From the time that they pronounced me deaf was a good 45 minutes.
They cut my clothes and then they paddled my heart, my heart had stopped.
And I could see people screaming and crying, but I didn't realize that was actually my
physical body because I was somewhere else.
The only thing that I could feel, if you could imagine, absolute love and peace, there wasn't
anything else to be felt.
I was greeted by people I'd known in the past.
I'm back home again.
Incredibly safe and felt at home.
Welcome, welcome to Round Trip Death, everybody, and welcome from Seattle, Washington.
Tessa Kidd, how are you, Tessa?
I'm well, thank you.
How are you?
I'm great.
Before we find out a little bit about you, I'm going to just give a little tease out
there.
We're going to hear about, wow, a horse falling on you, you being dead for about nine minutes.
We have a lot to cover today, but first, let's get to know you so we know you're a real person.
Who's Tessa?
What do you do?
I am a contract manager for an asphalting company here in Seattle.
I have a leather shop, actually.
I am a master saddler, so on my spare time, I make handbags and holsters, knife sheets,
all sorts of stuff.
I don't do it for a living anymore because I stopped liking it, so I only do it for a
hobby now.
I ride power bikes with my husband, and we have a lot of fun doing that.
We travel all over riding our e-bikes.
You don't ride horses anymore?
I haven't ridden a horse in 25 years.
Wow.
Yeah.
We're going to hear about your last ride then.
I don't know that I've ever heard the titled Master Saddler before.
I went to school in Cumbria, England to learn how to do leather.
It was a saddle recourse, so I learned how to do it, and I used to own a tax store, an
equestrian store, after my accident.
That's what I ended up doing for a really long time.
I did leather repair at all the horse shows.
Well, let's jump right into it.
25 years ago, you're working a lot with horses.
Set the stage.
Tell us what was going on.
I was cooling down my horse, just riding in a ring on long rain.
My horse was pretty green.
He was four-year-old, Dutch warm blood.
Something spooked him.
I don't even know what spooked him.
It could have been anything.
As he spooked instead of bolting, he reared up, and I started grabbing from my reins and
pulled him over backwards on me.
But before he landed on me, I popped out of my, right out of the top of my head.
I never felt the impact of the horse actually landing on me.
I want to talk about that first, that little detail.
Because this has come up before, and I don't know if it happens every time.
But I've had other people tell me about whether it was a horrible traffic accident or something
really, really traumatic, going off a cliff or something, how they popped out of their
body before they had to experience the impact.
I find that fascinating.
It sounds like that's what happened to you.
Yeah.
I didn't even know what was happening.
I knew that the horse was coming over backwards.
But when I popped out of my head, right out of the top, I was kind of bewildered.
Not really bewildered, but I was like, oh.
But I instantly had this feeling of vibration kind of going through my body.
I wasn't in my body, but the body, my ethereal body or whatever you want to call it, my spirit,
I had this really pleasant vibration.
I explain it to people when I talk about it, like electricity going through my body, but
not painful or anything like that.
Just a really nice vibration.
It's actually, I contributed to knowing what the feeling of true, pure love is now.
I've only felt it one other time after this, but I just popped out and was kind of like,
oh, and I was looking around and I saw the horse get up and I saw something happening
down on the ground.
I wasn't really high.
I was maybe like 15 feet above the accident.
And I just didn't really care at all.
I was really happy just to be kind of floating around.
Then I noticed my dog.
I had a little Australian shepherd.
She was wonderful.
She had been sitting at the gate just watching me go around and watching me cool down.
She was literally in my left hand.
She was always with me.
And I saw that she was really upset and she had run over to my body.
Was kind of getting on top of me and I could see people running.
The Los Angeles Questering Center is a huge equestrian center.
There was like 5,000 horses there.
There's a lot of people around.
And I just saw people kind of run into my body and they kind of were pushing the dog
away.
I didn't really care.
I was just okay.
I was okay with being out of my body.
I was okay with what was happening.
I didn't really, I don't think I really understood what was actually happening.
And then obviously somebody called an ambulance and the paramedics showed up and they loaded
me into the ambulance.
One thing that was really, is very memorable is everything was super, super clear.
Like the colors, the blue sky, it was like crazy, super clear colors.
And that's something that I'll also address as I get farther in with seeing somebody's
eyes.
Can you tell me a little bit more about the colors?
What do you mean by they were extra clear?
Colors that I had never seen before.
Colors I've never seen since.
It was the intensity of what I was viewing.
