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Live from the historic River Market District in downtown Kansas City, Missouri,

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from the banks of the beautiful Crystal Blue Walkers of the Missouri River,

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it is Two Douchebags and Microphone Podcast.

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From the makers of Who Bit My Asshole Board Game and Maloon Art with Ball Sacks Video Series,

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it's Two Douchebags and a Microphone Action Figures.

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At now, get a free bag of flaming hot Cheetos, a bottle of antibiotics, and three free bullets.

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That's right, dress your douchebag up and send them off to horrible scenarios all day long.

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We're soon going to get a free at-home tin piercing kit.

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That's right, free home tin piercing kit, new from Chizbro.

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From Chizbro.

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Two Douchebags and a Microphone. More fun than a taser-tuned juggling bag.

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Hello, this is Satan. You might know me from my pet name, Inflation.

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I'm here to tell you that there's no better way to relax than listening to Two Douchebags and Microphone

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by a nice warm fire at night. I sit there and I reflect on all the souls I burned that day.

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Enjoy.

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Dear Abby, not quite. You have questions, we have answers.

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They're not very good answers, but we have them.

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Alright, well as promised, dear Douchebags.

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I like these.

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Volume whatever, who the fuck knows.

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Alright, without any further ado, dear Douchebags, I have a co-worker who eats kale every day for lunch.

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I know, I know.

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Wow, should we call the police right now?

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Yeah, I think their hard drive needs to be checked.

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I'm appalled, as is the rest of my office.

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I'm not sure how to present this to my co-worker for fear of it being quite embarrassing when the joke on the man is pointed out.

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I thought of anonymous messages or even maybe an intervention, but I'm not sure. What should I do?

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Thank you and please sign no kale in veil.

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Oh, I like that.

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Oh my gosh. This is a hard one.

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It is, it is.

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Let's see what our crack staff came up with.

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Well, and we can always add our own stuff too.

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Because our crack staff, they're plumbers crack, so sometimes they're kind of slow.

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Dear Vail, I think anyone who is gullible enough to fall for the kale hoax is not a good fit for anywhere.

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My opinion is you should bring the kale lover to the attention of the big boss immediately.

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Let him or her handle it. You really don't want anything to do with that messy of a situation.

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Until then, may I suggest some real food like raspberry zingers or the new five pound peanut butter chocolate pie at Costco?

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Oh yeah, if you can get one.

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You're welcome.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Heard those are a hot ticket to get.

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Oh yeah, of course.

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Yeah, they are.

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Yep.

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So, um.

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Good job crack staff.

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Yeah, I think I covered it pretty well.

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Yeah.

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Don't even get your hands dirty with that kale situation.

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Go to the big boss. That's what they pay him the big money for is to handle shit like this.

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Yeah.

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Here in a little bit, Topher's got a subject that we're going to go into.

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And then we're going to have my good friend Robbie call in.

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He listens down in Springfield and he's got a bunch of his friends listening.

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And I guess we're quite a hit down there and we love him.

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And we're going to give him and everyone in Springfield a big fucking hug here.

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First we're going to go into a little bit different subject with Topher.

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All right.

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Um, it was occurring to me the other day that there's a big deal made about ethnicity currently.

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At least, especially in the U.S.

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And national culture and heritage.

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And I guess it's because I've seen things about cultural appropriation.

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So they got me thinking about it.

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I think all that is kind of disappearing.

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And the reason for that is we're all interbreeding.

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Every generation is more mixed than the generation before.

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Yeah.

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And it's all possible, you know, these different ethnicities in national and country cultures

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were possible when people were cut off from each other and weren't influencing each other.

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Now everybody's influencing everybody.

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Culture is starting to merge.

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I think ethnicity is going to start to merge.

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I would agree.

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And probably I'd say to a large degree.

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Because you'll look at someone and go, huh?

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I wonder what part of the world that person's ancestors are from.

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And it used to be like you could make a really good guess.

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But no, it's hard to now.

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Yeah, I am.

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I love this right here is, you know, in summer, other grows by 30 percent in America.

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Yeah.

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There's a lot more others running around America.

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Yeah.

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They got a nice little fucking suntan going.

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Yeah, it's interesting.

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It's interesting how we judge that.

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Yeah.

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People can start looking like a different ethnicity than you thought they were.

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Well, right now I'm Joe Whitey.

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Yeah.

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During the summertime, it's questionable.

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Yeah.

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It's like, hmm, I don't know, man.

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Fuck.

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I don't know what happened.

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But you know, I think within 10 generations, no one's really going to care because everybody's

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going to look like somebody else, too.

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Everybody's going to look so mixed.

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It's going to be like, what?

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I don't care.

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That's just stupid.

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Let's take generations like this, OK?

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Let's start with the greatest generation, boomers, then go on down to the, what is it,

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the Zs.

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Yeah, Gen Zs.

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Or if there's one below them or whatever.

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All the way down to the layers of generations, each layer is a little bit more different

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thinking about ethnicity and cultures because each generation, let me put it like this,

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the boomer generation, Italians and Greeks were others.

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No doubt about it.

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We were not white.

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Yep.

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Yeah, no way.

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Uh-uh.

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You put on that application, son.

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You better put your other because that's where your family bloodline's from.

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So now, so now, oh, we know we're Joe Whitey and there's no way we can ever claim to be

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a minority or whatever they, you know.

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I think every generation wants more than the generation before had and no generation wants

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more restrictions.

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You know, oh, we want to give up and go backwards.

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They always want to go push the boundaries farther, get more, be more, do more.

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Yeah, of course.

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So they look at the previous generation.

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What made you uncomfortable?

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OK, we're going to do more of that.

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Exactly.

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And that seriously is going to get to the point where you can't identify as black or

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Chinese or anything like that.

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It's going to be so mixed and fluid.

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I agree.

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It's not going to be possible.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, yeah, no, it's very interesting how that is all parlayed and just kind of went

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down through the years and everything.

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And it's very interesting.

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It almost it seems like their minority tie, if you will, is according to need.

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Yeah.

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You know, it's like, OK, well, this subject, this subsect of people, very first was stonemasonry.

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And this is from Europe or the Mediterranean.

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These people have to come over here to help us build these things that we want.

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So then when that's subsided and they have other people to do that or there's just not

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a need to have that many people or whatever of that type, it's like, well, we don't have

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anyone to pick our lettuce.

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We don't have anyone to work in our restaurants.

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These are jobs that the people that have been here and assimilated into this society for

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a while will not do.

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So all of a sudden, it shifts from we don't need any more of those Europeaners or the

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Mediterraneaners.

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We need these people from south here.

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They need to come up and start doing this.

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So it's people willing to take less willing to do it.

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So it's almost like a systematic or a systemic way of labeling people of what they could

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possibly be over here for and what they're doing.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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It's a way to put someone in a different category than you.

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So yeah, I'm not sure is a good thing to do.

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Yeah.

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I think that's another reason it happens like that is, is I think it's by design.

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It's like, well, we need another code word for these.

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Yeah.

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So anyhow.

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It's, and it's also interesting that as I think COVID accelerated it, but the whole

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thing of, you know, old people don't want to work anymore.

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And then that turned into, well, yeah, they do want to work and they are working.

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It's just, they don't want to work those jobs for those wages.

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Exactly.

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So their life is worth more than that.

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Yeah.

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So some, some businesses started improving the job and paying more, but others have just

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decided to take the plunge into automation.

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Yeah.

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Like the other day I saw a video of a restaurant that had a robotic server instead of having

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wait staff that may not show up or may show up in a bad mood or, or could spill stuff.

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They just bought a robot and the robot does it and never calls in sick and never has a

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bad day and never makes a mistake.

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And you know what?

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I bet people are still going to tip the robot cause it's cute.

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You're probably right.

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You're probably right.

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So it's interesting to think that, you know, at a point the business owners in this country

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or the people who wanted more people in service said, let's let more immigrants in because

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we want that cheap labor.

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It's getting to the point where they're realizing, you know what, that's either going to dry

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up or it's not going to be the cheap labor we thought.

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So let's just automate and then those jobs are gone forever.

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I got a question for you.

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You're talking about robots, right?

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Okay.

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Now, you know, the, the sex robot Japan that's been wanting in some Asian countries besides

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Japan, they want the sex robot so bad.

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I mean it's like their number one priorities come up with a sex robot that looks just like

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a woman that you can program to do whatever you want.

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And they, every night they come home and go whatever, you know, they call it, I want this,

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this and this or however they do it or talk to it.

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So let's say you have one of these sex robots, okay, and looks great and everything.

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Now what if your buddy offered you like a hundred bucks to have sex with it?

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Okay.

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Wow.

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And you don't care.

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So they come up and go, Hey man, you know, a little, a Shukoi over there?

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Yeah.

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I don't know.

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I'm trying to think of a Japanese name.

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Keiko.

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Keiko.

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Yeah.

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You see Keiko over there?

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Yeah.

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How much would it take?

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If I don't know, she looks pretty good.

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I like her.

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You know, the fucking banger.

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Yeah.

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A hundred bucks.

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Okay.

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So he bangs her.

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Okay.

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And he gives you a hundred bucks.

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Should you be in trouble for prostitution and human trafficking?

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It, you know, I, as long as they don't classify your sex toy as a human being with human rights,

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then no.

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Yeah.

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But isn't it somewhat artificial intelligence?

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Well, maybe she's not.

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She doesn't want to, just like, you know, the ones that were like, we were talking about

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last week about prisoners that were, they're eating the prisoners food and locking them

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in so he die.

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So what if a Rosie, let's just call her Rosie, doesn't want to have sex with this ogre who

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just paid you a hundred bucks?

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And that's, that's going to happen.

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And that's where people are going to agitate for these artificial intelligences to have

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civil rights.

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You're getting to where I'm thinking.

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Yep.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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So should he be charged with human trafficking?

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Once they have civil rights.

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Yeah.

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Okay.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Okay.

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But he may not get that thrown on there though.

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They have to prove that that's the sole reason he bought Rosie.

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Yeah.

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Was to sell her to other people in the pimper or whatever.

252
00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:31,040
So.

253
00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:32,040
Yeah.

254
00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:46,480
You know, in, in anime and manga and culture, the sex toy, sex robot, whatever is pretty

255
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:49,760
common and it's been pretty normalized.

256
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:50,760
Yeah.

257
00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:51,760
Yeah.

258
00:13:51,760 --> 00:14:01,360
There are still things that, you know, would seem over the top to introduce into reality,

259
00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:06,160
but an automated item to have sex with you in your home.

260
00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:12,880
I could see that becoming something that people are okay enough with that advertisements would

261
00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:15,320
be run during your favorite TV shows.

262
00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:16,320
Okay.

263
00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:17,320
Yeah.

264
00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:19,640
You know, you're sitting in your home and here's, Oh, here's the latest ad for the new

265
00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:20,640
sex doll.

266
00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:21,640
Yeah.

267
00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:22,640
Here's the male model.

268
00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:27,840
And you know, maybe you don't like the commercial, but I can see the majority of Americans getting,

269
00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:28,840
just being okay with it.

270
00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:32,760
It's like, Oh, okay, let's order one of those and have a three way.

271
00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:33,760
Yeah.

272
00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:34,760
Yeah.

273
00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:39,360
I, I, that would not surprise me in the least to see that become very popular.

274
00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:40,360
No, me neither.

275
00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:41,360
Yeah.

276
00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:46,360
They would advertise it as safe sex or, you know, avoid date rape and sexual assault.

277
00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:49,320
As you're right, they're going to advertise it as safe sex.

278
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:51,480
And you go, yeah, come on over, man.

279
00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:52,480
Bang the robot.

280
00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:53,480
Yeah.

281
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:58,760
And then they're, the robots only this much years and years of fun, you know, whatever.

282
00:14:58,760 --> 00:14:59,760
Yeah.

283
00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:04,720
And she'll make you a sandwich afterwards and clean your house and won't ever divorce

284
00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:05,720
you.

285
00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:06,720
Yeah.

286
00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:07,720
Yeah.

287
00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:12,240
I thought I can see that becoming a thing and you know, you could download the latest

288
00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:21,280
personality or, or, yeah, it's like, as I've said before, you know, humans can't wait to

289
00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:25,840
porn everything up and every kind of new technology that comes out.

290
00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:30,240
The first question is cool, how can I use this for sex?

291
00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:35,000
That's just where our minds go apparently.

292
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,000
Yep.

293
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:43,480
Well like four said, um, I've got this buddy of mine, Robbie, that, um, I'm going to give

294
00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:44,480
a call right now.

295
00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:50,440
I think he's getting antsy cause he just tried to call me and I tried to answer and it didn't.

296
00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:53,840
So, uh, anyhow, he's in a very dear old friend of mine.

297
00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:54,840
Okay.

298
00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:58,560
So we can get the speaker fan.

299
00:15:58,560 --> 00:15:59,560
Hello.

300
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:00,560
Functioning.

301
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:01,560
Robbie, what's up, man?

302
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:02,560
What are you doing, brother?

303
00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:03,560
I've been listening.

304
00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:04,560
All right.

305
00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:05,560
Oh, cool.

306
00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:06,560
Cool.

307
00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:07,560
All right.

308
00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:08,560
Can you hear us live right now?

309
00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:09,560
Well, I'm on my phone.

310
00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:10,560
I got my earbuds in.

311
00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:11,560
Okay.

312
00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:12,560
All right.

313
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:13,560
Well, you can't hear right now cause you're on air.

