1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:08,480 From the time that they pronounced me deaf was a good 45 minutes. 2 00:00:08,480 --> 00:00:13,440 They cut my clothes and then they paddled my heart, my heart had stopped. 3 00:00:13,440 --> 00:00:18,120 And I could see people screaming and crying, but I didn't realize that was actually my 4 00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:21,320 physical body because I was somewhere else. 5 00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:27,400 The only thing that I could feel, if you could imagine, absolute love and peace, there wasn't 6 00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:29,400 anything else to be felt. 7 00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:32,520 I was greeted by people I'd known in the past. 8 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:34,160 I'm back home again. 9 00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:38,960 Incredibly safe and felt at home. 10 00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:41,680 All right, welcome to round trip death, everybody. 11 00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:46,440 Welcome to our special guest today, Betty Guadagnio. 12 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:47,800 How did I do? 13 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:48,720 Pretty good. 14 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:50,160 Nobody can see your thumbs up. 15 00:00:50,160 --> 00:00:52,640 You have to say something. 16 00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:54,280 You did really well. 17 00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:57,120 OK, I appreciate that. 18 00:00:57,120 --> 00:01:03,280 From here on, you'll just be Betty G or just Betty, but anyway, it's so good to have you. 19 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:05,840 You're an unusual guest and that's a good thing. 20 00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:09,880 OK, I'll take it as a compliment then. 21 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:14,800 Well part of the reason is because you actually work for Ions who we've talked about on this 22 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:16,560 show before. 23 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:21,800 Tell us a little bit about you and how you found Ions and what you do for them. 24 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:23,400 Yeah, absolutely. 25 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:29,400 So if anybody's unfamiliar with what that acronym is, Ions stands for the International 26 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:32,560 Association for Near Death Studies. 27 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:33,560 Sounds fancy? 28 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:34,560 It is. 29 00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:39,720 I'm really grateful to have an opportunity to work for this organization. 30 00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:45,680 At Ions, we have an online community, which is how I found my way there. 31 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:50,120 And we have open sharing groups multiple times within a week. 32 00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:56,760 So as I was integrating my own spiritual experience, I found a group of other experiencers who were 33 00:01:56,760 --> 00:02:02,720 very open, very honest, very vulnerable and authentic, and they were sharing about their 34 00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:03,960 experiences. 35 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:07,000 They were sharing about the tools that they used to integrate. 36 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:14,040 They were sharing about their collective wisdom that they had achieved in the spiritual space. 37 00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:19,520 And it gave me a lot of opportunity to ground my own spiritual experience. 38 00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:22,440 And then I quickly went into service. 39 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:30,160 Since my spiritual awakening, I've had this very intense draw to be of service to others. 40 00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:34,680 So I began moderating and facilitating our sharing groups online. 41 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:39,360 And then I was quickly taken into the fold to work on the production side of things. 42 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:44,440 So I actually am the webinar coordinator for our online community. 43 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:45,640 So I find speakers. 44 00:02:45,640 --> 00:02:46,800 I hold space. 45 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:53,680 I create panels and workshops that give space for experiencers to share. 46 00:02:53,680 --> 00:03:00,880 And then I also host Ions podcast on their YouTube channel, which is Ions videos. 47 00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:04,640 And our podcast is called Explore the Extraordinary. 48 00:03:04,640 --> 00:03:09,760 And the podcast is really an opportunity to open up to all mystical experiences. 49 00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:14,840 Obviously, the root of our organization is the research around near-death experiences. 50 00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:20,560 But now we're growing and expanding into all mystical experiences and creating conscious 51 00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:21,680 space for that. 52 00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:24,120 And that's the purpose of the podcast. 53 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:27,280 And don't forget Buddha Betty on YouTube. 54 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:29,680 Yes, that's my own personal YouTube. 55 00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:31,960 Buddha Betty, it's a play on words. 56 00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:32,960 Yeah. 57 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:34,680 And you do lots of interviews there. 58 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:40,320 Now, some people may want to do these online groups you were talking about, but there are 59 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:44,680 also local in-person groups all over the place, aren't there? 60 00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:45,680 Absolutely. 61 00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:46,920 Yes, there's local groups. 62 00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:51,680 And if there isn't a local group in your area, we have information on our website on how 63 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:53,280 to create one. 64 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:58,240 And I really think that there is a great call for conscious space. 65 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:04,560 And there is this great call for people to be supporting each other as we make the paranormal 66 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:07,680 normal and we make the extraordinary ordinary. 67 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:13,840 I feel like so many of us are having these experiences or just stepping into spiritual 68 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:20,160 awareness, even if it's been a slow and steady spiritual journey, because it is for many people. 69 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:24,640 And I think that it's so great just to create that space for people to be able to support 70 00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:26,200 each other. 71 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:34,480 I talk to people all the time that had an NDE 20, 30, 40 or more years ago. 72 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:37,000 And back then they didn't care to talk about it. 73 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:41,160 And they seem to find it very therapeutic to be able to talk about it now. 74 00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:46,320 And I would think even more so with a group of people who may have had a similar type 75 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:47,320 of experience. 76 00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:48,800 Oh my goodness. 77 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:49,800 Yes. 78 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:55,120 It really makes you feel not as unique as you think you are when you get to get around 79 00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:59,560 other people and they're sharing your story back to you. 80 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:04,920 And I think for people to come out of their spiritual closet and to be able to really 81 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:11,120 unleash their authenticity is, for me, it's been the main part of my spiritual process. 82 00:05:11,120 --> 00:05:15,120 And evolving has been really tapping into my authenticity. 83 00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:18,560 And I think that sharing our spiritual experiences is a big part of that. 84 00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:24,160 Well, I know the group closest to me is in Salt Lake City and they get sometimes a couple 85 00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:26,960 of hundred people out to a meeting. 86 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:31,320 Plus they have it online for those that just want to watch. 87 00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:33,480 And just wonderful people. 88 00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:38,480 I didn't make it to the National Conference in DC this year, but I was at the one, the 89 00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:42,000 National Conference in Salt Lake City last fall. 90 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:47,840 And I can tell you, if you haven't been to one before, yes, there is science behind it 91 00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:54,680 and there's plenty of people with PhDs and all kinds of initials after their name talking, 92 00:05:54,680 --> 00:06:01,720 but there's also just real people and everybody is so, what is the word? 93 00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:02,720 I don't know. 94 00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:10,120 It's just so accepting and inclusive and nobody was saying, no, what you believe is wrong 95 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:12,800 and what I believe is right or any of that. 96 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:18,520 It was just a lot of people getting together and I hate to call it a love fest, but I mean, 97 00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:20,280 it was just really nice. 98 00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:21,280 Yeah. 99 00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:25,960 I heard somebody call it this last year, a very heart-centered space. 100 00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:27,200 And that's exactly what it is. 101 00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:33,880 I went to the, my first conference was the one in Salt Lake City in 2022 and I was so 102 00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:36,280 scared because I didn't know anybody. 103 00:06:36,280 --> 00:06:43,040 I was going by myself and I hadn't really gotten as involved with IAMs as I am now. 104 00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:47,440 And so I really didn't know anybody and I walked into the hotel and the second that 105 00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:53,960 I walked through the door, it was like this wave of tingles just took over me and I was 106 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:55,760 like, whoa, I'm home. 107 00:06:55,760 --> 00:07:01,080 I've never felt this kind of vibration before and I didn't know anybody and I still had 108 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:02,880 an amazing time. 109 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:05,240 I made soul connections. 110 00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:10,080 You should see people spot each other from like across the room and they are just like 111 00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:13,480 magnetized to each other and they're like, I know you. 112 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:17,520 I mean, like I don't know you, but I know you on some soul level. 