00:01:58.209 --> 00:02:01.230 view of life and the way I see it. And I hope 00:02:01.230 --> 00:02:03.969 that my message resonates with those who are 00:02:03.969 --> 00:02:07.049 ready to hear it. I'm not here to change anybody's 00:02:07.049 --> 00:02:09.650 mind. I'm just here to share my story. Hopefully 00:02:09.650 --> 00:02:12.750 if you can see something that is a flicker for 00:02:12.750 --> 00:02:14.949 you, I'm here to support you through that too. 00:02:15.349 --> 00:02:19.050 So yeah. Perfect intro. And for anyone who may 00:02:19.050 --> 00:02:22.430 be new to the show. I love how you put that because 00:02:22.430 --> 00:02:25.310 we're not trying to change anybody's mind. We 00:02:25.310 --> 00:02:28.229 stay very non -denominational. We're not trying 00:02:28.229 --> 00:02:31.629 to push any agenda. We just want to hear people's 00:02:31.629 --> 00:02:34.490 stories. And they always tend to bring us some 00:02:34.490 --> 00:02:36.129 hope. And that's what we're trying to spread 00:02:36.129 --> 00:02:38.930 in the world out there. And by the way, aren't 00:02:38.930 --> 00:02:42.610 daughters the best? Yes, they really are. But 00:02:42.610 --> 00:02:45.509 they can be a challenge too. Now these grandbabies, 00:02:45.550 --> 00:02:47.810 let me tell you, they're something else. Well, 00:02:47.830 --> 00:02:50.710 they're better than the best. Oh, yeah. Yeah. 00:02:50.949 --> 00:02:53.550 All right. Let's jump into it. How long ago was 00:02:53.550 --> 00:02:55.650 it that you were in the bad car accident that 00:02:55.650 --> 00:02:59.189 led to your NDE? Yes. So my accident actually 00:02:59.189 --> 00:03:03.569 occurred on February 13th, 2019. And my altered 00:03:03.569 --> 00:03:07.090 reality near -death experience happened the morning 00:03:07.090 --> 00:03:11.669 of Valentine's Day when I was in surgery. And 00:03:11.669 --> 00:03:14.389 then it kind of went through a five -day period 00:03:14.389 --> 00:03:16.110 where I don't really know exactly where it happened, 00:03:16.150 --> 00:03:18.840 but somewhere in that period. Tell me about the 00:03:18.840 --> 00:03:21.719 accident. What happened and how badly were you 00:03:21.719 --> 00:03:24.819 hurt? Sure. I was traveling as a hospice nurse 00:03:24.819 --> 00:03:28.500 and I had finished one assignment and I was on 00:03:28.500 --> 00:03:31.740 my way to a new assignment from Montana to Texas 00:03:31.740 --> 00:03:34.080 and there was a storm, snowstorm that was coming. 00:03:34.340 --> 00:03:38.199 I'm a Florida girl. That's a long drive. A long 00:03:38.199 --> 00:03:42.680 drive. Holy cow. Yeah, super long. And part of 00:03:42.680 --> 00:03:46.539 it was probably the fatigue because I was moving 00:03:46.539 --> 00:03:49.319 into the Colorado area when I had the accident. 00:03:49.620 --> 00:03:54.740 So the snow was just blowing sideways. And I 00:03:54.740 --> 00:03:58.740 was of the mindset, just keep going. And it was 00:03:58.740 --> 00:04:00.919 around 7 o 'clock at night, and I started around 00:04:00.919 --> 00:04:05.689 7 in the morning. I was following some truck 00:04:05.689 --> 00:04:08.629 lights in front of me because the wind, I couldn't 00:04:08.629 --> 00:04:11.169 see the road. So I was following those truck 00:04:11.169 --> 00:04:14.250 lights and he went up over a pass and I missed 00:04:14.250 --> 00:04:18.149 the pass. And so I don't remember anything. I 00:04:18.149 --> 00:04:20.449 came down off the embankment and when my car 00:04:20.449 --> 00:04:24.269 came down, I had an L1 burst fracture, broken 00:04:24.269 --> 00:04:28.569 spine and a traumatic closed head injury. My 00:04:28.569 --> 00:04:34.639 first memory was Waking and I had a profound 00:04:34.639 --> 00:04:38.100 sense of peace where you would otherwise think 00:04:38.100 --> 00:04:42.019 I would have been just a crazy hot mess and it 00:04:42.019 --> 00:04:45.279 was to the paramedics and they were Attempting 00:04:45.279 --> 00:04:48.740 to get me from the car, but I just felt so peaceful 00:04:48.740 --> 00:04:51.459 There was no fear there and I was traveling with 00:04:51.459 --> 00:04:54.339 my little dog They took us to the first hospital 00:04:54.339 --> 00:04:57.379 these two paramedics that were just angelic. 00:04:57.500 --> 00:05:01.399 I could almost see them as angels because I felt 00:05:01.399 --> 00:05:05.279 so peaceful and so held. They were wonderful. 00:05:05.360 --> 00:05:08.079 They took me to the first place that we did imaging 00:05:08.079 --> 00:05:11.259 and they realized that they needed to do urgent 00:05:11.259 --> 00:05:14.319 surgery and so at that point there was a nurse 00:05:14.319 --> 00:05:17.079 there that they had let my little dog stay with 00:05:17.079 --> 00:05:19.420 me on my lap the whole time and I was able to 00:05:19.420 --> 00:05:23.079 engage but I was kind of in and out and so the 00:05:23.079 --> 00:05:25.720 nurse that was with me before. They were getting 00:05:25.720 --> 00:05:28.519 ready to transfer me to a trauma unit. They were 00:05:28.519 --> 00:05:31.500 talking about impounding my little dog. And she 00:05:31.500 --> 00:05:35.160 knows me from no one. And it was almost like 00:05:35.160 --> 00:05:37.959 I saw the godliness for the first time in someone. 00:05:38.019 --> 00:05:40.180 And she said, honey, I got you. I'm going to 00:05:40.180 --> 00:05:42.920 take your little dog home. And for as long as 00:05:42.920 --> 00:05:46.480 it takes for you to recuperate, I got you. It's 00:05:46.480 --> 00:05:50.620 like, wow, OK. And so I was just feeling loved. 