Welcome to Girls Who Read Porn. Please be advised that this podcast contains mature content for mature audiences.
The title might have given that away though. We would also advise you triple check the trigger warnings of each book prior to the episode.
And if it's not for you, we'll see you next week. Each episode includes major spoilers, so make sure you read the book.
And don't say we didn't warn you. With all that in mind, on with the show.
Welcome to another episode of Girls Who Read Porn. Welcome. My name is Ola.
Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome. I'm here with Betty.
Hello. What up? And Joy? Hi.
Hello. Hi. You're on a vlog today. Yeah. There's an energy in the room.
I know. We do. I ate a really good lunch. And like, you know, when you eat a lunch that makes you so happy that you kind of like sway a bit while you're eating it.
Because like you're just so happy. That's what was happening. Oh, that's good. I went out for a lunch date with Josh.
I had fish and chips and the fish was on point. No.
What are we talking about? It's apparently my week. I just found out.
I read this book like two weeks ago and I don't remember any of it. It's My Killer Vacation by Tessa Bailey.
Let's go through the blurb and see. We got to do the stars first. Oh, sure. Four. Four. Yeah, it's going to give it a four. Yeah, cool.
Like from memory, good book to read in between books. Yeah. Yeah, it's a good filler book.
It's like when you when you read a dark one, you want to read something light. Read that. That's what I mean when I say in between books.
Like you need to have an in-between book and they're just as important as the non in-between books. Exactly. They are important. Like a palette cleanser.
Yeah, like mint gelato. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
OK, let's read the blurb because I don't remember what it's about. It's going to be a really shit week.
It was supposed to be a relaxing vacation in sweet sunny Cape Cod.
Just me and my beloved brother. But discovering a corpse in our rental house really throws a wrench into our tanning schedule.
Now a rude, crude bounty hunter has arrived on the back of his motorcycle to catch the killer and refuses to believe it can be helpful despite countless hours of true crime podcast listening, not to mention a fulfilling teaching career of wrangling second graders.
A brash bounty hunter and an eclectic elementary school teacher, the murder solving team no one asked for. But thanks to these pesky attempts on my life, we're stuck together come hell or high water.
I fucking love it. It's almost better than the book.
Oh, wait. Hello, high tide. Should be water. High tide because they're on the beach.
You're in Cape Cod. It's a play on words. Hello, high tide.
I'm just here to do a job, not babysit an amateur sleuth, although it's becoming less and less of a hardship to have her around. Sure she's stubborn, distracting and can't stay out of harm's way.
She's also brave and beautiful. Oh, and reminds me of the home I left behind three years ago. In other words, the painful hunger and protectiveness she's waking up in me is a threat to my peace of mind.
Before I sink any deeper into this dangerous attraction, I need to solve this murder and get back on the road, but will fate take her from me before I realize the road has been leading to her.
Oh,
okay. First of all, that was a great blurb. Right? It was a great blurb. And I do want to point out that this book was TikTok famous. That's another reason why we chose it. We have been going kind of.
That's what I was about to say. Not disappointed TikTok. Thank you for not being assholes.
But you can't go wrong with Tessa Bailey. Like Tessa Bailey is like a well known author. Her books are in like, you know, bookstores. She's got a down pat.
Like actually printed. Yeah, buy them in paperback. You know what I mean? Can I just tell you something? You could buy Icebreaker paperback. You couldn't until it became famous.
Tessa Bailey has been doing this before TikTok and her books have been in stores. Yeah, H.E. Carlton was in store.
No, but like if it makes it all the way to a New Zealand bookstore. Oh, okay. You know what I mean? Is that how we're going to be measuring it? As if it gets to New Zealand. Because New Zealand is literally in the middle of nowhere.
And everything in New Zealand like that is imported. It's all imported. There are no published. It's got to be like. Popular enough for people to want to buy it in a bookstore. We're in America, like they're produced there. So it's easy to get them in bookstores.
It's hard to get. It's true. It's hard to get hardback, hard coffee books. Yeah. In New Zealand. Yeah, I had like a full fucking meltdown, not about books, but about makeup in Australia compared to America.
And I looked at American prices and it's like three dollars and here it's 35. And it's even worse here. And then it's even worse here where I'll be like fuck Australia for having so much access to makeup.
Yeah, we don't get half of what you would get in the US. Do you know what the other thing freaks me out is? I reckon I'd have a panic attack if I went into Costco in America because we only have like a certain amount of products and then that's it.
Like there's no more room. Yeah, that's it. America's like here's an extra fucking acre to throw more shit in there. And they've probably got their whole cereal aisle is probably bigger than our biggest supermarket. Yeah.
Walmart? Like when I went to Walmart the first time when I was in America, I walked in and I was like, oh, it's a supermarket. Right. And then I walked a little bit further and I was like, there's a Starbucks.
And then I walked a little bit further and I was like, there's a clothes store. And then you go again and there's a pharmacy and a hair salon. They're selling coffins in these motherfuckers.
There was an ammo range. By gun. Test it in the Walmart. I was like, Jesus Christ. That's silly.
It's a lot. It's a lot like, but the same is like in Europe as well. Like when I go to Poland, mate, it's every single skin care I can imagine is in their supermarket. Every clothing you buy it in the supermarket.
Like Asda's open like 24 hours. So if you want a flat screen TV and a chicken at three o'clock in the morning, like you can go to Asda.
Yeah. So we're. Nothing's open 24 hours here except for like night and day. Night and day. Only some of the court night and day. But some of them close at 11.
So, yeah.
Only only is like our 7-Eleven. Yeah. Our 7-Eleven doesn't even stay open. We do have 24 hour shops and our 24 hour shops are fucking Kmart.
Oh, that's amazing. I love Kmart. Kmart hits different. It's like the target of America.
We have Kmart. We have Kmart. In America. Oh, in New Zealand.
Oh, in New Zealand. I'm saying but like comparatively. They had Kmart. Yeah, they had Kmart, but they came out shit.
So they all go to Target, whereas we all go to Kmart and Target here. Yeah. So it's like same same really.