113 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:22,200 I watched so many situations like that unfold while I was there. 114 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:24,160 I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it. 115 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:25,480 It was so incredible. 116 00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:28,840 It really is such a beautiful space. 117 00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:33,040 And our podcast was fairly new back then, but some of the people that had been on the 118 00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:38,200 show found me and just ran up and gave me a hug and was so nice. 119 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:43,920 So if you have any favorites from this show, you know, you may see them at the next conference 120 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:48,840 and you can go up and give them a big hug and tell them you appreciate them sharing. 121 00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:51,440 Anyway, let's talk about you now. 122 00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:53,600 Me, me, me, me, me, finally. 123 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:55,320 I was wondering when we were going to get here. 124 00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:56,320 Finally. 125 00:07:56,320 --> 00:07:59,840 Do you have quite the past young lady? 126 00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:00,840 I do. 127 00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:01,840 Yeah. 128 00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:03,680 Should I paint you a picture of it? 129 00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:04,680 Yeah. 130 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:05,680 Go ahead. 131 00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:07,720 Cause I want it to be in your words, not mine. 132 00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:09,960 And this is without judgment. 133 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:12,560 That was only a joke, but yeah, go ahead. 134 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:13,560 Oh yeah. 135 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:16,080 You know, just like brief little trigger warning. 136 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:21,840 I do say some very triggering things because my life was very triggering. 137 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:25,240 So I grew up in this very chaotic dysfunctional home. 138 00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:30,600 My whole family is a perpetual cycle of addiction and poverty and everything that goes along 139 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:35,840 with that, which includes sexual trauma, emotional trauma, physical trauma. 140 00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:38,440 And it's been that way for generations and generations. 141 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:43,040 And it's exhausting being the one to break all the generational curses, but I guess that's 142 00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:44,840 what I'm doing here. 143 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:48,560 So I grew up using drugs to cope with my feelings. 144 00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:54,480 You know, I experienced sexual trauma as a young child and I learned how to use and cope 145 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:56,440 from my family. 146 00:08:56,440 --> 00:09:00,280 And I would see that whenever they were going through an emotion, any emotion, it could 147 00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:03,880 be joy and elation or it could be sadness and depression. 148 00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:08,000 They would take a pill or they would smoke something or they would drink something and 149 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,520 their whole mood changed. 150 00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:13,080 And as a little kid, I said, I want that. 151 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:14,760 I want to be able to do that. 152 00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:16,760 So the second that I could, I did. 153 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:20,600 And so I started using drugs really early in my life. 154 00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:24,120 And you know, everything that goes along with that, I thought that it made me cool. 155 00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:25,920 I thought that it was my personality. 156 00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:28,200 I thought that I was a rebel. 157 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:32,760 And you know, I watched my parents deteriorate with their own drug addiction. 158 00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:36,440 And in 2007, my parents had reached another bottom. 159 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:39,480 I mean, they had hit so many bottoms in their life. 160 00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:42,960 But this bottom was pretty exceptional. 161 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:47,880 And they were about to be evicted for, you know, like the millionth time, the lights 162 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:52,360 were turned off, the gas was turned off, the phone was turned off, there was no money. 163 00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:57,720 And they made this decision that they had to end their suffering and stop using drugs. 164 00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:01,160 And they did that by committing suicide with one another. 165 00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:02,960 And how old were you then? 166 00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:04,600 I was 23 when that happened. 167 00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:06,640 And my sister was 18. 168 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:10,880 And we found them and they left notes and they were very brief. 169 00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:14,960 They were actually written on like the kitchen notepad that you would make a shopping list 170 00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:15,960 on. 171 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:18,360 And, you know, it didn't explain anything. 172 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:26,120 But you know, in some way, I understood because I knew how incredibly they were suffering 173 00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:32,160 in their life, you know, like not having money can really make a person do crazy things. 174 00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:36,360 Like just not having any sort of financial security. 175 00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:41,320 And then along with the addiction and all of the mental stuff that goes along with that. 176 00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:44,560 And this was really, they thought that this was their only out. 177 00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:49,600 Yeah, you know, it was just so traumatizing and so traumatic. 178 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:53,360 And my sister and I coped in very different ways. 179 00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:57,480 I went like headfirst into my own addiction. 180 00:10:57,480 --> 00:11:00,000 And my addiction kind of became my parent. 181 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:04,480 It felt like my addiction spoke to me and said, I'll never leave you. 182 00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:06,000 I'll never abandon you. 183 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:08,560 It's me and you together forever. 184 00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:10,360 And so it became my best friend. 185 00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:11,560 It became my parent. 186 00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:13,520 It became my companion. 187 00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:15,040 It became my whole personality. 188 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:19,240 I'm covered in tattoos of liquor bottles and packs of cigarettes. 189 00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:21,640 Like this was my identity. 190 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:24,120 This was what I was going to do until I died. 191 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:28,680 And I thought that the only way to stop using drugs was to die because that's what I saw 192 00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:30,280 modeled to me. 193 00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:32,120 How did you turn things around? 194 00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:33,640 Or am I jumping ahead too far? 195 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:34,880 No, no, that's good. 196 00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:35,880 Yeah. 197 00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:37,120 I changed things around. 198 00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:38,880 Well, I died. 199 00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:39,880 That helped. 200 00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:48,160 Yeah, I had this really transformative spiritual experience after an overdose of drugs in 2019. 201 00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:51,120 And you know, I had experienced a lot more trauma in my life. 202 00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:56,560 After my parents' death, I decided that I would never be a victim to my circumstance 203 00:11:56,560 --> 00:11:57,880 ever again. 204 00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:03,600 That I would now be the perpetrator in people's storylines that I would be the abuser because 205 00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:06,120 those were the only options that I thought there was. 206 00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:08,720 There was victim and victimizer. 207 00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:12,400 I didn't know that there was any other role to play. 208 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:15,640 And so, you know, I really caused a lot of harm in my life. 209 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:19,160 I mean mountains and mountains and mountains of harm. 210 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:21,120 So I had this overdose. 211 00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:25,640 And when I overdosed, I was a militant atheist. 212 00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:30,040 And as my experience started to unfold, I was so pissed. 213 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:36,040 I was so mad that I was wrong as I started to experience this unconditional love. 214 00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:38,720 I was like, how can I be wrong? 215 00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:39,720 Okay. 216 00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:42,080 Back up a little bit. 217 00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:44,400 Don't jump ahead too fast on me here. 218 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:45,400 Okay. 219 00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:49,960 The day that this happened, what was going with something, did something lead up to you 220 00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:53,360 doing more drugs than usual to an overdose? 221 00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:54,360 What happened? 222 00:12:54,360 --> 00:13:01,000 So, the thing that led me to using more drugs was that I was going to go do my laundry. 