WEBVTT 00:00:11.919 --> 00:00:15.519 Hello! Hey there! Happy Thanksgiving! Happy Thanksgiving! 00:00:15.619 --> 00:00:18.920 It's Thanksgiving and... 30 dirty and dying? 00:00:19.480 --> 00:00:22.140 Pass the cranberry sauce! We're having mashed 00:00:22.140 --> 00:00:25.780 potatoes! All the turkey looks great! Thank you 00:00:25.780 --> 00:00:29.539 for loving me! Thank you for being there! Everyone's 00:00:29.539 --> 00:00:32.280 thanking! the whole world's thanking you thanking 00:00:32.280 --> 00:00:37.179 us for thanking you kill the turkey i've been 00:00:37.179 --> 00:00:39.799 watching non -stop recently i'm on a big bobs 00:00:39.799 --> 00:00:42.439 burgers cake i'm a big bob burger fan me too 00:00:42.439 --> 00:00:45.479 i love it who's your favorite linda i think linda 00:00:45.479 --> 00:00:48.880 i also really love louise she's great yeah and 00:00:48.880 --> 00:00:51.039 there's something really amazing about bob just 00:00:51.039 --> 00:00:55.500 going oh my god i did such a good impression 00:00:55.500 --> 00:00:58.420 welcome to Thanksgiving episode of 30 During 00:00:58.420 --> 00:01:00.719 and Dying. It will probably have a little less 00:01:00.719 --> 00:01:02.640 singing than the Thanksgiving episodes of Bob's 00:01:02.640 --> 00:01:05.239 Burgers, but we will do our fucking best. We 00:01:05.239 --> 00:01:07.060 can always make something into a sing -song. 00:01:07.200 --> 00:01:08.879 I'm sure we can. It's gonna be a little harder 00:01:08.879 --> 00:01:11.989 today, though, because we decided... We decided 00:01:11.989 --> 00:01:16.790 to do a real talk about family. So sometimes 00:01:16.790 --> 00:01:19.030 on Thanksgiving, we've done like games and things 00:01:19.030 --> 00:01:20.730 for people to play along with. But we've done 00:01:20.730 --> 00:01:23.150 a lot of games recently. So if you're more into 00:01:23.150 --> 00:01:25.090 listening to that on your holiday, we've got 00:01:25.090 --> 00:01:26.730 that for you to just listen to other episodes, 00:01:26.969 --> 00:01:28.890 in addition to this one. We thought this would 00:01:28.890 --> 00:01:30.450 be a good one because we're doing a real talk 00:01:30.450 --> 00:01:33.930 about going no contact and cutting people off. 00:01:33.969 --> 00:01:36.230 And sometimes that happens with family members. 00:01:36.310 --> 00:01:38.230 And that can be hard for the holidays. Yeah, 00:01:38.230 --> 00:01:41.030 it's the holidays. It's Thanksgiving. Christmas 00:01:41.030 --> 00:01:43.250 and other winter holidays are coming up. So if 00:01:43.250 --> 00:01:46.090 you are someone who has gone no contact or you're 00:01:46.090 --> 00:01:48.489 considering going on contact, this is a relevant 00:01:48.489 --> 00:01:50.150 topic for this time of year because you're probably 00:01:50.150 --> 00:01:52.549 dealing with the I don't want to say the fallout, 00:01:52.709 --> 00:01:55.030 but like, it's not that it's sometimes it doesn't 00:01:55.030 --> 00:01:56.829 feel that different when you're just going through 00:01:56.829 --> 00:01:58.790 your life on a random Tuesday. But when it's 00:01:58.790 --> 00:02:01.250 the holidays and holidays are known to be family 00:02:01.250 --> 00:02:04.549 oriented, it can be a struggle to kind of navigate 00:02:04.549 --> 00:02:06.599 that. this is going to be part of it like like 00:02:06.599 --> 00:02:08.560 what holidays look like from this point on if 00:02:08.560 --> 00:02:10.539 you've always had holidays with family members 00:02:10.539 --> 00:02:12.539 that you're not having a part of your life anymore 00:02:12.539 --> 00:02:15.800 so uh we've both had our experiences with going 00:02:15.800 --> 00:02:18.319 no contact and cutting people off whether it's 00:02:18.319 --> 00:02:21.460 family friends whatever And I do think as you 00:02:21.460 --> 00:02:23.879 get this one of those topics where with our real 00:02:23.879 --> 00:02:26.240 talks, we try to think about things that have 00:02:26.240 --> 00:02:29.000 shifted or maybe the dynamics have changed as 00:02:29.000 --> 00:02:31.120 you're getting into this stage of life. And I 00:02:31.120 --> 00:02:32.539 think this is certainly one of those because 00:02:32.539 --> 00:02:34.319 you're kind of settling down into your own life 00:02:34.319 --> 00:02:38.979 and family or whatever. And figuring out how 00:02:38.979 --> 00:02:42.060 much of like, your young life, your childhood, 00:02:42.580 --> 00:02:45.539 it can be hard to figure out what you want to 00:02:45.539 --> 00:02:48.789 carry on with and what you want to not. because 00:02:48.789 --> 00:02:51.409 it's easy to just go along to get along, but 00:02:51.409 --> 00:02:53.030 maybe you don't want to do that anymore, you 00:02:53.030 --> 00:02:54.909 know? This is usually when those kind of decisions 00:02:54.909 --> 00:02:57.310 start to come out. So we thought we'd talk about 00:02:57.310 --> 00:03:02.330 it. So happy Thanksgiving. I maybe wouldn't recommend 00:03:02.330 --> 00:03:06.699 playing this during dinner. Or maybe do and maybe 00:03:06.699 --> 00:03:09.060 it can get a conversation you can just leave. 00:03:09.580 --> 00:03:10.900 Yeah, that's true If you really need a reason 00:03:10.900 --> 00:03:12.900 to fucking bounce, I guess you could just play 00:03:12.900 --> 00:03:15.919 this loud on a Bluetooth speaker. Loud and proud. 00:03:16.400 --> 00:03:18.599 Yeah. But I mean, honestly, if this is maybe 00:03:18.599 --> 00:03:21.280 one of your first holidays or thanksgivings after 00:03:21.280 --> 00:03:23.199 going no contact and you're questioning your 00:03:23.199 --> 00:03:24.979 decision and you feel a little weird about it, 00:03:24.979 --> 00:03:27.159 maybe this will help, I don't know, make you 00:03:27.159 --> 00:03:29.900 not feel so alone and normalize some of the things 00:03:29.900 --> 00:03:32.259 that you've been thinking about to make this 00:03:32.259 --> 00:03:34.800 decision. So it's definitely something that we 00:03:34.800 --> 00:03:36.979 have experience with. So we're just trying to 00:03:36.979 --> 00:03:38.719 kind of, you know, talk about it, spread some 00:03:38.719 --> 00:03:41.400 information about it, not, I mean, we'll use 00:03:41.400 --> 00:03:43.719 sources and things, but also just our own experiences 00:03:43.719 --> 00:03:46.439 and what we know. And maybe this will help somebody 00:03:46.439 --> 00:03:49.680 just not feel so alone. They're not feel so like 00:03:49.680 --> 00:03:52.539 crazy. Yeah, guilty. And like, you're the crazy 00:03:52.539 --> 00:03:55.300 one for even considering this or doing this if 00:03:55.300 --> 00:03:58.379 you're going no contact with someone. But first, 00:03:58.639 --> 00:04:00.419 first, we're gonna have a little fun. And we're 00:04:00.419 --> 00:04:14.360 gonna go back in time. All right, so it is 2013 00:04:14.360 --> 00:04:18.139 2010s. Yep, quite a decade. It was my deck my 00:04:18.139 --> 00:04:20.660 like time in college, like ending high school 00:04:20.660 --> 00:04:22.899 and going into college. So it was near the end 00:04:22.899 --> 00:04:25.100 of my college. Gotcha. But yeah, so like young 00:04:25.100 --> 00:04:28.319 adulthood, having some fun. You know, I met Mike. 00:04:28.589 --> 00:04:31.949 That's fun for you. Yeah, I didn't. I mean, I 00:04:31.949 --> 00:04:34.209 met him probably probably I didn't meet my I'm 00:04:34.209 --> 00:04:38.110 sure he came to movie theater. So 2013 was actually 00:04:38.110 --> 00:04:41.449 the year that I left the movie theater. Because 00:04:41.449 --> 00:04:43.930 I graduated high school and went into college. 00:04:44.410 --> 00:04:47.889 So I was back for like holidays and breaks and 00:04:47.889 --> 00:04:51.709 stuff for the first year. And then after that, 00:04:51.709 --> 00:04:53.769 I don't think I came back. So I probably did 00:04:53.769 --> 00:04:56.129 meet him, but I probably didn't get to know him 00:04:56.129 --> 00:04:58.709 until a little later. Yeah, and we did Mike and 00:04:58.709 --> 00:05:01.910 I like came to your college. That's true visit. 00:05:01.910 --> 00:05:04.430 But I think that was like after I stopped coming 00:05:04.430 --> 00:05:06.889 back. I think so. I feel like that was 2014 or 00:05:06.889 --> 00:05:11.889 2015. Even maybe. Yeah. I was with somebody else, 00:05:12.930 --> 00:05:15.829 a boyfriend and I was not with that person in 00:05:15.829 --> 00:05:19.439 2013. Okay, because you were with that person 00:05:19.439 --> 00:05:22.579 we visited. Yes, because we went to a bar. It 00:05:22.579 --> 00:05:24.720 wouldn't have been in 2013. I don't think we 00:05:24.720 --> 00:05:27.560 traveled together at that point. Yeah. I mean, 00:05:27.759 --> 00:05:29.540 probably not, right? No, not at the beginning. 00:05:29.920 --> 00:05:32.720 No. So yeah, in 2013, I was dating someone else 00:05:32.720 --> 00:05:37.779 from the movie theater, actually. Yeah, I have 00:05:37.779 --> 00:05:40.100 a picture on my social media that I went back 00:05:40.100 --> 00:05:43.459 and found where I tagged this person. Because 00:05:43.459 --> 00:05:46.399 I don't think anybody knew at this point. Well, 00:05:46.420 --> 00:05:49.060 no one knew until it was over and it got weird. 00:05:49.759 --> 00:05:52.540 Where I was in a hot topic, and I found a mask 00:05:52.540 --> 00:05:55.019 of the... I think they're called the Weeping 00:05:55.019 --> 00:05:59.420 Angels from Doctor Who. Never watched it. I didn't 00:05:59.420 --> 00:06:01.060 either, but he was really into it. There's something 00:06:01.060 --> 00:06:05.060 about a telephone booth box. They time travel. 00:06:05.680 --> 00:06:09.079 And there's different doctors, big changes. I 00:06:09.079 --> 00:06:11.199 mean, are we Doctor Who? Like, we time travel. 00:06:11.500 --> 00:06:14.079 Yeah, we're back in time right now. We cry a 00:06:14.079 --> 00:06:16.740 lot. I think you're an angel. Thank you. You're 00:06:16.740 --> 00:06:19.139 welcome. I did cry today. Of course you did. 00:06:19.579 --> 00:06:21.540 But no, they were like statues or something. 