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Oh no, it looks like someone's on their high horse again.
It's another episode of I Call Bullshit.
Bullshit.
Alright, two douchebags and a microphone.
Mark.
Topher.
Alright, we're still here at the city market.
It's still raining.
It's still thundering and it's chilly but a beautiful day.
I mean, I'm enjoying this quite a bit even though I am chilly, I'm stupid, I wore shorts
and a t-shirt.
But I'm still enjoying it and it's still fun.
So, you know Tyreek Hill.
Cheetah.
The Cheetah.
Well, he's mouthing off again.
Again?
Yeah.
Oh my.
Yep, I call bullshit on him too.
About time.
Yeah.
So, okay, anyhow, Tyreek Hill, I call bullshit on him and here's why.
You know, wide receivers in the NFL have always been particularly insane, right?
Yeah.
Can we agree with that?
Pretty much, yeah.
Michael Rubin.
White outs are Ocho Cinco.
Ocho Cinco is a great one.
Terrell Owens.
Yeah.
Antonio Brown.
The Dallas Cowboys had that one that used to go and expose themselves to little girls.
Oh, who was that?
Fuck.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, this was back in the 60s.
Okay, so anyhow, the list goes on and on about the nutty wide outs.
Lately Tyreek seems to be lashing out even more than usual.
The allegedly joking feud between him and Chris Jones.
A couple of weeks ago, Tyreek must have came up to KC for some reason just before tweeting
the eating insult towards Chris Jones.
And did you hear about the eating insult?
Something to do with a…
It looked like an orangutan.
That was it, yeah.
Or something like that.
Or some sort of an animal like that sitting by the side of a river eating and he had a
large belly and said, if I eat one more, I'm going to pop.
And then he tagged Chris Jones in it.
Wow, that's disrespectful, isn't it?
That's really disrespectful.
Wow.
Now, he claims that they're just having a little… they're just jibbering, that they're
good friends, they're just all in good humor.
I don't know about that.
Chris Jones replied, the only peace sign you're putting up is the one way on your ass back
to the bus.
Yeah.
Isn't that?
Wow.
Yeah.
So, I'm thinking a little bit more of this buyer's remorse.
Yeah.
So, a couple of weeks ago, Tyreek must have came by for some reason, you know, tweeting
the insult towards Chris Jones.
He said something like, KC, you look different.
Was this a play on Mahomes' dad after the Super Bowl win?
Pat Sr. was telling his son that he's different.
He looked to me like Patrick's father was giving him the utmost highest compliment,
like, you know, you got the hardest dough now, you're a winner, you're going to perennial
winner.
Yeah.
As we were saying, by you're different, he was giving him a compliment.
Now all of a sudden…
So, Hill is making fun of it.
Yeah, you're all different now, aren't you?
Yeah, Tyreek then tweets, KC, you look different.
I'm calling bullshit on Tyreek and the supposed friendly fire towards Chiefs Chris Jones and
the Chiefs in general.
Yeah.
Tyreek stepped on his dick and is lashing out like a six-year-old.
End of story.
Yeah.
Because, yeah, I think he was trying to make fun of his dad's little speech without saying
it and I think the Chiefs probably know this too.
Yeah.
I think it was just poor taste and I think that he has a bitter taste in his mouth and
that's where the retirement talk came from.
He said after this contract he's going to retire.
Yeah.
He's trying to save face.
Yeah.
Oh my God, I gave up a couple million guaranteed.
A chance for a few more rings.
Yeah, you know, I may not ever get another ring now because I stepped on my dick so bad.
So now he's got to justify it and clean it up.
Yeah.
And he's got to pretend like everything is going according to his plan.
Yeah.
He said, yeah, I was planning on retiring after this contract and I need to get as much
money as I could.
He probably realizes that after this contract no one is going to sign him for anything near
that money.
So he's just preemptive.
So he's one injury away from being a very below average receiver.
Yeah.
Because of his height.
And next he's going to start pimping himself for the Hall of Fame.
Yes.
Yeah.
I don't think so.
No, I don't either.
So, you know, Tyreke, look man, you might as well just shut your mouth and play as hard
as you can.
Try to get into the Hall of Fame and that's it, you know.
He's like the little kid that doesn't want to eat his dinner so he says, I'm going to
hold my breath and refuse to eat until you make me a hot dog.
And the parents are like, the parents being the Kansas City Chiefs are like, okay, fine,
I don't care.
Yeah.
Yeah, like, do whatever.
Watch yourself out, kid.
Yeah.
And now he's pretending like everything's working out perfectly the way he planned it
when he's in bed with no dinner and a headache from holding his breath.
Do it.
Not another NFL, this just reminds me of this for some strange reason.
You see where Carson Palmer, former Cincinnati Bengals says that Joe Burrow is the best quarterback.
Oh God.
Why are people even trying?
The only thing I can think is he's trying to kiss ass with the Cincinnati fan base and
organization so he can get a job with them.
That's it.
Yeah.
Or stay relevant.
Yeah.
Well, if he just says, yeah, my home's the best.
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
Thanks.
Thanks, Carson.
Yeah.
Appreciate it.
But he goes to Cincinnati and says, look how am I willing to suck your dick?
Hire me.
Yeah.
That's basically what he's doing.
I mean, it is just not even close.
Walked in on his knees with his mouth open.
Yeah.
It's not even close on every fucking level.
It's just, it's insane.
And also the talent that Burrow had around him, according to the talent that Mahomes had
around him.
Look at that.
But Mahomes still made it work and still out did him by about a thousand yards.
Yeah.
Out did him by about 15 touchdowns.
Out did him by quite a few yards on the ground.
Out did him by a Super Bowl.
Out did him by everything.
And the Bengals defense has been more consistent than the Chiefs defense.
Mm-hmm.
Yet the Chiefs still won.
Yes.
Yeah.
So Carson Palmer, you're ruining your legacy by saying stupid shit.
So I suggest just shut up and sit down.
Yeah.
