Hey now. Hey now. This is what dreams are made
of. Hey, hey, hey. Hey now. Hey now. This is
what dreams are made of. I've got somewhere I
belong. I've got somebody to love. This is what
dreams are made of. Hello. Welcome back. This
is what dreams are made of, guys. This is what
dreams are made of. Or nightmares. I don't know.
Welcome back to 30 Dirty and Dying. This is 30
Dirty and Dying. This is our first episode post
-October block. Which makes me sad. I know, but...
Because spooky season is just... In my heart
forever. Yeah. And you know what really grinds
my gears? I don't know. What? Tell me. That people
are already decorating for Christmas. I mean,
okay. It does me too. But I have to say, I'm
feeling a little bit more holly jolly this year.
Like, I'm a little bit excited for Christmas.
I think because I've been so sad and overwhelmed.
I'm like, I just want to be wrapped in a warm
eggnog hug. I'd be like an eggnog. Yeah, that's
what the time of year does. You know, I need
some... Twinkly lights. I need some cinnamon
or some shit. I don't know. I need something
to make me feel warm and fuzzy. But there's twinkly
lights and cinnamon with Halloween. No, and there
totally was. And I got that. But I don't know.
I am excited for Christmas. I'm like, I don't
know. And usually I'm the same way as you. And
I'm still not going to decorate until after Thanksgiving.
Justin was like, we were like talking about,
I said I wanted to go and look for some new Christmas
decorations because I want a couple new things.
And he was like, when do you want those out?
Like, he was thinking, like, I wanted to decorate,
like, tomorrow. And I was like, oh, slow down.
Slow your roll. Slow your roll, Santa Claus.
Not until after Thanksgiving. I just don't do...
And it's not out of a... It's not out of a, like,
I refuse to acknowledge it before... I don't
give a fuck about Thanksgiving. I mean, who does?
Yeah, I mean, it's fine. Like, we're gonna have
Thanksgiving. It's whatever. But it's just because
I know what a chore it is to keep my cats from
tearing down the Christmas tree. So... Three
weeks is good. We don't decorate for Christmas.
At all? Not anymore. Because one, we don't have
space in our living room for a tree. And two,
Mike says that I can decorate, but he's not going
to help me and he's not going to help me tear
it down. So I'm like, all right, then I'm just
not going to fucking do it. Okay, well, if you
want to, I will help you. I put out one Christmas
hedgehog on the front porch. Okay, that's not
where I thought that sentence was going. I'm
not really sure, but I didn't think you were
going to say hedgehog. And a wreath. Oh, a wreath.
Well, if you decide you want to do anything,
I will help you. Just give me a call. Give me
a ring -a -ding -ding. Call me, beat me. If you
want to reach me. And obviously you wanted to
reach us here at 30 Dirty and Dying for our next
episode. So we're out of spooky season, unfortunately,
but we're back to our regular scheduled content.
Which isn't much different. Right. Just a little
less spooks. Yeah. A little bit less on the spook.
I mean, my insides are always spooky. However
you want to interpret that. I have a feeling
that like my colon is especially spooky. Spooky
dookie. Yep. Um, but. We're going to kick off
the next phase of this season with an old favorite.
Am I the asshole? Yeah. Everybody loves this
on podcasts, myself included. And we haven't
done it since, was it last season we did? I don't
remember. I think it was last season. I don't
remember what I did yesterday. That's true. The
answer is probably nothing. Yep, so we're gonna
do Am I the Asshole? So we've got a few that
we found. And we're just gonna talk about them,
read them, go back and forth. I mean, you guys
know, if you listen to podcasts, you know how
this fucking goes. I did see one when I was looking
that said at the very top in big bold letters,
like, I do not consent to having this read on
a podcast without my permission. Please tell
me you did. Huh? No, I'm gonna respect what they
said. That's true, but I'm curious what it is.
It wasn't great. So we're gonna do that. But
first things first. Back in time. Alright! Alright!
Alright, we're taking it back to 1990. I wasn't
even birthed yet. Me neither. Man, if I could
turn back time. If I could turn back time. Did
you know that Cher is coming out with a memoir?
And she's doing it in two parts. Whoa! Memoir
part one comes out in November, and then I don't
know when part two comes out. Doesn't matter,
I'm gonna buy it. Or, or, and hear me out. You
can wait for like a Christmas present. I don't
know. If you want to get it for me for Christmas,
that's fine. Okay. Don't buy it yourself. Okay.
Tell Justin if you want to get it though. Okay.
Because I'm going to put it on my Christmas list
for him just in case. Okay. So if you're going
to get it, you have to contact him. Okay. I don't
have his number. I'll give it to you. Okay. 1990.
1990. That's it. I was thinking of 19, 19, 1985.
I know you were. But it's not. I know you were.
So then I just went, I just panicked. 1990. Just
like every fucking day of our lives. I did find
an interesting fact. Tell me an interesting fact.
Which, all you listeners out there, if you just
happen to Google, what happened in 1990? Yeah,
tell me. You're not going to fucking find anything.
Because it's just like, oh, all the fun things
that happened in the 90s. It happened when we
do the 2010s or 2002. It's the same thing. Am
I searching 1990S? No. Well. 1990. That's a year.
And I want to know information about it. But
the thing that I found, which is interesting,
interesting fact, this happened in January of
1990. Okay. The Viscase Corporation debuted a
new technology that allowed edible ink ads to
be printed onto hot dogs, known as the hot dog
vertizing. So you're telling me that it was just
like on the casing of your ween was just like,
buy a Toyota. The company boasted that now, for
the first time, hot dogs could be used as a communications
medium. It also suggested that hot dog advertising
would be a great way for companies to target
messages at children and establish brand preference
early. Honestly, why is that the best idea I've
ever heard? We should get 30 Dirty and Dying.
Wieners. Wieners. Forget merch, forget t -shirts,
fuck it. Let's get hot dogs. That have 30 Dirty
and Dying on them. Dog sucking season. Hell yeah.
Look out, Frank and Joey. Joe. Whatever. Look
out, guys. That's pretty much all I could find,
because fucking Google sucks. Well, I had a bunch
of stuff, actually, so it's okay. Well, I looked
for specific things, so that's... Yeah. I did
find some American novels that were published
in 1990. Fun. I didn't read then, because I wasn't
alive. I wasn't, no. But some of them... Did
you even... realize we're probably gonna sound
like idiots at least i am because i didn't know
this did you know that jurassic park was a book
no thank you fucking thank you so much because
i am are you shitting my dick right now look
1990 jurassic park a science fiction novel written
by michael crichton and it's the same dino well
shit yeah about genetically recreated dinosaurs
Huh. And I thought that was just an original
movie idea. Yeah, a Steven Spielberg original
movie. I literally did. I had no idea that that
was a book. So, I don't know. Maybe I'll read
Jurassic Park. Is it on Kindle Unlimited? I don't
know. You can check. I will check right now.
