Live from the historic River Market District in downtown Kansas City, Missouri,
from the banks of the beautiful Crystal Blue Walkers of the Missouri River,
it is Two Douchebags and Microphone Podcast.
Swimming in toxic masculinity and wiping their ass with politically correct washrags,
Two Douchebags and a Microphone invade your ear holes in 3...2...1...
Oh shit, what's that over there? Oh no, it's the island of horrible jokes.
A headache-stricken man explained to his doctor,
He have to help me, I'm shrinking. The doctor said I will.
You have to be a little patient.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Two emotionally disturbed dirtbags in a popsicle will be right back.
And we're back. Yes.
Tofer had some sleep questions that we were on earlier,
but probably a different podcast, but anyhow, here it is.
Some interesting facts about sleep.
Next up on my list, human beings are the only mammal that can delay sleep intentionally.
Didn't know that. We can choose to not go to sleep.
Everything else just has to go to sleep.
They just have to surrender to the feelings.
If your dog gets tired, it just lies down and goes to sleep.
Oh yeah, that's true. We can intentionally stay up and deny ourselves sleep.
I kind of wish we didn't have that ability sometimes.
I kind of wish we didn't either.
I can tell you what, a lot of people wouldn't get in very much trouble if that happened.
They'd be like, go out galvanizing.
People would be falling asleep at work.
Oh, that'd be awesome wouldn't it?
You can get to shave your eyebrows, drop penises on the floor.
Good times, good times.
Let's see, twice a year when the time changes to daylight savings time and then back,
there is a 24% spike in heart attacks in America.
Really?
And a 17% spike in suicides.
And they still do it?
Yep. They need to just pick one and leave it there.
The whole world has been saying this forever, but the powers that be never do.
The whole rest of the world doesn't do this stupid shit.
Not even every state in this country does this crap.
It's not wartime, and it's not farmers don't need this extra job
because they're all huge corporations.
So, yeah, why?
So we need to just pick one and say that's what time it is and leave it there.
Personally, I wish they'd pick daylight savings time.
And the reason is you don't have as much of that seasonal effect of disorder.
And you get those late summer nights that are light until 9 o'clock.
Yes.
So that's my two cents.
Yeah, I don't care which one they pick, just pick one and quit changing.
Okay, you just...I get that too.
I think a lot of people are feeling that way.
Yeah.
But unfortunately, there are people making money off of this time change, somehow.
But they get it.
They won't change it.
Oh yeah, they are, somehow.
If there was more night, you might get more male nudie pictures, Robbie.
You wait, Rob. You're laughing right now, but if you get one photo, you're going to be pissed.
I'm not a fucking bastard.
All right, see.
Elephants sleep only two hours a night.
I'm jealous. I wish I could get that.
I am too.
I wish I could get that.
Wouldn't that be fantastic?
I'd like to be able to sleep two hours a week and be able to stay awake the rest of the time.
There's so much stuff I can...
I know, me too.
All the books I could read, all the movies I could watch.
All the horrible skits we could be doing for this show.
Yeah.
It would limit my work time to like, you know, you still have 40 hours a week, but it would seem like nothing because you have all this other free time.
Yeah, no kidding. You could have a second full-time job and not even the care.
Yeah, that's true.
Yeah, well, we're toast on that one.
Yeah.
All right, our 24-hour cycle is called the circadian rhythm, the 24-hour cycle of day and night.
Okay.
Turns out that the day cycle for men is six minutes longer than a woman's.
I wonder why that is.
I'm not really sure, but that's the reason why men stay up later than women.
In general, women are ready for bed sooner than men are.
Men are more capable of getting up earlier and staying up later because we have a longer day life cycle.
I'm more geared like that than Val, I would agree.
Yeah.
Kind of reinforces the idea that men and women really are different.
Oh, yeah.
A woman is a certain thing, and if you want to physically change your appearance and call yourself a woman,
your body still isn't female and doesn't have those certain cycles, etc.
So there are differences whether or not we want to pay attention to.
Okay, here's a cool one.
Every face you see in the dream is a face you've seen in real life.
Really?
No one ever makes up a face in the dreams. It's someone you've seen before.
Wow.
Isn't that weird?
That is.
Think of the weirdest person or the most beautiful person or the strangest looking person you've ever seen in a dream.
You've seen that person in real life.
You may not even realize it.
Yeah. We've seen dozens and dozens of people walk past us today.
You just branch in.
They're going to appear in our dreams later.
You just casually see them just kind of flicker by.
Wow.
You know how it's super cute that sea otters hold each other's hands while they sleep?
Yeah.
They don't do it because they like each other. They do it so they don't drift apart.
That makes sense.
Yeah.
That makes more sense.
So they're not holding on because, gee, I love you, they're holding on because I don't want to drift away and get eaten.
That makes so much sense.
All right.
When you wake up in the morning, you forget 50% of your dreams within five minutes.
Oh, I completely believe that.
Completely.
And you forget 90% more in the next five minutes.
Well, I've got an interesting take on that.
A good friend of mine, and he may listen to this podcast.
He's that type of guy.
I haven't talked to him in a while.
I need to hunt him down, and he was on Facebook, but I don't believe he is anymore.
Anyhow, he had a near-death experience.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, he just flatlined because of an allergic reaction.
Then he's taken him to the hospital, and boom, he flatlined for a couple of minutes.
They brought him back.
When he was in the hospital bed recovering, he had one of these experts on near-death experiences come in to visit him.
They find this stuff out somehow.
Yeah.
I'm not going to say his name just in case he doesn't want to, but he said so and so.
I'm from this, and I've had experiences, and this is what I do for a living is I record this stuff.
Would you like to talk?
And he goes, yeah, actually I would.
And this person told him that every time you have a dream when you wake it up, write it down immediately.
I don't care how tired you are, write it down.
Because that's the key to the hints that you get of what you may have experienced.
Because he was one of these people that didn't remember anything.
He just only knows he woke up, and he's like, what happened?
Last thing I remember, we were headed to the hospital.
I don't remember a thing.
And they're like, well, yeah.
So the dreams will give clues to what happened during the time he was dead.
Yes, you'll have dreams about it.
Oh, wow.
But if you don't record this right when you wake up, most of it will be gone.
Most of it will be gone.
And anyhow, he said he started doing that.
He said he came up with some of the most weird, profound shit that could have never came from anywhere else.
And I'm not going to go into it for his privacy, but no wonder he'd come back.
I mean, yeah.
It was really, to me, it sounded pretty eerie from the stuff that he experienced from waking up afterwards.
But she said the key to it is to write that stuff down as soon as you wake up.
And I know people do that that haven't had a near-death experience.
Yeah.
I've heard some psychologists say that it's not a good idea to write down your dreams because you're not supposed to remember them.
There's a process going on intentionally in your brain to make you forget them.
He compared it to...
Maybe something like this is different.
Yeah, you're trying to recall a specific event.
Well, anyhow, that's what the lady told him, and that's what he did.
And I assume he still has this information at home and does whatever with it, remembers it or whatever.
Well, this psychologist compared dreaming to taking out the trash.
He said that when you're sleeping, your dream is a way to defrag, reorganize, get rid of the clutter, get the brain streamlined again so you can think coherently.
And by dreaming of the stuff, you're getting rid of it.
So he said if you write your dreams down, that's like running out to the curb on trash day and dragging all the trash back into your house.
That makes sense.
That does.
So I tend to think...
I don't write mine down and I don't make a huge effort to remember, but I do remember recurring things in my dreams.
There's this big, big multi-level building that keeps showing in my dream over and over and over.
You ever look at it and have to see what it said?
Sometimes it looks like the Penn Valley Community College that I went to.
Sometimes it's office buildings.
Sometimes it's like a high school.
Sometimes it's like a big shopping mall inside.
But it's always the same building because I always have the same troubles navigating.
I have to go to a certain floor and get on an elevator and go up to a different floor, then get off and go all the way across to a different elevator before you can get down to the bottom floor.
And all sorts of weird crap like that.
And the underground parking is always like a disaster.
It just keeps showing up over and over in my dreams.
Real life is coming at you right there.
I keep going back to this place.
Now Rob, I have the theory about the naked man you see in your dreams.
But I'll go into it later.
And he still comes on here every chance he gets.
I'm so sorry, Robby. I cannot help it.
Here's one that I can attest to.
People who sleep less eat more.
I believe that.
It's common sense.
You wake up and you're like, man, that fucking pizza we ate earlier was, you know what, there's some left.
Or if I'm staying up later and later and later, I'll look for something to eat because eating something helps me stay awake.
Ah, OK. Yeah, that's right.
You know what, that's true.
This girl that's walking her dog, it's trying to pee on all the flowers there.
Look at her. Look at her holding it away.
Don't pee on that, I have to buy it.
Stop it.
Let's see. Sleep deprived people feel pain more intensely than well rested people.
So we have body aches and pains.
The other way around, you think they'd be more awake and they'd feel it more.
No, apparently when you sleep, your body heals.
So if you're sleep deprived, you're not healing as much and you feel the pain more.
So people with sleep apnea probably have horrible times of pain.
I would think so.
The extra pain is your brain's way of telling you sleep more.
And you're going to be in pain until you sleep more.
Sleep apnea is crazy because if you hear about your arousals, or that sounds bad, waking up,
they call them arousals, but waking up.
You hear about waking up and you hear a moderate case is maybe a couple hundred times a minute.
How in the hell does that happen?
I know. My brother John had sleep apnea terribly.
He was waking up 36 times a minute.
Oh, 36, OK.
So he was getting roughly a second and a half of sleep at a time.
Wow.
And that's basically your body waking up saying, hey, your heart's stopping.
Hey, your heart's stopping again.
You're not breathing right.
That's what killed Reggie White.
Oh, it was?
Sleep apnea.
Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, man, that's too bad.
Reggie White was so cool. I love that guy.
He was a preacher that could just beat the shit out of you, didn't he?
Well, you better listen to the sermon.
Let's see. OK, thanks to gravity.
Yeah.
We expand about a half inch every night while we sleep, and then we lose it again in the day when we stand up.
Bastard of gravity.
Yeah.
Is that true for penises?
Well, yeah, I guess if it's big enough in gravity.
Well, it's simple then. Women need to ride.
There's your answer. Anyhow, go ahead.
OK. The higher your IQ, the more interesting your dreams.
I've got a pretty good IQ then.
Apparently, stupid people have really boring dreams.
I can believe that.
And also, if you think about it, a little bit more in depth. That's true in life.
Yeah. Creativity matters in dreams.
And it also matters in real life.
Yeah.
Wow. True. OK.
In Japan, sleeping on the job is seen as dedication.
