Hello and welcome to A Pint of Cthulhu Season
5, Bloodborne Edition. This will be episodes
5 and 6. How about we get our intro from Dominicus?
Ah yes, herein lies the confessions of cleric
Dominicus Aeternus. The others went first. Hank
and Vance pushed into the broken house while
I kept watch with the women. The hound claimed
his tame, stopped at the threshold and cowered
like it had seen its own grave. I should have
heeded that omen. Moments later, glass shattered
and fear screamed. A wolf beast dropped down
from the ceiling. Vance fled through the window
like a man wayborn to terror. Hank followed,
eyes wide and soul half left inside. Then came
the creature. I met it with the cross. Struck
his ribs, but it still moved. My blows landed
like thunder, yet the beast endured. Gertrude
cut deep. Brittany struck true. and Hank Saw
sang, but the thing refused the grave. Finally,
Vancy's blow brought it down, though I suspect
it was all the will of the gods, granting us
victory only to test how long we could stand.
After the fight, I broke the corpse on my boot
and threw it through the window, a fitting exit
for a heresy too stubborn to die indoors. A blood
vial lay on the floor. Forgive me, old gods.
I needed to heal. I felt the burn fade from my
wounds, but eight heartbeats later, I regretted
every one of them. Then, the scholar found the
girl. A door, a voice behind it, small, tired,
but alive. Macy. She had survived alone for days,
barricaded against the beasts. Her words were
honest, her fear was human, that much I could
tell. When she offered her blood as healing,
I praised her for her courage, but refused her
gift. The church has taught too many that salvation
flows through veins. I will not teach another
child that lie. Yet she asked to go north, to
the church's meeting place. Her faith in them
was unbroken. Mine was buried long ago, but still
I agreed. It is my duty to protect the faithful,
even from their priests. She now rides upon my
shoulders, her hands clutching at the collar
of my cloak. God, I'm so aroused every time you
say those things. Amazing. God, what a guy. Right,
as you escort the little girl, Macy, through
the streets, you do see that there have been
some attempts to clear, at some point, the creatures
from this area. Seems like it might have been
a while ago from the stench of rotting corpses.
The street is pretty worn down. It's not the
best area we've been in. And there are no lights
in most of the houses that you see. The ones
that do have lights often have broken windows
or other indications that they are no longer
home to anything good or human. As you walk north,
you'll come to a slightly nicer area. You're
getting more towards the centre of the city,
which is where most of the more affluent people
will live. At least those non -affiliated with
the church. Ah, my brethren. Wait a minute. Carmen,
you're not a cleric. Hang on, did you say non
-affiliated of the church? Oh, yeah. Oh, yes.
Oh, yes. Sorry. My bad. Yes, the rich people
are not church -bound. He means the rich people.
He means the rich people. Not us fucking regular
old rich people. Yeah. Who needs religion when
you've got money? Those are words to live by,
that is. Yeah. Amen. No, not I meant. You start
to see statues and more decorative things. Raw
iron gates now surround small barren gardens
instead of just ramshackle wooden fences. And
eventually you will come to a fountain plaza.
This is the meeting place Macy was mentioning
before. And you will note that it is already
occupied. Somewhat at least. Primarily by beasts,
but by some other figures too. Can I get perception
or religion checks? I will do perception. As
you see some white -coated figures in the centre
of the fountain, surrounded by beasts and hounds
and the artemites. That's a six. I got a seven.
I've got a 12. That's a 12. That's a nat 10 with
a plus 2. Sex for me as well. I see the blood
flowing in their veins. I see the cardiovascular
system completely mapped out in my eyes. Oh,
they've got a UTI. Ooh, that looks like an UTI.
Ooh, that's rough. I look at Gertrude and I wince
away at all the STDs that I see. Oh god! Oh my
goodness! Queen Slade, get it! But at the same
time, no one to stop. I'm paid from zero. That's
the real me, Slade. Oh no. So you will look out
and I would see Rich, Matt, and... Cartman, you
will all see three white robed figures standing
in the centre of the plaza. They are on the steps
of a large ornate fountain and they are all facing
outwards. One of them, this one here at the front
closest to you guys, is holding a large gatling
gun. Not exactly standard equipment for anyone
to have and it looks a little bit like he's ripped
it straight off a rooftop or an embankment that
has been made. But still it is firing and the
bullets are blazing. Around them you will see
several hunters and their hounds around the fountain
advancing towards the defending figures. They're
not wearing typical hunter gear, but something
about it does seem familiar to you. However,
for Tukin and especially our dear clerk, Dominicus,
You will note that there are other people here.
That in the centre of the fountain, hidden by
its rim as they are crouched and trembling, there
are two much less well -armed figures, appear
to be regular civilians hiding behind these white
-robed lads, that Dominicus will recognise as
church hunters. They are not strictly speaking
on friendly terms with the regular hunters, being
that they are pretty much religious zealots.
But they do their best to at least somewhat protect
those they view as faithful enough. Are they
all defending themselves, the cloaked folk, the
hunters, and these two? Are they all defending
themselves against the yharnamites and the dogs?
Is that what's happening? The white cloaked dudes
are shooting at the various hunters in towns.
Various hunters. Various yharnamites in towns
that are circling them. You'll recognise the
big guy with the galton gun as Jura. You haven't
met him before, but he's one of the big -name
church boys. What are you guys going to choose
to do? They don't seem to have noticed you yet.
