WEBVTT 00:00.000 --> 03:11.000 INT. WAYNE MANOR. EVENING. BRUCE Now I hear he’s demanded to be moved back to the wards. ALFRED And was he? BRUCE What? ALFRED straightens a piece of laundry before folding it, snapping it in the air. ALFRED Moved. BRUCE Yes. Jason helped, apparently, by sitting on Dick’s feet and singing “come on ride the train” as they went. ALFRED (chuckles) The nurses have grown rather fond of him. BRUCE Jason is a grown man. I can’t imagine why they indulged such nonsense. ALFRED Mm. BRUCE Irrespective, I’ll have Dick moved back to the Wayne Wing in the morning. ALFRED No, you will not. BRUCE Pardon me? ALFRED You will respect his wishes and trust that he can make his own decisions. BRUCE He just woke up from a medically induced coma, he doesn’t know what’s right. ALFRED And you’re the one to decide that, are you? Tell me, are you his doctor? BRUCE No, I decide because I’m his guardian. ALFRED I see. So then, if I have this correct, one of your sons is a grown man, and your eldest son still requires your guidance? BRUCE They’re - it’s just - they’re different people. ALFRED You finally understanding that is absolutely crucial. BRUCE ... ALFRED That is, if you do understand that. BRUCE Of course I do. What are you saying? ALFRED I blame myself, but you’ve always been tone-deaf when it comes to other people’s emotions. BRUCE What about them? ALFRED The fact that they have them, for a start. BRUCE And that my sons are different people, apparently. ALFRED The first boy was orphaned, but he had a loving upbringing before that, and a protective friend to influence his good nature. BRUCE I’d rather not talk about Waylon Jones right now. ALFRED Naturally, because you know he was right and you were wrong. BRUCE (pinching his nose) I appreciate the support. ALFRED And continue to be wrong, I might add, whilst you stubbornly bang your head against the ceiling of logic. BRUCE (exasperated grunt) What’s your point? ALFRED As for the second boy - a harder start to life, and he wears a mask of humour and bravado to keep his true feelings hidden. Is this ringing any bells? BRUCE Yes, so he’s like me. ALFRED Except for the humour, of course. BRUCE Yes. So what? ALFRED I rather fear his emotions are becoming too large to hide. The boy is suffering, Bruce, and all you can do is sit here and talk about the wrong things. BRUCE Look, I have to go. I’ll deal with this later. BRUCE exits. ALFRED (sighs) No, you won’t. 03:12.000 --> 09:49.000 EXT. GOTHAM CITY. NIGHT. HARLEY Can we stop for a second, puddin’? My dogs are barkin’. JOKER Might as well. It’s not like we’re having any luck. HARLEY We got close, at least! Remember the pervert in the trench coat? JOKER How could I forget? With all the public masturbators we’ve passed, I’m starting to think there’s something wrong with this city. Did we get a description of our man Jack? HARLEY Uhm... (opens pad)... Vibrant yellow skin, Dark Green Hair. Wearin’ a big feather boa - purple, a speedo - green, and leather platform boots - black. JOKER Don’t tell me he shaved off that moustache. HARLEY No, they’re still reporting “moustache comma huge”. JOKER You’d think, looking like that, he’d stand out in a crowd, but hey - look who’s talking, amirite? HARLEY Nobody does Maniac Chic like you do, Mistah J. JOKER Oh, I’m sure you say that to all the homicidal clowns you’ve fallen madly in love with. HARLEY You got that right, all one of ‘em. JOKER How’re the dogs doin’? Ready for more adventure? HARLEY They’re growlin’, but not barkin’. Let’s head over to Vini Vini Vini, the sex store on 3rd Ave. JOKER Dr. Quinzel! We’re on a mission! HARLEY First off, that’s never stopped you before, and second off, that’s apparently where Ryder broke in after his laughin’ fit. JOKER That explains the duds. Welp, let’s get going! CREEPER Going so soon! But you only just got here! JOKER Well, well, well... you’re a hard man to find. CREEPER Sometimes, but then I usually just think about baseball. JOKER Ohh, I like him. HARLEY Yeah, he’s a real prince. JOKER Got a name, squire? CREEPER Well, I’d go by Adam, but that would probably just confuse the audience, so why don’t you call me... Ooh! Joker Junior! The kids can call me JoJu! Or maybe just... son. It’s sharp. Succinct. To the point. And, well... (sobs) I never knew my REAL father. So whaddya say? Will you be my daddy? HARLEY Gross. CREEPER Ooh, and I guess that would make you... mommy. No, I don’t have the range for Oedipus. Hot Stepmom. Yeah, that’ll do nicely. CREEPER kisses up HARLEY’s arm. CREEPER Oh, Cara Mia. HARLEY (shoving him) Get off me, ya Creeper! CREEPER Creeper? CREEPER? ... I like it. It has style, it has flair, it was there, that’s how I became - THE C-C-C-CREEPER! JOKER Well, I’m glad we got that sorted out. Now I can tell them what to write on your tombstone. CREEPER You mean I finally get an