Target in New Zealand is a furniture store. Yeah. Yeah. OK.
The things the things you learn. I before we get into this book, I just want to put out a few pieces of news which are happening in the book world.
OK. It's like a newsletter. We're going to have like a newsletter segment.
I feel like every court night. The news. Why with the bell? You know, like the bell. Yeah. Today's paper.
The headline is. We got to come up with like a music segment, buddy. Get get with it for the news bit. OK.
The news for girls who read porn. Welcome.
Sarah Cade's book comes out on the 24th of March. Highest bidder. Very exciting. It's old daddy vibes.
Big age gap. Big age gap. Big old age gap. But apparently people who are like fucking like I've been talking to people who have been reading the arcs.
They're like not into that trope at all. And they're like fucking Sarah Cade's done it again. Nice. How does she do it?
I don't know. Fucking Sarah Cade. She never misses. Sarah Cade's praise movie is coming out.
Oh, shit. It's getting made into a movie. Didn't even know that. Getting made into a movie. See, this is why I stay in with the shit because you guys have got no idea.
I just found out that Daisy Jones and the Six is now a TV show. It's a TV show. Yeah. Yeah.
More on book news. This one is really exciting for Betty. Julie Anne with her cowboy series coming out.
Woo woo. I love Julie Anne. And Cowboys. She's part of the podcast. Yeah, she's doing Cowboys. Yeah, she should be at some point.
Cowboys. So, the boys and the cows. Hey, Betty, you're the cow. We're the boys.
You know what I'm talking about here, George, because I don't remember the book name, but Blood and Something is being turned into a TV show. From Blood and Ash.
From Blood and Ash. That's a big one too. Yeah, it's a lot. You should remember the name of that book because it's got like a couple of hundred thousand ratings on Goodreads.
Who writes it? That is Jennifer L. Armantrat. That's exciting. Yeah. Yeah.
And in more exciting news, Amy Dawes' movie, Wait With Me, comes out on the 30th of March. Very exciting.
On Passion Flix. Guess who's getting Passion Flix on their fucking Amazon Prime just to watch this movie. Is it not included in your Amazon Prime?
No, so you have to buy it through Amazon Prime. Like, you pay for Amazon Prime, then you pay for it through. It's like when you get Apple subscriptions and you buy Paramount through Apple or Acorn or Britbox or whatever.
Like you get a subscription in a subscription. I want to know like what the ratings gonna be. Like, is this gonna be like a smudged up or is it gonna be like a mature. Oh, Passion Flix is are. It is?
Oh, I'm talking like. It's not like you see anything. But you spit there out. It's like a Bridgerton. Okay. So you get a lot of like, you get like a lot of like sex life close ups and like scans down like naked backs and like sweat. Like the after two movies.
Yeah, like the secret after we collided. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just oh, gym scene. Just like that. After gym scene. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. In the third one. Yeah, like that's what it is. That's what Passion Flix is.
Is it German? No, it's the third one. Okay. Well, there you go. Yeah, I got to mix up with it with the post yoga shower scene. Sorry. Oh, that one's not that hot. That one was kind of like. That one's weird.
Because she takes off her tights in the shower and then her sports bra. I just kind of was thinking about skin pinching. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, last piece of news, sex life season two has come out and we've got BB Easton actually coming onto the podcast to talk about it.
And it is the number one Netflix show at the moment. Wow. Yeah, she did amazing. Oh, also TLS one is coming on next week, by the way, miles ever after came out today, which is going to be like, I don't know, five days ago for you guys.
And it came number one in Australia and number one in America within a couple of hours. Oh shit. Yeah. That's the news.
Welcome to Girls Who Read Porn News. Now back to the book.
What are we talking about? Killer Vacation. My Killer Vacation.
Did we like anything about it? Yeah. Yeah, it was a good point. No, it was. I just need to remember what I liked about it.
Okay, I had a favorite part. My favorite thing about the book was that it was a good romcom. It wasn't a shit romcom.
It wasn't cringy. Yeah, because I feel like me and Betty, we're more inclined to be quite hard on romcoms. But I actually respected that one.
Lucy scores by a thread a lot. And I thought that that one's slightly cringy, but it's fun cringy. That one deserved it. And so did this one. But some of them don't.
It was funny, but in a nice way. Yeah. Yeah, I liked the plot. I worked out who it was going to be quite early on, but I still thought it was quite clever.
Yeah, I didn't know who it was going to be. How did you not know with all the fucking links to this guy all the way through? I didn't know who it was going to be, but I definitely knew it wasn't the mirror.
I was like, well, that's just too easy. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I liked that. And I also liked that the male protagonist was like, kind of weirdly gross.
Yeah. Like with his clothing. Like, did you wash your clothes? We don't know. Yeah, it does. Why were you thinking about that? Because she said that. She said that in the book. She was like, I don't know when the last time he washed his clothes was.
When she first met him. He wasn't even really described as attractive, just feral. No. Yeah, just gross. And I kind of like that. Just a crazy look in his eyes.
Feral's good. And like, it was a good grumpy sunshine. It was a good grumpy sunshine. I love grumpy sunshine. All these like scenes as well, they'd be like describing like the hot Cape Cod weather and he'd be wearing like a black hoodie with the hood up, so it's much more hulking in the background.
Also, like I loved his toucher and I'll kill you. Whenever that trope is in anything, I just immediately like my thighs are wet. That's it. I'm done. I'm set. Yeah. Slippin' inside in. I'm so easy to please.
He had a really good character arc. He did. He did. Kind of. No, because he went from like, I don't want commitment. I don't want to be tied down. Like, I hate my family. I hate my life to like, give me babies and let me reconnect with my brother.
Yeah, but I kind of thought that his backstory was a bit shit. It did seem like a bit extreme. Yeah, I was like, this doesn't kind of fit the long com.
It was very like dramatic. The whole thing was very like dramatic. I get that. I kind of get that feeling of feeling like you failed somebody in a professional sense. Yeah.