Is that a big gun in your pocket, or are you
just happy to see us? I used to have one of them
kind of guns. Maybe, Brittany, we should maybe
help the guy with the big gun. I bet you'll like
that. I help Macy off my shoulders and keep her
behind me, saying, keep your eyes low. One of
them big guns would be quite useful for a rotisserie
chicken. So, we could either hold back and let
them kill the hunters and we go say hello, or
we can help them out. That's really what it comes
down to, doesn't it? It's up to you guys. Well,
I say might as well go help a fellow hunter.
Let's go stab these bastards in the ass. I don't
care. Dominicus, he's goody. step towards the
white cloaked people. He's going to go, Speak
now, priests. Do you ward these souls from damnation
or herd them towards it? Uh, you know what? Well,
now you just gave the game away. God dang it.
Gotta find out who I'm fighting here. Yeah, hit
me with a religion check. Okay. Ten. That'll
do. Uh, Dru will turn his head towards you. Oh,
hell no. Ain't no corruption here. You'll find
no corruption in this group, I assure you. The
beast is tame. As far as I know. Never say never,
dear. I am not responsible for it. The beast
is mine and I swear he is tamed. I'm assuming
it's Nufflepuff who told you that. Uh -huh. Actually,
I should probably... You're talking about me.
No, I'm not. This elderly lady is mine. I possess
her. And no, I cannot control her. Has been useful.
Has been fairly useful. Yeah, I speak for my
wisdom. Yeah, they all filled their religion
checks, so sure. Very well then. Welcome to Raid.
That is not a good sign that they all filled
their religion checks. Put yourselves to some
use at least. And Joe will turn back and resume
his shit -off with these two. Can I send my dog
in? If you want to roll initiative, if you're
doing combat. Yeah, we haven't really done that
yet, Carmen. Come on, now. Oh, were you looking
to get a surprise round? Yeah, I was hoping to.
It's been like an hour. Dominicus kind of gave
it away. Yeah, he did kind of. Don't say anything.
Right there, lads. The perfect Dominicus impression.
He comes off very camp. Good boy. Hello. It seems
like it was the right thing to do. So it sounds
to me like we're going to be rolling initiative
in all three points. Yep. Sure. Alright, Dominicus
just shouts back at the white cloak guys like,
if they mean us harm, we will answer them with
steel and prayer. And I guess we'll join the
fight. You hear one of the hunters in the back
go, hell yeah, brother! Praise the Lord! Yes!
He pulls out a tambourine and you just start
slapping it. Yeah! He just smacks it back and
forth. Amen, brother! Yes! Amen! For the Lord!
It might be initiative. Perception is initiative,
yeah. Cool. There's a nine. Okay. Predictably
low roll again, I get a two. My perception is
shit. Partially blind. You're the one that first
decided to go in and you lost on the initiative.
Just got lost behind that crate. He realises
some parts of his clothes are unbuttoned as he
tries to run in. So he just points everyone else
towards the action and stands back. Uh, Brittany,
what are you - what's your initiative? A nine.
Nine? Oh, and, uh, Gertrude. Uh, mine is... a
nine as well. Uh, now I need to roll a bunch
of ships. I'm slowly but realizing that Gertrude
is just an older version of Brittany and that
they're mostly the same person at this point.
Yeah, exactly. Hang on. I also forgot to roll
for Snufflepuff. He moves on your turn, so that's
fake. Actually, that works out perfect. Got exactly
the same roll. Slowly realizing that Cutman and
Snufflepuff are the same person. And Jura is...
I have a feeling I'm going to be going last.
Oh, no. Jura is going last. Slow -ass battle,
but Cutman dragged him down, I guess. What was
his title again? I recognise him as Jura, but
what was he? Do I know him at all? He has no
title, as the church hunters kind of don't. They
answer to priests and such, and clerics, and
all the rest of them. Technically, you should
outrank his ass, but I don't think that's going
to be acknowledged much. Jura is basically the
fucking man, right? He's the Captain America
of church hunters. His rank is immaterial. He
is the guy. If people think of a church hunter,
it's probably Jura. I recognise him from all
my fan magazines. He's old enough, actually.
Oh, wait a minute. Gertrude also recognises him.
From fucking Bingo Club. Oh, Jura, how's the
wife? How's everybody? Still dead, unfortunately.
Still dead? Yeah, it's just like my seven husbands.
What you don't know is she was married to them
all at the same time. Look, it's only bigamy
if the church finds out about it. I don't need
to know. Between you and I, it's all right. I
don't hope I'm not number eight. Well, unless
you're a Mormon, then that shit's okay. Fuck,
it's a Mormon. Hank is thirst, actually. Time
to go give me a stabby stabby. 59, through the
arse. Yeah, he's not going to get out of the
way of that because he has bigger problems. Alright.
Next up is actually Macy, who is going to heed
Dominicus's warning and scurries off to hide
right about here, between the tree and a bunch
of old chained -up coffins. She pulls a gatling
gun out from under the cloak. Get down, bitches!
Fuck you, little bitches! See, I'd have thought
she'd have pulled out a very poo -covered minion.
Okay, we're talking about a child, Matt. She
just wants to murder them with lead. Come on,
man. She does follow a little pistol, but she
doesn't go trying to shoot anything. Next up
is Gertrude. I suppose I'll have to move on up,
shuffle on down. Over to this chap that Hank's
just hit as well. Now, come on dears, out the
way, out the way. 68. I'm bonking with the handbag
for 68 Damagios. Damn. Granny, what you got in
that pair of heels? He will go wheeling backwards.
