WEBVTT 00:00:09.919 --> 00:00:12.699 Hello! Hey, welcome back to 30 Dirty and Dying. 00:00:12.939 --> 00:00:15.779 Where were 30 Dirty and Dying? Heavy on the last 00:00:15.779 --> 00:00:20.399 D. The dying. Depression. That too. I've been... 00:00:20.399 --> 00:00:23.019 Let's get real for a minute. Okay. First of all, 00:00:23.140 --> 00:00:25.920 I'm Clarissa. I'm kourtney and I'm getting real. 00:00:26.480 --> 00:00:30.690 I'm depressed. I've been... I've been having 00:00:30.690 --> 00:00:34.229 one of the most, like, longest depressive episodes 00:00:34.229 --> 00:00:38.329 that I've had in a fucking while. I mean, it's 00:00:38.329 --> 00:00:41.950 probably been, like, close to a month. And it's 00:00:41.950 --> 00:00:44.070 like, it's not... I've had depressive episodes 00:00:44.070 --> 00:00:46.869 before, and I've had the ones... I have PTSD 00:00:46.869 --> 00:00:50.570 with major depressive episodes. That's the diagnosis. 00:00:51.009 --> 00:00:53.869 But, like, you know, they're not as bad as they 00:00:53.869 --> 00:00:56.710 once were. They usually last a couple days and 00:00:56.710 --> 00:00:58.590 it's like, I can't get out of bed. I'm, you know, 00:00:58.649 --> 00:01:00.530 everything's made up at the point so matter. 00:01:01.030 --> 00:01:03.570 And then after like two days of that, I'm like, 00:01:03.710 --> 00:01:06.650 okay, I'll brush my teeth again. I've had times 00:01:06.650 --> 00:01:08.670 in my life where it's been like that level of 00:01:08.670 --> 00:01:10.469 it. Like I can't get out of bed. I can't for 00:01:10.469 --> 00:01:13.549 days and days and days. Like hair mad at like 00:01:13.549 --> 00:01:15.629 all the shit you see on the bad Zoloft commercials 00:01:15.629 --> 00:01:18.670 that get real. This one's been like in the middle. 00:01:18.769 --> 00:01:22.230 It's like not full blown. But I can't get past 00:01:22.230 --> 00:01:25.159 it. Okay, I've even tried to have a few like, 00:01:25.620 --> 00:01:27.939 man, maybe if I just make myself not get out 00:01:27.939 --> 00:01:30.959 of bed, I'll like get it out of my system. It's 00:01:30.959 --> 00:01:34.840 not working. I don't know. So it's functionally 00:01:34.840 --> 00:01:37.900 depressed. Yeah, yeah, which like is sort of 00:01:37.900 --> 00:01:41.439 my norm. But like, I know I'm depressed. And 00:01:41.439 --> 00:01:43.480 yeah, it's been a rough one. So I'm happy to 00:01:43.480 --> 00:01:45.540 be back recording another episode of the podcast 00:01:45.540 --> 00:01:47.599 because I need some joy. You could have just 00:01:47.599 --> 00:01:50.450 asked me to come over. You yeah, I should have 00:01:50.450 --> 00:01:53.329 I'm not far away. I really should have I've just 00:01:53.329 --> 00:01:56.250 we've just been like weirdly busy Yeah, not like 00:01:56.250 --> 00:01:58.890 a ton of stuff, but just like enough to make 00:01:58.890 --> 00:02:02.370 it like yeah and awkward like awkward days So 00:02:02.370 --> 00:02:03.870 that we don't have you know what I mean. I haven't 00:02:03.870 --> 00:02:08.150 just been like here which also sucks Hate that. 00:02:08.370 --> 00:02:10.370 Well, I also have a vehicle. So if you want to 00:02:10.370 --> 00:02:13.569 just take a ride. Oh Okay. Well, I'm glad you're 00:02:13.569 --> 00:02:16.610 here right now. Yeah hanging out with me to record 00:02:16.610 --> 00:02:18.909 the podcast, but still, I got you here under 00:02:18.909 --> 00:02:22.590 podcast pretenses. But you can get me under friendship 00:02:22.590 --> 00:02:25.349 pretenses too. Well, yeah. And we're gonna do 00:02:25.349 --> 00:02:28.169 that more of that soon because the season's almost 00:02:28.169 --> 00:02:32.550 over. Can you fucking believe it? It's like another 00:02:32.550 --> 00:02:34.870 one here and gone. Another one bites the dust. 00:02:36.789 --> 00:02:40.370 Another one bites the dust. It feels like just 00:02:40.370 --> 00:02:43.710 yesterday we were starting our first ever episode. 00:02:43.840 --> 00:02:46.639 yeah but now we're on this is the end of season 00:02:46.639 --> 00:02:51.180 six so 120 episodes is what it'll be when it's 00:02:51.180 --> 00:02:55.120 all said and done this will be 120 19 of the 00:02:55.120 --> 00:02:58.639 season so 119 and then one more after this the 00:02:58.639 --> 00:03:00.819 next one you hear will be our season finale guys 00:03:00.819 --> 00:03:04.789 it's crazy yeah So we've done a lot of fun stuff 00:03:04.789 --> 00:03:08.150 this season. And we like love games, we love 00:03:08.150 --> 00:03:10.330 to do games and stuff. And we like to do our 00:03:10.330 --> 00:03:12.550 real talk. So we thought we'd do something like 00:03:12.550 --> 00:03:16.169 if you were around for our telling ourselves 00:03:16.169 --> 00:03:18.689 our younger selves, things like giving our younger 00:03:18.689 --> 00:03:22.330 selves advice episode. We sort of combine the 00:03:22.330 --> 00:03:25.610 two and made like a game out of getting a little 00:03:25.610 --> 00:03:27.490 real and talking about our real lives and our 00:03:27.490 --> 00:03:30.759 experiences getting to 30 town. And we're gonna 00:03:30.759 --> 00:03:34.280 do that again, this time, a little bit. So, you 00:03:34.280 --> 00:03:37.520 know, not really a game, but structured, a little 00:03:37.520 --> 00:03:43.460 bit fun. Functured. Functured. Functionally depressed. 00:03:45.319 --> 00:03:49.379 But no, so we're gonna go through some what would 00:03:49.379 --> 00:03:51.639 have happened if some ghosts of Christmas passed 00:03:51.639 --> 00:03:55.219 if you - crazy. Yeah, you know, we're getting 00:03:55.219 --> 00:03:57.740 we're getting to the holidays. And we're basically 00:03:57.740 --> 00:03:59.860 doing that whole Lebanese or screwed shit. Are 00:03:59.860 --> 00:04:02.539 you a Honda days or a Toyota thon? I started 00:04:02.539 --> 00:04:04.000 crying the other day at a Subaru commercial. 00:04:04.599 --> 00:04:07.280 Is it like Dumb and Dumber when he's crying from 00:04:07.280 --> 00:04:10.520 that Bell phone commercial? I don't fully remember 00:04:10.520 --> 00:04:14.960 that part. It was the lady saved a dog. And like 00:04:14.960 --> 00:04:17.800 the dog was like, he's had a hard life. And they 00:04:17.800 --> 00:04:19.540 get home and the dog was afraid to get out of 00:04:19.540 --> 00:04:22.689 the car. So she just like lean the seats all 00:04:22.689 --> 00:04:24.769 the way back with their great functionality that 00:04:24.769 --> 00:04:28.470 Subaru offers. Not sponsored, but you fucking 00:04:28.470 --> 00:04:32.509 could be guys. And was like, it's okay. Whenever 00:04:32.509 --> 00:04:35.089 you're ready. I'm not gonna leave you bald like 00:04:35.089 --> 00:04:40.769 a bitch. Dog. Subaru. Fuck me up. This girl a 00:04:40.769 --> 00:04:43.709 dog and a Subaru. I already have both of those 00:04:43.709 --> 00:04:46.910 things. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm just not because 00:04:46.910 --> 00:04:49.129 he lives with my mom because he's a sensitive 00:04:49.129 --> 00:04:51.899 little boy. He's just, like, clinically insane, 00:04:52.019 --> 00:04:55.459 like his mommy. What were we saying? Um, Subarus. 00:04:56.519 --> 00:04:58.759 Oh, the show today! Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, 00:04:58.839 --> 00:05:01.939 so we're gonna - Not like Subarus! Joseph Christmas 00:05:01.939 --> 00:05:05.459 passed. We're gonna go back and, uh, look over 00:05:05.459 --> 00:05:08.860 our life's choices and see - We've made some 00:05:08.860 --> 00:05:10.600 choices. We've made some choices, you know? We've 00:05:10.600 --> 00:05:12.699 gotten a lot of experience over these years that 00:05:12.699 --> 00:05:14.699 have gotten us to the other side of the 30 mark, 00:05:14.920 --> 00:05:18.470 which is the whole point of the show, and - What 00:05:18.470 --> 00:05:20.129 it's like on this side and the reason things 00:05:20.129 --> 00:05:21.689 are the way they are for us is because we've 00:05:21.689 --> 00:05:23.589 made choices We could have had very different 00:05:23.589 --> 00:05:26.550 stories. Yeah, so we're gonna basically create 00:05:26.550 --> 00:05:31.209 our own Christmas Carol here and Be Scrooge and 00:05:31.209 --> 00:05:34.509 the ghost at the same time. I feel that yeah 00:05:34.509 --> 00:05:40.110 in my soul. Yeah bah humbug, but also Yeah, cuz 00:05:40.110 --> 00:05:43.129 you know neither of us have decorations out no, 00:05:43.310 --> 00:05:47.230 but We're gonna get festive gonna do it. I'm 00:05:47.230 --> 00:05:50.170 gonna power through I want to Maybe it'll help 00:05:50.170 --> 00:05:51.949 you get out of the depressive. I think so just 00:05:51.949 --> 00:05:55.029 a little holiday cheer. Yeah choices choices 00:05:55.029 --> 00:05:56.990 That makes us who we are. I'm gonna get into 00:05:56.990 --> 00:05:59.250 all of our life choices today Talk about what 00:05:59.250 --> 00:06:01.529 could have happened if they went if things went 00:06:01.529 --> 00:06:03.050 the other way and we're just gonna kind of walk 00:06:03.050 --> 00:06:05.949 down what if lane You know, I get to the end 00:06:05.949 --> 00:06:08.449 of the year another year gone start to get a 00:06:08.449 --> 00:06:12.189 little bit retrospective So we're gonna do today 00:06:12.189 --> 00:06:15.720 the first We gotta get retrospective about the 00:06:15.720 --> 00:06:27.319 90s. Back in time. All right. Nineteen, nineteen, 00:06:27.680 --> 00:06:29.779 nineteen ninety seven. An oldie putty goodie. 