Live from the historic River Market District in downtown Kansas City, Missouri,
from the banks of the beautiful Crystal Blue Walkers of the Missouri River,
it is Two Douchebags and Microphone Podcast.
From the makers of Who Bit My Asshole Board Game and Maloon Art with Ball Sacks Video Series,
it's Two Douchebags and a Microphone Action Figures.
At now, get a free bag of flaming hot Cheetos, a bottle of antibiotics, and three free bullets.
That's right, dress your douchebag up and send them off to horrible scenarios all day long.
We're soon going to get a free at-home tin piercing kit.
That's right, free home tin piercing kit, new from Chizbro.
From Chizbro.
Two Douchebags and a Microphone. More fun than a taser-tuned juggling bag.
Hello, this is Satan. You might know me from my pet name, Inflation.
I'm here to tell you that there's no better way to relax than listening to Two Douchebags and Microphone
by a nice warm fire at night. I sit there and I reflect on all the souls I burned that day.
Enjoy.
Dear Abby, not quite. You have questions, we have answers.
They're not very good answers, but we have them.
Alright, well as promised, dear Douchebags.
I like these.
Volume whatever, who the fuck knows.
Alright, without any further ado, dear Douchebags, I have a co-worker who eats kale every day for lunch.
I know, I know.
Wow, should we call the police right now?
Yeah, I think their hard drive needs to be checked.
I'm appalled, as is the rest of my office.
I'm not sure how to present this to my co-worker for fear of it being quite embarrassing when the joke on the man is pointed out.
I thought of anonymous messages or even maybe an intervention, but I'm not sure. What should I do?
Thank you and please sign no kale in veil.
Oh, I like that.
Oh my gosh. This is a hard one.
It is, it is.
Let's see what our crack staff came up with.
Well, and we can always add our own stuff too.
Because our crack staff, they're plumbers crack, so sometimes they're kind of slow.
Dear Vail, I think anyone who is gullible enough to fall for the kale hoax is not a good fit for anywhere.
My opinion is you should bring the kale lover to the attention of the big boss immediately.
Let him or her handle it. You really don't want anything to do with that messy of a situation.
Until then, may I suggest some real food like raspberry zingers or the new five pound peanut butter chocolate pie at Costco?
Oh yeah, if you can get one.
You're welcome.
Yeah.
Heard those are a hot ticket to get.
Oh yeah, of course.
Yeah, they are.
Yep.
So, um.
Good job crack staff.
Yeah, I think I covered it pretty well.
Yeah.
Don't even get your hands dirty with that kale situation.
Go to the big boss. That's what they pay him the big money for is to handle shit like this.
Yeah.
Here in a little bit, Topher's got a subject that we're going to go into.
And then we're going to have my good friend Robbie call in.
He listens down in Springfield and he's got a bunch of his friends listening.
And I guess we're quite a hit down there and we love him.
And we're going to give him and everyone in Springfield a big fucking hug here.
First we're going to go into a little bit different subject with Topher.
All right.
Um, it was occurring to me the other day that there's a big deal made about ethnicity currently.
At least, especially in the U.S.
And national culture and heritage.
And I guess it's because I've seen things about cultural appropriation.
So they got me thinking about it.
I think all that is kind of disappearing.
And the reason for that is we're all interbreeding.
Every generation is more mixed than the generation before.
Yeah.
And it's all possible, you know, these different ethnicities in national and country cultures
were possible when people were cut off from each other and weren't influencing each other.
Now everybody's influencing everybody.
Culture is starting to merge.
I think ethnicity is going to start to merge.
I would agree.
And probably I'd say to a large degree.
Because you'll look at someone and go, huh?
I wonder what part of the world that person's ancestors are from.
And it used to be like you could make a really good guess.
But no, it's hard to now.
Yeah, I am.
I love this right here is, you know, in summer, other grows by 30 percent in America.
Yeah.
There's a lot more others running around America.
Yeah.
They got a nice little fucking suntan going.
Yeah, it's interesting.
It's interesting how we judge that.
Yeah.
People can start looking like a different ethnicity than you thought they were.
Well, right now I'm Joe Whitey.
Yeah.
During the summertime, it's questionable.
Yeah.
It's like, hmm, I don't know, man.
Fuck.
I don't know what happened.
But you know, I think within 10 generations, no one's really going to care because everybody's
going to look like somebody else, too.
Everybody's going to look so mixed.
It's going to be like, what?
I don't care.
That's just stupid.
Let's take generations like this, OK?
Let's start with the greatest generation, boomers, then go on down to the, what is it,
the Zs.
Yeah, Gen Zs.
Or if there's one below them or whatever.
All the way down to the layers of generations, each layer is a little bit more different
thinking about ethnicity and cultures because each generation, let me put it like this,
the boomer generation, Italians and Greeks were others.
No doubt about it.
We were not white.
Yep.
Yeah, no way.
Uh-uh.
You put on that application, son.
You better put your other because that's where your family bloodline's from.
So now, so now, oh, we know we're Joe Whitey and there's no way we can ever claim to be
a minority or whatever they, you know.
I think every generation wants more than the generation before had and no generation wants
more restrictions.
You know, oh, we want to give up and go backwards.
They always want to go push the boundaries farther, get more, be more, do more.
Yeah, of course.
So they look at the previous generation.
What made you uncomfortable?
OK, we're going to do more of that.
Exactly.
And that seriously is going to get to the point where you can't identify as black or
Chinese or anything like that.
It's going to be so mixed and fluid.
I agree.
It's not going to be possible.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, no, it's very interesting how that is all parlayed and just kind of went
down through the years and everything.
And it's very interesting.
It almost it seems like their minority tie, if you will, is according to need.
Yeah.
You know, it's like, OK, well, this subject, this subsect of people, very first was stonemasonry.
And this is from Europe or the Mediterranean.
These people have to come over here to help us build these things that we want.
So then when that's subsided and they have other people to do that or there's just not
a need to have that many people or whatever of that type, it's like, well, we don't have
anyone to pick our lettuce.
We don't have anyone to work in our restaurants.
These are jobs that the people that have been here and assimilated into this society for
a while will not do.
So all of a sudden, it shifts from we don't need any more of those Europeaners or the
Mediterraneaners.
We need these people from south here.
They need to come up and start doing this.
So it's people willing to take less willing to do it.
