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This is a voice guide from your favorite podcast, Two Douchebags in a Microphone.

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People often ask us how they can find us when doing a remote broadcast.

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1.

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Smell.

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Go to the city market and start sniffing.

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Our aroma has been described as a mixture of flea powder for goats, Tabasco sauce, and

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old sock with dark fuzzy urine.

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2.

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Look for the spot absent of patrons.

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3.

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The most telling sign is a crowd of patrons vomiting uncontrollably.

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4.

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Just call us at 816-512-7717.

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Continuing our quest here at Two Douchebags in a Microphone to be constantly funny, once

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again we offer you strange insults from an alien.

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Heh.

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When you always get it from your computer, your head goes so attached to them.

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Pact about cats.

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Okay.

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They're all insane.

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Yes.

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A scandal involving Tesla.

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That doesn't surprise me.

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And interesting observations about a show I was watching, Secrets of the Tampa Zoo.

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Oh really?

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And similar shows, and shows they advertised during that one.

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I thought it was kind of interesting.

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Okay.

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What do you want to go into?

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Let's start off with just a little short thing, the interesting fact about cats.

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Okay.

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We'll do this in about 30 seconds.

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Alrighty.

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We shall do this.

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Alright.

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You want to start off?

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Sure.

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Okay.

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Your audio good?

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Sounds good.

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Alright.

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Alright welcome, we are Two Douchebags in a Microphone.

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I'm Topher.

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I'm Mark.

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And we are back at our stomping grounds at the city market.

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Yes.

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Yep.

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We've got some approaching rainstorms, this ought to be fun.

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Hopefully it starts rumbling like it did a few minutes ago.

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Yeah so.

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Unfortunately we're self contained as far as electrical power goes.

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So if lightning strikes won't hurt us, power outages won't hurt us.

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You guys are shit out of luck, virtually nothing will stop us right?

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His train wreck keeps on rolling along.

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Yep.

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Yeah so lightning strikes won't traditionally stop us.

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No.

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Unless it hits us directly.

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Yep.

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Well then yeah.

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Plus you've got the super power of being undunkable.

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This is true.

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I've always learned this about you.

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Yes, being undunkable means that lightning should go right through me.

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It should, just pass harmlessly through.

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That's right.

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Yes.

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Your adamantium skeleton, oh wait you're not wolverine, sorry.

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Oh yeah.

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I tried, I tried.

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Just couldn't swing it.

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So yeah, anyhow.

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I tried to be wolverine and wound up more like Vaseline.

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And I'm more like flies in the Vaseline.

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Good song.

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Yeah that's what I was getting ready to say.

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So alright.

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Well here's something that's been keeping me awake at night.

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That if all of the cats in the entire world decided to invade Scotland, that means every

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Scottish person would have to fight off 114 cats.

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I think the cats could take Scotland.

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That would be awesome wouldn't it?

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Yeah.

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I really think they could do it.

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114 is a lot of cats did.

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Oh there we go.

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Production value.

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Yeah.

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And then we could call it Scatland.

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Scatland, yeah.

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Yeah.

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There we go.

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Scatland, yeah.

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We already got our angle.

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There we go.

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How about that?

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So being somewhat Scottish myself I thought that was interesting.

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Yeah and obviously there's got to be some in there with me too because of my last name.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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So anyhow.

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So that was an interesting fact back there.

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That is pretty damn cool.

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So anyhow we have a variety of different topics here.

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The new American contemporary urban dictionary of America.

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Urban dictionary of America.

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They have a long complex title don't they?

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They're mouthing off again.

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Of course they are.

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They said that all Gen Z's should use our slang because the other stuff is the shit

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that the Gen X's and the millennials came up with and this is not their language.

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And they're shaking their tiny fist telling everybody that if you're younger you use our

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slang and nobody else's.

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So I thought dictionaries were something to let you know what language people were actually

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using.

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Not making up words.

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This one is saying we're making up words and telling you this is the ones you should

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be using.

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And this is what they use online.

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They call themselves a dictionary.

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Any chance they work for like an advertising firm?

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There's something to it.

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There's something to it.

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I have not found it yet but I would guarantee there's something to it.

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I got a story where people are furious at Pat Sajak because they say he stole $100,000

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because the lady actually and I watched the video.

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Oh ok, contestant.

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Yeah she was from Texas and she has that draw and I do think she said what they thought

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she said and Pat said she did not.

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And people are going bullshit.

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She said it.

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Give her her $100,000.

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Wow.

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They can afford it.

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I mean shows like that can afford it.

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I think when it's all done if enough shit goes on like it is right now that it will

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be awarded to her.

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Alright.

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We have Tyreek Hill mouthing off.

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Of course.

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He mails off all the time.

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Yeah.

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So anyhow.

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Did you have anything you wanted to start into or do you want me to start into something?

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No.

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Notice to Tesla owners, anybody out there owning a Tesla, there is a class action lawsuit

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currently in the works.

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Tesla has internal cameras on their cars that look at the interior and that's part of how

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they know how to drive and they look at how you're acting, what you're doing, etc.

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Now you're talking about like the takeover feature.

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Let's say you're drowsy and you're weaving.

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All of a sudden Tesla goes, hang on, this guy is showing signs of being worn out and

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sleepy.

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We're going to take the wheel for him and make sure he gets home safely.

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Yeah, that's part of it.

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Those internal cameras are always working.

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Wow.

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At least while you're driving and sometimes when you're not driving.

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When your car is parked or something you can still have the internal cameras running I

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think.

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But the problem is arising from the fact that it doesn't just video the inside of your car,

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it also stores that video and Tesla can access that video.

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And now Tesla employees have been sharing some of the racier videos that they've gotten

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out of customers cars.

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They're toast.

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They are toast.

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Here comes another lightning I think.

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I just saw the flash.

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But didn't we say people will porn up anything they get their hands on?

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You're right.

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An internal camera on the Tesla has now been porned up by Tesla employees.

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You know what, if someone was smart enough and knew this was going to happen like had

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enough foresight, and I'm sure there are people out there that could figure this out and see

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where this is going, it would be fucking cool.

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You bought, there it is.

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There's that rumble.

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You bought one and you knew this was going to happen and you couldn't afford it, well

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you own it now.

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Yep.

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And then more.

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Yep.

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Yep.

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All you got to do is play Mr. Tug Johnson.

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And you got it.

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Look at that.

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I'm fucking playing touchy selfie and they fucking got me everywhere.

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30 million.

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As far as I know these videos so far have only been shared internally within Tesla.

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The Tesla employees have been texting and emailing and sending them all over to each

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other.

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You know, hey look at this one road hit.

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Like you said.

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Hey look at this one, somebody's shit in the back seat.

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You know, whatever it is, any of them embarrassing or sexy or whatever, some of these are going

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to wind up on YouTube.

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Or on other social media platforms.

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Or you know, in all of the pictures someone was like, hey man, let's see what Mr. Nut

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Twirler's doing.

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Yep, twirling his nuts.

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Yep.

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Alright, let's go to number seven.

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Yep.

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Now I don't know if they can just download it from the car as you drive by or whether

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it's when you come in for service they can download the videos or what.

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But apparently Tesla employees have a huge stockpile of Tesla customers doing all sorts

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of stuff in their own cars.

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And they're all watching.

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Yep.

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Yep.

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And that does not surprise me one bit.

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And I kind of expect it from them.

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I mean honestly, I mean, you know, it is Tesla.

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As bad news as that is, the good news is if you own a Tesla you can be in this lawsuit.

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Yeah.

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Pretty much.

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Yeah, you pretty much have your car paid for.

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Yep.

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So there.

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Yep.

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And then Tesla's going to have to figure out what to do so this can't happen again.

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And I don't know what they can do.

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Boy, that's going to be a tough one.

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Yeah.

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Because you either have access or you don't.

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I don't know how you put that in the middle and be like, well, we can block this.

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I don't know.

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Yeah.

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Because if the cameras are still collecting the raw data in the car, Tesla's got access

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to the raw data.

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Yeah, that's true.

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You know, fuzzing out someone's face for protecting identity.

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Yeah, they can't really.

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I mean that stuff they do after they already have access to your video.

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Yeah, that's going to be very interesting on how they can do that and how they can't.

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They'll have to figure out a way that a human can't have access to that video until it's

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been censored.

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Yes.

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So there's, you know, AI is going to have to censor it.

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It's going to have to be AI, I guess.

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But then AI could take it and do what they wanted to do too because we have proven in

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past episodes that AI can turn evil on a dime like people.

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And a person can also talk to the AI and say, come on, let a few dirty ones through.

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I want to see them.

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And the AI can go, yeah, all right.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, you're my friend.

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You're my friend, Billy.

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Yeah.

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I'll let you see them.

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You remember the decades when we were told, oh, it's done by machine.