He's probably somebody convinced him that, you know, legacy doesn't pay the bills or
send your kids to college.
So, you know, screw legacy.
Go make that money.
Yeah.
You know, do and say what you got to do to bring the dollars in and then laugh while
you're spending them 10 years from now.
Yeah.
So, yeah, I cannot respect that at all.
I have always thought that Carson Palmer seemed like a pretty decent guy and I think he is,
but I think he really needs to evaluate what he's saying here lately.
Yeah.
Because he's really not coming off very well at all.
I mean, think about Deion Sanders doing those Affleck commercials and putting him like a
total freaking idiot.
You cannot unsee those.
I mean, I'm sorry.
I mean.
But he doesn't care because he's getting paid.
Exactly.
Carson Palmer, he hasn't heard a lot from him at all.
So I'll bet you anything, he's trying to get paid.
Yeah.
Anybody who makes fun of Deion Sanders for acting like an idiot in those Affleck commercials
always got to do is show him his bank account and say, look, they paid me for it.
I'll act like a fucking weirdo if you pay me for it.
I guarantee you, he's probably already done that a few times.
Like, go ahead.
Look at all the things actors will pretend to do and pretend to be if you pay them to.
Oh, they'll pretend to be pedophiles?
Yeah.
They'll pretend to be...
An actor will pretend to rape a nun if you pay him to.
And you'll do it on camera.
What a good point.
Yeah.
But we shouldn't be trusting actors.
No.
I would agree.
No.
Anyhow, let's see.
I have some more alternative swear words.
Oh, I love those.
Me too.
These, I'm going to start off with body parts that you can call people, then it goes into
other things.
Okay.
All right.
The first one, armpit.
Oh, yeah.
I don't want to be called that.
You fucking armpit.
Yeah, there's not a lot of good that comes from an armpit.
No.
You think sweaty, you think hairy, cavernous, I don't know.
Furry and stinky and wet.
Underneath, fold.
All the things you don't want to think.
The next one, stretch mark.
Oh, yeah.
Wow.
Stretch marks messed up.
Yeah.
You stretch mark.
Why?
Why in God's name?
Next one, fat lip.
Oh, interesting.
Yeah.
So you're not calling them fat, you're just saying you're a fat lip.
Yeah.
Which is, if you've never had a fat lip, that is really inconvenient.
It sucks.
Oh, yeah.
Like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Yeah.
It's like you can't talk.
Try to drink out of a soda can with a fat lip.
Oh, yeah.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
That's a good one.
I would not want to be a fat lip.
No, me neither.
Next one, swollen ankle.
Oh, that's irritating.
Yeah.
That's like, man, can't hardly fucking walk, man.
My ankle's swollen.
The worst thing is I don't even know why.
It just fucking hurts.
There you go, gimping around.
Here, swollen ankle.
Look at what he drew.
Here, a swollen ankle.
Look at what he dragged in this appendage.
You're not even as dramatic as like a broken leg.
No, here's a swollen ankle.
You can't really even be proved unless you take off your sock and go, look, see, look
at this one next to this one.
Soft tissue injury.
Yeah, they're like, yep, yep, you got soft tissue injury.
Sorry.
So, then the next one, wrinkle cream.
Yeah, it'd be one thing to say you need wrinkle cream, but just call them wrinkle cream.
Yeah, you're the stuff that they put on wrinkles.
You're not even the wrinkle itself.
You're the stuff that they put on wrinkles.
Wow.
That's a step down.
That is a step down.
This next one I love, denture slip.
That old whistle.
Yep.
Man, there's some Roy Orbison tunes, like on Roy Orbison's last album, you can hear
a lot of denture slippage when he's singing.
Oh really?
Yeah.
That's sad.
Yeah, I'm surprised they didn't try to clean that up, but man, you can hear his denture
sliding around all over the place.
They might have been running out of time and they knew it.
They're like, just leave it in there.
Or maybe that's the best they could get it.
I don't know.
Could be, could be.
You think they could like, I don't know, maybe music it out somehow, but I don't know, maybe
not.
Next one, cream corn.
I've never liked cream corn.
Nobody does.
I mean, it just looks like vomit.
Cream corn is a fallacy.
It was put on the surface to make people, it's kind of like kale.
Yeah.
And there's, it's not really, there's no cream in it.
It's just been mushified.
Mushified, yeah.
With a little bit of flour, I think, right?
They'll do the whole flour, they mush it and flour it up.
There's something that gives it that texture, that slime.
What is cornstarch or something?
Oh, that could be.
Corn is full of cornstarch.
Yeah, something, but yeah, I don't respect cream corn at all, because it's not even corn,
really.
I mean, it's like a corn food.
Yeah.
Kind of like a cheese, the not real American cheese.
It's called cheese food.
Yeah, processed cheese food.
Yeah.
It's not even real cheese.
It's just processed cheese food.
Yeah.
So they took all the shit off the fucking floor, scraped it up, and threw some glue
and some flavoring in it, and that's it.
It kind of looks like it and kind of smells like it, so we'll call it that.
It tastes horrible.
I don't know why anyone would want that garbage on anything they're eating.
I don't know.
Next one, Lysol spray.
Oh, yeah.
Lysol.
When you look at the name Lysol, the Sol was like a solvent, and the L-Y-S.
For lye?
Listeria.
It came out during a time of listeria outbreak.
There was an ice cream company here recently in Casey area that put out ice cream that
had listeria in it, and then they had to shut down, clean everything, and then they came
back and right away they had listeria again.
Then they shut down for like months and months and came back again, listeria again.
So then they're just gone.
Wow.
I didn't even know that was the reason they called it that.
Yeah, it was for listeria and as a solvent, and Lysol promoted their product to be used
as a vaginal spray.
Didn't know that either.
Yeah, they recommended women to spray the Lysol directly up their vagina to deodorize
and clean.
That shit used to have formaldehyde in it.
I wonder how many women actually did that.
Yeah, formaldehyde.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
Oh.
Yeah.
Nasty stuff.
So calling them Lysol spray is a little worse than you thought.