00:06:30.560 --> 00:06:33.579 I was surprised that we hadn't done 97 this season. 00:06:33.959 --> 00:06:36.019 We've done it before, obviously, in past seasons. 00:06:36.019 --> 00:06:38.759 But I think I just I know what I want to always 00:06:38.759 --> 00:06:42.139 talk about. We lost Diana. And I'm always surprised. 00:06:42.379 --> 00:06:45.500 Yeah. Wait, she's dead? What do you mean? I'm 00:06:45.500 --> 00:06:48.980 like, wait, it was in 97? Yep. Crazy. Yep. She 00:06:48.980 --> 00:06:52.399 died in 97, funeral, big old deal. I was looking 00:06:52.399 --> 00:06:54.800 up for the little like back in time collages 00:06:54.800 --> 00:06:57.019 that we do on Instagram, and I was looking up 00:06:57.019 --> 00:06:59.579 pictures of like, you know, the moral stuff. 00:07:00.519 --> 00:07:03.139 And there's there are so many pictures, the sheer 00:07:03.139 --> 00:07:07.180 amount of just like, they fill the entire grounds 00:07:07.180 --> 00:07:11.339 around Buckingham Palace, like just people. um, 00:07:11.339 --> 00:07:15.879 with flowers and cards and, um, and it was like 00:07:15.879 --> 00:07:18.279 probably up to your knees worth of stuff. Just 00:07:18.279 --> 00:07:21.439 the entire space was filled. It was crazy how 00:07:21.439 --> 00:07:24.199 much stuff people, people left there as like 00:07:24.199 --> 00:07:26.620 this outpouring of grief. Wow. Do you think it 00:07:26.620 --> 00:07:28.680 was an inside job? I don't, I don't know if I 00:07:28.680 --> 00:07:30.560 would say that. I don't really think that, but 00:07:30.560 --> 00:07:35.000 I do think, I think in an indirect way, she was 00:07:35.000 --> 00:07:37.839 set up to be torn down. I don't think like people 00:07:37.839 --> 00:07:39.339 I don't think it was like an inside job like 00:07:39.339 --> 00:07:40.699 they were gonna kill her. I'm like, cut the break 00:07:40.699 --> 00:07:42.920 lines. I mean, I don't know maybe though maybe 00:07:42.920 --> 00:07:44.439 something else will come out at some point and 00:07:44.439 --> 00:07:47.279 we'll know but I do think it was just a traffic 00:07:47.279 --> 00:07:50.759 accident but the media just like attacked her. 00:07:50.819 --> 00:07:52.779 I mean, it was like an attack every day of her 00:07:52.779 --> 00:07:56.019 life. I mean, they just like were on her like 00:07:56.019 --> 00:07:59.500 lions on gazelles. Yeah, well, I mean, a woman 00:07:59.500 --> 00:08:02.740 who is in power, you know, yeah, they just they 00:08:02.740 --> 00:08:06.480 they set her up to be this like beautiful. Figure 00:08:06.480 --> 00:08:09.920 that everyone wanted and then When it didn't 00:08:09.920 --> 00:08:13.319 work and when she didn't fall in line It was 00:08:13.319 --> 00:08:15.319 like getting set up to be torn down again. It 00:08:15.319 --> 00:08:16.779 really felt like that a little bit now I don't 00:08:16.779 --> 00:08:19.079 think it was like a conspiracy, but I think I 00:08:19.079 --> 00:08:21.360 love a good conspiracy I mean, you know, it's 00:08:21.360 --> 00:08:23.259 interesting to hear but I don't think it was 00:08:23.259 --> 00:08:26.579 like a conspiracy. I just think it was Almost 00:08:26.579 --> 00:08:29.180 like a self -fulfilling prophecy like, you know 00:08:29.180 --> 00:08:33.159 this the undercurrent of what was going on within 00:08:33.159 --> 00:08:37.820 that dynamic led to her ultimate death. I really 00:08:37.820 --> 00:08:42.879 think that. But yeah, sad stuff, sad stuff. What 00:08:42.879 --> 00:08:45.799 else happened in 97? Let's make it happier. I 00:08:45.799 --> 00:08:48.360 looked up some movies. I love a movie. And there 00:08:48.360 --> 00:08:50.919 were a lot. There were more. Obviously Titanic 00:08:50.919 --> 00:08:53.960 is the big boy. That big ass boat, you know, 00:08:54.059 --> 00:08:56.259 and you said Jurassic Park. One of them also 00:08:56.259 --> 00:08:59.139 was okay. So Jurassic Park, The Lost World. Gotcha. 00:09:00.159 --> 00:09:02.690 So like Good Will Hunting came out. Everybody 00:09:02.690 --> 00:09:06.269 loves that one never watched it Hercules Hercules 00:09:06.269 --> 00:09:10.389 Hercules And you know who should have who I wish 00:09:10.389 --> 00:09:12.389 I would have remembered for our fictional characters 00:09:12.389 --> 00:09:16.450 episode a couple weeks back Hades um Speaking 00:09:16.450 --> 00:09:19.330 of okay. I have so many that I forgot is saying 00:09:19.330 --> 00:09:22.529 well on the reels on your cuz you're not tick 00:09:22.529 --> 00:09:26.000 tock anymore the Wiggles tree Do you know what 00:09:26.000 --> 00:09:29.159 I'm talking about? No. Oh my gosh, you're so 00:09:29.159 --> 00:09:32.100 far behind. I'm sorry, I'm fucking 30 and I act 00:09:32.100 --> 00:09:34.799 like it. What are you trying to say? Saying that 00:09:34.799 --> 00:09:37.879 you act younger, which is fine. I know what you 00:09:37.879 --> 00:09:40.779 did last summer, another movie. G .I. Jane. Never 00:09:40.779 --> 00:09:44.860 watched it. It's really good. Con Air, also really 00:09:44.860 --> 00:09:48.100 good. Getting in the Cage with Nick Cage. Anaconda. 00:09:49.000 --> 00:09:51.820 I watched it. Honestly, I think it was in 97. 00:09:52.390 --> 00:09:54.710 or 98, I told you, my parents just let me do 00:09:54.710 --> 00:09:57.929 whatever. They had no like, she's too young for 00:09:57.929 --> 00:10:00.690 this. And I watched Anaconda with my parents. 00:10:00.870 --> 00:10:03.649 It was probably like 98 actually, like the HS. 00:10:04.490 --> 00:10:06.929 And we watched it at home. And you know, one 00:10:06.929 --> 00:10:09.269 of my first nightmares that I can remember came 00:10:09.269 --> 00:10:11.870 from Anaconda. So I watched it, it was probably 00:10:11.870 --> 00:10:16.429 like four, which, strike one. And I told you 00:10:16.429 --> 00:10:18.690 that, I've told you before that like my dad worked 00:10:18.690 --> 00:10:20.629 away when I was a little kid. So it was just 00:10:20.629 --> 00:10:24.649 me and my mom a lot. And I would get up a lot 00:10:24.649 --> 00:10:26.169 in the middle because I didn't like I didn't 00:10:26.169 --> 00:10:29.549 sleep like normal kids sleep. But my mom would 00:10:29.549 --> 00:10:31.610 stay conked out and she could trust me to be 00:10:31.610 --> 00:10:35.470 a normal kid. So I had this dream that seemed 00:10:35.470 --> 00:10:37.169 very real. And I think this is why I remember 00:10:37.169 --> 00:10:39.169 it. I get up out of out of bed. I was sleeping 00:10:39.169 --> 00:10:41.809 in my mom's bed. And I look at the clock. It's 00:10:41.809 --> 00:10:43.730 like midnight. I wander out probably to get my 00:10:43.730 --> 00:10:46.990 midnight snack. And there's I had this pillow 00:10:46.990 --> 00:10:49.029 when I was a kid like think like security blanket, 00:10:49.090 --> 00:10:53.080 but it was a pillow. Okay, and My pillow was 00:10:53.080 --> 00:10:57.059 on we had this big armchair and I was like, oh 00:10:57.059 --> 00:11:00.460 my pillows out here. Let me go get it And I walk 00:11:00.460 --> 00:11:02.799 over to get the pillow and I lift it up and the 00:11:02.799 --> 00:11:05.960 anaconda from anaconda is just like swirled up 00:11:05.960 --> 00:11:09.580 in our armchair And I flipped out and woke up 00:11:09.580 --> 00:11:11.080 and realized that was a dream, but it was so 00:11:11.080 --> 00:11:13.600 fucking real I feel like it was one of my first 00:11:13.600 --> 00:11:16.320 experiences with weirdly realistic almost lucid 00:11:16.320 --> 00:11:20.629 dreaming. Mm -hmm turn young. Yeah, well So was 00:11:20.629 --> 00:11:22.970 all the reasons that I have problems, but whatever. 