314
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:14,560
Yeah.

315
00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:15,560
You're going to be chuckling in the background.

316
00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:16,560
All right.

317
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:25,560
So, uh, anyhow, so you liked the podcast, huh?

318
00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:28,560
Oh man.

319
00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:29,560
Yeah.

320
00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:34,560
I woke up about five thirty yesterday morning.

321
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:35,560
Sorry.

322
00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:40,560
My phone's day off and there was nothing to do.

323
00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:43,560
My girlfriend's not even awake.

324
00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:45,560
So, and I've been watching you on Facebook.

325
00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:46,560
You can't mention the podcast.

326
00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:47,560
Uh-huh.

327
00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:48,560
And so I, I listen to I Heart at work.

328
00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:49,560
So I looked you up on I Heart.

329
00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:50,560
Uh-huh.

330
00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:51,560
There you were.

331
00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:52,560
There you were.

332
00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:53,560
So the first one I listened to was the one when you got back from the cruise back in

333
00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:54,560
March.

334
00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:55,560
Oh, okay.

335
00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:56,560
Cool.

336
00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:57,560
Which one?

337
00:16:57,560 --> 00:16:58,560
Birthday was the fifth.

338
00:16:58,560 --> 00:16:59,560
Hey, happy birthday.

339
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:00,560
Nice.

340
00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:01,560
Well, billeted.

341
00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:02,560
Yeah.

342
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:03,560
Yeah.

343
00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:04,560
Yeah.

344
00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:05,560
Yeah.

345
00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:06,560
Yeah.

346
00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:07,560
Yeah.

347
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:08,560
Yeah.

348
00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:09,560
Yeah.

349
00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:10,560
Yeah.

350
00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:11,560
Yeah.

351
00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:12,560
Yeah.

352
00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:13,560
Yeah.

353
00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:14,560
Yeah.

354
00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:15,560
Yeah.

355
00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:18,560
And I listened to the one while you were on the cruise.

356
00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:23,720
Yeah, that was a fun one even though we couldn't, we really couldn't understand each other

357
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:25,560
because the delay was so bad.

358
00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:26,560
Yeah.

359
00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:27,560
Dude, I loved it.

360
00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:28,560
I loved it.

361
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:29,560
Oh, cool.

362
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:31,560
Honestly, honestly, I love your guy.

363
00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:32,560
Good.

364
00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:36,320
Robbie, the one thing is though, the one thing you did wrong is this right here.

365
00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:41,560
While your girlfriend was still asleep, you should have teabagged her and took a picture.

366
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:42,560
Oh.

367
00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:45,560
You should have hung him over her forehead.

368
00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:46,560
Don't say that, Mark.

369
00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:47,560
Don't say that, Mark.

370
00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:48,560
Take the belt.

371
00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:49,560
Oh, my gosh.

372
00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:50,560
I'm out here in Camden.

373
00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:51,560
Oh, yeah.

374
00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:52,560
Look at the Ozards.

375
00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:53,560
Two hours a little bit.

376
00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:54,560
Oh, what?

377
00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:55,560
Then you're in Springfield.

378
00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:56,560
Okay.

379
00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:57,560
No, I got it.

380
00:17:57,560 --> 00:17:58,560
We're, this is a new relationship.

381
00:17:58,560 --> 00:17:59,560
We're long distance.

382
00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:00,560
Okay.

383
00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:01,560
Yeah, it's hard to teabag long distance.

384
00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:02,560
Yeah, it is.

385
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:03,560
Okay.

386
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:04,560
All right.

387
00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:05,560
Although, although I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was,

388
00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:23,680
I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I

389
00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:34,800
was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was.

390
00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:37,600
My weekend's been used up, so...

391
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:40,200
Well, we're glad you wasted some of it on us.

392
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:42,000
Yeah, yeah.

393
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:46,100
Yep. Hopefully you're banging the shit out of her listening to us.

394
00:18:46,100 --> 00:18:47,100
Oh!

395
00:18:47,100 --> 00:18:51,900
I've known Mark since 1985. I could tell you a few stories.

396
00:18:51,900 --> 00:18:52,700
Oh!

397
00:18:52,700 --> 00:18:54,000
You know what? Go right on in.

398
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:56,700
Were you breaking her down like a shotgun while listening to us?

399
00:18:56,700 --> 00:18:58,100
Oh, God!

400
00:18:58,100 --> 00:18:59,500
Oh, hey.

401
00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:02,800
You know how he keeps bringing up

402
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:05,100
Woff and Jackie Lawless?

403
00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:07,400
Yeah.

404
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:08,700
Oh, yeah.

405
00:19:08,700 --> 00:19:12,200
Back when I knew Mark, he looked like Jackie Lawless.

406
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:15,400
Oh, yeah. I've seen some pictures from back in the day.

407
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:18,100
Blackie Lawless, but actually I look like Ozzy.

408
00:19:18,100 --> 00:19:20,600
Ozzy is the one that everybody said I looked like.

409
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:22,400
I can see that too, yeah.

410
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:22,800
Yeah.

411
00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:25,000
In the wintertime, not the summertime.

412
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:26,800
Yeah.

413
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:29,600
Summertime I look like Ozzy's...

414
00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:30,600
Gardener.

415
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:33,000
The maid. The maid.

416
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,600
Hi!

417
00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:38,200
You were in love with Jackie back in 1985. Come on, man.

418
00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:41,300
Yeah, Blackie. Yeah, Blackie. Yep.

419
00:19:41,300 --> 00:19:43,400
Yeah.

420
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:46,100
You know what? I loved them all, man. They were great.

421
00:19:46,100 --> 00:19:49,200
Oh, man. You brought me into that music.

422
00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:49,800
Oh, I know.

423
00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:52,200
I listened to rock.

424
00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:55,600
I'm one, two, three years younger than you.

425
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:57,500
Yeah. Yep.

426
00:19:57,500 --> 00:19:59,000
So you're 27.

427
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:02,400
Yeah.

428
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:04,000
That was nice to hear. I love you, bro.

429
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:07,300
I love you too, man.

430
00:20:07,300 --> 00:20:10,600
Yeah, and we know each other all these years.

431
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:12,400
Then we lost track.

432
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:13,400
I know, man.

433
00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:14,900
And like everybody does.

434
00:20:14,900 --> 00:20:17,300
And then we found each other on Facebook.

435
00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:18,200
Yep.

436
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:21,600
And then we had her catching up sex.

437
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:22,600
That was great.

438
00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:23,600
Oh, my gosh. Yeah.

439
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:25,100
Always. Always. Always.

440
00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:26,800
Man, my butt still hurts.

441
00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:32,800
Oh, I know she was going with Davy in there, too.

442
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:34,400
Well, yeah, of course.

443
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:36,100
Well, Davy was taking the pictures.

444
00:20:36,100 --> 00:20:38,800
He said next time, you and him can do it, okay?

445
00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:41,900
I did. Yep.

446
00:20:41,900 --> 00:20:45,200
He was the craziest person we knew.

447
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,400
Davy was even more insane than I was.

448
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:50,900
Oh, my God. He was more insane than any of us.

449
00:20:50,900 --> 00:20:52,600
He's still insane. We love him.

450
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:54,600
I know he is. I know he is. I love him.

451
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:56,800
Well, he is going to do some podcasts with us.

452
00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:58,700
He's agreed to it.

453
00:20:58,700 --> 00:21:01,400
But to get him over here is the problem.

454
00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:04,400
The time we're going to do it, we all got COVID and we couldn't.

455
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:05,900
Yeah. Yeah.

456
00:21:05,900 --> 00:21:07,800
Oh, I still got to tell him why we couldn't.

457
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:09,500
Shit. Oh, my God.

458
00:21:09,500 --> 00:21:13,400
And the funny thing is that's how I was from Long Town in Cleveland, Missouri.

459
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:16,400
Yeah, yes.

460
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,700
It warped you living in there.

461
00:21:18,700 --> 00:21:21,200
Something about Cass County warped you.

462
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:25,100
Thank God I was from Belmont. I had half a chance.

463
00:21:25,100 --> 00:21:27,700
Well, you guys were in Cass County, too.

464
00:21:27,700 --> 00:21:30,900
Your only saving grace was you were in Northern Cass County.

465
00:21:30,900 --> 00:21:37,000
So you could jump over to Jackson County every now and then.

466
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:39,900
But where we all met, Justin James Steakhouse working.

467
00:21:39,900 --> 00:21:40,800
Oh, my God.

468
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:43,900
Remember how we used to rack the piss out of each other?

469
00:21:43,900 --> 00:21:45,500
What a fun day at work.

470
00:21:45,500 --> 00:21:47,900
Yeah, we got some stories about that place.

471
00:21:47,900 --> 00:21:50,300
Oh, shit.

472
00:21:50,300 --> 00:21:53,400
We'll have to have a whole podcast on Justin James.

473
00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:54,700
Oh, God. Yeah.

474
00:21:54,700 --> 00:21:58,800
I remember you kept cracking me in the nuts every time I walk around the corner.

475
00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:01,600
No, no. No, your brother started that.

476
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:04,000
Oh, that's right. John did. Yeah.

477
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:07,800
But did he hate it when me and you would nail him?

478
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:10,500
Oh, I know.

479
00:22:10,500 --> 00:22:15,000
It's just that it just made us laugh even harder.

480
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:16,300
You get all mad.

481
00:22:16,300 --> 00:22:17,100
Remember when we took...

482
00:22:17,100 --> 00:22:19,400
You're the one that fucking started it.

483
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:23,300
Remember when we took those steel steak plates?

484
00:22:23,300 --> 00:22:25,400
We cooled them off first.

485
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:28,100
We took the steak plates, stuck them down our pants,

486
00:22:28,100 --> 00:22:30,500
and then we'd come up there to hit us in the nuts with...

487
00:22:30,500 --> 00:22:35,600
He'd about break his fucking fist.

488
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:38,300
He started, you know...

489
00:22:38,300 --> 00:22:40,800
Oh, and then there was the metal spoons.

490
00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:43,200
Oh, the metal spoons fucking hurt like hell.

491
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:43,800
I'll bet they were.

492
00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:46,100
These large metal spoons.

493
00:22:46,100 --> 00:22:49,300
You sneak up behind someone while they're like doing something.

494
00:22:49,300 --> 00:22:51,900
You go in between their legs when they just smack.

495
00:22:51,900 --> 00:22:53,800
Oh my God, that hurt.

496
00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:54,800
Oh, gosh.

497
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:59,300
You had four additions from every time.

498
00:22:59,300 --> 00:23:01,000
Oh, fuck.

499
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,300
And then we threw those beets on each other.

500
00:23:03,300 --> 00:23:05,900
Whoever's wearing a white shirt, they were toast.

501
00:23:05,900 --> 00:23:06,600
Oh, yeah.

502
00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:09,900
Those purplish beets,

503
00:23:09,900 --> 00:23:11,700
they would not come out of a white shirt.

504
00:23:11,700 --> 00:23:12,600
No. Yeah, they were red.

505
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:16,600
No, they were not.

506
00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:19,600
You screwed.

507
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:21,100
Oh, yeah. Yep.

508
00:23:21,100 --> 00:23:23,600
And all the after parties.

509
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:24,700
Oh, fuck.

510
00:23:24,700 --> 00:23:26,700
The after parties were insane.

511
00:23:26,700 --> 00:23:28,100
Oh, my God.

512
00:23:28,100 --> 00:23:29,700
Oh, gosh.

513
00:23:29,700 --> 00:23:33,400
Like a railroad side start train shot gun because of us.

514
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:36,000
Hey, I told this story before.

515
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,700
Remember how we used to piss in Pepsi cans

516
00:23:38,700 --> 00:23:42,000
and put them in the fridge?

517
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:43,600
We covered that on a podcast.

518
00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:46,600
That was one of our pranks.

519
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,100
Yes, elaborate pranks.

520
00:23:48,100 --> 00:23:48,800
Yeah.

521
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:51,700
So anyhow, were you ever a victim of that

522
00:23:51,700 --> 00:23:53,800
or did we always let you know?

523
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:54,900
No, you let me know.

524
00:23:54,900 --> 00:23:56,100
Okay, that's good.

525
00:23:56,100 --> 00:23:57,700
All right. You were one of the elite.

526
00:23:57,700 --> 00:23:58,500
We let you know.

527
00:23:58,500 --> 00:24:00,200
I was the little brother.

528
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:03,400
I was protected.

529
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:04,600
But it was so cool.

530
00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:07,200
I had a little poor soul, and he was on that.

531
00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:08,000
Oh, I know.

532
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:09,400
Whoever the new ones were,

533
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:13,600
we knew me, Robbie, Davey, my brother,

534
00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:17,700
anyone that counted, Brian, BJ,

535
00:24:17,700 --> 00:24:19,600
yeah, all of them, anyone that counted,

536
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:24,100
knew that the good Pepsi's were in the back room

537
00:24:24,100 --> 00:24:26,000
in the refrigerator there.

538
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:31,300
And then the pissed Pepsi's were in the regular refrigerator.

539
00:24:31,300 --> 00:24:33,700
And anyone, whenever someone woke up

540
00:24:33,700 --> 00:24:37,000
and they were thirsty as fuck and they needed caffeine,

541
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:38,900
they go to the first refrigerator,

542
00:24:38,900 --> 00:24:41,300
not knowing about the second one in the back,

543
00:24:41,300 --> 00:24:45,200
and they would grab that fucking Pepsi and gulp it down.

