This is a voice guide from your favorite podcast, Two Douchebags in a Microphone.
People often ask us how they can find us when doing a remote broadcast.
1.
Smell.
Go to the city market and start sniffing.
Our aroma has been described as a mixture of flea powder for goats, Tabasco sauce, and
old sock with dark fuzzy urine.
2.
Look for the spot absent of patrons.
3.
The most telling sign is a crowd of patrons vomiting uncontrollably.
4.
Just call us at 816-512-7717.
5.
Why did the belt go to jail?
Because it held up a pair of pants.
All aware of the Amber Alert, right?
Well, get rid of your disinfectants and rubber bedspreads, kids!
It's the all-new Amber Heard Alert system.
This fantastic early warning device helps one stay dry and rid of all those annoying
mattress invoices.
Simply hook up to child under six or psychopath and wait for the running water sound.
This clever machine has three distinct settings, babbling brooks, ocean waves, and roaring
river for those close called.
Order today and get a free Cinnabon Renuze It Cartridge.
Hello everybody, Two Douchebags in a Microphone.
We're at the city market, our home base, if you will.
Yeah.
I'm bumping the table, can you tell?
All right.
I'll do something to annoy you, just give me a minute.
We have a lot of things on the show and of course it's going to be slice and dice, so
if it's not on this one then you're going to have to listen to another one.
If you're not vomiting.
You fools made the coffee come out of my nose.
I'm used to the coffee going up my nose.
Some days when I'm waiting for the coffee to brew I just snort coffee grinds and scream.
Oh yeah, yeah, of course.
I melt it down and inject it.
But you see, I do a poor man's injection.
I melt it down and put it in an old Trulicity container and it was epic.
Yeah I can't do the syringes, I got to do the light.
Yeah.
I got one of those new migraine prevention things.
It works on the same mechanical principles, the EpiPen, where you stick it on your thigh
and push the button.
Oh yeah, yeah.
The last time I saw my neurologist she asked about if I wanted to try something like that.
It's a once a month.
So I took the initial and then I'm going to do the second dose the end of this month and
then a few weeks after that I'm supposed to call her and tell her how it's working.
I have a question.
Yeah.
We had a really powerful cold front come through not yesterday, the day before.
How did that react to it?
I didn't get a migraine.
Normally I would just automatically get one.
That's one that will set you off because I know when you get migraines because my knees
and my back hurt.
Yeah.
So yeah.
Okay.
But yeah I felt a little weird and off kilter but I never got a migraine.
So far the results are good.
You weren't vomiting profusely or nothing.
No.
And I'm not making fun of, he does.
Yeah.
The puking migraine is a thing.
But no, so my hopes are high for this if this is enough to, I've had one migraine since
that first time I stuck it.
And he doesn't grow a third testicle.
Yeah.
That would not be good.
Yeah.
I don't think I would have prostate to grow back either because the first one was a lemon.
The first one snuck around the brush and tried to kill you.
Yes.
Thought it could live on its own.
It's like if I get rid of this motherfucker here, I can be my own.
Yes.
I'll just be alone prostate in a great big world.
The kingdom of prostate.
Yes.
Alright, so I guess we should figure out what we're going to go for first here.
Alrighty.
So I'm going to sit in your seat, so what was the one between Musk and, was it NPR having
a little tussle there?
Yeah, NPR and Elon Musk are having a fight.
Oh, how cute.
Yeah, it is kind of cute.
It is.
I'd like to see a picture of that.
Yeah, yeah.
They'd be like two kittens on their hind legs batting their little paws at each other.
Yeah, going, just keep going at it, tiger.
I'm telling mom.
You remember those, remember as a child and they had those, they had the highlights magazine
and stuff like that for children, right?
Yes, I remember those.
Remember those posters you could order of the kittens like hang in there and it's got
a cat on like a stick hanging.
Yeah, yeah.
That's what it would be, it would be like two kittens batting each other.
It would say, just keep fighting, tiger.
This encapsulates that poster for me.
If you're familiar with the show WKRP in Cincinnati.
Oh, I am, I don't know how many people out there, look it up, okay.
It was set in a failing AM radio station in Cincinnati in the late 70s.
They were AM.
Oh, shit, I forgot, yeah, oh, even more.
Bad sound quality.
So they're trying to make it as a rock and roll station.
That's when the KYs came in and started batting around WHB.
Yep.
Yeah, yeah.
One of the characters is a very shy, introverted and fearful of confrontation kind of girl
named Bailey Quarters and hanging on the wall behind her desk is the little kitten saying,
hang in there.
Yes, that's right, I forgot about that.
She's exactly the kind of person who would have that poster and put it up at work.
Yeah, yeah.
She was meek and like not, just like really soft spoken.
Yeah.
And apparently the actress herself was pretty much that way.
She was not so much an actress as a model.
She was a quiet hot.
She had the nerdy glasses on and didn't look people in the eye and stuff.
She was the Adrian of the show.
Of Rocky, yeah.
If you're interested, there is a photograph that she did for an advertising shoot.
She's on the back of like a motorcycle or a Vespa kind of thing and she's turning around
looking at the camera over her shoulder.
She looks like she's like 17, 18.
Oh, I think I remember that one.
And that's when she started getting notoriety is, look, she might be hotter than Lonnie
Anderson who played the hot chick on there.
Wasn't that Lonnie Anderson?
Yes.
Yeah.
But this actress played Bailey, Jan Smithers.
She got into an automobile accident.
She had a somewhat noticeable scar on her chin.
And that kind of torched her modeling career, which I think is stupid because she's still
very, very attractive.
She was still very attractive.
And I know of no one that any capable male that would have turned her down because of
that scar.
Let me retract that.
Instead of saying she was still attractive, let me say she was attractive before and she
was attractive after.
I guess that's a better way of saying it.
That's a better way of saying it.
Yeah.
I guess it's less condescending, well, she's still, no, she was pretty before and she's
pretty now.
Yeah.
I think people get it, but you know what?
In today's world, it doesn't hurt to cover your ass.
Yeah.
I like to be clear.
That one-deuce bag is a sexist.
But let's see, what was that?
Oh, and she...
The other one's just stupid.
So she had that scar on her chin and she wasn't going to get so much in modeling jobs, but
she could still do acting jobs and so she kind of worked into acting that way.
And then I think after WKRP was done, she did one or two other things and then just
retired.
And then retired.
Yeah.
She'd done another sitcom and it failed.
Yeah.
She played basically the same character.
