We are a weekly podcast, soul of a gamer. Hey,
I'm smart this time. I did this time. Let's not
go that far. I will fuck it up again. I love
pressing that button. That was my favorite part.
This game gets really fucking weird. Yeah, so
you do acid and then you go into the hamster
suit. And this week is Night Trap. Night Trap.
They're right behind you, Night Trap. Ten -year
-old birthday party. Next scene, kill the kid.
You got to kill the kid. Sha -la -la -la -la
-la, car is coming. Throw your body into the
car and die. All I could do every time I was
playing Ethan was just start walking around and
go, Jason! Oh, God. It's Russell Crowe? Yeah.
Oh, I don't know. You've never seen that South
Park? Maybe. It's been a long time. It's so funny.
It's fighting around the world with Russell Crowe.
Oh, okay. And every time someone sees him, they
go, hey, is that Russell Crowe? Oh my god, it's
Russell Crowe! It's just nice. It's so stupid,
but so good. all right all right all right fun
fun well hello everyone hello welcome back welcome
we are here with another hot takes for you we
are soul of a gamer podcast i'm scott i'm steven
and every week we normally play a game tell you
about it tell you about the making of it but
this week we're doing other hot takes yes and
for this hot takes we're doing a little bit differently
we're doing some uh draft picks and then we're
going to do some blind rank picks for scott as
well today yeah So we're going to go to the draft
quicks a little bit quicker and not explain everything
about them as we usually do, but that's okay.
And I'm guessing for draft picks, mine aren't
in any particular order. I'm guessing the same
for you, or do you have them in a set order?
I never do mine in order. Unless something feels
really, really cool. And for these questions,
we are doing four answers each just so everyone
is aware. All right. You want to get right into
it or do we want to talk about anything else?
I don't know. Let's go. What do we start now?
We will start out with a chug of water right
as I ask. What a fucking douche, guys. It's like
when the waiter comes by right as you take your
first bite. How's the food? Sounds like the waiter
comes by and you're sucking on a dick. Let's
be honest. Hey, that's happened a time or two.
We don't need to talk about it. It has. It has.
All right. So we're going to talk about, speaking
of sucking dick, most overpowered abilities.
I don't get the correlation. That's a good ability
to have. But most overpowered abilities in video
games, yes. Yeah, these are things we just feel
are a little bit too powerful. And one of mine
is really fucking funny. So go ahead, Steven.
What's your first one? All right. First one,
I will start with probably my favorite. power
of the spider -man marvel spider -man series
this is the symbiote yank When this is fully
upgraded, once you're getting towards the end
of the game, you can grab any number of enemies
on screen all at once. Tentacles of the Venom
symbiote just jump out of you and you can grab
them with like 15 tentacle arms, grab all of
them and bash them all down on the ground. It's
just the most wild thing in that game. And if
Spider -Man had that ability just on a regular,
it would just be insane. Like, it's seriously
one of the most like overpowered thing I've seen
like a venom symbiote kind of thing do. And watching
him and just doing that, especially because everything
in this game felt so singular, like one on one
combat, there is a couple like blasting kind
of things that you can do and launching techniques
where you can launch a whole area of people and
stuff like that but this one just you could take
everyone that was on the screen all at once and
nothing else in the game had anything of that
scale so it just became the most broken ability
and the ability you use at all points from that
point on nice yeah i kind of like that one yeah
uh well i'm gonna talk about high noon oh yep
We've talked about this before with our best
one -liners, but this ability is just too fucking
powerful. I mean, it's an instant. I think it's
three shot kills. I think it's six shot. Six
shots. I cannot remember. Because I think it's
a full revolver. I think that was the whole kick
of it. When I started playing, I believe it was
three. I think it might have changed different
iterations possibly. It could have been a balancing
thing where they changed the amount of shots
it had. I only played it when the game first
came out. That was years ago. It's from Overwatch.
You shoot out a bunch of shots. What's his name
now? It's not the same. McKay, I think, is his
name now. What was it before? McCree. He would
just shoot shots, and it would be an instant
kill, and that's his ult, and you just instant
kill anyone. Instant deadlock headshots. Yeah,
it's crazy. It's fucking crazy. That was a ridiculous
ability. Next up for me, I went with one from
Ghost of Tsushima, and this is the ghost stance.
The ghost stance in this game, when you're taking...
It happens, I think, either if you take out a
leader... or if you've taken out a certain number
of enemies in succession, the whole screen goes
into black and white, and it goes like full old
-school Japanese samurai film, and everyone is
now terrified of you. Some people will run from
you, other people will try to attack, but every
attack in this instant is a one -hit assassination
kill. You'll cut off their head, you'll dismember
their arms, you'll just... stab him straight
through the chest you'll just one slice through
it just it's so brutal it's so uh just captivating
it's one of those like very just cinematic shots
that's just like this is everything i want this
game to be in this moment and i feel like a god
and yes overpowered yes but it's it's really
really fucking cool so in dragon ball z booze
fury oh okay third iteration of legacy of goku
series yeah You get to unlock... I can't remember
if it's Gogeta or Vegito, but I think it's Gogeta.
So essentially it's Goku and Vegeta fused and
you get to turn Super Saiyan. It's one of the
most overpowered moments. You get a punch that
becomes a literal dragon and you can just kill
everything in one hit with that. You get the
big bang kamehameha which is just the most stupid.
It's the most overpowered form you could be in
and you can turn Super Saiyan in that form as
well. It's even further. So I have to put that
as one of my top ones, just because it's just
so fucking... And you only get that post -game,
too. Fair. I have to ask it. Vegeta or Gogeta,
what's the best one? They're the same. They're
literally exactly the same. A lot of people argue
which one's better. The only difference is how
they view, so... Fair, fair. all right uh next
one for me um it's from the game quantum break
and it's just the time stop ability honestly
it's this that's every every fucking time stop
ability no but this one in particular this one
is different from every other one because of
how it does it because a lot of times it does
just like stop time or do this stuff but this
one actually like suspended bullets it suspended
anything in the air um it was just the way that
it was done is so perfect that like it's the
ultimate of time abilities and all time games
and honestly the time abilities in this game
period remedy does just does an incredible job
with kind of spatial powers and weird shit alan
way control like they just do weird shit um and
this is just such a broken ability just because
yeah just a bubble of time like my favorite thing
is just throw a bubble on someone's head run
around with a machine gun around their entire
head and then just have bullets from all around
them like 60 of them and then as soon as the
time starts just 60 bullets all hit his head
all at once he's just like fucker survive that
shit i just mutilated you i mean i know it sounds
grotesque and violent as shit but it's the coolest
it's overpowered as shit it's cool as shit it
makes you feel awesome uh Going through the TV
episodes is a slug for this game, but the gameplay
and the action is fun as fuck. All right. I'll
come at you with the star power from Mario Kart.