So it's almost like a systematic or a systemic way of labeling people of what they could
possibly be over here for and what they're doing.
Yeah.
It's a way to put someone in a different category than you.
So yeah, I'm not sure is a good thing to do.
Yeah.
I think that's another reason it happens like that is, is I think it's by design.
It's like, well, we need another code word for these.
Yeah.
So anyhow.
It's, and it's also interesting that as I think COVID accelerated it, but the whole
thing of, you know, old people don't want to work anymore.
And then that turned into, well, yeah, they do want to work and they are working.
It's just, they don't want to work those jobs for those wages.
Exactly.
So their life is worth more than that.
Yeah.
So some, some businesses started improving the job and paying more, but others have just
decided to take the plunge into automation.
Yeah.
Like the other day I saw a video of a restaurant that had a robotic server instead of having
wait staff that may not show up or may show up in a bad mood or, or could spill stuff.
They just bought a robot and the robot does it and never calls in sick and never has a
bad day and never makes a mistake.
And you know what?
I bet people are still going to tip the robot cause it's cute.
You're probably right.
So it's interesting to think that, you know, at a point the business owners in this country
or the people who wanted more people in service said, let's let more immigrants in because
we want that cheap labor.
It's getting to the point where they're realizing, you know what, that's either going to dry
up or it's not going to be the cheap labor we thought.
So let's just automate and then those jobs are gone forever.
I got a question for you.
You're talking about robots, right?
Okay.
Now, you know, the, the sex robot Japan that's been wanting in some Asian countries besides
Japan, they want the sex robot so bad.
I mean it's like their number one priorities come up with a sex robot that looks just like
a woman that you can program to do whatever you want.
And they, every night they come home and go whatever, you know, they call it, I want this,
this and this or however they do it or talk to it.
So let's say you have one of these sex robots, okay, and looks great and everything.
Now what if your buddy offered you like a hundred bucks to have sex with it?
Okay.
Wow.
And you don't care.
So they come up and go, Hey man, you know, a little, a Shukoi over there?
Yeah.
I don't know.
I'm trying to think of a Japanese name.
Keiko.
Yeah.
You see Keiko over there?
Yeah.
How much would it take?
If I don't know, she looks pretty good.
I like her.
You know, the fucking banger.
Yeah.
A hundred bucks.
Okay.
So he bangs her.
Okay.
And he gives you a hundred bucks.
Should you be in trouble for prostitution and human trafficking?
It, you know, I, as long as they don't classify your sex toy as a human being with human rights,
then no.
Yeah.
But isn't it somewhat artificial intelligence?
Well, maybe she's not.
She doesn't want to, just like, you know, the ones that were like, we were talking about
last week about prisoners that were, they're eating the prisoners food and locking them
in so he die.
So what if a Rosie, let's just call her Rosie, doesn't want to have sex with this ogre who
just paid you a hundred bucks?
And that's, that's going to happen.
And that's where people are going to agitate for these artificial intelligences to have
civil rights.
You're getting to where I'm thinking.
Yep.
Yeah.
So should he be charged with human trafficking?
Once they have civil rights.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
But he may not get that thrown on there though.
They have to prove that that's the sole reason he bought Rosie.
Yeah.
Was to sell her to other people in the pimper or whatever.
So.
Yeah.
You know, in, in anime and manga and culture, the sex toy, sex robot, whatever is pretty
common and it's been pretty normalized.
Yeah.
There are still things that, you know, would seem over the top to introduce into reality,
but an automated item to have sex with you in your home.
I could see that becoming something that people are okay enough with that advertisements would
be run during your favorite TV shows.
Okay.
Yeah.
You know, you're sitting in your home and here's, Oh, here's the latest ad for the new
sex doll.
Yeah.
Here's the male model.
And you know, maybe you don't like the commercial, but I can see the majority of Americans getting,
just being okay with it.
It's like, Oh, okay, let's order one of those and have a three way.
Yeah.
I, I, that would not surprise me in the least to see that become very popular.
No, me neither.
Yeah.
They would advertise it as safe sex or, you know, avoid date rape and sexual assault.
As you're right, they're going to advertise it as safe sex.
And you go, yeah, come on over, man.
Bang the robot.
Yeah.
And then they're, the robots only this much years and years of fun, you know, whatever.
Yeah.
And she'll make you a sandwich afterwards and clean your house and won't ever divorce
you.
Yeah.
I thought I can see that becoming a thing and you know, you could download the latest
personality or, or, yeah, it's like, as I've said before, you know, humans can't wait to
porn everything up and every kind of new technology that comes out.
The first question is cool, how can I use this for sex?
That's just where our minds go apparently.
Yep.
Well like four said, um, I've got this buddy of mine, Robbie, that, um, I'm going to give
a call right now.
I think he's getting antsy cause he just tried to call me and I tried to answer and it didn't.
So, uh, anyhow, he's in a very dear old friend of mine.
Okay.
So we can get the speaker fan.
Hello.
Functioning.
Robbie, what's up, man?
What are you doing, brother?
I've been listening.
All right.
Oh, cool.
Cool.
All right.
Can you hear us live right now?
Well, I'm on my phone.
I got my earbuds in.
Okay.
All right.
Well, you can't hear right now cause you're on air.
Yeah.
You're going to be chuckling in the background.
All right.
So, uh, anyhow, so you liked the podcast, huh?
Oh man.
Yeah.
I woke up about five thirty yesterday morning.
Sorry.
My phone's day off and there was nothing to do.
My girlfriend's not even awake.
So, and I've been watching you on Facebook.
You can't mention the podcast.
Uh-huh.
And so I, I listen to I Heart at work.
So I looked you up on I Heart.
Uh-huh.
There you were.
So the first one I listened to was the one when you got back from the cruise back in
March.
Oh, okay.
Cool.
Which one?
Birthday was the fifth.
Hey, happy birthday.
Nice.
Well, billeted.
Yeah.
And I listened to the one while you were on the cruise.
Yeah, that was a fun one even though we couldn't, we really couldn't understand each other
because the delay was so bad.
Yeah.
Dude, I loved it.
I loved it.
Oh, cool.
Honestly, honestly, I love your guy.
Good.
Robbie, the one thing is though, the one thing you did wrong is this right here.
While your girlfriend was still asleep, you should have teabagged her and took a picture.
Oh.
You should have hung him over her forehead.
