Live from the city market, it is Two Douchebags and Microphone Podcast.
We need your help.
Tester has been abducted.
We believe by the cat producers of Mid-America.
We believe it is being tortured with kill videos.
Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers.
Hashtag LetTesterGo.
Two thimble dicks and a crash cart will be right back.
Oh Lord, that man just saw a puppy in half.
Hey there, don't worry, I have a clown nose.
Oh no, that drunk guy just hit my child.
It's okay, I have a clown nose.
Clown nose, just put one on and you can do anything.
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Grab one today and make magic happen.
Hello everybody, Two Douchebags and a Microphone. I am Mark.
And I'm Rob Rad.
Rob Rad is a guest star again because Topher once again has been kidnapped by the evil doers.
The Kale people have kidnapped him.
And I think we had some footage sent to us, didn't we?
I have people on site that have been in sight.
They're watching and getting ready to kidnap him anytime.
Oh God, we need him back.
They have been showing and forcing them to watch Kale videos.
I put my fellow Ozarkians in the workforce, but...
Oh, that's what we need. We need those hillbillies to go fucking get him.
Whatever it takes.
Yeah, I'll tell you what, you ain't stopping a hillbilly. You ain't stopping a pissed off hillbilly, are you?
Oh, hell no. Hell no.
No, no. I don't care how bad these Kale people think they are. They ain't stopping those boys down there.
So, yeah, so we are going to get Topher back.
He's been stolen by the...I think it was the greater new contemporary mid-America Kale eaters and producers of America and surrounding areas.
Kidnapped him.
And they're giving us little excerpts of him screaming because they're throwing Kale at him.
And they're making him watch Kale videos. He's being tortured, people.
Yeah, would that be a name? From the reports I'm getting, there's only like six people left.
That's it? Well, there's really not that many...well, there is quite a few stupid...
Well, they're called Kale lovers.
Yeah, I mean, yeah. There's a lot of rubes out there that think this stuff is actually good, so...
I've got like 40 hillbillies sitting out the doorway.
Oh, I can't wait for that. Oh, I can't wait for that. Oh, these Kale people are going to be fucked when they get him.
Yeah, they are.
Yeah, right. Well, I got a neat little story. You know Kim Jong-Un, right? That little fucking...that little fat, sawed-off piece of shit?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The Chinese, yeah.
He is Korean. Korean, yes. North Korean.
Well, you know he's a little sack of shit, right? And he's a mean little bastard.
And the South Koreans hate him because he keeps wanting to take them over and threaten them and all that.
So South Korea is taking a nice little jab at its enemy's leader.
North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un had an appearance on May 16th when the South Korean Parliamentary Intelligence Committee...
...Intelligence Committee...
Every time I say intelligence, I fuck it up. So what does that mean?
And anyhow...
Intelligence Committee used AI to estimate his weight at 308 pounds.
Are you talking about the United States Intelligence Committee?
No, no, no. The South Korean. They're archenemies.
Okay, well if you were saying America, then I couldn't understand what you're meaning.
Okay, no, no, no.
I didn't see why you laughed.
Yeah, it was the South Korean Parliamentary Intelligence Committee. They used AI to estimate his weight at 308 pounds.
The North Korean fat-ass leader appeared tired and had dark circles around his eyes.
Obviously his 5'4 ass had a difficult time lugging around that large of a carcass.
That was funny, Mark.
Oh yeah. Look for thunder thighs to do something retaliatory because he's that kind of a little penis.
So he might send his bestest buddy Dennis Rodman over there as punishment.
Then no class loser would make everybody vomit.
I told you just earlier today while I was doing my homework for the show about him sleeping all the time. He has a sleep disorder. Sleeping all the time.
Who? The North Korean leader?
Kim Jong, whatever.
Ung or Ung or whatever. Yeah. Really?
Yeah, he's sleeping all the time. Yeah.
I didn't even report a while ago saying that. Or saying this.
He has some sort of sleep disorder where...
There must be something to that one.
Well, that would explain the dark circles probably.
Overweight.
Yeah, yeah. All that.
Not getting any exercise. Yeah.
Wow.
Alright.
Okay, I can believe that.
So, you know we have a segment on this show called Dear Douchebags, right?
Oh yeah. Yeah.
And we have people write us in with various issues and we try to ruin their lives with bad advice.