You know, I almost said star power just in general.
Well, in general, yes, but in Mario Kart, it's
even fucking worse because it could be the difference
between you winning and losing. If it just made
you invulnerable, it would be one thing. But
to make you faster... And to knock anything in
front of you to the side and make everyone slower.
It's just stupid. All around. There's so many
cool things in there that are more strategic
and you can use them in certain places. And that
one's just like, here's a free one. It's just
like the now, what's the bullet one? But even
the bullet one has less of a timer, I think.
Yeah, well, and that's... it's only in your,
if you're in last place, you can't get that in
the other place. Like, so it's not that bad when
someone gets it. I believe in five or lower.
Yeah, I think that's right. So like having it
in the middle of the pack can be right at the
end. I'm pretty sure you have a chance at the
first three. You just need a, the role that ice
is really, really, really, really super duper
low. Probably, probably. Well, that's a very
good pick though. Very good one. All right. My
last one, I am going to go with an ability from
Dishonored 2. Whoa. I know. Not the greatest
of games, but especially because the first one
is just so much better, in my opinion. It's way
less hard. But the ability in the second one,
if you go on the Emily gameplay style and choose
her to be the main hero, because you get to pick
which person you want to do in that one, Emily
or Corvo. If you do Emily, she gets different
types of powers that are similar to the ones
in the first thing, but a little bit different.
And one of the extra powers she gets in this
one is called domino. And any amount of people
that are within a certain like meter radius of
each other, you can put a string connecting them
all together. And then anything you do to one
of them gets done to all of them all at once.
And if you if you. Couple this power with the
other. There's another power that when you assassinate
someone and they didn't notice you, their body
disintegrates completely. You can chain six guards
together or get them all grouped together. go
down, assassinate one. They all turn to dust.
They're all gone. Banished. There's no bodies.
There's nothing to clean up. There's nothing.
It's literally just wipe everyone out at once.
One shot, kill everyone. It's like, what the
fuck? It's a ridiculous power. It's a ridiculous
ability. You have to plan it and use it well.
So it does take a lot of skill and effort to
do and a lot of patience. But if you do get those
moments, it's glorious. And it's a ridiculous
game. It is. It's a brutally fucking difficult
game in every way. It's really rated low. I'm
pretty sure if I remember right. Yeah, I think
it was definitely rated lower than the first
one. And the first one's pretty beloved, but
it's also just extremely difficult because if
you don't play the game as stealthily as possible,
the game gets more and more difficult because
the more you kill, the more guards that come.
The more you also kill, the more that the plague
interacts with the world and makes things more
difficult. So it doubles the difficulty every
time you kill and leave a body somewhere. Even
if it's at the bottom of the ocean. Even. Yeah,
pretty much. All right. My last one. This ability
is complete bullshit. It's the dumbest ability
in the world for a complete fucking novice to
play any fighting game and button mash their
way to success. Is this Kirby? no just in general
button mashing is the ability oh but oh it's
the most obnoxious thing when you've played a
fucking fighting game for years yeah and you
introduce it to one of your friends who's like
what did the a button do and they just mash the
shit out of it you're like stop doing okay well
now i'm gonna i can't do it if you keep interrupting
me yeah well especially in certain games like
i know in uh like mortal combat 2 like the low
kick was like the hardest thing to yeah yeah
and it's just one of those things like you're
used to playing people who are really good and
they don't button mash yes it leads to like it's
not instant defeat but you're gonna lose if you
miss one hit on it yeah well it's kind of like
if you perfectly time it right you'll interrupt
everything the other player does like at some
point like if if uh two fighters go into a ring
like there's a lot of patience there's a lot
of like acknowledgement there there's a lot of
like balance of skill and a lot of like i know
i can't go right now or he's gonna kill me but
when someone just walks into a ring just like
flailing their arms and legs they're gonna hit
you eventually like something's gonna catch you
like it's hard to like dodge something into that
caliber and it is just really annoying and i
do agree because that's something like it's it's
sucky how much that can win A lot like a decent
amount of time. Like it's not like every once
in a while thing. It's actually like that's like
a strategy. Like most people could just like
you're not going to win a tournament with button
mashing, but you are going to win just a lot
of random online games. Probably you're going
to piss a lot of people off. They're going to
be like, why am I playing these fucking noobs?
Seriously, nonstop. All right. Let's move on
to our next little category. I think we're doing
beards next. yes the best beards video game i'll
start this one and i'll start with fable so in
general i'm not going to pick any specific character
in fable you get to customize whatever kind of
beard you want at any moment in the game if you
find a card that's a beard you want you can put
it on absolutely you know jen actually said fable
too and i was like i don't know if i want to
do like creator characters i want to do like
actual characters but like the thing like you
don't it's not when you create it's literally
at any true you can change your beard and you
grow the beard over time too so there's moments
when you'll be okay yeah and you'll just forget
about that yeah so and the beard is pretty cool
when you grow it out but okay it's cool that
you could do the the the handlebar mustache or
you don't know like the full -on beard or you
could do like the small goatee okay Nice. They
do a lot of cool beards in there, and they really
went with the styles very hard. Is there a best
beard of the Fable beards? The mutton chops are
pretty cool. Mutton chops? Oh, that's a... You
get a full -on, like, what is it called? The
swirly... Oh, I can't. I don't know what that's
called. The mustache, and then you get the mutton
chops at the same time. Gosh, okay. Full character.