I'll never get it.
Yeah, yeah, she did.
She played the exact...
I think, and I do think that that's why it failed is I think after that she probably
should have branched out and tried to do other things and she didn't.
She kept that same persona.
Yeah, because that character that she used for Bailey Quarters is an interesting character
but not as the lead of a show.
No, and that's what they tried to do and I can't think...
And I don't even know how to search it.
So if you guys...
Anyhow.
Internet movie database generally has...
You can type in Jan Smithers and it'll tell you everything she was in.
Well, there you go.
If you're so inclined to it, I'm not going to...
So anyway, NPR and Elon Musk are having a spitting contest.
You're a doo-doo head.
Yeah.
Well, what set it off is in an interview, Elon Musk referred to NPR as, quote, state
affiliated media, which it is.
Yes.
Because they take money from the federal government to be an impartial public radio service.
Look, and that's not even derogatory in my opinion.
It's factual.
But NPR decided to take offense as if he accused them of being like North Korea's radio station.
You know?
Yeah, I want to dissect that a minute.
Why would you take offense to that?
Because they're a bunch of weirdos who want to pretend to be something they're not.
Yeah, they want to go, we have actual contracts here.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's why offense was taken.
Yep.
Is because it got a little too close to the sore.
That's true.
So go ahead.
So NPR and their employees in total have 52 Twitter accounts.
NPR has stopped feeds to all of them.
They're boycotting Twitter.
As if Twitter's going to care.
And Elon Musk was reached for comment.
That's tiny fists right there.
You know, you're reaching their little, shaking their little tiny fists.
That's tiny fists right there.
Remember that scene in Tombstone where the Earps are pretending to leave town and they're
saying, it's over, you won, we're leaving.
And the guy's like, well, bye.
That's what Musk's response was to NPR saying they're boycotting Twitter.
He's like, well, bye.
It's like someone get a dustpan, clean up the area.
So in defense of their position, NPR stated that they get less than 1% of their operating
budget in government funds.
Is that true?
That is true.
That's what NPR told us.
As proof saying, we're not state affiliated.
We get less than 1% of our annual budget from the government.
So why in the world does NPR scream bloody murder when someone threatens to cut off their
governmental money supply?
Yeah.
There's something that's not right here.
They're lying to us.
Again, NPR is lying.
Yeah, that's what it's getting ready to say is it's not possible.
No.
Now, okay, another thing is, is they are beggars.
Yeah.
I mean, they live on the charity of our elders.
Look, I mean, there's so much that could be said that they do that I can't stand.
And it's all in how they exist.
Yeah.
You know, they have a right to put on whatever they want and people have a right to listen
to it or shun it.
Yeah.
Okay.
But to me, it's a way that they get their funds.
They are no different than a televangelist.
Yeah.
And no, to me, I cannot take it seriously.
And I get where Elon Musk is coming from.
It's like, yeah, you guys have no credibility at all.
You're up there saying, hey, if you die, you can leave us your farm.
Yeah.
You can leave us your car.
Yep.
Your Aunt May can't drive anymore.
Don't sell it.
Bring us a car.
Yeah.
I'm waiting for NPR to have one of those, you know, give your kidneys to us when you
die so we can sell them on the black market.
Oh, I'm sure that's coming up.
Yeah.
Look, you don't need two kidneys.
Yeah.
You don't need two.
Ask any doctor.
You can live with one.
Come on in.
We have our own staff waiting for your kidney.
Come in and donate your eggs so an infertile couple can buy them from us at 10 grand a
pop.
Here, we're going to walk you through our fertile freezer.
NPR is like the ultimate used car salesman, you know?
You can see Vince from ShamWow going, and this is our cooler that holds the eggs.
Yeah.
And as you can see, look at this young couple here.
Aren't they beautiful?
Look at them.
Yes.
He's obviously of a different culture than her.
And you know, they just can't, they just, you know, they can't have a baby on their
own, but we're going to help them for $30,000.
And then they will turn that into more programming on NPR.
Yes.
They'll use it to fund their next fund drive.
Yeah.
Now, but I'll try not to belabor the point, but you know, if you're a cook, a chef, you
make food that people want to eat.
That just makes sense.
You know, if you're a writer, you write something that people want to read.
And if you're a podcaster, you put up stuff that people want to listen to.
Not that we would know that, but no, we're doing very well.
But if you're NPR, you put up content that the people who donate want to hear.
Exactly.
Why wouldn't you?
Why would you do anything else?
There's no reason for NPR to do anything other but cater to their donators.
Yeah.
That's all they exist for.
Exactly.
Yeah.
So it makes sense.
I'll put it like this.
You know, you didn't see Tom Brady going out and arguing with all the rest before the game.
He was signing jerseys for their children, slapping them on the back, giving stories,
being the best guy ever.
Yeah.
Well, why was that?
Shmooz.
Yeah, you get a favor.
You might get a favor.
Yeah.
And he got plenty of them.
So we'll see how this NPR and, you know, I think like 10 minutes after this happened,
Elon Musk probably forgot about it because it just doesn't matter.
That's what I'm saying.
It doesn't matter.
He is probably like, OK, well, someone go sweep that area up.
Someone else will get in there.
It doesn't matter.
I mean, a platform as big as Twitter, that amount of people, that organization meant
nothing.
Nothing.
That's room for two douchebags and microphone to take over.
Yeah.
You know, I could be driving down the road, my car throws up a rock and it like hits a
turtle and the turtle goes, ow.
I didn't even know what happened.
That's a turtle may dedicate the rest of his life to hating me because my car threw a rock,
but I didn't notice.
I think that's Elon Musk and Twitter.
I think so, too.
Against NPR.
I think NPR doesn't like me.
OK.
He'd be very wise.
He'd be very wise to not dedicate any time to that at all.
No, I'm sure he's not.
There would be absolutely no reason.
So, yeah.
So that's my latest NPR fun.
But we'll get back to Elon Musk because I have a good Twitter Tesla story, too.
Yeah.
Yep.
Do you want to go ahead and go into the Tesla story?
I mean, while we're doing Elon Musk, go ahead.
I mean, I can't admit about anything that has to do with Elon Musk anymore fascinates
me because he has so much shit going on.
He does.
I mean, it's just one thing after another.
OK.
Well, in a recent podcast, we talked about how Tesla employees are downloading the inside-the-car
video that Tesla's take.
And I told a couple of friends of mine that own Teslas.
And they were both just like baffled.
They didn't think that could happen.