Like my dog was a tricolor dog, but she was exceptionally colored.
I can't even explain it.
And everything that was alive, the trees, all the people, my dog, the horse.
Everything had like a fuzzy aura around it, almost like an energy field that was around
it.
And I forgot to mention that earlier as well.
But the colors, just, I can't even explain it.
Just colors I've never seen before that I was like, oh, wow, it was amazing actually.
Just can't explain them.
Do you feel like you were still right there looking down on your body when you're experiencing
all these colors or had you gone somewhere?
Nope, I was still there.
I was kind of hovering and vibrating still.
I wasn't really thinking about anything in particular.
Normally, if I saw my dog that upset, I would be like really bothered by that to see my
pet upset like that.
I didn't.
I was just like, you know, it's okay.
It's everything's going to be fine.
I am where I need to be.
You know, in my head, I'm like, this is where I need to be, you know.
Sorry, by the way, how badly are you hurt?
I broke my nose, my jaw, all my teeth were broken.
If not broken, they were damaged.
So all my teeth have all been replaced.
There are implants or crowns, one or the other.
I broke some front ribs, some ribs in the front.
My a lot of my organs were bruised, my heart was bruised, my lungs were bruised, punctured
lung, hurt my neck really bad still to this day is awful.
I was in the hospital for three weeks, just under three weeks.
My jaw was wired shut for eight weeks.
That was the worst.
And the ribs, the rib, having broken ribs is awful.
Yeah.
How do you even breathe?
You told me previously that you were dead for about nine minutes.
Was that measured at that point or was that later in the hospital?
I think it was measured.
So this is all after somebody told me this.
So I could see and I could see people trying to, before the paramedics got there, I could
see people trying to work on me.
I don't think they were comfortable doing CPR or anything like that, but you could see
that there was a lot happening down there.
But when the paramedics got there, they started to work on me, do CPR.
And I didn't feel anything.
Obviously, I wasn't in my body and I didn't care.
I was like, okay.
As they got me into the ambulance, I rode in the ambulance above my body, kind of in
the corner, and they were still working on me trying to get me revived.
I was not moving.
And I don't really remember anything of my, any kind of pain or anything like that.
But I was still vibrating with this crazy, crazy love vibration.
I was very happy.
I was like not worried about anything.
And as the ambulance got closer to the hospital, I started to get pulled away and I could feel
myself being pulled away.
I was pulled away backwards from, I just went right through the ambulance and I entered
into this space of, it was darkness.
It was dark.
It was fully dark.
Like I couldn't see anything.
It wasn't unpleasant at all.
It was really wonderful actually.
I was very happy.
And I just kept pulling away.
And as I entered this kind of space or this tube, this black tube, this dark tube, I went
faster and faster and faster, kind of like on a roller coaster.
And I kind of remember myself going, woohoo.
And then all of a sudden, I was in front of a woman, an old woman.
And she had a beautiful purple cloak on.
She had intensely blue eyes.
Like it's like I could swim in them.
They were so blue.
I've never seen blue eyes like that before.
And she told me, but she didn't like speak to me.
She in my head, she said, Tessa, you have to go back.
And I said, I don't, I'm not going to go back.
I don't want to go back.
She said, no, you have to go back.
And as this was happening, I could feel this energy, this being, this person kind of come
up on my right hand side as I, and I could feel the vibration before I saw it.
It was just this big giant ball of white light.
And I turned and it was, and this is where some people get put off, but it was Jesus
Christ.
And right now thinking about it, I have like the goosebumps thinking about it.
The energy that came from him was pure love because I could feel it.
And as I turned to him, I really didn't know what to say.
And he turned to me as if a big ball of light could turn to me and said, you have not learned
how to forgive and you have to go back.
And I was slammed back into my body.
Okay.
All right, we got to pick this apart a little bit.
Tell me more about the woman.
Did you recognize, do you have any idea who she was?
Well, I do now.
I knew, I know now.
Then I just knew I knew her.
There was a familiarity with her that I just knew her.
Like we had love to get.
Like she was, I had love for her.
She had love for me.
It was very obvious.
It was a long time afterwards because I didn't really talk about this much for a really long
time.
By the way, her name, how I knew her name, I don't know.
Her name was Gladys.
I had never met a Gladys before, but as I started opening up later, years later about
my experience, my mom told me that I had a great aunt Gladys, her aunt, my great aunt
that used to babysit me when I was very, very, very young.
I don't remember her, but as a baby, she used to babysit me.