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You can trust it anymore.

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It's done by a machine.

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You better not trust it.

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No, no, no.

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That's a good point.

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It used to be like, well, there's no humans involved.

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So you don't have to worry about someone looking and going, hey.

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Now you almost rather have a human because an artificial intelligence doesn't feel guilt

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or remorse for wrecking your life.

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No.

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Well, neither do a lot of people.

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Well, that's true.

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At least with people you have a chance.

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Yeah, no, that's true.

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Well, I mean, that's, look, you get a Tesla, I guess you know that, I mean, everybody has

266
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:19,320
this assumption that they're private.

267
00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:23,240
But the assumption is not actually real on any level if you look at it.

268
00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:24,240
Yeah.

269
00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:27,080
And a lot of this is growing pains for new technology.

270
00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:29,480
It's working the bugs out.

271
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:33,040
That's why I don't like to be one of the first adopters of new technology.

272
00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:37,720
It's like, let someone else who's really eager for it and who wants to.

273
00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:42,200
I'll take it back to the day of Windows when Windows was a big swinging fucking dick.

274
00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:43,200
Right?

275
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:44,200
Okay.

276
00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:45,200
No one bought the first one.

277
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:46,200
No, no one did.

278
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:48,200
Well, anyone that knew anything didn't.

279
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:52,080
They're like, oh, no, this is going to crash all the time.

280
00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:53,080
Viruses, all that.

281
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:55,440
And then, you know, all right, how many versions?

282
00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:56,440
This is the 10th.

283
00:11:56,440 --> 00:11:57,440
Okay, I'll get it now.

284
00:11:57,440 --> 00:11:58,440
Yeah.

285
00:11:58,440 --> 00:11:59,440
Yeah.

286
00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:04,040
I remember buying the first version of like 98 and they're, oh, you need this patch.

287
00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:05,040
Oh, you need this patch.

288
00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:07,240
I'm like, why the fuck did I even get this?

289
00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:08,240
Yeah.

290
00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:09,240
I remember my brother.

291
00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:13,480
Meanwhile, Macintosh, all those snobs are over there laughing.

292
00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:15,480
Mine doesn't do that.

293
00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:16,480
Yeah.

294
00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:17,480
But yours locks you into Apple.

295
00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:18,480
Exactly.

296
00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:19,480
I know.

297
00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:20,480
Let's get ready to go there.

298
00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:25,880
You can't stray outside the cult of Apple and you've got to pay Apple prices for everything.

299
00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:26,880
Yeah.

300
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:27,880
It's so bad.

301
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:28,880
It's like the Apple Council.

302
00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:29,880
Yeah.

303
00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:30,880
Come here, Mark.

304
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:31,880
Yes.

305
00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:32,880
This is the Apple Council.

306
00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:33,880
Yeah.

307
00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:35,880
Did you try to stray?

308
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:38,880
Well, it's just you guys are so sad.

309
00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:41,920
No, you will be abolished.

310
00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:42,920
I'm sorry, Apple.

311
00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:45,920
God, I won't ever do it again.

312
00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:47,920
So, anyhow.

313
00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:48,920
Yeah.

314
00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:49,920
Yeah.

315
00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:50,920
So.

316
00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:52,800
I wish that truck would leave, you know.

317
00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:54,280
I wish it would too.

318
00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:57,600
It makes me a little jittery why it's just sitting there making noise.

319
00:12:57,600 --> 00:12:58,600
Yeah.

320
00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:03,880
I think our coffee is probably ready.

321
00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:06,520
So you'll probably hear a clip here.

322
00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:07,520
That's just the way it is, fuckers.

323
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:08,520
Yeah.

324
00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:09,520
I'm getting our coffees.

325
00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:10,520
Plus the truck is leaving.

326
00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:12,520
So hang tight, fuckers.

327
00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:13,520
All right.

328
00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:15,680
Said coffees are here.

329
00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:17,240
We got our original table back.

330
00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:21,800
The people that were here were scared off by our horrible conversation and we are here.

331
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:27,400
So we had to take a lesser table down the road for a little bit.

332
00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:31,440
So it was adequate, but nah, magic happens here.

333
00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:32,440
No, magic happens here.

334
00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:33,440
Yeah.

335
00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:36,560
And as soon as I come up to get our coffee, we've talked to a very nice lady that I see

336
00:13:36,560 --> 00:13:40,800
up here a lot and she said that she doesn't have anything to say today, but she might

337
00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:41,800
in the future.

338
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:44,440
So we hope that she joins us.

339
00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:45,440
Yeah.

340
00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:46,440
Yeah.

341
00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:48,840
So anyhow, I have this little bit here.

342
00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:52,720
We talked earlier about the new contemporary urban dictionary of America.

343
00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:54,400
I believe that's what it is.

344
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:57,560
And if you put that in and it doesn't hit, then just keep trying.

345
00:13:57,560 --> 00:14:01,760
We're going to have another thunder flash here.

346
00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:06,320
If you don't keep trying, because this thing is so odd, it's not that popular yet.

347
00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:10,200
And it's apparently got a really odd specific name.

348
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:12,200
If you don't get it just right, then.

349
00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:13,200
No, there it is.

350
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:16,120
There might be like an under slash or something that I keep missing.

351
00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:17,120
I don't know.

352
00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:19,440
But I get it half of the time I hit.

353
00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:23,100
So anyhow, so now I have it in my bookmark so I can go get to it.

354
00:14:23,100 --> 00:14:24,720
They are pissed off.

355
00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:30,040
Remember before they were mad at the urban dictionary saying that swagger jacking was

356
00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:31,040
their word.

357
00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:32,040
And they told you.

358
00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:33,040
Oh yeah.

359
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,560
They swagger jacked the word swagger jack.

360
00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:38,080
Yeah, they swagger jacked it.

361
00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:39,520
What was the other one?

362
00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:41,000
Swagger stomping or smudging?

363
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:42,000
Swagger stomping.

364
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:43,000
Yeah.

365
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:49,320
And they're mad because they said that people like the urban dictionary, it's their word

366
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:55,680
and they were spreading false information about how the word is supposed to be the meaning

367
00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:56,680
of the word.

368
00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:57,680
Yeah.

369
00:14:57,680 --> 00:15:06,200
So these people, like Tofer said earlier, they are connected to something else that's

370
00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:08,000
trying to get attention.

371
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:09,240
Guaranteed.

372
00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:12,480
Why else would someone go through this much trouble over nothing?

373
00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:16,320
They're acting like it's the whole East Coast versus West Coast rap war.

374
00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:17,320
Yeah.

375
00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:19,320
And it's like nobody gives a shit.

376
00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:25,360
It takes me 10 minutes to find their fucking website for God sakes and it's so long.

377
00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:27,480
So anyhow.

378
00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:30,040
But in their own minds, they're super important.

379
00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:31,040
Yes.

380
00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:32,040
Nearly godlike.

381
00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:37,320
And they said the new contemporary urban dictionary, this is they said if you are a Gen Z, you

382
00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:40,040
definitely need to be using this and other people ought to too.

383
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:41,760
Now they're telling people what to do.

384
00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:49,400
Yeah, it separates you from those millennials and those Gen Xers and those, you know, all

385
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:53,200
those silly people who don't know what they're talking about because they're not you.

386
00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:54,200
Yes.

387
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:55,200
Yeah.

388
00:15:55,200 --> 00:16:02,040
So this is the suggestions that Gen Zs or younger or if you're like minded or whatever

389
00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:03,040
use.

390
00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:05,040
Number one, swerve jerking.

391
00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:07,040
Well, that's interesting.

392
00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:08,040
Yeah.

393
00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:12,000
Do you have any idea what a swerve jerk could be?

394
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,000
Not a clue.

395
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,000
Not a clue.

396
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:15,000
Okay.

397
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:20,640
Covering up your tracks, trying to hide a lie with extreme measures.

398
00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:23,120
I get the swerve, but where's the jerking coming?

399
00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:24,120
I don't know.

400
00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:27,280
I mean, is that like jerking them around?

401
00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:28,280
Possibly?

402
00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:29,280
I don't know.

403
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:33,040
To me, that sounds suspiciously like swagger jacking.

404
00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:34,040
Yes.

405
00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:35,040
They're trying to come up with a replacement.

406
00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:36,040
Yeah.

407
00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:39,040
I mean, it's kind of like, oh, and we even have this new word to prove that we have this

408
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:40,040
old word.

409
00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:41,040
I don't know.

410
00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:44,040
Look at our cool new word.

411
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:45,040
Undershot.

412
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:46,040
Okay.

413
00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:47,040
Undershot.

414
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:49,200
This one I kind of agree with.

415
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:51,720
I could see it kind of takes a weird turn though.

416
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:52,720
You'll see.

417
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:53,720
Yeah.

418
00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:55,720
Well, overshoot means you exceeded.