Yeah.
But now Tesla employees are downloading that video and editing out the juicier bits and
trading among themselves and the company.
And there is already a class action lawsuit filed by Tesla owners against Tesla for spying
on them with the cameras that are inside the vehicle.
Here's another bad press for Tesla.
There are certain models in certain years.
I think it's the Model S from like 2017 to 20.
The control arm in the front suspension will completely separate.
Oh.
Just snap.
Gone.
Oh, boy.
And it's, if you've ever driven a car with the front suspension trashed, it whumps up
and down.
It's like an off-center wheel.
And that has given rise to the name Whompy Wheels.
Whompy Wheels.
It's happening so often to Tesla cars that there's already a nickname for it.
That's crazy.
Whompy Wheels.
Yeah.
And this most often happens at low speed.
So it's not life threatening.
But occasionally it happens at high speed.
You lose control.
The tire blows.
Yeah, then you're fucked.
You're going to flip.
Tesla is refusing to do a recall on this or to even admit there's a problem.
Wow.
What Tesla's been doing.
How in the world are they getting around this?
The automotive recall regulations are written in such a way to benefit the auto manufacturers.
They pretty much have to agree to do a recall.
I don't think anyone can force a recall without legal action.
Yeah.
So I think this is the start of legal action.
What Tesla's been doing is when customers come in with this, they've just been charging
the customer for repair.
If the customer objects, they've been doing what they call goodwill repairs.
That's in quotes.
That's what Tesla calls them.
Oh, for customer goodwill, we'll just go ahead and do this repair and not charge you.
So in other words, it's a recall without saying it.
Yeah.
However, if they do the goodwill repair, they require the customer to sign a non-disclosure
agreement promising to never tell anybody what happened to their car and what Tesla
did to fix it.
So they're trying to weasel out of a recall.
Wow.
And they're putting people in danger.
That is dirty.
It is.
I'm sorry.
You know, as much as I was on Elon's favor against NPR, I'm against him on this.
That's bullshit.
That is bullshit.
That is weasel fucking tactics right there.
And if the customers break the NDA and talk about it, they have to pay the full cost of
the repair.
I'd fucking get the...
I'd get the goodwill repair and tell everybody and then make them sue me.
Then when they sue me, I'd countersue saying, hey, this is a recall and I have proof.
Yeah.
Then I'd sue their ass for every penny I could get.
Yeah.
That's bullshit, man.
Yeah.
Well, this recent customer that it happened to, he took it to the dealership and he said,
you know, this is happening a lot to Tesla cars like this.
You should repair it.
And they said, no, it's not a recall.
It's not a service issue.
It's, you know, Tesla won't authorize it.
And he even showed them on his phone stories about other Teslas that were crapping out
in this way.
And they still said, no, they wouldn't even do a goodwill repair.
They just said 3,600 bucks.
And he finally agreed.
He said, okay, repair it, but I want to keep those old parts.
Because he wanted evidence of this problem.
So the dealership maliciously complied.
They fixed his car and when they had the old parts, they threw them forcefully in the back
seat, which just trashed up the leather of his back seat.
There are a lot of sharp edges on these parts.
They're grease covered.
They cut up his old back seat, got grease everywhere because the mechanics were pissed
at him that he wants his old parts.
And they were told, oh, just throw them in his back seat.
So he was punished for wanting his old parts back.
Now what did he do about that?
He's filing a lawsuit.
Good.
But here's Tesla.
Every step of the way, he screwed the customer.
Every step of the way.
I will never buy their things ever again.
Everything that I've learned ever since, the golden boy, Elon Musk and all that, that guy
is a piece of shit in my opinion.
And I don't think you should buy anything from him.
He's a rich weirdo with good PR.
You got anything you want to talk about?
Oh no, we're from Illinois.
Oh hey, welcome.
What part of Illinois?
Southern, down around Carbondale Marion.
Oh, okay.
My ex-wife lives in Mount Vernon.
Oh, that's not part.
Yeah, we're up for baseball games.
Oh, okay.
What's going on?
We're just doing a podcast about anything and everything.
Right now we're talking about Elon Musk and the lawsuits going on with Tesla.
I don't make enough money to have electric cars.
Oh yeah.
Well, we're doing a podcast so we don't make anything.
I don't know what you mean.
Guys, this is a nice place here, I will say that.
Yeah, it is.
I'm glad you chose this place to come here.
If you look up the history of it, it looks almost identical to what it did in the 40s
and even in the 1800s when Kansas City was originated on the bluff.
They say Saturday it really hops.
Saturday this place hops.
How long are you here for?
We're leaving Wednesday.
Oh, okay.
We got here Saturday.
Okay.
Just some little ball games and stuff like that.
Oh, okay.
You see the World War I Memorial Museum?
No, where is it?
It's across from Union Station.
Take Grand Avenue right out here and take it past downtown, over the hill, and then
you're going to get to an area there.
Union Station, number one, you're going to see where the draft is going to be held at
in the huge, huge stage.
It's the biggest stage ever for the draft.
You're going to see that, and then right behind it on the hill, you'll see it.
It's called the Liberty Memorial, and it's the only World War I museum in America.
I suggest going in there and looking at it.
It's amazing.
You go actually into the building.
It's kind of almost underground.
Then if you can go to the top of the Liberty Memorial...
It's that huge pylon that sticks up.
Yeah, you'll see it.
At night, they have a flame that comes out of it, or they used to at least.
They used to, yeah.
Where's the Jackie Robinson baseball?
That's 18th and Vine.
That's not very far at all.
How you would do that is you go down here to Independence Avenue, up here on the ridge.
Take a left, and then when you hit the Paseo, take a right, and it's about three miles down.
What is it called?
18th and Vine, the Negro League's baseball district.
That is worth going to, too.
Both of those are worth going to.
Guys have been talking to you.
Yeah, hey, take care, man.
Welcome.
Enjoy the city.
Thank you.
Yeah, enjoy.
Cool.
Yeah, very cool.
We forgot to mention that we did a podcast from the top of the Liberty Memorial that
one time.
That was a little chilly that night.
It was.
Then the flashes, whoever was shining that spotlight, I swear they knew we were doing
a podcast up there.
Well, as long as we're talking about the Liberty Memorial, this brings up a fun fact I want
to talk about Great Britain.
There are 193 member nations in the United Nations.
Didn't know that.
No.
At some point in history, Britain has invaded 171 of them.
And promptly gave them up.
Wow.