Gotcha.
Yeah, yeah. That's what we do. We always tell people, you know what, don't take our advice. That's the worst thing you can do in the whole world. But we still dish it out.
But this is just a warning. We've been warning people forever. As a matter of fact, whatever advice we give, you should do the polar opposite.
The exact opposite of what we should say. If you want to live a good life, stay away from our advice.
That's why our lives are jacked up.
Yes, yes. So, proof and point. Us.
And you know, and then Topher, he's being kidnapped by the Kel people. So that tells you that right there.
So, anyhow, Dear Douchebags, my fiance's dad stays the night often.
He is a delightful man, but one major problem. He leaves his dentures all over the kitchen counter.
This shit is gross. We've asked him to nicely not do it anymore, but he doesn't seem to get it.
Thanks in advance, signed dentures no more in Baltimore.
Those names are great, aren't they?
I tell you that our Douchebag fans come up with the neatest names.
Yeah, they do. Yeah, they do.
And I can't believe it. He even thanked us in advance for horrible advice. You can't beat that.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no problem, dentures no more in Baltimore.
Dear Beemore, this sucks bad and I only have a few suggestions for the toothless one.
Insert a small piece of metal in the bottom of his dentures, get a strong magnet, and when he goes to grab his fakes,
move them around and tell him it has denture worms from leaving them out.
He'll be like, oh shit, man, me leaving them on the counter. They have denture worms. I can't even wear them now.
So, you know, that's a great idea and if that doesn't work, we even have a backup plan.
Pop Rocks. Take Pop Rocks on the gum line of his heath.
The unpleasant little surprise might make him reluctant to place them there carelessly again.
You can always say, you know what, the Pop Rocks must have been on the counter and when you sat them down, they just stuck to them.
We had nothing to do with it, Pops. You know, sorry, man, just bad timing, I guess.
Or number three, take bitter aspirin and crush them up to powder.
And then rub said dentures in powder and watch him pucker.
Have you ever had a bitter aspirin that like broke apart in your mouth before you had a chance to drink it and how horrible it tastes
and you can't get that bitterness out of your mouth for hours?
No. I have. It sucks.
I'd probably be like eating a raw from cinnamon and lube. Eh, probably.
Number four, bubble gum. Maybe grape flavor all over the teeth. Purple teeth might cure this guy from now on.
Well, that's all I got. Good luck, asshole.
So that's our suggestions and that was Dear Douchebag.
And like we said, Robbie, should you ever take our advice?
You're on your own.
Yeah, if you take our advice, we're going to tell you right now, don't come back to us.
We told you it's the worst thing you can do in the whole world is take our advice.
So anyhow, hey, did you hear about Dion Sanders?
He was in the invited. You heard nothing about it. What's up?
Okay. You know, he had a couple of toes amputated.
No, I didn't hear that.
Yeah, he did. Yeah. And I like Dion. I'm not making fun of him. I just ran across the story. He's like, oh shit.
I really do like. I like him too.
Yeah, he seems to be a legitimately real good guy.
And he's obviously a really good coach. And I read this. I really felt bad for him and it sucks.
Dion Sanders had a foot surgery in September 2021 to repair a dislocated toe and an inflamed nerve.
He later developed blood clots and a compartment syndrome in his left leg, which threatened his life and his limb.
So that's serious shit. I mean, you know, it was starting his life.
Yeah. So his life and his limb was threatened and he underwent several operations, including a vasectomy to relieve the pressure and swelling on his calf muscle.
He lost 35 pounds and his big toe and second toe amputated.
We wish him, you know, we wish him well. You know, we need more dancing duck and goat commercials anyhow.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
I think I might make my miss. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's right.
I forgot about that, doc. Yep. Yep. Yeah.
So, no, we're not going to call him Robbie Duck. He's Robbie Rad.
Yeah, Rob. And remember, if you're a male and you're into sending body part pictures to anybody, they go to Rob Rad's inbox.
Now, while we're on this, Mark, he likes it. We've been a while talking about this now.
OK. And I ain't got a single picture.
You have 30 days from today.
I'll have to take a picture of you.
I will. I will. I'll be laughing her ass off at you while you're having to do it.
Well, here's here. Here's the deal.
Yeah. Whoever sends him pictures, remember, he wants the face and the ass in the same picture.
