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Live from the city market, it is Two Douchebags and Microphone Podcast.

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This is a voice guide from your favorite podcast, Two Douchebags and a Microphone.

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People often ask us how they can find us when doing a remote broadcast.

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1.

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Smell.

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Go to the city market and start sniffing.

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Our aroma has been described as a mixture of flea powder for goats, Tabasco sauce, and

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old sock with dark fuzzy urine.

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2.

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Look for the spot absent of patrons.

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3.

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The most telling sign is a crowd of patrons vomiting uncontrollably.

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4.

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Just call us at 816-512-7717.

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Dear Abbey, not quite.

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You have questions, we have answers.

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They're not very good answers, but we have them.

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Do Uncle Rameses

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have singing ears?

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full-blown media. I feel like maybe you're just kind of testing the water and my kindness led him to believe that it was okay to do so.

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I really can't afford this place on my own. He always has his half of the rent on time, every time, and cleans the house with me regularly.

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So he's like the perfect roommate except for his smoothie thing, and I didn't understand that, you know?

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So here we are having a fucking sandwich and he comes out fucking balling. Ball space first. Here we are sitting there and he walks by and he's fucking...

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You walk into the kitchen and he's bent over looking in the fridge and you're like, ohhhhh!

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Yeah. The only guy that would like that is Robbie.

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Poor Robbie.

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But Robbie feels that he's fixing his daughter's car today because he's a good guy and we like that.

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So we're not having Robbie at the highway today.

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Okay. A little torturing of Rob today.

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No, no. But yeah, he's a love act shop. Especially if you've got to be sure around looking at the camera.

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Because it's like we specified before, he likes the act shops with a face in it. So he just keeps turning around and he just asks us.

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Does he like it when the furry dog is peeking?

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No, I don't know. We can ask him. I'm pretty sure he probably does.

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Yeah, he likes furry dog people.

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Just not when it comes out to play. Just peeking.

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Just peeking. You don't want anything to do with the play.

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Okay, so I really need to tell him without telling him directly.

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Thank you in advance. Sorry, no skin and shaboyka.

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I wondered how he was going to work that in.

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I'll tell you, whoever does this thing, they're going to work their hands.

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Well, here's the horrible advice that we are sending their way because that's what we do.

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And it's in the PAMBO or disclaimer. It's horrible advice. You should never take it.

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But here you go.

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Well, first thing, what I would do is go back and keep the overall when he's in the shower and see how well he likes an audience.

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Ah, clever, clever.

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I'm going to be like, hey, we're in five or ten minutes to get ready to share.

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Five or ten minutes, you guys come up. I really need you guys to listen to me.

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And then they all just sit in there and watch the TV and they come down naked.

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I mean, they could rid of it right then. They could be like, oh, shit, I didn't want an audience.

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So he runs back and forth, puts on clothes. Okay.

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So if he doesn't seem to mind walking naked in a room for people, then maybe next time go ahead and give out parts, comment, comment to the crowd.

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And just leave it to them, you know, like some of the right, that's not impressed.

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You can do a little better. Great.

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How about full blown? You know, whatever, whatever you want to do.

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You can get a chopper going, whatever you want to do. So if you do that, it doesn't work.

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You could do it again or people on the scoreboard.

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I was going to say, give them something to throw.

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I think scoreboards are good. Cold water. Ice cold water.

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Yeah, keep it in the fridge for a day.

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Yeah, yeah, man, aim it as peaky. That way the shrinkage, if nothing else, will make it run.

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Like a spider on a hot stove.

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It will become a bottle cap in no time.

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Turtles going right back in the shell.

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I'm done. See ya. It's done. It's over.

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That fills the sport guys with chocolate syrup loaded in the chambers.

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So he just took a shower and then.

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Now mind you, all this advice would lead to him fucking leaving.

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And this is what they didn't want to do. So we're sorry. We told you we give horrible advice.

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Yes we did.

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So there you go.

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Another idea is like sugar water. That way he gets like flies and ants.

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Oh that's a good idea. Yeah, I like that.

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Or you could like maybe like glue it up a little bit. Make it sticky. It'll be easy to focus the fatty on.

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Glitter. Glitter. Lots of sugar.

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That doesn't work then do it again.

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Oh, we were battering him.

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There we go.

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He was definitely going to move after he gets out of the hospital.

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Yeah, a little sizzle in the chisel.

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Make sure he's paid up for four months before he does this.

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That's my advice. That's my personal advice.

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Tell him that the landlord said he would get a 10% discount if he paid five months ahead of time.

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And then you just pay a 10% after that and he's fine.

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He's got a place for five months while he recovers in the hospital.

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And believe me, when he gets out he's moving out of the hospital.

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So after all that and it's still hanging dust, just place a 911 call to the authorities.

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But he's scrubbing up and saying he's threatening the ground himself.

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Oh yeah. Yeah, there you go.

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That actually works pretty well.

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Rather than saying he attacked you, saying he's threatening to hurt himself.

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They'll drag him off for a three day cycle.

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Again, find another roommate in those three days.

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Finally, all else fails and this is my favorite.

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Configure a Zoom robot cleaner right at his nab zippers.

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PS, have a backup roommate.

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Because believe me, after that he's leaving.

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That letter beat out one from Skidmark in Bismarck.

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And too much groin in Des Moines.

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And also from the picks out from Harambee.

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Because I think we can all get behind that.

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If you support Harambee, you'll walk around with your pick out.

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There's no two ways about it, you either forward or against it.

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If you're a female, you build an attachment.

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And you can participate too. No one can. It's the God.

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We need to start some of like, Clips Out for Harambee.

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You know what, that's fine.

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And then like, you could do a Molter Guts for Harambee.

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It's like, hey I got both.

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Yeah, whatever you got out for Harambee.

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Titan and Ock for Harambee.

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The Lunar for Harambee.

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Owl.

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Penis sketches.

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Oh yeah, like the fair where they'll sit down, they'll draw a sketch of you.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also the other sketches too, where you make hand puppets out of.

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Like you can like, just to pretend to meet in other rides.

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You can say, hey how you doing Mr. Sick? I'm doing fine Mr. Sick.

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So what do you support? Harambee? Me too.

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That's why we're out for Harambee.

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Here's a word that you never hear anymore.

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Meatgazer.

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You remember when people were called meatgazers?

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After Mr. Creepy brought it up on the initial Mr. Creepy segment, I haven't heard it ever since then.

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Well I remember hearing that at junior high. People were called meatgazers.

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Well it was funny because you could just look down at the urinal for one second and someone would catch you.

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You know, you're trying to wonder if you're like too strewn in or like you're bouncing off the edge.

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That's how you do it. You're not looking around. Meatgazer.

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Or that weird gravity defying thing where the pea rolls up your shaft, goes uphill and winds up in your underwear.

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It's like gravity ceased to exist for a moment right here in the urinal.

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So then you're looking down being perplexed and then some idiot walks in and in the walk room and goes, oh you're a meatgazer.

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I was looking at my own dick. I don't have one.

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I got bullied because I would usually get nosebleeds.

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So every time I'd blow my nose I'd check to see if my nose was bleeding.

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Oh and they called you a snoggazer?

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Yeah. As I look at him man, he has to look at his own snog.

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I was like, dude I get nosebleeds.

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But you know I was a little short fat kid. Anybody wanted to pick on me.

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Same here. I was a short fat kid so I got shipped here.

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Yeah the worse my parents' marriage got the more I overate.

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So by sixth grade, seventh grade I was pretty big.

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And that is really typical.

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And in my day on that we say, oh kids always blame themselves for their parents' divorce.

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Well it wasn't my fault but I did have a lot to do with it.

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So it's true, you ate your food.

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I did.

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It's just like what convenience that, I think it's George Carlin said, why don't you eat a random thought every now and then.

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Yeah. And actually I started shoplifting to feed my overeating.

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I shoplifted candy.

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Wow I could not imagine you doing that. I mean you're not like that now.

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No not at all.

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I just don't see one eating all this candy and two shoplifters for it.

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Yeah. I believe that at the time I wanted to get caught.

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Probably for attention.

154
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Yeah because I didn't like the way my life was going. I was compensating the way I could.

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But I started doing things like that.

156
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Probably trying to get in trouble, trying to get caught.

157
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Once I learned that my dad was a liar.

158
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It's like a master thing.

159
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Yeah.

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Yeah I tried to get caught.

161
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No once I learned my dad was a liar.

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I mean once I had absolute solid proof that my dad was a liar.

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I became the worst liar. I was lying constantly.

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I'd lie for no reason.

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It was like my dad doesn't tell the truth why should I?

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Wow.

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Yeah. So I reacted very badly to my parents crumbling marriage and the way my parents reacted to each other.

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Yeah I was a mess for a while.

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I gotta say you're not alone.

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Yeah no I'm not.

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You've got a lot of kids.

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Well it's also your own feeling of control too.

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That's true. I still tend to latch on to things that I can control and guard them jealously.

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Because too many things are outside of my control.

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Which is normal. Everybody goes through that.

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But I get unreasonably upset and uncomfortable about it.

177
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There's a lot of people who do stuff over control.

178
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Yeah.

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The only thing you can control in your life really is maybe your way and stuff like that.

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Where you were.

181
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But beyond just regular stuff that you have to do like work.

182
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The other thing you can do is be able to let it out.

183
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Yeah and I think for anorexics that's a big part of it.

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It is.

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It's the control. It's like no one can make me eat.

186
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I can stop eating and no one can make me eat.

187
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I can get so skinny as they want and no one can do anything about it.

188
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And it's bizarre.

189
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Yeah.

190
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By the thought process behind me.

191
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It's like no I'm going to do this to prove that I can.

192
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It actually is killing me.

193
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And that shows how desperately our minds want to have control over the situation.

194
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Even to the point where it kills us we'd rather have control.

195
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And the thing is is that you actually know how little control you have over anybody.

196
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Yeah.

197
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You never even live in a house again.

198
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Yes.

199
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Why would I even bother?

200
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Exactly.

201
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There was a time in grade school I knew a guy who was more into the dark side of the forest than I was.

202
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And he stole a 20 out of the teacher's purse while everyone is out of recess.

203
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And so the four of us after school we went down to it was a Katz drug store which later turned into.

204
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I remember that.

205
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Skaggs and then Oscar.

206
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And then now CBS.

207
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Yeah.

208
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But it was Katz.

209
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I remember when they were very famous in the city.

210
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They owned a lot of them.

211
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Katz was the most famous drug store.

212
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They had the soda jerk there.

213
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The guy with the little hat to make the sodas right there.

214
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And this is the one if you're familiar with KC it's at 63rd and Brookside.

215
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Yes.

216
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I went to the one on Independence Avenue because that's where I grew up.

217
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So we went in there.

218
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Where the bridge.

219
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The bridge of East Drive.

220
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Yep.

221
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But the one guy he was the one who stole it.

222
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But since all of us were there you know we could all rat each other out.

223
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We were kind of in on it together.

224
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So he said you know I want to buy this and then we'll split what's left.

225
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So I wound up going home with probably like three dollars and change in my pocket.

226
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And a lot of it was in change.

227
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So when I got home my pocket was jingling and my parents were like where'd you get all that money?

228
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And I said truthfully well a friend of mine gave some to me.

229
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You know there's four of us and he spent some money to buy something and he just gave the rest to the chorus because it was wrong.

230
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Which was true but they didn't buy it.

231
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You know because I was leaving out the part that the guy stole twenty from the teacher.

232
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Now we had a small wooden box full of nickels and dimes and quarters.

233
00:15:55,900 --> 00:15:57,900
That was for lunch money.

234
00:15:57,900 --> 00:16:01,900
And at the time lunch at school was like thirty five or forty five cents.

235
00:16:01,900 --> 00:16:06,900
And we were all supposed to just go in and get what we needed for the day and go on.

236
00:16:06,900 --> 00:16:13,900
Every now and then I would pilfer some extra money out of there to get something I wanted.

237
00:16:13,900 --> 00:16:19,900
So when I came home with all this change my dad was determined to find out where I got it.

238
00:16:19,900 --> 00:16:26,900
So he worked up this deal with my two brothers to where they...

239
00:16:26,900 --> 00:16:33,900
My dad got all of us together and he said okay there is X amount of money missing from the lunch money fund.

240
00:16:33,900 --> 00:16:35,900
Mark did you take it?

241
00:16:35,900 --> 00:16:40,900
And he got Mark to lie and said yeah I took X amount.

242
00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:44,900
And then he asked John and he got John to lie.

243
00:16:44,900 --> 00:16:47,900
And John said yeah I took X amount.

244
00:16:47,900 --> 00:16:53,900
And then he turned to me and the amount that was left was exactly what I had in my pocket.

245
00:16:53,900 --> 00:16:59,900
And I knew okay I know for a fact this did not come from the lunch money fund.

246
00:16:59,900 --> 00:17:04,900
And my dad knows that for a fact because he just set up this whole dog and pony show.

247
00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:08,900
But Mark and John played their part and he said okay go your room.

248
00:17:08,900 --> 00:17:09,900
I'll punish you later.

249
00:17:09,900 --> 00:17:12,900
And then he turned on me and said one more chance to tell the truth.

250
00:17:12,900 --> 00:17:15,900
And I said I did not get this from the lunch money fund.

251
00:17:15,900 --> 00:17:18,900
And then of course I got the crap in that.

252
00:17:18,900 --> 00:17:22,900
But that was the point I knew my dad is a liar.

253
00:17:22,900 --> 00:17:24,900
So he made that up just to punish you.

254
00:17:24,900 --> 00:17:25,900
Yes.

255
00:17:25,900 --> 00:17:29,900
He couldn't stand the idea that I had money that he didn't know where it came from.

256
00:17:29,900 --> 00:17:32,900
So he invented a crime and punished me for it.

257
00:17:32,900 --> 00:17:34,900
Oh God that's diabolical.

258
00:17:34,900 --> 00:17:35,900
Uh huh.

259
00:17:35,900 --> 00:17:36,900
But at that point I was you know I was...

260
00:17:36,900 --> 00:17:37,900
You should be a prosecutor.

261
00:17:37,900 --> 00:17:40,900
I was like 10, 11 years old.

262
00:17:40,900 --> 00:17:45,900
And my dad was like okay not only is my dad a liar he will lie to hurt me.