Like, because I think if your life, like if other people's lives depend on you and you make a mistake, it hits way harder. Like if someone gets hurt on like on your behalf because you made a mistake, then yeah, I think I'd probably feel a bit fucked up.
Yeah. No, that's fair enough. What did we not like? It was too quick.
Too quick? You're so rushed. I actually wrote down what I didn't like. My actual thing that I didn't like, there wasn't like enough tension between them.
Yeah, it was meant to be enemies to lovers, but it seems to be not enemies. Yeah, they were just like annoyed at it. It was like, it was like annoyed to lovers.
And then they just like, but it was like the same. But I just, yeah, I don't think there was enough tension because just from both sides, they just automatically were like, I would die for them.
Yeah, yeah, I guess that's within the same vein as me where it's like it was too quick. It's short, it's short books like 300 pages and a lot happens. And I guess because so much is happening.
The relationship develops quite quickly as well just for the plot. Like I would have happily continued to read it even if it was like an extra 200 pages just to get more of a slow burn.
Yeah. Yeah.
No, fair enough. I don't know. I didn't like the scene in the church when they fucked.
Yeah, it was a bit weird. That was great. I didn't like that. I actually found that really offensive. I'm not even religious.
Like I don't like that nuns walked in afterwards and shit. Like it's just, it's not, it's not kosher. Have you read Praised? I've read Praised. Praised did not sit well with me.
Really? Do you know what I think it is? I'm Polish man. My family like just have drilled into me to respect the Catholic Church. I fucking hate it. Sorry for anyone who's religious. I don't believe in it.
I don't believe in the business, but I respect other people's religions and I don't fuck around with churches. They freak me out.
I love a good bit of sodomy. You should, you know what you should read, Ola? You should read Lessons in Sin by Pam Godwin. That's a fucking real good Catholic guilt one.
I have serious Catholic guilt and I'm not even freaking Catholic. Like I don't consider myself Catholic.
It's like hereditary Catholic guilt. This gets passed down.
Yeah. I'm like, I remember telling my grandmother that I didn't believe in God or Jesus. She didn't talk to me for two years. Oh my God.
But Poland is the most like religious country in the world when it comes to Catholicism. Like it's absurd. 99% of people in Poland are like highly psycho Catholic.
Like my cousin's dream was to become a priest or have 11 kids. Yeah. It's kind of the same in the UK. Like all of the schools are owned or run alongside churches.
Like all of the public schools. So my entire life I was expected to go to church with the school. Like they take you out. Like your trip was. Even though you're a Jew.
Like once a week you would get like you'd do a little walk with your class and you'd go and sit in church.
Yeah. And you had to take you had to take religious studies like all through school. Yeah you did at my schools too. And high school you had to take religious studies.
What you learned about. They didn't even offer religious studies where I'm from. There wasn't even an option.
To be fair like in year 11 and 12 they were like you can do religious studies like Jesus religious studies or you can learn about religions of the world.
And that was really cool. That was really interesting. We always did religion of the world. So we did all religions but with a heavy emphasis on Christianity and Catholicism.
Now you know what don't fuck in a church. I don't want to know about it. I'm still traumatized by. I love the fucks are in the ass with that oil. Yeah.
Yeah. At least you're using Lou. Like that was what I was thinking.
It's like it doesn't seem like it would hurt. But like I don't know if you're going to be smited or not because I don't understand Catholicism well enough.
I'm like turning on my bucket list. Have you read it. Priest. I have. No no not priest. Yeah I haven't read priest. Oh you should.
You should. One of my friends recommended it to me when I first started reading smart. That's really heavy. It was one of the first books I read when I started reading smart and I was like everyone needs Jesus right now.
Like this is not OK. But a different kind of Jesus. I was like a messaging about going what the fuck did you send me.
I started reading it because I was sort of when I was new to Smuttersbaugh and I was like everybody's talking about like how like insane this book is like how taboo it is.
And then I read it and then that's when I realized that I do like the really like fucked up shit because I was like this isn't enough.
This isn't that extreme. I don't know what people are talking about. Like this is like this is like it's like a two spice.
Two spice. It just wasn't taboo enough.
Even on our freaking rating it's a five. Like if we go through our rating system it's a five. You need Jesus. You're the one that needs Jesus. I think it's a four.
No sweetie it's a five because it's a kink thing as well. Is it that much of a kink thing though? Not fucking a priest.
But we have OK but like when we say kink is it our kink or the kink in the book because people do have kinks for fucking priests so that to me is a five.
But I don't think she had a kink for fucking priests. I think she just had a kink for fucking that guy. She wasn't like a serious priest hugger.
You know what's a really good like sexy priest relationship? The one in Fleabag? I don't want to go.
Yeah I really want to watch Fleabag. I watched one episode and I just gave up. I love Fleabag when he calls he calls him father and he's like fuck you for calling me father like it doesn't turn you on.
I think I saw a snippet of that. Yeah you will it's really popular. Yes I've seen that. All right what's our favorite sex scenes?
Oh the car park one. You want to watch the car park one? Yeah. Oh yeah that one was good. I got so pissed off at the sex scenes I'm not going to lie. Why? Why?
Let me explain. The first one interrupted. The second one interrupted. That was the slow burn part of it. The third one interrupted and I was like fuck this I threw my kindle and I'm like if somebody doesn't get penetrated soon I'm going to snap my fucking kindle.
I got so cranky. I like the interruptions. I like the interruptions as well. That's one of my favorite I was kind of stuck between they were both interrupted ones. The one where they were in like the cove when they go snorkeling.
Really fucking good. And then also the one before that where they were in the murder house and they get interrupted. But they're like about to fuck in the murder house. So good.
Now the car park scene is 100% my favorite scene. Because he's like whoopie got in the bag. She's like nothing.
I don't know which one my favorite was. It was kind of bizarre. The narrative of her being like I just want a guy to like fuck me up in bed. Yeah. It was pretty fucking weird.
The sex scenes were really really hot but once they started getting interrupted I was like I'm out. I just wasn't expecting that to be the narrative in the book.
