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This is a voice guide from your favorite podcast, Two Douchebags in a Microphone.

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People often ask us how they can find us when doing a remote broadcast.

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1.

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Smell.

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Go to the city market and start sniffing.

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Our aroma has been described as a mixture of flea powder for goats, Tabasco sauce, and

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old sock with dark fuzzy urine.

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2.

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Look for the spot absent of patrons.

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3.

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The most telling sign is a crowd of patrons vomiting uncontrollably.

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4.

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Just call us at 816-512-7717.

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Live from the story of the Market District of downtown Kansas City, Missouri, from the

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banks of the beautiful crystal blue waters of the Missouri River, it is Two Douchebags

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in a Microphone podcast.

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Two Douchebags in a Microphone, raw and uncensored.

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See behind the smoke show.

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Watch as the douchebags get stung by a stalk of bees.

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Enjoy one of many coffee houses ordering our heroes out.

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Watch Mark revisit Clinton, Missouri to claim his innocence for all the mad shitter accusations.

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Act now and get both high quality DVD sets and a free douchebag calendar.

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Mark off the day with a douchebag looking at you.

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Supplies are limited so act now.

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Two Toolbags in a Socket Wrench will be right back.

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Oh no, it looks like someone's on their high horse again.

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It's another episode of I Call Bullshit.

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Bullshit.

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Alright, two douchebags and a microphone.

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Mark.

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Topher.

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Alright, we're still here at the city market.

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It's still raining.

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It's still thundering and it's chilly but a beautiful day.

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I mean, I'm enjoying this quite a bit even though I am chilly, I'm stupid, I wore shorts

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and a t-shirt.

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But I'm still enjoying it and it's still fun.

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So, you know Tyreek Hill.

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Cheetah.

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The Cheetah.

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Well, he's mouthing off again.

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Again?

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Yeah.

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Oh my.

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Yep, I call bullshit on him too.

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About time.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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So, okay, anyhow, Tyreek Hill, I call bullshit on him and here's why.

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You know, wide receivers in the NFL have always been particularly insane, right?

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Yeah.

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Can we agree with that?

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Pretty much, yeah.

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Michael Rubin.

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White outs are Ocho Cinco.

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Ocho Cinco is a great one.

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Terrell Owens.

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Yeah.

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Antonio Brown.

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The Dallas Cowboys had that one that used to go and expose themselves to little girls.

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Oh, who was that?

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Fuck.

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No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

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No, this was back in the 60s.

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Okay, so anyhow, the list goes on and on about the nutty wide outs.

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Lately Tyreek seems to be lashing out even more than usual.

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The allegedly joking feud between him and Chris Jones.

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A couple of weeks ago, Tyreek must have came up to KC for some reason just before tweeting

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the eating insult towards Chris Jones.

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And did you hear about the eating insult?

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Something to do with a…

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It looked like an orangutan.

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That was it, yeah.

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Or something like that.

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Or some sort of an animal like that sitting by the side of a river eating and he had a

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large belly and said, if I eat one more, I'm going to pop.

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And then he tagged Chris Jones in it.

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Wow, that's disrespectful, isn't it?

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That's really disrespectful.

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Wow.

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Now, he claims that they're just having a little… they're just jibbering, that they're

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good friends, they're just all in good humor.

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I don't know about that.

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Chris Jones replied, the only peace sign you're putting up is the one way on your ass back

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to the bus.

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Yeah.

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Isn't that?

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Wow.

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Yeah.

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So, I'm thinking a little bit more of this buyer's remorse.

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Yeah.

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So, a couple of weeks ago, Tyreek must have came by for some reason, you know, tweeting

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the insult towards Chris Jones.

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He said something like, KC, you look different.

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Was this a play on Mahomes' dad after the Super Bowl win?

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Pat Sr. was telling his son that he's different.

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He looked to me like Patrick's father was giving him the utmost highest compliment,

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like, you know, you got the hardest dough now, you're a winner, you're going to perennial

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winner.

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Yeah.

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As we were saying, by you're different, he was giving him a compliment.

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Now all of a sudden…

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So, Hill is making fun of it.

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Yeah, you're all different now, aren't you?

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Yeah, Tyreek then tweets, KC, you look different.

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I'm calling bullshit on Tyreek and the supposed friendly fire towards Chiefs Chris Jones and

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the Chiefs in general.

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Yeah.

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Tyreek stepped on his dick and is lashing out like a six-year-old.

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End of story.

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Yeah.

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Because, yeah, I think he was trying to make fun of his dad's little speech without saying

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it and I think the Chiefs probably know this too.

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Yeah.

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I think it was just poor taste and I think that he has a bitter taste in his mouth and

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that's where the retirement talk came from.

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He said after this contract he's going to retire.

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Yeah.

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He's trying to save face.

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Yeah.

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Oh my God, I gave up a couple million guaranteed.

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A chance for a few more rings.

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Yeah, you know, I may not ever get another ring now because I stepped on my dick so bad.

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So now he's got to justify it and clean it up.

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Yeah.

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And he's got to pretend like everything is going according to his plan.

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Yeah.

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He said, yeah, I was planning on retiring after this contract and I need to get as much

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money as I could.

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He probably realizes that after this contract no one is going to sign him for anything near

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that money.

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So he's just preemptive.

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So he's one injury away from being a very below average receiver.

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Yeah.

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Because of his height.

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And next he's going to start pimping himself for the Hall of Fame.

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Yes.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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I don't think so.

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No, I don't either.

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So, you know, Tyreke, look man, you might as well just shut your mouth and play as hard

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as you can.

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Try to get into the Hall of Fame and that's it, you know.

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He's like the little kid that doesn't want to eat his dinner so he says, I'm going to

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hold my breath and refuse to eat until you make me a hot dog.

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And the parents are like, the parents being the Kansas City Chiefs are like, okay, fine,

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I don't care.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, like, do whatever.

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Watch yourself out, kid.

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Yeah.

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And now he's pretending like everything's working out perfectly the way he planned it

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when he's in bed with no dinner and a headache from holding his breath.

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Do it.

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Not another NFL, this just reminds me of this for some strange reason.

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You see where Carson Palmer, former Cincinnati Bengals says that Joe Burrow is the best quarterback.

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Oh God.

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Why are people even trying?

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The only thing I can think is he's trying to kiss ass with the Cincinnati fan base and

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organization so he can get a job with them.

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That's it.

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Yeah.

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Or stay relevant.

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Yeah.

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Well, if he just says, yeah, my home's the best.

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Okay.

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All right.

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Okay.

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Thanks.

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Thanks, Carson.

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Yeah.

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Appreciate it.

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But he goes to Cincinnati and says, look how am I willing to suck your dick?

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Hire me.

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Yeah.

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That's basically what he's doing.

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I mean, it is just not even close.

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Walked in on his knees with his mouth open.

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Yeah.

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It's not even close on every fucking level.

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It's just, it's insane.

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And also the talent that Burrow had around him, according to the talent that Mahomes had

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around him.

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Look at that.

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But Mahomes still made it work and still out did him by about a thousand yards.

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Yeah.

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Out did him by about 15 touchdowns.

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Out did him by quite a few yards on the ground.

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Out did him by a Super Bowl.

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Out did him by everything.

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And the Bengals defense has been more consistent than the Chiefs defense.

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Mm-hmm.

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Yet the Chiefs still won.

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Yes.

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Yeah.

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So Carson Palmer, you're ruining your legacy by saying stupid shit.

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So I suggest just shut up and sit down.

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Yeah.

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He's probably somebody convinced him that, you know, legacy doesn't pay the bills or

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send your kids to college.

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So, you know, screw legacy.

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Go make that money.

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Yeah.

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You know, do and say what you got to do to bring the dollars in and then laugh while

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you're spending them 10 years from now.

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Yeah.

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So, yeah, I cannot respect that at all.

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I have always thought that Carson Palmer seemed like a pretty decent guy and I think he is,

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but I think he really needs to evaluate what he's saying here lately.

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Yeah.

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Because he's really not coming off very well at all.

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I mean, think about Deion Sanders doing those Affleck commercials and putting him like a

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total freaking idiot.

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You cannot unsee those.

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I mean, I'm sorry.

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I mean.

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But he doesn't care because he's getting paid.

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Exactly.

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Carson Palmer, he hasn't heard a lot from him at all.

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So I'll bet you anything, he's trying to get paid.

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Yeah.

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Anybody who makes fun of Deion Sanders for acting like an idiot in those Affleck commercials

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always got to do is show him his bank account and say, look, they paid me for it.

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I'll act like a fucking weirdo if you pay me for it.

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I guarantee you, he's probably already done that a few times.

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Like, go ahead.

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Look at all the things actors will pretend to do and pretend to be if you pay them to.

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Oh, they'll pretend to be pedophiles?

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Yeah.

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They'll pretend to be...

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An actor will pretend to rape a nun if you pay him to.

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And you'll do it on camera.

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What a good point.

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What a good point.

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Yeah.

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But we shouldn't be trusting actors.

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No.

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No.

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I would agree.

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No.

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Anyhow, let's see.

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I have some more alternative swear words.

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Oh, I love those.

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Me too.

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These, I'm going to start off with body parts that you can call people, then it goes into

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other things.

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Okay.

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All right.

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The first one, armpit.

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Oh, yeah.

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I don't want to be called that.

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You fucking armpit.

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Yeah, there's not a lot of good that comes from an armpit.

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No.

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You think sweaty, you think hairy, cavernous, I don't know.

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Furry and stinky and wet.

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Underneath, fold.

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All the things you don't want to think.

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The next one, stretch mark.

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Oh, yeah.

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Wow.

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Stretch marks messed up.

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Yeah.

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You stretch mark.

266
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:27,960
Why?

267
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:28,960
Why?

268
00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:35,320
Why in God's name?

269
00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:37,640
Next one, fat lip.

270
00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:39,640
Oh, interesting.

271
00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:40,640
Yeah.

272
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:41,640
Yeah.

273
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:43,560
So you're not calling them fat, you're just saying you're a fat lip.

274
00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:44,560
Yeah.

275
00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:47,240
Which is, if you've never had a fat lip, that is really inconvenient.

276
00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:48,240
It sucks.

277
00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:49,240
Oh, yeah.

278
00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:50,240
Like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

279
00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:51,240
Yeah.

280
00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:53,120
It's like you can't talk.

281
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:55,400
Try to drink out of a soda can with a fat lip.

282
00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:56,400
Oh, yeah.

283
00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:57,400
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

284
00:10:57,400 --> 00:11:00,080
That's a good one.

285
00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:01,600
I would not want to be a fat lip.

286
00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:03,400
No, me neither.

287
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:05,400
Next one, swollen ankle.

288
00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:07,400
Oh, that's irritating.

289
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:08,400
Yeah.

290
00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:09,400
Yeah.

291
00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:10,920
That's like, man, can't hardly fucking walk, man.

292
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:11,920
My ankle's swollen.

293
00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:14,200
The worst thing is I don't even know why.

294
00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:15,200
It just fucking hurts.

295
00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:16,200
There you go, gimping around.

296
00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:17,200
Here, swollen ankle.

297
00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:18,200
Look at what he drew.

298
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:21,400
Here, a swollen ankle.

299
00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:25,400
Look at what he dragged in this appendage.

300
00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:28,000
You're not even as dramatic as like a broken leg.

301
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,000
No, here's a swollen ankle.

302
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:33,960
You can't really even be proved unless you take off your sock and go, look, see, look

303
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:35,440
at this one next to this one.

304
00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:36,440
Soft tissue injury.

305
00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:40,240
Yeah, they're like, yep, yep, you got soft tissue injury.

306
00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:41,240
Sorry.

307
00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:46,320
So, then the next one, wrinkle cream.

