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We need your help.

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Tuffer has been abducted.

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We believe by the cat producers of Mid-America.

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We believe it is being tortured will kill videos.

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Please keep it in your thoughts and prayers.

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Hashtag...

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Let us go.

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Live from the city market, it is Two Douchebags and Microphone Podcast.

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Swimming in toxic masculinity and wiping their ass with politically correct wash rags.

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Two Douchebags and a Microphone invade your ear holes in 3...2...1...

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All aware of the Amber Alert, right?

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Well, get rid of your disinfectants and rubber bedspreads kids.

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It's the all new Amber Heard Alert system.

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This fantastic early warning device helps one stay dry and rid of all those annoying mattress invoices.

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Simply hook up to child under 6 or psychopath and wait for the running water sound.

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This clever machine has 3 distinct settings.

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Badwin Brooks, Ocean Waves and Roaring River for those close called.

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Order today and get a free Cinnabon Renuze It Cartridge.

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Well, guess they finally figured out the microphone.

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Idiots.

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Hey there, this is Mark with Quick Hits.

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Today I have, as if the Americans aren't that enough department.

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Introducing the new Heinz Mix machine.

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Remember around 15 years ago Coke invented the freestyle machine?

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Yeah, I remember it really well.

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I went to Columbia, Missouri to go pick up my new car.

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The salesman couldn't wait to show me the new machine.

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I was waiting in the luxury lobby because I just bought a new car.

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It was being processed and serviced.

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And because I was 2 hours away they put me up in the luxury lounge.

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I'm guessing most car dealers have one.

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I just didn't know about it until then.

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The salesman said that this particular mixing machine was only 1 out of 20 in America at that point.

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I was on a low carb so I couldn't get the full effect of this magnificent new machine.

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All I could do was mix Diet Coke with Diet Orange, Diet Cherry, and Blueberry.

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It was really kind of underwhelming because it was all diet stuff.

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I should have just went ahead and splurged and said, hell, today I'm going to have some carbs because this is something really cool.

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So anyhow, this Heinz machine has a base of their ketchup in the dispenser just like Coke does.

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And then it has a variety of other flavors you can add to the sauce.

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Some other base flavors are Ranch, BBQ Sauce, and 57 Sauce.

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Some mixing flavors are Enhancers or Jalapeno, Smoky Chipotle, Buffalo, and Mango.

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The Heinz mixer machine is being tested in certain locations all over the US.

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Heinz worked with Microsoft and other companies to bring this machine to life.

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And me? Yeah, I know it's in the American's Fat Enough department.

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But man, I think this thing's pretty damn cool and I'm going to love it when I see one.

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Because I'm going to mix all different kinds of crazy shit together.

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This is Mark with Quick Hits. Have a good day.

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If you love vomit, we have the podcast for you.

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Two thimble dicks and a crash cart will be right back.

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Hey there. This is Mark here with Quick Hits.

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On this one, I want to know why pharma companies advertise their new drugs.

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I mean, why would they have to?

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I mean, because it's not, we don't go around and go, hey, I think I need this, so I'm going to prescribe it to myself.

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Isn't that the doctor's job to tell you that you need to be on this medication because your A1C is out of control?

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I mean, I don't just like all of a sudden just do my own tests and go, man, look at my A1C. Fuck.

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I better get some jargon.

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So I see this commercial about jargon.

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Apparently heavy happy people dancing around to sing about taking one pill and it lowers their A1C.

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This is normal?

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Is this garbage taking one, you know, is it for the patient or is it for the prescribers?

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Is this happiest fuckfest meant to so when the doctor comes in and says, hey, I've read your test results and your A1C is just like stupid and you're going to die,

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suggest jargon and you feel great about taking it and you won't protest?

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Or is it meant to influence the doctor to prescribe it?

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Or perhaps maybe both.

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But either way, I find it disturbing and sickening that they can get get on there and have a bunch of heavy people dance around acting like they're healthy as hell and they're happy as hell because they're taking this pill because they can't seem to control their eating.

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I mean, no wonder we're a nation of peeled out freaks.

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If you don't believe so, go to any big city and look around every street corner.

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Every street corner, there's someone pulled out just sitting there drooling on themselves, not knowing where the fuck they're at or doing something stupid like eating someone's face off or shit in the corner or something.

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And personally, I think that it's got to stop somewhere.

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I mean, it's going to get to where 70% of people aren't doing anything except lying in their chair zoned out on some fucking pill.

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It's ridiculous. George Carlin used to speak about this long ago and he was absolutely right.

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He could see where it's going. And quite frankly, I think it's bullshit that all these farm pills are being allowed to advertise and have this fake happiness about taking it.

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It's not right and it sends a wrong message.

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So anyhow, that is my quick hits.

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And that's what I think.

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Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.

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You remind me of a penny. Two-faced and not worth much.

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Clown nose. Just put one on and you can do anything. Want to run for office? Murder people in public? Just grab a clown nose and bam, everyone laughs.

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Hey there. This is Mark.

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And this is a segment, a new segment that I came up with that I choose to call I don't believe that.

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I think you know how cynical this program is exactly where I'm going with this.

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So without any further ado, let me introduce my first one.

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I don't believe that Joe Biden could pass a mental competency test. I sound like I can't pass one.

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But anyhow, yeah, I do not believe he can be competent for a test.

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So I think I'm probably not the only one that came up with this and this is easy pickings.

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You know, I mean, everybody kind of knows it. They see the guy stumbling around and not making sense half the time and walking in the wrong areas.

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And saying off the wall stuff that doesn't make sense.

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Like I said, anybody could figure this out. Why the guy is running again is beyond me and why people are supporting him is even more beyond me.

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I mean, this guy is, I mean, look at him. Yeah, he's crackers and crayons.

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So anyhow, I'll just go on from that one. I think everybody sees that. And if you're halfway intelligent, you agree with it.

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If you really look at it and you don't look at it, they're blue shades. You'll see my point of view.

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But the problem is, there's too many people look through things at blue and red shades only. You know, that's it.

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You know, they're like, oh, they're blue. So they're good.

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Well, that's the thing that got us in the mess we're at right now.

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The mess that we're at right now is probably undigable to get out of.

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So I'm telling you, you know, you're going to see more and more of what I'm talking about because things are colliding very fast and very dangerously and kind of scary.

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Really, a lot of stuff happened. Keep your eyes open, guys. Keep your eyes open.

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So, OK, my second one. I don't believe that the government passes any law to help us. The laws are to control us.

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And if you really think about it, think about all the laws they pass. They tout this is going to help the people.

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But if you really look at it on the surface, it's only to control us. One way or another for their own agenda, they need us controlled.

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And they do it all the time and they do it more and more. And they don't even mask anything anymore.

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A lot of times they say what they're going to do when the public is dumb enough to go along and just go, OK, all right, well, all right.

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Well, they say it's OK, so we're going to go ahead and go with it. Wrong answer. Wrong answer.

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So, my third one. I don't believe that Democrats care one ounce of shit about the border crossers, but only care about harvesting votes.

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I really believe that to be true. There might be a lot of people think I'm way off, but no, I've examined it. I've looked at it.

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And if you really gave a shit about them, you would find a good way to process them.

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And the ones that are coming over here to work and want to work and want to raise a family will be over here.

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And the ones that are over here to cause trouble or have a huge criminal background will not be.

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But the focus is not on them because all they do is just try to get enough people over here and then find a way for them to vote.

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So, anyhow, next one.

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I don't believe that Republicans care one ounce of shit about the border crossers, but only care about cheap labor.

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And if anyone's known one of these people, I'm sure everyone's known one of these people.

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The other ones that go to church on Sunday go, oh, my God, I love you, God.

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I pray for those poor brown people crossing the border.

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And then they hire him for pennies on the dollar while their families starve and work 80, 90, 100 hours a week and don't pay him as much as the people around him.

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Happens all the time. And I got some people right. I mean, I'll just leave it right there.

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I may or may not have worked for some people like that.

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So I don't believe that a large bag of Doritos is even half full of product, but is over half full of air.

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That one again, easy pickings, easy to see.

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We all know it, but we all still buy it, don't we?

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I think if we leave the shit alone for a couple of months and let him give him something to think about, they'll quit this false narrative on that.

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I mean, I know it's not that big a deal, Doritos, but you know what?

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I mean, I'm just sick of it. You go in and buy a huge bag and then you get home and there's five chips in it.

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I think everybody can relate to that.

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So next one, I do not believe if I take one pill, the sun will shine on my asshole and angels will comb my hair.

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I believe it's all profit oriented. All of it.

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A little bit later on in this broadcast, you're going to hear something about Jardian or maybe I did it.

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I think I might have done the Jardian one podcast or two ago.

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Well, anyhow, someway, somehow, if you listen to this program, you're going to hear about Jardian and how the sun will shine on your asshole.

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If you take one pill and the angels will come out and play for you and comb your hair and whistle and yeah.

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So anyhow, evidently having a bad A1C is a beautiful thing and people enjoy the hell out of it, according to these commercials.

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All right. Let's see.

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I do not believe that there is one person that has authority, government, judge or business that has not lied to benefit themselves.

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I believe that to be wholly true, 100% true.

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Anyone that is in any type of power at all has lied and contorted things to benefit themselves because that's what their nature is and they can't help it.

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And that's the way that things are done in this type of world is you have to lie, cheat and steal to get your way to the top.

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And it's the truth. So anyone that you see out there with any title at all, just know they're liars.

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And they're not in your best interest. They're in their best interest.

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OK, I do not believe that tap water is perfectly safe to drink.

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I believe that people are full of shit.

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They couldn't get one crap about waters or chemicals in the water.

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I mean, look at Flint, Michigan. But the thing is, is that's just only a small little detail of everything that goes on.

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I mean, I believe that. I mean, here in Kansas City, I know our water lines are what, like 60 years old or something.

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So you can only imagine what's in there.

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All the corrosion, everything, lead, what have you.

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I mean, you know, they used to make pipes out of lead.

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Yeah, lead pipes. And our water is probably going through them to a certain degree.

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Maybe not 100 percent, but maybe 20 percent.

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And then who knows what other chemicals they put in there.

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You know, and the thing is, is they don't care. They never did.

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So my last but not least one.

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I do not believe that the Royals belong in Major League play.

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They might be a decent minor league team at best.

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They might be able to challenge the Monarchs, maybe.

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But I have my doubts about that.

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Yeah, it's a pretty sad thing there, I can tell you that.

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You know, I'm all for getting to downtown stadium or close to downtown because, you know, you go to...

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When I used to go out of town for work, I went to as many stadiums as I could.

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Yankee Stadium, Coors Field in Colorado, over on the West Coast.

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I went into some fields. I mean, you know, and the downtown stadiums just have an energy about them.