So ask that with your face turned around, smiling. He wants to see you're going to need Val to take the picture.
I'm sure there's somebody out there that will. If not, I'll find I'll pay somebody to.
I'm getting a little lonely down here in the Ozarks. Come on, guys. Come on. Break loose.
Break loose. Couple of asshole pictures and send them to Rob.
What the hell? He won't tell anybody. He won't share it.
So, so, Rob, you're pretty stoked with some of the stuff you had. You got something you want to go into?
Yeah. Yeah. I've been doing some research. You may have heard about the Red Bull lawsuit back in 2014.
I can't remember. So please refresh. You know, OK, I may have. I don't I don't remember. Go ahead.
2014 Red Bull was fined 13 million dollars for falsely advertising that their energy drinks would give customers wings.
The lawsuit was filed by customers who claimed that they were misled by the company's marketing.
Oh, my God. And they won.
The settlement required people to pay out the 13 million to customers who purchased their energy drinks between 2002 and 2014.
Red Bull also agreed to change their marketing to make it clear that their products do not actually provide physical wings.
That's fucking insane. How did they win that lawsuit?
I don't know. But you know, that sounds to me like a big shakedown from lawyers.
You know that the people that went out and bought like a case of Red Bull may have got like three cents in the mail.
The people make money off all those class action shit are the lawyers.
The people that are actually the victims don't hardly make anything.
And that sounded to me like a big fucking lawyer shakedown to me.
As a human being, any kind of brain, how would you think drinking this drink would give you physical wings?
You know, I've got an answer to that. And here it is. OK.
You go to Kansas City every now and then, right?
Yeah. OK. You look around, right?
OK. You see people just standing there looking off in a daze.
Not knowing where they're at, basically. Drooling, pill heads, idiots, morons, what have you, drunks.
OK. Those are the people that might believe this.
Ms. Goldfenstein.
You know, so people that receive this money.
Well, yeah, they probably got their three cents on a check in the mail. Yes.
But yeah, those are the people that receive this money.
You know, if someone if someone sent me that lawsuit, I wouldn't do it out of principle.
And here's why. Number one, you're not you're not going to break the bank.
No one's going to give you like even ten thousand dollars.
They're not even going to give you a hundred dollars.
They're going to give you change at the best, maybe 40 cents, maybe two bucks.
OK. So let's say you get two bucks.
I wouldn't do it because all that's doing is making some other asshole all the money.
And you're just there schlep for doing it. Yeah. Yeah.
I wouldn't do it. I'd be like, no.
And also, I want the price of Red Bull to stay down being a fan of it.
I'm doing this. You'll get all this money and then they'll raise the price
because they had to fucking throw all this money towards this worthless shit.
And then they got to change their whole ad campaigns over this.
No way. I'm not doing it.
If more people thought like that, we wouldn't have so much bullshit.
All the litigation in America. Everything is litigation.
I'm fucking tired of it. Yeah, we're talking about Motley Crue and the litigation.
It's bullshit. You know, they all work together, all four of them for all these years.
And you know what? They should have been able to just been like, you know what, man?
We're here. We think you deserve this.
And thank you for being a valuable part.
And without you, Motley Crue would have never happened.
And we're sorry we got to go our own ways.
But you know what? It shouldn't be like, all right, you're out of the band.
My lawyer will be sending you a message.
It shouldn't be like that. It should never be like that.
No, no, no. Yeah.
The problem is in America is we have too much pride and we have too many lawyers.
And everybody's out to prove their point.
Because like I was telling my friend Davey, it's not even money they were trying to do with us.
It's just pride shit.
It's just like, oh, we're going to show Mick Mars.
So it's just it's it's ridiculous.
And I can't stand the society like that.
It's just like everybody tries to get over on the other one.
So anyhow, no, no long answer.
After all, this is I did not know about that lawsuit.
So yeah, yeah.
And it's fucking ridiculous.
They lost. Yeah, that is the sad part.
Because people thought they actually threw me.
Man, fuck. Yeah.
I'm getting a crunching on ice. I'm sorry.
I know it's bad table manners.
All right, Rob, you got a gun cells.
You got something else you want to hit?
Oh, I got a fact for you.
OK.
Get a book of world records holds the record for being the most stolen from the public libraries.