419
00:16:55,720 --> 00:17:00,640
Undershot, I would guess, means you didn't try hard enough.

420
00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:05,400
You didn't use enough force, energy, money, whatever.

421
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,560
That means a naughty picture sent through text.

422
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:09,680
You'll see a body part.

423
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:10,680
Okay.

424
00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:13,400
See, you're porning the shit out of anything.

425
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:14,400
Yeah.

426
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,880
But I mean, at least I kind of got the correlation.

427
00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:20,520
The swerve jerking, I was kind of like, okay.

428
00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:21,520
Undershot, okay.

429
00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:22,520
I think I get it.

430
00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:25,520
Underneath, taking a shot of the picture.

431
00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:26,520
Undershot.

432
00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:28,720
To me, it's kind of playing for, I don't know.

433
00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:29,720
Like underwear shot.

434
00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:30,720
Yeah.

435
00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:31,720
Yeah.

436
00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:32,720
Under the desk, underskirt.

437
00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:33,720
Under desk, underskirt.

438
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:34,720
Okay.

439
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:35,720
That was pretty childish.

440
00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:36,720
Yeah, definitely.

441
00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:37,720
Scat mouthing.

442
00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:40,720
Okay, scat can mean shit or it can mean improv.

443
00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:41,720
Yes.

444
00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:44,720
Scat mouthing, I guess, would be talking shit about somebody.

445
00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:45,720
Yep.

446
00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:48,720
And also another thing, scat mouthing.

447
00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:51,720
Talking shit or exceptional bragging and self-promotion.

448
00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:52,720
Okay.

449
00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:54,720
So not about somebody, just your...

450
00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:55,720
No, no.

451
00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:58,720
I mean, I'm not talking about somebody.

452
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:00,720
I'm talking about somebody.

453
00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:04,720
I'm talking about someone who's got a lot of self-promotion.

454
00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:05,720
Okay.

455
00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:06,720
So not about somebody, just your...

456
00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:07,720
No, it can be either.

457
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:08,720
It's basically what Trump does all the time.

458
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:09,720
Yeah, yeah.

459
00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:10,720
Okay.

460
00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:11,720
Yeah.

461
00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:12,720
So yeah.

462
00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:14,720
So scat mouthing can, I like that because you can use it in either and that gives it

463
00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:15,720
that array.

464
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:16,720
I wonder how they meant that.

465
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:17,720
Yeah.

466
00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:18,720
I kind of like that.

467
00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:19,720
Yeah.

468
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:20,720
This one's interesting.

469
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:21,720
Warm pillow.

470
00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:22,720
Wow.

471
00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:33,720
That conjures up images of safety, comfort, security, or an easy lay.

472
00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:34,720
Oh, wow.

473
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:36,720
Never thought about that one.

474
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:37,720
Yeah.

475
00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:38,720
That was pretty good too.

476
00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:42,720
So that could go any kind of direction, I guess.

477
00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:48,720
A person that hints of someone being wrong or very casually making fun of a situation

478
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:50,720
or person.

479
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:51,720
Okay.

480
00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:53,720
I think I see where they're going.

481
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:57,720
They're like, everyone wants to flip the pillow over and get the cool side of the pillow.

482
00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:02,720
And they're talking about, well, you're a warm pillow, which means you're undesirable.

483
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:03,720
Yeah, okay.

484
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:04,720
All right.

485
00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:05,720
Okay.

486
00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:08,720
Okay, I could get along with that one.

487
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:11,720
It's like calling him the turd in the bowl of ice cream.

488
00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:12,720
Yeah.

489
00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:13,720
Geez.

490
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:14,720
That was cool.

491
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:17,720
That was a fucking window rattler.

492
00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:18,720
Yeah.

493
00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:23,720
Look at the... You ought to see the audiogram.

494
00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:28,720
It compressed the shit out of our audio.

495
00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:30,720
Oh my God.

496
00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:34,720
That looks like you blurred fucking Ted Nugent into 12 or something.

497
00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:35,720
Yeah.

498
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:36,720
I can't wait to hear that one back.

499
00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:39,720
I'm showing my age with Ted Nugent.

500
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:40,720
Yes.

501
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:41,720
Let's see.

502
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:42,720
Polio mouth.

503
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:49,720
This one I'm not really... I think I could have done better.

504
00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:50,720
Wow.

505
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:55,720
I'm going to take a guess, and I hope I'm wrong, if they're using polio as a way to

506
00:19:55,720 --> 00:20:00,720
date something, how old something is, like polio era.

507
00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:03,720
Like polio mouth would be older talking like an old person.

508
00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:04,720
Actually, it's a lot simpler.

509
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:05,720
A lot simpler than that.

510
00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:06,720
A lot more simpler.

511
00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:10,720
Okay, because that would be sick to use a terrible disease like polio just to insinuate

512
00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:11,720
someone's oldness.

513
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:15,720
Well, just let me... Okay.

514
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:19,720
A person with a speech impediment or trashed and cannot speak properly.

515
00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:20,720
Oh, that's sick.

516
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:21,720
That's even worse.

517
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:22,720
That's awful.

518
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:23,720
Because that's someone with polio.

519
00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:25,720
This is the way I took it.

520
00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:29,720
Oh, and this is the young generation that's supposed to be so open and accepting.

521
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:30,720
Yes.

522
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:31,720
No, no.

523
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:32,720
This is something I'm learning.

524
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:35,720
The more I'm reading about Gen Zs, the more they're more raunchier than we probably are.

525
00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:36,720
They're a bunch of little shits.

526
00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:37,720
Yeah.

527
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:38,720
Gosh.

528
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:39,720
Yeah, they're very pissed off, too.

529
00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:41,720
They're a bunch of hypocritical little shits.

530
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:42,720
I know.

531
00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:44,720
You've got polio mouth.

532
00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:46,720
God, that's just evil.

533
00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:49,720
When I read this, I said, this can't be the obvious.

534
00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:51,720
I was like, it can't be the obvious.

535
00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:52,720
It's something else.

536
00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:55,720
No, it's... It's bad enough.

537
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:56,720
Let's see.

538
00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:57,720
Next one.

539
00:20:57,720 --> 00:21:00,720
Human Jenga.

540
00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:01,720
Human Jenga.

541
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:10,720
That could be like a dog pile of people, like when nine people try to tackle the guy with

542
00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:16,720
football, or it could refer to an orgy, or it could refer to a very crowded living situation.

543
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:20,720
That's about all the guesses I have.

544
00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:24,720
Boy, that thunder sounds great in the cans, Doug.

545
00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:26,720
Man, the headphones fucking wow.

546
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:30,720
We've got a roof over our heads, so we're not getting rained on.

547
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:32,720
We're not going to get hit by lightning, so that's pretty awesome.

548
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:35,720
We're getting the residual thunder, which is fantastic.

549
00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:36,720
Yeah.

550
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:40,720
An all-out orgy or a car crash involving multiple people.

551
00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:42,720
Okay, so I was close on the orgy.

552
00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:44,720
That's another multifaceted one.

553
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:47,720
It could be like sex or it could be death.

554
00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:48,720
Yeah.

555
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:49,720
Yeah.

556
00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:50,720
Interesting.

557
00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:51,720
This one cracked me up.

558
00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:52,720
Okay.

559
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:53,720
Bean bandit.

560
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:54,720
Bean bandit.

561
00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:55,720
Bean bandit.

562
00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:56,720
Not a clue.

563
00:21:56,720 --> 00:22:03,720
A man who takes a woman's virginity.

564
00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:05,720
That's terrible.

565
00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:08,720
Wow, that's bad.

566
00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:10,720
No, I was like, what?

567
00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:13,720
I was like, number one, can't they get more inventive?

568
00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:14,720
I know.

569
00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:19,720
I've heard of the term ass bandit, which was a derogatory term for somebody who liked anal

570
00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:20,720
sex.

571
00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:21,720
Yes.

572
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:24,720
They kind of took that and twisted it into a guy that takes a woman's virginity.

573
00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:25,720
Bean bandit.

574
00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:26,720
Bean bandit.

575
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:27,720
Bean bandit.

576
00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:28,720
I've heard bean using...

577
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:29,720
Mean clit or whatever.

578
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:30,720
Yeah.

579
00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:31,720
God.

580
00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:34,720
Don't they have anything better to do?

581
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:35,720
Okay, let me stress.

582
00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:37,720
This is not Gen Z-ers.

583
00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:41,720
Oh, this is the dictionary that's trying to tell them how to talk.

584
00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:42,720
Yes.

585
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:43,720
That's right.

586
00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:46,720
For all I know, they look at this and the reason they're unpopular is because they think

587
00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:47,720
they're idiots.

588
00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:48,720
Yeah.

589
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:49,720
I don't know.