263
00:17:45,900 --> 00:17:47,900
He doesn't care.

264
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:50,900
He will lie about anything and he will lie to hurt me.

265
00:17:50,900 --> 00:17:54,900
So at that point I just wrote off my dad.

266
00:17:54,900 --> 00:17:56,900
He's like yeah I don't care about him anymore at all.

267
00:17:56,900 --> 00:17:59,900
I need him for food shelter and clothing.

268
00:17:59,900 --> 00:18:03,900
But after that it was like he's sperm donor.

269
00:18:03,900 --> 00:18:05,900
And that's about as much as I care.

270
00:18:05,900 --> 00:18:06,900
Yeah.

271
00:18:06,900 --> 00:18:10,900
So and you know I just kind of spiraled a little bit more from that point.

272
00:18:10,900 --> 00:18:12,900
You talked as much after that.

273
00:18:12,900 --> 00:18:13,900
As little as possible.

274
00:18:13,900 --> 00:18:15,900
As little as possible.

275
00:18:15,900 --> 00:18:19,900
I mean I'd go over to his house occasionally because my brother John would invite me over.

276
00:18:19,900 --> 00:18:21,900
You know we'd go over after school.

277
00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:25,900
He'd say hey hang out let's go to the pool a little bit and order a pizza.

278
00:18:25,900 --> 00:18:29,900
And my dad resented it but didn't say anything.

279
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:33,900
But he told his wife, my step mom, and then she came out and confronted me.

280
00:18:33,900 --> 00:18:35,900
He said what do you think you're doing?

281
00:18:35,900 --> 00:18:39,900
You're just coming over and using us as a crash pad and swimming in our pool.

282
00:18:39,900 --> 00:18:41,900
You don't care anything about us.

283
00:18:41,900 --> 00:18:44,900
And I was like fine you will never see me again.

284
00:18:44,900 --> 00:18:45,900
Bye.

285
00:18:45,900 --> 00:18:46,900
Yeah.

286
00:18:46,900 --> 00:18:52,900
So I didn't go over to that house again until my dad and Susan were divorcing.

287
00:18:52,900 --> 00:18:55,900
And he was getting rid of stuff and needed help moving things.

288
00:18:55,900 --> 00:18:59,900
And all I was told was oh you know there's a bunch of stuff in the garage.

289
00:18:59,900 --> 00:19:02,900
And you know come over and see if you want any of it.

290
00:19:02,900 --> 00:19:05,900
And no one even bothered to tell me oh they're getting divorced.

291
00:19:05,900 --> 00:19:08,900
Oh my dad's moving out and getting his own place.

292
00:19:08,900 --> 00:19:10,900
Like oh okay.

293
00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:12,900
So they were keeping me out of touch too.

294
00:19:12,900 --> 00:19:14,900
It was kind of a mutual thing.

295
00:19:14,900 --> 00:19:17,900
We don't care about each other.

296
00:19:17,900 --> 00:19:25,900
It's weird just growing up watching people celebrate Father's Day and talk about how great their dad is.

297
00:19:25,900 --> 00:19:28,900
I never knew any of that.

298
00:19:28,900 --> 00:19:31,900
To me that is just a big blank mystery.

299
00:19:31,900 --> 00:19:35,900
People loving and idolizing their fathers.

300
00:19:35,900 --> 00:19:36,900
Really?

301
00:19:36,900 --> 00:19:38,900
That's a thing?

302
00:19:38,900 --> 00:19:42,900
To me that just seems like you know idolizing a poisonous mushroom.

303
00:19:42,900 --> 00:19:44,900
You know?

304
00:19:44,900 --> 00:19:46,900
Wow. Yep.

305
00:19:46,900 --> 00:19:50,900
So but I tried to be a good dad to my kids and they loved me so.

306
00:19:50,900 --> 00:19:52,900
You're like you did your part.

307
00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:53,900
Broke the cycle anyway.

308
00:19:53,900 --> 00:19:55,900
Broke the cycle absolutely.

309
00:19:55,900 --> 00:19:57,900
That's a good way of putting it.

310
00:19:57,900 --> 00:19:59,900
You want to switch gears a little bit here?

311
00:19:59,900 --> 00:20:00,900
Absolutely.

312
00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:05,900
You know Nuno Bettencourt is one of the best guitarists ever on that show.

313
00:20:05,900 --> 00:20:07,900
This guy's insane.

314
00:20:07,900 --> 00:20:09,900
To me he's almost up there already.

315
00:20:09,900 --> 00:20:10,900
Almost.

316
00:20:10,900 --> 00:20:12,900
But nobody's up there already.

317
00:20:12,900 --> 00:20:15,900
I'd put him up there with Phil Collins of Def Leppard.

318
00:20:15,900 --> 00:20:16,900
Easily?

319
00:20:16,900 --> 00:20:19,900
You know the speed and precision.

320
00:20:19,900 --> 00:20:25,900
I think I'd put him up there in the same conversation with John Petrucci from Green Theater.

321
00:20:25,900 --> 00:20:28,900
I'd put him up there in the long screen.

322
00:20:28,900 --> 00:20:30,900
Steve Vai.

323
00:20:30,900 --> 00:20:34,900
I'd put him up there with all the greats that we know.

324
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:36,900
The great shredders.

325
00:20:36,900 --> 00:20:39,900
The non-mechanical.

326
00:20:39,900 --> 00:20:41,900
Right.

327
00:20:41,900 --> 00:20:48,900
So anyhow Nuno got vegetableed by any dad he knew before he passed him up.

328
00:20:48,900 --> 00:20:52,900
Only Nuno didn't know anything about his illness.

329
00:20:52,900 --> 00:20:56,900
He thought he was going to have to cut it up for a few more after.

330
00:20:56,900 --> 00:21:00,900
Nuno had just completed, well he didn't complete yet.

331
00:21:00,900 --> 00:21:04,900
He was working on completing the solo which is in sonnet on rise.

332
00:21:04,900 --> 00:21:06,900
The newer song.

333
00:21:06,900 --> 00:21:09,900
It's like my note for you.

334
00:21:09,900 --> 00:21:10,900
It's so good.

335
00:21:10,900 --> 00:21:13,900
For me it's the kind of thing where I stop and pay attention.

336
00:21:13,900 --> 00:21:16,900
I can't just let it go by in the background.

337
00:21:16,900 --> 00:21:24,900
If anyone channeled Eddie Van Hamlin with his technique, sound, style, his bizarre concept to an instrument.

338
00:21:24,900 --> 00:21:26,900
It's Nuno.

339
00:21:26,900 --> 00:21:31,900
Like I said, not Clark Barrett but the man who's up there.

340
00:21:31,900 --> 00:21:39,900
So Nuno would not, he wanted to hear because Gary Shrone was in Van Hamlin for a short time as well.

341
00:21:39,900 --> 00:21:41,900
Oh yeah, it was a one album.

342
00:21:41,900 --> 00:21:42,900
The new singer of Extreme.

343
00:21:42,900 --> 00:21:45,900
Nuno Beckport is at the chorus for Extreme.

344
00:21:45,900 --> 00:21:50,900
So him and Eddie would be great friends and admired each other's work.

345
00:21:50,900 --> 00:21:54,900
So Eddie wanted to hear the solo because I think he heard the story.

346
00:21:54,900 --> 00:21:58,900
He heard from Gary and said, I want to see this shit that he's working on.

347
00:21:58,900 --> 00:22:00,900
And Nuno wouldn't let him listen to it.

348
00:22:00,900 --> 00:22:03,900
It didn't save us the play out of insecurity.

349
00:22:03,900 --> 00:22:04,900
I would imagine, yeah.

350
00:22:04,900 --> 00:22:05,900
Yeah, because it wasn't these days.

351
00:22:05,900 --> 00:22:07,900
Like now he said, I can't let you have it.

352
00:22:07,900 --> 00:22:09,900
It's not done.

353
00:22:09,900 --> 00:22:13,900
So Eddie went on but they were very friendly and they talked.

354
00:22:13,900 --> 00:22:20,900
But I'm pretty sure after that, months later, Eddie Van Hamlin would pass away.

355
00:22:20,900 --> 00:22:24,900
I'm pretty sure Nuno is probably regretting it after he just brought it up.

356
00:22:24,900 --> 00:22:31,900
I feel like I shouldn't have listened to it because if he would have known he was ill, I bet you he would have let him listen to it.

357
00:22:31,900 --> 00:22:32,900
Yeah, yeah.

358
00:22:32,900 --> 00:22:36,900
Golden opportunity to get his feedback, his take on it.

359
00:22:36,900 --> 00:22:40,900
Would you love to just be in a ballpark where anyone could hear you shit?

360
00:22:40,900 --> 00:22:41,900
Oh yeah.

361
00:22:41,900 --> 00:22:43,900
Yeah.

362
00:22:43,900 --> 00:22:44,900
Wow.

363
00:22:44,900 --> 00:22:45,900
Yeah.

364
00:22:45,900 --> 00:22:47,900
I'd be like, you want to hear my stuff?

365
00:22:47,900 --> 00:22:48,900
Sure, hang on.

366
00:22:48,900 --> 00:22:50,900
Let me go get it.

367
00:22:50,900 --> 00:22:51,900
Hang on.

368
00:22:51,900 --> 00:22:53,900
I'll get you all 30 years of it or whatever.

369
00:22:53,900 --> 00:22:55,900
Yeah.

370
00:22:55,900 --> 00:22:56,900
Yeah.

371
00:22:56,900 --> 00:22:57,900
Yeah.

372
00:22:57,900 --> 00:23:02,900
He can sit on Nuno to be somewhere in his realm.

373
00:23:02,900 --> 00:23:04,900
And I do agree with him.

374
00:23:04,900 --> 00:23:06,900
Like I said before, I do agree with him.

375
00:23:06,900 --> 00:23:07,900
I think he's very quiet.

376
00:23:07,900 --> 00:23:08,900
It's crazy.

377
00:23:08,900 --> 00:23:10,900
And it's not just the ability.

378
00:23:10,900 --> 00:23:12,900
It's also the creativity to go with it.

379
00:23:12,900 --> 00:23:14,900
The creativity is the biggest part of it.

380
00:23:14,900 --> 00:23:15,900
Yeah.

381
00:23:15,900 --> 00:23:25,900
Is to be able to come up with sound and concept for the song, make it fit in, and make it so incredibly odd that it could be duplicated by someone.

382
00:23:25,900 --> 00:23:26,900
Yeah.

383
00:23:26,900 --> 00:23:35,900
I remember when my oldest brother Mark was a teenager, he was taking some guitar lessons from a guy down in Big Dudes Music City.

384
00:23:35,900 --> 00:23:36,900
Oh, right, yeah.

385
00:23:36,900 --> 00:23:40,900
And it was the same guy, the guy with long hair, that always wore the long sleeves.

386
00:23:40,900 --> 00:23:41,900
Probably.

387
00:23:41,900 --> 00:23:43,900
Yeah, he was really good.

388
00:23:43,900 --> 00:23:44,900
Yeah.

389
00:23:44,900 --> 00:23:51,900
And Mark came home from a lesson once, and his eyes were just kind of semi-glazed.

390
00:23:51,900 --> 00:23:54,900
He'd gotten a real big revelation.

391
00:23:54,900 --> 00:24:02,900
This guy was a phenomenal player and knew the theory and the concepts, et cetera.

392
00:24:02,900 --> 00:24:07,900
And we just talked about anything and everything.

393
00:24:07,900 --> 00:24:10,900
No, no problem.

394
00:24:10,900 --> 00:24:12,900
Thank you.

395
00:24:12,900 --> 00:24:14,900
I'm sorry?

396
00:24:14,900 --> 00:24:16,900
Do you have a pocket for your microphone?

397
00:24:16,900 --> 00:24:17,900
Yes.

398
00:24:17,900 --> 00:24:18,900
Yes.

399
00:24:18,900 --> 00:24:20,900
Two douchebags and a microphone.

400
00:24:20,900 --> 00:24:22,900
Yeah, come to this stand right here.

401
00:24:22,900 --> 00:24:24,900
Thank you.

402
00:24:24,900 --> 00:24:32,900
Anyway, he had asked his guitar teacher, he said, how come you're not playing in a famous stand somewhere?

403
00:24:32,900 --> 00:24:37,900
And he said, well, I can play all this stuff, but I can't come up with it.

404
00:24:37,900 --> 00:24:40,900
If I had to come up with my own original stuff.

405
00:24:40,900 --> 00:24:42,900
I appreciate that.

406
00:24:42,900 --> 00:24:43,900
Yeah.

407
00:24:43,900 --> 00:24:50,900
He said, all I can do is just kind of steal from other people, because I can play it, I just can't create it.

408
00:24:50,900 --> 00:24:55,900
So he'd always be stuck in the role of the sideman playing what somebody else wrote.

409
00:24:55,900 --> 00:24:58,900
He's like, I'd rather just stay here and teach other people.

410
00:24:58,900 --> 00:25:00,900
There's a lot of glory in that.

411
00:25:00,900 --> 00:25:09,900
You see people progress become really good, write great music, probably maybe total mudpink.

412
00:25:09,900 --> 00:25:12,900
Kansas City, who knows who else can do that?

413
00:25:12,900 --> 00:25:17,900
There's actually a lot of musicians who don't claim Kansas City, but didn't live here very long.

414
00:25:17,900 --> 00:25:22,900
And they had to move somewhere to get big, if they were to move somewhere.

415
00:25:22,900 --> 00:25:27,900
Well, I know where Nashville is, Nashville or LA, wherever they had to go.

416
00:25:27,900 --> 00:25:29,900
Awesome.

417
00:25:29,900 --> 00:25:30,900
Yeah, the...

418
00:25:30,900 --> 00:25:32,900
Lakewood, Missouri.

419
00:25:32,900 --> 00:25:36,900
The drummer for Tool, Danny Carey, is a Kansas native.

420
00:25:36,900 --> 00:25:40,900
I can't remember, Wichita, Topeka, somewhere close by.

421
00:25:40,900 --> 00:25:42,900
Not just Topeka, but plenty.

422
00:25:42,900 --> 00:25:45,900
Carey Livgren from Kansas, he's from Topeka.

423
00:25:45,900 --> 00:25:48,900
So yeah, we get some people who are close by.

424
00:25:48,900 --> 00:25:50,900
Melissa Etheridge is a Missouri girl.

