From the time that they pronounced me deaf was a good 45 minutes.
They cut my clothes and then they paddled my heart, my heart had stopped.
And I could see people screaming and crying, but I didn't realize that was actually my
physical body because I was somewhere else.
The only thing that I could feel, if you could imagine, absolute love and peace, there wasn't
anything else to be felt.
I was greeted by people I'd known in the past.
I'm back home again.
Incredibly safe and felt at home.
Welcome, welcome everybody and welcome to our special guest, Sean Cubs.
Jay Cubs, we're just gonna call you Cubs.
Tell me where that nickname comes from.
So my mom used to call me her boy cub or cub, it's from the Jungle Book.
And then, yeah, when I was starting this music project before I had this big hit song that
moved me down to LA, I was trying to think of a name.
I wanted it to be as close to me as possible.
And then that just came up.
I have a boyishness about me, so I wanted to keep that alive as long as possible.
I decided to spell it with a V and a Z instead of a U and an S because that was kind of popular
at the time to do.
And I didn't want to get mixed up with the Chicago Cubs, but I really shot myself in
the foot with that.
It's too late, the more you're made, I'm here.
You don't look like the Chicago Cubs here, okay.
Before we talk about your Andy E, take just a second, tell us about your music.
So yeah, I make pop electronic kind of dance-leaning music.
It is described by others as soulful and yearning, which is perfectly described what my life
has been, particularly in the search for fulfillment and the connection to the divine.
And it has come in a lot of different ways.
So, since this experience, most of my integration of the Andy phenomena that I experienced was
their music.
You know, my first song back from this was called Life Again, and all of the music has
kind of just been about awakening and rebirth, just packaged in contemporary electronic pop.
So if anybody wants to hear your music, where do they find it?
Yeah, just CVBZ on any and all platforms.
My Instagram and TikTok and all that is just CVBZ.
And then it'll be the first one, hopefully, that comes up because they didn't go with
CUBS with the Congress.
That's gonna be the first.
All right, the music sounds cool.
I've actually heard a little bit of it.
And you might think I'm an old Foggy, but I liked it.
I really did not.
And you're a whippersnapper if I've ever seen one, man.
Whippersnapper with grandkids here.
That's right.
As long as you're whipping and snapping and never dies.
All right.
So we often, when we're talking about people's NDEs, if it's a car accident, we'll talk about
all the details of what happened and stuff.
There are reasons why we can't do that tonight.
So I'm just letting the audience know.
We're telling y'all we can, but let's go ahead and jump to that day where your experience
started.
This was just not even three years ago.
Yeah.
So it was November 17th.
Yeah.
Of 2021.
And I'll just take you to the moment.
I was lying on the floor of a, of a floor.
And I was experiencing breath and heart issues.
You know, there was just this moment that went from like, what's going on to like, oh,
what's going on to, oh no, this is what's happening.
And then the, the experience ensued with or without me.
This is, this is Cubs inside the body, feeling all the regular things, you know, that we
feel from that perspective.
Was there a, was there a moment later when that changed?
Yes.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
Um, there was a moment where there was no body and then eventually there was no memory
or conception of what a body was or could be.
So explain for it.
What does that mean?
So I believe that where I went was what I've later been told is described or named the
the Brahma, the Brahman.
I experienced the plane of non duality of singularity, consciousness of the united God
head of all in this place of timelessness of no words, no sensations other than love.
There was no memory of me anymore.
Um, but this was, you know, into the experience so I can walk us back and get there.
Yeah.
Well, start from the beginning, go, go from first to last.
So there I was having this experience and the panic began to set in of, you know, just
my heart racing, my breathing, not the mechanism of my lungs that are responding like how they
were supposed to.
And then there was this moment of like, Oh my gosh, this is happening.
My vision started to cave in from like a faded black vignette, you know, into a small tunnel,
basically.
And then of course, from that tunnel came a source of light.
And I wouldn't say that I got closer to the light.
The light just got closer to me like it was happening, whether or not, you know, I've
heard some of these stories of people choosing or not, but yeah, it was imminent.
Yeah.
Soon people feel like they're traveling towards a light or actually see it.
So that's kind of interesting.
It was the reverse of that.
Well, I certainly was not going willingly.
So I was in panic.
I was in absolute resistance.
So it was like, this is happening, buddy, we'll come to you.
God will come to you.
There were a multitude of sensations and perspectives that were occurring through this.
And the hardest part about trying to describe this besides the inherent ineffable nature
of what I'm embarking to describe, there was just multiple things happening at once.
So my mind was racing at a million RPMs.
