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If a 10 pound bag of shit could talk, this is what it would sound like.
I wonder if they want to fucking talk.
They had his two little fucking brats with little snot nose little fucks.
Plus the fact that he's gone now means we get to trash him.
Yes, yes.
But he's still a piece of shit.
Just like the way that Susan's podcast is over, everyone listening trashes us.
Which you should.
Yes, yes, we encourage you.
I don't know anyhow, let's see, all that being said, Lamar Jackson.
Oh yes, fascinating, right?
This is interesting to see what's going to happen with this whole thing.
Not as fascinating as the old RC logo.
But fascinating.
But yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, woo.
I felt the breeze from that pigeon.
Oh, yep, yep.
That's actually kind of a tasty looking pigeon.
Oh, well, I know a guy that eats them.
Yeah, they call them squab when you eat a pigeon.
Or city chicken.
Yeah, I like that one.
Okay, the rivets haven't been able to hammer out a new contract with her star quarterback
Lamar Jackson.
Yeah.
Or maybe soon to be former, we'll see.
Yeah.
Not only have negotiations completely fallen apart, but things have gotten so bad that
Jackson actually requested a trade on March 2nd.
Yeah.
A trade request that had remained a secret until he revealed its existence on Monday.
Jackson is believed to be looking for a fully guaranteed deal which he hasn't been able
to get from any team.
So why can't Jackson get the deal he wants?
Well, I mean, I think we both have an idea.
Former NFL star Richard Sherman, I like to call him Richard Simmons, lanes that on the
other quarterbacks like Patrick Mahomes and Josh Allen.
Well, Patrick Mahomes, when you talk about him, you talk about three Super Bowls and
two wins in five years.
As five years as being a starter, yeah, you're talking about still a very young guy, 5,000
yards out of two of those seasons, 50 plus touchdowns.
And then if you count the postseason this year, he'll have 50 plus touchdowns again,
too.
So you're talking one of the greatest, if not the greatest quarterback ever in the making.
And Josh Allen, who's really good, but maybe probably not quite all that, I mean, but really
good.
So how can you argue with the success that Mahomes has had so far?
But Richard Sherman blames that quarterbacks like Mahomes and Allen, the five-time pro
bowler says Mahomes should have looked to set a precedent with a fully guaranteed deal
and taken a BS 10-year contract that he ended up accepting.
Okay.
And I agree with Richard Sermons on this part.
But I'll go into this.
Let's remember that right now.
Let's hear it.
That he went ahead and agreed.
No, he worked with the Chiefs to come up with this.
And the reason is, he's a winner, Mr. Sherman.
He was other players.
Yeah, he'll continue to be a winner.
So anyhow, what pissed me off is, this is what Sherman said, what pissed me off is when
Kirk Cousin gets his guaranteed deal, I thought all the quarterbacks from then on were going
to be like, hey, if it ain't guaranteed, I ain't taking it.
Sherman said on his podcast.
I know Mahomes took that BS deal just 10 years and wanted it to look like a half a billion.
But if you get half of that fully guaranteed, everybody's happier.
That's the president.
Well, it's not his job to set a precedent.
No.
First off, Mahomes cut a friendly deal with the Chiefs because every year that he's playing,
every year that he's playing, he wants to be in contention and he will because of this
deal.
Yeah.
And he's like, you did, Mr. Sherman, why these places had to cut you after a year or two because
they couldn't afford you.
That's not going to happen with Patrick.
Patrick Mahomes wants some money left in the account to pay some other players that he
can throw the ball to and who can defend him against block of pass rushers.
And at the end of the day, we'll go ahead and compare stats and wins and Super Bowl
wins and we'll see who wins this.
How many rings does Richard Sherman have?
Zero.
I think he has one.
My phone is frozen.
It's all right.
Well, you know, at least it's frozen to our logo.
Yeah.
So that's our banners down.
So, okay, my reply, Sherman's an idiot.
Here's why.
If any team thought that Lamar was one piece between them and the Super Bowl, they would
be in that line in a hot second.
Oh, yeah.
The ink would be dry if they thought that that's the only thing that took them to the
promised land.
Heck, look, the Buccaneers signed Baker Mayfield.
Yeah.
You know, teams will sign a quarterback if they think he's the missing piece, all they
need, yes.
In addition, if Lamar was that good, he would be taking more than 60% of his snaps.
Lamar looks again and then because he can't thread the needle, he has to run.
He runs and he runs and he gets hurt.
Yeah.
The Holmes runs only as the last option.
He can thread the needle.
Matter of fact, he's a lot more lethal throwing that ball down the field than he is running.
And he's not bad at running.
Yeah.
And he has won a lot in five years, five championship games, three Super Bowls, three
wins.
That is why Jackson's is still sitting and waiting and nothing else, Mr. Sherman.
Yeah.
So, anyhow, you got anything?
That's total BS to think that it's other quarterbacks responsibility, the set of precedent to get
Lamar Jackson the contract that he can't get on his own.
Exactly.
If Lamar Jackson can't get that guaranteed contract on his own, that's on him and it's
not up to anybody else to get that for the market dictates itself.
Yep.
So, it just like that is why you have a team like Baltimore that said, well, go find your
deal and then come back.
Kind of what Casey did with Tyreek.
Yeah, they said, go find your deal and then come back and then Casey said, done.
Yep.
And Tyreek said, it threw me away like trash.
No, they weren't going to be hijacked by your stupidity.
Well, you know, if you're getting into the NFL as a player, you've got to expect that
they're going to throw you away the moment they don't need you anymore.
Yeah.
I mean, you've got to know that coming in and then you get bent about it five years into
your career is childish.
Yeah.
My opinion, but.
Yeah, same idea.
Yeah, it's just, it's, he's had, he had lots of opportunities.
Yep.
And now this one isn't going his way and I really can't be sad about Lamar Jackson being
a little less of a millionaire than he wants to be.
Just does not bother me at all.
I don't feel any sympathy for him.
I kind of revel in it.
Yeah.
I'm like, okay, fine.
Well, Lamar Jackson only gets 12 million instead of 14.
Oh, my heart bleeds for that guy.
Yeah.
Rich people problems.
Yeah.
Lamar Jackson is having rich people problems and I don't care.
I don't care either.
As a matter of fact, I hope it goes on a long time.
Yeah.
Anyhow, you had something.
Yeah.
If you want to be a screenwriter, write for television and the movies, but you have basically
no talent and no time, no problem because I have compiled the lazy screenwriters handbook.
If you're writing a story and you just don't know what to do next, just throw one of these
in because they always work and people are used to it.
Okay.
Number one, for the cast of your show, make sure all the men are very diverse in appearance
and age and attractiveness, but make sure all the women are in their 20s and hot.
Yes.
Every TV show out there.
That's a handbook.
That's it.
Yep.
All right.
Write your main character to have a job where they make about 12k a year, but they live
like they make a quarter million a year.
Beautiful apartment.
Never wear the same output twice.
The latest shoes, great cars, all on and on.
People buy it.
People eat it up like crazy.
That is crazy.
All of them.
Friends is a good example.
Yeah.
Or King of Queens.
King of Queens.
Yeah.
Let's see.
The only one that didn't do it was like Roseanne and then the Connors.
They thrive on acting like they have nothing in a four and just like...
But any of the CSI shows, when you go to the detective's home, it's like a gorgeous million
dollar house.
Yeah, it is.
On a detective's salary, I don't think so.
No.
But see, here's the thing.
If you write your character to have all that stuff, then that's tons of room for product
placement from your sponsors.
That's true.
You show this broke ass private detective, but he's got the latest Apple phone and laptop
because the sponsor wants him to.
Yeah, that's right.
Audience eats it up.
Who cares?
All right.
Here's another good one for your TV show.
Have two characters that are absolute opposites, can't stand each other, but eventually fall
in love.
Have you seen that amount of million times?
Yes.
Yep.