308
00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:52,120
Yeah, it'd be one thing to say you need wrinkle cream, but just call them wrinkle cream.

309
00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:54,200
Yeah, you're the stuff that they put on wrinkles.

310
00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:56,040
You're not even the wrinkle itself.

311
00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:58,000
You're the stuff that they put on wrinkles.

312
00:11:58,000 --> 00:11:59,000
Wow.

313
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:00,000
That's a step down.

314
00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:02,000
That is a step down.

315
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:06,600
This next one I love, denture slip.

316
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:10,760
That old whistle.

317
00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:11,760
Yep.

318
00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:18,320
Man, there's some Roy Orbison tunes, like on Roy Orbison's last album, you can hear

319
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:20,600
a lot of denture slippage when he's singing.

320
00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:21,600
Oh really?

321
00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:22,600
Yeah.

322
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:23,600
That's sad.

323
00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:27,240
Yeah, I'm surprised they didn't try to clean that up, but man, you can hear his denture

324
00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:28,240
sliding around all over the place.

325
00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:30,240
They might have been running out of time and they knew it.

326
00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:31,880
They're like, just leave it in there.

327
00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:33,400
Or maybe that's the best they could get it.

328
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:34,400
I don't know.

329
00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:35,400
Could be, could be.

330
00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:39,200
You think they could like, I don't know, maybe music it out somehow, but I don't know, maybe

331
00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:41,480
not.

332
00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:45,680
Next one, cream corn.

333
00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:47,200
I've never liked cream corn.

334
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:48,200
Nobody does.

335
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:50,240
I mean, it just looks like vomit.

336
00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:51,920
Cream corn is a fallacy.

337
00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:55,520
It was put on the surface to make people, it's kind of like kale.

338
00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:56,520
Yeah.

339
00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:57,520
Yeah.

340
00:12:57,520 --> 00:12:59,520
And there's, it's not really, there's no cream in it.

341
00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:00,520
It's just been mushified.

342
00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:01,520
Mushified, yeah.

343
00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:04,520
With a little bit of flour, I think, right?

344
00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:06,680
They'll do the whole flour, they mush it and flour it up.

345
00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:10,120
There's something that gives it that texture, that slime.

346
00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:11,560
What is cornstarch or something?

347
00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:12,560
Oh, that could be.

348
00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:13,560
Corn is full of cornstarch.

349
00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:18,000
Yeah, something, but yeah, I don't respect cream corn at all, because it's not even corn,

350
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:19,000
really.

351
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,480
I mean, it's like a corn food.

352
00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:21,480
Yeah.

353
00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:24,760
Kind of like a cheese, the not real American cheese.

354
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:26,360
It's called cheese food.

355
00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:28,880
Yeah, processed cheese food.

356
00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:29,880
Yeah.

357
00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:31,400
It's not even real cheese.

358
00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:33,600
It's just processed cheese food.

359
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:34,600
Yeah.

360
00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:38,120
So they took all the shit off the fucking floor, scraped it up, and threw some glue

361
00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:40,760
and some flavoring in it, and that's it.

362
00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:45,040
It kind of looks like it and kind of smells like it, so we'll call it that.

363
00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:46,040
It tastes horrible.

364
00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:49,800
I don't know why anyone would want that garbage on anything they're eating.

365
00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:51,320
I don't know.

366
00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:54,120
Next one, Lysol spray.

367
00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:56,920
Oh, yeah.

368
00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:59,760
Lysol.

369
00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:06,480
When you look at the name Lysol, the Sol was like a solvent, and the L-Y-S.

370
00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:08,040
For lye?

371
00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:09,040
Listeria.

372
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:10,040
Listeria.

373
00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:16,720
It came out during a time of listeria outbreak.

374
00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:21,400
There was an ice cream company here recently in Casey area that put out ice cream that

375
00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:26,520
had listeria in it, and then they had to shut down, clean everything, and then they came

376
00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:29,640
back and right away they had listeria again.

377
00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:34,640
Then they shut down for like months and months and came back again, listeria again.

378
00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:35,960
So then they're just gone.

379
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:36,960
Wow.

380
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:38,680
I didn't even know that was the reason they called it that.

381
00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:46,000
Yeah, it was for listeria and as a solvent, and Lysol promoted their product to be used

382
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,000
as a vaginal spray.

383
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:49,840
Didn't know that either.

384
00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:55,960
Yeah, they recommended women to spray the Lysol directly up their vagina to deodorize

385
00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:58,560
and clean.

386
00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:01,480
That shit used to have formaldehyde in it.

387
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:04,480
I wonder how many women actually did that.

388
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:05,480
Yeah, formaldehyde.

389
00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:06,480
Oh my God.

390
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:07,480
Yeah.

391
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:08,480
Oh.

392
00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:09,480
Yeah.

393
00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:12,000
Nasty stuff.

394
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:15,920
So calling them Lysol spray is a little worse than you thought.

395
00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:19,640
Oh, okay.

396
00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:21,160
That's something else there.

397
00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:22,160
Yeah.

398
00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:23,440
This next one I love.

399
00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:26,000
This is kind of going into music now.

400
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:28,280
Lesser known member of Jackson 5.

401
00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:35,040
You imagine I'm yelling that out at somebody.

402
00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:36,040
Oh yeah.

403
00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:39,880
You're a lesser known member of Jackson 5.

404
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:42,440
That's like being Ozzy Osbourne's harmonica tech.

405
00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:43,440
Yeah.

406
00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:46,440
Because Ozzy doesn't play harmonica.

407
00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:54,720
Hey, we can probably get backstage by saying we're Rob Zombie's harmonica tech.

408
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:55,720
Yeah.

409
00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:56,720
Yeah.

410
00:15:56,720 --> 00:16:05,320
I have to go tune his E-flat harmonica.

411
00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:10,520
I am Jack Palance's scalpel sharpening.

412
00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:13,680
I think he's dead though.

413
00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:14,680
Oh well.

414
00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:19,600
Yeah, they probably wouldn't know.

415
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:20,600
Next one.

416
00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:24,720
Thompson Twins' younger brother.

417
00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:26,720
What's more irrelevant than the Thompson Twins?

418
00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:30,560
Yeah, their younger brother.

419
00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:31,560
He wasn't even twin.

420
00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:34,040
No, he's just like younger brother.

421
00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:35,640
He wasn't one of the twins.

422
00:16:35,640 --> 00:16:39,320
He's just like, hey guys, get out of here.

423
00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:43,480
You remember that puppet that had a TV show, Howdy Doody?

424
00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:49,360
He had an older sister named Heavy Doody, but she was so overweight that he never put

425
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:50,360
her on the show.

426
00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:52,360
She kept breaking the couch.

427
00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:57,400
Oh, I'm just entertaining myself way too much.

428
00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:59,600
I thought that was great.

429
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:00,600
Next one.

430
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:01,600
This is what I love a lot too.

431
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:02,600
Okay.

432
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:03,600
Jiffy Lube.

433
00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:07,480
Those guys are such rip offs.

434
00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:08,480
Oh, I know.

435
00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:09,480
You're not even Valvoline.

436
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:14,680
You're Jiffy Lube.

437
00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:15,680
I caught him once.

438
00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:20,280
They came in with the air filter in my car and said, look how dirty your air filter is.

439
00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:21,280
You want us to change that?

440
00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:25,080
And I said, that's not my air filter because I changed mine yesterday.

441
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:26,800
No shit.

442
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:31,000
He turned around and rumped his ass right back out there and never said another word.

443
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,360
What a fucking...

444
00:17:33,360 --> 00:17:37,640
They keep a stock of dirty air filters and they find one that's the approximate size

445
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:41,320
and shape of the one you have, just in case you know what it looks like.

446
00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:44,080
And they'll say, look how dirty your air filter is.

447
00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:47,480
And then they'll go take out your perfectly good one and charge you 50 bucks to put in

448
00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:48,480
a new one.

449
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:51,040
And they probably reuse the one that they took out because it was probably pretty new

450
00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:52,040
too.

451
00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:53,040
Yeah.

452
00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:54,040
They probably put it in the car of the next person.

453
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:55,040
What a fucking scam.

454
00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:57,120
That was the last time I ever went to Jiffy Lube.

455
00:17:57,120 --> 00:18:01,520
I don't ever go there anymore because they were too many people I knew, personally knew.

456
00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:03,680
Not just I heard about, personally knew.

457
00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:06,880
They left there and they forgot to put oil in their engine.

458
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:10,000
And yes, Jiffy Lube did pay for it, but it took months.

459
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,000
Yeah.

460
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:18,320
My mom went to a Jiffy Lube one time and they forgot to put the drain plug back in the oil

461
00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:19,320
tank.

462
00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:20,320
Well, that's the other thing too, the drain plug.

463
00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:22,120
So they put the new oil in and it just ran right out.

464
00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:26,640
She drove down the road and her engine started going crazy and all the lights came on and

465
00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:29,440
black smoke was going everywhere and she shut her engine off.

466
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:34,280
Luckily she didn't hurt her engine, but she was mad as a hornet.

467
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:39,960
And Jiffy Lube's like, well, no harm, we'll just come and put the plug in and give you

468
00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:41,960
new oil and you'll be good to go.

469
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:44,400
And she's like, no, no.

470
00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:45,720
You're not going to make this right?

471
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:47,440
Yeah, that's bullshit.

472
00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:48,440
Yeah.

473
00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:49,800
No use for Jiffy Lube.

474
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:50,800
No, not at all.

475
00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:51,800
They suck.

476
00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:52,800
Yeah.

477
00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:55,880
Do you remember Boob and Lube?

478
00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:56,880
I think they were in Chicago.

479
00:18:56,880 --> 00:19:02,920
I don't know if they got anywhere else, but it was topless oil change.

480
00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:07,200
So you go in and the women with no shirts on would change your oil.

481
00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:09,800
When was this?

482
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:13,720
About the time that all these quick oil change places first started popping up everywhere.

483
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:14,720
80s.

484
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:15,720
Yeah.

485
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:16,720
Chicago had Boob and Lube.

486
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:17,720
That's awesome.

487
00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:18,720
Yeah.

488
00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:19,720
I would have went there.

489
00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:20,720
I would.

490
00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:21,720
Yeah, why not?

491
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:22,720
When I was single, I would have gone there.

492
00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:23,720
Heck yeah, me too.

493
00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:24,720
Well, yeah, not now, but yeah.

494
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:25,720
Yeah.

495
00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:28,720
Never know, they may be listening to our podcast.

496
00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:29,720
No, I'm joking.

497
00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:30,720
I wouldn't either.

498
00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:34,080
You mentioned the upcharge you get on everything on that.

499
00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:40,640
Yeah, I think on the one hand, staring at some girl with her shirt off would make me

500
00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:42,640
feel like a creep because I'm married.

501
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:46,480
But on the other hand, she would probably feel like I was a creep because here I'm this

502
00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:48,720
old man staring at this young girl's boots.

503
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:50,680
Yeah, your fucking eye banging.

504
00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:53,960
It's like, oh my God, look at this old guy eye banging me.

505
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:54,960
There's just no winning there.

506
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:55,960
But I've always been.

507
00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:56,960
I agree.

508
00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:59,320
I've always been attracted to age appropriate women.

509
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:00,320
Me too.

510
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:02,320
When I was 15, I thought 15 year olds were hot.

511
00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:04,960
When I was 30, I thought 30 year olds were hot.

512
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:07,840
Now I'm in my 60s, I think women in their 60s are hot.

513
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,800
I'm the same way too.

514
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:13,440
And plus, I mean, not only that, but the creep factor I never want to be.

515
00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:14,440
Yeah.

516
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:17,720
I never wish to be the creepy old man because I remember we used to have creepy old man

517
00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:19,920
come and hang out at our parties and stuff.