Oh, okay.
That's something else there.
Yeah.
This next one I love.
This is kind of going into music now.
Lesser known member of Jackson 5.
You imagine I'm yelling that out at somebody.
Oh yeah.
You're a lesser known member of Jackson 5.
That's like being Ozzy Osbourne's harmonica tech.
Yeah.
Because Ozzy doesn't play harmonica.
Hey, we can probably get backstage by saying we're Rob Zombie's harmonica tech.
Yeah.
I have to go tune his E-flat harmonica.
I am Jack Palance's scalpel sharpening.
I think he's dead though.
Oh well.
Yeah, they probably wouldn't know.
Next one.
Thompson Twins' younger brother.
What's more irrelevant than the Thompson Twins?
Yeah, their younger brother.
He wasn't even twin.
No, he's just like younger brother.
He wasn't one of the twins.
He's just like, hey guys, get out of here.
You remember that puppet that had a TV show, Howdy Doody?
He had an older sister named Heavy Doody, but she was so overweight that he never put
her on the show.
She kept breaking the couch.
Oh, I'm just entertaining myself way too much.
I thought that was great.
Next one.
This is what I love a lot too.
Okay.
Jiffy Lube.
Those guys are such rip offs.
Oh, I know.
You're not even Valvoline.
You're Jiffy Lube.
I caught him once.
They came in with the air filter in my car and said, look how dirty your air filter is.
You want us to change that?
And I said, that's not my air filter because I changed mine yesterday.
No shit.
He turned around and rumped his ass right back out there and never said another word.
What a fucking...
They keep a stock of dirty air filters and they find one that's the approximate size
and shape of the one you have, just in case you know what it looks like.
And they'll say, look how dirty your air filter is.
And then they'll go take out your perfectly good one and charge you 50 bucks to put in
a new one.
And they probably reuse the one that they took out because it was probably pretty new
too.
Yeah.
They probably put it in the car of the next person.
What a fucking scam.
That was the last time I ever went to Jiffy Lube.
I don't ever go there anymore because they were too many people I knew, personally knew.
Not just I heard about, personally knew.
They left there and they forgot to put oil in their engine.
And yes, Jiffy Lube did pay for it, but it took months.
Yeah.
My mom went to a Jiffy Lube one time and they forgot to put the drain plug back in the oil
tank.
Well, that's the other thing too, the drain plug.
So they put the new oil in and it just ran right out.
She drove down the road and her engine started going crazy and all the lights came on and
black smoke was going everywhere and she shut her engine off.
Luckily she didn't hurt her engine, but she was mad as a hornet.
And Jiffy Lube's like, well, no harm, we'll just come and put the plug in and give you
new oil and you'll be good to go.
And she's like, no, no.
You're not going to make this right?
Yeah, that's bullshit.
Yeah.
No use for Jiffy Lube.
No, not at all.
They suck.
Yeah.
Do you remember Boob and Lube?
I think they were in Chicago.
I don't know if they got anywhere else, but it was topless oil change.
So you go in and the women with no shirts on would change your oil.
When was this?
About the time that all these quick oil change places first started popping up everywhere.
80s.
Yeah.
Chicago had Boob and Lube.
That's awesome.
Yeah.
I would have went there.
I would.
Yeah, why not?
When I was single, I would have gone there.
Heck yeah, me too.
Well, yeah, not now, but yeah.
Yeah.
Never know, they may be listening to our podcast.
No, I'm joking.
I wouldn't either.
You mentioned the upcharge you get on everything on that.
Yeah, I think on the one hand, staring at some girl with her shirt off would make me
feel like a creep because I'm married.
But on the other hand, she would probably feel like I was a creep because here I'm this
old man staring at this young girl's boots.
Yeah, your fucking eye banging.
It's like, oh my God, look at this old guy eye banging me.
There's just no winning there.
But I've always been.
I agree.
I've always been attracted to age appropriate women.
Me too.
When I was 15, I thought 15 year olds were hot.
When I was 30, I thought 30 year olds were hot.
Now I'm in my 60s, I think women in their 60s are hot.
I'm the same way too.
And plus, I mean, not only that, but the creep factor I never want to be.
Yeah.
I never wish to be the creepy old man because I remember we used to have creepy old man
come and hang out at our parties and stuff.
They tried to hit on the chicks and it's just such a fucking, ugh.
And we've seen it over and over on TV shows.
The older man with the ridiculously younger girlfriend and how pathetic he looks.
Yes, that's the other thing too.
Never want to be that guy.
Yeah.
I'd rather be alone than the guy out there with a woman 40 years younger than me.
Everyone knows that she's not with you because she thinks you're hot.
No.
Maybe even loves you.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's because of money.
Yep.
So anyhow, the next one, Marty Feldman's hat.
Oh, wow.
Remember, he didn't wear it all the time, but he did wear it.
He did have the weird little hat.
Yeah.
You're not even Marty Feldman.
You're his hat.
Yeah.
You're not even his eyeball.
Yeah.
And not even everyone remembers his hat.
That's what's worse.
People have to go look through images, Google images, go, oh, there it is right there.
See that little goofy looking little.
I wonder how many of these are going to show up on your new contemporary urban dictionary
of America list.
I don't know.
They're probably going to come steal these from us and say, hey, we came up with this.
Let's start using this.
Let's see.
What's today, the 9th or 10th?
Today's the 10th.
Earmark this.
So probably two days, three.
10th of April, 2023.
Yep.
The next one, beet juice.
Oh.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's pretty inconvenient stuff.
Yeah.
And you're not even beets.
You're the juice.
Yeah.
You're stained.
You're like fake blood.
Yeah.
It's like, no thank you.
No beet juice here.
Yeah.
That's pretty pointless stuff.
Yeah.
The next one, moped.
Yeah.
Man, there's never really been a time when mopeds were cool.
No, never.
No.
Even Vespas, a lot of people were like really into Vespas.
Even those weren't cool.
I mean, they were cooler than a moped, but still.
Yeah.