590
00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:54,720
Here's this made-up fake dictionary and they're making up these terms and demanding everyone

591
00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:56,720
needs to start using them.

592
00:22:56,720 --> 00:22:57,720
Yeah.

593
00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:01,280
I'd look for some sort of advertising firm behind that.

594
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:02,280
That's what I think.

595
00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:06,120
Because then they'll start using those terms in an advertisement and then trademark them.

596
00:23:06,120 --> 00:23:10,320
I knew there was some entity behind it, but when you say advertising firm, that would

597
00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:11,320
make the most amount of sense.

598
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:14,720
It's kind of like when these words become popular, we already own them.

599
00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:15,720
Yeah.

600
00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:20,200
That's the first thing I look at is how is someone making money off of this and who is

601
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:21,200
it?

602
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:24,880
Look at how hard it is to get to the website.

603
00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:27,440
Our website has more hits than theirs.

604
00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:28,440
That's awesome.

605
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:30,160
No, actually we're doing very well.

606
00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:31,160
Yes.

607
00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:32,160
Clap hearty.

608
00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:33,160
Thank you listeners.

609
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:34,160
Yeah.

610
00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:35,160
Thank you.

611
00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:36,160
All of you all over America too.

612
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:39,800
I just can't believe every area of America listens to us.

613
00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:40,800
I like it.

614
00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:41,800
It's pretty cool.

615
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:42,800
Yeah.

616
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:43,800
Hey, we can travel.

617
00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:44,800
Do a road tour.

618
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:45,800
Yeah, we could.

619
00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:46,800
Clap hearty.

620
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:49,720
Clap hearty.

621
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:53,680
What was the plan when we first started was eventually branch out and go to other markets

622
00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:55,560
that have coffee houses.

623
00:23:55,560 --> 00:24:00,120
Like let's say Pike Place in Seattle or the Boston Market in Boston.

624
00:24:00,120 --> 00:24:08,520
Well, anyhow, we go to Nashville.

625
00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:14,920
The original plan is to hit up as many as we could and broadcast from there and critique

626
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:17,200
the coffee and talk to people around the area.

627
00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:18,200
So who knows?

628
00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:19,400
We're still working on this thing.

629
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:23,240
Yeah, we will definitely have to put a road road road tour together.

630
00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:24,240
Yep.

631
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:25,240
Now what was I on?

632
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:26,240
Clap party.

633
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:27,240
Okay.

634
00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:28,240
Something like that.

635
00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:30,640
A person that gives fake compliments or praise regularly.

636
00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:33,280
Yeah, I can see that.

637
00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:34,280
I could.

638
00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:35,280
Yeah.

639
00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:39,000
They're like your own personal applause track that follows you around everywhere.

640
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:40,000
Yes.

641
00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:41,000
Yeah.

642
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:42,000
Yeah.

643
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:43,000
Yeah.

644
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:44,000
You the man.

645
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:45,000
Yeah.

646
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:46,000
Like a yes clue.

647
00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:47,000
Yeah.

648
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:48,000
Like everyone who hung around Michael Jackson.

649
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:50,400
Yeah, no kidding.

650
00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:59,160
I can see like a football player and a Gen Z going, oh, look at the clap parties.

651
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:00,680
I get that one pretty good.

652
00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:02,640
Yeah, I can see that.

653
00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:04,640
Radley Sidecar.

654
00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:05,640
Whoa.

655
00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:07,600
That's weird.

656
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:08,600
Yeah.

657
00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:13,920
That sounds like some sort of complex drink you order at a trendy yuppie bar.

658
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:16,120
It does, doesn't it?

659
00:25:16,120 --> 00:25:17,120
Doesn't it?

660
00:25:17,120 --> 00:25:18,120
Yeah.

661
00:25:18,120 --> 00:25:20,080
I'll take a Radley Sidecar, please.

662
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:26,200
And the sidecar is like a scoop of ice cream on the edge of your martini.

663
00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:27,200
Yeah.

664
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:28,960
So what is a Radley Sidecar?

665
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:32,200
A spouse or partner that constantly is bitching and griping.

666
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:34,200
I kind of like that.

667
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:35,200
Okay.

668
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,200
Hey, get rid of the Radley Sidecar.

669
00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:39,720
What do you mean?

670
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:40,720
Interesting.

671
00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:45,480
In the 30s or 40s, they had what were called rumble seats, which was a small convertible

672
00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:48,400
seat that opened up in the trunk lid of the car.

673
00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:49,400
Yes.

674
00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:50,400
Yep.

675
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:53,960
And that was typically where the cartoons would show the mother-in-law sitting while

676
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:54,960
the man grows.

677
00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:56,280
He'd put his nagging mother-in-law in the rumble seat.

678
00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:59,000
And she was all pissed off looking, all scowling and everything.

679
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:00,000
Yeah.

680
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:03,000
Because she's outside and everybody else is inside.

681
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:04,400
That was funny.

682
00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:06,440
Next one, loose bearing.

683
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:07,440
Loose bearing.

684
00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:08,440
Okay.

685
00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:14,360
Now, I've heard this as referring to somebody who is unpredictable and can cause a lot of

686
00:26:14,360 --> 00:26:19,080
damage, like loose cannon, loose bearings.

687
00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:22,120
Yeah, you pretty much got it.

688
00:26:22,120 --> 00:26:23,120
Okay.

689
00:26:23,120 --> 00:26:24,120
Yeah.

690
00:26:24,120 --> 00:26:25,120
Let's see.

691
00:26:25,120 --> 00:26:27,040
Unpredictable partner or spouse.

692
00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:32,320
So that would be more relatable than loose cannon is a loose bearing.

693
00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:33,560
Yeah, loose bearing.

694
00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:34,560
So that would be it.

695
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:38,840
And that's all the ones that they had in this article.

696
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:41,120
And their little fists are waving mightily.

697
00:26:41,120 --> 00:26:42,920
Their little fists are waving mightily.

698
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:50,800
So I remember being in Omaha or I think it was Lincoln.

699
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:54,280
Went up there for a wedding reception.

700
00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:58,320
And I had forgotten to pack a belt and my pants kept falling down.

701
00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:05,440
So we walked from the hotel to a strip mall that was nearby and they had a clothing store

702
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:06,440
there.

703
00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:07,440
And I thought, great.

704
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:08,440
Yeah, clothing store.

705
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:09,440
I could buy a belt.

706
00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:11,240
The clothing store was called Urban Mail.

707
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:12,240
Urban Mail.

708
00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:13,240
Yeah.

709
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:14,240
Okay.

710
00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:18,760
So, you know, urban, at the very least you're talking about somebody who lives within the

711
00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:20,760
city and mail.

712
00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:21,760
Okay, dude.

713
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:24,760
I'm a dude.

714
00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:27,680
Urban doesn't necessarily mean any ethnic group.

715
00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:30,920
It just means you're not a country boy.

716
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:36,400
So I started looking through this store and there wasn't a single belt anywhere.

717
00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:40,240
And then I asked one of the clerks, you know, where are the belts?

718
00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:43,000
And oh, well, we don't really have belts.

719
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:47,680
And I said, oh, well, I guess urban males don't wear belts then, huh?

720
00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:51,700
And she looked at me like she wanted to slap me because I said urban mail.

721
00:27:51,700 --> 00:27:54,360
And then she realized that's the name of the store.

722
00:27:54,360 --> 00:27:55,360
Yeah.

723
00:27:55,360 --> 00:27:59,160
You know, she thought I was making fun of black people, I think.

724
00:27:59,160 --> 00:28:01,800
And then she realized your store is called Urban Mail.

725
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:02,800
Yeah.

726
00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:03,800
You don't stock belts.

727
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:08,840
Therefore, you apparently don't think urban males need belts.

728
00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:13,040
And then, you know, she looked like she wanted to get really offended, but then she couldn't

729
00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:16,440
figure out exactly what she should be offended about.

730
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:17,440
Everybody wants to get offended.

731
00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:18,440
Yeah.

732
00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:19,440
Man, look at the ground.

733
00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:22,440
Your car is floating away, isn't it?

734
00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:23,440
Yeah, it is.

735
00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:24,440
We need rain bad.

736
00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:25,440
So that's good.

737
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:26,440
Yeah, that's true.

738
00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:27,440
Yeah.

739
00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:28,440
Yeah.

740
00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:32,320
And she was so I don't know what would you call that?

741
00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:34,280
Wanted to be so confrontational, maybe.

742
00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:35,680
She wanted to be confrontational.

743
00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:36,680
Yeah.

744
00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:42,480
And she wanted it's like she wanted credit for working in a store called Urban Mail.

745
00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:44,680
And you'll look how open minded I am.

746
00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:48,480
It's like, OK, but nothing about this says black.

747
00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:49,480
It just says urban.

748
00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:50,480
Yeah.