I was having thoughts and memories swirling around me like a tornado pretty much.
And this brought on what I guess the Bible would call judgment or a life review.
So I essentially relived all of my memories and like the most rapid fashion you could
conceptualize.
And I got to not only experience my life, but I also experienced these memories from
the other perspective.
So it wasn't visual.
It wasn't like in my mom's body watching me say like, screw you, mom, you know, like,
I just could feel the screw you, mom, from my mom's heart.
There was nothing left unsaid and undone to me about my life.
After that, I experienced the impact that I had on people for better or for worse and
not only people, but like the vibrational matrix of the earth plane, not only the earth
plane, but the spiritual plane, like what my thoughts and feelings, what kind of, I don't
want to say karma because that's judgy, but yeah, what kind of frequency I carried and
how that affected the work, the fabric of reality.
Okay, let's stick with this life review topic for a second.
Yeah.
Before we move on.
I want to dig deeper because this is interesting.
It almost sounds like you realized that everything you did affected something or someone else.
Right?
Yeah.
In addition to people, you mean?
Yeah.
Plants, birds, give me an example.
Like peat on rocks.
Like rocks don't really care.
You know, they're rocks, but it's not great.
Like I went and upset rocks, but like it just wasn't, I could have peed elsewhere, you know?
And again, looking back at this from the perspective of the place that I went and the healing that
took place for me, it was all perfect.
It didn't really matter because I was supposed to say screw you, mom, and pee on that rock
and be unkind to this girlfriend or lash out at this person.
It was all supposed to happen.
It was all perfect.
So I don't know if you noticed, you've named all negative things.
I'll bet you did positive things too.
Did you get an idea of what the positive things did and what the reaction was?
Yeah.
I mean, so the main takeaway from my life, and I think this is just important to say,
I experienced this life review, all of these sensations as negative at first because I
was in resistance.
I was clinging to life.
It was no, no, no, no, no, no, this is bad.
Everything's bad.
It's all not only that, but I kind of started like down this paranoia spiral of like every
moment and every person I've met that has introduced me to the person that introduced
me to this person that got me to this place to have this accident.
And it has all been like this ruse to kill me in this moment.
There was this moment right after that where it was just despair and hopelessness and it
was an echo of a feeling that I do carry through life when things go wrong.
I'm like, oh, where's the justice?
Where's God?
Whatever.
And there was a moment where it all flipped and it was like every single person that introduced
you to every person that got you to hear to this room, to this accidental moment where
you, they were conspiring.
They were conspiring to free you.
And then when I had that notion, there was this one last flinch of clinging where I knew
that my earth shan hands were just reaching, reaching, reaching, like somebody please,
please.
And then the voice came through and the voice was very calm, dull, yet commanding.
And it said surrender to the experience.
Sort of.
That's at least how I interpreted the download of this message.
And once I did that, I remember this feeling of release, of release of my hopes and dreams
and loves, failures, triumphs, the release of all of the beauty and the perfection and
the love that I've experienced in my life, and it let out of me like a sigh into eternity.
And that sigh carried me through this river.
And that's the next part.
Okay.
Don't go there yet.
I have more questions already.
Come on.
Do you have any idea?
I mean, you've had some time to think about this.
Now, do you have any idea what was the purpose of that life review?
Was it to thrash you for the things it cubs didn't do right?
Or was it a learning experience?
What was the purpose here?
Yeah.
It was learning to know thyself, to love thyself deeper.
So the other thing is to like, you know, neurologically, neurolinguistically, whatever, like the body
keeps score and the brain, the unconscious mind houses all of what we are, all of our
experiences, all of our decisions, you know, the conscious mind, they say, I'm not sure
how they measure this, can compute 126 bits per minute, right?
The unconscious mind is 2 million, I think.
Yeah.
So the mind keeps score.
Even if you think you're over something or if you've forgotten something, everything
is housed in the unconscious mind, it is essentially a super computer, a godlike super computer
with the judgment of a seven year old, essentially, that issues prime directives to your body,
to your mind.
It controls your awareness and the way you perceive the world around you.
So that's a lot.
A life is a lot of moments.
And if you're going to let that go, like, you got to take the trash out.
Because where I was going, I wasn't able to bring anything here with me.
What emotions were you feeling as you're experiencing these things again?
So over these past couple of years, I've had to research and find ways to help explain
this.
There's the Hawking's scale of consciousness, you know, at the bottom, at the lowest level
of vibration, there's shame, guilt, and, you know, anger, fear, paranoia, all that stuff.