223 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:07,080 And I thought, oh, I might as well be wavy for some mundane human task. 224 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:12,080 And the drugs that I used every day at this point in my addiction, because this is the 225 00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:19,120 tail end of my addiction, every day I used heroin, methamphetamine, ketamine, some sort 226 00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:24,240 of hallucinogen, whether it was psilocybin or LSD. 227 00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:28,880 And then some sort of like, like benzo, like, you know, like a piece of a Xanax to sort 228 00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:31,000 of like tie it all together. 229 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:35,600 So every day I was using an insane amount of drugs anyway. 230 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:40,000 But this one particular day, I decided to take a little more of each of the drugs and 231 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:43,000 it activated a spiritual awakening. 232 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:44,880 So I didn't technically die. 233 00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:47,320 I was conscious for my awakening process. 234 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,360 Today I have some language for it. 235 00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:53,440 What I experienced was a spontaneous Kundalini awakening. 236 00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:56,240 And the drugs activated my Kundalini energy. 237 00:13:56,240 --> 00:14:01,480 And if you're unfamiliar with what that term is, Kundalini roughly translates into life 238 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:02,480 force. 239 00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:05,920 So I had this life force energy activation. 240 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:11,760 Every single one of my chakras became activated and online all at the exact same moment. 241 00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:17,360 And as my third eye and my crown opened, it felt like my spirit shot out of my body. 242 00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:21,840 I gotta ask and you don't have to answer if you don't want to. 243 00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:27,240 How does one, I don't know, survive taking all those drugs? 244 00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:29,200 You couldn't hold down a job, could you? 245 00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:30,240 No, no. 246 00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:32,960 My life was immersed in prostitution. 247 00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:37,160 That's how I made money to support my drug habit or anything that I could do. 248 00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:41,920 I would steal, I would lie, I would cheat, you know, anything that I could do to get 249 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:45,320 a little bit of money to be able to afford my habit. 250 00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:46,320 Okay. 251 00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:48,800 Explain more what happened here. 252 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:51,320 So you're at the laundromat? 253 00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:53,680 It started at the laundromat, yes. 254 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:58,720 And I realized that I took too much as I was like putting the clothes into the washing 255 00:14:58,720 --> 00:14:59,720 machine. 256 00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:03,040 I live in New York, so we go to outside laundromats. 257 00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:06,080 And I, you know, like everything started to kind of feel funny. 258 00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:10,680 Like the quarters felt like they were the size of my face as I was putting them in. 259 00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:12,960 The paper money felt like tree bark. 260 00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:15,160 And I said, I gotta get out of here. 261 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:17,200 And so I started to run home. 262 00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:22,080 And as I was running home, I was going at a very quick pace. 263 00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:25,520 Every time I got to a corner, I would see the street signs. 264 00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:28,120 So I would see Madison and Stuyvesant. 265 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:32,880 And then I would run to the next block and it would say Madison and Stuyvesant again. 266 00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:35,280 And the next block, it would say it again. 267 00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:38,240 And it felt like I was stuck inside of this loop. 268 00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:44,200 And then all of a sudden the whole world became washed in the brightest white light that you 269 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,240 could ever imagine. 270 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:52,240 And then I witnessed all of the buildings around me crumbling to the ground. 271 00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:57,940 And all that was left of them was the green lines of matrix code that made them up. 272 00:15:57,940 --> 00:16:02,640 So like the fabric of reality is crashing before my eyes. 273 00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:04,680 So now I really start the high tail at home. 274 00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:06,280 I walk in through my front door. 275 00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:07,840 I finally get there. 276 00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:10,160 It felt like it took me six hours to get there. 277 00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:12,760 It might have been six minutes. 278 00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:17,720 And as I entered the doorway, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. 279 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:19,840 And I thought, who is that? 280 00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:22,800 I have no idea who this person is. 281 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:27,160 And then I heard my mother and my father's voice come into my consciousness. 282 00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:31,600 And I heard my mother say, what are we doing inside of our daughter? 283 00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:35,800 And then I started to get downloaded with just everything. 284 00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:41,080 Like every, the whole fabric of creation started to unfold inside my mind. 285 00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:43,640 The whole storyline of creation. 286 00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:49,800 And it kind of felt like I was my parents and that I was downloaded with their suicide. 287 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:54,000 And I could feel the intense anguish. 288 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:56,760 And I kind of liken this to like a life review. 289 00:16:56,760 --> 00:17:00,600 Because I was experiencing their suicide from their point of view. 290 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:04,680 And then I was experiencing it from the perspective of a grieving daughter, 291 00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:07,280 the way that I had actually experienced it. 292 00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:09,920 And it was all so overwhelming. 293 00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:13,880 And then all of my other memories started to come into my awareness. 294 00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:21,560 And I began to feel the way that I had made others feel as I victimized them and hurt them. 295 00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:27,400 And it felt like every cell in my body was covered in concrete and static. 296 00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:29,600 It was so heavy. 297 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:33,280 It felt like hell, like what people describe hell to be like. 298 00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:35,520 That is what my life review felt like. 299 00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:40,120 And I was stuck inside this super low energy. 300 00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:44,400 Just so people understand, and I ends is on board with this. 301 00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:50,240 Someone's heart doesn't have to stop to have what we call a near-death experience. 302 00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:52,120 And that was your case. 303 00:17:52,120 --> 00:17:55,800 And that's been the case of some other people that we've had on this show. 304 00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:58,920 I've learned a lot as we've gone along. 305 00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:03,000 The intro to the show used to start with something like, you know, 306 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:07,120 we're interviewing people who have actually died and seen the other side 307 00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:08,880 and come back to talk about it. 308 00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,120 And that's true. 309 00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:16,080 But these experiences, like you're describing, fit in that category as well. 310 00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:17,040 Yeah, definitely. 311 00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:19,520 They're near-death-like experiences, 312 00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:24,200 because it's all the same major points of a near-death experience. 313 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:30,000 The life review, the seeing loved ones that have crossed over, the white light, 314 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:34,400 you know, like all of these other things that are part of, yeah, 315 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:37,920 like just the common near-death experience. 316 00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:41,280 So you were feeling a hell type of experience. 317 00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:43,480 Did it progress beyond that? 318 00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:47,200 Yeah. So, you know, like as I'm feeling, again, like today, 319 00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:49,280 I can conceptualize it as a life review. 320 00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:52,840 But then I just thought, oh man, I died and I'm in hell. 321 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:55,800 So I started to hear these masculine voices. 322 00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:59,000 I started to hear my own divine masculine voice. 323 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:02,080 I recognized it as myself. 324 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:05,400 And he was guiding me into the light. 325 00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:08,320 And then my father came in and I had had a boyfriend 326 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:10,960 that had recently passed away as well. 327 00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:13,320 And so their voices were familiar to me. 328 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,640 Their energy felt familiar to me. 329 00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:18,080 And they kept saying over and over again, 330 00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:20,360 you are worthy of all the love in the universe. 331 00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:22,640 You are worthy of all the love in the universe. 332 00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:25,880 And so I started to follow those voices. 333 00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:31,200 And I found myself landed on what felt a lot like a spaceship. 334 00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:34,120 It was all covered in complete white light. 