749
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:53,520
So if you want to pretend it's a store for black men, then you can.

750
00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:54,520
Yeah.

751
00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:56,360
But that's not what the word that the name says.

752
00:28:56,360 --> 00:28:58,680
And nothing in this store says it's for black people.

753
00:28:58,680 --> 00:29:02,400
No, it just says urban mail and it's men's clothing.

754
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:06,920
So yeah, but she was just really, really ready to get offended.

755
00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:07,920
Yeah.

756
00:29:07,920 --> 00:29:09,800
There are a lot of people like that.

757
00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:17,560
What reminded me of that the other day, I was watching I think it was this show I'm

758
00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:22,720
going to talk about later, Secrets of the Zoo Tampa.

759
00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:25,880
And I forget which channel that's on.

760
00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:36,680
They were showing ads for streaming on BET channel and BET Plus.

761
00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:42,600
And they run the ad for the show and they say BET Plus and then they show the logo and

762
00:29:42,600 --> 00:29:48,600
underneath the logo were the words, Screaming Black Culture.

763
00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:54,880
And I thought, wow, that's a bold ass claim that this one streaming service apparently

764
00:29:54,880 --> 00:30:01,280
feels that they have digitized black culture and is now available for streaming online.

765
00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:02,520
Okay.

766
00:30:02,520 --> 00:30:05,040
They don't want anyone to question it.

767
00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:09,680
They just say this as a blanket statement and just take it for granted that people are

768
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:12,000
going to go, oh, they say they are okay.

769
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:14,400
Just like CNN says their news.

770
00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:17,440
Oh, they say they're cable news network.

771
00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:18,440
Okay.

772
00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:22,200
No, it's the same thing.

773
00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:25,840
It's like the company Federal Express, which has nothing to do with the federal government.

774
00:30:25,840 --> 00:30:26,840
Federal Reserve.

775
00:30:26,840 --> 00:30:29,640
Yeah, Federal Reserve has nothing to do with the government.

776
00:30:29,640 --> 00:30:30,840
It's just a name.

777
00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:36,360
Because it says federal, everyone's like, oh, okay, it's the government.

778
00:30:36,360 --> 00:30:41,640
But the idea that they could say that this one streaming service has the monopoly and

779
00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:46,280
knows absolutely everything about black culture and they are your one source and that's what

780
00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:53,840
they stream is real and true black culture, that's a pretty ballsy claim to make for any

781
00:30:53,840 --> 00:31:00,360
network to say we are it, we're the source and we're 100% authentic.

782
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:02,000
That just doesn't sound right.

783
00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:07,120
It sounds to me like they're trying to appeal to white people who want to feel like they're

784
00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:08,440
in touch with black culture.

785
00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:09,440
I would agree.

786
00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:13,800
They'll watch the shows and then they'll pat themselves on the back for being so in tune

787
00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:15,560
with another culture.

788
00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:19,880
And really all they've been fed is the white people version that's acceptable to them that

789
00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:22,280
won't scare them off.

790
00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:23,280
Yeah.

791
00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:24,280
Yep.

792
00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:27,840
But just seeing them put that on the screen, stream black culture.

793
00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:30,240
Really, that's something that you can download.

794
00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:31,240
No, I know.

795
00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:37,080
I had no idea that the culture of an entire person, an entire race of people was something

796
00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:38,080
that can be downloaded.

797
00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:39,760
You know what I think of that?

798
00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:40,760
It's just stupid.

799
00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:43,520
I think that's like, let's say you're at a tire shop, right?

800
00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:46,440
And they're like a big corporate conglomerate.

801
00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:48,920
They will put that on there just because of the title.

802
00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:49,920
Yes.

803
00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:51,920
They'll go, look, we're all inclusive here.

804
00:31:51,920 --> 00:31:52,920
Yes.

805
00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:53,920
Yeah.

806
00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:54,920
It's like the old checkbook charity.

807
00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:57,600
Yes, checkbook charity.

808
00:31:57,600 --> 00:31:59,520
Don't show me your poor sick crippled kids.

809
00:31:59,520 --> 00:32:01,120
Just let me write a check and go away.

810
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:02,120
Yeah.

811
00:32:02,120 --> 00:32:07,320
But will any of those guys go out and hire an urban kid and have them work in a change

812
00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:08,320
of tires?

813
00:32:08,320 --> 00:32:09,320
They're probably not.

814
00:32:09,320 --> 00:32:10,320
No.

815
00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:11,320
Or change the work environment.

816
00:32:11,320 --> 00:32:12,320
Yeah.

817
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:13,320
Yeah.

818
00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:18,560
But they'll stream that to make it look like they're conscientious, they care, they're

819
00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:19,560
all about it.

820
00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:20,560
Yeah.

821
00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:21,560
Inclusive.

822
00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:22,560
Yeah.

823
00:32:22,560 --> 00:32:23,560
It's what we used to call lip service.

824
00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:24,560
It's lip service.

825
00:32:24,560 --> 00:32:25,560
You say it, but you don't mean it.

826
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:26,560
Exactly.

827
00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:27,560
Yep.

828
00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:35,840
So that's how it came off to me is a really ballsy boast that they're pretty sure no one

829
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:39,640
is going to call them on without looking like a Nazi.

830
00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:40,640
Yeah.

831
00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:44,880
And it will go on and people don't really want to take the time to even counterclaim

832
00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:46,600
it because they don't care.

833
00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:47,600
Yeah.

834
00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:51,160
It's just like the new urban contemporary dictionary of fucking America or whatever

835
00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:52,160
it is.

836
00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:53,160
Yeah.

837
00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:54,160
Nobody's counterclaiming it because they don't care.

838
00:32:54,160 --> 00:32:55,160
They're just like, oh, okay.

839
00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:56,160
Yeah, I think I might have heard that term before.

840
00:32:56,160 --> 00:32:57,160
Oh, well, did they?

841
00:32:57,160 --> 00:32:58,160
Okay, well, good for them.

842
00:32:58,160 --> 00:32:59,160
That's it.

843
00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:00,160
Yeah.

844
00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:01,160
It's done.

845
00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:06,280
It's like the guy who runs into the room and yells, look at me, I'm really cool.

846
00:33:06,280 --> 00:33:07,280
I'm really cool.

847
00:33:07,280 --> 00:33:08,280
Aren't I cool?

848
00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:10,800
It's like, no, you wait for other people to tell you what you are.

849
00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:11,800
Yeah, you're not cool if you don't go announce it.

850
00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:13,960
You tell people to tell you you're cool.

851
00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:21,440
I was in a band once with a keyboard player and he had a pretty inflated opinion of his

852
00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:23,760
own abilities, et cetera.

853
00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:26,760
And there was a show we did once.

854
00:33:26,760 --> 00:33:29,200
We let him sing a couple of songs because he wanted to.

855
00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:31,680
Oh, did he have LSD without even being a lead singer?

856
00:33:31,680 --> 00:33:32,680
Yes, he did.

857
00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:33,680
Oh, okay.

858
00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:34,680
Yeah.

859
00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:38,840
And it was his turn to sing a couple of songs, he'd step up to the mic and the first thing

860
00:33:38,840 --> 00:33:45,080
he'd say was, people tell me I look like Sammy Hagar and then he'd grin.

861
00:33:45,080 --> 00:33:46,080
Wow.

862
00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:47,080
Oh my God.

863
00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:48,080
Cringe.

864
00:33:48,080 --> 00:33:49,080
Talk about cringe.

865
00:33:49,080 --> 00:33:50,080
Yeah.

866
00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:53,200
Yeah, if you got it stated, it ain't true.

867
00:33:53,200 --> 00:34:00,160
I mean, he looked like a little bit like he could have been Sammy Hagar's overweight alcoholic

868
00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:01,160
uncle.

869
00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:07,760
But man, that never went over well when he said that.

870
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:11,920
That was just like the audience just kind of went, oh, he's one of those.

871
00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:12,920
Yeah.

872
00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:13,920
Yeah.

873
00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:14,920
It was like a...

874
00:34:14,920 --> 00:34:18,040
So that's kind of the impression I get from this, you know, bragging about their, you

875
00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:21,000
know, oh, weird, the streaming service for all of that culture.

876
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:24,520
Like, yeah, you're like the guy saying, look at me and how handsome I am.

877
00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:25,520
Yeah, they are.

878
00:34:25,520 --> 00:34:26,520
Yeah.

879
00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:33,520
Oh, shit.

880
00:34:33,520 --> 00:34:40,520
What's that over there?

881
00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:41,520
Oh no.

882
00:34:41,520 --> 00:34:42,520
It's the island of horrible jokes.

883
00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:43,520
What?

884
00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:44,520
Do you call a bundle of hay in church?

885
00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:45,520
Christian Bale.

886
00:34:45,520 --> 00:35:10,400
Two ass bags and a box of Cheez-Its will be right back.