Then it goes to acceptance, which is neutral and then courage and all the way up to love,
joy, everything else.
So I essentially climbed Jacob's ladder through this experience, through these memories, through
this clinging, the paranoia, the fear, the shame.
But that's only the first half of it.
And then once you get to like, oh, hey, well, I f'd up, I'm dying.
So then it's like, but then what did we do?
How did we love?
When were we brave, you know, and like, that you climb all the ladder all the way to heaven.
You know, and not coincidentally, the top of that ladder is love and that's all heaven,
the afterlife, the Brahman, it's all it is, God.
Absolutely.
This still cracks me up that you went kicking and screaming.
It's so typical for people, once they've left their body to be like, oh, okay, done
with that, moving on, that's cool.
Yeah.
And like, I love hearing so many different aspects of these NDEs because they are certainly
not all the same.
And I love people to just open up and be honest and hey, mine was different and yours is going
to be different.
Let's get back to the voice for a second.
What is your impression of who or what the voice was?
So at first it was like, uh-uh, because I mean, it sounded like there's no uncreepy
way to do this.
It sounded like surrender to the experience.
You know, it was like very like.
Well, that does sound creepy.
Yeah.
There's no uncreepy way.
And so I'm not going to sugarcoat it, but it was humbling, commanding, comforting, and
the most relaxed voice that I've ever heard.
Like, you know, so yeah, part of me could have taken it like that's creepy.
It sounds like something that's in a weird movie, but it's also like, how many more judgments
are you going to take with you in this moment?
Like, are you trying to tack on another judgment?
You just don't the bunch.
And when it said surrender to the experience, that could be taken positively or negatively.
I could be taken like, hey, dude, just give up, or it could be, hey, really go with it.
This is going to be wonderful.
Relax and go with it.
Is that the direction it was going?
Yeah.
But again, it's how I took it.
So this is like, these are non-verbal, non-phenetic conversations.
Anything that's happened from this point on in the story, it is a download, which feels
more like an upload from nowhere.
So that's how I took it in that moment.
But I think it's important that it came through that way, brother, because I don't surrender
to anything.
My life has just been yearning for one thing or the other, kicking and screaming when it
doesn't come to fruition.
Most of my spiritual journey before this point has basically been a means to an end to have
or to achieve.
So I realized, I had to reconcile that I was given gifts and I was given a really big life
and a really big life mission.
Maybe the review wasn't so great because I didn't live so great, perhaps.
They say you live, or you die how you live.
Certainly a nice, smiley person, but if I was never satisfied or present, then I'm not
going to be that when I'm hitching a ride out of town.
Yeah, we're not going to suddenly just change personalities, are we?
Yeah, especially in a critical moment like that.
And so upon passing over in the final shettings of the shawness, I for the first time got
to feel full surrender.
And it was incredible.
And I try to close my eyes and I have this anchor that I set in my palm, or I try to
press it and reactivate that feeling because I went from a life of longing to an eternity
of pure satisfaction in those 13 minutes that I was traveling or gone for.
Yeah.
All right.
Tell me what happened next.
We got the life review, we got the voice, what happened next?
So I was confronted with a void, the void, and I can't tell you if it was light or dark
this part because there was no light or dark, really.
I remember the last part of Sean that was there to witness this void was like, oh, this
is it.
Oh my gosh, like it's nothing, man.
This was like, I was told there was at least something or I was at least told that I wouldn't
be here to see the nothing and then it became orange, glowing, orange.
Just everything like the atmosphere, the ground.
Yeah, something between like liquid, liquid plasma, I don't know, it's just, it was spirit
in this realm.
It was just, and again, orange is the way that I'm just like just right into the experience
and orange.
That's how I piece it together as I came back.
But you know, it was more of a sensation, a knowing and all knowing.
It was all colors.
It was all things light, dark, right, wrong, a place beyond duality.
And the only actual discernible force was pure love.
And that pure love in itself was awareness and a singular consciousness that had one
mission and that was just to love more, more, bigger, bigger.
And then I almost immediately had an understanding of all things, always, ever how the universe
was created, how everything works.
Because I was no longer Sean, I was God.
I returned to the creator consciousness.
It was absolute perfection.
Of all of those things, how much of that do you remember?
Do you remember how the universe was created, for example?
Yeah, some of it.
I'll try.
There was one, the one created two so one could love the other and know the other.
So love could know thyself and love thyself deeper.
From the two, there was polarity and this polarity created forces of disharmony and
duality.
And from that duality, creation itself emerges and that creation is chaos, cataclysm, horror,
darkness, and light, glory, creation, perfection, joy.