335 00:19:34,120 --> 00:19:36,280 Everything that I'm going to describe 336 00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:39,480 is the images that were coming to my mind's eye. 337 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:42,440 But on this spaceship deck, it looked 338 00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:45,800 a lot like the Gravitron ride at Carnivals. 339 00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:47,680 I don't know if anybody can remember that, 340 00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:50,280 but it's like the spaceship that spins really fast. 341 00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:52,040 And you throw yourself up against the wall 342 00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:53,040 and there's no gravity. 343 00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:54,960 So you can like flip upside down. 344 00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:56,000 That's what it felt like. 345 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:59,360 It felt like I had come out of the side of one of those panels. 346 00:19:59,360 --> 00:20:01,160 And I was standing on the deck. 347 00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:04,400 And there was thousands and thousands of other souls 348 00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:05,280 all around me. 349 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:07,920 And there was this commander in the center. 350 00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:11,320 And whether you want to call it Christ or Krishna or Buddha, 351 00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:13,760 just some sort of higher consciousness 352 00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:16,360 was the commander of all of these souls. 353 00:20:16,360 --> 00:20:20,000 And we were all getting hyped up for our mission to Earth. 354 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:23,440 And everybody was so excited and screaming. 355 00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:27,120 And everybody was so happy to be going down to Earth 356 00:20:27,120 --> 00:20:28,400 for this mission. 357 00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:30,280 And the download that came through 358 00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:34,040 was that we were all coming down for the Great Awakening, 359 00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:36,400 that there would be a transformation of consciousness 360 00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:38,720 while we were incarnate on Earth. 361 00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:41,400 And we were going down to help shift the collective 362 00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:43,360 from a level of third dimensional thinking 363 00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:45,240 to fifth dimensional thinking. 364 00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:47,720 So I'm downloaded with this whole scene. 365 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:51,360 And I'm realizing that I'm actually a spiritual warrior. 366 00:20:51,360 --> 00:20:55,280 And then my perception shifts to another scene. 367 00:20:55,280 --> 00:20:57,160 And everything is happening simultaneously 368 00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:58,520 all at the exact same moment. 369 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:01,640 And I find myself in front of this table of beings. 370 00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:04,040 And I don't know who they are, but I didn't even 371 00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:07,440 need to ask because they were most certainly people 372 00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:09,640 in charge of something. 373 00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:12,320 And so I just had this great respect. 374 00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:15,360 Like I felt like a great feeling of respect for them. 375 00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:18,440 And they had what looked like this big, giant gold book 376 00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:19,480 in front of them. 377 00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:20,840 And they were thumbing through it. 378 00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:22,960 And they were like, hey, it's good to see you. 379 00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:25,200 Get prepared for your trip back. 380 00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:27,080 You're not meant to stay. 381 00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:29,720 And I'm like looking over my shoulders, like all around me. 382 00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:32,360 I'm like, you guys aren't talking to me, are you? 383 00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:35,120 Because I don't know where I am, but I'm definitely staying. 384 00:21:35,120 --> 00:21:39,000 This place feels way better than the place that I just was. 385 00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:41,440 And I am definitely staying here. 386 00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:42,880 And they're thumbing through the book. 387 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:45,120 And they're saying, no, no, no, you're not finished yet. 388 00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:47,520 You still have a lot more that you have to do. 389 00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:49,720 You haven't completed your mission. 390 00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:52,240 And so then they take me through the details 391 00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:54,400 of my pre-birth plan. 392 00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:56,840 So they showed me that I, as a soul, 393 00:21:56,840 --> 00:22:01,160 had actually designed my life before I came to Earth. 394 00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:02,920 And the way that it looked in my mind's eye 395 00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:05,280 was a lot like a grocery store. 396 00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:07,200 And there was this man who was guiding me 397 00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:08,400 through the grocery store. 398 00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:10,640 We had this big, empty grocery cart. 399 00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:13,760 He was wearing a plaid blazer and a fedora. 400 00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:16,480 And he said, OK, pick your life. 401 00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:18,920 And so I start grabbing all of these. 402 00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:22,520 They looked like cereal boxes off of the grocery store shelves. 403 00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:26,840 And each cereal box had a life experience on it. 404 00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:28,720 And so I'm this little orb of light. 405 00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:30,280 And I'm like, well, if I'm going to Earth, 406 00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:31,640 I'm really going to Earth. 407 00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:36,520 And I start grabbing every cereal box I could get my hands on. 408 00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:38,840 So I'm picking sexual trauma. 409 00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:40,760 I picked my parents, the family line 410 00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:43,920 that I would be born into, my gender, my ethnicity. 411 00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:46,040 I picked all of my life's challenges. 412 00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:49,560 And then I also picked all of my life's purpose 413 00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:51,720 and the pieces of my mission. 414 00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:54,200 So there's a box in the cart that says author. 415 00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:57,000 There's a box in the cart that says spiritual awakening. 416 00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:00,320 There's a box in the cart that says recovery. 417 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:02,640 But none of those things had happened in my life yet. 418 00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:03,880 So they didn't resonate. 419 00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:07,240 So I just thought, wow, that's very lovely cart filler. 420 00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:09,080 So I'm taking through this whole scene. 421 00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:11,680 And every time that I grab a box, there's 422 00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:13,920 a little orb of light behind it waiting 423 00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:19,400 to come into contract with me to complete the experience. 424 00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:22,840 So the one that really sticks out very vividly for me 425 00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:26,760 is the box of childhood sexual trauma. 426 00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:29,000 As I picked that box, a little orb of light 427 00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:30,680 came out behind it. 428 00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:33,360 And it was the soul of the man who would abuse me 429 00:23:33,360 --> 00:23:34,760 as a small child. 430 00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:37,760 And we came orb to orb, face to face with each other, 431 00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:38,960 so to speak. 432 00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:40,720 And we came into contract. 433 00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:43,760 And I was downloaded with the reasons why. 434 00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:46,680 And one of the main reasons was that I had been his abuser 435 00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:49,920 in a previous life and that we were balancing the energy. 436 00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:52,480 Another reason is that we were transmuting this 437 00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:56,440 for the collective, not just for this particular soul, 438 00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:59,880 but for the entire collective as a whole. 439 00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:04,600 So then I had this great sense of freedom come over me. 440 00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:09,480 It felt like two tons of bondage had been released from my back. 441 00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:11,880 I was no longer a victim to my circumstance. 442 00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:16,440 I was actually a divine co-creator of my experience. 443 00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:18,280 Things had no longer happened to me. 444 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:20,800 They had actually happened for me. 445 00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:23,240 Because on some soul level, I had chosen it 446 00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:25,200 for the involvement of myself. 447 00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:28,920 Now, my human cannot understand how any of those experiences 448 00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:30,960 could involve me as a spirit. 449 00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:35,600 But today I have unwavering faith that my soul is in charge 450 00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:38,000 and knows exactly what's going on. 451 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:39,120 That is so amazing. 452 00:24:39,120 --> 00:24:42,480 And the thought that people would actually choose 453 00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:46,920 really hard, sometimes horrible, difficult things 454 00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:48,960 is hard to understand. 455 00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:54,240 But I guess in a realm like that, and realizing that, hey, 456 00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:57,600 I'm choosing this because I'm going to learn something from it. 457 00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,960 Is that the idea of the choices? 