00:05:50.759 --> 00:05:54.560 I was feeling embrace and peacefully held. The 00:05:54.560 --> 00:05:56.879 neurosurgeon came in and said, we're going to 00:05:56.879 --> 00:05:59.439 have to transfer you to the trauma unit. We don't 00:05:59.439 --> 00:06:01.759 have time to mess around. And he told me some 00:06:01.759 --> 00:06:04.060 astronomical amount of surgeries he's done. And 00:06:04.060 --> 00:06:07.079 I say 10. I'm not real sure. Again, my brain 00:06:07.079 --> 00:06:10.199 was really kind of a mess. And that's when the 00:06:10.199 --> 00:06:12.920 first fear, well, actually the second fear, the 00:06:12.920 --> 00:06:14.800 first fear. came up when they said they were 00:06:14.800 --> 00:06:16.819 going to impound my little dog. And then the 00:06:16.819 --> 00:06:18.420 second fear came up when he told me he had done 00:06:18.420 --> 00:06:20.600 all these surgeries and then he was going to 00:06:20.600 --> 00:06:24.259 go on my spine. It was a new day, brand new day, 00:06:24.279 --> 00:06:26.839 and I was a little nervous then. But I still 00:06:26.839 --> 00:06:29.680 felt a sense of peace. And so I don't remember 00:06:29.680 --> 00:06:32.680 going into the OR. I don't remember being put 00:06:32.680 --> 00:06:34.920 to sleep or anything like that. What happened 00:06:34.920 --> 00:06:38.199 next was the experience that came. So the way 00:06:38.199 --> 00:06:42.180 it presented was in a warehouse type setting, 00:06:42.480 --> 00:06:44.899 for lack of a better word. It was a very dark, 00:06:45.060 --> 00:06:48.680 cold, damp atmosphere. And the beginning of it 00:06:48.680 --> 00:06:51.120 was I felt the presence of my children behind 00:06:51.120 --> 00:06:54.379 me and I was wanting to pull them into this warehouse 00:06:54.379 --> 00:06:56.199 that I was in. I didn't know what I was doing, 00:06:56.259 --> 00:06:59.800 but I turned to look at them. to invite me. I'm 00:06:59.800 --> 00:07:02.519 not speaking to them, but it's like you can hear 00:07:02.519 --> 00:07:04.800 their thoughts or whatever and what I heard from 00:07:04.800 --> 00:07:07.240 their thoughts was as they were looking at me, 00:07:07.480 --> 00:07:09.579 Mom, you've really screwed this up and we're 00:07:09.579 --> 00:07:11.759 not really interested in going with you. And 00:07:11.759 --> 00:07:16.699 so this fear started to rise in me and this abandonment 00:07:16.699 --> 00:07:19.120 started to rise and they turned away. They walked 00:07:19.120 --> 00:07:22.180 out this heavy door. that had a window in it, 00:07:22.199 --> 00:07:24.339 and so I ran up to the door, and as I'm watching 00:07:24.339 --> 00:07:26.480 them walk away, they're going off into this land 00:07:26.480 --> 00:07:29.480 that just looks like it had been cleared by heavy 00:07:29.480 --> 00:07:32.220 equipment. It was very barren. But there's no 00:07:32.220 --> 00:07:34.839 color in this, so it's not like I could see any 00:07:34.839 --> 00:07:36.980 color. It was almost like a gray, black, white. 00:07:37.019 --> 00:07:41.000 There was no color. And then I turned, and I 00:07:41.000 --> 00:07:45.759 started to see my life review. But when I try 00:07:45.759 --> 00:07:48.959 to describe it, it's not linear in time, all 00:07:48.959 --> 00:07:50.720 that I'm not ready to share with you. It's all 00:07:50.720 --> 00:07:54.459 like it's happening at once, but time is elusive 00:07:54.459 --> 00:07:58.439 in this whole realm. And so it starts with a 00:07:58.439 --> 00:08:02.100 lot of my childhood traumatic experiences that 00:08:02.100 --> 00:08:05.680 I encountered. It was like I was right back in 00:08:05.680 --> 00:08:08.879 them. And the emotions that I was feeling were 00:08:08.879 --> 00:08:12.199 so overwhelming. I was afraid, I was confused, 00:08:12.480 --> 00:08:15.870 abandonment. fear, guilt, all these emotions 00:08:15.870 --> 00:08:20.910 are just compounded and I can't understand what's 00:08:20.910 --> 00:08:25.670 happening and then my films kind of go away and 00:08:25.670 --> 00:08:28.029 I see a patient that I worked with years ago 00:08:28.029 --> 00:08:31.709 who was HIV positive and he was laying in a bed 00:08:31.709 --> 00:08:36.009 with his arms up overhead. It was just the torture 00:08:36.009 --> 00:08:39.090 that I could see. It wasn't very pleasant and 00:08:39.090 --> 00:08:42.100 I won't go into the details but my first thing 00:08:42.100 --> 00:08:44.480 was the sadness and the compassion, and then 00:08:44.480 --> 00:08:47.799 I've got to find his partner. And so I'm in this 00:08:47.799 --> 00:08:49.779 state of thinking, like, what is happening and 00:08:49.779 --> 00:08:51.940 how can I find his partner to help him feel better? 00:08:51.940 --> 00:08:54.779 And then all of a sudden, another second, a second 00:08:54.779 --> 00:08:58.779 strip of film starts to come. It's a little boy. 00:08:59.220 --> 00:09:01.899 Well, first it was a little girl, and I didn't 00:09:01.899 --> 00:09:05.320 know who she was at the time, but I start to 00:09:05.320 --> 00:09:09.220 see her childhood. And if you had to put a hierarchy 00:09:09.220 --> 00:09:12.799 on it. Her abuse was worse than mine and I'm 00:09:12.799 --> 00:09:16.039 not only living in my what I think now I'm starting 00:09:16.039 --> 00:09:19.320 to think I'm in hell. I'm not only living in 00:09:19.320 --> 00:09:22.440 my fear and my issues of abandonment and all 00:09:22.440 --> 00:09:24.659 those things that are roaring to the surface. 00:09:24.659 --> 00:09:28.840 I am now in her spirit body seeing her trauma 00:09:28.840 --> 00:09:31.840 living now with her. Sometimes I get a little 00:09:31.840 --> 00:09:37.539 teary so hold on. The next one was a little boy 00:09:37.539 --> 00:09:41.250 and essentially the same thing. Going through 00:09:41.250 --> 00:09:45.190 this traumatic, people are bullying him. It's 00:09:45.190 --> 00:09:49.049 just a very fearful, scared, horrible place. 00:09:49.690 --> 00:09:53.070 I am so afraid. I have no idea what's happening. 00:09:53.570 --> 00:09:58.190 And I start to feel a warm sensation at my feet. 00:09:58.789 --> 00:10:03.009 And it starts to move up my body. And in my altered 00:10:03.009 --> 00:10:06.690 state of reality, I am so fear -based. that I 00:10:06.690 --> 00:10:09.269 feel like I'm forced to look up and I see a light 00:10:09.269 --> 00:10:12.870 coming through like cracks on the ceiling. Because 00:10:12.870 --> 00:10:16.269 I was in such a state of fear, as it started 00:10:16.269 --> 00:10:19.750 to come in, it actually poured in and it was 00:10:19.750 --> 00:10:23.009 just this brilliant white light that did have 00:10:23.009 --> 00:10:26.549 like an orange, golden, yellow hue to it, but 00:10:26.549 --> 00:10:28.970 it's not a color I've ever seen in real life. 00:10:29.169 --> 00:10:33.230 When I saw it, my mind went to, I'm in hell. 00:10:33.519 --> 00:10:35.899 and I'm getting ready to be burned and seared 00:10:35.899 --> 00:10:39.919 by this lava. So I bent over, I said probably 00:10:39.919 --> 00:10:43.399 some profanity and fear, and just said, please 00:10:43.399 --> 00:10:47.700 make this quick. The next thing I remember, I 00:10:47.700 --> 00:10:50.980 realize I'm laying in a hospital bed, but this 00:10:50.980 --> 00:10:55.120 stuff is still with me. I'm still in the warehouse, 00:10:55.419 --> 00:10:59.519 but I'm also in the bed. And I look over in the 00:10:59.519 --> 00:11:02.100 corner and I see an African -American lady sitting 00:11:02.100 --> 00:11:04.600 there. And I was like, why are you here? And 00:11:04.600 --> 00:11:07.299 she said, I'm here to help you. I'm here to help 00:11:07.299 --> 00:11:11.259 you keep you safe. And all of a sudden she blended 00:11:11.259 --> 00:11:15.379 into my Caucasian sister. So I'm like, what in 00:11:15.379 --> 00:11:18.139 the world is happening? And as I see her, I think, 00:11:18.159 --> 00:11:20.539 oh, she's family. And I was like, you have to 00:11:20.539 --> 00:11:23.519 help me, like help me because I'm wanting to 00:11:23.519 --> 00:11:26.899 get out of here. And I'm thinking she's my family. 