I thought that was... United Nations is basically a club of all the countries that the UK has
invaded at one point or another.
Hi, how you doing?
It's hilarious.
How are you?
Doing good.
You guys just talking about anything?
Anything.
You want to come over and talk?
I just, I tried to take a photo of him and he was eating.
Oh, I'm sorry.
He was eating.
He was like eating something.
So I was going to put you on the mic and stuff.
Oh, okay.
Well, I'm not eating now, but... Yeah, yeah, go ahead.
He's very... He's surprisingly photogenic.
So yeah, what are you talking about?
Well, I'm passing along fun facts about Great Britain.
Yeah.
We was talking about Elon Musk and his lawsuits, but...
I don't like Elon Musk.
No, he's coming off bad at this one.
We don't either.
Yeah.
He used to be a Democrat, and now he's a Republican.
But he's a crazy Republican.
Oh yeah.
He... I think he's more of a Muskean.
Yeah, he is.
He's more about himself than anything.
It's the Republic of Elon Musk.
He's always giving the candidate a race for his money with all the kids to his side.
You know what I mean?
They have all the reasons to be, and I can't show a girl with him.
Maybe so.
Yeah, I'm not real familiar, but yeah.
He's something.
But you know, it is what it is.
There we go.
Yeah.
Now we can hear you better.
Now we can hear you.
Oh, sorry.
So what are you doing?
Just getting your coffee?
Yes.
I wanted... I asked for the wrong drink, though.
I asked for... This is a Cubado, I guess.
I thought you had a double, but I really wanted a portato, so hopefully this is the same and
I can do it.
I think I've had a Cubado before.
I don't remember exactly what it is, but... Yeah, but it's good.
They have a infused sugar.
It's good.
It's small.
Yeah, it's really small.
They have the infused sugar in it.
I think it's kind of frothy, and it's pretty good.
Yeah, it's good.
I can't really drink milk, so this is a lot of soy.
I'm hoping for the best.
Yeah.
Good luck.
I usually go with the oat milk.
That's where it's at pretty well.
I gotta do my taxes.
I'll do it tomorrow.
Oh, boy.
Sorry.
Yeah.
The thing is, I have it done pretty much, except for I don't have my number to... You
know how you need to do your number... You gotta have a tax ID number, yeah.
To do it online.
I don't know how to get it, because it's not coming up online.
So I'll just have to drive to the IRS, which would be a whole hassle.
Maybe I should just ask for an extension.
I'll call it even.
Yeah.
Ask for an extension.
That sounds better, right?
Yeah.
It's a good time to just get it when you find out how you get it in the mail or online
or whatever.
All this tedious stuff is just too much for me.
I agree.
There are some European countries where your taxes are all done for you, and at the end
of the year, the government sends you a statement saying, this is how we've done your taxes.
Unless you want to dispute it.
If you want to dispute it, give us a call.
Otherwise, you're done.
Yeah.
I've lived in four continents.
Oh, really?
Nice.
What continents?
Well, I lived in Europe.
There was a couple reasons.
First, when I was a kid, my father was in the military, then my mother worked in the
federal government.
I was in Munich, Stuttgart, and Heidelberg between the ages of eight and seven, 14 and
17.
Then my parents moved when I was older, so I'd go back for summers.
Then I was modeling over there.
I guess I didn't really have a base.
I was in France and Italy and all of that.
I was in a school, took a class, a class over where they wrote the book under the Tuscan
Sea or whatever that practice.
Oh, yeah.
I don't like nothing near the water.
I like normal Italian food.
On the inside, it was a lot of pork and chicken, which is not what I think of in Italy.
No, I've been to Greece and Italy.
My mom's actually from Greece.
I've never been to Greece.
That's where I want to go.
I want to go to the islands.
I had these big plans before COVID to go to Morocco and different places.
I was going to try to swim by Torquay.
Santorini is a great place.
I've been to Italy.
Santorini is my destination.
We never made it there.
To where?
Santorini.
My friend got back from there.
He said that it was the most beautiful place except for the water was freezing.
Oh, wow.
He said the water was disminable.
He wouldn't swim in it.
He would tie his toe in.
Wow.
Cold current coming up from the Antarctic.
I guess so.
Maybe it's just always cold water.
We don't think about it.
We think of water as like Florida or something.
Yeah.
They're on the ocean and they're kind of in it.
I don't know.
I think it's awesome that you guys are talking about stuff.
I love the idea that you're a douchebag.
It's catchy.
People go, what were those guys?
Oh, yeah.
They're a douchebag.
Listen to your podcast.
How popular is your podcast?
It's actually really popular.
We have people all over the country.
Yeah.
Actually around the world too.
You've got me talking about the IRS.
Yes.
Why don't you ask me some good questions?
You guys watch Succession?
I'm sorry?
You guys watch Succession?
I don't think so.
I haven't.
What is it?
You know that TV show that's supposed to be based on Rupert Murdoch or whatever?
Oh, yeah.
I've heard of it.
All of these people are despicable.
I guess they must be really good actors because they're probably nice people.
We've got over 3,000 all-time downloads.
Well, I'm going to just lower you down.
Nobody's interested in what I have to say.
There's hits from all over the world where we've been downloaded.
Are you serious?
Europe.
That's United States alone right there.
We can't break into South America.
Well, they will be once we post it.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Look at that.
We can't break into South America.
Nobody in South America will download this.
I don't understand it.
There's a lot of English speakers.
I have a sponsor kid in Brazil, in Porto A's in Brazil.
I'll tell her to download it.
We appreciate that.
They'll get us another comment.
Yeah, they'll get us another comment.
How long have you been doing this?
About a year.
Yeah, right about a year, probably, about today.
Yeah, it was April of last year.
Really?
You're just on Apple or what?
No, we're on every platform.
Yeah, we're all over it.
Including 2DeuceBags and Microphone.net.
Yep.
So, what do you tell, I mean, what do you say, what's it about?
Just general entertainment and humor.
Anything topical, entertaining?
Yeah.
Yeah, we not only, I'm sorry, go ahead.
We try to do some serious topics, but we try to keep it funny.
We try not to rant.
You know, nobody wants to listen to a couple of old men ranting.
Yeah, let's face it, if you want to hear angry radio, you can go up and down the dial.
Yeah.
No kidding.
The only podcasts, I've listened to a couple.
There's one podcast about movies.
I love watching it where they just sit around and talk about movies.
That would be cool.
Yeah.
I'm trying to think, I mean, that is a great podcast to have, but sometimes it's a bunch
of guys.