00:06:21.600 --> 00:06:25.660 I don't know. But it was a mask. And I put it 00:06:25.660 --> 00:06:28.540 over my face and posted it and I tagged him. 00:06:29.240 --> 00:06:31.959 But that's actually how I found out that I was 00:06:31.959 --> 00:06:34.000 blocked like several years later. It's going 00:06:34.000 --> 00:06:36.379 back and it's no longer Yeah, it's just his name. 00:06:36.519 --> 00:06:41.720 And I was like, spent like 10 years. But yeah, 00:06:42.199 --> 00:06:45.120 so I was on the social medias. I have some posts 00:06:45.120 --> 00:06:51.459 Alright, so one thing I can say for sure is bitmoji 00:06:51.459 --> 00:06:53.839 was fucking killing it. I have a Thanksgiving 00:06:53.839 --> 00:06:57.519 one Look at me cute ass little pilgrim. I also 00:06:57.519 --> 00:06:59.000 have one that says I'm definitely calling in 00:06:59.000 --> 00:07:02.100 sick today I was I posted a bunch about how I 00:07:02.100 --> 00:07:06.579 was sick. Oh my god. We were just sick sick sick 00:07:06.579 --> 00:07:12.980 sick I have this one that I have no idea why 00:07:12.980 --> 00:07:15.839 I posted this. I love my family. I'm really lucky 00:07:15.839 --> 00:07:18.300 to have such great support and love in my life. 00:07:18.519 --> 00:07:22.500 Just a thought of life. Smiley Faith. I posted, 00:07:22.560 --> 00:07:24.579 I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday. 00:07:25.060 --> 00:07:28.019 Me too. Now more than ever. I also posted one 00:07:28.019 --> 00:07:29.839 that I'm like, I want to punch myself in the 00:07:29.839 --> 00:07:34.279 face because it's, God, I need a vacation. Bitch, 00:07:34.439 --> 00:07:38.560 shut up. No, you don't. I was fucking 19. My 00:07:38.560 --> 00:07:40.839 life was a vacation. This was before I had my 00:07:40.839 --> 00:07:44.480 breakdown. So you were still killing it. Yeah, 00:07:44.600 --> 00:07:47.060 I wouldn't what did I need a vacation from? Honestly, 00:07:47.079 --> 00:07:49.980 other than like my childhood, which I got because 00:07:49.980 --> 00:07:54.160 I moved away. Yeah. Now I need a vacation. Now 00:07:54.160 --> 00:07:57.800 I need five days between Saturdays. You know, 00:07:57.959 --> 00:08:02.040 week and week. Yeah. Oh, I also acted in a haunted 00:08:02.040 --> 00:08:05.579 house. I think I saw I think I went to it. Yeah, 00:08:05.639 --> 00:08:09.110 I acted in it for two years. So 2013 would have 00:08:09.110 --> 00:08:11.209 been the second and last year. I don't remember. 00:08:11.290 --> 00:08:13.089 I think it was the second year that I went to 00:08:13.089 --> 00:08:15.350 it. I don't think you went when I was doing it. 00:08:15.350 --> 00:08:17.389 You don't think so? No, I don't think so. Oh. 00:08:17.910 --> 00:08:21.209 Um, but I did I acted into the year before and 00:08:21.209 --> 00:08:23.689 then I actually came back from college to act 00:08:23.689 --> 00:08:25.889 in this because I really enjoyed doing it. They 00:08:25.889 --> 00:08:29.949 were great. I was a so this the second year I 00:08:29.949 --> 00:08:32.330 would have been they put me in the blood room. 00:08:32.389 --> 00:08:34.970 Nice. And I was in a like a white hospital gown 00:08:34.970 --> 00:08:37.899 and I was going blood. And I was in like a like 00:08:37.899 --> 00:08:40.000 a bunk bed, for lack of a better word, and I 00:08:40.000 --> 00:08:42.919 would kind of like, reach out or like throw myself 00:08:42.919 --> 00:08:44.919 out of the bunk bed. And I really fucked myself 00:08:44.919 --> 00:08:48.340 up a little bit. I was committed. Mike has bruises 00:08:48.340 --> 00:08:50.820 all over his arms. Yeah, I was fucked up. Like, 00:08:51.159 --> 00:08:53.360 I remember they like the first year especially, 00:08:53.820 --> 00:08:55.039 because they always give you like bruises around 00:08:55.039 --> 00:08:57.700 your eyes. And they did that kind of stuff. But 00:08:57.840 --> 00:09:00.419 after the first couple days, I didn't need any 00:09:00.419 --> 00:09:03.059 more makeup. I was just fucked up. I was like, 00:09:03.080 --> 00:09:06.820 I'm bleeding. I feel like 2013 was the start 00:09:06.820 --> 00:09:09.120 of well, I always made stupid posts. Absolutely. 00:09:09.519 --> 00:09:13.980 But I meant like my jokes. Oh, yeah. But I put 00:09:13.980 --> 00:09:16.320 I wonder if caterpillars know they're going to 00:09:16.320 --> 00:09:18.460 fly someday or they just start building a cocoon 00:09:18.460 --> 00:09:21.940 like oh my god, why am I doing this? My favorite 00:09:21.940 --> 00:09:23.639 thing you ever posted. I love it every time you 00:09:23.639 --> 00:09:26.740 say it. Our friend from the movie theater, Dan. 00:09:27.799 --> 00:09:30.519 posted a link to one of those onion articles, 00:09:30.740 --> 00:09:33.539 those satire articles, and it was too meat like 00:09:33.539 --> 00:09:35.259 on my timeline because I think we were making 00:09:35.259 --> 00:09:37.820 fun of this movie. But it was poor bastard who 00:09:37.820 --> 00:09:40.059 just wanted to see After Earth is really taking 00:09:40.059 --> 00:09:43.460 some shit from a theater employee. I love that. 00:09:44.500 --> 00:09:48.169 I said, I say this a lot. But it's seriously 00:09:48.169 --> 00:09:50.490 crazy to think about how much has changed in 00:09:50.490 --> 00:09:53.330 a single year. To look back at this time last 00:09:53.330 --> 00:09:55.789 year, who I was with, what I made a priority, 00:09:55.950 --> 00:09:58.070 I'm just lucky to have so many people in my life 00:09:58.070 --> 00:10:00.529 who care about me, support me, and push me through 00:10:00.529 --> 00:10:02.929 everything. I'm seriously almost always happy 00:10:02.929 --> 00:10:06.409 now. I'm never going back. And I didn't. No, 00:10:06.429 --> 00:10:09.909 you didn't. Not really. Not, not to that. I mean, 00:10:10.309 --> 00:10:12.990 you weren't ever quite as insufferable as you 00:10:12.990 --> 00:10:17.759 were before you met Mike. Yeah, it's some some 00:10:17.759 --> 00:10:20.340 fun like guest appearances, but it was never 00:10:20.340 --> 00:10:23.399 that bad again. I will say there was the when 00:10:23.399 --> 00:10:29.179 you were Joshua You were fine, but I really hated 00:10:29.179 --> 00:10:31.740 that time. I think cuz I didn't like him Yeah, 00:10:31.799 --> 00:10:33.940 I always thought he was a fucking weirdo not 00:10:33.940 --> 00:10:37.159 because of you like I knew him godspeed But like 00:10:37.159 --> 00:10:40.039 I'm waiting cuz like I still have I still have 00:10:40.039 --> 00:10:43.360 him on Instagram So like I'll see like when he 00:10:43.360 --> 00:10:45.360 posts that like I never I'm not gonna I don't 00:10:45.360 --> 00:10:47.759 delete people I do immediately I don't speaking 00:10:47.759 --> 00:10:50.399 of cutting people off I delete people on the 00:10:50.399 --> 00:10:52.919 internet and on in real life I don't you're dead 00:10:52.919 --> 00:10:56.220 to me even if like nothing happened see and here's 00:10:56.220 --> 00:10:59.179 the thing though like He didn't do anything wrong. 00:10:59.679 --> 00:11:02.299 Yeah, but and like I still like cared about him 00:11:02.299 --> 00:11:05.340 I just knew that it wasn't yeah like between 00:11:05.340 --> 00:11:07.879 us and it wasn't gonna work and I was gonna treat 00:11:07.879 --> 00:11:11.379 him poorly it was all me and like cliche as that 00:11:11.379 --> 00:11:13.559 sounds. It's not you, it's me. It literally was. 00:11:13.659 --> 00:11:17.139 Yeah, and I was mature enough. But to be fair, 00:11:17.320 --> 00:11:18.919 he to cut it off. It was weird. I would have 00:11:18.919 --> 00:11:20.519 been really unhappy if he would have ended up 00:11:20.519 --> 00:11:23.039 with him. Just like I would have never offered 00:11:23.039 --> 00:11:27.500 to like double date. We never have. No, but like 00:11:27.500 --> 00:11:29.220 if Mike comes over and hangs out, if we go do 00:11:29.220 --> 00:11:31.340 like, I don't I don't worry about that at all. 00:11:31.460 --> 00:11:33.960 If you were still with Joshua, I would be like 00:11:33.960 --> 00:11:36.000 Justin, just just like lock yourself in a bedroom, 00:11:36.080 --> 00:11:39.250 you're gonna make him cry. I would make him cry. 00:11:39.470 --> 00:11:41.789 You know what I mean? Mike can hang. Well, Joshua 00:11:41.789 --> 00:11:44.509 cried at the drop of a hat. I'm sure of it. Anyways, 00:11:44.769 --> 00:11:47.509 anyways, but no, I like to I like to help people 00:11:47.509 --> 00:11:49.570 and the one time I didn't and the one time I 00:11:49.570 --> 00:11:51.389 was like, maybe we could be friends again someday. 00:11:51.690 --> 00:11:54.750 They blocked me. So and I don't even understand 00:11:54.750 --> 00:11:56.610 why like nothing happened. They've locked me 00:11:56.610 --> 00:11:59.009 years later. I don't know, man, because we had 00:11:59.009 --> 00:12:02.940 talked a few times like not hit a you know like 00:12:02.940 --> 00:12:05.460 rekindling kind of way but just chit chat or 00:12:05.460 --> 00:12:08.240 like commenting on posts nothing flirty at least 00:12:08.240 --> 00:12:11.679 to me it wasn't yeah um but then after that i 00:12:11.679 --> 00:12:14.720 was blocked and i don't know why the world may 00:12:14.720 --> 00:12:18.659 never know no anyways 2013 i posted um here are 00:12:18.659 --> 00:12:20.919 10 things that most people don't know i love 00:12:20.919 --> 00:12:23.139 this i'm sure we've done this before but i want 00:12:23.139 --> 00:12:25.720 to do it again tell me the things okay i want 00:12:25.720 --> 00:12:28.049 to see if i know them about you number one Okay. 00:12:28.169 --> 00:12:30.070 Or if they're still true. I find this extremely 00:12:30.070 --> 00:12:31.909 hard to do because I feel like I'm a very open 00:12:31.909 --> 00:12:35.210 person. You are. Two, I don't wear makeup. That's 00:12:35.210 --> 00:12:36.669 also true. And I know that about you, though, 00:12:36.669 --> 00:12:39.529 because I can see your face. Three, I take baths, 00:12:39.529 --> 00:12:43.309 not showers. Okay. I do prefer baths. I don't 00:12:43.309 --> 00:12:47.450 quite fit as I used to. A little bit more difficult 00:12:47.450 --> 00:12:50.730 because I'm like this, but also the bath at grandma's 00:12:50.730 --> 00:12:53.129 when I lived with grandma was significantly bigger. 