The proposal is the one that jumps to mine.
I love that.
Yeah.
That's so true.
Let's see.
You have the clumsy, ugly, nerdy girl, but she's played by an actress who's actually
really, really hot.
And then during the course of the show, if she spends money on herself, suddenly she transforms
into the hot girl.
But the key is you got to have her spend money.
Yes.
You know, you get laser eyes or a tree so she can ditch the glasses.
Go spend money at a salon to get her hair done.
Spend money on new clothes.
Spend money on more makeup.
Spend money on dancing and walking classes.
Spend, spend, spend, spend, spend.
Now you're the hot girl.
That's the message to send out.
Yeah.
Send her way into happiness.
Okay.
No, you know, no.
And that makes sense too because I'll bet you there's a lot of different entities behind
that.
Yeah.
We're getting a lot of really positive.
No one's stopping to talk, but people being happy that we're here and giving us thumbs
up and smiling.
We sure need that matter back.
Yeah, we do.
All right.
Here's the next one, the useless dad.
If you don't know what else to throw in your show, throw in the useless dad.
And actually there's a commercial kind of making fun of that.
Yes, yes.
The TV dad.
It's a progressive, yeah, TV dad.
But Homer Simpson is the perfect example of the useless dad.
He has no parenting skills.
He can barely feed and clothe himself.
Also Peter off a family guy, another one.
Kevin James on King of Queens.
Yes.
Totally useless.
Kevin Mallon in Last Man Standing.
Yeah.
The useless dad that everyone rolls their eyes at and puts down.
Apparently, the audience is just eating up.
Yeah, they do.
No, they would have to because it would not keep going on if they didn't.
Yep.
Here's another really good one to work into your, have a situation where the whole plot
and storyline could be easily resolved by having one person have a two-minute conversation.
So of course they never do.
They never do.
I've always thought that too.
It's like all this could be averted so easily.
Uh-huh.
All A would have to just go over to B and say C.
Yep.
And it's like, but no, no, no, no.
It's like they don't want to delve into anything too dark or too nefarious, so they have to
do something really light-hearted that's just like a little minuscule mistake, but
exploit it into something bigger and make it this huge ordeal when actually it should
have never been anything.
Does that make sense?
Yeah.
And you'll get the character who knows and can totally diffuse the situation and end
the whole problem, but instead of telling people they stand around and over and over
and they say, I have to tell you something.
Please wait.
Why don't you wait and believe me?
I want to tell.
Okay.
They could have said it in that amount of time.
Exactly.
But they repeat it over and over.
But I have to tell you, I need to tell you something or something we need to talk about
and either they say, call me later or the phone rings and somebody has to rush out the
door.
Yeah.
They tease you about four times with a secret being revealed and then it never is.
It never is.
Because it ends the movie.
So you can keep, you can like a five minute plot line into a two hour movie by having
someone just decide not to tell people the correct information.
Yeah.
Yep.
So simple.
All right.
Stalking and harassment.
But it's romantic if done by an attractive man.
Yes.
Lifetime movies.
Over and over, the guy basically stalks and harasses the woman.
But since he's a hottie, it's okay and it's a romantic.
It's true.
If the guy looked like me, he'd call the cops.
For me?
Yeah.
Yep.
But it's like those lifetime movies, look at the lifetime movie.
That's one where absolutely everybody is gorgeous.
You know, Joe the plumber from down the street is absolutely gorgeous.
You know, Mindy, the paralegal who works at the lawyer's office.
Oh, and also, Joe the plumber down the road, he's got a rolled up fucking flannel shirt,
no grease on it.
Each side is rolled up perfectly.
And a cucumber down his pants.
Yeah.
Levi is red tag.
Yes.
A nice haircut.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Side short hair a little bit longer, kind of a little fluffy there.
Yeah, no, I know.
It's like...
Now, the opposite in spectrum, if in the movie the guy is being stalked or harassed by any
woman whatsoever, it's considered fun and romantic and cute.
Yeah, oh, look at her pursue him.
Yeah.
She's going to sway him sooner or later.
If a girl is stalking a guy, the guy is supposed to find it flattering and be okay with it.
If a guy is stalking a girl, it's a crime unless he's rich and is nice looking.
And then it's the dream guy.
Yep.
No, that's so true.
All right, here's one that I've noticed over and over.
A strong female character in a show, especially if she's the lead, has to have something utterly
devastating and tragic in her past or people will find it.
In order to add depth to the character, the common thing they use for the female character
is a sexual assault somewhere in her past.
Yes.
Over and over and over.
Yes, and all you notice at first is she's quirky about certain things.
Or she's tough and hard and won't let anybody in.
What happened to make her that tough and hard?
And they always fall back on sexual assault.
Yes.
It's like...
It's like the screenwriters are telling you you can't be a strong successful woman unless
you've been raped at some point and had to overcome it.
No, you're right.
That's sick.
That is sick actually.
And it's sick as hell, but it's in so many TV shows, especially cop shows.
It is.
Especially in cop shows.
Already next, this is one you've seen over and over at the Monologue Syndrome.
Where the bad guy has the good guy at gunpoint and instead of shooting him, which is what
he's wanted to do the whole movie, he stands there and explains everything, explains all
the details.
He gets himself on tape for the trial later.
And then he either talks so long that he gets caught or someone else shows up like the
young kid and kicks his ass or something.
But yeah.
Yeah.
That goes along with the incredibly complex way of killing somebody.
Well, it's a way to show the dumb people that can't understand what the plot was actually
about.
Yeah.
Now, I brought this up with my son, Lewis, who writes a lot of fan fiction.
And he was saying, well, there are certain ways that you really gotta, you know, for
telling the story or getting the details and the facts out there.
But my point was there's got to be a better way than this because they use it over and
over.
And they get creative and find a better way to do it.
But that's not the idea here.
The idea here is if you want to write, you know, storylines and stuff, here's how to
flesh them out.
Here's another one, you know, make you a great screenwriter.
Make sure your plot line is such that it could be resolved by the death of a single person,
but instead they decide to put millions in danger to save that one person.
Pretty much every superhero movie.
Oh, he wants to kill, you know, this superhero guy.
All right, let's fight and millions of civilians will die in the process.
But what's his name?
We'll get killed.
Yeah.
Really?
That's a good idea.
No, not a good idea.
I mean, if Fred over there wants to kill Joe, I don't want him coming over here and killing
me to make it happen.
It's like, no, just take care of your business over there.
We're really sorry for Joe, but well done, man.
Does he have to take the rest of us with him?
No, just let him, man.
Joe's have been proactive in making who is other guy's name more happy.
Yeah.
Here's another good one.
The good guy fights his way into the bad guy's hideout, gets to the final bad guy and decides,
well, I'm not going to kill you because that's wrong and you should go to jail and pay for
your crimes and I'm not a killer like you.
Except the good guy just killed 17 henchmen on his way in.
But now all of a sudden, I don't kill.
This is all the superheroes.
Yes.
Look at all the people superheroes killed, too.
Think of all the people Batman and Robin killed.
Oh, God.
And then they get to the Joker and they won't just punch his lights out.
No, they got to talk to him.
Yeah.
They killed all your henchmen, but we're just going to put you in jail so you can come back
next week and we can write your show.
Last week, we foiled your plot, Joker.
I love it.
When they go on about how they're going to just continue to destroy him and kill him
and ridicule him and how he's a bad person and how did he turn to the dark side?
By that time, he already got away.
Here's another good one.
If your script is in trouble and it's just not sellable yet, write in it the death of
a pet for no reason whatsoever.
TV shows love that.
They love that.
You come home, my pet is dead.
And there's no reason for that pet to be dead.
None whatsoever.
It's just there for shock value.
So that's a good way to save your sucky script.
I think artificial intelligence killed it.
Yeah.
Another one.
Write into your screenplay that there'd be a shaky camera the whole time.