425
00:25:50,900 --> 00:25:53,900
I think she didn't get recently inducted into the Missouri...

426
00:25:53,900 --> 00:25:55,900
The Missouri Hall of Fame, Music Hall of Fame.

427
00:25:55,900 --> 00:25:56,900
Music Hall of Fame, yeah.

428
00:25:56,900 --> 00:25:58,900
But she does claim Lansing.

429
00:25:58,900 --> 00:25:59,900
Right, she is.

430
00:25:59,900 --> 00:26:02,900
Where's your brother, I think it's Lansing.

431
00:26:02,900 --> 00:26:11,900
I worked with a woman who lived in Tonganoxie, and she went to school with Melissa Etheridge.

432
00:26:11,900 --> 00:26:12,900
Okay, maybe it's Tonganoxie.

433
00:26:12,900 --> 00:26:16,900
And they knew each other somewhat, she showed me a picture.

434
00:26:16,900 --> 00:26:20,900
She said, you know, it used to be every time Melissa Etheridge would come in town, she'd stop by and say hi.

435
00:26:20,900 --> 00:26:25,900
And she showed a picture, and like out there they were, together.

436
00:26:25,900 --> 00:26:33,900
So I think she is somewhere, born somewhere in Kansas, but they just kind of adopted her for the state.

437
00:26:33,900 --> 00:26:38,900
It was like, yeah, let's make her Missouri so you can claim her.

438
00:26:38,900 --> 00:26:40,900
Oh no, I always thought she was in Lansing, Kansas.

439
00:26:40,900 --> 00:26:43,900
Yeah, yeah, I'm pretty sure she was a Kansas girl.

440
00:26:43,900 --> 00:26:47,900
You're right, how could they take her to Missouri Hall of Fame, because she's in the Kansas City area.

441
00:26:47,900 --> 00:26:50,900
Yeah, I think they'd consider Kansas City area.

442
00:26:50,900 --> 00:26:51,900
I gotcha.

443
00:26:54,900 --> 00:26:58,900
Alright, I got some horrible questions.

444
00:26:58,900 --> 00:27:01,900
Oh, okay, I can answer some horrible questions.

445
00:27:01,900 --> 00:27:04,900
We will be right back.

446
00:27:04,900 --> 00:27:08,900
I got some small stories here.

447
00:27:08,900 --> 00:27:13,900
Naked in Germany, a landlord, somebody naked.

448
00:27:13,900 --> 00:27:16,900
Oh, he wasn't hurting anybody.

449
00:27:25,900 --> 00:27:27,900
New news bags.

450
00:27:27,900 --> 00:27:28,900
And a microphone.

451
00:27:28,900 --> 00:27:29,900
Mark?

452
00:27:29,900 --> 00:27:30,900
Topher.

453
00:27:30,900 --> 00:27:31,900
Alright, that's some horrible questions.

454
00:27:31,900 --> 00:27:32,900
Are you ready for some horrible questions?

455
00:27:32,900 --> 00:27:34,900
I could answer some horrible questions.

456
00:27:34,900 --> 00:27:35,900
Alright, good.

457
00:27:35,900 --> 00:27:41,900
Would you rather spend hours and get something for free or pay for what you want right now?

458
00:27:42,900 --> 00:27:46,900
Wow, most of the time I'd rather just go ahead and pay for it and get it.

459
00:27:46,900 --> 00:27:48,900
Unless it's extremely expensive.

460
00:27:48,900 --> 00:27:49,900
Yeah, yeah.

461
00:27:49,900 --> 00:27:50,900
Yes.

462
00:27:50,900 --> 00:27:54,900
Hence the crank call that I made.

463
00:27:54,900 --> 00:27:58,900
I could have gotten a free vacation, yes, because they do actually give it to you.

464
00:27:58,900 --> 00:28:02,900
But you have to listen to their spiel, so it's like no thanks, I'll pay.

465
00:28:02,900 --> 00:28:03,900
Yeah, yeah.

466
00:28:03,900 --> 00:28:07,900
The older I get, the more I consider my time more valuable.

467
00:28:07,900 --> 00:28:13,900
And I don't, like the other day a guy came to his door trying to sell some alarm system.

468
00:28:13,900 --> 00:28:18,900
And, you know, well we can use you as a model house and we can get it for business.

469
00:28:18,900 --> 00:28:20,900
And he's like, no, no, no.

470
00:28:20,900 --> 00:28:24,900
And he kept hammering back, he's like, no, you're wasting my time.

471
00:28:24,900 --> 00:28:29,900
I have things I want to do and standing here on the porch talking to you is not what I want.

472
00:28:29,900 --> 00:28:30,900
Yes.

473
00:28:31,900 --> 00:28:37,900
You know, really he ought to appreciate your answer because it's like, listen, I'm trying to do your thing.

474
00:28:37,900 --> 00:28:39,900
Move on, it's not going to work.

475
00:28:39,900 --> 00:28:41,900
Yeah, you're wasting your time, just move on.

476
00:28:41,900 --> 00:28:45,900
So concentrate on someone that really does want to be a part of your whatever.

477
00:28:45,900 --> 00:28:46,900
Yeah.

478
00:28:46,900 --> 00:28:53,900
Well he wanted my house because I'm at a T intersection, so everybody coming up the side street would be staring right at my yard and see the sign.

479
00:28:53,900 --> 00:28:56,900
Yeah, so that's why he wanted my house.

480
00:28:56,900 --> 00:28:57,900
Yeah, oh well.

481
00:28:57,900 --> 00:28:58,900
Who will?

482
00:28:58,900 --> 00:29:01,900
Would you rather go to a museum or a concert?

483
00:29:01,900 --> 00:29:03,900
I'll go to a concert.

484
00:29:03,900 --> 00:29:04,900
Concert.

485
00:29:04,900 --> 00:29:08,900
I like museums, but I just get more enjoyment out of concerts.

486
00:29:08,900 --> 00:29:10,900
If I had to pick, concert.

487
00:29:10,900 --> 00:29:14,900
Yeah, I wouldn't be adverse to going to a museum and then a concert.

488
00:29:14,900 --> 00:29:19,900
You know, I almost just went to the Fremont McCrew concert just because it was free.

489
00:29:19,900 --> 00:29:20,900
Yeah.

490
00:29:20,900 --> 00:29:28,900
Even though I don't like the way they did make bars and I don't like anyone standing in front of me, even John Fives, I don't like it.

491
00:29:28,900 --> 00:29:29,900
Yeah.

492
00:29:29,900 --> 00:29:30,900
But it was free.

493
00:29:30,900 --> 00:29:31,900
Yeah.

494
00:29:31,900 --> 00:29:36,900
But then I was just like, you know, I have too much trouble.

495
00:29:36,900 --> 00:29:37,900
Yeah.

496
00:29:37,900 --> 00:29:44,900
I've heard that Joe Bonamassa, he's coming to Kansas City in late September.

497
00:29:44,900 --> 00:29:45,900
Oh, I'd love to hear him.

498
00:29:45,900 --> 00:29:51,900
Yeah, tickets are like, they start at like $75 and go up to $300, so it ain't cheap.

499
00:29:48,900 --> 00:29:49,900
But, anyhow, they're back together too.

500
00:29:49,900 --> 00:29:50,900
I find it interesting they get back together when he goes on tour.

501
00:29:50,900 --> 00:29:51,900
Yeah.

502
00:29:51,900 --> 00:29:52,900
Because that was one of the reasons they broke up.

503
00:29:51,900 --> 00:29:54,900
That's more expensive than the Alice Cooper tickets.

504
00:29:52,900 --> 00:29:53,900
Yeah.

505
00:29:53,900 --> 00:30:16,900
Because they never had any tour time.

506
00:29:54,900 --> 00:29:55,900
Oh, gotcha.

507
00:29:55,900 --> 00:29:56,900
Yeah.

508
00:30:16,900 --> 00:30:23,900
He's always touring on his own.

509
00:30:23,900 --> 00:30:24,900
Yeah.

510
00:30:24,900 --> 00:30:25,900
And BCC was like, yeah, it's Black Country.

511
00:30:25,900 --> 00:30:28,900
And then they kind of got into a stormy issue and that was it.

512
00:30:28,900 --> 00:30:33,900
I guess they figured out their schedules now so he can still tour as himself and he can

513
00:30:33,900 --> 00:30:34,900
still do his commitments in the Mayhem.

514
00:30:34,900 --> 00:30:35,900
Well, Rainn Woods is doing Deep Purple.

515
00:30:35,900 --> 00:30:36,900
Yeah.

516
00:30:36,900 --> 00:30:41,900
Because he was in Deep Purple and he wanted songs.

517
00:30:41,900 --> 00:30:46,900
And then Bonam works a lot with Sammy Hagar.

518
00:30:46,900 --> 00:30:47,900
Yeah.

519
00:30:47,900 --> 00:30:48,900
So I think they all have this year fill up.

520
00:30:48,900 --> 00:30:49,900
Yeah.

521
00:30:49,900 --> 00:30:50,900
But they do not, you know, probably next year when they start touring.

522
00:30:50,900 --> 00:30:51,900
Yeah.

523
00:30:51,900 --> 00:30:52,900
But they all come up with new music too so that could be part of it as they're recording

524
00:30:52,900 --> 00:30:53,900
when they get a chance.

525
00:30:53,900 --> 00:30:54,900
Yeah.

526
00:30:54,900 --> 00:30:55,900
And a lot of the writing happens while they're recording.

527
00:30:55,900 --> 00:30:56,900
That's true.

528
00:30:56,900 --> 00:30:57,900
Would you rather have anchovies or pineapple in your pizza?

529
00:30:57,900 --> 00:30:58,900
Anchovies.

530
00:30:58,900 --> 00:30:59,900
Pineapple.

531
00:30:59,900 --> 00:31:00,900
Yeah.

532
00:31:00,900 --> 00:31:15,900
I've always liked anchovies for some weird reason that I'm not really averse to pineapple.

533
00:31:15,900 --> 00:31:18,900
So they're good on pizza?

534
00:31:18,900 --> 00:31:19,900
I think so.

535
00:31:19,900 --> 00:31:20,900
Yeah.

536
00:31:20,900 --> 00:31:21,900
If you've ever had a traditional Caesar salad, they put anchovies in the dressing.

537
00:31:21,900 --> 00:31:22,900
They do.

538
00:31:22,900 --> 00:31:23,900
Yeah.

539
00:31:23,900 --> 00:31:24,900
I can't wait to see what they do.

540
00:31:24,900 --> 00:31:31,900
Yeah.

541
00:31:31,900 --> 00:31:36,900
A little salty, a little salty dried fish.

542
00:31:36,900 --> 00:31:37,900
Yeah.

543
00:31:37,900 --> 00:31:40,900
I mean they really kind of like sardines.

544
00:31:40,900 --> 00:31:41,900
Yeah.

545
00:31:41,900 --> 00:31:42,900
Yeah.

546
00:31:42,900 --> 00:31:43,900
They're just a little different.

547
00:31:43,900 --> 00:31:44,900
They're dried.

548
00:31:44,900 --> 00:31:45,900
Yeah.

549
00:31:45,900 --> 00:31:46,900
I think sardines, kippers, herring, anchovies, they're all kind of in the same class.

550
00:31:46,900 --> 00:31:47,900
They're in the shit fish category of the ocean.

551
00:31:47,900 --> 00:31:48,900
Yeah.

552
00:31:48,900 --> 00:31:49,900
The little fish that they have in the ocean.

553
00:31:49,900 --> 00:31:50,900
Yeah.

554
00:31:50,900 --> 00:31:55,900
They're the starlings of the ocean.

555
00:31:55,900 --> 00:31:56,900
Yes.

556
00:31:56,900 --> 00:31:57,900
Or sparrows.

557
00:31:57,900 --> 00:31:58,900
Would you rather have Finn, would you have her ahead?

558
00:31:58,900 --> 00:31:59,900
Let me try that again.

559
00:31:59,900 --> 00:32:00,900
Yeah.

560
00:32:00,900 --> 00:32:01,900
Maybe put your jaw on the right way.

561
00:32:01,900 --> 00:32:02,900
Yeah.

562
00:32:02,900 --> 00:32:03,900
Hang on.

563
00:32:03,900 --> 00:32:04,900
Okay.

564
00:32:04,900 --> 00:32:05,900
There we go.

565
00:32:05,900 --> 00:32:06,900
It's back on.

566
00:32:06,900 --> 00:32:07,900
Thanks.

567
00:32:07,900 --> 00:32:08,900
Thanks for the gift.

568
00:32:08,900 --> 00:32:09,900
We'll be back.

569
00:32:09,900 --> 00:32:10,900
Bye.

570
00:32:10,900 --> 00:32:11,900
Bye.

571
00:32:11,900 --> 00:32:12,900
Bye.

572
00:32:12,900 --> 00:32:13,900
Bye.

573
00:32:13,900 --> 00:32:14,900
Bye.

574
00:32:14,900 --> 00:32:15,900
Bye.

575
00:32:15,900 --> 00:32:16,900
Bye.

576
00:32:16,900 --> 00:32:17,900
Bye.

577
00:32:17,900 --> 00:32:18,900
Bye.

578
00:32:18,900 --> 00:32:19,900
Bye.

579
00:32:19,900 --> 00:32:20,900
Bye.

580
00:32:20,900 --> 00:32:21,900
Bye.

581
00:32:21,900 --> 00:32:22,900
Bye.

582
00:32:22,900 --> 00:32:23,900
Bye.

583
00:32:23,900 --> 00:32:24,900
Bye.

584
00:32:24,900 --> 00:32:25,900
Bye.

585
00:32:25,900 --> 00:32:26,900
I like different.

586
00:32:26,900 --> 00:32:27,900
I do, too.

587
00:32:27,900 --> 00:32:28,900
Yeah.

588
00:32:28,900 --> 00:32:35,900
Although the different points of view, different levels of education, different experiences,

589
00:32:35,900 --> 00:32:39,400
different street cred even if you were.

590
00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:40,400
Yeah.

591
00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:41,400
Yeah.

592
00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:42,400
Yeah.

593
00:32:42,400 --> 00:32:43,400
Different everything.

594
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:45,220
I do know some people that only hang around people that are just like them.

595
00:32:45,220 --> 00:32:46,520
My God it's boring.