All right, all right. Full -on character. My
first one, I think this one's a pretty obvious
one to a lot of people, is Kratos from The God
of War 2018. He's on my second as the list. I
think he's just been around for long enough that
he deserves a mention from everyone. Dude, I
mean, that's just a great beard. I mean, just
great, just all around everything about it. You
like old Kratos that didn't have the beard, and
then you're like, wow, Kratos got a cool -ass
beard in the new movie. He does. He's got this
awesome -ass beard. I'm like, damn, you wear
that well. but he just looks like so stoic with
it too. Very mountain powerful. And you're like,
yeah, all right. That's a beard. All right. What
do you got? Kratos on our list. So that one's
gone for me, but I'm going to start with John
Marston. Okay. This is from red dead redemption.
The first game. I just think he had a very like
rugged look, old West fucking look. He had the
scar and his right. I think his right cheek.
either left or right i don't remember he uh the
beard was good it was nice and it's a black beard
too so it looks even more menacing when he's
like talking on especially with the jawline and
the scar like he just looks good he's a good
looking dude and the beard helps a ton without
that beard i don't think he looks as threatening
that's fair fair all right next one for me i
went with uh ketherick thorne from baldur's gate
3 this was jk simmons character the Champion
of Merkel. I just think that just big, full gray
beard looked really nice. It was really well
done. Honestly, a lot of the hair and everything
in that game just looks incredible. But just
that beard was pretty epic. And J .K. Simmons
always has iconic facial hair in everything he's
in. Yeah. I mean, so for my next one, I'm going
to go with Odin from Smite. Oh, nice. I have
one from Smite too, but it's not Odin. nice yeah
odin's beard and smite is actually pretty fucking
rad he he looks like a norseman it's very obvious
he's a norseman yeah yeah he's just a cool looking
character too he's got the cool fucking hat he's
got the like the armor looks good even when you
get a reskin of them they always have his iconic
beard and always looks good yep well speaking
of smite i'll just go ahead and go into mine
his he's even got a line in the game Buy my beard!
Zeus? Zeus. All right. Zeus has got that epic
white beard, that just giant, long, epic white
beard. It's pretty grand. He is so different,
though. His is like a regal beard versus Owen's
mountain man beard. Yeah, yeah. It's a different
kind of beard for sure. Definitely more God Olympus,
like very high and mighty, privileged. Yeah,
very neat, proper. I just thought it was funny
because he's even got that line in the dialogue
talking about his beard by my beard. So I was
just like, yep. I mean, he says it himself. I
think Poseidon has a great beard too in that
game. Honestly, a lot of the beards are pretty
good in that game. A lot of the character designs
in general are phenomenal in those games. Yeah,
for sure. All right. Do you have one more? I
do have one more. This was Barret from Final
Fantasy VII Remake. giant black guy on your team
he's got this really just he's got that perfect
like trimmed beard that just like it's totally
full but it's just like short still but just
like I don't know it's just perfect it's just
like short but full but it's short long but very
well trimmed proper very military -esque but
just looks very well looks very good on him Fits
the character extremely well. So just a great
beard. I was looking through a bunch of characters
and I was like, oh, yeah, Barrett. He's got a
great one. All right. All right. Well, let's
jump into the weakest main villains. What do
you got? Yes. First one for me, I'm doing Hoyt
from Far Cry 3, especially after beating Vos
pretty like two thirds of the way into Far Cry
3. Having Hoyt be the main bad guy above Vos
just. Felt really flat after that. He's not menacing
at all. He's not intimidating. He didn't have
any of those wow factors like Voss did. He didn't
have those lines with you. He didn't keep capturing
you through the game. Your main adversary throughout
the entire game was Voss. So then to just deal
with his boss afterward, like the guy who hired
him, it felt very much like just the guy who
hired him. He wasn't actually a threat. Voss
was the real threat. So he's just a weak villain.
It really doesn't put up much of a fight. All
right, all right. I'm going to come at you with
Fable 2's The King of Bowerstone. I don't know
why I can't remember his name now. I had it earlier,
but he's the King of Bowerstone. He's the main
bad guy in the whole game. You spend the entire
game chasing after him. At the end of the game,
it takes one hit to kill him, and that's it.
And you might not even make that hit if you let
him talk long enough. Another character will
shoot him. That's so stupid. So either way, no
matter what, he is a one -hit kill no matter
who hits him. Oh, damn. That sucks. Yeah. Okay.
My next one, I'm going with... One that might
be a little bit controversial, but I'm just going
to go with Bowser just across all Mario games.
He's on he's on my list, too. He's just such
a like, especially in the early games, just duck
underneath them, touch the axe, and then he's
dead. Like anything like Mario 64, you just grab
him by the tail and tail and throw him at a bomb.
Like, yeah, like. Three times. If you play the
Paper Mario games, he is a little bit harder
at the end of the first Paper Mario. But if you
play Superstar Saga and all that, he's really
not that hard of a boss to beat. Yeah. Thinking
of other Nintendo games like Zelda, Ganon's usually
an actual boss fight. It's not always the most
challenging. It takes forever to learn whatever
he's trying to do, and that way you can easily
beat him. But Bowser, you just watch him for
two seconds and you know how to beat him. Yep.
And you're probably going to do it first try
every time or maybe second try. Mario, Luigi,
Partners in Time, that is the first boss you
fight is Baby Bowser, I think. You beat him like
in two seconds. Oh, jeez. Well, I'm glad you
also agreed. He's just a weak boss, honestly.
I think everyone knows he's kind of a weak loser
boss. He's just there because he's kind of a
threatening looking character. yeah it's just
the very cartoony villain like yeah he's never
gonna win and everyone knows it including him
but he still never will admit that i don't know
it's just um all right well for my next one i'm
gonna do the halo 2 prophet of regret oh that's
a decent choice the right prophet i was i should
have looked it up but i'm pretty sure the prophet
of regret was the one who invaded earth and then
you fight him he's the first prophet you fight
because the second prophet gets killed by the
flood and the third prophet i think gets killed
in the third game so in halo 2 the two prophets
die the prophet of truth and the prophet of regret
i think I think you're right. Unless the prophet
of truth is the one from the third. I can't remember
exactly. But I know the prophet of regret is
this one. So this is the prophet of regret. You
spend like forever getting to this guy. Like,
you know, this is right before Gravemind kidnaps
you. And you go and you fight him and you just
beat him in three sword hits, essentially. And
he does shoot like a sentinel laser at you. But
it's like a boss fight that's just lame. It's
not a good boss fight whatsoever. Yeah. Because
it doesn't go invisible and stuff. No, he doesn't.