518
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:23,880
They tried to hit on the chicks and it's just such a fucking, ugh.

519
00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:26,880
And we've seen it over and over on TV shows.

520
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:31,120
The older man with the ridiculously younger girlfriend and how pathetic he looks.

521
00:20:31,120 --> 00:20:32,840
Yes, that's the other thing too.

522
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:33,840
Never want to be that guy.

523
00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:34,840
Yeah.

524
00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:39,240
I'd rather be alone than the guy out there with a woman 40 years younger than me.

525
00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:43,280
Everyone knows that she's not with you because she thinks you're hot.

526
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:44,280
No.

527
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:46,000
Maybe even loves you.

528
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:47,000
Yeah.

529
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:48,800
Yeah, it's because of money.

530
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:49,800
Yep.

531
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:54,240
So anyhow, the next one, Marty Feldman's hat.

532
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:56,240
Oh, wow.

533
00:20:56,240 --> 00:21:00,160
Remember, he didn't wear it all the time, but he did wear it.

534
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:01,760
He did have the weird little hat.

535
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:02,760
Yeah.

536
00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:03,760
Yeah.

537
00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:04,760
Yeah.

538
00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:05,760
You're not even Marty Feldman.

539
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:06,760
You're his hat.

540
00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:07,760
Yeah.

541
00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:08,760
You're not even his eyeball.

542
00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:09,760
Yeah.

543
00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:10,760
And not even everyone remembers his hat.

544
00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:11,760
That's what's worse.

545
00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:13,920
People have to go look through images, Google images, go, oh, there it is right there.

546
00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:16,640
See that little goofy looking little.

547
00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:20,880
I wonder how many of these are going to show up on your new contemporary urban dictionary

548
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:21,880
of America list.

549
00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:22,880
I don't know.

550
00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:26,040
They're probably going to come steal these from us and say, hey, we came up with this.

551
00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:28,040
Let's start using this.

552
00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:29,040
Let's see.

553
00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:30,040
What's today, the 9th or 10th?

554
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:31,040
Today's the 10th.

555
00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:32,040
Earmark this.

556
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:33,040
So probably two days, three.

557
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:34,040
10th of April, 2023.

558
00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:35,040
Yep.

559
00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:39,040
The next one, beet juice.

560
00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:40,040
Oh.

561
00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:41,040
Yeah.

562
00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:43,480
Yeah, that's pretty inconvenient stuff.

563
00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:44,480
Yeah.

564
00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:45,480
And you're not even beets.

565
00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:46,480
You're the juice.

566
00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:47,480
Yeah.

567
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:48,480
You're stained.

568
00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:49,480
You're like fake blood.

569
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:50,480
Yeah.

570
00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:51,480
It's like, no thank you.

571
00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:52,480
No beet juice here.

572
00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:53,480
Yeah.

573
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:54,480
That's pretty pointless stuff.

574
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:55,480
Yeah.

575
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:58,480
The next one, moped.

576
00:21:58,480 --> 00:21:59,480
Yeah.

577
00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:04,480
Man, there's never really been a time when mopeds were cool.

578
00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:05,480
No, never.

579
00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:06,480
No.

580
00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:09,040
Even Vespas, a lot of people were like really into Vespas.

581
00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:10,040
Even those weren't cool.

582
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:13,480
I mean, they were cooler than a moped, but still.

583
00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:14,480
Yeah.

584
00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:15,480
Yeah.

585
00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:19,480
And finally, the last one, kale rinse water.

586
00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:20,480
Oh.

587
00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:21,480
That's the worst.

588
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:22,480
Wow.

589
00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:23,480
The worst.

590
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:24,480
That's pretty awful.

591
00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:25,480
Oh.

592
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:30,480
Take an ass bag thing like kale, and then you take just the shit that rinses it.

593
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:31,480
Oh.

594
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:32,480
Oh.

595
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:33,480
God.

596
00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:34,480
I hope no one ever makes kale tea.

597
00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:36,480
That would just be awful.

598
00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:38,480
Oh my God.

599
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:39,480
Oh.

600
00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:40,480
Yep.

601
00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:41,480
Yeah.

602
00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:46,480
So anyhow, those are my alternate swear words for this edition.

603
00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:47,480
All right.

604
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:48,480
Two douche bags.

605
00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:49,480
And a microphone.

606
00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:50,480
Mark.

607
00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:51,480
Topher.

608
00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:52,480
All right.

609
00:22:52,480 --> 00:23:00,360
Well, I guess these new robot waiters are kind of a thing now.

610
00:23:00,360 --> 00:23:04,080
There's not so many of them around here, but in a lot of bigger urban areas, they do have

611
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:05,080
quite a few of them.

612
00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:06,080
Especially overseas.

613
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:07,080
Japan does.

614
00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:08,080
Yeah.

615
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:09,080
China.

616
00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:17,120
It's a good way to work around temporary staff shortages.

617
00:23:17,120 --> 00:23:21,480
When you hire a robot waiter, you never have to replace him.

618
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:22,480
Yeah, that's true.

619
00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:23,480
He's never going to quit.

620
00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:24,960
Never going to ask for a time off.

621
00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:26,480
Never going to want a raise.

622
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:27,480
Yeah.

623
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:28,480
I mean, I get it.

624
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:29,480
And also, you know what?

625
00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:30,480
I wouldn't mind a robot waiter either.

626
00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:31,480
No.

627
00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:34,480
I mean, you don't have to talk to him or nothing if you don't want to.

628
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:35,480
So you want to have a quiet evening.

629
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:36,480
You don't really feel like.

630
00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:37,480
Yeah.

631
00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:43,480
You just go, yeah, I'll take the fresh salad and I will take a Reuben and fries.

632
00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:44,480
Okay.

633
00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:45,480
I will be back.

634
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:46,480
Okay.

635
00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:47,480
All right.

636
00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:48,480
Thanks.

637
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:50,880
And there's been times when the server has arrived with her finger stuck in my food.

638
00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:51,880
Yes.

639
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:53,880
I've had that too, and it drives me nuts.

640
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:56,120
And I'm usually too nice to say something.

641
00:23:56,120 --> 00:23:59,120
I just take a little portion and throw it aside.

642
00:23:59,120 --> 00:24:01,240
But yeah, me too.

643
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:02,240
I agree.

644
00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:07,240
And also, they just breathe and they talk while they have their food in your hand.

645
00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:08,240
You know, yeah.

646
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:10,880
I kind of like that idea a lot better.

647
00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:11,880
Yeah.

648
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:15,360
So and also, no tip.

649
00:24:15,360 --> 00:24:16,640
You wouldn't think.

650
00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:17,640
You wouldn't think.

651
00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:18,640
Well, some idiots do.

652
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:19,640
We already went into this.

653
00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:20,640
Yeah.

654
00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:22,640
But yeah, if it's a robot server.

655
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:23,640
Yeah.

656
00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:24,640
All right.

657
00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:28,000
You may have already seen them in restaurants.

658
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:34,000
Waste Time Machines, a Greek guest, lead them to tables, deliver food and drinks, and get

659
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:37,200
the dirty dishes back to the kitchen.

660
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:41,160
Some have cat like faces, even purr when you scratch their heads.

661
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:42,160
Oh my God.

662
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:43,160
I didn't know this.

663
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:49,600
The only ones I saw were the little rectangular looking little fuckers with a yeah.

664
00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:54,320
Yeah, they almost look like what's his name off Lost in Space kind of almost, but without

665
00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:55,320
the head though.

666
00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:56,320
Yeah.

667
00:24:56,320 --> 00:24:59,120
They're like little one compartment little jobbies.

668
00:24:59,120 --> 00:25:02,080
So but but a robot waiter is the future.

669
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:06,880
It's a question the restaurant industry is increasingly trying to answer.

670
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:10,920
Many think robot waiters are the solution to the industry's labor shortages.

671
00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:18,320
Sales of them have been growing rapidly in recent years with tens of thousands now gliding

672
00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:19,760
through dining rooms worldwide.

673
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:21,120
But that's worldwide.

674
00:25:21,120 --> 00:25:22,120
Yeah.

675
00:25:22,120 --> 00:25:25,760
Now keep in mind, New York, there's probably quite a few of them.

676
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:27,240
The West Coast is probably quite a few.

677
00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:29,200
Chicago, there's probably a few.

678
00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:33,200
But generally, like Kansas City, there might be a couple here, but that's it.

679
00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:34,200
I mean, there's not really.

680
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:38,760
I think it would show up first in areas where there's a chronic shortage of staff.

681
00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:39,760
Yes.

682
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:45,200
And around here, I think we do much better than that national average on health.

683
00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:46,200
Yeah.

684
00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:51,600
And the the overall cost of living here isn't as high as in some places.

685
00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:56,840
So the startup cost of a robot wait staff would be pretty high.

686
00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:57,840
Yeah.

687
00:25:57,840 --> 00:25:59,840
So they'd have to really commit.

688
00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:00,840
They would.

689
00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:05,120
They would spend the money on that, but you know, in a higher cost market like Chicago

690
00:26:05,120 --> 00:26:08,720
or New York, then you make your money back a lot faster.

691
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:09,720
Yeah.

692
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:13,200
There's no doubt in my mind that this is where the world is going, said Dennis Reynolds,

693
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:18,840
dean at Hilton College of Global Hospitality Leadership at the University of Houston.

694
00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:23,640
The schools at a restaurant began using a robot in December, and Reynolds said it has

695
00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:27,600
eased the workload for human staff and made service more efficient.

696
00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:28,600
Interesting.

697
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:29,600
Yeah.

698
00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:35,680
He was a a restaurant chain name, a Healy.

699
00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:36,680
Well, it is a chain.

700
00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:37,680
OK.

701
00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:45,240
Introduced a robot server named Rita 2020 and and expanded the test to sixty one US

702
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:50,280
restaurants before abruptly halted in late August.

703
00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:51,280
Something happened.

704
00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:52,280
Yeah.

705
00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:56,280
Something went seriously wrong and they decided to shut it down and cover it up.

706
00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:57,280
Yeah.

707
00:26:57,280 --> 00:27:02,240
They found that Rita moved too slowly and got in the way of human servers and 58 percent

708
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:05,280
of guest survey said Rita didn't improve their overall experience.

709
00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:07,720
Well, yeah, there's the point.

710
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:12,280
If it's if the customers don't like it, then there's no reason to do it.

711
00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:13,280
Yeah.

712
00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:15,320
You have to make them like it or.

713
00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:16,320
Yeah.

714
00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:21,920
Held to Leia, I think is how they pronounce it, a hot pot chain in China began using robots

715
00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:24,520
a year ago to deliver food to diners tables.

716
00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:28,840
The managers of several outlets said the robots have improved as reliable or cost effective

717
00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:31,040
as human servers.

718
00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:32,040
This took a twist.

719
00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:34,560
I didn't think it was going to.

720
00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:35,560
Wang Long.

721
00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:37,360
Insert joke there.

722
00:27:37,360 --> 00:27:38,360
Wang Long.

723
00:27:38,360 --> 00:27:45,440
Wang Long, the manager of Beijing outlet, said his two robots both have broken down.

724
00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:52,560
We only use them now and then Wang said it's sort of a concept thing and the machine can

725
00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:54,880
never replace humans.

726
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:56,760
So OK, I could see this now.

727
00:27:56,760 --> 00:27:58,320
I think what it is is gimmicks.

728
00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:01,760
Yeah, they're just kind of like, hey, we got a robot server here.

729
00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:03,280
You want to come see Rosie?

730
00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:09,840
Yeah, I think the technology is not proven yet and they're not reliable yet.

731
00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:14,800
So people doing it now are doing it as a gimmick to attract people go, hey, let's go to that

732
00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:17,040
new place that has those robots running around.

733
00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:18,040
Yeah.

734
00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:19,040
Yeah.

