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Live from the city market, it is Two Douchebags and Microphone Podcast.

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If you love vomit, we have the podcast for you.

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Well, guess they finally figured out the microphone. Idiots.

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This is a voice guide from your favorite podcast, Two Douchebags and a Microphone.

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People often ask us how they can find us when doing a remote broadcast.

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One, smell. Go to the city market and start sniffing.

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Our aroma has been described as a mixture of flea powder for goats,

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Tabasco sauce, and old sock with dark fuzzy urine.

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Two, look for the spot absent of patrons.

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Three, the most telling sign is a crowd of patrons vomiting uncontrollably.

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Four, just call us at 816-512-7717.

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I know all about that, man.

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Yeah.

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I got one here.

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The FBI arrested a passenger aboard Harmony of the Seas for secretly recording 150 passengers, including 40 minors.

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The San Juan Division of the FBI is working with potential victims after a camera was allegedly installed in the cruise line's Harmony of the Seas.

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While the cruise ship was navigating from Miami into international waters, a man identified as Jeremy Fraynes,

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Frias or Freyes or something like that, allegedly installed a Wi-Fi camera in the ship deck between a surfing simulator and a bar.

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Several passengers noticed the camera and complained to the ship staff.

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The FBI posted a form online seeking potential victims and information from the timeframe between April 30th and May 1st of 2023.

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So that just happened this year.

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Yeah.

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So, anyhow, they're looking for people that's on Harmony of the Seas and in that bathroom in between whatever and whatever that was in there.

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And I mean, he did such a poor job of hiding it that people were complaining about going, hey, there's a camera in there, guy.

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And I guess they didn't do anything about it until later.

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Huh.

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Yep.

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So did you know that New York City is shrinking?

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No, it isn't.

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Yeah. Yep, it is.

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New York City is sinking in part due to its extraordinary weight it puts on the land.

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The average sinking is exasperating the impact of the sea level rise, which is accelerating at around twice the global average as the world's glaciers melt away and seawater expands due to global heating.

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The water that flanks New York City has risen by nine inches since 1950.

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Even though weight put on the land is enormous, it is placed on solid bedrock such as Schist.

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Yeah.

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There is a mixture of other sands and clays that are shifting.

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It's feared that the sinking and shifting is being magnified in large due to super strength hurricanes and storms.

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So it's a little bit of everything is what it sounds like.

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Yeah.

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And I mean, people are thinking nine inches since 1950 is not that much.

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But when you're talking about large buildings like that, it really is.

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Yeah, it is, the structures.

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Yeah.

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And, you know, this stuff may go on so long that it may render the structures not suitable for use.

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Well, I can also add just in my brain and what I'm thinking, the subway systems have got to do something with that.

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Because that's earth that they have taken out from underneath it.

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You know, that's a very good point, Rob.

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That would support it on the other side of all that water.

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Yeah, the subway systems are all over there.

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You know what I mean?

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Yeah, you're right.

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Yeah, yeah, they poured concrete down there, but the earth ain't there.

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No, it's not the same because essentially, even though it's concrete, it's still hollow canals underneath the dirt, underneath the ground.

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Yeah, yeah, because everything would settle.

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Yes.

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Where if you had that solid ground, it wouldn't settle that much on the inside and it would help support out at the water in.

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Yes.

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You know what I mean?

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Uh-huh.

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Well, that's a good point.

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I never even thought about that.

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Yeah.

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That's just years of construction, man.

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Working on the lake and all that stuff.

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Yeah, I mean, you wouldn't have a solid base.

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No, you're right.

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Wow.

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I never even thought about that.

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Uh-huh.

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Okay.

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You got some stuff you want to go into?

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Well, in medieval Germany, it was legal for married couples to sell their disputes by fighting a marital duel.

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Oh, wow.

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Even the field, the man had to fight from inside a hole with one arm tied behind his back.

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The woman was free to move about and was armed with a sack filled with rocks.

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And us Americans think we got it bad.

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You had no shit.

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We just got to sleep with them.

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You had no kidding.

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Wow.

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You know, Elon Musk has a new, he just now introduced the new Tesla bot.

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Really?

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Yeah, the bot looks like a titanium skeleton.

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There's really nothing that exciting about him at all.

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Yeah.

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The bot walked around and looked at the crowd, but nothing more.

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Tesla claims great opportunity to develop the humanoid robot because it could leverage a lot of existing hardware for its EV.

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You know, but electric vehicles and bots and the self-driving technology, I don't get how that correlates with a bot.

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Elon Musk claims...

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I don't get it.

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Yeah, I don't get that at all.

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So, anyhow, I thought that story was worth mentioning because I think you feel the same way I do about it.

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It's like, so?

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Yeah, yeah.

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I don't see how they relate.

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Yeah, I don't either.

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But he claims that that's like his key to future right there is that, is the bots.

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You know, so anyhow, whatever.

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I think he's just trying to justify playing with money.

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Yeah, yeah.

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Yep.

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Any of that or is he going to cause the termination to come true?

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I think it's coming true.

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I think it's coming true regardless, Rob.

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Yeah.

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I mean, you know, it all started with the two...

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Well, this may not have started it, but most famously, the two Facebook mainframes, the two AIs that started communicating with each other.

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And then they kept telling them to stop, so they developed their own language and communicated with each other and could not get them to stop.

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Yeah.

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So what if they develop their own power source somehow and then you try to shut them off?

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They're like, no, no.

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I could see this going to court, too.

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The humanoid going, I am a being and I deserve my own freedom.

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And what do you think the court's going to do?

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They'll grant them freedom.

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I hope not.

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Oh, I can see that happening right now.

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Some idiot judge.

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Yeah, true.

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And this happened a couple of months ago, but the Dodgers were visiting the Brewers for a three-game series.

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One player got an Airbnb rather than staying with a team.

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The reason the Dodgers opted to stay in Milwaukee's famous haunted hotel, the historic Fister Hotel in downtown Milwaukee.

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So I'm guessing he probably will not get any sleep in the haunted hotel.

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So who can blame him?

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I mean, if he's that afraid to go, he didn't want to go there.

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So he bought his own Airbnb and the team sanctioned it.

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I mean, I won't stay at the Crescent anymore because of my experience there.

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I'll have to show you the pictures.

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It's freakish.

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It is freakish.

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Yeah, I'll have to see those.

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Yeah.

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So I kind of get it.

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Anyhow, I don't blame him.

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OK, go.

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OK.

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I ran across a story that a friend of mine shared.

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She has actually been to this site and has made a post about it and has told her experience about it.

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But there's a place in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

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Some people may know about it.

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I've never really been around Tulsa.

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I love Tulsa.

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It's a fun town, but go ahead.

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OK.

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This place, it's a circle on the ground that's known as the center of the universe.

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Huh, OK.

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OK, it's a broken circle and it shows a picture of it.

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Zoomed in on the phone.

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It's surrounded by large circle bricks.

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For some reason, if you stand in the broken circle and talk, your voice will echo back to you loudly.

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However, anyone standing outside the circle will hear complete silence.

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Wow.

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Nobody knows why.

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OK.

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And this is a phenomenon, I guess.

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I guess, you know, it's people known about it.

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Well, this friend of mine has actually been there.

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Mm-hmm.

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And she mentions, she puts her friend's name there.

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She says, we were there.

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Those of you that have never been there, been here, it truly is a phenomenon.

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Wow.

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However, me and Blaine decided to pray in the center of the universe and it was not echoing.

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When I walked out of the circle, it echoed.

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Wow.

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Which is not what happened when standing in it prior to praying.

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Mm-hmm.

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The people on the outside do not hear it.

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I do believe that alone is a phenomenon.

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It also has a weird vibe that is hard to explain when you're in it.

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If you record yourself talking in there, you do not hear the echo on the video.

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We sang to the Lord and it echoed.

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So what does that say about prayer when Holy Spirit shows up?

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That's very interesting.

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I'm sorry, everything's losing the gospel tonight.

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No, that's okay.

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No.

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This was my friend's words that she posted about it.

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Look, number one, I am a Christian, so it doesn't offend me at all.

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Yeah.

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Number two, if it offends you, then too fucking bad because we let everyone speak their piece on this podcast.

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And I don't care which way you lean.

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I don't care what.

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That's not what this podcast is about.

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I can disagree with someone all day long, but I can still hear their point of view.

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I could think it's stupid.

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I could see maybe see some whatever, but it doesn't matter because one of the things that we always aim to do here,

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despite our goofy little name, two douchebags, a microphone is to really take free speech to the people.

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Go out there and go down to the city market and Nashville and all these other places that we go to and let people have their say.

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And not censor it, not filter it, not drown it out, but let them say whatever they want to.

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And that's it.

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And we need more of that in this country.

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We do.

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People need to be a little bit more tolerant of other people's opinions.

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I mean, unless they're like really stupid, then, you know, because we all know those people.

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Yeah.

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So anyhow, and that's how come I like to make fun of both sides because both sides leave plenty of room for you to make fun of.

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Right.