He doesn't do anything. He just flies around
in his little fucking chair and shoots. Oh, that's
just it. He summons some bad guys sometimes,
but that's it. He doesn't do anything. Okay.
Yeah, that's really lame. And Halo's never been
known for its big bosses. The big bosses are
the mechanical bosses, and then they'll do the
stupid mini bosses like that who are the main
antagonists of the game. True. But even like
the... big boss fight with like with the brute
and stuff like that like those are at least way
better yeah that was way better yeah no that's
fair that's a good choice good choice next one
for me is one that's kind of a joke one but it's
the most oh that's not a main villain oh shit
oh well i'm putting it in here anyways because
it's just hilarious because it was the first
thing i thought of um it's in jedi survivor it's
this uh it's a like you go into this uh hallway
and the door closes behind you and that has like
the boss music and then like the boss name appears
on the top of screen with a health bar and it
says Rick, the door technician. And then he just
runs at you like full speed and most people just
did one hit slice and just killed him. And then
it's like you defeated him. But it was just some
random guy that happened to get like boss music
and they just sent out you and made you think
it was going to be a boss or just a random guy.
But it's the fucking most hilarious thing because
they made it fully seem like, oh, shit, like
this is going to be some like, OK, Rick, the
door technician, this is going to be weird. And
then, nope, he's just a door technician. All
right, I have another Halo, Halo 1, Halo 3 this
time. In Halo 3, at the end of the game, right
before the last mission where you're driving
away, you have a boss fight with 343 Guilty Spark.
Yeah, I do. If you remember, you have the Spartan
laser, and you have to shoot at him with the
Spartan laser, and the biggest thing he does
is he kills Sergeant Johnson. Yeah. Only claim
to fame is killing Sergeant Johnson. And then
after you shoot him three times at the Spartan
laser and you went, yeah, that's, that's, that's
a really bad. You're, you're on this really tiny
platform too. He's a tiny hit, but like the Spartan
laser essentially as aim assist, it's just a
boring ass boss fight that didn't need to be
there. And it's not like a big scarab. It's not
anything like that. It's a fucking tiny ass little
nodule thing that. Yeah. Like, its worst thing
is it's annoying when it talks. Yeah, pretty
much. It's just like a flying orb that's just
annoying. Yeah, it's just like it can control
all the sentinels on a base, but for some reason
can only send five to help you at a single time.
Fair. No, that's a good choice. My last one is
another one from the Far Cry series. It's Far
Cry 6, and it's Castillo, I believe his name
is. It's Juan Carlos Esposito's character in
the game. He's actually literally dying of cancer.
Okay. uh really underwhelming when you actually
like get to that fight um just because he is
a dying man so it's one of those hitting a dying
man you feel good about it i'm sure you don't
it's weird it's this whole thing and you like
you do and you don't it's it's a weird you do
oh no comment beating up people with cancer huh
loser What I do for fun. It's my favorite thing
in the world, actually. Yeah. It's actually my
side job. So, yeah. Next on the list is best
swords in gaming. Yep. These are just swords
that we think are really cool. Yes. you want
to go first go for it oh okay uh energy sword
halo too or any of the halos basically but i
did not put that on this list and it's just because
the energy swords i don't think are very cool
i think they're pretty cool i think they were
really like they're just an iconic sword too
i think the look of them is really cool i don't
think they're the most practical thing and honestly
only having like eight uses is kind of really
lame but it's just dude nostalgic sword in the
first game You never got to use it, but it was
always shown on the elites. It was cool. It was
kind of long. It looked like it was deep blue
rather than a purplish blue color. It was a much
cooler looking sword than what they came out
with later. I will say that. I agree. What you
got? All right. I'm going to go with the Sword
of Aeons. Sword of Aeons? I don't know this.
This is from Fable. This is one of the coolest
fucking swords you could have ever. And it's
because... essentially to get the sword at the
end of the game it's the most powerful sword
in the game if it's not the lost chapters it
does like 530 damage per hit okay damn which
is a lot that's more than triple the amount of
any other sword uh and if you get this sword
the way to get it is jack of blades drops it
you have it in your hand but you have to kill
your sister with it in order to keep it oh damn
the only unless you glitch you can glitch at
the end of the game too to get it okay it'll
appear like underneath then you just have to
do like the special thing in the original game
but i mean it doesn't like if you want to do
that go for it it really does not matter if you
do that or not um yeah and if you kill your sister
you get it and you just feel like a fucking badass
now in the lost chapters they did nerf this sword
quite a bit instead of doing 530 damage it does
330 i think damn quite a bit yeah there's quite
a bit so it kind of sucks for that reason but
it's because they put more weapons in there okay
um but it was a cool thing to find it was a nice
it's a cool sword to have too it looks super
sweet it's super huge compared to your character
but it's a one -handed sword like it's fucking
cool nice uh my next favorite sword is alta air
sword from assassin's creed series i actually
have a replica of this sword it looks stupid
I just always loved the hilts. I love the eagle
head kind of thing. I love just the whole style
of it. I love just the short blade. I'm a big
fan of the short blades. Just don't see a lot
of short blades in a lot of games. It's all about
the great swords and the long swords and katanas.
So just having a normal double -sided short sword
is just really cool. Okay. Yeah, that's cool.
I like it. All right. You know what? I'm just
going to say it now. I did not choose any lightsabers.
i didn't either i didn't they are swords they
do count i just didn't you know a lightsaber
well i chose the purple light so like all you
could really do is choose like the color or the
short of the double i don't know it just was
kind of lame yeah and i mean like everyone's
favorite sword is going to be a fucking lightsaber
so shut the fuck if we're saying like the best
sword ever i'm like yeah but i also like they're
they're cool but they're not my favorites i mean
we've but one sword we have to include in this
is the buster blader Or Buster Blade. Cloudsword.
You have to include... It's this giant fucking
slab of metal. I am almost positive it's inspired
by either the... Because there was a Japanese
sword back in the day that looked just like it.