887
00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:15,440
Coming up, the blast from the past.

888
00:35:15,440 --> 00:35:21,080
This is where we take old shows and incorporate them into new shows.

889
00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:24,760
Because you fucks refuse to go get it.

890
00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:27,480
When I was with that band, I wasn't drinking.

891
00:35:27,480 --> 00:35:32,360
So when we played drinking games, I'd have to drink this water.

892
00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:36,600
Which isn't, you know, not really much of a game because half the game is watching everyone

893
00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:39,600
get drunk and they have to take a drink or whatever.

894
00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:40,600
It gives you a one-up though.

895
00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:44,600
You see stupid shit happening and other people don't identify with it because they're smart.

896
00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:48,520
But then again, it'd be fun or smash because you'd be like, ah.

897
00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:54,000
Well, they came up with a variation for me since instead of drinking alcohol, I was drinking

898
00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:55,000
water.

899
00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:57,600
They made the exception that I could not get up.

900
00:35:57,600 --> 00:36:00,680
I couldn't leave the circle to go pee.

901
00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:01,680
Everyone else could.

902
00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:07,200
But since I wasn't getting hammered on water, then my punishment was I couldn't pee.

903
00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:09,320
That's a pretty...

904
00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:10,320
Yeah.

905
00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:16,240
I did that for a while and it was like, okay, I voluntarily lose or quit, whatever.

906
00:36:16,240 --> 00:36:22,000
I gotta go pee right now.

907
00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:25,200
Some of those drinking games went on way too long.

908
00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:35,000
And by the time we got back to the club to play that night, some of us were still a little

909
00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:36,000
hammered.

910
00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:37,000
A little residual leftover glaze.

911
00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:38,000
Then they're done.

912
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:39,000
And then you got the choice.

913
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:44,800
If you're that person, you start the gig off and you're kind of wasted, do you just keep

914
00:36:44,800 --> 00:36:49,240
it going throughout the gig or do you let yourself come down during the gig?

915
00:36:49,240 --> 00:36:53,160
And by the fourth set, you're like, I hate life.

916
00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:54,160
Let me go.

917
00:36:54,160 --> 00:36:58,160
I was talking to a guy at work similar to that.

918
00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:04,160
When I was younger, I used to have to decide because we were out late one night having

919
00:37:04,160 --> 00:37:05,160
some beers and stuff.

920
00:37:05,160 --> 00:37:10,160
And I ended up leaving that place like 2.30 or something, which is rare for me.

921
00:37:10,160 --> 00:37:13,160
Obviously, I've been asleep a long time.

922
00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:19,480
And a couple of days later, I'm talking to him and I go, you know, when I was younger,

923
00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:23,640
I used to have that one moment where I had to stop for a second at what I was doing and

924
00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:26,920
go, all right, I've got to get to work in four hours.

925
00:37:26,920 --> 00:37:32,720
Do I want to just ride this out, hurry it, and try to sober up the last couple of hours

926
00:37:32,720 --> 00:37:33,720
to go to work?

927
00:37:33,720 --> 00:37:38,800
Or do I want to shut this fucking thing down, get four hours of sleep and then go in there

928
00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:40,280
and go to work?

929
00:37:40,280 --> 00:37:43,840
And usually, usually it was like, I'm just going to ride this thing through and I'll

930
00:37:43,840 --> 00:37:47,280
sleep tomorrow, which I never did because then all of a sudden a bunch of people show

931
00:37:47,280 --> 00:37:48,280
up.

932
00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:51,280
And anyhow, they'd be like, hey, come on, man, get in the car.

933
00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:54,280
We're going to go over to so and so's.

934
00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:57,280
And I'd be like, oh, yeah.

935
00:37:57,280 --> 00:38:00,840
And usually it'd take me three or four days to catch up.

936
00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:04,000
And then I'd be usually Tuesday night.

937
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:09,440
But it seems like that would be the wiser choice is to stay awake and ride it out.

938
00:38:09,440 --> 00:38:10,440
When I was in that situation.

939
00:38:10,440 --> 00:38:11,440
Yeah, because you feel like shit.

940
00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:15,680
You know, you actually get about three hours or two and a half hours sleep because you're

941
00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:18,720
forcing yourself to sleep, but you still want to party.

942
00:38:18,720 --> 00:38:22,280
You get a little bit of bad sleep, bad quality sleep.

943
00:38:22,280 --> 00:38:26,720
When you wake up, your body is finally to the point where it wants to sleep.

944
00:38:26,720 --> 00:38:27,880
But now you have to wake up.

945
00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:28,880
Yeah.

946
00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:31,080
And then when you have really deep sleep, you wake up.

947
00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:38,440
And then what's even worse is while you're asleep, you can't monitor your symptoms and

948
00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:40,840
take steps to counteract.

949
00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:43,520
Like if you're dead asleep because you're half wasted.

950
00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:45,320
No, you wake up where you're at.

951
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:46,320
Yeah.

952
00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:49,600
I mean, you may be so sick to your stomach that normally you'd wake up and do something

953
00:38:49,600 --> 00:38:50,600
about it.

954
00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:54,440
But you're sleeping so hard in those couple three hours that it just sits there and gets

955
00:38:54,440 --> 00:38:55,440
worse and worse.

956
00:38:55,440 --> 00:38:58,960
By the time you wake up, you feel like total shit.

957
00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:02,840
Whereas if you stayed awake, you can treat those symptoms as they came up.

958
00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:03,840
You'd be more tired.

959
00:39:03,840 --> 00:39:08,080
But after the end of a couple hours, you're like, okay, I got my nausea under control.

960
00:39:08,080 --> 00:39:09,840
I got myself hydrated.

961
00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:12,280
It got some drops in my eyes.

962
00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:16,880
It usually worked out better because you had that time to start treating yourself.

963
00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:19,800
Yeah.

964
00:39:19,800 --> 00:39:24,300
I would run into that not necessarily because I was wasted, but just because I was tired.

965
00:39:24,300 --> 00:39:30,000
Some of those out of town gigs, I'd work all day Friday, drive out to some hour and a half

966
00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:33,440
out of town, set up, play, tear down.

967
00:39:33,440 --> 00:39:38,640
And then I'd have to drive back to KC and get a little bit of sleep and go work Saturday.

968
00:39:38,640 --> 00:39:40,880
I worked a lot of Saturdays.

969
00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:44,400
And then when I was done with work, I'd have to load up, drive back to that little town

970
00:39:44,400 --> 00:39:48,520
where everybody else still was and go play the second night.

971
00:39:48,520 --> 00:39:51,920
It was like, oh, this sucks so hard.

972
00:39:51,920 --> 00:39:55,920
See, that's when I should have been free basing Coke or something.

973
00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:57,480
That's when I needed all that energy.

974
00:39:57,480 --> 00:40:00,560
But there I was trying to exist on coffee and cigarettes.

975
00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:04,720
I just wouldn't cut it.

976
00:40:04,720 --> 00:40:06,600
Two douchebags and a microphone.

977
00:40:06,600 --> 00:40:12,920
The number one show for people that lie about their favorite podcast.

978
00:40:12,920 --> 00:40:15,920
The boll weevil clap.

979
00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:19,520
Read up on that sometime.

980
00:40:19,520 --> 00:40:25,440
The boll weevil clap and this old guy that I knew that was in Vietnam, I probably should

981
00:40:25,440 --> 00:40:26,440
say, well, you know what?

982
00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:30,640
You can take this part out of here if you like it and we can put it somewhere.

983
00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:36,520
But this old guy that I knew down the road from me, there was a Vietnam, he told me that

984
00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:41,840
one day him and a couple of guys got a day off from the war.

985
00:40:41,840 --> 00:40:44,720
So they went into the nearest town to go look for some hookers.

986
00:40:44,720 --> 00:40:48,060
They're like, if we're going to die, we're going to get laid.

987
00:40:48,060 --> 00:40:49,840
So okay, all right.

988
00:40:49,840 --> 00:40:58,800
So they go in there and I guess the Viet Cong loaded the prostitutes full of stuff called

989
00:40:58,800 --> 00:41:00,760
the boll weevil clap.

990
00:41:00,760 --> 00:41:01,760
Yeah.

991
00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:04,240
Oh, it is.

992
00:41:04,240 --> 00:41:09,120
So anyhow, he said, you know, they all went and, you know, did what they needed to do.

993
00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:10,680
You know, they thought they were all going to die.

994
00:41:10,680 --> 00:41:12,280
So they went and they got laid.

995
00:41:12,280 --> 00:41:16,600
And next day when a guy comes in, he goes, oh my God, he goes, I hurt so bad.

996
00:41:16,600 --> 00:41:20,640
But you know, my fucking dick hurts like hell.

997
00:41:20,640 --> 00:41:21,880
My stomach hurts.