735
00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:22,000
I bet you people insult them and say names to them and stuff.

736
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:26,200
People probably did the same thing back when vending machines were first introduced and

737
00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:29,680
said, hey, they got one of those machines where you put money in and it just gives you

738
00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:30,680
the food.

739
00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:31,680
Let's go try it.

740
00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:32,680
Yeah.

741
00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:35,880
It used to be you'd go and a person would do that for you.

742
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:39,960
But now vending machines are everywhere and people would rather have a vending machine.

743
00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:41,520
You've been in the airport lately?

744
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:42,520
Yeah.

745
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:43,520
It's just.

746
00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:44,880
Shit, that's all it is.

747
00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:45,880
Yeah.

748
00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:46,880
Stick your credit card in.

749
00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:47,880
Yeah.

750
00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:56,640
Eventually, let's see, they expect a certain, I'm going to paraphrase a lot of this here

751
00:28:56,640 --> 00:28:59,760
because it goes into some stuff we really don't care about.

752
00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:04,360
Percentage restaurants, maybe 30% will continue to have human services and be considered more

753
00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:11,520
luxurious while the rest will still rely more on robots in the kitchen and in the dining

754
00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:12,520
room.

755
00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:13,520
Now in the kitchen is different.

756
00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:14,520
Yeah.

757
00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:17,920
The robot can cook your food the way it needs to be cooked.

758
00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:18,920
I'm all for that.

759
00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:19,920
Yeah.

760
00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:23,000
I think there is a lot more automation in the kitchen than we realize because we don't

761
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:24,000
get to see it.

762
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:28,240
Well, I mean, just on the surface where you go through a McDonald's drive-through and

763
00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:31,480
you see the soda machine over there fucking burping out sodas.

764
00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:32,480
Yeah.

765
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:33,480
Yeah.

766
00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:38,440
I mean, all the person has to do is just put a lid and the straw is already in the bag.

767
00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:39,440
Yeah.

768
00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:42,880
They're like, okay, here's your three Dr. Peppers and Coke.

769
00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:43,880
Bye.

770
00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:44,880
Yeah.

771
00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:45,880
Yeah.

772
00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:46,880
Yeah.

773
00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:53,560
So it's kind of like Valley Parking is in the upper end restaurants.

774
00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:54,880
Everybody else just parks their own car.

775
00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:55,880
That's right.

776
00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:58,240
I think the robot servers would be the same way.

777
00:29:58,240 --> 00:29:59,240
Yeah.

778
00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:02,240
I think it's more of a status.

779
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:03,240
Yeah.

780
00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:04,240
Okay.

781
00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:09,840
So anyhow, most people, this article goes on to say that most people do not like the

782
00:30:09,840 --> 00:30:15,120
robotic servers and the people that work with them don't like them because they simply get

783
00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:16,120
in the way.

784
00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:17,120
Yeah.

785
00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:18,120
Yeah.

786
00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:22,400
I can see a lot of people, they like to converse with the waiter or waitress.

787
00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:23,400
Yeah.

788
00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:24,400
What's good?

789
00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:25,400
What do you recommend?

790
00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:26,400
What's in this?

791
00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:30,640
Well, the robotic is probably more designed for people who pretty much know what they

792
00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:32,480
want.

793
00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:39,880
So the type of restaurant like a busy noonday restaurant where workers come in to grab a

794
00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:44,200
lunch and they all know what they want, that's a good place for a robotic server.

795
00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:45,200
I would agree.

796
00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:48,880
But if you're having a romantic dinner out and you're not sure what you want to eat and

797
00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:51,600
there's this robot standing there saying, what do you want?

798
00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:52,600
Yeah.

799
00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:54,600
Well, how's the steak tonight?

800
00:30:54,600 --> 00:30:57,600
The steak is cooked at 165 degrees.

801
00:30:57,600 --> 00:30:58,600
What do you want?

802
00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:03,600
It's like, yeah, this isn't so good as having an actual member of the wait staff.

803
00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:06,840
And also going, hey, what do you think of the Parmesan here?

804
00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:08,800
Oh, I really love that.

805
00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:11,200
But to tell you the truth, I really like this much better.

806
00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:13,880
And it's like, oh, okay, thank you.

807
00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:14,880
Yeah.

808
00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:20,120
Whereas a robot, you know for sure any response like that has been programmed to try to sell

809
00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:21,480
you whatever they're trying to push.

810
00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:22,880
Try the cheesesteak here.

811
00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:25,080
It is the best in the world.

812
00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:28,000
And we have 300 million in our warehouse, so we have to sell a bunch of them.

813
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:30,680
We have to sell them, but I'm not supposed to tell you that.

814
00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:31,680
Thank you.

815
00:31:31,680 --> 00:31:32,680
Yeah.

816
00:31:32,680 --> 00:31:36,560
I think people look at a robotic server and whatever it says with more suspicion.

817
00:31:36,560 --> 00:31:37,560
Oh, I would.

818
00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:41,080
If it's a real person, you're like, you're looking at them in the eyes and you're looking

819
00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:42,080
at their body language.

820
00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:44,960
You're like, okay, I think this guy's on the level about this hamburger.

821
00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:45,960
Yeah.

822
00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:46,960
Yeah.

823
00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:47,960
I can see that making the difference.

824
00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:48,960
Yeah, I do too.

825
00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:49,960
Yep.

826
00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:50,960
Totally agree.

827
00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:51,960
Wow.

828
00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:54,960
The rain has stopped temporarily.

829
00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:55,960
It has.

830
00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:56,960
Hey, look.

831
00:31:56,960 --> 00:31:57,960
I think we found land.

832
00:31:57,960 --> 00:31:58,960
Oh my God.

833
00:31:58,960 --> 00:31:59,960
I think we're safe.

834
00:31:59,960 --> 00:32:00,960
Oh no.

835
00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:01,960
It's the island of horrible jokes.

836
00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:02,960
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

837
00:32:02,960 --> 00:32:03,960
A dinosaur.

838
00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:04,960
From the makers of Who Bit My Asshole Board Game and Balloon Art with Ball Sacks Video

839
00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:05,960
Series, it's two douchebags and a microphone action figures.

840
00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:06,960
Act now and get a free bag of flaming lighters.

841
00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:26,240
And a free bag of

842
00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:27,240
flaming light Cheetos.

843
00:32:27,240 --> 00:32:28,240
A bottle of antibiotics.

844
00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:29,240
And three free bullets.

845
00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:30,240
That's right.

846
00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:31,240
Dress your douchebag up and send them off to horrible scenarios all day long.

847
00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:32,240
We're soon to get a free at home tank piercing kit.

848
00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:33,240
That's right.

849
00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:34,240
Free home tank piercing kit.

850
00:32:34,240 --> 00:32:35,240
New from Chisbro.

851
00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:49,240
Did you hear about the creepy dolls that keep appearing on Texas beaches?

852
00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:50,240
No.

853
00:32:50,240 --> 00:32:51,240
Dolls?

854
00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:52,240
Like blow up dolls?

855
00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:53,240
Like life size?

856
00:32:53,240 --> 00:32:54,240
One of them was.

857
00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:55,240
The first one was a blow up doll.

858
00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:56,240
Oh, okay.

859
00:32:56,240 --> 00:32:57,240
But there are others.

860
00:32:57,240 --> 00:32:58,240
Yeah, there's a lot of others.

861
00:32:58,240 --> 00:32:59,240
Anyhow.

862
00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:02,240
So this was like not all at the same time?

863
00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:03,760
No, no, no.

864
00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:04,760
This is over time.

865
00:33:04,760 --> 00:33:05,760
There's still a period.

866
00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:06,760
Oh, creepier.

867
00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:07,760
I like it.

868
00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:12,360
Well, there's, you know, there's shale, sea creatures, assorted creatures.

869
00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:19,680
You know, they wash up on the sandy shores of these Texas coastal beach every day.

870
00:33:19,680 --> 00:33:23,520
You know, about 30 miles northeast of Corpus Christi.

871
00:33:23,520 --> 00:33:31,760
Researchers at Mission, I think it's Arkansas, I think it's Arnos.

872
00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:32,760
Sorry about this.

873
00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:35,720
This is printed out, run out of ink.

874
00:33:35,720 --> 00:33:42,400
Researchers at Mission Arnos Reserve find all these things, you know, in these dolls.

875
00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:46,720
Lots and lots of the dolls just started showing up on this beach.

876
00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:51,160
They're missing their hair and limbs and they're encrusted in barnacles.

877
00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:53,160
So it makes them look really creepy.

878
00:33:53,160 --> 00:33:57,160
You know, the dolls have been appearing on this Texas barrier island for years.

879
00:33:57,160 --> 00:33:58,160
Oh, wow.

880
00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:01,680
So it's not like a container went overboard and they're going to wash up for a week or

881
00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:02,680
two and then go away.

882
00:34:02,680 --> 00:34:03,680
No, no.

883
00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:10,600
Anyhow, Jace Tunnell, the director of the Mission Arnos Reserve at the University of

884
00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:17,120
Texas Marine Science Institute told Southern Living, which is where this article came from,

885
00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:23,240
that the dolls seem particularly drawn to the area between Padre Island and Martagola

886
00:34:23,240 --> 00:34:24,240
Island.

887
00:34:24,240 --> 00:34:28,800
Padre Island is where people used to go for spring break.

888
00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:33,480
I think they still do, but it's not as popular as it used to be.

889
00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:38,600
Researchers say that the 40-mile stretching coast, twice a week, looking for sea turtles,

890
00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:40,960
marine mammals and endangered bird species.

891
00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:47,760
So, you know, they're looking for birds, sea lions, sea turtles, what have you.

892
00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:52,880
So anyhow, he describes the creepy dolls and other debris as they, you know, it's just

893
00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:54,600
a perk of the job, you know.

894
00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:58,880
They're sitting there looking for these species and then they find these crazy looking dolls.

895
00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:05,240
And the reason these dolls look crazy is because they've been manipulated by the sea and they

896
00:35:05,240 --> 00:35:09,040
have barnacles on them.

897
00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:14,160
And you know, every day is something new and you know, instead you just find everything

898
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:16,560
that you possibly could in these dolls.

899
00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:20,360
I mean, I wish I could show these pictures on here of these dolls because they are very

900
00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:21,360
creepy looking.

901
00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:25,280
There's something they, something you can probably pretty easily find just with a quick

902
00:35:25,280 --> 00:35:26,280
Google search.

903
00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:30,880
Just type in creepy dolls washing up on Texas coast.

904
00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:32,440
You'll probably find it.

905
00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:38,600
Yeah, anyhow, he thinks that they're coming from Mexico.

906
00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:42,760
And they get, you know, a hurricane hits there and these are like a child's dolls.

907
00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:44,040
Oh, they get swept in.

908
00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:45,720
And he said they carry very well.

909
00:35:45,720 --> 00:35:46,720
Coastal dwelling.

910
00:35:46,720 --> 00:35:51,680
And the current will take them from that particular area in Mexico that gets hit by hurricanes

911
00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:55,840
often and it carries them to that specific place in Texas.

912
00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:56,840
Yeah, yeah.

913
00:35:56,840 --> 00:36:00,600
They can track the currents and find out where something came from.

914
00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:01,600
Think about a doll.

915
00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:03,680
A doll would float and it's really light.

916
00:36:03,680 --> 00:36:06,720
So it could go probably anywhere.

917
00:36:06,720 --> 00:36:12,200
To me, the bigger mystery is, I told you about Ocean Manor before, you know, and that's where

918
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:13,360
me and Val used to go.

919
00:36:13,360 --> 00:36:17,520
We're not going to go there anymore because it's really become like just real shady.

920
00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:20,080
But this is where Dennis Rodman hung out all the time.