It used to be for killing Calvary. Or it's inspired
from Berserk. Well, there's even... And I don't
know how old the movie is, but there's a... like
a japanese movie or chinese movie the seven swords
and it has a giant buster sword in it that was
like a gift from the gods and it was like this
giant slab and he just used it as like a blunt
weapon to knock shit down like a lot or just
to be a blockade and literally in berserk they
do the same thing they just call it a giant iron
slab rather than a sword because that's exactly
what it is and uh And Berserk, he's killed so
many demons with it that it becomes a magical
sword that's essentially good against demons.
It's insane. Drenched in demon blood at that
point. Just ridiculous. Yeah, no, that's a great,
great sword. Super iconic. Everyone knows it.
Yep. Next one for me. These next two picks are
going to be both from the From Software series.
Piece of shit. This one is just human trash.
Probably my favorite one, not because of the
looks, but just because of the feel, the abilities,
the movement, the strength of it, everything
about it. It's the bloodhound thing. It's this
giant great curve blade. And you do all these
attacks where you like launch forward and then
do like a backflip back while slicing Adam. And
it's just a lot of like. movements where you
can get a lot of quick in and outs with it. And
it's really a fluid weapon with a lot of like
spinning because of its curved nature. So it's
just very unique in its style, very unique in
its usage. It's a game that I, I have taken to
the end twice, beating the game three times in
Elden Ring, I did the full DLC, mainly with that
weapon, too. It's just my all -time favorite
weapon in that game, and it's just broken. It's
beastly. It's amazing. I love it. Okay, okay.
I like it. Well, I'm going to come at you with,
what was my other one? How many have I done so
far, too? You've done the Fable one. So this
one's one of my favorite. So originally, I was
thinking Diamond Sword. i almost said it because
you of course you have to mention like a minecraft
sword because i you use them all the time in
minecraft but then i remembered oh shit you can
upgrade the diamond blade to a nether right blade
yeah so i have to talk about the nether right
blade i love the fucking nether right shit in
the game when they released that update i went
on a deep dive hunt for nether right in the uh
is it called another yeah So I was in the nether
for literally like days just looking for netherite.
And all I found was like, I think 64 blocks.
No, no, I found a shit ton. I was doing the trick
where you essentially roll up. Oh, yeah, with
a bed or whatever. Yeah. And you do that constantly.
Yeah. Yep. And every time you do that, and I
don't think, does the bed explode? bed explodes
in the nether if you put it down and beds are
really easy to make that's right because i had
like six stacks or like all my inventory were
beds so fair so i i just kept uh blowing up my
beds and looking for netherite and again i was
in there for real time days like yes literally
just spending hours and in the nether looking
for netherite and then i upgraded my sword well
it's already in the world the most durable weapon
it's the strongest weapon it is the most damage
but then you can still enchant it with all the
same enchantments you can do for everything and
even that one you'll get a shit ton of them because
then you'll have one that's good against skeletons
and one that's good against uh undead and one
that's good has sharpness three so it's good
against general things like you can go up to
sharpness five yeah well now you can back in
the day you couldn't yeah back yeah for sure
yeah but ridiculous uh so my last one is uh from
the Dark Souls series and from software. It's
in multiple games. It's the Moonlight Green Sword.
It's another kind of blunt, kind of big sword.
It's another double -edged. It's a great sword.
It comes to a teardrop kind of point, and it's
got this really cool moonlight blue color. And
it can actually launch moon attacks, moon sorcery
attacks with a line of light that can go horizontally
or vertically. And it does all these different
things. But it's just a sword that's always really
cool. I've seen the actual replicas of it that
I just I want because it's just amazing. It just
looks badass as fuck. Like it's just an amazing
sword. It's just way cool. Okay, well, I'll come
at you with a favorite blade of mine. Not the
base version of it, but the base version is still
pretty cool. The Keyblade. Fair. Here's the thing
about the Keyblade. The base version is kind
of lame. It just looks like a giant fucking key.
But every other version of the Keyblade looks
fucking sweet. It's so sleek. The Ultima Blade
looks like a giant... They just all look so cool,
and each character gets their own version of
the Keyblade. Mickey Mouse's Keyblade looks so
much different than the OG Keyblade. They all
just look so fucking cool that the Keyblade,
to me, is one of the most iconic blades of all
time. I mean, it really is. It really is. That
game came out in what, 2002, 2001? Something
like that. Somewhere around there, and we still
talk about it here today more than 20 years later.
Well, not only that, but a lot of people even
have wondered, can you even make the Keyblade
actually a weapon? Would the Keyblade actually
work in real life because of its weird design?
Yeah, because if you look at the Keyblade, the
OG version, it's blunt. Yeah. But then the other
versions are a little bit less blunt. And the
hilts is weird. So the two things that come off
the hilt where the handle. are in the front and
the back. So it's against your arm. So it's even
impractical with fighting. I saw some guys made
a forgery over there. Why didn't they turn this?
Why would they have it so it's against your arm
instead of out here? Because they're not Sora
and they stay stuck. Right. They can't be blade
masters. They don't have true hearts. So yeah,
that's our draft picks for some of those categories.
Let us know what your answers are for all those
categories. Yeah, and now we're going to get
into our blind pick. Steven's going to blind
pick me. Yes. He's got some blind picks for him.
Here you go, buddy. That's what's going to happen.
Whoa, whoa, that's not my nose. Oh, God. My butthole.
You're welcome. All right, let's go ahead. We
will start with... It's going to go ahead and
we'll start with the blind rank of the hottest
men in games. Okay. Okay. Curious. All right.
So I will send you pictures. I'm sure you know
these people as well, but I can send you pictures
as well. So, you know, and I will show them on
the screen for everybody else. Okay. First one
I'm gonna start with Arthur Morgan. Where are
you putting him? What are we ranking this out
of? You have one through five, so you tell me
which place you're giving him out of one through
five. He's taking that slot. Arthur Morgan from
Red Dead Redemption 2, correct? Yes. I don't
think Arthur Morgan's a very good looking dude.