00:12:53.360 --> 00:12:55.360 Well, that was like an older house those baths 00:12:55.360 --> 00:12:57.539 and it was it wasn't a bath shower combo. It 00:12:57.539 --> 00:13:00.379 was just a bath. Oh, I got you. So like it was 00:13:00.379 --> 00:13:03.500 a larger bath. So I was all about the bath. I 00:13:03.500 --> 00:13:05.899 prefer here's the thing. I take way more showers. 00:13:06.179 --> 00:13:08.419 But to me, it's easier to like just hop in the 00:13:08.419 --> 00:13:11.159 shower. Yeah, to clean yourself and then leave. 00:13:11.399 --> 00:13:14.159 Yes, I love to take a bath. Yeah, and I can also 00:13:14.159 --> 00:13:16.620 take a very efficient bath. Like I can take a 00:13:16.620 --> 00:13:18.559 bath almost as quickly as I can take a shower. 00:13:19.220 --> 00:13:22.700 Once I'm in there, but I like to relax. I like 00:13:22.700 --> 00:13:25.879 the bubbles, I like it to be scalding hot to 00:13:25.879 --> 00:13:29.559 where my skin is red. It steams. It steams. If 00:13:29.559 --> 00:13:33.080 I'm not sweating, I'm not having a good time. 00:13:33.080 --> 00:13:35.039 If it doesn't look like I am cooking myself, 00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:36.899 like there's steam coming off and I'm sweating 00:13:36.899 --> 00:13:40.220 and I'm suddenly rotisserie chicken. It's not 00:13:40.220 --> 00:13:42.440 a good bath. Yeah, but I actually said this the 00:13:42.440 --> 00:13:45.519 other day to someone I was like, I love the idea 00:13:45.519 --> 00:13:47.500 of getting in a bath and just relaxing and chilling 00:13:47.500 --> 00:13:50.820 and I will do it. But I can't stay in there for 00:13:50.820 --> 00:13:52.700 very long because I'm just like after like five 00:13:52.700 --> 00:13:55.200 or 10 minutes. I'm like, oh, I'm in there for 00:13:55.200 --> 00:13:58.019 like an hour. See, I used to do that until it 00:13:58.019 --> 00:14:00.539 gets cold and I'm uncomfortable. No, I constantly 00:14:00.539 --> 00:14:04.539 like read. Add hot water. Oh, yeah, I'll do that, 00:14:04.539 --> 00:14:07.500 too But I just find myself I used to do that, 00:14:07.500 --> 00:14:09.279 but now it's like I enjoy it I like it But if 00:14:09.279 --> 00:14:11.059 I try to just like take a bath for the hell of 00:14:11.059 --> 00:14:13.059 it after I've been in there for a few minutes 00:14:13.059 --> 00:14:17.200 I'm like I could go Yeah, and then I do I'm just 00:14:17.200 --> 00:14:19.980 reading or tick -tocking I I read some but then 00:14:19.980 --> 00:14:21.440 even after that I'm like man I would love to 00:14:21.440 --> 00:14:25.460 just get out and get into bed. Yeah So anyways, 00:14:25.539 --> 00:14:28.950 um number four I'm honestly not looking forward 00:14:28.950 --> 00:14:31.090 to quitting movie theater when I find a big girl 00:14:31.090 --> 00:14:35.649 job. Seriously, you loved it. I loved it. And 00:14:35.649 --> 00:14:38.710 I'm so and I still think about it to this day. 00:14:38.710 --> 00:14:41.250 I still have dreams that I'm working there. I'm 00:14:41.250 --> 00:14:44.570 not gonna lie. I love that for you. Five and 00:14:44.570 --> 00:14:47.370 I hate that I even said this. Okay, I almost 00:14:47.370 --> 00:14:49.470 don't want to say it. Say it. Despite what I 00:14:49.470 --> 00:14:51.889 say. I don't mind country music deep deep down. 00:14:52.370 --> 00:14:56.970 It's not bad, Courtney. I like the country pop. 00:14:57.039 --> 00:15:01.340 y 'all alternative yeah yeah or the or the crap 00:15:01.340 --> 00:15:05.559 the country rap um i hate that i said this i 00:15:05.559 --> 00:15:07.960 hate that i said all of this yeah me too number 00:15:07.960 --> 00:15:09.840 six one day i would just like to be a stay at 00:15:09.840 --> 00:15:11.919 home mom we literally just had a conversation 00:15:11.919 --> 00:15:14.500 about you getting your uterus sucked out so that's 00:15:14.500 --> 00:15:21.460 insane um i don't oh my god i want to kill myself 00:15:21.460 --> 00:15:23.929 from this okay I'm the type of girl that would 00:15:23.929 --> 00:15:25.889 want to play Call of Duty or other games like 00:15:25.889 --> 00:15:28.309 that. Liar. Duty. Are you shitting me right now? 00:15:28.590 --> 00:15:30.429 Breaking news, she's not like other girls. I'm 00:15:30.429 --> 00:15:32.649 not like other girls. I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah. 00:15:32.870 --> 00:15:36.669 She wears short skirts. I wear t -shirts. I mean, 00:15:36.730 --> 00:15:40.570 I did. I never, like, wore short skirts. I was 00:15:40.570 --> 00:15:43.049 too fat. Does that make you special? No. Maybe 00:15:43.049 --> 00:15:48.490 fat. Although I did, there was a Call of Duty 00:15:48.490 --> 00:15:52.659 game, I think, that I played. And it was like 00:15:52.659 --> 00:15:54.899 zombies or something. I've no I've never played 00:15:54.899 --> 00:15:57.059 it and I never intended to either. So I did play 00:15:57.059 --> 00:15:59.500 that. I was never that kind of poser. Whatever. 00:16:00.840 --> 00:16:03.399 I'd rather wear pants over a dress or skirt any 00:16:03.399 --> 00:16:08.320 day. Who says I can't wear my converse? See, 00:16:08.320 --> 00:16:10.340 here's the thing though. Now, I'd rather wear 00:16:10.340 --> 00:16:11.720 skirts and dresses because I don't want to wear 00:16:11.720 --> 00:16:13.679 pants. Here's the thing. I'm not going outdoors. 00:16:14.379 --> 00:16:16.659 So no pants here. I mean, I'm wearing pants today, 00:16:17.019 --> 00:16:19.759 but I regret it. The sun is so stupid. I can't 00:16:19.759 --> 00:16:21.639 wait. This will be the finale. No, there's two 00:16:21.639 --> 00:16:25.700 more. Okay, well... Nine. I love the smell of 00:16:25.700 --> 00:16:28.259 ground beef when it's cooking in the skillet. 00:16:28.940 --> 00:16:32.799 I smell like beef. I smell like beef. Okay. And 00:16:32.799 --> 00:16:35.899 then ten. I creep better than the FBI. You fucking 00:16:35.899 --> 00:16:38.740 do. I do. Like, if you want a number, just like 00:16:38.740 --> 00:16:41.580 my status and I'll give you one. I want five. 00:16:42.059 --> 00:16:45.000 Give me the number five. A combo meal. Okay, 00:16:45.259 --> 00:16:50.590 so... Billboard list. Blurred lines. Oh shit. 00:16:50.629 --> 00:16:53.590 I know you want it. Look, that's it's a terrible 00:16:53.590 --> 00:16:56.970 song But it's also very fun if you don't think 00:16:56.970 --> 00:17:00.809 about what it's saying it is It's a it's a it's 00:17:00.809 --> 00:17:05.190 a it's catchy. Yeah, and I hate that But I also 00:17:05.190 --> 00:17:06.950 when it came out didn't even think about it, 00:17:07.009 --> 00:17:09.710 you know No one did I we did a whole unit on 00:17:09.710 --> 00:17:12.109 in one of my gender studies classes. I was like 00:17:12.109 --> 00:17:16.630 the fuck This is about oh my god Is this fucking 00:17:16.630 --> 00:17:22.490 play about us? I also heard that in the making 00:17:22.490 --> 00:17:26.650 of the music video, the girl who played the person, 00:17:26.950 --> 00:17:29.390 he was really fucked up too. That doesn't surprise 00:17:29.390 --> 00:17:31.970 me. I mean, allegedly, whatever, but that doesn't 00:17:31.970 --> 00:17:38.750 surprise me. Get Lucky by Daft Punk. That was 00:17:38.750 --> 00:17:42.990 pathetic. But I know... I'm up all night to get 00:17:42.990 --> 00:17:46.529 some. I'm up all night for good fun. I'm up all 00:17:46.529 --> 00:17:51.450 night to get lucky. Came out in 2012, but the 00:17:51.450 --> 00:17:54.329 Taylor Swift song, I Knew You Were Trouble. I 00:17:54.329 --> 00:17:58.309 knew you were trouble when you walked in. Shame 00:17:58.309 --> 00:18:01.470 on you. I don't know. I know the goat. To places 00:18:01.470 --> 00:18:03.890 you've never been. That was one of my favorite 00:18:03.890 --> 00:18:08.670 memes. Yeah. That was still top tier. We Can't 00:18:08.670 --> 00:18:15.140 Stop. We can't stop. And we won't stop Also wrecking 00:18:15.140 --> 00:18:20.480 ball I came in like a wrecking ball I never hit 00:18:20.480 --> 00:18:24.680 so hard in love That song like really fucks with 00:18:24.680 --> 00:18:27.200 her like she barely sings it now What was about 00:18:27.200 --> 00:18:29.359 wasn't it about her like marriage and stuff? 00:18:29.779 --> 00:18:32.920 Yeah, I get it He couldn't accept her for who 00:18:32.920 --> 00:18:34.640 she was. I don't think so either. He was always 00:18:34.640 --> 00:18:36.940 trying to make her be less Don't ever let anybody 00:18:36.940 --> 00:18:41.049 make you be less Even family Exactly. Should 00:18:41.049 --> 00:18:43.769 we just go into it? Because that was a good segue. 00:18:43.890 --> 00:18:48.910 It really was. Hey, thanks for listening to 30 00:18:48.910 --> 00:18:51.849 dirty and dying the show for millennials by millennials. 00:18:52.150 --> 00:18:54.970 We get real about chronic illness, burnout, nostalgia, 00:18:55.349 --> 00:18:58.109 and why we aren't exactly thriving. If that sounds 00:18:58.109 --> 00:19:00.650 like you join us every Thursday for new episodes. 00:19:00.789 --> 00:19:03.009 Now back to the show. Today we're talking like 00:19:03.009 --> 00:19:07.609 cutting people off going no contact and You know, 00:19:07.609 --> 00:19:10.329 I think one thing that I'd start out with is 00:19:10.329 --> 00:19:12.109 just saying that I don't think it's anything 00:19:12.109 --> 00:19:14.789 that anyone takes lightly. I think sometimes 00:19:14.789 --> 00:19:18.029 because it's becoming more in like the the everyday 00:19:18.029 --> 00:19:23.430 conversation now. But I feel like people maybe 00:19:23.430 --> 00:19:25.470 from past generations who are who think it's 00:19:25.470 --> 00:19:26.950 fucked up because you should you can't cut them. 00:19:27.089 --> 00:19:28.569 They're your family. They're your mom. They're 00:19:28.569 --> 00:19:30.630 your dad. Whatever. I think their thought is 00:19:30.630 --> 00:19:33.509 that you just suck it up. Having a temper tantrum. 