596
00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:47,820
It's got to be boring to tell.

597
00:32:47,820 --> 00:32:48,820
Yeah.

598
00:32:48,820 --> 00:32:51,820
them. I can't imagine how boring it is to be them.

599
00:32:51,820 --> 00:32:54,820
Then I always did not like to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I agree with you.

600
00:32:54,820 --> 00:32:59,820
You said, no, please don't. Come up with a different one. Tell me if I'm wrong. I want to hear it.

601
00:32:59,820 --> 00:33:02,820
I posted that on my Facebook status a while back.

602
00:33:02,820 --> 00:33:07,820
If you agree with everything I say and think the way I do about everything, then you're really boring.

603
00:33:07,820 --> 00:33:12,820
That's why I do it too. I don't really have anything much to say to them.

604
00:33:12,820 --> 00:33:16,820
Because I know what they're going to say on most stuff.

605
00:33:16,820 --> 00:33:22,820
Would you rather make a separate bundle of laser cutter or 3D printer?

606
00:33:22,820 --> 00:33:31,820
I think I'll go with 3D printer. Me too, because I've operated laser cutter before.

607
00:33:31,820 --> 00:33:35,820
They're really good. Yeah, they have limitations.

608
00:33:35,820 --> 00:33:39,820
Yeah, I think the 3D printer gives you a lot more flexibility.

609
00:33:39,820 --> 00:33:49,820
Would you rather have many options to choose from or just two?

610
00:33:49,820 --> 00:33:52,820
Oh, I like many. Many.

611
00:33:52,820 --> 00:33:58,820
Our government seems dead set on only giving us two.

612
00:33:58,820 --> 00:34:05,820
Yes. Conservative or liberal? Republican or Democrat? That side or this side?

613
00:34:05,820 --> 00:34:10,820
The problem is they have the people bamboozled and they think there isn't another choice.

614
00:34:10,820 --> 00:34:18,820
You just don't waste your vote. Wasting your vote is voting for someone you can't stand with.

615
00:34:18,820 --> 00:34:23,820
They're yelling, you either have to stand on this rock or stand on that rock.

616
00:34:23,820 --> 00:34:27,820
That's the only two choices. Meanwhile, you're surrounded by thousands of rocks.

617
00:34:27,820 --> 00:34:31,820
And you're like, wait a minute, no. I like this rock over here.

618
00:34:31,820 --> 00:34:35,820
You can only see all these other rocks, but they're too busy telling you there's only two.

619
00:34:35,820 --> 00:34:40,820
This is off tangent, but I was thinking about how people will say,

620
00:34:40,820 --> 00:34:45,820
oh, you wasted your vote or threw it away if you voted on a third party.

621
00:34:45,820 --> 00:34:49,820
You could say the same thing about anybody who votes for the losing side.

622
00:34:49,820 --> 00:34:51,820
Yeah, that's right.

623
00:34:51,820 --> 00:34:58,820
So anybody who voted for Hillary in 2016, you wasted your vote, you pissed it away, it didn't matter, it made no difference.

624
00:34:58,820 --> 00:35:02,820
Then they come up with the reason the vote was split.

625
00:35:02,820 --> 00:35:05,820
No, no it's not.

626
00:35:05,820 --> 00:35:07,820
They vote for the lost parolees.

627
00:35:07,820 --> 00:35:10,820
They were blamed for the loss of their personal life.

628
00:35:10,820 --> 00:35:15,820
No, I'll tell you the lost person, Clinton was the person who had no personality.

629
00:35:15,820 --> 00:35:19,820
And you know, think about how wrong that is for a person to say,

630
00:35:19,820 --> 00:35:26,820
you didn't vote the way I want you to vote, therefore your vote was wrong and bad and possibly caused harm.

631
00:35:26,820 --> 00:35:28,820
What a sack of shit that is.

632
00:35:28,820 --> 00:35:30,820
Yeah, I know.

633
00:35:30,820 --> 00:35:38,820
I mean, I want nothing to do with any of that because we are so ignorant and ridiculous that people can't say pass it.

634
00:35:38,820 --> 00:35:43,820
My sister used to tell me if you didn't vote, then you have no right to complain about the way the election turned out.

635
00:35:43,820 --> 00:35:47,820
And I've had taxes and shut the fuck up.

636
00:35:47,820 --> 00:35:54,820
Yeah, 14 year old kids don't get to vote either, but by God they get affected, so they have a right to complain, don't they?

637
00:35:54,820 --> 00:35:56,820
I guess that's why the Lamas are here.

638
00:35:56,820 --> 00:35:57,820
It is.

639
00:35:57,820 --> 00:35:59,820
So many holes in this.

640
00:35:59,820 --> 00:36:06,820
It was one of those ridiculous tactics to shame people into voting, which failed miserably.

641
00:36:06,820 --> 00:36:10,820
Because people are like, nah, that makes you want to vote even less.

642
00:36:10,820 --> 00:36:14,820
The fact that you want me to do it tells me I shouldn't.

643
00:36:14,820 --> 00:36:19,820
Right, it's like, I want you to vote, oh, vote the way I tell you to.

644
00:36:19,820 --> 00:36:21,820
Complete utter bullshit.

645
00:36:21,820 --> 00:36:22,820
Yeah.

646
00:36:22,820 --> 00:36:26,820
When you have a problem, would you rather talk to someone or try to figure it out by yourself?

647
00:36:26,820 --> 00:36:28,820
I say it depends.

648
00:36:28,820 --> 00:36:30,820
Yeah, it does depend.

649
00:36:30,820 --> 00:36:32,820
There are some things that require nobody else's input.

650
00:36:32,820 --> 00:36:33,820
Yeah.

651
00:36:33,820 --> 00:36:35,820
That is strictly a personal choice.

652
00:36:35,820 --> 00:36:43,820
There are some things that would take so long to explain before someone would actually know what I'm asking.

653
00:36:43,820 --> 00:36:45,820
That is just not worth it.

654
00:36:45,820 --> 00:36:47,820
Yeah, but no, that's another part.

655
00:36:47,820 --> 00:36:49,820
Yeah, it depends on what it is.

656
00:36:49,820 --> 00:36:55,820
Yeah, there are times I would have a problem at work and I would try to explain to Cindy.

657
00:36:55,820 --> 00:37:04,820
But since she didn't understand the way a lot of the things in the post office were, the culture and the people, she was like, I don't get what the problem is.

658
00:37:04,820 --> 00:37:08,820
Yes, that's true.

659
00:37:08,820 --> 00:37:11,820
I got one like this.

660
00:37:11,820 --> 00:37:13,820
I don't know what it's called.

661
00:37:13,820 --> 00:37:21,820
Okay, like a car, let's say I never owned a Cadillac before.

662
00:37:21,820 --> 00:37:22,820
Yeah.

663
00:37:22,820 --> 00:37:23,820
I'm thinking about buying one.

664
00:37:23,820 --> 00:37:25,820
I know someone with a Cadillac.

665
00:37:25,820 --> 00:37:28,820
Will that ever require me talking to other people?

666
00:37:28,820 --> 00:37:29,820
Yeah.

667
00:37:29,820 --> 00:37:32,820
Maybe I know a couple other people with acquaintances that have a Cadillac.

668
00:37:32,820 --> 00:37:33,820
What do you think of it?

669
00:37:33,820 --> 00:37:34,820
What's the mileage?

670
00:37:34,820 --> 00:37:36,820
Did you have a lot of trouble with it?

671
00:37:36,820 --> 00:37:42,820
Yeah, it's quite nice, it's quiet, but the car is expensive, all those things.

672
00:37:42,820 --> 00:37:45,820
Yeah, or a Tesla might be a better example nowadays.

673
00:37:45,820 --> 00:37:47,820
Which I wouldn't touch now.

674
00:37:47,820 --> 00:37:50,820
No.

675
00:37:50,820 --> 00:37:54,820
So yeah, that's a big old dependence.

676
00:37:54,820 --> 00:37:57,820
Okay, would you rather shave or wax?

677
00:37:57,820 --> 00:37:59,820
Oh, shave definitely.

678
00:37:59,820 --> 00:38:02,820
Wax. I hate scubbler.

679
00:38:02,820 --> 00:38:06,820
If I could wax my whole face, it would be gone for a month.

680
00:38:06,820 --> 00:38:09,820
I wouldn't have to worry about it, or shave.

681
00:38:09,820 --> 00:38:13,820
You know, they've got hair removal creams that women use on their legs.

682
00:38:13,820 --> 00:38:16,820
How come we don't have something like that for our faces?

683
00:38:16,820 --> 00:38:19,820
They should be able to design something, shouldn't they?

684
00:38:19,820 --> 00:38:20,820
Wouldn't you think?

685
00:38:20,820 --> 00:38:21,820
Yeah, I would think so.

686
00:38:21,820 --> 00:38:24,820
Either way, if it's feasible, we'll buy it.

687
00:38:24,820 --> 00:38:29,820
And it makes me wonder, if it is feasible, but they don't think anyone would buy it.

688
00:38:29,820 --> 00:38:30,820
So they don't make it.

689
00:38:30,820 --> 00:38:33,820
I mean, there's all sorts of products that could absolutely be made.

690
00:38:33,820 --> 00:38:35,820
I think it's a good idea to have a little smoke with cream.

691
00:38:35,820 --> 00:38:36,820
Yeah.

692
00:38:36,820 --> 00:38:37,820
Yeah, it's probably a good idea.

693
00:38:37,820 --> 00:38:40,820
Yeah, it would get a little hair extra there.

694
00:38:40,820 --> 00:38:41,820
I got to do that hair shave.

695
00:38:41,820 --> 00:38:42,820
Yeah.

696
00:38:42,820 --> 00:38:47,820
So yeah, there are lots of products that we could have, but people can't make money off of them.

697
00:38:47,820 --> 00:38:49,820
So we don't get them.

698
00:38:49,820 --> 00:38:50,820
Yeah.

699
00:38:50,820 --> 00:38:56,820
Would you rather eat savory food or sweet and savory food?

700
00:38:56,820 --> 00:38:58,820
I say sweet and savory food.

701
00:38:58,820 --> 00:38:59,820
Yeah.

702
00:38:59,820 --> 00:39:01,820
Go the whole fucking nine yards with it.

703
00:39:01,820 --> 00:39:03,820
Yeah, yeah, that does.

704
00:39:03,820 --> 00:39:09,820
There are so many things that, you know, just a little sweet and savory mix, oh yeah, it really puts it over the edge.

705
00:39:09,820 --> 00:39:11,820
Yeah, I'll go sweet and savory too.

706
00:39:11,820 --> 00:39:15,820
Yeah, yeah, okay.

707
00:39:15,820 --> 00:39:23,820
Would you rather spend money on education or work more to build more experience in your field?

708
00:39:23,820 --> 00:39:26,820
Ah.

709
00:39:26,820 --> 00:39:28,820
I say experience in your field.

710
00:39:28,820 --> 00:39:29,820
Yeah.

711
00:39:28,820 --> 00:39:30,820
I think people can go out of that.

712
00:39:30,820 --> 00:39:32,820
Yeah, yeah, I would say experience.

713
00:39:32,820 --> 00:39:33,820
Definitely.

714
00:39:33,820 --> 00:39:35,820
People get more out of that.

715
00:39:35,820 --> 00:39:38,820
I mean, that's just all the way in the middle of the way.

716
00:39:38,820 --> 00:39:47,820
Yeah, let me think of, if we were talking about music, then yeah, I just, you know, I want to go out and jam with people rather than go take courses.

717
00:39:47,820 --> 00:39:58,820
And even when I was working for the postal service, they had a classroom section called the good start where they'd take you and they'd, you know, teach you and they'd show you and you can practice.

718
00:39:58,820 --> 00:40:00,820
I got very little out of that.

719
00:40:00,820 --> 00:40:05,820
And when I actually went on the street and was actually doing it, it was like, okay, now this makes sense.

720
00:40:05,820 --> 00:40:07,820
That's exactly what I'm talking about.

721
00:40:07,820 --> 00:40:10,820
So yeah, the on the street experience was just invaluable.

722
00:40:10,820 --> 00:40:11,820
Yeah.

723
00:40:11,820 --> 00:40:13,820
Okay.

724
00:40:13,820 --> 00:40:16,820
Would you rather sleep with someone snoring or grinding their teeth?

725
00:40:16,820 --> 00:40:17,820
Snoring.

726
00:40:17,820 --> 00:40:18,820
Snoring.

727
00:40:18,820 --> 00:40:20,820
Yeah, oh, I can't stand the sound of grinding teeth.

728
00:40:20,820 --> 00:40:24,820
It's like a chalkboard, figuring out how to do it.

729
00:40:24,820 --> 00:40:25,820
Uh-huh.

730
00:40:25,820 --> 00:40:27,820
Uh-huh.

731
00:40:27,820 --> 00:40:31,820
Would you rather go on domestic trips or trips to a different country?

732
00:40:31,820 --> 00:40:32,820
Depends.

733
00:40:32,820 --> 00:40:34,820
I'm going to go domestic.

734
00:40:34,820 --> 00:40:36,820
To me, it depends on where it is.

735
00:40:36,820 --> 00:40:37,820
Yeah.

736
00:40:37,820 --> 00:40:44,820
I think my sticking point is the time it takes to travel internationally is the big drawback for me.

737
00:40:44,820 --> 00:40:46,820
I can see that.

738
00:40:46,820 --> 00:40:47,820
Yeah.

739
00:40:47,820 --> 00:40:52,820
Because I, you know, I'd be happy to renew my passport and drive up into Canada.

740
00:40:52,820 --> 00:40:55,820
I speak the language of most people.

741
00:40:55,820 --> 00:40:57,820
Yeah.

742
00:40:57,820 --> 00:40:59,820
There's a lot of French speakers out there.

743
00:40:59,820 --> 00:41:01,820
Yeah, there is.

744
00:41:01,820 --> 00:41:04,820
Yeah, I mean, if you get into Quebec and all that, it's nothing but French.

745
00:41:04,820 --> 00:41:05,820
Yeah.

746
00:41:05,820 --> 00:41:07,820
Montreal looks quite a bit French.

747
00:41:07,820 --> 00:41:08,820
Yeah.

748
00:41:08,820 --> 00:41:11,820
But in most places, it's just about the way they're used to the accent.