She's like yeah I just want to be fucked up and no one will fuck me up. I just want to be fucked rough. She kept on being like I just want someone to just treat me so rough in bed. Everybody's too gentle with me.
But it was like she hadn't seen any of this stuff in her monologue. It was just in her dialogue. I know my favorite sex scene. In the bathroom.
The first time they actually sleep together. The first time they actually fucked. Yeah. And it also wasn't even that rough.
Yeah but all of a sudden she's on the floor. It was real. There was lots of acrobatics. I don't know because she went from the sink to being leaned against the shower door to on the floor. To me that isn't that complicated of a progression.
No I think she was on her knees at one point with her hands on her thing. Yeah and she was on the sink and then she went on the shower door and then her hands went to the floor.
I don't remember. I just remember thinking okay it finally happened. It was a good scene though. Yeah it was a good sex scene. It was pretty raunchy for a romcom.
Yeah. It was a raunchy one. If you picked that up in a bookstore thinking it was going to be a nice little read. Like a chick lit read. You'd be like wow. You'd be pleasantly surprised.
Yeah. Oh it depends. Unless you're one of those one star fucking non bing bong assholes. Maybe you wouldn't be.
The ones that obviously refuse like I thought this was a sweet book but they're having sex.
Okay that's the only time I'll use the c word is for people who give one stars for their being sex in books. You guys fucking you guys need Jesus.
Yeah. Honestly there should be like a thing like you should open a book and it should have like a little like tick box and it's ticked if it has sex in it and if it doesn't have the tick then it doesn't have sex in it and it would just make it so much easier for everybody.
Yeah I need someone to categorize goodreads. I need someone to like put a little like warning on the goodreads smart book so I can find the smart books because I'm so sick of going into a book being like oh this looks kind of raunchy because it's like I have naked men on the cover and then you get through it and you're like where is it?
Yeah it's just fade to black the whole time or you'll be seeing ones that'll be like I feel like especially with like Instagram and TikTok like you know like we get so many fucking like smutty things all the algorithms are essentially like geared towards it and even now and then like one will pop up and it's not smutty at all and you're like why am I getting it?
But it sounds really good.
It's such a good story. Always happens to me with fantasy. But then they're just like oh she likes smutty fantasy that just means that she likes fantasy overall. Like I do but at the moment I'm not reading anything that doesn't have smart.
Yeah pretty much.
Yeah, listen.
So if someone can get on that in the goodreads team.
Yeah.
It should just be like a filter option, you know?
Filter by whether or not it contains sex.
Exactly.
I decided that we're going to play a get to know you game today.
Oh.
Because people always keep asking us.
No it's not about me. It's that the people want to know us for some godforsaken fucking reason.
You just don't.
You don't.
I'm so worried.
So then I found the weirdest questions so they could get to know nothing about us but like everything about us at the same time.
Like they're going to know no substance.
That's perfect.
I don't have any. I don't have any substance so that's a good thing.
Yeah like you're not going to find out what my dog's name was, my first dog so that you can put it in passwords for my banking.
That's all I'm doing for today.
The naked model of my first car.
My childhood best friend's name.
What would you consider to be your weirdest quality?
Like physically or like emotionally?
Your personality. I don't care about physically.
Because I have like really weird teeth.
Physically it's my pinky toe on my right.
I have really weird teeth.
I think it is her pinky toe on her right.
No it's my teeth.
Is it?
Oh it's my teeth or on one ear I only have half an ear left.
Honestly move on from that.
On one ear I only have half an ear left.
I think this is your weirdest quality. You answered your own question by the way.
What is that? What do you call that?
What is the quality called?
Georgia.
Georgia?
Maybe my probably weirdest quality is my ability to not feel anything.
I would agree with that.
Your apathy.
We're so broke.
In like a fun way.
I'm so fun.
I'm not an emotional person.
I know it's so fucking weird.
I cry at everything.
We're just like on the opposite side of the spectrum so hard.
I would cry.
My mum and I were talking about like if I had kids and they were in hospital.
And I'm like I swear to god I would cry.
And she's like but you can't.
Like you'll freak your kid out.
And I'm like tell my body not to freak the fuck out.
I can't help it.
I just cry.
I just freak out.
I just want to be associated with you when you're pregnant.
Nobody does.
I will be in nightmare.
Congratulations on our new 9 months.
Fuck that.
I don't want to know anyone when I'm pregnant.
I'm going to be disgusting.
You're ripping his hair out.
Oh my god.
I just I don't want that for anyone.
Like I feel like they could use me in Guantanamo Bay.
You're going to be like the person that's like 3am and you're going to be crying.
Over what he like tacos.
Maybe that's my weirdest quality is that I cry at everything.
But I'm not a crier when I'm upset with someone.
I'm a crier at everything else.
Like I cry when I'm happy.
I cry.
I'm an angry crier.
And I hate that because then people think that you're upset.
But really you're so angry and you can't like deal with your emotions that like you just immediately start crying.
Can I answer G's weirdest quality?
I think her weirdest quality is the ability to like if you give G like a situation, right?
So if I said like, oh, we're going to go to the supermarket at 12 o'clock today.
G will have planned every possible outcome from the moment we leave the house to the moment we meet the supermarket and exactly how we're going to deal with it if it was to ever occur.
That's called anxiety.
I feel like all of our outcomes are because of like mental health problems.
All of our weird qualities are because we're all mentally fucked up.
I think about what I do.
I say that with love.
I'm sorry, but I feel like we've all got anxiety at some point.
No, I just do that with everything.
I just plan everything.
I try to predict everything that's going to happen every time I leave the house, which is like really tiring and unhelpful.
That's exhausting.
I'm exhausted for you.
And then when things don't go the way I predict it, then it just like sends me.
Then I just like dissociate because I can't deal with it anymore.
It's a terrible way to live.
What's your worst pet pave?
Mine.
Mine's loud sneezes and I'm the loudest sneezer I know.
So like it's like the living like today I sneezed in front of the cleaner and she was like what happened?
And I pissed myself off.