00:11:24.129 --> 00:11:26.409 But yeah, so Anaconda, special place in my heart, 00:11:26.610 --> 00:11:28.830 scared the shit out of me, but I loved it. Anyways, 00:11:28.870 --> 00:11:32.509 you keep talking now. The US Treasury introduced 00:11:32.509 --> 00:11:36.289 a redesigned $50 bill. Wow, good for them. This 00:11:36.289 --> 00:11:39.649 is a chaotic episode, I'm sorry. But one of my 00:11:39.649 --> 00:11:42.409 Hear Me Outs that I forgot that I wanted to... 00:11:42.409 --> 00:11:45.950 The Hamburglar. Interesting choice. Yeah, I know. 00:11:46.509 --> 00:11:49.080 Also, low -key kind of grimace. I'm not sure 00:11:49.080 --> 00:11:52.120 what he is, but I don't care. She's purple. I 00:11:52.120 --> 00:11:53.960 love purple. It's my favorite color. So Tinky 00:11:53.960 --> 00:11:56.360 Winky as well. My mom didn't let me watch the 00:11:56.360 --> 00:12:00.500 Teletubbies. Oh, I love Teletubbies. She thought 00:12:00.500 --> 00:12:02.720 it was weird. I mean, correct. They are weird. 00:12:02.740 --> 00:12:05.580 Yeah. And I think she thought it would like brainwash 00:12:05.580 --> 00:12:08.940 me and make me stupid. I'm not stupid. So maybe 00:12:08.940 --> 00:12:10.600 she was right. And I'm not brainwashed. And I 00:12:10.600 --> 00:12:14.470 like Teletubbies. Who knows? We can't redo the 00:12:14.470 --> 00:12:16.570 episode. I just needed to point out the Hamburglar 00:12:16.570 --> 00:12:19.029 because, yes. And Grimace, okay. And Grimace, 00:12:19.149 --> 00:12:21.889 absolutely. And then mine's the Wiggles Tree 00:12:21.889 --> 00:12:24.710 of Wisdom. I have to add that. Understood. So, 00:12:24.750 --> 00:12:28.750 97. US Treasury $50 bill. Good for them, I guess. 00:12:29.230 --> 00:12:31.590 Fucking. Hamilton's on the 50, right? Or no, 00:12:31.590 --> 00:12:34.629 he's on the 10. Who's on the 50? Grant. You're 00:12:34.629 --> 00:12:37.330 asking me to one name presidents. Hamilton was 00:12:37.330 --> 00:12:43.169 not a president. Fuck. Alexander Hamilton. Had 00:12:43.169 --> 00:12:46.169 a torrent affair and he wrote it down right there. 00:12:46.509 --> 00:12:48.490 Highlights. That was one of my favorite songs 00:12:48.490 --> 00:12:51.769 in Hamilton. I really like Hamilton, guys. Something 00:12:51.769 --> 00:12:54.490 you may not have known about me. You know what 00:12:54.490 --> 00:12:56.850 I love right now? Wicked. I saw it on Sunday. 00:12:57.509 --> 00:12:59.929 Was it great? Don't tell me. I'm seeing it again 00:12:59.929 --> 00:13:02.529 on Friday. That's great. I don't know any fucking 00:13:02.529 --> 00:13:04.509 thing about it, but I do want to watch it. I 00:13:04.509 --> 00:13:06.929 started listening to the audio book. Oh, it's 00:13:06.929 --> 00:13:10.289 a book? Yeah. It came out in - I don't fucking 00:13:10.289 --> 00:13:13.179 know. came out 95 we should have 95 we've already 00:13:13.179 --> 00:13:16.440 done 95 oh fuck well 95 wicked honorable mention 00:13:16.440 --> 00:13:19.259 the book yeah no i didn't know that yeah it was 00:13:19.259 --> 00:13:21.500 it was a book and then it became the broadway 00:13:21.500 --> 00:13:26.120 show okay in like 2000 something or other um 00:13:26.120 --> 00:13:29.360 and then now the movie i was gonna go see it 00:13:29.360 --> 00:13:31.860 when i was in new york one time but we just didn't 00:13:31.860 --> 00:13:34.019 end up i would love to see it on broadway that'd 00:13:34.019 --> 00:13:36.210 be fun Yeah, me too. I would still like to see 00:13:36.210 --> 00:13:38.210 it. But I don't know fuck about it. But I really 00:13:38.210 --> 00:13:39.909 want to watch it. And I don't know fuck about 00:13:39.909 --> 00:13:42.250 it. I just listen to the music. I don't even 00:13:42.250 --> 00:13:44.649 know. I mean, I know some of the songs from like 00:13:44.649 --> 00:13:48.750 pop culture. But yeah, in a middle school show 00:13:48.750 --> 00:13:52.710 choir, I sang popular. Did it make you popular? 00:13:53.230 --> 00:13:57.289 No. Trying some more favorite Halloween costumes 00:13:57.289 --> 00:14:01.789 in 97. Oh shit. Batman and Robin. Love it. Tiger 00:14:01.789 --> 00:14:06.159 Woods. Garth Brooks. Country singer. He wore 00:14:06.159 --> 00:14:09.580 a black hat. Black shirt. Tucked in. Spice Girls. 00:14:10.580 --> 00:14:12.679 Spice up your life. Every boy and every girl. 00:14:12.779 --> 00:14:14.960 Spice up your life. People of the world. Spice 00:14:14.960 --> 00:14:18.340 up your life. Somewhere to the left if you're 00:14:18.340 --> 00:14:19.960 having a good time. Check it to the right if 00:14:19.960 --> 00:14:21.679 you know that you feel fine. Check it to the 00:14:21.679 --> 00:14:26.600 front. Go round. Shit. I'm gonna just throw movies 00:14:26.600 --> 00:14:28.399 in as we go, because there are so many from 97. 00:14:28.519 --> 00:14:29.600 Okay, perfect. So keep doing your stuff, but 00:14:29.600 --> 00:14:31.379 I'm gonna just throw out movies as we go. Georgia 00:14:31.379 --> 00:14:34.809 the Jungle. fucking banger with Brendan Fraser. 00:14:35.090 --> 00:14:37.870 What a man. What a man. He's definitely my hero. 00:14:38.009 --> 00:14:40.409 He's not even hear me out. No, he's right now. 00:14:40.509 --> 00:14:41.970 Any time, any way you want it. That's the way 00:14:41.970 --> 00:14:47.649 you need it. Good burger. Welcome to Good Burger, 00:14:47.789 --> 00:14:50.029 home of the Good Burger. Can I take your order? 00:14:51.330 --> 00:14:55.750 Almost daily, I say I'm a dude. He's a dude. 00:14:56.049 --> 00:14:59.090 She's a dude. And we're all dudes. Yeah. Flubber. 00:15:01.460 --> 00:15:04.720 I can't speak today. I love Wobbin' Williams. 00:15:05.019 --> 00:15:06.860 When do we love Wobbin' Williams? When do we 00:15:06.860 --> 00:15:09.899 love Wobbin' so much? Also Air Bud. I never watched 00:15:09.899 --> 00:15:12.960 it. I loved it. I had a couple of Air Bud movies 00:15:12.960 --> 00:15:15.620 on VHS. I believe it. They're still downstairs 00:15:15.620 --> 00:15:17.419 in the garage, probably. I love that for you. 00:15:17.519 --> 00:15:19.279 But I liked Air Bud. I liked basketball. I liked 00:15:19.279 --> 00:15:23.279 dogs. It was the perfect combo. Yeah. The popular 00:15:23.279 --> 00:15:30.180 baby names? Yeah. Michael. Avi. Matthew. Christopher 00:15:30.180 --> 00:15:33.580 Axe. Axe? Yeah. Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Axe, 00:15:33.740 --> 00:15:35.860 Romans, first Corinthians. Axe. Oh, you're saying 00:15:35.860 --> 00:15:39.299 A -C -T -S. I thought you were saying Axe. I 00:15:39.299 --> 00:15:41.879 was like, what kind of name is that? Do you know 00:15:41.879 --> 00:15:44.080 how I'm just like going through it? Yeah, I was 00:15:44.080 --> 00:15:45.820 just naming the gospels though, because those 00:15:45.820 --> 00:15:47.779 aren't gospels. I'm just, you know, just all 00:15:47.779 --> 00:15:49.899 the books. All the books. Hang on. Deuteronomy. 00:15:50.200 --> 00:15:52.200 Oh, we're going old school. Okay. Corinthians. 00:15:53.120 --> 00:15:55.279 First Corinthians, second Corinthians. Exodus. 00:15:56.320 --> 00:15:59.210 Genesis. Deuteronomy? Did you already say that? 00:15:59.389 --> 00:16:03.289 I did. No. Maybe. I don't know. It's a big book. 00:16:03.950 --> 00:16:11.730 Ezekiel. Psalms. Revelations. Anyways, Christopher, 00:16:12.230 --> 00:16:15.769 Joshua. Joshua. Emily, Jessica, Ashley, and Samantha. 00:16:16.669 --> 00:16:19.750 Emily, Jessica, Ashley? Yep. I mean, I knew a 00:16:19.750 --> 00:16:22.730 bunch of kids who had those names growing up, 00:16:23.049 --> 00:16:28.169 so that makes sense. Fashion trends? Okay, denim 00:16:28.169 --> 00:16:32.970 on denim. Oh, Canadian tucks, chokers and candies. 00:16:33.269 --> 00:16:35.610 Oh my god, yes. Both of those things. Those stood 00:16:35.610 --> 00:16:39.190 the test of time. Oh, yeah, people wear chokers. 00:16:39.370 --> 00:16:42.590 Sheer black dresses and skirts. Why do I have 00:16:42.590 --> 00:16:45.169 so many that are like 90s style that I bought 00:16:45.169 --> 00:16:47.389 when they all started coming back? Leather pants 00:16:47.389 --> 00:16:50.230 and white crop tops. Well, it was showing kind 00:16:50.230 --> 00:16:52.769 of rocking some 90s vibes today. You got a little 00:16:52.769 --> 00:16:56.159 sheer long sleeve. black with some turtleneck 00:16:56.159 --> 00:16:58.519 and then a dress over it. A turtleneck and chain 00:16:58.519 --> 00:17:00.820 sipping on a light beer. Do you want to just 00:17:00.820 --> 00:17:04.160 go with music? Yeah. Just bang it out? Bang it 00:17:04.160 --> 00:17:09.480 out. All right. So these are the hot year end 00:17:09.480 --> 00:17:12.799 singles. You know how it goes. A lot of them 00:17:12.799 --> 00:17:14.440 might have come out the year prior, but they 00:17:14.440 --> 00:17:17.700 were still killing it. Number one back to Diana 00:17:17.700 --> 00:17:21.089 was Candle in the Wind. by Elton John, the redo 00:17:21.089 --> 00:17:23.190 he did for that one. A lot of songs on here I 00:17:23.190 --> 00:17:25.549 don't feel comfortable saying anymore, because 00:17:25.549 --> 00:17:29.529 they were Diddy and Tori's B .I .G. songs. And, 00:17:29.529 --> 00:17:35.150 you know. Not in, yeah, that's not, it's not 00:17:35.150 --> 00:17:38.589 too bad. Allegedly not so great. Wannabe, Spice 