And finally, the last one, kale rinse water.
Oh.
That's the worst.
Wow.
The worst.
That's pretty awful.
Oh.
Take an ass bag thing like kale, and then you take just the shit that rinses it.
Oh.
God.
I hope no one ever makes kale tea.
That would just be awful.
Oh my God.
Oh.
Yep.
Yeah.
So anyhow, those are my alternate swear words for this edition.
All right.
Two douche bags.
And a microphone.
Mark.
Topher.
All right.
Well, I guess these new robot waiters are kind of a thing now.
There's not so many of them around here, but in a lot of bigger urban areas, they do have
quite a few of them.
Especially overseas.
Japan does.
Yeah.
China.
It's a good way to work around temporary staff shortages.
When you hire a robot waiter, you never have to replace him.
Yeah, that's true.
He's never going to quit.
Never going to ask for a time off.
Never going to want a raise.
Yeah.
I mean, I get it.
And also, you know what?
I wouldn't mind a robot waiter either.
No.
I mean, you don't have to talk to him or nothing if you don't want to.
So you want to have a quiet evening.
You don't really feel like.
Yeah.
You just go, yeah, I'll take the fresh salad and I will take a Reuben and fries.
Okay.
I will be back.
Okay.
All right.
Thanks.
And there's been times when the server has arrived with her finger stuck in my food.
Yes.
I've had that too, and it drives me nuts.
And I'm usually too nice to say something.
I just take a little portion and throw it aside.
But yeah, me too.
I agree.
And also, they just breathe and they talk while they have their food in your hand.
You know, yeah.
I kind of like that idea a lot better.
Yeah.
So and also, no tip.
You wouldn't think.
Well, some idiots do.
We already went into this.
Yeah.
But yeah, if it's a robot server.
Yeah.
All right.
You may have already seen them in restaurants.
Waste Time Machines, a Greek guest, lead them to tables, deliver food and drinks, and get
the dirty dishes back to the kitchen.
Some have cat like faces, even purr when you scratch their heads.
Oh my God.
I didn't know this.
The only ones I saw were the little rectangular looking little fuckers with a yeah.
Yeah, they almost look like what's his name off Lost in Space kind of almost, but without
the head though.
Yeah.
They're like little one compartment little jobbies.
So but but a robot waiter is the future.
It's a question the restaurant industry is increasingly trying to answer.
Many think robot waiters are the solution to the industry's labor shortages.
Sales of them have been growing rapidly in recent years with tens of thousands now gliding
through dining rooms worldwide.
But that's worldwide.
Yeah.
Now keep in mind, New York, there's probably quite a few of them.
The West Coast is probably quite a few.
Chicago, there's probably a few.
But generally, like Kansas City, there might be a couple here, but that's it.
I mean, there's not really.
I think it would show up first in areas where there's a chronic shortage of staff.
Yes.
And around here, I think we do much better than that national average on health.
Yeah.
And the the overall cost of living here isn't as high as in some places.
So the startup cost of a robot wait staff would be pretty high.
Yeah.
So they'd have to really commit.
They would.
They would spend the money on that, but you know, in a higher cost market like Chicago
or New York, then you make your money back a lot faster.
Yeah.
There's no doubt in my mind that this is where the world is going, said Dennis Reynolds,
dean at Hilton College of Global Hospitality Leadership at the University of Houston.
The schools at a restaurant began using a robot in December, and Reynolds said it has
eased the workload for human staff and made service more efficient.
Interesting.
Yeah.
He was a a restaurant chain name, a Healy.
Well, it is a chain.
OK.
Introduced a robot server named Rita 2020 and and expanded the test to sixty one US
restaurants before abruptly halted in late August.
Something happened.
Yeah.
Something went seriously wrong and they decided to shut it down and cover it up.
Yeah.
They found that Rita moved too slowly and got in the way of human servers and 58 percent
of guest survey said Rita didn't improve their overall experience.
Well, yeah, there's the point.
If it's if the customers don't like it, then there's no reason to do it.
Yeah.
You have to make them like it or.
Yeah.
Held to Leia, I think is how they pronounce it, a hot pot chain in China began using robots
a year ago to deliver food to diners tables.
The managers of several outlets said the robots have improved as reliable or cost effective
as human servers.
This took a twist.
I didn't think it was going to.
Wang Long.
Insert joke there.
Wang Long.
Wang Long, the manager of Beijing outlet, said his two robots both have broken down.
We only use them now and then Wang said it's sort of a concept thing and the machine can
never replace humans.
So OK, I could see this now.
I think what it is is gimmicks.
Yeah, they're just kind of like, hey, we got a robot server here.
You want to come see Rosie?
Yeah, I think the technology is not proven yet and they're not reliable yet.
So people doing it now are doing it as a gimmick to attract people go, hey, let's go to that
new place that has those robots running around.
Yeah.
I bet you people insult them and say names to them and stuff.
People probably did the same thing back when vending machines were first introduced and
said, hey, they got one of those machines where you put money in and it just gives you
the food.
Let's go try it.
Yeah.
It used to be you'd go and a person would do that for you.
But now vending machines are everywhere and people would rather have a vending machine.
You've been in the airport lately?
Yeah.
It's just.
Shit, that's all it is.
Yeah.
Stick your credit card in.
Yeah.
Eventually, let's see, they expect a certain, I'm going to paraphrase a lot of this here
because it goes into some stuff we really don't care about.
Percentage restaurants, maybe 30% will continue to have human services and be considered more
luxurious while the rest will still rely more on robots in the kitchen and in the dining
room.
Now in the kitchen is different.
Yeah.
The robot can cook your food the way it needs to be cooked.
I'm all for that.
Yeah.
I think there is a lot more automation in the kitchen than we realize because we don't
get to see it.
Well, I mean, just on the surface where you go through a McDonald's drive-through and
you see the soda machine over there fucking burping out sodas.
Yeah.
I mean, all the person has to do is just put a lid and the straw is already in the bag.
Yeah.
They're like, okay, here's your three Dr. Peppers and Coke.