00:19:33.509 --> 00:19:37.180 Yeah. And that you're mad. in my experience, 00:19:37.519 --> 00:19:40.400 that's how no one does it. Yeah, to go from just 00:19:40.400 --> 00:19:43.579 like, I'm not happy. And maybe avoiding a little 00:19:43.579 --> 00:19:47.200 bit to going full blown, no contact, like that's 00:19:47.200 --> 00:19:50.140 a decision to make. And there's, there are a 00:19:50.140 --> 00:19:52.099 lot of steps that go into that. So it's, it's 00:19:52.099 --> 00:19:53.740 not something that people do lightly, I don't 00:19:53.740 --> 00:19:57.380 think. Yeah, I don't, I personally, well, I've 00:19:57.380 --> 00:20:01.160 only gone like, absolutely no contact with one 00:20:01.160 --> 00:20:05.380 person. Okay, because they were terrorizing me. 00:20:05.609 --> 00:20:08.150 Yes. And this was not a family member. It was 00:20:08.150 --> 00:20:12.369 not a family member. Other people I have just 00:20:12.369 --> 00:20:15.569 stopped making the effort. Right. Therefore, 00:20:15.630 --> 00:20:19.190 we are not talking. Yes. If they reach out to 00:20:19.190 --> 00:20:23.789 me, I will most likely respond. Right. But I'm 00:20:23.789 --> 00:20:27.670 not being the sole communicator like I was. Yeah. 00:20:27.750 --> 00:20:29.809 Therefore, I'm no longer talking. Right. See, 00:20:29.809 --> 00:20:33.529 I've got no contact with several people like 00:20:33.529 --> 00:20:37.079 a like a large group of family that I feel like 00:20:37.079 --> 00:20:41.440 is toxic and not okay and I did that when I was 00:20:41.440 --> 00:20:45.680 like a teenager and basically it was just me 00:20:45.680 --> 00:20:47.460 because we weren't like close but I was just 00:20:47.460 --> 00:20:49.299 I made a decision I was like I do not want I 00:20:49.299 --> 00:20:52.160 don't want this influence in my life yeah so 00:20:52.160 --> 00:20:55.619 I blocked as many people as I possibly could 00:20:55.619 --> 00:20:59.759 from everything and was like don't give them 00:20:59.759 --> 00:21:01.839 my number don't talk like I don't want to have 00:21:01.839 --> 00:21:04.849 anything to do with them and It hasn't really 00:21:04.849 --> 00:21:07.730 been a big deal. Like, as far as specific people, 00:21:08.130 --> 00:21:13.970 I did not do that again, go no contact until 00:21:13.970 --> 00:21:16.210 I was an adult, and I have no contact with one 00:21:16.210 --> 00:21:21.869 of my parents. Not my mom, so. But that, again, 00:21:22.089 --> 00:21:25.309 was a decision that was several years in the 00:21:25.309 --> 00:21:27.490 making. You know, that was not something that 00:21:27.490 --> 00:21:31.130 was done lightly. And most recent. Yeah. Yeah. 00:21:31.130 --> 00:21:33.910 Yeah. And it never had a good relationship. always 00:21:33.910 --> 00:21:36.289 kind of knew that was how it was going to go 00:21:36.289 --> 00:21:40.410 down, but delayed it for a long time. And part 00:21:40.410 --> 00:21:42.009 of it was, you know, my parents were together, 00:21:42.069 --> 00:21:43.529 my parents were not together together, they were 00:21:43.529 --> 00:21:46.150 very off and on. But then it really became more 00:21:46.150 --> 00:21:49.529 about like, as much as I knew certain things 00:21:49.529 --> 00:21:55.829 about my dynamic with my dad, it was really to 00:21:55.829 --> 00:22:00.250 make it to make it that severe was not something 00:22:00.250 --> 00:22:02.710 I did lightly, even though I never really questioned 00:22:03.700 --> 00:22:05.599 That it should be done. Yeah, I don't know if 00:22:05.599 --> 00:22:06.960 that makes sense. You know, I mean, yeah, it 00:22:06.960 --> 00:22:09.519 makes sense Like I knew it would happen, but 00:22:09.519 --> 00:22:11.539 there were parts of it that were hard. I mean, 00:22:11.579 --> 00:22:14.079 it's it's your dad Yeah, like it's still difficult 00:22:14.079 --> 00:22:17.700 to like cuz you you want it to be better Yeah, 00:22:17.700 --> 00:22:19.440 but at a certain point you have to accept people 00:22:19.440 --> 00:22:22.519 for who they are Yeah, and as much as I wanted 00:22:22.519 --> 00:22:25.880 this Parental figure in my life that was not 00:22:25.880 --> 00:22:29.920 him. Yeah, like it was I couldn't having a dad 00:22:29.920 --> 00:22:33.119 and having this dad, you know what I mean? And 00:22:33.119 --> 00:22:36.480 I the way I think about it is like, especially 00:22:36.480 --> 00:22:38.420 when it's like a family member or a close family 00:22:38.420 --> 00:22:40.539 member, like a parent or sibling or whoever is 00:22:40.539 --> 00:22:43.440 if they were anybody else, it would be easy. 00:22:43.880 --> 00:22:47.099 Yeah, well, it's, it would be it wouldn't, it 00:22:47.099 --> 00:22:49.119 wouldn't be looked down upon. Yeah, if it was 00:22:49.119 --> 00:22:52.420 a friend or a or a significant other or like 00:22:52.420 --> 00:22:55.269 not if it was anybody else and they Behaved us 00:22:55.269 --> 00:22:56.690 this certain way that makes you feel like this 00:22:56.690 --> 00:22:59.150 treated you this way whatever your reasons are. 00:22:59.150 --> 00:23:03.029 No one would say oh my god, but They'd be like 00:23:03.029 --> 00:23:05.049 I totally get it. Yeah, you shouldn't have them 00:23:05.049 --> 00:23:07.470 in your life Yeah, but because it's family you 00:23:07.470 --> 00:23:09.470 had some shared genetic material in there and 00:23:09.470 --> 00:23:11.710 all of a sudden it's like but you shouldn't and 00:23:11.710 --> 00:23:14.230 it's like I try to think about it at this point 00:23:14.230 --> 00:23:16.369 after after having some experience with it is 00:23:16.369 --> 00:23:21.690 like That shouldn't matter. I Understand it making 00:23:21.690 --> 00:23:26.190 it a bigger decision. Yeah, sure But once you 00:23:26.190 --> 00:23:28.250 have gone through all the steps of deciding if 00:23:28.250 --> 00:23:32.250 it's if there's anything else to salvage If there's 00:23:32.250 --> 00:23:35.130 not that shouldn't matter. Yeah, I don't know. 00:23:35.130 --> 00:23:36.789 What what are your thoughts about? You said you 00:23:36.789 --> 00:23:40.029 had one good experience with it. I would good 00:23:40.029 --> 00:23:44.750 well, I was full circle bullied and harassed 00:23:44.750 --> 00:23:45.970 Well, why don't you tell us a little bit about 00:23:45.970 --> 00:23:47.890 how you made that decision being it? Not a family 00:23:47.890 --> 00:23:50.190 member and I know you need to be vague but be 00:23:50.190 --> 00:23:53.599 vague use different names. Whatever So, it was 00:23:53.599 --> 00:23:55.839 literally my best friend. Well, one of my best 00:23:55.839 --> 00:23:57.079 friends. You guys were really close. Well, technically, 00:23:58.000 --> 00:24:01.180 I am definitely no contact with one of them, 00:24:01.559 --> 00:24:03.940 not making an effort for the other. Yeah, but 00:24:03.940 --> 00:24:05.940 this person, I remember you guys were very close. 00:24:06.099 --> 00:24:10.440 Yeah, I lived with her. Yeah. So, it was just 00:24:10.440 --> 00:24:16.619 like a flip. Yeah. So quick, because, and like... 00:24:17.250 --> 00:24:19.869 And I feel like I didn't even handle things poorly. 00:24:20.109 --> 00:24:22.650 I think I did a pretty good job. Like, if it 00:24:22.650 --> 00:24:24.849 were a couple years before, I probably might 00:24:24.849 --> 00:24:28.269 have reacted poorly to it. Yeah, but because 00:24:28.269 --> 00:24:32.529 like, we were adults at that point. Yeah, like, 00:24:32.890 --> 00:24:35.029 like if this were like high school friendship, 00:24:35.089 --> 00:24:37.210 it would have been a whole nother story. But 00:24:37.210 --> 00:24:39.569 like, I feel like I actually handled things pretty 00:24:39.569 --> 00:24:44.160 well. But yeah, so like, we lived together, I 00:24:44.160 --> 00:24:46.319 moved in with her and her fiance at the time. 00:24:46.420 --> 00:24:50.059 I remember. And I knew that they fought a lot. 00:24:51.160 --> 00:24:56.839 And I was just like, look, if I move in, and 00:24:56.839 --> 00:25:01.299 something happens, right? I will be stuck, because 00:25:01.299 --> 00:25:05.480 it's his place. Right. Not hers. Right. And she 00:25:05.480 --> 00:25:06.819 was like, don't worry about it, it's gonna be 00:25:06.819 --> 00:25:08.859 fine. I'm like, okay, because like, I didn't 00:25:08.859 --> 00:25:10.920 pay a whole lot to live there. Right. I remember 00:25:10.920 --> 00:25:15.019 you. So I such a long story and I'm going to 00:25:15.019 --> 00:25:19.779 try to shorten it as best as I can. plot twist. 00:25:20.359 --> 00:25:26.279 They broke up. No. And another plot twist. I 00:25:26.279 --> 00:25:30.220 stayed. Yeah, and she suddenly was offended. 00:25:30.500 --> 00:25:32.900 I liked him. Yeah, like he wasn't a horrible 00:25:32.900 --> 00:25:37.430 person. No relationships end. Yeah. And she Like, 00:25:37.450 --> 00:25:39.930 I remember when they would fight, like I would 00:25:39.930 --> 00:25:42.829 hide in the stairwell to like listen and sometimes 00:25:42.829 --> 00:25:45.430 they brought me up and I'm like, Whoa, like I 00:25:45.430 --> 00:25:47.630 was the child, right? I'm like, don't pull me 00:25:47.630 --> 00:25:50.289 into this. I'm not like, what about Courtney? 