Don't say that, Mark.
Take the belt.
Oh, my gosh.
I'm out here in Camden.
Oh, yeah.
Look at the Ozards.
Two hours a little bit.
Oh, what?
Then you're in Springfield.
Okay.
No, I got it.
We're, this is a new relationship.
We're long distance.
Okay.
Yeah, it's hard to teabag long distance.
Yeah, it is.
Okay.
All right.
Although, although I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was,
I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I
was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was.
My weekend's been used up, so...
Well, we're glad you wasted some of it on us.
Yeah, yeah.
Yep. Hopefully you're banging the shit out of her listening to us.
Oh!
I've known Mark since 1985. I could tell you a few stories.
Oh!
You know what? Go right on in.
Were you breaking her down like a shotgun while listening to us?
Oh, God!
Oh, hey.
You know how he keeps bringing up
Woff and Jackie Lawless?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Back when I knew Mark, he looked like Jackie Lawless.
Oh, yeah. I've seen some pictures from back in the day.
Blackie Lawless, but actually I look like Ozzy.
Ozzy is the one that everybody said I looked like.
I can see that too, yeah.
Yeah.
In the wintertime, not the summertime.
Yeah.
Summertime I look like Ozzy's...
Gardener.
The maid. The maid.
Hi!
You were in love with Jackie back in 1985. Come on, man.
Yeah, Blackie. Yeah, Blackie. Yep.
Yeah.
You know what? I loved them all, man. They were great.
Oh, man. You brought me into that music.
Oh, I know.
I listened to rock.
I'm one, two, three years younger than you.
Yeah. Yep.
So you're 27.
Yeah.
That was nice to hear. I love you, bro.
I love you too, man.
Yeah, and we know each other all these years.
Then we lost track.
I know, man.
And like everybody does.
And then we found each other on Facebook.
Yep.
And then we had her catching up sex.
That was great.
Oh, my gosh. Yeah.
Always. Always. Always.
Man, my butt still hurts.
Oh, I know she was going with Davy in there, too.
Well, yeah, of course.
Well, Davy was taking the pictures.
He said next time, you and him can do it, okay?
I did. Yep.
He was the craziest person we knew.
Davy was even more insane than I was.
Oh, my God. He was more insane than any of us.
He's still insane. We love him.
I know he is. I know he is. I love him.
Well, he is going to do some podcasts with us.
He's agreed to it.
But to get him over here is the problem.
The time we're going to do it, we all got COVID and we couldn't.
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, I still got to tell him why we couldn't.
Shit. Oh, my God.
And the funny thing is that's how I was from Long Town in Cleveland, Missouri.
Yeah, yes.
It warped you living in there.
Something about Cass County warped you.
Thank God I was from Belmont. I had half a chance.
Well, you guys were in Cass County, too.
Your only saving grace was you were in Northern Cass County.
So you could jump over to Jackson County every now and then.
But where we all met, Justin James Steakhouse working.
Oh, my God.
Remember how we used to rack the piss out of each other?
What a fun day at work.
Yeah, we got some stories about that place.
Oh, shit.
We'll have to have a whole podcast on Justin James.
Oh, God. Yeah.
I remember you kept cracking me in the nuts every time I walk around the corner.
No, no. No, your brother started that.
Oh, that's right. John did. Yeah.
But did he hate it when me and you would nail him?
Oh, I know.
It's just that it just made us laugh even harder.
You get all mad.
Remember when we took...
You're the one that fucking started it.
Remember when we took those steel steak plates?
We cooled them off first.
We took the steak plates, stuck them down our pants,
and then we'd come up there to hit us in the nuts with...
He'd about break his fucking fist.
He started, you know...
Oh, and then there was the metal spoons.
Oh, the metal spoons fucking hurt like hell.
I'll bet they were.
These large metal spoons.
You sneak up behind someone while they're like doing something.
You go in between their legs when they just smack.
Oh my God, that hurt.
Oh, gosh.
You had four additions from every time.
Oh, fuck.
And then we threw those beets on each other.
Whoever's wearing a white shirt, they were toast.
Oh, yeah.
Those purplish beets,
they would not come out of a white shirt.
No. Yeah, they were red.
No, they were not.
You screwed.
Oh, yeah. Yep.
And all the after parties.
Oh, fuck.
The after parties were insane.
Oh, my God.
Oh, gosh.
Like a railroad side start train shot gun because of us.
Hey, I told this story before.
Remember how we used to piss in Pepsi cans
and put them in the fridge?
We covered that on a podcast.
That was one of our pranks.
Yes, elaborate pranks.
Yeah.
So anyhow, were you ever a victim of that
or did we always let you know?
No, you let me know.
Okay, that's good.
All right. You were one of the elite.
We let you know.
I was the little brother.
I was protected.
But it was so cool.
I had a little poor soul, and he was on that.
Oh, I know.
Whoever the new ones were,
we knew me, Robbie, Davey, my brother,
anyone that counted, Brian, BJ,
yeah, all of them, anyone that counted,
knew that the good Pepsi's were in the back room
in the refrigerator there.
And then the pissed Pepsi's were in the regular refrigerator.
And anyone, whenever someone woke up
and they were thirsty as fuck and they needed caffeine,
they go to the first refrigerator,
not knowing about the second one in the back,
and they would grab that fucking Pepsi and gulp it down.
And Davey would be upstairs in the closet sleeping,
and I would be out in the garage sleeping
so no one could get us.
And I don't know what you did.
I think you went up to my house, didn't you?
Went up there and just told the parents
you were going to sleep there?
I would stay up there and keep mom and dad with you and John.
That's what I thought.
You know, the first scream we'd hear,
I'd try to figure out who it was, all right, who drank it,
who was that?
That's that one little kid that came,
ha ha ha, he drank the best.
Yeah, he'd hear screams throughout the whole fucking town.
Oh, god, yeah.
Remember how we used to wake people up
with that fucking board to the ass?
Oh, my god.
There would be someone just passed out,
and we'd take his board and just smack him in the ass
as hard as we could.
It'd be like frozen scream.
They couldn't scream.
They'd just be like lying there holding themselves
with their mouth open and nothing coming out.
Okay, I was the small guy.
I got it a couple times.
Yeah, you did get it a couple times.
Yeah, I did.
But I was mad enough, I'd joke.
Oh, yeah, no, no, no, no, you did.
You knew the initiation.