998
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:23,120
I think I'm going to die.

999
00:41:23,120 --> 00:41:25,520
What they do with those damn hookers.

1000
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:28,200
So anyhow, and he started hurting really bad.

1001
00:41:28,200 --> 00:41:30,240
He said it hurts so bad you could hardly breathe.

1002
00:41:30,240 --> 00:41:32,280
You could feel it in your dick shaft.

1003
00:41:32,280 --> 00:41:33,960
It hurts so bad.

1004
00:41:33,960 --> 00:41:38,840
So they all go in and I guess it's like a horrible infection.

1005
00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:41,520
And if you don't get treated, it will kill you.

1006
00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:45,320
Like, you know, go up your scrotum and your testicles.

1007
00:41:45,320 --> 00:41:52,600
And anyhow, the only cure back then was is they had to take this glass rod, shove it

1008
00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:58,440
in the end of your penis and mash it with a rubber mallet.

1009
00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:03,280
And then they have to physically squeeze all the infection out of your penis.

1010
00:42:03,280 --> 00:42:05,400
I've heard of this.

1011
00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:06,400
Yes.

1012
00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:14,080
And this took like four hours of mashing this rod and then squeezing all the infection out.

1013
00:42:14,080 --> 00:42:16,360
Because if they don't get all the infection out right then.

1014
00:42:16,360 --> 00:42:17,680
It flares right back up.

1015
00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:18,680
Yes.

1016
00:42:18,680 --> 00:42:19,680
Seals your pee-pee shut.

1017
00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:20,680
Yes.

1018
00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:24,600
Yeah, that was the old joke of, you know, oh, if you catch VD, your dick's going to

1019
00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:26,040
turn black and fall off.

1020
00:42:26,040 --> 00:42:28,160
But there are actually STDs.

1021
00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:29,640
That was worse case scenario.

1022
00:42:29,640 --> 00:42:30,640
Yeah.

1023
00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:34,280
It actually will turn black and fall off because the tissue will die.

1024
00:42:34,280 --> 00:42:40,600
Yeah, it's kind of like a grand, again, green type of deal, you know, or something like

1025
00:42:40,600 --> 00:42:41,600
that.

1026
00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:46,680
But anyhow, yeah, he said after that, he said, no, no more hookers.

1027
00:42:46,680 --> 00:42:47,680
So.

1028
00:42:47,680 --> 00:42:51,400
You're all aware of the Amber Alert, right?

1029
00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:54,960
Well, get rid of your disinfectants and rubber bedspreads, kids.

1030
00:42:54,960 --> 00:42:57,920
It's the all-new Amber Heard Alert system.

1031
00:42:57,920 --> 00:43:02,040
This fantastic early warning device helps one stay dry and rid of all those annoying

1032
00:43:02,040 --> 00:43:04,000
mattress invoices.

1033
00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:09,160
Simply hook up to child under six or psychopath and wait for the running water sound.

1034
00:43:09,160 --> 00:43:13,720
This clever machine has three distinct settings, babbling brook, ocean waves and roaring river

1035
00:43:13,720 --> 00:43:15,840
for those close call.

1036
00:43:15,840 --> 00:43:23,880
Order today and get a free Cinnabon Renews It Cartridge.

1037
00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:30,200
Long time ago, there's this party house and this is when I worked at Justin Jones steakhouse.

1038
00:43:30,200 --> 00:43:31,200
Oh, yeah.

1039
00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:32,200
OK.

1040
00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:33,200
And all this party tonight.

1041
00:43:33,200 --> 00:43:37,200
The guy that worked there, he lived back behind Justin Jones.

1042
00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:43,000
And anyhow, he, you know, he was divorced.

1043
00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:46,060
So he had kind of like a party house back there.

1044
00:43:46,060 --> 00:43:51,360
So me and a buddy of mine was sitting back there one night and we're bored as hell.

1045
00:43:51,360 --> 00:43:54,160
So we're daring each other to do stupid shit.

1046
00:43:54,160 --> 00:43:56,880
So I told him, I said, all right, I forgot what he dared me.

1047
00:43:56,880 --> 00:44:00,120
Probably ran around the walkway or something like that.

1048
00:44:00,120 --> 00:44:05,760
Something stupid, you know, clucking like a chicken or like, I don't know, you know,

1049
00:44:05,760 --> 00:44:08,600
stuff that we can come up with that we can do.

1050
00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:14,280
So I'm looking around, I look next door and I guess there's like some party or something

1051
00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:16,800
going on and neither one of us heard about it.

1052
00:44:16,800 --> 00:44:20,320
So we're the only two tool bags sitting there at that party house.

1053
00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:23,400
We're just sitting there going, fuck, this is boring as hell.

1054
00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:27,240
So we're doing the stupid shit that we're daring each other to do.

1055
00:44:27,240 --> 00:44:31,920
So I look out and there's a house next to it with this little porch.

1056
00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:39,680
Go out there, take a dump on the porch, light it on fire, bang on the door and then come

1057
00:44:39,680 --> 00:44:40,680
back.

1058
00:44:40,680 --> 00:44:41,680
Sure.

1059
00:44:41,680 --> 00:44:42,680
No problem.

1060
00:44:42,680 --> 00:44:48,520
So, hey, I'm sitting there and I see this thing you let up in the moonlight, this shadowy

1061
00:44:48,520 --> 00:44:50,560
figure fucking squatting.

1062
00:44:50,560 --> 00:44:57,560
See these fuck, a couple of turds come out and see him fucking throw up his shorts real

1063
00:44:57,560 --> 00:44:58,560
quick.

1064
00:44:58,560 --> 00:45:00,200
And all this is just a shadowy figure.

1065
00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:02,240
Then I see him stooped over.

1066
00:45:02,240 --> 00:45:05,040
It took him a long time to get this fucker lit.

1067
00:45:05,040 --> 00:45:08,720
I see him over there laboring and I'm like, oh shit.

1068
00:45:08,720 --> 00:45:10,960
So then he like throws some leaves or some shit on it.

1069
00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:12,960
Finally I see this little flame.

1070
00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:18,760
It does, I see this like, he kind of clenches up like, yeah.

1071
00:45:18,760 --> 00:45:20,400
I have full fire.

1072
00:45:20,400 --> 00:45:22,600
All of this is shadowing, right?

1073
00:45:22,600 --> 00:45:26,480
So anyhow, I'm like, yeah, good, good job, well done.

1074
00:45:26,480 --> 00:45:32,440
He comes back, he sits down and we're sitting there waiting, waiting, waiting, nothing.

1075
00:45:32,440 --> 00:45:34,360
We both end up passing out.

1076
00:45:34,360 --> 00:45:37,600
So three in the morning I wake up and I see like this glow.

1077
00:45:37,600 --> 00:45:41,560
It's kind of an orange glow through the blinds.

1078
00:45:41,560 --> 00:45:44,200
What the hell?

1079
00:45:44,200 --> 00:45:48,400
And I hear a bunch of rustling and shit and people talking.

1080
00:45:48,400 --> 00:45:50,400
All of a sudden it dawned on me.

1081
00:45:50,400 --> 00:45:51,400
Oh fuck.

1082
00:45:51,400 --> 00:45:53,760
Oh shit, he burned down the house next door.

1083
00:45:53,760 --> 00:45:54,760
Oh my God.

1084
00:45:54,760 --> 00:46:01,240
So anyhow, I get up, I go over there and there's like four firefighters with this hose and

1085
00:46:01,240 --> 00:46:08,720
a guy standing out there shaking his head and they're all laughing because someone shit

1086
00:46:08,720 --> 00:46:15,360
his shit on their porch, lit it and it caught their porch on fire because nobody fucking

1087
00:46:15,360 --> 00:46:16,560
answered the door.

1088
00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:18,160
They were probably sound asleep.

1089
00:46:18,160 --> 00:46:20,520
Maybe they're on sleeping pills or something.

1090
00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:23,920
I'm like, dude, dude, wake up.

1091
00:46:23,920 --> 00:46:27,200
He's like, oh fuck man, I'm on probation.

1092
00:46:27,200 --> 00:46:29,800
I'm going to go to jail.

1093
00:46:29,800 --> 00:46:31,240
I'm like, dude, calm down.

1094
00:46:31,240 --> 00:46:32,920
It didn't burn the house down, man.

1095
00:46:32,920 --> 00:46:34,480
Nobody died or nothing.

1096
00:46:34,480 --> 00:46:39,080
Listen, they're all out there laughing and stuff and the homeowners like shaking his head

1097
00:46:39,080 --> 00:46:43,280
like who the fuck did this?

1098
00:46:43,280 --> 00:46:45,080
So anyhow.

1099
00:46:45,080 --> 00:46:51,080
I had a request from my friend Lona that listens to this podcast and will probably listen to

1100
00:46:51,080 --> 00:46:52,080
this.