544
00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:49,600
And Davey would be upstairs in the closet sleeping,

545
00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:51,900
and I would be out in the garage sleeping

546
00:24:51,900 --> 00:24:53,400
so no one could get us.

547
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:54,500
And I don't know what you did.

548
00:24:54,500 --> 00:24:56,900
I think you went up to my house, didn't you?

549
00:24:56,900 --> 00:24:58,400
Went up there and just told the parents

550
00:24:58,400 --> 00:24:59,600
you were going to sleep there?

551
00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:04,200
I would stay up there and keep mom and dad with you and John.

552
00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:05,500
That's what I thought.

553
00:25:05,500 --> 00:25:07,500
You know, the first scream we'd hear,

554
00:25:07,500 --> 00:25:09,600
I'd try to figure out who it was, all right, who drank it,

555
00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:10,600
who was that?

556
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:13,200
That's that one little kid that came,

557
00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:16,500
ha ha ha, he drank the best.

558
00:25:16,500 --> 00:25:19,500
Yeah, he'd hear screams throughout the whole fucking town.

559
00:25:19,500 --> 00:25:20,600
Oh, god, yeah.

560
00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:22,100
Remember how we used to wake people up

561
00:25:22,100 --> 00:25:24,600
with that fucking board to the ass?

562
00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:25,900
Oh, my god.

563
00:25:25,900 --> 00:25:28,100
There would be someone just passed out,

564
00:25:28,100 --> 00:25:30,600
and we'd take his board and just smack him in the ass

565
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:32,500
as hard as we could.

566
00:25:32,500 --> 00:25:35,100
It'd be like frozen scream.

567
00:25:35,100 --> 00:25:36,200
They couldn't scream.

568
00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:38,900
They'd just be like lying there holding themselves

569
00:25:38,900 --> 00:25:41,900
with their mouth open and nothing coming out.

570
00:25:41,900 --> 00:25:44,100
Okay, I was the small guy.

571
00:25:44,100 --> 00:25:46,400
I got it a couple times.

572
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:47,900
Yeah, you did get it a couple times.

573
00:25:47,900 --> 00:25:50,900
Yeah, I did.

574
00:25:50,900 --> 00:25:54,300
But I was mad enough, I'd joke.

575
00:25:54,300 --> 00:25:55,800
Oh, yeah, no, no, no, no, you did.

576
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:56,900
You knew the initiation.

577
00:25:56,900 --> 00:25:58,700
You knew that eventually

578
00:25:58,700 --> 00:26:00,800
you were going to be doing that to other people.

579
00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:01,600
Yep.

580
00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:03,200
And I did.

581
00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:04,300
And you graduated,

582
00:26:04,300 --> 00:26:08,800
and then you were part of the punishers

583
00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:12,000
instead of the victim.

584
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:13,100
Yeah.

585
00:26:13,100 --> 00:26:14,700
You got to take your turn in the...

586
00:26:14,700 --> 00:26:16,100
How about you guys?

587
00:26:16,100 --> 00:26:18,600
Yeah.

588
00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:22,400
What I want to know is when someone drank the piss Pepsi

589
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:24,100
and then spat it out everywhere,

590
00:26:24,100 --> 00:26:25,800
who had to clean it up?

591
00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:28,900
Oh, that would have been Davy's mom.

592
00:26:28,900 --> 00:26:31,300
Davy's mom when she got home.

593
00:26:31,300 --> 00:26:33,100
Oh, yeah.

594
00:26:33,100 --> 00:26:34,500
We'd all be gone.

595
00:26:34,500 --> 00:26:35,700
Davy might have cleaned it up.

596
00:26:35,700 --> 00:26:37,700
We don't know, but no, no, no, no.

597
00:26:37,700 --> 00:26:39,200
We weren't down there to do any cleaning.

598
00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:40,500
We were there to do wrecking.

599
00:26:40,500 --> 00:26:42,400
Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

600
00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:43,100
Yeah.

601
00:26:43,100 --> 00:26:45,000
And knowing Davy, he probably left it anyhow.

602
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:46,300
He's probably like, I'm not cleaning it up.

603
00:26:46,300 --> 00:26:48,600
I'm going to blame it on someone else.

604
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:50,600
Yeah, Mark's also the one that got me

605
00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:52,600
an eating gloom and a beer can.

606
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:53,500
Oh, cool.

607
00:26:53,500 --> 00:26:55,100
Oh, yeah, yep.

608
00:26:55,100 --> 00:26:55,800
Yeah.

609
00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:58,500
But we have these parties at work.

610
00:26:58,500 --> 00:27:01,800
There'd be 50 to 100 people at the park, a lot of...

611
00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:04,100
either Jess and Jim's or our seats.

612
00:27:04,100 --> 00:27:05,200
Uh-huh.

613
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:09,400
And since Mark got me an eating beer can along with him,

614
00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:12,500
because that was his thing,

615
00:27:12,500 --> 00:27:17,000
they would come up and stop either one of us throughout the night.

616
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:19,300
I can't believe we did shit like that.

617
00:27:19,300 --> 00:27:20,500
Oh, my God, dude.

618
00:27:20,500 --> 00:27:21,800
I don't know how we fucked.

619
00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:23,800
I don't know how we're still breathing.

620
00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:25,500
I don't either.

621
00:27:25,500 --> 00:27:28,000
That little man should have tore us up.

622
00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:29,000
Oh, I know, he should have.

623
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:31,400
No, no, people would hear about us.

624
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:33,600
Are you one of the ones that needs a beer can?

625
00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:34,900
Yeah.

626
00:27:34,900 --> 00:27:36,600
Well, let me see you eat a beer can.

627
00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:37,500
Well, why do you need a beer?

628
00:27:37,500 --> 00:27:38,900
Get me a beer.

629
00:27:38,900 --> 00:27:41,700
All they give us a beer, we check our beer.

630
00:27:41,700 --> 00:27:43,600
I remember I used to have people come up to me...

631
00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:46,100
You know, and we...

632
00:27:46,100 --> 00:27:48,400
By the time, you know, we'd take a bite or two,

633
00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:50,300
chew it up, swallow it.

634
00:27:50,300 --> 00:27:53,500
Oh, they were amazed on their first swallow.

635
00:27:53,500 --> 00:27:56,500
And, uh...

636
00:27:56,500 --> 00:27:59,800
we'd only have to take two or three bites, and...

637
00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:01,600
by that time, something else was going on.

638
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:03,100
They'd walk off, we'd show the camera.

639
00:28:03,100 --> 00:28:06,200
Oh, I know, but we were heroes because we did that.

640
00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:07,900
But we were badasses.

641
00:28:07,900 --> 00:28:08,600
No, I know.

642
00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:12,600
Because we were eating aluminum cans, you know.

643
00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:14,700
Yeah.

644
00:28:14,700 --> 00:28:17,900
I think someone sitting behind just ripped a great big one.

645
00:28:17,900 --> 00:28:19,800
It's pretty toxic right here, right now.

646
00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:21,400
Yeah, it is.

647
00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:23,300
No, that may have been my cat.

648
00:28:23,300 --> 00:28:26,600
Oh, okay.

649
00:28:26,600 --> 00:28:29,000
No, but I remember I used to have people come up to me,

650
00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:32,300
and, you know, I had, like, the multicolored long hair

651
00:28:32,300 --> 00:28:35,300
down to my elbows and it's sticking out everywhere.

652
00:28:35,300 --> 00:28:37,200
And people go, oh, hey, I heard about you.

653
00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:38,100
You're Mark.

654
00:28:38,100 --> 00:28:39,100
Yeah.

655
00:28:39,100 --> 00:28:42,000
Do something crazy.

656
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:44,100
And then I have to, on the spot, do something crazy.

657
00:28:44,100 --> 00:28:46,400
I have to come up with something nuts.

658
00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:48,100
I just want to go and take a poo.

659
00:28:48,100 --> 00:28:49,300
Boo.

660
00:28:53,300 --> 00:28:57,700
I remember I was telling the story about...

661
00:28:57,700 --> 00:29:01,800
We had one of our famous hotel parties, right?

662
00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:03,300
Which ones?

663
00:29:03,300 --> 00:29:04,400
Well, I'll tell you the one.

664
00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:07,600
I can't remember every one.

665
00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:09,400
Okay, well, I'll tell you this.

666
00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:10,200
You were there.

667
00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:11,400
I do remember.

668
00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:13,800
But I told this at my brother's funeral

669
00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:17,800
because this is what my brother had to endure for me.

670
00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:19,200
Okay.

671
00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:23,800
So we're having a party down there at Blue Ridge Inn.

672
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:27,000
And I didn't expect everyone to show up.

673
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:30,700
And there's that one little bus girl.

674
00:29:30,700 --> 00:29:32,800
God, I can't...

675
00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:33,400
What is her name?

676
00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:35,100
Macy?

677
00:29:35,100 --> 00:29:37,500
I couldn't remember any of them.

678
00:29:37,500 --> 00:29:40,200
Well, anyhow, I was trying to nail her.

679
00:29:40,200 --> 00:29:41,300
So I talked her into going down

680
00:29:41,300 --> 00:29:43,300
and having a little private party with me.

681
00:29:43,300 --> 00:29:45,300
And I don't know if I was going to get any or not,

682
00:29:45,300 --> 00:29:48,000
but it's a good start to skin her alone.

683
00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:50,000
And well, no, no, here's what happened.

684
00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:55,100
You and Brian and Davey and my brother found out

685
00:29:55,100 --> 00:29:57,000
that I rented a room down there somehow.

686
00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:58,400
Brian Eggers.

687
00:29:58,400 --> 00:30:00,300
Yes, Brian Eggers was one of them.

688
00:30:00,300 --> 00:30:02,100
You guys found out I rented a room there,

689
00:30:02,100 --> 00:30:04,200
and you came and broke up the party.

690
00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:06,700
Jeff, Jeff and Jimmy.

691
00:30:06,700 --> 00:30:09,100
That was your brother, by the way.

692
00:30:09,100 --> 00:30:10,500
Oh, my brother figured it out.

693
00:30:10,500 --> 00:30:11,100
Oh.

694
00:30:11,100 --> 00:30:13,100
No, no, I remember that.

695
00:30:13,100 --> 00:30:14,700
No, that was your brother.

696
00:30:14,700 --> 00:30:15,900
Okay.

697
00:30:15,900 --> 00:30:21,500
How the hell would it be smart to figure that out?

698
00:30:21,500 --> 00:30:22,300
Yeah, you're right.

699
00:30:22,300 --> 00:30:24,700
Well, okay, then he cracked the code.

700
00:30:24,700 --> 00:30:26,200
He broke the sauce both gone,

701
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:28,400
and he knew the only place I could rent a room in town

702
00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:30,200
at that time was there,

703
00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:33,100
because every other place had my fucking picture.

704
00:30:33,100 --> 00:30:35,300
And don't rent to this guy.

705
00:30:35,300 --> 00:30:39,200
So because we were so notorious for tearing up hotel rooms.

706
00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:43,400
So, so anyhow, I'm down there,

707
00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:45,900
and I think it might have been Jimmy and,

708
00:30:45,900 --> 00:30:48,600
and it wasn't you and John,

709
00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:52,200
like started banging on the door.

710
00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:53,900
And I'm like, guys, get out of here, man.

711
00:30:53,900 --> 00:30:55,500
Get out of here. I'm trying to get something done.

712
00:30:55,500 --> 00:30:56,300
You know what I'm saying?

713
00:30:56,300 --> 00:30:57,400
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

714
00:30:57,400 --> 00:30:59,000
That would be Jimmy and John.

715
00:30:59,000 --> 00:30:59,700
Yeah.

716
00:30:59,700 --> 00:31:03,400
And then you start kicking the fucking door in open off.

717
00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:08,400
So I had to let you guys in.

718
00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:13,300
So anyhow, the one thing led to another, you know,

719
00:31:13,300 --> 00:31:14,600
she leaves, she's mad.

720
00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:17,000
She thinks like I'm trying to do something crazy on her.

721
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:19,400
I'm like, no, I did not invite these guys.

722
00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:20,900
I'm trying to get them out of here.

723
00:31:20,900 --> 00:31:21,700
So she leaves.

724
00:31:21,700 --> 00:31:23,800
I'm like, all right, well, we'll start partying.

725
00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:27,100
I forgot that I read it under my regular name

726
00:31:27,100 --> 00:31:30,200
because I wasn't going to tear that place up.

727
00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:30,900
Yep.

728
00:31:30,900 --> 00:31:36,300
So you guys fucking trashed the place.

729
00:31:36,300 --> 00:31:38,800
I mean, you're like kicking holes in the wall

730
00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:40,800
and then fucking putting beer cans in here.

731
00:31:40,800 --> 00:31:42,400
This is my beer holder.

732
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:45,000
And you ripped up the mattress.

733
00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:46,600
You fucking smashed the mirrors.

734
00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:51,300
You grow helter skelter all over everything.

735
00:31:51,300 --> 00:31:58,600
So the next day, I would have, I would have, you know what?

736
00:31:58,600 --> 00:31:59,400
Here's the deal.

737
00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:02,500
I got out of it because my brother took the hit for me

738
00:32:02,500 --> 00:32:04,700
and he didn't even know he was.

739
00:32:04,700 --> 00:32:06,500
I don't know if you remember this or not

740
00:32:06,500 --> 00:32:08,900
because it happened right before everybody got there.

741
00:32:08,900 --> 00:32:11,700
Remember how we used to get paid on a Saturday night?