If you're sleeping on the job, they presume, wow, he's been here so long that he's just worn out and has to sleep.
Hey, you got anything you want to say?
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, sure. Here, come on. Sit down.
All right. We just had a guy taking some pictures of us, and we'd like for him to join.
Slide number?
Yeah, it's on.
Wow. I'm from India.
Oh, hi. How are you doing?
I'm with my wife. We found this boat. It is interesting.
Very positive to my friends.
So, yeah. I haven't seen somebody conducting a podcast in a live coffee shop.
Yeah, that's what we strive to do, to get the regular people just walking by in on us.
Nice.
Yeah.
So, this is online?
Yeah, it's online. We're on all major platforms.
So, what is the topic you mean?
Well, right now, Topher has facts about sleeping.
I'm talking about different things about sleep.
We talked about hippos. We talked about Elon Musk and Tesla.
We talked about quantum entanglement, just all sorts of fun stuff.
Have you heard about somebody speaking that they have people live two lives,
one when they are alive and the other one when they go to sleep,
and that is as real for them and when they wake up.
Sometimes they have confusion between their real life and the life they enjoy in their dreams.
I can see that.
Yeah, I can see that too. That's very interesting to think of it like that.
I had a dream once when I was probably 12 or 13, and in my dream, everything was completely realistic.
And I met someone, and we fell in love, and we had this long relationship, just all in a dream.
And when I woke up, I was just inconsolable.
I mean, the grief was real. I really felt like I had lost something.
And your dream timeline is way slower, way faster,
because you live three lifetimes in one dream by the time you wake up.
Sometimes you are very tired just by sleeping.
Yeah, that's right.
So they made a movie in Bollywood. It's a local language movie.
I don't know if it is a Hindi. It is a local Telugu movie.
I'm from Telugu-speaking state.
So you might want to check it out again. There must be some Hollywood movie.
I'll check it out.
Because I've spoken to people who felt that something happened in their life and that never happened,
because that happened to them during their sleep.
Yeah.
Wow.
So it is so real. And I've also heard people saying that, you know, you and I, if we go to bed,
you and your room, me and my room, we meet in our dreams and we know we met in our dreams.
I'm not kidding. People told me that. One of that person is my wife.
Wow.
Yeah, when she was growing up.
I'm sure there are a lot of ways that we can communicate that we're not aware of.
Telepathy. If you heard about one of the Indian saints, he started his own religion. He passed away.
He is the one who united all Hindus under one umbrella.
Hindus used to fight before. Just like Christians have denominations, Hindus also have denominations.
And he's my wife.
Oh, got to pick it up.
And he walked from Kanyakumari, which is the south of India, all the way to the Himalayas,
like multiple times, and he united all denominations of Hinduism under one community.
It takes some doing.
Yeah, and he died early at 28 or 38. I do not remember.
He was identified as a saint at the early age and he never got married.
He was very knowledgeable and he used to do telepathy.
So again, in Hindus, we have a lot of rituals that we need to do if you're a saint.
So he was supposed to die at the age of 12.
And there was some life extinction given. Again, this is purely based upon my knowledge and what I learned when I was growing up.
His life was extended because somebody else was sacrificed in his name.
He was in river offering prayer to Sangat and this alligator was about to grab him and he just missed by a bit.
So that's how he won an additional life.
In this 10 years, he's not supposed to do anything.
So he comes out of his body, telepathy, and teleporting himself into a dead body and experiences a married life, comes back to his own body and ends his life cycle.
So his body is still pure, but his soul was able to feel what it is like.
Right.
So I don't know his name. I think I can...
Even more look that up.
Yeah.
I've seen that a similar story used in movies and TV shows where a person will live a life-changing dream and then parts of it come true or he sees indications that the dream isn't just fantasy.
His name is Adi Shankaracharya.
Okay.
So he's the one, if you look him up, he'll talk about teleporting.
Okay. Yeah, I'd love to hear about that.
That's a nice topic. I was thinking, why are we tired even after having eight hours of sleep?
Yeah.
It does make sense. It makes a lot of sense.
Yeah.
Because there are certain days you wake up and you just can't hardly move. And other days you're ready to go.
Yeah.
It's like, yeah.
Yeah, and I'm well rested, let me go for a 5K run.
Yeah.
And sometimes you can feel like you've had plenty of rest, but you don't feel like doing anything. You're just worn out.
And I think power naps are a good thing. Sometimes power naps give you more sleep than the eight hour long sleep.
I agree 100% with that, yes.
Because I'm totally refreshed from the, like, you know, when I'm working, I'm an engineer.
Oh, okay.
So I only get 10 to 15 minutes breaks because I'm right now working from home, which means you have to do more to prove that you're getting paid.
Yeah.
Yes, I understand.
They feel like, you know, you're giving them money for free and these guys are not doing anything.
But when you're at home, it is more to do for the same pay.
Yeah.
So I take 10 minutes timers and set up my alarm. And in that 10 minutes, I get the energy that I don't even get from coffee.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
That's where I recycle my thoughts and go back to it.
I know power nap, I always wake up usually. I mean, there have been a few not, but mainly I wake up happy and refreshed.
Yes.
I'm like ready to go. I'm like, man, that was good. I'm ready to go. Go dig those tulips in or whatever.
On this note, I think you got one subscriber today.
Oh, thank you.
Excellent.
I like the topics.
Hey, we're always here. So come by.
Yes.
Talk to us, man.
Last time when I came, I think it was in winter. This market was not this exciting.
Yeah.
But again, I will certainly come back. It was a nice topic.
Thank you. Very nice talking to you.
Nice to meet you.
I'm Veer.
Veer.
Toefer.
Toefer. Mark.
All right. Veer, you're a very interesting person. Come on by anytime you want.
Yes.
Have another one.
All right. You too.
This table is magic.
This table is magic. I swear.
It's magic.
You know when I envisaged us coming here, I never expected it to be so good.
I know. Switch the microphone back there.
I remember one of our very first guests was Deep Sky.
Yes.
And the bad thing is, I don't know what happened to him. He's just gone.
He might have went back to California to be out there, but I'd love to have him on here.
Yeah. That would be awesome.
Like I said, I think that not all of his stuff is correct, but I think it all came from somewhere.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah. And the connections he drew between so much of it was really well thought out.
Oh, I mean, he was so, I think he brought it up first, organized.
Yes.
Because he could go down a list of events that happened for 50 years
and hit them all chronologically in order and be...
Just spud dead on.
Yes. Yeah.
He knew his stuff.
Yeah. He was really eloquent about the way he spoke of it.
I mean, he was really just dead on.
He was engaging too.
Engaging, yeah.
It was fun to listen to.
Yeah, because we started off just talking about Jim Morrison.
You know, he died a fat fucker in France.
I mean, whiskey bottles next to him.
And he comes up and he starts talking about...
His dad.
Yeah, his dad.
And the dads of a lot of pop stars back then were in military intelligence.
Yeah. And what did he...
Oh, shoot. I forgot. He parlayed it to a lot of political events.
And it was dead on.
But anyhow...
Anyway.
Go ahead.
We were talking about sleeping on the job in Japan as seen as dedication.
Because the idea is if you're sleeping on the job, it's because you don't go home.
You have to do your sleeping there.
And the moment you wake up, you're ready to go back to Japan.
You know, they look at it as you're skipping your commute time.
Well, in Europe, they do it too.
In Europe, it's very good too.
That's slightly different.
But in Europe, everybody shuts down for two, maybe even three hours during the day.
And they sleep.
Yeah, Spain has the siesta.
Yeah. And it works wonderfully for them.
Oh, yeah. They couldn't get by without it.
But here in America, we'd abuse it somehow.
Oh, yeah.
Anyhow, go ahead.
See, number 21.
Your favorite sleep position is linked to your personality.
Apparently, your personality kind of dictates your sleep position.
You know what? I believe that to be correct because I've always been a side sleeper my whole life.
Yeah.
And I just can't...
Flat in stomach, just can't do it.
You get those people that sleep sprawled out like a windmill.
Oh, yeah.
They have a certain personality.
Yeah.
Let's see.
Number 22.
We don't dream about ourselves until the age three or four.
Until then, we dream about everybody else.
I can see that. You're not as self-aware.
Yeah. About age three or four, you become self-aware enough that you dream of yourself.
Yeah. Yep.
Funny.
It's funny. I see all kinds of Bucky shirts anymore.
The famous truck stop, Plaza, that goes on for miles.
Yes.
It has real sugar, frozen Pepsi, which I'm envious of.
Oh, yeah.
Or they may have. Someone said they took it off, which that would suck.
But anyhow, go ahead.
Yeah. I saw those places on the drive down to Gold Shores in the back.
Yep. Yeah.
Let's see. Number 23.
Deaf people sometimes will sign in their sleep.
They don't talk in their sleep. They sign in their sleep.
Does another person like fucking smack them and tell them to shut up?
He signs, shut up. I can't sleep.
I mean, can they go to sleep with closed caption on?
That would be awesome.
See right now. What? Oh, shit. I'm sorry.
Imagine if your dreams, you can turn on the closed caption if your dreams,
you walk in and see what somebody's dreaming about.
Oh, God.
And you can see the words. Wow. That might not be a good thing.
Yeah, that's what I was getting ready to say. A lot of this would be in trouble.
For those days where you didn't get a good night's sleep,
if you tell yourself you really did sleep well, it helps.
It actually makes a difference.
I've done that before.
Yeah.
I'm like dead tired, a little insomnia, could not sleep for nothing.
And my insomnia is a bully.
Once I realized I have insomnia, it's like, yeah, that's right.
And you're not fucking doing anything.
And then cemented.
Yeah.
As soon as I get the notion that I'm not going to sleep very well,
all of a sudden it's like, yeah, so there, fucker.
Might as well just come up with stuff to do.
Yeah. Yep.
But if you tell yourself, yeah, that was good. I feel better.
You can talk yourself into it.
Sometimes my real self is saying, all right, buddy, you want to do that?
Let's go run a marathon. Come on. Come on. Come on with your bad self.
Yeah. If you want to be awake, we're going to go do this.
Yeah, we're going to go do something.
Let's go work another 12 hours.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'll teach you. I signed up for overtime.
Yeah, go ahead.
Well, this fits in with what Veer was just talking about.
Sleep is an active process. It's not something that happens to you.
It does fit in.
You take part in it.
That's right.
So that's why sedation.
Two different lives is just so interesting.
I'm going to look in that even more.
That's like what kind of physics do they call that?
I don't know.
There's a name for it. Yeah, I'll look it up later. Go ahead.
There's a name for it and I will look it up.