00:11:26.940 --> 00:11:29.100 And it's like, we got to get going. Apparently 00:11:29.100 --> 00:11:32.269 what was happening during my whole time of not 00:11:32.269 --> 00:11:34.970 being in this reality, I was acting out what 00:11:34.970 --> 00:11:38.730 was happening in my hell reality. I was trying 00:11:38.730 --> 00:11:41.350 to get out of the bed. I just had surgery, two 00:11:41.350 --> 00:11:44.070 bars. I was cemented together. I had had the 00:11:44.070 --> 00:11:46.289 traumatic brain injury. I was getting out of 00:11:46.289 --> 00:11:48.370 the bed. And so they had to have physical people 00:11:48.370 --> 00:11:52.009 there to keep me safe. Hey, quick break here 00:11:52.009 --> 00:11:54.889 with a special message for our Utah and Idaho 00:11:54.889 --> 00:11:58.149 listeners. Are you ready for the event of the 00:11:58.149 --> 00:12:01.970 summer? It's coming. It's the Riddler Road Rally 00:12:01.970 --> 00:12:05.090 Wasatch Tour, and it's hitting 11 cities this 00:12:05.090 --> 00:12:07.909 summer. 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And so I. slowly started 00:12:52.549 --> 00:12:55.190 to like I lingered back and forth between this 00:12:55.190 --> 00:12:57.970 for a minute and then slowly again I don't know 00:12:57.970 --> 00:13:01.350 time maybe days maybe an hour I don't know time 00:13:01.350 --> 00:13:05.889 I started to come back to this reality more and 00:13:05.889 --> 00:13:09.889 I realized I just went to hell and I I am NOT 00:13:09.889 --> 00:13:13.210 telling a soul that it was so awful I don't I 00:13:13.210 --> 00:13:17.279 can't even look at that I slowly started to recover. 00:13:17.799 --> 00:13:19.980 They promoted me. I woke up one day and there's 00:13:19.980 --> 00:13:21.940 this big eyeball in the corner and I thought, 00:13:22.200 --> 00:13:24.539 oh boy, here we go again. But it was actually 00:13:24.539 --> 00:13:28.919 a camera. So they had advanced the people to 00:13:28.919 --> 00:13:31.360 the camera. And then I got better and I went 00:13:31.360 --> 00:13:35.220 home and I was a hot mess. I had no job because 00:13:35.220 --> 00:13:38.059 it was a new assignment. I hadn't gotten insurance 00:13:38.059 --> 00:13:41.500 yet. My best friend was dying of cancer and I 00:13:41.500 --> 00:13:45.220 had $8 in my bank account. I went to old behavior. 00:13:45.600 --> 00:13:48.299 I was not good at feeling emotion, not at all. 00:13:48.799 --> 00:13:52.379 And so I went to drinking and I got addicted 00:13:52.379 --> 00:13:56.559 to the pain medication. And I did this hoopla 00:13:56.559 --> 00:13:59.779 hot mess stuff for two years. Hey, I just wanted 00:13:59.779 --> 00:14:02.519 to take a little breath right here. Yeah, thank 00:14:02.519 --> 00:14:05.240 you. Actually, I need it. And I want to ask you 00:14:05.240 --> 00:14:07.500 some questions about this before we move on. 00:14:07.559 --> 00:14:10.799 I hope you don't mind. Absolutely. First of all, 00:14:11.129 --> 00:14:13.149 I've interviewed hundreds of people that have 00:14:13.149 --> 00:14:18.490 had NDEs, and they're all new every time. I keep 00:14:18.490 --> 00:14:21.570 getting surprised. Oh, I've heard it all. Nope, 00:14:21.850 --> 00:14:24.350 I haven't heard it all. Yours is very unusual. 00:14:24.889 --> 00:14:28.929 Really? Yeah. I had no idea that this whole NDE 00:14:28.929 --> 00:14:32.610 group was going on. I had no idea what was this 00:14:32.610 --> 00:14:36.539 whole thing until October. and I didn't speak 00:14:36.539 --> 00:14:40.340 about it very much because I was still processing. 00:14:40.879 --> 00:14:42.919 I mean, I had come so far, like the last four 00:14:42.919 --> 00:14:44.679 years have been just magical and a miracle and 00:14:44.679 --> 00:14:47.019 the things that I've received from life, God, 00:14:47.139 --> 00:14:48.419 whatever you want to call that, in prayer and 00:14:48.419 --> 00:14:52.019 meditation. Yeah, I've heard when I got introduced 00:14:52.019 --> 00:14:55.460 to it, I've been actually invited to be a presenter 00:14:55.460 --> 00:15:00.960 at the IANDS. Yeah, IANDS. IANDS conference in 00:15:00.960 --> 00:15:03.830 August. because there's only two percent of people 00:15:03.830 --> 00:15:07.570 that have these hellish experiences. Yeah, it's 00:15:07.570 --> 00:15:10.029 somewhere between two and five percent. Is it? 00:15:10.169 --> 00:15:12.450 Okay. I didn't like I said, I'm learning as I 00:15:12.450 --> 00:15:14.629 go. I don't and you know, there's probably more, 00:15:14.649 --> 00:15:17.250 but we're afraid to talk about it. Well, exactly. 00:15:17.690 --> 00:15:20.649 But yeah, these hellish or you just call them 00:15:20.649 --> 00:15:23.210 disturbing experiences. Disturbing. I like that 00:15:23.210 --> 00:15:26.649 better. They are a small percent, but they do 00:15:26.649 --> 00:15:28.730 happen. We've had other people on the show that 00:15:28.730 --> 00:15:30.840 have had them. A couple of things that I wanted 00:15:30.840 --> 00:15:33.600 to ask you before we get into more detail. OK, 00:15:33.820 --> 00:15:37.639 first thing that I was curious about is did you 00:15:37.639 --> 00:15:42.159 have any recollection of leaving your body? Because 00:15:42.159 --> 00:15:45.059 you said you ended up in this big place, but 00:15:45.059 --> 00:15:47.379 was there any process of getting there or were 00:15:47.379 --> 00:15:50.179 you just there all of a sudden? I did not have 00:15:50.179 --> 00:15:53.700 a leave my body. It was like a hold on because 00:15:53.700 --> 00:15:57.019 I'm. I've never been asked this question. Sometimes 00:15:57.019 --> 00:16:01.159 I haven't thought everything. It was more like 00:16:01.159 --> 00:16:04.860 a containment within. I was present in my physical 00:16:04.860 --> 00:16:08.559 body. I was present in my emotional body. Felt 00:16:08.559 --> 00:16:11.279 like me. I'm working this through with you. The 00:16:11.279 --> 00:16:13.539 people that I was in their body, I was in their 00:16:13.539 --> 00:16:15.799 body. I was in their spirit body, feeling their 00:16:15.799 --> 00:16:19.120 emotions. So is that considered leaving your 00:16:19.120 --> 00:16:21.840 body? But I was still in mine too. I don't even 00:16:21.840 --> 00:16:23.779 know how to explain that, to be honest, Eric. 00:16:24.250 --> 00:16:25.990 I wasn't like, I've heard some people say they 00:16:25.990 --> 00:16:27.669 float up in the room and they see themselves. 