Check right now. I finally read Jenna Lee's latest
book, Love Hurts. I got it a few months ago.
Is it good? It's fucking amazing. I let my friend
Keisha borrow it. Yeah. I don't know if she's
ready yet or not. I just finished it like the
other day. It only took me like two days to read
it. So good. I mean, all of her books are so
good. Jenna Lee Barker. She's gonna write a banger.
So I finally read it. Yeah, if you guys want
to hear more about it, we did a whole episode
with her last season where she talked about this
book. So you can... I will say, I think out of
all three of them... Life After is still my favorite.
Yeah, I really liked Life After, but man, this
one was something else. Life After made me cry,
ugly cry. Yeah, I think I cried in all of them
though. Oh, I mean, I did cry in all of them,
but ugly cried in Life After. And I'm still thinking
about Life After. I mean, right now I'm still
thinking about Love Hurts, but I just read it.
Yeah. So I think because just having like a lot
of the same experiences as the girl in that book,
I used highlighters. You highlighted the book?
I highlighted some shit because it was that good.
Dang. Yeah, it was something. But yeah, I don't
know. I did put at the beginning of my review
for it, I was like, I... Jenna Lee Barker is
becoming one of my favorite authors, even though
she keeps making me cry. Anyways. Oh, yeah, I
was going to Google Jurassic Park. Yeah, see
if it's on Kindle. It is not on Kindle Unlimited.
Okay. I mean, it's on Kindle, so if you want
to purchase books on Kindle, you can. Yeah. But
if you pay for Kindle Unlimited, it is not part
of that. I got you. Therefore, I will not be
getting it. Okay, well. If I'm going to pay for
a book, I'd rather have the physical book. There's
also a book just called Vampires. That has nothing
to do with Jurassic Park. No, it's not. A novel
that concerns a company called Vampires with
a dollar sign incorporated. It treats vampire
hunting as a commercial enterprise. Why do I
want to read this right now? It's just called
Vampires? It's just called Vampires. With a dollar
sign? Sometimes it has the dollar sign, but I
guess the original cover does not. That sounds
interesting. And that came out in 1990? 1990,
on the dot. Oh, shit. Okay. It's by someone named
John Steakley. So, I'm going to look for that
book. That sounds fun. Let me just quickly look
that up on Kindle Unlimited. Do it. Kindle, sponsor
me. Yeah, if you'd like to. I read the shit out
of you. She does. Also, The Face on the Milk
Carton came out. It's a book about a missing
child. But I remember they made a TV movie. A
made -for -TV movie about it a few years later,
probably. There's a lot of vampire books when
I just search vampires. Who did you say it was
by? John Steakley? John Steakley? Maybe it's
spelled, I think, like steak. Okie doke. Okie
doke. Well, let's move on to movies. Movies.
There's some movies that came out. Yeah. Let's
do some bangers. Edward Scissorhands. Oh, shit.
Yep. I love Edward Scissorhands. I do, too. It's
so good. Also, Misery. Oh, that's a good one.
It is. Ghost. Pottery. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Demi Moore
and Swayze. Patrick Swayze. R .I .P. Tremors.
Wait, did you just say Patrick? He's dead? He's
been dead for like 15 years. Oh, shit. Yeah,
he's been dead for a while. Wow. Plot twist.
Spoiler alert. Patrick Swayze's been dead for
many years. I don't know if I can come back from
this. I think we're going to have to call it
quits on recording this podcast because I had
no idea. Why? Because he's a real life ghost
now? Oh, shit. I'm going to tell you when he
died and you're going to be embarrassed. He's
making pottery in heaven right now. 2009. Same
with my mom. They die at the same time. Crazy.
Are they both ghosts making pottery together?
Yeah. Who knows? Pretty Woman. Walking down the
street. Yep. Never watched it. Oh, Arachnophobia.
Your favorite. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Night of the Living Dead remake. Oh, Back to
the Future 3. I know you like Back to the Future.
Back to the Future 3, it's hard. Two sucks, let's
be honest. One and three are the best ones. Yeah.
But I feel like I quote three more than I quote
one. Do you? Because I don't ever quote it ever,
but it's not because I don't like it. I just
don't like it as much as you do. Yeah. So. Oh,
also Home Alone came out. Ugh. I know, you hate
it, but it's, you know. Trash. It's a big deal.
Whatever. All right. Fuck me then. Sorry. Whenever
I watch people do like the TikTok, like where
they go left or right of like movies and like
ratings and stuff like that. And they pick Home
Alone. I'm like, why the fuck would you do that?
I mean, it's never. But then I realized that
people like Home Alone and I don't know why.
I think it's, I just think it's the nostalgia
factor. I really do. I just think it's, you know,
Macaulay Culkin was a big deal at the time. It
was a pretty popular movie and I think that's
it. I saw somebody put like, let's be honest,
if you watched Hocus Pocus for the first time
right now as a 30 something, would you love it
that much? I don't know. And maybe it's the same
thing with Home Alone. Maybe. I'm not sure. And
maybe because I didn't grow up on Home Alone.
Maybe. I didn't watch it until I was older and
I didn't like it. Yeah. Maybe that's why. I watched
it as a kid, but I just, I don't, it just wasn't
my favorite. I don't know. It just never really
stuck around. I was more of a claymation bitch.
The old, the like. Little Drummer Boy. Oh, I
never watched that. Ba -rum -ba -pum -pum. I
love that one. I like the Rudolph the Red -Nosed
Reindeer one. Although, let's just be honest
here. Fucking bullies. Yeah. Everyone's a fucking
bully and so is Santa. Yeah. I liked The Year
Without a Santa Claus because it was so stupid.
But Heatmiser and Snowmiser, they're bangers.
Anyways, you want to switch to TV? Yeah. Alright.
Law and Order came out. Dun -dun. It's still
out. Yep. It's been out. Are You Afraid of the
Dark? I don't know. Y7. Y7, baby. I couldn't
watch it until 1998. The Fresh Prince of Bel
-Air. In West Philadelphia. Born and raised.
I really loved that show. Oh, me too. It's one
of my favorites. Such a good show. And I will
say, holds up. I've rewatched it as an adult
and it totally holds up. I love Carlton. Me too.
And Uncle Phil. Let's just settle this right
now, though. The first Aunt Viv was the best
Aunt Viv. Yes. When they replaced her. I'm not
saying anything bad about the way they replaced
her. She was fine. But, like, she didn't have
the vibes. The first Aunt Viv had all the vibes.
Which is why she got it originally, you know?
Yep. Yes, indeed. Blossom. Bubbles and Buttercup?