742
00:32:11,700 --> 00:32:12,200
Yeah.

743
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:13,900
Right before our shift.

744
00:32:13,900 --> 00:32:14,400
Yeah.

745
00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:16,700
OK, well, I was next door at Linwood Superfoods,

746
00:32:16,700 --> 00:32:18,800
getting my check cashed.

747
00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:24,100
And anyhow, I just get my check and the cops show up.

748
00:32:24,100 --> 00:32:26,200
And they're like, yeah, we're looking for Mark.

749
00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:29,500
And I'm like, Mark, and I'm looking really kind of stupid.

750
00:32:29,500 --> 00:32:32,900
Wallace, it looks just like you.

751
00:32:32,900 --> 00:32:36,400
Oh, oh, oh, no, no, no, I'm not.

752
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:37,700
Well, who are you?

753
00:32:37,700 --> 00:32:39,800
I'm John Wallace.

754
00:32:42,900 --> 00:32:44,500
Are you his brother?

755
00:32:44,500 --> 00:32:46,500
Yeah, yeah.

756
00:32:46,500 --> 00:32:48,600
You have any ID?

757
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:50,700
No, no, don't have any on me.

758
00:32:50,700 --> 00:32:52,300
I was just going to work.

759
00:32:52,300 --> 00:32:53,800
You know where your brother's at.

760
00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:55,200
And they're really cautious.

761
00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:57,600
They're really looking me up and down.

762
00:32:57,600 --> 00:32:58,900
And they're really cautious.

763
00:32:58,900 --> 00:33:00,900
I go, I'm not him.

764
00:33:00,900 --> 00:33:01,600
I'm his brother.

765
00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:02,800
I just didn't want you to know when

766
00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:04,800
I had anything to do with him because he probably

767
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:06,200
did something stupid, didn't he?

768
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:07,900
Well, you could say that.

769
00:33:07,900 --> 00:33:11,100
OK, well, you know where your brother is?

770
00:33:11,100 --> 00:33:12,000
No?

771
00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:13,000
No?

772
00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:16,100
He said something about going to Alabama.

773
00:33:16,100 --> 00:33:20,400
You're looking at me even fucking weirder.

774
00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:22,400
OK, well, I just got my check.

775
00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:23,200
I got to go cash it.

776
00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:24,000
I'll be right back.

777
00:33:26,500 --> 00:33:27,200
Excuse me.

778
00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:32,200
So they're like, OK, I'm going out the front.

779
00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:34,200
Little did I know, my brother's coming in the back.

780
00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:38,900
He comes in the back.

781
00:33:38,900 --> 00:33:41,300
And they turn around, who are you?

782
00:33:41,300 --> 00:33:43,600
I'm John Wallace.

783
00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:47,400
Bullshit, we just talked to him.

784
00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:48,400
You have any ID?

785
00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:49,700
He really didn't.

786
00:33:49,700 --> 00:33:52,100
He really didn't have any ID.

787
00:33:52,100 --> 00:33:54,400
He left into the home and he had a sweat sock.

788
00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:55,500
Perfect storm.

789
00:33:55,500 --> 00:33:57,800
Yeah, so they grab him.

790
00:33:57,800 --> 00:34:00,000
And he was just coming in to get his check.

791
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:04,600
He was going to Aerosmith and Guns and Roses that night.

792
00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:06,600
Not anymore.

793
00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:08,400
So I come back from living with super foods.

794
00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:10,600
They're like, man, you know that the fucking cops

795
00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:11,800
hauled your brother off?

796
00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:13,500
What?

797
00:34:13,500 --> 00:34:14,700
What?

798
00:34:14,700 --> 00:34:16,800
Yeah, they hauled your brother off.

799
00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:18,800
Oh, shit.

800
00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:19,800
No shit.

801
00:34:19,800 --> 00:34:21,100
Yeah.

802
00:34:21,100 --> 00:34:22,300
Yeah, you know what he did?

803
00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:28,900
I know what they think he did.

804
00:34:35,100 --> 00:34:38,300
So he spent the night in jail for me.

805
00:34:38,300 --> 00:34:43,600
He missed Guns and Roses and Aerosmith.

806
00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:45,200
Oh, he was madder than fuck.

807
00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:48,600
I stayed gone for like four days until he calmed down.

808
00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:52,400
I just got reports back from like you and Davey and going,

809
00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:53,700
hey, how mad's John today?

810
00:34:53,700 --> 00:34:55,600
Hey, he's calmed down quite a bit.

811
00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:56,600
Hey, you think he's over?

812
00:34:56,600 --> 00:34:59,600
Yeah, you think I can come back home?

813
00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:01,400
I think maybe one more day and you'll probably

814
00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:04,000
be OK coming back home.

815
00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:06,200
I had to do shit for him for a year.

816
00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:07,400
Oh, my God.

817
00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:11,300
Yeah, like, hey, go steal me some gas from Milk and More.

818
00:35:11,300 --> 00:35:12,200
Here's my keys.

819
00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:18,600
100% fucking true.

820
00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:30,400
Motley Crue to those laymen out there.

821
00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:35,600
When Tommy was in the ball, you know?

822
00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:36,100
Oh, yeah.

823
00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:41,600
Me and you and Tom were in Master Mall.

824
00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:44,800
I don't know what record store, but we were in a record store.

825
00:35:44,800 --> 00:35:46,600
Street side.

826
00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:47,600
What was the street side?

827
00:35:47,600 --> 00:35:48,800
Street side.

828
00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:56,800
Sean Bon Jovi and Sam Morrow walked in.

829
00:35:56,800 --> 00:35:59,700
Started bragging, hey, you know, we're going to be in town.

830
00:35:59,700 --> 00:36:01,200
You guys got tickets?

831
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:03,600
Me, you, and John, all three looked down and said,

832
00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:06,000
no, we got tickets.

833
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:08,000
Oh, they got tickets.

834
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:08,500
I know.

835
00:36:08,500 --> 00:36:11,000
They were.

836
00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:14,000
They walked out of the record store because of us.

837
00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:18,000
And there were a lot of people mad at us because of that, too.

838
00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:23,000
Well, Crue went on sale like two weeks before Bon Jovi did.

839
00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:24,000
No, but I think they were.

840
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:25,500
We got Crue after we gave Bon Jovi.

841
00:36:25,500 --> 00:36:27,200
I think they're going to give us tickets.

842
00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:28,600
I think we screwed that up.

843
00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:29,400
Oh, yeah.

844
00:36:29,400 --> 00:36:32,400
I think it was part of a video thing because when I looked around,

845
00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:35,200
there were videotaping the whole thing.

846
00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:38,000
They wanted us to go, oh, my God, we got Bon Jovi tickets.

847
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:39,600
Thank you so much.

848
00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:42,000
And instead, we're like, no, we don't want any.

849
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:43,200
We got Crue tickets.

850
00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:45,400
Plus the fact that you mentioned another band.

851
00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:46,000
Yes.

852
00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:48,300
We got tickets for Crue.

853
00:36:48,300 --> 00:36:50,400
I forgot all about that, dude.

854
00:36:50,400 --> 00:36:55,100
Oh, that was a good time.

855
00:36:55,100 --> 00:36:57,100
Yeah, that was crazy.

856
00:36:57,100 --> 00:36:58,000
God, I forgot.

857
00:36:58,000 --> 00:37:05,200
I wish life was that easy now and we're older and life ain't that easy.

858
00:37:05,200 --> 00:37:06,400
Well, you know what?

859
00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:09,400
Here's what I've noticed, Robbie, is this right here.

860
00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:13,200
You know, I told you, I recently switched career paths

861
00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:17,200
and I don't do nearly as physical work as I used to.

862
00:37:17,200 --> 00:37:18,100
And it's good.

863
00:37:18,100 --> 00:37:19,000
It's good for me.

864
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:20,600
We had this talk yesterday.

865
00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:21,400
Yeah.

866
00:37:21,400 --> 00:37:24,400
Now, I enjoyed going out of town for a long time.

867
00:37:24,400 --> 00:37:28,200
I enjoyed seeing sites I would have never seen ever

868
00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:31,700
if I didn't have the opportunity to travel so much as when I did.

869
00:37:31,700 --> 00:37:35,500
I'd seen every part of America that I probably should have never seen.

870
00:37:35,500 --> 00:37:37,200
But here's the deal right here.

871
00:37:37,200 --> 00:37:40,200
Now that I've done all that and it's not so important

872
00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:45,900
that I go see everything and all that, I'm really in a great place

873
00:37:45,900 --> 00:37:48,400
because now I'm stationary.

874
00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:50,300
My job's not nearly as physical.

875
00:37:50,300 --> 00:37:51,700
I get to use my brain more.

876
00:37:51,700 --> 00:37:53,600
Well, I use my brain a lot doing that too.

877
00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:54,500
I had to.

878
00:37:54,500 --> 00:37:58,000
But anyhow, the thing is, is this right here.

879
00:37:58,000 --> 00:38:03,700
It's a much more relaxed living and I get to do stuff I want like this podcast.

880
00:38:03,700 --> 00:38:08,400
I mean, Christopher here are about the same on life right now.

881
00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:09,600
I mean, he's retired though.

882
00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:12,700
So he gets to do a little bit more of what he wants to do,

883
00:38:12,700 --> 00:38:17,000
like play guitars and buy more guitars and all this cool shit.

884
00:38:17,000 --> 00:38:19,600
So, you know, he's a little ahead of me.

885
00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:25,400
But I think we're right in life where we really are enjoying everything that we're doing.

886
00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:28,200
If we don't enjoy it, we just throw it out.

887
00:38:28,200 --> 00:38:28,500
Yeah.

888
00:38:28,500 --> 00:38:29,900
And you'll be there too, Robbie.

889
00:38:29,900 --> 00:38:31,400
You'll be there.

890
00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:32,500
You're a little bit younger.

891
00:38:32,500 --> 00:38:33,800
That's all.

892
00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:34,800
Do what?

893
00:38:34,800 --> 00:38:37,300
Right now, I am at that door.

894
00:38:37,300 --> 00:38:38,000
Okay.

895
00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:40,800
I'm about to walk through that door right now.

896
00:38:40,800 --> 00:38:43,500
I have an opportunity.

897
00:38:43,500 --> 00:38:46,900
It's just, it's a new opportunity.

898
00:38:46,900 --> 00:38:50,200
And I'm still standoffish.

899
00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:52,100
It's a new girlfriend.

900
00:38:52,100 --> 00:38:53,800
Okay.

901
00:38:53,800 --> 00:38:55,700
Is this when you're nailing the piss out of her,

902
00:38:55,700 --> 00:38:58,500
breaking her down like a shotgun while listening to us?

903
00:38:58,500 --> 00:39:00,000
The one that lives up there, yeah.

904
00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:04,100
Yeah, okay.

905
00:39:04,100 --> 00:39:07,300
Keeping it classy here on two douchebags and a microphone.

906
00:39:07,300 --> 00:39:08,100
It's our name.

907
00:39:08,100 --> 00:39:10,900
It's our name.

908
00:39:10,900 --> 00:39:12,600
No, no, no.

909
00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:14,600
Well, Mark might get to be here.

910
00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:16,500
You never know.

911
00:39:16,500 --> 00:39:17,900
Yeah, well, hopefully.

912
00:39:17,900 --> 00:39:19,000
I'm harmless.

913
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:21,900
I speak this shit, but you know I'm harmless.

914
00:39:21,900 --> 00:39:25,200
Yeah.

915
00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:28,400
Anyhow, well, I mean, she sounds great.

916
00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:29,300
And I hope...

917
00:39:29,300 --> 00:39:32,300
I'll get Valerie over here and come tell her that.

918
00:39:32,300 --> 00:39:33,700
Oh, yeah, yeah.

919
00:39:33,700 --> 00:39:35,300
Well, as soon as she gets out of the hospital,

920
00:39:35,300 --> 00:39:36,300
don't bother her right now.

921
00:39:36,300 --> 00:39:39,300
She's trying to get better.

922
00:39:39,300 --> 00:39:41,600
Well, hey.

923
00:39:41,600 --> 00:39:45,000
You got my woman.

924
00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:47,400
I made her sick.

925
00:39:47,400 --> 00:39:50,000
No.

926
00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:51,300
And I wish I will.

927
00:39:51,300 --> 00:39:52,300
You know that?

928
00:39:52,300 --> 00:39:54,000
Yeah, she's doing better.

929
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:56,100
She's doing better.

930
00:39:56,100 --> 00:40:02,800
So anyhow, I mean, it could have been a hell of a lot worse,

931
00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:03,500
that's for sure.

932
00:40:03,500 --> 00:40:05,000
Yeah, it's got to be.

933
00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:06,200
Yeah, but no, no, no.

934
00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:08,200
When she gets out, then you can tell her to get after me

935
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:10,300
if I do anything too obscene.

936
00:40:10,300 --> 00:40:11,800
Oh, you'd better believe I will.

937
00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:14,000
Yeah, that'd probably be the best plan of action.

938
00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:17,300
Matter of fact, that should be your only plan of action.

939
00:40:17,300 --> 00:40:20,300
Yeah, if I get too obscene, just get a hold of her.

940
00:40:20,300 --> 00:40:23,800
She'll straighten it out.

941
00:40:23,800 --> 00:40:25,600
She'll go, what'd he do?

942
00:40:25,600 --> 00:40:26,500
OK, hang on.

943
00:40:26,500 --> 00:40:27,300
Hang on one second.

