Live from the historic River Market District in downtown Kansas City, Missouri,
from the banks of the beautiful Crystal Blue waters of the Missouri River,
it is Two Douchebags and Microphone Podcast.
When taking a shower, remember to scrub your asshole with soapy water,
because nobody likes a stinky asshole.
Two thimble dicks and a crash cart will be right back.
Hello, Two Douchebags and Microphone, I'm Mark.
I'm Rob Rad.
Rob Rad is once again co-hosting, and anyhow, that's all I've got to say about that.
We love Rob Rad, and he does a great job, so anyhow.
You know, you remember that Vince Neil, back in 1985,
he killed his best friend accidentally from Hanoi Rocks,
Razzle Dingley, the drummer.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, I do know that.
And well, you know.
We listen to Hanoi Rocks just from their music.
Yes, yeah, Hanoi Rocks is a very good band.
They were poised to become a huge band in America,
but they didn't make it because of that unfortunate accident.
You know, Razzle was attending a party with Vince,
and they went to, they just quite simply, they went on a beer run,
and Vince was.17, and.10 is the legal limit in California,
so he's almost twice the legal limit.
And he went to jail for 30 days, five years probation,
paid a lot of money to different people,
and I mean, I wouldn't say he got out of it,
but a lot of people think he was kind of baby-handed or glad-handed
because of his status.
So whatever that is, it doesn't matter because you know what?
That's just, there's been a lot of other people got away with shit too,
so I don't have any comment about that.
So anyhow, Hanoi Rocks frontman Michael Monroe had a reputation as a class act,
and the singer has further enhanced that reputation
after his first ever meeting with Motley Crue lead vocalist Vince Neil.
For those who might forget,
Neil was the driver behind the wheel of a car accident on December 8, 1984
that led to the death of his passenger and Hanoi Rocks drummer Razzle,
which was his best friend at the time.
Both Neil and Razzle had been drinking prior to getting into the vehicle driven by Neil.
Now there's something I would like to say on Vince Neil's defense there.
They were both drinking, and they both know they were drinking,
and Razzle did get into the car with him.
So, you know, Vince probably should have taken,
well they didn't have Ubers back then, but taken a cab or whatever,
had it delivered if they could.
He shouldn't have been in his car driving,
but then again, Razzle probably should have been like,
man this guy's fucked up, but he was drinking too,
so you know, it wasn't all on Vince is what I'm saying.
Reports that Vince Neil was charged with vehicular manslaughter
and driving under the influence of alcohol in his connection with the crash.
His blood alcohol content was 017.
Oh, I was right.
Well above the California legal limit of 010.
I was right on both of them. Good.
In September 1985, Los Angeles County Superior Court Judge Edward Hines Jr.
sentenced Neil to 30 days in jail and five years probation.
Hanoi Rocks never recovered from that,
and the band split up in June of 1985, which is a few months after.
They didn't want to do it without Razzle.
I respect that.
Both Motley Crue and Monroe were scheduled to perform
at the Rockfest Festival in Hynyaka, Finland.
I think it's pronounced Hyvinka.
Hyvinka, Finland, which was taking place.
Yeah, I think it's Hyvinka. I heard that.
Anyhow, Finland, which was taking place from June 8th to 10th, 2023,
Dylan Monroe ended up meeting for the first time on Friday, June 9th, 2023.
One of the most important moments of my life was meeting Vince Neil for the first time last night.
Razzle always wanted us to meet.
You know, Razzle always wanted them to meet.
Razzle is a guy that was killed, his drummer.
And he thought us singers were a lot alike.
Under different circumstances, both bands would have been good friends,
but they had other plans.
Thank you for your time, Vince.
We didn't say...this is Michael Monroe.
We didn't say much, but your eyes told me more than a thousand words ever could.
And your singing was great at the show.
Nice to finally see you guys live, Michael.
So that kind of puts to bed that huge feud between the two.
And, you know, there's a lot of bad blood,
and there are a lot of things that have been said towards Motley Crue,
and especially Vince Neil.
Even Motley Crue turned on Vince Neil when you watched the dirt after that.
You know, they kind of like...they treated him like shit over that.
You know, I mean, the thing that really got me was
Nicky O'Deed was actually dead.
And he's lucky that that guy wasn't going to let anyone die in his fucking ambulance that day.
Otherwise, he'd been on a slab.
He would have never...he would have been a little blip in history.
So the fact that him and everybody else went so vigorously after Vince Neil,
and even after Vince Neil's daughter died from cancer,
I just...I don't look at the band the same,
and then the recent lawsuits with Mick Mars.
I used to idolize...I used to idolize Nicky.
I thought he was the coolest shit ever.
You know, his hair, his actions, everything.
And since then, I just really...I just wished I could unsee and unhear
a lot of the stuff that's went on,
because I'd love to just go back to loving the guy,
but now I don't really care for him.
From everything, it's been a preponderance of evidence
that I want to like the guy still, but I don't.
I don't think he's a very good person.
I think he's got a lot of inner demons
that interfere with his everyday life.
And...
Yeah, I think he's too wrapped up in himself.
I think so, too.
And it's really unfortunate because the guy...
I mean, he has everything in front of him,
but it doesn't seem like he truly gets it sometimes.
So, anyhow, I thought that was very classy, very cool,
and Michael Monroe,
and I've always been a huge Michael Monroe fan.
I wish Hanoi Rocks would have got back together
and did a few more albums.
I think it put out five or six.
And every one of their albums were solid, solid great albums.
And I love them both.
We used to tour them at Jesse Jim's back in the day.