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They have all these businesses around them and it's downtown and people are getting off work and just walking over to the stadium and going to the game.

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And it's a really electrifying atmosphere.

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I mean, that Coors Field was just dynamite.

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It was opening day when I was there with me and my friend Sandor.

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And we went to like the third game of the season there.

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And it was just electric because it's downtown and there's all these microbreweries all around there and people just getting lit and people taking off work early.

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And I mean, and then there's all these other places too that I went.

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Now, Yankee Stadium is a little bit different. It's a little ways out.

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But, you know, that's all they could do there is because, you know, the metropolitan New York area is so huge that it's probably the only place they could really fit it.

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And they have all the trains going there.

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But I mean, there's a lot of other stadiums.

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Miller Stadium, Milwaukee downtown.

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I mean, White Sox, all these stadiums, McCubbies, all of them.

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And I think Kansas City deserves that.

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But what we deserve before that is a competitive team.

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Maybe not even a team that goes to a perennial playoff team, but just a team that's ended in late August.

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You know, that would be nice.

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So anyhow, this is Mark.

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And this is my I do not believe segment that you're going to hear more and more coming up.

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So I will talk to you guys.

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Well, you know what? This is probably going to be located in the middle of the podcast.

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So I don't have to say anything. Bye.

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I mean, you know, while we're talking about stinky stuff and all this, you know,

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about 10 years ago, they decided they're going to come up with some different douche flavors.

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Oh, yeah. But they didn't go over very well.

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Wait a minute. Who's tasting it?

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Well, I don't know if it's a taste or a smell.

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Yeah. Well, on the other hand, you know, if a person would use the douche prior to oral sex, maybe that would be.

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Maybe that's what they're wanting to.

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So what kind of flavor goes well with the vagina?

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We obtained we exclusively are crack staff here at crack staff.

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I love it. Yeah.

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Here at two douche bags and a microphone, we obtained a couple of things about douches.

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We ought to be experts.

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Here's a spoiler. We're not experts about anything.

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No. Yeah. Is that actually a spoiler? You think they're just like scratching their head going, yeah, if they.

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Yeah, we realized this.

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Yeah. If they needed to be told that we're not experts and that we will lie to you if it entertains us.

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Well, you're missing the point of the whole podcast.

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If we have to be told that part, if you believe a fucking thing comes out of our mouth, I question you as a person.

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Yes. If you believe nothing else, believe it when we say look it up for yourself, find out for yourself, make up your own mind, quit relying on what other people told you.

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Speaking of that, next week, probably or the week after, we have this special guest that just by chance, he runs into us every now and then.

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We prefer to call him Deep Sky, but he calls himself Brandon.

204
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That was the name he was using at the time. We know it's not actually really Brandon.

205
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This guy is an expert on the deep state and the big cover up going on everywhere.

206
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Now listen, I mean, I think that a lot of what this guy says, there's a lot of truth in it. I don't believe all of it.

207
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I think it's like anything. People take part of the truth and then they expand it into whatever.

208
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And the more you look, the more you can find information that will justify just about anything you choose to believe.

209
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:40,000
Yeah. The whole thing is, is this guy is uber intelligent.

210
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Very, very. Very organized.

211
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Very organized. He is a walking encyclopedia of this stuff. He believes it with all his heart.

212
00:18:51,000 --> 00:19:00,000
And we're hoping to find him again here soon. We haven't seen him in a few weeks and he kind of got freaked out because he wanted to take a picture of him there with us.

213
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:07,000
And he, he didn't, he wasn't having that. So I have no idea what Brandon's into or anything.

214
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As a matter of fact, he didn't even want to listen to the podcast.

215
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:12,000
Yeah. Yeah. So anyhow.

216
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Very, very grateful he agreed to talk to us for quite a long time.

217
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:26,000
Yeah. So hopefully we will see him again. But if not, we have probably have about five hours of this guy and he jumped in one day when we're talking about Jim Morrison and rock stars.

218
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Yeah, that's right. That's right.

219
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And anyhow, he came in and was talking to us about Jim Morrison the day he died. His dad signed the Magna Carta. Was that it?

220
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:41,000
No, he was saying that Jim Morrison's dad was in military intelligence.

221
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And was, was directly connected to the Gulf of Tonkin incident, which justified the Vietnam War.

222
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That was it. That was it. Okay.

223
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The way it was conducted. And then he was, he was saying more. I'm not going to do any more spoilers beyond that.

224
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Also, numerology, the big satanic cult, all this stuff. And listen, like I said, I don't believe everything that he says, but whenever he speaks, I find it extremely interesting.

225
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Extremely entertaining and thought provoking. He makes your brain do that little dance every time he talks.

226
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:26,000
Yeah. As long as you're open to possibilities and new ideas and listen with that attitude, he's got so much interesting things. There are many interesting things to say.

227
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:36,000
And even if you don't necessarily agree with all the conclusions, there's a lot of interesting information along the way that is both verifiable.

228
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:40,000
And a lot of it is factual. What he's speaking of is factual.

229
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:45,000
Yeah. Verifiable and had a great impact on a lot of things.

230
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He's actually the guy that uncovered the deuce flavors for us.

231
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:51,000
Oh, excellent work.

232
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He went to Massengel and he did a big esposé. Anyhow, I mean, you know, the first one that went over horribly was Bloody Mary.

233
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:02,000
Oh.

234
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:10,000
They just did not like the name. They thought Bloody Mary was just a very bad fit for addiction.

235
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:15,000
I can just see the ad picture. Where would they put the stalk of celery?

236
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:18,000
That might have been one of the problems.

237
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:25,000
Yeah, that could be it. It's like if you write a beautiful song that's called Suck My Ass, then people aren't going to want to listen to it.

238
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:27,000
I would, but I'm a douchebag.

239
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:31,000
What's your favorite song? Suck My Ass.

240
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Sorry, damn.

241
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:40,000
It's just like I remember the back of Circus Magazine. I think it was Keith Richards. No, it wasn't Keith Richards. Who was it?

242
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:47,000
So, shit. I think it was like Nick Bocotte of, remember the old metal band Grim Reaper?

243
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:52,000
They just talk to him and they go, hey, what's your favorite ballad? He goes, Highway to Hell.

244
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Good comeback.

245
00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,000
I think he was serious.

246
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:01,000
So Bloody Mary is a no go.

247
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:05,000
No, that's no go. And then after that they tried to take advantage of the health price.

248
00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:07,000
Yeah. E-Healthy.

249
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,000
Kale was a big item back then.

250
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:12,000
Oh.

251
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:14,000
Well, didn't go over so well.

252
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:16,000
No.

253
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:23,000
They took it down to the corner market deals and you know.

254
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:25,000
You know, if you were actually getting like.

255
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:27,000
Sprouts said no.

256
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:29,000
Whole Foods said no.

257
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:33,000
If you were getting some actual kale with it, that would be one thing, but it's just the kale flavor.

258
00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:35,000
It was just the flavoring.

259
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:38,000
Without the nutrition. Yeah, that's not the issue.

260
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:43,000
It's just like a meme going around how to serve kale and it shows them throwing it in the garbage.

261
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:45,000
Yes. Nobody really likes kale.

262
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:47,000
No. They say they do, they just want you to like that.

263
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,000
Let's face it, it's a douche bag status.

264
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,000
Yeah. So what did you have for lunch?

265
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:53,000
Oh, I had a kale sandwich.

266
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With quinoa.

267
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:57,000
I put my hand up and walk away.

268
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:00,000
That's it. I do the talk to the hand and then I leave.

269
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:02,000
I don't even say another word.

270
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:04,000
Do I hear the word kale? It's like no.

271
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:07,000
I smell water and vinegar.

272
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:13,000
A kale salad is what a douche would be, right?

273
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:15,000
Yes.

274
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:17,000
Well, anyhow, kale was a no-go.

275
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:20,000
So, you know, the Massagel's like shit.

276
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They want to go the complete opposite.

277
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Let's do some unhealthy food.

278
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:27,000
So they came up with cotton candy.

279
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Oh my gosh.

280
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:36,000
I would think that you'd want her to have a Brazilian.

281
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Otherwise, you know, you start to get a little association in your mind.

282
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:43,000
Oh, Babble Snatch.

283
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:46,000
Babble Snatch would have been a great flavor.

284
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:49,000
Yeah. That was a very popular gum.

285
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:51,000
Oh, God, yeah.

286
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:54,000
Once you have Babble Snatch, you don't like any other gum.

287
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:58,000
You didn't want to babble in any other Snatch again.

288
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:00,000
No, no, that was it.

289
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:01,000
Especially Paul at 7-Eleven.

290
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:03,000
Me and him love each other.

291
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:07,000
He sends me Christmas cards, everything.

292
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:09,000
Anyhow.

293
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:12,000
But cotton candy went over horribly.

294
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:15,000
It went over like a flaming pile of shit.

295
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:17,000
Like it probably should have.

296
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:20,000
Let's hope they didn't do flaming pile of shit flavor then.

297
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:23,000
That would actually probably have a market now that you think about it.

298
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:27,000
Well, you know, and then Massagel, you know, the crack staff down there was scratching their heads.

299
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They were like, you know what, maybe we need to, you know, kind of get on maybe the Latin tip.

300
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You know, a lot of Latinos and Latinos in America.

301
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:40,000
Yeah, broaden your market base and try to expand into other markets.

302
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:42,000
So we're going to do a little spicy.

303
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:44,000
We're going to get a little warm here.

304
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:46,000
So they came up with Wasabi.

305
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:48,000
Oh, Wasabi.

306
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:50,000
Yeah.

307
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:52,000
I guess Wasabi didn't go so well.

308
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,000
You know, they were like, you know, man.

309
00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:57,000
You know, they're like, you know, it's hot.

310
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It has some flavor.

311
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,000
You know, I mean, there's a couple fold on that.

312
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:07,000
Not only the person that were, that's, you know, hanging around the brush, so to speak.

313
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:15,000
You know, but also the person that was using the Wasabi probably didn't care for it.

314
00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:18,000
I imagine a lot of perspiring going on.

315
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:20,000
Oh, wow.

316
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:26,000
I met a man years ago who thought that Vicks VapoRub was an excellent sexual lubricant.

317
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:28,000
Yikes.

318
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:33,000
Oh, I've got my Alberto, my Alberto VO5 story, but I will save that for another podcast.

319
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:35,000
Okay.

320
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:37,000
Let's just say it's not a good lubricant.

321
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:39,000
Okay.

322
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:41,000
Let's just leave it right there.

323
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,000
And besides that, someone listening to this podcast might know what I'm talking about.

324
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:46,000
No spoilers?

325
00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:50,000
Listen, this is your 30 day warning.