No, it was a show with Mayim Bialik. I don't
know who that is. You just said who it was. Amy
Farrah Fowler from Big Bang Theory. Oh, okay.
Yeah, she had a show. My mom watched it. Did
you know that she was on What Not to Wear? No,
but I believe it. I mean, no offense, but I believe
it. They made a Wizard of Oz show. It ran for
one whole year, so I guess it didn't kill it.
Well, I'm just thinking about the Wizard of Oz
and all the stuff that happened on the set and
how they treated everyone and also the guy that
was apparently hung. That did not happen. Okay.
Yep. You're right. Should have said it. Yep.
Anyways, you want to go out with songs and then
let's get fucking to it? What about tornadoes?
Yeah, okay, you do tornadoes, and then we'll
go out with songs. Tell me of the tornadoes.
There was an F5. Shit, no way. Yep, in Heston,
Kansas on March 13th, in GoSoul, Kansas on March
13th, and Plainfield, Illinois on August 28th.
So there are three F5s. That's crazy. Crazy.
Wow. And what's also crazy is it says there are...
There were 1 ,133 tornadoes in the U .S. And
the damage, unknown. That's wild. Wild. Wild.
Fatalities, 53. Wow, so that was a pretty big
year for the tornadoes. Yeah, it looks like all
of the, so I'm looking at the summary of tornadoes,
at least one person died every single tornado.
Which kind of sucks. That does suck. I hate that.
Ugh, so sad. Okay, so this is the fact. On March
13th, not one, but two! Oh, my God. F5 tornado
struck in Kansas, which I already said. Yeah.
Both coming from the same supercell. This was
the only day since the 1974 super outbreak to
have more than one F5 on the same day. And that's
until 2011. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Well. Oh, in 2011,
it was four F5s that touched down in April. Wow.
Of 2011. Okay, now you do you. All right, well,
let's go out with some songs. Sing me up. For
the Billboard Top 100 list, number one, which
also came out in 1990, not the year before, was
Hold On by Wilson Phillips. Someday somebody's
gonna make you wanna turn around and say goodbye.
Hold on for... Hold on for one more day. Yep,
that one. Sinead O 'Connor's version of Nothing
Compares to You. This one came out the year before,
but Pump Up the Jam. Pump Up the Jam. Pump it
up. Yep. I like that song. Yep. It's a good song.
An 89 song. Yep, but it was still killing it
in 1990. Another one that came out in 1989 but
was still on the top list was We Didn't Start
the Fire by Billy Joel. We didn't start the fire.
And then the last one I'll say, I guess, is Ice,
Ice, baby. Do you remember how he did that? Stop,
collaborate, and listen. Listen, Ice is back
with a brand new edition. Something. You remember?
I remember this episode of something on VH1,
or maybe it was MTV, but it was probably VH1,
where they talked to him about it basically being
under pressure by Queen and David Bowie. Oh,
yeah. And he was like, no, people say that, but
that's wrong. Because theirs goes ding, ding,
ding, ding, ding, ding. And ours goes ding, ding,
ding, ding, ding, ding. He did the same fucking
thing. I was like, vanilla. Come on. Don't act
like we're stupid. Anyways. Do you want to ice
ice baby into today's show and hear about some
assholes? Hey. Thanks for listening to 30 Dirty
and Dying, the show for millennials by millennials.
We get real about chronic illness, burnout, nostalgia,
and why we aren't exactly thriving. If that sounds
like you, join us every Thursday for new episodes.
Now, back to the show. Are you ready? I'm so
fucking ready. Are you ready for it? And I'm
saying that purposefully because this has to
do with Taylor Swift. Oh, is that a Taylor Swift?
I'm sorry. It was a great. reference it was wasted
on me i'm very sorry go ahead i'm ready am i
the asshole probably for not staying home from
my heiress tour because my sister -in -law's
mom died I'm currently on my flight to Indianapolis
to see the Heiress Tour on Saturday. I bought
tickets last year and have been booked and ready
with my outfit, friendship bracelets, etc. Wow,
okay. I have... Oh, people go all out. I mean,
I've seen a few, like, videos, but... Yeah. I
made friendship bracelets to go see the movie
in theaters. Is... Why? Is it a thing? It's a
lyric. Oh, is it? Okay. Anyways, I have been
looking forward to this so much as someone who
has been a fan since Red, which is an album.
I... That I know. Okay. My sister -in -law...
Grace told the family last night that her mom
died. They usually use fake names. I hope so.
This is truly heartbreaking. I lost my dad when
I was 20, so I do understand. I went over after
work to be with them and also did their laundry
for them and fixed them dinner. Before I left,
I prepared a bunch of wraps to eat and some casseroles.
I was there until 2am and had barely slept. I
got a call this morning from Grace asking if
I could come over and spend the morning with
her. I told her that unfortunately I had a few
things Okay. I told her that I'm so sorry and
that when I get back, I will take off a few days
to be with her if she needs, but that this is
something I have been looking forward to and
also my friends coming with me are counting on
me for things like hotel, rental car, etc. She
got angry and told me that I was a horrible sister
-in -law and that she hopes when my mom dies,
everyone abandons me too. I know this is a shock
and grief talking, so I'm truly not mad at her.
When my dad died, I said some pretty chaotic
things too, but as I'm sitting on this flight,
I feel so bad. I did everything I could. Everything
I could think of before leaving to make the day,
day -to -day of life a little bit easier for
them. There won't be a funeral, so there's no
big planning involved. Am I the asshole for still
going on this trip despite my sister -in -law
really not having a lot of other people to be
there for her? It's her brother's wife. Okay.
That's how it's, it's not like she married into
their family. She, the sister -in -law married
into her family. I think that's important to
note. That's, yeah. Okay. And the brother is
with her. Okay. So they're still married. They're
still married. She has a support. I mean, my
instinct is no, you're not the asshole. Like.
Okay. But like people spend thousands of dollars
on these tickets, flights, hotels. Like she's
out a lot of money if she just cancels. That's
kind of what I'm like, if it was just a concert
that you were just going to go to for the heck
of it. It was, it was like, I don't know where
you didn't have to travel an hour up the road.
You're just driving to it. You know, then I could
see, okay, maybe I'll cancel this. Right. If
it's like your favorite artist, you're out a
lot of money. You have other people. She said
she had other friends that were traveling as
well. And everybody sort of coordinated a big
effort. I can understand not wanting to cancel
that. Right. And let everybody else down. Right.
I understand you're letting another person down.
Sure. I know that I don't want to like talk shit
too much about the sister -in -law because I
understand that she's grieving. And I, you know,
I feel terrible to, you know, to lose your mother.
That's awful. It's a little wild to me that she
called herself an orphan. Well, I guess her dad
said to. That's not what I mean. She's clearly
an adult. Correct. Okay, little orphan Annie,
you are not. You're old enough to be married.