You knew that eventually
you were going to be doing that to other people.
Yep.
And I did.
And you graduated,
and then you were part of the punishers
instead of the victim.
Yeah.
You got to take your turn in the...
How about you guys?
Yeah.
What I want to know is when someone drank the piss Pepsi
and then spat it out everywhere,
who had to clean it up?
Oh, that would have been Davy's mom.
Davy's mom when she got home.
Oh, yeah.
We'd all be gone.
Davy might have cleaned it up.
We don't know, but no, no, no, no.
We weren't down there to do any cleaning.
We were there to do wrecking.
Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.
Yeah.
And knowing Davy, he probably left it anyhow.
He's probably like, I'm not cleaning it up.
I'm going to blame it on someone else.
Yeah, Mark's also the one that got me
an eating gloom and a beer can.
Oh, cool.
Oh, yeah, yep.
Yeah.
But we have these parties at work.
There'd be 50 to 100 people at the park, a lot of...
either Jess and Jim's or our seats.
Uh-huh.
And since Mark got me an eating beer can along with him,
because that was his thing,
they would come up and stop either one of us throughout the night.
I can't believe we did shit like that.
Oh, my God, dude.
I don't know how we fucked.
I don't know how we're still breathing.
I don't either.
That little man should have tore us up.
Oh, I know, he should have.
No, no, people would hear about us.
Are you one of the ones that needs a beer can?
Yeah.
Well, let me see you eat a beer can.
Well, why do you need a beer?
Get me a beer.
All they give us a beer, we check our beer.
I remember I used to have people come up to me...
You know, and we...
By the time, you know, we'd take a bite or two,
chew it up, swallow it.
Oh, they were amazed on their first swallow.
And, uh...
we'd only have to take two or three bites, and...
by that time, something else was going on.
They'd walk off, we'd show the camera.
Oh, I know, but we were heroes because we did that.
But we were badasses.
No, I know.
Because we were eating aluminum cans, you know.
Yeah.
I think someone sitting behind just ripped a great big one.
It's pretty toxic right here, right now.
Yeah, it is.
No, that may have been my cat.
Oh, okay.
No, but I remember I used to have people come up to me,
and, you know, I had, like, the multicolored long hair
down to my elbows and it's sticking out everywhere.
And people go, oh, hey, I heard about you.
You're Mark.
Yeah.
Do something crazy.
And then I have to, on the spot, do something crazy.
I have to come up with something nuts.
I just want to go and take a poo.
Boo.
I remember I was telling the story about...
We had one of our famous hotel parties, right?
Which ones?
Well, I'll tell you the one.
I can't remember every one.
Okay, well, I'll tell you this.
You were there.
I do remember.
But I told this at my brother's funeral
because this is what my brother had to endure for me.
Okay.
So we're having a party down there at Blue Ridge Inn.
And I didn't expect everyone to show up.
And there's that one little bus girl.
God, I can't...
What is her name?
Macy?
I couldn't remember any of them.
Well, anyhow, I was trying to nail her.
So I talked her into going down
and having a little private party with me.
And I don't know if I was going to get any or not,
but it's a good start to skin her alone.
And well, no, no, here's what happened.
You and Brian and Davey and my brother found out
that I rented a room down there somehow.
Brian Eggers.
Yes, Brian Eggers was one of them.
You guys found out I rented a room there,
and you came and broke up the party.
Jeff, Jeff and Jimmy.
That was your brother, by the way.
Oh, my brother figured it out.
Oh.
No, no, I remember that.
No, that was your brother.
Okay.
How the hell would it be smart to figure that out?
Yeah, you're right.
Well, okay, then he cracked the code.
He broke the sauce both gone,
and he knew the only place I could rent a room in town
at that time was there,
because every other place had my fucking picture.
And don't rent to this guy.
So because we were so notorious for tearing up hotel rooms.
So, so anyhow, I'm down there,
and I think it might have been Jimmy and,
and it wasn't you and John,
like started banging on the door.
And I'm like, guys, get out of here, man.
Get out of here. I'm trying to get something done.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That would be Jimmy and John.
Yeah.
And then you start kicking the fucking door in open off.
So I had to let you guys in.
So anyhow, the one thing led to another, you know,
she leaves, she's mad.
She thinks like I'm trying to do something crazy on her.
I'm like, no, I did not invite these guys.
I'm trying to get them out of here.
So she leaves.
I'm like, all right, well, we'll start partying.
I forgot that I read it under my regular name
because I wasn't going to tear that place up.
Yep.
So you guys fucking trashed the place.
I mean, you're like kicking holes in the wall
and then fucking putting beer cans in here.
This is my beer holder.
And you ripped up the mattress.
You fucking smashed the mirrors.
You grow helter skelter all over everything.
So the next day, I would have, I would have, you know what?
Here's the deal.
I got out of it because my brother took the hit for me
and he didn't even know he was.
I don't know if you remember this or not
because it happened right before everybody got there.
Remember how we used to get paid on a Saturday night?
Yeah.
Right before our shift.
Yeah.
OK, well, I was next door at Linwood Superfoods,
getting my check cashed.
And anyhow, I just get my check and the cops show up.
And they're like, yeah, we're looking for Mark.
And I'm like, Mark, and I'm looking really kind of stupid.
Wallace, it looks just like you.
Oh, oh, oh, no, no, no, I'm not.
Well, who are you?
I'm John Wallace.
Are you his brother?
Yeah, yeah.
You have any ID?
No, no, don't have any on me.
I was just going to work.
You know where your brother's at.
And they're really cautious.
They're really looking me up and down.
And they're really cautious.
I go, I'm not him.
I'm his brother.
I just didn't want you to know when
I had anything to do with him because he probably
did something stupid, didn't he?
Well, you could say that.
OK, well, you know where your brother is?
No?
He said something about going to Alabama.
You're looking at me even fucking weirder.
OK, well, I just got my check.
I got to go cash it.
I'll be right back.
Excuse me.
So they're like, OK, I'm going out the front.
Little did I know, my brother's coming in the back.
He comes in the back.
And they turn around, who are you?
I'm John Wallace.
Bullshit, we just talked to him.
You have any ID?
He really didn't.
He really didn't have any ID.
He left into the home and he had a sweat sock.
Perfect storm.
Yeah, so they grab him.
And he was just coming in to get his check.