00:16:27.870 --> 00:16:30.649 I didn't have that. Yeah. Okay. And that's okay. 00:16:30.769 --> 00:16:33.649 It doesn't make it any, any less real. Now it 00:16:33.649 --> 00:16:37.350 is a very normal thing in these disturbing experiences 00:16:37.350 --> 00:16:41.960 to experience a few different scenes. that are 00:16:41.960 --> 00:16:45.120 each hellish kind of scenes. I've heard everything 00:16:45.120 --> 00:16:48.980 from literally like a devil standing over me, 00:16:49.220 --> 00:16:52.580 making me do things, to horrible abuse, to all 00:16:52.580 --> 00:16:54.960 kinds of other things. Maybe you can feel good 00:16:54.960 --> 00:16:58.019 knowing yours wasn't as bad as some other people's 00:16:58.019 --> 00:17:01.779 are. Yeah, right. Mine was very connected to 00:17:01.779 --> 00:17:04.640 me. Mine was very connected to me. Yeah, and 00:17:04.640 --> 00:17:06.640 that doesn't mean that it wasn't profound and 00:17:06.640 --> 00:17:08.740 it wasn't serious. It changed me from night and 00:17:08.740 --> 00:17:10.599 day. People don't even recognize me anymore. 00:17:11.419 --> 00:17:15.799 Yeah, was there ever a time that your feelings 00:17:15.799 --> 00:17:19.220 changed from that fear and abandonment to something 00:17:19.220 --> 00:17:22.960 positive? Absolutely, yeah. It was when I was 00:17:22.960 --> 00:17:26.720 at my very rock bottom and I had an aversion 00:17:26.720 --> 00:17:30.720 to religion and God because my abusers were in 00:17:30.720 --> 00:17:34.480 that realm. And so it distorted my connection 00:17:34.480 --> 00:17:37.059 with people. It distorted my view of life and 00:17:37.059 --> 00:17:40.309 God. The love, I really didn't know what love 00:17:40.309 --> 00:17:43.569 was. But one day I was, I wasn't going to necessarily 00:17:43.569 --> 00:17:46.690 get in the Bible because I still, you know, I 00:17:46.690 --> 00:17:48.450 mean, my hell was associated with that whole 00:17:48.450 --> 00:17:51.470 thing. So I laid down and I started praying or 00:17:51.470 --> 00:17:55.609 meditating and I started being shown exactly 00:17:55.609 --> 00:17:58.170 what all those things were and we can talk more 00:17:58.170 --> 00:18:00.750 about it. But I did want to say that they never 00:18:00.750 --> 00:18:03.430 medicated me because I was a trauma, brain trauma. 00:18:03.549 --> 00:18:05.710 So they can't sedate you. And that's why they 00:18:05.710 --> 00:18:07.930 had somebody watching me. You know, that's the 00:18:07.930 --> 00:18:09.849 reason. They need to make sure you're coming 00:18:09.849 --> 00:18:12.910 back. But what has happened is the story has 00:18:12.910 --> 00:18:16.490 been explained to me in my meditation. The two 00:18:16.490 --> 00:18:20.109 people, the first two children that I saw were 00:18:20.109 --> 00:18:25.970 my abusers as children. I started to see why 00:18:25.970 --> 00:18:29.529 they were the way they were. I started to see 00:18:29.529 --> 00:18:32.089 why I had done, you know, I left a marriage after 00:18:32.089 --> 00:18:35.630 18 years and I was... My skeletons were trying 00:18:35.630 --> 00:18:38.269 to rise. I didn't know they were, but I was essentially 00:18:38.269 --> 00:18:40.369 out there running trying to find this thing called 00:18:40.369 --> 00:18:43.250 happy. I looked good on that side. I was a nurse. 00:18:43.250 --> 00:18:46.309 I was traveling, but I've been given the information. 00:18:46.930 --> 00:18:49.809 And so when that was being brought up in me during 00:18:49.809 --> 00:18:52.609 the meditation and I saw them as children of 00:18:52.609 --> 00:18:55.910 the same source that I came from. and they forgot 00:18:55.910 --> 00:18:58.509 that they are a part of that, just like I had 00:18:58.509 --> 00:19:01.230 no idea I was a part of that. I had no idea that 00:19:01.230 --> 00:19:03.509 that divine love, some people call it God, some 00:19:03.509 --> 00:19:07.349 people call it Mother Earth, universal consciousness, 00:19:07.829 --> 00:19:11.430 that that is life itself, the love of life, is 00:19:11.430 --> 00:19:15.549 within all of us. But we're conditioned and we're 00:19:15.609 --> 00:19:18.329 you know, just like my abusers, my light started 00:19:18.329 --> 00:19:21.369 to go out. And as you know, we're told that we 00:19:21.369 --> 00:19:24.170 are sinful by just coming into this world, but 00:19:24.170 --> 00:19:28.470 we're not. And that whole sin thing, how can 00:19:28.470 --> 00:19:30.569 you escape that, right? Except for through this 00:19:30.569 --> 00:19:33.450 story of Jesus dying for our sins in the Bible. 00:19:33.450 --> 00:19:36.049 Now I've been in it. It's like that is an instrument 00:19:36.049 --> 00:19:39.369 of gold. That is definitely basic instruction 00:19:39.369 --> 00:19:42.289 before leaving Earth Bible, right? Like it's 00:19:42.289 --> 00:19:46.170 in there. I can now look at it, but and see the 00:19:46.170 --> 00:19:48.329 stories differently in a different perspective 00:19:48.329 --> 00:19:51.650 that kind of apply now. The grace and the love 00:19:51.650 --> 00:19:54.849 that flowed through me was unconditional love 00:19:54.849 --> 00:19:59.490 and I could not help but extend it to them and 00:19:59.490 --> 00:20:03.210 so this weight of that I didn't even know had 00:20:03.210 --> 00:20:06.769 distorted my view of what life was about was 00:20:06.769 --> 00:20:13.569 lifted and it was like holy hell. What is happening? 