00:17:38.589 --> 00:17:41.450 Girls. You wanna be my lover, you gotta get with 00:17:41.450 --> 00:17:47.329 my friends. Yup. Bitch. Semi Charmed Life by 00:17:47.329 --> 00:18:01.279 Third Eye Blind. Oh, you'll love this. This is 00:18:01.279 --> 00:18:03.920 the last song. Tub Thump and Big Chumbawumba 00:18:03.920 --> 00:18:07.519 fan. I'm a Chumbawumba fan. Hey, thanks for listening 00:18:07.519 --> 00:18:09.960 to 30 Dirty and Dying, the show for millennials 00:18:09.960 --> 00:18:12.740 by millennials. We get real about chronic illness, 00:18:13.140 --> 00:18:15.700 burnout, nostalgia, and why we aren't exactly 00:18:15.700 --> 00:18:18.450 thriving. If that sounds like you, join us every 00:18:18.450 --> 00:18:20.970 Thursday for new episodes. Now back to the show. 00:18:21.269 --> 00:18:24.069 Today, like we said, we're doing something a 00:18:24.069 --> 00:18:27.009 little different. We're gonna take walks down 00:18:27.009 --> 00:18:29.430 memory lane and talk about what would have happened 00:18:29.430 --> 00:18:31.329 if we would have made different choices in our 00:18:31.329 --> 00:18:36.089 lives, respectively. So I have some what if scenarios 00:18:36.089 --> 00:18:38.250 that are a little vague, but that I feel like 00:18:38.250 --> 00:18:41.849 could apply to both of us. And you guys probably 00:18:41.849 --> 00:18:43.130 know some of these. If you've listened to us 00:18:43.130 --> 00:18:44.809 for a while, we've told some of these stories. 00:18:45.180 --> 00:18:47.339 And now we're just gonna pull the thread a little 00:18:47.339 --> 00:18:50.119 bit. So I guess we'll just, we'll just go down 00:18:50.119 --> 00:18:52.039 this list and we can both say what works for 00:18:52.039 --> 00:18:56.599 us. Cool. So first one, what if we never met 00:18:56.599 --> 00:19:00.059 our spouses slash partners? Oh, I thought you 00:19:00.059 --> 00:19:02.220 were about to say if we never met, then I would 00:19:02.220 --> 00:19:04.000 have been dead. Hold on. I wouldn't have been 00:19:04.000 --> 00:19:06.380 bored. That might come later. Okay. If I never 00:19:06.380 --> 00:19:08.680 met Mike. Yeah, you never met Mike if I never 00:19:08.680 --> 00:19:12.309 met Justin. See it can get dark real fast. Well 00:19:12.309 --> 00:19:14.549 at that point before I met Mike I had already 00:19:14.549 --> 00:19:17.430 stopped talking to Bob Okay, good for you. And 00:19:17.430 --> 00:19:20.690 I if you're new to new here Bob is the villain 00:19:20.690 --> 00:19:24.210 Bob was the villain for way too long way too 00:19:24.210 --> 00:19:27.589 many sequels and Then I also like had already 00:19:27.589 --> 00:19:31.170 stopped talking to Lucky Charms. Oh good because 00:19:31.170 --> 00:19:35.829 he was a fucking disaster so embarrassed Anyways, 00:19:36.109 --> 00:19:39.589 I wasn't like stuck in another situation. Right? 00:19:39.690 --> 00:19:44.849 Like I actually was like, single. Yeah. Which 00:19:44.849 --> 00:19:48.490 rarity really was known me. And I was just like, 00:19:48.609 --> 00:19:51.029 living it. Yeah. So like, I don't know. Like, 00:19:51.029 --> 00:19:54.890 I feel like if I didn't meet Mike, I would eventually 00:19:54.890 --> 00:19:57.549 met someone else and just like gone down that 00:19:57.549 --> 00:20:00.650 road. Yeah, probably. Yeah. Because like I was 00:20:00.650 --> 00:20:05.859 like, finally realizing what I deserved. Yeah, 00:20:05.920 --> 00:20:08.680 like it took a very long time. But like I was 00:20:08.680 --> 00:20:12.960 like healing myself before I even met Mike. Yeah, 00:20:13.099 --> 00:20:16.680 so which made Mike work. Yeah, because I was 00:20:16.680 --> 00:20:19.180 okay. I kind of agree with you about my situation 00:20:19.180 --> 00:20:21.019 as well. I mean, a little different just because 00:20:21.019 --> 00:20:24.500 like, so before I met Justin, I was I had been 00:20:24.500 --> 00:20:26.799 in a couple like more serious relationships. 00:20:26.960 --> 00:20:29.380 And I'd been in a kind of long term one that 00:20:29.380 --> 00:20:32.420 ended. and I stayed single. I mean, for the most 00:20:32.420 --> 00:20:34.240 part, I've, you know, dated a little bit, but 00:20:34.240 --> 00:20:38.619 I was actively staying single for like, it was 00:20:38.619 --> 00:20:41.059 like a year. It was honestly like a good year. 00:20:41.779 --> 00:20:45.539 And I remember when I was trying to get back 00:20:45.539 --> 00:20:47.940 out there and I got the apps and I did, you know, 00:20:48.819 --> 00:20:53.359 and I fucking hated it. And I'm sure I've told 00:20:53.359 --> 00:20:57.380 this before, like, when we've done like online 00:20:57.380 --> 00:21:00.460 dating episodes or whatever. But I when I was 00:21:00.460 --> 00:21:04.220 going to meet Justin, it was sort of a I'd sort 00:21:04.220 --> 00:21:07.019 of given myself an ultimatum. I had had a couple 00:21:07.019 --> 00:21:09.559 situation ships with the apps and I just I just 00:21:09.559 --> 00:21:11.819 hated it. And they didn't go well. And I was 00:21:11.819 --> 00:21:14.900 so sick of it. And I was realizing a lot of things 00:21:14.900 --> 00:21:16.839 about myself in that course of that year that 00:21:16.839 --> 00:21:20.200 I was single. Because when I had been in my past 00:21:20.200 --> 00:21:23.480 relationship, it was just like I was doing so 00:21:23.480 --> 00:21:28.099 many things and on the sort of one track ride 00:21:28.099 --> 00:21:30.220 to a life that I didn't really want to have. 00:21:30.380 --> 00:21:33.079 And I didn't really understand how I got there. 00:21:33.140 --> 00:21:35.119 And it was like the how you say you're finding 00:21:35.119 --> 00:21:37.359 yourself. Yeah, I don't know if I was finding 00:21:37.359 --> 00:21:40.500 myself like my core self. But I was finding out 00:21:40.500 --> 00:21:42.720 what I wanted in life and what I really didn't. 00:21:43.119 --> 00:21:46.019 Yeah. It seemed a little unconventional because 00:21:46.019 --> 00:21:47.720 I sort of just went along to get along. And that's 00:21:47.720 --> 00:21:51.099 how I ended up in those past situations. So realizing 00:21:51.099 --> 00:21:56.420 that I hated dating and I hate sucks dating sucks 00:21:56.420 --> 00:21:59.259 I hated it and I also didn't feel the need to 00:21:59.259 --> 00:22:04.720 like settle just so I would have a boyfriend 00:22:04.720 --> 00:22:07.839 right or have someone for lack of a better term 00:22:07.839 --> 00:22:11.539 pick me and you know I think we all went through 00:22:11.539 --> 00:22:13.880 a phase some worse than others but we all went 00:22:13.880 --> 00:22:16.640 through a phase where it was like that it was 00:22:16.640 --> 00:22:20.930 like me love me choose me like because there 00:22:20.930 --> 00:22:23.190 was this even if you were one of the more like, 00:22:23.809 --> 00:22:26.869 whatever quote unquote confident people. There 00:22:26.869 --> 00:22:29.309 was this unspoken societal thing about like, 00:22:29.470 --> 00:22:32.150 but if you can't find a boyfriend, there's something 00:22:32.150 --> 00:22:36.930 wrong with you. And I think when I was much younger, 00:22:37.109 --> 00:22:39.250 I think I sort of maybe fell into that a little 00:22:39.250 --> 00:22:41.630 bit. And I was realizing coming out on the other 00:22:41.630 --> 00:22:44.549 side, like I don't give a fuck if I ever find 00:22:44.549 --> 00:22:48.240 a boyfriend again. So when I met Justin I sort 00:22:48.240 --> 00:22:49.940 of was giving myself an ultimatum after these 00:22:49.940 --> 00:22:52.799 really bad experiences like if this dude doesn't 00:22:52.799 --> 00:22:57.680 work out I'm done for now. Yeah, I feel no Pain 00:22:57.680 --> 00:22:59.460 about that, right? I don't feel like a failure. 00:22:59.539 --> 00:23:03.339 I don't feel like a Not good enough. I I don't 00:23:03.339 --> 00:23:06.299 want to keep going because I hate this and I'm 00:23:06.299 --> 00:23:09.220 not gonna just settle for some fucking guy Who 00:23:09.220 --> 00:23:11.829 I don't even like Want to I'm either want to 00:23:11.829 --> 00:23:14.089 be with somebody who I really like and enjoy 00:23:14.089 --> 00:23:15.529 spending time with them Or I don't want to be 00:23:15.529 --> 00:23:17.829 with anybody and that's fine So I really think 00:23:17.829 --> 00:23:20.690 if I hadn't met him or if something had happened 00:23:20.690 --> 00:23:25.049 where we had not pursued a relationship I Think 00:23:25.049 --> 00:23:27.289 I'd probably be single. I think I'd probably 00:23:27.289 --> 00:23:29.569 be full -blown spinster and love in every second 00:23:29.569 --> 00:23:31.910 of it I love every second of my life now don't 00:23:31.910 --> 00:23:34.390 get it twisted like I love that we ended up together 00:23:34.390 --> 00:23:37.250 and it worked but I think the reason it worked 00:23:37.250 --> 00:23:39.309 is because I was making peace with myself that 00:23:39.309 --> 00:23:45.089 like I don't need this, I can enjoy this if it 00:23:45.089 --> 00:23:48.349 works out. And if he's the right guy. And when 00:23:48.349 --> 00:23:50.130 I was making that ultimatum, it wasn't like if 00:23:50.130 --> 00:23:52.690 he's my forever person. I just meant like, if 00:23:52.690 --> 00:23:55.789 this one last maybe doesn't work out, I'm done. 00:23:56.450 --> 00:24:00.230 I didn't know he was gonna end up being the person. 