The shaky camera that's jittering and can't keep still.
That's awesome because you don't have to worry if there's a bunch of stuff in the background
that you didn't get a chance to cover up or hide because the camera's jerking around so
much you can't see it anyway.
I remember the shield did that and you could not tell.
NYPD blue was that way.
Yeah.
And your actors don't even have to do a decent job anymore because the camera's shaking and
jerking around so much we can't tell if the actor's doing a good job or not.
So you write in the shaky camera, your screenplay is going to sell because it makes so much
else just easier.
All right.
Here's a good one.
Abuse of men as a joke.
It's everywhere.
You're not kidding.
Look at the way Kevin, on King of Queens, look at the way that the Kevin James' character
is treated by Leah Ramine.
It's spousal abuse.
Oh, God, yeah.
There's always been letting him make fun of him and get out of the way of the loser.
But the laugh line triggers every single time, doesn't it?
Yeah.
Watching a show.
He's called him a thimble dick moron.
Here's the premise.
It's a medical drama.
We have a young doctor and a young nurse that are infatuated with each other.
They sneak off somewhere in the hospital to have sex, not realizing that a security camera
has caught them on video.
The video is playing at the main Admit desk, and no one can figure out who it is on the
video because it's too dark.
So the nurse decides that it's the doctor's total responsibility to fix it, all on his
own without her.
She tells him, you go fix it.
So he makes one attempt and can't get the recording.
He walks up and backhands him in the belly angrily and smacks him in the gut because
he's pissed and he failed.
And that's OK.
It was played off as, yeah, he deserved it because he didn't get it.
Somebody tells me that wouldn't fly anyhow.
Yeah, reverse the genders.
Yeah.
A female doctor and a male nurse, she can't get the video so he slugs her in the stomach.
That wouldn't fly.
But the girl gets to punch the guy and it's OK.
Half the time, the left track goes.
This is also sexism too, if you think about it.
It is sexism because you automatically assume the girl is dainty and not going to hurt
the guy.
Well, why is that?
Because you assumed that the girl is dainty and the guy is big and rugged.
You all know that?
Yeah, oh, he can take it.
There is another episode of a medical show where a lawyer was angry at a doctor for the
way a case was going.
And she busted in on him while he was examining a patient and punched him in the arm, yelled
at him.
He sat there and took it.
While he's with the patient.
While he's with the patient, she stormed out, stormed back in, punched him again and yelled
at him again and he took it and she stung him.
He would have been in prison.
Now nothing ever happened.
No discipline, no complaints, nothing.
Okay, but reverse the genders and that guy is in jail.
Loses his license to practice law, gets fired, all that.
But when a woman abuses a man on screen, it's funny.
It's funny, yeah.
So write that into your screenplay, you'll sell a million.
Yep.
Alright, here's another good one.
The fat person is the clown.
Yeah, boy, we just can't get enough of that, can we?
It started with the honeymooners.
Yeah.
Oh, it used to be a fat person standing next to a skinny person was just funny as hell.
Or maybe, yeah.
And that's where Laurel and Hardy got it.
Laurel and Hardy, yeah, let's go back there.
That was it.
It's like, one guy was skinny, one guy was fat.
Hilarious.
We can trace this down.
Laurel and Hardy, Abaddon Costello, the honeymooners, and then the Clint Stoes.
You know Barney wasn't that skinny, I mean, you didn't have a predominantly overweight
guy.
Yeah.
Think of the success of Chris Farley movies.
And Chris Farley said, all his movies are basically Fatty Fall Down.
That's the movie plot.
And he was sick of being the fat guy who was funny for being fat.
But my god, that is still used so much on television.
Yeah.
And even in the reruns, is, you know, if the fat person is always jolly, funny, not taken
seriously, never a romantic lead, it's just they're there for comedic relief.
Yeah.
Are you right?
Yep.
Wow.
On the same network where they'll have a commercial saying everyone is beautiful and we should
all accept you, they'll run a show where it shows the fat person being less than.
Yes.
God.
Very true.
Yeah.
All right.
Here's another good one.
And this really will save you money when you make your TV show or your movie.
You have one character that is five kinds of specialist.
Now there's absolutely no way they have the time or money to go to school for that long
to be that specialized in all those different areas.
But on the TV show.
Kind of like the professor on the Gilligan's Island.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yes.
Or the golf chick on NCIS.
NCIS, yeah.
She did everything.
She was trying to calculate how many fucking years of school she had to have.
Yeah.
It's like, well, she can be over 50 and I calculated 40 years of school.
So did she start at 10?
Yeah.
See, that's the lazy part is they introduce you to one character, get you like that character,
and then just having to hire four more and get you like them.
They just have that one character do everything and you just go, oh, well.
And you know what they say too is, here's how they get around it too.
They go, it's suspension of disbelief.
Yeah.
But no, actually, if you want it to be realistic, you don't do that.
You're like, no, no, no.
This isn't one of those shows.
It just, you just got to pretend that this isn't what's really going on.
Yeah.
And that bothers me because once I notice something in a show like that, I never look
at it the same.
Yeah.
Another good one was designated survivor with Kiefer Sutherland.
Yes.
She had an actress playing an FBI agent.
Don't remember her name.
She was short, very thin, Asian, very distinctive.
She had the look of a female ninja assassin, which is how they wanted her to look on the
show.
But she was an FBI agent, but suddenly she was everywhere doing everything.
And apparently she was the entire FBI because any time they needed the FBI, it was just
her.
You got to go halfway across the country to search a warehouse.
She shows up.
The local FBI didn't take care of it.
Local law enforcement didn't take, she has to be there to be on camera.
They go over to Romania.
Suddenly she's there leading the mission in Romania.
She's the FBI.
She has no jurisdiction outside the US.
Yeah.
But she was everywhere doing everything.
She had like five different law enforcement hats on and just was going everywhere.
Extradition didn't matter.
Oh, it was just nuts.
But they just had this one hot chick actress and it's like, by God, she's playing all
these 10 roles that we should have hired nine more actors for.
And let's face it, the guys didn't mind.
No.
It's like the Baywatch guys.
You know, they didn't care.
They knew.
They were watching with a sound down anyway.
Just as long as when they were running it was slow motion and the boobs were bouncing
and that's all they gave a crap about.
And it showed.
Yeah.
Here's another really good one.
Dumb shit parents with smart kids.
Yes.
Aren't you just so sick of that?
Oh my God.
My laptop just froze up.
Call the kid.
Billy.
Oh no, not again.
Yeah.
I think I might have already covered this one, but the characters who constantly say,
let me explain.
But never do.
They always find some way to put off the explanation.
They're always offering to explain that they never explain.
You know, that's true.
Now they do all the time.
They go, hey, let me explain and then it goes to something else.
Nobody wanted them to explain.
Yeah.
We don't care.
Here's another good one.
Deaf at the end for no reason whatsoever.
Yeah.
Or sometimes they feel like, well, there should be a death somewhere in this movie because
bad things happen and somebody has to pay.
So at the end we'll just kill off this random character and shock everybody.
I've seen it over and over.
Okay.
I'll tell you the most prominent one growing up, I remember, is M.A.S.H.
Yeah.
Colonel Blake was quitting the show.
I forgot why or whatever.
They couldn't just let him go back to the States.
They kind of felt like the Colonel Blake character don't know all he could do.
They wanted to get someone else in.
Yeah.
And they got his, so they're like, all right, well, we're not just going to let him go live
in America.
We're going to kill him.
We're going to shoot him over the seas.
And that was one of the first ones.
And I'm like, why did they have to do that?
I was a kid and I was like, why do they have to do that, man?
I love the guy.
Why do they have to kill him?
Enormous ratings.
Yeah.
It did too.
Because then all of a sudden the inquirer accidentally gets a hold of the script.
Oh, no.
He doesn't just leave.
He dies.
And I was like, he dies?
Yeah.