So I kind of asked about, well, what did she look like?
And my mom just, she was really uncomfortable talking about this.
My mom was.
So we didn't really, I didn't push the issue, but when I said the name Gladys, that's when
she was like, oh, well you had a great aunt Gladys and she told me a little bit about it.
And she had, most people in my family don't have blue eyes, but she had very blue eyes,
which was unusual for anybody in my family to have.
So I'm pretty sure that is probably my great aunt that met me there.
Did you ever find a picture of her?
I didn't.
I didn't want to push the issue.
Yeah.
Well, a lot of people are uncomfortable talking about these things.
Yeah.
I'm good for you for being sensitive about that.
Yeah.
It'd be neat if you could figure out how to find a picture of her sometime though and
see if you recognize her.
The other thing I find peculiar about that is most people tell me that when they meet
people in that spiritual realm that they seem younger.
They seem like 20s, 30s kind of age, but you describe Gladys as an old woman.
How old would you say she appeared to you?
She was probably 70s, 80s.
She was very wrinkled.
She was very pretty.
Don't get me wrong.
Those eyes though were an attribute to her that was like you can never forget that.
But she was old.
I would say she's 70s, 80s.
She was wrinkly, but she was really pretty, very, very kind, very like the energy coming
from her, like I said, was just love.
That's how I knew her just by the energy coming from her.
That's so interesting on so many levels.
I mean, one, because she appeared old.
Two, why Aunt Gladys?
Why not Grandma Velma or Grandpa Henry?
Let me think back.
My grandparents, I think we're still alive back then.
I probably didn't know very many people in my lifetime that had passed away.
My uncle died.
I think he died after this as well.
Even thinking right now, there was just nobody that I knew about that had passed.
She passed away how long before you had your experience?
She passed away when I was a baby.
Okay.
But she did take care of you some as a baby.
Yeah.
So there's a connection, at least to her?
I guess so, yeah.
And there was definitely a connection with me as well.
I immediately was drawn to her.
Do you believe that we lived before we came here?
I do, yes.
Yeah, I believe in many lives.
And I didn't before this.
Maybe you and her were good buddies prior to coming here.
Yeah, maybe.
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Now, back to the guest.
I've looked into spirituality since then.
Not necessarily religion, but spirituality.
Some people say that you pretty much stay in the same family as you reincarnate.
That's your family group, I guess, but maybe.
I don't know.
That's okay.
I have lots of opinions on lots of things here.
All right, let's get to the ball of light.
Did you say there were two?
There was two balls of light.
The nearest one to me was, like I said, it was Jesus Christ.
Then there was one on the other side of him that also radiated this crazy love energy as
well.
I don't know who it was, but somebody that's high up there.
It's interesting because it was a ball of light, but it was a person to me.
He was a being, but he wasn't a human being.
He was just an energy of a human.
Why do you think he didn't appear like a human?
I don't know.
Again, speculation's okay here.
I don't know because Gladys was a human.
She presented herself as a person.
I don't know if I've ever heard of anybody else seeing a ball of light as energy.
Maybe you've spoken to a lot more people about it than I have.
The funny thing was, he was a big ball of light, much larger than me, but still not
intimidating or anything like that.
Of course, he radiated pure love, which I cannot wait to feel that again.
It was an amazing feeling.
That's when I realized that what love was.
I never knew what love was.
I always thought love was a feeling, and it's not.
It's an energy.
It's a vibration.
You're a listener of this podcast.
You've heard lots of other episodes, so you probably know what's coming right now.
I need you to try to explain to me a little bit better what did that love feel like?
You just said it's more than a feeling.
It's energy.
I need more than that.
It is like a low voltage electricity penetrating through my entire body, but electricity not
like it hurts.
It's just like a vibration.
I felt it from the second I left my body until the second I got back in my body, and then
it was gone.
I don't know if I can even put it into words.
It was something that is everywhere.
It was everywhere.
Even when I was hovering over my body and the horse at the ring still, the energy was
coming from the trees and the animals and the building.
Everything was radiating at this higher level of vibration, which makes me think that everything
is energy now.
But I don't know if I can put it into words, Eric.
It's really difficult.
It just is a very pleasant, amazing feeling that I just can't wait to hopefully experience
again at some point.
Thank you for trying.
How did you know this ball of light was Jesus?
I don't know, because I did not believe in anything.
I didn't believe in God at that point.
I didn't believe I was not religious.
I wasn't brought up religious.