All sorts. Mostly licorice all sorts, actually.
Does that deal poison damage? Yeah. Fucking toxic
heels. Up next is Brittany. Damn straight. Yes,
yes, yes. Absolutely. I'm going to run up. So
this is a cart right here? Yeah, this is like
one of those horse -drawn wagons. No horses on
it, unfortunately, but it is pretty nice looking.
Can I burn some stamina and run over? and jumped
onto this wagon, jump onto this tree, and then
just do a flying, like, plunge attack directly
on this tree. Don't kick his ass. Like, she spins
in the air just like a full 360 and just slams
her bat directly on his head. I used to be that
nimble once. God, those were good days. God,
those were the days. I'm going to charge you
a fucking stamina to do that, but it is sick
as fuck, so I will allow it. That's going to
be 40 stamina. Oh my god. Because you're jumping
twice and dashing and sprinting. Oh my god. Oh
god. Okay. But you do manage to successfully
dropkick a bitch. And close the distance between
you and this rifleman, which would have posed
a bit of a problem for you. I almost 100 % have
to do that because... Oh, wait, hold on. Hold
on. I forgot to add my stamina from last week.
So it's actually 58. Okay. All right. Yeah. All
right. I will do my damage. Reminder that stamina
recharges in between combats. If you used up
any last session, it's falling in now. Yeah,
I had spent 10 last session. That's why I went
back up to 58 instead of 48. Did it wrong? And
roll. Damn, that's only 43 damage. Wait, but
there's stun. Hold on. Oh god, not this again.
Oh man. Vietnam flashback. Numbers flashing before
our eyes. Panic. Oh no. I'll just wait until
I get enemy stun. A tree -born lamb with teeth.
Yeah, you smash your bat directly into this guy's
skull, and while he stays standing, you see gray
matter splatter all over the ground, the tree
beside you, and into the face of his companion
standing next to him. And she just, like, so,
as she comes up, like, she just sees that guy's
face, and she just, like, looks up at him, like,
blood's, like, the gray matter all over her face,
like, yeah. As you turn your head to death stare
the companion of the man you just hit, it is
the rifleman's turn, and he is going to essentially
put the nozzle? Barrel? Barrel. Of the rifle
under your chin and pull the trigger. Oh. Is
there any way... I'm sure that'll be fine. Well,
you can use your stamina to dodge... Oh, wait.
You can't. Oops. How much damage does it take
to dodge? You said I can't dodge at all? No,
because you already used stamina this turn. You
can only do it once per round. You're going to
take on the 18 damage. But you are going to be
stunned. I'm being shot in the neck. I have 17
health left, guys. That's okay, because Vince
is on his way. I'm downed! I'm downed! Wonderful.
We'll see as he tries to shoot you point blank,
his hand slips and the butt of the rifle knocks
into your head. And then I realize that Vince
is on the way and so I'm like, I just like grab
his gun and put it in my mouth. I'm like, go
ahead. Let's go ahead and pull the trigger again.
Pull the trigger, piglet. Right, next up is one
of the torch hunters and is going to attempt
to set... I went after Gertrude last time, so
it's Matt's turn to suffer, I think. He's going
to try to set you on fire. Or I think it's Joy.
With his torch. He likes it, it's fine. He's
going to swing at you, and unless you do something
to move out of the way, fire is going to catch
onto your clothing and start to spread. That's
not MR, is it? That's DR. Yeah, it fires MR.
Well, I have a 12 in MR anyway. Only 6 fire damage,
but you will be set on fire. I'll dodge. You
can probably just roll out of the way, so 10
stamina for this. Sweet. You remain unburned.
Do a barrel roll. Sky is going to come over here.
Do a barrel roll. And it's going to try and hit
you with an axe. Dealing 24 damage. You cannot
dodge. You've already dodged the fire. But I
have 11 DR, so that takes that down to... Not
that much. 13. The dog's up here, and he's just
going to take a bite out of the hunter he stood
next to. I want to make sure that Ticken was
accounting for his DR when he took his damage
there. Wait. Wait a second. I knew it. DR, you
say? I forgot. Yep, I did. The one with the shield.
Because I have 11 DR, so... That would only mean
7 damage, right? Yeah. I'm saved! I'm actually
alright. She overreacted a bit, it's fine. Next
up is Kat. Alright, so I'm going to shout at
Vance and Jorah. Vance, Jorah, cover her. She
still breathes. keep the beast from finishing
what that killer began and what i'm going to
do is i'm actually going to run the other direction
um after shouting at them and i want to sort
of cover macy's hiding position because i saw
where she went to i want to make sure that nothing
gets through to her so i'm going to come up here
behind the two guys that are attacking gertrude
and hank And I don't think I need to come any
further. I can see that there is a doggo up here,
but he seems to be fighting with one of the white
cloaks. So I'll stop here, because I don't see
anything else going towards Macy or sort of going
towards that barricade in any way. And I guess
I'm just going to strike through with the old
crux and hit this one that was trying to set
Matt on fire there. Yep. We're in trouble now.
My boyfriend's arrived to beat you up. Hi, Dominicus.
Good to see you. Yeah, he's gonna dodge that
shit fucking immediately. That is 74 damage.
My god. My goodness. You got three 10s. Yeah.