921
00:36:20,080 --> 00:36:21,080
Oh, wow.

922
00:36:21,080 --> 00:36:24,080
And he'd be in a fucking idiot.

923
00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:28,040
Anyhow, Ocean Manor.

924
00:36:28,040 --> 00:36:35,800
One of the reasons that they got really popular was they had a giant cross show up there.

925
00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:36,800
Real heavy cross.

926
00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:37,800
Oh, wow.

927
00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:38,800
Yeah.

928
00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:39,800
Just show up there on the beach.

929
00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:42,120
And they call it their holy gift from the beach.

930
00:36:42,120 --> 00:36:46,400
I have a lot of pictures of it because this state of Ocean Manor a lot of times.

931
00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:52,920
Well, at first they thought that this came from this church in Puerto Rico.

932
00:36:52,920 --> 00:36:55,560
And during a hurricane, they thought it was it.

933
00:36:55,560 --> 00:37:00,280
Then they sent the church pictures of it asking if it belonged to a madman.

934
00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:02,400
It did not come from that church.

935
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:07,200
Nobody knows where it came from, but it's an extremely heavy cross.

936
00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:11,440
And where it landed is where it stays and they put a shrine around it.

937
00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:15,920
To me, that's more of a mystery than a ghost.

938
00:37:15,920 --> 00:37:19,360
That still would freak you out to walk up on one of those creepy looking dolls.

939
00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:20,360
Oh, yeah.

940
00:37:20,360 --> 00:37:21,360
Oh, God, yeah.

941
00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:22,360
Yeah.

942
00:37:22,360 --> 00:37:26,400
I mean, as a matter of fact, would you even take it home?

943
00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:27,400
No.

944
00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:28,400
No, no, no.

945
00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:35,920
I was starting to wonder maybe some of those dolls were packed full of contraband.

946
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:39,240
But that seems like a pretty inefficient way to move it.

947
00:37:39,240 --> 00:37:44,400
And why would just a few dolls get washed overboard?

948
00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:48,200
I think if someone's going to try to smuggle something into the country in dolls, that

949
00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:52,240
they would be in the truck and not just somehow wind up in the ocean.

950
00:37:52,240 --> 00:37:53,240
Yeah, you know what?

951
00:37:53,240 --> 00:37:55,680
I never thought about that, like being full of cocaine or something.

952
00:37:55,680 --> 00:37:56,680
Yeah.

953
00:37:56,680 --> 00:38:01,640
But yeah, it doesn't make sense why they'd be in the ocean washing up at random times.

954
00:38:01,640 --> 00:38:04,640
That marine biologist, I think, probably hated on that.

955
00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:08,280
It goes over there, you know, hurricane goes over there, destroys houses.

956
00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:09,280
Yeah.

957
00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:12,760
And you know, it takes like these light things like dolls, tosses them in the air.

958
00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:13,760
Yeah.

959
00:38:13,760 --> 00:38:18,280
They end up in the ocean and then the currents bring them to that part of Texas because wherever

960
00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:20,280
there is a...

961
00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:26,240
Evidently, it's a place in Mexico that's very prone to hurricanes.

962
00:38:26,240 --> 00:38:27,240
Yeah.

963
00:38:27,240 --> 00:38:28,240
It's like one of the hurricane traps.

964
00:38:28,240 --> 00:38:29,240
It could even be...

965
00:38:29,240 --> 00:38:34,240
It's like Lake Charles in Louisiana, you know, that gets hit every year, sometimes two or

966
00:38:34,240 --> 00:38:35,240
three times.

967
00:38:35,240 --> 00:38:41,240
It could even be like the hurricane is picking up out of the garbage dumps.

968
00:38:41,240 --> 00:38:42,240
Yeah, that's true.

969
00:38:42,240 --> 00:38:43,240
Along the coast of some of those towns.

970
00:38:43,240 --> 00:38:46,240
And then dolls are so light and floatable.

971
00:38:46,240 --> 00:38:48,000
The rest of the stuff either gets...

972
00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:53,240
It breaks down or it sinks or something, but these dolls are light enough to float and

973
00:38:53,240 --> 00:38:54,240
be noticed.

974
00:38:54,240 --> 00:38:59,240
So yeah, there's a number of different ways they could get into the ocean.

975
00:38:59,240 --> 00:39:04,240
But yeah, the fascinating part is seeing what the months or maybe years floating in the

976
00:39:04,240 --> 00:39:07,240
ocean has done to the doll itself.

977
00:39:07,240 --> 00:39:08,240
That's true.

978
00:39:08,240 --> 00:39:15,240
TwoDeuceBagsAndMicrophone.net, your one stop for everything Deuce Baggery.

979
00:39:15,240 --> 00:39:16,240
You want to write us?

980
00:39:16,240 --> 00:39:18,240
You want to say something to us?

981
00:39:18,240 --> 00:39:21,240
You want to look for a live button when we go live, you can call in.

982
00:39:21,240 --> 00:39:26,240
All of this stuff is right there for your ears, ears, ears, and EYEHOLES.

983
00:39:26,240 --> 00:39:27,240
You got it chumps.

984
00:39:27,240 --> 00:39:28,240
It's all yours.

985
00:39:28,240 --> 00:39:31,240
TwoDeuceBagsAndMicrophone.net is up and running.

986
00:39:31,240 --> 00:39:33,240
Don't forget to hit the subscribe button.

987
00:39:33,240 --> 00:39:35,240
Don't forget to hit the subscribe button.

988
00:39:35,240 --> 00:39:37,240
Don't forget to hit the subscribe button.

989
00:39:37,240 --> 00:39:40,240
Two Thimblenecks and a Crash Cart will be right back.

990
00:39:40,240 --> 00:39:44,240
I mean, what really, I mean, really, what a piece of shit, right?

991
00:39:44,240 --> 00:39:47,240
Boy, it has turned into that, hasn't it?

992
00:39:47,240 --> 00:39:48,240
Yeah.

993
00:39:48,240 --> 00:39:56,240
I mean, it was actually designed as a pretty good idea, you know, because I can keep up with my friends or family even, you know.

994
00:39:56,240 --> 00:40:01,240
I keep up with my family in Germany, Canada, Greece.

995
00:40:01,240 --> 00:40:05,240
It was originally supposed to be something for people who went to school together.

996
00:40:05,240 --> 00:40:06,240
Yeah.

997
00:40:06,240 --> 00:40:09,240
Or like childhood friends or whatever, and you spread around the country, around the globe.

998
00:40:09,240 --> 00:40:12,240
That way this is a way to keep in touch.

999
00:40:12,240 --> 00:40:13,240
Yeah.

1000
00:40:13,240 --> 00:40:20,240
I mean, it got hijacked by idiots, and now the creator is a fucking megalomaniac, just a complete douchebag.

1001
00:40:20,240 --> 00:40:22,240
I mean, not a good douchebag like us.

1002
00:40:22,240 --> 00:40:26,240
I mean, he's one of those guys on South Park that smell their own farts.

1003
00:40:26,240 --> 00:40:28,240
Yeah.

1004
00:40:28,240 --> 00:40:30,240
But I don't even think he farts.

1005
00:40:30,240 --> 00:40:31,240
I don't even think that guy's real.

1006
00:40:31,240 --> 00:40:33,240
What a piece of shit.

1007
00:40:33,240 --> 00:40:35,240
Anyhow, I can't stand Zuckerberg, like most people.

1008
00:40:35,240 --> 00:40:36,240
Yeah.

1009
00:40:36,240 --> 00:40:38,240
There's not a whole lot to like about him.

1010
00:40:38,240 --> 00:40:39,240
Yeah.

1011
00:40:39,240 --> 00:40:44,240
He's the kind of guy I could like club to death, and then I'd bring him back to life and club him to death again.

1012
00:40:44,240 --> 00:40:50,240
And then bring him back to life and club him to death again, just because it felt so good to kill the piece of shit.

1013
00:40:50,240 --> 00:40:52,240
I would never do this.

1014
00:40:52,240 --> 00:40:56,240
This is all, you know, just, it's satire.

1015
00:40:56,240 --> 00:40:57,240
This is entertainment, people.

1016
00:40:57,240 --> 00:40:58,240
Yeah.

1017
00:40:58,240 --> 00:41:00,240
This is hot talk satirization.

1018
00:41:00,240 --> 00:41:01,240
Yeah.

1019
00:41:01,240 --> 00:41:02,240
If you want to put a label on it.

1020
00:41:02,240 --> 00:41:06,240
So anybody out there like the haters I'm getting ready to talk about, calm the fuck down.

1021
00:41:06,240 --> 00:41:08,240
You ain't getting nothing here.

1022
00:41:08,240 --> 00:41:10,240
Fucking ballsacks.

1023
00:41:10,240 --> 00:41:11,240
Go back in your holes.

1024
00:41:11,240 --> 00:41:17,240
If we actually ever follow through on half the stuff we did, I'd be really surprised.

1025
00:41:17,240 --> 00:41:18,240
Sure.

1026
00:41:18,240 --> 00:41:19,240
Half the stuff we said we would do.

1027
00:41:19,240 --> 00:41:22,240
Number one, we'd have to write it all down, which we don't.

1028
00:41:22,240 --> 00:41:23,240
No, no we don't.

1029
00:41:23,240 --> 00:41:25,240
And then half the time I'd lose it.

1030
00:41:25,240 --> 00:41:27,240
So, I mean, it'd never get done.

1031
00:41:27,240 --> 00:41:28,240
Let's face it.

1032
00:41:28,240 --> 00:41:32,240
But anyhow, all this is just satirization, just hot talk bullshit, okay?

1033
00:41:32,240 --> 00:41:33,240
Yeah.

1034
00:41:33,240 --> 00:41:34,240
Mark Zuckerberg.

1035
00:41:34,240 --> 00:41:35,240
Piece of shit.

1036
00:41:35,240 --> 00:41:37,240
Curb stomping would be fun.

1037
00:41:37,240 --> 00:41:38,240
Yeah.

1038
00:41:38,240 --> 00:41:42,240
Watch this fucking little fucking nipple horn teeth go flying every which way.

1039
00:41:42,240 --> 00:41:43,240
He's Zuckerberg.

1040
00:41:43,240 --> 00:41:44,240
Come over here.

1041
00:41:44,240 --> 00:41:46,240
I want to recreate a scene from American History X.

1042
00:41:46,240 --> 00:41:47,240
Yeah.

1043
00:41:47,240 --> 00:41:48,240
Yes.

1044
00:41:48,240 --> 00:41:49,240
Ow.

1045
00:41:49,240 --> 00:41:50,240
Yeah.

1046
00:41:50,240 --> 00:41:57,240
So anyhow, you know, there's these haters on Facebook, right?

1047
00:41:57,240 --> 00:42:02,240
And anyhow, I've known this, but at first I kind of didn't.

1048
00:42:02,240 --> 00:42:05,240
So I started Facebook back in 2009.

1049
00:42:05,240 --> 00:42:07,240
Wow, you started Facebook?

1050
00:42:07,240 --> 00:42:08,240
Awesome.

1051
00:42:08,240 --> 00:42:09,240
Yeah.

1052
00:42:09,240 --> 00:42:10,240
Or fake book.

1053
00:42:10,240 --> 00:42:13,240
Well, I started on fake book.

1054
00:42:13,240 --> 00:42:17,240
No, thank you actually, because it did sound like that.

1055
00:42:17,240 --> 00:42:19,240
Zuckerberg stole it from me.

1056
00:42:19,240 --> 00:42:20,240
That's so the bitch.

1057
00:42:20,240 --> 00:42:26,240
No, I joined Facebook back in 2009.

1058
00:42:26,240 --> 00:42:32,240
Then soon after I joined, my immediate friends were like, already knew them.

1059
00:42:32,240 --> 00:42:33,240
Bing, bing, bing.