You're a grown -up. You're not an orphan. I'm
not saying that it's like, okay, you lost your
parents. That's terrible. But an orphan is a
child without parents. So you're saying Batman's
not an orphan? He lost his parents when he was
a child. If you lose your parents when you're
35, it's terrible, but you're not an orphan.
You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I don't know.
I understand she's upset, though, so I don't
want to, like, shit on her for that. It's just,
that's a little bit. It's a lot. That's a wild
thing to say, just hearing it. But there's not
a funeral. No, there's no funeral. It's not,
again, it's not her mother -in -law that's died.
Right. I get that they're close, but, like, she'll
be back. In a couple days! Like, what? I don't,
I guess I don't think the asshole, because, like,
what do you want? She did all the stuff for you.
Yeah, like, she prepped you meals, she, like,
made sure you were taken care of. She stayed
with you all night, and, like, with that initial
shock and grieving, and I don't think she's gonna,
like, never fuck with you again once she comes
back. I mean, it's just - And you have your husband.
Yes. Now, if it were like the husband that was
like, oh, I'm still going on my camping trip
with the bros. Absolutely different. Absolutely
different. But this is sister -in -law. Not directly
related to the person who died. Spent probably
thousands of dollars on this trip. but still
made time and like did not sleep to make sure
you were taken care of. Yeah. I don't think she's
the answer. I don't think so either. I mean,
I guess it's. I can understand feeling like left
and abandoned just because like. I'm a horrible
person to talk about this with because, like,
my mom's dead and I make jokes about it. I think
you're the best person to talk about it. For
that exact reason. Like, I feel like an asshole
because, yeah, both my parents are alive. I think
I went to work when I found out that mom died.
I just think it's, and I'm not saying that it's
wrong, like, I'll probably be a mess when I lose
my mother. Like, if it were, like, tragic car
accident, that's, I think, a little bit different.
Yeah, but also... Like, unexpected, healthy person
just all of a sudden, like, is dead the next
day. Yeah. I can understand that being like super
traumatic and not wanting to like, like being
scared almost of this person traveling after
your mom just died from like a car accident or
something. Yeah, that would add another layer
to it for sure. You're right. But I'm just making
things up at this point. I have no idea. Well,
and I think it's different. Like you weren't
as close with your mom. I can understand. I'm
really close to my mom, right? So whenever that
happens, it's going to be devastating to me.
It's going to be absolutely devastating. And
I am going to want support and whatever, but
I don't know. I guess I wouldn't expect people
to drop what they're doing. Their whole lives
for days and days and days. If you were able
to come and help me sort through a few things
or just be there with me or whatever, I wouldn't
expect you to take two weeks off of work. To
hold my hand and pet my hair. You also wouldn't
like that. No, don't touch me that much. But
like, and I, again, I have a spouse. I have a
partner like who I would expect to do those things.
Yeah. To take time to, I wouldn't expect just
like anybody to. Like I, like say I had a good,
mom was alive, had a good relationship with her.
Right. I wouldn't expect Mike's. stepsister gab.
Yeah. To drop what she's doing to come to me.
Even though you guys are close. Even though we're
close, I would expect like maybe a phone call,
a FaceTime, conversations, texting, like, are
you okay? Do you need anything? Yeah. But I'm
not going to like tell her to stop what she's
doing. No. And that's because that's what Mike's
there for. Like if you did a fraction of what
that this girl apparently did, like with the
food and the coming over and staying all night,
I would be. grateful for that. So thrilled. Yeah.
I would be so grateful for that. I wouldn't have
to worry about cooking for a while. Like I probably
wouldn't want to. Yeah. Yeah. No. I think she
went above and beyond and did what she could.
Yeah. And just is now leaving for a couple days.
And it's not like she's skipping the funeral
for a concert. Right. So I don't think she's
the asshole. I really don't. Did people agree?
Not the asshole. Her wishing your mom dies and
everyone leaves you crosses a line, especially
when she's your brother's wife and not yours.
She's toxic. I mean, I don't, like I said, I
don't want to, I think it's a wild thing to say.
I think she said a few wild things, but I understand
that she's grieving and she's hurt and she probably
didn't mean those things. So, I don't know. I'm
not trying to shit all over this girl for reacting
poorly, but I just, I don't think that the poster
is the asshole. No. I don't think that this girl
necessarily is an asshole. Yeah, a lot of the
comments are just like, not the asshole. She's
got her husband, which is your brother, and her
mother -in -law. Yeah. To comfort her, at least.
I'm sure she has friends. Does she have friends?
Her grief is not your responsibility. Exactly.
Like, you did a lot. You'll probably continue
to do a lot. Yeah, and she also, someone said,
not the asshole. You aren't her significant other.
You're not her sibling. Right. That would be
different. That would be different. Your parents
didn't die. No one even directly related to you
died. It's weird for her to assume you wouldn't
go on to your very expensive once -in -a -lifetime
trip because her not related to your parents
died. Yeah, it's not like I always thought I'd
spend the Saturday at the trampoline park, no
problem. This is a big deal. This is a big trip
that's got other people involved. It's not the
asshole. They said if your brother didn't drop
what he was doing, that's possibly a red flag,
but not you. Or if it was your... sister -in
-law like you married into that family your husband
or wife's mother died then yeah i'd be like okay
well this is different that that would be a different
thing yeah but it's not that ready for another
one yeah Am I the asshole for pouring my boyfriend's
raw milk down the drain because I found out it's
dangerous? So I recently found out that my boyfriend
has been buying and drinking raw, unpasteurized
milk. He grew up on a farm, and apparently his
family always drank it straight from the cow.
He's been doing the same thing ever since we
moved in together. At first, I didn't think much
of it. I'm a vegan, so I never drank it myself.
But I started doing some research after I saw
on the label that it literally says not for human
consumption. Apparently raw milk can carry harmful
bacteria, salmonella, E. coli, listeria, blah,
blah, blah. I freaked out when I read that and
I don't want him to get sick or expose me to
something dangerous. So when I saw a fresh bottle
in our fridge yesterday, I panicked and poured
the entire bottle down the drain because I thought
it was the safest thing to do. When my boyfriend
got home, he immediately noticed and was pissed.
He said he spent a lot of money on that milk
and he's been drinking it for years without a
problem. He accused me of not trusting him and
said I had no right to throw something away because
he enjoys it and because I did. I think they're
kind of both assholes. I think she's the asshole.
But he also didn't have to react that way. Yeah,
well... I don't know though. Like, like should
she have went about it differently and said,
okay, I see this fresh bottle. Let me have a
conversation with him about it. Yeah. Let's be
fucking adults here. Yeah. Um, and say, I've
read this information. The bottle literally says
not for human consumption. I'm worried. I don't
think you should be drinking this. Yeah. But
I also don't think he should. Yeah. She threw
it away. Whatever. Like, I don't think he reacted
well either. I mean, maybe he didn't, but I think.