And then everyone imagines like someone comes and shoots him in the head or some shit.
But you know, yeah.
And then they waited until the final scene to announce his death.
So that means everybody watched him, watched him, watched according to this inquirer article.
And about time they're going, man, this is bullshit.
It was a lie.
All of a sudden he comes out and they see Ray Dard with a bewildered, sad look.
Look on his face like, oh shit, they're right.
Look.
And supposedly he didn't tell any of the other cast what lines he was about to say.
Yeah.
So it was like, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, you remember that too.
Yeah.
Another good one was have you ever seen the movie American Beauty with Kevin Spacey?
Kevin Spacey.
Spacey.
He is a Spacey.
Isn't he in prison now?
Or not?
No, but he's on the outs because he's a sexual predator.
That's right, but they never did do anything about it.
Yeah, they pretty much just took away his TV show and blacklisted him.
Stop touching boys.
Should I say African American listed him?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you can say that.
But there is, without giving anything away, there is a death near the end of American
Beauty that just really has a great point to be there.
Oh, that's a great example.
Yeah.
I never even thought about that.
Totally pointless.
Doesn't need to be there.
It's just for shot value.
It did need to be there.
It's just people go, yeah.
Hey, we might get an Academy Award for this movie.
Let's throw in a random death to really impress the judges.
And they'll put it over the top.
Yeah, I think that's about what it was.
All right.
Stupid disobedient children who get their parents into trouble or killed.
So successful.
You meddling kids.
I mean, so used everywhere.
Yeah, how you liking it?
Yeah.
Both your parents are dead right there.
See them in the hole?
Because you're meddling kids.
Yeah.
Go ahead.
Here's another one.
It works every time for a TV show.
Get two characters and get it to the point of will they have sex or won't they?
And then keep that going forever.
Melrose Place.
Yeah.
Remember that?
Niles and Daphne on Frasier.
Yep.
Yeah.
But yeah, they keep the sex.
They get the sexual tension going.
Will they?
Won't they?
Will they?
And that will carry.
That will carry a show for probably at least two years.
You could write two years of really crappy episodes.
And to friends when it was running out of steam, it was Joey and Rachel.
Yeah.
They were trying to hook up anybody for sexual tension.
Yeah.
But they never could quite hook them up.
Yeah.
I think if I were to correctly...
The audience didn't accept it.
Yeah.
One of them was almost ready to hook up with the other and the other one wasn't ready
and then vice versa.
Yeah.
And actually in real life, the actors did hook up and that's why Jennifer Anderson
and Brad Kint broke up.
Broke up, yeah.
They said publicly that Brad was the cheater, but Jennifer Anderson's dad wrote a book.
And in Jennifer Anderson's dad's book, he said the actor played Joey, Matt LeBlanc,
had an affair with Jennifer Anderson while she was married to Brad Pitt and that's what
busted up the marriage.
But they agreed it would be more harmful to her career to be the cheater than it would
be to Brad Pitt's career if he were the cheater.
So Brad agreed to take the hit as the cheater when he really wasn't because his career could
survive it better than hers could.
So Brad Pitt was a pretty upstand up guy.
He gets her cheating on him and then he makes it easier on her.
That was pretty stand up.
So all you people blaming Brad Pitt get over it.
Here's another really good one.
The end of a character or a fake death.
People eat that shit up.
People love that stuff.
Like Ripley on the Alien series.
She dies.
They resurrect her.
No harm, no foul.
Let's see.
Curly on the City Slickers played by Jack Palance.
That's a good one.
He dies in the first movie.
They bring him back in the second movie as an identical brother.
You probably didn't see this but Ray Leota's I believe last movie, the many saints in New
York.
They killed his character off and they brought him back as his brother.
Yep.
I've seen that.
Let's see.
And also the way they filmed him was pretty genius too.
They filmed him kind of from underneath and an angle to make him look much bigger.
So he looked almost identical only bigger than his brother that was killed.
Yeah.
The TV show Dallas did a famous one where a beloved character was shot to death down
the final episode of a season and then the whole next scene, Bobby.
Oh Bobby.
Yeah.
Bobby got shot by his crazy sister-in-law and died.
They showed the death scene in the hospital, he croaks, flatline, everybody's weeping.
The whole next season it's all about dealing with his death and how the business is changing
and all this stuff.
Patrick Duffy.
And at the end of that season they have the dead guys widow wake up, walk into the shower
of her apartment, open up and there's her long dead husband standing there taking a shower
saying good morning honey.
And then they end the season with that one.
And when the next season starts it turns out the whole previous season was just a bad dream.
He never was shot.
It was just all her dream.
And everything goes back to the way it was and that whole season is a throw away.
That was such bullshit.
Wasn't it?
I remember just like, I wasn't like really into the show because of my age then but I
remember after that I'm not even going to even kind of try to watch this.
Yeah, that was just so stupid.
Ridiculous.
Yeah.
Uh, here's another good one.
Pregnancy as the whole plot.
Yeah.
Gee, people get pregnant all the time.
There's eight billion people on the planet so pregnancy's not a rarity.
You're going to make a whole TV show or a whole movie about that.
It's pretty ordinary.
Apparently people eat it up.
They do.
So, yeah, if you're lazy, have no ideas or inspiration, just write a show or a movie
about pregnancy, it'll sell.
Yep.
Oh, and this is not a good one.
The good guy turns out to be the traitor.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Over and over and over and over and people never get tired of it.
That is an old standby.
Oh, yes.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, the good guy, the Mr. Rogers.
Uh-huh.
Hi, everybody.
Damn well bet.
Yep.
Yeah.
Oh, gee, he's been the cute cuddly guy all through the movie and all of a sudden he's
the big bad guy.
All of a sudden when they catch him and he pulls out a gun, that's right, you piece of
shit.
How the, you know, I stood by him, watch him do this and this and that.
And then he starts monologuing, right?
Yes, yep.
And then he develops some weird, complex way to kill the hero and then walks away and
hopes it all works out.
Yes.
And when I leave here, the bomb will go off.
Yeah.
You don't even have to have talent to be a screenwriter, just use anyone or any combination
of these and boy howdy.
Yes, yes.
Because you turn on the TV and that's all you're getting anyway.
Yep, that's true.
Some friends of mine are really into the superhero movies, action movies, a lot of special effects,
etc.
Uh-huh.
And occasionally they're like, hey, let's watch this newest one.
But I don't know, any more of those movies just really bore me.
Me too.
That's not enough.
I want a good story.
I want characters that I can feel a certain way about, either like them or dislike them
or care what happens.
But like the original Avatar movie.
Okay.
Bunch of humans show up to this planet where a bunch of other people already live and they're
trying to steal the resource and they fight.
Okay.
What's new about that?
Nothing.
It's compelling about that.
Nothing.
I'm not going to watch it just for this pretty special effect.
There's no storyline there to interest me.
Don't care.
Oh, but the special effect is so cool.
I don't care.
I can bring up a YouTube video that shows me special effects and not have to pay 15 bucks
to go sit in the theater.
It just, that's not enough to interest me anymore.
No, same here.
I never see six people sitting around a table discussing things that really happened and
like delving into why the 737 MAX by Boeing is still a piece of shit airplane.
However, I did see a movie that interests me last night on the internet.
Yeah.
And it's out in theaters and I may watch it tonight or tomorrow night, depending.
It's called Spinning Gold.
Oh, I think I saw an ad for that.
Yeah.
And it's about the inception of Casablanca Records.
And how they went and signed like Donna Summer, KISS, who else?
They signed all these people, but they treated them like family.
Oh, wow.
They said they worked with us, not for us.
And they actually went against Barry Gordy and the whole Motown movement.
They actually were successful.
Amazing.
See, a movie like that interests me.
Yeah, me too, because I would hope, I would think it's really factual.
Yeah.
And there's a lot of people acting like KISS, old footage and their inception.
There's probably some differences in that than KISS is going to tell you.