Bye.
Yeah.
So it's kind of like Valley Parking is in the upper end restaurants.
Everybody else just parks their own car.
That's right.
I think the robot servers would be the same way.
Yeah.
I think it's more of a status.
Yeah.
Okay.
So anyhow, most people, this article goes on to say that most people do not like the
robotic servers and the people that work with them don't like them because they simply get
in the way.
Yeah.
I can see a lot of people, they like to converse with the waiter or waitress.
Yeah.
What's good?
What do you recommend?
What's in this?
Well, the robotic is probably more designed for people who pretty much know what they
want.
So the type of restaurant like a busy noonday restaurant where workers come in to grab a
lunch and they all know what they want, that's a good place for a robotic server.
I would agree.
But if you're having a romantic dinner out and you're not sure what you want to eat and
there's this robot standing there saying, what do you want?
Yeah.
Well, how's the steak tonight?
The steak is cooked at 165 degrees.
What do you want?
It's like, yeah, this isn't so good as having an actual member of the wait staff.
And also going, hey, what do you think of the Parmesan here?
Oh, I really love that.
But to tell you the truth, I really like this much better.
And it's like, oh, okay, thank you.
Yeah.
Whereas a robot, you know for sure any response like that has been programmed to try to sell
you whatever they're trying to push.
Try the cheesesteak here.
It is the best in the world.
And we have 300 million in our warehouse, so we have to sell a bunch of them.
We have to sell them, but I'm not supposed to tell you that.
Thank you.
Yeah.
I think people look at a robotic server and whatever it says with more suspicion.
Oh, I would.
If it's a real person, you're like, you're looking at them in the eyes and you're looking
at their body language.
You're like, okay, I think this guy's on the level about this hamburger.
Yeah.
I can see that making the difference.
Yeah, I do too.
Yep.
Totally agree.
Wow.
The rain has stopped temporarily.
It has.
Hey, look.
I think we found land.
Oh my God.
I think we're safe.
Oh no.
It's the island of horrible jokes.
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A dinosaur.
From the makers of Who Bit My Asshole Board Game and Balloon Art with Ball Sacks Video
Series, it's two douchebags and a microphone action figures.
Act now and get a free bag of flaming lighters.
And a free bag of
flaming light Cheetos.
A bottle of antibiotics.
And three free bullets.
That's right.
Dress your douchebag up and send them off to horrible scenarios all day long.
We're soon to get a free at home tank piercing kit.
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Did you hear about the creepy dolls that keep appearing on Texas beaches?
No.
Dolls?
Like blow up dolls?
Like life size?
One of them was.
The first one was a blow up doll.
Oh, okay.
But there are others.
Yeah, there's a lot of others.
Anyhow.
So this was like not all at the same time?
No, no, no.
This is over time.
There's still a period.
Oh, creepier.
I like it.
Well, there's, you know, there's shale, sea creatures, assorted creatures.
You know, they wash up on the sandy shores of these Texas coastal beach every day.
You know, about 30 miles northeast of Corpus Christi.
Researchers at Mission, I think it's Arkansas, I think it's Arnos.
Sorry about this.
This is printed out, run out of ink.
Researchers at Mission Arnos Reserve find all these things, you know, in these dolls.
Lots and lots of the dolls just started showing up on this beach.
They're missing their hair and limbs and they're encrusted in barnacles.
So it makes them look really creepy.
You know, the dolls have been appearing on this Texas barrier island for years.
Oh, wow.
So it's not like a container went overboard and they're going to wash up for a week or
two and then go away.
No, no.
Anyhow, Jace Tunnell, the director of the Mission Arnos Reserve at the University of
Texas Marine Science Institute told Southern Living, which is where this article came from,
that the dolls seem particularly drawn to the area between Padre Island and Martagola
Island.
Padre Island is where people used to go for spring break.
I think they still do, but it's not as popular as it used to be.
Researchers say that the 40-mile stretching coast, twice a week, looking for sea turtles,
marine mammals and endangered bird species.
So, you know, they're looking for birds, sea lions, sea turtles, what have you.
So anyhow, he describes the creepy dolls and other debris as they, you know, it's just
a perk of the job, you know.
They're sitting there looking for these species and then they find these crazy looking dolls.
And the reason these dolls look crazy is because they've been manipulated by the sea and they
have barnacles on them.
And you know, every day is something new and you know, instead you just find everything
that you possibly could in these dolls.
I mean, I wish I could show these pictures on here of these dolls because they are very
creepy looking.
There's something they, something you can probably pretty easily find just with a quick
Google search.
Just type in creepy dolls washing up on Texas coast.
You'll probably find it.
Yeah, anyhow, he thinks that they're coming from Mexico.
And they get, you know, a hurricane hits there and these are like a child's dolls.
Oh, they get swept in.
And he said they carry very well.
Coastal dwelling.
And the current will take them from that particular area in Mexico that gets hit by hurricanes
often and it carries them to that specific place in Texas.
Yeah, yeah.
They can track the currents and find out where something came from.
Think about a doll.
A doll would float and it's really light.
So it could go probably anywhere.
To me, the bigger mystery is, I told you about Ocean Manor before, you know, and that's where
me and Val used to go.
We're not going to go there anymore because it's really become like just real shady.
But this is where Dennis Rodman hung out all the time.
Oh, wow.
And he'd be in a fucking idiot.
Anyhow, Ocean Manor.
One of the reasons that they got really popular was they had a giant cross show up there.
Real heavy cross.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
Just show up there on the beach.
And they call it their holy gift from the beach.
I have a lot of pictures of it because this state of Ocean Manor a lot of times.
Well, at first they thought that this came from this church in Puerto Rico.
And during a hurricane, they thought it was it.
Then they sent the church pictures of it asking if it belonged to a madman.
It did not come from that church.
Nobody knows where it came from, but it's an extremely heavy cross.
And where it landed is where it stays and they put a shrine around it.
To me, that's more of a mystery than a ghost.