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So anyhow, you know, just because I make make fun of both sides doesn't mean anything because, you know, there are parts of things that I do like about both sides.

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But what I like isn't necessarily what either side is about.

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So anyhow, anyhow, go ahead, Rob. Was that it?

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Yeah, I got you.

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OK.

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All right, Rob.

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How about some horrible would you rather questions?

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All right.

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Would you rather have to shave your head or have your nose pierced?

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I'm going to nose pierced.

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I like my hair.

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I do, too.

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Would the nose piercing have to stay?

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That's the question.

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Because if I get my nose pierced and be able to take it out any time, I would do that.

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Keep my hair.

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OK.

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Yeah.

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All right.

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You know, because the line of work I do, I really can't have jewelry hanging off, you know, and stuff.

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I got to take my rings off.

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I completely understand because I've done that type.

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Well, I mean, you know, manufacturing construction all my life.

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So, yeah.

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Yeah.

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All right.

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Second one.

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Would you be extremely allergic to your would you rather be extremely allergic to your favorite food or forced to eat your least favorite food once a week?

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I'd have to go with the first one.

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I would go with the second one.

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That way I can still have my favorite food.

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No, no, no, don't do that.

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OK.

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You'd be eating kale.

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Oh, yeah.

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Oh, my God.

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You're right.

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OK.

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All right.

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I'm sorry.

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You're right.

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I'm sorry.

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You're 100 percent correct.

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All right.

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The first.

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Sorry.

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I had to correct you on that.

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No, thank you.

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I don't want to eat kale ever.

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Oh, my God.

249
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:29,000
Oh, oh, gosh.

250
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:31,000
Let's hope Christopher is OK.

251
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:32,000
Poor guy.

252
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:38,000
Well, like I said, I should be getting another update here another hour or so.

253
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:39,000
OK, that's good.

254
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:42,000
Just waiting for the word for him to move in.

255
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,000
All right.

256
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:44,000
Good.

257
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:45,000
OK.

258
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:56,000
Would you rather have to make a one minute speech in front of 10,000 people or have to kiss a frog?

259
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,000
I think I'd just a frog.

260
00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:01,000
I'm going to do a one minute speech because I would do something so fucked up, dude.

261
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:05,000
I would come up with most fucked up speech ever.

262
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:06,000
Yeah, you would.

263
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:07,000
Oh, yeah.

264
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:08,000
Yeah, you would.

265
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:16,000
I would think it's something like everybody flip your balls out and look at them right now.

266
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:17,000
Come on.

267
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:24,000
I'll give you 30 seconds to zip down your zipper, pull out your balls and look at them.

268
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:30,000
And then and then I go, they look like they look like testicles, don't they?

269
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:35,000
OK, speech is done by.

270
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:38,000
We go, what the hell?

271
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:41,000
OK, this guy's brilliant.

272
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:52,000
OK, would you rather consistently worry about germs or be terrified of a monster under your bed?

273
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:58,000
I think, well, because if you're really terrified of a monster under your bed, you're not going to get any sleep.

274
00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:03,000
But if you're terrified of germs, you're oh, you're not going to fucking eat or nothing.

275
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:05,000
You're going to be like, oh, my God, there's shit all over that.

276
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:12,000
There's germs everywhere.

277
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:17,000
You got an idea on what?

278
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:19,000
Yeah, I need this.

279
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:23,000
OK, all right, that's cool.

280
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:29,000
So I'm firmly on, I think.

281
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,000
I don't know, maybe germs.

282
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:35,000
I don't like the idea of monster in my bed, not being able to sleep.

283
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:36,000
Yeah, me either.

284
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:40,000
I got to have my sleep.

285
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:48,000
Yeah, would you rather never get tired or never have to go to the bathroom?

286
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:51,000
I'm going to say tired.

287
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:52,000
I enjoyed that.

288
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:54,000
I enjoy taking a dump and reading.

289
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:56,000
So yeah, I agree, too.

290
00:18:56,000 --> 00:19:01,000
It'd be great if I never got tired because I never stopped doing shit.

291
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:03,000
Right.

292
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:07,000
Yeah, that was easy for me.

293
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:08,000
All right.

294
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:11,000
I still have my time getting ready for the show in the bathroom.

295
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:12,000
Hell yeah.

296
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:13,000
No, me too, man.

297
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,000
I write down ideas when I'm taking a dump.

298
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:18,000
That's when I get great ideas for the show.

299
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:20,000
Yeah.

300
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:26,000
Would you rather have no fingers or no thumbs?

301
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:34,000
I'm going to say fingers because you do too much with thumbs, really.

302
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:37,000
Oh, that'd be a horrible position.

303
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:40,000
You pretty much got to have one to work the rest of it.

304
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:42,000
Yeah, I know.

305
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:46,000
So I don't know.

306
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:49,000
I think I'd have to stick with the fingers.

307
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:58,000
I'm going to go with thumbs because I think you can get an attachment for the simulate the fingers, but maybe not the thumbs.

308
00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:01,000
Well, I'm thinking you could get used to just using your fingers.

309
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,000
Yeah, maybe so.

310
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:06,000
Than just one thumb.

311
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:10,000
Okay, that makes sense.

312
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,000
Would you rather...

313
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,000
Like we say, buy a pig.

314
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:14,000
Yeah, no, no, no.

315
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,000
There's nothing wrong with this, your opinions.

316
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:17,000
That's great.

317
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:23,000
Would you rather always have bad gas or always have a really dry mouth?

318
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:26,000
I'd rather have the dry mouth.

319
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:31,000
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess so.

320
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:36,000
Yeah, you wouldn't have any proof with bad gas.

321
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:40,000
You're right.

322
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,000
Okay, here's an interesting one.

323
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:52,000
Would you rather have a huge bugger hanging out of your nose for the rest of your life or a pimple on your forehead for the rest of your life?

324
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:59,000
Hmm.

325
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:02,000
I think I can't feel the pimple.

326
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:05,000
Me too.

327
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:06,000
Me too.

328
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:07,000
Cover it up.

329
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,000
Yep.

330
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:10,000
I agree.

331
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:21,000
Would you rather grow a ponytail to your ankles or have a huge Adam's apple?

332
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:27,000
I don't know, I'm looking at my ankles right now.

333
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:30,000
I'm going to go with a ponytail just for shits and gizzles.

334
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,000
Yeah, I think I would too.

335
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:33,000
I think I would too.

336
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,000
Alright, good.

337
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:41,000
Would you rather be someone's pet goldfish or a wild lizard?

338
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:43,000
I'm going to go wild lizard.

339
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:46,000
Yeah, I'd rather be a wild lizard.

340
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:52,000
Yeah, I mean, it would suck if you got eaten right off the bat by something, but you know what?

341
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:56,000
I think at least you'd be living free and not in someone's koi pond.

342
00:21:56,000 --> 00:22:01,000
Yeah, yeah, you're not in a controlled environment.

343
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:07,000
You'd be locked up in a jail cell or something, you know?

344
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:09,000
Yeah.

345
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:11,000
Well, that makes sense.

346
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:14,000
Yeah.

347
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:27,000
Let's see.

348
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:31,000
Hmm.

349
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:36,000
Every time, would you rather, every time you poop, shards of glass come out and make you bleed down there?

350
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:44,000
Or every time you pee, you have to wipe with shards of glass?

351
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,000
I guess that's for females?

352
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:48,000
Oh, wow.

353
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:54,000
Wow.

354
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:58,000
I don't know if you could make a choice on that.

355
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:01,000
I'm going to say get a gun.

356
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:02,000
Get a gun.

357
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:04,000
Yeah, yeah.

358
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:06,000
Either way, you're bleeding.

359
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:10,000
Yes.

360
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:12,000
Yeah, give me the gun.

361
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:13,000
I'm going to go with you on that one.

362
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:15,000
Yep, get the gun.

363
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:26,000
Would you rather have a vagina on your forehead or have penises growing, going up and down your back like a stegosaurus?

364
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:28,000
I think I'd rather have the penises.

365
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:29,000
I could have more fun that way.

366
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:30,000
Yes.

367
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:32,000
Yep, me too.

368
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:35,000
Yep.

369
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:41,000
Would you rather get a huge paper cut over your eyelid or swallow five needles?

370
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:47,000
That one's horrible.

371
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:52,000
I guess paper cut reluctantly.

372
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:56,000
Reluctantly and not very happy paper cut.

373
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:59,000
Yeah.

374
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:02,000
Man, that's horrible.

375
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:04,000
Okay.

376
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:08,000
Hopefully these fuckers get a little bit easier.

377
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:19,000
Would you rather eat an entire pie that someone spit in or eat powdered sugar mixed with dandruff shavings?

378
00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:21,000
Give me the pie.

379
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:23,000
Yeah, pie that someone spit in.

380
00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:24,000
Dandruff shavings?

381
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:29,000
At least that would be like Russian roulette.

382
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:31,000
You wouldn't know what bite it was in.

383
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:32,000
Exactly.

384
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:35,000
No way.

385
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:38,000
Whoever came up with these is a sick twisted piece of crap.