I love that.
That's a pretty cool fact.
That is a fact.
I could see that, you know, we were growing up, you know, everybody.
Oh, I was all kinds of really what records we have to beat, you know.
Oh, yeah.
Nothing else to do.
No. Yeah. Yep.
No Internet, no smartphones.
We go grab a book of world records to see how many hula hoops someone fucking paraded around their midsection for three hours.
Yeah. Yeah.
Who jumped the first rant?
You know? Yeah.
Yeah. You know, I want to know who will the you know, if it wasn't evil, can evil who held the bike jumping?
I remember I used to look there all the time. Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, that was the stuff I was.
Yeah, because evil can evil.
He progressed on to like canyons and all that stuff.
You know, he did Caesar's Palace.
But then after that, he started using rocket bikes, not bikes.
Yeah. Yeah.
They started using rocket bikes.
Now, I'm not dogging it.
It was still dangerous as hell.
And it was still very talented to do it.
Took a lot of balls and guts because he could have died easily.
Okay. But I would say a lot of cocaine back in the day.
Probably so.
So, yeah.
So the thing is, is this right here, he kind of left the motorcycle jumping industry and went into something a little bit more modified and specified chasing records and doing new unique things.
I mean, he was so good at promotion for himself and the things that he did.
So, you know, he kind of left the bike thing alone after that.
And then other people are coming up and doing unique things on regular bikes.
So I used to get the Guinness Book of World Records and hunt that up and check that out.
And then I go like the world's largest Domino chain or whatever, you know, or like the largest ever recorded.
Like it was like it was like four foot long or some shit.
I'm like, wow.
And then they show a little picture of it.
Fuck, look at that white head.
So anyhow, you know, slap fighting is suddenly huge.
Have you ever seen slap fighting?
Yeah, yeah, it's catching on.
Yeah, I'm starting to see it everywhere.
So I started looking it up and it is brutal.
That slap fighting is fucking mean.
People do it down here.
Oh, they do?
Yeah.
So it's kind of like MMA was or probably still is.
It's going to be like the next MMA I do believe.
Well, Dana White from MMA is in.
He's in on this.
He's firmly in it.
Yeah.
So it's going to be a success.
But, you know, have you ever went to Whiskey Tango's out there in Oak Grove out on the very east side of Kansas City?
Actually, it's outside of the city limits.
It's a country bar and it's a huge country bar.
I mean, it's like it goes on forever.
It's a huge country bar.
Well, they have MMA fights there still, I believe.
But anyhow, I was there watching one and I was so close I was getting blood on me.
So I had to move.
And yeah, they have cages right there.
And I mean, you just see people just kick the shit out of each other.
What have you?
So slap fighting is like now the new MMA.
And I'm going to take a look on their website a little bit later and see if they're actually promoting any slap fighting because slap fighting is starting to take over in a lot of areas.
And people like slap fighting because they say that it isn't as brutal as like boxing where they're claiming it doesn't fuck your head up like that.
Give you the CTE like a lot of boxers have faced in their life.
You know, and of course, football players, too.
OK, I think kind of see that a little bit.
Yeah, you're still getting hit in the head, but you're getting hit in the face.
Yeah.
In the back of the head.
Not.
Yes.
Yeah.
And they say, you know what, if you want to watch a fight, not only is this brutal, but it's safer.
Yeah.
You sound normal.
OK, good.
I was hearing everything you were saying.
I know you were, but it wasn't coming out through here.
We had a little bit of technical difficulty there.
So if you heard some clipping, we had to start over for a second.
So anyhow, slap fighting is suddenly huge.
Some slap fighting beatdowns have have gone viral.
Most famously, the man's face swelling up on live video to where he is unrecognizable.
Have you seen that one?
Yeah, there's a bunch of it.
It's crazy.
Yeah.
UFC President Dana White is selling slap fighting as the next big thing.
And I believe it.
I mean, I mean, it's you know, I mean, people might think especially going to Dana White is back in it.
It's going to be big.
Yeah. Yeah.
Exactly.
He's behind UFC and he has a cloudy.
He has people and yeah, it's going to be big.
And more importantly, he's got the money.
Yes, he does.
The Nevada Athletic Commission has sanctioned the league for competitions in Las Vegas.
So there you go.
Vegas can have the competition.
So that is it.