Oof. So yeah, he's gonna spend some of his stamina
to get the fuck out of there. He can't dodge
again this round, but he's gonna go over here.
get out of range and diminishes his swing. Next
up... I see this giant shadow come over him,
so nope! I am out! He's stepping it. Stumbles
backwards out of the way. Next up is Vince and
his dog. Aha! Well, so, Vince is kind of on the
other side with the other guys, and he bore spectacle
to Brittany's fantastic display of stamina, but
has noticed she's kind of got herself in a little
bit of a pickle there. by taking that flesh room.
So straight away, he's going to send in Snufflepuff
to jump on the gunman. And he's going to run
in and he's going to grab Brittany and just put
her behind Vince. Can I do that? Sort of swap
places? Yeah, sure. I'll allow this. If Brittany
would allow it. A knight in shining armor. Not
the one we expected, but he's there. I don't
necessarily know if Brittany would let him do
it, but just for the sake of he is the person
wanting my player to live, I'm going to say he
probably would. I am stunned. Am I not? Oh, yeah,
you are stunned, but that just means you can't
move on your own. Yeah, fair enough. I'll let
Carbon Man handle you. It's okay, Vince is here.
Great, wonderful. Don't let him near schools.
He's got a puppy. Can I attack the gunman? You
certainly can, I'll let you do that. I'll count
it just as movement. Actually, spend me... Spend
me 10 of your stamina just to get Brittany to
still attack. I'll burn 10 stamina. Yep. You
can certainly hit and attack for both you and
the dog on this rifleman if you want. Actually,
I'm going to just do myself first and see if
I can do something else with the dog maybe. Sure.
So I'm going to go for a close attack, so 8d8.
Drag Brittany out of the reach of the gunman,
still blindly swinging his rifle. That is 37.
But, if I'm right, I think I might have gotten
this. Don't I get a plus 3 for my strength 4
skill? Yep, you do. So 40. 40. Yeah, he's going
to choose to nope away from both of you. He's
not quite boxed in, specifically so he doesn't
get hit by that shit, and he'll spend some of
his stamina to do that. Cool, but can I go along
with the dog? Yep. Good attempt, Vince. Hold
that flank. You want a robot? Enemy behind them?
I can't remember their names. I don't think you
said it. So this is a rifleman, and this is just
a uranomite. Or a torch. I'd like the dog to
attack that one, please. This one? Yeah. Yep,
that's the one closest to you, so go ahead and
roll the dog's attack damage. 16? Yeah, he'll
eat that. You've got a solid hit from your dog's
teeth onto this guy. Doesn't seem to be troubling
too much. Next up is Jura. Most of the other
combatants in this, several of the Yharnamites
and also one of the dogs are busy fighting the
church hunters. Jura, it seems, though, has taken
notice of your plight and has turned the large
gatling gun towards the grip here. I mean, I
did shout at him to tell him to. Yeah. I might
not take orders from you, but I acknowledge a
good suggestion when I hear it. You said that
technically at rank, and I'll fire some orders
when I want to. Ragby, if you were still a member
of the church. He's going to lumber this big
barrel round. We didn't hear that. Yeah, my presentation
is shit. And he's going to roll the gatling gun
round to... How do I roll? Right, he is... I'm
going to need... Did we call the dog snuffle
up with us again? Yes. I'm going to need you
to hit me a real quick effectively a skill roll.
I'll let you add your skill modifier onto it
for your dog to get the fuck out of the way.
Jura's not aiming for him specifically but it's
a gatling gun and he doesn't care if he hits
you. I'm going to turn your dog into red mist.
I'll probably deturn my dog. Yep. Oh, 13. Yeah,
max roll. Nice. So your dog will nimbly bounce
out and leap out of the way behind this tree,
which you can also take shelter behind, as a
thunderous roar of a gatling gun comes alive.
And one of the hunters, one of the animates,
the rifleman, is reduced to red mist under the
barrage of bullets. Hey, that was supposed to
be my kill. The other one takes a pretty hefty
chunk of damage and is staggered backwards a
little bit. You note, however, that Jura's gun
immediately starts glowing orange at the tip,
like it's heating up a lot, and he drops it with
a curse the moment it stops firing. I want to
get a doctor to look at that. A burning tip is
always a bad sign. Yeah, if we get some we can
get some bacon I could put it on that there glowing
tip we can cook it. Meanwhile, I'm just gonna
shank this bitch over here. 61. Is this bitch
here yet? Sure thing. I ain't Gertrude. Hey,
I know. Who knows? Who are you calling a bitch?
How dare you? That's the whole point there. I
wasn't calling you a bitch. I was calling that
man a bitch. No, you're right. He is a bitch.
Well, he's not wrong. Macy is going to pop her
head up to take a look around. She's not really
going to charge out into the battlefield at the
moment. She is going to poke her head up and
take a look to see how you guys are doing. I'm
just going to cheer you on a little bit. Hello,
dear. Hi, Granny. You'll stay there. Be a good
girl. Macy, stay safe. Get down. Oh, sorry. Granny's
stirring up next. Pops her head back down like
a little weird cat. Gonna shuffle over to this
guy that's running away. Where do you think you're
going? Come on now. There's a good boy, just
die already. There's a good boy, just die. And
he will! Nice. Granny's first kill. Keep a track
of whoever you're killing, by the way. First
encounter, second appearance, be there. Your
handbag will cave his ribs in and he'll drop
the little meat puppet to the floor. Nice. Up
next is Brittany. Am I even able to? Oh, you
haven't had a turn since you got stunned, right?