386
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:40,000
Oh my gosh.

387
00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:44,000
You do not know what these say until they come out of your mouth, do you?

388
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,000
No.

389
00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:48,000
Some of them are catching you by surprise.

390
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:49,000
I can hear it in your voice.

391
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:53,000
They are.

392
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,000
That's what makes it so much fun.

393
00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:58,000
This next one is horrible too.

394
00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:06,000
Would you rather have to dive into a pool of snot once a day or always have to shower in your own pee?

395
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:13,000
Oh my God.

396
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:24,000
Yeah, this is getting me because I put these things down but I don't give them any thought because I want it natural when I read the reaction, right?

397
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:31,000
And I purposely try not to think about it, just write them down and don't have an opinion.

398
00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:37,000
Just write them down or type them down and that's it.

399
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:39,000
Okay, well it could be worse.

400
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:52,000
You could have to go swimming in the snot and then have to take a shower in the pee.

401
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:57,000
Oh wow.

402
00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:59,000
Get the gun.

403
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:04,000
Yeah, there's two for the gun.

404
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:12,000
Would you rather pee dry sand for the rest of your life or shed a big hard brick every year on your birthday?

405
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,000
Oh my God.

406
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:17,000
I think pee dry sand. Wouldn't that be fun?

407
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:20,000
That would be the easiest I think.

408
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:25,000
Like if you get mad at somebody you just like piss sand on them.

409
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:28,000
That's almost another gun though.

410
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:30,000
Almost.

411
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:33,000
That would be like happy doing the stones.

412
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:38,000
I think you could have a little fun with the peeing on someone with dry sand.

413
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:41,000
Because they can't really go, ooh that's unsanitary.

414
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,000
You go, it's dry sand man, it's not going to hurt you.

415
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:56,000
The fact that I'm just pissing at you is no big deal.

416
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:59,000
Oh Lord, that man just saw a puppy in half.

417
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:07,000
Hey there, don't worry, I have a clown nose.

418
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:11,000
Oh no, that drunk guy just hit my child.

419
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:15,000
It's okay, I have a clown nose.

420
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:19,000
Clown nose, just put one on and you can do anything.

421
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:22,000
Want to run for office? Murder people in public?

422
00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:26,000
Just grab a clown nose and bam, everyone laughs.

423
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:29,000
Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions.

424
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:31,000
Grab one today and make magic happen.

425
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:36,000
If someone intimidates you, just imagine them on a table being wiped like a baby.

426
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:41,000
Open up for wipe wipey.

427
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:44,000
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.

428
00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:48,000
It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.

429
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:51,000
Every sock you wear is slightly rotated.

430
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:57,000
Just enough for it to be uncomfortable.

431
00:27:57,000 --> 00:28:03,000
If a ten pound bag of shit could talk, this is what it would sound like.

432
00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:07,000
I'm not a gun.

433
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:12,000
I was trying to make something of it, but I don't know.

434
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:16,000
Okay, would you rather drink a full glass of expired chunky milk

435
00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:20,000
or eat an entire bowl of moldy strawberries?

436
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:23,000
Moldy strawberries.

437
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:28,000
Because chunky milk sounds like hell.

438
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:34,000
Imagine the gut ache and the smell.

439
00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:37,000
That almost made me gagging when you said it.

440
00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:39,000
Me too.

441
00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:42,000
Yeah.

442
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:46,000
Would you rather wake up and find all your teeth have been replaced with pubic hairs

443
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:50,000
or have your pubic hairs replaced with millions of teeth?

444
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:52,000
Oh.

445
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:55,000
Gun.

446
00:28:55,000 --> 00:29:01,000
Gun.

447
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:05,000
Oh God, how many times have we been shot?

448
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:07,000
Oh wow.

449
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:13,000
I'd eat more than a cat.

450
00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:14,000
Okay.

451
00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:20,000
Would you rather drink a glass of cat pee before a first date

452
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:25,000
or eat a sandwich made of boogers right before your wedding?

453
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:27,000
Gun.

454
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:28,000
Gun.

455
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:32,000
Yep.

456
00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:38,000
I'm sorry there's not a good answer to any of these and I don't know how to answer.

457
00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:43,000
Whoever wrote these is a sick twisted bastard.

458
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:46,000
I know man, these last couple weeks they've been getting out there.

459
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:48,000
Normally we can answer them.

460
00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:53,000
I know, tonight we're just like ugh.

461
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:57,000
Would you rather eat 10 pounds of poop that tasted like chocolate

462
00:29:57,000 --> 00:30:05,000
or eat 20 pounds of chocolate that tasted like poop?

463
00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:08,000
At least it tastes like chocolate.

464
00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:11,000
Yeah, I guess I'll go with the one that tastes like chocolate

465
00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:16,000
because you know, at least it tastes good, right?

466
00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:21,000
Yeah, then I could put my mind into a baby roose or something

467
00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:26,000
and maybe get through it.

468
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:29,000
This next one's going to make you cringe dude.

469
00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:31,000
Oh shit.

470
00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:36,000
Would you rather watch your parents have sex once a day for the rest of your life

471
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:39,000
or join in once to make it stop?

472
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:41,000
Oh my God.

473
00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:46,000
Gun, gun, gun.

474
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:48,000
Gun.

475
00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:53,000
Gun.

476
00:30:53,000 --> 00:31:01,000
Somebody's a sick son of a bitch.

477
00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:04,000
Somebody else actually wrote all this.

478
00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:06,000
I know.

479
00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:07,000
And finally.

480
00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:08,000
You should not make these up.

481
00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:09,000
No, you can't.

482
00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:13,000
And finally, would you rather put a toothpick under your toenail

483
00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:16,000
or kick a wall as hard as you can

484
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:20,000
so you have a toothpick in your toenail

485
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:22,000
and you kick a wall as hard as you can

486
00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:28,000
or jump into a pool of lemon juice while your body is covered in paper cuts?

487
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:30,000
Oh my God.

488
00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:33,000
Give me the toothpick.

489
00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:36,000
Yeah, yeah toothpick.

490
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:39,000
I think in the end it would be...

491
00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:42,000
It'll require surgery but give me the toothpick.

492
00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:44,000
Yeah, the same here.

493
00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:52,000
It would require surgery but it won't be as horrible I guess.

494
00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:55,000
Yeah paper cut and lemon juice, that would be living hell.

495
00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:57,000
Yeah.

496
00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:59,000
Oh.

497
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:04,000
Okay.

498
00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:07,000
Let's see here.

499
00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:11,000
Okay, would you rather lick a homeless man's toe

500
00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:22,000
or chew a piece of gum you found sticking to the underside of a table?

501
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:26,000
I think I'd have to roll the dice to go with the gum.

502
00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:28,000
Yeah, me too.

503
00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:29,000
Oh.

504
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:30,000
But both of them sounded...

505
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:32,000
You don't know when that poor guy had a shower last.

506
00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:36,000
No, you're right. You're right.

507
00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:38,000
A lot of times they don't have shoes.

508
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:41,000
Yeah. Oh, good. Yeah.

509
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:43,000
Oh.

510
00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:46,000
Would you rather drink a gallon of mayonnaise or a gallon of ketchup?

511
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:50,000
I'm going to say ketchup.

512
00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:53,000
Mm-hmm.

513
00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:56,000
Yeah, I think I'd have to go ketchup too.

514
00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:57,000
Reluctantly.

515
00:32:57,000 --> 00:33:02,000
I love ketchup but not that much to drink a gallon of it but whatever.

516
00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:04,000
Well, no, you're right. You're right.

517
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:05,000
Yeah.

518
00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:09,000
Between the two the ketchup would be more liquidy so it would be easier to get down.

519
00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:12,000
And also it would taste better too in the long run.

520
00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:16,000
Yeah, yeah. The mayonnaise would get a little dry after a while.

521
00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:20,000
You imagine gulping that shit down a whole gallon of it? No way. I don't think I can do it.

522
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:21,000
Oh my God.

523
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:24,000
Yeah. No.

524
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:37,000
Would you rather be super itchy all over forever or be really sticky all over forever?

525
00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:38,000
Oh.

526
00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:39,000
Oh.

527
00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:41,000
I'd have to go with sticky.

528
00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:45,000
Sticky because itchy you'll be tearing your hide off.

529
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:49,000
Yeah, I mean, yeah, because I'm bad with like poison ivy and stuff.

530
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:52,000
Me too. I scratch the piss out of it.

531
00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:53,000
Especially in my sleep.

532
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:56,000
Yeah, me too. Yep. Yeah, we're the same on that.

533
00:33:56,000 --> 00:34:01,000
Yeah, I would have to go with the other one.

534
00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:06,000
Would you rather have farts to be super loud and smell like nothing or be silent and horrible?

535
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:08,000
Silent and horrible.

536
00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:09,000
Oh yeah.

537
00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:12,000
Because they can't prove it to you.

538
00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:13,000
Definitely.

539
00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:18,000
And also you imagine crop dusting people.

540
00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:22,000
My dad used to do that all the time at Walmart.