00:25:50.470 --> 00:25:52.450 I'm like, I don't fucking know, man. But no, 00:25:52.450 --> 00:25:54.450 so like, it was a little awkward at first with 00:25:54.450 --> 00:25:56.369 me and him, but then like, we made it work. Like 00:25:56.369 --> 00:25:58.750 it was fine. We were just roommates. It was fine. 00:25:59.349 --> 00:26:02.349 And like, because of the, they were roommates, 00:26:02.890 --> 00:26:05.980 because the situation that I was put in, I wasn't 00:26:05.980 --> 00:26:08.420 going to be a dick to him. Like I live, it was 00:26:08.420 --> 00:26:10.480 his house and I live there and I needed to make 00:26:10.480 --> 00:26:13.119 it okay until I could figure out where I could 00:26:13.119 --> 00:26:15.000 go. And I will say, I didn't know, I mean, I 00:26:15.000 --> 00:26:17.519 met him. I don't know him, you know, but just, 00:26:17.900 --> 00:26:21.039 it was cool of him to not be like, get the fuck 00:26:21.039 --> 00:26:22.799 out of here. Yeah, no, he was nice about it. 00:26:22.819 --> 00:26:25.539 Yeah. And understanding of like, and I appreciated 00:26:25.539 --> 00:26:27.700 it. So, you know, if you don't have beef with 00:26:27.700 --> 00:26:30.779 him. Why make yeah, and I'm not a vegetarian 00:26:30.779 --> 00:26:37.880 so I ain't fucking scared of him So yeah, so 00:26:37.880 --> 00:26:40.259 I was going to be nice to him yeah, I wasn't 00:26:40.259 --> 00:26:44.559 gonna be a dick so at one point I Had liked one 00:26:44.559 --> 00:26:49.220 of his statuses. Yeah on Facebook and Shit hit 00:26:49.220 --> 00:26:53.359 the fucking fan Just petty shit. Just petty shit. 00:26:53.400 --> 00:26:56.460 And then it just like turned. And right, I think 00:26:56.460 --> 00:27:01.160 before that happened, she started posting with 00:27:01.160 --> 00:27:05.599 an ex of mine. Waldo. Waldo. Okay. Where is he? 00:27:05.599 --> 00:27:08.559 Where is Waldo? Who fucking cares? Um, and Waldo, 00:27:08.799 --> 00:27:10.799 which, which was really funny to me, because 00:27:10.799 --> 00:27:13.539 when I was talking to Waldo, she would talk so 00:27:13.539 --> 00:27:16.809 much shit about him. At this point. I was long 00:27:16.809 --> 00:27:18.890 gone. Because I remember this and you like you 00:27:18.890 --> 00:27:21.009 didn't give a shit that they got together. No, 00:27:21.069 --> 00:27:22.950 I don't care. You know, weren't like, I mean, 00:27:22.950 --> 00:27:24.289 I know you weren't together, but you weren't 00:27:24.289 --> 00:27:26.309 like together. No, and at this point, I was back 00:27:26.309 --> 00:27:29.230 with Mike. Yeah. So like, I zero fucks given, 00:27:29.230 --> 00:27:30.910 right? And like, when I saw that they were like 00:27:30.910 --> 00:27:32.490 posting stuff together, I was like, Hey, like, 00:27:32.490 --> 00:27:34.529 what's going on with that? Like, just curious. 00:27:34.569 --> 00:27:37.309 Yeah. And she was like, Oh, like, he's just like, 00:27:37.309 --> 00:27:39.390 helping me like a guy's perspective of the breakup. 00:27:39.390 --> 00:27:41.329 And then they like posted a picture together. 00:27:41.329 --> 00:27:43.910 And I'm like, like, you can tell me like, it's 00:27:43.910 --> 00:27:47.450 okay. Like, I hope that things are okay. Yeah, 00:27:47.450 --> 00:27:49.069 if you guys want to talk, you can talk. She's 00:27:49.069 --> 00:27:51.950 like, No, just friends, just making it a thing, 00:27:52.430 --> 00:27:54.869 making it a thing. And I'm like, whatever, literally 00:27:54.869 --> 00:27:58.470 the least of my worries. Yeah. Um, and then the 00:27:58.470 --> 00:28:03.309 whole I liked his status, all hell broke loose, 00:28:04.049 --> 00:28:07.769 started, say, like, started saying that, like, 00:28:08.029 --> 00:28:11.440 I was breaking into their home. Was inking their 00:28:11.440 --> 00:28:14.839 cars like crazy shit that I wasn't doing and 00:28:14.839 --> 00:28:16.559 I felt so bad because like I was friends with 00:28:16.559 --> 00:28:20.539 his sister Yeah, like the as was I? Yeah, and 00:28:20.539 --> 00:28:24.079 like I there was one point like I was with Mike 00:28:24.079 --> 00:28:29.160 like hours away, right and The sister had like 00:28:29.160 --> 00:28:31.059 cuz we were friends texted me and he she was 00:28:31.059 --> 00:28:32.279 like, hey, where are you right now? I was like, 00:28:32.319 --> 00:28:34.299 oh, I'm like here and she was like, okay, so 00:28:34.299 --> 00:28:36.900 then they are lying. I'm like, what are they 00:28:36.900 --> 00:28:38.799 saying now? because they started putting her 00:28:38.799 --> 00:28:41.259 in the middle of it and like causing issues with 00:28:41.259 --> 00:28:43.140 her. And I'm like, that's not fair to you because 00:28:43.140 --> 00:28:46.539 that's your family. So it was like you were being, 00:28:46.539 --> 00:28:49.859 like you said, harassed. I had to block all of 00:28:49.859 --> 00:28:53.460 them on everything. Like when I blocked the phone 00:28:53.460 --> 00:28:55.519 number, I ended up having to block her. Like 00:28:55.519 --> 00:28:57.960 I changed my email. I want to talk about this 00:28:57.960 --> 00:28:59.299 part of it. Because she was emailing me. Because 00:28:59.299 --> 00:29:01.819 like we understand, like I get why she was like 00:29:01.819 --> 00:29:03.839 completely coming at you, like attacking you. 00:29:04.039 --> 00:29:06.240 And it was causing problems with other people 00:29:06.240 --> 00:29:08.680 at that point, which is not so like when you 00:29:08.680 --> 00:29:11.539 decided I have to completely cut off from this 00:29:11.539 --> 00:29:15.599 person. What made you do that? And how did you 00:29:15.599 --> 00:29:17.579 go about it? That's what I'm curious for with 00:29:17.579 --> 00:29:23.400 like a friend. I as soon as she started saying 00:29:23.400 --> 00:29:25.799 that I was doing things that I wasn't Yeah, is 00:29:25.799 --> 00:29:28.440 like we can cut it off. Right? Like, you can 00:29:28.440 --> 00:29:30.920 talk shit all you want. Like she was saying stuff 00:29:30.920 --> 00:29:34.200 like, oh, like you're harassing us and like, 00:29:34.240 --> 00:29:35.900 whatever. But when she started saying that I'm 00:29:35.900 --> 00:29:38.119 physically doing something when I'm not accusing 00:29:38.119 --> 00:29:41.079 you of accusing me of crime. Yeah. That's when 00:29:41.079 --> 00:29:44.660 I'm like, no, thanks. So like, that's what I 00:29:44.660 --> 00:29:46.599 like, I block them on everything. Every person 00:29:46.599 --> 00:29:49.509 that like could have potentially Right. So like 00:29:49.509 --> 00:29:51.970 I blocked phone numbers, all that stuff, and 00:29:51.970 --> 00:29:54.349 then ended up going to email. Right. So I ended 00:29:54.349 --> 00:29:56.789 up changing my email. Right. Because I'm just 00:29:56.789 --> 00:30:01.430 like, I can't have you doing this. Yeah. It was 00:30:01.430 --> 00:30:05.089 still sometimes happening to the point where, 00:30:05.670 --> 00:30:09.549 like when Mike and I got engaged, and I started 00:30:09.549 --> 00:30:13.670 our like wedding registries. Yeah. She would, 00:30:14.089 --> 00:30:19.509 I did a target one. And everything ended up starting 00:30:19.509 --> 00:30:22.890 to be marked as purchased. Yeah, the names that 00:30:22.890 --> 00:30:26.910 were being used were people who had died, like 00:30:26.910 --> 00:30:30.589 my mom and my grandma, my god, and like people 00:30:30.589 --> 00:30:32.910 that she knew that we knew together. Yeah, so 00:30:32.910 --> 00:30:35.970 I knew it was her. Right. So I had to get rid 00:30:35.970 --> 00:30:38.690 of our target registry. I remember this. But 00:30:38.690 --> 00:30:40.769 the thing is, though, like after Mike and I got 00:30:40.769 --> 00:30:42.890 married, like nothing's really happened. The 00:30:42.890 --> 00:30:45.809 thing is, it's like when someone is so relentlessly 00:30:47.019 --> 00:30:49.240 Harassing you and making your life miserable 00:30:49.240 --> 00:30:51.279 whether it's directly like that or indirectly 00:30:51.279 --> 00:30:54.460 like it is for other people You have no choice 00:30:54.460 --> 00:30:57.599 and it's it's people say like no contact is extreme 00:30:57.599 --> 00:30:59.559 Why don't you just leave them alone it but they 00:30:59.559 --> 00:31:01.900 won't sometimes and that's where it seems like 00:31:01.900 --> 00:31:03.440 that was definitely the case here Yeah, like 00:31:03.440 --> 00:31:06.259 I had to change everything. Yeah, that's and 00:31:06.259 --> 00:31:08.680 like and I've I lost a friend because of it Yeah 00:31:08.680 --> 00:31:10.900 it's one of those things that makes people decide 00:31:10.900 --> 00:31:13.279 to go no contact when it's it's one thing if 00:31:13.279 --> 00:31:15.549 it's affecting you really horribly, but most 00:31:15.549 --> 00:31:17.309 of us are really bad at putting ourselves first. 00:31:17.509 --> 00:31:21.089 But when it starts to affect other people, like 00:31:21.089 --> 00:31:24.410 one thing that made me decide that I needed to 00:31:24.410 --> 00:31:27.269 do that to like move forward in my life was I 00:31:27.269 --> 00:31:31.950 was like, I don't want this dynamic to affect 00:31:31.950 --> 00:31:35.509 my partner. And I was like, I don't want this 00:31:35.509 --> 00:31:40.190 to affect him. I don't want this to affect our 00:31:40.190 --> 00:31:43.660 family. Like Don't and nothing was like happening 00:31:43.660 --> 00:31:45.579 to but just there's a whole thing it creates 00:31:45.579 --> 00:31:48.299 this whole toxic environment and you have somebody 00:31:48.299 --> 00:31:51.119 in your life that you feel the need to Be no 00:31:51.119 --> 00:31:53.160 contact with like again. It's not happening lightly 00:31:53.160 --> 00:31:56.619 and it's not happening in a vacuum Thanks for 00:31:56.619 --> 00:31:59.329 listening to 30 dirty and dying We really appreciate 00:31:59.329 --> 00:32:01.069 your support. And if you want to keep up with 00:32:01.069 --> 00:32:03.210 everything we're doing both on and off the air, 00:32:03.450 --> 00:32:06.150 you can find information at the link in our bio 00:32:06.150 --> 00:32:09.549 on TikTok and Instagram at three zero dirty and 00:32:09.549 --> 00:32:11.549 dying. We've got affiliate links. If you want 00:32:11.549 --> 00:32:13.289 to support the things we're doing outside the 00:32:13.289 --> 00:32:15.849 show, you can get in touch with us, find playlists 00:32:15.849 --> 00:32:18.109 that we've made and everything else that you 00:32:18.109 --> 00:32:19.809 need to keep up with your favorite millennial 00:32:19.809 --> 00:32:23.009 podcast. Now let's get back to the show. There's 00:32:23.009 --> 00:32:26.829 a big difference between going no contact and 00:32:26.829 --> 00:32:29.880 just sort of separating a little bit, which is 00:32:29.880 --> 00:32:32.200 what I'm doing with my dad. Yeah, out of sight 00:32:32.200 --> 00:32:35.059 out of mind. Yeah, I mean, for the most part, 00:32:35.319 --> 00:32:37.299 I still have them on like social media and stuff. 