It's not like he just bought this out of nowhere
and you freaked out. Like, apparently he's been
buying this. You just realized that it's not...
For human consumption. Yeah, or it's like a...
And I know what this is. Like, it's not for human
consumption. It's not... It is dangerous, whatever.
But he's been doing this a long time. And you
just didn't know all that stuff. And now that
you know, you're just gonna throw it out. It
has very, like... Did you see that video that
went around probably a couple months ago at this
point? It was like... don't invite me to your
house because I'll pour all your pop out down
the drain. And this lady was visiting her friend
and they had like cans of Pepsi or whatever.
And she was literally dumping her friend's groceries,
her friend's pop down the drain. I would have
been real pissed. Yeah. It has that kind of vibes
for me. You don't want to drink that. You don't
want to buy that for your, that's fine. But you,
to not just say, hey, don't do this to someone.
But to go an extra mile and pour their money
down the drain and take their choice away from
doing it to themselves down the drain is kind
of wild to me. Like, that's asshole -ish behavior
to me. Yeah. And it's not like he's making you
drink it. No. I think the reason why I'm just
like, eh, with both. Yeah. Is because, like,
yeah, she was an asshole for dumping it out.
But, like, it was rooted in, like, oh, I just
figured this out. Like, I'm concerned. It's rooted
in concern and not rooted in I can't believe
he would do this. Like, I'm going to get back
at him. You know what I mean? I understand that.
And I get what you're saying. Like, I don't think
her intentions were to be an asshole. No. But
if she would have stopped for, like, five seconds.
Yeah. And thought, maybe I'll just have a conversation.
Yeah. A conversation first. Something different
than that. But yeah, like again, because it's
not like he just brought this weird thing home
that she's never seen before. He's been buying
this the whole time they've been together. Yeah.
He's been drinking this his whole life. Also,
probably doesn't taste good, right? I don't know.
I've never had it. I'm not like a milk gal. Me
neither. Like I cook with milk and like I'll
eat cereal. Yeah. But I buy non -dairy milk.
I have pretty much my entire adult life. But
if that's what this dude wants to do and he's
not making you do it. He's not cooking with it
something you're both eating. But he also grew
up on a farm. So like out of everyone, he would
know if he can or cannot drink it. This is the
thing. Some people choose to drink it anyway.
You can buy it. Some places it's not. Just like
raw cookie dough. I mean, it's a little different
than that. Yeah, but if you're eating like raw
eggs, that's still not good for you, but people
can. But it's a similar thing. So some people
choose to do that. And I think that's, if you
want to do that. Yeah, you're buying your choice,
right? I mean, I think of it almost like I'm
in a relationship where I'm a vegetarian or pescatarian,
whatever, and Justin is not. And if he brought
home a chicken and I was like, murder, and threw
it in the garbage, that would be so fucked up
of me, right? Because I can't force somebody
else to have my views about what I consume and
what I don't. Yeah. Just like... If he saw all
my, like, meatless shit and threw it away because
he was like, this is stupid. Why would you eat
fake meat when you can eat the real thing? Yeah,
like, that would be fucked up of him, right?
So, I don't know. For me, this is, she's the
asshole because don't try to control another
person. And if it is out of concern, have a conversation.
Yeah. Have a conversation. We're all adults here.
Yeah. But I do think that both of them. Yeah,
so this one had a little thing on it that said
they've been branded as the asshole by the comments.
I'll read a few here. You're the asshole. You
panicked and poured it down the drain. What was
it going to do to you? You could have left it
in the fridge and then told him you had a concern
and discussed it like a normal person instead
of reacting to a bottle of milk as if it was
going to mug you. That's actually hilarious.
You're the asshole. You can talk to him about
your concerns. You can even decide you don't
want to date someone who's willing to risk their
health in that way. But you can't just throw
out his stuff. Yeah. So like now the only reason
I would see you throwing someone's stuff out
is if say your boyfriend used to be an alcoholic
and he's been sober for six months and then you
find alcohol under the bed and you pour it out.
That's what I would do. That's not what I would
do. Oh, well, we poured out mom's alcohol, so.
No, we did that with dad too, but it doesn't
fucking work. If already, if they've said they're
sober and they're clearly not, and we have an
agreement and that's a deal breaker for me, then
I'm just fucking leaving. That's fair. Have your
vodka. Enjoy, buddy. I'm out. But yeah, most
of these are just, you're the asshole. Don't
ruin other people's property. You're the asshole.
Being a vegan, I never drank it myself. So mind
your fucking business. I think that's pretty
fair. It's up to him what he puts in his body.
It's just like if somebody has like... Alcohol,
sugar, caffeine. You don't agree with it. Yeah.
There are things that Justin wants to eat or
things that I want to eat or drink or whatever
that we are like, I could never. Yeah. But I'm
not going to impose that on him. Yeah. I think,
asshole. Yeah. But I can see your point, too.
Like, he didn't react great either, but I can
understand him being upset. Yeah, I can. Here's
the thing about having, like, a mature relationship.
Yeah, but. Sometimes we all... Yeah, I mean,
there's one thing to, like, react... Obviously,
I've reacted poorly to Mike, and he's reacted
poorly to me. But, like, in something so simple
as just throwing something away that shouldn't
have been thrown away, like, if Mike yelled at
me for that... I would have been really pissed
off at him. Like it should still should be a
calm conversation. But I think that that's different
as like an accident, right? Like if I accidentally
threw away like a piece of mail or something,
but I, if I purposely destroy something that
you purchased and I do know that buying unpasteurized
milk, it's not like buying a jug of milk from
the store. It's expensive. You have to pay a
lot of money and you probably, me too. But if
that's what he wants to do and it's his money
and he's like, It's my money and I want it now.
Yeah, I can, that's where I'm like, you did a
purposeful thing, so. Yeah. I'm not saying he
did the right thing reacting that way, but I
can understand him getting frustrated. Yeah.
Anyways, hit me with another one. Okay, so this
is not, am I the asshole, but would I be the
asshole? Ooh. Okay, so it's titled, would I be
the asshole tracked with AirTag? So I found an
air tag today in my car. Turns out belongs to
my wife. Not a surprise. To preface this, I have
given no reason to be tracked. I go to work 6
a .m., get home by 6 p .m. It's my typical routine
day after day. I'm hardworking. I'm a hardworking
family man. Oh, my God. So you're the worst.
