WEBVTT 00:00.000 --> 08:18.000 INT. ARC REHABILITATION CENTRE. DAY. JERVIS is having a conversation with his teacups. JERVIS Such small little cups, so thirsty. Tea! They cry! Sip sip sup and we shall grow up up up! Perchance we will grow a saucer, or (gasps) become a mug! Ha! What a journey that would be, but know us not, until we tea. JERVIS pauses. JERVIS Guests don’t need to linger in their dark corners. Horribly rude. To make oneself known is simply the way of things. Mmm... I smell words. Birds. Words and birds. Oh, little cups, clatter not. You have naught to fear from fear himself. JONATHAN Good afternoon, Mr. Tetch. I am Doctor Jonathan Crane and I will be performing your evaluations from today onward. Thank you, Hendrickson, you can leave now. HENDRICKSON Not a chance. JONATHAN Oh? And why not? HENDRICKSON ... JONATHAN You’re a new face, ain’tcha? What, you get the old standard? Don’t take an eye offa the good Doctor Crane? HENDRICKSON Somethin’ like that. JONATHAN Somethin’ like that. I’m guessin’ then, you mighta heard what happen to the boots you’re fillin’ now? HENDRICKSON ... JONATHAN You wanna find out if it’s true? HENDRICKSON You got five minutes. JONATHAN Bless your heart. HENDRICKSON leaves. JONATHAN Now you. JERVIS Me? What of me? I’m not even here. Or am I? Haha, sometimes I don’t know where I am. Perhaps you should go and find mysel- urk! JONATHAN You’re really good, Jervis. Really good. I don’t think there’s anyone on this floor, in this building, hell, in Gotham City, that doesn’t think you’re a Grade A nutjob. JERVIS Well, one doesn’t like to boas- urk. JONATHAN Even Ed would bet his wheels on it, and for all his faults... and... boy, there’re a lot... he’s no fool. But then, Ed’s not crazy. That is, Edward hasn’t run through the halls of the asylum, hackin’ and slashin’ and committin’ all kinds of murder. Neither have you. But you know who has? JERVIS I do. JONATHAN Jon... BOTH Jonathan Crane. JONATHAN Very good. Now, can you tell me who’s had just about enough of playing this goddamn runaround with you, lo these many years? JERVIS One can only imagine. JONATHAN Sit down, and start talkin’. JERVIS Why, whatever shall I say? What does the man outstanding in his field wish from an utter loon? JONATHAN Why did you take Ichabod away? JERVIS (sighs) Oh, that old chestnut. How many times must I tell this tale? JONATHAN Once would do me just fine. JERVIS Do you still smoke? JONATHAN No, I gave it up. JERVIS waits. JON sighs and hands one over. JERVIS A light? They don’t let me keep matches since the, um... JONATHAN The library. JERVIS Ah right, you were there too. Goodness, that feels like a lifetime ago. JON lights his lighter. JERVIS Tah. (blows smoke) You know, you have a wonderful knack for pissing off the wrong people. I’d be impressed had I any love for confrontation. JONATHAN Pot to kettle? JERVIS What, you and Edward? Oh, be still my shivering knees. You could kill me, and Edward can make living such a burden. Terrifying. JONATHAN Alright, who have I pissed off? JERVIS I don’t know. JONATHAN Tetch... JERVIS I don’t! And that’s the point. There are voices on the other ends of phones, hands reaching through windows, files jumping from one briefcase to the next. Tell me, did you ever have your words with Jeremiah Arkham? Did you ever find out what happened to those files he gave away? JONATHAN Well, I assumed they were given to Eliot. He was the one behind it all. JERVIS (surprised laugh) Behind it all? Oh no no no... the only thing Eliot was behind was the bandages on his face. JONATHAN Who wanted to kill Ichabod? JERVIS No one. Well, I’m sure Mr. Bolton would have revelled in the act, but she wasn’t to die. Merely disappear. JONATHAN But why? Why fuck with someone who has nothing to do with all... this? JERVIS Ohh, I’d say she had everything to do with “all... this”. JONATHAN Scarecrow. JERVIS I believe someone wanted very badly to meet you... him... it. JONATHAN Someone was takin’ notes... but who? For whom? JERVIS A who for a who? A whom for a whom? Perhaps a who for a what? JONATHAN A what? JERVIS Men pleading with gods they’ve never met, but I have. You weren’t there. Hiding your thin bones from the cold, I reckon. You never looked to the sky and beheld our end. Information for salvation? Know thine enemy. Perhaps. Someone wanted to crack your egg - sup upon the delicious yolks. Know thineself, Jonathan Crane. How I’d love to bumble through your brains. Go galumphing in your grey matters. JONATHAN I’d die first. JERVIS Yes. You would. JONATHAN Who’s pulling the strings, Jervis? JERVIS I’m sorry, that’s all the time we have for today, Jonathan. Auf Wiedersehen. HENDRICKSON returns. HENDRICKSON Alright, it’s time to go. JONATHAN This ain’t over. JERVIS It never is. It never was. It