I had never, I had tried to participate in reading the Bible, and I would go to church
with my friends.
I just never believed in anything.
A lot of my experiences with religion were negative for me when I would try to go to
church or something like that.
So I don't know, but I know for a fact that it was Jesus Christ.
I just know.
Has your feeling about religion changed since then?
Religion?
No, my feeling about religion hasn't changed, but my feeling about spirituality has changed.
I definitely, I seek to find that energy again.
Meditation is an important part of not my everyday life, but I do enjoy meditating.
I feel like it balances me.
I've dabbled in out-of-body experiences.
I've read a lot of books and had some success with that.
Since then, I did scare myself a couple of times doing that.
So be careful.
Yes, I realize that now.
Yeah, you have to be super careful.
What did it feel like coming back into your body?
Well, when he said that I have not yet learned how to forgive, and I know exactly what he
meant even right now thinking about it.
Right now, I still haven't learned how to forgive, but the second he said that, I was
literally slammed back in my body, and it was instant pain.
There was a lot happening around me.
I was out of the ambulance at that point.
I was on a bed in the emergency room.
There were people everywhere.
There was chaos, I would say.
Instantly when I landed back in my body, I felt like I was, it was too small.
My body was just too small, and I explained it like being in a wetsuit that's too tight,
too small, like going into a child-sized wetsuit.
It was like that for many, many months.
I felt uncomfortable in my own skin.
Also the second that I slammed into my body, I was in instant pain agony.
I had never had pain like that before.
I'd never really been hurt in my life before.
I mean, maybe jammed a finger or stubbed a toe or something like that, but nothing to
this magnitude of pain.
It definitely made me realize that I was back.
I was really confused at that point.
Nobody said anything to me about being dead until it was probably a couple of days.
One of the nurses had come into my room and she was super nice.
I started to tell her about what I experienced.
She goes, oh, we hear this stuff all the time.
She sat and listened to what I had told her.
She said, well, you know, because I had a head injury as well, obviously, with my face
and my teeth and everything.
She said that you were dead, clinically dead for nine minutes is what they counted.
They did paddle me to get me back.
She said that if there were, she's like, there's all sorts of groups out there that
you can go join and there's people like you that have these experiences.
I was really confused.
I was really angry actually because I did not want to come back.
Even thinking back now, like, why would I not want to come back?
Everybody I love is here and I just did not have a desire to be in this world.
I wanted to stay and I didn't experience heaven or anything.
It was just that feeling that I really wanted to get back.
Yeah, we don't have that here.
No.
It's just something we get to deal with, but I can't imagine how hard that was for you.
You were feeling nothing but wonderful outside of your body.
I don't think it was the being, quote, slammed back in that hurt.
I think it was just the fact that all of a sudden you're in your body and you're feeling
all of that pain and trauma.
Yeah, my body was broken.
It definitely wasn't.
I agree with you.
It wasn't me going the slamming back in a box because I slammed back in.
I kind of feel like every once in a while I have a dream where I feel like I'm falling
and then I feel almost like I've just started to maybe get into a weird dream.
Maybe even have an out of body experience and then I drop back into my body suddenly.
It was that times a thousand.
I do agree with you.
I don't think it was the getting back in the body.
It was just the body itself that was so damaged.
Well, and the contrast from feeling wonderful to all of a sudden everything you're going
to feel, which was so much pain.
Okay.
How long did it take you to get better?
Give me an idea of what your recovery was like.
I've never ridden a horse since and I was a, I mean, I trained horses.
That was my life.
I just was done.
It took me through.
It took me through at least three weeks.
It was just under three weeks in the hospital, but it was months and months and months of
rehabilitation.
Just the fact of having my body, I was smushed.
Everything was smushed inside of my body and I was in so much pain for so long.
And then after like eight, eight or nine months, I just every day I felt better and better
and better and better.
So I would say probably a good year before I was up and moving around again and trying
to figure out, you know, what I was going to do with my life.
Cause my life had been from the time I was a young child until, you know, I was 25 years
old as I was a horse trainer.
I rode horses.
I lived, eat, breathe horses.
So it was about a year that I finally had to try to figure out what I was going to do.
For those of us that haven't been squished by a horse, give me an idea of how much that
horse weighed.
It's probably 1200 pounds.
And I, I rode English.
So I didn't have a big Western saddle with that big horn in the front.
I was, I rode a hundred jumpers and dressage and three day venting.
So I was in an English saddle.
So luckily there was, I was not in a Western saddle that probably would have killed me.