541
00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:28,000
Let one go, take off, leave me standing there, be some old woman standing there saying I did it.

542
00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:33,000
There was this guy that I used to go out on the road with.

543
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:42,000
And he used to fart so bad that he used to do stuff like he would go into an elevator, just to fart in it and then run out.

544
00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:46,000
And then like five hours later people would be going, oh my God.

545
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:59,000
So what he used to do was we'd be like loading up at the end of the night and he'd go down to the job box, you know, the gang box where you put all your tools and stuff and lock them up at the end of the night at a construction site.

546
00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:03,000
And he would fart in it and he would close the door.

547
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:09,000
And the next morning someone would go there and open it up and go, oh my God. Oh, oh.

548
00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:11,000
And they'd be over there about ready to vomit.

549
00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:16,000
And these farts, you could feel them in the air and they would not leave.

550
00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:19,000
They would be in your hair and they would permeate your skin.

551
00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:21,000
They were so horrible.

552
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:27,000
He had so, I don't know what it was, if something he ate or something was wrong with his intestinal cycle.

553
00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:31,000
I don't know, but it was the most horrible.

554
00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:34,000
So we're all leaving Connecticut one day, right?

555
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:38,000
We're at a job site there and he goes, hey, he goes, watch this.

556
00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:45,000
He goes over to the job box and we had everything in it ready to go, ready to be shipped back and we're getting ready to go fly out.

557
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:54,000
OK, so the job box would go FedEx ground and it would show up back at the shop a week later and we'd be somewhere else.

558
00:35:54,000 --> 00:36:01,000
OK, so he farted in that bitch and he fucking shut it and we locked it up and we had FedEx ground come and get it.

559
00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:04,000
So we'd leave the job site and we leave.

560
00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:10,000
So a week later, someone at the shop opened it up and they about vomited.

561
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:11,000
Anyhow, we found out about.

562
00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:16,000
Yes, his farts were so bad that it stayed in that job box for a week.

563
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:22,000
And yeah, they had that fucking thing outside, aired it out.

564
00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:26,000
They washed it out with a hose, soaked it out and everything.

565
00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:28,000
It smelled so horrible.

566
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:36,000
People were complaining after they opened it up, the guy that opened it up ran off because it smelled so horrible that it did the whole that whole part of the shop,

567
00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:41,000
which was a warehouse, smelled horrible.

568
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:43,000
And they could not get rid of that smell.

569
00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:45,000
And they didn't know what it was.

570
00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:50,000
They thought something died in it and like and then like maybe it fell out or something like a rat or something.

571
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:54,000
They didn't know what it was, but it was so bad that they almost got rid of the job box.

572
00:36:54,000 --> 00:37:02,000
It was sitting out on the it was sitting out in the front lawn like three weeks later when we got back from another job and they washed it out.

573
00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:03,000
They hosed it out.

574
00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:04,000
They soaked it out.

575
00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:08,000
Everything.

576
00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:12,000
Yeah, it was horrible because, man, he would crop dust you all the fucking time.

577
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:14,000
He'd be up on a balcony working.

578
00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:16,000
He'd fucking let one out.

579
00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:18,000
And also you'd smell it down below.

580
00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:20,000
You'd look up there and he'd be like with a big gringo.

581
00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:29,000
You're like, oh, you son of a bitch, I've never met anyone that farted so horribly, so gross ever in my life.

582
00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:31,000
Oh, something was wrong with him.

583
00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:40,000
I could tell you that because you cannot let out something smelling that bad and be healthy.

584
00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:42,000
So yeah, there's something definitely wrong.

585
00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:44,000
Oh, we're doing this job later.

586
00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:48,000
We were doing this job at KU, Kansas University.

587
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:50,000
Right. Yeah.

588
00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:54,000
And he took every elevator and fucking fart bombed every one of them.

589
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:56,000
So we were leaving.

590
00:37:56,000 --> 00:38:00,000
We just got them putting in all our glass and stuff and we were leaving.

591
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:01,000
He goes, watch this.

592
00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:06,000
And he farted in every one of them.

593
00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:12,000
I imagine that whole fucking auditory of Bryce smelled like shit for weeks.

594
00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:22,000
And they're having a big grand opening that Saturday after we got everything in.

595
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:24,000
Yeah. Oh, it was bad.

596
00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:26,000
Good times, right? Good times.

597
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:29,000
Yeah, good times, good times.

598
00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:31,000
Oh, yeah.

599
00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:33,000
So anyhow, let's see.

600
00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:35,000
Where were we?

601
00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:39,000
I don't remember.

602
00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:43,000
That's a good part of everything about this job.

603
00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:47,000
Okay, this is a slightly different one than what I just asked.

604
00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:49,000
Would you rather pull...

605
00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:50,000
I asked it a few ago.

606
00:38:50,000 --> 00:39:00,000
Would you rather pull your own thumbnail off with a fork or put a toothpick under your big toe and kick a wall?

607
00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:03,000
I think I'd have to rip the thumbnail off.

608
00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:05,000
Me too.

609
00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:11,000
Would you rather puke up slimy slugs or have bricks come out every time you shit?

610
00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:15,000
You know, I would rather have a brick come out as I shit and here's why.

611
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:17,000
I go, hey, man, I just shit bricks.

612
00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:21,000
And people go, oh, no, no, no, really? Come here.

613
00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:22,000
Yeah.

614
00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:24,000
There's some proof right there.

615
00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:28,000
That would be interesting.

616
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:35,000
Okay, would you rather eat a cockroach you found in your house or eat a worm that just crawled out of the ground outside?

617
00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:37,000
I think that's easy for me.

618
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:39,000
I can't stand cockroaches.

619
00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:40,000
No, give me one.

620
00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:43,000
So be a worm. Yep.

621
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:45,000
All right.

622
00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:51,000
Would you rather take a bite out of a live fish you've just caught or take a bite out of a live but not venomous snake?

623
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:53,000
Fish?

624
00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:55,000
Yep.

625
00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:59,000
All right.

626
00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:07,000
Would you rather shit your pants every time someone said your name or have maggots come out of your nose every time you sneezed?

627
00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:11,000
Gun.

628
00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:13,000
Gun.

629
00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:25,000
Would you rather only eat insects for the rest of your life or live as you are now or eat normally and have constant diarrhea?

630
00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:30,000
Oh, diarrhea, I guess.

631
00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:33,000
Because I could not imagine eating...

632
00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:34,000
Gun.

633
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:35,000
Gun.

634
00:40:35,000 --> 00:40:36,000
Gun.

635
00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:37,000
Gun.

636
00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:39,000
Gun.

637
00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:41,000
We're cheating this time around.

638
00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:49,000
Would you rather have diarrhea during your wedding ceremony or have it during your wedding night?

639
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:51,000
Oh, damn.

640
00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:53,000
Gun.

641
00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:56,000
I don't know.

642
00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:59,000
I mean, I guess during the ceremony...

643
00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:03,000
Definitely not the wedding night.

644
00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:06,000
Oh, man.

645
00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:09,000
But then all your family and friends are there.

646
00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:11,000
I know.

647
00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:12,000
Well, okay.

648
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:17,000
I would have it during the ceremony and I would blame everybody that took me out the night before.

649
00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:19,000
Yeah, there you go.

650
00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:22,000
I would say, you know why I keep running off?

651
00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:26,000
These fuckers right here made me drink so much I'm sick.

652
00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:28,000
Good answer.

653
00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:29,000
Yeah, there you go.

654
00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:30,000
There you go.

655
00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:31,000
And you have a great reason.

656
00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:32,000
I was a victim.

657
00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:33,000
They made me drink.

658
00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:34,000
Yep.

659
00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:37,000
Because it was a bachelor party.

660
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:39,000
Well, that's kind of like my first bachelor party.

661
00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:42,000
I got to get my car or something.

662
00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:43,000
You know what?

663
00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:44,000
Hang on.

664
00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:45,000
Hang on.

665
00:41:45,000 --> 00:41:51,000
You cannot just say that without a story.

666
00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:52,000
All right.

667
00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:55,000
So, Rob, go forth and tell.

668
00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:58,000
Okay.

669
00:41:58,000 --> 00:41:59,000
Okay, here we go.

670
00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:03,000
My first bachelor party was on Blue Ridge.

671
00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:08,000
You remember Big Boys toys, next to 7-Eleven, they're at 107th?

672
00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:09,000
Yeah.

673
00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:14,000
It was a, they sold truck supply stuff and it turned into a glass.

674
00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:15,000
Anyway.

675
00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:16,000
Yeah, yeah, I remember that place.

676
00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:17,000
That's quite a while ago.

677
00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:26,000
My first bachelor party in 1989, we had a party on Blue Ridge.

678
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:30,000
There was over two, three hundred people at this party.

679
00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:36,000
We decided we were going to move it over to Longview Lake, out to Mouse Creek.

680
00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:37,000
Good choice.

681
00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:39,000
So we're right there at 107th.

682
00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:40,000
Yeah, you're really close.

683
00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:47,000
We always cruise down 107th and then you get down to the end and it makes that sharp 90-degree curve.