never will be. JONATHAN storms off. JERVIS Calooh for that! (quietly) And a callay for us all. 08:18.000 --> 14:35.000 CUT TO: INT. PRISON. NIGHT. FOOTSTEPS ECHO; PRISON/HOLDING CELL AMBIENCE. BARBARA I know what you’ve been up to, Jason. SILENCE. BARBARA And I know why you’re in here. SILENCE. BARBARA Just gonna lay there and not say anything? JASON does not turn away from the wall. JASON You’re doing enough talking for the both of us. It’d be rude to interrupt. BARBARA You haven’t been home for days: I checked with Alfred. Not since... it all happened. JASON grunts. BARBARA The nurses know you by name. They said they feel bad for you, so they let you stay all day even if it’s against the rules. SILENCE. BARBARA But you can’t stay all night, so I’m guessing you get a few beers in you, throw a few punches around? Something to get you locked up for a night, but not bad enough to keep you for longer? JASON finally turns away from the wall to look at her. JASON Well aren’t you just a big fuckin’ deal. Wanna give me my lotto numbers too while you’re at it? BARBARA Does Bruce know where you are? Creaking of bed springs as JASON sits up on the bed. JASON You tell me Carnac, ‘cause quite frankly? You could sew up my stomach and my asshole and I still wouldn’t give less of a shit than I do right now. BARBARA What are you doing for money? JASON What do you care? BARBARA Look, I know you’re scared - Clanking sound of rings hitting metal as JASON lurches up to the bars and grabs them. JASON (hissing) You don’t know what I am. BARBARA Oh, I know what you are, Jason Todd, you’re a selfish little boy who’s taking the world personally. Dick’s lying in critical, the whole family is falling apart, and STILL all you can think of is you, you, you! I mean, are you even here right now? Where do you go? JASON All about me? I saw the sign-in sheet, Barbara Gordon. You’ve seen Dick one time. ONE TIME. Where the fuck do you go? Uncomfortable pause. BARBARA Things have been difficult. Not everyone has the... capacity to sit in the hospital all day. JASON More like the desire. BARBARA What do you want from me? You want me on the Widow’s Walk outside the hospital, wringing my hands and weeping for my poor Richard? JASON It’d be a start. BARBARA Life keeps going, Jason - it doesn’t stop because you want it to. JASON So what, it gets better if you don’t look at it? BARBARA makes a frustrated noise. BARBARA God, you’re impossible. I hate to be the one to spoil this for you, but some of us have to keep moving forward. Some of us have to try to keep things together. We can’t all lay around in jail, moping while our daddy’s trust funds keep us out of the nine to five. JASON Hey, fuck you! I don’t need a lecture on life from Blue-Collar Barbie, okay? And for the record, I don’t even have my wallet. I left it at home, cards and all. BARBARA Why, so Bruce can’t find you? JASON So he can see that maybe he was right. Maybe I don’t need him. Not for money, not for help, not for goddamn anything. I’m asking for nothing, and I’m getting in it spades, baby. BARBARA pauses. BARBARA The two of you... I don’t know why I even bothered to help you. Children! JASON Help? BARBARA When you and Dick were getting your asses kicked, who do you think was trying to talk Bruce down? Me. And not because I thought you needed his help, which you CLEARLY did, but because I care about you. Both of you. JASON So is knowing that you had to berate Bruce into saving us supposed to make me less pissed off, or...? BARBARA I just wanted you to know. JASON Well then good, I know now. Your conscience is clean. BARBARA makes another frustrated noise: he’s impossible to talk to when he’s like this. JASON Now, as much fun as this has been, I’d like to go back to my brick wall. It’s far less self-righteous. BARBARA Are you doing mercenary work again? JASON Fly away, Babs. BARBARA You know how much that would hurt Dick. JASON Don’t. BARBARA Jason. What are you doing for money? JASON When I run for President, you can see my tax returns. Guess you’ll have to hold out ‘til then. BARBARA This isn’t a joke. JASON You see me laughing? You wanna do something for me? Go talk to Dick - give me some peace. BARBARA I’m always watching Dick. I see him plenty. JASON Oh yeah, through the loving eye of a security camera. That’s not the same, and it’s not what he deserves. BARBARA Not everything is so black and white, Jason. JASON FINALLY, something we can agree on! BARBARA Jason - JASON leaves the bars; creaking springs as he sits back down on his bed and reclines on it. JASON Goodbye, Barbara. A pause. BARBARA, defeated: BARBARA What if he dies? JASON (staring at the ceiling) Then he won’t die alone. BARBARA And after? JASON I guess we’ll see if Ras does group rates. BARBARA is completely caught off