Oh, yeah. They were fantastic.
You're the one that turned me on to them.
Yes.
And anyhow, I mean, it wasn't just me
because there's a lot of people that knew about them
that actually turned me on to them.
And anyhow, but I mean, it was very cool.
And I remember getting that first tape and going,
fuck, I gotta take this into work
and have everybody listen to it
because this thing is so cool.
So, anyhow, I really enjoyed that story.
So you had something,
a kind of a congratulations, a pat on the ass,
a he-haw-sign.
Yeah, yeah, actually, I was listening.
Okay, I told you, I picked the show on iHeartRadio.
That's a very good platform.
We get a lot of listeners on iHeartRadio.
That's a great platform for us.
Well, I also picked up 101 The Fox.
Yep.
Live.
Yes.
From a great Kansas City station.
I talked to, huh?
I said a great Kansas City station
that people don't know who they are.
But go ahead.
Yes, it is.
Classic rock format from Kansas City.
They went on when the much fabled KY-102 went out.
They stuck around and they're still around
and they still do a damn fine job.
I think they only have a couple of the old KY DJs left
since Skid Row retired.
Yeah, they got Skid Row, not Skid Row, Slacker.
Slacker's there.
He's pretty much running.
Yeah.
And Slacker isn't one of the original guys.
Well, Roadie wasn't either, but Roadie was there
for a long, long time since the early 90s.
Yeah, he's recently stepped out, I believe.
Yeah, he retired.
Matter of fact, I went right by his retirement party
and didn't know it was him because I was listening.
Oh, really?
Yeah, I always listen to Internet radio
and I was driving home from the city market
and I see all these people downtown
at the Power Line district.
I'm like, what the hell is that?
And all of a sudden I hear,
ladies and gentlemen, Skid Row, he really loud.
I'm like, huh.
So I turned to 101 The Fox.
Yeah, I had no idea he was retired.
And then he started talking about old stuff,
old things that happened and old stories and stuff.
And I'm like, shit, I just drove right by
and just heard him live and didn't even know he was retiring.
So because I was listening to Internet stuff
or satellite or whatever,
so I had no idea what was going on
until I actually heard Skid Row, like, over the intercom
when I was driving down Grand.
Yeah.
Yeah, so...
Well, anyway, I was listening to the radio today
and I'm at Jales-Hawley-Davidson.
You know, they're in Grandview?
Yes.
That's where 101 The Fox broadcast from, isn't it?
Huh?
Isn't that where The Fox broadcast from?
I don't know.
They do a lot with them, I know that.
I think they might have their own studios there.
I grew up in Belmont.
I grew up in Grand-Worth-Hawley-Davidson.
Yeah, yeah, that's the same family.
Which, well, I went to school with Dale's sister, Lori.
Yeah, yeah.
Lori was one year older.
Now, correct me if I'm wrong.
They split up and that's where Gale got the business.
Gale took it over.
Yes, that's what I thought.
Lori, from what I've seen,
I think Lori has stepped away.
She's doing Lori.
Okay.
That's cool.
So Lori, if you hear this, Gale, if you hear this,
I'm sorry, this is bad.
Anyway, Gale's day on the radio,
and this is a little special, okay?
They gave away a $25,000 motorcycle
to day out at Gale's, live on air.
Oh, wow.
And I listened to it.
Okay.
Okay, and it was just one of those things
that I was going to blow off, you know?
Okay.
But there's more to the story, of course.
Okay.
The gentleman in the morning,
all I thought was his name is Jesse.
His wife, him and his wife,
or his wife went up to something,
but his wife told him to go up and enter this contest.
Okay.
Okay, well, he won this contest today.
Congratulations, Jesse.
Okay, cool.
But there's an upside to this, too.
Today is their anniversary.
Oh, that's nice.
He just won a $25,000 Harley
on his anniversary, thanks to his wife.
Wow, what a present.
Happy anniversary, Jesse.
Congratulations, Jesse.
We're very happy for you.
As a matter of fact, here, hang on.
Cool.
I just thought that was cool, man.
You went all the way on your birthday.
As a matter of fact, I met Gail not too long ago,
and you know where I met her at?
She was with Mark Alford, formerly Channel 4,
but now he is a state representative for Missouri.
I know.
At Jess and Jim's Steakhouse.
I was there getting some food, and I saw Mark over there.
Yeah, and he'd already left the news and was running.
I walked over there and I talked to him for a little bit.
Very nice guy, really nice, very well-mannered,
and then she introduced herself as Gail from Harley-Davidson,
and she couldn't have been nicer.
And I forgot the other guy that was with him's name,
but I kind of believe it might have been her husband
or significant other or something.
But anyhow, they were all very, very nice,
and I had a little brief chat with them.
I didn't want to interrupt them because their steaks were coming out.
I'm like, all right, I'm going to get out of here, guys.
Thanks for talking.
Yeah, we know Jess and Jim.
Yeah, yeah, and anyhow, it was just cool talking to them,
and Gail could not have been nicer.
She could not have been nicer, and then when I was leaving,
she actually remembered my name.
She goes, nice meeting you, Mark.
And I'm like, wow, because most people don't retain your name
after you first say what it is.
They're just kind of like, hey, hey, hey, hey, nice to see you.
But she was very down to earth, very nice, very pleasant,
and I just, I remember that.
I was like, wow, she seems like really normal, cool people.
Yeah, yeah, no, the whole family is.
Like I said, I grew up with her sister.
She was older, you know.
The whole family was that way.
They were good people, man.
They were good people.
I can definitely believe that.