944
00:40:27,300 --> 00:40:28,100
Just hang on, Rob.

945
00:40:28,100 --> 00:40:29,100
Go for it.

946
00:40:29,100 --> 00:40:32,900
No.

947
00:40:32,900 --> 00:40:38,600
Anyhow, let's see.

948
00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:47,600
So anything you want to say or any stories you want to tell?

949
00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:48,900
Or you know?

950
00:40:48,900 --> 00:40:50,200
Oh my god.

951
00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:51,900
We ain't got time.

952
00:40:51,900 --> 00:40:52,700
Well, you know what?

953
00:40:52,700 --> 00:40:56,700
When you come up here, when you come up here and do the podcast,

954
00:40:56,700 --> 00:40:58,400
I will have some stories written out

955
00:40:58,400 --> 00:41:01,700
that I want you and I to talk about some of the shit.

956
00:41:01,700 --> 00:41:07,000
Hey, I would not be objective to coming down and setting down

957
00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:09,600
that you're going to be talking about this.

958
00:41:09,600 --> 00:41:10,800
Yeah.

959
00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:11,300
Yeah.

960
00:41:11,300 --> 00:41:13,500
I'll get on with you.

961
00:41:13,500 --> 00:41:17,700
Hey, I did a little DJ work back in the day.

962
00:41:17,700 --> 00:41:21,600
So yeah, I don't mind getting shit.

963
00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:22,700
All right.

964
00:41:22,700 --> 00:41:23,200
Yeah.

965
00:41:23,200 --> 00:41:26,300
Yeah, so when we get into a lot of the stories,

966
00:41:26,300 --> 00:41:27,800
you need to be right next to me.

967
00:41:27,800 --> 00:41:30,300
Yeah, we can go way back.

968
00:41:30,300 --> 00:41:31,500
Come on, we go back.

969
00:41:31,500 --> 00:41:34,300
85 to what?

970
00:41:34,300 --> 00:41:35,800
Oh, god.

971
00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:40,200
I think 88 was part of the last time I actually seen you.

972
00:41:40,200 --> 00:41:41,600
Was it that long ago?

973
00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:42,800
Yeah, I think so.

974
00:41:42,800 --> 00:41:44,300
Wow.

975
00:41:44,300 --> 00:41:45,700
Crazy.

976
00:41:45,700 --> 00:41:46,700
Yeah.

977
00:41:46,700 --> 00:41:52,500
But all these years, not speaking to you, not seeing you,

978
00:41:52,500 --> 00:41:56,700
no contact, I've always felt like a brother.

979
00:41:56,700 --> 00:41:57,700
Oh, you always were.

980
00:41:57,700 --> 00:41:58,200
Yeah.

981
00:41:58,200 --> 00:41:59,700
And we got in contact.

982
00:41:59,700 --> 00:42:02,700
Then I got in contact with you and John.

983
00:42:02,700 --> 00:42:04,900
We've always been brothers.

984
00:42:04,900 --> 00:42:06,100
Yeah.

985
00:42:06,100 --> 00:42:07,100
Oh, yeah.

986
00:42:07,100 --> 00:42:09,200
And I will love you always.

987
00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:10,800
Well, it's the same here, man.

988
00:42:10,800 --> 00:42:11,700
Love you always.

989
00:42:11,700 --> 00:42:14,700
You're always a dear friend, a brother.

990
00:42:14,700 --> 00:42:20,300
And I think the rest of the gang feel the same way.

991
00:42:20,300 --> 00:42:24,300
Well, hopefully I get up there and see you, buddy.

992
00:42:24,300 --> 00:42:26,700
I don't get up there once in a while,

993
00:42:26,700 --> 00:42:28,700
but I'm a little busy one there.

994
00:42:28,700 --> 00:42:30,700
You know, BJ listens to this podcast.

995
00:42:30,700 --> 00:42:33,100
You got anything you want to say to him?

996
00:42:33,100 --> 00:42:33,900
BJ?

997
00:42:33,900 --> 00:42:35,100
BJ?

998
00:42:35,100 --> 00:42:36,000
Bryson?

999
00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:36,900
Bryson, yeah.

1000
00:42:41,900 --> 00:42:43,500
He lives in Belton somewhere.

1001
00:42:43,500 --> 00:42:45,700
Yeah, yeah, I know he does.

1002
00:42:45,700 --> 00:42:47,900
Well, I know he listens to you, but yeah, I'm kind of

1003
00:42:47,900 --> 00:42:49,700
friendly with him on Facebook.

1004
00:42:49,700 --> 00:42:50,200
OK.

1005
00:42:50,200 --> 00:42:51,700
He's been a long time, man.

1006
00:42:51,700 --> 00:42:55,600
You want to threaten to kick him in the nuts or something?

1007
00:42:55,600 --> 00:43:00,700
Well, why else are we going to need to?

1008
00:43:00,700 --> 00:43:01,100
You know what?

1009
00:43:01,100 --> 00:43:01,800
I'll do it.

1010
00:43:01,800 --> 00:43:03,200
I'll do it.

1011
00:43:03,200 --> 00:43:05,300
BJ, this is your warning.

1012
00:43:05,300 --> 00:43:07,500
I'm going to kick you in the nuts while Robbie watches.

1013
00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:15,200
So you best get the McCurricum and ice bags out right now.

1014
00:43:15,200 --> 00:43:18,900
Doug is about to come back to town, so.

1015
00:43:18,900 --> 00:43:21,800
Slide one of those steak plates down into your pants.

1016
00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:25,300
Oh, I broke many a knuckles.

1017
00:43:30,200 --> 00:43:32,100
Oh, those things were great.

1018
00:43:32,100 --> 00:43:33,900
Oh, they did, didn't they?

1019
00:43:33,900 --> 00:43:35,500
Yeah, yep.

1020
00:43:35,500 --> 00:43:37,800
They hit you as you smile at them.

1021
00:43:37,800 --> 00:43:39,900
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1022
00:43:39,900 --> 00:43:42,200
You're like, hey, how's your knuckle?

1023
00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:45,100
What the hell you put down there?

1024
00:43:45,100 --> 00:43:46,500
Just my brass balls.

1025
00:43:46,500 --> 00:43:50,400
Yeah, that's what my balls are normally are, son.

1026
00:43:50,400 --> 00:43:51,900
Don't be smacking on them.

1027
00:43:51,900 --> 00:43:54,100
You won't hurt your fucking wrist.

1028
00:43:54,100 --> 00:43:56,400
Didn't you hear him clanging together when I walked in?

1029
00:43:56,400 --> 00:43:56,900
Yeah.

1030
00:43:56,900 --> 00:43:59,300
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1031
00:43:59,300 --> 00:44:00,200
I remember.

1032
00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:03,200
Oh, yeah, someone take a spoon and crack your fucking steak

1033
00:44:03,200 --> 00:44:05,500
plate against your balls.

1034
00:44:05,500 --> 00:44:09,500
You can feel it in your fucking throat cavity in your teeth.

1035
00:44:09,500 --> 00:44:11,600
Yeah, metal and metal vibration.

1036
00:44:11,600 --> 00:44:12,100
Yeah.

1037
00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:19,000
Or the type Jim got me sticking a steak plate down my pants.

1038
00:44:19,000 --> 00:44:20,400
What the fuck are you doing?

1039
00:44:20,400 --> 00:44:22,200
He was the boss.

1040
00:44:22,200 --> 00:44:24,200
You nasty son of a bitch.

1041
00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:28,400
Get that out of your pants.

1042
00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:29,400
Watch that again.

1043
00:44:29,400 --> 00:44:32,400
Yeah, my grandpa was friends with Jim's father-in-law.

1044
00:44:32,400 --> 00:44:34,400
Filthy piece of crap.

1045
00:44:34,400 --> 00:44:38,900
My grandpa was friends with Jim's father-in-law.

1046
00:44:38,900 --> 00:44:40,900
And that's how I got on.

1047
00:44:40,900 --> 00:44:41,900
Oh, was it?

1048
00:44:41,900 --> 00:44:44,400
Yeah.

1049
00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:45,900
Oh, wow, I didn't know that.

1050
00:44:45,900 --> 00:44:47,900
Yeah, yeah.

1051
00:44:47,900 --> 00:44:49,400
Yeah, my 16th birthday.

1052
00:44:49,400 --> 00:44:51,900
I get home from high school one day.

1053
00:44:51,900 --> 00:44:55,400
I'm going to go get my driver's license when my grandpa's there.

1054
00:44:55,400 --> 00:45:00,900
No, my fucking grandpa takes me to Justin's in to get me a fucking job.

1055
00:45:00,900 --> 00:45:01,900
That's how I know.

1056
00:45:01,900 --> 00:45:02,900
There you go, boy.

1057
00:45:02,900 --> 00:45:05,900
I met you March 5, 1985.

1058
00:45:05,900 --> 00:45:06,700
Oh, wow.

1059
00:45:06,700 --> 00:45:09,200
My 16th birthday.

1060
00:45:09,200 --> 00:45:11,900
You're dressing in there and start applying.

1061
00:45:11,900 --> 00:45:15,900
No, I get home from school my 16th birthday.

1062
00:45:15,900 --> 00:45:16,700
Go get a job.

1063
00:45:16,700 --> 00:45:19,400
I couldn't even go home until I got that work.

1064
00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:20,600
I just stay at work.

1065
00:45:20,600 --> 00:45:23,600
You're like, I wonder what kind of cake I'm going to get when I get home.

1066
00:45:23,600 --> 00:45:25,700
Maybe I'll get that new bicycle.

1067
00:45:25,700 --> 00:45:26,700
No, Mark.

1068
00:45:26,700 --> 00:45:28,000
Hey, are we going to Disneyland?

1069
00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:29,200
No.

1070
00:45:29,200 --> 00:45:30,900
My grandpa dropped me a job.

1071
00:45:30,900 --> 00:45:32,400
I knew what I was in for.

1072
00:45:32,400 --> 00:45:36,900
This doesn't look like Disneyland, Beep-Bop.

1073
00:45:36,900 --> 00:45:39,700
Get your ass in there.

1074
00:45:39,700 --> 00:45:45,700
This is not Disneyland, Beep-Bop.

1075
00:45:45,700 --> 00:45:47,700
Oh, boy.

1076
00:45:47,700 --> 00:45:48,600
All right.

1077
00:45:48,600 --> 00:45:52,600
Well, do you want to stay on the line while we do a couple of stories?

1078
00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:54,600
If you want to, if you want me to.

1079
00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:55,100
All right.

1080
00:45:55,100 --> 00:45:55,600
Yeah, hell yeah.

1081
00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:56,600
I'm going to do another.

1082
00:45:56,600 --> 00:45:58,600
OK, that sounds cool.

1083
00:45:58,600 --> 00:45:59,600
All right.

1084
00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:02,600
Do you got something you want to go into, Topher?

1085
00:46:02,600 --> 00:46:08,600
Let me take a look here in my highly organized notebook.

1086
00:46:08,600 --> 00:46:09,100
All right.

1087
00:46:09,100 --> 00:46:14,600
And I've got another I call bullshit segment on White Castle this time.

1088
00:46:14,600 --> 00:46:15,600
Uh-huh.

1089
00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:25,600
So we I don't know how far along you're on the podcast, but we do a segment called I call bullshit.

1090
00:46:25,600 --> 00:46:26,600
Yeah, I know.

1091
00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:27,600
OK.

1092
00:46:27,600 --> 00:46:30,600
Well, I got another one on White Castle and what they've done.

1093
00:46:30,600 --> 00:46:32,600
But anyhow, go ahead, Topher.

1094
00:46:32,600 --> 00:46:35,600
Yes.

1095
00:46:35,600 --> 00:46:42,600
I was going to just make another side story to something I covered before.

1096
00:46:42,600 --> 00:46:52,600
I had mentioned in a previous show that there are a lot of things that are only illegal because you haven't paid the fee and gotten permission yet.

1097
00:46:52,600 --> 00:46:53,600
Yes.

1098
00:46:53,600 --> 00:46:58,600
And then suddenly they became they become perfectly legal.

1099
00:46:58,600 --> 00:47:05,600
But there are other things that you just you just need permission.

1100
00:47:05,600 --> 00:47:17,600
And I thought of some examples, something that is illegal to do without permission, but completely legal to do with permission is pick up someone else's baby.

1101
00:47:17,600 --> 00:47:20,600
Oh, that's a great one.

1102
00:47:20,600 --> 00:47:21,600
Isn't it?

1103
00:47:21,600 --> 00:47:23,600
That is a really, really good one.

1104
00:47:23,600 --> 00:47:28,600
Yes.

1105
00:47:28,600 --> 00:47:31,600
Permission makes all the difference, does it?

1106
00:47:31,600 --> 00:47:34,600
And how do you get this permission?

1107
00:47:34,600 --> 00:47:35,600
Paying.

1108
00:47:35,600 --> 00:47:36,600
Well, you got it in this case.

1109
00:47:36,600 --> 00:47:37,600
You got to ask.

1110
00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:38,600
Well, yeah.

1111
00:47:38,600 --> 00:47:39,600
Well, yeah.

1112
00:47:39,600 --> 00:47:40,600
Yeah.

1113
00:47:40,600 --> 00:47:47,600
But, you know, it really all does come down to permission.

1114
00:47:47,600 --> 00:47:53,600
I mean, there's some things that you can't get permission to do ever.

1115
00:47:53,600 --> 00:47:56,600
But that's very few and far between.