Yeah.
He was probably 1200 pounds.
He was a good size horse.
And he was okay, I assume.
He was fine, turd.
And your dog?
My dog was fine as well.
I had a lot of friends that worked there obviously, cause that's where I worked, but, and they
took my dog home and cared for my dog until I got out.
And she was very happy to see me.
This is before you could bring your dog into the hospital.
And now we, we have a service dog.
We just take him everywhere we go.
So.
So you mentioned that you were told that you had to learn how to forgive.
Do you feel like you've done that?
No.
Every single, so I literally think about this experience every day of my life.
And I, I want to forgive.
And I'll say in my head, you know, oh, I forgive.
And that's not only forgiving of the people that's forgiving myself, not that I'm a terrible
person or anything, but just forgiving myself.
I'm really hard on myself.
I'm my own worst enemy.
And I haven't, I don't think.
But I work on it every day.
I do meditation.
I work on forgiveness and forgiving other people.
Yeah, I don't think I have.
Cause I still have anger issues.
So my anger tends to, I'm not an angry person, but my anger tends to keep me from forgiveness,
I think, getting mad at my past, my childhood, things like that.
So do you have people from your childhood that you need to forgive still?
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
My parents, I have siblings that probably I need to forgive.
And that's probably where it stems from is my childhood.
It was, it wasn't hard.
It just was, I didn't receive love.
That is why I know what that feeling, that vibration was is because I had never experienced
that even in childhood.
Like I did not know what love was.
And I came back knowing exactly, exactly what love was.
So what else did you learn from this experience?
I learned that your soul is separate from this body.
And like I said earlier, I believe that we have, we reincarnate.
Come back as, to try it again, you know, so and that everybody has their own, their, everybody
is on their own journey.
And if I only have to do this one thing, learn how to forgive, it's not as easy as it sounds,
unfortunately, then what do other people have to do?
Like what are their, what's their destiny?
You know, and, and I always wonder like, if I learn how to forgive, am I just going to
drop dead and be gone?
Like one day I'm going to learn how to forgive and then I'm going to be in heaven.
You know, I don't know.
Do I get to enjoy the life after I learn how to forgive?
I hope you're not really asking me those questions.
No, these are questions I asked myself.
Sure.
If someone that you knew had a real fear of death, what would you say to them?
And what's your level of fear?
My level of fear is zero.
Like, I am not afraid of death and I'm not afraid of other people dying and the people
that I love either because I know, I know that I'm going to see them again.
And honestly, I feel like that everything is right here.
It's not like heaven is up in the sky and far, far away.
Everything is like right here.
We're all connected energetically.
And if somebody passes away and leaves their body, they're still all connected to me.
The reason I started talking about this, because like I said, I didn't talk about this very
much.
It was, first of all, I didn't know what really happened.
And I mean, I knew what happened by my experience, but really what happened, you know?
I started talking about it because it seemed to help some people that, because a lot of
people live in fear of death, of dying.
I mean, they'll hang on until the inf-degree.
They'll be sick for long periods of time when they don't have to be.
And probably because of fear of death.
And so I started talking about it.
If anybody, you know, asks about my background, that is definitely one of the things that
I would bring up if I felt comfortable talking to that person and telling them my story.
And a lot of people are like, what?
Holy cow.
Oh yeah, you can blow people's minds.
It has to be in the right setting and stuff to talk to them about.
I'm also really happy for you that you had a good nurse who was so very understanding.
And she didn't try to make you think that you were crazy or something.
I didn't get too in depth with her.
I just started telling her like, listen, I was like hovering over my body and this crazy
thing happened.
And she was just like, oh, it happened all the time.
I can't imagine what they hear.
Yeah, crazy stuff.
Okay.
Well, Tessa, those are some great messages.
Do you have anything else you want to leave our listeners with?
Just not to be afraid of death.
That is, it's really important to not be afraid of death.
Live every day like it is your last day.
I do definitely do now.
And it's a very pleasant, wonderful experience, at least for me it was.
All right, thank you.
I hope you can introduce me to Aunt Gladys someday, way in the future.
Oh, gosh.
I can't, I hope, I hope I get to see her again.
Sounds fun.
All right, thanks a lot, Tessa.
Thank you.
Thanks again for listening and sharing this podcast.
Don't forget to hit the follow or subscribe button and sign up for our newsletter at roundtriptest.com.
If you want to share your near-death experience or if you have questions or comments about
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Until then, I wish you everything good that you're looking for in this life and the next.