749
00:41:11,820 --> 00:41:13,820
Only we have the accent up there.

750
00:41:13,820 --> 00:41:17,820
Isn't it funny that they speak French, but they put the English monarch on their money?

751
00:41:17,820 --> 00:41:18,820
I know.

752
00:41:18,820 --> 00:41:19,820
Yeah.

753
00:41:19,820 --> 00:41:21,820
That is something I've always wondered about.

754
00:41:21,820 --> 00:41:22,820
So does Australia.

755
00:41:22,820 --> 00:41:23,820
Yeah, Australia does.

756
00:41:23,820 --> 00:41:24,820
That's right.

757
00:41:24,820 --> 00:41:29,820
Now they're going to have to get bank notes with King Charles III and Camilla on them.

758
00:41:29,820 --> 00:41:34,820
Hey, that's got to make side chicks celebrate everywhere.

759
00:41:34,820 --> 00:41:35,820
Yeah, exactly.

760
00:41:35,820 --> 00:41:36,820
Ugly side chicks.

761
00:41:36,820 --> 00:41:37,820
Yes.

762
00:41:37,820 --> 00:41:38,820
Ugly side chicks master.

763
00:41:38,820 --> 00:41:40,820
Ugly side chick made it to queen.

764
00:41:40,820 --> 00:41:42,820
Yeah, they're all like looking at each other.

765
00:41:42,820 --> 00:41:44,820
So you're saying there's a chance.

766
00:41:44,820 --> 00:41:45,820
Yeah.

767
00:41:45,820 --> 00:41:46,820
Yeah.

768
00:41:46,820 --> 00:41:47,820
Yep.

769
00:41:47,820 --> 00:41:50,820
If the sex is good enough, you'll make it to queen.

770
00:41:50,820 --> 00:41:55,820
I think he does that thing like over and over and over.

771
00:41:55,820 --> 00:42:01,820
Would you rather put sprite in beer or wine?

772
00:42:01,820 --> 00:42:02,820
Wine.

773
00:42:02,820 --> 00:42:04,820
Wine, definitely wine.

774
00:42:04,820 --> 00:42:06,820
You had sprite in beer.

775
00:42:06,820 --> 00:42:09,820
There's not a lot you can add to beer that doesn't just screw it up.

776
00:42:09,820 --> 00:42:14,820
You can break it like it is, full Boston mug or not, not a whole can.

777
00:42:14,820 --> 00:42:15,820
That's about it.

778
00:42:15,820 --> 00:42:20,820
I used to drop a shot glass full of rum down into the beer.

779
00:42:20,820 --> 00:42:24,820
If it's whiskey, it's called a Boiler Maker.

780
00:42:24,820 --> 00:42:26,820
It's not okay if there's ice in there.

781
00:42:26,820 --> 00:42:27,820
No, no ice in there.

782
00:42:27,820 --> 00:42:28,820
No.

783
00:42:28,820 --> 00:42:29,820
That waters it down, man.

784
00:42:29,820 --> 00:42:31,820
I'm like, you wouldn't get the same thing.

785
00:42:31,820 --> 00:42:34,820
I've seen people do that, but they're all like, stop.

786
00:42:34,820 --> 00:42:36,820
That should be against the law.

787
00:42:36,820 --> 00:42:41,820
The one that does that should be hitting the face of me and strangling the death.

788
00:42:41,820 --> 00:42:46,820
Like I said, this is not working.

789
00:42:46,820 --> 00:42:50,820
Don't go strangling somebody because they got the wrong end.

790
00:42:50,820 --> 00:42:52,820
They got ice in the beer.

791
00:42:52,820 --> 00:42:55,820
I used to drop a shot of rum down into beer.

792
00:42:55,820 --> 00:42:58,820
Somebody who was in the Navy said, oh, that's called a depth charge.

793
00:42:58,820 --> 00:42:59,820
Oh, really?

794
00:42:59,820 --> 00:43:02,820
If it's whiskey, it's called a Boiler Maker.

795
00:43:02,820 --> 00:43:06,820
But if it's a shot of rum, you drop it down into your beer, it's called a depth charge.

796
00:43:06,820 --> 00:43:07,820
I had no idea.

797
00:43:07,820 --> 00:43:09,820
I thought I invented it.

798
00:43:09,820 --> 00:43:14,820
And then somebody who was in the Navy said, oh, yeah, I drink a lot of those.

799
00:43:14,820 --> 00:43:17,820
I think rum's a better fit than whiskey and beer.

800
00:43:17,820 --> 00:43:20,820
I would think so, yeah.

801
00:43:20,820 --> 00:43:24,820
Would you rather wake up one day as a different gender or stay the same gender?

802
00:43:24,820 --> 00:43:25,820
Stay the same.

803
00:43:25,820 --> 00:43:26,820
Oh, I'd stay.

804
00:43:26,820 --> 00:43:29,820
I have no experience being anything different than what I am right now.

805
00:43:29,820 --> 00:43:33,820
Yeah, I would completely fuck the other up if I could take it out on the other.

806
00:43:33,820 --> 00:43:35,820
Yeah.

807
00:43:35,820 --> 00:43:40,820
Would you rather build a spa or a nice outdoor fireplace be a fireplace?

808
00:43:40,820 --> 00:43:41,820
Yeah.

809
00:43:41,820 --> 00:43:43,820
I think that's pretty easy.

810
00:43:43,820 --> 00:43:46,820
I think 90% of the people would say that.

811
00:43:46,820 --> 00:43:49,820
Yeah, yeah, I love just sitting and staring into a fire.

812
00:43:49,820 --> 00:43:51,820
Yeah, especially if it's outdoors.

813
00:43:51,820 --> 00:43:55,820
Oh, yeah.

814
00:43:55,820 --> 00:43:57,820
Well, I know what your answer would probably be to this.

815
00:43:57,820 --> 00:43:58,820
Okay.

816
00:43:58,820 --> 00:44:02,820
Would you rather go on a cruise or go to an all-inclusive resort?

817
00:44:02,820 --> 00:44:06,820
Oh, my gosh.

818
00:44:06,820 --> 00:44:11,820
I guess I'm going to go all-inclusive resort because I think my wife would enjoy that more, too.

819
00:44:11,820 --> 00:44:12,820
I really love cruises.

820
00:44:12,820 --> 00:44:13,820
Yeah.

821
00:44:13,820 --> 00:44:15,820
But I also like all-inclusive.

822
00:44:15,820 --> 00:44:19,820
It would kind of depend on where the cruise was going, I guess, too.

823
00:44:19,820 --> 00:44:21,820
1640 cruise.

824
00:44:21,820 --> 00:44:27,820
Yeah, and just take your average typical cruise, your average typical all-inclusive resort.

825
00:44:27,820 --> 00:44:28,820
I'm going to go with the resort.

826
00:44:28,820 --> 00:44:33,820
What I want to do is one of my bosses and I discussed a week or so ago.

827
00:44:33,820 --> 00:44:38,820
Alaskan cruises do a three-day layover in any specific city.

828
00:44:38,820 --> 00:44:39,820
Yeah.

829
00:44:39,820 --> 00:44:47,820
You go up to a lodge, you went up to a lodge, and did Alaska things for three days like look at ale, bears.

830
00:44:47,820 --> 00:44:49,820
Catch a fish.

831
00:44:49,820 --> 00:44:51,820
Whales, yeah, all that.

832
00:44:51,820 --> 00:44:58,820
Go to local eateries like fish being taken out of the water and getting dried by the front of the yard.

833
00:44:58,820 --> 00:45:01,820
Over a grill, right in front of you, over a fire, all that cool stuff.

834
00:45:01,820 --> 00:45:04,820
Yeah, if you like seafood, that would just be a...

835
00:45:04,820 --> 00:45:10,820
Or just sit in your cabin and probably not watch the snow, but maybe, I don't know.

836
00:45:10,820 --> 00:45:15,820
If it's during the summer, you can watch it be sunny at 1130 at night.

837
00:45:15,820 --> 00:45:16,820
Yeah.

838
00:45:16,820 --> 00:45:19,820
That was all good news to that, a lot of cruises.

839
00:45:19,820 --> 00:45:20,820
I would think.

840
00:45:20,820 --> 00:45:21,820
No, a year ago.

841
00:45:21,820 --> 00:45:23,820
Right in about a year ago.

842
00:45:23,820 --> 00:45:24,820
That was about a year ago.

843
00:45:24,820 --> 00:45:25,820
Yeah.

844
00:45:25,820 --> 00:45:27,820
That was really good news to that.

845
00:45:27,820 --> 00:45:35,820
Because eventually the days that we were up there passed the line at the hand out in the stray light area.

846
00:45:35,820 --> 00:45:42,820
Midnight, you could tell, the only reason you could tell it was midnight was because of where the moon was at.

847
00:45:42,820 --> 00:45:44,820
I discovered that the first time.

848
00:45:44,820 --> 00:45:46,820
I'm like, okay, the moon's right here when it's midnight.

849
00:45:46,820 --> 00:45:49,820
And after that, I couldn't quite tell.

850
00:45:49,820 --> 00:45:52,820
But the boat wasn't really going to tell me to tell you.

851
00:45:52,820 --> 00:45:53,820
Yeah, yeah.

852
00:45:53,820 --> 00:45:55,820
It kind of helps you forget.

853
00:45:55,820 --> 00:45:56,820
Yeah.

854
00:45:56,820 --> 00:46:01,820
I think they do that on the last cruises, so you're not so fixated with it.

855
00:46:01,820 --> 00:46:04,820
You're not sleeping, you're just like, what, it's 12 during the day?

856
00:46:04,820 --> 00:46:06,820
They didn't have to think like that.

857
00:46:06,820 --> 00:46:07,820
It's a single day.

858
00:46:07,820 --> 00:46:10,820
Yeah, there's time to get back in your rhythm when you go home.

859
00:46:10,820 --> 00:46:11,820
Yeah.

860
00:46:11,820 --> 00:46:15,820
And I did very easily when we got back to Seattle that night.

861
00:46:15,820 --> 00:46:16,820
It was fine.

862
00:46:16,820 --> 00:46:20,820
Yeah, your body is just waiting for the queue and was like, okay, I know what to do now.

863
00:46:20,820 --> 00:46:21,820
Yeah.

864
00:46:21,820 --> 00:46:22,820
Yeah.

865
00:46:22,820 --> 00:46:26,820
So, and also very tired from running around and constantly doing all that.

866
00:46:26,820 --> 00:46:34,820
So, would you rather read the book or watch the movie as based on that book?

867
00:46:34,820 --> 00:46:36,820
It depends on the book.

868
00:46:36,820 --> 00:46:38,820
For the most part, I like to read the book.

869
00:46:38,820 --> 00:46:44,820
Reading the book is generally much better because a movie has to take certain liberties and not.

870
00:46:44,820 --> 00:46:45,820
Yeah.

871
00:46:45,820 --> 00:46:47,820
So, I don't know.

872
00:46:47,820 --> 00:46:50,820
They pretty much always have to leave stuff out because it's too long.

873
00:46:50,820 --> 00:46:54,820
It's too long, or it goes into too much description.

874
00:46:54,820 --> 00:46:55,820
Yeah.

875
00:46:55,820 --> 00:46:59,820
Or people watching the movie would consider it boring, but people reading the book would not.

876
00:46:59,820 --> 00:47:00,820
Yeah.

877
00:47:00,820 --> 00:47:07,820
And with books, you'll always have the option of you can go back a few chapters, recheck something, and reread.

878
00:47:07,820 --> 00:47:08,820
I do that all the time.

879
00:47:08,820 --> 00:47:12,820
In a movie, you can't, so you've got to make the point pretty obvious right up front.

880
00:47:12,820 --> 00:47:31,820
There are times I'll read a book and then a year later I'll read it again and make a connection I didn't make before.

881
00:47:31,820 --> 00:47:34,820
Like, oh my gosh, this is connected to this.

882
00:47:34,820 --> 00:47:38,820
I had no idea because I didn't catch it the first time through.

883
00:47:38,820 --> 00:47:45,820
I love the movie that happens on because the wind catches you by surprise.

884
00:47:45,820 --> 00:47:47,820
Yeah.

885
00:47:47,820 --> 00:47:54,820
Would you rather use a porta potty or go somewhere there are no people in the woods?

886
00:47:54,820 --> 00:47:55,820
I'd go in the woods.

887
00:47:55,820 --> 00:48:06,820
Would you rather ride a snowmobile or a jet ski?

888
00:48:06,820 --> 00:48:12,820
Let's see, I've never been on a snowmobile, but I've been on the back of a jet ski.

889
00:48:12,820 --> 00:48:13,820
I've been on a jet ski.

890
00:48:13,820 --> 00:48:15,820
I'd rather ride a snowmobile.

891
00:48:15,820 --> 00:48:17,820
I think I'd go with the jet ski.

892
00:48:17,820 --> 00:48:19,820
Okay.

893
00:48:19,820 --> 00:48:24,820
Would you rather eat a juicy cheeseburger or a fresh ingredient pizza with an amazing crust?

894
00:48:24,820 --> 00:48:26,820
Oh, I'm going pizza.

895
00:48:26,820 --> 00:48:27,820
With an amazing crust.

896
00:48:27,820 --> 00:48:29,820
Oh, I could eat pizza all the time.

897
00:48:29,820 --> 00:48:30,820
Pizza's fucking awesome.

898
00:48:30,820 --> 00:48:31,820
Oh, yes.

899
00:48:31,820 --> 00:48:37,820
It was so awesome when I was in the band that we used to play up at Fun House Pizza, the

900
00:48:37,820 --> 00:48:39,820
one that's closed now.

901
00:48:39,820 --> 00:48:40,820
You went on 350?

902
00:48:40,820 --> 00:48:41,820
Yeah.

903
00:48:41,820 --> 00:48:43,820
That was the original.

904
00:48:43,820 --> 00:48:44,820
It was.

905
00:48:44,820 --> 00:48:45,820
It was.

906
00:48:45,820 --> 00:48:49,820
We got a free pizza each night that we'd play there.

907
00:48:49,820 --> 00:48:55,820
We'd usually put in our order before the third set and eat it after the third set.

908
00:48:55,820 --> 00:48:58,820
It was like free Fun House Pizza area.

909
00:48:58,820 --> 00:49:02,820
Two nights each weekend, we'd usually get two weekends in a row.