Yeah.
And also, Donna Summer and all that, how they kind of were like, you know, we're not just
going to be Motown.
We're going into like some sort of like shock or glam rock and metal.
And there's so many other acts, like the Village People were on Casablanca.
Yeah, a lot of record labels tried to be a specific type of music.
Yeah, we're Casablanca.
It's just kind of like a, you know, we're doing things differently.
We like them and we think they're good and sellable.
We're going to hire them.
Yeah.
Yeah, everything else will play out and they did very well until they sold it.
So I think I might see that tonight or tomorrow night.
But that's the type of movie that I would rather watch right now.
Right.
Yeah.
And the movies I see are from movies that are their distraction, their, you know, temporary
entertainment.
I guess I want more than that.
I want something that's going to make me think about it for days and days afterwards.
No, me too.
Me too.
You know, something that's going to prompt me to look more into it or come up to, or
come with some conclusions.
But if it's just, you know, background noise, you know, I'll watch the movie for two hours
and I'll forget it.
You see, I want to see.
I want to see.
I would want to see Casablanca.
And their creator, I forgot her names.
I don't know.
There's a few I've met on it.
I want to hear their point of view on everything that went on, the music that went on, the
attitudes of their, the people they signed, what they had to do to shake them over.
Did they go to Kiss and go, this is cool, but we need more?
Because they have to go to Kiss and go, you know what, you need to tail it back just for
right now.
I need to know really this stuff here, what their point of view on what happened.
Because we know what Kiss things happen, right?
We don't know what the people assigned them things happen.
It's true.
And then I can believe either one of them or go, oh, I'm pretty sure this is what happened
according to both.
Yeah.
Anyhow.
Yeah, it's a difference in wanting to learn something or be challenged to buy something
or think or whether you just want some fluff for a while.
I also think that something like that interests me.
It may not interest everybody.
Yeah.
But it looks really interesting to me.
Someone else will be like, I don't care what happened.
But the funny thing is they get all defensive when I don't want to watch the movie and they
act like I'm putting them down for wanting to watch it.
No.
Then they start feeling insecure and start getting angry and defensive about liking the
movie.
It's like, dude, you like it and I don't.
Who cares?
It's a big deal.
Yeah.
You keep liking it, I keep not liking it and we both love it.
Yeah.
But I had a guy actually just argue with me because I didn't like the movies he liked
and he kept going, what's wrong with it?
I don't like it.
But a lot of people, that's old millions and millions of people saw it.
Well, I'm not one of those millions.
Yeah.
He couldn't get the idea.
He was still stuck on it's popular.
Therefore, it's good and everyone should watch it.
No, I don't have to.
I don't want to.
What a room.
Yeah.
And he even went so far as to say I was going to make it fun, made fun of because I didn't
watch the movie.
Yeah.
I think it was one of the Star Wars movies.
He felt like my social life was over because I couldn't show my face because I didn't see
and love the certain Star Wars movie that was out.
They took the shark.
Dude, I don't like Star Wars.
I never did.
I like the first two.
First two were okay.
Then after that, they started going downhill.
They started putting in the goofy.
Yeah.
They started stretching it out, watering it out.
No.
That whole thing could have been done in two movies.
In the same movie, they have little cutesy baby furry animals that were supposed to laugh
and go on over.
The very same movie, we have Anakin Skywalker murdering children for political gain.
Yes.
What the fuck kind of movie is this?
Is this a movie for little kids to go aww, cute, fuzzy animals?
Or is this a movie that's about hard political choices and assassination?
That's what in the movie, down is stretching it out.
But yeah.
But why put in the little stuff for little kids if it's not a little kid's movie?
That's what I don't get.
He was done with the scripts.
He wrote everything out.
Then the production company said, well, we want to get this main movies out of there.
What can you put in there?
Let's see.
Some playful scenes.
It was suggested that some of those scenes were for comic relief or tension relief because
it's been so, like movies like, are tense and even something to laugh at here.
But don't make it something that appeals to a six year old.
People in their teens and 20s are watching this movie.
I know what he's saying.
I never agreed with that idea.
You might as well have Barney come dancing out on the screen.
It's purple dinosaur outfit.
Give me something.
Sure, go ahead and have some tension or whatever, but make it humor for young adult to adult
audiences and not romper room shit.
Which is what a lot of Star Wars 10 turned into.
There's like Jar Jar Binks is there to appeal to seven year olds.
And there's a lot of stuff in the movie that seven year olds shouldn't be watching.
A seven year old should not be watching the movie, period.
So if they start mixing that in the movie, I don't have any use for the movie.
It's like make up your mind who this movie is for.
I always do know it and still do view it as filler.
You wouldn't put Sesame Street in as filler in a porno.
It's inappropriate.
And why do you want children to watch the porno?
Why do you want children to laugh and do the funny filler in the brutal ugly bloody Star
Wars movie?
Yeah.
That's sick.
Yep.
I don't know.
I guess Americans are sick.
Yeah.
We're all a bunch of sick folks.
We are a bunch of sick folks.
Look around you.
Yeah.
Tell me any different.
But you know, if people want to watch that movie and enjoy it, go ahead.
I'm not saying they should stop making it.
I'm not going to protest in it.
I'm just saying I don't want it.
I don't want a thing to do with it.
And shut the hell up if you're going to try and make me feel bad about not liking it.
Yeah.
You go like it.
I'll stay here and not like it.
We're both fine.
Yeah.
I agree.
Yep.
No, when I've had people like that too, they try to pick a fight with you because you
don't like what they like.
Yeah.
And they always jump to that.
Well, it's popular.
Oh, I know.
Yeah.
And when they do that, I go, you're right.
You changed my mind.
And they go, no, I didn't.
I go, yeah, you did.
Once you said it was popular, all of a sudden I realized how frivolous I was being.
Thank you.
I'm going to go watch the show right now.
So I got to go.
When they tell me that first thing I like to do is say, do you like everything that's
popular?
Everything that's popular?
Is that good enough reason to like everything?
You know, it's popular cutting the edge of a trash bag and drinking the juice.
That's pretty popular right there.
Yeah, yeah, you're going to go do that.
Yeah.
It's popular.
Millions of people worldwide shoot heroin directly into their veins every day.
It's really popular.
Yeah, go do that.
It's popular.
Yeah.
So if you're going to tell me I have to because it's popular, so do you.
Well, what I meant was, then we go into that.
That's the cry of the mentally tiny.
What I meant was, is retracting.
Yes.
You came out with a bold statement, then you got to walk it back.
And you can't deny what you just said.
So you have to alter what you meant.
So you're just going to keep blurting out these bold statements and then have to, well,
that's not true because what I meant was, I'll have that.
You don't say it until you know what you mean.
Exactly.
You gave us all a lot of time and effort.
Yeah.
So I was watching Disney or saw a commercial for Disney.
Disney.
Yeah.
And I started thinking about the Cinderella story.
Now I don't think Disney invented the Cinderella story, but they certainly gave us the most
popular version of it.
They'll say they did.
The plot line is really kind of messed up when you think about it.
So here's Cinderella.
She's treated as subhuman because she has no money, no family, no husband, works with
her hands, and people treat her like dirt and crap.
The rich and successful people shun her.
The family, the people around her, her stepmother and her step sisters, they all want to be
rich and successful too.
She wishes and even prays to be just like the people who don't want her and don't want
anything to do with her, the rich people.
So then the fairy godmother, also representing God, answering your prayers, just makes it
happen without her putting in any work, any effort, without earning anything, she just
gives it to her.
You're now just like those people you always wanted to be and who don't want you.
Go live out your fantasy for a night.
So she goes to the ball, but she has to return and return to her life after the night is
over and spends the whole rest of the time wishing she could go back.
A brief view of the good life and now all she wants is to go back.
Now when the prince eventually finds her, does he accept her for who she is?
No.