That still would freak you out to walk up on one of those creepy looking dolls.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, God, yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, as a matter of fact, would you even take it home?
No.
No, no, no.
I was starting to wonder maybe some of those dolls were packed full of contraband.
But that seems like a pretty inefficient way to move it.
And why would just a few dolls get washed overboard?
I think if someone's going to try to smuggle something into the country in dolls, that
they would be in the truck and not just somehow wind up in the ocean.
Yeah, you know what?
I never thought about that, like being full of cocaine or something.
Yeah.
But yeah, it doesn't make sense why they'd be in the ocean washing up at random times.
That marine biologist, I think, probably hated on that.
It goes over there, you know, hurricane goes over there, destroys houses.
Yeah.
And you know, it takes like these light things like dolls, tosses them in the air.
Yeah.
They end up in the ocean and then the currents bring them to that part of Texas because wherever
there is a...
Evidently, it's a place in Mexico that's very prone to hurricanes.
Yeah.
It's like one of the hurricane traps.
It could even be...
It's like Lake Charles in Louisiana, you know, that gets hit every year, sometimes two or
three times.
It could even be like the hurricane is picking up out of the garbage dumps.
Yeah, that's true.
Along the coast of some of those towns.
And then dolls are so light and floatable.
The rest of the stuff either gets...
It breaks down or it sinks or something, but these dolls are light enough to float and
be noticed.
So yeah, there's a number of different ways they could get into the ocean.
But yeah, the fascinating part is seeing what the months or maybe years floating in the
ocean has done to the doll itself.
That's true.
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I mean, what really, I mean, really, what a piece of shit, right?
Boy, it has turned into that, hasn't it?
Yeah.
I mean, it was actually designed as a pretty good idea, you know, because I can keep up with my friends or family even, you know.
I keep up with my family in Germany, Canada, Greece.
It was originally supposed to be something for people who went to school together.
Yeah.
Or like childhood friends or whatever, and you spread around the country, around the globe.
That way this is a way to keep in touch.
Yeah.
I mean, it got hijacked by idiots, and now the creator is a fucking megalomaniac, just a complete douchebag.
I mean, not a good douchebag like us.
I mean, he's one of those guys on South Park that smell their own farts.
Yeah.
But I don't even think he farts.
I don't even think that guy's real.
What a piece of shit.
Anyhow, I can't stand Zuckerberg, like most people.
Yeah.
There's not a whole lot to like about him.
Yeah.
He's the kind of guy I could like club to death, and then I'd bring him back to life and club him to death again.
And then bring him back to life and club him to death again, just because it felt so good to kill the piece of shit.
I would never do this.
This is all, you know, just, it's satire.
This is entertainment, people.
Yeah.
This is hot talk satirization.
Yeah.
If you want to put a label on it.
So anybody out there like the haters I'm getting ready to talk about, calm the fuck down.
You ain't getting nothing here.
Fucking ballsacks.
Go back in your holes.
If we actually ever follow through on half the stuff we did, I'd be really surprised.
Sure.
Half the stuff we said we would do.
Number one, we'd have to write it all down, which we don't.
No, no we don't.
And then half the time I'd lose it.
So, I mean, it'd never get done.
Let's face it.
But anyhow, all this is just satirization, just hot talk bullshit, okay?
Yeah.
Mark Zuckerberg.
Piece of shit.
Curb stomping would be fun.
Yeah.
Watch this fucking little fucking nipple horn teeth go flying every which way.
He's Zuckerberg.
Come over here.
I want to recreate a scene from American History X.
Yeah.
Yes.
Ow.
Yeah.
So anyhow, you know, there's these haters on Facebook, right?
And anyhow, I've known this, but at first I kind of didn't.
So I started Facebook back in 2009.
Wow, you started Facebook?
Awesome.
Yeah.
Or fake book.
Well, I started on fake book.
No, thank you actually, because it did sound like that.
Zuckerberg stole it from me.
That's so the bitch.
No, I joined Facebook back in 2009.
Then soon after I joined, my immediate friends were like, already knew them.
Bing, bing, bing.
They're here.
Hey, they're here.
And they were already suggested for me because we have mutual friends.
So I started adding them.
And then after that, you know, at the time it was kind of ancillary people that were,
you know, did I?
Yeah, I met them a couple of times down there.
You know, I don't know.
Maybe I should send requests.
Not, you know, it's kind of.
Yeah, to get them friends of friends and somebody you can't see them.
Yeah, it's like, I don't know, you know.
People at work.
Yeah.
So now I don't know how many fucking people I have on mine.
Oh, there were three billion.
And you hear from like five of them.
Yes.
You know, I noticed quickly, you know, soon after that, a few people that I really didn't
like, you know, grew up with a lot of them or whatever, met them somewhere or something.
And you could tell, you know, I didn't like them.
They didn't like me.
We just didn't mesh, whatever, you know.
Yeah.
Well, you know, they friend request me.
And, you know, my first thought was like, you know, I never really did like each other.
You were a tool bag to me or whatever.
Or, you know, always a smart ass or something.
Yeah.
You kind of wonder why are you so anxious to be my friend?
Yeah.
It's kind of flattering, too.
It's like, well, maybe bygones or.
Yeah.
It's like maybe they're trying to get to know me, you know.
So I had them.
OK.
So anyhow, you know, I went ahead and accepted the from request, you know.
But after that, you know, I'm waiting for this reassurance that they're trying to be
a friend, you know, like, you know, I could have beaten cancer or won the lottery and
I just get crickets from these folks.
Yeah.
And it's like, wait a minute.
It's like you guys, you know, come in my world and friend request me.
And then, you know, I got this great shit going on and it doesn't seem like you give
a shit.
And I'm pretty sure you don't.
Yeah.
So, you know, unless they got a multi-level marketing scheme they want you to buy into.
Yeah.
That's the only thing I was waiting for.
Hey, you want to sell your house?
I'm the guy.
You know.
And so, you know, and I almost did one of those fucking attention seeking deals, you
know, where you like, hey, if you're my true friend, you'll comment here.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Otherwise, I'm going to delete you.