I was given that word.
You know what, I can believe that just by meeting them that time.
Yes, yes.
Well, I grew up in the same town in Belton.
Okay, well, that's cool.
All right, I got a little story I want to go into here.
You care?
Yeah, I do.
All righty.
This is a senior's prank.
They prank their school.
I read this, and I was just like kind of giggling
like a little schoolgirl on acid.
So it was funny.
They used to be like tagline.
I'd be like, man, I'm giggling like a little schoolgirl on acid.
And people like turned around and, huh?
Why'd the schoolgirl have to be on acid?
I was just saying, I got to ask the whole weird story.
It's like because they're seeing lights.
I don't know.
What the fuck?
Anyhow, okay.
A group of high school seniors in Fort Meade, Maryland
had fun pranking their high school last week.
Excuse me.
The student at Meade High School listed their school
on the real estate website.
And the real estate website was Willow.
So anyhow, on a real estate website, for a measly $42,069,
a local news outlet reported,
a listing that was eventually removed
advertised a complimentary trash-scented air fresheners
and water issues with a whole shebang when you buy it.
And the student also listed the school as a half-working jail.
The listing also promised a full supply of rodents and roaches
or your money back.
Although the listing wasn't very complimentary to the school,
the county board found it funny and grinned it off.
This happened before to a school close by.
In spring of 2020, Annapolis, Maryland's Broadwick High School
had a for sale sign hung from it in the heart of the pandemic
when it was empty.
So evidently Merlin kids have a sense of humor.
I guess. I guess.
I thought it was pretty cool myself.
It's like, you know, just a little slap on the ass
or a little tug on the nuts, if you will.
Just kind of like, hey, look, we're graduating,
but we're going to give you a little nut tug on the way out.
There you go.
I'm glad the powers of being looked at it like that.
Where we came from, that was time.
Well, yeah, I know that.
You've got to think of it in today's environment
where everybody's offended.
Go watch today's society.
I can walk out in public and have like 20% of America mad at me
because I'm male.
I can have another 20% mad at me because I'm a white male.
I can have another 20% because I go to work every day.
You know, I mean, this ratio of being offended
is just fucking ridiculous in America.
Okay.
Well, everything you just said, I do the same exact thing.
Yep.
I'm proud of it.
Hey, I'm proud of it, too.
I'm proud of everything that I do
because I can consider myself a good person,
and I don't do anything wrong,
and I can't help if some narrow-minded idiot
fucking doesn't like it because of whoever I am.
So therefore, what I promised myself a long time ago
is to never be offended by people being offended
nor pay attention to it because I simply don't care.
Right, right.
Don't, you know, don't bother me with it.
If you're stewing about me, you fucking leave.
I'm not going to.
You're going to be in me.
You know what?
I work for Mindwaving.
I don't get no help from the state.
Uh-huh.
I pay my own way.
So, yeah, don't be offended by me.
Yeah, and you know what?
I agree.
And let me add this, too.
There's a lot of people out there that need help.
Yes, no, no.
And I know you, Rob.
I'm clarifying this.
You're not talking about someone that needs assistance.
No, no, no.
I'm saying me.
Yes.
So I know you well enough to where I know what you're saying.
And I know how some people might read into that,
so I went ahead and clarified it.
And I'm glad I was correct on that.
So, anyhow, I mean, you know, and like I was saying,
I thought it was a pretty good trick in today's environment.
Yeah, yeah, it was.
Like I said, with people being uber-offended for no reason,
people walking around being an offended factory,
I thought that was pretty good.
Yeah.
As much fun as an electric can opener to the scrotum,
two douchebags and a microphone.
Oh, shit.
What's that over there?
Oh, no.
It's an island of horrible jokes.
Ugh.
I can't take my dog to the lake.
The ducks keep attacking me.
That's what I get for having a purebred dog.
Ha ha ha ha.
Oh, lord.
That man just saw a puppy in ha...
Hey there.
Don't worry.
I have a clown nose.
Oh, no.
That drunk guy just hit my child.
It's okay.
I have a clown nose.
Clown nose.
Just put one on and you can do anything.
Want to run for office?
Murder people in public?
Just grab a clown nose and bam, everyone laughs.
Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions.
Grab one today and make magic happen.
Two thimble dicks and a crash cart will be right back.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
May, your five-year-old neighbor
had all their violin lessons during all of your hangovers.
Okay.
Two douchebags and microphone.
We are back.
So, anyhow, I have some interesting questions
if you want to go into some horrible would-you-rather scenarios.
Oh, yeah.
I got one for you here in a minute.
You know what?
Go ahead.
Okay.
Well, like I said, I had just a little bit of extra time
to think about shit today, so it led to four or five
horrible would-you-rather questions,
and I just figured, you know what?
Oh, man, I'm in trouble.
Yes, you are in trouble.
If you had time, I'm in trouble.
Okay, and here's another thing, too.
No gun this time.
There's no way out of it.
You have to do it.
Oh, you know what?
That kind of goes with mine, too.
Okay, we got to do a gun on you.
No gun on you.
No gun tonight.
You got to take it.
So would you rather take your mom's hand
and place it on your nuts
or have butt plugs sent to you at work for a year?
Have what?
Shit to me?
Grab your mom's hand and place it on your nuts.
I got that one.
Or have butt plugs sent to you at your work for a year?
Butt plugs.
For work.
Yep, and it's got to be labeled like,
I don't know, like sex toys or something
and maybe like an image of a butt plug or something.
You know, somewhere to where work knows
that you're getting butt plugs every week sent there for you.