Nope, you're fucked. Sorry, Brittany. I'm like
wrestling with Vince. That's my stun. Stop touching
me! Stop it! I told you he was a pervert. Guys,
sandwiched unfortunately between Dominicus and
Hank. One way or the other. It's not a good place
to be. Or is it? It's not a good place to be.
I always like me a spit roast. Hold on a minute,
I'll come back. And he is going to make a last
-ditch attempt to set Hank aflame again. Yeah,
with Dominicus behind him, he just sort of leans
into his gear and says, Strike true. You'll not
get another chance. Yeah, how about no, then?
I'm going to spend the stamina just to avoid
that. Yeah, another ten. Just flailing around
madly with his torch, trying to ward both of
you off, one way, then the other, attacking him.
Hank's wearing an asbestos jacket, he's fine.
It doesn't go out. It does make the old Bremen
a bit difficult. So, next up in the turn order
is the Hound. Now, the Hound was tussling with
the white -robed church hunter. Not Jura, one
of his lackeys. But with that 8 perception and
with Macy rolling a 1... He has seemed to have
scented easier prey. You will see a bit of this
flying off behind you. Looks like I'm going to
be ignoring the little guy here. We'll sort him
out. He's going to sort him out. Heading straight
towards the little girl, who's too busy watching
you and showing your current victory to notice.
Won't quite be able to attack her just yet, because
it's moved a fucking long way. But next round
might be a different matter. Dominicus, up to
you. Well yeah, well that shit's not about to
happen. That's one dead dog. Ah, by Stitcher
and Salt, not her! He jumps over the barricade.
I don't care how much fucking stamina this has
taken. Just ten, it's a jump. You're very close
by. Oh yeah, it is quite close, I just didn't
know about the whole over the barricade thing.
Yep, just ten. Okay. So I hop over the barricade.
It's like a Hulk jump. The dearth just shatters
when he lands. It wasn't a very long drop, but
I still did the superhero landing with the hammer
held aloft. Bring it down on the beast. And I
think that it used stamina to get here, so I
should be able to hit that. Yep, you absolutely
can. Alright, so I roll a 57 for that hit. That
will leave it looking very weak. It was already
kind of a little bit injured from the tussle
with the church hunter, but you seem to have
majorly injured it. Yeah, oh wait, I need to
roll my stun as well. Ah, not quite. Ah, I didn't
get the stun on it. So you're still in a pretty
dangerous position, Macy on one side of the dog
and you on the other. Am I able to be in between
them? I don't think he could fit. She's kind
of, like, squirreled herself in this little alcove
here. And you're kind of a big guy. I don't think
you can manage to squeeze in between them. Macy,
down and quiet. Do not show fear. Hasn't Macy
got a gun? Uh, what? Macy does have a gun, yeah.
Yeah, so she's got a chance. Technically. Yeah,
and she's got me now, so let's not count her
out just yet, Cartman. Come on. I'm also here.
I'm sorry, you missed the giant hammer and all
that, but... Yeah, and I hit the dog. It is very
close to death, I can tell. Exactly, and hopefully
Macy can pull it out of you because you couldn't
do it. All I need to do is finish this particular
sermon. Right, speaking of dogs, it's now Vince's
turn. Oh. Okay, so this is my plan. So after
watching the gunman being obliterated from the
minigun from... I can't remember. Durand? Durand.
Durand. Durand. Durand. Durand. I didn't realise
they were there. I love these guys. Joe, that's
this group's name now. It has to be. Sorry. I
want to go after the Urix guy in front of me.
I want to... go with my freddy kane on myself
i want to finish him you just call him the durex
guy no it's a year it's urex oh you're right
thank you um they don't really encourage contraception
so i don't really think that he would be a durex
guy yeah overrated in my opinion it's quite a
talk They weren't around when I was a girl. 34
damage, I'm assuming that's for you? Yeah, 37
damage because of my skill tap. I'll let that
hit because it makes it really easy math for
me. But, did he survive? Yeah, he did survive.
He's looking very bloodied and wearied. He's
cut to ribbons from your threaded cane slashing
across him. That's good. I'm hoping I can let
the dog finish him. Roll me that. Roll me that
puppy. 26. Not quite. No. The dog tears into
him, but he is still limping along, flesh hanging
off him in ribbons that is still shuddering to
life. Although, um, hmm. Jura's turn again, and
you've kind of put yourself in a bit of an awkward
spot. He overheated his minigun. Yeah, he did
overheat it. He does have other weapons, though.
He didn't just carry one gun prone to overheating.
I guess I'm out of options, then. Yeah, fuck
me. When you said you just got a minigun, I thought,
oh, he's just got a minigun, nothing else, but
okay. No, he is very well equipped, these church
hunters. That's fine. Luckily, I had a good rest
beforehand. I might be lucky. You're right, though.
The minigun is the main problem for you guys.
Uh, you're gonna see... Oh, okay, yeah. So you're
gonna see Jura make a very fun decision here.
He's gonna ignore the one near you, sensing that
it's on its last legs. And he is going to lift
from his back what you assumed was a holy symbol
or ornament. It almost looks like a prayer wheel.
He lifts it in one hand, drops the gatling gun
with the other, and walks over here before bringing
it down on the torch hunter's head with a mighty
crash. And that is going to do... Okay, yep.
3d10 damage, to which is arcana. No, 3d10 arcana
and... 5d10 regular, which is not quite going
to kill it, but you'll see a bright light come
out from the wheel and sort of pierce through
this thing, briefly lifting it into the air before
flinging it behind Jura himself. And I'm dealing
quite a bit of damage to it. God dang it, I've
got to walk over there and get it. Yeah, you
do. And he's going to stare down both Gertrude.