Like I was so angry with myself.
I'm like, can you just shut up?
And it's me.
I think mine is people that talk too much.
Me.
It's not not even the it's just like when people just talk and you're not even responding like people that just talk at you.
They'll walk into a room and just start talking at you.
Like I hate that so much.
I can't do like unclear communication or like passiveness.
Like I just don't get it.
Like if you're being passive aggressive, I just don't understand it.
I like I need you to tell me like exactly what's happening, how you're feeling and how I can fix it.
Like I don't.
If you walk into the room and you're like Betty's a mad.
I'll be like are you OK?
And if you say like I'm yeah I'm fine.
Like I'll be like oh she's fine.
Like I just won't read into a tie on her tail.
Narator?
They were not fine.
I don't know.
You just have to tell me.
OK.
What conspiracy theories do you actually think are true?
There actually was one that I thought was true.
9-11.
I don't know how I feel.
Generally.
Nah I don't know.
I'm not a huge conspiracy theorist.
Generally I feel like I'm very like I'm very cynical but in the way that leads me to believe that like everybody that believes in conspiracy theories is like unintelligent.
A psychopath?
Yeah just really stupid.
Yeah.
I feel the same way to be honest.
I probably somewhat believe in but not 100% is I believe there is somewhat some sort of like secret organization of rich people.
Yes.
Not specifically as dramatic.
I was just about to say the Illuminati.
Not like as dramatic as the Illuminati and I don't believe they're in control of as much as we think they're in control of but there is 100% like some rich organization out there that why we have no idea exists.
Yeah.
Fair enough.
Okay.
Sorry.
What is an unexpected time that you think you're really hot?
What?
What like time of day?
So is there a time?
No.
Like is there a time where like you've just looked at yourself and you think fuck I'm so hot right now and you could be literally like vacuuming or something like can you remember a time where you've just been like doing something really random and you're like I'm the fucking hot guy.
Yeah, I have a consistent one.
Yeah, me and me both have ones that are consistent.
My one is the morning after a party when I'm hungover.
You think you're hot.
I look incredible.
Like for some reason my skin is like glowing because when I get home from a party when I've been drinking I only take off my face makeup.
I leave my eyes and then I sleep with my eyes on and then I get up and I look I look a little like sexy.
My hair is a little like mused. I like smell really good because I took a to get ready to go into bed last night.
Like yeah and I like I'm always like real glowy.
You know it's wonderful.
I look really good after like a heavy make out because it might for some reason my lips get really really really swollen.
Nice.
I look like I've had lip fillers and my hair is like a mess but like I look I don't know for some reason I just suit like really messy hair and my like mascara is all smudged.
I don't know.
You know I'm like glowing.
Mine is so like off par compared to you guys.
I look great after a shit.
Oh God.
What does that mean?
It's super.
Like I just feel real good about myself.
I'm like you lost five kilos.
Look at you.
You're like a sexy bitch.
You're like so skinny.
Yeah like not even about skinniness like I'm just like this is all you now.
Like this is you.
You got rid of the shit.
Yeah got rid of all the shit in my life.
This is all you now.
When do you guys think you look the absolute worst?
When I'm wet.
When I'm sitting on Josh's face.
When he's looking up at you from that angle.
Well yeah when I'm wet I like a drowned rat.
Just got with these questions.
People want to get to know us you're welcome.
Mine is after I exercise.
Because I get so red.
I get so red.
Oh my God me too.
Oh you do get really red.
I get I turn into a beetroot.
Yeah.
And it's like I literally could go outside and it's just that little bit too hot.
I don't look like happy healthy glow.
I look like exhausted.
I get like haggard.
I get that when it's really hot and I just go outside and all of a sudden I'm just like
disgusting.
Yeah like a swamp creature.
Like and like the bottom of my hair gets like.
Oh the bottom of my hair gets so sweaty.
And it's just like I just like why would I want to exercise.
Yeah.
Yeah fuck that.
Because then I have to wash my hair.
I just don't.
Yeah.
I like I'll be like sweating in my hair for like a week before I wash it.
I believe that.
I'm crazy.
What's the craziest travel story you have.
Oh my was probably the time I nearly died in New York.
That happens to everyone.
Is that really crazy.
What happened.
I was getting a plane from the small airport in New York not JFK the other one Newark.
That's it.
And I was staying in Queens and my plane was at 4am and there was a bus going.
Jesus Christ Betty.
You do not get a 4am flight leaving Queens.
Everyone knows that.
So and the bus to Newark was going from like the city center at like 2am.
So I got on a subway from Queens to the city center at 2am carrying my suitcase and my
little Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle pillow.
And I got off the subway and I can't remember which subway it was but it was like a dodgy
area.
And as I got there my bus had just drove off.
So I'm stranded in the middle of New York City at 2am by myself.
I have no cash on me to get a taxi.
I don't have an international card.
So I'm like well I'm fucked.
Like I have no idea what I'm going to do.
This is the last plane out.
So I was just sat on the corner trying to figure out what to do and this yellow cab
pulled up and this little guy got out, this little Asian man got out and he was like where
are you going?
And I was like I'm going to Newark.
And he's like same did you miss the bus?
And I was like yeah.
And he's like jump in the taxi with me.
We'll split the fare because it was going to be like 50 bucks.
Like 50 American dollars.
And I was like I don't have any cash on me or anything.
Like I could probably transfer you if you give me your bank account details but I don't
have any cash.
And he was like don't worry about it.
Just like get in the taxi.
So I just got in the taxi with this strange, with this two strange men, the taxi driver
and this little guy.
And then as soon as I got in the taxi and we set off I was like I looked at like I literally
had a moment of like hindsight.
I was like what the fuck am I doing?
But thankfully we made it to Newark Airport.
And when I got out I was like hey I don't have any money on me right now.
And the guy was like don't worry about it.
It's fine.
And but then when I got to Newark Airport it was like way too early because I was expecting
to take a bus.
So I got there at 2.30 in the morning.
So I had to sit outside Newark Airport in the cold for an hour before the airport opened
at 3.30.