684
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:50,000
And it's real dark back in there.

685
00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:55,000
Well, the thing to do was you turned off your headlights and you take that curve as fast as you can.

686
00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:56,000
Yes, yep.

687
00:42:56,000 --> 00:42:57,000
Okay.

688
00:42:57,000 --> 00:43:01,000
This is the one right after the cemetery, right?

689
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:18,000
And that comes out at that, you were telling a story about a girls home, you know, a girls center for juveniles that's over in that area.

690
00:43:18,000 --> 00:43:20,000
Yeah, yeah, yeah, there is.

691
00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:28,000
It brings you out right there on that curve where somebody was parked with their lights on, facing us as we're coming up on them.

692
00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:29,000
Oh, shit.

693
00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:34,000
That was me and my two buddies in this pickup.

694
00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:38,000
Well, we turn on our lights not knowing they're there.

695
00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:44,000
And as we make that curve, they flip on their lights and they jump out of their car.

696
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:55,000
So we can go that little way, we just have to add the truck, there's three of us, there's like three of them, you know, we thought we were going to have a brawl.

697
00:43:55,000 --> 00:44:02,000
My buddy grabbed his tire iron from Mount Sumerian seat, he starts walking that way.

698
00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:05,000
My other buddy starts going after him.

699
00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:10,000
I'm trying to stand back, you know, it's my bachelor party too, this is the last thing I need.

700
00:44:10,000 --> 00:44:15,000
Yeah, you don't need to do that. Yeah, you need to be okay for the bride. Yes, got it.

701
00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:23,000
Well, they jump into their car and they're going to take off and my buddy starts chasing them and I said, oh, shit, here we go.

702
00:44:23,000 --> 00:44:26,000
So I take off running past my other buddy.

703
00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:27,000
Uh huh.

704
00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:33,000
And I, and in the time I'm catching up to him, his car stops.

705
00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:34,000
Oh, shit.

706
00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:41,000
And I get catching up to him, they go in reverse and they start backing up and force him to hit him.

707
00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:44,000
I get up to him, shove him out of the way.

708
00:44:44,000 --> 00:44:51,000
I'm in like midair, my feet are in the air, my back fender hits my hip.

709
00:44:51,000 --> 00:44:55,000
It spins me in midair, I land in the ditch.

710
00:44:55,000 --> 00:45:00,000
And all I hear is, they hit Rob, they hit Rob.

711
00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:05,000
I come right up out of that ditch, I beat both of them back to the truck.

712
00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:08,000
We chased them up Blue Ridge.

713
00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:14,000
They come up in front of the house, they pulled in and ran in that, they ran in the house.

714
00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:17,000
As we're pulling up, they come out with shotguns.

715
00:45:17,000 --> 00:45:18,000
Oh, shit.

716
00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:21,000
Yeah, it looks crazy, man.

717
00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:26,000
And then the cops got called.

718
00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:30,000
And the cops were going to arrest both of us.

719
00:45:30,000 --> 00:45:33,000
They were just going to arrest all of us.

720
00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:37,000
Yeah, that's the most pleasant thing to do at that point.

721
00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:42,000
And then I had to go get married the next day.

722
00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:45,000
And that right there is going to be my dude.

723
00:45:45,000 --> 00:45:48,000
That is classic, dude.

724
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:53,000
Yeah, I got hit by a car during my bachelor party.

725
00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:55,000
That is beautiful, I love that.

726
00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:58,000
That's a true story, Mark, you know me.

727
00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:01,000
Oh yeah, no, I believe it.

728
00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:03,000
Rob, I believe it.

729
00:46:03,000 --> 00:46:06,000
I know you well enough, that happened.

730
00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:09,000
And that was in 89, so I'll zip my boot.

731
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:11,000
Oh my God.

732
00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:15,000
And the statue of limitations ran out, so congratulations, you're not going to get in any trouble.

733
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:16,000
Oh, yes, yes.

734
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:22,000
Oh man, wow.

735
00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:32,000
I can see you two just jumping out of that ditch going, let's get them.

736
00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:34,000
Oh, that's fantastic.

737
00:46:34,000 --> 00:46:36,000
Now that reminds me of a story of my brother.

738
00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:40,000
I don't know if you were there or not, but you're...

739
00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:48,000
Okay, I'm trying to figure out how to explain this correctly here because I'm trying to explain where it was at.

740
00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:52,000
Okay, there's Holmes Road and 150 Highway, right?

741
00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:53,000
Yeah.

742
00:46:53,000 --> 00:46:54,000
Okay.

743
00:46:54,000 --> 00:46:57,000
Well, this is down near, you know, they built that 150 bypass.

744
00:46:57,000 --> 00:47:06,000
150 used to go up, 150 used to stop at Holmes Road there, right before the hill, right?

745
00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:14,000
And then it used to go up the hill and go all the way to Martin City, and then 150 would go to the left and go past Jess and Jim's and all that, right?

746
00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:15,000
Right.

747
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:16,000
Okay.

748
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:20,000
Well, then they built that bypass, remember, and it goes all the way through now.

749
00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:25,000
It goes out into Kansas now, the bypass, the 150 Highway just keeps going.

750
00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:29,000
It doesn't follow Holmes Road and go through Martin City anymore.

751
00:47:29,000 --> 00:47:39,000
So when they built that bypass, there was a old house, there's a little housing addition just to the south of new 150 there, the bypass.

752
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:40,000
Okay.

753
00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:44,000
And there's a lake house on down from it.

754
00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:46,000
Do you know where I'm talking about?

755
00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:48,000
No, not right off the end.

756
00:47:48,000 --> 00:47:49,000
I don't think I was listening.

757
00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:52,000
Okay, well, there's this old abandoned house there.

758
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:53,000
Okay.

759
00:47:53,000 --> 00:47:55,000
And it had been abandoned for a while.

760
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:58,000
And we all decide we're going to get drunk and walk in this son of a bitch.

761
00:47:58,000 --> 00:48:03,000
So we're all in the living room walking, all of a sudden my brother disappears.

762
00:48:03,000 --> 00:48:05,000
And we start hearing this yelling.

763
00:48:05,000 --> 00:48:06,000
Yes.

764
00:48:06,000 --> 00:48:08,000
He fell through the floor.

765
00:48:08,000 --> 00:48:12,000
And he fell to the basement on his ass.

766
00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:14,000
So he's down there.

767
00:48:14,000 --> 00:48:16,000
He's like, oh, fuck, I can't walk, man.

768
00:48:16,000 --> 00:48:17,000
Oh, shit.

769
00:48:17,000 --> 00:48:18,000
And he was really trashed too, right?

770
00:48:18,000 --> 00:48:20,000
So we grab and pick him up.

771
00:48:20,000 --> 00:48:28,000
We run him down that little satellite hospital on 150 over there towards Grandview, kind of towards the back, Byers Road in the back along View Lake there.

772
00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:29,000
Right.

773
00:48:29,000 --> 00:48:30,000
Yeah.

774
00:48:30,000 --> 00:48:32,000
Remember that little satellite that used to be there?

775
00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:33,000
Okay.

776
00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:36,000
Well, that's before the emergency room started popping up.

777
00:48:36,000 --> 00:48:40,000
This was the equivalent to emergency room back in the 80s.

778
00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:42,000
So we went to that little satellite hospital.

779
00:48:42,000 --> 00:48:43,000
We took him there.

780
00:48:43,000 --> 00:48:46,000
And anyhow, my brother's like, oh, God, I can't walk and anything.

781
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:47,000
The guy comes out there.

782
00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:48,000
He goes, we did the x-rays.

783
00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:50,000
He goes, quite frankly, you know what your brother has?

784
00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:51,000
I'm like, what?

785
00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:54,000
He goes, he has a purple ass.

786
00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:56,000
And we all start laughing.

787
00:48:56,000 --> 00:48:58,000
And John's over there going, it hurts, man.

788
00:48:58,000 --> 00:48:59,000
It's not funny.

789
00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:06,000
He goes, well, just have him, when he sobers up, just have him ice down the purple ass for a couple of days and he'll be fine.

790
00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:08,000
Okay, John, come on.

791
00:49:08,000 --> 00:49:10,000
You and your purple ass get in the car.

792
00:49:10,000 --> 00:49:15,000
Let's go home.

793
00:49:15,000 --> 00:49:20,000
So do you ever remember him calling him purple ass for a while there or was that later?

794
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:22,000
You came along later.

795
00:49:22,000 --> 00:49:24,000
I think that was later.

796
00:49:24,000 --> 00:49:25,000
Okay.

797
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:27,000
Because for a while there, they used to call him old purple ass.

798
00:49:27,000 --> 00:49:33,000
All the bosses and everybody, just Jim's go, hey, will you give purple ass over there his check?

799
00:49:33,000 --> 00:49:34,000
Okay.

800
00:49:34,000 --> 00:49:37,000
Maybe I was around after that.

801
00:49:37,000 --> 00:49:44,000
Yeah, he was known as purple ass, but then later on he was known as, what the hell did they used to tease him at?