Not stare down Gertrude, actually. A friendly
nod to Gertrude from his bingo club. Stare down
Hank. You're still shit at bingo. No, we don't
scare people. You mad you lost last night's weddings?
Don't talk to me about it. That's not all we
can say salty about it, Gertrude. Never. Not
me. No, I'm not going to say salty. And it will
be Hank's turn. God dang, why do you have to
throw him all the way over there? Now I've got
to go walk over there. Walk over, muttering under
his breath, you fucking asshole. Stab the guy
again with my sauce beer. Dead guys don't rot.
That'll do it. You kill him dead. Pierce him
straight through and rip out his guts in the
backswing. I'll take him, I'll kill him this
time, bitch. Next up is Macy. Uh -huh. Macy is
cowering, back pressed hard to the sandbags behind
her, a snarling hound directly in front. She
knows that Dominicus has just swung, and she
knows that he's probably not going to get to
swing again before the dog gets to bite. She
is going to... She doesn't really have anything
other than the pistol, which only has one bullet
in it. That's what it needs. it's probably not
going to kill the dog and she's familiar enough,
she's seen hunts before to know that pistols
they're good for getting something's attention
if you don't already have it, they're not great
for dealing a fuck ton of damage. Although hers
technically could kill, yeah. Fuck it, she's
gonna look at Dominicus, clearly take a bit of
faith and bring the pistol from underneath her
own face to the dog and take a shot. What did
I make her pistol do? Because hers was slightly
different. She had a spatial one. I may see.
I think it was just 98 or something, right? Don't
ask Gasp, we haven't got a sheet. Yeah. I think
I told someone because they wanted her gun. Yeah,
I've got a pistol. No, she's got a different
one. That will deal enough damage, yeah. And
she will put down this dog for once, fighting
for herself and winning. Good aim, child. You
did what faith demanded. Basie's going to start
bawling, crying, and attempt to climb into Dominicus's
arms. He embraces her. Gently. She's now carrying
him to his side. Crushes him. Yeah, accidentally.
Haircrack. He can be very gentle. He knows how
to hand. Never mind. It's done. You're safe now,
James. You're safe. Uh -huh. And now it's Gertrude's
turn, probably enough. Nice. Oh, he's got to
fucking miles away. I'm just going to go over
here and take a little rest on these steps. You
guys have got the rest of this. It's fine. I'm
not going to walk over there, my old bones. Oh,
yeah, if you've got any stamina missing, I don't
think you do, but if you do, refresh it. Brittany,
you can finally move again. You're free, and
the guy who smacked you is on, like, 4 HP. What
are you going to do? Well... It'd be such a waste.
Just waste it on him. It does seem to be quiet.
You don't see many, if any, enemies left standing.
And obviously Jura's not an enemy. Right. For
the moment, he is certainly seeming to be on
your side. For the moment. Just batter him to
death. Get it over with. Alright, alright. So
Brittany just walks up and spits in the guy's
face. And then just like with the butt of her
bat, just slams it straight into his forehead.
Roll me damage. No, I think you'll do a little
enough. Yeah, 51. That'll do it. That is a kill.
The courtyard falls silent. Well, the plaza falls
silent. Except for the labored breathing of the
church hunters. Now that there's no longer any
danger, you're free to notice other things, such
as the about two dozen or so corpses of Yharnamites
and riflemen and dogs that litter the sandbanks
around them. You even see on this area here where
Maisie's been hiding, there is a stump of metal
that you can assume is where the gatling gun
Jura wields was before it got ripped from its
housing and they backed up to the fountain's
edge. It seems like there's been almost a siege
going on here for quite some time, as the church
hunters try and fend off various beasts and creatures
from the citizens they protect, of which now
only two seem to remain. A dark -haired, pretty
shabby -looking man, and a woman with her hands
clasped in prayer, who's still silently mumbling
to herself. Uh, oh! Yeah. All of you who killed
something, what did y 'all kill? I think it was
all Yharnamites, right? Yeah, I think so. I do
believe so. Do I get the assist from Macy? I
don't think so. I think Macy gets XP, actually.
I was going to say, do I get the assist? I tried
to kill so many of them. No, trying doesn't count.
51 echoes for every kill. I'm going to note down
that Macy has that, actually. I mean, if there
was a sis, I'd be so rich right now. So, you're
now free to look at your leisure. Tell me what
you're looking for, make your rolls, and I'll
tell you what you get. Weapons. I am looking
for a blunderbuss pistol. Weapons slash bullets.
Is that perception again? Yep, perception again.
Ten. Ten, nice. I'm going to say you can see
there's a white shroud -like thing poking out
from over here, underneath this pile of sandbags
and this coffin. It's the corpse of one of the
church hunters, who seems to be loading a blunderbuss
gun and some quicksilver bullets. Roll me a d10.
Nine bullets. Nine. Nice. Nine bullets. Would
that go in any gun? Yep, any gun. Any gun works.
Nice. Uh, Cartman, what were you looking for
again? Actually, I was going to be cheeky. I'm
trying to find a blunderbuss pistol. It's better
than the pistol I've got. Matt just found one,
so if he's feeling like sharing... You want a
blunderbuss? You can have the blunderbuss. I'm
keeping the bullets. I don't want the rifle.