326
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:54,000
If you don't want this broadcast, send me a message.

327
00:25:55,000 --> 00:26:02,000
Well, we mean that in the friendliest, most non-threatening way possible.

328
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:06,000
Absolutely. So that would be my cue to say it with names.

329
00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:10,000
So Wasabi fell on its face.

330
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:12,000
Yeah.

331
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:15,000
Well, then they're like, you know, the cracked staff down there scratching their heads again, boy.

332
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:22,000
What can we do to get across that, you know, that our douches are just, you know, we're the new kinder gentler douches.

333
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:26,000
We asked 100 people what flavor do you want to sit on your face?

334
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:29,000
Well, the next one was Hot Damn.

335
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:32,000
Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.

336
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:34,000
What is that, cinnamon whiskey?

337
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:36,000
Yes.

338
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:43,000
So, you know, they're like, you know, hot damn, how can you go wrong with that, man?

339
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:46,000
You know, freshens your breath and smash, you know, you get smashed.

340
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:49,000
I mean, you know, it's a great concept to think about, you know.

341
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:53,000
The alcohol content would probably help cut down on some UTIs.

342
00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:55,000
Hey Willie, what are you doing? Drinking?

343
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:58,000
What are you drinking? Hot damn?

344
00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:00,000
I'm doing shots out of, well.

345
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:05,000
Well, this container is really unique.

346
00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:07,000
And this nice fur teacup.

347
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:11,000
This is the coolest shot glass I've ever had in my life.

348
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:13,000
I think that was in an Alice Cooper song.

349
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:15,000
That was Feed My Frankenstein.

350
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:17,000
Feed My Frankenstein, yeah, alabessa.

351
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:20,000
Feed My Frankenstein.

352
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:26,000
He referred to licking an ice cream cone and drinking from a fur teacup.

353
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:30,000
A fur teacup, I wrote that one.

354
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:32,000
Good ol' Alice.

355
00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:36,000
Well, you know, Mazinger, they're called, what the fuck can we do?

356
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:40,000
So, you know, they kind of decided to maybe like go to the fridge,

357
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:46,000
maybe hit the country folk, maybe hit the Rednecks and the Hicks up and stuff like that.

358
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:50,000
So, you know, naturally it went to a skull dip flavor.

359
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:52,000
Oh, for when you're going down on the farm.

360
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:55,000
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my gosh.

361
00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:59,000
You know, got a chaw full of, you know, a mouthful of chaw, you know.

362
00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:02,000
That would tend to be like a big menthol flavor.

363
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:03,000
Yeah, yeah.

364
00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:07,000
I mean, I guess you could go Copenhagen straight tobacco flavor,

365
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:10,000
but you'd start sneezing probably down there.

366
00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:12,000
That wouldn't be a good idea, you know.

367
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:14,000
Oh, man.

368
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:15,000
Wow.

369
00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:18,000
Yeah, no whistling through the wheat field.

370
00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:19,000
Oh, boy.

371
00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:22,000
And then, you know, out of habit, you probably, you know,

372
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:26,000
have to every now and then turn your head and spit.

373
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:28,000
And that doesn't go over well.

374
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:30,000
It's like, why are you doing that?

375
00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:33,000
Did you get a hair or something? What's wrong?

376
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:36,000
Oh, sorry, it's just the flavor.

377
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:41,000
Yeah, that's what I do whenever I get around menthol. Sorry.

378
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:43,000
So, yeah, I can see that not going well.

379
00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:45,000
Well, yeah, that didn't go so well.

380
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:46,000
So, you know, they're like, you know,

381
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:51,000
well, we're going to try to appeal to the younger crowd, but not too young.

382
00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:56,000
You know, kind of, you know, maybe the 20, early 20 something, maybe 18 year old, you know.

383
00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:57,000
Yeah.

384
00:28:57,000 --> 00:29:02,000
For the sake of staying legal, 18, maybe 18 to 25 or something like that.

385
00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:03,000
You know, that demo.

386
00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:09,000
So they went lucky charms.

387
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:13,000
I wonder if you could get the version, the version with just marshmallows.

388
00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:14,000
Did you say virgin?

389
00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:15,000
I almost did.

390
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:18,000
Did you get the virgin with just marshmallows?

391
00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:20,000
I guess virgins could use it, you know.

392
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:25,000
Okay, so the marshmallows, you get just the marshmallows.

393
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:28,000
It's worth selling them for a while, just the marshmallows.

394
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:35,000
You can get the St. Patrick's Day version with a mixture of green clovers in.

395
00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:40,000
Oh, these are tragically suspicious.

396
00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:44,000
No, no, no, they're magically delicious.

397
00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:48,000
You start clicking your heels.

398
00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:53,000
Oh, these lucky charms, they hit me spot.

399
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:57,000
And then you'll hear her say, oh, you found the pot of gold.

400
00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:59,000
If you're lucky, you'll hear that.

401
00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:01,000
Oh, you little.

402
00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:02,000
Lucky charms.

403
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:06,000
Wow, well, you know, that actually could probably work, you know, because people like sweet.

404
00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:07,000
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

405
00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:11,000
And then you get to drink the milk water afterwards.

406
00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:15,000
Okay, now I can see how that didn't work.

407
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:17,000
There's no cereal milk after this.

408
00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:22,000
Well, you know, the massive girls over there just scratching their heads going, we don't know what to do.

409
00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:24,000
Getting the wrong focus groups, apparently.

410
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:28,000
Yeah, they got another group in and they decided, you know, crab.

411
00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:30,000
Oh, crab with a K.

412
00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:31,000
Yeah.

413
00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:32,000
Nice.

414
00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:35,000
Yeah, there's three crab flavored juices.

415
00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:45,000
Well, you know, seafood, fish, you know, it just didn't have a good ring, you know, considering the subject matter.

416
00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:51,000
They just really, you know, crab just didn't really, yeah, kind of fell on its face, so to speak.

417
00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:55,000
Yeah, that's like putting gold leaf on a chrome bumper.

418
00:30:55,000 --> 00:31:00,000
It's already, you know, it's already all that it can be along those lines.

419
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:02,000
Yes, they're like, you know, okay, okay, maybe not crab.

420
00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:04,000
That's a little overpowering.

421
00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:08,000
How about a boiled shrimp?

422
00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:11,000
Especially around Fat Tuesday.

423
00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:13,000
Yeah, yeah, with that spice and everything.

424
00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:20,000
Yeah, you could have, you know, etouffee and you could have gumbo and you could have jambalaya version.

425
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:22,000
You could go any way with it at all.

426
00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:23,000
Yeah.

427
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:25,000
I mean, who doesn't like a good New Orleans celebration?

428
00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:27,000
Yeah, yeah.

429
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:30,000
Well, evidently that didn't do too well either.

430
00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:33,000
People weren't real crazy about the boiled shrimp.

431
00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:37,000
It didn't really go for the creole crotch.

432
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:41,000
No, no, no creole crotch, no boiled shrimp, nothing.

433
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:45,000
No bon ton roulet, nothing, gone.

434
00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:49,000
Nope, nope, just get the fuck out of here, you and your fucking boiled shrimp.

435
00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:54,000
Here, take your packet, take your spice packet, will you?

436
00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:59,000
See, that's to include the spice packet with the douche, that could be a game changer.

437
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:05,000
Yeah, because then you could always, if it didn't work out, you could always just go boil some shrimp.

438
00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:07,000
Yeah.

439
00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:15,000
So anyhow, so then, you know, the crack staff in Massingale said, you know, let's try maybe a snack or something.

440
00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:20,000
So they went with extra sharp cheddar cheese-its.

441
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:24,000
Extra sharp cheddar cheese-its.

442
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:27,000
Not even the real cheese, just the cheese-its.

443
00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:32,000
Yeah, yeah, just the cheese-its, those little square pieces of shit.

444
00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:39,000
That way you can get the marketing tie in and, you know, cheese-its will help, you know, pay the cost of the advertising.

445
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:41,000
With the crunch also.

446
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:48,000
So that way, you know, you're eating some cheese-its, you're like, hmm, this reminds me of something.

447
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:51,000
Like, what are you doing, Ike?

448
00:32:51,000 --> 00:32:53,000
Or else maybe right in the middle.

449
00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:54,000
You want some cheese-its?

450
00:32:54,000 --> 00:33:05,000
Right in the middle, you think, damn, after this is over, I feel like I have some cheese-its.

451
00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:11,000
Well, needless to say, the extra sharp cheddar cheese-its didn't go that well.

452
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:16,000
So anyhow, they were forced to maybe go with some other direction.

453
00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:18,000
And anyhow, so.

454
00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:19,000
I can't wait.

455
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:26,000
And the final one that we've uncovered or Brandon uncovered for us, sushi.

456
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:31,000
Well, for obvious reasons, sushi did not do that well as a douche flavor.

457
00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:32,000
Yeah.

458
00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:36,000
It was quickly scrapped in favor of just traditional.

459
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:41,000
But you know, sushi would go well with the wasabi flavor as well.

460
00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:47,000
So if you get the two flavors together and mix them, a little wasabi sushi douche.

461
00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:48,000
Yeah.

462
00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:50,000
So let's see, wasabi sushi douche.

463
00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:51,000
I like that.

464
00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:53,000
Yeah, it kind of rolls off the tongue.

465
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:58,000
Yeah, keep them well away from Lucky Charms and Cotton Candy.

466
00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:00,000
Yeah, yeah.

467
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:04,000
I'm kind of surprised they didn't go for any like comfort food.

468
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:07,000
Like, you know, mashed potatoes and gravy.

469
00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:08,000
That would be a great one.

470
00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:10,000
Yeah, maybe the-or tenderloin.

471
00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:11,000
A tenderloin?

472
00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:13,000
Tenderloin flavored douche.

473
00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:17,000
You know, and then-or you know, that would go with the mashed potatoes and gravy.

474
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:19,000
Yeah.

475
00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:21,000
Corn dog.

476
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:23,000
Corn dog.

477
00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:24,000
Yeah.

478
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:25,000
We hit everybody at the fair with that.

479
00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:26,000
Yeah.

480
00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:29,000
How about-and you know, people like-

481
00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:32,000
Oh, a deep-fried Snickers flavored douche.

482
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:33,000
I think that is one.

483
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:37,000
I think that would probably sell really well in a certain demographic.

484
00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:39,000
You know, the one who likes the deep-fried foods.

485
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:41,000
When Cindy White came home and she had these different flavored douches,

486
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:43,000
I mean, that one would have went out clearly.

487
00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:44,000
Yeah.

488
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:45,000
You know, you'd have like a-

489
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:46,000
It's like dessert.

490
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:47,000
No kale.