1060
00:42:33,240 --> 00:42:34,240
They're here.

1061
00:42:34,240 --> 00:42:35,240
Hey, they're here.

1062
00:42:35,240 --> 00:42:38,240
And they were already suggested for me because we have mutual friends.

1063
00:42:38,240 --> 00:42:39,240
So I started adding them.

1064
00:42:39,240 --> 00:42:43,240
And then after that, you know, at the time it was kind of ancillary people that were,

1065
00:42:43,240 --> 00:42:44,240
you know, did I?

1066
00:42:44,240 --> 00:42:46,240
Yeah, I met them a couple of times down there.

1067
00:42:46,240 --> 00:42:47,240
You know, I don't know.

1068
00:42:47,240 --> 00:42:48,240
Maybe I should send requests.

1069
00:42:48,240 --> 00:42:49,240
Not, you know, it's kind of.

1070
00:42:49,240 --> 00:42:52,240
Yeah, to get them friends of friends and somebody you can't see them.

1071
00:42:52,240 --> 00:42:55,240
Yeah, it's like, I don't know, you know.

1072
00:42:55,240 --> 00:42:56,240
People at work.

1073
00:42:56,240 --> 00:42:57,240
Yeah.

1074
00:42:57,240 --> 00:43:00,240
So now I don't know how many fucking people I have on mine.

1075
00:43:00,240 --> 00:43:02,240
Oh, there were three billion.

1076
00:43:02,240 --> 00:43:05,240
And you hear from like five of them.

1077
00:43:05,240 --> 00:43:06,240
Yes.

1078
00:43:06,240 --> 00:43:12,240
You know, I noticed quickly, you know, soon after that, a few people that I really didn't

1079
00:43:12,240 --> 00:43:17,240
like, you know, grew up with a lot of them or whatever, met them somewhere or something.

1080
00:43:17,240 --> 00:43:20,240
And you could tell, you know, I didn't like them.

1081
00:43:20,240 --> 00:43:21,240
They didn't like me.

1082
00:43:21,240 --> 00:43:23,240
We just didn't mesh, whatever, you know.

1083
00:43:23,240 --> 00:43:24,240
Yeah.

1084
00:43:24,240 --> 00:43:26,240
Well, you know, they friend request me.

1085
00:43:26,240 --> 00:43:31,240
And, you know, my first thought was like, you know, I never really did like each other.

1086
00:43:31,240 --> 00:43:34,240
You were a tool bag to me or whatever.

1087
00:43:34,240 --> 00:43:37,240
Or, you know, always a smart ass or something.

1088
00:43:37,240 --> 00:43:38,240
Yeah.

1089
00:43:38,240 --> 00:43:41,240
You kind of wonder why are you so anxious to be my friend?

1090
00:43:41,240 --> 00:43:42,240
Yeah.

1091
00:43:42,240 --> 00:43:43,240
It's kind of flattering, too.

1092
00:43:43,240 --> 00:43:45,240
It's like, well, maybe bygones or.

1093
00:43:45,240 --> 00:43:46,240
Yeah.

1094
00:43:46,240 --> 00:43:47,240
It's like maybe they're trying to get to know me, you know.

1095
00:43:47,240 --> 00:43:48,240
So I had them.

1096
00:43:48,240 --> 00:43:49,240
OK.

1097
00:43:49,240 --> 00:43:53,240
So anyhow, you know, I went ahead and accepted the from request, you know.

1098
00:43:53,240 --> 00:43:59,240
But after that, you know, I'm waiting for this reassurance that they're trying to be

1099
00:43:59,240 --> 00:44:04,740
a friend, you know, like, you know, I could have beaten cancer or won the lottery and

1100
00:44:04,740 --> 00:44:06,240
I just get crickets from these folks.

1101
00:44:06,240 --> 00:44:07,240
Yeah.

1102
00:44:07,240 --> 00:44:08,240
And it's like, wait a minute.

1103
00:44:08,240 --> 00:44:14,240
It's like you guys, you know, come in my world and friend request me.

1104
00:44:14,240 --> 00:44:18,240
And then, you know, I got this great shit going on and it doesn't seem like you give

1105
00:44:18,240 --> 00:44:19,240
a shit.

1106
00:44:19,240 --> 00:44:20,240
And I'm pretty sure you don't.

1107
00:44:20,240 --> 00:44:21,240
Yeah.

1108
00:44:21,240 --> 00:44:25,240
So, you know, unless they got a multi-level marketing scheme they want you to buy into.

1109
00:44:25,240 --> 00:44:26,240
Yeah.

1110
00:44:26,240 --> 00:44:27,240
That's the only thing I was waiting for.

1111
00:44:27,240 --> 00:44:29,240
Hey, you want to sell your house?

1112
00:44:29,240 --> 00:44:30,240
I'm the guy.

1113
00:44:30,240 --> 00:44:31,240
You know.

1114
00:44:31,240 --> 00:44:36,240
And so, you know, and I almost did one of those fucking attention seeking deals, you

1115
00:44:36,240 --> 00:44:40,240
know, where you like, hey, if you're my true friend, you'll comment here.

1116
00:44:40,240 --> 00:44:41,240
Oh, yeah.

1117
00:44:41,240 --> 00:44:42,240
Yeah.

1118
00:44:42,240 --> 00:44:43,240
Otherwise, I'm going to delete you.

1119
00:44:43,240 --> 00:44:47,240
I'm doing a little spring cleaning and all that and blah, fucking blah, you know.

1120
00:44:47,240 --> 00:44:48,240
Cry for attention.

1121
00:44:48,240 --> 00:44:49,240
Yeah.

1122
00:44:49,240 --> 00:44:52,240
And, you know, most of the time on those I just be like, yeah, here, hang on.

1123
00:44:52,240 --> 00:44:53,240
Let me help you out.

1124
00:44:53,240 --> 00:44:54,240
Click.

1125
00:44:54,240 --> 00:44:55,240
There you go.

1126
00:44:55,240 --> 00:44:57,240
I mean, delete myself.

1127
00:44:57,240 --> 00:44:58,240
Yeah.

1128
00:44:58,240 --> 00:44:59,240
I'll show myself the door.

1129
00:44:59,240 --> 00:45:00,240
Thank you.

1130
00:45:00,240 --> 00:45:01,240
Yeah.

1131
00:45:01,240 --> 00:45:06,240
So, yeah, you know.

1132
00:45:06,240 --> 00:45:11,840
And then as it keeps going on I start noticing this little fucking tattletale culture that

1133
00:45:11,840 --> 00:45:15,240
we got going now, especially fake book has really gotten bad.

1134
00:45:15,240 --> 00:45:19,240
So, you know, I tease with good friends of mine like Michelle always, you know, threatening

1135
00:45:19,240 --> 00:45:25,240
to kick her in the mud button, you know, or shove something up, you know, up her ass,

1136
00:45:25,240 --> 00:45:29,240
you know, or shove that whole fucking whatever up your ass and, you know.

1137
00:45:29,240 --> 00:45:31,240
Beat you like a rented mule.

1138
00:45:31,240 --> 00:45:32,240
Yeah.

1139
00:45:32,240 --> 00:45:35,240
And all of this is, once again, satire.

1140
00:45:35,240 --> 00:45:36,240
Yes.

1141
00:45:36,240 --> 00:45:37,240
Just bullshit.

1142
00:45:37,240 --> 00:45:40,240
Never do it, never even think about doing it in real life.

1143
00:45:40,240 --> 00:45:42,240
But it's funny to put on, you know, to put on in that.

1144
00:45:42,240 --> 00:45:43,240
Yeah.

1145
00:45:43,240 --> 00:45:48,240
It's like Ryan Reynolds and his wife continually trash each other on social media because it's

1146
00:45:48,240 --> 00:45:49,240
funny.

1147
00:45:49,240 --> 00:45:50,240
Yes.

1148
00:45:50,240 --> 00:45:51,240
They don't mean anything by it.

1149
00:45:51,240 --> 00:45:52,240
They're both in on it.

1150
00:45:52,240 --> 00:45:53,240
Yeah, the same thing.

1151
00:45:53,240 --> 00:45:58,240
So someone like me and Michelle or someone like that, we're both in on it, you know,

1152
00:45:58,240 --> 00:46:02,240
and then she says something back like, oh, you're a delusional old man or whatever, you

1153
00:46:02,240 --> 00:46:03,240
know.

1154
00:46:03,240 --> 00:46:04,240
Take your meds.

1155
00:46:04,240 --> 00:46:05,240
Shit like that, you know.

1156
00:46:05,240 --> 00:46:10,240
And, you know, and people read her like, oh, hey, hey, come here, honey.

1157
00:46:10,240 --> 00:46:12,240
Look, they're at each other again.

1158
00:46:12,240 --> 00:46:15,240
You know, and it's just fun.

1159
00:46:15,240 --> 00:46:20,240
And then, you know, first ever down then, I'd get a little fucking note from Facebook.

1160
00:46:20,240 --> 00:46:23,240
Hey, we see you're being a bully.

1161
00:46:23,240 --> 00:46:25,240
We're going to have to smack your hand.

1162
00:46:25,240 --> 00:46:31,240
So now it's like to where I can't even put a little bit of an offhand joke on there.

1163
00:46:31,240 --> 00:46:35,240
They'll either give me a warning or put me in Facebook jail.

1164
00:46:35,240 --> 00:46:41,240
Now, the thing is, is I don't give a flying fuck about Facebook jail.

1165
00:46:41,240 --> 00:46:42,240
I don't care.

1166
00:46:42,240 --> 00:46:43,240
I hate Facebook.

1167
00:46:43,240 --> 00:46:45,240
But the problem is, is this right here.

1168
00:46:45,240 --> 00:46:52,240
I need to keep up with my family overseas and in Canada and all this and also promote

1169
00:46:52,240 --> 00:46:54,240
stuff like this podcast on here.

1170
00:46:54,240 --> 00:46:57,240
So I kind of really need it now more than I ever did.

1171
00:46:57,240 --> 00:46:58,240
It's useful.

1172
00:46:58,240 --> 00:46:59,240
Yeah, it's useful.

1173
00:46:59,240 --> 00:47:00,240
Yeah.

1174
00:47:00,240 --> 00:47:04,240
So I kind of got to play this little fucking game that Facebook does where these little

1175
00:47:04,240 --> 00:47:06,240
snitches take and go.

1176
00:47:06,240 --> 00:47:08,240
And I know there's about 10 of them.

1177
00:47:08,240 --> 00:47:09,240
I know who they are.

1178
00:47:09,240 --> 00:47:11,240
And they're probably listening to this right now.

1179
00:47:11,240 --> 00:47:13,240
So fuck you.

1180
00:47:13,240 --> 00:47:14,240
Anyhow.

1181
00:47:14,240 --> 00:47:20,240
But the thing I want to say is I kind of had a little moment of clarity of why, of why

1182
00:47:20,240 --> 00:47:22,240
I kept them around.

1183
00:47:22,240 --> 00:47:26,240
And it's really, it's kind of more of an ego thing than anything else.

1184
00:47:26,240 --> 00:47:33,240
And what it is, is I know that these little fucking trolls, you know, I control them.

1185
00:47:33,240 --> 00:47:38,240
Because I used to put up stuff I know that would drive them nuts.

1186
00:47:38,240 --> 00:47:43,240
But then again, they couldn't show that I could bother them because they're too busy

1187
00:47:43,240 --> 00:47:46,240
trying to out-call me or whatever their little game is.

1188
00:47:46,240 --> 00:47:47,240
So they don't answer.

1189
00:47:47,240 --> 00:47:51,240
So I'll say some stuff that I know that would bother them.

1190
00:47:51,240 --> 00:47:54,240
And I would aim it directly at them.