I was just going to say the point that sedation never can take the place of sleep
because your brain is not taking part in being sedated. It's just knocked out.
So, you know, people who fall asleep drunk because they're just so drunk,
they pass out, they're not getting good sleep.
That's right.
Are they getting shit sleep?
Oh, trust me, I've been down that route and that's right.
Drunk sleep, you wake up a lot and you're real fidgety because of the sugars
and the alcohol and everything. There's all different types of factors.
It's like the alcohol trying to put you to sleep and the sugar is trying to keep you awake.
It's a constant battleground in your mind and body.
Yeah, it's kind of hill.
Hence the bedspits.
Yeah.
Those are the fucking worst because you swear you're dying.
I get the thing when I have a migraine.
I keep having to flip over from left side to right side and back every five minutes or so.
Well, I'm happy you beat your migraine today. That's excellent. Good.
I woke up about six o'clock and, man, I felt awful.
I dragged my ass to the medicine.
It could be because the cold front that came through was further away from us, maybe.
It could be, yeah.
Yeah, one came through yesterday and I felt it. I felt it in my knees, my heel.
It's not doing so well right now. I mean, I could tell.
Even though there's no rain or nothing associated with it.
Yeah, I mean, there's a chance for rain later in the week, but this is just sunny and windy for the next few days.
So, anyhow.
Okay, well, we all know about sleepwalking, but there's also sleep eating.
It's actually more common than people realize.
You'll wake up in the middle of the night and go eat.
And in the morning you have no clue that you went and ate something.
Wow. I can believe that, though.
There's another one that's even more fun. Sleep sex.
Oh, I know people that that's happened to.
Yes. It's called sexsomnia.
Oh, wow.
You're actually asleep, but people will get up and try to have sex while they're asleep.
No, I know some people that that's happened to.
And they both woke up and had to ask each other questions.
What the hell? What happened here?
They're like, I don't remember anything, but I kind of felt like maybe the wife confirmed, yeah, I think so.
I don't think I've ever had sex in my sleep.
I don't think I have either.
I don't think so either.
Here's one that pretty much everyone knows.
What about sleep jerking? Yeah, probably.
Regular exercise helps you sleep more. Everyone kind of knows that.
Yeah, that's an easy one.
But here's one that most people don't know. High altitude damages sleep quality.
Didn't know that, but that would explain how come I don't sleep as well whenever I'm doing like a Denver or not Denver, even higher in altitude.
Wyoming is way up there.
Well, that explains why the people in Denver are such pinheads all the time.
No, no, don't talk bad about them. We got a large following in Denver.
OK. I'm sorry. Toefer does not mean that. We love you guys.
We love Denver.
We love Denver. I have nephews in Denver and I love my nephews very much.
Yes.
Actually, I really like the city of Denver. It's just a football team. I don't like it.
Yeah, same here. We're supposed to not like you guys.
I'm sure whenever you hear us talk about the Chiefs, you probably cringe.
Yes. It's just, you know, remember when you had Elway and we had no one?
Well, now we have my home and you don't.
Yeah. Yeah.
Hey, wait, they got Russell Wilson. OK. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Denver. I'll shut up.
Now, this is one that I had to think about for a minute.
In dreams, you can't read or tell time.
Yeah.
And I started thinking, it was like, yeah, I don't remember ever seeing a clock in my dream.
I remember before looking to try to tell what time it is.
Yeah.
Or trying to read something. I think I even remember that, trying to read something.
Yeah.
Someone handing you something. It's like, and you keep trying and trying and finally you wake up.
Yeah.
It's like, well, I guess it was nothing because I could never read it.
And I've noticed that in my dreams, it's a certain time of day and it stays there.
Yes.
And then a certain point of the dream, it's like different time of day.
And I don't remember it ever transitioning. It just is.
So it's always just a certain time, but time doesn't move in your dream.
It doesn't like, you know, march from morning to evening. It's just wherever, whatever.
Let's see. Nightmares usually don't involve fear.
And you know, it kind of makes sense to me because most of the time when I have a nightmare,
I wake up feeling just grossed out.
Everybody does.
Or depressed. Or...
Some of the subject matter you cover in nightmares.
Yeah.
That's all you can do, you know?
Yeah. It's not scary. It's just depressing and gross and soul crushing.
I remember on Ambien, I had a nightmare and I had to quit taking it.
That didn't consist of nothing but pitch black.
Oh, wow.
I would... I would... I'd have no way of knowing this, but what I would imagine being buried alive would be.
Yeah. Yeah. That's not an uncommon dream as far as I know.
I've never had anything like that before.
Yeah, it's scary as hell.
And it was so freaky and it was so claustrophobic.
Yeah.
And I kept waking up going, my God, you know, that was like hell to me and I had to quit it.
And you know, a lot of times when people have what they think are nightmares,
you know, where they're screaming and there's a big savage monster trying to eat you and you scream yourself awake,
that's a night terror.
There's differences.
That can be a symptom of something.
So that's something you should tell your doctor about.
Yep.
But just having a bad dream where you feel ugly and gross about it in the morning, you know, that's a typical nightmare.
That's typical, yeah.
Yep.
Let's see.
Most people take naps that they don't even remember.
Have you ever had a day where it's like you look at the clock, it's like, whoa, it's that late already?
I do that at night.
You might have taken a nap.
I do that at night.
Let's say I'm downloading our horrible podcast and it bores me so bad.
All of a sudden, I realize that the time has slipped by on me.
And there's no way I could have been that much time doing whatever I was doing.
I had to have fell asleep.
But didn't remember falling asleep or waking up or about what time I did or waking up.
All I know is like an hour and a half has gone by or Val walks in the room all of a sudden like.
You don't even feel the transition.
Yeah.
And I'm like, was I asleep?
Because what did I just do?
The way I'll notice is a lot of times I'll have the TV show streaming in the background, just episode after episode.
And I'll be looking at something or writing something or doing something else.
And I'll notice when all of a sudden I'm on a completely different episode.
Yeah.
It's like, you know, the show was about this and all of a sudden it's all about something else.
Wait a minute.
And then I'll stop and back it up and I'll see I've missed two episodes.
It's like I was asleep.
I had no idea I was asleep, but I slept for an hour and a half.
I've got that with your guy's pocket.
I have no doubt about that.
No, you wake up a little, you know, vomit in your mouth and you're like.
So you had the same thing with our podcast.
Yeah, I fall asleep in my damn requires.
Yeah.
Listen, you guys wake up.
I'm three past half past.
Probably just as well.
Yeah.
Did you have nightmares too?
Probably.
I don't remember.
Me chasing you naked.
Come here, Robbie, come here.
I have two more items about sleep.
We can all just go to sleep.
Number 32 sleeping well helps you lose weight.
I knew I sleep deprived.
Yeah.
So I need to get more sleep because I want to drop about 40 pounds.
Robbie's only one here in shape.
Yeah, he must sleep well.
He builds those big fucking trailers for boats.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I cut.
Hey, how you doing?
I lift and carry the steel.
Yeah.
And I'm 54 years old.
Yeah.
A lot of these young kids doing all my job.
Yeah, really.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
No, that's a that's a fact.
Yeah.
I can't count how many people we went through with the old place.
No kids want to put in glass or railing.
I could tell you that.
Yeah, really.
Yeah.
All right.
Finals fact about sleep.
Drum roll, please.
Na na na na na na na na.
Hey, hey.
Okay, go ahead.
Cooling your body helps you sleep helps you fall asleep.
Yes.
So working out right before bed is a bad idea.
Yeah.
Taking a hot shower or hot bath right before bed.
Bad idea.
I had to quit doing that when I used to go to the gym regularly.
I had to quit doing that because the only time I had to was at night because I had to
work at five in the morning.
So I'm not waking up at fucking three to go work out, you know.
And yeah, so I do it in the evening and I realized, man, I wasn't getting very good
sleep at all, even worse than normal.
So, okay.
Oh, have you seen those ads lately for tattoo removal?
Yes.
Or they just I never know on commercials.
Are they just the ones streaming to me or is everyone else seeing it too?
No, no, no, no, no.
They've been coming on like crazy lately because it's more efficient and cheaper to do.
Before it was like a big old deal and it may or may not work and you have to spend a lot
of money.
Now they can definitely do it and it doesn't cost nearly as much as it used to.
So a lot of us got tattoos when we were younger.
Plus it means a lot of more people want it removed now.
Yes, they do.
They decided, eh, this isn't the look I want anymore.
But the interesting thing about they call it laser tattoo removal, the only thing it
removes is the appearance of the tattoo.
The ink is still there.
I didn't know that.
They're just making it colorless.
Yeah.
The only thing the laser does is remove the pigment.
Well, would you not tell them there?
No, you'll still tan.
It's just if they scan it under the right light, your tattoo is still there.
I'll be damned.
The ink is still there, still looks exactly the same.
They just make it colorless.
So you can't see it with the naked eye.
But you use a different shade of light like ultraviolet light.
It's there.
We'll pick it up.
Yeah, it's still there.
Wow.
And your body knows it's still there, too.
Your immune system is still attacking it over and over every single day because the ink
is a foreign invader.
So all it does is remove the appearance of the tattoo.
So that's how they get to call it removal.
Yeah, that's true.
Because they're removing it from your eye.
Yeah.
But the tattoo is still there.
It's just colorless now because of the laser.
Okay.
All right.
We're going to take a little break here and then we're going to figure out what we're
going into.
Oh, Lord, that man just saw a puppy in half.
Hey there.
Don't worry.
I have a clown nose.
Oh, no.
That drunk guy just hit my child.
It's okay.
I have a clown nose.
Clown nose.
Just put one on and you can do anything.
Want to run for office?
Murder people in public?
Just grab a clown nose and bam, everyone laughs.
Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions.
Grab one today and make magic happen.
Hello.
This is Satan.
You might know me from my pet name, Inflation.
I'm here to tell you that there's no better way to relax than listening to two douchebags
and microphone by a nice warm fire at night.
I sit there and I reflect on all the souls I burned that day.
Enjoy.
Oh, shit.
What's that over there?
Oh, no.
It's the island of horrible jokes.
It's easy to convince ladies not to eat Tide Pods.
It's harder to deter gents.
Two thimble dicks and a crash cart will be right back.
We're talking about how we're going to try not to swear as much.
We might be vulgar on some of our bits and stuff, but we're going to try to PG it up
a little bit because we're starting to get a pretty good following and we want to keep
the people.
We feel a responsibility to our listeners.
Yes, we do.
So get a kinder, gentler two douchebags and a microphone.
Yeah.
Okay.
Two douchebags and a microphone on Mark.
I'm Topher.
All right.
Welcome back.