He was going to Aerosmith and Guns and Roses that night.
Not anymore.
So I come back from living with super foods.
They're like, man, you know that the fucking cops
hauled your brother off?
What?
Yeah, they hauled your brother off.
Oh, shit.
No shit.
Yeah.
Yeah, you know what he did?
I know what they think he did.
So he spent the night in jail for me.
He missed Guns and Roses and Aerosmith.
Oh, he was madder than fuck.
I stayed gone for like four days until he calmed down.
I just got reports back from like you and Davey and going,
hey, how mad's John today?
Hey, he's calmed down quite a bit.
Hey, you think he's over?
Yeah, you think I can come back home?
I think maybe one more day and you'll probably
be OK coming back home.
I had to do shit for him for a year.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, like, hey, go steal me some gas from Milk and More.
Here's my keys.
100% fucking true.
Motley Crue to those laymen out there.
When Tommy was in the ball, you know?
Oh, yeah.
Me and you and Tom were in Master Mall.
I don't know what record store, but we were in a record store.
Street side.
What was the street side?
Street side.
Sean Bon Jovi and Sam Morrow walked in.
Started bragging, hey, you know, we're going to be in town.
You guys got tickets?
Me, you, and John, all three looked down and said,
no, we got tickets.
Oh, they got tickets.
I know.
They were.
They walked out of the record store because of us.
And there were a lot of people mad at us because of that, too.
Well, Crue went on sale like two weeks before Bon Jovi did.
No, but I think they were.
We got Crue after we gave Bon Jovi.
I think they're going to give us tickets.
I think we screwed that up.
Oh, yeah.
I think it was part of a video thing because when I looked around,
there were videotaping the whole thing.
They wanted us to go, oh, my God, we got Bon Jovi tickets.
Thank you so much.
And instead, we're like, no, we don't want any.
We got Crue tickets.
Plus the fact that you mentioned another band.
Yes.
We got tickets for Crue.
I forgot all about that, dude.
Oh, that was a good time.
Yeah, that was crazy.
God, I forgot.
I wish life was that easy now and we're older and life ain't that easy.
Well, you know what?
Here's what I've noticed, Robbie, is this right here.
You know, I told you, I recently switched career paths
and I don't do nearly as physical work as I used to.
And it's good.
It's good for me.
We had this talk yesterday.
Yeah.
Now, I enjoyed going out of town for a long time.
I enjoyed seeing sites I would have never seen ever
if I didn't have the opportunity to travel so much as when I did.
I'd seen every part of America that I probably should have never seen.
But here's the deal right here.
Now that I've done all that and it's not so important
that I go see everything and all that, I'm really in a great place
because now I'm stationary.
My job's not nearly as physical.
I get to use my brain more.
Well, I use my brain a lot doing that too.
I had to.
But anyhow, the thing is, is this right here.
It's a much more relaxed living and I get to do stuff I want like this podcast.
I mean, Christopher here are about the same on life right now.
I mean, he's retired though.
So he gets to do a little bit more of what he wants to do,
like play guitars and buy more guitars and all this cool shit.
So, you know, he's a little ahead of me.
But I think we're right in life where we really are enjoying everything that we're doing.
If we don't enjoy it, we just throw it out.
Yeah.
And you'll be there too, Robbie.
You'll be there.
You're a little bit younger.
That's all.
Do what?
Right now, I am at that door.
Okay.
I'm about to walk through that door right now.
I have an opportunity.
It's just, it's a new opportunity.
And I'm still standoffish.
It's a new girlfriend.
Okay.
Is this when you're nailing the piss out of her,
breaking her down like a shotgun while listening to us?
The one that lives up there, yeah.
Yeah, okay.
Keeping it classy here on two douchebags and a microphone.
It's our name.
No, no, no.
Well, Mark might get to be here.
You never know.
Yeah, well, hopefully.
I'm harmless.
I speak this shit, but you know I'm harmless.
Yeah.
Anyhow, well, I mean, she sounds great.
And I hope...
I'll get Valerie over here and come tell her that.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Well, as soon as she gets out of the hospital,
don't bother her right now.
She's trying to get better.
Well, hey.
You got my woman.
I made her sick.
No.
And I wish I will.
You know that?
Yeah, she's doing better.
She's doing better.
So anyhow, I mean, it could have been a hell of a lot worse,
that's for sure.
Yeah, it's got to be.
Yeah, but no, no, no.
When she gets out, then you can tell her to get after me
if I do anything too obscene.
Oh, you'd better believe I will.
Yeah, that'd probably be the best plan of action.
Matter of fact, that should be your only plan of action.
Yeah, if I get too obscene, just get a hold of her.
She'll straighten it out.
She'll go, what'd he do?
OK, hang on.
Hang on one second.
Just hang on, Rob.
Go for it.
No.
Anyhow, let's see.
So anything you want to say or any stories you want to tell?
Or you know?
Oh my god.
We ain't got time.
Well, you know what?
When you come up here, when you come up here and do the podcast,
I will have some stories written out
that I want you and I to talk about some of the shit.
Hey, I would not be objective to coming down and setting down
that you're going to be talking about this.
Yeah.
I'll get on with you.
Hey, I did a little DJ work back in the day.
So yeah, I don't mind getting shit.
All right.
Yeah.
Yeah, so when we get into a lot of the stories,
you need to be right next to me.
Yeah, we can go way back.
Come on, we go back.
85 to what?
Oh, god.
I think 88 was part of the last time I actually seen you.
Was it that long ago?
Yeah, I think so.
Wow.
Crazy.
Yeah.
But all these years, not speaking to you, not seeing you,
no contact, I've always felt like a brother.
Oh, you always were.
Yeah.
And we got in contact.
Then I got in contact with you and John.
We've always been brothers.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
And I will love you always.
Well, it's the same here, man.
Love you always.
You're always a dear friend, a brother.
And I think the rest of the gang feel the same way.
Well, hopefully I get up there and see you, buddy.
I don't get up there once in a while,
but I'm a little busy one there.
You know, BJ listens to this podcast.
You got anything you want to say to him?
BJ?
Bryson?
Bryson, yeah.
He lives in Belton somewhere.
Yeah, yeah, I know he does.
Well, I know he listens to you, but yeah, I'm kind of
friendly with him on Facebook.
OK.
He's been a long time, man.
You want to threaten to kick him in the nuts or something?