Man what a story.
I almost got robbed by gypsies in Hungary.
You can't use the word gypsy.
Not anymore.
Travellers.
Fine travellers.
Sorry.
I can't keep up.
I'm really sorry but you have like.
Last week I learnt that I can't use the word gypsy.
If they're in Romania they are technically gypsies.
They are.
They were actually gypsies.
Like they have.
They're gypsies right.
And this was at a time.
I witnessed them in the wild and I classified them as gypsies.
No but they are.
Like they're in Hungary.
They were coming from Romania.
And they were trying to get.
If they are Romani which is like the actual word for it not gypsy.
Okay then they're Romani.
I apologise for offending everyone.
I actually am because I didn't realise that that was a bad word.
In Poland we still use that word and I only speak to my mum about them.
To be fair you are about to talk about how they almost robbed you.
Thank you.
So I'm on this train and this was when Croatia was not in the European Union yet.
I think this was like 2010 or so.
I don't know it was years ago.
It was like 10.
No it was like 11 years ago I think.
Right.
So I'm travelling Europe for a year.
I'm like fuck uni.
Fuck everything.
I'm going on an adventure.
Right.
My ex-boyfriend's family lived in the middle of nowhere Croatia.
Which means that you do not get on a nice metal train.
You get on a nice rickety fucking wooden thing which is only one carriage and you can see the train driver at the front.
Like it's just one thing.
Okay.
So it's me, one other white guy.
This is the only way that I can explain him.
And a bunch of Romani.
Right.
I didn't know where this other guy was from but he was massive jacked.
And I'm like what the fuck is this guy doing going out to the middle of butt fuck nowhere Croatia.
And I'm sitting there and I've got like all my shit and then these Romani's like come to my door and they're like yelling at me and I'm like I only speak English or Polish.
Like I can't I don't know what you're saying.
And they're yelling at me and they're like coming into the room like trying to take my bag off me and I'm like literally monkey gripping this bitch.
And I'm like on the floor in the middle of the fucking compartment like hugging this bag.
And so this other guy heard me and he's this Canadian guy who's a Polish bodyguard.
And I was like the heavens have sent this man to me.
He stood in front of my compartment for eight hours on this train ride and was like flicking everyone off who was trying to come near me and my shit.
Dude what the hell.
It was the most bizarre thing I'd ever gone through and I was shitting myself.
I shat myself for eight hours straight.
I held on to that bag and nobody was taking that bag.
There's one time that I took too many sleeping pills in a bus to San Francisco and there was meth.
People doing meth at the back of the bus and then I couldn't sleep so I just got really high and started hallucinating.
That happened to me on a plane with Finnegan.
It's not good. You can't do that.
It's not fun.
It sucks. And then I started like and I didn't have enough magnesium when I did it too so I started like getting like real stiff and shit.
So I'm like really high and like stiff on this flight sitting in between people and I was like this is what hell is.
Like there was nothing worse.
Yeah.
Yeah. Fuck that.
What about you G? Yeah.
It was my craziest travel story.
We were in Thailand when I was a kid and we were taking like a van to go and get a ferry to some of like the Thai islands like Koh Samui and stuff in the Gulf of Thailand.
And so we got in. The thing was like the van was like super late.
It was just like me and my mom and like a bunch of other backpackers that were all sort of like European or American.
And we got in and the driver was like just he like showed up super late.
He was like super tired and he kept on falling asleep at the wheel and everybody was like is he like drinking?
Like because he would just fall asleep and start like veering off to the side.
And I thought it was just like a game. I was like eight years old.
I thought it was going to be like funny because everybody started like whistling like every time he had like nod to like wake him up like clapping behind his head and stuff.
That's fucking funny.
I've had some weird shit happen in Southeast Asia.
Josh and I went last time for a month and we were in four car accidents.
Oh my God.
And one guy pulled out a fucking machete from his boot to have a go at the person who crashed into him.
And I'm like Josh get out of the car.
Josh get out of the fucking car.
And he's like he's got a fucking machete.
Stay the fuck up.
What hobby are you excited to pick up after you retire?
I've already picked up all of my retirement hobbies.
Yeah I've got all my hobbies.
Yeah I do.
Do you know what I bought the other day?
A loom.
I bought a knit and a wig loom.
And I'm really good at it.
You are unhinged.
I'm actually just so good at it.
I believe that because you're so good at creative shit.
I like making things.
Are you bookbinding?
Yeah netting.
Yeah.
Snitting, sewing.
All that shit.
Love it.
I'd like to become a miniature person.
I think you would be a fabulous miniature person.
Thank you.
Me and G built a miniature wooden working motorcycle the other week.
It's great.
Oh, well well.
I'm happy for you.
I don't know what to say.
It took us so long.
I think that's really fucking weird.
I also like the idea of being old and having a project car.
That makes sense.
Because you're a man.
I think of you and I can imagine that happening.
Grandpa Bitty.
Yeah.
With a project car.
Yeah.
That's nice.
I don't know.
I feel like I agree with you guys.
I feel like I've reached all my hobby potentials.
Yeah.
My plan is to just get so good that by the time I retire people are like, oh my god.
How does she do it?
Who is this?
How does she do it?
When's her book coming out?
Do you know what?
I'm going to write SMUT when I retire.
Oh, yeah.
And it's going to be terrible.
Yeah.
It's going to be fucking terrible.
And it's going to be like really cringy.
But you guys have to pretend to love it.
We will.
Okay.
So I don't know if you guys feel this way.
I feel this way.
And it actually hit me today.
But what is the first time that you felt like you were old?
I haven't had it yet.
You haven't had it?
I don't think so.
Today was when I listened to fucking Candy by Mandy Moore.
What?
The I Want Candy song?
No.
No?
This is before that.
Oh.
Probably.
Sometimes social media makes me feel old.
Or TikTok makes me feel fucking old.
Because Biddy and I live in a university town and occasionally being around university students can make me feel quite old.
Sometimes I get these things on my TikTok algorithm and it's like you're cool if you know all of these songs from the 90s.