1191
00:47:54,240 --> 00:47:58,240
And anyhow, you know, and then some of them would answer, would say something on their

1192
00:47:58,240 --> 00:48:02,240
own feed, but not say who it was about.

1193
00:48:02,240 --> 00:48:03,240
And I know it was about me.

1194
00:48:03,240 --> 00:48:05,240
So I get a little warm feeling in my tummy.

1195
00:48:05,240 --> 00:48:06,240
All right.

1196
00:48:06,240 --> 00:48:07,240
Look at this douchebag.

1197
00:48:07,240 --> 00:48:09,240
I got under their skin.

1198
00:48:09,240 --> 00:48:11,240
You've got a summer home in their head.

1199
00:48:11,240 --> 00:48:12,240
Yes.

1200
00:48:12,240 --> 00:48:13,240
Yeah.

1201
00:48:13,240 --> 00:48:18,240
And I realized that the only reason I have these little fucking trolls on my account

1202
00:48:18,240 --> 00:48:22,240
at all is so I can completely piss them off.

1203
00:48:22,240 --> 00:48:24,240
And I think it's funny and it's amusing.

1204
00:48:24,240 --> 00:48:29,240
But now as life goes on and I'm busy and I don't really have enough time for it, you

1205
00:48:29,240 --> 00:48:32,240
know, I don't know if I want to keep them or not.

1206
00:48:32,240 --> 00:48:33,240
Yeah.

1207
00:48:33,240 --> 00:48:36,240
And you know, so douchebags, it's like this.

1208
00:48:36,240 --> 00:48:41,240
If you guys look up and I'm off of yours, you know, you don't see me anywhere.

1209
00:48:41,240 --> 00:48:43,240
Don't bother looking me up because you're blocked.

1210
00:48:43,240 --> 00:48:44,240
Yeah.

1211
00:48:44,240 --> 00:48:47,240
And anyhow, I know who you all are.

1212
00:48:47,240 --> 00:48:51,240
And I think you're pathetic little pieces of shit and always have.

1213
00:48:51,240 --> 00:48:53,240
But here's the deal.

1214
00:48:53,240 --> 00:48:55,240
It's not fun anymore.

1215
00:48:55,240 --> 00:48:56,240
That's the key.

1216
00:48:56,240 --> 00:49:01,240
But on the other hand is, you know, I go on all these vacations and have all these great

1217
00:49:01,240 --> 00:49:02,240
pictures and stuff.

1218
00:49:02,240 --> 00:49:03,240
I love my life.

1219
00:49:03,240 --> 00:49:04,240
I love my job.

1220
00:49:04,240 --> 00:49:06,240
Everything's going great.

1221
00:49:06,240 --> 00:49:08,240
You know, so I want you to look at that.

1222
00:49:08,240 --> 00:49:10,240
I want it to burn your asshole up.

1223
00:49:10,240 --> 00:49:16,240
So if you're still on there and I don't delete you, I know that your asshole is burning up

1224
00:49:16,240 --> 00:49:19,240
because I'm doing so well and it's fucking awesome.

1225
00:49:19,240 --> 00:49:25,240
So, you know, eat a bowl of shit and don't die.

1226
00:49:25,240 --> 00:49:27,240
That's the thing is each shit and live.

1227
00:49:27,240 --> 00:49:28,240
Yes.

1228
00:49:28,240 --> 00:49:33,240
That way you can continue to be miserable and you have a taste of shit in your mouth.

1229
00:49:33,240 --> 00:49:36,240
That's, you know, that's the key.

1230
00:49:36,240 --> 00:49:40,240
As soon as they lose their entertainment value, they're just not worth any more time.

1231
00:49:40,240 --> 00:49:43,240
Yeah, it's like, what the fuck do I care now?

1232
00:49:43,240 --> 00:49:44,240
Yeah.

1233
00:49:44,240 --> 00:49:45,240
Need a refill on your coffee there?

1234
00:49:45,240 --> 00:49:46,240
No, I'm good.

1235
00:49:46,240 --> 00:49:47,240
Okay.

1236
00:49:47,240 --> 00:49:48,240
Yeah, look at that.

1237
00:49:48,240 --> 00:49:49,240
Hell yeah.

1238
00:49:49,240 --> 00:49:50,240
I'm stirring it with my penis.

1239
00:49:50,240 --> 00:49:55,240
Good thing you got a real tall mug of coffee.

1240
00:49:55,240 --> 00:49:56,240
Yeah, that's right.

1241
00:49:56,240 --> 00:49:57,240
Real tall.

1242
00:49:57,240 --> 00:49:58,240
Oh yeah.

1243
00:49:58,240 --> 00:49:59,240
Thanks, Christopher.

1244
00:49:59,240 --> 00:50:02,240
It's like the two guys.

1245
00:50:02,240 --> 00:50:03,240
It's a shot glass.

1246
00:50:03,240 --> 00:50:10,240
It's like the two guys peeing off of a railroad bridge and one guy says the other is like,

1247
00:50:10,240 --> 00:50:13,240
yeah, that water down there is a little cold, isn't it?

1248
00:50:13,240 --> 00:50:18,240
And the other guy goes, yeah, it's deep too.

1249
00:50:18,240 --> 00:50:19,240
Oh yeah.

1250
00:50:19,240 --> 00:50:23,240
But, you know, Mr. Creepy already told us all about meat gazers.

1251
00:50:23,240 --> 00:50:24,240
Yes.

1252
00:50:24,240 --> 00:50:29,240
Well, Mr. Creepy did acknowledge that it's perfectly natural.

1253
00:50:29,240 --> 00:50:30,240
To meat gaze.

1254
00:50:30,240 --> 00:50:31,240
To meat gaze.

1255
00:50:31,240 --> 00:50:32,240
Yeah.

1256
00:50:32,240 --> 00:50:33,240
I mean, I wouldn't do it over.

1257
00:50:33,240 --> 00:50:37,240
I think there's got to be like probably a three second rule, don't you think?

1258
00:50:37,240 --> 00:50:40,240
Yeah, there might be like a three second rule.

1259
00:50:40,240 --> 00:50:44,240
You take that first glance and you just act like you're looking at your shoes or something,

1260
00:50:44,240 --> 00:50:45,240
but you take a little gander.

1261
00:50:45,240 --> 00:50:50,240
And, you know, and sometimes, like I said, you know, like Mr. Creepy said was this right

1262
00:50:50,240 --> 00:50:53,240
here, you know, sometimes their penis does not match that.

1263
00:50:53,240 --> 00:50:54,240
You know?

1264
00:50:54,240 --> 00:50:58,240
Like this huge guy and he's got this little thimble dick, you know?

1265
00:50:58,240 --> 00:51:01,240
Or if you see something really unusual that you've never seen before.

1266
00:51:01,240 --> 00:51:05,240
Like a huge meaty shaft and a little bitty fucking pop bottle with a fucking head.

1267
00:51:05,240 --> 00:51:08,240
Or like a bizarre twist, an odd color.

1268
00:51:08,240 --> 00:51:09,240
Yeah.

1269
00:51:09,240 --> 00:51:10,240
You know.

1270
00:51:10,240 --> 00:51:11,240
Crazy peronies.

1271
00:51:11,240 --> 00:51:12,240
Yeah.

1272
00:51:12,240 --> 00:51:13,240
Clever tattoo.

1273
00:51:13,240 --> 00:51:18,240
You know, those buy you some extra seconds of meat gazing before a person can reasonably

1274
00:51:18,240 --> 00:51:20,240
feel uncomfortable and say hey.

1275
00:51:20,240 --> 00:51:21,240
Yeah, yeah.

1276
00:51:21,240 --> 00:51:25,240
Some of them look like they have buckwheat in a fucking leg lock and some people are

1277
00:51:25,240 --> 00:51:27,240
like smooth, you know?

1278
00:51:27,240 --> 00:51:31,240
When your meat gazing approaches Joe Buck levels.

1279
00:51:31,240 --> 00:51:32,240
No, no, no.

1280
00:51:32,240 --> 00:51:35,240
That's what Mr. Creepy was talking about.

1281
00:51:35,240 --> 00:51:36,240
Yeah, yeah.

1282
00:51:36,240 --> 00:51:38,240
So Joe Buck is one of those guys that wants to wear penis.

1283
00:51:38,240 --> 00:51:41,240
Well, he's perplexed because he does not have a dick.

1284
00:51:41,240 --> 00:51:42,240
Yeah, that's true.

1285
00:51:42,240 --> 00:51:44,240
He's like a Ken doll, I imagine.

1286
00:51:44,240 --> 00:51:47,240
Yeah, he's just a smooth nothing.

1287
00:51:47,240 --> 00:51:49,240
He very obviously has no balls.

1288
00:51:49,240 --> 00:51:50,240
Oh, no.

1289
00:51:50,240 --> 00:51:51,240
Probably has no dick either.

1290
00:51:51,240 --> 00:51:57,240
He probably also pre-empts a schedule on.

1291
00:51:57,240 --> 00:51:58,240
Yeah.

1292
00:51:58,240 --> 00:51:59,240
That's probably it, yeah.

1293
00:51:59,240 --> 00:52:00,240
Yeah.

1294
00:52:00,240 --> 00:52:03,240
Joe Buck is next on my list for an ass patling invisible.

1295
00:52:03,240 --> 00:52:04,240
Yeah.

1296
00:52:04,240 --> 00:52:10,240
When you talk about your Facebook snitches, that reminded me, you get that with homeowners

1297
00:52:10,240 --> 00:52:11,240
associations a lot.

1298
00:52:11,240 --> 00:52:15,240
People who alert and come around and say hi, how you doing?

1299
00:52:15,240 --> 00:52:16,240
And they're peeking in your backyard.

1300
00:52:16,240 --> 00:52:19,240
Is that a new flower bed you got there?

1301
00:52:19,240 --> 00:52:20,240
Yeah.

1302
00:52:20,240 --> 00:52:21,240
They're snooping for building.

1303
00:52:21,240 --> 00:52:22,240
They have beautiful petunias.

1304
00:52:22,240 --> 00:52:23,240
Or they'll just call the city and have the state inspector come around.

1305
00:52:23,240 --> 00:52:24,240
So how long did that take, Christopher, to get your permit on that?

1306
00:52:24,240 --> 00:52:25,240
Did you call 1-800-DIGRIGHT?

1307
00:52:25,240 --> 00:52:26,240
And when I was delivering mail, there were a lot of people like that.

1308
00:52:26,240 --> 00:52:27,240
Home camera, audio recording, especially video recording, just security cameras was very

1309
00:52:27,240 --> 00:52:28,240
popular.

1310
00:52:28,240 --> 00:52:29,240
And so, Automotive Motion activated.

1311
00:52:29,240 --> 00:52:30,240
So, I was like, oh, I'm going to go get a new camera.

1312
00:52:30,240 --> 00:52:31,240
And I was like, oh, I'm going to go get a new camera.

1313
00:52:31,240 --> 00:52:32,240
And I was like, oh, I'm going to go get a new camera.

1314
00:52:32,240 --> 00:52:33,240
And I was like, oh, I'm going to go get a new camera.

1315
00:52:33,240 --> 00:52:34,240
And I was like, oh, I'm going to go get a new camera.

1316
00:52:34,240 --> 00:52:51,600
And when I was delivering mail, there were a lot of people like that.

1317
00:52:51,600 --> 00:52:58,120
It became a smart way to work to just figure wherever I go, whatever I do while I'm out

1318
00:52:58,120 --> 00:53:03,440
here on the route, somebody's watching me or somebody's going to watch the video later.

1319
00:53:03,440 --> 00:53:09,320
So it's not like I was intending to get away with anything, but at the same time, having

1320
00:53:09,320 --> 00:53:16,800
that knowledge that there's a virtual boss hanging over your shoulder or a virtual customer

1321
00:53:16,800 --> 00:53:22,200
hanging over your shoulder who sometimes doesn't have anything better to do than fuck with

1322
00:53:22,200 --> 00:53:24,120
the mailman.