He puts the shoe on her, turns her back into the beautiful princess, then he wants her.
So he transforms her back into the princess, then she's good enough for him.
And then her life gets better again.
Only when she's the rich, successful person is her life good.
Yikes.
She never seeks acceptance for what she is, always wants to be someone else that involves
having money and spending money.
The ones who tell her the truth and offer her good advice are painted as evil, hateful
and cruel, her stepmother and her stepsisters.
They're basically telling her, we don't have money, we don't have a chance to get any money,
this is kind of where we are in life and it'd be better if you didn't live in a fantasy
world to just kind of get used to it and learn how to exist the way things are.
But in the storyline they're painted as you're so ugly and stupid, no one's ever gonna want
you and you're never gonna amount to anything.
So they're painted as evil for trying to get her to be happy where she is and not want
more.
So this is all grooming us to buy our way into happiness, isn't it?
That's right, yep.
So Cinderella's buying her, and the moral of the story is spend your way into happiness.
The people who are rich and who have money, they're happy, they're successful.
Everybody wants to be them, everybody wants to be turned into them.
That's the story of Cinderella, if you're poor and working for a living, you're worthless.
You gotta be one of the rich, happy people, then you matter.
And they run their theme parks that way.
That's right.
They tell people with, you know, kind of regular, ordinary jobs and lives, save up all year
round, don't save that money for retirement, come to Disney and blow it all here, pretend
you're something you're not and then go home and dream about it until you come back next
year with your next big wad of cash.
Yeah, that's, yep, that's Disney.
They're saying, come live your fantasy, you ordinary, average slob.
Yeah, and if not, then you're just someone that's not memorable at all.
But Disney's done a really good job of painting themselves as friendly, loving, family oriented.
Oh, they have, yeah.
When they're actually the opposite as far as you can get from the opposite of supporting
a local family.
Yeah.
You gotta realize that this is how they make their billions of dollars a year, which is
the only thing they're interested in.
By making you think they love you and care for you, just the way Donald's pretends to.
The way Burger King pretends to and Coke and Ford.
And all of them do.
Yeah.
All of them.
They want your money.
If you're not giving them money, they have no use for it.
They don't even want to look at you.
No.
If you're not going to go.
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Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
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All right.
We're missing our banner, so this is...
I know, and it sucks because I just almost had a guy.
He turned around, he walked over here.
Halfway, and then he turned around and started talking to his people.
I thought he was going to come talk to me.
But at least we have that talk at the first with the Tampa Bay guy, which is pretty cool.
All right.
I have one here.
You hear about the Gadel Mahomes little tuckle?
No.
I'm surprised Gadel has the balls to be critical of Mahomes because he's making so much money
for the NFL.
He wasn't exactly...
I'll just...
I'll read it.
I wouldn't think he'd want to just appreciate it all on this thing.
He kind of do shade out there and it kind of drifted towards Mahomes, maybe?
Yeah.
I'll let you know.
I'll let you tell him.
Okay.
When a sports reporter tweeted out that the NFL just voted that a team could play more
than one Thursday night game in a season, Hector Mahomes responded with a face palm emoji.
Yeah.
Makes sense.
Yeah, the whole reason most players and coaches are not happy with that Thursday night game
is because of short week and limited practice.
Okay, healing time, game time strategy, all of this.
And not to mention it throws your whole week off.
It's a competitive advantage to everybody in your division, except you.
It's a disadvantage.
Yeah.
And a good team gets penalized and a bad team is actually rewarded.
I have an idea of how they want to use this to their advantage.
Well, they're already talking about flex schedule and they're trying to figure out how to do
that.
Yeah.
I think that imagine a team that they set up their schedule.
They want two Thursday night football games.
So here's how they do it.
They have a bi-week.
When they come back from their bi-week, they have a Thursday night game.
So then that's no disadvantage there.
Then the next week, they have a second Thursday night game.
And then after that, they get 10 days before they have to play again.
So they never get the short week because they use their bi-week.
And then they get two Thursday night football games.
That's what I think teams want to do it.
Yeah.
Because you can manipulate the schedule to where you never have that short week and you
get a couple of Thursday night games and then you get a 10 day break after them.
That's what people want.
And they get to see better games on Thursday night.
Yeah.
Because the way it is now, every team has to play one.
So Thursday night football games are kind of the dumping ground on the schedule.
It's like, you know, what do we got left?
Oh, these two throw them on Thursday night football.
Well, I mean, here's where the first thing I thought is there are enough games in this
season to support that?
Yeah.
Okay.
Because there's 16 games, right?
Yeah.
That'd be eight games.
No, there's 32.
So that's 16 games.
Oh, 16 games.
That's right.
Except it's 15 because Detroit and Dallas always have Thursday night football on Thanksgiving.
So there's some teams that aren't even going to get one now?
No, they all.
They all are going to get one game.
Well, how is that physically possible?
Because you take Dallas and Detroit out, at least 30 teams, that's 15 games and you have
a 17 week schedule.
Okay.
Yeah, you're right.
Okay.
So, you know, first week and last week, you don't have to have Thursday night games
or somewhere in there, you can dump a Thursday night game.
Like they usually will dump the last one this season and then they won't have a Thursday
night game during the World Series.
Yeah.
So now they're going to probably fill those up with games.
No, I think what they're doing is they're going to let people out.
It's like, you know, okay, Tampa Bay, you don't have to play any Thursday night games
this year because Dallas wants to do three of them.
I think that's what they're going to do.
You're right.
And that's how they're going to get the extras.
And that's why they're debating it right now.
Right.
Because you're entertaining it.
Yeah.
They already know which angle they're going to take.
A lot of teams are like, yeah, I don't want Thursday night games.
But then there's other teams like, hey, we can get a 10 day break in the middle of the
season and a bye week and have two national broadcast games.
Why wouldn't they?
Yeah, they'll do it.
They will do it.
Yeah.
So I think that's probably what my home's had this face palm about is.
You see where it was going.
Yeah.
The Chiefs will probably get four games.
Somebody figured out a way to make more money doing it.
So that's why they wanted to have it.
Can you tell me as much as I love the Chiefs, Hunt and Capney wouldn't be like, oh, you
want us to do three of them?
Okay.
Lamar Hunt was the one who pioneered Thursday night football.
I know.
Yeah.
And initially he was like, I want a Thursday night Thanksgiving game.
We got Tuesday, two games during the day on Thanksgiving Thursday.
I want a night game on Thanksgiving Thursday.
And the league said, okay, but we're going to go all year on.
And the Chiefs were one of the two teams doing the first Thursday night football because
of that.
Yeah.
I forget who we played.
It might have been the Chargers.
I think it's the Chargers.
Yeah.
I was going to say it was the Chargers.
But yeah, because it was Lamar Hunt's idea, they had the Chiefs play in the first Thursday
night football game.
I remember that game actually.
It wasn't really that long ago.
No, it really wasn't.
Okay, so anyhow, the Chiefs would definitely be a victim of such a schedule.
This would mean that the advantage would definitely go to the weak following opponent.
So right after a good old Roger Goodell got his feelings hurt and responded to Mahomes,
baseball tweet with his tweet.
The league has not seen a spike in player injuries during Thursday night football games.
And the league is not prioritizing Amazon over the player's safety.
I don't feel we're putting Amazon over our players.
Yeah.
Why did he go to that suddenly?
Well, it says Amazon's the one that owns Thursday night football rights.
That's not what Mahomes said or insinuated it.
No, but I think that's where Goodell is trying to steer the conversation.
Bingo.
Instead of saying, instead of addressing the real issue and having to address it, he addresses
a fake issue and defuses it.
Exactly.
And half the people will go, oh, okay, I'm satisfied and they won't think about it anymore.
That pisses me off more.
That makes me go, wait a minute, you didn't answer anything.
As a matter of fact, you opened up a whole other can of shit.
Yeah.
Like you ask your mayor, why has this pothole not been filled?