491
00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:52,000
The peanut butter flavored one is-sounds okay,

492
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:55,000
but I kind of need some jelly or something to go with it.

493
00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:59,000
The kale one is the one you have to use on like during the lint or something.

494
00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:00,000
Yeah, yeah.

495
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:01,000
It's like, yeah, it's lint.

496
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:06,000
I gave up meats and I'm going to eat this stuff with like virtually no taste.

497
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:07,000
Yeah, yeah.

498
00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:10,000
I gave up the really tasty douches for lint.

499
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:11,000
For lint.

500
00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:13,000
It shows God I'm serious.

501
00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:14,000
Kale and-

502
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:16,000
You know, God looks down and goes, oh, kale?

503
00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:18,000
You're going to heaven.

504
00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:19,000
Yeah.

505
00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:22,000
That's a lot of dedication eating that bullshit.

506
00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:25,000
Eating that scam.

507
00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:26,000
Yeah.

508
00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:31,000
See, that's how I know God doesn't want us to eat kale

509
00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:33,000
because God doesn't want us to suffer.

510
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:34,000
That's true.

511
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:35,000
God loves us.

512
00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:36,000
He doesn't want us to eat kale.

513
00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:37,000
It's biblical.

514
00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:39,000
I'm pretty sure somewhere it says kale is bullshit.

515
00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:41,000
Yeah, yeah.

516
00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:43,000
Okay, maybe it doesn't, but anyway.

517
00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:46,000
Let's start the rumor as of right now.

518
00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:47,000
Kale is bullshit.

519
00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:48,000
Kale is bullshit.

520
00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:51,000
And if you like kale, you are an insufferable prick.

521
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:56,000
Remember that plastic parsley they used to serve on your restaurant plate?

522
00:35:56,000 --> 00:35:57,000
That stuff takes better.

523
00:35:57,000 --> 00:35:59,000
That actually is what kale is.

524
00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:02,000
They just got better at printing out the plastic.

525
00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:06,000
Oh, it's like today's artificial turf you can't tell from grass.

526
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:09,000
Well, kale is that artificial parsley.

527
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:10,000
Yep.

528
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:16,000
It doesn't actually grow out of the soil so much as it is 3D printed out of plastic.

529
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:18,000
You know, Mark Zuckerberg likes kale.

530
00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:20,000
Mark Zuckerberg is kale.

531
00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:21,000
Yeah, he is.

532
00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:24,000
He is coconut oil infused kale.

533
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:25,000
He is.

534
00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:28,000
Wow, that makes me want to hurt all of us right now.

535
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:32,000
Ho ho ho ho ho ho.

536
00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:35,000
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.

537
00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:38,000
It's strange insults from an alien.

538
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:40,000
Real hilarity.

539
00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:46,000
May, your five-year-old neighbor have all their violin lessons during all of your hangovers.

540
00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:50,000
Two thimble dicks and a crash cart will be right back.

541
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:55,000
Hi everybody, this is Mark and I have another quick hits for you.

542
00:36:55,000 --> 00:37:01,000
This is Bentonville, Arkansas' tessical festival. It's true, look it up.

543
00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:14,000
August 24th and 25th, 26th and 27th, 2023 at the Benton County Fairgrounds, 7640 Southwest Regional Airport Boulevard, Bentonville, Arkansas.

544
00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:23,000
Yeah, so this is pretty much what you think it is. It is a festival about testicles.

545
00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:28,000
And it says right here, we've made some exciting changes since last year.

546
00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:32,000
We're moving toward a BYOB model to avoid the governmental headaches.

547
00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:39,000
We ran into with the ABC and bring you the best testicle festival possible.

548
00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:50,000
This August you're invited back to an even bigger, better party. When the freedom to host activities like ladies' oil wrestling, you're in for a wild, fun weekend.

549
00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:59,000
Come camp with us and bring a cooler full of favorite beer. We've got great live music, food trucks and plenty of fryers to keep the balls flowing.

550
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:04,000
Cooler stickers are only $10 for the entire weekend.

551
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:09,000
Scheduled Thursday, 11 a.m. camper load and arrival registration begins.

552
00:38:09,000 --> 00:38:14,000
6 p.m. Tessicle Festival opens for general admission.

553
00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:18,000
6 p.m. Lighted Cornhole registration begins.

554
00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:22,000
6 p.m. The Dirty Strings.

555
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:25,000
7.30 Lighted Cornhole tournament begins.

556
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:28,000
8 o'clock Small Bonfire.

557
00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:32,000
8 o'clock Eureka Strings.

558
00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:36,000
10 p.m. Mountain Sprout.

559
00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:41,000
Friday, 11 a.m. Tessicle Festival opens for general admission.

560
00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:43,000
12 p.m. Dusty Smith.

561
00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:46,000
1 p.m. Timmy Ray.

562
00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:49,000
2 p.m. Tennessee Dreaming.

563
00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:51,000
3 p.m. Joe Tyler.

564
00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:53,000
4 p.m. Philip Good.

565
00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:55,000
5 p.m. Time Arch.

566
00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:59,000
6 p.m. Undy 800.

567
00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:04,000
6.30 Magnificent Mullets of Lundell.

568
00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:08,000
8 p.m. Medium Bonfire.

569
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:11,000
8 p.m. Dusty Black.

570
00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:14,000
9.30 Best Beard Contest.

571
00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:17,000
10 p.m. Brian Martin.

572
00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:20,000
12 a.m. Campfire Time.

573
00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:25,000
Saturday, 10 a.m. Tessicle Festival opens for general admission.

574
00:39:25,000 --> 00:39:28,000
11 a.m. Austin Tolliver.

575
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:31,000
12.30 Truck and Motorcycle Show starts.

576
00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:33,000
1 p.m. Cypress Spring.

577
00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:38,000
2.30 Ball Eating Contest.

578
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:40,000
3 p.m. Dusty Lee.

579
00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:44,000
4.30 p.m. Wet T-Shirt Contest.

580
00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:46,000
5 p.m. Justin Champagne.

581
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:49,000
6.30 Topless Sack Race.

582
00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:53,000
7 p.m. Charlie Farley.

583
00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:56,000
8 p.m. Large Bonfire.

584
00:39:56,000 --> 00:40:00,000
8.30 p.m. Ladies Oil Wrestling.

585
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:06,000
10 p.m. Who T.F. is just in time?

586
00:40:06,000 --> 00:40:09,000
12 a.m. Campfire Time.

587
00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:14,000
Sunday, Ball Throwing Contest.

588
00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:17,000
Oh my God. Let's see what it says.

589
00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:19,000
There's Wet T-Shirt Contest.

590
00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:21,000
There's Topless Sack Race.

591
00:40:21,000 --> 00:40:23,000
Ladies Oil Wrestling.

592
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:27,000
There's Ball Throwing Contest.

593
00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:29,000
Don't worry about your balls.

594
00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:31,000
We'll remain intact.

595
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:33,000
Whether you call them Rocky Mountain Oysters,

596
00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:35,000
Cowboy Caviar, Tender Groin,

597
00:40:35,000 --> 00:40:37,000
or simply Bulls Balls,

598
00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:39,000
we've ordered a metric ton of Bull Balls

599
00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:41,000
and they'll be served all weekend long.

600
00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:45,000
Come partake in this Midwest delicacy.

601
00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:47,000
Wow. This is insane.

602
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:49,000
I can't believe it. Let's see.

603
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:52,000
Gosh. See what else I can find here.

604
00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:54,000
Tank Camping. 99 bucks for the whole thing.

605
00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:58,000
Electric Tank Campsite. 149 dollars.

606
00:40:58,000 --> 00:41:01,000
RV Camping. 199.

607
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:03,000
Electric RV. 299.

608
00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:08,000
Electric Water RV Campsite. 349.

609
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:10,000
Alright. You have to do the reservations

610
00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:11,000
for all of that in advance.

611
00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:13,000
A weekend pass is 29 bucks.

612
00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:15,000
Grab a shirt.

613
00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:16,000
Oh wow. Yeah. Let's see.

614
00:41:16,000 --> 00:41:18,000
Come to the Tesco Festival

615
00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:22,000
and you can buy a shirt for 39 bucks.

616
00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:24,000
A t-shirt.

617
00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:27,000
Alright. Well, they're okay.

618
00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:29,000
Anyhow, that's pretty much about it

619
00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:32,000
from the Tesco Festival.

620
00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:35,000
I just had to share this with you because

621
00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:38,000
it's fucking funny.

622
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:40,000
Alright. Someone said they have Tesco Festivals everywhere,

623
00:41:40,000 --> 00:41:43,000
but I have not seen one until I found this one.

624
00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:46,000
A friend of mine sent it to me and I was like, huh?

625
00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:50,000
So, anyhow, there you go.

626
00:41:50,000 --> 00:42:17,000
Be seeing you.

627
00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:22,000
Subscribe.

628
00:42:50,000 --> 00:43:02,000
Alright. We've got another story here that is pretty odd.

629
00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:05,000
Sewer truck spill covers cars in Colorado.

630
00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:08,000
Yeah, no kidding. For real.

631
00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:10,000
Commuters on a Colorado highway are speeding

632
00:43:10,000 --> 00:43:12,000
towards the closest car wash.

633
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:15,000
The reason is, the Colorado State Patrol confirmed

634
00:43:15,000 --> 00:43:19,000
the sewer truck spilled waste onto the eastbound lanes

635
00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:23,000
of I-76 and 224 Interchange.

636
00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:25,000
Yeah, that blows.

637
00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:27,000
I'll tell you what.

638
00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:30,000
I don't know how this happens.

639
00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:33,000
Did the guy go empty out like a shit pond

640
00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:36,000
or a septic tank or something

641
00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:39,000
and just forget to put the cap back on?

642
00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:41,000
But, I mean, if he just forgot to put the cap back on,

643
00:43:41,000 --> 00:43:43,000
I mean, wouldn't that just be a little bit

644
00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:45,000
and not just cover everything?

645
00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:47,000
I mean, I just don't know what happened.

646
00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:49,000
Is it an equipment malfunction or something?

647
00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:52,000
Is there like a button that dumps it all out or something?

648
00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:54,000
It just dumped all over on everybody?

649
00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:59,000
Nico Blankenship told KUSATV he was behind the truck

650
00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:02,000
when some kind of dung started to spray

651
00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:05,000
from the top of the trailer.

652
00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:07,000
Blankenship said his car still smells like waste

653
00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:09,000
after several cleanings.

654
00:44:09,000 --> 00:44:13,000
I'm just thankful that my windows and sunroof was closed.

655
00:44:13,000 --> 00:44:14,000
Ugh.

656
00:44:14,000 --> 00:44:17,000
Colorado State Patrol said the dung was cleaned up

657
00:44:17,000 --> 00:44:20,000
by the trucking company other than the horrible smell.