802
00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:47,000
He was so dark that they used to tease that he was Muslim.

803
00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:50,000
They used to call him Mumar because that's when the Gaddafi.

804
00:49:50,000 --> 00:49:52,000
Something like that.

805
00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:54,000
Yeah, they called him Mumar something.

806
00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:56,000
Mumar, I think, yeah.

807
00:49:56,000 --> 00:49:57,000
Yeah, he used to get so mad.

808
00:49:57,000 --> 00:49:59,000
They'd go, come here, Mumar.

809
00:49:59,000 --> 00:50:03,000
Fuck you.

810
00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:04,000
I'm not Muslim.

811
00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:05,000
I'm fucking Greek.

812
00:50:05,000 --> 00:50:06,000
We don't care.

813
00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:10,000
You're Mumar.

814
00:50:10,000 --> 00:50:11,000
Because we were all assholes.

815
00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:18,000
And me being his brother, of course I'm going to pile on too.

816
00:50:18,000 --> 00:50:20,000
And I had good teachers.

817
00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:21,000
Oh, yes you did.

818
00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:25,000
Yep.

819
00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:28,000
So anyhow, oh my God.

820
00:50:28,000 --> 00:50:29,000
Okay.

821
00:50:29,000 --> 00:50:30,000
All right.

822
00:50:30,000 --> 00:50:32,000
Let's get back to some of these things here.

823
00:50:32,000 --> 00:50:33,000
Yeah.

824
00:50:33,000 --> 00:50:34,000
Oh, all right.

825
00:50:34,000 --> 00:50:44,000
Would you rather peel off all the scabs Hobo has or suck on socks that are full of feet sweat?

826
00:50:44,000 --> 00:50:49,000
I think I would peel off the scabs even because I don't have to digest them.

827
00:50:49,000 --> 00:50:50,000
Right.

828
00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:51,000
It would suck.

829
00:50:51,000 --> 00:50:55,000
But you don't have to put them in your mouth like the socks.

830
00:50:55,000 --> 00:51:00,000
I could always sanitize my hands.

831
00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:01,000
Yes.

832
00:51:01,000 --> 00:51:04,000
Yep. Okay. We're on the same page.

833
00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:05,000
All right.

834
00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:13,000
Would you rather have a cold sore that never goes away or poop your pants once a week for the rest of your life?

835
00:51:13,000 --> 00:51:16,000
Oh shit.

836
00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:18,000
I'd rather go cold sore.

837
00:51:18,000 --> 00:51:19,000
Yep. Same here.

838
00:51:19,000 --> 00:51:20,000
I don't know.

839
00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:25,000
Yeah. Yeah.

840
00:51:25,000 --> 00:51:31,000
Gun.

841
00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:32,000
Yeah.

842
00:51:32,000 --> 00:51:35,000
You got a cold sore that everybody thinks you got.

843
00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:38,000
You got herpes simplex 40.

844
00:51:38,000 --> 00:51:39,000
Fuck you, man.

845
00:51:39,000 --> 00:51:40,000
And I'm single.

846
00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:43,000
I'd never get another woman.

847
00:51:43,000 --> 00:51:47,000
He's the guy that has that permanent herpes sore on his lip.

848
00:51:47,000 --> 00:51:49,000
It's not herpes.

849
00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:54,000
It was a dare.

850
00:51:54,000 --> 00:51:55,000
Gun.

851
00:51:55,000 --> 00:51:58,000
Gun.

852
00:51:58,000 --> 00:51:59,000
Okay.

853
00:51:59,000 --> 00:52:07,000
Would you rather drink up vomit from a dark alley ground or puke in your mouth every time someone said your name?

854
00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:11,000
Puking your mouth with a solid gun right behind that.

855
00:52:11,000 --> 00:52:13,000
Yeah.

856
00:52:13,000 --> 00:52:16,000
Oh, these questions are fucking disturbing.

857
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:18,000
Yeah, they are.

858
00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:19,000
For us.

859
00:52:19,000 --> 00:52:23,000
For us, old man.

860
00:52:23,000 --> 00:52:24,000
Okay.

861
00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:27,000
Would you rather be inside a porta potty when it falls over?

862
00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:29,000
Oh, we have some stories.

863
00:52:29,000 --> 00:52:30,000
Oh, yeah.

864
00:52:30,000 --> 00:52:37,000
Or smell like dog poop on a super important interview.

865
00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:41,000
Gun.

866
00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:42,000
Okay.

867
00:52:42,000 --> 00:52:52,000
Were you ever along when we were down at one of the fests, like Spirit Fest or whatever, and my brother went inside a porta potty and we tipped it over on him?

868
00:52:52,000 --> 00:52:54,000
Yes, I was there.

869
00:52:54,000 --> 00:52:55,000
I was there.

870
00:52:55,000 --> 00:52:56,000
I helped.

871
00:52:56,000 --> 00:52:57,000
I helped.

872
00:52:57,000 --> 00:52:58,000
Okay, yeah.

873
00:52:58,000 --> 00:53:02,000
And then we threw smoke bombs in there ahead of time.

874
00:53:02,000 --> 00:53:03,000
Yeah.

875
00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:04,000
Yeah.

876
00:53:04,000 --> 00:53:05,000
And then we wouldn't let him out.

877
00:53:05,000 --> 00:53:11,000
And then we tipped it over.

878
00:53:11,000 --> 00:53:13,000
Oh, that was hilarious.

879
00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:15,000
Or then who was it?

880
00:53:15,000 --> 00:53:21,000
Was it the Mike we were speaking of last week, you know, that his dad collected venomous snakes?

881
00:53:21,000 --> 00:53:22,000
Yeah, yeah.

882
00:53:22,000 --> 00:53:23,000
Okay.

883
00:53:23,000 --> 00:53:38,000
He was using the porta potty and that one guy that had that Grand Prix came up there and drove his car right to it and would not let him out for hours.

884
00:53:38,000 --> 00:53:39,000
Mike was furious.

885
00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:40,000
I'm sweating.

886
00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:50,000
It was like 100 degrees outside and he's in this stinky son of a bitch sweating all over the place.

887
00:53:50,000 --> 00:53:52,000
And the guy kept rubbing up his engine.

888
00:53:52,000 --> 00:53:54,000
And they're like, we can't get him to leave, Mike.

889
00:53:54,000 --> 00:53:55,000
He won't leave.

890
00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:56,000
We don't know what to do.

891
00:53:56,000 --> 00:53:58,000
Get him out of there, you son of a bitches.

892
00:53:58,000 --> 00:54:03,000
Like he won't leave.

893
00:54:03,000 --> 00:54:05,000
And then he even moved it a little bit.

894
00:54:05,000 --> 00:54:06,000
This car.

895
00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:10,000
He moved it around a little.

896
00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:15,000
This is when they're working on that concrete near the railway back behind Justin Jim's.

897
00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:16,000
Yeah.

898
00:54:16,000 --> 00:54:21,000
We're all out there playing hacky sack and drinking and doing whatever.

899
00:54:21,000 --> 00:54:26,000
It was that older guy that had the long hair, but he was balding on top.

900
00:54:26,000 --> 00:54:32,000
He was around for a while till one night the girl called him a pervert and he fucking flipped out.

901
00:54:32,000 --> 00:54:33,000
You remember that?

902
00:54:33,000 --> 00:54:34,000
Yes.

903
00:54:34,000 --> 00:54:35,000
Yes.

904
00:54:35,000 --> 00:54:36,000
Yeah.

905
00:54:36,000 --> 00:54:37,000
And he kept saying, I'm not a prevert.

906
00:54:37,000 --> 00:54:40,000
And we kept going, she didn't call you a prevert.

907
00:54:40,000 --> 00:54:44,000
She called you a pervert because he was creeping on all the girls.

908
00:54:44,000 --> 00:54:47,000
And he was like, I don't know, I think he might've been like 40 or something.

909
00:54:47,000 --> 00:54:48,000
I don't know.

910
00:54:48,000 --> 00:54:54,000
But he kept coming around out of nowhere in that Grand Prix and, hey, you guys want some booze and stuff like that?

911
00:54:54,000 --> 00:54:56,000
He was like really, he was a creeper.

912
00:54:56,000 --> 00:54:59,000
Only we're like taking the free booze and shit.

913
00:54:59,000 --> 00:55:02,000
And I guess he kept, was he creeping on Dina?

914
00:55:02,000 --> 00:55:04,000
Remember Dina?

915
00:55:04,000 --> 00:55:06,000
I think it was Dina.

916
00:55:06,000 --> 00:55:07,000
Yeah.

917
00:55:07,000 --> 00:55:09,000
And Dina's like, that guy's a fucking pervert.

918
00:55:09,000 --> 00:55:11,000
And she didn't know he's right behind him.

919
00:55:11,000 --> 00:55:14,000
And he's like, I'm not a prevert.

920
00:55:14,000 --> 00:55:16,000
And we're like, well, she didn't call you a prevert.

921
00:55:16,000 --> 00:55:17,000
She called you a pervert.