458 00:24:59,960 --> 00:25:01,640 Yeah, yes, absolutely. 459 00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:05,040 And again, because it does something for the collective 460 00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:06,560 itself as a ripple. 461 00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:09,680 So right now, because we're in the midst of the Great Awakening, 462 00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:12,160 the collective needs a lot of negative energy 463 00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:13,880 to be transmuted. 464 00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:18,120 So I took on all of these challenges, not only 465 00:25:18,120 --> 00:25:20,680 because I wanted to heal the family line that I was 466 00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:24,040 choosing to be born into, but I wanted to heal these things 467 00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:26,040 for the collective itself. 468 00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:28,320 So in case someone doesn't get a chance 469 00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:30,680 to experience the healing from these things, 470 00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:34,200 I'm experiencing it and creating a ripple out in collective 471 00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:37,000 so that other people can jump into that ripple 472 00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:38,760 if they so choose. 473 00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:41,680 OK, before we move on from the grocery store, 474 00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:43,280 is that what you call it? 475 00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:44,120 Yeah, I mean, it was. 476 00:25:44,120 --> 00:25:46,000 It was like a little grocery store. 477 00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:47,880 I have a whole bunch of questions here. 478 00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:51,120 So I'll try to get through a couple of them quickly. 479 00:25:51,120 --> 00:25:54,960 This whole thing about you mentioned the word contract. 480 00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:58,680 So you chose these experiences, and there 481 00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:02,000 was some kind of a binding contract that went with them? 482 00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:04,360 Well, I wouldn't say binding because that sounds 483 00:26:04,360 --> 00:26:05,920 like so condemning. 484 00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:09,400 Like if you don't complete your contract, it's OK. 485 00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:12,240 You'll probably have to come back again and finish it, 486 00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:17,160 but it's not as definitive as that. 487 00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:19,640 It's not like a jail cell. 488 00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:25,520 So I'm a big believer in agency and our freedom to choose, 489 00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:28,840 and I'm not a big believer in that everything is 490 00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:31,040 predestined ahead of time. 491 00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:34,040 I believe that we can make choices along the way. 492 00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:36,680 Does that fit into what you're talking about? 493 00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:41,600 In other words, you made some of these choices beforehand. 494 00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:45,080 During this life, could you make some different choices 495 00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:47,840 and change that path if you chose to? 496 00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:51,400 And is that a bad thing based on the contract 497 00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:53,480 that you entered into earlier? 498 00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:55,760 I know that's a lot of big questions there. 499 00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:56,920 No, no, that's great. 500 00:26:56,920 --> 00:27:00,360 So number one, there's no way to mess this up. 501 00:27:00,360 --> 00:27:01,920 It's not real. 502 00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:03,840 So there's really no way to mess it up. 503 00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:06,120 It's just kind of a game that we're playing. 504 00:27:06,120 --> 00:27:09,280 So free will and pre-birth planning 505 00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:11,160 are not mutually exclusive. 506 00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:12,520 They go together. 507 00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:15,480 So pre-birth planning, I have picked out 508 00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:18,840 the major plot points in my story. 509 00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:22,560 Now, I exercise my free will as a human here on Earth 510 00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:25,600 by designing everything in between that. 511 00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:29,320 So let's say that I have five major plot points in my life. 512 00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:31,360 I can make loops and turns. 513 00:27:31,360 --> 00:27:32,640 They're not linear. 514 00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:35,480 So for instance, one of my major plot points 515 00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:39,160 was addiction and recovery and spiritual awakening. 516 00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:41,160 Those are some of my major plot points. 517 00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:45,640 So I could have come off of the path of addiction, 518 00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:47,360 like 15 years ago. 519 00:27:47,360 --> 00:27:50,240 But I kept making my own free will decisions 520 00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:55,080 to continue on with the learning of that part of the lesson. 521 00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:58,200 And then at the point where I had gotten to where 522 00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:01,040 it was the spiritual awakening plot point needed 523 00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:04,080 to start to take place, it was like the recovery 524 00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:07,000 and the spiritual awakening plot point coincided. 525 00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:08,880 Like they crashed into each other, 526 00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:12,160 because I had taken so many twists and turns along the way 527 00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:14,920 that now my plot points were going to mesh with each other. 528 00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:18,080 I could have come into spiritual awakening very slow 529 00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:18,960 and steady. 530 00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:20,920 And in fact, many times, I think that 531 00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:22,800 would have been a lot nicer than getting 532 00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:25,000 a bucket of ice water thrown on my head 533 00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:28,000 and a bunch of spiritual bricks thrown at my face. 534 00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:30,760 Again, free will is the decisions 535 00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:32,760 that we make in between the plot points. 536 00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:36,880 But I have a deep knowing that we do pick specific things 537 00:28:36,880 --> 00:28:39,960 to do in our lifetime before we come here. 538 00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:42,320 It's like picking a major in college. 539 00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:45,200 We've picked the classes that we want to take. 540 00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:45,600 Yeah. 541 00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:48,280 And then we often change it if we feel like it later. 542 00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:49,000 Yeah. 543 00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:53,000 You mentioned the quote, storyline of creation. 544 00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:53,600 What was that? 545 00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:55,720 What was that? 546 00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:58,000 That's real hard to articulate into words. 547 00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:01,680 So one way that I can is that I was downloaded 548 00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:06,680 with the divine feminine and the divine masculine storyline 549 00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:08,040 of creation. 550 00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:11,960 So you see this reflected in every mythology. 551 00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:16,760 Every pantheon has its own divine masculine and divine 552 00:29:16,760 --> 00:29:19,520 feminine energy, every mythological family. 553 00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:23,080 So there's Jesus and Magdalene, Shiva and Shakti, 554 00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:27,080 Hera and Zeus, Adam and Eve, Isis and Osiris. 555 00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:31,280 So I was shown that we as souls are here 556 00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:36,200 to express the divine masculine and divine feminine energy 557 00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:37,200 within ourselves. 558 00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:38,640 It doesn't necessarily mean that you're 559 00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:42,800 supposed to have a masculine and a feminine human being. 560 00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:46,760 Inside of my soul, it's divided into two, a masculine 561 00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:48,120 and a feminine energy. 562 00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:50,480 And this is proven in science with left brain 563 00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:52,080 and right brain thinking. 564 00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:55,080 OK, so it wasn't about the creation of the Earth 565 00:29:55,080 --> 00:29:56,960 or some galaxy or something. 566 00:29:56,960 --> 00:29:58,640 It was more about us. 567 00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:01,080 It was more about the soul's journey here. 568 00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:02,680 Again, Earth is an illusion. 569 00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:03,680 It's not real. 570 00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:05,680 So it's really just like, where do you 571 00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:08,960 decide to pick up the storyline from? 572 00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:12,400 So what makes you think that Earth is an illusion and not real? 573 00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:16,640 Well, I'll say I've got lots of reasons why I think that. 574 00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:19,080 One of the main reasons is I'm a student and a teacher 575 00:30:19,080 --> 00:30:22,240 of a course in miracles, and in that metaphysical text, which 576 00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:24,440 is a channeled message from Jesus, 577 00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:27,400 it tells us that this world that we live inside of 578 00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:28,360 is a dream. 579 00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:31,560 And it can be a nightmare or it can be a happy dream, 580 00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:34,000 depending on where your thought forms go. 581 00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:38,080 That was something that gave me the confirmation of what 582 00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:40,680 I had experienced in my spiritual experience. 