Sometimes if it's like a girly movie, they'll find some female, but.
Yeah.
That's understandable.
But yeah, I don't know what it's called, but it's really good.
I listened to Mea Culpa and I listened to whatever the heck the thing is with the movies,
which I can't think of on my head, but it was really good.
I think, excuse me, the best crossover movie between the traditional chick flick and a
guy movie would be A Very Long Engagement.
I've never seen that.
Yeah.
It's a French movie and you can either listen to the dubbed version or read the subtitles,
but it's got a good romantic storyline, but it also takes place during World War I.
And it's a young girl who's engaged to a young man who goes off to fight and the French do
so well in World War I.
Wait, what did you say?
She goes to do what?
She's engaged to a young man who goes off to fight in World War I and the French military
didn't do so well in that war.
In fact, there was a mutiny where the French troops decided to quit fighting and a lot
of them got executed.
You gotta love the French.
They don't play.
Now they don't have the death penalty.
So there's this great love story there, but there's also a lot about World War I and it
shows action scenes and there's a revenge element.
I mean, it's got everything.
So if you can handle the...
You lost me at World War I.
I'm sorry?
You lost me at World War I.
Oh, well.
What's your favorite movie of all time?
Oh, gosh.
It's hard to say.
Movie I can watch over and over again is probably Brazil.
It was done by one of the Monty Python guys.
Man, your taste is much different than mine.
I think my favorite movie might be Jaws or Aliens.
Jaws is awesome.
I saw that again recently.
I don't know why.
It's some idiot.
It took me when I was like eight years old.
I'm not even that old.
And then I like the movies that really had all the GCI.
Because Alien was great and Aliens is excellent because I don't know why.
I just think those are good movies.
I like Tom Hanks where he played the bad guy with Paul Newman.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, it's really hard to find Tom Hanks playing the bad guy.
I agree.
But he was so good.
You know what I'm talking about?
He was.
Yeah.
Actually, I have a suggestion for you.
You've seen a man called Otto.
I haven't gotten to it yet.
I haven't been going to the theater after COVID.
I kind of...
He plays kind of a bad guy.
It's very interesting how they switch him around.
Like a grouch.
Yeah, very much a grouch.
I think he can play a bad guy because look at Denzel.
He did Training Day.
Yeah, that's true.
Ain't no gay guy shit on me.
Yeah, that's right.
And then that's why Denzel's so good.
He can play anything.
I agree.
Oh, did you hear?
They're doing a Gladiator update.
No, I didn't.
With the kid that was in Gladiator, he's going to be in charge now.
Oh, wow.
And they're trying to cast Denzel for the movie.
So I don't know exactly how Denzel would fit into this world unless he was a slave or something.
It could be.
And I don't want him to be a slave, but he did win it for glory as well.
So he could play that too.
Well, I mean, if he has something left to conquer in the acting world, then I guess
maybe he will play a different type of character.
I don't know.
So he could have to get old buff or is he buff?
Only though he's only 67.
I think he's probably still in pretty good shape.
He always has been.
No, he kind of goes down between movies.
I saw him praying for somebody, like LA or whatever, I guess, putting hands on of some
kind.
And he just looked like a normal 67-year-old guy.
I mean, he didn't have all the wrinkles because black don't crack.
But he looked like a nice looking guy, but somebody's dad.
Same with Josh Rowland.
And he's not filming.
He's a doughboy.
Okay, yeah, because he can look like granite when he wants to.
Or who's the other one that chunked out really bad?
Is it Russell Crowe?
Russell Crowe, yeah.
Russell Crowe chunked out a bit.
Oh my god, yeah.
Brandon Fraser.
Another one, yeah.
Another good Denzel Washington movie.
Yeah, Brandon Fraser.
I don't know.
The men can do that, the women can't do that.
Did you see Bridget Bondi?
They showed some photos.
I guess Bridget Bondi came out and she's massive.
Yeah, she's unrecognizable.
It's crazy.
Well, the thing is, I'm not doing it to judge in the sense of he shouldn't be on the game
weight because everybody does.
But the difference...
This looks like unhealthiness.
Yeah.
She's very large.
She's still married to some famous guy.
But when Jerry Lewis gained a ton of weight, it was because he was on a certain medication.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm not sure what that means to me, so you never know with...
That's true.
I wouldn't have recognized her, but that's...
Wow.
Isn't that crazy?
Oh my god, look at this.
This is the same one I saw.
Yeah, that's the same one.
I didn't see that one.
My point is, I mean, she's not in the acting business, she's still in her liberal life,
but living in LA, you would have to almost hide yourself away.
It's just very interesting.
Anyway, you guys have real stuff to talk about.
I'm not sure how real it is, but...
I'm going to listen to you.
When is this posting?
Over the next week.
We slice them up because most people do not listen over an hour, an hour and 10, 15...
I don't either.
Yeah.
It's drive time.
Right.
And the average drive is 40 minutes to work it back.
So an hour, 10 to hour, 20 minutes.
But you just started it, right?
Now?
Yeah.
I've got about 35 minutes in.
Yeah.
Okay.
So I'm going to be in the first podcast or the second?
The second one because I still have one waiting.
The second one.
Still got one to out drop.
Yeah.
Right.
Okay.
Well, thank you and it's interesting.
And what is your name?
My name is Bridget.
Bridget.
Very nice to meet you.
I'm Mark.
Nice to meet you.
I'm one of the douchebags.
I'm Topher.
I'm the other douchebag.
Christopher, huh?
Yeah.
No, I mean, I just needed to have a strength.
Oh, yeah.
We're going to get more coffee.
Well, I see you up here quite a bit.
I just never really had an opportunity to say hi to you.
I don't come here that often.
You must just see me the times I do come up.
I think so.
Yeah.
Because I mean, if I come up here in the summer maybe once every two or three weeks, if that,
if that.
Okay.
And in the winter, I haven't been here probably in at least a month.
Where do you see me at?
Over here.
That isn't you that was over here sitting?
No.
Maybe about a month ago?
No.
I never sit.
I just get my drink and go.
Okay.
I stand corrected.
You stand corrected.
Apparently I need to fix myself up and-
We both have auxiliary eyes, so.
Yeah.
We don't see a lot.
My things is that my go-to is to the coffee house, and then to Rosaria italiana, which
of course I tend to miss because I tend to come on Mondays.
And your first name is?
Do you have a real name?
Mark.
And you're topper.
Topher.
I'll remember.