00:32:37.779 --> 00:32:40.599 But yeah, so like, I'm not no contact, right? 00:32:40.900 --> 00:32:45.559 It's just, I'm not trying. Because it it's so 00:32:45.559 --> 00:32:48.640 it's so weird, though. Like, obviously, I've 00:32:48.640 --> 00:32:50.799 said before, like both my parents were alcoholics. 00:32:51.299 --> 00:32:54.000 Dad still like made sure he had jobs made sure 00:32:54.000 --> 00:32:56.839 he like paid for things like made sure that we 00:32:56.839 --> 00:33:00.809 still like Could do what we needed to do. Yeah, 00:33:00.809 --> 00:33:04.089 like I still like I got to do karate Like I still 00:33:04.089 --> 00:33:06.529 got to do some extracurriculars right because 00:33:06.529 --> 00:33:08.730 like he was able to provide for that. So like 00:33:08.730 --> 00:33:13.809 we were fine for most of the time like obviously 00:33:13.809 --> 00:33:16.849 it's Traumatizing to like get into a car accident 00:33:16.849 --> 00:33:18.849 with him and like having to take the keys So 00:33:18.849 --> 00:33:20.930 he talked to other person like being an adult 00:33:20.930 --> 00:33:23.410 taking care of him a lot of things can be happening 00:33:23.410 --> 00:33:30.170 at the same time. Yes but More recently, it's 00:33:30.170 --> 00:33:33.569 gotten to the point where I'm just tired of trying 00:33:33.569 --> 00:33:35.609 to have a relationship. Yeah, I feel that way 00:33:35.609 --> 00:33:38.650 about my dad. He was around. I just feel like 00:33:38.650 --> 00:33:40.829 it's two different worlds because as an adult, 00:33:40.849 --> 00:33:43.829 I've been able to dive into a lot of his motivations 00:33:43.829 --> 00:33:46.589 for doing whatever he did or did not do. And 00:33:46.589 --> 00:33:50.750 knowing that with the full picture changes things. 00:33:51.289 --> 00:33:53.529 all the other things he did or didn't do or is 00:33:53.529 --> 00:33:54.890 or you know what I mean? Yeah, that's part of 00:33:54.890 --> 00:33:56.430 what went into my decision. But I get what you're 00:33:56.430 --> 00:33:59.809 saying of like, not necessarily worst thing in 00:33:59.809 --> 00:34:02.309 the world ever. Yeah, that would make you go 00:34:02.309 --> 00:34:04.750 no contact. But as an adult, you have to get 00:34:04.750 --> 00:34:06.410 away from that to make your decision of how your 00:34:06.410 --> 00:34:09.590 relationship goes. Yeah. So like, it got weird. 00:34:09.829 --> 00:34:12.150 Yeah, to where like, it wasn't let's meet up 00:34:12.150 --> 00:34:14.369 for breakfast or let's meet up for dinner. Like, 00:34:14.369 --> 00:34:17.289 it's not talking to me at all. Yeah. And I'm 00:34:17.289 --> 00:34:23.960 like, Oh, Okay, weird. And then I ended up getting 00:34:23.960 --> 00:34:28.480 a letter in the mail from him. That pretty much 00:34:28.480 --> 00:34:31.840 was, you know, like with alcohol, a they have 00:34:31.840 --> 00:34:34.360 to like do their steps. Yeah, and like this step 00:34:34.360 --> 00:34:39.179 was like, apologizing, or whatever. And I got 00:34:39.179 --> 00:34:41.159 a letter from him that was like really heartfelt. 00:34:41.400 --> 00:34:43.719 And like I cried reading it. I'm just like, this 00:34:43.719 --> 00:34:45.860 is our chance to get back to like where we were. 00:34:46.010 --> 00:34:48.349 Yeah. So like, as soon as I read it, I called 00:34:48.349 --> 00:34:50.650 him. And I was just like, I got your letter. 00:34:50.909 --> 00:34:52.969 Like, like, I think we should like work on this. 00:34:52.989 --> 00:34:55.469 Like, let's get together. Like, let's have dinner. 00:34:55.809 --> 00:34:57.610 And he was like, Okay, like, I'll let you know 00:34:57.610 --> 00:34:59.710 my schedule. And I was like, Okay, just like, 00:34:59.710 --> 00:35:02.389 let me know. And we'll like figure it out. Never 00:35:02.389 --> 00:35:04.530 heard from him. Then we got married, Mike and 00:35:04.530 --> 00:35:06.789 I. Yeah, I remember I was there. He were there 00:35:06.789 --> 00:35:09.230 about 45 seconds. So like that happened. And 00:35:09.230 --> 00:35:14.170 I'm just like, whatever. Yeah. Over it. Wedding 00:35:14.170 --> 00:35:19.420 happens. we're about to do the daddy -daughter 00:35:19.420 --> 00:35:24.619 dance and the mother -son dance. So I go up to 00:35:24.619 --> 00:35:27.559 dad and I'm like, we're about to do this. And 00:35:27.559 --> 00:35:32.179 he's like, we're leaving. And he left. That's 00:35:32.179 --> 00:35:34.739 so fucked up and selfish. And I'm like, you couldn't 00:35:34.739 --> 00:35:37.059 stay for three minutes and 29 more seconds? And 00:35:37.059 --> 00:35:41.420 I worked so fucking hard to find the perfect 00:35:41.420 --> 00:35:45.750 dad song that wasn't about My I'm a daddy's girl. 00:35:45.750 --> 00:35:48.210 Yeah type of like wedding dance. Yeah, I found 00:35:48.210 --> 00:35:52.110 the perfect song. That's just like your dad I 00:35:52.110 --> 00:35:54.210 Worked so hard to find it and I didn't even get 00:35:54.210 --> 00:35:56.369 to dance I literally I don't mean to take away 00:35:56.369 --> 00:35:59.969 for when I was like going to be married to someone 00:35:59.969 --> 00:36:02.809 that time in my life and we talked about wedding 00:36:02.809 --> 00:36:05.389 stuff and whatever and I didn't want to get married 00:36:05.389 --> 00:36:07.829 at all and I didn't want to do any of that but 00:36:07.829 --> 00:36:10.349 when that part came up I was like, what the fuck 00:36:10.349 --> 00:36:13.110 am I gonna do like yeah, I gotta play Limp Bizkit 00:36:13.610 --> 00:36:16.090 Just one of those days. I think I picked just 00:36:16.090 --> 00:36:18.409 like one of I looked up like the lists and I 00:36:18.409 --> 00:36:21.369 found the least one that was like, like you said, 00:36:21.409 --> 00:36:24.449 like super gushy. And it was Elton John. It was 00:36:24.449 --> 00:36:28.190 your song. And I was like, I love Elton John. 00:36:28.489 --> 00:36:31.230 He loves Elton John. It's it's a nice song, but 00:36:31.230 --> 00:36:33.389 it's not really about that. It's just a nice 00:36:33.389 --> 00:36:37.389 song. And okay. Yeah. And then good news, I didn't 00:36:37.389 --> 00:36:39.550 marry that fucking guy. And I met a guy who didn't 00:36:39.550 --> 00:36:41.969 want to get married at all. So it works out. 00:36:42.010 --> 00:36:45.650 Yeah. So yeah, so like, he just left. Yeah. And 00:36:45.650 --> 00:36:48.949 I was like, Okay, so I didn't get a dance with 00:36:48.949 --> 00:36:52.889 dad. That sucks. And I'm like, I'm not gonna 00:36:52.889 --> 00:36:55.969 try anymore. Well, that's a pretty like, this 00:36:55.969 --> 00:36:58.489 is what I'm saying. Some of the other stuff that 00:36:58.489 --> 00:37:00.530 happens, like, I'm not trying to take away from 00:37:00.530 --> 00:37:03.610 his process. I think some stuff can be really 00:37:03.610 --> 00:37:07.530 performative. And if you're not willing to actually 00:37:07.530 --> 00:37:11.889 go out of your way to do anything beyond a performative 00:37:11.889 --> 00:37:13.769 grand gesture that makes you feel really fucking 00:37:13.769 --> 00:37:17.210 good, then you're not willing you're not really 00:37:17.210 --> 00:37:19.269 doing your part to have a real relationship with 00:37:19.269 --> 00:37:21.929 someone. It was easier for me to just like not 00:37:21.929 --> 00:37:23.949 try at that point. Yeah, like if he'll message 00:37:23.949 --> 00:37:27.969 me on Facebook. Um, I'll message back. Keep it 00:37:27.969 --> 00:37:32.550 kind of Yeah, like, I'm not. I'm not saying never 00:37:32.550 --> 00:37:34.510 like I'm not gonna cut it off forever. Yeah, 00:37:34.510 --> 00:37:37.010 because like I know like he he has his own set 00:37:37.010 --> 00:37:41.969 of issues. And I don't think he is. purposefully 00:37:41.969 --> 00:37:45.429 being a bad dad, because of other things that 00:37:45.429 --> 00:37:48.289 he goes through. Well, maybe that's true. I don't 00:37:48.289 --> 00:37:51.989 want to completely go no contact because it's 00:37:51.989 --> 00:37:54.489 not like he's trying to manipulate me. Well, 00:37:54.570 --> 00:37:56.570 and there's see, there's some of the difference 00:37:56.570 --> 00:37:58.670 too. That's a decision you have to make. Yeah, 00:37:58.869 --> 00:38:02.210 as how much of this is hurting you hurting your 00:38:02.210 --> 00:38:04.489 life hurting things you want to do? And how much 00:38:04.489 --> 00:38:06.170 can you deal with? And how much can you not? 00:38:06.429 --> 00:38:08.869 It's not it's not hurting my life. Yeah, I'm 00:38:08.869 --> 00:38:12.010 not. I'm not I don't have to make decisions based 00:38:12.010 --> 00:38:14.829 off of him. Exactly. Whereas in my situation, 00:38:14.829 --> 00:38:17.309 I certainly had to do that. Yeah. And it's part 00:38:17.309 --> 00:38:19.949 of what went into me being like, I have to it 00:38:19.949 --> 00:38:21.889 has to be all or nothing. Yeah, but it's not 00:38:21.889 --> 00:38:24.210 like I'm not going to go out of my way to have 00:38:24.210 --> 00:38:28.710 a relationship. When it's clear that he necessarily 00:38:28.710 --> 00:38:31.269 doesn't care. And again, I don't know if he doesn't 00:38:31.269 --> 00:38:33.050 care or if he just doesn't think about it doesn't 00:38:33.050 --> 00:38:34.789 matter though. He's not doing it. He's not doing 00:38:34.789 --> 00:38:36.710 it. He's not being a dad. Yeah. And that's the 00:38:36.710 --> 00:38:38.610 problem. So that's why I'm just like, whatever. 