Okay, Mark.
This is an easy answer for me.
Okay, go ahead.
Send me the butt plugs.
Me, too.
Everybody at work knows me.
I will tell them by choice.
They will understand.
That's the way I looked at it, too, is be like, well, you see...
We're a small company,
but we do a lot of business around the country.
Okay, okay.
That's the way I felt about it, too, is everybody at work
would be like, ha-ha, someone's playing a joke on Mark,
and that's it.
No, my foreman would have a heyday with that.
Okay.
Which, by the way, they all know about these podcasts.
I actually have a guy that has been listening, so...
Tell them to break into people's houses
and download our show on their computers.
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Tell them there's no excuse for being lazy,
that they have to do it.
No, probably, probably ain't like that.
Well, you find some of the weaker people,
and you tell them that they have to do it.
Otherwise, you're gonna beat their ass, say,
look, you like this podcast, you go out there,
and you grab people's fucking tablets out of their hands,
you grab their phones out of their hands,
you download two douchebags and a microphone,
and you make them fucking listen,
and make them download every episode.
Mark, you've been watching my Facebook.
You know I'm good at this.
I know you're pushing it.
I'm just screwing around.
I know you are.
And before...
You know what, no, I'm not gonna do a disclaimer.
I'm gonna do a parody.
Every bit of it is fucking parody.
It's tongue-in-cheek.
So yeah, I'm not gonna go, I'm just joking around.
People know I'm joking around.
And they're not gonna go punch somebody in the face
and grab their tablet.
And if they do, then they're idiots,
and they should never be allowed out in public alone.
So...
I'd smack them on my tablet.
You know.
Okay, okay, since we both have the same answer on that,
let's see about this next one.
You'd rather have an electric
can opener
go awry and rip up your nipple
or have to bathe
in pink insulation for a month
once a day.
You know how itchy that fucking pink insulation is?
I hate my nipple.
That's why...
We're on the hard tonight.
I was like, fucking rip that bitch out. I don't care.
I'm not fucking playing
in pink insulation.
You're done.
Other than that, you're fucking forever itchy.
You can't get that...
That shit has to wear off of you.
You can't just wash it off.
You don't know how many addicts I've been in.
Oh, me too.
One of the worst feelings in the whole world
is when you land in that shit
and you know you're not getting it off you for at least a week.
Ugh.
100 degrees outside, you're up in an addict
and you can have it.
Yeah, you're up there fucking bathing in it.
Oh, yeah, I got some stories behind that.
Yeah, well, Dr. Ken O'Neer, here's my nipple.
That's all there is to it.
Hey, I got one right here.
I'm ready.
Just leave me one. That's all I need.
So...
Alright. Would you rather have to
shave a family member's balls
or have the top MMA fighter
kick you right in the asshole
full force?
I'm sorry, baby brother Joshy.
Come on down.
I will find the most carefree one I can.
One that will understand that I have to do this
and instead of getting kicked in the asshole.
Yeah, that's fine.
I just have a special request.
No, I'm not fighting MMA fighters.
No, no, no.
You won't have an asshole left.
I'm doing damage to somebody else.
I'm not fighting MMA fighters.
No, no, no.
You won't have an asshole left.
I'm doing damage to somebody else.
Your asshole would just disappear, dude.
You wouldn't have one. It'd be gone.
So...
That's what I'm saying. My baby brother, come on down.
Dude, we're on par tonight.
We're 100% the same tonight.
Yeah, yeah. I'm the same there.
Fuck that.
You imagine getting kicked in the asshole by an MMA guy?
Uh-uh. No.
Dude, I know you have some family members.
You call them.
I would find one of them and say,
look, dude, I'm not getting kicked in the asshole.
Can I buy you, like, I don't know,
three or four cases of beer?
A couple of sandwiches from a barbecue place.
You know, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I know the number one if he was still with us.
Oh, that would be John.
If he was still with us, that would be John.
Oh, yeah, my brother would be right there going,
all right, Mark, go ahead.
Oh, just say no more, Mark.
I would pay tribute to him
every time I hear a certain song.
Um, which one?
Winds of Change.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what?
Your brother loved that song
when he came out.
I know he did. That was by Mr. Mr.
It was called Wings of Change.
Oh, Scorpions.
Oh, Wings of Change.
Your brother loved that song
when he came out.
Yeah, he did love that song.
He was the next song coming out.
Him and his wife and kids
were living out in West Belt.
Mm-hmm.
And I was going out, hanging out with him.
And that was without you.
Oh, my God, that hurts, Rob.
Yeah, I mean, it just...
No, I'm glad that you and John hung out.
I don't think I necessarily knew it.
Oh, yeah.
This was later.
Okay.
And, yeah,
they were living in West Belt.
Okay.
So you know about what time period.
Yeah, I know what it is, yeah.
Yeah, he told me.
He fell in love with that song
Wings of Change when it came out.
And so to this day,
well,
like I said, I listen on I Heart.
A lot of my music
comes off I Heart.
No, they have everything on there.
It's fantastic.
It doesn't matter what
song.
You know, I'll punch in one group,
you know, show up at a song or whatever.
Well, somehow
that song
ends up in every one of them.
And I hear that song
three, four times a day.
I'll just go ahead and give my brother
credit for that. How's that?
Well, every time that song
comes on, Mark, and this
is to this day, I look up
and this is since then.
Yes. Many years later.
Uh-huh. I look up
and I say,
hey, John,
how you doing? You know?
I'm sure he appreciates that.