1116
00:47:56,600 --> 00:47:58,600
Just about everything else.

1117
00:47:58,600 --> 00:48:01,600
If you get permission, you can do it.

1118
00:48:01,600 --> 00:48:02,600
Yeah.

1119
00:48:02,600 --> 00:48:05,600
And that's the difference between legal and illegal.

1120
00:48:05,600 --> 00:48:06,600
Yeah.

1121
00:48:06,600 --> 00:48:07,600
Getting permission.

1122
00:48:07,600 --> 00:48:08,600
Yeah.

1123
00:48:08,600 --> 00:48:10,600
And we got to expand on those.

1124
00:48:10,600 --> 00:48:16,600
I've got I've got a partial list at home of permission and non-permission stuff like that.

1125
00:48:16,600 --> 00:48:17,600
Yeah.

1126
00:48:17,600 --> 00:48:19,600
And a breakdown of why and why.

1127
00:48:19,600 --> 00:48:20,600
Yeah.

1128
00:48:20,600 --> 00:48:22,600
Oh, I do.

1129
00:48:22,600 --> 00:48:24,600
I've got a lot of unfinished stuff at home.

1130
00:48:24,600 --> 00:48:32,600
It's like I've got to get to one of these days when I get some time and start working on some of this stuff.

1131
00:48:32,600 --> 00:48:33,600
Yeah.

1132
00:48:33,600 --> 00:48:34,600
It's like the bad product ideas and all that.

1133
00:48:34,600 --> 00:48:36,600
I still have some of those.

1134
00:48:36,600 --> 00:48:37,600
Let's see.

1135
00:48:37,600 --> 00:48:41,600
I've got a few a few things I've been working on.

1136
00:48:41,600 --> 00:48:42,600
Well, hang on here, Robbie.

1137
00:48:42,600 --> 00:48:43,600
I got to look on my phone here.

1138
00:48:43,600 --> 00:48:49,600
So if I sound a little different, it's because I'm looking at you.

1139
00:48:49,600 --> 00:48:52,600
Let's see here.

1140
00:48:52,600 --> 00:49:04,600
I have something here like a world's worst promotions like free virgin test kits at the Vatican.

1141
00:49:04,600 --> 00:49:14,600
Extra large condoms for purchase of any smart car.

1142
00:49:14,600 --> 00:49:19,600
Free championship banner for Raiders seed and ticket holders.

1143
00:49:19,600 --> 00:49:28,600
I've got a bunch of other ones at home, too, but I got a bunch of weird shit like that that I got to finish up.

1144
00:49:28,600 --> 00:49:29,600
Yeah.

1145
00:49:29,600 --> 00:49:32,600
Just fucking cracking people up.

1146
00:49:32,600 --> 00:49:33,600
Yeah.

1147
00:49:33,600 --> 00:49:34,600
Yes.

1148
00:49:34,600 --> 00:49:35,600
Being a dick.

1149
00:49:35,600 --> 00:49:40,600
Fucking show my dick colors and see who's going to try to call me on it.

1150
00:49:40,600 --> 00:49:42,600
So it works.

1151
00:49:42,600 --> 00:49:52,600
So any how you douchebags in a microphone, raw and uncensored.

1152
00:49:52,600 --> 00:49:54,600
See behind the smoke show.

1153
00:49:54,600 --> 00:50:01,600
Watch as the douchebags get stung by enjoy one of many coffee houses ordering our heroes out.

1154
00:50:01,600 --> 00:50:06,600
Watch Mark revisit Clinton, Missouri, to claim his innocence for all the man shitter accusations.

1155
00:50:06,600 --> 00:50:12,600
Now and get both high quality DVD sets and a free douchebag calendar.

1156
00:50:12,600 --> 00:50:15,600
Mark off today with a douchebag looking at you.

1157
00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:16,600
Supplies are limited.

1158
00:50:16,600 --> 00:50:19,600
So act now.

1159
00:50:19,600 --> 00:50:25,600
And now the brand new future strange.

1160
00:50:25,600 --> 00:50:37,600
Mother come to talk to you and then leave your door slightly ajar so that you may have to get up and close it to them.

1161
00:50:37,600 --> 00:50:40,600
Bulldicks in a crash cart will be right back.

1162
00:50:40,600 --> 00:50:44,600
Oh, no, it looks like someone's on their high horse again.

1163
00:50:44,600 --> 00:50:51,600
It's another episode of I call bullshit bullshit.

1164
00:50:51,600 --> 00:50:55,600
All right to douchebags and a microphone, Mark and on Topher.

1165
00:50:55,600 --> 00:50:56,600
All right.

1166
00:50:56,600 --> 00:50:59,600
As aforementioned, I got to I call bullshit.

1167
00:50:59,600 --> 00:51:00,600
These are always great.

1168
00:51:00,600 --> 00:51:01,600
Yes, they are.

1169
00:51:01,600 --> 00:51:04,600
And I'm going on bullshit on White Castle again.

1170
00:51:04,600 --> 00:51:05,600
Oh, we yeah.

1171
00:51:05,600 --> 00:51:06,600
We have done this before.

1172
00:51:06,600 --> 00:51:07,600
Yeah.

1173
00:51:07,600 --> 00:51:08,600
Yeah.

1174
00:51:08,600 --> 00:51:10,600
Last time was the chicken slider.

1175
00:51:10,600 --> 00:51:11,600
That's it.

1176
00:51:11,600 --> 00:51:12,600
The chicken slider.

1177
00:51:12,600 --> 00:51:13,600
I'd forgotten.

1178
00:51:13,600 --> 00:51:19,600
You take the great American burger and you fucking take a piece of chicken asshole and chicken beak.

1179
00:51:19,600 --> 00:51:23,600
Grind it up, put it in the patty and put it on their slot.

1180
00:51:23,600 --> 00:51:25,600
Soft, delicious steamed buns.

1181
00:51:25,600 --> 00:51:27,600
And you call it a slider.

1182
00:51:27,600 --> 00:51:30,600
Yeah, they're trying to they're trying to be chick-fil-a.

1183
00:51:30,600 --> 00:51:32,600
Well, we'll hear this atrocity.

1184
00:51:32,600 --> 00:51:33,600
All right.

1185
00:51:33,600 --> 00:51:38,600
OK, I call bullshit on White Castle.

1186
00:51:38,600 --> 00:51:39,600
All right.

1187
00:51:39,600 --> 00:51:41,600
Mac and cheese is delicious, right?

1188
00:51:41,600 --> 00:51:42,600
Yeah.

1189
00:51:42,600 --> 00:51:43,600
Yeah.

1190
00:51:43,600 --> 00:51:44,600
Very good.

1191
00:51:44,600 --> 00:51:45,600
But not on a White Castle.

1192
00:51:45,600 --> 00:51:47,600
No, no, no.

1193
00:51:47,600 --> 00:51:59,600
You take America's most decorated, oldest, proud icon of Americana and promptly TGI Friday that staple of goodness up.

1194
00:51:59,600 --> 00:52:04,600
What kind of brain dead fucking idiots would ever bastardize that work of perfection?

1195
00:52:04,600 --> 00:52:06,600
Oh, my gosh.

1196
00:52:06,600 --> 00:52:12,600
Hey, White Castle, why in the fuck don't you just sell mac and cheese as a side?

1197
00:52:12,600 --> 00:52:28,600
Then if someone is a fucking with a very low IQ and their fucking mouth wide open, fucking staring at the clouds, they can take a moist steam little gem and slop some of that fucking goo on it themselves.

1198
00:52:28,600 --> 00:52:34,600
Then they can make their own mac and cheese White Castle for that fucking stupid.

1199
00:52:34,600 --> 00:52:44,600
I call bullshit on your cheap publicity stunt and your questionable tactics on the treatment of the original hamburger chain in America since 1912.

1200
00:52:44,600 --> 00:52:49,600
Fuck you, White Castle.

1201
00:52:49,600 --> 00:52:54,600
Sunday, White Castle Sunday Night football that slider, didn't they?

1202
00:52:54,600 --> 00:52:56,600
Yeah, they did.

1203
00:52:56,600 --> 00:52:58,600
They Sunday Night football the heck out of it.

1204
00:52:58,600 --> 00:53:10,600
They did. I can hear right now Chris Collinsworth telling them to take a load of that mac and cheese straight down their throat.

1205
00:53:10,600 --> 00:53:12,600
Oh, that guy was so weird.

1206
00:53:12,600 --> 00:53:14,600
Oh, God.

1207
00:53:14,600 --> 00:53:19,600
They need to check his hard drive.

1208
00:53:19,600 --> 00:53:22,600
Oh, boy.

1209
00:53:22,600 --> 00:53:33,600
You know, I was I was like today years old when I learned that every team every season gets a Thursday Night football game.

1210
00:53:33,600 --> 00:53:35,600
I didn't know that. Yeah.

1211
00:53:35,600 --> 00:53:37,600
It's it's such a competitive.

1212
00:53:37,600 --> 00:53:39,600
No wonder it sucks so bad.

1213
00:53:39,600 --> 00:53:49,600
Exactly. It's such a competitive disadvantage to play on a Thursday night that they even things out by making every team play on Thursday night.

1214
00:53:49,600 --> 00:53:52,600
That's why we get those suck ass matchups.

1215
00:53:52,600 --> 00:53:53,600
Yeah.

1216
00:53:53,600 --> 00:53:57,600
And then that's how can they put a shit bag against a shit bag.

1217
00:53:57,600 --> 00:54:01,600
They cover they cover two shit bags with one game.

1218
00:54:01,600 --> 00:54:02,600
That's actually brilliant.

1219
00:54:02,600 --> 00:54:03,600
Yeah. Yeah.

1220
00:54:03,600 --> 00:54:14,600
So they they they dumped the worst game of the week on to Thursday Night football because every team has to play one month Thursday Night football game.

1221
00:54:14,600 --> 00:54:16,600
OK, that makes sense.

1222
00:54:16,600 --> 00:54:18,600
Yeah, I didn't know that before.

1223
00:54:18,600 --> 00:54:19,600
I didn't either.

1224
00:54:19,600 --> 00:54:21,600
Not now.

1225
00:54:21,600 --> 00:54:30,600
And I think Dallas and Detroit with their traditional Thanksgiving Day games, I think that counts for them.

1226
00:54:30,600 --> 00:54:34,600
OK, so they only have 30 other teams.

1227
00:54:34,600 --> 00:54:37,600
So that's two two teams for your per game.

1228
00:54:37,600 --> 00:54:38,600
Fifteen weeks.

1229
00:54:38,600 --> 00:54:43,600
So weeks like two through 17 or two through 16.

1230
00:54:43,600 --> 00:54:45,600
They do Thursday Night games.

1231
00:54:45,600 --> 00:54:50,600
So they don't necessarily have to do one first game of the season or last game of the season.

1232
00:54:50,600 --> 00:54:51,600
OK, that makes sense.

1233
00:54:51,600 --> 00:54:52,600
Yeah.

1234
00:54:52,600 --> 00:54:53,600
Yeah.

1235
00:54:53,600 --> 00:54:55,600
Oh shit.

1236
00:54:55,600 --> 00:54:56,600
You still there, Rob?

1237
00:54:56,600 --> 00:54:57,600
Yeah, I'm here.

1238
00:54:57,600 --> 00:54:58,600
OK, good.

1239
00:54:58,600 --> 00:54:59,600
I dropped you.

1240
00:54:59,600 --> 00:55:00,600
OK, there you are.

1241
00:55:00,600 --> 00:55:01,600
Thank you.

1242
00:55:01,600 --> 00:55:05,600
Yeah, that's true.

1243
00:55:05,600 --> 00:55:09,600
I remember we were making bad passion love on the loft.

1244
00:55:09,600 --> 00:55:10,600
Oh, my God.

1245
00:55:10,600 --> 00:55:11,600
Yeah.

1246
00:55:11,600 --> 00:55:12,600
TMI.

1247
00:55:12,600 --> 00:55:16,600
That service dog over there just said that.

1248
00:55:16,600 --> 00:55:21,600
I thought it down drugs.

1249
00:55:21,600 --> 00:55:22,600
I guess.

1250
00:55:22,600 --> 00:55:28,600
I got another little odd story here.

1251
00:55:28,600 --> 00:55:33,600
Odd grocery substitutions during the height of covid.

1252
00:55:33,600 --> 00:55:38,600
All these people are, you know, going to Instacart and stuff so they didn't have to go to the store.

1253
00:55:38,600 --> 00:55:42,600
And now, wait a second, my girlfriend delivers the car up there.

1254
00:55:42,600 --> 00:55:43,600
So watch.

1255
00:55:43,600 --> 00:55:44,600
Oh, no, no, no, no.

1256
00:55:44,600 --> 00:55:45,600
I'm not talking to the car.

1257
00:55:45,600 --> 00:55:48,600
It's actually not Instacart that was doing this.

1258
00:55:48,600 --> 00:55:49,600
It was a stores.

1259
00:55:49,600 --> 00:55:50,600
Money and I do.

1260
00:55:50,600 --> 00:55:51,600
Oh, there's great money.

1261
00:55:51,600 --> 00:55:54,600
And I know people that make a lot of money at it.

1262
00:55:54,600 --> 00:55:56,600
And it works less hours than I did.

1263
00:55:56,600 --> 00:55:59,600
A lot less labor.

1264
00:55:59,600 --> 00:56:00,600
Yeah.

1265
00:56:00,600 --> 00:56:01,600
Yeah.