And then from there, I think we can, that's the three, then the creation story.
And this was all, I mean, so much information so quickly and it was just immediate awareness
of it, immediate ownership of it, appreciation for thyself, ourselves.
And I know this is very wordy and I know it may not make a lot of sense to a lot of people
listening and I think that there's a reason why a lot of people that you see these videos
of are septigenarians and stuff because it's going to take the rest of my life to figure
this out.
But this is my mission, it's part of it.
So I just want to thank you for having me here now to work this out.
And I'm ready.
Okay.
Well, then I have another question for you to think about.
Yeah.
You haven't thought about this yet.
Did you feel like you were getting this, I can't remember, did you call it a knowledge
dump?
Like all of this was coming to you really quickly.
When you really think about it, was it all brand new coming to you or is this all stuff
you already knew and it was like the blinders were being taken off?
Yeah.
It was a remembering, it was a knowing.
And I will say like whatever happened over there and whatever I did learn, there was
a sense when I started to regain integrating back into me.
I was like, oh, you knew that.
You knew that before you're born, you knew the whole time.
Like there was always a part of you that felt that and knew that and everyone else feels
and knows that and that's because this singularity is what we are.
These people that you're honking at in traffic or these people that you're, you know, fans
that you're saying, I love you too.
For better or worse, everyone is you, it is God.
We are all one.
And in a world where we are programmed and for obedience and just in a dimension of duality
where there is light and there is dark, of course, that's our programming.
But that craving for unity for the two to become the one that craving for love, even
the craving that we have in the inclination of polarity to judge to condemn to fight each
other, that is all just the creation story happening within us.
When I was over there, I did not experience any ascended masters, spirit guides, anything
like that.
I didn't see my grandma, you know, but I became all of that at once.
And when you become all the grandmas in the world and Yeshua and all of the people and
things that have ever happened ever, it is the most tremendous healing, exalting, beautiful
experience there could be.
And I wouldn't, I wouldn't choose any in their heaven if I had a choice.
I love all the adjectives.
Love is one that keeps coming up a lot.
And I believe you even said pure love.
Please try to dig deeper and describe that for anyone that hasn't felt it.
We've got to relate it to something in life.
So see if you can do that.
Okay.
So pure love.
Let me break this down.
So I believe pure love would have to be loved of void of duality.
So no matter what you do or say for better or worse, good, bad, beautiful, ugly, light,
dark, I love you.
And a lot of people don't experience that.
But we do experience being loved like that for even a brief amount of time from our mothers
or fathers until conditions are placed on that love.
But just imagine the best moment you ever had with your mom.
Imagine the way she smelled in that moment, her skin against yours, how you feel in your
belly, how you feel in your heart, the way that your breathing might slow down.
The inkling that you have to let out a sigh or a coo or a giggle and take that small moment
and shoot it off into the distance forever and ever and ever and ever.
And that's what it felt like.
I've done a lot of experimentation with drugs.
Nothing comes close.
Yeah.
It was just pure love.
And it was love in a, it was such a pure sensation that nothing could ever have been wrong about
my life, anyone else's life.
And I'm saying like, I'm not going to name names, but you guys know the big bad dudes
of history.
Like nothing they could have done wrong.
Because you love them so much.
And I loved everyone that much.
And I knew everyone.
Like everyone, because they were with me, they were me, everyone in existence.
It was just perfect.
It's hard to comprehend all that, but thank you for trying to describe it.
There's always some people out there that don't believe stuff.
Okay, they're going to, they, not me, they may say not to your face behind your back.
Oh, it was drugs or he was unconscious.
So he was dreaming.
He was hallucinating because of something.
How do you know this was different than something like that?
Well, I know because I know, but this is something that couldn't be compared to or conceived
of in a dream.
Not to my knowledge and to prove whether something is valid or has happened to you really isn't
about what other people feel about what you, what other people think about what you say
it's how it makes them feel.
Yeah, absolutely.
Okay.
Was there anything else to this experience or was that about the end?
So during this experience, there was a call to come back and that call was, you know,
I will say it felt like an eternity.
There wasn't time in this situation for me, but the first human sensation or notion that
returned to me was it was like a, a wind, a breeze that came through this space and it
was a feminine one and it felt like my partner, Brittany, the women in my life, it was this
very feminine call pullback.
And then that's when I was like, Oh, I'm remembering my mom, I'm remembering this and
that and that I just came back into my body.
You became Sean again.
Yeah.
As you man.
Yeah.
This is a really profound experience, especially for somebody as young as you.
How has it changed your life?