Yeah, I look at
I'm at work. I'll stop
what I'm doing. I'll go, hey,
John, good morning. You know?
You know, in a way, this show is a tribute.
I pay tribute to your brother.
And honestly, I've seen
signs and I'm thinking
you know how you pulled me
into this show. Yes.
I'm honestly
thanking your brother may have had something to do with that.
I thought all along, too.
I thought all along also.
Because we'll
talk about off the air. Yeah, you know what?
We won't. A lot of people won't get
what we're talking about, but I agree with you 100 percent.
And we can talk a little bit more in depth
because I felt like that
since day one when you came back
because we've always been talking about my
brother nonstop and also one other guy,
Harry.
Yeah. Both of them no longer.
I got another one I need to ask
you about. Yes, go ahead.
Do you remember Kurt? Yes.
Yeah, yeah, blonde hair.
Okay, well, we'll talk
I'll get your feelings about him
off the air. Yeah,
because
yeah.
Yeah, well, I'll tell you
what. It did not end well between
me and him.
That's why I wanted to talk to you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let me put it like this.
He deserved 100 percent of it. But
anyhow.
I have a story with him
one night. Okay.
You may have been with us. But anyway,
we'll go into that later. Okay,
that's cool. All right. Would you
rather wear a random
person underwear from a homeless
camp or eat a mouthful of ground
kale?
Oh, give me that
underwear. Me too.
Yeah, kale.
No, no way.
Nope.
Nope. No,
no. Oh,
that makes you gag just thinking about it, man.
My mouth just. Who's saying that word?
Oh,
oh, I can't get the
the thought out of my mouth.
Oh,
man. And all the rubes that say
they love it. And we know they don't.
Okay. And then
then finally, last
but not least, would you rather
have to listen to Skip Bayless for
an hour or have
random animals piss on you for a day?
And I guess I'm going to be wet.
You're setting up.
You're setting up. Give me the piss.
I'm ready for pissing.
Yes, there was no
question. An hour.
Skip Bayless or have the animals piss
on me for an hour. I don't care if it's a
grizzly bear. Fucking piss on me.
I'm not listening to Skip Bayless for an hour.
I don't care if it's skunk,
whatever. Yeah. No, you
piss on me. It's all right. Bring them all
over. Skunks, everything.
I don't care. Badgers, whatever.
Piss on me. I'm not listening to Skip
Bayless. And now we go to
Rob, because I know you have a
pretty interesting would you rather.
So, hang on.
I'm going to do a drum roll.
Hang on.
Alright.
That's all I can do.
I'm not a very good air drummer. I'm a great
air guitarist. But air drumming, I got a lot of work.
And I'll have you either way.
Alright, cool.
Rob, the floor is yours. Hit it, Rob
Rand. Okay.
Would you rather
lift a gas pump handle
or
the public toilet inside that
gas station?
Now, I do have a
fact behind this one.
You give me your pick.
Okay.
Now, the grossness factor to me,
I think I'd rather lick
a, even though I don't think it's
more sanitary, and I think I know
where you're going with this.
Remember, no gas. Yeah, I know.
Okay. Just
for my own sake,
I would do the gas handle.
Just because
I couldn't imagine a bunch of people pissing
and shitting in something, and then me licking
it. But I'll bet you the
gas handle is dirtier
than the toilet.
Okay, are you ready? Yes.
This is something I read.
I don't know how true it is,
but this is enough.
If it's what I think it is, it is true.
It will gross you out. Go ahead.
Okay.
The average gas pump handle
is about
11,000 times
dirtier than your average
public toilet.
Okay, I can believe that.
The 11,000, I mean, that could
be true. Maybe not.
It might be exaggerated. It might be exaggerated, but
I know that that is true, because
I read something along that line, and that's why
I knew where you're going to go with that.
It is dirtier, but for
my own sake,
I'd rather lick
the gas handle than the toilet,
because I think if I licked the toilet,
I would be fucking throwing up for five hours.
If I licked the gas handle,
I'd be spitting and rubbing my tongue
and spitting and rubbing my tongue, but
not necessarily puking.
Okay, well, with
all that being said,
I might have to go with you.
Yeah, it's just the thought.
It's the thought.
You know, you imagine people
spucking explosive diarrhea,
BBs hitting the lake all over that
bitch, and then you're over to licking on the...
Oh my God.
I would never, ever, ever
forget that, you know what I mean?
All the barbecue and alcohol
down here, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
No, I got a...
Oh, no.
I'll go into another story another time.
No, go ahead, Rob.
No, no, no, not tonight.
It's a long story.
Okay, alright, that's cool.
But it was gross, dude.
It was a long story.
Okay.
I got a neat little story
right here.
April 5th, 2023,
South African pilot
Rudolf Erasmus
made an emergency landing after a pilot
spotted a highly venomous and deadly
Cape Cobra.
A Cape Cobra is like
one of the most venomous snakes on the
Earth. It's by this...
It's probably surely lethal.
I mean, I don't care if you are on a plane
and maybe you could get somewhere pretty
quick. That hits your system
like that and you become paralyzed
and then dead in a matter of probably
minutes, if not maybe even
like seconds.
The pilot quickly
turned around, landed and evacuated
the plane. But
listen to this, the snake
was never found.
Wow.
Yeah.
So, what does that
tell you, Rob?
It's still on the plane, dude.
Yeah.
It didn't jump off on its own accord.
It probably had a
water source and it's
dark and cool down there
where they spotted it. And it
comes up whenever it needs to.
So some poor bastard is going to be
on that plane and it's going to come up and fucking
bite him. That's what's going to happen.