583 00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:43,200 When I woke up in the space of eternity, 584 00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:45,920 it felt like I had woken up from a dream. 585 00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:48,440 I remember kind of like shaking my head and going like, 586 00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:50,080 whoa, that was so weird. 587 00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:51,800 Did my parents kill themselves? 588 00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:53,000 Crazy. 589 00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:55,040 The same way that you would wake up from a dream 590 00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:57,400 and you'd only be able to grab three seconds of it 591 00:30:57,400 --> 00:30:59,320 when you're actually sleeping. 592 00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:01,400 So that's what it felt like. 593 00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:04,720 Sometimes I can look around and just sort of see the energy 594 00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:08,240 vibrating in the walls around me and say, 595 00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:11,080 I can't believe I think this is real. 596 00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:14,400 I know that real reality is without form. 597 00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:17,440 And this reality where we're in form 598 00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:19,280 is just kind of like a little pit stop. 599 00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:21,560 It's just a ride that we're on. 600 00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:26,080 Well, unto us here, if you can see it, feel it, touch it, 601 00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:29,440 smell it, et cetera, it must be real, right? 602 00:31:29,440 --> 00:31:30,600 Right, yeah. 603 00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:33,200 OK, let's jump back to the grocery store. 604 00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:35,080 I want to see what happened next. 605 00:31:35,080 --> 00:31:36,360 OK, OK. 606 00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:38,720 So after they had taken me through all of that, 607 00:31:38,720 --> 00:31:42,400 and like I said, I had this kind of weight lifted off of me, 608 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:45,360 I found myself back in front of the table of beings. 609 00:31:45,360 --> 00:31:47,800 And I was so grateful. 610 00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:49,600 I just kept saying, wow, I'm so grateful 611 00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:50,720 to have this information. 612 00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:52,840 I'm so grateful to have this information. 613 00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:55,600 I will still not be returning to Earth, 614 00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:58,640 but I am so grateful to know that I actually 615 00:31:58,640 --> 00:32:00,760 picked that crazy life. 616 00:32:00,760 --> 00:32:04,200 And they said, listen, you're not going back as a punishment. 617 00:32:04,200 --> 00:32:06,600 You are going back to complete the mission 618 00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:08,280 that you signed up for. 619 00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:10,360 So you have to balance your lifetime. 620 00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:12,560 You have to complete the grocery cart. 621 00:32:12,560 --> 00:32:14,040 And I was very dismissive. 622 00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:15,920 And I said, I don't need to go back. 623 00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:17,600 I said, listen, you guys don't tell us 624 00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:19,640 what Earth is actually like. 625 00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:21,280 And I don't think that I can handle it. 626 00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:23,840 I don't think that I can go back and finish. 627 00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:26,760 I said, I definitely cannot go back into her pointing 628 00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:27,600 to my own body. 629 00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:30,400 I said, well, I could see my body in the bathroom 630 00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:31,520 outside myself. 631 00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:32,320 That's where I was. 632 00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:34,960 That's where my awakening took place inside my bathroom. 633 00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:36,360 Glamorous. 634 00:32:36,360 --> 00:32:38,120 Yes, I know. 635 00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:39,920 I said, she's glitched. 636 00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:41,760 She needs way too much healing. 637 00:32:41,760 --> 00:32:43,320 Like her body is wrecked. 638 00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:46,440 There's no way to fix what she's done. 639 00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:48,880 And they kind of chuckled. 640 00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:50,280 Of course, it can be healed. 641 00:32:50,280 --> 00:32:52,640 But I don't understand that. 642 00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:54,680 They said, well, listen, you don't have to go back into her 643 00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:56,040 if you really don't want to. 644 00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:57,520 But you do have to go back. 645 00:32:57,520 --> 00:33:00,960 And so we'll show you the baby that you'll be born into. 646 00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:02,760 And so then they took me into this scene 647 00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:06,000 where I could see, everything looked a lot like a video game. 648 00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:09,160 And that could be because of the generation that I'm born in 649 00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:11,080 or because we live in a simulation. 650 00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:12,200 You can take your pick. 651 00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:14,720 But so they showed me this little baby and everything 652 00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:18,640 about her, like all of her stats came up next to her. 653 00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:19,880 She was beautiful. 654 00:33:19,880 --> 00:33:22,880 And they showed me her gender, her ethnicity, her family line, 655 00:33:22,880 --> 00:33:25,520 her challenges, her purpose, her mission. 656 00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:28,640 And she was going to have to complete my grocery cart 657 00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:30,440 on top of a couple of other things 658 00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:32,680 that were going to be added because of the family line 659 00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:34,640 that she was going to be born into. 660 00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:38,760 And so I thought, OK, if these are my only options starting 661 00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:43,760 from zero or going back into the body I just came from, 662 00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:46,040 then I'm going to go back into her. 663 00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:48,720 And they said, listen, we promise you 664 00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:51,440 that your life will not be nearly as challenging 665 00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:52,640 as it has been. 666 00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:54,600 You're going to be living in awareness now. 667 00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:57,920 You're going to have these beautiful spiritual goggles 668 00:33:57,920 --> 00:34:01,520 on that when we come into awareness, we get to wear. 669 00:34:01,520 --> 00:34:04,880 They said, the first part of your life was boot camp. 670 00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:07,040 And the second part of your life will be carrying out 671 00:34:07,040 --> 00:34:07,960 your mission. 672 00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:10,000 And this time around, you're going to have helpers. 673 00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:12,040 You're going to have kindred spirits, soulmates, 674 00:34:12,040 --> 00:34:13,760 mentors, teachers. 675 00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:15,280 You're going to find the knowledge 676 00:34:15,280 --> 00:34:17,640 that you need to help you on your way. 677 00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:19,880 And your life will be vastly different. 678 00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:20,880 Trust us. 679 00:34:20,880 --> 00:34:23,560 And I said, I do not trust you guys. 680 00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:26,560 And then I found myself back in my awareness on my bathroom 681 00:34:26,560 --> 00:34:27,400 floor. 682 00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:30,920 And that was the end of my spiritual experience. 683 00:34:30,920 --> 00:34:33,240 You told them that you don't trust them? 684 00:34:33,240 --> 00:34:33,760 I do. 685 00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:35,600 Yeah, I do not trust them. 686 00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:37,160 That was how I felt then. 687 00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:39,360 Now I have a different perception. 688 00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:40,920 It's true, though. 689 00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:45,680 I feel like I wasn't prepared for what Earth actually was. 690 00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:47,920 I had somebody ask me once, do you 691 00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:50,480 think this was an informed decision? 692 00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:52,360 And in a way, I don't. 693 00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:56,040 Because when I'm in that spiritual space, 694 00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:59,000 as I'm picking the cereal boxes, I'm 695 00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:01,360 feeling the life experience. 696 00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:03,520 But I'm feeling it for a millisecond, 697 00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:05,760 because time doesn't exist there. 698 00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:07,600 So I don't realize that I'm going 699 00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:11,120 to be dealing with the grief from my parents' suicide 700 00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:12,880 for decades of time. 701 00:35:12,880 --> 00:35:14,920 I just think, oh, yeah, I can handle this. 702 00:35:14,920 --> 00:35:17,200 Or the pain from addiction. 703 00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:20,480 Oh, yeah, this seems like it would be interesting to experience. 704 00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:23,400 I don't realize that it's going to be decades of linear time 705 00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:24,280 here. 706 00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:27,040 So for a long time, I felt kind of tricked 707 00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:28,400 into this whole experience. 708 00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:29,840 Today, I have a different awareness, 709 00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:31,120 and I don't feel that way. 710 00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:33,840 But I can understand how other people do. 711 00:35:33,840 --> 00:35:37,400 I can't imagine how hard it was to heal at that point, 712 00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:41,560 physically from addictions, as well as having to finally deal 713 00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:43,560 with all these emotional things. 