And they're the popular hits from the 90s.
And then you'll go to the comments and they'll be like, I only know three out of ten.
And you're like, how?
Yeah.
It doesn't make sense.
I was once having a conversation with someone and I made a joke about how I'd like to get married in Vegas with an Elvis.
And the person didn't realize that Elvis was actually dead.
And that made me feel old.
I was talking about that real Elvis.
What are the words that are coming out of your mouth right now?
That's not even real.
What are you saying?
Nobody like that even exists.
No, that's stupid.
Wait, on that same vein of just like idiots, because I think this is a funny story.
I once went on a date with a girl and she thought that cordless hoovers worked on Bluetooth.
Oh my god.
Who are these people?
I'm kind of scared of asking this question because I feel like G is just going to kick it out of the ballpark.
But what's the most pointless skill you have?
Fuck.
She's like freaking out right now.
She's like, I have a billion of them.
Things that just don't do anything.
I think mine is speed reading.
Yeah.
That can be useful.
Really?
Like in what we're doing slightly, but otherwise, no.
Like how much do people, like, do I really need to speed read tomato soup on like a can?
Yeah, maybe.
It's not like super useless.
I don't know if I have any useless skills.
I have a lot of skills and I'm pretty sure all of them are useless.
Okay, I'm really good at origami.
Like I'm really good at folding.
I've been like doing origami actively since I was like a child.
Like so I'm great at folding.
Oh, I'm really good at speed typing.
That's not useless.
That's so useful.
That's not useless.
That's useful.
I don't know.
I don't know how.
I don't know what useless test I have.
I don't have a lot of skills.
So if I've gained a skill, I've gained it for use.
Man.
But even so, like, even with my work, like I'm, oh, I'm really good at restraining people.
That's useful.
Outside of work though, useless.
But inside work.
It could be useful.
But if I ever change jobs, I'm just going to have this like qualifications and like restraints.
Yeah, but like it depends what kind of kinks you're into.
Fair enough.
I got a diploma in theater lightning, theater lighting.
Okay, useless.
Totally fucking useless.
I have like, I have a lot of like animal.
I can crochet.
Useless.
I can't crochet.
That's not useless.
No.
What the fuck am I going to crochet?
Everything.
You can crochet everything you ever wanted.
Crochet is coming back.
Crochet is back.
Crochet yourself like a brat.
Fuck that.
Um, I haven't, I have a lot of like animal related skills that I don't put into practice
like ever.
Like I have a lot of like things like I don't know how to like drench a sheep and like tail
them.
Like I know how to like, yeah.
Like all that shit.
I know like the, I know a lot of farmy things that I never use.
Yeah.
What's your favorite kind of tree?
The one with the droopy.
Like is it a willow?
Yeah.
Like then.
Willows are cute.
They're kind of depressing though.
And they're always, and they're always bullet bodies of water and they dip into the water.
Yeah, those are my favorite.
What is it, the really big redwood trees?
Redwoods.
Redwood?
No, are they called redwoods?
They're in the North Island of New Zealand.
Like they're endemic to New Zealand.
Oh, they'll be a something redwood.
Yeah.
And they're like Lord of the Rings-esque forest type trees where they're like a hundred
meters.
Kind of piney.
They're like a hundred meters high and they're like this really deep red color and they grow
really close together.
So when you walk through the forest, it's like the most magical thing.
I've got an add to it.
What about you, Ola?
One sec.
I really like eucalyptus trees.
Nice.
Good choice.
I don't know what my thing is going to be.
The smell of eucalyptus is home.
You do that, oh my god, eucalyptus is like one of my favorite smells.
Okay.
What would you do if you found a dead body in a hotel room?
Leave.
Yeah.
Fuck that.
I wouldn't stay there.
Like I would leave.
I would end up on my killer vacation.
What would you actually, because if you actually found a dead body, like they're actually so
fucking gross.
Yeah, they are pretty gross.
Are they?
I've never seen one.
You've never seen a dead body.
I've never seen a dead body.
Okay.
Also, I'm not a nurse, G.
I've seen so many dead bodies.
Is it because you're a nurse?
Like you've seen so many dead bodies?
No, even before then.
I've just, throughout my whole life, I've been exposed to death.
My mom thought I was like real small.
I've never seen a dead body.
Yeah, because I did that and then I did caregiving and then I did nursing.
They get all bloated and their face doesn't look like their face anymore.
Your eyes don't close.
That's probably the only thing that I really don't care.
Your mouth is normally open, your cheeks are stinking.
I'd probably just like, I'd probably walk in.
You know what, sometimes the time you have like the eyes are like this.
Yeah.
Like really weird shit.
Yeah.
I'd probably walk in and see the dead body and then close the door.
Close the door and go, I would like to report a dead body.
And then I'd probably go down to reception.
I'd be like, Hey, I'm real sorry to like inconvenience you, but the room that you gave me has a dead body in it.
So can I get a new room please?
Yeah.
But then also I don't want to deal with it.
See, I feel like I'm not the sort of person to care about like how they died.
But I feel like because it's like doing nursing and stuff like that, I'd be like, so how are we going to deal with this?
Have you called the right people?
Are they going to treat the body respectfully?
Like how do we get in touch with the family?
Like I would be like doing that shit.
I won't be doing any of that shit.
I'll be like, this is your problem now.
I would like a new room, a new shower.
Thanks.
Or like a new hotel.
Oh no, just a new room.
Oh, I'm like, send me out of here.
But I still want to like watch what happens.
You can like knock on the, please can knock on my door to get my statement and then they can leave me alone.
I don't want to go.
I don't really care what happens after that.
Not my body, not my problem.
What is something normal that people do that's actually really weird?
Touch me.
No.
I think it's weird that people work full time.
That's normal.
It's terrible.
It is normal that we do five days.
Yeah, I know for 40 hours.
That's mad to me.
I think it's weird that-
Yeah, but I enjoy having cash.
Yeah, but I just don't think it's normal.
I don't get the three meals a day thing.