I'm doing a little spring cleaning and all that and blah, fucking blah, you know.
Cry for attention.
Yeah.
And, you know, most of the time on those I just be like, yeah, here, hang on.
Let me help you out.
Click.
There you go.
I mean, delete myself.
Yeah.
I'll show myself the door.
Thank you.
Yeah.
So, yeah, you know.
And then as it keeps going on I start noticing this little fucking tattletale culture that
we got going now, especially fake book has really gotten bad.
So, you know, I tease with good friends of mine like Michelle always, you know, threatening
to kick her in the mud button, you know, or shove something up, you know, up her ass,
you know, or shove that whole fucking whatever up your ass and, you know.
Beat you like a rented mule.
Yeah.
And all of this is, once again, satire.
Yes.
Just bullshit.
Never do it, never even think about doing it in real life.
But it's funny to put on, you know, to put on in that.
Yeah.
It's like Ryan Reynolds and his wife continually trash each other on social media because it's
funny.
Yes.
They don't mean anything by it.
They're both in on it.
Yeah, the same thing.
So someone like me and Michelle or someone like that, we're both in on it, you know,
and then she says something back like, oh, you're a delusional old man or whatever, you
know.
Take your meds.
Shit like that, you know.
And, you know, and people read her like, oh, hey, hey, come here, honey.
Look, they're at each other again.
You know, and it's just fun.
And then, you know, first ever down then, I'd get a little fucking note from Facebook.
Hey, we see you're being a bully.
We're going to have to smack your hand.
So now it's like to where I can't even put a little bit of an offhand joke on there.
They'll either give me a warning or put me in Facebook jail.
Now, the thing is, is I don't give a flying fuck about Facebook jail.
I don't care.
I hate Facebook.
But the problem is, is this right here.
I need to keep up with my family overseas and in Canada and all this and also promote
stuff like this podcast on here.
So I kind of really need it now more than I ever did.
It's useful.
Yeah, it's useful.
Yeah.
So I kind of got to play this little fucking game that Facebook does where these little
snitches take and go.
And I know there's about 10 of them.
I know who they are.
And they're probably listening to this right now.
So fuck you.
Anyhow.
But the thing I want to say is I kind of had a little moment of clarity of why, of why
I kept them around.
And it's really, it's kind of more of an ego thing than anything else.
And what it is, is I know that these little fucking trolls, you know, I control them.
Because I used to put up stuff I know that would drive them nuts.
But then again, they couldn't show that I could bother them because they're too busy
trying to out-call me or whatever their little game is.
So they don't answer.
So I'll say some stuff that I know that would bother them.
And I would aim it directly at them.
And anyhow, you know, and then some of them would answer, would say something on their
own feed, but not say who it was about.
And I know it was about me.
So I get a little warm feeling in my tummy.
All right.
Look at this douchebag.
I got under their skin.
You've got a summer home in their head.
Yes.
Yeah.
And I realized that the only reason I have these little fucking trolls on my account
at all is so I can completely piss them off.
And I think it's funny and it's amusing.
But now as life goes on and I'm busy and I don't really have enough time for it, you
know, I don't know if I want to keep them or not.
Yeah.
And you know, so douchebags, it's like this.
If you guys look up and I'm off of yours, you know, you don't see me anywhere.
Don't bother looking me up because you're blocked.
Yeah.
And anyhow, I know who you all are.
And I think you're pathetic little pieces of shit and always have.
But here's the deal.
It's not fun anymore.
That's the key.
But on the other hand is, you know, I go on all these vacations and have all these great
pictures and stuff.
I love my life.
I love my job.
Everything's going great.
You know, so I want you to look at that.
I want it to burn your asshole up.
So if you're still on there and I don't delete you, I know that your asshole is burning up
because I'm doing so well and it's fucking awesome.
So, you know, eat a bowl of shit and don't die.
That's the thing is each shit and live.
Yes.
That way you can continue to be miserable and you have a taste of shit in your mouth.
That's, you know, that's the key.
As soon as they lose their entertainment value, they're just not worth any more time.
Yeah, it's like, what the fuck do I care now?
Yeah.
Need a refill on your coffee there?
No, I'm good.
Okay.
Yeah, look at that.
Hell yeah.
I'm stirring it with my penis.
Good thing you got a real tall mug of coffee.
Yeah, that's right.
Real tall.
Oh yeah.
Thanks, Christopher.
It's like the two guys.
It's a shot glass.
It's like the two guys peeing off of a railroad bridge and one guy says the other is like,
yeah, that water down there is a little cold, isn't it?
And the other guy goes, yeah, it's deep too.
Oh yeah.
But, you know, Mr. Creepy already told us all about meat gazers.
Yes.
Well, Mr. Creepy did acknowledge that it's perfectly natural.
To meat gaze.
Yeah.
I mean, I wouldn't do it over.
I think there's got to be like probably a three second rule, don't you think?
Yeah, there might be like a three second rule.
You take that first glance and you just act like you're looking at your shoes or something,
but you take a little gander.
And, you know, and sometimes, like I said, you know, like Mr. Creepy said was this right
here, you know, sometimes their penis does not match that.
You know?
Like this huge guy and he's got this little thimble dick, you know?
Or if you see something really unusual that you've never seen before.
Like a huge meaty shaft and a little bitty fucking pop bottle with a fucking head.
Or like a bizarre twist, an odd color.
Yeah.
You know.
Crazy peronies.
Yeah.
Clever tattoo.
You know, those buy you some extra seconds of meat gazing before a person can reasonably
feel uncomfortable and say hey.
Yeah, yeah.
Some of them look like they have buckwheat in a fucking leg lock and some people are
like smooth, you know?
When your meat gazing approaches Joe Buck levels.
No, no, no.
That's what Mr. Creepy was talking about.
Yeah, yeah.
So Joe Buck is one of those guys that wants to wear penis.
Well, he's perplexed because he does not have a dick.
Yeah, that's true.