It is off the running.
Yeah.
It's a home run said White, who's who is among several UFC officials involved in the league.
So there's other UFC officials involved in it, too.
Yeah.
Due to its brutal nature, slap fighting has been questioned on its safety, regardless, regardless to say there are already organizations trying to stop the sport.
But like we're talking about earlier, it's been argued that because you don't use any apparatus that and you just hit to the face that there is.
Yeah.
What now?
I'm just saying you're not hitting the temple.
You're not hitting the side of the head.
Yeah.
You're hitting the face.
Yeah.
That's what I'm saying, too, is I don't know why they're freaking out because I think this may be the safer alternative to anything else.
I mean, like kickboxing, you routinely see people like got to snap their leg.
Yeah.
Just get beat so bad that you don't even know if they're going to get come out of it.
Do what?
Even just regular boxing.
Oh, regular boxing is worse.
The blows to the head.
Yeah.
The blows to the head is what fucks people up because I mean, you don't believe me.
Look at Muhammad Ali in the last 20 years of his life.
Yeah.
He couldn't even talk.
Yeah.
He got Parkinson's due to head blows.
Yeah.
I mean, watch one fight between him and Frazier and you could tell how come he had it.
Geez.
Yeah.
Those guys beat the hell out of each other.
Oh, that was a battle.
That was a battle.
Oh, man.
Old Joltin Joe Frazier and Muhammad Ali with some of the best boxing one could ever win.
Oh, yes it was.
Yeah.
One casualty or severe injury and I'm certain the sport will encounter much opposition.
Me, if you're dumb enough to participate, you're dumb enough for any possible outcome.
And that goes for everything.
You know, that goes for boxing or whatever.
And I don't even, and I even say it wrong when I say dumb.
I mean, I don't think it's dumb.
I mean, because if that's your passion, go ahead, do it all you want.
And there's a big market in it.
Yeah.
People want to see it.
So.
Yeah.
You know the risks.
And if that's what you want to do, then okay.
I mean, don't come to me if you're like spitting out jello because you can't hardly eat.
You know, that's on you.
But I think that the person's right to do it and a person's right to go watch it and
pay to watch it done is perfectly fine.
Yeah, I do too.
Yeah.
So.
You know, I've been I've been in a sheet metal number two part of the International Association
for a big portion of my life.
I'm no longer in it because I've moved on to other types of work.
But I've been I've been a part of the union for many years.
I'm still going to get some pension from the union and everything.
Well, I found this story that I found the other day pretty intriguing because people
are personally getting sued that's striked.
Did you know that, Rob?
Well, when I got to read about it, maybe I don't have such a problem with it like I thought
I did because there's such thing as human decency.
No matter how mad you are at your counterpart or thinking how greedy they are or whatever.
Just let me let me explain to you what happened.
I'll get your take on it.
Me.
I see their point.
I see the company's point and I do see why they sued.
So just so you know, I might.
My dad was a union member, union steward from here.
So, yeah.
Oh, well, what union?
Electrical workers, they work for Tansy Faraday.
OK.
Well, I support unions.
This isn't anything about that.
When I read to you what happened, I'm a big union supporter.
And if companies weren't so damn greedy, they'd have no need for them.
That last place that I worked at screwed, in my opinion, fuck me over as much as they
could out of money, out of prevailing wages and everything.
Well, that being said, I also agree if the company is right, I agree with that.
Me too.
I agree it's right all the way, whatever's right.
Me too.
Exactly.
And there is a middle ground, too.
OK.
The Supreme Court dealt a blow to striking workers on Thursday, ruling that companies
can sue workers if they believe their activism leads to damages.
So the activism part, I don't agree with because unless it means something that I don't think
it is the context of this, but activism is like when you strongly feel about something
and you bring awareness to it, right?
Yeah.
OK.
Well, maybe that's the way they had to word it, maybe not.
But I'll explain to you what I'm talking about right here.
The case centered on a concrete company that had sued striking employees after the employees
walked out and left concrete trucks running.
OK.
Yeah.
So it ruined product.
I see where you're going.
OK.
The court ruled 8 to 1 in favor of Glacier Northwest against the internal brotherhood
of Teamsters Local 174.
So you hear that word, Teamsters.
Yes.
Yeah.
So look, you out there in podcast land, you can draw your own picture.