exclusive interview with the Clown Prince of Crime and his Attending Jestress, and you’re just going to snuff me out? Cancelled like a gym membership in February? JOKER Yep. HARLEY Hey! News flash, asshole! I got more degrees than you got Daytime Emmys. CREEPER Oh, and you use them SO WELL. You even managed to get your widdle puddin’ out on a day pass. JOKER Oh, you really are hilarious. CREEPER I LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU! JOKER swings, misses. CREEPER Ooh, a devastating right hook, and a left, and another left. Let me try! CREEPER hits JOKER for six. CREEPER The trick is to lean into the punch. Fight continues. CREEPER Ohhh, that one’s going to sting. Point for you. More fighting. CREEPER 2 by 4! CREEPER nails JOKER. CREEPER Ohh... Creeper wins! Continue? JOKER Gladly. Harley! HARLEY swings the hammer and nails CREEPER in the face. CREEPER Going down. CREEPER falls. JOKER Nice move, kiddo. HARLEY The trick is to lean into it. JOKER laughs. JOKER Well, this has been, as the kids say, a hoot, but it’s time to say goodnight, Gracie. JOKER cocks his gun. CREEPER No mama... he was my dog... I’ll do it! CREEPER smacks the gun away, grabbing it. CREEPER Oh-ho-ho-ho, how smooth was that? Now I have all the power - suck it, Heston. JOKER Now now, sonny boy, you don’t want to do this, do you? Shoot your Pa in cold blood? CREEPER Gosh, let me think. Yes. HARLEY But why kill him when you’ve beaten him? Surely a strong, handsome man like you would like to show the world how easy you could beat a man like Mistah J. CREEPER Mmm... go on. HARLEY No. CREEPER Persuasive, I like it! We could sell tickets! Raise money for a charity! We’ll call it CHUCKLE SANDWICH! HARLEY We can call it whatever you want, but let’s put that gun down. CREEPER Hmm? Oh, sure. CREEPER launches the gun away, which fires when it hits the ground. CREEPER The venue... Creeper Arena. The band... Creepy Jack and the Ryders! The contestants - well, us! I can see it all so clearly, and when you wake up, so will you! BOTH What? CREEPER thuds them both unconscious. CREEPER Time to get JUICY. CREEPER laughs. 09:50.000 --> 14:13.000 INT. UNKNOWN LOCATION. NIGHT. Some of HARPER’s men are playing cards. GARRETT Well, they used to pull the teeth out, but everything’s done by DNA now, so there’s not much point anymore. GOON Aside from the fun of it. GARRETT Sure, aside from the fun of it. GOON 2 Whose deal is it? GOON Mine. GOON 3 Did we have to pull anything for... GARRETT Oswald’s man? Nah. We just drop ‘em in, flip the switch, and grab the jars. GOON Have you ever...? GARRETT What? Worked the pulveriser? (laughs) ‘Course I have. I’m in. GOON No, the sauce. Have you, you know...? GARRETT What, eaten it? The group laughs softly. GARRETT Jesus Christ, son. We’re not fuckin’ cannibals. You put the remains in a spoiled batch, bottle it, mark it ‘unfit for eatin’’ and away it goes. Fold. GOON But we sent a bottle to the Mayor. KIERAN That was a message. Everyone stands up at his entrance. KIERAN Sit down, boys - there’s no need to stop playin’ on my account. GARRETT And what’s got you looking so damn cheerful? What’re you up to now? KIERAN Give us the room, lads. GOON 2 You got it. (whistles) The others leave. KIERAN You still think it was a mistake coming here. GARRETT I do. KIERAN Even after what they did to me. To my family. My face. GARRETT It was all business, Kieran. There were no saints in all this. KIERAN So I deserved what I got? GARRETT Don’t twist the words. You know damn well what I mean. KIERAN Do I now? GARRETT Look, no one would ever deny that Cobblepot ruined your Dad, but you pulled the trigger. You put his father in the ground. If you didn’t think there would be repercussions - KIERAN Repercussions?! He slaughtered us, Garrett! Slaughtered! I had to turn myself in to the authorities just to stay alive! I lost everything that day. Don’t you dare tell me I’m not owed. GARRETT Owed? Are you fucking kidding me? You don’t think he could’ve had you killed in prison? Or on your first day as a free man? The business was done, it was over. KIERAN It’s never over. If you were on my side, you’d know that. GARRETT Ohh, don’t you put that on me. I’ve been with you since your first night in the joy. I taught you to fight. I gave you a roof. I promoted you in the ring, and I was the one who got you sellin’ your mother’s recipes at the fights. Don’t you ever think I didn’t have your best interests at heart. We’re scraping by here, Kieran. We only managed a foothold when that fat fucker Romano blew his heart out and left the Garter and the Bowery open, and since then we’ve been dealin’ with Falcone AND that skull-faced fuck. We’re in it up to here - all because you want blood. When will it end? KIERAN When I’m watching Oswald’s bloated corpse being washed out to sea, it’ll be over. If you need to leave before then, I’ll understand. GARRETT I’m not going anywhere, Kieran. Whatever end, I’ll be here for it. KIERAN Whatever end. Pause. GARRETT Now, if you’d be so good as to follow me, I’ve got something to show you. KIERAN All in good time, Garrett. I’ve just got a wee party to crash. 