00:24:00.990 --> 00:24:05.170 I'm glad he was. But if he hadn't been... Same 00:24:05.170 --> 00:24:06.950 same outcome. I would have probably stayed single 00:24:06.950 --> 00:24:09.130 for a while. Maybe I would have never ever maybe 00:24:09.130 --> 00:24:11.869 I would have ended up with Joshua and Then gotten 00:24:11.869 --> 00:24:14.250 divorced hopefully. I know I didn't like him 00:24:14.250 --> 00:24:16.990 either. Well, I mean the thing is though like 00:24:16.990 --> 00:24:21.650 since I had Been with Mike. Yeah and had that 00:24:21.650 --> 00:24:24.829 type of relationship and then like we broke up 00:24:24.829 --> 00:24:28.430 and then I Ended up with like Joshua for a while. 00:24:28.829 --> 00:24:32.279 Yeah, which was complete opposite. Yeah I feel 00:24:32.279 --> 00:24:34.980 like if I didn't have the microrelationship at 00:24:34.980 --> 00:24:37.720 all, that would have been fine. Yeah, because 00:24:37.720 --> 00:24:39.059 you wouldn't have known that it's not what you 00:24:39.059 --> 00:24:41.460 wanted. Right. Yeah. I would have been like, 00:24:41.500 --> 00:24:45.539 this is good. He treated me well. I loved his 00:24:45.539 --> 00:24:48.440 family. Right. Everything was good. So then let's 00:24:48.440 --> 00:24:49.880 keep going with that because I have another question 00:24:49.880 --> 00:24:52.259 that sort of vibes. I mean, no guarantees. I 00:24:52.259 --> 00:24:54.160 also probably would have still fucked with John. 00:24:54.500 --> 00:24:55.920 What do you think would have happened if you 00:24:55.920 --> 00:24:59.680 would have married or ended up with someone else 00:24:59.680 --> 00:25:02.039 from your past? like one of your past relationships. 00:25:02.200 --> 00:25:04.480 Which one? I don't know. This is open ended for 00:25:04.480 --> 00:25:05.599 you. You want me to go through all of them? Every 00:25:05.599 --> 00:25:07.140 single one? I don't know. But if you want to 00:25:07.140 --> 00:25:08.619 talk about Joshua, if you want to talk about 00:25:08.619 --> 00:25:12.079 another one, just someone else from the past. 00:25:12.880 --> 00:25:14.680 And I don't know, interpret that however you 00:25:14.680 --> 00:25:16.660 want. I mean, whichever the one was most likely 00:25:16.660 --> 00:25:19.599 maybe. I mean, if I ended up with Bob, I would 00:25:19.599 --> 00:25:23.359 have been miserable with probably a kid, you 00:25:23.359 --> 00:25:27.960 know? Or several. Anyways. Yeah. So, you know. 00:25:28.059 --> 00:25:31.880 What about Joshua? Because that was your most 00:25:31.880 --> 00:25:34.660 recent other serious relationship before you 00:25:34.660 --> 00:25:36.680 and Mike got back together and was like, this 00:25:36.680 --> 00:25:40.819 is it. So that was the most likely to have gone 00:25:40.819 --> 00:25:43.980 the distance. So what do you think would have 00:25:43.980 --> 00:25:47.880 happened there? And that's after knowing that 00:25:47.880 --> 00:25:49.700 maybe you guys didn't vibe the way you thought 00:25:49.700 --> 00:25:55.140 you would. Either either I would have come to 00:25:55.140 --> 00:25:57.059 the conclusion that it wouldn't have worked out 00:25:57.059 --> 00:26:00.480 Yeah, the same way like maybe like I wouldn't 00:26:00.480 --> 00:26:03.819 have had Like Mike is a reference of a type of 00:26:03.819 --> 00:26:05.500 relationship. Well, maybe you did I mean this 00:26:05.500 --> 00:26:08.039 could also be that you and Mike broke up and 00:26:08.039 --> 00:26:10.700 never back together and you just stayed with 00:26:10.700 --> 00:26:15.579 Joshua Maybe I would have like I don't know like 00:26:15.579 --> 00:26:17.599 I know that's the fun of this Yeah, cuz I feel 00:26:17.599 --> 00:26:20.700 like I like was finally being an adult about 00:26:20.700 --> 00:26:25.559 things. Yeah and realized in myself that I would 00:26:25.559 --> 00:26:28.279 have treated him wrong. Yeah, so you feel like 00:26:28.279 --> 00:26:30.500 to think you would have made I would have I think, 00:26:31.039 --> 00:26:34.759 I think regard like, like, take Mike, I have 00:26:34.759 --> 00:26:36.279 to take Mike out of the situation. Yeah, because 00:26:36.279 --> 00:26:38.200 with this line, because with this line, I would 00:26:38.200 --> 00:26:40.759 have done the same thing. Yeah. So if I never 00:26:40.759 --> 00:26:43.059 met Mike, and I never had that type of relationship, 00:26:43.059 --> 00:26:46.059 and I stayed like, and I because like, I've known 00:26:46.059 --> 00:26:49.440 Joshua for a long time for years. So like, I 00:26:49.440 --> 00:26:51.990 feel like that could have still happened. Yeah, 00:26:51.990 --> 00:26:53.789 but maybe at some point you would have realized 00:26:53.789 --> 00:26:56.170 this isn't for me. Maybe I would have or maybe 00:26:56.170 --> 00:26:57.970 I'd have been like, this is great. Like, this 00:26:57.970 --> 00:26:59.950 is the first like healthy relationship that I've 00:26:59.950 --> 00:27:02.430 had. Yeah. Because it would have been. Yeah. 00:27:02.930 --> 00:27:07.529 And his family loved me. And I loved them. Probably 00:27:07.529 --> 00:27:10.349 would have just stayed. See, that makes me sad. 00:27:10.410 --> 00:27:14.069 But I know him. So that feels sad. But he wasn't 00:27:14.069 --> 00:27:17.269 bad. I know. I just think he was weird. But that's 00:27:17.269 --> 00:27:19.880 just me. Probably being a bitch. and a lover 00:27:19.880 --> 00:27:23.480 and a child and a mother, you know. He's not 00:27:23.480 --> 00:27:27.500 a bad dude. He's a nice guy. And he was a good 00:27:27.500 --> 00:27:30.619 boyfriend. Yeah. So you think if you had still 00:27:30.619 --> 00:27:32.579 met Mike, but you guys just didn't get back together, 00:27:32.579 --> 00:27:34.980 you might have stayed. And maybe at some point 00:27:34.980 --> 00:27:37.059 realize I probably would have still realized 00:27:37.059 --> 00:27:40.200 later, maybe not as soon. Maybe not as soon. 00:27:40.519 --> 00:27:43.039 But I mean, the thing is, though, like, like 00:27:43.039 --> 00:27:45.460 Mike and I were still like friends. Yeah, like 00:27:45.460 --> 00:27:47.380 we still talked because like things were going 00:27:47.380 --> 00:27:49.460 on with like my grandma. and things were going 00:27:49.460 --> 00:27:51.359 on with his grandparents and we were just checking 00:27:51.359 --> 00:27:53.279 in with each other. Yeah. But it was all service 00:27:53.279 --> 00:27:55.980 level conversation and we had no intention like 00:27:55.980 --> 00:27:57.880 we were both with other people we had no intentions. 00:27:58.559 --> 00:28:01.380 Yeah. So it like it wouldn't have had to do with 00:28:01.380 --> 00:28:03.460 him necessarily. No. But that's what I mean about 00:28:03.460 --> 00:28:06.680 like if you would have even if you wouldn't have 00:28:06.680 --> 00:28:09.529 had the point of reference for my the relationship 00:28:09.529 --> 00:28:11.769 you had had with Mike previously, I feel like 00:28:11.769 --> 00:28:13.529 there might have still been a way that you found, 00:28:13.750 --> 00:28:15.670 hey, this doesn't work for me. Maybe because 00:28:15.670 --> 00:28:17.650 like you said, you were already sort of getting 00:28:17.650 --> 00:28:21.049 into knowing yourself a little bit more even 00:28:21.049 --> 00:28:24.809 prior to so who knows what that level of self 00:28:24.809 --> 00:28:27.670 discovery would look like. But I feel like if 00:28:27.670 --> 00:28:31.089 I would have kept the relationship with him, 00:28:31.490 --> 00:28:33.470 Mike never would have been able to be in the 00:28:33.769 --> 00:28:36.250 So if it would have happened the way it happened 00:28:36.250 --> 00:28:38.210 the way it really happened like you were with 00:28:38.210 --> 00:28:40.430 Mike you guys broke up Then you end up with Joshua. 00:28:40.430 --> 00:28:42.490 Mm -hmm. It probably wouldn't have gone Even 00:28:42.490 --> 00:28:44.369 if you would have married him and gone for a 00:28:44.369 --> 00:28:46.630 while. I probably would have married him Well, 00:28:46.630 --> 00:28:48.809 that's the question though. If you married someone 00:28:48.809 --> 00:28:54.730 else well Well, if I married John, okay, then 00:28:54.730 --> 00:28:58.309 I would be a widow Spoiler alert. Well speaking 00:28:58.309 --> 00:29:02.390 of um, I only had one other like really serious 00:29:02.390 --> 00:29:04.599 really that not I've had other relationship, 00:29:04.599 --> 00:29:07.200 but what I'm saying is, I had one that was sort 00:29:07.200 --> 00:29:10.559 of on the brink of marriage. I didn't get engaged. 