You can draw your own conclusions of Teamsters because they're not all bad, but there's some
of them that take shit a little bit too far in my opinion.
So once again, this show is only our opinion.
Exactly.
And you take it for what you want.
It's all.
Yes.
Absolutely.
Rob, very well said.
Yeah.
I hate it.
Wipe your ass with your Bluetooth.
You love it.
Kiss your Bluetooth.
We don't care.
But this is our opinion and this is how we feel about it.
And that's the way it is.
Neal Francisco, the attorney representing Glacier, told CBS News that the ruling vindicates
the longstanding principle that federal law does not shield labor unions from tort liability
when they intentionally destroy an employer's property.
Our client is entitled to just for just compensation for its property that the union intentionally
destroyed.
And this article, I could have went on with it, but let me just explain some things about
it.
Yeah.
These articles do get long.
I'm fighting now.
Okay.
Well, number one, the workers did not have to leave the trucks running.
I know they were told to, but they did.
There was thousands and thousands of pounds of concrete from what I read.
If it's true, and I believe it is, it's from several news sources that it destroyed thousands
and thousands of dollars of their property.
Okay.
So, okay.
I'm with you.
Yeah.
So you can strike, but on the way out, you don't tear out the wall sockets and burn up
equipment and smash cars on the way out or nothing like that.
If you're striking, you're like, hey, we think you owe us more.
You don't.
We'll see you in court or whatever.
We'll see you in litigation.
No.
You don't clock in that day.
You all meet on a sidewalk in front of the building that morning.
I've been there and done that.
You don't clock in and start work and then leave things running.
You don't do that.
No.
On this particular case, I'm with the company.
I'm with you on that, my friend.
They should be liable.
You have to be a gentleman on the way out.
There's a lot of money that diesel running them trucks, a lot of money.
Yeah.
And let me tell you another thing, too, being a victim of a strike.
You go a little bit out of bounds with them, and it is not forgotten.
No.
They let you back in the doors because they have to by law, but they don't forget it.
And first chance they get to quotations, air quotations, get you back, depend on it.
That will happen.
So these people who did that, let's say they get back in the door, they get sued.
Everyone's like, OK, well, fuck, all right, whatever.
So people were personally sued and the union was sued both.
OK.
And then this company won this glacier.
Yeah.
They won.
So they won money from the people in the union, from what I understand here.
But also, let's say they get this figured out and then these people go back to work and they go,
hey, yeah, come on in.
You got your jobs back.
But those people were back there just stewing, thinking, yeah, Billy over there, he left the fucking truck running and he ruined the brakes.
He did this and that.
Yeah, we don't like him.
Well, guess what?
Guess who has upper hand?
Your employer, not you.
Yeah.
So they're not going to forget that.
And you think the union's going to remember that?
I'm sorry, but my experience is with it is no.
The union's like, OK, thanks a lot, buddy.
We'll see you later.
We'll go back to your job and then you're back at that job and you're hung out to dry.
You're fucked because your company now hates you and you're a strange.
You're like you're like you just got a divorce and you still got to hang around the house.
You're pushing the broom.
Yeah. Yeah.
You're pushing a broom and your ex-wife doesn't love you anymore.
Actually, your ex-wife is like despising you more the more you hang around.
Right.
Well, this is this is the exact same thing almost.
So, yeah, these people that have to go back to work in that building are not going to have an easy time.
I can tell you that right now.
No, they might go find a new job.
Yeah. Yep. Yeah.
What they need to do is they need to get with that union and say, hey, here's the deal.
You're the ones that told us it was all green and fucking in there red rosy.
So you go ahead and find us another job because this place, it ain't going to work.
So, yeah, anyhow, Rob, you got a you got anything you want to throw in there here?
Oh, did you watch my Facebook?
I am on Facebook so little anymore.
OK. Well, I posted one.
I think it was yesterday.
OK.
And it was hilarious.
I think it was one of it was a man and it said all these rappers out here dying and drug overdoses in their early 20s.
And it showed a picture of all the seventy one and he had a smile.
Oh, yeah.
I got a better example.
Keith Richards.
Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, you know, we got all these guys that went through all that.
No, I know. Yep.
Well, I mean, the rock community has had its share of overdoses, too.
But I also think that like rock music has been ODM for so long now where rap is more of a newer.