And if you didn't follow us back, then you have no idea I'm saying this to screw off.
So anyhow, Topher has a flaming arrows.
Yeah.
There was a marathon on TV the other day of the Lord of the Rings movies.
And that's where I saw someone shooting a flaming arrow.
Oh, okay.
And I've seen this on Mythbusters and some other programs.
And plus I'm into archery, so I've talked to a lot of other archers.
And the whole flaming arrow thing is just a Hollywood fiction.
It really doesn't work.
Yeah, think about it.
Think about how that would, it defies all logic actually.
Yeah.
In order for an arrow to be shot, go somewhere, it has to travel pretty quickly.
Modern bows, the arrows traveling are like 880 to 200 miles an hour.
Yes.
Even your older bows, it's going about, oh, I'd say like 50, 60 miles an hour at the least.
Yes.
And when the arrow is going that fast, the flames just blow right off.
Yeah.
I mean think of, you know.
It doesn't matter what kind of accelerant they have, when that fast would extinguish it.
Yeah, yeah.
Think about flicking your lighter and then walking really fast.
Yes.
The flame just blows right off the side of it.
Yeah, that's true.
So the flame blows off pretty quickly and pretty easily.
I've seen a few videos where someone says, look, flaming arrow, and they will have a
big wad of something soaked with a flammable liquid and they'll shoot it very slowly and
the target is like 10 feet away because any farther and the flame would just be gone.
So they're like, oh look, see, flaming arrow works.
But in practical solution, no.
You shoot an arrow at the proper velocity over the distance you would be shooting it
and the flame is just gone.
Yes.
You know.
The arrow winds up sticking in the target and it can be set on fire again, but it's
not on fire when it gets there.
Really the only thing that works is something that has a constant ignition source.
Yes.
Like a road flare or something like that.
Yeah.
But just, you know, set the arrow on fire and shoot it 100 yards into this bundle of
sticks and the sticks go up in flames like, no.
Pure Hollywood fantasy.
Yep.
Yeah.
Boy, we're having all kinds of problems with our sign.
Yes.
Because they have the doors open back there and the wind is just tearing through.
The wind's coming through.
Yeah.
So yeah.
Anyhow, I was asked to go ahead and mention one of the businesses around here that I just
visited and it's very good.
I've eaten there several times.
So has Topher.
It's the Daily Kitchen here at the River Market and we're out in front of it as well as the
City Market Coffee Roasters and they're both very fine places that have really good things
on their menu.
Whether we find coffees to find food.
Really good food.
Home from scratch food.
We're sitting here smelling it and getting hungry.
Yeah.
As a matter of fact, I just ordered a loaded spud.
It's going to have brisket in it and mac and cheese.
Who can go wrong with that?
You're making me hungry.
Just listen to me.
Oh, sorry about that.
So, anyhow, the flaming arrows is really interesting because I never really put much thought into
it.
Saw a flaming arrow and was like, oh, okay, what a great idea.
Kills you and catches you on fire.
Maybe you might fall down and catch their house on fire or whatever the idea is.
Or maybe it's just effect from Hollywood.
Yeah.
Archers have known for many, many years that flaming arrows just don't work.
Yep.
So, I have some weird questions, I guess.
Sure.
The book of weird questions or odd questions or horrible questions.
Some of them.
Disturbing questions.
Disturbing questions, yeah.
Which I need to come up with a promo for because we do them so much.
I have the island of horrible jokes and strange insults from an alien and other little ones
and some new skits coming soon that we think you guys are going to love.
Pretty disturbing stuff.
So, anyhow, ideally, how many slices should you divide a large pizza in two?
This intrigues me because everybody has a slightly different idea.
I'm going to say eight just because it's easy and simple.
You know what?
We agree.
I thought that this is going to be a stalemate.
No.
I think everybody gets a decent size and then if you've got a man-sized appetite, go for
it.
If not, you leave it alone.
Yeah.
But none of these little squares.
No.
I normally eat six squares, but today I think I feel like seven.
Fuck off.
No one wants to hear that.
Grab you a real slice of pizza, eat it, and then go for another if you want.
Say, hey, you want some peas with that?
Yeah, I'll take 17.
Hang on, hang on, that's 18.
Take that one away.
That's just ridiculous.
Thank you very much.
The Daily Kitchen is so cool.
We just had this brought out to us.
Thank you so much.
Do you want to say anything about your place?
No?
No.
Okay.
Thank you very much.
Nicest lady you'll ever meet in the whole world and anyhow, they bring it out to us.
Looks pretty awesome.
You want some?
I'd have to check if there's dairy in it first.
She's the one that would know.
Yeah.
Chances are there's probably...
Well, I know there's dairy in this.
Yeah, and the biscuit's probably made with milk.
Oh, yeah, probably better milk or something.
You'd think since I can't eat dairy I'd be nice and skinny, but no.
Well, I got one.
Okay.
You would think because I hate so many foods, I would be skinny.
I would eat seafood and I forgot what else.
Mushrooms.
Mushrooms, yeah.
There's all this stuff that I cannot stand to eat.
It just means whatever I can stand to eat, I go nuts on it.
It feels abused.
It cowers in a corner when I walk in the room.
Oh, no.
No.
He's going to eat all of us.
Oh, my God.
Here comes the hamburger guy.
Everybody fucking run.
Everybody run.
The homecoming queen's got to go.
People need anything but us, everybody go.
Do you remember that song?
What is it?
Everybody run.
The homecoming queen's got to come.
Oh, yeah, I remember that.
Oh, yeah.
Julie Brown.
Julie Brown, not the MTV downtown Julie Brown.
Not every time, no.
She was obnoxious.
This was midtown Julie Brown.
She was completely different.
She wasn't from South Detroit.
We know that.
We already discussed South Detroit.
South Detroit is Lake Michigan, isn't it?
No, it's Windsor.
Windsor, Canada.
That's right, because of the nook.
I keep forgetting the nook.
Yeah, it's like a little finger reaching around to the South of Detroit, little finger of Canada.
So, yeah, you asked somebody, what's the first country you come to when you go south from
Detroit?
Canada.
It doesn't make sense, but it's true.
And the thing is, I go to Canada all the time.
I used to drive, but now I hate driving that long.
You go through Detroit and you go through miles of people looking like they're going
to murder you while you're at a stop sign.
Yeah.
Trash everywhere, burnout buildings, looks like they're real.
Kind of like Gary, Indiana.
Yeah, a lot like.
Yeah.
And then you go just across the Detroit River, everything's all picked up and pristine.
It really bums you out.
It's like, is there that big of a difference between the people?
I know, yeah.
Or in the taxes?
I don't know.
I noticed that on the road trip.
I was in Arkansas and the roadways are clean and nice.
Get into Missouri, trash everywhere.
Yep.
I've noticed that too.
We got in Eureka Springs all the time.
Yeah.
Arkansas is all picked up and clean and nice.
Missouri roads are just trash everywhere.
Do they just put more to focus on it because it's a natural state?
I think Missourians litter more and I think it's picked up less.
Okay.
So, hey, all those people with community service sentences, get them out there picking up trash.
That's what they used to do.
I don't know why they quit.
Because it hurts this nobody experience to do manual labor and get napkin.
You're right.
Instead they have them dress and drag and read to little children in the library.
That doesn't hurt anybody's feelings, so it's allowed.
Oh, let's not open that can of rice.
Yeah, let's not.
But let me put it like this, your message is well received, I bet, with most people.
Yeah.
I just don't understand why drag queens want to go read stories to little kids.
That's what I never understood.
It's like, do you really think it's necessary to bring any type of sexuality to children?
Yeah.
And I have nothing against drag queens or homosexuals or whatever.
I have so many friends.
For me to say that I have something against them would be a complete lie.
Yeah.
Yeah, I love these people.
They're great people.
Here's the deal.
I don't want any sexuality at all towards children.
Leave it alone.
Let them figure it out when they're older.
Quit trying to sexualize little kids.
Yes, it's not right.
There's time to think about that later.
Yeah.
Anyways.
And believe me, if they have any questions about their sexuality at all, they will figure
it out.
No, no.
Yeah.
So anyhow, the next one.
You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society.
What is the first rule you put in place?
Hmm.
Rob wants male genitals only.
I'm saying the first rule I put in place is all nude all the time.
Oh, that's cool.
There we go.
I got one.
Yeah.
No kale.
Just to keep with our theme.
Rob, what do you want?
I don't know.
Besides male genitals.
I don't know.
Okay.
I don't know.
Get me on that one.
All right.
Rob's going to plead the fifth on that one.
All right, Rob's leaving it alone.
Yeah.
How about a bunch of naked hot women?
No?
Yeah.
Okay, yeah.
All right.
He says meh.
Meh.
Okay.
You have one superpower, only one.
What do you choose?
Oh, gosh.
I've always wanted to be able to fly, but that's kind of limited.
Flying would be the most fun.
Yeah, it would be a lot of fun.
Oh, I know.
The ability to understand any language.
That would be great.
Yeah.
What about you, Rob?
That would be.
For me, languages include music, mathematics, bird chirping, everything.
Any form of communication I should be able to understand.
I want to be able to understand.
I love that.
That's a great idea.
Hello.
How's it going?
It is perfect.
Man, the new loaded spud at the Daily Kitchen is fantastic.
It looks awesome.
So if you're in the River Market area, drop by, you will not be disappointed.
If I could have dairy, I'd have one too.
Do you have anything non-dairy?
I do.
Oh, okay.
We'll talk about that later.
All right.
We make everything to order, so we can adjust.
Excellent.
There you go.
That's the problem when you have a lot of pre-made stuff.
You go in and ask for no cheese, and they just go scrape cheese off one.
Not at this place.
That's not as good.
Yeah.
We're going to order some dairy-free, vegan, vegetarian, a meat lover.
Yeah.
This thing is incredible.
Thank you.
Superpower.
Yeah.
I want a stupid people gun that makes them leave your presence and stay away.
Like a force field.
Yeah, it just kind of repels them.
Yeah, it repels stupid people.
Okay, Rob, you got anyone?
Well, I recently single again, so I think I'm going to have to go back to x-ray vision.
Oh, yeah.
There you go.
That's a good one too.
Hey, that's what I'll sleep with a goodie.
So, Jeff, wouldn't it be great to discover someone has a butt plug-in?
I think my second choice in a super power would be to have a field around me of about
50 yards, and any parasite that came within that field would die.
Oh.
I mean, I would like to see ticks, mosquitoes, cancer cells.
You know what?
Used car salesmen, lawyers.
As much as I love stupid people not near me.
Oh, careful.
Careful.
One of the lawyers I have working on our trademark is listening.