I'm going to put him at number five. You're going
to put him at five. Okay. Yeah. He's okay. He's
rugged. I'll give him that. If you take off his
shirt, I'm sure he's got a beer gut. You know
what I mean? Fair. Next on the list, we got Handsome
Jack. Handsome's in his name. Handsome is indeed
in his name. Now I wish I would have saved my
fifth pick. He's actually a really ugly character.
He's got a weird unibrow. He's got a really prominent
foray. He's like a Neanderthal, essentially.
Fair. Are you going to put him in your fourth
slot then? Yeah, I guess I'll have to put him
in the four. I kind of regret now putting Arthur
Morgan in the five. I wish I would have waited.
By the way, guys, we did set a rule. I get to
swap once per category. Yes. All right. And it
has to be a fair swap. So if I wanted Arthur
Morgan to be number one, whoever is number one
would have to become number five. Yes. All right.
Next up, we have Matt. from dream daddy oh my
god that was my dream dad i know i don't know
who else you're gonna put in there though so
he's definitely worth a number one but i think
i'm gonna throw him at two just in just in case
okay just in case you you come at me with someone
a little hotter All right. This huge, muscly
black dude, too. He's got great hair. He's got
a great tattoo and like like five o 'clock shadow.
Like, yeah, it looks like a he looks so bad.
He plays guitar, I think. I remember. And he's
just a super loving dude. Coffee shop. Yeah.
Classic rock. Like, yeah, he's a fucking hot
guy, guys. He's hot. Yeah, he's he's definitely
our dream daddy. We both chose him. Every I bet
90 percent of people choose Matt. I have probably.
probably absolutely all right next up we got
monkey from enslaved monkey god damn it now i
should have saved my fifth place he's not i mean
monkey's not a bad looking dude he's very muscly
um but again he's got that neanderthal look about
him i guess i have to put him at three there's
no choice that's fair that's fair all right and
last pick And this is more of just a fun one
to throw in there. Saren. Mass Effect. Oh, for
sure one. So I think in terms of his race, he
is a, what are they called? No, it's a Val. I
don't even know what they're called. Why can't
I remember what they're called? A Turian, Turian.
Okay. So he's a Turian. He is a. I think for
a Turian, he's like muscly for a Turian. He's
fucking hot for a Turian. When you compare him
to like one who's in your party all the time,
Garrus, he's way fucking hot. He's way better
than Garrus. He's the hottest Turian you will
meet. He's got like a cool look. I'm going to
put him number one for sure. And I'm going to
keep my number one as is. But I am going to swap
my number three and my number five. I'm going
to put Arthur Morgan at number three and Monkey
is going to be my number five. All right. Now
I'm feeling pretty good about the list. Alright,
so you got Saren, Matt, Arthur, Handsome Jack,
and Matt. Or, then Monkey. Yeah, and Monkey.
And Matt. Yes, Matt's on there twice. Yes, yeah.
He needs to be. Dream daddy, for sure. He is
the top five. Yes. Alright, next, I guess we'll
just go ahead and right do the females next.
Gotta show some love there. We will start with
Juliet Starling. From Lollipop Chainsaw. I hated
her personality in the game, but she is so fucking
hot. It's hard. I'm going to throw her at an
even three. Right down the middle. I think she's
very pretty. I know she's dumb as shit. And she
keeps her ex -boyfriend's head on her belt. So
I feel like that's just going to be a big sore
matter for me. If we ended up going out. Yeah,
that's fair. I mean, I sure you, he wouldn't
be in the picture if you were in the picture
kind of thing. You never know. You never know
what these crazy girls. That's fair. All right.
Next up, Ada Wong, resident evil. I know you
like it. She's gorgeous. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But
like in the best possible way. Oh yeah. Yeah.
Respectfully. I'm going to, I'm going to throw
her at two. Okay. Okay. I want to keep my number
one open. I never know who you're going to throw.
So that's fair. I'm going to keep the number
one and the number five open. And well, I still
get that one switch up. So that's fair. That's
fair. All right. Next one on our list is going
to be, is it Aka from Skies of Arcadia? Oh, you
put an Aka in there. So Aka is 16. And that's
gross. And you're a fucking pedophile. Okay,
that game came out a while ago, and it was probably
when you were like 16, so just think about it
in those terms. I think I was like 10. Okay.
I'm just saying. She'd be older than me. We've
grown up. It's past that now. She's the same
age as you. You know, to me, there are so many,
and they all look terrible because of the graphics
of the early 2000s, but there were some really
cute characters in that game, and Ica kind of
falls to the wayside of them. oh actually i'd
put her like in the bottom row of good looking
characters because there's like a pirate who's
really fucking hot and she's obsessed with this
one guy and if that one guy were me i'd be so
happy Fair. I didn't know anything about this
game because obviously I've never played it.
This is the one thing, but I know you really
love it. So I just looked up like best romance
options from the game and she showed up in a
couple of people's list. There's no romance.
I know in the game, but like that's it's his
closest childhood friend. So I get it. I'll put
her at four though. I'll I'll keep that number
five open. All right. All right. Next up, we
got another person from enslaved. We got a trip.
trip oh yeah oh my god this is like this is hard
because like monkey was a horrendous looking
fucking but she was actually super fucking hot
and she's super fucking smart and i mean monkey
had the body don't don't get you wrong but trip
trip also had the body trip definitely has the
body and the looks uh i'll throw her at number
one I liked her a lot. She was actually super
cool. And this is going to be the part where
you kick yourself a little bit. Is it? Because
I have Miranda Lawson. Oh, no. Oh, no. So she's
going in at your five. I do like Miranda a lot.
She has to go in at five. There's no choice.
So who do I trade? I can't honestly put Trip
at five, can I? Why didn't you pick an ugly one
for this one? You son of a bitch. I have to throw
in my randomness of the cues or you're going
to play mind games with me. All right. All right.
So they have to be random. I will throw Miranda
at one, which means Trip is getting relegated
down to five. Now, to be fair, I think in Trip's
world, there are no showers. So she probably
is really smelly. So I think that's going to
justify. However you have to justify it. And
Miranda is actually genetically engineered to
be the best looking she possibly can be. I mean,
you're not wrong. She is 100 % the best looking
girl in the game because she was genetically
made that way. All right. All right. Fair enough.
Fair enough. Good blind ring. And she's got the
sexiest accent you will ever hear in your life.