Right.
Form of music that they're kind of going through there.
We're going to try to do everything and get away with it stage when like the rock community doesn't really do that anymore.
Right.
And the thing I'm trying to point out here is I hear what you're saying, but also think of this.
Think of the 60s and 70s when all these bands are just getting big and think of how many people didn't make it through it.
No, that's true.
Yeah. So I think it may look lopsided right now.
And it was a funny meme.
Don't get me wrong.
But I think this right here, I think that it's probably virtually the same only we've already been through it and we've already seen it.
And they're going through it right now.
And then, you know, maybe later on there, they'll look at their predecessors and go, we ain't going out like that.
You know, I didn't think of it like that.
I just read it and I just started rolling.
Well, let's be honest.
You know, whenever you hit fame like that and everything you get, everything you want in life is easy.
It's hard to control yourself.
And there's no one there to tell you no, because all you have around you is yes, man.
Right.
It's like, hey, man, should I start this line and shoot this and shoot this heroin and fucking drink five bottles of gin?
Oh, hell yeah. You know, man, they don't have people around him telling him, yeah, I don't think that's a good idea.
Whoever. Yeah, they have yes, man.
They pay him to be yes, man.
You know, yeah, that's right, man.
That's right. Yeah, you're the best.
And then that's what happens.
They don't have anyone like telling him, no, you know what, dude, here, I've been watching you and you're really starting to fucking run off the rails.
You need to need to dip this thing, go to rehab.
So we can get another couple of albums out of you.
But, you know, right.
I didn't think of the serious side of that one.
I was wondering if the funny.
Well, no, no, it was funny.
I'm just saying I'm just explaining a little bit more to it.
It was funny.
And all you're doing was meaning as a joke and it's perfectly fine as a joke.
But what I'm saying is, is they're kind of going through their stage of hell.
Yeah, we could do whatever we want.
When rock music has been at it like 50 years and they're kind of like, I don't know, man, a lot of people ended up in the grave early.
Yeah, they did.
They did. Yeah.
So.
Kurt Cobain.
Oh, shit. Yeah.
Yeah, well, many others.
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, I guess you could attribute Kurt Cobain to drug use.
I think.
Well, Jimi Hendrix was drug use.
Yes, Janis Joppo was drug use.
There's a lot of alcohol.
Yeah.
Jim Morrison was a lot of alcoholism.
Did it to bond Scott.
Yeah.
Death by death by misadventures.
What the coroner called it.
And basically he drank himself to death.
He drank so much alcohol his body could not survive because they had too much alcohol in his system.
He pickled himself.
Yeah.
And bond Scott, they're good. They just hit big with Highway to Hell album and they had a new one that they're working on, which was called back.
It was going to be called Back in Black.
And he wrote a lot.
He helped co-write a lot of the songs on Back in Black.
And that was one of the biggest selling albums ever.
But bond Scott never made it there because bond Scott drank himself to death.
So.
And here's another thing, too.
You know how many people out there don't know that ACDC had two lead singers?
Bond Scott and then Brian Johnson.
Yeah.
See, I've always known that.
No, me too.
But we grew up in that.
But a lot of people think it's the same guy.
Honestly, they do shine a lot alike.
They do.
On purpose.
The guy that the I was reading an article the other day, the guy that Angus and Malcolm Young wanted, who were the leaders of ACDC, the brothers.
Malcolm since passed away.
But anyhow, they were talking to both of them, I believe.
The guy they wanted was Mark Starachi from from Crocus.
Really?
Yes.
And think about it.
That guy sounded almost exactly like bond Scott.
He did.
Yeah.
That guy, as a matter of fact, like one of Crocus's song songs earlier in their career, Long Stick Goes Boom.
I dare anyone to tell the difference between that and bond Scott.
I mean, they sound identical.
And that's who they wanted to replace.
Bonds got the sonoma stick with Crocus.
What if he's kicking himself in the ass right now as we speak?
Oh, I bet he is.
Yeah.
Dammit.
I'll tell you what I liked is, is I saw Axl Rose perform with ACDC when when Brian Johnson had his hearing problem.
Right.
Axl Rose does a really, really, really good bond Scott.
Does he really?
Yes, he does.
Look him up.
I would not imagine that.
Look him up on the Internet.