714 00:35:43,560 --> 00:35:45,240 What was that process like? 715 00:35:45,240 --> 00:35:46,480 How long did it take? 716 00:35:46,480 --> 00:35:49,840 Because you seem very healthy and happy today. 717 00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:50,520 Thank you. 718 00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:51,960 Yes, I am. 719 00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:54,720 I drink a gallon of water a day, so that really helps. 720 00:35:54,720 --> 00:35:59,360 But my healing process, I mean, I'm still healing. 721 00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:01,040 I'm not cured of addiction. 722 00:36:01,040 --> 00:36:02,600 I have a daily practice. 723 00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:04,640 I'm part of a 12-step fellowship. 724 00:36:04,640 --> 00:36:07,400 That's something that really helps me. 725 00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:10,600 I actually experienced a spontaneous healing 726 00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:12,480 after my spiritual experience. 727 00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:15,240 Like I said, this body was very glitched. 728 00:36:15,240 --> 00:36:17,840 After my experience, I wrote the Holding Office Drug 729 00:36:17,840 --> 00:36:18,880 and Do Psychosis. 730 00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:21,320 I didn't know anything about spirituality. 731 00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:23,840 I didn't know anything about spiritual awakening. 732 00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:26,960 And I definitely refused to believe in anything like that. 733 00:36:26,960 --> 00:36:29,440 I just thought, man, I was so high 734 00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:31,120 that I thought I was talking to God. 735 00:36:31,120 --> 00:36:32,520 That's crazy. 736 00:36:32,520 --> 00:36:35,560 And then all of these really beautiful signs and synchronicities 737 00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:38,920 started to take place to let me know that my experience was 738 00:36:38,920 --> 00:36:43,080 a true one and that I really had to get onto a different path. 739 00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:45,200 And there was this great sense of urgency 740 00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:47,200 about getting onto the path now. 741 00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:50,080 So my world became very teeny tiny. 742 00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:54,680 And I know my guides and my soul made my life 743 00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:57,080 impossible to keep using drugs. 744 00:36:57,080 --> 00:37:00,120 But I had a physical dependency to heroin. 745 00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:05,200 So along with mental addictions to countless other substances. 746 00:37:05,200 --> 00:37:07,160 And so it was really challenging for me 747 00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:11,360 because I didn't want to deal with the pain of withdrawal. 748 00:37:11,360 --> 00:37:14,080 I found myself on day three of withdrawal 749 00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:17,360 because I had no way to get drugs all of a sudden 750 00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:19,080 after decades of using them. 751 00:37:19,080 --> 00:37:20,840 Now all of a sudden I had no dealers. 752 00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:23,600 Nobody wanted to have anything to do with me. 753 00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:26,040 And so I found myself on day three of withdrawal, 754 00:37:26,040 --> 00:37:27,120 which is the worst. 755 00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:29,000 And if you don't have any experience with that, 756 00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:30,560 I'm so happy for you. 757 00:37:30,560 --> 00:37:33,560 It's what they depict in films when they show people 758 00:37:33,560 --> 00:37:34,880 like really going through it. 759 00:37:34,880 --> 00:37:38,800 It feels like your skin is made of broken glass 760 00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:42,040 and your bones are campfire logs. 761 00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:42,960 You're sweating. 762 00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:47,360 You're sick all over yourself from both ends, aches and pains. 763 00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:49,200 And none of it is even real. 764 00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:52,360 Like there's nothing actually physically wrong with you. 765 00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:55,080 And so I was writhing in pain. 766 00:37:55,080 --> 00:37:58,040 And I heard a voice and it said that I could request 767 00:37:58,040 --> 00:37:59,800 what I wanted fixed. 768 00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:01,840 And I was in the throes of desperation. 769 00:38:01,840 --> 00:38:03,560 So I was like, okay, strange voice. 770 00:38:03,560 --> 00:38:05,600 I want to no longer be physically dependent 771 00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:06,880 to this substance. 772 00:38:06,880 --> 00:38:08,800 Please take this away from me. 773 00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:12,440 They told me to lay back, count backwards from 10. 774 00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:16,160 And I saw these two little men appear in my mind's eye. 775 00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:18,640 And every time I tell the story, I see them again. 776 00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:20,200 And they just like waved to me. 777 00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:22,760 So these two men, they were wearing white lab coats 778 00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:24,600 and they had these bulbous noses. 779 00:38:24,600 --> 00:38:28,000 And they had these little lawn mowers in front of them. 780 00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:31,040 And I watched these men take off 781 00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:32,920 and go in separate directions 782 00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:36,960 to start working through every crevice of my mind. 783 00:38:36,960 --> 00:38:39,560 And as they were going, they were mowing out 784 00:38:39,560 --> 00:38:41,480 the old neural pathways 785 00:38:41,480 --> 00:38:44,200 and they were creating space for the new ones. 786 00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:46,760 So my pain receptors were being restored. 787 00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:48,760 Again, I'm not actually physically, 788 00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:50,840 there's nothing physically happening to me 789 00:38:50,840 --> 00:38:52,720 that I should be feeling this pain. 790 00:38:52,720 --> 00:38:55,280 It's because everything inside my mind is so jumbled 791 00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:56,880 because of the substance. 792 00:38:56,880 --> 00:38:58,600 So they were clearing it all out. 793 00:38:58,600 --> 00:39:01,560 And when they finished mapping out my mind, 794 00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:05,800 I felt somebody draw X's onto my forehead with their thumb 795 00:39:05,800 --> 00:39:08,240 and then a plunger on the crown of my head. 796 00:39:08,240 --> 00:39:10,320 And as it plunged down and came back up, 797 00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:12,960 there was this bright white flash. 798 00:39:12,960 --> 00:39:15,400 And I was instantaneously healed 799 00:39:15,400 --> 00:39:18,400 out of day three of heroin withdrawal. 800 00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:20,520 I mean, like moments before I was sick 801 00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:23,560 all over myself, welcoming death. 802 00:39:23,560 --> 00:39:24,640 And then in an instant, 803 00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:27,480 I was completely well and healed and fine. 804 00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:29,440 And I couldn't believe it. 805 00:39:29,440 --> 00:39:31,440 I threw myself on the ground. 806 00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:33,800 I was on my knees crying out, 807 00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:35,320 how could this be happening to me? 808 00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:36,560 I don't believe in this. 809 00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:40,440 You could not have picked a more unworthy subject 810 00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:42,600 to bestow this kind of grace on. 811 00:39:42,600 --> 00:39:45,720 And for the contrast, I was an atheist. 812 00:39:45,720 --> 00:39:47,840 I was an orphan to suicide. 813 00:39:47,840 --> 00:39:49,000 I was a drug addict. 814 00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:50,360 I was a prostitute. 815 00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:53,120 I was a liar, a manipulator, a thief. 816 00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:54,240 I was a rapist. 817 00:39:54,240 --> 00:39:55,760 I was a racist. 818 00:39:55,760 --> 00:39:57,800 I was all of the things that you would think 819 00:39:57,800 --> 00:40:00,560 would not bestow you with any kind of grace. 820 00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:02,680 In fact, those are all things that were taught, 821 00:40:02,680 --> 00:40:05,920 condemn you to something really terrible. 822 00:40:05,920 --> 00:40:08,360 And there I was completely enveloped, 823 00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:11,080 totally healed, completely fine 824 00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:12,880 because of the unconditional love 825 00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:15,040 and grace of source energy. 826 00:40:15,040 --> 00:40:16,640 What did that feel like? 827 00:40:16,640 --> 00:40:18,000 I mean, it just, you know, 828 00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:21,040 this flood of unworthiness tried to take over me. 829 00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:21,880 It really did. 830 00:40:21,880 --> 00:40:23,320 And it was quickly combated 831 00:40:23,320 --> 00:40:26,040 by what felt like a shield of light. 832 00:40:27,200 --> 00:40:29,640 You know, like the feeling of knowing 833 00:40:29,640 --> 00:40:31,320 that I'm worth something 834 00:40:31,320 --> 00:40:34,080 when I had felt so worthless my whole life, 835 00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:36,960 I had abused myself to no end, 836 00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:38,600 you know, like victimized 837 00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:42,680 and just completely abused by myself. 838 00:40:42,680 --> 00:40:43,920 I did that. 839 00:40:43,920 --> 00:40:47,400 And so, yeah, knowing that I was worthy of something more 840 00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:51,200 was just, I mean, obviously it was very life changing. 841 00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:52,480 That's amazing. 842 00:40:52,480 --> 00:40:54,480 I mean, really amazing. 843 00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:56,880 Okay, what's the moral of the story? 844 00:40:56,880 --> 00:40:59,520 Well, so I think the moral of the story is 845 00:40:59,520 --> 00:41:01,440 there's no such thing as condemnation. 846 00:41:01,440 --> 00:41:03,880 And I think that that's a really big thing that I took away. 847 00:41:03,880 --> 00:41:05,360 There is no judgment. 848 00:41:05,360 --> 00:41:07,840 There's no way to mess this up. 849 00:41:07,840 --> 00:41:12,560 And really, you know, the idea that if you do wrong, 850 00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:16,440 you don't get to go to heaven. 851 00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:17,760 It's just not true. 852 00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:21,000 Like, so for me, I could have come back 853 00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:23,400 and continued living my life the way that I was. 854 00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:25,960 In fact, I did for many months after my experience, 855 00:41:25,960 --> 00:41:28,520 I kept using and manipulating, stealing. 856 00:41:28,520 --> 00:41:30,920 Today, I choose to live righteously 857 00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:33,000 because it feels better. 