I want to try and keep the pistols. I don't think
you can get a... I think that would blow your
fucking arm off. Honestly, I mean, I'm pushing
my luck. Yeah, I don't know if blunderbuss pistols
exist. If it is, it should. Technically, they
do actually exist in this sort of time period.
Have you seen the fucking pistol that, like,
I think it shoots 50 cal or something, but it
only shoots the one bullet because it's so big.
Blunderbuss pistols do actually exist. Yeah,
but, no, this is Bloodborne, it's your game,
I'm not going to push it. Yeah, 48 spread for
an actual blunderbuss. I did not account for
a mini blunderbuss. Yeah. Just half the spread.
I like to find money. I haven't got enough already.
Well, okay, so money in this game, again, is
blood echoes, which are achieved by killing things.
So unless you're going to go... I mean, if you're
looking for it, then I'll tell you that you could
get some if you manage to kill the hunters. The
church ones. Get them. Or Macy, technically.
If you feel like going up against Minicus. no
I don't think I want to go against the one the
only Duran Duran you know what fucking is Duran
Duran we're not fighting the whole band we can't
do it the band's all here I'm honestly trying
to remember his name I promise it's all good
it's funny as fuck So, any of the rest of you
looking for anything? Blood vials to heal with,
for instance? Or knowledge, or anything in general
you might notice about the area? Let me know
what you want, and make your rolls for perception,
or if it's something really specific, tell me
and I'll tell you what roll it would be. I'm
just going to look for some bullets, I think,
because I don't have any. Alright. That's a plus
two as well. On the Rifleman's corpse, the one
that got absolutely fucking obliterated by Brittany,
you managed to find a D6 bullet. So hit me D6
and find out what you got. Six bullets. Not bad.
Six bullets. Amazing. Still got Brittany and
Dominicus to go, I think. What are you guys looking
for, if anything? Hmm. Dominicus, go ahead and
go ahead. You go ahead, I'm thinking. Yeah, I'm
a bit concerned with this wee lass, but I think
I'll have a wee quick scan for some healing items
while I'm buying this barricade with her. Yep.
Hit me your perception. I get a zero. He's blind!
So, Dominicus, you scrabble in amongst the standbacks
for a little bit, and you find absolutely nothing
of worth. Uh, Macy sees you and, like, a little
duckling copies what you're doing. Uh, what were
you looking for specifically? Uh, healing items.
Uh, she pulls out a couple of blood vials. Sealed
ones. Fucking A, you idiot. You walked right
past him. I know you didn't like blood before,
but will these help? And she'll hold them up
to you. Ah, certainly wouldn't take yours, that's
for sure. Um, but I guess I... They're not for
me, I found them in the dirt. You've done well,
child. Even in the ruin, you managed to find
some mercy. Can you toss me one of those I'm
on 21 hit points? Hang on a minute, what's Brittany
on? I am thinking I... So what was the choices
we have, which is basically weapons, bullets,
or blood vials? So you can look for weapons,
you can look for bullets, you can look for healing
items, you can look for... knowledge, or just
generally around the area. Or you can look for
stuff like Molotovs or any special item you end
up discovering. I really, really, really want
a better weapon. Just kind of the same thing.
Maybe a bigger club. An even bigger one. A bigger,
bright pink. I'll paint it pink. I'll paint it
pink. Finding a pink one is going to be very
weird. But... Yeah, just a bigger bat. Possibly,
if I can't find a bigger bat, the nails to nail
into my bat. Okay, hit me a perception roll.
Okay. Come on, don't fail me now. That's an eight.
Oh, an eight, yeah, nice. Let me check what I
can get. There's a giant pink baseball bat right
there. They were worshipping it. It was the font.
It was actually the middle of the fountain. Like
Scalibur's sword. She aches it out. She's the
chosen one. She is indeed. This means I'm a real
queen. I can really slay too. You already were
dear. You already were. Remind me what your stats
for your bat are real quick. 9d10. Okay. And
that's it. With D4's stun. Uh, sure. Um, I'm
gonna say you managed to find nothing, really.
Uh, for the moment. Oh, fuck. You died. You died.
Oh my gosh. You found the best thing ever. Yeah,
nothing. A good time. You had friends you made
along the way. Yep. The real magic is friends
made longer. Uh, you're gonna see Jura walk over
to you. And he whips his dick out. Whoa! Hey,
unsolicited! Unsolicited! Read a room, bud! Read
a room! Actually, he's going to... So these are
the treasures the Chartreuse has been holding?
Yeah. Dominic's eyes just widen. Oh my goodness.
he's gonna beckon over this guy here this hunter
that was dealing the church hunter that was dealing
with the rifleman before and he's gonna talk
to you girl you wanted looking for something
I'm looking for a bigger bat. See? I'm hitting
these fuckers really good and stylish, I might
add. And they're not dying, so maybe I should
get something bigger and something hitting harder.
Can't offer you a bat. Use for children's games
and little elves. This is no game here, girl.
But if you're looking for something to bludgeon
with, Atreus, I'm like - You'll motion over the
other hunter? I think it's really hilarious he
says that and Brittany is just splattered in
blood. She's just caked in blood. Most of the
people are terrified of her. She's a maniac and
he has the audacity to say game. Do not count
out her toys, Jorah. The gods have blessed them
with their humour. He'll hold his hand out to
Artreus who will hand him what looks at first
like a rough chunk of stone. like a big old fucking
brick off the side of a building well not like
the foundational ones but as he turns it over
you'll notice there's grooves cut into it carved
like someone's moulded the stone like clay to
the shape of finger holes this would be the fist
of gratia weapon used by the church pretty simple
grab it hit things willing to give it to you
willing to trade that bat to my apostle here
It's just a rock with grooves in it? It is essentially
a fucking... Basically a stone knuckle duster.