00:29:10.559 --> 00:29:12.819 It was like engaged to be engaged kind of deal. 00:29:13.200 --> 00:29:16.900 Thank God that didn't work out. Yes. Um, I'll 00:29:16.900 --> 00:29:18.500 just say right now and I'm not going to go into 00:29:18.500 --> 00:29:19.900 a ton of detail because I don't want people to 00:29:19.900 --> 00:29:24.039 call numbers or anything. I'm fine. But I wouldn't 00:29:24.039 --> 00:29:27.599 still be here. Like if if I had married him and 00:29:27.599 --> 00:29:31.190 and had the What everyone expected you to have 00:29:31.190 --> 00:29:34.210 and continue to go along to get along like I 00:29:34.210 --> 00:29:37.750 don't think I would have made it I'm not saying 00:29:37.750 --> 00:29:40.470 he would have killed me or anything I'm just 00:29:40.470 --> 00:29:42.789 saying I don't think that I could have made it 00:29:42.789 --> 00:29:47.329 through that with my sanity, right? Things are 00:29:47.329 --> 00:29:50.589 really bad for a while there and You know, I 00:29:50.589 --> 00:29:53.630 had this like I remember this when it was we 00:29:53.630 --> 00:29:54.930 were talking about depressive episodes at the 00:29:54.930 --> 00:29:58.349 beginning One of the worst ones I ever had was 00:29:58.349 --> 00:30:01.369 just a little bit before things really like hit 00:30:01.369 --> 00:30:04.470 the fan with that relationship. And it was like, 00:30:04.710 --> 00:30:07.230 I mean, I lost a job because I couldn't get out 00:30:07.230 --> 00:30:10.210 of bed and go to work like it was, it was pretty 00:30:10.210 --> 00:30:14.430 bad. And it was before like things had started 00:30:14.430 --> 00:30:16.809 to really happen. So it was just all it felt 00:30:16.809 --> 00:30:19.470 like it was all internal. But it was after I 00:30:19.470 --> 00:30:22.029 quote unquote, got better, you know, because 00:30:22.029 --> 00:30:24.410 I'd had my like, cute little mental breakdown. 00:30:24.730 --> 00:30:27.829 A year or two early things having a breakdown. 00:30:28.309 --> 00:30:30.910 And you know, I went to therapy and got diagnosed 00:30:30.910 --> 00:30:33.230 and did the work. Like with people who don't 00:30:33.230 --> 00:30:35.390 have a lot of experience with mental health. 00:30:35.430 --> 00:30:37.529 And at the time I didn't and my family and friends 00:30:37.529 --> 00:30:40.589 did not either. You just think it's like going 00:30:40.589 --> 00:30:43.289 to get medicine from a doctor and you'll be fine. 00:30:43.329 --> 00:30:45.109 And sometimes it can be that for people. Sometimes 00:30:45.109 --> 00:30:48.529 it's not. But I was certainly more stable and 00:30:48.529 --> 00:30:51.930 like good and not, you know, worrying people 00:30:51.930 --> 00:30:54.490 every second. And then I slipped into this depressive 00:30:54.490 --> 00:30:56.849 episode after all that. So I was like, okay, 00:30:56.950 --> 00:31:00.809 well, it's it's not that stuff. So what the fuck 00:31:00.809 --> 00:31:02.849 is going on? And obviously, you don't need a 00:31:02.849 --> 00:31:05.869 reason to be depressed if you have that issue. 00:31:06.670 --> 00:31:08.509 But I don't know, I just felt like something 00:31:08.509 --> 00:31:11.250 was really off in my life. And I remember this 00:31:11.250 --> 00:31:12.730 moment where I was in the middle of one of those 00:31:12.730 --> 00:31:15.230 really bad episodes. And I was just like laying 00:31:15.230 --> 00:31:17.190 in bed in the house that we've lived in together. 00:31:17.750 --> 00:31:20.369 Don't want to say like I had a vision or like 00:31:20.369 --> 00:31:22.690 I'm fucking that's a raven I don't mean it like 00:31:22.690 --> 00:31:25.430 that But I just had this moment of whatever you 00:31:25.430 --> 00:31:26.869 want to call it whether it was something like 00:31:26.869 --> 00:31:28.390 that or whether it was just like a really sharp 00:31:28.390 --> 00:31:31.349 moment of clarity Where I just kind of saw my 00:31:31.349 --> 00:31:34.589 life if we did those things like we went through 00:31:34.589 --> 00:31:37.410 with getting married and having kids and doing 00:31:37.410 --> 00:31:42.950 the whole shebang and It was just like this You 00:31:42.950 --> 00:31:46.450 won't make it You can't handle that. That's not 00:31:46.450 --> 00:31:49.349 the life that you're supposed to have. You can't 00:31:49.349 --> 00:31:52.029 live through this. I could see, once you've been 00:31:52.029 --> 00:31:53.630 in a certain place in your life, you can see 00:31:53.630 --> 00:31:55.930 how you could go back, you know? And it was like 00:31:55.930 --> 00:31:58.309 seeing how I could go back. And I was just like, 00:31:58.309 --> 00:32:00.470 I can't do this. This isn't the life I'm supposed 00:32:00.470 --> 00:32:04.150 to have. I need to get out. Yeah. Now, I wish 00:32:04.150 --> 00:32:07.630 I had taken that and hopped out of bed and ran 00:32:07.630 --> 00:32:12.430 with it that day. I did not. But it's never left 00:32:12.430 --> 00:32:15.890 me you know and eventually I did get out and 00:32:15.890 --> 00:32:18.869 So yeah, I really think that I wouldn't I don't 00:32:18.869 --> 00:32:22.809 think I'd be here And this podcast wouldn't exist 00:32:22.809 --> 00:32:25.529 true that they really wouldn't yeah, that just 00:32:25.529 --> 00:32:28.730 wasn't the life for me It's not necessarily about 00:32:28.730 --> 00:32:31.329 him or anything like that. I mean some of it 00:32:31.329 --> 00:32:32.809 might be maybe he was an asshole Maybe I was 00:32:32.809 --> 00:32:38.039 an asshole, but overall it's more that wasn't 00:32:38.039 --> 00:32:40.839 the life for me and it wasn't good for me and 00:32:40.839 --> 00:32:44.339 what I need from just life in general or a partner 00:32:44.339 --> 00:32:47.619 or a situate like it just wasn't right yeah and 00:32:47.619 --> 00:32:51.039 I almost you know I was going full steam ahead 00:32:51.039 --> 00:32:54.200 for a lot of years so just because I don't know 00:32:54.200 --> 00:32:57.980 it was like it was you know the self -driving 00:32:57.980 --> 00:33:01.440 cars I have now yes it was like if you were in 00:33:01.440 --> 00:33:05.180 a self -driving car and you fell asleep and the 00:33:05.180 --> 00:33:09.329 car drove you into the fucking forest and then 00:33:09.329 --> 00:33:13.309 you wake up in the forest some indeterminate 00:33:13.309 --> 00:33:15.930 amount of time later and you're like why are 00:33:15.930 --> 00:33:18.769 we here how did we get here what's going on and 00:33:18.769 --> 00:33:21.769 the car won't answer because it's dead and you're 00:33:21.769 --> 00:33:24.990 just like what the fuck do i do now how would 00:33:24.990 --> 00:33:27.069 i get out of the forest why am i even here that 00:33:27.069 --> 00:33:30.599 was the level of like once i Came to in my life 00:33:30.599 --> 00:33:32.339 after having some mental health stuff. I was 00:33:32.339 --> 00:33:34.660 like man. How do I get in this forest? Yeah, 00:33:34.660 --> 00:33:36.660 it was like waking up in a forest. It was crazy 00:33:36.660 --> 00:33:39.819 Yeah, just like making a bunch of decisions that 00:33:39.819 --> 00:33:42.599 I would have never probably made in my right 00:33:42.599 --> 00:33:45.460 mind. I Probably would have felt more pressure 00:33:45.460 --> 00:33:47.819 to have a kid that too because it was like we 00:33:47.819 --> 00:33:50.319 already we were it was obvious We were going 00:33:50.319 --> 00:33:54.950 to have kids like five That's horrible. Was going 00:33:54.950 --> 00:33:56.809 to get legally married. That's five too many. 00:33:56.990 --> 00:33:58.490 Was going to get legally married. Had to have 00:33:58.490 --> 00:34:01.250 a wedding, per his request. I was like, if we're 00:34:01.250 --> 00:34:02.769 gonna get married, can't we just go down to the 00:34:02.769 --> 00:34:07.950 port? No! He needed to have his day. Okay, next 00:34:07.950 --> 00:34:11.550 one. Hadn't started the podcast. I don't know, 00:34:11.590 --> 00:34:13.429 I probably would just cry every day. I think 00:34:13.429 --> 00:34:17.769 so too. I really enjoy it. It gives me a lot 00:34:17.769 --> 00:34:19.989 of fulfillment. I do a lot of the like creative 00:34:19.989 --> 00:34:21.929 stuff with it and that you know, scratches my 00:34:21.929 --> 00:34:23.750 creative itch or at least one of them. I have 00:34:23.750 --> 00:34:28.489 several very itchy. Um, yeah, I'm very itchy 00:34:28.489 --> 00:34:30.889 and it scratches all my itches, or at least a 00:34:30.889 --> 00:34:34.789 few and but also I think I have so many like 00:34:34.789 --> 00:34:37.889 friends that I still love and am cool with but 00:34:37.889 --> 00:34:39.989 we don't hang out very much like I just saw my 00:34:39.989 --> 00:34:43.199 friend Liz. And we were like trying to make dinner 00:34:43.199 --> 00:34:45.519 plans and we did I was like it's been like a 00:34:45.519 --> 00:34:48.300 year So maybe and we live closer than we ever 00:34:48.300 --> 00:34:50.539 and we're both stable now. So there's really 00:34:50.539 --> 00:34:53.500 no excuse We just suck but I feel like we'd be 00:34:53.500 --> 00:34:55.760 doing that. I feel like we wouldn't be as close. 