guard from JASON’S coldness. BARBARA Wow. Wow... I’m sorry, Jason. JASON You don’t even know what you’re sorry for. BARBARA You’re right. But I’m sorry anyway, because I know you want someone to be. Footsteps as BARBARA leaves; pause. JASON (under his breath) And yet I know beyond a doubt, he’ll get me yet, he’ll get me yet... 14:36.000 --> 21:46.000 CUT TO: INT. ARKHAM ASYLUM. DAY. JOKER What brings you to my broken neck of the woods, Mr. Mayor? OSWALD It’s certainly not for the ambience. Doors clanging; asylum noise. JOKER Well, you know what they say: come for the food, stay for the ambulance. OSWALD (waves him off) Hmph. There’s a new threat that’s come to Gotham - a character we’ve never seen thus far. JOKER And what’s that to do with the likes of little old me? Are they stepping on my toes? Cutting my grass? Eating my lunch? OSWALD Something like that, yes. JOKER Cutting my toes, eating my grass? The audacity of them. Now to question 2, why should I care? OSWALD You should care because it was you who made him. JOKER Like my son, or something? And here I thought I was shooting blanks - someone could’ve told me the boys were back in town, I’d have thrown them a (enunciating) welcome back party! OSWALD Spare me the mental imagery. Suffice it to say it’s something you created via your more... toxic methods. JOKER Oh thank god for that. Child support is murder, isn’t it old boy? (giggles) And I mean, someone would have to tell Harley she was up the duff and didn’t even know it, and that’s not even -- OSWALD Cutting to the quick, do you recall the parade you undertook to celebrate the constitutional removal of all... non-naturalised superheroes? JOKER The Superban? It rings a bell, but when you’re a party man like me, the bells all start to sound the same. Makes me drool just thinking about it. OSWALD Then I shall refresh your memory. Amidst your merriment, you released a cloud of your laughing gas so noxious, so potent, you seem to have permanently poisoned one Jack Ryder. JOKER Jack Ryder? Hmm... Ryder... Oh! Channel Seven! What a mustache! That one I remember - ahh, good times. You think it’s him? OSWALD Verily. Though he be yellow skinned and green haired, and frolicking about the city causing widespread chaos in a modus operandi that was not previously his to enjoy, the hypothesis is that he is most definitely that man, and since you created that... creature, he is yours to correct. JOKER Kinky. And what do you want me to do? Spank the boy and send him home to Mummy? OSWALD sighs, but not sadly; more of a resignation in the face of the facts. OSWALD Whatever you see fit to get him under control. He overcame a team of undercover Suicide Squad infantry with nary a scratch. Clearly, he must not be permitted to roam free. JOKER Well, this sounds like a batload of fun, but this is where I must reveal I’m rather... contained at the moment. So unless they’ve started giving out Dirty Work Day Passes, I’m afraid I’m just not... free to assist. OSWALD An unconditional release. Signed and executed by me. Should you agree to be of use to me, you are free to leave. Carte blanche, may I be forgiven. JOKER Now you’re talking. OSWALD The terms are acceptable, then? JOKER Almost, Emperor. But I do have one itty bitty teeny tiny request. OSWALD A second release, to one Harleen Quinzel. Also signed and executed by me. JOKER Ooh, now that was spooky. That’s why they pay you the big bucks, eh? OSWALD Having big bucks in the first place tends to help. Despite your chaotic posturing, you are hilariously predictable where your partner in crime is concerned. JOKER ‘Tis true, love grows where my harlequin goes. I’ll level with ya, Ozzy, apart from being ludicrously easy on the eyes, my Gal Friday tips the odds in my favour: I despise a fair fight. OSWALD A sentiment we share. The guards will be along shortly to escort you from the premises. I trust you can resist your more... chaotic tendencies until you’re safely distanced from the premises? JOKER I’ll keep the Joy Buzzer in my pants, just where I like it. And speaking of, what does a former inmate of Arkham have to do to get a change of clothes around here? I love stripes as much as the next man, but barcodes are just a bit too personal. OSWALD Ever the man of fashion. JOKER Image is everything, Pengy. Or have top hats and monocles suddenly become passé at the lounge? OSWALD Fine. You’ll get the suit you arrived in. Blood stains and all. JOKER Fantastic. Seems your command is my command, Mr. Mayor. OSWALD Indeed it is. I would wish you well, but we all know the world would sleep far more soundly if you somehow managed to blow yourself up along with this... nuisance. JOKER Why, I’d have to be CRAZY to do something like that. Oh wait! I am! OSWALD squawks and leaves while JOKER laughs.