That's pretty great. That's pretty great. There's
a lot about her that's just perfect. All right.
Next up, so you can have Keyblades earlier. We're
going to go over blind ranking Keyblades. Oh,
interesting. And I don't know much about these
either. So I just found powerful Keyblades on
random list. So I kept it all to the first three
games. Okay. Kingdom Hearts 1, 2, and 3. Just
to be nice and easy. First, we'll start with
the Divine Rose. All right. That's the blade
you get from Bell, I believe. Yes, I do believe
so, yes. In the first game, yep. Second game,
I think you still get it somewhere in... A lot
of these do appear in multiple games, but this
one was specifically brought up for Kingdom Hearts
1. Okay, okay. So... the divine rose where do
i throw that at a list of one to five like what
are you if you put the base keyblade on there
that's going at number five for sure you can
always trade it off later i know but if i put
it in a bad spot now then other keyblades i will
say there is no generic keyblade in this this
is all okay okay okay typically pretty good ones
i'm gonna put this one at number four I like
the Divine Rose, but I don't think I used it
too often because by the time I got it, I had
already gotten a better Keyblade. Fair. Next,
we'll do Fenrir from Kingdom Hearts 2. Oh, I
thought you said Kingdom Hearts 1 was all the
ones. They're all from Kingdom Hearts 1, 2, and
3. I see. Yeah. Was Fenrir the giant slab? I
believe so, yes. So that's the one that gives
you minus... It's the highest strength, but lower
mana or something like that. I want to say it
gives you minus one on hit combos. I used it
to choose a... Maybe that's what it is. A boss.
At one point, that was giving me a lot of trouble.
Now, it is a cool -looking Keyblade. It's not
the... like the prettiest, though, if we're judging
it by pretty color. It's very rugged. It's however
you want to judge these, whether it's strength
or prettiness. It looks more like a greatsword,
too. It looks two -handed. Why don't we throw
that in at number three? Okay. I believe I have
the Divine Rose at four and this at three, correct?
Yes, you do. All right, next up, we got the Lionheart,
and this one's from Kingdom Hearts 1. Yes, Lionheart,
which I believe is the Hercules. No, that's the
Olympia Blade. Which one is this? This is...
Damn it, why can't I think of it? Where does
it come from? Did you write that down? Let's
see. Let's see. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Raises max MP. So you do get it after beating...
Strength 10 plus MP1. Hades in the... yes cloud
and hades in the the hades cup yes so that you
do get it on the hercules area so i was kind
of right there yes i mean this keyblade looks
fucking sick so i'm gonna put it at two all right
all right next up we got the decisive pumpkin
from kingdom hearts 2 you know what i am gonna
put that at five five okay i know exactly which
one that is it's got a little pumpkin handle
uh You get it from the Halloween Town area. It's
a cool Keyblade, don't get me wrong. It's just
not the coolest Keyblade. Fair, fair. And last,
the Ultima. Of course you had to throw the Ultima
in there. Of course it's going at number one.
Yeah, it was too good. I left it at last, maybe
thinking you'd throw it in a lower slot. You
had your own slot left. Yeah, so the Ultima Blade
is one of my favorite blades only because of
the amount of time it takes to craft it because
you can't actually earn it. You have to craft
it. Oh, damn. Okay. So it adds an extra layer
of I really fucking want this. Okay. Okay. All
right. Next up, we'll do blind ranks for... Let's
do... Yeah, let's do Nintendo games. Ugh. Ugh.
Okay. We can skip Nintendo games if you'd rather.
No, let's do Nintendo games. All right. Just
picked random ones across time. Majora's Mask.
So that was actually my favorite Legend of Zelda
game. Fair. I'm going to throw that at number
one. All right. That is literally one of my favorite
games of all time. I like that so much better
than Ocarina of Time. Fair. Okay. I used to call
it Mahora's Mask, though. I do. You remember
that a lot. I remember because two of our friends
would tell me, you can't say that because it
has the word horror in it. I'm like, I think
you're reading too much into it. I'm not actually
calling anyone a whore. No, I'm saying Mahora.
That's very different. Next, Super Mario 64.
I don't actually like Super Mario 64. That game,
it's... To me, it was never that fun. I get it.
People really enjoy it, but I just thought it
was... The controls are kind of sluggish. It's
not the best kind of game of its time coming
out. There are certainly better games. Jet Force
Gemini, I think, came out around the same year.
Yeah, somewhere around there. If that, then it's
fucking way better than that. So I think I would
put that at number five. Okay. One in five right
off the bat. All right, next up, and I don't
know if you've ever played any of these. I haven't,
but Fire Emblem. Oh, I actually have. I love
the Fire Emblem games. Okay, okay. The first
one is just so much fun. It's just a strategy,
move them to an area game, and it's like an RTS
of sorts, but with limited movement. I'll put
that one at number three, I think. Okay, okay.
All right, we got Super Smash Bros. Melee. Hmm.
This is one of my favorite all -time games as
well. I put a lot of hours into this game. It's
going to have to go at number two, I think. I
think there's no choice. Fair. And then we will
go with Wii Sports. Oh, shit. I should have saved
my five. I never played the Wii Sports game.
It's fine at four. I think that and Super Mario
64 are the same for me. Are we keeping your rankings
in? We're not switching? No, it's not switching
any. It's two in a row we haven't switched any.
I think I'm pretty confident in that. I've never
played the Wii Sports. I've watched them be played
and it looked boring as shit. Honestly, I do
enjoy the Wii Sports quite a bit, especially
around the time. What a fucking nerd. Especially
at the time. VR is way better though. The Oculus
is so much better now. Beat Saber is like a million
times more fun than fucking Wii Sports will ever
be. Beat Saber, Elvish Assassin, any of the VR
games, it doesn't matter. Even the VR bowling
game I play is pretty fun. Anything is more fun
than fucking Wii Sports. Cutting off my pinky
is more fun than Wii Sports, I think. Well, and
Wii Sports Resorts was an okay addition too,
but the original Wii Sports I played way more.
Yeah. But all right now. All right. Next, we
will go with the blind ranking of RPG games.