910
00:49:02,820 --> 00:49:04,820
I got so much good pizza.

911
00:49:04,820 --> 00:49:08,820
Speaking of free food, where are you going to go when you're working for new pastries

912
00:49:08,820 --> 00:49:10,820
they have over there in the East Hamlin?

913
00:49:10,820 --> 00:49:11,820
Yeah.

914
00:49:11,820 --> 00:49:13,820
I was looking at that ham and cheese.

915
00:49:13,820 --> 00:49:16,820
I could just pull a slice of cheese off.

916
00:49:16,820 --> 00:49:18,820
Then he has a grilled cheese too over there.

917
00:49:18,820 --> 00:49:19,820
Yeah.

918
00:49:19,820 --> 00:49:22,820
They put some sort of onion in it too or something?

919
00:49:22,820 --> 00:49:27,820
When you caramelize the onions, grilled cheese and caramelized onions is a really good combination.

920
00:49:27,820 --> 00:49:28,820
Yeah.

921
00:49:28,820 --> 00:49:30,820
He went all out with this guy.

922
00:49:30,820 --> 00:49:31,820
That's really nice.

923
00:49:31,820 --> 00:49:32,820
Yeah.

924
00:49:32,820 --> 00:49:35,820
So, anyhow, let's see.

925
00:49:35,820 --> 00:49:38,820
Would you rather learn French or Russian?

926
00:49:38,820 --> 00:49:40,820
Oh my gosh.

927
00:49:40,820 --> 00:49:44,820
I think I'd probably have more use for French.

928
00:49:44,820 --> 00:49:47,820
I think it's easier because we use the same alphabet.

929
00:49:47,820 --> 00:49:48,820
Same here.

930
00:49:48,820 --> 00:49:55,820
With Russian, you have to learn the Cyrillic alphabet, which is difficult.

931
00:49:55,820 --> 00:49:59,820
You know the backwards N in pink's name?

932
00:49:59,820 --> 00:50:00,820
Uh-uh.

933
00:50:00,820 --> 00:50:04,820
You know in pink, knowing that she has the upside down I.

934
00:50:04,820 --> 00:50:05,820
Upside down I.

935
00:50:05,820 --> 00:50:09,820
So she has P apostrophe NK.

936
00:50:09,820 --> 00:50:15,820
But somebody has a back, oh, let's see, corn has a backwards R in their name.

937
00:50:15,820 --> 00:50:16,820
Yeah.

938
00:50:16,820 --> 00:50:19,820
So a backwards R actually is pronounced differently than R.

939
00:50:19,820 --> 00:50:22,820
I don't remember what it is.

940
00:50:22,820 --> 00:50:23,820
I don't think they mean it like that.

941
00:50:23,820 --> 00:50:24,820
Yeah.

942
00:50:24,820 --> 00:50:26,820
The Russian R looks like a P to us.

943
00:50:26,820 --> 00:50:27,820
Yeah.

944
00:50:27,820 --> 00:50:30,820
So I don't know what the back and the backwards R are.

945
00:50:30,820 --> 00:50:33,820
Backwards N, then there's one that looks like a pitch fork.

946
00:50:33,820 --> 00:50:35,820
Yeah, they have a weird letter.

947
00:50:35,820 --> 00:50:36,820
Yeah, I agree.

948
00:50:36,820 --> 00:50:37,820
I drove them in French.

949
00:50:37,820 --> 00:50:39,820
Sounds easier and I think that we got more use for it.

950
00:50:39,820 --> 00:50:40,820
Yeah.

951
00:50:40,820 --> 00:50:46,820
Would you rather drive at night and use mirror lights on or have someone following you the

952
00:50:46,820 --> 00:50:48,820
whole trip with a hybrid on?

953
00:50:48,820 --> 00:50:49,820
Oh, God.

954
00:50:49,820 --> 00:50:54,820
Because somebody has to interior light even though I hate that.

955
00:50:54,820 --> 00:50:57,820
Yeah, I would too because at least that's in my control.

956
00:50:57,820 --> 00:50:58,820
Yeah.

957
00:50:58,820 --> 00:51:01,820
I think I would go less insane.

958
00:51:01,820 --> 00:51:02,820
Yeah.

959
00:51:02,820 --> 00:51:03,820
Man.

960
00:51:03,820 --> 00:51:06,820
To me, this next one is easy.

961
00:51:06,820 --> 00:51:07,820
Okay.

962
00:51:07,820 --> 00:51:12,820
Would you rather have food allergies or environmental allergies?

963
00:51:12,820 --> 00:51:13,820
Food allergies.

964
00:51:13,820 --> 00:51:14,820
Definitely.

965
00:51:14,820 --> 00:51:16,820
Food allergies because you can control what you do.

966
00:51:16,820 --> 00:51:26,820
Yeah, my wife has environmental allergies with dust and mold and things like that.

967
00:51:26,820 --> 00:51:28,820
Dog and cat and mangrove.

968
00:51:28,820 --> 00:51:29,820
Yeah.

969
00:51:29,820 --> 00:51:36,820
Because you never know when you get clobbered with that.

970
00:51:36,820 --> 00:51:41,820
Two douchebags and a microphone, the number one show for people that lie about their favorite

971
00:51:41,820 --> 00:51:45,820
podcast.

972
00:51:45,820 --> 00:51:47,820
Two ass bags and a box of Cheez-Its.

973
00:51:47,820 --> 00:51:49,820
We'll be right back.

974
00:51:49,820 --> 00:51:54,820
And now, a brand new feature.

975
00:51:54,820 --> 00:51:58,820
Strange insults from an alien.

976
00:51:58,820 --> 00:52:02,820
May your mother come to talk to you.

977
00:52:02,820 --> 00:52:09,820
And then leave your door slightly ajar so that you may have to get up and close it.

978
00:52:09,820 --> 00:52:14,820
I got a neat little story here about a little prank that me and Davey, my friend that are

979
00:52:14,820 --> 00:52:15,820
referred to often.

980
00:52:15,820 --> 00:52:16,820
Oh, yes.

981
00:52:16,820 --> 00:52:19,820
Played in the old Bannister Mall, remember that?

982
00:52:19,820 --> 00:52:20,820
Oh, yeah.

983
00:52:20,820 --> 00:52:21,820
Oh, yeah.

984
00:52:21,820 --> 00:52:24,820
Boy, that was an area for a lot of fucking fun.

985
00:52:24,820 --> 00:52:26,820
We used to get away with murder at that place.

986
00:52:26,820 --> 00:52:28,820
We've done the stupidest shit.

987
00:52:28,820 --> 00:52:33,820
Well, there was a security guard, a little short little fucker, kind of a little dumpy

988
00:52:33,820 --> 00:52:34,820
little guy named Sam.

989
00:52:34,820 --> 00:52:36,820
And he hated us long hair.

990
00:52:36,820 --> 00:52:39,820
We were in there getting all the chicks and he didn't fucking like it.

991
00:52:39,820 --> 00:52:44,820
Sam used to always try to get me kicked out and Davey too, but more me.

992
00:52:44,820 --> 00:52:46,820
He really hated me for some reason.

993
00:52:46,820 --> 00:52:48,820
So he always screwed with me.

994
00:52:48,820 --> 00:52:51,820
He got me kicked out for about two weeks.

995
00:52:51,820 --> 00:52:55,820
Then we went to court and the judge said, you can't kick him out.

996
00:52:55,820 --> 00:52:56,820
It's a public mall.

997
00:52:56,820 --> 00:53:05,820
So anyhow, one of the biggest ways to sell the hoax is to, we found this out, was to

998
00:53:05,820 --> 00:53:07,820
have a setup guy that no one knew.

999
00:53:07,820 --> 00:53:10,820
Just a guy to confirm what you're saying.

1000
00:53:10,820 --> 00:53:11,820
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1001
00:53:11,820 --> 00:53:14,820
I did see that monkey over there.

1002
00:53:14,820 --> 00:53:18,820
Last I saw him, he was on top of that building and he was throwing shit at somebody.

1003
00:53:18,820 --> 00:53:19,820
The random witness.

1004
00:53:19,820 --> 00:53:20,820
You see he disappears.

1005
00:53:20,820 --> 00:53:21,820
Yes.

1006
00:53:21,820 --> 00:53:28,820
So this guy, okay, this is Bannister Mall, early 1980s.

1007
00:53:28,820 --> 00:53:35,820
Me and my good buddy Davey were hanging out and we were crazy long hairs that the average

1008
00:53:35,820 --> 00:53:40,820
teen would follow because we're long hairs and we're kind of like the Pied Piper of teens.

1009
00:53:40,820 --> 00:53:44,820
People used to look at us and go, well, there's the party.

1010
00:53:44,820 --> 00:53:47,820
Let's just follow them around until they go to it.

1011
00:53:47,820 --> 00:53:48,820
I've done that?

1012
00:53:48,820 --> 00:53:49,820
Yeah.

1013
00:53:49,820 --> 00:53:50,820
They used to do it all the time.

1014
00:53:50,820 --> 00:53:51,820
We'd be like, where are you guys going?

1015
00:53:51,820 --> 00:53:52,820
Cleveland, Ohio?

1016
00:53:52,820 --> 00:53:53,820
No, Missouri.

1017
00:53:53,820 --> 00:53:56,820
That guy looks like he might have beer.

1018
00:53:56,820 --> 00:53:57,820
Yeah.

1019
00:53:57,820 --> 00:53:58,820
Yeah.

1020
00:53:58,820 --> 00:54:01,820
So they'd just start following us and that's just the way it were.

1021
00:54:01,820 --> 00:54:05,820
We'd all introduce, hey, I'm so and so, I'm so and so.

1022
00:54:05,820 --> 00:54:08,820
We'd have a good time Cleveland Lake or something.

1023
00:54:08,820 --> 00:54:11,820
Slamming beers, doing stupid shit.

1024
00:54:11,820 --> 00:54:16,820
So Davey and I had certain buddies that would walk up and hear the bullshit that was you

1025
00:54:16,820 --> 00:54:18,820
in and then help seal the deal.

1026
00:54:18,820 --> 00:54:20,820
They'd sell it completely.

1027
00:54:20,820 --> 00:54:26,820
One guy that walked around to help us was a punker named Jason.

1028
00:54:26,820 --> 00:54:30,820
Jason was really cool because he looked like the type of guy that wouldn't like us.

1029
00:54:30,820 --> 00:54:37,820
But we got to talking to him and we saw eye to eye on everything except music.

1030
00:54:37,820 --> 00:54:39,820
Everything else we were the same.

1031
00:54:39,820 --> 00:54:43,820
Fuck society, fuck the average guy, fuck this, fuck that.

1032
00:54:43,820 --> 00:54:48,820
But when it came to music, we're like fucking listening to Motley Crue and shit like that.

1033
00:54:48,820 --> 00:54:55,820
He was listening to, I don't know, the Ramones or even deeper than that,

1034
00:54:55,820 --> 00:55:00,820
you know, Dead Kennedys, the Germs, television.

1035
00:55:00,820 --> 00:55:03,820
Yeah, he was a real punker.

1036
00:55:03,820 --> 00:55:04,820
The Boy Roids.

1037
00:55:04,820 --> 00:55:06,820
Yeah.

1038
00:55:06,820 --> 00:55:14,820
He had an orange mohawk or a black spike leather and Doc Martens.

1039
00:55:14,820 --> 00:55:17,820
So, I mean, you know, you got the guy, right?

1040
00:55:17,820 --> 00:55:19,820
You know who I'm talking about.

1041
00:55:19,820 --> 00:55:21,820
So great guy though.

1042
00:55:21,820 --> 00:55:23,820
I'd love to know what happened to him.

1043
00:55:23,820 --> 00:55:29,820
Jason, if you happen to hear this abortion, please, oh, I guess that's a bad word now, isn't it?

1044
00:55:29,820 --> 00:55:31,820
This atrocity.

1045
00:55:31,820 --> 00:55:32,820
There we go.

1046
00:55:32,820 --> 00:55:38,820
If you happen to hear this horrible atrocity, then, you know, hey, send us an email.

1047
00:55:38,820 --> 00:55:42,820
I forgot what the valid email is.

1048
00:55:42,820 --> 00:55:44,820
We put so many bullshit ones out there.

1049
00:55:44,820 --> 00:55:46,820
We can't remember our real place.

1050
00:55:46,820 --> 00:55:51,820
There is a valid one and I can't remember what the hell it is.

1051
00:55:51,820 --> 00:55:53,820
We also have an actual real phone number.

1052
00:55:53,820 --> 00:55:56,820
Hell if I know that one either.

1053
00:55:56,820 --> 00:56:00,820
Yeah, so I can't even remember the real one.

1054
00:56:00,820 --> 00:56:01,820
Show prep.

1055
00:56:01,820 --> 00:56:03,820
Yeah.

1056
00:56:03,820 --> 00:56:10,820
Here I was talking about show prep and making a big deal out of it and I can't even remember our email.

1057
00:56:10,820 --> 00:56:17,820
So, anyhow, meanwhile, there's this one security guard named Sam that I kind of alluded to or actually went into a little bit.

1058
00:56:17,820 --> 00:56:21,820
Sam was a jealous little pussy bitch.

1059
00:56:21,820 --> 00:56:27,820
He constantly tried to get me kicked out and barred from all and like I said earlier, he did for a while for a couple of weeks and we went to court.

1060
00:56:27,820 --> 00:56:34,820
I got back in which really fumed his ass because every time I seen him, I was like overzealous about him.

1061
00:56:34,820 --> 00:56:37,820
Hi, Sam. How are you?

1062
00:56:37,820 --> 00:56:39,820
You came over for dinner tonight, little guy.

1063
00:56:39,820 --> 00:56:42,820
A little tiny bit of authority and it's gone.

1064
00:56:42,820 --> 00:56:45,820
You look cute today.

1065
00:56:45,820 --> 00:56:50,820
I beeped his nose one time. He came out with unglued.

1066
00:56:50,820 --> 00:56:55,820
So, you know, me and David used to play moon tricks on Sam Cossack.

1067
00:56:55,820 --> 00:56:56,820
Sounds like he deserved it.

1068
00:56:56,820 --> 00:56:58,820
Oh, he did, you know.

1069
00:56:58,820 --> 00:57:03,820
So we quickly went to Jason to be the casual guy walking by to sell it.