Oh, okay.
Liability lawyers.
Yeah, okay.
There you go.
Not a trademark lawyer.
You guys are awesome, and thank you.
Any elected politician, you know.
Perfect.
That parasite field would just... I mean, think about that.
Your dog has heartworms.
You just walk up and pet your dog, and they're all gone.
Yeah.
You know?
Oh, your friend's got bed bugs.
Just go over and visit their house.
You know what?
They're all dead.
I'd change mine to that.
Yeah.
That is perfect.
Oh my God.
You don't wipe out all parasites everywhere, because they serve a purpose.
You know, they have a reason for being there.
You wipe them out from your life.
But you just don't let them within 50 yards of you.
Ever.
I think that's awesome.
I'm going to have to go with that one.
Yeah.
Just an anti-parasite field.
Okay.
I like that.
That's great.
Yeah.
I'm for that.
Are you still with X-ray vision, or are you going with parasite?
I want the X-ray, but I like it.
Okay.
Swat some mosquitoes, but you still get to see them.
You'll swat it from mosquitoes and see them.
Great idea.
All right.
You have the power to create and design your own half-hour TV show.
What will it be about, and the name and the network?
Oh gosh.
Oh wow.
I think I'm going to put it on the Learning Channel, for irony's sake.
My show is going to be called Wake the Fuck Up, and the show is going to be about all
the ways commercials lie to you.
Oh, I love that.
Nobody would watch it, because people enjoy liking commercials, and they don't want to
think of them as bad things.
It's kind of almost like Penn and Teller's bullshit.
Remember that?
Yeah.
It may be probably the least popular show on TV, because it's more fun.
A good thing to remember is it feels good to do what you're told.
A lot of Americans are that way.
Tell me what to do, because it feels so good to just do that and not have to think.
Can you go over that commercial again that you said a few podcasts ago about where the
guy comes on and keeps lying to the people?
Oh yeah.
This is one of the best ones ever.
Yeah.
He comes on and he says, he starts out like he's one of those phone calls you get.
He said, I'm from the IRS, and your taxes are way overdue.
And their IRS agents come to your house right now to arrest you unless you buy me gift cards
and read me the numbers online.
And then he pauses and he said, would you believe that?
Because last year, thousands of Americans had their identity stolen with a scam just
like that or similar.
And then he said, in fact, last year one out of seven Americans had their identity stolen.
You believe that?
You shouldn't, because I just made that up.
You're kind of gullible, aren't you?
And then the commercial ended.
I love that.
Isn't it?
Here's this authority figure saying these facts in a very earnest voice, and your impulse
says, oh, OK, yeah, uh-huh, tell me more.
And they just straight out tell you, I'm making this up, and you bought it.
That is great, isn't it?
All right.
My TV show would be called The Media is Bullshit.
Yes, it is.
And it would be a reality show about media and certain examples of what the real story
was and how they lie.
And I would have it on every major network mandatory that they have to air this at sometime
in prime time to prove to offset their obvious bullshit.
Because right now they say, oh, well, we just got it wrong.
It was happening so fast.
We just made a mistake.
But the reality is they're like Fox News.
They're telling you a lie because of the QQ2.
Until you get sued for it.
Fox News didn't do anything that the others aren't doing.
It's just Fox News got caught this time.
Well, I wish we were privy to the transcripts of what the minion voting was getting ready
to throw out there.
Because it had to have been so big.
I mean, you know what I mean?
It might have been like behind the scenes talking or something.
Fox News was practically wetting themselves.
They couldn't wait to settle fast enough because they did not want this going to trial.
No, they did not.
So they're hiding something really awful.
And I've got no stake in either game because I'm neither side.
I think both sides are horrible.
And they're self promoting classless opportunists.
All of them.
So before anyone gets their panties in a rally and thinks I'm conservative or liberal, no,
I think that's why I'm neither one of them.
So anyhow, I have certain things I believe in and I don't.
But I don't peg them to any certain type of person.
So anyhow.
You know, I would pay serious money to anyone who can find it in either the Declaration of Independence
or the Constitution where it says we're supposed to have a two party system.
No, actually.
It's nowhere.
Yeah, there's a lot of evidence to support that there should be a lot more.
There should be, yeah.
But the two party system is the big lie that the Republicans and Democrats collude on on a daily basis
to tell us, oh, this is the natural order things, one or the other, and that's it.
It's bullshit.
It's always been bullshit.
But they're keeping us as a nice captive little herd of voters.
And the Republicans and Democrats will work tirelessly with each other
and cooperate endlessly to crush other political parties.
Yes, and you notice one of the first things they will agree on is the voting third party's a waste.
Yeah.
Throwing your vote away.
They both agree with that real quick.
They are terrified of another political party emerging.
Yeah.
And they will do anything to stop that.
But because media and everything is controlled by these two,
that's why you'll never get the true honest truth.
Yeah.
You know, our favorite NPR, they're always talking about the other side of the aisle
as if there are only two and that's the way it should be.
No, it should be every single point of the compass.
It's not this side or that side.
It's every side.
But they perpetuate the lie.
It does not matter whether it's Fox News.
It does not matter whether it's CNN, NBC, any of these.
When, who was it, Ron Paul.
Yeah.
When Ron Paul came on, they went to commercials.
Yep.
Why is that?
It's because he wasn't part of the big two at the time.
He was an independent guy and they didn't like it.
He was anti the system as it was.
And here's the immediate reason.
Both the Democratic Party and the Republican Party told the networks,
if you show him on air, we're pulling all our hands.
Yes.
And the network said, okay, yes, sir, whatever you want, sir.
It's exactly what happened.
Yeah.
The two major political parties use their dollars to crush the third party.
And they'll do it every time if they can.
They don't want things to get better for us.
They want to maintain control.
And you ever wonder where all this hate is generated for America in general?
90% of it comes from our governmental policies towards other countries and how we do them.
Yep.
They don't hate Americans per se.
They hate our government.
Yeah.
Which makes sense because there are countries around the world who I think their government is hideous,
but I don't blame the people.
There are probably a lot of North Koreans that are decent, good people.
Oh, there is.
But their government is a piece of shit.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm talking about a guy that when his father died so he could take the throne,
if people weren't crying hard enough, he had him shot and killed.
Yes.
When his uncle threatened his power base a little bit, he had his uncle eaten alive by dogs.
He starved the dogs and then fed them to him.
And videotaped it.
Yeah.
That's the kind of guy with his finger on the nuclear button in North Korea.
Scary shit.
It is scary shit.
Yeah.
Also, this is a guy that Dennis Rodman loves.
Oh, yes.
That piece of shit.
Dennis Rodman went over and performed all sorts of moist acts upon Kim Jong-un.
Whatever his name is.
There's this place I used to go in Florida.
Me and Val used to go there and we used to cherish it until Dennis Rodman started showing
up.
Ocean Manor Hotel and Resort.
It just stinks the place up when a creep like him shows up.
Well, he was given this big foot.
Okay.
From the story that I got this right here was I met Michael Urban there.
He was a nice guy.
Gentleman, very nice, very respectful.
Matter of fact, I mean, he started talking to me first.
I didn't even recognize him because I just came out of like... You ever come in out
of the sun and go into an elevator and it's really dark?
I could not see.
You can't see a thing.
Yeah.
He was coming from somewhere up on top and was in the elevator at the same time as me.
He was like, how you doing there, son?
I turned around.
I could not see him.
I finally ended up saying, you sound familiar.
Started laughing and then his boys around him started laughing too.
He goes, yeah.
He goes, I get that a lot.
Then I finally looked over there.
I'm like, oh.
I go, oh, I know who you are.
Then he kind of gave me this look.
I'm like, hey man, nice to meet you.
I just kind of kept it down.
We didn't want anyone to really start running and making run for him.
Yeah.
What this guy does, it owns it is, from what I understand is he befriends a lot of these
athletes and lets them stay for free.
Then people like me go there and go, hey, I ran into Dennis Rodman and I ran into Michael
Urban and people stay there.
If there was a place where you could run into musicians like that, I'd go there.
Yeah, me too.
Yeah.
Great.
Yeah.
This is my understanding of what happens and that's how come I got to meet two people.
Dennis Rodman was a complete asshole and I didn't want to talk to him hardly at all.
It's kind of hard to do when he's right in front of you taking over every conversation.
Yeah.
Anyhow, we're in this hut in back and he comes in with this big cigar that he never smokes.
Yeah.
And he can hardly talk.
So, anyhow, he started fucking with his football players.
I'm pretty sure as a football player, could have been a basketball player, big guy, huge
guy and he's over there with his two girls.
He's like fucking pointing at the guy and kind of like laughing.
That guy walks up and he points at himself like me.
You talking about me?
And Rodman looks kind of funny.
He walks over there.
He whispered something in Rodman's ear.
Rodman turned around and left.
He probably said something like, you want your girls to see you get your ass kicked
right here?
You want everyone to see this?
Uh huh.
You better fucking leave.
Take your fucking sideshow and take it somewhere else.
He left.
And then another time I'm behind him trying to get indoors and all of a sudden he stops
and I almost run into him in the middle of the lobby of the hotel and all of a sudden
all of his cronies come around and he delivers a speech that no one could understand.
And he goes, uh uh uh uh uh uh uh.
And all these idiots are looking at him like he's making this major fucking revelation.
Looking at him like he's the pope.
Yeah and I'm like, you guys are fucking roobs.
I got out of there.
I was like, fuck this.
I don't want to be filmed in the same fucking film as this guy.
Yeah you get to the point where it's like I don't even want to be associated with the
people who like you.
Yeah.
Cause I dislike you so much.
If I get a snapshot of me next to him.
Photoshop that out of there.
I would hunt down the source and beg them.
I would give them money and say take me out of that thing.
Besides that I think I had my shirt off.
I probably didn't look real good anyway.
Yeah I know.
Yeah well, I'm butthead.
I had a yin-ling in my hand you know.
Yeah hey guys.
No I didn't want them to think I had anything to do with that guy.
There's a whole list of celebrities that most people would run up and fawn over that I would
walk the opposite way.
Rodman's one, Jane Fonda's another.
Oh Jane Fonda's another one.
Bono's another.
Bono's another hypocrite that I can't stand.
Tommy Lee or Nikki Sixx.
I don't want to have anything to do with them.
Yeah either one of them.
No.
Cause they're both fakes.
They couldn't give me a pair of autographed sticks.
No.
I wouldn't take it.
I wouldn't either.
I was like I don't give a crap about those guys anymore.
And the thing is I used to idolize and love them.
Not anymore man.
Geez.
Big fluffy dogs walking by.
Remember when they used to have the signs up here saying no dogs?