00:34:55.820 --> 00:34:58.920 Yeah, we are Yeah, I agree because we we see 00:34:58.920 --> 00:35:02.599 each other a lot and we make time that it's hard 00:35:02.599 --> 00:35:07.619 to Make time as grown -ups. It is it is it's 00:35:07.619 --> 00:35:10.480 hard like even like I'm a And I'm a horrible 00:35:10.480 --> 00:35:13.460 communicator. That too. In general. So like, 00:35:13.639 --> 00:35:15.159 hey, you want to hang out Saturday and then you 00:35:15.159 --> 00:35:18.699 text me in three weeks. Like, sorry, I'm busy 00:35:18.699 --> 00:35:21.760 now. I can't. If you if you asked me about a 00:35:21.760 --> 00:35:24.000 specific date, I would respond timely. Sometimes. 00:35:25.159 --> 00:35:27.019 I do. I totally forgot I was supposed to come 00:35:27.019 --> 00:35:28.119 to your house the other night and text you two 00:35:28.119 --> 00:35:29.880 days later. I was like, so I didn't come on Wednesday. 00:35:31.079 --> 00:35:33.099 So we both do it. But that's what I mean. That's 00:35:33.099 --> 00:35:37.320 how it is. Yeah. Yeah. We try to do like non 00:35:37.320 --> 00:35:39.739 podcast hangouts, it's so much harder. Yeah. 00:35:40.119 --> 00:35:42.119 But also, I think it's made it easier at the 00:35:42.119 --> 00:35:46.159 same time. Because we, we actively separate that 00:35:46.159 --> 00:35:48.400 time, like we're friends, and we do the podcast 00:35:48.400 --> 00:35:50.639 stuff. And we get to do both a lot, which is 00:35:50.639 --> 00:35:54.139 awesome. But we make We try to make time. Yeah, 00:35:54.179 --> 00:35:56.019 we definitely try to make time because like we 00:35:56.019 --> 00:35:58.219 don't want our friendship just to be podcast. 00:35:58.360 --> 00:36:01.039 Yeah, because I think we are both trying harder 00:36:01.039 --> 00:36:03.320 than we normally would have to make sure that 00:36:03.320 --> 00:36:05.440 we have that friendship time. And it's not just 00:36:05.440 --> 00:36:07.239 podcast. Yeah, you're like one of the most important 00:36:07.239 --> 00:36:09.800 people in my life now. Oh, you really are. I 00:36:09.800 --> 00:36:11.159 mean, you know, I don't have that many people. 00:36:11.179 --> 00:36:14.159 So don't get crazy. I mean, same. But like, I, 00:36:14.519 --> 00:36:15.739 you really are one of the most important people 00:36:15.739 --> 00:36:17.880 in my life. I talk about you a lot. I reference 00:36:17.880 --> 00:36:20.099 like conversations we have a lot on the internet 00:36:20.099 --> 00:36:22.269 and off. Yeah, I was actually just talking about 00:36:22.269 --> 00:36:24.070 you today at work. Yeah, I was suggesting last 00:36:24.070 --> 00:36:25.949 night. I was like, Courtney would know about 00:36:25.949 --> 00:36:27.230 something. I don't know what it was. But I was 00:36:27.230 --> 00:36:28.909 like, Courtney would know for sure. And I almost 00:36:28.909 --> 00:36:30.889 texted you but like she won't answer. I might 00:36:30.889 --> 00:36:34.110 have. Well, you just give it a try. I think the 00:36:34.110 --> 00:36:36.170 podcast has been our friendship stronger. And 00:36:36.170 --> 00:36:38.610 it's been seems like it's been fulfilling for 00:36:38.610 --> 00:36:42.469 both of us. So what if you had pursued a different 00:36:42.469 --> 00:36:48.860 career? So whatever was the most like Realistic 00:36:48.860 --> 00:36:50.519 version of that for you. So what you were gonna 00:36:50.519 --> 00:36:52.800 be in what if you were a social worker like your 00:36:52.800 --> 00:36:54.519 degree? I would have been so depressed. Let's 00:36:54.519 --> 00:36:58.340 talk about it. That's One I wouldn't have any 00:36:58.340 --> 00:37:00.659 money because they don't make money true that 00:37:00.659 --> 00:37:04.079 I Would have been burnt out. I would have been 00:37:04.079 --> 00:37:07.519 stressed all the time. I would I mean is this 00:37:07.519 --> 00:37:11.300 fucking clay about us Sounds kind of like I would 00:37:11.300 --> 00:37:13.300 have been so much worse worse. Yeah, I would 00:37:13.300 --> 00:37:14.599 have been so much because I feel like do you 00:37:14.599 --> 00:37:16.659 think because the emotional investment? Yes, 00:37:17.159 --> 00:37:18.940 because I just know that the whole reason I didn't 00:37:18.940 --> 00:37:21.340 go into social work is because I know my personality 00:37:21.340 --> 00:37:23.679 Yeah, and how I just like hold on to things you're 00:37:23.679 --> 00:37:26.119 very empathetic very empathetic and I would have 00:37:26.119 --> 00:37:28.159 been burnt out so quick because I just would 00:37:28.159 --> 00:37:32.099 have been Like fully dialed in. Yes, and I could 00:37:32.099 --> 00:37:36.059 not do that. Yeah, so if I did do that, I probably 00:37:36.059 --> 00:37:38.789 would have already quit. Yeah And maybe I'd be 00:37:38.789 --> 00:37:41.769 at the movie theater. I don't know. Because I 00:37:41.769 --> 00:37:45.750 thought about pre -COVID, like the end of 2019, 00:37:46.570 --> 00:37:49.869 I was looking at jobs. I remember one of the 00:37:49.869 --> 00:37:52.809 few times we actually talked before all this 00:37:52.809 --> 00:37:55.730 started. I remember you telling me that you were 00:37:55.730 --> 00:37:57.090 like looking for... Yeah, because there's like 00:37:57.090 --> 00:38:01.329 an assistant manager job at the one nearby. Yeah. 00:38:01.650 --> 00:38:04.300 And I'm like... Should I do it? I was like, I 00:38:04.300 --> 00:38:06.679 don't know. Man, this is sad. And then 2020 happened 00:38:06.679 --> 00:38:08.539 and like theaters closed. I'm like, I'm so glad 00:38:08.539 --> 00:38:11.159 I didn't do that. Yeah, it would have been fucked 00:38:11.159 --> 00:38:13.800 out. Yeah. Well, I'm glad it worked out the way 00:38:13.800 --> 00:38:17.940 it did. I think I mean, I was always going into 00:38:17.940 --> 00:38:21.019 journalism. So it's like, I think my version 00:38:21.019 --> 00:38:23.860 of this is if I had stayed a journalist, and 00:38:23.860 --> 00:38:26.480 I don't know, I don't think it would be going 00:38:26.480 --> 00:38:33.099 well. It was very, I was I was Okay at it near 00:38:33.099 --> 00:38:35.300 the end. I got kind of shitty at it because I 00:38:35.300 --> 00:38:37.920 was so tired Mm -hmm, and it burnt me out really 00:38:37.920 --> 00:38:39.960 fat like you were saying with if you had become 00:38:39.960 --> 00:38:44.880 a social worker I was so burnt out and part of 00:38:44.880 --> 00:38:47.960 the reason I kept trying to leave was because 00:38:47.960 --> 00:38:51.599 I Wanted to have some sort of balance in my life 00:38:51.599 --> 00:38:54.920 that I knew didn't exist Yeah, and I still struggle 00:38:54.920 --> 00:38:57.639 with it sure but like I'm much better at it not 00:38:57.639 --> 00:38:59.440 in that field So I don't know how I would have 00:38:59.440 --> 00:39:01.590 been able to maintain my relationship I feel 00:39:01.590 --> 00:39:04.250 like I feel like I wouldn't have. Yeah. I feel 00:39:04.250 --> 00:39:05.929 like it wouldn't look like it does now. Like 00:39:05.929 --> 00:39:08.909 we have a real like proper partnership and a 00:39:08.909 --> 00:39:11.510 home together and a life and I feel like we might 00:39:11.510 --> 00:39:16.090 either have kept doing that like not necessarily 00:39:16.090 --> 00:39:19.510 long distance but some version of that like just 00:39:19.510 --> 00:39:21.429 hooking up when we could kind of deal. I mean 00:39:21.429 --> 00:39:24.050 not just sexually but just being in a sort of 00:39:24.050 --> 00:39:26.849 removed relationship. Yeah. Or we wouldn't be 00:39:26.849 --> 00:39:29.400 in a relationship at all. I also don't think 00:39:29.400 --> 00:39:33.280 I would have felt as empowered to pursue some 00:39:33.280 --> 00:39:34.659 of the creative stuff that I've been able, like 00:39:34.659 --> 00:39:37.079 my writing, like my book that was out and now 00:39:37.079 --> 00:39:38.460 isn't. I don't know, maybe I'll read another 00:39:38.460 --> 00:39:41.480 one. I'm working on it. But to even do that and 00:39:41.480 --> 00:39:43.400 to do something like the podcast and I don't 00:39:43.400 --> 00:39:45.559 think I would have ever felt like I had the time 00:39:45.559 --> 00:39:47.880 or the creative energy to do that. Yeah, especially 00:39:47.880 --> 00:39:50.400 like if you're editing and doing things with 00:39:50.400 --> 00:39:53.860 like all day. And it's a noble field to be in 00:39:53.860 --> 00:39:55.360 if you're doing it right. I don't mean it like 00:39:55.360 --> 00:39:57.920 that. It just... I think it would have had some 00:39:57.920 --> 00:40:00.480 real big impacts on my day to day. Would you 00:40:00.480 --> 00:40:04.780 want more? Sure. One more. Had a falling out 00:40:04.780 --> 00:40:08.400 with a close friend. Could be me. Could be someone 00:40:08.400 --> 00:40:10.179 else. I mean, I don't even know who. I mean, 00:40:10.179 --> 00:40:12.300 I have had falling outs with friends. One of 00:40:12.300 --> 00:40:14.860 my other ones. Well, one that you haven't. Or 00:40:14.860 --> 00:40:16.840 if you want to flip it on its head and say you 00:40:16.840 --> 00:40:18.420 didn't have a falling out with the person that 00:40:18.420 --> 00:40:20.860 you've had falling out with. I don't know. I 00:40:20.860 --> 00:40:24.519 mean, one friendship that like, I wouldn't, it's... 00:40:24.559 --> 00:40:27.679 It's not like it was a falling out to where like, 00:40:28.559 --> 00:40:30.739 we were like angry at each other for any reason. 