00:20:14.250 --> 00:20:16.450 I love this. And let me try to explain a couple 00:20:16.450 --> 00:20:19.349 things here. A lot of people in their life review, 00:20:19.869 --> 00:20:24.250 they feel extreme empathy for someone else that 00:20:24.250 --> 00:20:26.750 they may have hurt in some way through their 00:20:26.750 --> 00:20:29.970 action. You feel all of it. You feel what you 00:20:29.970 --> 00:20:32.069 have done to other people and how they felt. 00:20:32.430 --> 00:20:34.430 I didn't really go down that because it gets 00:20:34.430 --> 00:20:36.210 long. I mean, there was a lot of different little 00:20:36.210 --> 00:20:38.809 scenes in there, but the ones where I had done 00:20:38.809 --> 00:20:41.640 something. That caused pain for another person. 00:20:41.640 --> 00:20:44.880 I felt that on that side. I felt like what that 00:20:44.880 --> 00:20:49.339 felt like but I also Was shown why I was like 00:20:49.339 --> 00:20:52.460 that and the purity in me never left me It just 00:20:52.460 --> 00:20:55.960 got covered up and so this was like about Remembering 00:20:55.960 --> 00:20:57.779 my light and that light that we were talking 00:20:57.779 --> 00:21:00.359 about that was coming in that I thought was lava 00:21:00.359 --> 00:21:03.920 That was the light of the love that was life 00:21:03.920 --> 00:21:08.359 spark itself trying to Allow the wounds that 00:21:08.359 --> 00:21:11.640 were in the bowels of my soul to come up to shine 00:21:11.640 --> 00:21:13.559 light on it So I could see it from a different 00:21:13.559 --> 00:21:16.559 perspective, but I was so messed up in my head 00:21:16.559 --> 00:21:18.880 and fear I couldn't even see that I was afraid 00:21:18.880 --> 00:21:22.079 of the light I was afraid of life and God and 00:21:22.079 --> 00:21:25.079 the whole and I didn't even recognize it after 00:21:25.079 --> 00:21:28.059 when I released the first question that came 00:21:28.059 --> 00:21:31.440 to me to ask myself is How can I see this differently 00:21:31.440 --> 00:21:34.289 and what is it trying to teach me? and I had 00:21:34.289 --> 00:21:36.170 to be brave enough to look back at it. Because, 00:21:36.230 --> 00:21:37.890 of course, when you look back at it, all those 00:21:37.890 --> 00:21:40.549 emotions come up. And again, before, I would 00:21:40.549 --> 00:21:43.309 have drank them away or peeled them away. Now 00:21:43.309 --> 00:21:45.029 I said, OK, I'm at the bottom of the barrel. 00:21:45.490 --> 00:21:48.109 I'm willing. Show me a different way to see this. 00:21:48.269 --> 00:21:50.569 I made it through hell the first time. I don't 00:21:50.569 --> 00:21:53.529 have to drink. I will do this. And it's actually 00:21:53.529 --> 00:21:56.170 been very gentle. It's not been a hell experience. 00:21:56.210 --> 00:21:58.529 I still see it. I still feel it. I feel the emotion. 00:21:58.789 --> 00:22:02.759 But then I understand where my with all those 00:22:02.759 --> 00:22:04.819 things I had put in front of myself that blocked 00:22:04.819 --> 00:22:07.099 myself from receiving love. It was a protection. 00:22:07.180 --> 00:22:09.180 It was a barrier. It was through the lens of 00:22:09.180 --> 00:22:13.380 my wounds. Now it's like the wounds have been 00:22:13.380 --> 00:22:15.980 lifted and I can see the grace in all people. 00:22:16.099 --> 00:22:18.059 They're just disconnected from their source. 00:22:18.140 --> 00:22:20.299 We've just forgotten that we are part of it. 00:22:20.359 --> 00:22:23.019 And so I've been given little tidbits on how 00:22:23.019 --> 00:22:27.259 people can move that negative energy, the dark 00:22:27.259 --> 00:22:30.019 energy that we feel, fear, pain, all those things. 00:22:30.059 --> 00:22:32.960 And then know what absolute elation feels like, 00:22:33.119 --> 00:22:35.119 practice what that feels like in your body. And 00:22:35.119 --> 00:22:37.240 then you become mindful when it's happening in 00:22:37.240 --> 00:22:40.859 real life. And you go, that emotional uncomfortableness 00:22:40.859 --> 00:22:43.559 is actually a gift from God to say, we got some 00:22:43.559 --> 00:22:46.579 stuff down there that needs to be looked at. 00:22:46.859 --> 00:22:49.559 Like if you're cussing somebody out in traffic, 00:22:49.700 --> 00:22:52.339 that's not about the other person. That stuff's 00:22:52.339 --> 00:22:55.519 coming out of you. That uncomfortable feeling 00:22:55.519 --> 00:22:58.299 is like you're looking at it wrong. this has 00:22:58.299 --> 00:23:00.339 not been taught like if we had been told that 00:23:00.339 --> 00:23:04.180 we were light of life itself and we all knew 00:23:04.180 --> 00:23:07.039 our worthiness and our value but we're in a society 00:23:07.039 --> 00:23:09.539 that we you know and this is another far -fetched 00:23:09.539 --> 00:23:11.539 thing and I don't even I have nothing to validate 00:23:11.539 --> 00:23:14.539 it but in one of my meditations it was shown 00:23:14.539 --> 00:23:17.759 to me that God is all in all it is the life source 00:23:17.759 --> 00:23:20.140 energy that is around us it is that energy that 00:23:20.140 --> 00:23:23.779 is moving things forward and every single event 00:23:23.779 --> 00:23:27.240 that happens in your life happens as an opportunity 00:23:27.240 --> 00:23:31.119 to remember that you are the light and the light 00:23:31.119 --> 00:23:34.000 of love if it sits in light of love by itself 00:23:34.000 --> 00:23:36.460 the whole time there's no it can't remember who 00:23:36.460 --> 00:23:39.480 it is itself and so through our lives through 00:23:39.480 --> 00:23:42.880 all of it the bad and the good the contrast is 00:23:42.880 --> 00:23:45.799 a gift if you can see it that way instead of 00:23:45.799 --> 00:23:47.680 going down the rabbit hole of what we've been 00:23:47.680 --> 00:23:50.079 taught you know hate that person they're awful 00:23:50.079 --> 00:23:53.890 you are a victim No, once you release that, it's 00:23:53.890 --> 00:23:56.690 like, then you remember, oh my gosh, I am an 00:23:56.690 --> 00:23:58.849 extension of life force energy. And I believe 00:23:58.849 --> 00:24:02.230 Jesus was trying to say the same thing now. I 00:24:02.230 --> 00:24:05.190 think that he was said, I'm the son of God. We 00:24:05.190 --> 00:24:07.829 all are sons of God. But if you say that to some 00:24:07.829 --> 00:24:10.690 people, they think you're being blasphemy, or 00:24:10.690 --> 00:24:13.269 I think that's what they call that. But the truth 00:24:13.269 --> 00:24:16.009 of the matter is he was connected to that sort. 00:24:16.230 --> 00:24:18.450 Okay, sorry. I told you I'd get going because 00:24:18.450 --> 00:24:21.069 it's so exciting. I'm so sorry. I don't know 00:24:21.069 --> 00:24:24.970 how to slow you down. So, Michelle, these experiences 00:24:24.970 --> 00:24:27.730 for the person that goes through them, there's 00:24:27.730 --> 00:24:31.210 always important lessons to learn and usually 00:24:31.210 --> 00:24:33.529 beautiful lessons that can be life changing. 