658
00:44:20,000 --> 00:44:21,000
There are no injuries.

659
00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:23,000
And I'm betting anything if they're going to have to buy

660
00:44:23,000 --> 00:44:27,000
that guy and the other guy that was involved,

661
00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:32,000
who was involved with the covering of the cars and shit,

662
00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:34,000
they're going to have to buy them new vehicles

663
00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:36,000
because you don't get a,

664
00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:38,000
you just don't get a smell like that off of any,

665
00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:41,000
but anything is just, it's too hard to get off of.

666
00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:43,000
It's almost impossible to get off of.

667
00:44:43,000 --> 00:44:46,000
So those people are going to be getting a new vehicle, I'm sure,

668
00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:49,000
and probably a pretty good settlement for them to put up with that.

669
00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:52,000
Can you imagine having that fly all over you?

670
00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:54,000
I mean, the only thing it kind of compares to,

671
00:44:54,000 --> 00:44:58,000
but is a lot worse, is when Dave Matthews was going over

672
00:44:58,000 --> 00:45:01,000
the Chicago River in Chicago and its grids,

673
00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:04,000
and they took the Dave Matthews tour bus,

674
00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:07,000
and someone on the bus, it wasn't Dave Matthews, of course.

675
00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:09,000
He probably knew nothing about it.

676
00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:13,000
They emptied the sewer, the sewer hatch,

677
00:45:13,000 --> 00:45:17,000
and it all came flying down on one of the boats

678
00:45:17,000 --> 00:45:21,000
that they do the architectural tours on the Chicago River.

679
00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:24,000
And you have people sitting there looking up at all these buildings

680
00:45:24,000 --> 00:45:28,000
and stuff, and they're talking about them, mouths open.

681
00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:32,000
All this sewer came flying on top of these people.

682
00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:36,000
And I mean, they were quite ill for a long time.

683
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:40,000
And that's about the only thing it really kind of compares to that.

684
00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:44,000
So, ugh, Colorado State Patrol said the dung was cleaned up

685
00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:47,000
by the trucking company, and there are no injuries,

686
00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:49,000
like I said a little bit ago.

687
00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:53,000
And really, that's pretty much the just of the whole story right there,

688
00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:57,000
is you could be going around just minding your own business,

689
00:45:57,000 --> 00:46:00,000
and you could have a bunch of shit just tossed right at you.

690
00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:02,000
But that's called life.

691
00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:05,000
Anyhow, this is Mark, another Quick Hits.

692
00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:08,000
And one of the guys was saying, you know, I'm really interested

693
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:12,000
in this eagles thing that's going on, but not $600 interested.

694
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:18,000
And then my wife mentioned that in her entire life

695
00:46:18,000 --> 00:46:20,000
she's always wanted to go see the eagles,

696
00:46:20,000 --> 00:46:23,000
but it's always been way too expensive.

697
00:46:23,000 --> 00:46:27,000
They've consistently been priced much higher.

698
00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:32,000
And now there's a concern that Ticketmaster and their flex pricing

699
00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:34,000
is going to get a hold of it.

700
00:46:34,000 --> 00:46:38,000
And flex pricing basically is, as demand for the tickets increases,

701
00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:40,000
the price goes up.

702
00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:43,000
So they're not content anymore with just selling out.

703
00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:48,000
They want to get every dollar they possibly can while they sell out.

704
00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:51,000
The problem is, is the eagles clientele,

705
00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:55,000
the eagles clientele, they can't afford it.

706
00:46:55,000 --> 00:46:57,000
Yeah, that's the unfortunate thing.

707
00:46:57,000 --> 00:47:01,000
We're priced out because of that.

708
00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:04,000
And it'd be great to see them live.

709
00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:07,000
Every lawyer you know loves the eagles.

710
00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:10,000
Every doctor you know loves the eagles.

711
00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:12,000
Every business owner you know.

712
00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:17,000
Hedge fund managers, I don't know, whoever makes crap tons of money.

713
00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:20,000
They all love the eagles.

714
00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:24,000
In like ACDC where that takes nine out of 10 of them out.

715
00:47:24,000 --> 00:47:26,000
Yeah, really.

716
00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:29,000
And for a while Chris Isaac was that way.

717
00:47:29,000 --> 00:47:32,000
Pricing himself way out of everybody's price range.

718
00:47:32,000 --> 00:47:34,000
But I think he figured it out.

719
00:47:34,000 --> 00:47:36,000
I think that a necessity.

720
00:47:36,000 --> 00:47:40,000
I think he realized that, hey, you know what,

721
00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:44,000
this is not a good business protocol for you.

722
00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:48,000
Plus, Chris Isaac tours a lot more than the eagles do at this point.

723
00:47:48,000 --> 00:47:53,000
Well, I miss the good old days when they did not have to rely on tours.

724
00:47:53,000 --> 00:47:58,000
Now they have to because if you make music, it doesn't sell.

725
00:47:58,000 --> 00:47:59,000
They don't make the money.

726
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:03,000
They don't have the 30 million selling albums anymore.

727
00:48:03,000 --> 00:48:07,000
And then they tour to make the albums sell better.

728
00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:11,000
I remember like during the heydays in the 80s,

729
00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:15,000
Bon Jovi come by three times in a year on the same album.

730
00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:21,000
And that's because they would release one hit and then it would do really well.

731
00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:24,000
And then they'd release another hit and it would start to fade.

732
00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:27,000
And they're like, okay, hey, put them on tour again.

733
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:30,000
I remember Van Halen touring twice on the same album.

734
00:48:30,000 --> 00:48:31,000
Yeah.

735
00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:35,000
And that was to get the other songs to sell and people to buy the albums.

736
00:48:35,000 --> 00:48:37,000
And it worked.

737
00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:38,000
Now it is the opposite.

738
00:48:38,000 --> 00:48:41,000
Now it's like they have to tour to make money.

739
00:48:41,000 --> 00:48:43,000
So you can get all the paper and you used to do.

740
00:48:43,000 --> 00:48:44,000
Yeah.

741
00:48:44,000 --> 00:48:47,000
You used to be like, yeah, hey, we're giving away tickets, you know,

742
00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:53,000
one on one the Fox or whoever's giving away tickets, the Rock or somebody.

743
00:48:53,000 --> 00:49:00,000
Or you get a block of them, you know, five for $50 or something.

744
00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:05,000
None of that goes on anymore because they need to make as much money as they can off of this.

745
00:49:05,000 --> 00:49:09,000
And it's not like the Eagles have some big elaborate stage show, you know,

746
00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:12,000
a troupe of dancers and tons of lights or anything.

747
00:49:12,000 --> 00:49:14,000
No, they're doing it just because they can.

748
00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:15,000
Yeah.

749
00:49:15,000 --> 00:49:18,000
It's whatever the market will bear.

750
00:49:18,000 --> 00:49:19,000
Yeah.

751
00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:25,000
I mean, I suppose I would pay that much for maybe if the Beatles weren't all dead.

752
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:27,000
Well, you know, a lot of them weren't dead.

753
00:49:27,000 --> 00:49:28,000
Half of them weren't dead.

754
00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:29,000
Yeah.

755
00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:30,000
And they were to get back together.

756
00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:34,000
I would probably pay that much to see them just to say I saw them.

757
00:49:34,000 --> 00:49:36,000
Elvis.

758
00:49:36,000 --> 00:49:41,000
For the prices they want, I'm happy to go see the tribute band for a, you know,

759
00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:42,000
for a tenth of the price.

760
00:49:42,000 --> 00:49:43,000
Yeah.

761
00:49:43,000 --> 00:49:44,000
Yeah.

762
00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:45,000
Seriously.

763
00:49:45,000 --> 00:49:50,000
I could go see an Eagles tribute band and buy the, you know, bar food and some merchandise.

764
00:49:50,000 --> 00:49:53,000
And, you know, we could have a really good time.

765
00:49:53,000 --> 00:49:57,000
But for 10 times that, I could maybe see the Eagles.

766
00:49:57,000 --> 00:49:58,000
Eh.

767
00:49:58,000 --> 00:49:59,000
No thanks.

768
00:49:59,000 --> 00:50:00,000
I know this.

769
00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:02,000
There's a lot of cover bands out there or tribute bands.

770
00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:05,000
They sound just as good as the other bands do now.

771
00:50:05,000 --> 00:50:12,000
And they're a lot more responsive about doing the songs you want to hear as opposed to a lot of these older bands are like,

772
00:50:12,000 --> 00:50:13,000
you know, we're sick of that song.

773
00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:14,000
We ain't playing it no more.

774
00:50:14,000 --> 00:50:15,000
Yeah.

775
00:50:15,000 --> 00:50:17,000
And that always pissed me off.

776
00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:18,000
Oh yeah.

777
00:50:18,000 --> 00:50:25,000
It's, I don't, it's like no regard for the fan.

778
00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:33,000
You know, this used to piss me off by the way though when I was younger and I didn't want to hear the hits.

779
00:50:33,000 --> 00:50:36,000
I wanted to hear the songs that I really loved on the second side and all that, you know.

780
00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:37,000
Yeah.

781
00:50:37,000 --> 00:50:38,000
Like the deep tracks.

782
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:39,000
Yeah.

783
00:50:39,000 --> 00:50:40,000
Yeah.

784
00:50:40,000 --> 00:50:49,000
I would go see Ozzy in every fucking time, you know, last four songs like paranoid iron man.

785
00:50:49,000 --> 00:50:50,000
Let's see.

786
00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:51,000
Crazy train.

787
00:50:51,000 --> 00:50:52,000
Yeah.

788
00:50:52,000 --> 00:50:53,000
Yeah.

789
00:50:53,000 --> 00:50:54,000
It's just, oh.

790
00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:55,000
And it's like mix it up.

791
00:50:55,000 --> 00:50:56,000
There was something else in there.

792
00:50:56,000 --> 00:50:58,000
But then I realized you'd say this to other people.

793
00:50:58,000 --> 00:51:00,000
They look at you like you're insane.

794
00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:01,000
It's like, I know.

795
00:51:01,000 --> 00:51:02,000
It's what they want.

796
00:51:02,000 --> 00:51:06,000
What song are you talking about?

797
00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:11,000
And I realized, you know, you're like this too, cause you are a true music fan.

798
00:51:11,000 --> 00:51:12,000
Yeah.

799
00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:13,000
You go see Alice Cooper.

800
00:51:13,000 --> 00:51:16,000
You don't want to see schools out as the last song, do you?

801
00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:17,000
Yeah.

802
00:51:17,000 --> 00:51:18,000
I'm kind of, kind of over that.

803
00:51:18,000 --> 00:51:19,000
Yeah.