1323
00:53:24,120 --> 00:53:27,920
And they wait for you to do the slightest thing wrong and then they call in and inflate

1324
00:53:27,920 --> 00:53:31,600
away out of proportion just because they're bored or whatever.

1325
00:53:31,600 --> 00:53:35,040
So I've never understood the point for someone's job.

1326
00:53:35,040 --> 00:53:36,040
Yeah.

1327
00:53:36,040 --> 00:53:39,720
What kind of a psychopath wants to get someone fired?

1328
00:53:39,720 --> 00:53:40,720
Yeah.

1329
00:53:40,720 --> 00:53:46,080
You may not personally like the guy, but do you not want him and his family to want him

1330
00:53:46,080 --> 00:53:47,560
out on the street for real?

1331
00:53:47,560 --> 00:53:48,560
Yeah.

1332
00:53:48,560 --> 00:53:53,720
What kind of a really piece of shit person would ever want that for anybody?

1333
00:53:53,720 --> 00:53:58,000
And the easiest way I found to close that down was just just reply.

1334
00:53:58,000 --> 00:54:01,160
Well, my union is going to have something to say about that.

1335
00:54:01,160 --> 00:54:13,360
And then they'd shut up because most people that I've delivered to were either union or

1336
00:54:13,360 --> 00:54:16,920
knew someone who was union or their dad was union or whatever.

1337
00:54:16,920 --> 00:54:20,920
It was fairly union friendly environment, generally speaking.

1338
00:54:20,920 --> 00:54:24,360
The guy I work with killed three people and he still has his job.

1339
00:54:24,360 --> 00:54:26,080
Because the union got him off.

1340
00:54:26,080 --> 00:54:27,800
So yeah, once I stay explaining to him.

1341
00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:29,640
He's straight up an eight year old.

1342
00:54:29,640 --> 00:54:31,320
And it does two things.

1343
00:54:31,320 --> 00:54:33,760
Number one, it says, okay, I'm not helpless.

1344
00:54:33,760 --> 00:54:35,600
I've got a whole union backing me up.

1345
00:54:35,600 --> 00:54:37,240
So watch the wild threats.

1346
00:54:37,240 --> 00:54:40,960
And number two, it says, I'm just like you, man.

1347
00:54:40,960 --> 00:54:47,360
I'm the union guy going to work, earning his paycheck, getting his benefits and going home

1348
00:54:47,360 --> 00:54:48,360
at the end of the day.

1349
00:54:48,360 --> 00:54:49,360
And that's really all I wanted to do.

1350
00:54:49,360 --> 00:54:54,160
And if they really true believe in the union brethren, they'd leave you the hell alone.

1351
00:54:54,160 --> 00:54:55,160
Yeah.

1352
00:54:55,160 --> 00:54:57,720
Because I mean, they're supposed to be this union brethren.

1353
00:54:57,720 --> 00:55:00,720
I've been in the union for a long time.

1354
00:55:00,720 --> 00:55:02,480
And I mean, I'm not now.

1355
00:55:02,480 --> 00:55:08,960
And anyhow, you know, that she metal number two, they can pretty much blow me.

1356
00:55:08,960 --> 00:55:12,240
Well, I'm NALC branch 499.

1357
00:55:12,240 --> 00:55:13,960
I'm retired, but I'm still in the union.

1358
00:55:13,960 --> 00:55:15,080
I intend to stay that way.

1359
00:55:15,080 --> 00:55:19,800
So every every carrier who comes to my door is my postal homey.

1360
00:55:19,800 --> 00:55:21,800
That's cool.

1361
00:55:21,800 --> 00:55:22,840
They need a drink of water.

1362
00:55:22,840 --> 00:55:26,680
You come in and eat.

1363
00:55:26,680 --> 00:55:27,680
They're more than welcome.

1364
00:55:27,680 --> 00:55:28,680
OK, cool.

1365
00:55:28,680 --> 00:55:29,680
Well, half the fuck's in metal number two.

1366
00:55:29,680 --> 00:55:30,680
Fuck you.

1367
00:55:30,680 --> 00:55:31,680
They'll never come to my house to piss.

1368
00:55:31,680 --> 00:55:32,680
You're not going to like what you see.

1369
00:55:32,680 --> 00:55:33,680
But any but anyhow, no, if they really believed in the union brethren, like they push, they

1370
00:55:33,680 --> 00:55:34,680
leave you the hell alone.

1371
00:55:34,680 --> 00:55:35,680
Yeah.

1372
00:55:35,680 --> 00:55:36,680
And, you know, to a large degree, I remember a lot of times working, it was it was extremely

1373
00:55:36,680 --> 00:55:37,680
rare for union members to actually get to know each other.

1374
00:55:37,680 --> 00:55:38,680
And I mean, I'm not going to lie.

1375
00:55:38,680 --> 00:55:39,680
I'm not going to lie.

1376
00:55:39,680 --> 00:55:40,680
I'm not going to lie.

1377
00:55:40,680 --> 00:55:41,680
I'm not going to lie.

1378
00:55:41,680 --> 00:55:42,680
I'm not going to lie.

1379
00:55:42,680 --> 00:55:43,680
I'm not going to lie.

1380
00:55:43,680 --> 00:55:44,680
I'm not going to lie.

1381
00:55:44,680 --> 00:55:45,680
I'm not going to lie.

1382
00:55:45,680 --> 00:55:46,680
I'm not going to lie.

1383
00:55:46,680 --> 00:55:56,680
I remember a lot of times working, it was it was extremely rare for union members to

1384
00:55:56,680 --> 00:55:59,680
ever side against each other.

1385
00:55:59,680 --> 00:56:00,680
Yes.

1386
00:56:00,680 --> 00:56:01,680
In favor of management.

1387
00:56:01,680 --> 00:56:06,760
I mean, we would always have disagreements among members because not everything's always

1388
00:56:06,760 --> 00:56:07,760
fair even, et cetera.

1389
00:56:07,760 --> 00:56:12,760
But when the bosses came by and wanted to know what was going on, it was always nothing.

1390
00:56:12,760 --> 00:56:13,760
It's fine.

1391
00:56:13,760 --> 00:56:14,760
No problem.

1392
00:56:14,760 --> 00:56:20,760
And, you know, if I saw someone screwing up really bad or doing something that was going

1393
00:56:20,760 --> 00:56:26,760
to affect my job and stuff, you know, I'd go and talk to them myself or I'd talk to

1394
00:56:26,760 --> 00:56:27,760
the union steward.

1395
00:56:27,760 --> 00:56:32,760
And it's like, you know, I don't want to get this guy in trouble or whoever.

1396
00:56:32,760 --> 00:56:39,760
And so and maybe what they were doing was, you know, authorized or sanctioned or whatever.

1397
00:56:39,760 --> 00:56:40,760
I didn't know.

1398
00:56:40,760 --> 00:56:43,760
But the worst thing I could have done was run right to management and blow the whole

1399
00:56:43,760 --> 00:56:44,760
thing wide open.

1400
00:56:44,760 --> 00:56:49,760
Because even if everything was already taken care of, sometimes that makes people have

1401
00:56:49,760 --> 00:56:54,760
to recognize and deal with something that they'd rather just forget.

1402
00:56:54,760 --> 00:56:55,760
Yeah.

1403
00:56:55,760 --> 00:56:59,760
You know, it's like, you know, do you tell your best friend that his spouse is cheating

1404
00:56:59,760 --> 00:57:00,760
on him?

1405
00:57:00,760 --> 00:57:03,760
Well, if you do, then they're forced to deal with it right then.

1406
00:57:03,760 --> 00:57:06,760
Maybe they already know and they just don't want to deal with it and they're going to

1407
00:57:06,760 --> 00:57:08,760
hate you for making a deal with them.

1408
00:57:08,760 --> 00:57:10,760
So that was kind of the attitude I took.

1409
00:57:10,760 --> 00:57:13,760
If I run the management, then everybody's got to deal with it.

1410
00:57:13,760 --> 00:57:17,760
It's all because I but if I go to the steward and say, hey, this guy's screwing up, he's

1411
00:57:17,760 --> 00:57:20,760
going to get himself in trouble and it's messing with me.

1412
00:57:20,760 --> 00:57:22,760
Can you talk to him?

1413
00:57:22,760 --> 00:57:29,760
And sometimes he has a strong steward is actually for the people and not in there because of

1414
00:57:29,760 --> 00:57:31,760
management like what I had.

1415
00:57:31,760 --> 00:57:33,760
Then you're OK.

1416
00:57:33,760 --> 00:57:36,760
But the steward I had was basically just a worthless buck.

1417
00:57:36,760 --> 00:57:39,760
I had a worthless bag of fat with a mouth.

1418
00:57:39,760 --> 00:57:42,760
I had good union stewards my whole career.

1419
00:57:42,760 --> 00:57:43,760
OK.

1420
00:57:43,760 --> 00:57:47,760
And we had one union president that wasn't all that great.

1421
00:57:47,760 --> 00:57:52,760
Oh, God, that was the morn with what I was what I was winged on.

1422
00:57:52,760 --> 00:57:53,760
Yeah.

1423
00:57:53,760 --> 00:57:58,760
It was the presidents were the guys you seen when their election was coming up and they'd

1424
00:57:58,760 --> 00:58:03,760
have beer in the back of their truck and they call everybody out there and go vote for fucking

1425
00:58:03,760 --> 00:58:04,760
Phil.

1426
00:58:04,760 --> 00:58:05,760
He's the guy.

1427
00:58:05,760 --> 00:58:09,760
He come out and Pat Young back, hey, how you doing there, Billy?

1428
00:58:09,760 --> 00:58:11,760
And I'm like, I'm Mark.

1429
00:58:11,760 --> 00:58:14,760
Oh, I'm Mark.

1430
00:58:14,760 --> 00:58:18,760
You know, like what I thought my name was fucking Cliff or something.

1431
00:58:18,760 --> 00:58:20,760
And they kept calling me that.

1432
00:58:20,760 --> 00:58:26,760
And anyhow, it's like no matter how many times I corrected him and told him I was Mark, didn't

1433
00:58:26,760 --> 00:58:27,760
fucking matter.

1434
00:58:27,760 --> 00:58:36,760
Anyhow, the only time we saw the presidents and the business reps was really when it was

1435
00:58:36,760 --> 00:58:37,760
election time.

1436
00:58:37,760 --> 00:58:41,760
And another thing I really fucking hated about the union is they would come out and they'd

1437
00:58:41,760 --> 00:58:43,760
tell you, hey, man, you need to vote for this guy.

1438
00:58:43,760 --> 00:58:45,760
He's in our pocket.

1439
00:58:45,760 --> 00:58:49,760
I don't like that piece of shit because of the reasons you just mentioned.

1440
00:58:49,760 --> 00:59:02,760
If a 10 pound bag of shit could talk, this is what it would sound like.

1441
00:59:02,760 --> 00:59:22,760
If you enjoy two douchebags and a microphone, you'll definitely enjoy a shovel to the head.

1442
00:59:22,760 --> 00:59:23,760
Hey, where'd everybody go?

1443
00:59:23,760 --> 00:59:24,760
Where are the douchebags?

1444
00:59:24,760 --> 00:59:29,760
Oh my God, someone took a dump in the corner.

1445
00:59:29,760 --> 00:59:30,760
Oh jeez.

1446
00:59:30,760 --> 00:59:32,760
I'm glad they're gone.

1447
00:59:32,760 --> 00:59:34,760
Let's just hope they don't come back.

1448
00:59:34,760 --> 01:00:01,760
Man, that smells.