00:24:34.390 --> 00:24:37.950 Tell me if I'm wrong or explain better. But it 00:24:37.950 --> 00:24:41.490 seems like the main lesson for you or beautiful 00:24:41.490 --> 00:24:46.769 gift for you was to have empathy for your abusers 00:24:46.769 --> 00:24:49.730 so you could forgive them and let all that go. 00:24:50.079 --> 00:24:53.480 Am I right there? And is that helped you be a 00:24:53.480 --> 00:24:56.460 happier person because of it? Yes, it started 00:24:56.460 --> 00:24:58.980 there. But ultimately, it was having the same 00:24:58.980 --> 00:25:02.240 grace and love and compassion for myself. And 00:25:02.240 --> 00:25:05.759 that's when the door blew open. OK. No, that 00:25:05.759 --> 00:25:08.599 is awesome. You can leave it right there. Before 00:25:08.599 --> 00:25:11.740 we run out of time. I know. I'm so sorry. This 00:25:11.740 --> 00:25:15.400 has been fun. Don't apologize. Before we run 00:25:15.400 --> 00:25:18.039 out of time. I want to talk a little bit about 00:25:18.039 --> 00:25:21.339 what you do as a hospice nurse. I promised you 00:25:21.339 --> 00:25:24.619 we would get back to terminal agitation. Tell 00:25:24.619 --> 00:25:27.220 me what that is and then let's talk about a couple 00:25:27.220 --> 00:25:31.940 cool hospice experiences. Okay, so there is something 00:25:31.940 --> 00:25:34.740 called terminal agitation and then there's something 00:25:34.740 --> 00:25:37.359 called visioning. Sometimes people get those 00:25:37.359 --> 00:25:41.059 two things confused. In the visioning, There's 00:25:41.059 --> 00:25:43.839 things like the visionary reach where people 00:25:43.839 --> 00:25:47.000 are truly engaged with an energy source that 00:25:47.000 --> 00:25:50.359 they see that we in this physical form cannot 00:25:50.359 --> 00:25:52.359 see. It's almost like they're in between two 00:25:52.359 --> 00:25:55.299 worlds. About three weeks ago, I had a gentleman 00:25:55.299 --> 00:26:00.220 that was in that state of moving through that 00:26:00.220 --> 00:26:04.640 visioning and he was absolutely reaching towards 00:26:04.640 --> 00:26:08.119 God. He was having a conversation with God. And 00:26:08.119 --> 00:26:10.859 in this conversation, we were all standing around 00:26:10.859 --> 00:26:13.759 him, but there was something that happened to 00:26:13.759 --> 00:26:19.200 his physical form. A rally, the rally show up 00:26:19.200 --> 00:26:21.220 in different ways, but there was a rally, a light, 00:26:21.559 --> 00:26:25.480 something, and he was so engaged and speaking 00:26:25.480 --> 00:26:29.380 it out loud. And the feeling in the room was 00:26:29.380 --> 00:26:32.519 just intense. But a lot of times, because we 00:26:32.519 --> 00:26:35.779 don't talk about death and dying, we are afraid. 00:26:35.900 --> 00:26:38.220 And so we don't get to experience those things, 00:26:38.359 --> 00:26:41.259 but it's absolutely. their connection to the 00:26:41.259 --> 00:26:44.720 non -physical, where their soul is being called 00:26:44.720 --> 00:26:47.400 home. Terminal agitation is completely different. 00:26:47.500 --> 00:26:50.720 It truly is an agitation. And as I was sharing 00:26:50.720 --> 00:26:53.059 with you my experience, I look probably like 00:26:53.059 --> 00:26:55.240 the craziest person in that bed, screaming at 00:26:55.240 --> 00:26:57.200 people to help me and trying to get out. And 00:26:57.200 --> 00:27:00.400 it can look like that. People pick at their clothes. 00:27:00.619 --> 00:27:02.700 You can tell they're physically uncomfortable. 00:27:03.200 --> 00:27:05.980 We have medication for that, and it does definitely 00:27:05.980 --> 00:27:10.279 calm them. But what I truly feel is happening 00:27:10.279 --> 00:27:12.480 now, since I've gone through my own experience, 00:27:12.720 --> 00:27:15.299 is those things, those false limiting beliefs 00:27:15.299 --> 00:27:19.400 that they bought into and they exhibited in their 00:27:19.400 --> 00:27:22.299 lifetime are being brought up from the belly 00:27:22.299 --> 00:27:25.400 of the soul so that the light can shine on them 00:27:25.400 --> 00:27:27.559 so that it can be released. Because the only 00:27:27.559 --> 00:27:30.319 thing that goes back with you is love. There's 00:27:30.319 --> 00:27:33.180 nothing else that goes back with you. When you 00:27:33.180 --> 00:27:35.839 go back to that light of love, that's what you 00:27:35.839 --> 00:27:39.319 take back to it. and possibly the story of the 00:27:39.319 --> 00:27:42.839 experience, right? If people know this in advance, 00:27:43.039 --> 00:27:46.180 had I known that even if I was dying, that I 00:27:46.180 --> 00:27:49.059 might be going through something like that, in 00:27:49.059 --> 00:27:51.220 my awareness, I might have been able to recall 00:27:51.220 --> 00:27:53.519 it, because all of the history was awareness 00:27:53.519 --> 00:27:56.339 that was being called forward. And to let people 00:27:56.339 --> 00:27:59.420 know it won't last, it's honestly there to help 00:27:59.420 --> 00:28:02.680 them release any garbage that can't go with them, 00:28:02.779 --> 00:28:04.460 and they'll be able to see it for what it is 00:28:04.460 --> 00:28:06.880 and do like me, like, oh my gosh. the compassion 00:28:06.880 --> 00:28:10.539 and I see why that happened and I see how that 00:28:10.539 --> 00:28:13.180 made me a better person. And a better nurse, 00:28:13.480 --> 00:28:17.279 right? Sounds like your NDE made you a much more 00:28:17.279 --> 00:28:20.220 compassionate hospice nurse. Well, especially 00:28:20.220 --> 00:28:22.279 with that because I didn't necessarily know what 00:28:22.279 --> 00:28:25.680 that was, terminal agitation. And it can be a 00:28:25.680 --> 00:28:27.400 little scary when you see it because it's like 00:28:27.400 --> 00:28:29.180 what is happening? This is supposed to be a sacred 00:28:29.180 --> 00:28:32.599 thing. It is still so sacred. It is still so 00:28:32.599 --> 00:28:35.240 sacred, even in that, even in that, because it's 00:28:35.240 --> 00:28:38.039 just an undoing of that that doesn't serve them. 00:28:38.180 --> 00:28:40.799 Now that I see that, I've absolutely been able 00:28:40.799 --> 00:28:42.920 to help patients move through it. I've been able 00:28:42.920 --> 00:28:45.960 to tell them that they're open. Please know I 00:28:45.960 --> 00:28:48.539 am very sensitive to people's beliefs and that 00:28:48.539 --> 00:28:51.839 sort of thing. And I wait for an invitation before 00:28:51.839 --> 00:28:54.079 I share anything. And I don't necessarily share 00:28:54.079 --> 00:28:56.940 about my experience, but I promise them that 00:28:56.940 --> 00:28:59.880 it's not going to last long. It's just like birthing. 