Okay, so I'm going to go ahead and do that.
Thank you for talking to me, thank you audience.
Sorry to interrupt you, and I will try to see if I can get Brazil on for you.
Excellent.
Okay, sounds great.
All right, you too, God bless.
Thank you.
Switch this back to front and back.
Wow, we've already had two guests.
This is fun.
What a lively day.
Yeah.
See, it's a beautiful day and people come out.
Right now people listening are like,
oh thank God, they're not getting to their regular.
Yeah, this is the most interesting we've been.
Yeah.
In a year.
Oh my God.
And we've been doing this for a year.
Besides people.
People that aren't douchebags talking, yay.
So more fun facts about Great Britain.
So, all righty, 193 member nations of the UN
and Great Britain has invaded 171 of them.
On average of once every seven days,
a nation around the world is celebrating
independence from Great Britain.
Wow.
That's how often it's, on average once a week,
somebody's going, yay, we kicked the British out.
I think we should do it quarterly just to be dicks.
Yeah, we only do it once a year.
Yeah, we should do it quarterly just to throw people off.
Oh, let's see.
And you know, it's said that the only reason
that the pyramids exist in Egypt
is because they were too heavy for the British
to steal and take home and put in a museum.
That's awesome.
All righty.
All right, I've got one here.
Okay.
Deep Brain AI is a company, okay, from South Korea.
Deep Brain, oh, okay, I've heard of Deep Brain.
Yeah, but first let's do a 20 second runoff here.
All right.
I'm ready.
Swimming in toxic masculinity
and wiping their ass with politically correct wash rags.
Two douchebags in a microphone
invade your ear holes in three, two, one.
Two monkey fuckers in a toaster will be right back.
City market, Kansas City, Missouri.
I'm Toford.
Mark here.
Roll call.
Yeah.
We kinda did that a little differently.
All of a sudden it kicked in.
I got a flashback to roll call in school.
No, that's what it sounded like
because all of a sudden I realized
all I did was say, all right, I didn't introduce.
I was like, oh shit, I better go to that real quick.
So anyhow.
There was a kid in one of my classes
that people would say here or yes or whatever
and then the cool guys would say yo
and the teacher would say no
and don't say yo, say here or present.
There's one guy that always just made a random sound.
It wasn't even a word.
They call his name and he'd go smirk.
Every day it was different random word.
I like the grunting.
One kid opened his mouth to say here
and one kid opened his mouth to say here
and he just belched really loud.
He got sent to the principal's office.
Oh yeah, I remember when belching and farting was like
a punishable offense.
Yeah, yeah.
Now the teacher probably rubbed your belly.
Are you all done?
Hey, all you have to do is fake up an IBS excuse.
Go online and print something that looks authentic.
Remember that, what was that South Park episode
when Cartman pretended to have Tourette's
so he could say fuck and shit
and piss in front of everybody.
And I can't help it.
That was a great episode.
Alrighty.
Okay, the Deep Brain AI is what I was gonna go at there.
South Korea AI based video systems provider,
Deep Brain AI announced Monday it launched a business
to customer called B2C Service that will virtually
recreate deceased family members.
Wow.
I saw this on TV.
And it was a mother talking to her dead child.
Oh crazy.
I don't know how she done it because they showed a video.
Here's why I say that.
She was crying uncontrollably like she was really
talking to her daughter.
And in her head she was really talking to her daughter
which to me is a crime.
It's a scary key, I mean it's like a master key to the lock.
And you open up somebody's mind and you can do
all sorts of damage in there.
Oh that's what the psychologists were saying
that went on this program that they had come on there
and they're like this can really screw somebody up
to where they actually think that they are alive
and they might search for them.
They might demand for them.
They may end up committing suicide when they realize
that it was false hope.
In the arms race to find ways to turn other people
so they work for your side instead of their side,
that's a really good tool.
Yes.
You bring a dead family member back to life
and then you take it away and say you'll only get this
if you do what I tell you.
Yeah and it's been done in several like Amityville horror
where the, I mean this was a horror movie
so you know the dead brother comes back
and then the brother that's alive was so irresistible.
He almost, even though he could see his vampire fangs
and the blood and everything and he was white as a sheet,
he still almost went and opened up the door for his brother.
Yeah, Pet Sematary did that story too.
Pet Sematary is another, yes.
Bringing the dead back but they're not quite
what they used to be.
Oh yeah, there's been many great movies based on it.
Exactly.
Yeah, but that's a really insanely.
Salem's Lot, not Amityville, yeah.
And Salem's Lot did it so perfectly.
Man.
So the company which creates.
It's an crazily powerful drug
that leaves absolutely no trace.
Yeah, to me I think this is criminal.
Yeah, the company which creates life like AI
unveiled the latest service dubbed Re-Memory.
That even sounds like a sci-fi.
It does, like Total Recall.
Yeah, going wrong.
Yeah, oh gosh.
The virtual human service based on AI technology
recreates the client's late family members
by mimicking their every aspect from their physique
to their voice.
So I would suspect that this little girl that passed away
probably moved, looked, and acted just like her so much.
But the mom was so, just so frazzled and crying.
Should we pause for a second maybe?
We'll be right back.
So the client can meet the rendering of their loved ones
at a Re-Memory showroom for about 30 minutes per session.
Oh, I bet they charge out the ass for that.
Oh, I bet they do and all you get is 30 minutes.
Well enough to get you hooked.
Yeah.
Keeps you coming back for more.
If it was really an honest and scrupulous service,
they would sell it to you and you take it home.
Exactly.
And you never have to pay them a dime.
Yeah.
But they keep it as a subscription service.
Exactly, that's exactly the way I read into this too.
30 minutes, like well, you can always book one
for next week and see her again.
She's right here.
That's the way every business is going.
No business wants to sell you something, get paid once,
and then you walk away.
No.
Because that's bad for business.
That's money on the table to them.
They want you to have to pay them every month.
Yes.
For whatever it is you're getting.
Keep you a customer hooked in for life.
Well, I mean the government set the president with taxes.
Yeah, that's true.
It's like here, nope, you can own your house.
Well, not really.
Yes.
But yeah, but no.
Technically your name's on it, but if you don't pay taxes,
your name will not be on it anymore.
That's because you think you own that land
that their house is on, but the government really owns it.
And with Emmett Domain, you don't really own it either
because they could take it at any time.
In the name of the people.
Yeah, in the name of the people.
And another thing is, is they can take this.