922
00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:18,000
Yeah, she called you a pervert.

923
00:55:18,000 --> 00:55:19,000
Yeah.

924
00:55:19,000 --> 00:55:21,000
Well, preverts do this and I don't do that.

925
00:55:21,000 --> 00:55:25,000
And we're like, dude, you're not doing yourself any favors.

926
00:55:25,000 --> 00:55:28,000
You know, just take it and fucking leave.

927
00:55:28,000 --> 00:55:29,000
You know?

928
00:55:29,000 --> 00:55:32,000
So anyhow, he did that to Mike.

929
00:55:32,000 --> 00:55:37,000
But the thing is, is he kept showing up until Dina called him a pervert.

930
00:55:37,000 --> 00:55:41,000
And then he quit showing up because he was so offended or whatever.

931
00:55:41,000 --> 00:55:44,000
But he was a pervert because he did creep on him.

932
00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:48,000
And he did try to, you know, get him cornered and stuff.

933
00:55:48,000 --> 00:55:53,000
The night Dina did that, it brought a lot of our attention to it too.

934
00:55:53,000 --> 00:55:58,000
Yeah, because we didn't realize, you know, we just thought he was just some guy that liked to party.

935
00:55:58,000 --> 00:56:00,000
He was maybe lonely.

936
00:56:00,000 --> 00:56:02,000
But actually, he just showed up.

937
00:56:02,000 --> 00:56:04,000
We didn't know who he was.

938
00:56:04,000 --> 00:56:07,000
He kept showing up every now and then.

939
00:56:07,000 --> 00:56:10,000
But then we started hearing more about him.

940
00:56:10,000 --> 00:56:15,000
Yeah, and then after that, I'm glad Dina said that because, number one, he wouldn't come back.

941
00:56:15,000 --> 00:56:18,000
And number two, we didn't know what he was up to, man.

942
00:56:18,000 --> 00:56:21,000
We didn't know, you know, he could have done anything with any of those girls.

943
00:56:21,000 --> 00:56:24,000
Because, you know, a lot of them trusted us.

944
00:56:24,000 --> 00:56:26,000
They knew they were going to pass out.

945
00:56:26,000 --> 00:56:30,000
They knew that we were going to watch out over them and make sure no one was going to take advantage of them.

946
00:56:30,000 --> 00:56:31,000
Exactly.

947
00:56:31,000 --> 00:56:33,000
That's what we did, you know?

948
00:56:33,000 --> 00:56:34,000
Yeah, we did.

949
00:56:34,000 --> 00:56:36,000
And we had a code of honor that we lived by there.

950
00:56:36,000 --> 00:56:41,000
We didn't do anything to them and we made sure no one got near them.

951
00:56:41,000 --> 00:56:44,000
So, yeah, so anyhow, that guy could have tried something like that.

952
00:56:44,000 --> 00:56:48,000
We wouldn't even known about it because we're all so busy getting fucked up.

953
00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:52,000
So, yeah, and we were, it was pretty dark back there.

954
00:56:52,000 --> 00:56:54,000
Yeah, yeah.

955
00:56:54,000 --> 00:57:00,000
Yeah, so Eddie, I'm glad she called him that and brought that to our attention because we didn't know that before then.

956
00:57:00,000 --> 00:57:06,000
Yeah, we're just fucking kids getting smashed and we just thought he was just some guy hanging out because he's lonely.

957
00:57:06,000 --> 00:57:08,000
So, yeah, yep.

958
00:57:08,000 --> 00:57:10,000
Let's see here.

959
00:57:10,000 --> 00:57:12,000
Let's see.

960
00:57:12,000 --> 00:57:20,000
Would you rather fart uncontrollably during a first date or eat your date's earwax?

961
00:57:20,000 --> 00:57:23,000
I'm going to say fart and here's why.

962
00:57:23,000 --> 00:57:29,000
If she could live with you after you had all these severe farting attacks, you know she's the one.

963
00:57:29,000 --> 00:57:31,000
You got a good point there.

964
00:57:31,000 --> 00:57:33,000
Yeah, I say go with it.

965
00:57:33,000 --> 00:57:34,000
Just fart all over.

966
00:57:34,000 --> 00:57:36,000
I just say, hey, you know what?

967
00:57:36,000 --> 00:57:38,000
You can make up anything.

968
00:57:38,000 --> 00:57:45,000
Back then, I was thinking back then in our dating days, we'd be like, yeah, this is haptosterechiosis.

969
00:57:45,000 --> 00:57:46,000
What?

970
00:57:46,000 --> 00:57:47,000
Yeah, haptosterechiosis.

971
00:57:47,000 --> 00:57:49,000
Never heard of it?

972
00:57:49,000 --> 00:57:57,000
Yeah, I have uncontrollable gas whenever I really am intrigued by somebody.

973
00:57:57,000 --> 00:57:59,000
You know, you can make up anything.

974
00:57:59,000 --> 00:58:00,000
Yeah.

975
00:58:00,000 --> 00:58:02,000
And I'm sorry, I'll go ahead and leave.

976
00:58:02,000 --> 00:58:04,000
Oh, no, no, no, don't leave, Mark.

977
00:58:04,000 --> 00:58:05,000
That's so sweet.

978
00:58:05,000 --> 00:58:06,000
Thank you.

979
00:58:06,000 --> 00:58:07,000
Are you sure?

980
00:58:07,000 --> 00:58:08,000
I smell horrible.

981
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:09,000
No, that's all right.

982
00:58:09,000 --> 00:58:11,000
I'll clean you.

983
00:58:11,000 --> 00:58:12,000
Well, okay.

984
00:58:12,000 --> 00:58:17,000
I guess.

985
00:58:17,000 --> 00:58:21,000
Would you rather suck on a goose who would do it?

986
00:58:21,000 --> 00:58:23,000
What did you say?

987
00:58:23,000 --> 00:58:25,000
I think I would go with that one, too.

988
00:58:25,000 --> 00:58:27,000
You could play that off.

989
00:58:27,000 --> 00:58:28,000
You could.

990
00:58:28,000 --> 00:58:29,000
Yeah, yep.

991
00:58:29,000 --> 00:58:35,000
Would you rather suck on a used tampon for a minute or make out with a public toilet seat for a minute?

992
00:58:35,000 --> 00:58:37,000
Oh, gun.

993
00:58:37,000 --> 00:58:38,000
Gun.

994
00:58:38,000 --> 00:58:40,000
Gun.

995
00:58:40,000 --> 00:58:42,000
I almost threw up in my mouth.

996
00:58:42,000 --> 00:58:43,000
I already had the gun out.

997
00:58:43,000 --> 00:58:45,000
I already had the gun out.

998
00:58:45,000 --> 00:58:47,000
As soon as I read it, I'm like, where did that thing go?

999
00:58:47,000 --> 00:58:48,000
Oh, there it is.

1000
00:58:48,000 --> 00:58:49,000
Oh, good.

1001
00:58:49,000 --> 00:58:50,000
Thank you, God.

1002
00:58:50,000 --> 00:58:53,000
Forgive me for what I'm about to do, but I'm getting ready to join.

1003
00:58:53,000 --> 00:58:56,000
Would you rather fart uncontrollably?

1004
00:58:56,000 --> 00:58:57,000
Oh, no.

1005
00:58:57,000 --> 00:58:59,000
How did I get those switched?

1006
00:58:59,000 --> 00:59:00,000
Oh, well.

1007
00:59:00,000 --> 00:59:05,000
Would you rather drink a cup of your mom's period blood or a cup of your own dad's semen?

1008
00:59:05,000 --> 00:59:07,000
Oh, gun.

1009
00:59:07,000 --> 00:59:08,000
Oh, my God.

1010
00:59:08,000 --> 00:59:09,000
Gun.

1011
00:59:09,000 --> 00:59:16,000
Oh, this next one.

1012
00:59:16,000 --> 00:59:18,000
I shouldn't even read it, but you know what?

1013
00:59:18,000 --> 00:59:20,000
That's what we do here.

1014
00:59:20,000 --> 00:59:27,000
Would you rather go down on your grandpa or have your grandpa go down on you?

1015
00:59:27,000 --> 00:59:29,000
Gun.

1016
00:59:29,000 --> 00:59:34,000
Oh, my God, Mark.

1017
00:59:34,000 --> 00:59:36,000
Oh, wow.

1018
00:59:36,000 --> 00:59:39,000
Hey, I actually, I didn't invent these.

1019
00:59:39,000 --> 00:59:41,000
I found them on the internet.

1020
00:59:41,000 --> 00:59:43,000
I know you did.

1021
00:59:43,000 --> 00:59:46,000
I know you did.

1022
00:59:46,000 --> 00:59:48,000
Oh, the internet.

1023
00:59:48,000 --> 00:59:51,000
Oh, it's disgusting, isn't it?

1024
00:59:51,000 --> 00:59:53,000
I hate children.

1025
00:59:53,000 --> 00:59:59,000
They're going to be so proud of us.

1026
00:59:59,000 --> 01:00:00,000
Okay.