00:40:31.159 --> 00:40:35.699 No, we just like stopped. Yeah, because I knew 00:40:35.699 --> 00:40:41.079 that it was she came to me for reasons, and not 00:40:41.079 --> 00:40:44.739 necessarily. Right. I mean, some friendship, 00:40:44.739 --> 00:40:48.659 but like, she only like, talk to me. If someone 00:40:48.659 --> 00:40:51.159 else wasn't talking to her. Yeah, your second 00:40:51.159 --> 00:40:55.969 choice. Yes. And I that would just If I didn't 00:40:55.969 --> 00:41:00.489 stop trying, if I maintained that type of friendship, 00:41:00.889 --> 00:41:03.010 it just still would be back and forth. Yeah. 00:41:03.250 --> 00:41:04.849 No, I totally get what you're saying. So what 00:41:04.849 --> 00:41:07.650 about if you had had a falling out with a close 00:41:07.650 --> 00:41:09.510 friend that you consider a close friend today? 00:41:09.730 --> 00:41:11.769 I don't know. That's hard because like, I don't 00:41:11.769 --> 00:41:14.409 know. What if we had a falling out? Then I'd 00:41:14.409 --> 00:41:17.630 be sad and I wouldn't be able to like talk a 00:41:17.630 --> 00:41:20.519 lot. like on a podcast. Yeah, it'd be a bummer. 00:41:20.619 --> 00:41:22.480 It would be a bummer. But like I already like 00:41:22.480 --> 00:41:25.380 don't talk to like anyone. So it's so hard. Like 00:41:25.380 --> 00:41:27.599 I would be sad like if something happened to 00:41:27.599 --> 00:41:29.239 where like we stopped talking like, yeah, I'd 00:41:29.239 --> 00:41:31.119 be really sad because like you're my best friend. 00:41:31.320 --> 00:41:34.039 But at the same time, I also still don't talk 00:41:34.039 --> 00:41:37.840 to people. Yeah, so different than like having 00:41:37.840 --> 00:41:39.900 a falling out when you're younger because like 00:41:39.900 --> 00:41:42.800 your whole day to day life Yeah, cuz like I if 00:41:42.800 --> 00:41:45.500 if I didn't have a friend like if I had a falling 00:41:45.500 --> 00:41:47.239 out with a friend in high school Yeah, I see 00:41:47.239 --> 00:41:50.679 them every day there would be my friends versus 00:41:50.679 --> 00:41:54.679 your friends. Yeah drama Yeah, but like as an 00:41:54.679 --> 00:41:57.059 adult like it just like I'd be sad and I'd be 00:41:57.059 --> 00:42:00.239 like man this sucks But I still would keep going 00:42:00.239 --> 00:42:03.360 because like yeah, is it there is no drama. I'm 00:42:03.360 --> 00:42:05.920 not gonna like there's no issues with it like 00:42:05.920 --> 00:42:08.360 we're fucking adults I can't even think of something 00:42:08.360 --> 00:42:10.099 that would happen right now for us to have like 00:42:10.099 --> 00:42:13.519 a real proper I can see maybe we have a disagreement 00:42:13.519 --> 00:42:16.079 or something but like this it's one of those 00:42:16.079 --> 00:42:18.619 things that it just doesn't feel like there's 00:42:18.619 --> 00:42:21.300 as much like you said the drama thing happening 00:42:21.300 --> 00:42:24.820 there is no drama like I mean we're adults and 00:42:24.820 --> 00:42:26.940 we can like if we're having an issue we know 00:42:26.940 --> 00:42:30.159 how to communicate Like we'll just talk about 00:42:30.159 --> 00:42:33.960 it, which we do all the time. Like you said, 00:42:34.199 --> 00:42:36.320 I've got my friend who I'm really close to and 00:42:36.320 --> 00:42:38.179 we've never had a falling out. We've had times 00:42:38.179 --> 00:42:39.920 where we've not talked very much and whatever, 00:42:40.039 --> 00:42:42.559 but it's never been aggressive. And I still only 00:42:42.559 --> 00:42:44.599 probably see her once a year just because life 00:42:44.599 --> 00:42:47.340 is nuts. So some of it, I think you're right, 00:42:47.460 --> 00:42:49.679 wouldn't be that noticeable. I do think though, 00:42:49.760 --> 00:42:53.579 if you and I had had a falling out before and 00:42:53.579 --> 00:42:56.210 we weren't friends now. You're like the you're 00:42:56.210 --> 00:42:58.730 like my last like friend from like the movie 00:42:58.730 --> 00:43:00.949 theater days And I still talk to a lot like I'm 00:43:00.949 --> 00:43:02.630 so cool with some people like if they called 00:43:02.630 --> 00:43:04.829 me I'd answer it's not like that Yeah, but there's 00:43:04.829 --> 00:43:08.289 not that active like tie like you know not to 00:43:08.289 --> 00:43:11.130 be too on brand but nostalgic kind of kind of 00:43:11.130 --> 00:43:14.010 tie I wouldn't really have that with that group. 00:43:14.070 --> 00:43:16.170 Yeah, and that was such a pivotal part of my 00:43:16.170 --> 00:43:20.860 life. I feel like like yeah So it was like our 00:43:20.860 --> 00:43:22.679 second home our second family. Yeah, so I wouldn't 00:43:22.679 --> 00:43:24.639 be able to really like reminisce in the same 00:43:24.639 --> 00:43:26.619 way I don't think and it maybe wouldn't feel 00:43:26.619 --> 00:43:31.139 as as Good and like, you know warm fuzzy feeling 00:43:31.139 --> 00:43:35.400 around that time and in Our lives, I don't know 00:43:35.400 --> 00:43:37.579 who else I would talk to cuz I don't thanks. 00:43:37.579 --> 00:43:39.900 Yeah I don't think I'd be feeling the same feels 00:43:39.900 --> 00:43:42.059 the same nostalgic feels and then why the fuck 00:43:42.059 --> 00:43:44.809 would I create a nostalgic podcast? Well, we 00:43:44.809 --> 00:43:46.909 hope you guys have enjoyed this ghost of Christmas 00:43:46.909 --> 00:43:50.949 pasting walk down memory lane and us kind of 00:43:50.949 --> 00:43:53.289 talking about what could have been some good, 00:43:53.289 --> 00:43:56.469 some bad, some just whatever. Yeah. Life's all 00:43:56.469 --> 00:43:59.409 about choices. You know, so we get it. We've 00:43:59.409 --> 00:44:01.230 made choices that have led us here. We'll make 00:44:01.230 --> 00:44:03.309 more that'll lead us to whatever's next on our 00:44:03.309 --> 00:44:07.449 30 journey. Dysentery? Who knows? The organ drill? 00:44:08.030 --> 00:44:13.190 We could make that choice. What's an organ? Good 00:44:13.190 --> 00:44:17.320 beer. A lot of hipsters. I want to go to Massachusetts. 00:44:17.820 --> 00:44:20.659 I want to go to Maine, because I hear it's based 00:44:20.659 --> 00:44:23.320 on the novel by Stephen King. I'm like a Maine 00:44:23.320 --> 00:44:27.059 lobster roll? And I'm like, murder. Maine murder. 00:44:27.639 --> 00:44:29.539 But also Salem, yes. I want to go to Salem so 00:44:29.539 --> 00:44:31.539 bad. Me too, I'll go with you. We should plan 00:44:31.539 --> 00:44:34.619 a girls trip to Salem. Another what could have 00:44:34.619 --> 00:44:36.420 been, because if we would have been born then 00:44:36.420 --> 00:44:38.099 and there, we would have been burnt at the stake. 00:44:38.280 --> 00:44:41.260 For sure. For sure. Yeah, so we could have. We'll 00:44:41.260 --> 00:44:44.619 continue this episode in Salem and see what our 00:44:44.619 --> 00:44:48.000 trial would have looked like. We love you guys. 00:44:48.079 --> 00:44:49.840 We've got our season finale coming up next week, 00:44:49.840 --> 00:44:52.699 so make sure you are tuned in for that and follow 00:44:52.699 --> 00:44:55.659 us on all the things at 30 Dirty and Dying. Anything 00:44:55.659 --> 00:44:57.340 else to say, Courtney? Happy holidays, everyone. 00:44:57.519 --> 00:44:59.440 Happy holidays. Yeah, we'll have our quote unquote 00:44:59.440 --> 00:45:02.719 holiday episode next week as our finale. Can't 00:45:02.719 --> 00:45:06.300 wait. Jingle jangle. Jingle all the way. Jingle 00:45:06.300 --> 00:45:17.440 all the way. Bye guys. Bye! It's turbo time!