1266
00:56:01,600 --> 00:56:02,600
Go ahead.

1267
00:56:02,600 --> 00:56:07,600
I think this also covers like when you use the stores app to do grocery pickup.

1268
00:56:07,600 --> 00:56:08,600
Yes.

1269
00:56:08,600 --> 00:56:10,600
And then you can have someone go pick it up for you.

1270
00:56:10,600 --> 00:56:15,600
So the store does the shopping and then you go hire somebody to go up and just pick it up for you.

1271
00:56:15,600 --> 00:56:16,600
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

1272
00:56:16,600 --> 00:56:19,600
Instacart may actually go pick the item up.

1273
00:56:19,600 --> 00:56:20,600
Right.

1274
00:56:20,600 --> 00:56:22,600
They actually do your shopping.

1275
00:56:22,600 --> 00:56:23,600
Yeah, they do.

1276
00:56:23,600 --> 00:56:24,600
So these this.

1277
00:56:24,600 --> 00:56:25,600
The store don't do it.

1278
00:56:25,600 --> 00:56:26,600
Yeah.

1279
00:56:26,600 --> 00:56:27,600
But.

1280
00:56:27,600 --> 00:56:28,600
The person delivers it to you.

1281
00:56:28,600 --> 00:56:29,600
Right.

1282
00:56:29,600 --> 00:56:34,600
Well, there's like stores like Hy-Vee around here and Walmart does it and stuff like that.

1283
00:56:34,600 --> 00:56:39,600
Yeah, they'll actually take it to someone's car for you and then they deliver it or whatever.

1284
00:56:39,600 --> 00:56:43,600
So the grocery stores themselves have found a way to compete with Instacart.

1285
00:56:43,600 --> 00:56:44,600
Yeah.

1286
00:56:44,600 --> 00:56:46,600
So this isn't just Instacart making the flub.

1287
00:56:46,600 --> 00:56:49,600
It's a lot of different entities that are doing this.

1288
00:56:49,600 --> 00:56:52,600
So these are odd grocery substitutions.

1289
00:56:52,600 --> 00:56:53,600
Right.

1290
00:56:53,600 --> 00:56:55,600
And this is a percentage.

1291
00:56:55,600 --> 00:57:05,600
Six in ten Astah, which is in the southern, I think like Mississippi, I believe if I'm

1292
00:57:05,600 --> 00:57:09,600
correct, Astah stores, grocery stores, A.S.D.A.

1293
00:57:09,600 --> 00:57:15,600
Store customers have received a pack of dinner rolls in store instead of toilet paper rolls.

1294
00:57:15,600 --> 00:57:21,600
That's kind of different, you know, dinner roll and toilet paper roll.

1295
00:57:21,600 --> 00:57:24,600
Yeah, it's like the system identifies roll.

1296
00:57:24,600 --> 00:57:28,600
So when their system doesn't have toilet paper rolls, it's like, well, we're going to give

1297
00:57:28,600 --> 00:57:31,600
them something to make up for it, a substitute.

1298
00:57:31,600 --> 00:57:32,600
So they gave them dinner rolls.

1299
00:57:32,600 --> 00:57:35,600
OK, yeah, they concentrate on the wrong word.

1300
00:57:35,600 --> 00:57:36,600
Yeah.

1301
00:57:36,600 --> 00:57:37,600
Yeah.

1302
00:57:37,600 --> 00:57:41,600
So six out of ten of the people when they had substitutions got dinner rolls instead

1303
00:57:41,600 --> 00:57:43,600
of toilet paper rolls.

1304
00:57:43,600 --> 00:57:46,600
Well, if you cook the first, they do the same thing.

1305
00:57:46,600 --> 00:57:47,600
Well, you're right.

1306
00:57:47,600 --> 00:57:48,600
Yeah.

1307
00:57:48,600 --> 00:57:52,600
You know, you can even wipe your ass with a roll pretty easily.

1308
00:57:52,600 --> 00:57:53,600
Yeah.

1309
00:57:53,600 --> 00:57:56,600
And then you could actually just put them up on a counter and they could be posed as

1310
00:57:56,600 --> 00:57:57,600
a donut.

1311
00:57:57,600 --> 00:58:02,600
Oh, yeah, they're going to declare chocolate a Claire.

1312
00:58:02,600 --> 00:58:03,600
Oh, my.

1313
00:58:03,600 --> 00:58:05,600
Who left the donuts?

1314
00:58:05,600 --> 00:58:06,600
I don't know.

1315
00:58:06,600 --> 00:58:08,600
I just got here.

1316
00:58:08,600 --> 00:58:09,600
But help yourself.

1317
00:58:09,600 --> 00:58:10,600
They don't smell that fresh.

1318
00:58:10,600 --> 00:58:13,600
But yeah, I'm sure.

1319
00:58:13,600 --> 00:58:16,600
I don't think anyone would have brought them if they were bad.

1320
00:58:16,600 --> 00:58:19,600
Do you?

1321
00:58:19,600 --> 00:58:23,600
Meanwhile, you're out there when they take that first bite.

1322
00:58:23,600 --> 00:58:29,600
It is just like the the huge scream after someone drank a fucking can of piss canopy.

1323
00:58:29,600 --> 00:58:30,600
Yeah.

1324
00:58:30,600 --> 00:58:34,600
The screams are loud enough where you could be halfway around the world and you know who

1325
00:58:34,600 --> 00:58:35,600
did.

1326
00:58:35,600 --> 00:58:38,600
We know that scream all too well.

1327
00:58:38,600 --> 00:58:39,600
Yes.

1328
00:58:39,600 --> 00:58:44,600
Half of Sandsbury's grocery customers have received now they're up in the northeast and

1329
00:58:44,600 --> 00:58:49,600
certain parts ever seen shoe polish instead of fresh fruit.

1330
00:58:49,600 --> 00:58:51,600
Now, wait a minute.

1331
00:58:51,600 --> 00:58:54,600
I don't I don't know why.

1332
00:58:54,600 --> 00:59:01,600
How the hell the work do you get from fresh fruit and shoe polish?

1333
00:59:01,600 --> 00:59:02,600
I don't know.

1334
00:59:02,600 --> 00:59:06,600
That is some weird ass shopping algorithm there.

1335
00:59:06,600 --> 00:59:07,600
Yeah.

1336
00:59:07,600 --> 00:59:08,600
That's a great way.

1337
00:59:08,600 --> 00:59:10,600
But the algorithm is fucked.

1338
00:59:10,600 --> 00:59:11,600
Yeah.

1339
00:59:11,600 --> 00:59:17,600
And then suddenly flip sounds like kid that does not compute.

1340
00:59:17,600 --> 00:59:20,600
Fresh fruit or shoe polish.

1341
00:59:20,600 --> 00:59:21,600
Gosh.

1342
00:59:21,600 --> 00:59:22,600
Yeah.

1343
00:59:22,600 --> 00:59:28,600
So also at Sandsbury's they received bacon instead of barbecue potato crisp.

1344
00:59:28,600 --> 00:59:33,600
I guess this first two letters are the same bacon and barbecue.

1345
00:59:33,600 --> 00:59:36,600
But that must be it.

1346
00:59:36,600 --> 00:59:37,600
Gosh.

1347
00:59:37,600 --> 00:59:41,600
So you got barbecue bacon.

1348
00:59:41,600 --> 00:59:44,600
Yeah, that's true.

1349
00:59:44,600 --> 00:59:45,600
You know what?

1350
00:59:45,600 --> 00:59:46,600
Let's face it.

1351
00:59:46,600 --> 00:59:50,600
If you didn't get your bacon and you got the potato crisp, you'd be happy with that.

1352
00:59:50,600 --> 00:59:51,600
Right.

1353
00:59:51,600 --> 00:59:52,600
If you didn't get your beer, right.

1354
00:59:52,600 --> 00:59:53,600
Yeah.

1355
00:59:53,600 --> 00:59:54,600
BBQ potato.

1356
00:59:54,600 --> 00:59:57,600
You know, when you got bacon or vice versa, you'd be like, OK, all right.

1357
00:59:57,600 --> 00:59:58,600
It's cute.

1358
00:59:58,600 --> 00:59:59,600
Yeah.

1359
00:59:59,600 --> 01:00:00,600
All right.

1360
01:00:00,600 --> 01:00:01,600
OK.

1361
01:00:01,600 --> 01:00:03,600
And let's face it, the bacon probably costs more anyhow.

1362
01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:04,600
So you're like, all right.

1363
01:00:04,600 --> 01:00:05,600
Yeah, that's true.

1364
01:00:05,600 --> 01:00:07,600
You want to do that?

1365
01:00:07,600 --> 01:00:08,600
Go ahead and do me a solid.

1366
01:00:08,600 --> 01:00:09,600
That's cool.

1367
01:00:09,600 --> 01:00:14,840
Tesco, which I have no idea where they're at, grocer, had one of the lower rates of

1368
01:00:14,840 --> 01:00:20,600
substitutions at 44 percent received an Easter egg instead of a hot dog buns.

1369
01:00:20,600 --> 01:00:24,600
Now that's real different.

1370
01:00:24,600 --> 01:00:25,600
Yes.

1371
01:00:25,600 --> 01:00:26,600
Easter egg.

1372
01:00:26,600 --> 01:00:27,600
Easter eggs.

1373
01:00:27,600 --> 01:00:29,600
So I like that.

1374
01:00:29,600 --> 01:00:30,600
OK.

1375
01:00:30,600 --> 01:00:31,600
Jeffy.

1376
01:00:31,600 --> 01:00:32,600
Jeffy, you got the grill going.

1377
01:00:32,600 --> 01:00:34,600
The hot dogs are almost done.

1378
01:00:34,600 --> 01:00:35,600
Well, it's the carts here.

1379
01:00:35,600 --> 01:00:38,600
I'm going to go get the buns.

1380
01:00:38,600 --> 01:00:39,600
Easter eggs.

1381
01:00:39,600 --> 01:00:44,600
Jeffy, it looks like we're doing keto.

1382
01:00:44,600 --> 01:00:49,600
That's we're low carbon again.

1383
01:00:49,600 --> 01:00:54,600
So how that was the algorithm on that?

1384
01:00:54,600 --> 01:00:56,600
I don't know.

1385
01:00:56,600 --> 01:00:57,600
OK.

1386
01:00:57,600 --> 01:01:04,600
So I'm going to Tesco ordered tin foil but was subbed out with a chocolate Santa.

1387
01:01:04,600 --> 01:01:06,600
I guess it's covered in tin foil.

1388
01:01:06,600 --> 01:01:07,600
I guess so.

1389
01:01:07,600 --> 01:01:11,600
So it's like here, you can use this little bit of tin foil.

1390
01:01:11,600 --> 01:01:15,600
You can eat the chocolate Santa and then you can use this little bit of tin foil to cover

1391
01:01:15,600 --> 01:01:17,600
up a couple of small items.

1392
01:01:17,600 --> 01:01:25,600
Man, you'd have to eat a lot of chocolate Santa's in order to be able to cover a turkey.

1393
01:01:25,600 --> 01:01:26,600
That is so weird.

1394
01:01:26,600 --> 01:01:30,600
I think, I don't know, it almost makes you think people are just fucking around.

1395
01:01:30,600 --> 01:01:32,600
Mark, where the hell do you come up with this?

1396
01:01:32,600 --> 01:01:37,600
Well, this is stuff we find on, we search and get to the stories behind the stories,

1397
01:01:37,600 --> 01:01:40,600
the stuff that doesn't mean a damn thing.

1398
01:01:40,600 --> 01:01:41,600
Right, I love it.

1399
01:01:41,600 --> 01:01:42,600
I love them.

1400
01:01:42,600 --> 01:01:46,600
If the story is meaningless and stupid, we're covering it.

1401
01:01:46,600 --> 01:01:49,600
Sometimes you got to go down a lot of rabbit holes to find some of these gems.

1402
01:01:49,600 --> 01:01:50,600
You really do.

1403
01:01:50,600 --> 01:01:54,600
Yeah, let me say, I've saw a lot of fucking pimpers being popped.

1404
01:01:54,600 --> 01:01:57,600
That's why we've always been.

1405
01:01:57,600 --> 01:02:00,600
I've seen a lot of scrotum infections.

1406
01:02:00,600 --> 01:02:04,600
Oh, yeah, always good stories.

1407
01:02:04,600 --> 01:02:08,600
Yes, you can't spell thumb without scrotum infection.

1408
01:02:08,600 --> 01:02:10,600
Oh, no, you can't.

1409
01:02:10,600 --> 01:02:12,600
No, nope.

1410
01:02:12,600 --> 01:02:21,600
All right, next one was Amazon Fresh customers around 30% received cello tape instead of

1411
01:02:21,600 --> 01:02:23,600
toilet paper rolls.

1412
01:02:23,600 --> 01:02:25,600
Here, just tape your ass together.

1413
01:02:25,600 --> 01:02:28,600
Jeffy, give me a toilet paper.

1414
01:02:28,600 --> 01:02:32,600
Well, they substitute.

1415
01:02:32,600 --> 01:02:33,600
I don't care.

1416
01:02:33,600 --> 01:02:34,600
Give me the fucking thing.

1417
01:02:34,600 --> 01:02:37,600
I need to wipe my ass.

1418
01:02:37,600 --> 01:02:38,600
Jeffy.

1419
01:02:38,600 --> 01:02:42,600
Oh, my God.

1420
01:02:42,600 --> 01:02:45,600
Jeffy's getting all kinds of shit, isn't he?