Look up when he filled in for ACDC.
But the one that reminds me a lot is he did a whole lot of Rosie so well.
I was like, man, I was kind of hoping he'd go ahead and join ACDC.
I would went and see them again.
Yeah, it's pretty cool.
So, anyhow, you got anything you want to add to that?
Oh, some other stories, but there's been funny comments at the end of it.
Yeah.
Yeah, go ahead.
OK.
In Germany, there's a soccer stadium with a three mile long beer pipeline that supplies the beverage to visitors.
There's a pipeline that supplies the beer to the stadium.
OK.
Uh huh.
And there was all kinds of different comments to this story.
And one of them was, you know, sounds sanitary to me, you know.
And then, yeah, they've been around for a long time in old Germany.
Well, this one comment caught my eye.
It says, in Milwaukee, you can freaking see, and see is in all caps, the breweries are the brewers in all caps.
Freaking stadium.
No pipeline.
And they've ran out of beer in the sixth inning.
Boo.
Where were you when I first heard they ran out of beer?
That was pretty clever.
Yeah, I've been playing a few of them lately.
Some of them are actually satisfied.
I'll get them more later.
So, Robbie, I got it.
Yeah, I thought that'd be cool.
Beer pipeline to the stadium.
That would be cool.
Oh, hell yeah.
Yeah, I'm in.
I got a question for you.
Where do you exactly live?
You live at Lake of Ozarks, right?
I live in the town of Camdenton.
Camdenton, yeah.
OK.
Yeah.
Yep.
Yeah.
Yeah, Camdenton's right there at, I forgot, the arm of the Lake of Ozarks.
It's the, uh, it's the Nyingla.
It's where they all meet.
This is a voice guide from your favorite podcast, Two Douchebags in a Microphone.
People often ask us how they can find us when doing a remote broadcast.
One, smell.
Go to the City Market and start sniffing.
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The boll weevil clap.
Read up on that sometime.
The boll weevil clap and this old guy that I knew that was in Vietnam,
I probably should, well, you know what, you can take this part out of here if you like it.
And we can put it somewhere. But this old guy that I knew down the road from me,
that was in Vietnam, he told me that one day, you know, him and a couple of guys
got a day off from the war, so they went into the nearest town to go look for some hookers.
You know, they're like, you know, if we're going to die, we're going to get laid.
So, okay, all right. So they go in there and I guess the Viet Cong
loaded the prostitutes full of stuff called the boll weevil clap.
Yeah. Oh, it is.
So anyhow, he said, you know, they all went and, you know, did what they needed to do.
You know, they thought they were all going to die, so they went and they got laid.
And the next day when a guy comes in, he goes, oh my God, he goes, I hurt so bad.
You know, my fucking dick hurts like hell. My stomach hurts. I think I'm going to die.
What did they do with those damn hookers? So anyhow, and he started hurting really bad.
He said it hurt so bad you could hardly breathe. You could feel it in your dick shaft.
It hurts so bad. So they all go in and I guess it's like a horrible infection.
And if you don't get treated, it will kill you.
Like, you know, go up your scrotum and into your testicles.
And anyhow, the only cure back then was they had to take this glass rod
and shove it in the end of your penis and mash it with a rubber mallet.
And then they have to physically squeeze all the infection out of your penis.
I've heard of this. Yes.
And this took like four hours of mashing this rod and then squeezing all the infection out.
Because if they don't get all the infection out right then, it flares right back up.
Yes. Seals your pee-pee shut. Yes.
Yeah, that was the old joke of, you know, oh, if you catch VD, your dick's going to turn black and fall off.
But there are actually STDs. That was the worst case scenario.
Yeah. It actually will turn black and fall off because the tissue will die.
Yeah, it's kind of like a grand, again, green type of deal, you know, or something like that.
So anyhow, yeah, he said after that, he said, no, no more hookers.
So, hey, look, I think we found land. Oh my God, I think we're safe.
Oh no. It's the island of horrible jokes.
What did the coach say to the vending machine?
Give me my quarterback.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
Hey, you forever fill your cell phone with hydrogen and the pocket is not even in it.
Hey, where do they go? Where are the douchebags?
Oh my God, someone took a dump in the corner. Oh, geez.
Oh, glad they're gone. Let's just hope they don't come back. Man, that smells.