Uh huh.
That didn't work out so well.
No.
And they took all the signs away cause people just bring their dogs anyway.
Well people are afraid to question it because emotional support dogs.
Yeah.
And I'm sure all the businesses said hey if we have to ban dogs we're going to lose a
lot of business and we don't care.
That's probably the biggest reason right there.
Number two emotional support dogs.
Yeah.
You can't really take that away from people.
No.
And are you going to sit here and argue with somebody or make them bring proof?
No.
It's an unregulated term.
Yeah it's like man this dog really helps my anxiety.
Can you please let me just.
Yes.
You're not going to tell somebody they can't come here like that.
This is my emotional support tarantula.
Please make no sudden moves.
This is my cobra.
Yeah.
Well there's a cobra story but I mean we can get to it later.
The guy found a cobra on a plane and they never did find it.
Snakes on a plane.
Yeah.
Wow.
It was a venomous cobra.
This was in Africa where he was flying out of so very easily but they never found it.
So.
All sorts of places to hide.
Yeah they're using that plane again.
The cobra is probably still in there.
Probably did not leave.
They probably found the most darkest area that they could hide.
Is probably in there.
Yeah.
So like someone like brings their dog somewhere and they got it down there and then all of
a sudden they go there and the dog's dead.
Yeah.
Well there you go it's a cobra.
So anyhow.
All right let's see where was I?
Well hey guys I'm going to have to excuse myself.
My daughter and grandson.
Oh no no no.
We're more important than that.
No you stay on the line.
All right Robbie thanks for joining in man.
All right like I said next time I'll have some material.
Okay.
InvisiWeed.
All right.
Well we're going to give you an ass paddling.
An invisible ass paddling for leaving early.
Yeah.
All right.
Just know that you're going to get an ass paddling okay.
Invisible.
Bare bottom.
Okay.
All right.
I'll talk to you soon.
I'll be waiting.
All right Rob.
Bye.
All right you guys take it easy.
You too.
Bye.
Okay.
That's good.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
Excuse me.
The top five things to take with you in case of a zombie apocalypse.
Oh wow.
Let's see I'd want a firearm.
Yeah with plenty of ammo because the only thing that kills them is a shot to the head
right?
Pretty much yeah.
Okay.
Possibly like a machete or a club.
Yeah to bam them off of you if they get too close.
Yeah.
Food, water.
Yeah.
Clean food, clean water.
Yeah.
I can't really think of much.
I mean there's not really much that repels zombies except you know bullets and shotgun
blasts.
Does a sturdy shelter come with that?
The top five things?
Yeah a sturdy shelter is a good idea yeah.
Somewhere you can go and relax and get some sleep and the zombies can't get you.
Okay.
Sturdy shelter, food and water.
I think food and water would be included as one right?
Yeah.
Ammo and bullet is that one or two?
I would say the firearm and the ammo should be one.
Okay.
So firearm, plenty of ammo because you don't know how many of them there are.
Yeah.
You might have to shoot food for food too.
That's true.
Something for fire.
Oh yeah.
Yeah because you're probably not going to have electricity.
Yeah you're going to have to cook, you're going to have to stay warm.
Yeah it's an apocalypse.
Yeah.
And then I think that's it, that's the five.
Sounds about right.
And you may have to stay warm.
Yeah.
Isn't it funny in all these zombie apocalypses it's only humans that turn into zombies.
Where are the zombie squirrels?
Where are the zombie possums?
I want a movie like that.
I want zombie mosquitoes.
Yeah.
Oh my god.
Yeah.
Oh shit.
Yeah.
All these little undead mosquitoes coming at you.
Zombie goldfish.
Shoot one of them in the brain.
Zombie, I mean anything.
Zombie trees.
Why can't the tree be a zombie too?
Yeah all of a sudden you're running away and the tree grabs you.
Not so fast.
But how would a tree bite your head to make you become a zombie?
I guess it would, oh I don't know.
Or I guess it could bite you anywhere right?
It could just smack you with a branch or something.
Oh that's even worse.
You'd be walking by and it would crack you with a branch in your toast.
And then dribble their zombie staff into you.
Yeah.
Or the little seeds that come out.
Or they can do a two part effort.
They smack you into unconscious.
Yeah.
And then a real zombie comes by and bites you.
Yeah.
But then at that point if that happens you don't give a shit.
You're one of them.
Yeah.
You know there is evidence that plants are just harming us.
They give us parts of themselves to keep us alive until we die.
And then we decompose and feed them.
That's a great point.
We're like look we don't like these guys either but we need them to die so they can decompose.
That's why plants keep us around.
So we can die in convenient places and they can grow on our remains.
Have you ever noticed how robust a tree looks in a cemetery?
Oh yeah.
They look pretty awesome.
Now if it was just like a place for crematory or something.
Yeah.
Yeah just be an average tree.
But yeah that's right.
Like the vaults they don't get the same thing.
They're about ground.
All the trees look like shit around vaults.
Yeah.
They've walked away from all that nutrition.
So there you go.
Do you think an elephant would make a good pet?
I do.
They're pretty intelligent.
They're very social.
They have personalities.
I would agree with you.
You don't want one jumping up in bed with you like a dog.
That would be a little tough.
That would be fun to have a pet elephant come up and not pet it.
Yeah.
Just come up and stick its head down.
But you know since elephants only sleep two hours a night then they're going to be awake a lot of the time you're not.
Well can you put them out in the yard and they can be a guard elephant?
Or you know just put on some video for them.
Let them watch you know.
Dumbo?
Or binge watch Star Trek or something.
Elephants love Star Trek.
Yeah they do.
They've been proven.
So yeah that's what you do.
Alright.
Elephants is pets.
This next one I love because it's really thought provoking.
What is the smallest thing you get angry about?
Being cut off in traffic.
The smallest thing I get?
Yeah I get angry about that.
Dropping things.
I get angry when I drop things.
Me too.
Especially in a public place.
Yes.
Yeah.
That's pretty minor but yeah it bugs me way more than it should.
No same here because I do it often.
I'll have something in my hand and I'll be walking up getting ready I don't know whatever to return it or whatever.
Bam.
It's like why the fuck did I let that go?
For me I think a lot of it is I'm losing sensation in my hands and I don't realize that I'm not gripping it the way I'm supposed to.
I think I'm holding on tight but since I can't really feel it my hand is starting to relax and then I'll either drop it or it'll hit something and fall right out.
It's like I was holding that now it's on the ground.
I do that all the time since my corporal tunnel surgery.
Yeah.
And it's not something I can even tell.
Yeah.
I feel like I have the same touch but I don't obviously because I drop stuff at an alarming rate after the surgery but not before.
Yeah.
So obviously I think that I'm the same but I'm not.
Yeah.
Alright.
What made you cut off a friendship?
I've got a definite easy answer.
And it's also family members and other things too.
There's one guy that I cut off friendship when he started getting into a lot of illegal stuff.
Shoplifting, vandalism, that kind of thing and he thought it was just funny as hell.
I was like yeah I don't want any part of that.
So I made a distance.
Drugs.
Yeah drugs will do too.
There's many people I took off my list because they would not quit doing drugs.
And drugs goes along with what you say illegal stuff.
I'm sure that this guy that you're talking about probably got into drugs too.
They probably did yeah.
And I'm talking about real drugs.
I'm not talking about smoking a little pot behind the tree or nothing.
Yeah this is the serious point where it takes over your life and alters your personality to the point where your daily life is all about getting more drugs.
Yeah to where like they would, anytime you go see them you'd be afraid like they're trying to steal something.
Yeah.
Because they're that into drugs.
Yeah.
Or you're afraid like someone might come after them because they owe money for drugs or something like that.
Drugs would be the number one thing for me.
That has been the number one thing for me because I've cut off many people, even family members, because of drug use.
You know they may say you know oh you're my friend and I love you and I'll never let you down.
No they love drugs more.
Drugs their master.
Whatever it is, the crack or the meth or whatever, heroin, that's their master and that's who they're going to bow to.
If they're a drug addict they will take drugs over you every time.
Yeah.
It's Savage Room.
It is.
Alright I got one.
Should a person ever take revenge out on another person?
I'm going to say no.
I've done that.
I have too.
It's never what you think it's going to be.
The universe or gods or whatever you choose does revenge, will always do a more magnificent job than you ever could have.
That's true.
Yeah.
It doesn't feel good or satisfying or like you got one.
For me it's just I feel like oh well now I'm like them now.
They did that crappy thing to me and then I did the crappy thing to them and now we're the same.
You want to know revenge is this.
My ex-wife's Facebook profile is revenge.
Father Time carries a fucking broom handle.
Yeah.
And it described to me what type of person I was not and what type of person she was.
All in a couple of pictures.
So.
Hi Al.
Yep.
Yeah.
I was just going to say the.
Well I guess I don't need to belabor.
We've pretty much covered it.
Okay.
I do that.
I'll make my point and then I'll make it three more times.
Yeah.
Well I mean it's doing good.
People are listening.
I'm like you.
I'd rather expand on a point and be a little overdrawn and not tell enough.
True.
I'd rather make sure that my point is knowing.
Yeah.
You never know when we're going to get a chance to explore it.
Exactly.
That ended up being so.
Yeah.
Would you rather know the date of your death or the cause of death?
Oh wow.
Sometimes you could probably pretty much predict the date of death through the cause of death.
Yeah really.
Wow.
That opens up a lot of other questions.
If the cause of death was a plane crash it's like oh I'll just never get on a plane again.
Well one could land on me.
Yeah.
That's a great way.
Yeah.
Oh.
What if it's something that you do every day?
Oh cause of death.
Automobile accident.
Yeah.
I was like.
I can't stay out of cars.
You're going to be so careful it's going to cause you to be in a wreck.
Yeah.
But you know knowing the date is just bad cause you're like you know well I can do anything
I want between then and then cause I can't die.
I know.
But on that day I have to die.
I know.
Either oh man I don't know if I could not.
Well I'm going to choose one but.
No me too for the sake of this I'll choose one.
Yeah.
But I'm really under protest.
I don't like it.
Yeah.
I don't either.
I'll choose manner of death.
Me too.
But not date of death.
Me too.
I don't like it because then it alters everything I ever do from here on out.
Yeah.
It's like man only half so many days left to count them up.
Yeah.
And that's such an essential part of me that on one hand I think you know I've got years
and years and I've got time but on the other hand I know I could die in the next five minutes.
Yeah.
So putting stuff off.
Yeah someone could get really sick of our podcast and come in and light us on fire.
Yeah.
That's always a possibility.
It is.
Yes.
So yeah I like having that balance of you know could be 20 years from now could be tomorrow.