00:29:00.039 --> 00:29:02.200 We don't remember all the squishy bumpies that 00:29:02.200 --> 00:29:06.180 we came in through that portal, but it can be 00:29:06.180 --> 00:29:08.339 a little bumpy on the back end. Just hang on 00:29:08.339 --> 00:29:12.019 and I promise it will all turn into that golden 00:29:12.019 --> 00:29:16.069 liquid love. How has being a hospice nurse helped 00:29:16.069 --> 00:29:20.170 your faith or your hope in an afterlife? There's 00:29:20.170 --> 00:29:23.390 no doubt that there is more beyond this physical 00:29:23.390 --> 00:29:26.869 form. We are energetic spiritual beings having 00:29:26.869 --> 00:29:29.910 a human experience and that light of love that 00:29:29.910 --> 00:29:32.890 initiated the spark that got our journey going 00:29:32.890 --> 00:29:36.670 from conception is still available to us and 00:29:36.670 --> 00:29:39.650 we haven't been taught to connect to it. But 00:29:39.650 --> 00:29:43.740 once you do, Life is, and I wasn't very good 00:29:43.740 --> 00:29:46.000 with connecting with people because of my history. 00:29:46.259 --> 00:29:48.799 I can't get out of people's connection. I mean, 00:29:49.200 --> 00:29:51.279 when people are moving through that, just to 00:29:51.279 --> 00:29:54.819 be in that unfolding for them and help them move 00:29:54.819 --> 00:29:57.539 through it is such an honor. It is just such 00:29:57.539 --> 00:30:00.299 an honor. And I have no fear around it now. So 00:30:00.299 --> 00:30:03.500 I can guide from that heart space instead of 00:30:03.500 --> 00:30:06.359 my head space, if that makes sense. All right. 00:30:06.859 --> 00:30:09.500 Could you give us an experience or two that you've 00:30:09.500 --> 00:30:12.980 had with patients that helped that faith promoting 00:30:12.980 --> 00:30:16.859 kind of thing or made you Believe more in an 00:30:16.859 --> 00:30:19.099 afterlife. Yes first one that I'm gonna share 00:30:19.099 --> 00:30:22.099 with you is a patient that I worked with in a 00:30:22.099 --> 00:30:26.200 long -term care facility and He was an atheist 00:30:26.200 --> 00:30:29.660 very much Did not believe in anything else beyond 00:30:29.660 --> 00:30:32.420 what was happening. I had the opportunity to 00:30:32.420 --> 00:30:36.509 work with him and help him Opened his mind to 00:30:36.509 --> 00:30:40.049 a possibility of being able to create what comes 00:30:40.049 --> 00:30:43.890 next his heaven or you know that that fear that 00:30:43.890 --> 00:30:45.569 he had of the unknown because he didn't believe 00:30:45.569 --> 00:30:48.150 in anything I challenged him to say let's try 00:30:48.150 --> 00:30:50.470 to make it up like if you could do anything How 00:30:50.470 --> 00:30:53.950 would it be and so he shared that he would be 00:30:53.950 --> 00:30:56.710 in the forest in the rivers and he would be climbing 00:30:56.710 --> 00:30:59.569 a mountain This is this the divinity. You just 00:30:59.569 --> 00:31:01.930 can't make it up. The timing was such for whatever 00:31:01.930 --> 00:31:04.279 reason I felt called to go in early that morning 00:31:04.279 --> 00:31:06.480 and I don't even know why. Probably to catch 00:31:06.480 --> 00:31:08.339 the night shift people just so I could say, as 00:31:08.339 --> 00:31:10.880 a manager, I saw you guys or whatever. But I 00:31:10.880 --> 00:31:14.359 went in early and he was actually starting his 00:31:14.359 --> 00:31:17.480 transition. And so I sat with him on the bed 00:31:17.480 --> 00:31:21.180 and I recalled everything that he had shared 00:31:21.180 --> 00:31:24.380 with me about what his journey to the non -physical 00:31:24.380 --> 00:31:26.740 was gonna look like. As we were moving through 00:31:26.740 --> 00:31:29.579 this, he would whisper like. You don't have a 00:31:29.579 --> 00:31:31.599 powerful voice at that time. You don't have that 00:31:31.599 --> 00:31:34.579 energy. But he would whisper and would confirm 00:31:34.579 --> 00:31:36.880 that what we were doing together was working. 00:31:37.619 --> 00:31:40.859 And so I was kind of like, a something came over 00:31:40.859 --> 00:31:43.019 me and I was rooting him. He didn't have family. 00:31:43.420 --> 00:31:45.319 So it was just me and him. And I was rooting 00:31:45.319 --> 00:31:47.920 him to climb that mountain and to hang on. The 00:31:47.920 --> 00:31:49.700 bumpy part wasn't going to last long. And he 00:31:49.700 --> 00:31:53.079 was almost there. And this glow and this smile 00:31:53.079 --> 00:31:55.759 that came over this guy as he's taken his last 00:31:55.759 --> 00:32:00.470 few breaths was... blew me back like I was it 00:32:00.470 --> 00:32:05.829 was like being in heaven in that moment and when 00:32:05.829 --> 00:32:09.710 I actually saw the energy on his last exhale 00:32:09.710 --> 00:32:13.650 and it was one of the most beautiful deaths I 00:32:13.650 --> 00:32:18.430 have ever experienced and I know that we are 00:32:18.430 --> 00:32:20.809 divinely connected to the source that created 00:32:20.809 --> 00:32:24.289 us we've just forgotten and if we can help people 00:32:24.289 --> 00:32:26.950 remember their own power so this guy created 00:32:26.950 --> 00:32:29.579 his journey back to the non -physical and it 00:32:29.579 --> 00:32:31.200 was beautiful. I would have thought he would 00:32:31.200 --> 00:32:33.319 have had a really hard one, but it was beautiful. 00:32:33.799 --> 00:32:37.700 Did you just say you saw his energy? I did. I've 00:32:37.700 --> 00:32:41.380 seen energy leave twice. So what it looks like 00:32:41.380 --> 00:32:45.940 is as people are passing, their pupil of the 00:32:45.940 --> 00:32:50.380 eye will constrict down very tightly before their 00:32:50.380 --> 00:32:54.500 soul exits the body with that final breath. When 00:32:54.500 --> 00:32:57.400 the final breath happens, the eyes dilate. right 00:32:57.400 --> 00:32:59.599 open and this man had the most beautiful blue 00:32:59.599 --> 00:33:03.440 eyes so when the dilation happened the blue hue 00:33:03.440 --> 00:33:06.380 on the outside was very prominent and it's like 00:33:06.380 --> 00:33:11.420 a film or a gasp you that released from this 00:33:11.420 --> 00:33:15.039 area of him it was you know you do this sort 00:33:15.039 --> 00:33:19.420 of thing like yeah did i really see that Yeah. 00:33:19.640 --> 00:33:22.000 Oh, absolutely. And so I did that sort of thing. 