But comically oversized. With blood splatters
and chips in it. The intent is just to simply
grab it and hit people over the head with it.
It is not an elegant weapon. It is not a pretty
weapon. It is a weapon with twice the chance
of stun of your current one and 10d10 damage.
10d... usually we wouldn't I love the stats I
love the stats but at the same time my god it
doesn't fit this it does not fit the aesthetic
Brittany's got going oh gosh we might be able
to find you some pink paint there and make it
look pretty for you I mean for a granddaughter
of Gertrude I'd be willing to part with it do
you plan to trade your mockery for a relic lamb
Okay. I don't see why I wouldn't. You hand Atreus
the pink Barbie bat and you get handed a huge
chunk of stone shaped with finger holes that
surprisingly enough do seem to fit your hands.
D .D. is the other. Dominicus turns to Jorah
and says you honour her. These bricks were built
for altars. So you said like double the chance
so would I just basically flip a coin instead?
D4, but even will stun, odds will not. Okay.
50 -50 chance of stunning. And it's a D10 -D10.
I'm sorry, what did you say the name of this
was? So, this weapon is called the Fist of Gratia.
I've had a few of those. Gratia? If anyone wants
to hit a religion check. Yes. Go for it. I see
the other smile in your voice there, Cam. Yes,
yes, actually, yes I do. I got a ten. So, Gratia
is... There are no saints in the church. There
are no people who are made on the level of gods.
But there are martyrs. People who died doing
shit so bonkers for the church that they are
commemorated. Gratia is one of the few female
martyrs. Martyrs. Martyrs. Usually it's stuffy
old men. She was about the height of that fountain
you're standing near, infamously strong, and
had a habit of ripping dissenters apart one -handed.
Just like grabbing them and flailing them to
pieces. The Fist of Gratia is supposedly her
favourite knuckle duster. Which was not carved
with a chisel as stone tools are supposed to
be, but simply grabbed and moulded into the shape
it is by Gratia's own hands. It is a pretty important
relic of the church, but it's also one the church
has felt at favour with. Gratia was not Hunter.
She predates the plague entirely, so they're
less concerned with where her shit is at the
moment. I knew her as a girl. Lovely. Lovely
girl she was. Indeed, I think most versions...
Sorry, I... I think most versions... If you're
thinking of Gertrude from the other campaigns,
Gratia's pretty much her. And that's what she
was. Big -ass woman with apparently quite dinky
hands. Tiny, tiny little hands. Wielded as she
did, with purpose. Yeah. Take care of my pretty
pink bat for me. It looks good in your hand.
Hell yeah! Hell yeah, brother! Mine is going
to be sick as fuck. I'm getting finally some
color. We're supposed to have this old white
so I might have to paint it beige or something
eventually, but till then. Just to hear the word
beige just hurts me in my core. I could do magnolia
instead of cream. Alright, that's great. Maybe
eggshell. Eggshell would be okay. Every surface
in my house is beige. Hey, and even if they make
me paint it white, yo, I can totally just kill
stuff with it, and then I'll be fine. I'll be
red again. Like, red and white paint, because
I'm fine. Like, toots my guts, bro. You sick,
brother? Definitely a man of the church. Yeah.
Andreas the Apostle. Is he fucking right? Right.
Who's the leader of your group? Come on, you
brought... I think one child at least here. It's
actually that dog over there. Don't call Gertrude
that, I have some respect for the woman. We are
strangers brought together by happenstance. You
can address us all. I think he's the one in charge.
Be that as it may, you have succeeded in bringing
us at least... One living being to be protected.
There are more still locked in their houses if
you feel like being helpful. Soon we will escort
all willing to the bridge if any of you want
to run for safety, given that I think not all
of you are hunters even. More than welcome to
join us there. We're stronger together for the
moment, differences aside. Every member of this
group has proven their... has proven their worth.
We were awakened in a hunter's clinic. I assume
that we all have experience in such matters.
I had meant to ask you, you, uh, square -headed
man. What? Who, me? Yeah, you, the fucking dipshit
who got set on fire twice. Ah, the scholar. Yes,
that's it. I didn't get set on fire. You wear
the robes of Bergenwerth, but you smell gunpowder.
Oh, hell yeah. Gunpowder and propane. It'll be
safe to assume you'd be interested then in a
reward for attempting to save what civilians
may be left in their home. I have the key to
the hunter's gunpowder workshop. Oh, hell yeah.
Well, here we go. Help us get them out of their
homes to the bridge safely. Can I just have a
little bit of gunpowder now? Fuck no. I'm not
taking a detour for your interests. And... With
that, you guys will hear a steady thudding on
a gate to the back, which will begin... Yep.
Sorry. Yeah. Jura will mention, besides, the
workshop's not here. He'll point behind himself
to the gate. through there. And the gate will
begin to crumble like a creek as something smashes
against it over and over again. And we're going
to end the episode here. Thank you all for watching.
You can find us at Pint of Cthulhu on our various
socials and podcast streaming services. You can
find us on Blue Sky Instagram and Twitter at
A Pint of Cthulhu. We also have a brand new exclusive
to Patreon season running of the Painted Wastelands,
ran by Matt. If you liked what you heard today,
leave a comment, and yeah, bye!