1421
01:02:45,600 --> 01:02:47,600
He didn't do anything wrong.

1422
01:02:47,600 --> 01:02:51,600
Jeffy just sit at the house and Instacart's fucking him or somebody is.

1423
01:02:51,600 --> 01:02:54,600
Jeffy's going to learn to run for the hills when Instacart shows up.

1424
01:02:54,600 --> 01:03:01,600
Yeah, Jeffy's like, fuck this, I'm getting out of here.

1425
01:03:01,600 --> 01:03:13,600
So, more than a third of Iceland grocer shoppers were subbed out strawberries instead of freezer bags.

1426
01:03:13,600 --> 01:03:15,600
Well, you put strawberries in freezer bags.

1427
01:03:15,600 --> 01:03:16,600
Yeah, that's what I was thinking, too.

1428
01:03:16,600 --> 01:03:21,600
It's like, well, we don't have the strawberries yet, but here's freezer bags.

1429
01:03:21,600 --> 01:03:23,600
So when we do have them, you're going to be ready to go.

1430
01:03:23,600 --> 01:03:25,600
That's just so random.

1431
01:03:25,600 --> 01:03:27,600
I know, isn't it?

1432
01:03:27,600 --> 01:03:38,600
I just don't understand the algorithms behind why they would just be like, yeah, you know, you'd think there'd be some rhyme or reason, but evidently not.

1433
01:03:38,600 --> 01:03:49,600
So, all right, so Aldi had a couple of flubs with some insoles, some shoe insoles in place of wheat crackers.

1434
01:03:49,600 --> 01:03:51,600
Oh my God, Aldi.

1435
01:03:51,600 --> 01:03:53,600
That's not even edible.

1436
01:03:53,600 --> 01:03:55,600
If you've been to Aldi, then you understand.

1437
01:03:55,600 --> 01:03:57,600
They can't even get your order right.

1438
01:03:57,600 --> 01:03:59,600
I'm too angry for Aldi's part.

1439
01:03:59,600 --> 01:04:02,600
They throw that shit through there at such a fast pace.

1440
01:04:02,600 --> 01:04:04,600
Oh, tell me about it.

1441
01:04:04,600 --> 01:04:05,600
Oh my God.

1442
01:04:05,600 --> 01:04:07,600
And then they're unapologetic, too.

1443
01:04:07,600 --> 01:04:11,600
There was a do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.

1444
01:04:11,600 --> 01:04:15,600
And it's like, hey, I think you hit something three times there.

1445
01:04:15,600 --> 01:04:17,600
No, I didn't.

1446
01:04:17,600 --> 01:04:18,600
I mean, it was fine.

1447
01:04:18,600 --> 01:04:19,600
Get out of here.

1448
01:04:19,600 --> 01:04:24,600
It's almost like they're paid for each item scanned, you know, instead of by the hour.

1449
01:04:24,600 --> 01:04:27,600
Yeah, it's like, you see that, see that credit card machine?

1450
01:04:27,600 --> 01:04:29,600
Fucking use it.

1451
01:04:29,600 --> 01:04:33,600
Well, earlier on this segment, you were talking about 9-11.

1452
01:04:33,600 --> 01:04:35,600
Yes?

1453
01:04:35,600 --> 01:04:38,600
9-11, I was living in St. Joe's.

1454
01:04:38,600 --> 01:04:39,600
Mm-hmm.

1455
01:04:39,600 --> 01:04:45,600
And me and my buddy were doing maintenance on all these.

1456
01:04:45,600 --> 01:04:46,600
Yeah.

1457
01:04:46,600 --> 01:04:47,600
Okay.

1458
01:04:47,600 --> 01:04:51,600
I had to drive by Casey Island.

1459
01:04:51,600 --> 01:04:52,600
Oh, wow.

1460
01:04:52,600 --> 01:04:54,600
I remember that all too well.

1461
01:04:54,600 --> 01:04:55,600
Yeah.

1462
01:04:55,600 --> 01:04:56,600
You brought up earlier.

1463
01:04:56,600 --> 01:04:58,600
Yeah.

1464
01:04:58,600 --> 01:04:59,600
Thirty seconds.

1465
01:04:59,600 --> 01:05:03,600
Thirty seconds and everything was ruined.

1466
01:05:03,600 --> 01:05:04,600
Oh my God.

1467
01:05:04,600 --> 01:05:10,600
Like I said, I had to drive by 433 down from St. Joe's.

1468
01:05:10,600 --> 01:05:12,600
I-29.

1469
01:05:12,600 --> 01:05:15,600
Down to, down to Kansas.

1470
01:05:15,600 --> 01:05:19,600
I was going over to the, all these on North Road.

1471
01:05:19,600 --> 01:05:20,600
Uh-huh.

1472
01:05:20,600 --> 01:05:22,600
North, north.

1473
01:05:22,600 --> 01:05:27,600
And yeah, I just watched them play and circle over, man.

1474
01:05:27,600 --> 01:05:29,600
It's something I'll never forget.

1475
01:05:29,600 --> 01:05:30,600
Wow.

1476
01:05:30,600 --> 01:05:31,600
Yeah.

1477
01:05:31,600 --> 01:05:32,600
Yeah.

1478
01:05:32,600 --> 01:05:37,600
So yeah, I thank you for you guys mentioning it and having me see it.

1479
01:05:37,600 --> 01:05:39,600
Yeah, absolutely, man.

1480
01:05:39,600 --> 01:05:41,600
Okay, and then let's see.

1481
01:05:41,600 --> 01:05:42,600
What did I say?

1482
01:05:42,600 --> 01:05:44,600
Installs and plays sweet crackers.

1483
01:05:44,600 --> 01:05:50,600
And Aldi also put romaine lettuce in place of paper towels.

1484
01:05:50,600 --> 01:05:53,600
He-he-he-he-he-he.

1485
01:05:53,600 --> 01:05:55,600
Anyone's guess is fine with me.

1486
01:05:55,600 --> 01:05:57,600
Anyone got a guess?

1487
01:05:57,600 --> 01:05:58,600
Down on the floor.

1488
01:05:58,600 --> 01:05:59,600
Down on the floor.

1489
01:05:59,600 --> 01:06:00,600
There we go.

1490
01:06:00,600 --> 01:06:02,600
Let's see.

1491
01:06:02,600 --> 01:06:03,600
No, nothing that makes sense.

1492
01:06:03,600 --> 01:06:04,600
No, I got nothing.

1493
01:06:04,600 --> 01:06:07,600
That was just crazy.

1494
01:06:07,600 --> 01:06:09,600
It is, isn't it?

1495
01:06:09,600 --> 01:06:11,600
Gosh.

1496
01:06:11,600 --> 01:06:15,600
All right, so anyhow, that is kind of wrapping it up.

1497
01:06:15,600 --> 01:06:21,600
All the above-mentioned stores really had no explanation of why the ordered products were so far off.

1498
01:06:21,600 --> 01:06:25,600
Instacart or other forms of delivery were all used.

1499
01:06:25,600 --> 01:06:27,600
So it wasn't just Instacart.

1500
01:06:27,600 --> 01:06:34,600
It wasn't just, I don't know, whoever else does it or Joe down the street brings you your food.

1501
01:06:34,600 --> 01:06:36,600
You know, it was all of them.

1502
01:06:36,600 --> 01:06:42,600
And they don't really know why the systems substitute stuff for whatever.

1503
01:06:42,600 --> 01:06:47,600
You know, it's just kind of like it just gives them what they should give them and they pack it in there and that's it.

1504
01:06:47,600 --> 01:06:48,600
Yeah.

1505
01:06:48,600 --> 01:06:49,600
That's technology.

1506
01:06:49,600 --> 01:06:51,600
Yeah, so.

1507
01:06:51,600 --> 01:06:56,600
Well, I think a lot of these companies probably share the same basic technology.

1508
01:06:56,600 --> 01:07:01,600
That's what I was going to say is that right there, but I kept getting sidetracked was that.

1509
01:07:01,600 --> 01:07:05,600
They all have the same database and they all do the same.

1510
01:07:05,600 --> 01:07:07,600
Well, here's an example.

1511
01:07:07,600 --> 01:07:21,600
If you go to any weed dispensaries website here in Missouri and place an order online, every single website looks exactly the same.

1512
01:07:21,600 --> 01:07:22,600
They're all identical.

1513
01:07:22,600 --> 01:07:26,600
They're all run by this app called Dutchie.

1514
01:07:26,600 --> 01:07:27,600
Yeah.

1515
01:07:27,600 --> 01:07:31,600
So they're all sharing that basic technology.

1516
01:07:31,600 --> 01:07:43,600
So all these shop from home apps that you use, they probably all use the same basic technology and database of substitutions or alternates, et cetera.

1517
01:07:43,600 --> 01:07:51,600
So once that comes from, it screws up for everybody because they're all using the same basic tools.

1518
01:07:51,600 --> 01:07:56,600
Nobody questions it because by the time someone sends something back, returns it, it doesn't matter.

1519
01:07:56,600 --> 01:07:58,600
It's not even a part of it anymore.

1520
01:07:58,600 --> 01:07:59,600
Yeah.

1521
01:07:59,600 --> 01:08:02,600
All they look at is, well, we sent something out and that was it.

1522
01:08:02,600 --> 01:08:03,600
Yeah.

1523
01:08:03,600 --> 01:08:04,600
As far as they're concerned, that was it.

1524
01:08:04,600 --> 01:08:06,600
That was the end of the story.

1525
01:08:06,600 --> 01:08:08,600
So anyhow.

1526
01:08:08,600 --> 01:08:13,600
We've got some airport vehicle coming by with a beep sound.

1527
01:08:13,600 --> 01:08:15,600
It's a noisy son of a bitch.

1528
01:08:15,600 --> 01:08:16,600
I think it's a floor.

1529
01:08:16,600 --> 01:08:17,600
Is it a floor cleaner?

1530
01:08:17,600 --> 01:08:18,600
I don't know.

1531
01:08:18,600 --> 01:08:20,600
I can't see where it's at.

1532
01:08:20,600 --> 01:08:26,600
No, I look down the left hallway and then the right hallway and the camera near the Parisi coffee.

1533
01:08:26,600 --> 01:08:30,600
One of them came by earlier and I think it was a floor cleaner.

1534
01:08:30,600 --> 01:08:35,600
But you see down there Parisi coffee, you see those lights around the corner.

1535
01:08:35,600 --> 01:08:38,600
I thought that was it, but I don't think that is.

1536
01:08:38,600 --> 01:08:41,600
I think it's going away.

1537
01:08:41,600 --> 01:08:42,600
Yeah, it's gone.

1538
01:08:42,600 --> 01:08:43,600
That's not it.

1539
01:08:43,600 --> 01:08:45,600
The lights are still down there at Parisi around the corners.

1540
01:08:45,600 --> 01:08:46,600
All right.

1541
01:08:46,600 --> 01:08:47,600
Who knows?

1542
01:08:47,600 --> 01:08:50,600
I don't know.

1543
01:08:50,600 --> 01:08:51,600
I'm down here in campus.

1544
01:08:51,600 --> 01:08:52,600
I'm eating nuts.

1545
01:08:52,600 --> 01:08:53,600
You guys can find it.

1546
01:08:53,600 --> 01:08:54,600
Yeah.

1547
01:08:54,600 --> 01:08:55,600
Yeah.

1548
01:08:55,600 --> 01:08:56,600
It's still.

1549
01:08:56,600 --> 01:08:57,600
Oh shit.

1550
01:08:57,600 --> 01:08:58,600
What's that over there?

1551
01:08:58,600 --> 01:08:59,600
Oh no.

1552
01:08:59,600 --> 01:09:00,600
It's island of horrible jokes.

1553
01:09:00,600 --> 01:09:01,600
It's island of horrible jokes.

1554
01:09:01,600 --> 01:09:02,600
Ugh.

1555
01:09:02,600 --> 01:09:03,600
And the ship telling red pain and the ship telling blue pain, quiet.

1556
01:09:03,600 --> 01:09:04,600
They were all moored.

1557
01:09:04,600 --> 01:09:25,240
Hi there.

1558
01:09:25,240 --> 01:09:30,200
This is Fucknut from Two Fucknuts and a Recorder podcast.

1559
01:09:30,200 --> 01:09:34,200
Two Douchebags and a Microphone are our favorite podcasts ever.

1560
01:09:34,200 --> 01:09:37,200
Please go to your friend's computer and download it from there.

1561
01:09:37,200 --> 01:09:40,200
Go to your church's computer and download it from there.

1562
01:09:40,200 --> 01:09:45,200
Go to people you don't know and grab their phones and download it on there.

1563
01:09:45,200 --> 01:09:48,200
These fuckers need all the help we can get.

1564
01:09:48,200 --> 01:09:53,200
Hey, where do they go?

1565
01:09:53,200 --> 01:09:58,200
We're the douchebags.

1566
01:09:58,200 --> 01:10:06,200
Hey, oh my god, someone took a dump in the corner.

1567
01:10:06,200 --> 01:10:07,200
Oh jeez.

1568
01:10:07,200 --> 01:10:08,200
Ugh.

1569
01:10:08,200 --> 01:10:09,200
Glad they're gone.

1570
01:10:09,200 --> 01:10:18,200
Let's just hope they don't come back.

1571
01:10:18,200 --> 01:10:30,260
Umm.

1572
01:10:30,260 --> 01:10:37,440
Oh no, you don't go that way.