804
00:51:19,000 --> 00:51:20,000
Cause it's been.

805
00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:21,000
Me either.

806
00:51:21,000 --> 00:51:22,000
I'd rather go see.

807
00:51:22,000 --> 00:51:25,000
Since 1972, he's been pretty much using that as his last song.

808
00:51:25,000 --> 00:51:26,000
Yeah.

809
00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:27,000
And that's because it works.

810
00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:28,000
Yeah.

811
00:51:28,000 --> 00:51:29,000
It does.

812
00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:30,000
Yeah.

813
00:51:30,000 --> 00:51:34,000
You know, all of a sudden the beach balls come out and he's got his, he's got his cane.

814
00:51:34,000 --> 00:51:36,000
He starts poking at people.

815
00:51:36,000 --> 00:51:37,000
Yeah.

816
00:51:37,000 --> 00:51:42,000
Introduces each member and they do a little solo and yeah, it just goes on and on.

817
00:51:42,000 --> 00:51:43,000
So, yeah.

818
00:51:43,000 --> 00:51:44,000
Yeah.

819
00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:48,280
But yeah, it's, it's fun when the band cranks out some song that's like, you know, buried

820
00:51:48,280 --> 00:51:53,720
on the second side of the third album and you're like one of 10 people in the whole

821
00:51:53,720 --> 00:51:58,000
audience that recognizes the song and you're going, yeah.

822
00:51:58,000 --> 00:52:03,960
I think, I think this Motley crew that did that one time on a tour, they threw in like

823
00:52:03,960 --> 00:52:12,080
let's see, I think it was theater of pain was like really, except it had a couple of

824
00:52:12,080 --> 00:52:13,080
hits.

825
00:52:13,080 --> 00:52:14,080
It was like the third album, wasn't it?

826
00:52:14,080 --> 00:52:15,080
Yeah.

827
00:52:15,080 --> 00:52:16,080
It was her third album.

828
00:52:16,080 --> 00:52:17,080
The first one was too fast for love.

829
00:52:17,080 --> 00:52:19,120
Second one was shot at the devil.

830
00:52:19,120 --> 00:52:20,400
Everybody knew the songs on there.

831
00:52:20,400 --> 00:52:24,200
Well, everybody knew songs on theater of pain, but the only knew two.

832
00:52:24,200 --> 00:52:28,800
It was the cover song is smoking in boy, boys room by virtual station.

833
00:52:28,800 --> 00:52:30,960
Then the second one was home sweet home.

834
00:52:30,960 --> 00:52:31,960
Oh yeah.

835
00:52:31,960 --> 00:52:32,960
Yeah.

836
00:52:32,960 --> 00:52:37,240
And they had songs like save our soul, fight for your rights, stuff like that.

837
00:52:37,240 --> 00:52:47,520
And I think they played, let's see, something about, let's see something about rock or let's

838
00:52:47,520 --> 00:52:50,920
all rock or for the right to rock or something like that.

839
00:52:50,920 --> 00:52:56,680
And they played it in concert and they said like, you know, they're like, everybody went

840
00:52:56,680 --> 00:52:57,680
to the bathroom.

841
00:52:57,680 --> 00:52:58,680
Yeah.

842
00:52:58,680 --> 00:53:03,680
I think it's Nikki Sixx that said that he goes, man, everybody went to the shitter and

843
00:53:03,680 --> 00:53:05,360
it was like the place was a ghost town.

844
00:53:05,360 --> 00:53:08,880
It's sure enough since we play one of the songs, everybody knows all of a sudden they

845
00:53:08,880 --> 00:53:09,880
all came back.

846
00:53:09,880 --> 00:53:16,400
And also they went into Dr. Feelgood and like all these fuckers are back in their seats.

847
00:53:16,400 --> 00:53:21,240
So it sucks, you know, it sucks for people like us that, you know, that like want to

848
00:53:21,240 --> 00:53:22,240
hear something else.

849
00:53:22,240 --> 00:53:27,760
And then also it's also hard on the band too, because a lot of them forgot the songs.

850
00:53:27,760 --> 00:53:28,760
Yeah.

851
00:53:28,760 --> 00:53:29,760
Yeah.

852
00:53:29,760 --> 00:53:33,880
And they have to have the lighting set for all these different songs.

853
00:53:33,880 --> 00:53:39,440
It's not like they can afford to just throw one in every third show or something.

854
00:53:39,440 --> 00:53:44,680
The show has to be pretty much the same every night if there's complex lighting, choreography,

855
00:53:44,680 --> 00:53:47,040
that kind of thing.

856
00:53:47,040 --> 00:53:53,360
So it's either in the set list for the tour or it's not most of the time.

857
00:53:53,360 --> 00:53:56,880
Occasionally it's like, okay, we have a little section in the middle where we all sit down

858
00:53:56,880 --> 00:53:59,280
and we play whatever we feel.

859
00:53:59,280 --> 00:54:03,800
You know, you see them do the little, the semi unplugged in the middle of the concert

860
00:54:03,800 --> 00:54:07,400
where they all get together in the middle of the stage and sit there and do that.

861
00:54:07,400 --> 00:54:11,240
That's kind of the area where it's like, okay, let's pull out some old stuff.

862
00:54:11,240 --> 00:54:12,920
Let's do some covers.

863
00:54:12,920 --> 00:54:15,600
If somebody shouts a request, maybe we'll do that.

864
00:54:15,600 --> 00:54:18,640
But you know, that's the unscripted part of the show.

865
00:54:18,640 --> 00:54:19,640
Yeah.

866
00:54:19,640 --> 00:54:22,480
But not every act can pull that off in the middle of a show.

867
00:54:22,480 --> 00:54:24,560
You don't want to see every act doing that.

868
00:54:24,560 --> 00:54:28,840
You know, I would love to see, it'll never happen because just because of the dynamic

869
00:54:28,840 --> 00:54:29,840
and the way it is.

870
00:54:29,840 --> 00:54:37,720
But I'd love to see like just a, hang on, stop the concert.

871
00:54:37,720 --> 00:54:44,120
We're going to have three songs here and you all yell which one you want to hear.

872
00:54:44,120 --> 00:54:46,080
It's a good multiple choice.

873
00:54:46,080 --> 00:54:47,080
Yeah.

874
00:54:47,080 --> 00:54:49,520
That would be kind of neat, but it'll never happen.

875
00:54:49,520 --> 00:54:50,520
Yeah.

876
00:54:50,520 --> 00:54:55,720
Like I said, you know, let's say it was Van Halen.

877
00:54:55,720 --> 00:55:01,280
They'd come out and go, oh, let's see, talk about love.

878
00:55:01,280 --> 00:55:03,320
Let's see.

879
00:55:03,320 --> 00:55:04,320
Jamie's crying.

880
00:55:04,320 --> 00:55:05,320
Jamie's crying.

881
00:55:05,320 --> 00:55:06,320
Yeah.

882
00:55:06,320 --> 00:55:12,520
It would not be the song like even top Jimmy or something like that, which wasn't somewhat

883
00:55:12,520 --> 00:55:13,520
of a radio hit.

884
00:55:13,520 --> 00:55:14,520
Yeah.

885
00:55:14,520 --> 00:55:15,520
No one would yell for that one.

886
00:55:15,520 --> 00:55:16,520
Yeah.

887
00:55:16,520 --> 00:55:17,520
It would just be like, yeah.

888
00:55:17,520 --> 00:55:18,520
Atomic funk.

889
00:55:18,520 --> 00:55:19,520
Atomic funk.

890
00:55:19,520 --> 00:55:20,520
Yeah.

891
00:55:20,520 --> 00:55:21,520
That was a good one.

892
00:55:21,520 --> 00:55:22,520
That was.

893
00:55:22,520 --> 00:55:23,520
Yeah.

894
00:55:23,520 --> 00:55:31,280
Or some of my favorite ones, like some of that guitar, especially on the first three

895
00:55:31,280 --> 00:55:32,280
or four albums.

896
00:55:32,280 --> 00:55:33,280
Yeah.

897
00:55:33,280 --> 00:55:35,280
Like shit on Mean Street.

898
00:55:35,280 --> 00:55:36,280
Yeah.

899
00:55:36,280 --> 00:55:37,280
Mean Street was good.

900
00:55:37,280 --> 00:55:38,280
Oh my God.

901
00:55:38,280 --> 00:55:39,280
Fair warning.

902
00:55:39,280 --> 00:55:43,080
I just really did not get the pub that it deserved.

903
00:55:43,080 --> 00:55:49,200
I don't feel, I mean that thing, that was Diver Down was another just fucking blistering

904
00:55:49,200 --> 00:55:50,200
album.

905
00:55:50,200 --> 00:55:51,200
So.

906
00:55:51,200 --> 00:55:52,200
Yeah.

907
00:55:52,200 --> 00:55:59,600
Diver Down got criticized a bit for having more than one cover song on it.

908
00:55:59,600 --> 00:56:05,040
Yeah, but you know, can you really call them covers?

909
00:56:05,040 --> 00:56:06,040
I know.

910
00:56:06,040 --> 00:56:09,440
They really kind of made it their own in a lot of those cases.

911
00:56:09,440 --> 00:56:13,960
So is it the one with Intruder, right?

912
00:56:13,960 --> 00:56:15,760
And they had Dancing in the Streets.

913
00:56:15,760 --> 00:56:16,760
Yes.

914
00:56:16,760 --> 00:56:21,240
And, but yeah, I think it was Pretty Woman, Dancing in the Streets.

915
00:56:21,240 --> 00:56:22,240
And I think there was one other.

916
00:56:22,240 --> 00:56:23,840
One other cover, yeah.

917
00:56:23,840 --> 00:56:24,840
Yeah.

918
00:56:24,840 --> 00:56:29,400
But the thing is, is I dare anyone to hear Intruder.

919
00:56:29,400 --> 00:56:36,600
And yeah, the, you know, the actual song that they covered did sound somewhat like it.

920
00:56:36,600 --> 00:56:42,160
But I mean, the songs put together, they're just, they're not the same songs.

921
00:56:42,160 --> 00:56:43,160
Yeah.

922
00:56:43,160 --> 00:56:44,160
They're not even close.

923
00:56:44,160 --> 00:56:45,160
Yeah.

924
00:56:45,160 --> 00:56:46,160
Yeah.

925
00:56:46,160 --> 00:56:47,560
And it's a whole other interpretation.

926
00:56:47,560 --> 00:56:51,160
It's not like, you know, a band covering it and trying to sound like the record.

927
00:56:51,160 --> 00:56:55,760
It's, you know, here's a song we like and here's, here's how it's done Van Halen style.

928
00:56:55,760 --> 00:56:56,760
Yeah.