00:38:38.710 --> 00:38:43.199 And then I found this, it's actually from a book. 00:38:43.519 --> 00:38:46.139 Okay. It was I mean, I saw it on TikTok, but 00:38:46.139 --> 00:38:49.400 it's a screenshot of a book. It says the phone 00:38:49.400 --> 00:38:51.219 doesn't work both ways because he never calls 00:38:51.219 --> 00:38:53.719 and a child should never have to beg their father 00:38:53.719 --> 00:38:56.280 for a relationship. I am an afterthought like 00:38:56.280 --> 00:38:58.460 an acquaintance he's lost touch with I am the 00:38:58.460 --> 00:39:00.659 last thing on his mind. So don't tell me the 00:39:00.659 --> 00:39:02.840 phone works both ways to shame me into accepting 00:39:02.840 --> 00:39:06.000 his half asked efforts as a father. And then 00:39:06.000 --> 00:39:07.840 there's in this it also says I've called and 00:39:07.840 --> 00:39:09.219 called and called since I was a child and he 00:39:09.219 --> 00:39:12.760 never answers. If I called he would answer. I 00:39:12.760 --> 00:39:15.320 don't doubt that. But the sentiment the sentiment 00:39:15.320 --> 00:39:19.079 is like, he is not being a father. Well, that's 00:39:19.079 --> 00:39:21.559 what I mean. It's not it's not anything that 00:39:21.559 --> 00:39:24.179 happens is performative and only so only run 00:39:24.179 --> 00:39:26.840 so far where it's convenient. And if it isn't, 00:39:26.840 --> 00:39:28.840 it's not happening. No, I understand what you 00:39:28.840 --> 00:39:30.579 mean, though, about just like, there is that 00:39:30.579 --> 00:39:36.380 level between being somebody's punching bag and 00:39:36.380 --> 00:39:38.739 going completely no contact. And that's just 00:39:38.739 --> 00:39:41.940 sort of removing yourself. Yeah. And hoping that 00:39:43.440 --> 00:39:46.219 There's not a giant blow up or something crazy 00:39:46.219 --> 00:39:48.679 that makes you have to go the rest of the way 00:39:48.679 --> 00:39:50.219 And I don't think there will be at least for 00:39:50.219 --> 00:39:55.639 me. Yeah, I have sort of I've just realized Collectively 00:39:55.639 --> 00:39:57.780 over the last few years that this is not a great 00:39:57.780 --> 00:40:00.199 person and this is not a person I want in my 00:40:00.199 --> 00:40:04.440 life and I'm not mad about some things, but I 00:40:04.440 --> 00:40:07.019 don't feel good about them And it's not out of 00:40:07.019 --> 00:40:08.980 being pissed off or being mad or wanting anything 00:40:08.980 --> 00:40:11.340 bad for that person you know, it's just it can 00:40:11.340 --> 00:40:13.099 be a slippery slope depending on what kind of 00:40:13.099 --> 00:40:15.239 person you're dealing with. So I've been on both 00:40:15.239 --> 00:40:17.400 sides of that and every part of that kind of 00:40:17.400 --> 00:40:20.840 spectrum, I guess. Yeah, I obviously the no contact 00:40:20.840 --> 00:40:25.059 from being harassed, I have no choice. Yes, because 00:40:25.059 --> 00:40:28.400 they weren't listening to logic actually have 00:40:28.400 --> 00:40:32.269 another quote. Okay. It says me trying to explain 00:40:32.269 --> 00:40:34.329 how some people will never reach out and speak 00:40:34.329 --> 00:40:36.409 to you again because they don't have the maturity 00:40:36.409 --> 00:40:39.210 to cope with the fact that they did you wrong 00:40:39.210 --> 00:40:41.869 and you didn't deserve it since they lack accountability 00:40:41.869 --> 00:40:44.710 they will create a false narrative about you 00:40:44.710 --> 00:40:47.190 so they don't feel guilty yeah which is literally 00:40:47.190 --> 00:40:50.480 what happened because i didn't do anything. But 00:40:50.480 --> 00:40:53.039 then all of a sudden, I'm breaking and entering 00:40:53.039 --> 00:40:55.980 and I'm egging them and I haven't done a single 00:40:55.980 --> 00:40:59.400 thing. It's easier for me to be the bad guy because 00:40:59.400 --> 00:41:02.739 they were harassing me. It's literally like putting 00:41:02.739 --> 00:41:04.500 a mirror in their face all the time to show them 00:41:04.500 --> 00:41:07.099 the consequences of their own actions. So they 00:41:07.099 --> 00:41:10.639 can't deal with it. Like I never wished ill of 00:41:10.639 --> 00:41:12.739 them. That's such an important part of this that 00:41:12.739 --> 00:41:14.619 I don't think people understand. And I'm glad 00:41:14.619 --> 00:41:18.449 I'm Very glad that they if if they have a great 00:41:18.449 --> 00:41:21.690 relationship good for them like I didn't Want 00:41:21.690 --> 00:41:24.050 them to be in a bad relationship if they have 00:41:24.050 --> 00:41:27.769 kids and they're happy That's so great. Yeah, 00:41:27.869 --> 00:41:32.230 like honestly if Great for them like I'm I'm 00:41:32.230 --> 00:41:35.909 happy for them. Yeah, totally it's so like I 00:41:35.909 --> 00:41:39.409 don't want like I never wanted it to be like 00:41:39.409 --> 00:41:42.230 This petty thing no, and that's what I mean about 00:41:42.230 --> 00:41:45.929 both the situation of like trying to just Be 00:41:45.929 --> 00:41:48.269 separate but not go no contact but also the going 00:41:48.269 --> 00:41:51.070 no -contact part of it most of the time people 00:41:51.070 --> 00:41:54.789 don't it's not this like Gotcha or wanting to 00:41:54.789 --> 00:41:56.829 hurt the other person. Yeah, it's wanting to 00:41:56.829 --> 00:42:01.409 protect yourself. Yeah, I Want I don't sit around 00:42:01.409 --> 00:42:03.929 and think like I hope something terrible happens. 00:42:03.989 --> 00:42:06.760 Absolutely not To the people that I've got no 00:42:06.760 --> 00:42:08.579 contact with but also the people that I've been 00:42:08.579 --> 00:42:11.440 in those in -between phases with I have no ill 00:42:11.440 --> 00:42:14.320 will I hope you're fine. I guess I don't really 00:42:14.320 --> 00:42:16.079 I don't think about it very much I don't really 00:42:16.079 --> 00:42:18.380 I'm not sitting there wanting anything negative 00:42:18.380 --> 00:42:20.440 for you. Yeah, cuz here's the thing when you 00:42:20.440 --> 00:42:24.079 go no contact with someone It's not about them. 00:42:24.260 --> 00:42:28.280 No, it's about you. It's about What I'm choosing 00:42:28.280 --> 00:42:31.320 to do for my life and how I'm choosing to be 00:42:31.320 --> 00:42:34.019 okay and move forward in my life effectively 00:42:34.429 --> 00:42:38.269 And yeah, I can't because of you. But I don't 00:42:38.269 --> 00:42:40.349 want to do anything to you. I want to do something 00:42:40.349 --> 00:42:43.170 for me. It's literally not even about you at 00:42:43.170 --> 00:42:45.650 this fucking point. No, it's just I need this 00:42:45.650 --> 00:42:48.550 for me. And I hope you the best. Yeah. So I found 00:42:48.550 --> 00:42:53.409 a couple things about no contact like from from 00:42:53.409 --> 00:42:58.849 psychology today or psychology today. It's by 00:42:58.849 --> 00:43:02.150 somebody named Gina Wagner. It's like a like 00:43:02.150 --> 00:43:04.269 a op ed kind of thing. It's like an opinion piece, 00:43:04.269 --> 00:43:08.570 but it's on psychology today. And what drag or 00:43:08.570 --> 00:43:12.590 drew me to it was the subtitle is personal perspective 00:43:12.590 --> 00:43:15.769 going no contact isn't trendy. It's survival. 00:43:16.429 --> 00:43:18.670 And I think that's important because it's more 00:43:18.670 --> 00:43:22.050 talked about now and it's more which I think 00:43:22.050 --> 00:43:24.070 is good that we're talking about it and that 00:43:24.070 --> 00:43:28.469 it's not this like super taboo thing and that 00:43:28.469 --> 00:43:31.190 it's an option for people. I think that's because 00:43:31.440 --> 00:43:35.039 people these days are more aware of our mental 00:43:35.039 --> 00:43:40.440 health. Yes. So we are quicker to realize when 00:43:40.440 --> 00:43:43.000 people are not good for our mental health, and 00:43:43.000 --> 00:43:45.219 we are more willing to let it go. Well, in this, 00:43:45.380 --> 00:43:47.480 so one of the topics here was, is estrangement 00:43:47.480 --> 00:43:50.820 trendy, or are we just more aware? And the writer 00:43:50.820 --> 00:43:54.190 said, Some experts suggest that while estrangement 00:43:54.190 --> 00:43:56.929 has always been a phenomenon in families It's 00:43:56.929 --> 00:43:59.429 only recently being publicly acknowledged and 00:43:59.429 --> 00:44:01.789 analyzed in a significant way Because before 00:44:01.789 --> 00:44:03.909 I feel like like when I was growing up and there 00:44:03.909 --> 00:44:06.809 were people who were no contact with The family 00:44:06.809 --> 00:44:10.969 like the extended family it was People just made 00:44:10.969 --> 00:44:13.510 them out to be like fucking weirdos and like 00:44:13.510 --> 00:44:16.929 there and now I'm the fucking weirdo, but it's 00:44:16.929 --> 00:44:19.219 people made them out like they were doing something 00:44:19.219 --> 00:44:21.820 wrong. And if you were the no contact person, 00:44:21.820 --> 00:44:25.340 I feel like you were maybe ashamed like you felt 00:44:25.340 --> 00:44:27.440 like you did something wrong. Yeah, by not being 00:44:27.440 --> 00:44:29.099 able or not wanting to put up with it anymore. 00:44:29.159 --> 00:44:31.480 Like nobody was shouting that shit from the rooftops. 