Yeah, it is.
Yeah. I couldn't believe it
because it did state in the article
that they started using the plane again.
Because they never could find it and that's like
a, I don't know how many million dollar
planes sitting there so they're not going to let it
you know, they made some poor bastard get in there
and drive it.
Wow.
Yeah.
So,
and then I got another, I got a bunch of little short
stories that are pretty neat.
Vienna Nudists, Rob?
Do what?
Vienna Nudists in Austria are up in arms
about plans to build a cable car right over the
Nudists beach.
This is a cable car
that is for tourists.
It
takes them on the mountain in Austria
where they ski
and it takes them down to the beach where they
can swim. Okay?
But it's the other beach, not
the beach that the nudists go into. There's a
nude beach there and they're all nude
and they don't like these cable cars, this
proposed cable car going over them
to where people can go by and fucking rubber neck
them. But I thought that's the whole
idea being a nudist is you don't give a shit
if anyone sees you naked because it's natural
right?
Yeah. That sounds like something we wouldn't come
up with. Yeah.
You know, the country's press
agency on Friday
voted nudist Barbara Hassel
saying she feared for privacy because
of cell phones and cameras. Okay.
And cameras and videos. You know what?
Yeah. I agree.
Everyone's going to have a
phone and they're going, hey look at those fucking
naked people, let's get a video of them.
Hey, let's throw it up on YouTube.
Okay. At first I was
like, what's she tripping about? She wants to be
nude. But no,
she's right. People have cell phones.
They probably check people on the
beach. They don't have a cell phone with them
so they can come in. Now people on
that car,
on that tram, they can't check.
Right.
And they all have phones and there'll be pictures
everywhere of these fucking old wrinkly bastards
with their tits down to their knees.
So.
Oh well. Yeah.
Okay. I guess I agree
with her. Yeah.
I do too. I do too. Yeah.
You're putting cameras on a nudist?
No.
Only because
my adopted mom
is a nudist.
She's like a
no no.
No, I mean
she's, I call her my
adopted mom. She's a good friend
of mine. I call her my mom.
Oh.
Excuse me.
I've looked from her the nudist
side.
You know. So.
Which I never was.
Other than streaking.
You know. Okay.
Which by the way, by the way
I got a story about
the streaking of you and
love.
Okay. That's cool.
Well I mean whatever you want to, do you want to go into?
Do you want to go into that one now? Yeah. Go ahead.
Okay.
Well down here at the lake
a few years back there was a well known bar
called Millstone Lodge.
Uh huh. Have you ever
heard of it? It sounds familiar
like. It's that black boy's
war area.
It sounds familiar.
Something about Millstone
sounds really familiar.
But I'm not for sure. But anyhow, go ahead.
Yeah. It was a big place.
They had a life
stage. We've seen
a lot of stage. Is that the place with all the steps?
With all the steps?
Oh no.
I think that's how I'll talk.
Oh okay.
This was a bar
back in the 90's.
Okay. I probably don't know that.
They've done away with it.
Okay.
Yeah. There were a lot of big
new bands used to play there.
Well
me and my friends were down there
one fourth of July.
Okay.
We came in by
boat. We've been partying
all weekend.
Like I said, it was fourth of July weekend.
Okay.
This was in like
92, no.
94, 95.
Uh huh.
94 I think.
Well
I was living out there
in the city in Belk.
With my buddy.
And we came
down here for the weekend.
And we
were out like all day
at a party cove and everything.
And we brought some
friends of ours down.
Well
this one friend of ours was up
at the bar at the time.
And it
kind of upset him because I
come on Mark
you know me.
I took the spotlight
that night.
Go ahead.
He was just, no, no.
He was at the bar
partying with a bunch of the
chiefs players.
Well known
chiefs players at the time.
I'm not going to bring up
none of that.
We were down at the dock.
And if you
if you knew there was docks
where you park your boat, go up to the
bar part, you know, and then
get back on your boat, go home.
Kind of like a parking lot.
Well we were
in a very insular.
Well
Mark, my friends
at the time were
like you and our old
friends.
And
they loved to pick on
me.
Yeah.
What can I say?
Well by this time I had
already been through your brother
Davey, everybody.
I could not
turn this day around.
My
buddy Derby, we had
a bunch of other friends from the city show
up. We didn't even know we were down there.
We were all partying, you know,
down on the dock.
Outside the gate.
You know, listening.
And
my buddy Derby, he goes, I dare you
to go up
by the gate.
To go up inside the bar.
To score
and streak
down the dock.
Yeah.
Mark,
what do you think I did?
You went streaking is what you did down the dock.
Like they, like they
dared you not to do.
It ended up being
three times.
Good man.
At this bar, the well known bar,
big band going, I forget
who was playing, but it was
some big band at the time.
Yeah, I streaked down the dock.
And
everybody was
spying cool, everybody was laughing.
We were all having a good time.
And I just jumped into water
down at the end of the dock.
Yeah.
And
so my buddy
goes, I dare you to do it
again.
But yeah, I started
noticing a few of our other friends
were getting interested in it.
So I
grew up back up by the gate.
And
the guys at the gate
looked at me and they said, you do that again.
You're gonna be a hero.
Well, under my breath,
I looked like them and said,
bet.
I turned around,
started walking away.
Well, as I'm walking away,
I start streaking floors.
I remember, I had stopped in, like I said, we've been partying all day.
I remember stopping at this one boat.
They were sitting on the back of their boat.
This couple,
this guy and this gal, married couple,
and I'm sitting there butt ass naked just talking to them.
Okay.