He's like a Ken doll, I imagine.
Yeah, he's just a smooth nothing.
He very obviously has no balls.
Oh, no.
Probably has no dick either.
He probably also pre-empts a schedule on.
Yeah.
That's probably it, yeah.
Yeah.
Joe Buck is next on my list for an ass patling invisible.
Yeah.
When you talk about your Facebook snitches, that reminded me, you get that with homeowners
associations a lot.
People who alert and come around and say hi, how you doing?
And they're peeking in your backyard.
Is that a new flower bed you got there?
Yeah.
They're snooping for building.
They have beautiful petunias.
Or they'll just call the city and have the state inspector come around.
So how long did that take, Christopher, to get your permit on that?
Did you call 1-800-DIGRIGHT?
And when I was delivering mail, there were a lot of people like that.
Home camera, audio recording, especially video recording, just security cameras was very
popular.
And so, Automotive Motion activated.
So, I was like, oh, I'm going to go get a new camera.
And I was like, oh, I'm going to go get a new camera.
And when I was delivering mail, there were a lot of people like that.
It became a smart way to work to just figure wherever I go, whatever I do while I'm out
here on the route, somebody's watching me or somebody's going to watch the video later.
So it's not like I was intending to get away with anything, but at the same time, having
that knowledge that there's a virtual boss hanging over your shoulder or a virtual customer
hanging over your shoulder who sometimes doesn't have anything better to do than fuck with
the mailman.
And they wait for you to do the slightest thing wrong and then they call in and inflate
away out of proportion just because they're bored or whatever.
So I've never understood the point for someone's job.
Yeah.
What kind of a psychopath wants to get someone fired?
Yeah.
You may not personally like the guy, but do you not want him and his family to want him
out on the street for real?
Yeah.
What kind of a really piece of shit person would ever want that for anybody?
And the easiest way I found to close that down was just just reply.
Well, my union is going to have something to say about that.
And then they'd shut up because most people that I've delivered to were either union or
knew someone who was union or their dad was union or whatever.
It was fairly union friendly environment, generally speaking.
The guy I work with killed three people and he still has his job.
Because the union got him off.
So yeah, once I stay explaining to him.
He's straight up an eight year old.
And it does two things.
Number one, it says, okay, I'm not helpless.
I've got a whole union backing me up.
So watch the wild threats.
And number two, it says, I'm just like you, man.
I'm the union guy going to work, earning his paycheck, getting his benefits and going home
at the end of the day.
And that's really all I wanted to do.
And if they really true believe in the union brethren, they'd leave you the hell alone.
Yeah.
Because I mean, they're supposed to be this union brethren.
I've been in the union for a long time.
And I mean, I'm not now.
And anyhow, you know, that she metal number two, they can pretty much blow me.
Well, I'm NALC branch 499.
I'm retired, but I'm still in the union.
I intend to stay that way.
So every every carrier who comes to my door is my postal homey.
That's cool.
They need a drink of water.
You come in and eat.
They're more than welcome.
OK, cool.
Well, half the fuck's in metal number two.
Fuck you.
They'll never come to my house to piss.
You're not going to like what you see.
But any but anyhow, no, if they really believed in the union brethren, like they push, they
leave you the hell alone.
Yeah.
And, you know, to a large degree, I remember a lot of times working, it was it was extremely
rare for union members to actually get to know each other.
And I mean, I'm not going to lie.
I'm not going to lie.
I remember a lot of times working, it was it was extremely rare for union members to
ever side against each other.
Yes.
In favor of management.
I mean, we would always have disagreements among members because not everything's always
fair even, et cetera.
But when the bosses came by and wanted to know what was going on, it was always nothing.
It's fine.
No problem.
And, you know, if I saw someone screwing up really bad or doing something that was going
to affect my job and stuff, you know, I'd go and talk to them myself or I'd talk to
the union steward.
And it's like, you know, I don't want to get this guy in trouble or whoever.
And so and maybe what they were doing was, you know, authorized or sanctioned or whatever.
I didn't know.
But the worst thing I could have done was run right to management and blow the whole
thing wide open.
Because even if everything was already taken care of, sometimes that makes people have
to recognize and deal with something that they'd rather just forget.
Yeah.
You know, it's like, you know, do you tell your best friend that his spouse is cheating
on him?
Well, if you do, then they're forced to deal with it right then.
Maybe they already know and they just don't want to deal with it and they're going to
hate you for making a deal with them.
So that was kind of the attitude I took.
If I run the management, then everybody's got to deal with it.
It's all because I but if I go to the steward and say, hey, this guy's screwing up, he's
going to get himself in trouble and it's messing with me.
Can you talk to him?
And sometimes he has a strong steward is actually for the people and not in there because of
management like what I had.
Then you're OK.
But the steward I had was basically just a worthless buck.
I had a worthless bag of fat with a mouth.
I had good union stewards my whole career.
OK.
And we had one union president that wasn't all that great.
Oh, God, that was the morn with what I was what I was winged on.
Yeah.
It was the presidents were the guys you seen when their election was coming up and they'd
have beer in the back of their truck and they call everybody out there and go vote for fucking
Phil.
He's the guy.
He come out and Pat Young back, hey, how you doing there, Billy?
And I'm like, I'm Mark.
Oh, I'm Mark.
You know, like what I thought my name was fucking Cliff or something.
And they kept calling me that.
And anyhow, it's like no matter how many times I corrected him and told him I was Mark, didn't
fucking matter.
Anyhow, the only time we saw the presidents and the business reps was really when it was
election time.
And another thing I really fucking hated about the union is they would come out and they'd
tell you, hey, man, you need to vote for this guy.
He's in our pocket.
I don't like that piece of shit because of the reasons you just mentioned.
If a 10 pound bag of shit could talk, this is what it would sound like.
If you enjoy two douchebags and a microphone, you'll definitely enjoy a shovel to the head.
Hey, where'd everybody go?
Where are the douchebags?
Oh my God, someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh jeez.
I'm glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man, that smells.