858 00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:35,920 It feels better to be of service to other people. 859 00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:38,720 I didn't think that I would ever be able to feel good 860 00:41:38,720 --> 00:41:40,760 without a chemical getting me there 861 00:41:40,760 --> 00:41:42,760 or experience or a person 862 00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:46,160 or whatever I was using to make me feel things. 863 00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:49,480 And today, just by being of service to other people, 864 00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:52,760 this is the highest that I've ever been in my life. 865 00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:55,200 And it feels much more aligned 866 00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:57,920 with that fit dimensional level of thinking, 867 00:41:57,920 --> 00:42:01,120 which is a service spirit centered level of thinking. 868 00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:03,720 Thinking outside of yourself for others. 869 00:42:03,720 --> 00:42:04,720 Yes. 870 00:42:04,720 --> 00:42:07,080 What do you say to someone who may say, 871 00:42:07,080 --> 00:42:11,480 hey, all that was was a drug induced psychosis. 872 00:42:11,480 --> 00:42:13,800 Oh yeah, I mean, I thought the same thing. 873 00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:15,160 I'm totally with you. 874 00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:16,520 I'm totally with you. 875 00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:19,680 But if you see before and after pictures of me, 876 00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:23,960 you can tell that there is something much bigger going on. 877 00:42:23,960 --> 00:42:26,160 I mean, I don't even look like the same person. 878 00:42:26,160 --> 00:42:28,640 It's incredible, incredible. 879 00:42:28,640 --> 00:42:31,760 And there was still many divine signs and synchronicities 880 00:42:31,760 --> 00:42:33,720 that took place after my experience 881 00:42:33,720 --> 00:42:36,440 to let me know that it was a true one 882 00:42:36,440 --> 00:42:38,880 and that something big must be happening. 883 00:42:38,880 --> 00:42:42,000 If I was awoken, I know something's happening 884 00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:43,000 on a grand scale. 885 00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:45,040 This was not part of my picture. 886 00:42:45,040 --> 00:42:47,720 We're in the midst of transformation. 887 00:42:47,720 --> 00:42:49,920 Yeah, and you mentioned the great awakening. 888 00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:51,360 What do you mean by that? 889 00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:55,560 So I am under the impression from my spiritual downloads 890 00:42:55,560 --> 00:42:58,800 that we are in the midst of transformation of consciousness 891 00:42:58,800 --> 00:43:03,160 that life as we know it right now will soon be transforming. 892 00:43:03,160 --> 00:43:05,520 And some of us are already on the path to that. 893 00:43:05,520 --> 00:43:08,640 Some of us are living spirit led lives. 894 00:43:08,640 --> 00:43:11,680 And that's the difference between 3D and 5D. 895 00:43:11,680 --> 00:43:14,840 3D is a very materialistic way of looking at things, 896 00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:20,080 very ego-centered, and 5D is spirit and service-centered. 897 00:43:20,080 --> 00:43:23,280 So it's about that sort of shift in consciousness 898 00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:26,360 where we'll become much more kind to each other. 899 00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:29,880 But it's like a phoenix rising from the ashes. 900 00:43:29,880 --> 00:43:31,800 Everything has to burn to the ground first 901 00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:35,240 before we can kind of ascend into that level of thought. 902 00:43:35,240 --> 00:43:39,000 And this does feel like something going on worldwide, doesn't it? 903 00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:40,200 Oh, definitely. 904 00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:41,040 You're amazing. 905 00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:43,080 Did this take a lot of psychotherapy too, 906 00:43:43,080 --> 00:43:47,080 or was your healing just overall like, 907 00:43:47,080 --> 00:43:49,000 Wham, you were there already? 908 00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:49,480 Oh, yeah. 909 00:43:49,480 --> 00:43:52,720 I think my healing process was more like, 910 00:43:52,720 --> 00:43:54,560 well, I had to figure out how to be a person 911 00:43:54,560 --> 00:43:57,680 without using drugs because I had never done that. 912 00:43:57,680 --> 00:44:01,920 So I went into a long-term rehab where they basically 913 00:44:01,920 --> 00:44:06,120 broke me down into a pile of mush and then built me back up. 914 00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:08,680 And I was there for a year and a half. 915 00:44:08,680 --> 00:44:11,920 So I had space just to sit and learn 916 00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:15,480 and use my mind for the first time in my life. 917 00:44:15,480 --> 00:44:18,640 I devoured every sacred text, cover to cover. 918 00:44:18,640 --> 00:44:21,600 And I started to figure out what it was that I liked about them 919 00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:25,560 and what I could take and design my own spirituality around. 920 00:44:25,560 --> 00:44:28,200 So I think more than psychotherapy, 921 00:44:28,200 --> 00:44:31,720 it was really just about finding my spiritual connection 922 00:44:31,720 --> 00:44:34,920 and relying on my guides to help me. 923 00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:38,160 Well, something worked because it's not easy for somebody 924 00:44:38,160 --> 00:44:41,640 to be able to say all the things that you did. 925 00:44:41,640 --> 00:44:47,200 I was an addict, an abuser, a prostitute, all these things 926 00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:49,440 without just wallowing in guilt. 927 00:44:49,440 --> 00:44:51,640 And oh, my gosh, I'm a horrible person. 928 00:44:51,640 --> 00:44:54,120 And you've somehow gotten past that. 929 00:44:54,120 --> 00:44:55,200 It's fake, Eric. 930 00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:56,640 This isn't even real. 931 00:44:56,640 --> 00:44:58,320 Like, why wouldn't I be honest? 932 00:44:58,320 --> 00:44:59,480 It's not real. 933 00:44:59,480 --> 00:45:03,320 And I also, I work the 12 steps in a 12-step fellowship. 934 00:45:03,320 --> 00:45:05,840 So that's also really helpful with letting go of guilt 935 00:45:05,840 --> 00:45:06,680 and shame. 936 00:45:06,680 --> 00:45:09,800 My past doesn't have any bondage over my present anymore 937 00:45:09,800 --> 00:45:12,880 because, you know, first of all, it's gone. 938 00:45:12,880 --> 00:45:14,520 There's nothing that I can do about it. 939 00:45:14,520 --> 00:45:16,720 So the only thing that I can do about it 940 00:45:16,720 --> 00:45:18,520 is make living amends. 941 00:45:18,520 --> 00:45:21,920 So now, you know, like I caused harm to my partners 942 00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:22,720 in the past. 943 00:45:22,720 --> 00:45:24,960 Now I'm a better partner today, where 944 00:45:24,960 --> 00:45:27,640 I caused a lot of harm to other women in my past. 945 00:45:27,640 --> 00:45:29,360 So now I'm a better friend today, 946 00:45:29,360 --> 00:45:31,520 and I assist women on their healing journeys 947 00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:33,280 instead of harming them. 948 00:45:33,280 --> 00:45:36,120 And so just by letting go of that guilt and shame, 949 00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:40,840 I'm able to continue on the path and do righteous things. 950 00:45:40,840 --> 00:45:42,520 Yeah, that's great. 951 00:45:42,520 --> 00:45:45,480 OK, before I let you go, I want to come back to one thing 952 00:45:45,480 --> 00:45:47,920 and have you explain this just a little bit more 953 00:45:47,920 --> 00:45:51,000 because this sounded pretty neat. 954 00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:54,680 As you were at that table with the beings, right, 955 00:45:54,680 --> 00:45:58,560 and you said something like, you didn't want to go back 956 00:45:58,560 --> 00:46:02,120 because this felt so much better. 957 00:46:02,120 --> 00:46:06,360 Describe that and how that has helped you today. 958 00:46:06,360 --> 00:46:07,480 That's a great question. 959 00:46:07,480 --> 00:46:09,040 Thank you for that. 960 00:46:09,040 --> 00:46:15,800 The way that it felt in heaven was peace and joy and love 961 00:46:15,800 --> 00:46:17,440 and connection. 962 00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:19,040 And it felt like home. 963 00:46:19,040 --> 00:46:21,320 I mean, I thought that I knew what home was. 964 00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:24,640 I don't know if I ever experienced a very happy home. 965 00:46:24,640 --> 00:46:27,400 But you know, I did have little glimpses of it 966 00:46:27,400 --> 00:46:28,760 throughout my life. 967 00:46:28,760 --> 00:46:31,160 And this was not even comparable to it. 968 00:46:31,160 --> 00:46:35,000 It was beyond anything that I could ever conceive. 969 00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:37,280 So a long time after my experience, 970 00:46:37,280 --> 00:46:40,160 I thought that my goal was just to get back to heaven. 971 00:46:40,160 --> 00:46:43,080 And I thought that I had to do recovery to do that. 972 00:46:43,080 --> 00:46:45,640 So I stopped using drugs. 973 00:46:45,640 --> 00:46:48,040 And I had 14 days off drugs. 974 00:46:48,040 --> 00:46:50,560 And I said, OK, God, I'm doing what you want. 975 00:46:50,560 --> 00:46:52,400 Can you send me back home yet? 976 00:46:52,400 --> 00:46:53,880 And then no response. 977 00:46:53,880 --> 00:46:55,800 And then a month goes by. 978 00:46:55,800 --> 00:46:56,800 Same thing. 979 00:46:56,800 --> 00:46:58,720 Still no response. 980 00:46:58,720 --> 00:47:01,640 A year goes by, hey, is somebody coming to get me? 981 00:47:01,640 --> 00:47:04,360 Like, can somebody come pick me up? 982 00:47:04,360 --> 00:47:06,920 And I realized after integrating and finding 983 00:47:06,920 --> 00:47:09,640 the spiritual texts that really helped me along my way, 984 00:47:09,640 --> 00:47:12,240 that it's not about going back to heaven. 985 00:47:12,240 --> 00:47:15,200 I don't need to go back to heaven to feel that feeling. 986 00:47:15,200 --> 00:47:17,040 I can bring heaven here. 987 00:47:17,040 --> 00:47:20,400 And I do that, again, by being of service to others, 988 00:47:20,400 --> 00:47:23,560 by staying grounded in my spiritual practices, 989 00:47:23,560 --> 00:47:27,560 by finding and connecting with my spiritual communities, 990 00:47:27,560 --> 00:47:30,840 finding the members of my soul tribe in form, 991 00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:35,000 finding the other humans that I felt on that spaceship, 992 00:47:35,000 --> 00:47:37,120 the people that were so excited to come to Earth 993 00:47:37,120 --> 00:47:37,920 for this mission. 994 00:47:37,920 --> 00:47:41,280 I found them here on Earth because I set intention. 995 00:47:41,280 --> 00:47:42,280 And I prayed for them. 996 00:47:42,280 --> 00:47:43,640 And they came to me. 997 00:47:43,640 --> 00:47:46,400 And so now I'm surrounded by the people 998 00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:49,680 that I know that I came to Earth to accomplish things with. 999 00:47:49,680 --> 00:47:51,840 And that feels just like heaven to me. 1000 00:47:51,840 --> 00:47:55,960 And even the conversation like this feels just like home. 1001 00:47:55,960 --> 00:47:58,640 Because it's about connection and expansion. 1002 00:47:58,640 --> 00:47:59,880 Well, thanks a lot, Betty. 1003 00:47:59,880 --> 00:48:01,720 This has uplifted my whole day. 1004 00:48:01,720 --> 00:48:02,840 Thank you. 1005 00:48:02,840 --> 00:48:03,340 Me too. 1006 00:48:03,340 --> 00:48:04,120 I feel great. 1007 00:48:04,120 --> 00:48:07,080 Thanks so much. 1008 00:48:07,080 --> 00:48:10,240 Thanks again for listening and sharing this podcast. 1009 00:48:10,240 --> 00:48:12,360 If you've had a roundtrip death experience, 1010 00:48:12,360 --> 00:48:14,120 we would love to hear from you. 1011 00:48:14,120 --> 00:48:17,480 Send an email to eric at roundtripdeath.com. 1012 00:48:17,480 --> 00:48:19,720 Until then, I wish you everything good 1013 00:48:19,720 --> 00:48:26,280 that you're looking for in this life and the next.