That's the most toxic man you've ever met. I'm
a hardworking family man and we have kids that
she stays home with and works part time by choice
to get out of the house. This is not the first
time or second I found something like this. Maybe
a year ago it was a voice recorder. When confronted
there was no good reason for it and somehow it
turned into I was wrong for making her feel like
she needed to do it. I do everything to make
her feel secure in our relationship and not interested
in any other ladies. I don't like that he wrote
that. uh to that end due to work i rarely have
time for friends or going out in general all
i all my extra time is spent with the kids and
family together we do make it a point to spend
date nights or couple times as well that she
feels we need and i agree she's the type that
after confronted will not take accountability
and deflect that's in every argument i have just
accepted that at this point so i took the battery
out of the tag i will probably have to confront
her about it because i doubt she'll fess up would
i be the asshole if i give an ultimatum and this
that this has to stop? Or do I begin to track
her and look into her phone for what she's doing?
I feel usually it's the guilty person that does
things like this other one other item that may
be relevant. I don't have social media at all,
not my thing. And she can't seem to live without
posting all day. And it drives me crazy. As someone
who was in a relationship. With someone who was
cheating on me, the amount of times that I was
told that I was cheating when I was not was astronomical.
To the point where the parents came out to the
car and apologized for him and said, we know
you're not doing anything. Um, okay. I don't,
I don't love the options that he's giving. Yeah,
he should have better options. Yeah, like, would
I be the asshole for either giving an ultimatum?
Or tracking her instead. Well, the problem is,
based on what he has been saying, he's already
confronted her multiple times and she deflects
and won't have the conversation with him. Yeah.
So at this point, the conversations are not happening
that he's trying to have when he's trying to
be an adult about it. And if that's true, I get
it. I don't know. There's something about the
way that he, like, his phrasing here throughout
and, like, the way he's talking that makes me
feel like... he is a little bit of a problem.
Like the way he talks about her and the way he's
like, I'm doing all of this great stuff because
I'm a great father and a husband. Yeah. And I'm
a hardworking man and I don't look at the other
ladies. And I don't, her concerns are outlandish
and all she wants to do all day is be on social
media and blah, blah, blah. I mean, that can
be a problem. It can be, but we don't know that
it is. Like, I don't know. There's part of what
he's saying that makes it seem like. Not the
asshole. He's Jesus Christ and she's the devil.
Like. It feels like he's vilifying her a lot
over little things, just, like, the sprinkling
in there that makes me question, like, what have
these conversations really been like? Yeah. Where
he's tried to talk about this or what she's tried
to talk about. Well, this is surface level. Based
on this alone, I feel like it's okay to want
to confront her and talk to her about this. He
says ultimatum. I don't know if it should be
like, you have to stop doing this or we'll have
to get a divorce or whatever. But maybe like,
we really need to deal with this. Like, if you
don't stop, we'll go to counseling. Yeah, we
need to really get to the root of why this keeps
coming up. So I could see that kind of ultimatum.
Like, let's actually deal with this, not giving
her an out to just be like, whatever. I don't,
I mean, if he wants to look into her social media
or stuff, like, I'm okay with that. I think that's
fine. But I don't think I would track her just
for the hell of it. I'd track her. This is also
the thing. I understand people will say that
this is toxic and terrible. Oh, yeah. 100%. It
is. But I also can understand, as someone who
has been cheated on... Maybe not knowing is better.
Well, not that. But, like, Justin gives me no
reason to think that he's cheating on me ever.
But occasionally, I'll be like, what are you
doing? Let me see that. What are you doing? You
know, like, I just need to... I don't know. It's
like doing a gut check sometimes. Yeah, but you're
not going to put an air tag in his car. No, that
seems extreme. That seems absolutely extreme.
So I understand why he's upset. But I don't think
it's fair to be like, there has to be a reason
why she feels this way. So why don't we get to
the root of that? And maybe it is a past relationship
where she's been. Or maybe she's cheating. Maybe
she's cheating. Maybe it's a past relationship.
Maybe he has cheated in the past. We don't know
these things. But I think it's fair for him to
want to get into the depths of that. And she
is the asshole for tracking him with no reason.
If there really is no reason. I just, I will
always doubt that they're telling the truth.
But maybe I'm the toxic problem. I don't know.
I don't think he'd be the asshole for confronting
her. I think he'd be the asshole for doing really
petty shit. Yeah. So, I mean, I don't know. I
guess it's hard to, but what did people say?
Someone's like, my advice, get a good divorce
lawyer and a good PI. Yeah, most likely she's
cheating. Sounds like she's doing an awful lot
of projection about this. And she totally could
be, but it also could be something that's something
with her self -esteem, something from her past
that makes her jump to the worst case scenario.
Like, I don't love this immediately vilifying
her for having these insecurities and these concerns,
but I'd love to know why. And maybe it is that
she's projecting and cheating, but it could be
something else. That's all I'm saying. Yeah.
The majority is saying her reason for tracking
you has less to do with what you're doing and
what she is doing. And that's probably true.
Someone's just like counseling or divorce. Yeah.
I think regardless, obviously we don't know the
ins and outs of their relationship based, based
on this, like he's not necessarily the asshole,
but they're, relationship is clearly toxic there's
something there's something going on that we
are missing and is not being explained yeah there's
a push and pull in the way that he's talking
about this that just makes me feel like there
are some issues that go beyond her just doing
this for no reason yeah unless she literally
is just doing it for no reason which maybe she
is but that's that's not usually the case with
most people so like I would say it's fine to
give her an ultimatum, but part of the ultimatum
has to be... Should be, like, counseling or,
like, something. We really need to deal with
this. And if she can't, or if he can't, then,
yeah. Get divorced. Whatever. Alright, you ready
for another one from me? Yep. Alright, hang on,
hang on, hang on. Am I the asshole for leaving
my sister's wedding early after she called my
career a hobby? Hmm. So I, 26 female, just got
back from my sister's, 28, wedding last week.
I'm still pretty upset about what happened, and
I'm hoping y 'all can give me some perspective
right now. Some background. My sister, Anna,
and I have always had a complicated relationship.
She's type A, always on top of everything, super
successful, while I'm more laid back and creative.
Sounds like me and my sister. Well, so maybe
you'll have some good insight to this. I don't
know. I'm an artist, and I recently started my
own small business selling paintings and doing
commissions. It's been slow, but it's starting
to pick up, and I'm really proud of it. But my
family, especially Anna, has always been a bit
dismissive of my career choice. They don't get
why I don't just go a traditional route like
she did. Anyway, fast forward to the wedding.
The ceremony was beautiful, and I was so happy
for her, and I even helped out a lot with the
planning, even though I wasn't the maid of honor
or anything like that. i was doing my best to
be there for her because despite everything she's
my sister and i love her at the reception i got
a moment alone with anna to congratulate her
and i told her how amazing everything was and
how happy i was for her and all that stuff and
she just smiles and said thanks i'm surprised
you actually made it i figured you'd be too busy
with your little hobby business I was stunned.