This is what they've been doing
in certain parts of the country is, is it's residential.
They'll take three blocks of houses and turn it commercial,
which spikes the price up probably five times,
but they pay you for residential
and then the government grabs the money for commercial.
Yep.
So it is criminal.
Yeah.
Just like this AI deal.
Something that I thought of on this AI,
how much of what they're seeing is a genuine recreation
of their loved one and how much is manipulation
built into the video to make you susceptible,
make you believe.
Okay, I think that this particular one they showed on TV,
they had video of.
Just because of, there were certain things that they said,
how they created the video and how they did this.
So I think that maybe if you got a photo from 1950
and you want to speak to your great, great grandpa,
that that may be quite a bit different.
And how would you know?
Yeah, I think the AI needs good source material
in the form of a video of the person moving,
speaking, laughing, a range of facial expressions
to make it more accurate and realistic.
But underneath that video of that woman's long dead child,
there's probably a subliminal message that's screaming,
I love you mommy, never leave me again.
And that's what's gonna hook the customer
to keep on being back every week
and spending that whatever it takes for another session.
Why wouldn't the person say,
oh no, they put her away in that shelf.
I gotta come back and get her out of that shelf.
Yeah, yeah, they'll probably have something on site
to make it look like.
They just put her away.
Your loved one is being locked away again
until you come free them.
Let's take her computer chip
and put it in this little computer chip coffin.
They'll probably send you a postcard,
your loved one is waiting for you to come back.
Right now she's dead.
Do you want her to be alive?
Then you better order a service again.
She wants to come say hi to you.
She let us know in her death that she really misses you.
And at some point, they will sell you a package
saying, okay, buy a year's worth.
Of your daughter.
And then at some point, if you drop off,
they'll send you a message saying,
I guess we're just gonna have to delete her
unless you show interest.
We can't keep her on file
unless you're coming to keep working.
That's exactly what's gonna happen.
And then you have to kill your loved one again
by letting them delete them.
Only this time you killed them
in the car wreck or whatever.
Yeah.
Wow.
Look how sick this gets in just a minute or two.
To me, this is criminal.
It is.
That they're allowed to even do this.
Yeah.
And it's a South Korean company,
so it may not even be legal over here for all I know.
Who knows?
But if it's not, it will be soon.
Yeah, it will.
Someone will buy a few legislators.
Easy to do, common knowledge.
Happens every day.
Now the cigarette industry lasted as long as it did.
Yeah, yep.
Yep, until they turned on him.
I got something interesting here.
Remember how we're doing things to whisper
in a stranger's ear?
Well, I got a few of them.
Pardon me while I stretch.
My back has to go the other direction.
Well, sure thing.
Oh, there we go.
Stretch away.
Alrighty.
Yeah, things to whisper in a stranger's ear.
All right.
I don't know if you're gonna get this one or not.
It depends on whether you,
I'm gonna go with certain things, all right.
R-S-T-L-N-E.
Oh, I feel like I should know this, but I really don't.
Those are the letters that they give you
on the bonus round of Wheel of Fortune.
That's it.
Yes, I knew you would be like,
wait a minute, wait a minute, what does that mean?
The light bulb goes off, the clouds part.
That's why I did that.
Realization hits and it's Wheel of Fortune.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it's their letters.
And I don't even, I gotta look up some time
when I even give a shit
how they came up with these letters to give me.
R-S-T-L-N-E.
Love it.
This one you will get
and a lot of people out there will not get.
The Melvins suck.
Oh, yeah.
Remember they told her, they always say,
remember, the Melvins suck.
Yeah.
And at concerts everybody screams,
the Melvins suck and they're like, yeah, we do.
Yep.
Yeah, they tour with the Butthole Surfers.
Yes, they did.
I think there's a little cross pollination
between the bands.
I think some of the members.
Who is it, the bassist and?
I think it's the bass player, yeah.
Yeah, I think it's the bassist, yeah.
The other day on a used music gear site,
it was actually about a year ago,
I saw a Marshall stack, it was a Bass Amp stack.
Oh, you mean the company that just sold?
The company.
Oh, yes, Marshall, yes.
Yeah, you sent me an article, I'm gonna pull it.
Anyhow, go ahead.
Oh, I forgot about that.
But it was a 400 watt all tube Marshall Bass Amp,
full stack, and it was owned and toured with
by the bass player for the Melvins.
Nice.
And he was moving from Texas to Michigan
because his health was failing
and he's gonna go live with family.
And he was taking pictures of it around,
and on one side of it was still taped up the set list
for the last show where they performed.
And then in order to authenticate it,
he attached a video clip of a New Year's Eve party
that the Melvins played somewhere,
and there was that Bass Amp on stage,
you could clearly see it was the same thing.
Oh, nice.
And it was like, wouldn't that be cool
if you had the money,
and the shipping would have been outrageous from Texas,
to own that piece of musical history.
If I was independently wealthy, I would buy that.
That would be so cool.
I just have it in a room.
All the gouges on it, all the scuffs, all the dirt.
Vomit.
I wouldn't even clean it.
I wouldn't clean it at all.
No, no, no, I'd leave it right there.
I would just leave it just there.
I would let people enter the room on their own discretion
and say, look, I'm not making a sign of waiver,
just stay away from it.
Yes.
So anyway, they've got there from the Melvins.
Oh, yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, okay.
You got me on music,
and I forgot all about what I was doing here.
Flip-flops are nude sandals.
They are.
They're nudist sandals.
We don't need anything over here.
We don't need any clothes.
We're flip-flops.
We are naked.
Man, there are some people that should really have
to buy a permit to show their toenails out in public.
Ooh, yeah, they got that little devil fungus guy
that they have on TV.
Yeah, the commercial.
Yeah.
The next one.
I see dead people.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
And you know, in another like five or years or so,
nobody's gonna remember that that was a line in a movie.
You know what, you're right.
I bet you a lot of people don't get this right here.
They're like, what?
I see dead people.
Yeah, so, okay.
This next one.
Now, just think about it too.
Okay.
If sardines are raw fish, then what is sushi?
Raw fish.
Yeah.
Wow, yeah.
Yeah.
So couldn't you pass sardines off as sushi?
I would think so.
Yeah, you could call it like a new type of sushi.
I don't know, like gutter fish.
Yeah.
Gutter fish sushi.
Let's see, they always name them like
the California roll, the salmon roll.
You could call the gutter fish roll.
The spicy tuna roll.
You could be the toilet roll.
The shit roll, I don't know, the toilet roll.