And he says, well, this curve is in good condition and we're going to keep it that way.
Yeah.
That's what Goodell just did.
Oh, okay.
The curve's in good condition.
Everybody leave.
Yep.
Yeah.
That's what Goodell just did.
Yeah, he squirved everybody out over the other way.
Look over here to something that's kind of vaguely similar.
Yeah.
And look how I fixed that.
Yeah.
Well, that's Goodell's job as a commissioner.
No, he's actually...
He's basically spin doctor for the NFL.
He actually did an excellent job on that because half the people are like, oh, sorry
to bother you.
I'll let myself out.
Yeah.
And why do people bother to interview him anymore?
Because you don't get anything truthful out of him.
You don't get anything meaningful.
It's like interviewing the coach after the football game.
You're going to get the same coach double speak that doesn't mean anything.
I can see right now.
It's just pointless.
And I felt that word.
Yeah.
Goodell.
So what about what is the latest advances of CTE?
Well, yes, you do get a great value here at the NFL.
Yeah.
Exactly.
But you're not answering my question.
And parking fees are coming down across the league everywhere.
Yes.
We're working hard to try to lower the fees even more.
Then he'll pat you on the head until you run along.
Thank you, little guy.
There's the door.
Yeah.
So, you know, as long as people can bet on the NFL, they're going to say, eh, good enough.
Okay.
Yeah, exactly.
No one cares.
All right.
I got another one for you.
Need a little story here?
Sure.
Terrytown, New York, Associated Press.
A patient stole the ambulance and had taken it to New York City Hospital and took it on
a 25-mile joyride that ended up when state police used a spike strip to stop an authority
center.
Wow.
Taking an ambulance for a joyride.
That's pretty good news.
It must not have been in too bad a shape.
I mean, safe to say, it wasn't like a heart patient.
No.
Yeah.
No, like, it's been unfolded early Thursday after a 47-year-old man was taken.
Dang it, everybody's looking, but nobody stops to say.
We should put a chair there.
Yeah, we should.
We'll do that next time.
We'll make sure to have a chair.
It's then unfolded early Thursday after a 47-year-old man was taken to Mount Sinai Morningside
Hospital in Manhattan for observation.
Oh, OK.
Yeah, so he was probably a space cadet as it began.
Yeah.
And then he'd go get him.
He's in there, squirming around.
So anyhow, the ambulance, the incident unfolded Thursday after a 47-year-old man taken him
outside in I. The ambulance that he had ridden in was sitting outside the hospital and locked
and occupied and with the keys and ignition.
Oh, yeah.
When the man left the facility just before 5 AM in New York City Police, most persons
said, I might have even done that.
Yeah.
The man got in and drove off.
Police said, well, no shit.
Yeah.
Is that what he did?
He looked in there and said, hey, everything's in place.
I'm gone.
Yeah.
His ambulances have a lot of pharmaceuticals in them, too.
Oh, yeah.
They probably didn't tell about that.
Yeah.
Even just the empty syringes you can sell.
Oh, shit, yeah.
Yeah.
The ambulance was tracked by GPS setting, more through West Chester County on Interstate
87, Police said.
State troopers spotted the ambulance through Tarry Town and tried to stop it.
The New York State Police said in the news release, the driver failed to stop.
The troopers gave chase, Police said.
The runaway ambulance was finally stopped when troopers put a tire spiking device on
the Murillo M Cuomo Bridge.
Mario, not Murillo.
Mario M Cuomo.
Yeah, that douchebag.
And he has a whole lineage of douchebags.
He's not related to Super Mario or the Mario brothers.
No, no, no.
He'd be cool then.
No, he would be very cool if he was related to them.
He not cool?
He is.
Yeah.
Sorry, it looked like an A here, Mario, not Murillo.
Okay, anyhow, the bridge that spans Hudson River Police said, the ambulance tried, tires
deflated when the man tried to cross the bridge.
The man was arrested on charges of gluted grand larceny, criminal possession of stolen
property, a lawfully fleeing a police officer in a motor vehicle, driving while intoxicated.
Oh, okay.
Police said information on his attorney wasn't immediately available.
That means we're paying for it now.
Yeah.
Well, you had an ambulance's worth a lot of money.
That's definitely grand larceny there.
A spokesperson for the hospital had no comment.
I don't suppose there needed to be one.
Yeah, there's probably going to be the lawsuit over it so they don't want to say anything.
Yeah, well, anyhow, got another little tidbit here.
Okay, then I got one.
Phoenix Arizona Associated Press.
The owners of the Dairy Queen and the Phoenix remain perplexed and slightly amused as to
why someone would steal the giant red spoon that adorned their restaurant.
Oh, okay.
Giant red spoon, yeah.
Yeah, I don't have, you know, they have those red spoons of Dairy Queen.
Yeah, it's like the tasting spoon for the...
Yeah.
The ice cream or whatever.
Yeah, but yeah, it's a giant red spoon and I saw it as cool looking spoon.
It's on the whole side of the Dairy Queen.
It's probably maybe 14 foot tall.
Nice.
I'm like, yeah, it's really neat.
It's just, it is like right up against the side of it and it's just, it's cool looking.
Probably people stop there and take pictures and get a blizzard.
Yeah.
Move on.
We were kind of set but then we're puzzled.
Paula Carla said Wednesday, what are they going to do with a spoon?
Yeah, that's probably some stoner's room.
Yeah, yeah, he's got the strobe light on it and he's growing his mushrooms in the corner.
Yes.
I mean, it cooked me up in a spoonful of heroin here.
Yeah.
In the big world's biggest spoon.
Oh man, I sure hope I'm careful with this big of spoon.
She and her husband, Ramon Carla, said the spoon snatching occurred sometime between
late Friday and early Saturday, the 15, okay, it wasn't 14 foot, the 15 foot tall spoon stood
against the side of the building with a handle nestled in an opening of a roof, a roof bent.
So they didn't have a bolted down, it was just sitting there.
It was just inside there, yeah.
You were just asking for it then.
Their surveillance camera caught two people appearing to manipulate the screws that held
the spoon to a base and then taken off with a small, on a small motorbike.
Nice.
Yeah.
Cruising down the road on a little Vespa with a 14 foot spoon.
How did they not get busted just there?
A giant spoon on a motorbike.
That's awesome.
Don't you think someone would be like, hey, maybe we need to go check these people out?
People, I've seen things so weird that something like that probably wouldn't even turn in my
head anymore.
And yeah, Ramon said one of the owners, they were so precise about it, they had done it
like they'd done it before, they just wiggled their way through and made sure the spoon was
not damaged.
A couple reported the theft to the Phoenix police.
No suspects.
No leads on the spoon.
Giant forks are now very worried.
Yes.
Pictures at 11.
Here's a nice good example of how things have changed.
Yes.
I remember the other day I was unwrapping something and it was wrapped in a newspaper from August
of 1962.
Oh, wow.
So 60 years ago, basically, just about, a little over 60.
To give you some perspective, there was an article talking about the first year anniversary
of the Berlin Wall.
Uh-huh.
That's how long ago this was.
But the really interesting part was reading the classified ads of the newspaper.
This was a Kansas City newspaper.
Is there still any classified ads anymore?
I really don't know.
I don't know either.
I don't get to star anymore.
They're a piece of shit paper.
I don't know how to support them.
But the classified ads were, the word classified comes from, it was, they were arranged by
what you wanted.
Like you could put in advertisements for if you had a house to rent or a house to sell.
You could put in ads for if you had a car to sell or wanted to buy pets.
There were ads for horses and livestock.
I got really interested in the ones that were health wanted.
They had separate categories, health wanted male, health wanted female.
So there's a big difference from 60 years ago.
Wow.
They had separate lists in the health wanted section for men and for women.
Gender separation in the health wanted ads.
Wow.
You could never have that now to answer.
No, no.