Well, why else are we going to need to?
You know what?
I'll do it.
BJ, this is your warning.
I'm going to kick you in the nuts while Robbie watches.
So you best get the McCurricum and ice bags out right now.
Doug is about to come back to town, so.
Slide one of those steak plates down into your pants.
Oh, I broke many a knuckles.
Oh, those things were great.
Oh, they did, didn't they?
Yeah, yep.
They hit you as you smile at them.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're like, hey, how's your knuckle?
What the hell you put down there?
Just my brass balls.
Yeah, that's what my balls are normally are, son.
Don't be smacking on them.
You won't hurt your fucking wrist.
Didn't you hear him clanging together when I walked in?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I remember.
Oh, yeah, someone take a spoon and crack your fucking steak
plate against your balls.
You can feel it in your fucking throat cavity in your teeth.
Yeah, metal and metal vibration.
Yeah.
Or the type Jim got me sticking a steak plate down my pants.
What the fuck are you doing?
He was the boss.
You nasty son of a bitch.
Get that out of your pants.
Watch that again.
Yeah, my grandpa was friends with Jim's father-in-law.
Filthy piece of crap.
My grandpa was friends with Jim's father-in-law.
And that's how I got on.
Oh, was it?
Yeah.
Oh, wow, I didn't know that.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, my 16th birthday.
I get home from high school one day.
I'm going to go get my driver's license when my grandpa's there.
No, my fucking grandpa takes me to Justin's in to get me a fucking job.
That's how I know.
There you go, boy.
I met you March 5, 1985.
Oh, wow.
My 16th birthday.
You're dressing in there and start applying.
No, I get home from school my 16th birthday.
Go get a job.
I couldn't even go home until I got that work.
I just stay at work.
You're like, I wonder what kind of cake I'm going to get when I get home.
Maybe I'll get that new bicycle.
No, Mark.
Hey, are we going to Disneyland?
No.
My grandpa dropped me a job.
I knew what I was in for.
This doesn't look like Disneyland, Beep-Bop.
Get your ass in there.
This is not Disneyland, Beep-Bop.
Oh, boy.
All right.
Well, do you want to stay on the line while we do a couple of stories?
If you want to, if you want me to.
All right.
Yeah, hell yeah.
I'm going to do another.
OK, that sounds cool.
All right.
Do you got something you want to go into, Topher?
Let me take a look here in my highly organized notebook.
All right.
And I've got another I call bullshit segment on White Castle this time.
Uh-huh.
So we I don't know how far along you're on the podcast, but we do a segment called I call bullshit.
Yeah, I know.
OK.
Well, I got another one on White Castle and what they've done.
But anyhow, go ahead, Topher.
Yes.
I was going to just make another side story to something I covered before.
I had mentioned in a previous show that there are a lot of things that are only illegal because you haven't paid the fee and gotten permission yet.
Yes.
And then suddenly they became they become perfectly legal.
But there are other things that you just you just need permission.
And I thought of some examples, something that is illegal to do without permission, but completely legal to do with permission is pick up someone else's baby.
Oh, that's a great one.
Isn't it?
That is a really, really good one.
Yes.
Permission makes all the difference, does it?
And how do you get this permission?
Paying.
Well, you got it in this case.
You got to ask.
Well, yeah.
Yeah.
But, you know, it really all does come down to permission.
I mean, there's some things that you can't get permission to do ever.
But that's very few and far between.
Just about everything else.
If you get permission, you can do it.
Yeah.
And that's the difference between legal and illegal.
Yeah.
Getting permission.
Yeah.
And we got to expand on those.
I've got I've got a partial list at home of permission and non-permission stuff like that.
Yeah.
And a breakdown of why and why.
Yeah.
Oh, I do.
I've got a lot of unfinished stuff at home.
It's like I've got to get to one of these days when I get some time and start working on some of this stuff.
Yeah.
It's like the bad product ideas and all that.
I still have some of those.
Let's see.
I've got a few a few things I've been working on.
Well, hang on here, Robbie.
I got to look on my phone here.
So if I sound a little different, it's because I'm looking at you.
Let's see here.
I have something here like a world's worst promotions like free virgin test kits at the Vatican.
Extra large condoms for purchase of any smart car.
Free championship banner for Raiders seed and ticket holders.
I've got a bunch of other ones at home, too, but I got a bunch of weird shit like that that I got to finish up.
Yeah.
Just fucking cracking people up.
Yeah.
Yes.
Being a dick.
Fucking show my dick colors and see who's going to try to call me on it.
So it works.
So any how you douchebags in a microphone, raw and uncensored.
See behind the smoke show.
Watch as the douchebags get stung by enjoy one of many coffee houses ordering our heroes out.
Watch Mark revisit Clinton, Missouri, to claim his innocence for all the man shitter accusations.
Now and get both high quality DVD sets and a free douchebag calendar.
Mark off today with a douchebag looking at you.
Supplies are limited.
So act now.
And now the brand new future strange.
Mother come to talk to you and then leave your door slightly ajar so that you may have to get up and close it to them.
Bulldicks in a crash cart will be right back.
Oh, no, it looks like someone's on their high horse again.
It's another episode of I call bullshit bullshit.
All right to douchebags and a microphone, Mark and on Topher.
All right.
As aforementioned, I got to I call bullshit.
These are always great.
Yes, they are.
And I'm going on bullshit on White Castle again.
Oh, we yeah.
We have done this before.
Yeah.
Last time was the chicken slider.
That's it.
The chicken slider.
I'd forgotten.
You take the great American burger and you fucking take a piece of chicken asshole and chicken beak.
Grind it up, put it in the patty and put it on their slot.
Soft, delicious steamed buns.
And you call it a slider.
Yeah, they're trying to they're trying to be chick-fil-a.
Well, we'll hear this atrocity.
All right.
OK, I call bullshit on White Castle.
All right.
Mac and cheese is delicious, right?
Yeah.
Very good.
But not on a White Castle.
No, no, no.
You take America's most decorated, oldest, proud icon of Americana and promptly TGI Friday that staple of goodness up.
What kind of brain dead fucking idiots would ever bastardize that work of perfection?
Oh, my gosh.
Hey, White Castle, why in the fuck don't you just sell mac and cheese as a side?
Then if someone is a fucking with a very low IQ and their fucking mouth wide open, fucking staring at the clouds, they can take a moist steam little gem and slop some of that fucking goo on it themselves.