00:44:31.579 --> 00:44:34.579 And now, I think it's I'm not saying we have 00:44:34.579 --> 00:44:39.519 to shout it all the time. But if we can't get 00:44:39.519 --> 00:44:42.719 past the stigma of it and the shame of it, it's 00:44:42.719 --> 00:44:44.780 not going to be effective. And that's what this 00:44:44.780 --> 00:44:48.389 next part says. Family estrangement flies in 00:44:48.389 --> 00:44:50.530 the face of what we're taught as children honor 00:44:50.530 --> 00:44:53.510 your parents families forever blood is thicker 00:44:53.510 --> 00:44:57.250 than water Yet people don't usually choose estrangement 00:44:57.250 --> 00:44:59.769 out of rebellion resentment or lack of forgiveness 00:44:59.769 --> 00:45:01.829 They do it for their safety and emotional well 00:45:01.829 --> 00:45:04.329 -being and the well -being of generations that 00:45:04.329 --> 00:45:09.050 will come after And some therapists like piece 00:45:09.050 --> 00:45:11.889 of advice here is you can forgive a thief, but 00:45:11.889 --> 00:45:13.409 that doesn't mean you have to give them a key 00:45:13.409 --> 00:45:15.880 to your house That's it right there. That's it 00:45:15.880 --> 00:45:18.599 right there. I don't you don't have to hate them 00:45:18.599 --> 00:45:21.519 You don't have to not forgive them or resent 00:45:21.519 --> 00:45:25.019 them. You can do all that good work. Yeah But 00:45:25.019 --> 00:45:27.119 don't have to let them continue route to ruin 00:45:27.119 --> 00:45:29.739 your life. Yeah, you don't have to continue to 00:45:29.739 --> 00:45:34.559 let them hurt you I Can feel and it's not easy. 00:45:34.559 --> 00:45:36.980 No the person who goes no contact either because 00:45:36.980 --> 00:45:41.099 it hurt them So much to the point where they 00:45:41.099 --> 00:45:44.420 felt they had to yeah like There was one thing 00:45:44.420 --> 00:45:46.239 here that I wanted to say. So this was like a 00:45:46.239 --> 00:45:49.159 list of things that might happen as you go no 00:45:49.159 --> 00:45:51.940 contact. And I didn't keep all of them. But one 00:45:51.940 --> 00:45:55.800 was you will doubt your decision. And you will 00:45:55.800 --> 00:45:58.860 question yourself until you fully heal, which 00:45:58.860 --> 00:46:02.139 it creates a lot of inner conflicts. Yeah. And 00:46:02.139 --> 00:46:04.320 you're always going to wonder if you're being 00:46:04.320 --> 00:46:07.460 too extreme, or if you're being the problem or 00:46:07.460 --> 00:46:11.840 you're not being fair. And, and this is an unloved 00:46:11.840 --> 00:46:15.099 child. by default doesn't have a lot of self 00:46:15.099 --> 00:46:18.480 -worth or self -trust. going no contact will 00:46:18.480 --> 00:46:21.579 feel impossible and that's okay and it's not 00:46:21.579 --> 00:46:26.039 something that will be done easily and that's 00:46:26.039 --> 00:46:29.460 fair like even though i have not had a good relationship 00:46:29.460 --> 00:46:31.559 with my parent that i've gotten no contact with 00:46:31.559 --> 00:46:34.900 ever and that i've known that we will go no contact 00:46:34.900 --> 00:46:37.559 and that i did not want him in my life and i 00:46:37.559 --> 00:46:39.460 accepted him still being in my life for a while 00:46:39.460 --> 00:46:42.289 i didn't have to but i did For your mom? Yeah, 00:46:42.369 --> 00:46:44.849 for my mom, for my other parent. Even though 00:46:44.849 --> 00:46:48.309 I knew those things and when the time came where 00:46:48.309 --> 00:46:51.650 I could go no contact, there's still been a grieving 00:46:51.650 --> 00:46:54.510 process. It's still hard. It's not something 00:46:54.510 --> 00:46:58.969 that I enjoy having to have done, you know? And 00:46:58.969 --> 00:47:02.929 this next part says, it's not a linear healing 00:47:02.929 --> 00:47:06.409 process. It takes as long as it takes, which 00:47:06.409 --> 00:47:09.110 may be years. It's grief. Yeah, it's grief. It 00:47:09.110 --> 00:47:11.889 says allow yourself to grieve. practice self 00:47:11.889 --> 00:47:15.130 -compassion and self -care and More often than 00:47:15.130 --> 00:47:17.489 not you will find yourself adrift and alone after 00:47:17.489 --> 00:47:19.610 going no contact with a parent people will judge 00:47:19.610 --> 00:47:23.050 you Insist you work on a relationship But the 00:47:23.050 --> 00:47:25.630 thing is an abuser or a narcissist or whatever 00:47:25.630 --> 00:47:29.289 has no desire to change You cannot have a relationship 00:47:29.289 --> 00:47:31.050 with someone who is constantly looking for ways 00:47:31.050 --> 00:47:34.869 to hurt you or undermine you so it's like I've 00:47:34.869 --> 00:47:37.829 grieved it. I have and there are times even though 00:47:37.829 --> 00:47:42.260 it's been Over a year at this point. I think 00:47:42.260 --> 00:47:44.760 since I've made the decision and have enforced 00:47:44.760 --> 00:47:48.739 it I grieve and I wish I Wish it didn't have 00:47:48.739 --> 00:47:51.579 to be this way. Mm -hmm, but I know that it does 00:47:51.579 --> 00:47:54.019 So I can't change my mind because I feel bad. 00:47:54.260 --> 00:47:57.159 Yeah, you know, I just have to keep going and 00:47:57.159 --> 00:48:01.239 Do the work on my end to make it. Okay But like 00:48:01.239 --> 00:48:03.280 yeah, I've had moments, especially like during 00:48:03.280 --> 00:48:06.519 the holidays and stuff. I you know It was like 00:48:06.519 --> 00:48:10.730 my dad and I had a lot in common, some stuff 00:48:10.730 --> 00:48:15.150 that has caused a lot of therapy, but superficial 00:48:15.150 --> 00:48:18.670 shit, you know, like interests and things. And 00:48:18.670 --> 00:48:21.469 sometimes at like holidays and stuff, we would 00:48:21.469 --> 00:48:24.570 end up kind of clumped together and talking about 00:48:24.570 --> 00:48:26.570 something or watching something. And there've 00:48:26.570 --> 00:48:31.690 been a few times since all this that it's been 00:48:31.690 --> 00:48:33.809 like, it's almost it's kind of funny. It's like, 00:48:34.010 --> 00:48:37.840 my, my mom and Justin would Clump and then my 00:48:37.840 --> 00:48:39.639 dad and I because my mom and Justin are like 00:48:39.639 --> 00:48:41.599 the same fucking person if people say you marry 00:48:41.599 --> 00:48:45.219 your dad No, I married my mom. My mom is my mom 00:48:45.219 --> 00:48:48.139 my mom But yeah, they have a lot in common. So 00:48:48.139 --> 00:48:49.699 they really get along which is awesome and I 00:48:49.699 --> 00:48:53.019 love that but a few times they've like Clumped 00:48:53.019 --> 00:48:55.619 when it's just the three of us now, which is 00:48:55.619 --> 00:48:57.719 great and I'm not but then they're I don't know 00:48:57.719 --> 00:49:00.260 You're just like I think about it. You miss that 00:49:00.260 --> 00:49:03.800 I notice it. Yeah, the other thing about going 00:49:03.800 --> 00:49:07.019 no contact or putting some space between you 00:49:07.019 --> 00:49:10.059 and a person that's that's not really great is 00:49:10.059 --> 00:49:14.059 you can after a while really separate out like 00:49:14.059 --> 00:49:16.119 appreciate the good times without giving them 00:49:16.119 --> 00:49:18.019 a pass for shit like things can be true at the 00:49:18.019 --> 00:49:21.539 same time yeah and it's easier to realize that 00:49:21.539 --> 00:49:24.920 and to not constantly justify bad behavior and 00:49:24.920 --> 00:49:28.280 shit on your own good memories when you get some 00:49:28.280 --> 00:49:33.260 space yeah so i guess to wrap up If you're somebody 00:49:33.260 --> 00:49:36.059 who's who's thinking about going no contact who's 00:49:36.059 --> 00:49:38.400 going no contact who maybe this is your first 00:49:38.400 --> 00:49:40.780 Thanksgiving no contact and it looks different 00:49:40.780 --> 00:49:45.300 We get it. Yeah, and there are resources out 00:49:45.300 --> 00:49:47.840 there, you know to help you kind of navigate 00:49:47.840 --> 00:49:49.559 some of this I would always recommend talking 00:49:49.559 --> 00:49:53.159 to someone and mental health is for everyone 00:49:53.159 --> 00:49:56.760 not just The extreme situations if you're having 00:49:56.760 --> 00:49:58.320 trouble navigating something and you want to 00:49:58.320 --> 00:50:00.760 talk to someone Do it if you want to talk to 00:50:00.760 --> 00:50:02.920 us. We're not professionals. It's in every disclaimer. 00:50:02.920 --> 00:50:05.559 I have a social worker. So yeah, I mean, I'm 00:50:05.559 --> 00:50:09.980 not trained. I'm not licensed. Yeah. But yeah, 00:50:09.980 --> 00:50:12.280 if you want to, you know, weigh in on this conversation 00:50:12.280 --> 00:50:14.900 with us, feel free, you can get to you can get 00:50:14.900 --> 00:50:17.860 in touch with us on slide into our DMs. Yeah, 00:50:17.980 --> 00:50:20.139 slide into our DMs. We'll talk to you. Happy 00:50:20.139 --> 00:50:22.179 Thanksgiving. But yeah, I hope you're having 00:50:22.179 --> 00:50:24.059 a good holiday. And I hope that this conversation 00:50:24.059 --> 00:50:29.010 helps somebody or at least helps normalize. This 00:50:29.010 --> 00:50:30.730 thing that happens to a lot of us, especially 00:50:30.730 --> 00:50:32.389 as we get older and create our own lives and 00:50:32.389 --> 00:50:35.269 family, you know Yeah, so do you have any final 00:50:35.269 --> 00:50:38.329 thoughts Courtney? No, okay I think we said it 00:50:38.329 --> 00:50:41.349 all I think so. So we will see you guys next 00:50:41.349 --> 00:50:44.829 Thursday Just heads up. We're getting close ish 00:50:44.829 --> 00:50:48.289 to the end of the season We have a few more episodes 00:50:48.289 --> 00:50:51.989 to go. So for all things, you know end of season 00:50:51.989 --> 00:50:54.349 Anything else that we may or may not be doing 00:50:54.349 --> 00:50:57.820 as we get closer to the holidays you know, make 00:50:57.820 --> 00:50:59.719 sure you're following us at 30 dirty and dying 00:50:59.719 --> 00:51:04.599 on tik -tok and on Instagram and If you haven't 00:51:04.599 --> 00:51:08.039 Please, you know rate us review us on your platform 00:51:08.039 --> 00:51:10.480 of choice and share us with your friends We really 00:51:10.480 --> 00:51:12.539 want to keep doing this and your guys support 00:51:12.539 --> 00:51:15.219 makes that possible and means a lot to us at 00:51:15.219 --> 00:51:18.019 the same time So please yes what we want for 00:51:18.019 --> 00:51:21.480 Thanksgiving. Yeah for the holidays our gift 00:51:21.480 --> 00:51:24.800 from you guys is listens listens and ratings 00:51:24.800 --> 00:51:28.030 and shares and all that stuff. And you know, 00:51:28.030 --> 00:51:31.650 we're thankful for you. You're our well, my favorite 00:51:31.650 --> 00:51:34.070 thing at Thanksgiving is a tie between deviled 00:51:34.070 --> 00:51:37.269 eggs and stuffing. Oh, so y 'all are my for a 00:51:37.269 --> 00:51:42.269 deviled egg. Yes. We're slots for you. Y 'all 00:51:42.269 --> 00:51:45.469 are deviled eggs and our stuffing and our rolls 00:51:45.469 --> 00:51:48.070 and our cranberry sauce and all the good stuff. 00:51:48.789 --> 00:51:52.010 So all the carbs, all the all the things. Yes. 00:51:52.050 --> 00:51:53.849 Thank you so much for being here with us. We're 00:51:53.849 --> 00:52:04.780 thankful for you and have a great holiday. Bye! 00:52:04.780 --> 00:52:06.380 I want them to scoot me raw.