Everybody's kid would get ripped off too wouldn't they.
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah you wouldn't even be worried about it.
It's like oh we got three years.
I'm going to go to I don't know I'm going to go to Ireland like I wanted to and I'm
going to go to Bora Bora and I'm going to buy that you know.
I saw the thing on Facebook where a woman had taken her parents to court and was trying
to sue them because they were spending her inheritance.
Oh yeah I saw that.
She was so.
There's this my money and they're spending it all on trips and travel and that's supposed
to be my money.
I remember that who won.
The parents of course.
If I were those parents I would spend every penny.
I would do.
And make sure that that chick got zero.
I'd be worse.
I'd lie to her.
I'd be like we have your own account.
Big inheritance coming.
Big inheritance.
And then what happens.
Nothing.
I invested in Microsoft in your name.
Years ago in the 70s 1972 I heard about this Microsoft.
When it comes around.
She's at the lawyers office.
She says here you get one dollar.
And that's for your mental health evaluation.
And then the little tiny fists start waving.
They lied to me.
I'm going to sue them.
They're dead.
I'm still going to sue them.
Who can I sue?
Somebody has to pay because I've been inconvenienced.
That sounds like a South Park episode.
Somebody has to pay because I've been inconvenienced.
Okay next one.
What's the most disturbing thought that you ever run through your mind during sex?
Oh.
That one is.
Disturbing.
I probably shouldn't say them all.
I think I started thinking about my mom once.
But not in a sexual way.
Just something she had done or said.
It was like oh no no no no.
Sometimes if you're not in the mood.
You know.
Your mind starts to wander.
You really didn't care for the person you're with.
But you needed to do something.
You get some weird thoughts.
Or if you're trying to slow things down.
And you're thinking about baseball.
I've done that before and you just ruin it.
Yeah.
What are the perils of being a man?
I'm going to say think about strangling this chick because I could not stand her fucking voice.
Ah.
Yeah.
And it was a necessity thing.
And hey how I figured out that I could probably do it through some friends.
Because of some things that she said.
But I could not stand her.
I actively ignored her before because of her voice.
But she wasn't bad looking.
And I really thought when she's like saying different things.
I wanted to strangle her.
And I was very embarrassed ever since then.
Man I'm a horrible person.
I could bang her and want to strangle her all at the same.
I'm a psychopath.
Well some things just really rub you the wrong way.
Yeah well if you heard her voice you know what I mean.
Yeah.
There was a.
And then just the way she said and the things she said also.
But anyway.
When I was going to Penn Valley there was an administrator secretary.
And she was a full grown woman.
But she had a little baby girl voice.
Yeah what was your name?
I don't remember.
But it wasn't something she did on purpose.
That was just her voice.
And I remember you know.
I was working in the media department at the time.
And I was bringing up I don't know a film projector or something.
And I heard her yelling at somebody.
In that little baby girl voice.
About you know you will respect me.
You will take me seriously.
And you know you can't treat me that way just because of the way I sound.
And she was pissed.
We just got a triple take.
That's awesome.
Yeah it is.
Oh that's funny.
That's like a really tiny person saying you're going to kick your ass or something.
You better watch out.
I'm going to whip the shit out of you.
You're like.
You know I can see someone just not even taking her seriously.
Because she sounded like a little three year old girl.
But I can tell she was dead serious.
This person I was talking about it wasn't that squeaky little girl voice.
The things she said didn't make sense ever.
You know like let's say that someone just got hit by a train.
We're like yeah two cocktails sound really good.
What?
Yeah.
Oh well.
Wow she's really tuned out isn't she.
I mean yeah.
Wow that's funny.
She was attractive but never ever had a boyfriend.
That's because her voice and her personality was so weird.
Her voice matched her personality very odd.
Now you notice what I'm doing with some of the biscuit crumbs.
I'm throwing them on the ground.
Getting birdies.
Yeah getting little birdies everywhere.
Yeah.
They're going to come.
They're going to dive bomb pit people.
And it will be funny.
Okay.
Let's see.
If someone you love committed a gruesome murder would you help them cover it up or turn them in or ignore the situation?
Wow.
Depends on how much I love them.
Yeah.
I would either go for ignoring or trying to talk them into turning themselves in.
That is the way I would go too.
Never cover it up.
Because it's the cover up that always kills you.
And I wouldn't automatically run to authorities.
Yeah it's always a cover up.
Ask politics.
Do what you want but don't try to cover it up.
Yeah.
Because then you take the heat for the crime and the cover up which makes you sound like a weaseling little prick who wanted to get away with it.
Which you probably are.
If you were in a plane wreck and it crashed on an island would you resort to cannibalism or die from starvation?
Oh I'd cannibalize them.
Let's face it.
Your whole being of trying to live you would.
You think you would but you would.
And our ancestors have resorted to cannibalism in the past in times of trouble.
They had to.
Yeah.
It's all over the animal kingdom.
Yeah.
Mama hamster gives birth to too many.
She doesn't have enough nipples for them all.
She eats the extra.
Yeah.
Because they're not going to live anyhow.
No they're not.
Yeah.
I think nature is a little softer on cannibalism than human society is.
I think you're right.
Yeah.
Alright.
That is the end of horrible odd weird questions.
Well I have a question for you.
Yes.
I was thinking about award ceremonies.
Okay.
And I started thinking about this because I'm seeing endless commercials for.
I'm glad you got to this because I like that.
Yeah.
Go ahead.
Drew Barrymore is going to host the MTV Music, no it's the Movie and TV Awards.
Okay.
Which is you know the most irrelevant thing in the world and Drew Barrymore is about the
most irrelevant person in the world.
Yes.
Very much so.
And I started thinking about all the categories.
You know you have best soundtrack, you know best producer, best director and stuff but
what about all the gender categories?
Oh.
Best male lead.
Yeah.
Best female supporting actress.
No number one they're going to have to make a statement right?
I would say.
So they're going to have to do some switcheroo's.
Okay.
Go ahead.
Are you done with her?
No I'm going to say why does such a liberal place like Hollywood have gender specific
categories that don't even include all the gender that they promote?
Okay.
Hollywood will promote you know multiple different genders besides male and female yet they won't
make a category for them in their award show.
A hypocrisy of the Hollywood liberal.
You see I could see them making a point in grandstanding.
They could take like a female that used to be a male and put them in a female role and
maybe grandstand like that.
But there is an actor who is.
But then again if the female is male or vice versa then they're calling them what they
wanted to be called so I don't.
Yeah.
There's an actor or singer or somebody some entertainer who doesn't identify as male or
female and was getting nominated for an award and was put in the category of male or female
or whatever.
And this person said no I'm not that gender don't put me in that category.
And the awards show said well then we don't have a category for you goodbye.
They were unwilling to make a separate category even though they put out shows and things
promoting all these other genders and gender acceptance but when it comes to their own
award show no they won't budge.
They won't make a category for non-binary.
How hypocritical is that?
That is hypocritical.
Yeah.
Matter of fact I think people ought to write them or whatever you do nowadays email them
or whatever.
And say you know what why can't you do one of those categories.
Wouldn't hurt them any.
Yeah.
Why don't we have that in like you know men's tennis women's tennis and non-binary tennis.
I mean you talk about evening the playing field.
Yeah.
You know they don't want trans athletes in women's college okay then create a trans category.
Yeah that's what I've always been for and then that way nobody can say anything.
They're all trans that are playing it.
They've already got separate men athletics separate women's athletics.
Yeah.
And they don't want to mix the two because they know despite their assurances that women
can do anything a man can do that the women can't beat the men in a physical contest.
Exactly.
So here you go and then this would also support the Constitution.
It'd be like listen we have a different demographic nowadays and this is a trans and anyone that
is trans can be in it but you've got to know that if you're female or you used to be female
in your transition you may not be able to do as well as a male.
So but you still want to be in it you're more than welcome to and it is your right to be
in it.
So that's what I say and I think that makes too much sense no one will do it.
Yeah but it's surprising that the outwardly liberal and accepting communities and groups
like music benefit how come they won't.
Because of the advertising they want to be a they want to specific demographic.
It's men's athletics so men are watching it we can advertise to these men.
You're right.
Women's athletics you have these women watching and these men who just looking at the female
bodies watching it we can advertise to them.
Absolutely 100 percent correct.
If we mix everything their advertising isn't as effective.
That's right.
Yeah just just look to see who's making money on the situation staying the way it is and
that's who's not letting it change.
And that's how come it's always going to be like that.
Yeah.
But isn't it surprising the Oscars Hollywood supposed to be so liberal and accepting.
Yeah.
They stick to male and female categories.
Well as a matter of fact they're so liberal and accepting they always give us lectures
on it.
So.
The Tony Awards for plays the big gay hotbed of Broadway theater they still have male and
female categories.
You're right.
That's it.
Why aren't they accepting.
Why aren't they leading the way in creating a trans credit category for award shows.
You know what I think we're leading the way.
Yeah.
Best male actor best female actor best trans actor best non-bi.
Why don't we just have best actor and give one award and everybody's in the running.
But again.
It doesn't matter.
Like you said.
Uh huh.
There's no way to focus in on that.
Yeah.
Because right now they can tell you proxially how many men how many women are going to watch.
Yeah.
They can't really tell you how many trans are transitioning or.
Yeah.
Non-binary or or what is it.
Omni or whatever.
Pansexual.
Pan.
Non-determined gender fluid.
Yeah.
I mean do they create a category for all these people.
Well there's no category for that.
No.
So I guess you kind of got on paper whatever that person felt like at the time.
Yep.
So there you go.
There's no way of doing that so they don't want to address it.
Yep.
And you know why have one category for best actor when you can have two and stretch out
your award ceremony even longer.
Exactly.
And so.
You hit another just at it right there.
And seriously award ceremonies are the most stupid thing anyway.
They are.
You're not watching anything being decided or determined.
Everything's already been decided and written down on those little cards before you even
turn it on.
Watch and preach you crap all over.
The whole award ceremony is just delaying the reveal.
That's all it is.
When you're watching a football game you're watching it being decided right then.
Yeah you are.
When you're watching like a live play you know it's happening right then and anything
could happen.
An award ceremony it's all predetermined, predecided and they're just dribbling the
information out to you in little bits so you'll watch their commercials.
Yes.
Who the hell wants to watch an award show?
That is just bullshit.
I'll tell you who wants to watch an award show is virtually nobody if you look at the
ratings.
They have went downhill and went downhill for years to where like now they don't even
really report on them like they used to.
I think the main purpose for an award show now is afterwards you can talk about it and
say look.
That's it.
They want to give these awards to this activist here and this dissident here and this brave
person.