Then they can make their own mac and cheese White Castle for that fucking stupid.
I call bullshit on your cheap publicity stunt and your questionable tactics on the treatment of the original hamburger chain in America since 1912.
Fuck you, White Castle.
Sunday, White Castle Sunday Night football that slider, didn't they?
Yeah, they did.
They Sunday Night football the heck out of it.
They did. I can hear right now Chris Collinsworth telling them to take a load of that mac and cheese straight down their throat.
Oh, that guy was so weird.
Oh, God.
They need to check his hard drive.
Oh, boy.
You know, I was I was like today years old when I learned that every team every season gets a Thursday Night football game.
I didn't know that. Yeah.
It's it's such a competitive.
No wonder it sucks so bad.
Exactly. It's such a competitive disadvantage to play on a Thursday night that they even things out by making every team play on Thursday night.
That's why we get those suck ass matchups.
Yeah.
And then that's how can they put a shit bag against a shit bag.
They cover they cover two shit bags with one game.
That's actually brilliant.
Yeah. Yeah.
So they they they dumped the worst game of the week on to Thursday Night football because every team has to play one month Thursday Night football game.
OK, that makes sense.
Yeah, I didn't know that before.
I didn't either.
Not now.
And I think Dallas and Detroit with their traditional Thanksgiving Day games, I think that counts for them.
OK, so they only have 30 other teams.
So that's two two teams for your per game.
Fifteen weeks.
So weeks like two through 17 or two through 16.
They do Thursday Night games.
So they don't necessarily have to do one first game of the season or last game of the season.
OK, that makes sense.
Yeah.
Oh shit.
You still there, Rob?
Yeah, I'm here.
OK, good.
I dropped you.
OK, there you are.
Thank you.
Yeah, that's true.
I remember we were making bad passion love on the loft.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
TMI.
That service dog over there just said that.
I thought it down drugs.
I guess.
I got another little odd story here.
Odd grocery substitutions during the height of covid.
All these people are, you know, going to Instacart and stuff so they didn't have to go to the store.
And now, wait a second, my girlfriend delivers the car up there.
So watch.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I'm not talking to the car.
It's actually not Instacart that was doing this.
It was a stores.
Money and I do.
Oh, there's great money.
And I know people that make a lot of money at it.
And it works less hours than I did.
A lot less labor.
Yeah.
Go ahead.
I think this also covers like when you use the stores app to do grocery pickup.
Yes.
And then you can have someone go pick it up for you.
So the store does the shopping and then you go hire somebody to go up and just pick it up for you.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Instacart may actually go pick the item up.
Right.
They actually do your shopping.
Yeah, they do.
So these this.
The store don't do it.
Yeah.
But.
The person delivers it to you.
Right.
Well, there's like stores like Hy-Vee around here and Walmart does it and stuff like that.
Yeah, they'll actually take it to someone's car for you and then they deliver it or whatever.
So the grocery stores themselves have found a way to compete with Instacart.
Yeah.
So this isn't just Instacart making the flub.
It's a lot of different entities that are doing this.
So these are odd grocery substitutions.
Right.
And this is a percentage.
Six in ten Astah, which is in the southern, I think like Mississippi, I believe if I'm
correct, Astah stores, grocery stores, A.S.D.A.
Store customers have received a pack of dinner rolls in store instead of toilet paper rolls.
That's kind of different, you know, dinner roll and toilet paper roll.
Yeah, it's like the system identifies roll.
So when their system doesn't have toilet paper rolls, it's like, well, we're going to give
them something to make up for it, a substitute.
So they gave them dinner rolls.
OK, yeah, they concentrate on the wrong word.
Yeah.
So six out of ten of the people when they had substitutions got dinner rolls instead
of toilet paper rolls.
Well, if you cook the first, they do the same thing.
Well, you're right.
Yeah.
You know, you can even wipe your ass with a roll pretty easily.
Yeah.
And then you could actually just put them up on a counter and they could be posed as
a donut.
Oh, yeah, they're going to declare chocolate a Claire.
Oh, my.
Who left the donuts?
I don't know.
I just got here.
But help yourself.
They don't smell that fresh.
But yeah, I'm sure.
I don't think anyone would have brought them if they were bad.
Do you?
Meanwhile, you're out there when they take that first bite.
It is just like the the huge scream after someone drank a fucking can of piss canopy.
Yeah.
The screams are loud enough where you could be halfway around the world and you know who
did.
We know that scream all too well.
Yes.
Half of Sandsbury's grocery customers have received now they're up in the northeast and
certain parts ever seen shoe polish instead of fresh fruit.
Now, wait a minute.
I don't I don't know why.
How the hell the work do you get from fresh fruit and shoe polish?
I don't know.
That is some weird ass shopping algorithm there.
Yeah.
That's a great way.
But the algorithm is fucked.
Yeah.
And then suddenly flip sounds like kid that does not compute.
Fresh fruit or shoe polish.
Gosh.
Yeah.
So also at Sandsbury's they received bacon instead of barbecue potato crisp.
I guess this first two letters are the same bacon and barbecue.
But that must be it.
Gosh.
So you got barbecue bacon.
Yeah, that's true.
You know what?
Let's face it.
If you didn't get your bacon and you got the potato crisp, you'd be happy with that.
Right.
If you didn't get your beer, right.
Yeah.
BBQ potato.
You know, when you got bacon or vice versa, you'd be like, OK, all right.
It's cute.
Yeah.
All right.
OK.
And let's face it, the bacon probably costs more anyhow.
So you're like, all right.
Yeah, that's true.
You want to do that?
Go ahead and do me a solid.
That's cool.
Tesco, which I have no idea where they're at, grocer, had one of the lower rates of
substitutions at 44 percent received an Easter egg instead of a hot dog buns.
Now that's real different.
Yes.
Easter egg.
Easter eggs.
So I like that.
OK.
Jeffy.
Jeffy, you got the grill going.
The hot dogs are almost done.
Well, it's the carts here.
I'm going to go get the buns.
Easter eggs.
Jeffy, it looks like we're doing keto.
That's we're low carbon again.
So how that was the algorithm on that?
I don't know.
OK.
So I'm going to Tesco ordered tin foil but was subbed out with a chocolate Santa.
I guess it's covered in tin foil.
I guess so.