929
00:56:56,760 --> 00:56:57,760
Yeah.

930
00:56:57,760 --> 00:56:58,760
This is like any Van Halen.

931
00:56:58,760 --> 00:57:03,400
Like, I don't know, being blasted off of his mind and coke or something and just being

932
00:57:03,400 --> 00:57:08,320
like, oh my God, you know, this is a Pretty Woman's a pretty cool song.

933
00:57:08,320 --> 00:57:12,480
But man, what if I, what if I put this in front of it?

934
00:57:12,480 --> 00:57:13,480
No.

935
00:57:13,480 --> 00:57:15,480
And then, then he gets a little bit further, you know?

936
00:57:15,480 --> 00:57:16,480
I was like, who do I call this?

937
00:57:16,480 --> 00:57:23,760
I'm going to call it intruder because if you hear the title and then you listen to it,

938
00:57:23,760 --> 00:57:25,640
you definitely hear what he's saying.

939
00:57:25,640 --> 00:57:26,640
Yeah.

940
00:57:26,640 --> 00:57:27,640
That's an intrusive song.

941
00:57:27,640 --> 00:57:29,840
It's very intrusive.

942
00:57:29,840 --> 00:57:31,680
That's a song that goes in your ear hole.

943
00:57:31,680 --> 00:57:32,680
Yeah.

944
00:57:32,680 --> 00:57:33,680
Kind of like this podcast.

945
00:57:33,680 --> 00:57:34,680
Yeah.

946
00:57:34,680 --> 00:57:36,040
Dragging the podcast with it.

947
00:57:36,040 --> 00:57:37,040
Yes.

948
00:57:37,040 --> 00:57:40,440
Like a fist full of barbed wire.

949
00:57:40,440 --> 00:57:43,440
Just as gentle too.

950
00:57:43,440 --> 00:57:44,440
Yes.

951
00:57:44,440 --> 00:57:49,200
So I would, yeah, I would agree.

952
00:57:49,200 --> 00:57:51,720
But okay, we were talking about the Eagles, right?

953
00:57:51,720 --> 00:57:52,720
Yeah.

954
00:57:52,720 --> 00:58:00,320
Now to me, the Eagles are blatantly ripping people off and they don't give a shit if the

955
00:58:00,320 --> 00:58:01,320
Joe Van goes.

956
00:58:01,320 --> 00:58:02,320
They don't want you there.

957
00:58:02,320 --> 00:58:03,320
Yeah, they really don't.

958
00:58:03,320 --> 00:58:05,320
They don't want you there.

959
00:58:05,320 --> 00:58:06,320
Yeah.

960
00:58:06,320 --> 00:58:12,720
I hate the money grab aspect of them.

961
00:58:12,720 --> 00:58:20,520
It's disheartening to, you know, they don't have to do that.

962
00:58:20,520 --> 00:58:25,680
Music went through a period where it was all blatant commercialism and then it seemed like

963
00:58:25,680 --> 00:58:30,760
it went out of that and it was more about the music and appreciating your fans.

964
00:58:30,760 --> 00:58:40,260
But some acts it's still all about top dollar and they kind of get the attitude of, well,

965
00:58:40,260 --> 00:58:45,720
this is our band so therefore we're going to give you the best and we expect to be paid

966
00:58:45,720 --> 00:58:46,720
accordingly.

967
00:58:46,720 --> 00:58:49,080
I think it is a pride thing a lot of it.

968
00:58:49,080 --> 00:58:51,240
Yeah, I would agree.

969
00:58:51,240 --> 00:58:58,000
But seriously, y'all are starting to get really, really old and going to die and you don't

970
00:58:58,000 --> 00:59:02,320
care that there's a bunch of us that will never be able to see you.

971
00:59:02,320 --> 00:59:04,320
That's what I'm talking about disheartening.

972
00:59:04,320 --> 00:59:07,680
Is it's just like, yeah, we may never tour again after this.

973
00:59:07,680 --> 00:59:10,000
You know, we know this and we don't care.

974
00:59:10,000 --> 00:59:14,680
No, even the Rolling Stones aren't that bad.

975
00:59:14,680 --> 00:59:21,920
And you know, Paul McCartney isn't that bad when I don't think he does it anymore, but

976
00:59:21,920 --> 00:59:25,840
when he would do a show here or there or whatever.

977
00:59:25,840 --> 00:59:29,040
Billy Joel's pretty bad, but not that bad.

978
00:59:29,040 --> 00:59:34,320
What's wrong with a band like scaling down their stage show and going on a tour of smaller

979
00:59:34,320 --> 00:59:41,720
venues like anywhere from twenty five hundred to seventy five hundred seats and you know,

980
00:59:41,720 --> 00:59:47,400
just staying in the cheaper hotels and you're not trying to make a million bucks, but just

981
00:59:47,400 --> 00:59:51,040
go out there and play for people for ten bucks each.

982
00:59:51,040 --> 00:59:52,560
Yeah.

983
00:59:52,560 --> 00:59:54,200
There's nothing wrong with it now.

984
00:59:54,200 --> 00:59:58,520
All you're seeing is green is what this is.

985
00:59:58,520 --> 00:59:59,800
They could do it completely differently.

986
00:59:59,800 --> 01:00:03,400
And another thing about the Eagles is it's not stage show.

987
01:00:03,400 --> 01:00:08,920
I mean, this is a Hotel California tour where they play Hotel California all the way through.

988
01:00:08,920 --> 01:00:09,920
Oh, start to finish.

989
01:00:09,920 --> 01:00:10,920
Yeah.

990
01:00:10,920 --> 01:00:11,920
Yeah.

991
01:00:11,920 --> 01:00:12,920
And they just stand there.

992
01:00:12,920 --> 01:00:13,920
And they all.

993
01:00:13,920 --> 01:00:16,920
Meanwhile, when you guys are doing something productive, these two are just yammering on

994
01:00:16,920 --> 01:00:17,920
and on.

995
01:00:17,920 --> 01:00:20,360
I'll just basically stand there.

996
01:00:20,360 --> 01:00:22,080
There's no choreography.

997
01:00:22,080 --> 01:00:24,960
There's no lights change occasionally.

998
01:00:24,960 --> 01:00:33,400
But I mean, you go to like an Ozzie show or a WASP show or or even like Chris Isaac, you

999
01:00:33,400 --> 01:00:36,960
know, and he moves around and, you know, different places of the stage.

1000
01:00:36,960 --> 01:00:43,040
And sometimes there's props and it's like the Eagles, it's you just they just kind of

1001
01:00:43,040 --> 01:00:44,320
stand there and sing.

1002
01:00:44,320 --> 01:00:45,800
And that's that's great.

1003
01:00:45,800 --> 01:00:51,560
But where where we spent what are we spending the money on if it's not a big stage show

1004
01:00:51,560 --> 01:00:52,920
and elaborate production?

1005
01:00:52,920 --> 01:00:54,920
It's just all going to these guys.

1006
01:00:54,920 --> 01:00:55,920
Yeah, exactly.

1007
01:00:55,920 --> 01:01:03,200
And that's that's what I have a problem with is right there is is now, you know, now you

1008
01:01:03,200 --> 01:01:10,720
talk about the that album itself is written masterfully is what I mean, the music is just

1009
01:01:10,720 --> 01:01:11,720
insane.

1010
01:01:11,720 --> 01:01:15,640
It's so so sound.

1011
01:01:15,640 --> 01:01:20,220
Yeah, it's it's and it works so well as an album.

1012
01:01:20,220 --> 01:01:27,040
It's one of those in a small list, relatively small list of albums that is just perfect

1013
01:01:27,040 --> 01:01:30,040
for the time and perfect in and of itself.

1014
01:01:30,040 --> 01:01:32,800
There's a Fleetwood Mac album like that.

1015
01:01:32,800 --> 01:01:35,080
There is an Elton John album like that.

1016
01:01:35,080 --> 01:01:36,080
Yes.

1017
01:01:36,080 --> 01:01:41,600
Ozzie's in Black Sabbath Paranoid was just perfect for that time.

1018
01:01:41,600 --> 01:01:42,600
Oh, yeah.

1019
01:01:42,600 --> 01:01:44,280
And it's like there have been albums like that.

1020
01:01:44,280 --> 01:01:47,400
It's like every track is awesome.

1021
01:01:47,400 --> 01:01:48,400
Everything works.

1022
01:01:48,400 --> 01:01:51,640
And at the time it came out, it just blew up.

1023
01:01:51,640 --> 01:01:58,240
And it's it's it's usually a once in a career kind of thing.

1024
01:01:58,240 --> 01:02:02,760
And Hotel California just took over the world when it came out.

1025
01:02:02,760 --> 01:02:05,360
It was and then the longevity, too.

1026
01:02:05,360 --> 01:02:06,360
Yeah, yeah.

1027
01:02:06,360 --> 01:02:10,800
I mean, still to this day, I mean, it's still revered as one of the best albums ever.

1028
01:02:10,800 --> 01:02:11,800
Yeah.

1029
01:02:11,800 --> 01:02:15,520
And musically, it's a musician's musician.

1030
01:02:15,520 --> 01:02:16,520
Yeah.

1031
01:02:16,520 --> 01:02:22,760
I mean, it's an album that every musician respects, whether they like the music or not.

1032
01:02:22,760 --> 01:02:26,400
They're like, oh, my God, you have that writing on their instruments.

1033
01:02:26,400 --> 01:02:32,760
And it's a rarity when it's it's full of songs that everybody can sing along and recognize

1034
01:02:32,760 --> 01:02:34,900
the melodies and everything.

1035
01:02:34,900 --> 01:02:39,760
But if you're a musician and you try to play it the way they played it, you realize, wow,

1036
01:02:39,760 --> 01:02:40,760
this is complex.

1037
01:02:40,760 --> 01:02:41,760
Yeah.

1038
01:02:41,760 --> 01:02:43,880
This was written with some serious thought.

1039
01:02:43,880 --> 01:02:44,880
Yes.

1040
01:02:44,880 --> 01:02:48,440
And it doesn't it doesn't exude that from every note.

1041
01:02:48,440 --> 01:02:51,400
Like it doesn't make it unapproachable for your average fan.

1042
01:02:51,400 --> 01:02:53,720
You know, you can still hear the song and sing it.

1043
01:02:53,720 --> 01:02:58,160
But then when you dive in, it's like, damn, this is well constructed.

1044
01:02:58,160 --> 01:03:01,840
And who is it that sings the song Hotel California?

1045
01:03:01,840 --> 01:03:04,480
Is that is that Don Henley?

1046
01:03:04,480 --> 01:03:05,480
Yeah.

1047
01:03:05,480 --> 01:03:06,480
Yeah.