You don't get the three meals a day thing?
You don't get it.
I don't need three meals a day.
How many do you need?
One.
And a lot of snacks.
I don't like meals.
Okay, I'm a snacker as well.
I can have one meal and 50 snacks.
That's what I mean.
I don't get the meal thing.
Like why would I want like one meal when I can have like lots of different snacks?
Yeah, I don't like snacking.
I think snacking is annoying.
It doesn't make you full.
I like being hungry and then I like being full.
But I eat two meals a day.
I prefer to have two but like with snacks.
No snacks.
No, I like a good like evening meal.
Like a big meal where you go to bed so you're nice and full and you're happy throughout the day.
I'll just nibble on things.
I hate eating right before bed.
It always just makes me feel-
Because I sleep on my front.
I sleep on my stomach.
And I've got like this big fucking-
Because I eat massive portions too.
So it's like this big-
I've seen you eat.
This big bloaty belly.
That Keesh-
I can't.
That whole family size keesh.
The Keesh situation of 2022 is still traumatic.
That was a lot of egg.
It was a lot of egg.
And then you were really sick for so long.
Yeah.
She's still eating Keesh though.
Love Keesh.
Do you know what I find fucking weird?
Is buying lingerie for a guy.
I kind of find that weird too.
I find it absurd because it's going to be on you for three seconds.
That's what annoys me.
And it's such a waste of money.
Okay, I don't buy lingerie anymore because I get really fucking annoyed when you put on some nice lingerie and then it immediately gets removed.
Because they don't give a fuck.
You need to live in the happy medium, eh?
Where it's comfortable enough that you can wear it properly.
But then it's also like you feel hot in it.
You feel good in it.
Yeah.
What do you usually think about when you're on the toilet?
I don't have thoughts.
I don't know.
Yeah, that's true.
You don't.
What do you think about?
I actually am just like, what's on Instagram?
I just like, I guess I just think about like what I need to do.
Do you come up with like a fail safe plan for the toilet?
Or do you go?
Probably.
I have a lot of anxiety about people walking in on me while I'm on the toilet.
So you've got like plans to like...
Yeah, so I make like a lot of noise.
I do things to like make a lot of noise.
So that they don't open the door.
So they don't open the door.
So I like I'll turn on like...
Why don't you just get a sign that you walk around and put it on the door being like, jeez, in the toilet.
I should.
Honestly, it seems like it's more that that would be easier.
We should get an open and closed sign.
We should get an open and closed sign, yeah.
We don't have to do like...
Because like there's like a really loud fan.
Or like by lock.
There's a really loud fan in our bathroom.
So I turn that on.
I like hit the toilet rolls over sometimes if I feel like I can hear somebody approaching the door.
So then they know.
Did you know this, Betty?
No.
Do you ever hear the toilet rolls like smashing?
Wait, me and G have opposite schedules.
I'm not at home.
We see each other like once a week.
When we're recording.
I look there, thoughts empty.
Unless it's like a real bad experience and I'm like, what the fuck did I eat?
Sometimes when I'm in the shower, I think of like if I've had an argument with somebody like five years ago, what I could have said.
I don't like the shower.
I mean, in and out of the shower as quick as I possibly can.
You don't like to shower.
It's too much stimulation.
Because it's sound, heat, touch, it's everything.
I'm naked.
Like what?
I'm just being naked in a room.
Oh my god.
The worst part about our shower though is when you're in the shower naked, you can see yourself in the mirror.
No, no, no, no, that should not be allowed.
Because what if you haven't taken a shit yet that day?
Yeah, but you can just see yourself like full frontal.
No, I don't want to see that.
I don't mind it.
I don't want to see that.
I don't share it at house.
No, I just turn around.
I just wouldn't look at it.
Sometimes you catch a glimpse of yourself and you're like, oh, and you're looking like a fucking goblin.
Yeah, because I look worse when I'm wet.
It's like a goblin smegle.
I do, I look worse when I'm wet.
Oh my god, that's so fucking funny.
All right, Swanstar.
Next week.
Yeah, she'll be there.
Or B Square.
Honestly, you don't want to miss out on this one.
This is a big one.
It should be fun.
It is a big one.
This one's a big one.
Big boys play this game.
I think our next few authors are big ones.
We've got a big one kind of few weeks happening.
The biggest of the ones.
The ginormous.
Yeah.
If you have any news for us, send us a message on Girls Who Read.
Even if it's not book related, like if you're getting married in a week.
Yeah, tell us.
We'll put it on the Girls Who Read porn news broadcast section.
Yeah, if you just had a really good day.
Yeah, tell us.
We'll let everyone know.
Exactly.
Or if you have an achievement.
I'm pretty sure graduation season's coming up if you're graduating university.
No, it's not.
It's at the end of the year, isn't it?
No, it's not.
The graduation ceremonies start happening now.
Oh.
Yeah, it's graduation season.
Fancy charmancy.
Yeah, tell us if you're graduating.
Tell us if you're having a baby.
Tell us if you're not having a baby.
Yeah, tell us if you just found out you're not pregnant and you're really excited about it.
Yeah, I love those when it's like, got my period.
This is the best day ever.
Tell us if you guys got some really good dick.
Yeah.
I want to know that.
Like actually legit.
That's actually relevant.
So yeah.
Yeah.
Also tell us if you're really liking any books at the moment.
Also, mean mail us if you want us to review a book because a few people have.
Well, one person has and she has a...
No, no, no.
Before that, we've got to do that other one that we were previously taught.
No, but it's the same girl.
It's the same girl.
No.
Yeah.
No, it's not.
Yeah, it is.
Anyway, we can talk about it later.
We have one fan.
Have a good...
Yeah.
And it's me.
No, I know.
And she's really nice.
She's so lovely.
She's actually really nice.
She messages us on Instagram as well and I'm actually like, I get excited when she messages
us because I know it's going to be something so nice and it just like makes my week.
All right.
Thanks for listening everybody.
Yeah.
Okay.
Bye.
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See you next week and stay smutty, team.