Like, did she really call my career a hobby?
I just kind of laughed it off and said, it's
not a hobby, it's my job. And she shrugged and
said, well, it's not a real job, but I'm glad
you're having fun with it. I didn't know what
to say, so I just walked away. I tried to enjoy
the rest of the night, but honestly, I couldn't
shake off what she said. It felt like she was
belittling everything that I've worked so hard
for. So after dinner, I decided to just leave.
I didn't say goodbye to anyone. I just grabbed
my stuff and left. Well, first of all... As someone
who had a wedding, I would not have realized
if a single person left. I don't think you realized
when I left. I did not realize when you left.
I would not realize. We left so early. It's not
because you offended me. It's because I dislike
weddings. Yeah. And, I don't know, we were tired
and we just want to go home. But, like, if you...
If your family is, like, dismissive of, like,
something that you love, that's just fucked up.
And I think they're the assholes. I do, too.
Here's what I don't like. It doesn't... It seems
like the sisters are, like... That is a career.
Thank you. And you can make a lot of money. Like
I can understand in the beginning it seeming
a little bit more like a hobby because like you're
kind of trying to put your name out there. Like
you're trying to like make it happen. That takes
time. Like being an artist isn't like all of
a sudden I'm going to be in a museum. You know,
like it's way more than that. I can understand
how it seems like, oh, I have an Etsy shop. That
seems like a hobby because people do that as
a hobby. Yeah. But it can also be your career.
And that is fine. Yeah, well, here's the thing.
Like, I don't know what their past is. I don't
know if she's, like, mooched off of everyone
because she doesn't want to get in. I don't know
that. Yeah. But based on what I do know, it sounds
like the sister just said some shit to say some
shit. Yeah, because, like, that had nothing to
do with her wedding. It had nothing to do, like,
you're the little sister. Is coming to say, oh,
my God, your wedding is so beautiful. Like, I
hope you have a great time. Well, I'm glad that
you came after, you know, not having a job. Fuck
you. I thought you'd be so busy making bracelets.
Yeah, like, the fuck? It was so out of left field
for no reason. It was purposeful. So, yeah, fucking
leave. That's what I think, too. It's like, I
could understand if it was, like, a real conversation
that just got out of hand. But it seems like
this bitch just said some stuff. And to make
you feel bad just for the heck of it, like. Yeah.
So I would be upset too. I'd be like, what the
fuck is this? And if she left after dinner, that's
like half of the time. All that's left is like
dancing and stuff. I also feel like if she stayed
for the ceremony, the wedding ceremony. Well,
cause that was, had already happened. Yeah. They're
at the reception. I think the reception. And
she stayed for dinner. Unless you're in the wedding
party. Which she is. Yeah. No, she said she wasn't.
She wasn't the maid of honor. Okay. But still.
I was a bridesmaid at a wedding not too long
ago and after the reception and there was nothing
else planned. Right. And it was just dinner and
dancing and whatever and stay as long as you
want. After the cake was cut, the basic stuff,
again, I left very early. I told my friend, the
bride, that I was leaving. It might have been
a little bit of an asshole move to not say goodbye.
Yeah. Especially if you are in the wedding. Like
I'm assuming she was in the wedding. Yeah. Like
just because she wasn't the maid of honor doesn't
mean she wasn't in it. Yeah. It is her sister.
But I feel like at minimum she could have at
least told her parents she left. Yeah. Yeah,
I think that's maybe what I would have done.
That's a little bit of an asshole for not saying
goodbye to anyone and just peacing out. Yeah.
But for leaving, you are not the asshole. Yeah.
Because your sister came out of left field for
no reason other than to hurt you. Yeah. I think
it's fine to have been upset. I think it's fine
to have won a left to leave. I mean, but I do
think you could have diffused it and not made
it seem like a big deal if you would have just
said like, Oh, I shit my pants. I gotta go. Or
anything else. Um, but yeah. Oh, I gotta go home.
Oh, I don't feel so well. I think I'm gonna leave.
And you could have not said that to your sister.
You could have said that to your mom or your
dad or whoever. Because 10 bucks your sister
did not realize. No. That too. I don't, you didn't
even know. Most people don't even, and especially
assuming it was like a big wedding and she's
talking about how beautiful it was and all these
things. I'm assuming maybe it was a bigger wedding.
I don't think most people would know this. We
didn't even have that big of a wedding. And I
did not know when people left. Cause you're so
busy. So it's like, I could understand. Cause
while like, it's all like, we're the hosts essentially.
Yeah. So like we have to make rounds. We have
to like talk to people, but we're still also
trying to have a good time and drinking. it's
a lot. So I could, I don't think she's the asshole
for leaving. No, I don't think she overreacted.
She could have handled it slightly differently,
but I still don't think she's the asshole. I
think you're right that the family's the family's
asshole. Yeah, so let's see. Someone said, I
always laugh when one angry person claims that
the actions of another person leaving an event
ruins the whole night. Because it couldn't. It
could not possibly. Are they saying that that
day would have only been perfect as long as you
were in attendance and nobody else mattered?
That's ridiculous. You should not even entertain
the notion. You showed up, you made your congratulations,
and you left. Tell your family they're the ones
making it a big deal. All you did was slip out
quietly. You didn't stage a scene or storm out.
They're the assholes. Yeah, I feel like if she
would have stayed and like, would have been upset,
it would have caused problems too. I feel like
this is a lose -lose. Yeah. She wouldn't have
been having a good time and then her sister would
be like, why aren't you having a good time? Yeah,
because then... You're ruining my night. It would
have drawn attention. Yes. You know, because
if you feel like you can't... I've been in that
situation where you feel like you can't pretend
and people will be like... why are you moping
around why are you being so weird about this
and then they force something out of you and
then they force a scene yeah and if you really
don't think that you can put on a brave face
for it that's fine the best option is to leave
i really agree with that i mean you unless you
are borrowing money and in debt with all your
friends and families as we said in the 90s what's
her damage i love that Yeah, most people are
saying not the asshole for the same reason. Like,
why does she even bring it up? She's being passive
aggressive and there's no way you could have
ruined everything. We're right on top with everybody.
In my search of am I the assholes? Yeah. In a
thread, I found a slash relationships. I don't
know how Reddit works. I think it's the subreddit.
Yeah, so the subreddit of relationships was within
this. Okay. And I clicked on it because of the
title. All right, I'm ready. Why do I want to
fuck everyone but my girlfriend? Asshole. That's
not the question here. Okay, sorry. Go ahead.
I, 25 female. Oh, wait. Am in a long -term committed
relationship with the love of my life, 31 female.