The booger roll.
The rolly polly.
This next one I love.
This is my favorite.
Do cigars make fun of cigarettes?
Oh.
You know they do.
Yeah.
You know, look at little guy.
Aw, hey little fella.
Can't get a draw off you, can they?
Y'all got little sissy filters on too.
Look at that, you got the little filters.
Isn't that cute?
Now what do they do about jailhouse cigarettes?
Jailhouse cigarettes are probably
kicking a cigar's ass, don't you think?
Yeah, I would think so.
You know, it's all rolled up and all fucking
chattered on the end and fucking pregnant looking.
Smuggled in somebody's butthole.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, a cigar made a mistake of going over there
and going, hey little guy, bam!
Oh!
Go to anything else, bitch.
No, no!
You might be tough, but you ain't jailhouse cigarette tough.
They throw the cigar down a curb stump and.
Oh!
Anybody else?
He was so young.
No, no.
This next one's odd, but it works.
Nair for canines.
I would almost protest and go, forget it.
I'm just sleeping.
Oh my gosh.
This next one, it depends on your age,
whether you read a history book or not.
One if by land, two if by sea.
Oh yeah, that should be familiar.
I saw that in the commercial the other day.
Oh, did they have one?
Apparently that's still in popular culture.
Since I have TV, usually it's background noise
while I'm writing or something.
I probably heard that and just jotted it down
and didn't even realize it.
So anyhow.
There was a really popular video game,
Fallout 4 and they worked that into.
Oh, so half the people think it came from Fallout 4.
Probably, yeah.
They work in a lot of American Revolution themes
and the underground railroad themes.
Oh, okay.
Although in Fallout 4,
it's not black people escaping slavery,
it's synthetic humans.
Oh wow.
Escaping slavery.
Wow, which could be something coming up.
Oh yeah, sure eventually.
Yeah, we're gonna have to give them citizenship.
Yeah, and a lawyer will come to bat for them and go, hey.
There are people trying to give dogs and cats civil rights.
So you know an AI is gonna get a lawyer.
An AI will definitely be that, yeah.
They'll get a lawyer.
It'll probably be an AI that calls a lawyer.
Yeah, and it'll be an AI lawyer.
What about you?
Yeah, me too.
It'll be two mainframes of Facebook.
They're calling a lawyer right now.
Yeah.
Yeah, so.
Oh well.
Next one.
Who put the fun in Funyuns?
Oh.
Is it Frida Lay or did God?
It had to be God.
Yeah, God made the onion.
But that would be a good thing to whisper in somebody's ear.
It would be, they'd be like, oh my gosh.
I don't know what I can do.
I'm gonna find this out.
I'll be back.
Okay.
Okay, the next one.
Are Shoebuckles shoelaces grandparents?
Oh, they would be.
They would be.
Yeah.
They'd have like a picture of them in the shoelace house.
Yeah.
They'd be like,
this is your great grandfather Wilbur.
He looks so different.
Well, back then they didn't have shoelaces.
They were shoebuckles.
Like an MP3 file's great granddad was a CD.
Yeah.
Why did they have buckles, mommy?
Well, they weren't smart enough
to just put holes in them and sew them together.
Really?
Oh, really?
Yes, that's true.
Wow.
And then my final but best, well not best one.
Ever have a dream you're eating chocolate pudding
then wake up with a spoon in your ass?
Ow.
You can hear me crumpling it up right there.
So there you go guys.
You got your wish.
I tore it up.
Yeah, the answer's me neither.
No, no.
On whatever.
No, no, no.
No, asking for a friend.
Yeah.
That's it.
Well, I've been seeing some memes
of insulting Kid Rock and his fans.
No, go ahead.
I've gathered a few that I've seen recently.
Kid Rock makes music for the people
who know exactly how much Sudafed you can get
for a catalytic converter.
And they know how old you gotta be to sign for it.
Kid Rock makes music for guys
who can only see their kids on weekends, but still don't.
Oh my God.
Go ahead, keep going.
Kid Rock makes music for guys
who can't go a day without yelling,
shut up you stupid bitch.
Oh my.
Kid Rock makes music for people
who think meth mouth is sexy.
Ooh.
Less teeth means less resistance.
Kid Rock makes music for people
who have more relatives in prison than teeth.
So the ones I saw the other day.
Oh my God, those are fantastic.
And the one that's absolutely true,
that's the funniest of all,
when Kid Rock got all upset about the Bud Light can
and shot him up with his gun,
then he said, well, guess I'm a Coors Light man now.
A Coors Light is even more,
Yes, I know.
No, it's funny.
Here's what I noticed, okay.
In Walmart, I had to go to Walmart yesterday,
unfortunately, but there's certain things
that I have to get there
because they have them and other places don't.
Yeah, they have walls, right?
Yes.
Yeah.
Cause that was Paris Hilton said,
Yeah, they have walls.
Walmart, is that like, you buy walls there?
Yeah.
And she probably still believes us to this day.
Yeah, probably so.
Okay.
I walked by the big beer thing that they have in the aisle,
not actually in the beer aisle, right?
All the Bud Lights were there,
but most of the natural lights were gone.
Ah.
Yeah.
People were switching to Natty Light.
Yeah, but who makes Natty Light?
Ann Houser Bush.
Who makes Bud Light?
Ann Houser Bush.
So these dumbasses were staying away from Bud Light
because they didn't like the logo, the transgender deal.
So they're buying Natty Light,
and I'll bet you anything, Ann Houser Bush knew this.
Oh yeah.
They said start pimping Natty Light.
Uh huh.
And everyone's running out and buying it,
and it's right next to Bud Light.
Oh god.
So people are like, I ain't buying that queer shit.
And then they go and they grab the Natty Light,
and it's the same company.
I was just like going,
that's exactly what I thought would happen.
Yeah.
As they say, well, they've always said,
no one ever went broke,
underestimating the stupidity of,
or overestimating the stupidity of Americans.
Yeah, no, that's true.
Yeah.
Two douchebags and microphone dot net.
You're one stop for everything douchebaggery.
You want to write us?
You want to say something to us?
You want to look for a live button when we go live,
you can call in.
All of this stuff is right there for your ear holes
and eye holes.
You got it chumps.
It's all yours.
Two douchebags and microphone dot net is up and running.
Hit the subscribe button.
Don't forget to hit the subscribe button.
Hey, where'd everybody go?
Where are the douchebags?
Oh my God, someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh geez.
Glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Phew, man that smells.