So it's like here, you can use this little bit of tin foil.
You can eat the chocolate Santa and then you can use this little bit of tin foil to cover
up a couple of small items.
Man, you'd have to eat a lot of chocolate Santa's in order to be able to cover a turkey.
That is so weird.
I think, I don't know, it almost makes you think people are just fucking around.
Mark, where the hell do you come up with this?
Well, this is stuff we find on, we search and get to the stories behind the stories,
the stuff that doesn't mean a damn thing.
Right, I love it.
I love them.
If the story is meaningless and stupid, we're covering it.
Sometimes you got to go down a lot of rabbit holes to find some of these gems.
You really do.
Yeah, let me say, I've saw a lot of fucking pimpers being popped.
That's why we've always been.
I've seen a lot of scrotum infections.
Oh, yeah, always good stories.
Yes, you can't spell thumb without scrotum infection.
Oh, no, you can't.
No, nope.
All right, next one was Amazon Fresh customers around 30% received cello tape instead of
toilet paper rolls.
Here, just tape your ass together.
Jeffy, give me a toilet paper.
Well, they substitute.
I don't care.
Give me the fucking thing.
I need to wipe my ass.
Jeffy.
Oh, my God.
Jeffy's getting all kinds of shit, isn't he?
He didn't do anything wrong.
Jeffy just sit at the house and Instacart's fucking him or somebody is.
Jeffy's going to learn to run for the hills when Instacart shows up.
Yeah, Jeffy's like, fuck this, I'm getting out of here.
So, more than a third of Iceland grocer shoppers were subbed out strawberries instead of freezer bags.
Well, you put strawberries in freezer bags.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking, too.
It's like, well, we don't have the strawberries yet, but here's freezer bags.
So when we do have them, you're going to be ready to go.
That's just so random.
I know, isn't it?
I just don't understand the algorithms behind why they would just be like, yeah, you know, you'd think there'd be some rhyme or reason, but evidently not.
So, all right, so Aldi had a couple of flubs with some insoles, some shoe insoles in place of wheat crackers.
Oh my God, Aldi.
That's not even edible.
If you've been to Aldi, then you understand.
They can't even get your order right.
I'm too angry for Aldi's part.
They throw that shit through there at such a fast pace.
Oh, tell me about it.
Oh my God.
And then they're unapologetic, too.
There was a do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
And it's like, hey, I think you hit something three times there.
No, I didn't.
I mean, it was fine.
Get out of here.
It's almost like they're paid for each item scanned, you know, instead of by the hour.
Yeah, it's like, you see that, see that credit card machine?
Fucking use it.
Well, earlier on this segment, you were talking about 9-11.
Yes?
9-11, I was living in St. Joe's.
Mm-hmm.
And me and my buddy were doing maintenance on all these.
Yeah.
Okay.
I had to drive by Casey Island.
Oh, wow.
I remember that all too well.
Yeah.
You brought up earlier.
Yeah.
Thirty seconds.
Thirty seconds and everything was ruined.
Oh my God.
Like I said, I had to drive by 433 down from St. Joe's.
I-29.
Down to, down to Kansas.
I was going over to the, all these on North Road.
Uh-huh.
North, north.
And yeah, I just watched them play and circle over, man.
It's something I'll never forget.
Wow.
Yeah.
So yeah, I thank you for you guys mentioning it and having me see it.
Yeah, absolutely, man.
Okay, and then let's see.
What did I say?
Installs and plays sweet crackers.
And Aldi also put romaine lettuce in place of paper towels.
He-he-he-he-he-he.
Anyone's guess is fine with me.
Anyone got a guess?
Down on the floor.
There we go.
Let's see.
No, nothing that makes sense.
No, I got nothing.
That was just crazy.
It is, isn't it?
Gosh.
All right, so anyhow, that is kind of wrapping it up.
All the above-mentioned stores really had no explanation of why the ordered products were so far off.
Instacart or other forms of delivery were all used.
So it wasn't just Instacart.
It wasn't just, I don't know, whoever else does it or Joe down the street brings you your food.
You know, it was all of them.
And they don't really know why the systems substitute stuff for whatever.
You know, it's just kind of like it just gives them what they should give them and they pack it in there and that's it.
Yeah.
That's technology.
Yeah, so.
Well, I think a lot of these companies probably share the same basic technology.
That's what I was going to say is that right there, but I kept getting sidetracked was that.
They all have the same database and they all do the same.
Well, here's an example.
If you go to any weed dispensaries website here in Missouri and place an order online, every single website looks exactly the same.
They're all identical.
They're all run by this app called Dutchie.
Yeah.
So they're all sharing that basic technology.
So all these shop from home apps that you use, they probably all use the same basic technology and database of substitutions or alternates, et cetera.
So once that comes from, it screws up for everybody because they're all using the same basic tools.
Nobody questions it because by the time someone sends something back, returns it, it doesn't matter.
It's not even a part of it anymore.
Yeah.
All they look at is, well, we sent something out and that was it.
Yeah.
As far as they're concerned, that was it.
That was the end of the story.
So anyhow.
We've got some airport vehicle coming by with a beep sound.
It's a noisy son of a bitch.
I think it's a floor.
Is it a floor cleaner?
I don't know.
I can't see where it's at.
No, I look down the left hallway and then the right hallway and the camera near the Parisi coffee.
One of them came by earlier and I think it was a floor cleaner.
But you see down there Parisi coffee, you see those lights around the corner.
I thought that was it, but I don't think that is.
I think it's going away.
Yeah, it's gone.
That's not it.
The lights are still down there at Parisi around the corners.
All right.
Who knows?
I don't know.
I'm down here in campus.
I'm eating nuts.
You guys can find it.
Yeah.
It's still.
Oh shit.
What's that over there?
Oh no.
It's island of horrible jokes.
Ugh.
And the ship telling red pain and the ship telling blue pain, quiet.
They were all moored.
Hi there.
This is Fucknut from Two Fucknuts and a Recorder podcast.
Two Douchebags and a Microphone are our favorite podcasts ever.
Please go to your friend's computer and download it from there.
Go to your church's computer and download it from there.
Go to people you don't know and grab their phones and download it on there.
These fuckers need all the help we can get.
Hey, where do they go?
We're the douchebags.
Hey, oh my god, someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh jeez.
Ugh.
Glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Umm.
Oh no, you don't go that way.