1101
00:46:52,080 --> 00:46:58,320
So anyhow, she's going way back with this elaborate prank and I'd forgotten all about

1102
00:46:58,320 --> 00:46:59,320
it actually.

1103
00:46:59,320 --> 00:47:04,120
And there's more on this level specifically that I can tell you about.

1104
00:47:04,120 --> 00:47:10,680
This is in general, this elaborate prank and anyhow, it's a really, really good vicious

1105
00:47:10,680 --> 00:47:12,680
line of events.

1106
00:47:12,680 --> 00:47:16,240
Anyhow, kind of going to go into some humor now.

1107
00:47:16,240 --> 00:47:18,200
We've done some serious stuff.

1108
00:47:18,200 --> 00:47:21,960
But anyhow, my great buddy Davey, I think a lot of people know him.

1109
00:47:21,960 --> 00:47:22,960
I know Davey.

1110
00:47:22,960 --> 00:47:23,960
Oh yeah, see?

1111
00:47:23,960 --> 00:47:24,960
So there we go.

1112
00:47:24,960 --> 00:47:25,960
Jesse knows Davey.

1113
00:47:25,960 --> 00:47:26,960
Three out of three.

1114
00:47:26,960 --> 00:47:27,960
Cindy knows Davey.

1115
00:47:27,960 --> 00:47:28,960
Four out of four.

1116
00:47:28,960 --> 00:47:29,960
Val knows Davey.

1117
00:47:29,960 --> 00:47:30,960
Five out of five.

1118
00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:31,960
Okay.

1119
00:47:31,960 --> 00:47:34,960
Well, everybody in the whole world knows him, evidently.

1120
00:47:34,960 --> 00:47:35,960
So there you have it.

1121
00:47:35,960 --> 00:47:41,400
When we were teenagers, every summer his parents would go to Truman Lake and they'd take their

1122
00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:48,320
camper there and they'd be gone pretty much from Memorial weekend to Labor Day weekend.

1123
00:47:48,320 --> 00:47:52,760
So a good two and a half month stretch, something like that.

1124
00:47:52,760 --> 00:47:58,080
But sometimes it was stretching to three, depending on how they felt.

1125
00:47:58,080 --> 00:48:00,400
And so anyhow, this meant one thing.

1126
00:48:00,400 --> 00:48:01,400
Party house.

1127
00:48:01,400 --> 00:48:11,800
So anyway, Davey and I had some evil tricks that we like to play on the people.

1128
00:48:11,800 --> 00:48:16,160
The people that all partied at the house for a while, they were all in on the gag because

1129
00:48:16,160 --> 00:48:19,120
they probably hadn't happened to them before.

1130
00:48:19,120 --> 00:48:26,400
So anyhow, they were a victim at one point and then after they got through with the hurt

1131
00:48:26,400 --> 00:48:30,800
and the embarrassment and the bruises, they were like, okay, all right, well it's time

1132
00:48:30,800 --> 00:48:31,800
for someone else.

1133
00:48:31,800 --> 00:48:36,080
So new guys that would come to the house didn't know about this, but the people that were

1134
00:48:36,080 --> 00:48:39,160
there for a while, they knew they were safe.

1135
00:48:39,160 --> 00:48:44,000
So anyhow, one of the things that we would do is we'd all be getting trashed, but anyone

1136
00:48:44,000 --> 00:48:47,160
that wasn't at Davey's house before would not know this.

1137
00:48:47,160 --> 00:48:52,440
There was a refrigerator in the back room that contained all the sodas, all the Dr.

1138
00:48:52,440 --> 00:48:58,280
Peppers, all the cokes, all that, the sprites, what have you, Mountain Dews, Dr. Peppers

1139
00:48:58,280 --> 00:49:00,000
were all in the back fridge.

1140
00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:05,720
And the front fridge was full of useful stuff like food and stuff like that.

1141
00:49:05,720 --> 00:49:08,640
So anyhow, we'd all be getting smashed.

1142
00:49:08,640 --> 00:49:14,440
And anyhow, someone would wake up and they'd be parched.

1143
00:49:14,440 --> 00:49:18,240
So they would look for something that they could drink and also have caffeine.

1144
00:49:18,240 --> 00:49:20,240
We didn't believe in coffee back then.

1145
00:49:20,240 --> 00:49:21,240
What did they do?

1146
00:49:21,240 --> 00:49:22,240
Coffee didn't exist.

1147
00:49:22,240 --> 00:49:23,240
It was all soda pop.

1148
00:49:23,240 --> 00:49:29,680
So what we would do is we would take a can of soda and we would open it up and drink

1149
00:49:29,680 --> 00:49:32,680
it or throw it out or whatever.

1150
00:49:32,680 --> 00:49:33,680
Probably drink it most likely.

1151
00:49:33,680 --> 00:49:34,680
We weren't that stupid.

1152
00:49:34,680 --> 00:49:38,440
And we would piss it.

1153
00:49:38,440 --> 00:49:44,880
So we would take this can of open Dr. Pepper, let's say, and with all the content gone,

1154
00:49:44,880 --> 00:49:48,080
we would piss in it and then we'd stick it back in the fridge.

1155
00:49:48,080 --> 00:49:49,080
Ouch.

1156
00:49:49,080 --> 00:49:52,440
But like I said, the people who've been there for a while, they knew about it.

1157
00:49:52,440 --> 00:49:54,440
The new people didn't know.

1158
00:49:54,440 --> 00:49:57,840
Don't drink from the front fridge, drink from the back fridge.

1159
00:49:57,840 --> 00:50:00,840
Well, the people who've been there for a while would be like, uh, uh, uh, I ain't

1160
00:50:00,840 --> 00:50:01,840
getting this one right here.

1161
00:50:01,840 --> 00:50:02,840
Uh, uh, uh, uh.

1162
00:50:02,840 --> 00:50:03,840
Oh my God.

1163
00:50:03,840 --> 00:50:07,840
I'm going to go get this one in the back room.

1164
00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:13,880
So, uh, so, uh, anyhow, you know, uh, it would usually end up like this.

1165
00:50:13,880 --> 00:50:18,560
We'd hear a scream and some cussing and some threats and stuff like that.

1166
00:50:18,560 --> 00:50:22,920
And then we'd come down there and everyone would like, no one would know who did it.

1167
00:50:22,920 --> 00:50:27,320
We're like, what are you fucking joking me?

1168
00:50:27,320 --> 00:50:31,040
And then, uh, you know, go over there if they didn't like throw it against the wall or something

1169
00:50:31,040 --> 00:50:32,040
smelling it.

1170
00:50:32,040 --> 00:50:33,040
Oh my God, it is piss.

1171
00:50:33,040 --> 00:50:36,560
Hey, we're going to find out who did this, man.

1172
00:50:36,560 --> 00:50:37,560
I'm sorry.

1173
00:50:37,560 --> 00:50:42,520
You know, and then you have already make excuse like, well, old man, I was collecting this

1174
00:50:42,520 --> 00:50:43,520
urine sample for my dog.

1175
00:50:43,520 --> 00:50:45,960
I got to take him to the vet later.

1176
00:50:45,960 --> 00:50:46,960
So sorry.

1177
00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:51,400
I should have marked the only thing I had was a Dr. Pepper can and you have to be the

1178
00:50:51,400 --> 00:50:52,400
first sucker.

1179
00:50:52,400 --> 00:50:53,400
They went in on the conversation.

1180
00:50:53,400 --> 00:50:56,960
You know how tough it was to get that dog to pee into that Dr. Pepper?

1181
00:50:56,960 --> 00:50:57,960
Now it's ruined.

1182
00:50:57,960 --> 00:51:00,200
It had to be a day old.

1183
00:51:00,200 --> 00:51:05,000
My dog's going to die because you drank his piss.

1184
00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:07,880
You drink the dog's piss and the dog dies.

1185
00:51:07,880 --> 00:51:08,880
That's pretty bad.

1186
00:51:08,880 --> 00:51:09,880
Yeah.

1187
00:51:09,880 --> 00:51:12,880
I can't get the sample to the vet in time and he's definitely ill.

1188
00:51:12,880 --> 00:51:15,880
Thanks a lot, fuck face.

1189
00:51:15,880 --> 00:51:20,880
Hey, where'd everybody go?

1190
00:51:20,880 --> 00:51:25,880
Where are the douchebags?

1191
00:51:25,880 --> 00:51:32,880
Oh my God, someone took a dump in the corner.

1192
00:51:32,880 --> 00:51:33,880
Oh geez.

1193
00:51:33,880 --> 00:51:34,880
Glad they're gone.

1194
00:51:34,880 --> 00:51:35,880
Let's just hope they don't come back.

1195
00:51:35,880 --> 00:52:04,040
Man, that smells.