How is the, is this a Cubs 2.0 now going on?
Yeah, it took, I mean, it's taken so long to integrate and, you know, I still just get
so flustered talking about it and it's great, it's cute, but it could take the rest of my
life, but, you know, at first I would say it was like six months of really high vibrational
living just like, I just felt awashed in God's love and appreciation for life around me.
Like my vision was better.
I was just like, you know, it was a restart.
And then I've, at some point I kind of started to fall asleep again and kind of go back into,
you know, duality, judgment, scarcity mindset.
I don't know why I'm doing that.
But it was a downward progression kind of into this place of like, okay, well that happened
and the things that happened because of that, now you have a decision to make.
Like are you going to hold on to this experience and hold true to the nature of what you know
you are?
Are you going to treat others now knowing that they are you, you are them and what y'all
are, are it?
Yeah, it changed my music.
The first song back was kind of, you know, the first few albums back were just me reintegrating
this experience, trying to sus it out, describe it.
I started making some videos here and there, you know, I lost weight.
But the biggest life change came from this very feminine pullback, you know, the thing
that anchored me back into this reality.
And I think these are part and parcel, these are pretty common with NDAs.
Sometimes people make a choice.
They're given a, you know.
There was just, there was no words in mind.
There was no conceptualization.
So the feminine callback, I found out 24 hours later, my grandma passed away.
And we didn't know, my dad just called me and said, hey, she has some pneumonia stuff
where, you know, we're coming here at the house.
She's not doing too well.
And I just said, I'm going to buy a ticket right now.
And he was just like, no, don't worry about it.
My mom even called me.
She's like, don't buy a ticket.
We're fine.
You know?
I'm getting one.
And she passed in the middle of the night after the afternoon that I got there.
And then about 24 hours later, my partner called me and said, we're having a baby.
That was that feminine, you got to go back.
It's my belief that this experience and this healing and this wake up call needed to happen
in order for my daughter's soul to choose to come hang, come party with us.
I had somebody on the show very recently that was talking about one of the things that she
learned in her NDE was about the promises that we made to our children before we came
here and how children actually choose their parents before they come here.
It kind of ties in with what you're saying here.
That's pretty cool.
Yeah.
I think that's what I got.
And with my grandma, my whole family too, at her funeral, they were just like, I was
like, yeah, I found out the day after and they were like, what?
Like, you know, we tracked it back.
She was conceived on 11, 11, just a bunch of cool, fun, cool stuff.
But you know, one person getting off the train, the next getting on, you know, it could be
her.
It could be my grandma I'm raising.
But it was utterly life changing.
And I had to at some point decide, you need to make this change your life.
This isn't something that you just got to walk out of and be like, new lease on life.
Because you know, that will fade.
And it did.
So yeah, I'm going to go on the internet and talk about this.
This is what my songs are going to be about now.
This is what I'm going to bring to the world because if I could remind just one person
of what they already know, what they already really, really know for a moment, that is
beautiful medicine.
The purpose of creation is to love.
If God, I've been saying, if God were a noun, it would be loves.
And if God were a verb, that verb would be create.
Maybe that's just my frame of reference because I'm a creator.
I make music, but we really all are.
And when you do create something, you know, when you have your first child, like that's
a love that, you know, love is creation.
I just got.
Yeah, it's hard to explain.
I'm going to ask you a personal question, you don't have to answer it if you don't want
to.
But a lot of people after their NDE's, the new version of them, the 2.0, their partner,
their spouse, their whoever liked the old one better.
And things don't work out.
I'm hoping you're going to tell me there's a happy ending and you're still together with
this person.
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah.
I'm really glad to hear that.
Too, man.
All right.
We're going to wrap up.
Is there anything else you want to share?
I would just like to express to the good people is saying that you are not separate from the
things that you want to be, do and have.
You are not separate from the life that you want to live.
You are not separate from God.
You're not less than anything.
And I see you and I love you.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how much fear do you have of death?
Zero.
I can't believe you had to think about it that long, but I'm glad you did.
I think near-death experiences, not dissimilar to medicines like ayahuasca and the spirit
medicines, they cure two things, the fear of death and atheism.
And this definitely did that for me.
All right.
Thanks a lot, Cubs.
Appreciate you being here.
Thank you for having me, brother.
Thanks again for listening and sharing this podcast.
Don't forget to hit the follow or subscribe button and sign up for our newsletter at roundtripteath.com.
If you want to share your near-death experience or if you have questions or comments about
the show, send an email to eric at roundtripteath.com.
Until then, I wish you everything good that you're looking for in this life and the next.