00:33:22.019 --> 00:33:24.259 Like I thought, do I have a tear in my eye? Like 00:33:24.259 --> 00:33:27.019 what is happening here? And it was very, it wasn't 00:33:27.019 --> 00:33:29.319 like a form body. It was just like an energy 00:33:29.319 --> 00:33:31.640 film. Like if you're pumping gas, how you can 00:33:31.640 --> 00:33:34.119 see behind the gas, but you see the distortion 00:33:34.119 --> 00:33:37.980 in front between you and the pump. It was the 00:33:37.980 --> 00:33:41.039 same thing in my experience of what I saw. Sort 00:33:41.039 --> 00:33:43.640 of like a heat wave kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah. 00:33:43.640 --> 00:33:46.700 Yeah. Like a mirage on a road, but you can see 00:33:46.700 --> 00:33:48.930 through it. You can see on the other side of 00:33:48.930 --> 00:33:51.670 it. Yeah, fascinating. OK, what was the other 00:33:51.670 --> 00:33:53.950 one you were thinking of? My best friend, Brett, 00:33:54.329 --> 00:33:57.309 he had cancer. He had been sent to a hospice 00:33:57.309 --> 00:33:59.289 house to die. He was in the hospital for four 00:33:59.289 --> 00:34:01.750 months. He had an internal bleed from his cancer, 00:34:01.890 --> 00:34:03.829 colon cancer. They couldn't find it. They pumped 00:34:03.829 --> 00:34:05.990 him up with blood, sent him to the hospice house. 00:34:06.829 --> 00:34:09.449 And he called me and he said, there's a miracle 00:34:09.449 --> 00:34:11.869 that has happened. My bleeding stopped when I 00:34:11.869 --> 00:34:13.570 was being transported from the hospital to the 00:34:13.570 --> 00:34:16.269 hospice house. Come get me. Come get me out of 00:34:16.269 --> 00:34:18.550 the hospice house. If I truly am dying, they 00:34:18.550 --> 00:34:20.530 gave him three days that the blood that they 00:34:20.530 --> 00:34:22.949 put in was going to be done. And I kept saying, 00:34:23.110 --> 00:34:24.809 that's not a bad way to go. You just kind of 00:34:24.809 --> 00:34:27.750 go to sleep. And he's telling me for sure he's 00:34:27.750 --> 00:34:29.389 had a miracle. And in my medical mind, I'm like, 00:34:29.750 --> 00:34:31.510 you haven't had a miracle? There's no way. This 00:34:31.510 --> 00:34:33.309 guy couldn't find it for as long as you were 00:34:33.309 --> 00:34:36.530 in there. He's adamant. I was like, OK, I am 00:34:36.530 --> 00:34:38.010 going to bring him home. I bring him home, and 00:34:38.010 --> 00:34:40.090 he was with me for 16 more months. And in that 00:34:40.090 --> 00:34:43.139 16 months, we had some just... you can't make 00:34:43.139 --> 00:34:45.699 the shit up, like magical moments, right? You 00:34:45.699 --> 00:34:48.260 just can't make it up. And he really started 00:34:48.260 --> 00:34:50.420 to open my eyes to seeing things differently, 00:34:50.619 --> 00:34:53.059 to opening my eyes to God, to opening my eyes. 00:34:53.480 --> 00:34:55.940 And we lived it. He was on borrowed time. So 00:34:55.940 --> 00:34:57.920 we would get up in the morning, we would have 00:34:57.920 --> 00:35:00.159 our gripe session about everything that was wrong 00:35:00.159 --> 00:35:02.210 in the world and all the people around us. And 00:35:02.210 --> 00:35:04.369 then that was it. We had one hour. And then we 00:35:04.369 --> 00:35:06.570 were out living life every single day to the 00:35:06.570 --> 00:35:09.670 fullest. So he really helped me understand what 00:35:09.670 --> 00:35:11.690 that was about. He really helped me understand 00:35:11.690 --> 00:35:13.630 what unconditional love was about for the first 00:35:13.630 --> 00:35:16.710 time. And here I'm in my 50s, right? He was just 00:35:16.710 --> 00:35:18.610 truly a best friend. And it was such an honor 00:35:18.610 --> 00:35:20.809 to go through that with him. He was the other 00:35:20.809 --> 00:35:23.389 one where I saw the same sort of thing. That 00:35:23.389 --> 00:35:26.289 film, for lack of a better word, on the final 00:35:26.289 --> 00:35:31.409 exhale was... Visible and it and as when it left 00:35:31.409 --> 00:35:35.429 the tender smile that was on his face i wish 00:35:35.429 --> 00:35:37.329 i would have taken a picture you know you can 00:35:37.329 --> 00:35:40.050 tell people but until you are it's a such an 00:35:40.050 --> 00:35:43.730 experiential sort of thing. To be in that presence 00:35:43.730 --> 00:35:47.570 of that is truly grace and so many people miss 00:35:47.570 --> 00:35:49.690 it cuz we're afraid of it right we're afraid. 00:35:50.219 --> 00:35:52.739 to stand in that as it's happening, but it's 00:35:52.739 --> 00:35:55.239 really a very cool place. All right, speaking 00:35:55.239 --> 00:35:57.639 of fear, before I let you go, I have one last 00:35:57.639 --> 00:36:01.659 question, and that is, Michelle, on a scale of 00:36:01.659 --> 00:36:04.599 one to 10, what is your level of fear of death? 00:36:05.539 --> 00:36:09.880 Zero, none whatsoever. I'm not one of those that 00:36:09.880 --> 00:36:12.900 I want to go home to go to this because I feel 00:36:12.900 --> 00:36:15.639 I've connected with it here. And so it's just 00:36:15.639 --> 00:36:18.800 going to be bonus when I leave my suit. I'm not 00:36:18.800 --> 00:36:21.099 afraid at all. All right, thank you so much for 00:36:21.099 --> 00:36:26.539 being with me today. Thank you so much. Thanks 00:36:26.539 --> 00:36:28.940 again for listening and sharing this podcast. 00:36:29.300 --> 00:36:31.659 Don't forget to hit the follow or subscribe button 00:36:31.659 --> 00:36:34.059 and sign up for our newsletter at roundtripdeath 00:36:34.059 --> 00:36:37.599 .com. If you want to share your near -death experience 00:36:37.599 --> 00:36:39.880 or if you have questions or comments about the 00:36:39.880 --> 00:36:42.739 show, send an email to eric at roundtripdeath 00:36:42.739 --> 00:36:45.920 .com. Until then, I wish you everything good 00:36:45.920 --> 00:36:48.219 that you're looking for in this life and the 00:36:48.219 --> 00:36:48.639 next.