As I ended up
running down the dock, diving in.
Okay.
Well,
by that time, the security
started having problems
with me.
Okay.
Well, I get down there,
and our group of guys grew bigger.
There was like
20 guys down
around our boat.
They all looked at me and said,
I dare you to do it again.
Well, that means you have to.
Dude, I
I already knew I was in trouble.
I went running.
Okay. I started to get
them guards looked at me,
said, you are not going to.
I said, no, I'm not.
I turned around,
started running. My shorts come off.
I threw them hands up in the lake.
Somebody grabbed them for me.
I don't know.
I learned,
butt ass naked for the third time down this dock.
Did a foot flip
off the end of the dock.
Swam around to the back of the boat
where my buddy's wife
and her sister were sitting on
the swim back.
And I'm sitting there
hiding from everybody.
And they're kind of covering me up.
I'm sitting on the lower unit to keep me up
in a
butt ass naked.
And
these security guards come down
and they tell my buddy,
oh, the part I left out
is if you were going to walk,
you would have been right in on this.
And I come right
flying by my buddy's that last time
before I did that last flip
into the lake.
I had all kinds of
beer bottles being flung at me.
All my buddies
were full of beer bottles,
beer cans, I think.
In the
thirties of years, I dodged
every one of them.
But I ended up doing it.
But yeah, the security guards
come up, I'm sitting on the lower unit.
The two women are covering me up.
They said, you've got five minutes
to get him out of here. He's going to jail.
Dude,
I almost went to jail.
But the funniest
part of it was
a friend come down.
He had heard about it up in the main
they had two bars.
Lower bar and upper bar.
And him and his two
were up top.
And they heard about this dude down
on the dock streaking.
He come down.
I don't think that dude's talking to me
this day. He was so
pissed at me for
taking the limelight.
He was going to come down
telling his story about telling me the cheats.
That's what I did, buddy.
You upstaged him.
Yeah,
I streaked down
Millstone dock three times in one night.
Good for you.
That sounds funny.
That is between
all of us over there.
That is a legendary story.
Cool.
Man,
that's quarter to hell.
Good for you.
That was back in the wild days.
We're not doing anything like that today.
Well, neither would I either.
But I mean, I get it.
Switching gears
completely.
A crocodile
in Costa Rica has made
herself pregnant.
The first recorded instant of a virgin
birth in the reptile
species.
The crocodile was kept in captivity in
a zoo and had no contact with males.
But a fully formed fetus was
discovered inside of her eggs.
The fetus was 99.9
percent genetically
identical to the mother, confirming
it had no father.
Virgin births or
parthenogenesis
have been documented in birds,
lizards, snakes, and fish, but
never before in crocodiles.
The crocodile in question was 18
when she laid a
clutch of eggs in 2018.
Seven of the
eggs appeared to be viable and were
incubated, but
when none hatched after the three
months, they were opened. One contained
a stillborn crocodile fetus.
Researchers from Virginia Tech
who specialize
in parthenogenesis
analyzed the fetus and their findings
were published in the Royal Society
Journal of Biology Letters.
They said the discovery suggests
virgin births could be happening in crocodiles
without anyone realizing
it ever before.
And so that's
pretty interesting. That's a pretty big
animal to be doing that.
Yeah, yeah it is.
Yeah, yeah.
So maybe it's been doing it all this
time or perhaps maybe the species
has morphed.
That could be. That could be.
Yeah, I found that article interesting
and I was like, wow, that's
pretty
exciting to think about. Well, there's a lot we don't know
yet. Oh, I know.
Because we've not done the research yet, so.
Well, you know the
last podcast was a bunch of food stuff.
Well, I have a bunch of animal stuff on this one.
Hey,
that's alright. Hey, I've got 142.
Oh, okay, go ahead.
Okay, do you know that dolphins
have bromances?
Actually, I did know that.
Yep, they have broken
horns like humans. They get depressed.
It's really interesting
when you read up on them
and find out how human-
like these animals really are.
No, I
said bromances, like
me and you. Oh, I thought you said romance.
Oh, bromance. No, I didn't know that.
Oh, bromances. Yeah.
Well, that puts a whole other fucking
slam on it there. They're cool animals.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
I was going to take this deeper
than what you thought.
I think that's cool and shit. I think
it shows you how intelligent they are.
They're like, man, I like this dude a lot,
so, man, he's going to be
my- No, there's
a reason, and you will understand
this because we've done this in the past.
Yep. I have a lot of
guys do. It's the bromance
thing. Yeah, it's
your non-sexual boyfriend.
Two males
will pair up
for like up to around
fifteen years. Uh-huh.
And travel together.
Oh, wow.
Okay. Uh-huh.
So, it's to help each other hooked up
with a female.
Wow.
So, they're like literally wingmen
for each other. Yeah, yeah.
You see what I mean?
It's like a guy.
It's a bromance, yeah. It's kind of like
if we're both single
and we're in a bar, and
I see a girl kind of liking you,
and then I would find something to
brag you up in front of her.
Right. Yeah.
Look, I guess dolphins do
the same thing, man. Oh, really?
Once they hook up,
and the bromance is over.
I knew I liked dolphins.
I like them even better now.
I got even
other stories that I've heard
that I don't know if I can
say that on here about dolphins.
You know what? We'll uh,
oh, I know what you're talking about.
Some of it, yeah.
I guess
it can get pretty heady.
Oh, wow.
I had a
story about dolphins.
We'll talk about that off here.
Okay, that's cool.
Well, here's something I ran across
the other day. Crazy looking fanged
fish is found on Oregon beaches.