We are both bisexual and this is both our first
relationships with women. We have been together
for three years now and are discussing marriage.
I am an insanely sexual person. Okay, what a
weird adverb to use. It's 90 % of what I think
about. That's 90 % too much. Yeah, aren't you
tired? I always thought I was a very sexual person,
but I even come close to 90%. I'm like 15. Well,
now that I read my books, maybe 20. This person
is 25 years old? 25. Yeah, no. Anyways, go ahead.
Okay, so it's 90 % of what I think about. For
some reason, when I get to this point in a relationship,
I just no longer care about sex. I still think
about it, just not with my partner. I spend all
day at work fantasizing about my boss taking
me in his office and having his way with me.
I am still very attracted to my girlfriend. I
just don't have the motivation to fuck her anymore.
I don't know. I know if the fantasy with my boss
ever played out, I would immediately regret it.
And I don't think I would ever want more than
a fling with him. It's like I want to be fucked
every - This is - Are you sure you're not just
reading me one of your books? I want to be fucking
everyone, but still want to come home to my girlfriend
at the end of the day. I guess I just wish she
was more open to a threesome? or maybe an open
relationship. This may just be all in my head.
If she gave me the green light to fuck whoever
I want, I probably would never even make a move.
I just feel insanely guilty for thinking about
it all the time. And yes, I have talked to her
about this. She misses me wanting to fuck her
every minute of every day and wishes I would
make the first move more often. We have great
sex when we do finally make the move, but it's
getting less and less frequent. Has anyone been
through this and have any thoughts? I want to
marry my girlfriend and I want to have babies
and grow old together, but I also want to be
as sexual as I want to be. I know I can't have
my cake and eat it too, but a girl can dream.
This is odd for me. Someone commented, don't
get married. That's all I got. Yeah, not right
now. Figure this out, you know? Okay. This isn't
am I the asshole, but yeah, you are. I guess.
I think this person. clearly has a very active
like imagination and like fantasy driven when
it comes to sex and design and that's not bad
but i i don't know i think you need to figure
that shit out like do you really want to go and
have sex with a bunch of people or do you just
want to think about it all the time is it getting
in the way of your life like what's going on
why don't you want to have sex with your girlfriend
Is it because you're getting complacent and like
you're, you now see them as like a part, not
like a partner, but like the, the fun of it like
is gone. So here, like the fun of date, like
the first like few months that you're together.
Yeah. That like passionate. Yeah. So here's the
thing. They said, is this normal? In a way? Yes.
Like in a long -term relationship, I think. You're
going to have ebbs and flows. You're going to
have dry spells. You're going to have times where
you can't keep your hands off each other. And
a lot of that is dependent on just what you're
going through individually, what you're going
through as partners. I mean, if you have kids,
if you have like, there have been times where
we've been like, I mean, like roommates, you
know? Yeah, you're just living together. Yeah,
it's like that passion, that spark, it dies away
sometimes. But then... You notice it, you try
to get it back, you work on it, and if you can't,
then yes, you have a problem. But if it's just
that you're going through a phase right now...
I don't think that has to mean that it's, I don't
know. Cause her keep going back and forth and
saying that she doesn't think she'd act on it,
but she has these fantasies, but she doesn't
know. And if her girlfriend gave her the okay,
she probably wouldn't do anything anyway. Yeah.
So then what do you actually want to do? Like
it, I just think you're going through a weird
phase and you're kind of in that, like you said,
that complacent dry spell, whatever. And maybe
you guys need to work on that a little bit, or
maybe you need to figure out if there is something
going on that you want very differently that
you're not getting from her. But like, I know
when we've gone through and we, I mean, it's
not been out of like, I don't find him attractive.
I don't love him. It's just things change. You
feel a certain way. You're not as, you don't
have as high of a sex drive or you have one that's
mismatched at the moment. You figure out what's
going on and you work on it. I think she should
go to therapy. I do too. I think you need to
figure some shit out. Yeah. I'm not calling you
an asshole, but I. I think if you don't figure
something out and you keep this back and forth
thing going and you keep making her feel bad,
then you could definitely become the asshole
here. Yeah. People are saying that therapy, especially
since you have acknowledged that this is a pattern.
Yeah. And someone also said, I'm not an expert
by any means, but it sounds like some type of
self -sabotage. That too. On the surface, you
want to marry your girlfriend, but your subconscious
has issues with that and puts other thoughts
in your head instead. Yeah. That's what I mean.
It's like, is this just like a weird fantasy
thing that you're doing? Because that doesn't
have to be the worst thing in the world, but
you need to figure out why it's so, I don't want
to say debilitating, but it's certainly having
an impact. Yeah. And do you actually want to
be married and have that sort of monogamous life
or do you not? Because if you don't, that's not
a bad thing. No. But don't try to rope somebody
in who does want that to something they don't
want either. Yeah, because they're also old.
Not significantly older. She's in her 30s. Your
girlfriend's in her 30s. 31. So she's probably
ready to settle down. She probably wants that.
Next step of her life. Cause she's older. Yeah.
And that's, you know, once you hit 30, you're
in a geriatric fricking pregnancy. So. But yeah,
I think that's an interesting one. Like you have
more time to like play around. Like I, by you,
I mean the 25 year old. Yeah. Not me. No. You
have more time to like, not fool around, but
like you're younger. Figure this out. You have
time to figure this out, but don't drag your
girlfriend along because she's at a different
stage of life probably. Yeah. But if she's not,
maybe that's a problem. Yeah. It's not a bad
thing for you to be having a sort of identity
crisis and not know what you want here. But if
you need to figure that out without her, you
need to figure that out alone. Yeah. And if you
can't do that within the confines of your relationship
and your monogamy, then you need to not be in
that relationship right now. Yeah. And let her
go and do whatever she's going to do. And if
you figure it out in a couple years and you guys
are both still single and you want to make it
work again, you will. Yeah. And if you don't,
you won't. It's just that simple. If you love
something enough, you gotta let it go. If it
comes back, it was meant to be. Fly away, little
bird. Yeah, I mean, Mike and I let each other
go for a while, and then we came back, and now
we're married. So did we. So did we. So, like,
that was a good one. Yeah. Good one to end on.
It was something. It was really something. I
just saw the title, and I'm like, I have to do
this. Yeah, really. What the heck? Well, I hope
you guys have enjoyed this episode, bringing
back a favorite for Am I the Asshole? And let
us know what you thought. Did you agree with
us? Did you not? If you want us to do this again
and do more Am I the Asshole, we can definitely
do that. Or relationships. Yeah. Tell us your
favorite subreddit. And we'll talk about it.
And maybe we'll dive in. Yeah. So thank you guys
so much for listening, and we'll see you next
time on 30 Dirty and Dying. Bye! Bye! Um, it's
Twilight if you're 30.