They want to be able to tell you what awards they gave and who they recognized.
They know that most morning shows the next morning are going to hit on that because it's
a topic that they can get people to A. listen for a while and B. call in.
Yeah they don't really care if you watch the award show all that much but they know you're
going to look up the results and talk about them.
And every one of those quick sheets and everything that morning shows uses.
You know what you should talk about that morning.
What's the hotbed ones all that.
That's on all of those.
And in any award show that isn't run by a complete idiot we'll always throw in at least
one possibly two really controversial picks on purpose just because they're controversial
just to get you to talk about it.
And then they get everyone to talk about it.
Let me put it like this you'll have the Bill O'Reilly's and you'll have the what's a big
liberal talk show.
Keith Oberman.
Yeah.
Oberman.
Yeah.
You'll have both of them talking about it.
Yep.
Yeah.
So anyhow before we get off to another subject I got one I want to do the Aaron Rodgers trade
breakdown.
Oh yeah.
He's a jet now.
Yeah he's a jet.
He is finally a jet.
And I'm going to use this now everything else is not time sensitive that I have here but
this is time sensitive because in two weeks it's not going to matter a week from now it's
not really going to matter.
Yeah.
So everyone knows by now Aaron Rodgers is a jet just like Brett Favre became a jet before
his career ended.
Yeah.
Which means.
And they're about the same age.
Which means Aaron Rodgers will go to the Vikings next.
Yes.
So that's what Favre did.
And he'll lose and he'll lose in the championship game.
Oh no.
No no no.
He's going to be cousins.
He'll win.
Oh yeah.
Okay.
So for the second time at 15 years the Green Bay Packers are trading an Asian icon to the
New York Jets.
J-E-T-S-Jets.
Jets.
That still kills me.
People still do that too.
J-E-T-S-Jets.
Jets.
It's so simple.
It's so childish.
And it's simple because well you can draw your own conclusions on why it's simple.
Not everybody in New York is brilliant.
Yes.
The Packers agreed Monday to do a quarterback Aaron Rodgers.
Not Rippert.
And their 20-23 first round pick number 15 to the 20-23 for a 20-23 fifth round pick
number 170 to the Jets for the New York's first round pick number 13.
So they went down two spots.
Okay.
So 15 to 13.
And then a fourth round pick and possibly, possibly a third round pick next year.
Yeah.
Well people are criticizing the trade saying that the Jets just completely ripped them
off.
No.
I was going to say the Jets gave too much.
Yes.
You have a very controversial figure here that is known for being selfish.
Yeah.
Down in the dumps.
Not very friendly.
Hard to work with.
Puts himself first.
He's all the things you don't want in a quarterback and you had no interest.
No interest.
And all of this article that I got here because as you're well aware of, but people are in
areas, my notepad on my computer decided to quit printing where all the articles too.
So I have to download all this crap that I don't need instead of just writing up an article
myself.
Yeah.
So instead of going through all that, I'm just getting to the gist of what I wanted
to say here.
So I'm kind of ad-libbing.
So all right.
They moved down two spots.
No big deal.
They could have moved down two spots by giving away a sixth round or something.
Yeah.
Okay.
But the deal is, is they unloaded the salary that was killing them.
They couldn't even sign a lot of their people.
That's how come I knew we had to be traded.
Yeah.
Because they could not afford all of their draft picks because of how much they're paying
Aaron Rodgers.
That's true.
You've got to sign those draft picks and they have predetermined salaries by the contract,
you know, depending on their position they play and where they were taken, they get a
certain amount.
You've got to pay that.
Yes.
And let me put it a little bit differently.
Okay.
They had enough money to pay them, but they would have no money for anything else.
No.
They're anybody viable, anybody that you might need.
With Jordan Love on his rookie contract and all of the draft picks, including the new
revamped one and the extra draft pick, you should be able to build a decent team around
Jordan Love if he in fact is the guy.
Yeah.
And if he's not the guy, then you trade up next year or the year after and you find the
guy, but they're not winning a championship with Rodgers or without one next year and
they know this.
Yeah.
So I commend what they did.
What they did is they took the punch right now instead of taking it a little bit later
and, I mean, not getting an extra couple of draft picks and all this money taken off of
their salary.
Yeah.
This is what it's really about is they're paying him so much money, now it's free.
Now they can build a good team around Love and they're hoping that they can teach Jordan
Love enough to at least be very serviceable, if not an upper end.
Everybody you could get another Aaron Rodgers or close to, but if not.
You bring up a good point.
We may not think that far ahead, but these NFL teams are and they're not only looking
at this draft and who they're taking, they're looking at next year's draft.
Yes.
And they're thinking, okay, if we finish here, we're going to be positioned here in the draft
and these are the players coming out and this is who we're going after and there's a quarterback
coming out next year that is, most people are saying is going to be the number one overall
pick.
Yes.
And they were talking about that before this draft even started.
They like this guy better than Bryce Young that was picked number one this year.
Yeah.
Which is why they were talking about teams were going to trade out of the number one
pick this year because they want it next year.
Virtually every team except Kansas City is going to be going for this guy.
Pretty much, yeah.
Yeah.
I think you're going to see teams tanking big time this coming season to try to win
that draft lottery.
Yeah.
Philadelphia and Kansas City are not going to be on that.
No.
But virtually every other team could very well be looking at that because there's not
really anyone settled in their position that could be that guy.
Deshaun Watson is a mystery up there in Cleveland.
He didn't look so good in his four.
That's my doorbell at home.
Oh, okay.
I was getting ready to say it sounded like the drafting.
You know what?
That's cool because that could go, yeah.
Okay.
That's my doorbell.
Okay.
Somebody is ringing my door.
So they're looking at next year and saying we're going to have to position ourselves
to where we can do this next year.
Yes.
So let's not blow everything out this year signing free agents and overspending because
we're going to need money next year because of the people coming out in next year's draft.
Yes.
You can't just look at it this draft this season.
They're looking ahead.
Yeah, they are.
They're looking at freshmen.
I mean, not freshmen.
They're looking at sophomores and juniors that are going to be seniors and juniors next
year that they're going to be drafting.
Yes.
So it really shows that guys like Mel Kuyper Jr. have no freaking clue what they're doing
anymore.
He's an idiot.
He's wrong most of the time.
He was wrong back when it was easy.
Yeah.
He's wrong in all the wheeling and dealing and all the percentages and all that.
Yeah.
Yeah, there's this laptop we're using right here for this podcast has a better chance
of predicting who is going to get taken in the draft than Mel Kuyper does.
Yes.
And that's how come you don't hear so much about Mel Kuyper anymore.
It used to be all of these sports shows would be like, and we got coming up Mel Kuyper.
You never want to be on the edge of their seat.
Now we're going and we got Mel Kuyper coming up.
People change the channel because that's how far it has changed.
And it used to be his mock draft was the mock draft you looked at.
Yeah.
Now you've got like five coming out every week.
Yeah.
Now it's like, yeah.
The most irrelevant and useless things possible is a mock draft.
Yes.
But you know, it's just something else to bet on.
It is.
When they say so and so's mock draft is coming out tomorrow, people will run and place bets
on who's going to be where.
In modern society, that is really what it's all been about.
I mean the whole draft was nothing but bets.
They presented it like that.
Yeah.
You know, they were supposed to pick so and so, but they ended up with this guy.
They're explaining it.
They're laying it all out to you.
Who cares who they were supposed to get?
This is who they got.
How come they have to explain the whole details of how it came to that?
Yeah.
And then they have to have someone on there explaining it.
Because they're serving the gambler.
Yeah.
They're like, well, they did some talks and discussions and you know, this, this, and
this, and this, and this guy's going to fit the team so well.
And he came from this background and all that.
So they kind of describe to you how the next time around, you can think for yourself about
how you're going to bet.
Yep.
And then you'd be wrong and you lose your money.
Yes.
But that's one thing I noticed with this one is they describe to you how you're going to
think the next time you bet.
On a draft that is.
There was a betting game like over 200 years ago in China, a very common and very popular
betting game is they would have a detailed drawing of the human figure with all the body
parts and all the organs and everything.
And all during the day, you could come in and place your bet on which body part a certain
person was going to feel an ache or pain in the next day.
And you'd place your bet and get a pin with your color of your ribbon on it and you'd
place it in the body part that you think is going to be, you know, sore the next day.
And then the next day when the person wakes up, he walks in and announces which part of
his body hurts that morning.
And if you would, you know, if your pin was in that part of his body, if you'd made the
correct bet, you win.
Oh, wow.
And then the whole thing starts over again.
How bizarre.
And you've got something so simple and meaningless and trivial as, oh, my left pinky toe hurts
this morning.
And that settles that pays the bets.
Well, supposedly Michael Jordan was a notorious, horrible gambling addict and I don't know
if still is or not or whatever.
I mean, the guy's got enough money to support it, but he, I mean, he still has so much money
coming in from all these different companies.
But supposedly at the height of his gambling issue, and like I said, supposedly, I have
no way of proving this.
He had a handbook that came with him all the time.
Whenever they walk off a plane, the guy right in front of them, what would call it left
or right in whichever way he turned, whoever said it won.
Supposedly that was a game they played all the time.
They played for $10,000 a pop sometimes.
Supposedly.
I've heard another one that touring bands would play is the license plate of the car
that passes them is going to be ended in odd or an even number.
Oh, that's a good one.
Yeah.
And they would just, they would gamble thousands of dollars all day over stupid stuff like
that.
Me and Davey used to bet like soda pops or something or beers on this.
The first guy that would start a fight at a party.
We would scan the room and I go, Hey, Davey, I think it's a guy over there on the left
is kind of sipping his drink and he keeps giving dirty looks over there.
Like maybe that's an ex girlfriend or something.
Oh yeah.
You go, no, no, no.
I think it's a guy over there with a mullet that's over there slamming beers.
And then at the end of the night, usually one of us would hit it right on the head.
Yeah.
And we'd tell the scenario too.
That's another thing too.
You have to give a little background of what was going to happen.
I go, this guy here is so sloppy drunk.
He's going to spill a beer on that jock over there.
That's all uptight and the jock's going to punch him in the face.
Yeah.
And you know, and then if we did that, we got like an extra soda or something.
If we could describe the scenario of how it happened.
Plus who started the fight.
Yeah.
And it was fun.
I mean, we were like gambling addicts or nothing, but it was just fun.
Yeah.
And be like, give me my soda you asshole.
Okay.
Here's your Dr. Pepper.
Get the fuck out of here.
And then you rub it in.
You know, so anyhow.
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Where are the douchebags?
Oh my god, someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh jeez.
Glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man, that smells.