1048
01:03:06,480 --> 01:03:07,480
He sings a lot.

1049
01:03:07,480 --> 01:03:08,480
That's what I thought.

1050
01:03:08,480 --> 01:03:09,480
Yeah.

1051
01:03:09,480 --> 01:03:10,480
Other hits.

1052
01:03:10,480 --> 01:03:18,480
I think his voice in particular on that is I think he meant it to sound like this, but

1053
01:03:18,480 --> 01:03:22,760
it sounds very concerning the way he sings it.

1054
01:03:22,760 --> 01:03:29,280
It's masterful because he's in the hotel, California, which is probably talking about

1055
01:03:29,280 --> 01:03:31,080
the first church of Satan.

1056
01:03:31,080 --> 01:03:32,080
Yeah.

1057
01:03:32,080 --> 01:03:33,080
That's part of the reference.

1058
01:03:33,080 --> 01:03:39,120
And it could be anything where you're trapped in something you thought was going to be great,

1059
01:03:39,120 --> 01:03:40,120
but it really isn't.

1060
01:03:40,120 --> 01:03:41,120
Yeah.

1061
01:03:41,120 --> 01:03:42,120
It could be a metaphor.

1062
01:03:42,120 --> 01:03:47,520
We don't know, but it is meant to be saying like that, you know, and just the way that

1063
01:03:47,520 --> 01:03:53,600
he emphasizes certain words and the stress that he puts on his voice when he sings it.

1064
01:03:53,600 --> 01:03:54,600
It's perfect.

1065
01:03:54,600 --> 01:03:57,760
Another guy that did that was Michael Jackson.

1066
01:03:57,760 --> 01:04:04,400
Michael Jackson had just a perfect amount of stress and concern whenever he needed to.

1067
01:04:04,400 --> 01:04:05,400
Yeah.

1068
01:04:05,400 --> 01:04:06,400
Yeah.

1069
01:04:06,400 --> 01:04:09,280
A lot of me in the lead singer could well be voice actor.

1070
01:04:09,280 --> 01:04:10,280
Yes.

1071
01:04:10,280 --> 01:04:13,960
You know, you're selling the song and the idea and the passion of the song with your

1072
01:04:13,960 --> 01:04:14,960
voice.

1073
01:04:14,960 --> 01:04:19,320
And yeah, there are a lot of musicians that hit the notes well, but they don't convince

1074
01:04:19,320 --> 01:04:20,320
you what they're saying.

1075
01:04:20,320 --> 01:04:21,320
No, Michael Jackson was convinced.

1076
01:04:21,320 --> 01:04:23,320
Or you can't understand what they're saying.

1077
01:04:23,320 --> 01:04:24,320
Yeah.

1078
01:04:24,320 --> 01:04:25,920
Especially with women.

1079
01:04:25,920 --> 01:04:31,960
Let me put these two into, throw this out here and see what you think.

1080
01:04:31,960 --> 01:04:36,240
Billie Jean and Dirty Diana.

1081
01:04:36,240 --> 01:04:38,880
Listen to his voice on both of those songs.

1082
01:04:38,880 --> 01:04:46,400
He sings that so convincingly, you know, that it's like, wow, you can almost see the woman

1083
01:04:46,400 --> 01:04:55,820
he's talking about, you know, and his stress on his voice sounds like he is really stressing

1084
01:04:55,820 --> 01:04:57,560
about that woman.

1085
01:04:57,560 --> 01:04:58,560
Yeah.

1086
01:04:58,560 --> 01:04:59,560
Yeah.

1087
01:04:59,560 --> 01:05:06,800
Someone else that has such a believable voice when he sings is Stevie Wonder.

1088
01:05:06,800 --> 01:05:07,800
Oh, God.

1089
01:05:07,800 --> 01:05:08,800
Yeah.

1090
01:05:08,800 --> 01:05:12,840
And have you heard, I got to go on a little bit different.

1091
01:05:12,840 --> 01:05:14,560
That's what this podcast does.

1092
01:05:14,560 --> 01:05:15,560
We go on tangents.

1093
01:05:15,560 --> 01:05:16,560
Yes, we do.

1094
01:05:16,560 --> 01:05:22,200
Stevie Wonder supposedly, according to several stars, and we can look this up right now if

1095
01:05:22,200 --> 01:05:23,800
we want, can see.

1096
01:05:23,800 --> 01:05:24,800
Yeah.

1097
01:05:24,800 --> 01:05:30,440
I was going to bring that up if you didn't, is that there's a lot of...

1098
01:05:30,440 --> 01:05:33,160
A lot of people say it's bullshit.

1099
01:05:33,160 --> 01:05:34,720
You can see.

1100
01:05:34,720 --> 01:05:35,720
I want to know.

1101
01:05:35,720 --> 01:05:41,200
I mean, if he is, I want to hail him as one of the greatest pranksters ever.

1102
01:05:41,200 --> 01:05:43,600
I'm like, dude, it's awesome.

1103
01:05:43,600 --> 01:05:49,560
Well, the story is that he needed a gimmick when he was starting out.

1104
01:05:49,560 --> 01:05:50,560
Yes.

1105
01:05:50,560 --> 01:05:57,680
And it wasn't uncommon for a musician to be blind.

1106
01:05:57,680 --> 01:06:03,080
You know, there's, you know, in all the blues musicians, you know, blind so and so, blind

1107
01:06:03,080 --> 01:06:04,080
so and so.

1108
01:06:04,080 --> 01:06:07,720
You know, the Blind Boys of Alabama was a group that recorded.

1109
01:06:07,720 --> 01:06:08,720
Yeah.

1110
01:06:08,720 --> 01:06:12,240
Blind Lemon Jefferson, you know.

1111
01:06:12,240 --> 01:06:14,640
So he thought, well, that'll be my hook.

1112
01:06:14,640 --> 01:06:18,240
He was little Stevie Wonder and he was blind.

1113
01:06:18,240 --> 01:06:25,760
And it stuck and it caught on and he was pretty much roped into it.

1114
01:06:25,760 --> 01:06:30,400
And he was past the point where he could say, oh, well, that was just a gimmick because

1115
01:06:30,400 --> 01:06:31,920
no one would forgive him.

1116
01:06:31,920 --> 01:06:35,080
So he's kind of been stuck all of his life acting blind.

1117
01:06:35,080 --> 01:06:42,040
You know, this is the story that these people tell.

1118
01:06:42,040 --> 01:06:47,880
And it's a lot of people that are and have been close to Stevie saying, yeah, brother

1119
01:06:47,880 --> 01:06:48,880
can see.

1120
01:06:48,880 --> 01:06:49,880
Yeah.

1121
01:06:49,880 --> 01:06:57,000
Like one of them, it was an actual, God, I'd have to look this story up, but he accidentally

1122
01:06:57,000 --> 01:06:59,680
let loose with an accidently on a radio show.

1123
01:06:59,680 --> 01:07:00,680
He said, yeah.

1124
01:07:00,680 --> 01:07:01,720
And Stevie was driving.

1125
01:07:01,720 --> 01:07:02,720
Everyone said, what?

1126
01:07:02,720 --> 01:07:03,720
What did I say?

1127
01:07:03,720 --> 01:07:04,720
I said, no, no, no.

1128
01:07:04,720 --> 01:07:05,720
You said Stevie was driving.

1129
01:07:05,720 --> 01:07:06,720
Oh, I guess I did.

1130
01:07:06,720 --> 01:07:07,720
Didn't I?

1131
01:07:07,720 --> 01:07:08,720
Yeah.

1132
01:07:08,720 --> 01:07:09,720
I was kidding.

1133
01:07:09,720 --> 01:07:10,720
Yeah.

1134
01:07:10,720 --> 01:07:11,720
Yeah.

1135
01:07:11,720 --> 01:07:18,720
By that time his foot was already in his mouth and yeah.

1136
01:07:18,720 --> 01:07:19,720
Yeah.

1137
01:07:19,720 --> 01:07:20,720
Wow.

1138
01:07:20,720 --> 01:07:21,720
Yeah.

1139
01:07:21,720 --> 01:07:28,200
But I want to know because I want to say that's the greatest prank ever.

1140
01:07:28,200 --> 01:07:30,800
Oh, no kidding.

1141
01:07:30,800 --> 01:07:35,080
Even the way he does it with his face in the air.

1142
01:07:35,080 --> 01:07:37,880
I mean, he's got it perfected.

1143
01:07:37,880 --> 01:07:44,000
I think people would forgive him and it would be no big deal if he came out and said, you

1144
01:07:44,000 --> 01:07:45,600
know what?

1145
01:07:45,600 --> 01:07:47,640
This was a gimmick that got out of hand.

1146
01:07:47,640 --> 01:07:49,600
It wasn't like he was asking for a handout.

1147
01:07:49,600 --> 01:07:51,200
The guy is really talented.

1148
01:07:51,200 --> 01:07:52,200
Yeah.

1149
01:07:52,200 --> 01:07:56,400
He's probably advocated for the sight impaired community.

1150
01:07:56,400 --> 01:07:57,400
Yeah.

1151
01:07:57,400 --> 01:07:59,960
So yeah, I don't think he's.

1152
01:07:59,960 --> 01:08:03,000
It did not help his music career at all.

1153
01:08:03,000 --> 01:08:07,520
Because the guy was uber talented and it didn't matter whether he could see or not.

1154
01:08:07,520 --> 01:08:13,600
So he didn't do it being somewhat talented and got the rest of the way because people

1155
01:08:13,600 --> 01:08:15,400
felt bad for him or whatever.

1156
01:08:15,400 --> 01:08:17,640
No, he's very talented.

1157
01:08:17,640 --> 01:08:18,640
Yeah.

1158
01:08:18,640 --> 01:08:19,640
Very good.

1159
01:08:19,640 --> 01:08:20,640
You know.

1160
01:08:20,640 --> 01:08:25,360
I wouldn't put this anywhere near the category of stealing someone's identity or stealing

1161
01:08:25,360 --> 01:08:30,400
somebody's songs or anything like that.

1162
01:08:30,400 --> 01:08:31,400
It's

1163
01:08:31,400 --> 01:08:34,400
Hey, where did they go?

1164
01:08:34,400 --> 01:08:37,400
Where are the douchebags?

1165
01:08:37,400 --> 01:08:40,400
Oh my God.

1166
01:08:40,400 --> 01:08:45,400
Someone took a dump in the corner.

1167
01:08:45,400 --> 01:08:46,400
Oh geez.

1168
01:08:46,400 --> 01:08:47,400
Glad they're gone.

1169
01:08:47,400 --> 01:08:48,400
Let's just hope they don't come back.

1170
01:08:48,400 --> 01:08:57,680
Man, that smells.