Okay. All right. We are going to start with Fallout
4. You know I love me some Fallout 4. You know
I put a shit ton of hours into Fallout 4. Now,
I am going to put it at 3, and I'm going to give
you a very specific reason why. I tried to go
back into it. i think fallout 4 was a game at
a time oh interesting when i tried to jump back
in and play it again i actually did not have
as much fun so my second playthrough of it like
i might have missed my window yeah well i mean
like i think it's fun still i think if i really
jumped in and relearned the system i would have
a good time doing it you know it's just like
with uh kingdom hearts chain of memories remember
i told you about that how the first time just
sucked for me but the second time is so much
better true maybe i just need to give myself
more time to acclimate to the game but yeah the
first couple hours of playing i got real bored
real fast fair fair always i the beginning is
the games on a replay through is always the hardest
to get through again though too because it's
always the slowest you're so used to being overpowered
going back down to base it just sucks yeah the
worst Oh, yeah, because I mean, especially if
you put like over 100 hours into a game or something,
you're like you're not anywhere near the level
you were or the honestly just a game where you
have to walk a lot. Yeah, there is a lot of walking
and it gets really boring. So that's what really
drove me back on it again. At first, I liked
it because it was cool exploring areas. But now
that I know all the areas, it's not as fun. Fair.
Next, I'm going to bring up Skyrim. i really
did like skyrim skyrim now this is another game
where i the first time i played it i didn't have
any fun with it um and i think specifically it
was because it's it's kind of it's large yeah
and the enemies have such a level fucking gap
like you can go into an area just not ready for
at all like and it's so it's so quick you could
be in the first area and within five minutes
you can be in an area that's 20 levels up ahead
of you Now, I had played this all the way through
my first time, but it was just the perfect time
for me. I needed a big game at that time. And
it still was fun. So I'll throw it at number
two. I think number two is a good choice. So
right now I have my number two and my number
three, right? Yes, correct. All right. Next,
we are going to throw up Mass Effect Andromeda.
I mean, this doesn't even... This game, to me,
was a lot of fun still. Yes. It's hard, though,
because it was not the best of the Mass Effect
games. Yes. I think number four is deserving
of this. I like it at number four. All right.
We will do Skies of Arcadia next. Number one.
I still want to go back and replay this game
and stream it because it's just so much fucking
fun anyway. Fair. I'd watch it. Yeah. But out
of all of the three of those games, or four of
those games now? Four of those games. That one
by far will be the most entertaining and the
one people like the best. All right. And for
your number five slot, unless you switch it,
we have Outer Worlds. I am going to trade. Okay.
Because I liked Outer Worlds a lot. What did
I put at number two? Two, you had Skyrim. Three,
you had Fallout 4. I have to switch it. Switch
to Skyrim? Number two has to be The Outer Worlds.
So Skyrim's going to five? Skyrim's going to
five. Sorry, Skyrim. But The Outer Worlds, Obsidian
is literally my favorite. I've said this how
many times on the podcast? They are my favorite
game company of all time. He's willing to put
Skyrim at five for them. Honestly, dude, they
do such a better job at making games than anyone
else. They put their fucking heart. I'm playing
Grounded. I've talked about this previously.
It's so clear that they put their heart into
that fucking game. Dude, Grounded's amazing.
I'm so glad you're getting so into it. They're
still doing updates. They're still adding new
shit. It's just amazing how much support they
give their games and how much care they give
them. Hey, weren't you talking to me about sucking
dick earlier? Sounds like you're doing a lot
of dick sucking. If the entire Obsidian crew
put their dicks in front of me, I would suck
every single one. Next! I don't think they want
that from me, but they're all amazing. They probably
don't. If I had to pick a dream job, it would
be doing literally anything for Obsidian. Fair,
fair. Name their local prostitute. I would do
it for Obsidian, okay? Fair. Do you want to do
one more or do you want to call it there? Let's
do one more and then call it. All right. We will
do video game controllers. Oh, this is something
I don't actually have a lot of experience with.
Yes, I kind of kept it pretty basic. I tried
doing ones that I think you would know at the
very least or at least used. So we will start
with the PlayStation 4. I mean, honestly, PlayStation
controllers just aren't my thing. I don't really
like the feel of them. The DualShock is pretty
stupid, but I don't know. Let's put it at four.
I like PlayStation controllers being lesser for
me. Okay. We will talk about the Super Nintendo
next. Super Nintendo, that little fucking rectangular
controller? No. The Super Nintendo. The Nintendo
is the square one. The Super Nintendo is the
more rounded one with the circle buttons. Oh,
yeah. It was like the gray, green, like green,
grays, purples and blues or whatever. Yeah. Yeah.
I know what you're talking about. Let's put that
at five. Okay. It's an ugly controller and it's
hard to fucking use. Let's go with the Xbox One
X and S controller. One, number one. I figured
that's where that would go. No beating those.
They're so perfect the way they are. They are
perfect. This is the best controller, hands down.
What about the Sega CD controller? It's actually
a pretty shitty controller. Sega was not good
at making controllers. Their button layouts were
all shit. The form of the controller itself,
it's like a Nintendo controller. They do too
much to make it too unique. And then it doesn't
feel right. Fair. So I'm going to go three on
that one. Okay. And then last, we have arguably
one of the worst controllers ever, the Nintendo
64 controller. So actually, I didn't mind the
N64 controller. I don't mind it as much as everyone
else does. But I do get some of the gripes. The
way you grip it is interesting. Yes. to me because
you never really use the d -pad on the left side
yeah but it's like not it was weird that i was
like on one side of the controller mainly like
you were on the bottom and on the side like you
didn't have a hand over here a lot it was yeah
weird yeah but like the holding the trigger button
underneath i think it was a z button z button
yeah really natural yeah back in the day so i'll
give them that i'll keep that too i like i like
that list where it's at okay Cool. Kept three
the same and three switched, I believe. Pretty
good, pretty good. All right, everyone, that's
it. That's the episode. Yes, let us know where
you'd rank those lists or add any additions to
yourself. And then one of the next times we do
this, we'll have Scott blind rank me. All right,
well, join us on TikTok and everywhere else.
And yeah, we will see you next time. All right,
guys. Disco Elysium. Yep. We're doing Disco Elysium.
We'll see you on the next one. Bye. Love you.
No.