Several
scaleless fish were found
with fanged
jaws and have huge eyes that can be
found more than a mile deep in the ocean
and washed up along roughly
200 miles stretch of Oregon coastline.
And it is
unclear why. Scientists and experts
say around 100 miles north
of the California border is the main
area. These freaky fanged
fanged fishes washed
ashore and they're continuing
to investigate it, but these things are
should be hundreds of feet
underwater, but they're
not. What are they doing up here? They can't
live up on the surface. They have to live
way in the depths of the ocean.
So
how did they come up and why did they
come up?
Yeah, I thought that
was pretty interesting. A lot of shit like that
has been happening lately.
And then last but not least,
one more.
I've got a story to tell.
Second to last, Rob has a story.
No, no, go ahead.
Okay.
Residents of the Chicago
suburb were in for a surprise when
a steer escaped during a high school
prank. Gone wrong.
And went running
through the town. Niles
police said several seniors from Northridge
Preparatory School
were pulling senior
pranks in the early hours
Thursday that involved
live animals. Police said
the steer escaped from the students
and was seen running through the streets of
Niles. Witnesses captured
video showing people chasing the steer
through the neighborhood. Police were
able to corner the animal and finally
get it caged and taken
to a hoved animal humane
society of wood stock. No
arrests were made, but they
will probably figure it out before
too much longer because
you know
something like that you're not going to keep
secret about who grabbed a bunch of steer or
whatever, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So anyhow, that was
the last of my animal. Well, no,
I have one more.
Go ahead.
Yeah, I got this. You were talking about fish
and stuff. And this
is actually a
public service announcement
for the state of Missouri. Okay.
There is
Okay, I'm just
going to read
the article. Among nasty
invasive fish,
this one is the worst
and it just captured
in Missouri.
Okay. Okay.
It, break
it down. It's called the northern snakehead
fish.
Okay. Uh huh. This fish,
this bit
can come on land.
Yes.
And it can, what it does
is it eats
everything up in a pond. It
grows legs, jumps back
in the next pond and then it
loses its legs. It becomes
strictly a fish. It eats everything up
in that pond. Then it jumps up,
grows legs, and it finds another
pond. Okay, well
on May 19th,
an angler found one in
Duck Creek Conservation
Area.
Which, according to the map,
is south of St.
Louis right before the
Buddha. Okay.
Okay, I just look into
the map real quick here.
But, they go into
describing this fish.
Not
only is this fish
invasive,
but it feeds on just about
every good type of
creature imaginable.
Yes.
Plus it's capable of
something most fish
can't accomplish.
It can exist
out of water for days
and even maneuver itself
on the lake. Yeah, it
actually grows a small set of legs.
Okay, well
I
came up with this story
a few days
ago.
Well,
I'm not going to be able to look at this moment,
but I found
a second sighting
of this fish in this
earth. Okay.
And it was right down in there.
And, like I said,
I have to
come up.
And that's a thing. But,
yeah. Now, there has been a
second sighting now
of this fish. Oh, boy, that's not
good. Since May.
And it's
and
if you're remembering the article,
the two
little lakes were like
40 miles apart.
Wow.
So it sounds like
they came up
to Mississippi.
And if you're in the Mississippi, then
that would explain a lot of things going different
there. One of the things
you know something that's changed the whole
Mississippi, the whole
what would you call it, the whole
chemical balance?
Last year,
the water level at the base
of the Mississippi in Louisiana,
where the base of the Mississippi goes into the
ocean, became so low that
ocean water was actually running back
into the Mississippi.
Wow.
Yeah, that's how low it's gotten.
And
and then
to top that off, it wasn't that long
ago, and they found another Mississippi
River that had been dried up right
next to the Mississippi River.
So it used to be
close, but not where it's at now.
Okay. You
you're talking down around New Orleans
area, right? Oh, no.
Where they saw the second Mississippi, where they
found that at, was
near Illinois.
Oh, oh really?
Yeah, it was way upstream.
But down near, down near New
Orleans, all the water from
the Mississippi used to, it was
the ocean there is murky, you didn't
want to get into it because it looked like the Mississippi
River around there, because all this
Mississippi, all this mud water
would rush down there, and
go into the ocean, and naturally
drain there. Well, the water
has become so low
that the ocean water
has been invading the Mississippi
and altering its whole ecosystem.
Wow. Yeah, it's some scary shit, dude.
Well, that's why I say, you know,
you were tough, we,
I mentioned a while ago about
my ex-brother-in-law
that had the Schwinnert boat.
He was like an hour
south of New Orleans.
And so,
yeah, I made trips
down there,
seeing the Mississippi all the way
up, you know.
So, yeah, I mean, I could see
a lot of things making their way out of there.
Him riding the Mississippi down there
is very, very
dangerous.
Even the cruise ships,
I went out on many cruises out
of New Orleans, and
it literally takes the cruise,
the giant cruise boat, and almost
sends us on its sides the undertow
of the Mississippi.
Oh, I believe it. I could
not imagine what a shrimp boat would do on that thing.
Oh, God. Well,
I don't know. I never was out on it.
No, okay.
Well, anyhow.
But I did bring back 30 pounds of shrimp.
Good man.
Cool.
All right. And with that
being said, I think we're going to go ahead and end this
podcast, Rob.
Hang on here. I'm going to go ahead and click
this off, and hang on. I'll talk to you
later if I have breaks.
Okay.
Bye.
What the hell is going on?
Okay.
Good night, everybody.
Thanks for listening
to
.
B bring
home
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