If an employer called up and said, I want to put an ad in but men only, they'd say, no,
you can't do that.
I actually remember that though.
This is only for a male only.
This is only for a female only.
Yeah.
So, and by the start of looking through the ads, the ads for the men, it was like, R
tender, laborer, the stockyards were still a big thing back then.
So there's a lot of stuff going with them.
Construction, a lot of physical labor.
So then I looked under the health wanted for women.
It was 90% clerical typist, secretarial and about 10% babysitting.
I believe that.
But here was the real kicker on the health wanted for women.
They would specify that they wanted a white woman.
Wow.
Yeah.
It was so weird to read in the classified ads of the Kansas City Star, what said, health
wanted woman typist, white only.
Wow.
60 years ago and they were still doing that.
A very few ads that would actually say.
Not just that they're doing that but they're getting away with it.
Yeah.
It was just an ordinary thing that they would do.
It was like accepted as like, oh, he just wanted white.
Okay.
All right.
Well good luck.
There were even some ads that would say, you know, health wanted clerk.
Then they would say white or color.
Wow.
Yeah.
It was so shocking to see that in the health wanted ad straight out telling him, you have
to be woman, you have to be white.
Wow.
Isn't that something?
That is something.
Yeah.
I was about a year old then so, you know, I was alive at that point.
But just the idea of something like that happened.
But you know, a newspaper like that should be taken to public schools and showed and
said, look, look how far we've come.
There's no, I don't know, they're, rather than show people how far we've come, it's
more popular to say, look how much farther we have yet to go.
I still think that that is historically valuable to see something like that.
Oh, I do too.
Yeah.
Well, it kind of puts it in perspective about how far we've come and what they did get away
with doing.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
That was something else.
Did you know that a scientist conducted an Oreo test to see the best way to twist off
an Oreo?
Well, somebody had to.
Yeah, that's true.
All right.
So it's called the Great Cookie Twist.
And these are, let's see, boy, this has been a couple of weeks since, okay, because the
MIT department of mechanical engineering looks like it was in Ohio.
Does a, okay, what they did was they took various types of Oreos stuffed, double stuffed,
different flavors.
Oh, yeah, flavors would make a difference.
Yeah.
And they have this contraption and to spare all the boring stuff in here because I should
have proofread it and did my own article.
So I'm just going to try to add a little bit and just forget this article because I know
it because they had pictures and everything.
It's a little bit harder to describe.
We don't need the engineering details.
No, we don't.
So they came up with this, it was like a platform.
And on this platform was a spindle.
Yeah.
Okay, the spindle held the cookie and let it twirl at the same time.
Okay.
They did multiple spins.
Oh, okay.
And they removed the top cookie from the stuffing.
Okay.
So they came out with an exact equation of the best way to, but there's no perfect way.
And they figured out there's no perfect way to remove the top cookie and leave the stuffing
intact.
I guess you'd have to do both clockwise and counterclockwise.
Yes.
Lifting straight off.
Yes.
All those, yeah.
Yes, all of this.
And so this study actually took over a year.
I think they would have probably have to do it at different temperatures too.
They did too, yes.
They did all of this and they discovered that room temperature oreos at a certain speed,
it was like, it was a really slow speed.
And basically counterclockwise you will get 85% of your stuffing, 70% of the time.
Okay.
That makes sense.
You do it slowly so the inertia doesn't have time to hold the stuffing in place.
The torque has time to act on it.
Yeah.
And on that article, it had all the percentages and all that.
I'm not going to do that.
Yeah.
So someone spent over a year figuring this out in MIT and Ohio.
And...
Well, that's good because if I want to tear my oreo in half, I want to reliably know
that I'm going to get all the stuff on one side or another.
Yeah.
So there you go.
This is vital information for people who eat oreo cookies.
Yeah.
Yep.
So there you go.
Wow.
Did you, on a non-related story, well, kind of.
I mean, we're going from cookies to chewing gum.
Oh, okay.
Rubber Downing Jr. had a piece of gum that he was chewing.
And anyhow, in the Iron Man Marvel comics, it doesn't say which Iron Man there's so
many of them.
Yeah.
I think it's like, if you watch the movies and watch him talking, you can sometimes see
the gum in his mouth because he was constantly chewing gum.
Yeah.
So they have footage of him throwing this gum out and the guy actually picking it up.
So that's how he's saying this is the gum.
He picked the gum up and he put it in a wrapper.
Ah, okay.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying too.
But when you hear how much money he got for it, you're not going to be doing that.
We're a New York Post and eBay user claims to have gotten a hold of the actor's gum used
at the...
Well, I mean, he claimed it didn't...
I mean, assuming he didn't do the old switcheroo, this is a gummy selling because it is.
And then they did a test to confirm just to prove, okay, so he did prove it is.
He didn't switch a room on it.
They did a DNA test to confirm it is.
Rubber Downing Jr. saliva on this gum.
That's so awesome.
They did a DNA test.
And this is what he put in this eBay ad.
Hello, I happened to be in the area during the event in which had famous actor and producer
John Favreau being added to the Hollywood Walk of Fame during the event.
Robert Downing Jr.
Oh, it wasn't on the set.
It wasn't on the set.
It was just him chewing it.
Okay.
I completely misunderstood it.
So it wasn't movie chewed.
No, it was just regular, ordinary...
I'm standing by watching the producer get into it.
Yeah, so...
Okay.
And he had Downing Jr. himself put his gum on the star and presumably left it there,
which I was able to snag.
I'm selling it in the same condition I got it in and it can be tested for his DNA, the
listing on eBay reads.
The eBay listing for the piece of gum has now started bid over 40,000.
The actual end April 1st.
According to ABC7.com, the gum will be shipped in a plastic container to the lucky bidder.
I say stupid bidder.
Meanwhile, bizarre news has left some interest to internet users disgusted.
One user on Twitter wrote, I don't care who the person is, I'd never spend on someone's
gum that's covered in their saliva.
Y'all got to keep it in a jar.
Yeah.
Another said, okay, this is just nasty.
So...
Yeah.
Well, here...
I'm not a fan, but...
So what the guy can do is he can have his auction and he sells that wad of gum with the authenticity
note or whatever to the winning bidder.
And then he contacts people privately and says, yeah, that wasn't the real one.
I still got the real one.
You want to buy it?
And they go, oh yeah, I'll buy it.
Except he's going to call about 20 different people and send them eats this faked up wad
of gum.
Yeah, what are they going to do?
Go have it analyzed.
They're going to do a DNA test where they know what Robert Downey's DNA looks like.
They don't.
So yeah, he can sell under the table as many versions of that wad of gum that he wants.
I'll bet you anything he will too.
Why wouldn't he?
Yeah, why wouldn't he?
The person's already dumb enough to buy it.
There's a similar scam going on right now.
You've seen the ads is you can send in a certain amount of money and they will send you a chunk
of wood from the wood stock stage.
And it's in this like medallion, looks like a peace sign or whatever.
They've already sold more chunks than there possibly could have been wood from the stage.
They've already gone through two stages worth of wood and they're still selling it.
So you know at least half the people who've bought it have got fake, if not all.
There are so many churches around the world that claim to have a part of the true cross
that Christ was crucified on.
If they were all correct and they added up all that wood, it would make about a dozen
crosses.
So most of them are wrong.
But how do you tell?
There are also a number of churches around the world who claim to have the foreskin of
Jesus when he was circumcised.
Because Jesus was Jew.
Now if they added up all the foreskin that all these churches claim to have and claim
the authentic, that's enough for about a dozen people.
So yeah.
So this chewing gum, it's a long list of you think you know what it is, but you're buying
a fake.
Two monkey fuckers and a toaster will be right back.
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Hey, where'd her bag go?
Where'd the douchebag go?
Oh my god, someone took it dumped in the corner.
Oh jeez.
Glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man, that smells.
Oh, I'm glad they're gone.
I'm glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man, that smells.