1070
00:57:03,820 --> 00:57:10,820
So Jason's over in the corner where the movie theaters upstairs used to be because then they went downstairs for a while and then they disappeared.

1071
00:57:10,820 --> 00:57:11,820
Oh, yeah.

1072
00:57:11,820 --> 00:57:14,820
Yeah, they used to be upstairs, mid upstairs.

1073
00:57:14,820 --> 00:57:18,820
So I think right across from food court maybe if I remember correctly.

1074
00:57:18,820 --> 00:57:24,820
Now in my mind, I'm getting confused with word Parkway because their movie theaters shifted around a bit too.

1075
00:57:24,820 --> 00:57:33,820
Okay. Well, anyhow, this is when they were upstairs because I remember that part well because people are coming in to go to all of these and we're screwing with them.

1076
00:57:33,820 --> 00:57:34,820
So, yeah.

1077
00:57:34,820 --> 00:57:44,820
So David and I set this one up perfectly. You know, we had a buddy that he won a backstage pass to Great White.

1078
00:57:44,820 --> 00:57:48,820
Oh, remember them? It's a video shoot. Okay. He has an extra.

1079
00:57:48,820 --> 00:57:49,820
Oh, that'd be cool.

1080
00:57:49,820 --> 00:57:55,820
Yeah. And he was in it. I don't know if it's once bit or something else, but he was in it.

1081
00:57:55,820 --> 00:58:04,820
So it then on the back was stamped used. But on the front, it had an MTV logo. It didn't have a specific band.

1082
00:58:04,820 --> 00:58:09,820
It just had it didn't say Great White. It just said extra for MTV video shoot.

1083
00:58:09,820 --> 00:58:14,820
And I remember really well it was green with an orange MTV on it with her famous logo.

1084
00:58:14,820 --> 00:58:15,820
Yeah.

1085
00:58:15,820 --> 00:58:25,820
It was really cool looking and it was like made with some sort of a some sort of a really thick paper and it was engraved, I guess.

1086
00:58:25,820 --> 00:58:26,820
Oh, yeah.

1087
00:58:26,820 --> 00:58:29,820
Yeah. It was raised. It felt great. It felt like the seal of something.

1088
00:58:29,820 --> 00:58:31,820
Embossed paper, raised printing.

1089
00:58:31,820 --> 00:58:33,820
Raised printing, whatever.

1090
00:58:33,820 --> 00:58:37,820
Makes it a lot harder to counterfeit. Plus it makes it look cool.

1091
00:58:37,820 --> 00:58:41,820
So our friend agreed to let us borrow this for a little while. We got it back to him, like we said.

1092
00:58:41,820 --> 00:58:50,820
We didn't tear it up or steal it or nothing. So Davey started waving the card in the air and making fun of me because he got this and I didn't.

1093
00:58:50,820 --> 00:58:55,820
He was like, hey, I'm going to be on this. I'm going to be on this whatever.

1094
00:58:55,820 --> 00:58:56,820
Video.

1095
00:58:56,820 --> 00:59:04,820
Yeah. So he's waving around going, I'm going to be on the video and you're not because you're too stupid and you couldn't win and all this stuff.

1096
00:59:04,820 --> 00:59:13,820
So this magical card was supposed to be a freebie to be an extra on the set of MTV. This is what we set it up to be, right?

1097
00:59:13,820 --> 00:59:18,820
A list of hundreds of bands. The secret MTV guy walking around.

1098
00:59:18,820 --> 00:59:22,820
He was walking around the mall and this was going to be Sam eventually.

1099
00:59:22,820 --> 00:59:29,820
So the secret MTV guy that has these free magical passes was Sam, only he didn't know it.

1100
00:59:29,820 --> 00:59:34,820
Davey's like, and I'm like, fucking asshole. Yeah, all this stuff.

1101
00:59:34,820 --> 00:59:41,820
So automatically see people get ready to walk in, right? Get ready to go to movie.

1102
00:59:41,820 --> 00:59:46,820
Just like magnetic. They're just staring at us. And Davey's like, and all this stuff.

1103
00:59:46,820 --> 00:59:54,820
Man, that sucks, man. You get to go and I don't. So Davey is waving this around, making fun of me and Jason will walk by.

1104
00:59:54,820 --> 01:00:00,820
They go, yeah, I fucking 112. I threw it at him because there's no punk bands on it. Fuck that. I don't want to go.

1105
01:00:00,820 --> 01:00:08,820
So all of a sudden, those kids are fucking coming over there. What was this? So that's so clever.

1106
01:00:08,820 --> 01:00:20,820
Oh, yeah. You set it up perfect. So the reason that we picked Sam to do this on that day was because we had the card for a couple of days.

1107
01:00:20,820 --> 01:00:24,820
He's wearing plain clothes and I guess he thought he's gonna catch shoplifters or something.

1108
01:00:24,820 --> 01:00:28,820
Not wearing his little fucking bitch outfit that he normally wore.

1109
01:00:28,820 --> 01:00:34,820
You know, so Jason, instead of us goes, yeah, that fucking little douche right there is the one.

1110
01:00:34,820 --> 01:00:39,820
That's the secret MTV guy. We didn't even say it. He did it. It sold it even more.

1111
01:00:39,820 --> 01:00:46,820
Because all these teens are like, you know, fucking their heads spun around and they're scared.

1112
01:00:46,820 --> 01:00:53,820
So Jason said, yeah, he goes, yeah, I bit him on the ear to get one.

1113
01:00:53,820 --> 01:01:02,820
So the story was, was this. The more outrageous you were, the more likely you were to get a free pass.

1114
01:01:02,820 --> 01:01:12,820
It was perfect. Yeah. So automatically he had like fucking 50 teens jumping in front of him, fucking biting his ear, kicking him in the ass.

1115
01:01:12,820 --> 01:01:18,820
One guy was clucking like a chicken in the space. Another guy's like, look, look, look, I'm a bird.

1116
01:01:18,820 --> 01:01:26,820
Some guy fucking jumped off on one side. Another guy ripped off one of the trees and hit him with a switch.

1117
01:01:26,820 --> 01:01:33,820
And Sam was just fucking freaking out, man. He's like, what the fuck? And they're like, we want a pass. We want a pass.

1118
01:01:33,820 --> 01:01:42,820
This probably went on for fucking 25 minutes. He was losing his mind. Yes, he was. He didn't know what was going on.

1119
01:01:42,820 --> 01:01:48,820
He'd get 10 teens away from him, right? And then you have 10 more teens attacking.

1120
01:01:48,820 --> 01:01:56,820
So we leave. We let this go on and let it go downhill. And those teens told another one, get the pass from that fucker.

1121
01:01:56,820 --> 01:02:01,820
He didn't give us anything. So this just kept rolling on and rolling on and rolling on.

1122
01:02:01,820 --> 01:02:08,820
So we come back a couple of hours later. We went to, oh, no, I know what we did. We went to Andy's Santa Fe and had a burrito.

1123
01:02:08,820 --> 01:02:13,820
I remember the Andy's. We weren't even old enough to drink, but we still did because they never carted there.

1124
01:02:13,820 --> 01:02:18,820
We both had margaritas. We were fucking laughing at our feet on the table and shit.

1125
01:02:18,820 --> 01:02:24,820
Davey had fucking flip flops on, so they eventually got mad and kicked us out because you could see his toenails hanging out.

1126
01:02:24,820 --> 01:02:32,820
People didn't like that. So we get back in. Also, we see Sam coming by all the shovels.

1127
01:02:32,820 --> 01:02:40,820
By this time, everything was gone. It was all said and done. I go, hey, Sam, do you want to know where all that came from?

1128
01:02:40,820 --> 01:02:46,820
Davey pulled out the cart and said, see this? I go, yeah, you just been had, bitch. Oh, he was fucking furious.

1129
01:02:46,820 --> 01:02:51,820
He turned right then, you motherfucker, I'm going to get you out of here. I'm going to get you guys kicked out for good.

1130
01:02:51,820 --> 01:03:00,820
And I go, what for? I didn't do anything against them all. We didn't get kicked out.

1131
01:03:00,820 --> 01:03:07,820
That was one of the best fucking pranks we ever played. And I just thought about it the other day. I'm like, my God.

1132
01:03:07,820 --> 01:03:13,820
There are some other ones I got to remember that we did to him too.

1133
01:03:13,820 --> 01:03:21,820
And then I got another one. You listen to the solo cast, right? I'm going to tell the story about the nutmire.

1134
01:03:21,820 --> 01:03:24,820
Oh, yes. Biggin'.

1135
01:03:24,820 --> 01:03:30,820
Two douchebags and a microphone. The number one show for people that lie about their favorite podcast.

1136
01:03:30,820 --> 01:03:39,820
Oh shit, what's that over there? Oh no. It's island of horrible jokes.

1137
01:03:39,820 --> 01:03:49,820
I can't take my dog to the lake. The ducks keep attacking him.

1138
01:03:49,820 --> 01:03:53,820
That's what I get for having a purebred dog.

1139
01:03:53,820 --> 01:04:09,820
I had a request from my friend Lona that listens to this podcast and will probably listen to this.

1140
01:04:09,820 --> 01:04:16,820
But anyhow, some of the so she's going way back with this elaborate prank and I forgot all about it actually.

1141
01:04:16,820 --> 01:04:23,820
There's more on this level specifically that I can tell you about. This is in general the elaborate prank.

1142
01:04:23,820 --> 01:04:30,820
It's a really good vicious line of events.

1143
01:04:30,820 --> 01:04:35,820
We're going to go into some humor now. We've done some serious stuff.

1144
01:04:35,820 --> 01:04:41,820
My great buddy Davey, I think a lot of people know him. I know Davey. See?

1145
01:04:41,820 --> 01:04:48,820
So there we go. Two out of three. Cindy knows Davey. Four out of four. Val knows Davey. Five out of five.

1146
01:04:48,820 --> 01:04:51,820
Okay. Well everybody in the whole world knows him evidently.

1147
01:04:51,820 --> 01:04:58,820
When we were teenagers, every summer his parents would go to Truman Lake.

1148
01:04:58,820 --> 01:05:06,820
They'd take their camper there and they'd be gone pretty much from Memorial weekend to Labor Day weekend.

1149
01:05:06,820 --> 01:05:14,820
A good two and a half month stretch. Something like that. Sometimes it was stretching to three depending on how they felt.

1150
01:05:14,820 --> 01:05:21,820
And so anyhow, this meant one thing. Party house.

1151
01:05:21,820 --> 01:05:29,820
So Davey and I had some evil tricks that we like to play on the people.

1152
01:05:29,820 --> 01:05:36,820
The people that all partied at the house for a while, they were all in on the gag because they probably hadn't happened to them before.

1153
01:05:36,820 --> 01:05:46,820
So anyhow, they were a victim at one point and then after they got through with the hurt and the embarrassment and the blues,

1154
01:05:46,820 --> 01:05:49,820
they were like, okay, all right, well it's time for someone else.

1155
01:05:49,820 --> 01:05:56,820
So new guys that would come to the house didn't know about this, but the people that were there for a while, they knew they were safe.

1156
01:05:56,820 --> 01:06:00,820
So anyhow, one of the things that we would do is we'd all be getting trashed.

1157
01:06:00,820 --> 01:06:04,820
But anyone that wasn't at Davey's house before would not know this.

1158
01:06:04,820 --> 01:06:09,820
There was a refrigerator in the back room that contained all the sodas.

1159
01:06:09,820 --> 01:06:17,820
All the Dr. Peppers, all the Cokes, all that, the Sprites, what have you, Mountain Dews. Dr. Peppers were all in the back fridge.

1160
01:06:17,820 --> 01:06:22,820
And the front fridge was full of useful stuff like food and stuff like that.

1161
01:06:22,820 --> 01:06:31,820
So anyhow, we'd all be getting smashed and anyhow, someone would wake up and they'd be parched.

1162
01:06:31,820 --> 01:06:35,820
So they would look for something that they could drink and also have caffeine.

1163
01:06:35,820 --> 01:06:41,820
We didn't believe in coffee back then. Coffee didn't exist. It was all soda pop.

1164
01:06:41,820 --> 01:06:49,820
So what we would do is we would take a can of soda and we would open it up and drink it or throw it out or whatever.

1165
01:06:49,820 --> 01:06:54,820
Probably drink it most likely. We weren't that stupid. And we would piss in it.

1166
01:06:54,820 --> 01:07:03,820
So we would take this can of open Dr. Pepper, let's say, and with all the content gone, we would piss in it.

1167
01:07:03,820 --> 01:07:05,820
And then we'd stick it back in the fridge.

1168
01:07:05,820 --> 01:07:06,820
Ouch.

1169
01:07:06,820 --> 01:07:09,820
Well, like I said, the people that have been there for a while, they knew about it.

1170
01:07:09,820 --> 01:07:11,820
The new people did not.

1171
01:07:11,820 --> 01:07:15,820
Don't drink from the front fridge. Drink from the back fridge.

1172
01:07:15,820 --> 01:07:21,820
Well, the people that have been there for a while would be like, uh-uh, I ain't going to get this one right here. Uh-uh.

1173
01:07:21,820 --> 01:07:22,820
Oh my God.

1174
01:07:22,820 --> 01:07:25,820
I'm going to go get this one in the back room.

1175
01:07:25,820 --> 01:07:30,820
So anyhow, you know, it would usually end up like this.

1176
01:07:30,820 --> 01:07:36,820
We'd hear a scream and some cussing and some threats and stuff like that.

1177
01:07:36,820 --> 01:07:40,820
And then we'd come down there and everyone would, like no one would know who did it.

1178
01:07:40,820 --> 01:07:44,820
We're like, what? Are you fucking joking me?

1179
01:07:44,820 --> 01:07:49,820
And then, you know, go over there if they didn't like throw it against the wall or stuff and smell it.

1180
01:07:49,820 --> 01:07:52,820
Oh my God, it is piss.

1181
01:07:52,820 --> 01:07:55,820
Hey, we're going to find out who did this, man. I'm sorry.

1182
01:07:55,820 --> 01:07:57,820
You know, and then later on...

1183
01:07:57,820 --> 01:08:01,820
You have already made the excuse like, well, oh man, I was collecting this urine sample for my dog.

1184
01:08:01,820 --> 01:08:03,820
I got to take him to the vet later.