14:14.000 --> 16:45.000 INT. BAT CAVE. MORNING. BRUCE Barbara, come in. BARBARA (over comms) Barbara here. BRUCE I need you to tell me where Jason is. BARBARA Gotham Memorial. Just like yesterday. He’s been there so much they offered him a job as a candy striper. BRUCE I know that. BARBARA Of course, he thought they said Candy STRIPPER, so that went about as well as you’d expect. BRUCE Look. Jason isn’t always there when I am, and I have to talk to him. BARBARA So wait around. Problem solved. BRUCE That’s not going to work. BARBARA He just leaves when you try to talk to him? Hm, what an unexpected surprise that was in no way expected. BRUCE I’ll thank you not to pass judgement. BARBARA I’ll wait for even more evidence, then. BRUCE You can find out where he is when he’s not in the hospital. BARBARA Yes, I can. BRUCE So tell me where that is. BARBARA ... BRUCE Are you still there? BARBARA Unfortunately. I mean, it’s just - are you kidding me right now? BRUCE I don’t kid. BARBARA You’re right, you don’t: silly me. Look - we’re all tagged, don’t you remember? BRUCE I remember. BARBARA We all signed up for it, we’re all aware. Heck, you’re tagged. Since Dick got kidnapped back when he was a Robin - it was just easier. BRUCE What’s your point? BARBARA My point is you can see where Jason is on your own. You can find that out at literally any time. BRUCE ... BARBARA You just don’t want to be “that” parent. You don’t want to see yourself pushing that button, and then remembering that you did. BRUCE ... BARBARA You want me to be the bad guy instead, the one you can point at when Jason figures out who told. He’s not stupid, Bruce. BRUCE I… I know. BARBARA Then get the hint that he doesn’t want to see you. The only person he wants to see is in a coma, and that’s probably because he’s sick to death of hearing everything he already knows. BRUCE Dick is awake, Barbara. BARBARA What? (frustrated sigh) Oh - dammit, I missed that. BRUCE I take it I’m not the only one Jason doesn’t want to see. BARBARA If it makes you feel better about yourself - no, he doesn’t want to see me, either. BRUCE What did you do? BARBARA Apparently it’s what I haven’t done. (is about to continue, but catches herself, flustered) Look, I have to go. I want to see Dick. BRUCE Thanks for the help. BARBARA Yeah, right. Click off. BRUCE (sighs) Click of a remote; a television starts up. NEWSREADER And with the sudden resignation of President Luthor amid discrepancies in the voting polls, opponent Amanda Waller is now being sworn in as the official President Elect of the United States. We go live now to the ceremony and press conference already in progress. 16:46.000 --> 19:30.000 EXT. PRESS CONFERENCE. SAME TIME. WALLER And I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of the President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect, and defend the constitution of the United States. SPEAKER Thank you. Orchestra starts up the refrain of “Hail to the Chief”; applause; clamouring of the press. WALLER I would like to say first, thank you to the people who worked tirelessly to bring about the truth, returning democracy into the loving arms of this beautiful country. It is time to remember who we are as a people - a nation of dreamers and thinkers, with citizens hailing from every country in the world and beyond, which is why, effective immediately, the reckless and foolish Super Ban is history. (crowd roaring) America will never again close our doors to those who yearn for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happine -- Gunshots; screaming. Whooshing noise and the fluttering of a cape. SECOND TRUMPET (plays three particular chords) FIRST TRUMPET (hissing) Dude, shut up. SECOND TRUMPET (whispering) Sorry. AUDIENCE MEMBER Superman just saved the President! Crowd roars. Press gasping; cameras clicking. WALLER is pleased, and by no means cowed. WALLER Thank you, Superman - for saving my life. SUPERMAN Thank you, Madame President, for allowing me to save it. PRESS (clamouring) SUPERMAN turns around and waves to the crowd like a big, happy Golden Retriever. SUPERMAN (pointing) Hi there. It’s good to be back. Overexcited noises; SUPERMAN turns back to WALLER. SUPERMAN Oh! Would you like to keep the bullet, Madame President? I believe it was intended for you. WALLER I certainly would. WALLER, smug and victorious, turns to face the world. WALLER Members of the press, America, the world at large: I, and also our dear friend Superman, will now take questions. Clamoring of questions. CUT TO: INT. BAT CAVE. SAME TIME. BRUCE (muttering) Showoff.