1027
01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:02,000
Gun.

1028
01:00:02,000 --> 01:00:03,000
Yeah, gun.

1029
01:00:03,000 --> 01:00:04,000
Yep.

1030
01:00:04,000 --> 01:00:11,000
Would you rather eat your own scabs uncontrollably or pee yourself a little every time you stood up?

1031
01:00:11,000 --> 01:00:14,000
I'm going to go with pee just to make people look at you.

1032
01:00:14,000 --> 01:00:15,000
Yeah, I think so, too.

1033
01:00:15,000 --> 01:00:18,000
Why don't you accuse him of meat gazing?

1034
01:00:18,000 --> 01:00:19,000
Yeah, yeah, I think I could.

1035
01:00:19,000 --> 01:00:21,000
Hey, you're looking at my dick, man.

1036
01:00:21,000 --> 01:00:22,000
No, I wasn't.

1037
01:00:22,000 --> 01:00:23,000
It looks like you peed.

1038
01:00:23,000 --> 01:00:25,000
No, I just washed my hands and it splashed on there.

1039
01:00:25,000 --> 01:00:27,000
Quit looking at me, you pervert.

1040
01:00:27,000 --> 01:00:29,000
That would be fun to do.

1041
01:00:29,000 --> 01:00:33,000
Yep, and no scab eating.

1042
01:00:33,000 --> 01:00:41,000
Would you rather have sex with the hottest person you know that's freshly dead or have sex with the ugliest and spilling person, but they're alive?

1043
01:00:41,000 --> 01:00:43,000
Gun.

1044
01:00:43,000 --> 01:00:45,000
Yep, gun.

1045
01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:48,000
A lot of these are just ending in gun.

1046
01:00:48,000 --> 01:00:50,000
Yeah, yeah.

1047
01:00:50,000 --> 01:00:57,000
Would you rather eat a whole raw chicken or drink a cup full of liquified slugs?

1048
01:00:57,000 --> 01:01:00,000
Oh, wow.

1049
01:01:00,000 --> 01:01:05,000
Chicken, I think.

1050
01:01:05,000 --> 01:01:06,000
Chicken.

1051
01:01:06,000 --> 01:01:13,000
And you know, we have to answer some of these, we can't go, we gotta leave a gun for the really specially horrible ones.

1052
01:01:13,000 --> 01:01:16,000
So, okay, chicken.

1053
01:01:16,000 --> 01:01:22,000
Would you rather have sandpaper hands and be forced to pleasure yourself once a week forever or have no genitals at all?

1054
01:01:22,000 --> 01:01:27,000
I guess I'm gonna go around with a very, very coarse penis.

1055
01:01:27,000 --> 01:01:31,000
Yeah, me too.

1056
01:01:31,000 --> 01:01:38,000
Would you rather have an elephant stick its trunk up your butt or poop out a string of nails?

1057
01:01:38,000 --> 01:01:41,000
I'd rather poop out a string of nails just to show people.

1058
01:01:41,000 --> 01:01:43,000
I would win so many bets.

1059
01:01:43,000 --> 01:01:45,000
Yeah, I would too.

1060
01:01:45,000 --> 01:01:48,000
I'd be at a bar and I'd go, hey guys, I can shit nails.

1061
01:01:48,000 --> 01:01:50,000
Ah, fuck you.

1062
01:01:50,000 --> 01:01:52,000
Hey, we used to eat beer cans.

1063
01:01:52,000 --> 01:01:54,000
Yeah, we did. Yes.

1064
01:01:54,000 --> 01:01:56,000
Yeah, so let's shit nails.

1065
01:01:56,000 --> 01:01:58,000
Yep.

1066
01:01:58,000 --> 01:02:01,000
I'll tell you what really sold it is, I didn't eat that much of a beer can at all.

1067
01:02:01,000 --> 01:02:03,000
It just looked like I ate that much.

1068
01:02:03,000 --> 01:02:05,000
I ate very little like you did.

1069
01:02:05,000 --> 01:02:09,000
But when you would draw blood, that's when it was very believable.

1070
01:02:09,000 --> 01:02:16,000
People were like, oh my God, look, they're bleeding out of their fucking esophagus because they cut it.

1071
01:02:16,000 --> 01:02:19,000
Because they're actually eating aluminum.

1072
01:02:19,000 --> 01:02:20,000
Yeah. Yeah.

1073
01:02:20,000 --> 01:02:22,000
It sold it.

1074
01:02:22,000 --> 01:02:24,000
Yep, it did.

1075
01:02:24,000 --> 01:02:30,000
Would you rather cut your own eyelids off with scissors or pull each of your teeth out with a wrench?

1076
01:02:30,000 --> 01:02:33,000
Gun.

1077
01:02:33,000 --> 01:02:36,000
Yeah, Gun.

1078
01:02:36,000 --> 01:02:44,000
Would you rather eat a small piece of animal's poop or poop a zit or pop a zit on someone's butt cheek with your mouth?

1079
01:02:44,000 --> 01:02:46,000
Oh, fuck.

1080
01:02:46,000 --> 01:02:52,000
Oh.

1081
01:02:52,000 --> 01:02:55,000
Yeah, I hate to say it.

1082
01:02:55,000 --> 01:02:58,000
Like you said, we got to answer some of these.

1083
01:02:58,000 --> 01:03:00,000
Okay, you know what?

1084
01:03:00,000 --> 01:03:10,000
I guess since the next question is even more horrible, I guess I'd have to do the zit with a butt cheek because at least you won't get sick from it.

1085
01:03:10,000 --> 01:03:17,000
You might vomit a little bit afterwards and really like try to forget about and have to do years of therapy.

1086
01:03:17,000 --> 01:03:19,000
Yeah.

1087
01:03:19,000 --> 01:03:20,000
So there you go.

1088
01:03:20,000 --> 01:03:27,000
Would you rather drink a gallon of someone else's armpit sweat or sweat or drink a gallon of your own toe sweat?

1089
01:03:27,000 --> 01:03:29,000
Gun.

1090
01:03:29,000 --> 01:03:32,000
Yeah. Yep.

1091
01:03:32,000 --> 01:03:34,000
Oh.

1092
01:03:34,000 --> 01:03:44,000
And finally, would you rather drink a cup of spit from someone who was chewing tobacco or make out with someone who has all their teeth rotten?

1093
01:03:44,000 --> 01:03:46,000
Oh.

1094
01:03:46,000 --> 01:03:50,000
Gun.

1095
01:03:50,000 --> 01:03:54,000
I just had to go with the rotten teeth. I've done that.

1096
01:03:54,000 --> 01:03:58,000
Yeah, I think I'd have to too.

1097
01:03:58,000 --> 01:04:00,000
My bar days.

1098
01:04:00,000 --> 01:04:02,000
Yeah, yeah, we all have those stories.

1099
01:04:02,000 --> 01:04:03,000
My bar days.

1100
01:04:03,000 --> 01:04:04,000
Yep.

1101
01:04:04,000 --> 01:04:07,000
Understandable, Rob. Understandable.

1102
01:04:07,000 --> 01:04:16,000
So anyhow, I think that's going to be the end of this podcast for today, but we will do another one here real soon.

1103
01:04:16,000 --> 01:04:18,000
All right.

1104
01:04:18,000 --> 01:04:20,000
Say bye bye, Robbie.

1105
01:04:20,000 --> 01:04:21,000
But don't hang up.

1106
01:04:21,000 --> 01:04:22,000
Bye.

1107
01:04:22,000 --> 01:04:23,000
Bye.

1108
01:04:23,000 --> 01:04:38,000
Bye.

1109
01:04:38,000 --> 01:04:44,000
Two douchebags and microphone dot net. You're one stop for everything douchebaggery.

1110
01:04:44,000 --> 01:04:47,000
You want to write us? You want to say something to us?

1111
01:04:47,000 --> 01:04:49,000
You want to look for a live button when we go live?

1112
01:04:49,000 --> 01:04:53,000
You can call in all of this stuff is right there for your ears.

1113
01:04:53,000 --> 01:04:55,000
You got it.

1114
01:04:55,000 --> 01:04:56,000
Chumps.

1115
01:04:56,000 --> 01:04:57,000
It's all yours.

1116
01:04:57,000 --> 01:05:01,000
Two douchebags and microphone dot net is up and running.

1117
01:05:01,000 --> 01:05:19,000
Subscribe button. Don't forget to hit the subscribe button. Don't forget to hit the subscribe button. Don't forget to hit the subscribe button.

1118
01:05:19,000 --> 01:05:21,000
Hey, where'd everybody go?

1119
01:05:21,000 --> 01:05:23,000
Where are the douchebags?

1120
01:05:23,000 --> 01:05:26,000
Oh my God. Someone took a dump in the corner.

1121
01:05:26,000 --> 01:05:28,000
Oh geez.

1122
01:05:28,000 --> 01:05:30,000
Glad they're gone.

1123
01:05:30,000 --> 01:05:32,000
They don't come back.

1124
01:05:32,000 --> 01:06:01,000
Man, that smells.