1185
01:08:03,820 --> 01:08:05,820
So sorry, I should have marked it.

1186
01:08:05,820 --> 01:08:08,820
The only thing I had was a Dr. Pepper can.

1187
01:08:08,820 --> 01:08:11,820
And you happened to be the purse sucker that went in on the conversation.

1188
01:08:11,820 --> 01:08:14,820
You know how tough it was to get that dog to pee into that Dr. Pepper can.

1189
01:08:14,820 --> 01:08:16,820
Now it's ruined.

1190
01:08:16,820 --> 01:08:20,820
And it had to be a day old. My dog's going to die because you drank his piss.

1191
01:08:20,820 --> 01:08:22,820
Well, anyhow.

1192
01:08:22,820 --> 01:08:25,820
You drink the dog's piss and the dog dies.

1193
01:08:25,820 --> 01:08:26,820
That's pretty bad.

1194
01:08:26,820 --> 01:08:30,820
Yeah. I can't get the sample to the vet in time and he's definitely ill.

1195
01:08:30,820 --> 01:08:32,820
Thanks a lot, fuckface.

1196
01:08:32,820 --> 01:08:34,820
A brand new future.

1197
01:08:34,820 --> 01:08:38,820
Strange insights from an alien.

1198
01:08:38,820 --> 01:08:45,820
May you always step in a wet spot after putting on fresh socks.

1199
01:08:45,820 --> 01:08:49,820
Christopher, you know our elaborate prank section, right?

1200
01:08:49,820 --> 01:08:51,820
Okay, well, I've got one for you.

1201
01:08:51,820 --> 01:08:53,820
I never told you about Babel Snatch, have I?

1202
01:08:53,820 --> 01:08:55,820
Uh, no.

1203
01:08:55,820 --> 01:08:57,820
Okay, even if I did, just say I didn't know that.

1204
01:08:57,820 --> 01:08:59,820
Who knows? Nothing about Babel Snatch.

1205
01:08:59,820 --> 01:09:02,820
Yeah, I think I remember a name like Babel Snatch.

1206
01:09:02,820 --> 01:09:03,820
Okay.

1207
01:09:03,820 --> 01:09:06,820
Well, Babel Snatch, this is back in the 80s.

1208
01:09:06,820 --> 01:09:08,820
Probably mid-80s, best guess.

1209
01:09:08,820 --> 01:09:12,820
Could have been 87 at the latest, but anyhow.

1210
01:09:12,820 --> 01:09:15,820
Yeah, I used to go to the 7-Eleven in Belvedere, which isn't there now.

1211
01:09:15,820 --> 01:09:19,820
It was knocked down and then replaced way later by a quick trip.

1212
01:09:19,820 --> 01:09:26,820
But anyhow, I used to go in there all the time and, you know, go in there and buy sodas and shit and whatever, you know.

1213
01:09:26,820 --> 01:09:29,820
Rolling papers for my friends, not for me.

1214
01:09:29,820 --> 01:09:32,820
And anyhow, you know, just shit like that.

1215
01:09:32,820 --> 01:09:37,820
So, anyhow, there's this guy in there. He, I don't know, you know.

1216
01:09:37,820 --> 01:09:42,820
I think he hated long hairs or something, but anyhow, I noticed he was nice to everybody but me.

1217
01:09:42,820 --> 01:09:47,820
Like, I'd be like third in line and, anyhow, you know, the first guy, hey, Mr. Jones, how you doing?

1218
01:09:47,820 --> 01:09:52,820
Oh, man, yeah, nice weather. Hey, how's the kid? You know, next person.

1219
01:09:52,820 --> 01:09:57,820
Hi, Loretta, how you doing? Oh, man, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything's going good, man.

1220
01:09:57,820 --> 01:10:01,820
I got the old Taurus running really good. Yeah, yeah, come by, man.

1221
01:10:01,820 --> 01:10:06,820
The old Taurus. Yeah, you know, I come up there, 142.

1222
01:10:06,820 --> 01:10:12,820
So how you doing? 142. OK, here you go.

1223
01:10:12,820 --> 01:10:14,820
And I'm like, what the hell? How come this guy hates me?

1224
01:10:14,820 --> 01:10:21,820
And every time I go in there, nicest pie to everybody but me, it's like, just like, I'd be 249.

1225
01:10:21,820 --> 01:10:25,820
So, weather's pretty nice out there. Thanks. Bye.

1226
01:10:25,820 --> 01:10:27,820
I'm a motherfucker.

1227
01:10:27,820 --> 01:10:32,820
So he did this so many times and he just never talked to me. He wouldn't even like hardly look at me, you know.

1228
01:10:32,820 --> 01:10:35,820
Nice. So, and I never did nothing to this fucker that I know of.

1229
01:10:35,820 --> 01:10:42,820
You know, maybe someone said something like this guy said, you know, that you're a dick or maybe someone screw him like,

1230
01:10:42,820 --> 01:10:45,820
hey, man, he thinks you got a nice ass. Who knows?

1231
01:10:45,820 --> 01:10:49,820
Whatever the fucking deal was, the guy was just a complete tool bag to me constantly.

1232
01:10:49,820 --> 01:10:53,820
So I was like, hi, bitch. So I go home and I think about it. OK.

1233
01:10:53,820 --> 01:10:58,820
So I start calling up and I go, hey, you got any Babel Snatch gum?

1234
01:10:58,820 --> 01:11:00,820
What? Babel Snatch?

1235
01:11:00,820 --> 01:11:04,820
I mean, everybody, I mean, I bought it from there a couple of weeks ago.

1236
01:11:04,820 --> 01:11:09,820
Stuff is fucking awesome, man. I'll tell you what, man, you know, talk to your manager about it.

1237
01:11:09,820 --> 01:11:11,820
Is this like a breath freshening gum?

1238
01:11:11,820 --> 01:11:13,820
I don't, you know.

1239
01:11:13,820 --> 01:11:14,820
Maybe a bubble gum?

1240
01:11:14,820 --> 01:11:22,820
I just came up with it and anyhow, the guy, he bent on it, you know, he was like, oh, yeah, I'll check on it for you.

1241
01:11:22,820 --> 01:11:24,820
Yeah. Thanks, man. I appreciate it.

1242
01:11:24,820 --> 01:11:30,820
So anyhow, so I called back a little bit later. Yeah, someone called earlier, you know, and anyhow,

1243
01:11:30,820 --> 01:11:35,820
I'm sure we have it here somewhere, but, you know, I'll talk to my manager about it tonight and we'll see what we can do.

1244
01:11:35,820 --> 01:11:40,820
So anyhow, I have a couple other people call it about Babel Snatch gum and, you know, and they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1245
01:11:40,820 --> 01:11:43,820
You know, we're we're working on getting it in. OK.

1246
01:11:43,820 --> 01:11:48,820
You know, the regional manager, we called him and he said he was going to work on getting it in here.

1247
01:11:48,820 --> 01:11:53,820
And I go, well, you know, I bought it the other day and it's just so good.

1248
01:11:53,820 --> 01:11:56,820
And they believe me, I go, man, this gum is just so great tasting.

1249
01:11:56,820 --> 01:12:01,820
And he's like, it's Babel Snatch, right? Yeah, Babel Snatch. That's the name of it. OK. All right.

1250
01:12:01,820 --> 01:12:07,820
I would have loved to listen into the conversation when he's asking the regional manager about Babel Snatch.

1251
01:12:07,820 --> 01:12:14,820
Oh, yeah. So, you know, anyhow, I called down there the next day and I go, hey, man, you know, you got that Babel Snatch gum.

1252
01:12:14,820 --> 01:12:18,820
And the guy's like, oh, hang on, hang on. I think it's in. We just had a load. Hang on.

1253
01:12:18,820 --> 01:12:22,820
So anyhow, so the guy's like, you know, and this is a guy I hated, the Paul guy.

1254
01:12:22,820 --> 01:12:27,820
So anyhow, he's like, yeah, hang on a second. So I hear him like, yeah, I'm going to go to the back there.

1255
01:12:27,820 --> 01:12:31,820
And it's in one of the boxes. I said it was coming in today. So all right. No big deal.

1256
01:12:31,820 --> 01:12:35,820
So I hear him go back. I hear some rustling and a couple of people come in and then he stops.

1257
01:12:35,820 --> 01:12:40,820
He goes up there. Oh, yeah, it'd be 1242. OK. Thank you. Have a good day.

1258
01:12:40,820 --> 01:12:45,820
He helps someone else. I hear him go back again. I hear him rustling through some more boxes.

1259
01:12:45,820 --> 01:12:54,820
Meanwhile, I'm laughing my ass off. And anyhow, this guy, he liked for like 20 minutes is looking for Babel Snatch gum.

1260
01:12:54,820 --> 01:13:02,820
So anyhow, so like finally, like a half hour later, he comes back. He goes, man, he goes, look, I know we're going to have it in by the end of the day.

1261
01:13:02,820 --> 01:13:09,820
I talked to my manager. OK. All right, man. All right. I'll come in at night and I'll get some gum and save some for me, man. OK.

1262
01:13:09,820 --> 01:13:15,820
My name's Billy. I'll be in. OK. OK. All right. I'll save you some Babel Snatch gum. No problem.

1263
01:13:15,820 --> 01:13:18,820
So a couple of hours later, I call up and I talked to the manager.

1264
01:13:18,820 --> 01:13:22,820
Manager's like, yeah, yeah, I ordered some a couple of days ago and it should be in.

1265
01:13:22,820 --> 01:13:25,820
If it's not in right now, it's going to be in by the end of the day. I guarantee you.

1266
01:13:25,820 --> 01:13:30,820
So I don't know how the hell they ordered it because there's there was no such thing as Babel Snatch gum.

1267
01:13:30,820 --> 01:13:37,820
I made the shut up and all of a sudden, I mean, everybody wanted this fucking Babel Snatch gum and it never did exist.

1268
01:13:37,820 --> 01:13:40,820
Matter of fact, this prank got so good to where I ended up.

1269
01:13:40,820 --> 01:13:49,820
This is, you know, in the 80s before digital cameras even, let alone, you know, there are phone cameras and all the, you know, Photoshop and everything.

1270
01:13:49,820 --> 01:14:00,820
No, we had to like cut stuff out of wrappers and stuff and make a fake Babel Snatch gum and take an old fashioned fashion like a Polaroid type of picture.

1271
01:14:00,820 --> 01:14:03,820
I forgot what it was. It could be one of those old box cameras back then.

1272
01:14:03,820 --> 01:14:10,820
Probably the only thing I could afford, you know, we actually took a picture of the Babel Snatch gum and a guy went in there.

1273
01:14:10,820 --> 01:14:15,820
He goes, hey, man, I need this. I was like, I know, I know, I know, man, we're working on getting it in.

1274
01:14:15,820 --> 01:14:18,820
It's hard to get, man. Everybody wants this Babel Snatch gum.

1275
01:14:18,820 --> 01:14:24,820
So anyhow, I guess the whole moral of the story is, is don't be a dick to me because then I'll do something like that.

1276
01:14:24,820 --> 01:14:29,820
And even now to this day, I'll have a couple of people on my friends list every now and then like send me a little message.

1277
01:14:29,820 --> 01:14:38,820
They'll go Babel Snatch. I'm like, ah, what time I was like working up in fucking New York or something.

1278
01:14:38,820 --> 01:14:42,820
And all of a sudden I get a ding and like I'm on top of this fucking skyscraper.

1279
01:14:42,820 --> 01:14:46,820
They're putting in glass and I look down and it says Babel Snatch.

1280
01:14:46,820 --> 01:14:55,820
I'm like, oh, they're dying. This glass about ready to fall and kill a hundred people.

1281
01:14:55,820 --> 01:15:00,820
They recover your body and they look at your phone and the last text you received said Babel Snatch.

1282
01:15:00,820 --> 01:15:05,820
We better look into this.

1283
01:15:05,820 --> 01:15:10,820
By some guy named Dirtbag.

1284
01:15:10,820 --> 01:15:15,820
So anyhow, that is my elaborate prank section of this unless we go some more in there.

1285
01:15:15,820 --> 01:15:19,820
But anyhow, Babel Snatch. Never forget it.

1286
01:15:19,820 --> 01:15:20,820
This name lives on.

1287
01:15:20,820 --> 01:15:25,820
To Douchebagsandmicrophone.net your one stop for everything.

1288
01:15:25,820 --> 01:15:29,820
You want to write us? You want to say something to us?

1289
01:15:29,820 --> 01:15:33,820
You want to look for a live button when we go live, you can call in.

1290
01:15:33,820 --> 01:15:37,820
All of this stuff is right there for your ears and eye holes.

1291
01:15:37,820 --> 01:15:40,820
You got it. Chumps. It's all yours.

1292
01:15:40,820 --> 01:15:43,820
To Douchebagsandmicrophone.net is up and running.

1293
01:15:43,820 --> 01:15:50,820
Hit the subscribe button. Don't forget to hit the subscribe button. Don't forget to hit the subscribe button. Don't forget to hit the subscribe button.

1294
01:16:01,820 --> 01:16:05,820
Hey, where'd everybody go? Where are the douchebags?

1295
01:16:05,820 --> 01:16:10,820
Oh my God, someone took a dump in the corner. Oh geez.

1296
01:16:10,820 --> 01:16:14,820
Ugh, I'm glad they're gone. Let's just hope they don't come back.

1297
01:16:14,820 --> 01:16:16,820
Man, that smells.

1298
01:16:28,820 --> 01:16:31,820
To Douchebagsandmicrophone.net your one stop for everything.

1299
01:16:31,820 --> 01:16:33,820
Douchebaggery!

1300
01:16:33,820 --> 01:16:37,820
You want to write us? You want to say something to us?

1301
01:16:37,820 --> 01:16:40,820
You want to look for a live button when we go live, you can call in.

1302
01:16:40,820 --> 01:16:44,820
All of this stuff is right there for your ears and eye holes.

1303
01:16:44,820 --> 01:16:47,820
You got it. Chumps. It's all yours.

1304
01:16:47,820 --> 01:16:50,820
To Douchebagsandmicrophone.net is up and running.

1305
01:16:50,820 --> 01:17:08,820
Hit the subscribe button. Don't forget to hit the subscribe button. Don't forget to hit the subscribe button. Don't forget to hit the subscribe-