Live from the historic River Market District in downtown Kansas City, Missouri,
from the banks of the beautiful Crystal Blue Walkers of the Missouri River,
it is Two Douchebags and Microphone Podcast.
Swimming in toxic masculinity and wiping their ass with politically correct washrags,
two douchebags and a microphone invade your ear holes in 3, 2, 1.
Two emotionally disturbed dirtbags and a popsicle will be right back.
In a rock garden and then... Oh cool.
Yeah, it's going to be really cool when they get done.
So, you know, when you get a chance, Google image Filthy Bean.
Oh yeah.
You know Filthy Bean and hopefully they have some of the plans on that.
If not, then you'll just see the patio that's there now and you'll see what they do to it.
Yeah.
So we have a Dear Douchebags letter again.
Yay.
Yeah.
Thanks for writing.
Yep. So like Four mentioned, dear douchebags.
Alright.
Dear Abby, not quite.
You have questions, we have answers.
They're not very good answers, but we have them.
This is a question to us, but the answer is, I don't know.
Anyhow, dear douchebags, I have a real issue with my neighbor
letting his large Great Dane shit right in front of my mailbox.
Oh, that's the worst.
Yeah, I think we've all been through that.
You step in it and yeah, you fucking open the door and stare them down
and act like they're getting their dog out of there
and as soon as you turn around they let their dog shit all over.
Yeah, it's so bad that the mailman won't even deliver it in my mailbox
because of the huge piles of shit that surround my mailbox.
Yeah, I can see that.
Yeah, I could too.
I've asked him to please refrain from having his animal shit in my yard.
He agrees with it, but then a day or two goes by and bam,
more huge piles of Great Dane shit.
Oh gosh.
I'm at my end.
Signed, No More Poo in Kalamazoo.
See, these names are just so great.
I love those.
When people are sending this shit in, they're just like,
they're coming up with the best damn names.
Our listeners are so clever.
They are.
Like the first one was Gassy in Tallahassee.
That was it.
Yeah.
That was awesome.
Yeah.
And then there was something in Philly.
Billy in Philly or something.
Yeah.
So anyhow, Dear Poo are suggesting it's simple.
Make blue work for you.
The same mailman that won't deliver your mail can deliver the said dog shit to your
bastard neighbor every day in neat little cute boxes.
Perhaps after a solid month of said shitboxing,
the neighbor will find another place to let his huge mammal relieve itself.
That's right, kiddos, making America solid one dump at a time.
You're welcome.
And as a retired letter carrier for the United States Postal Service,
I can assure you that mailing dog shit to somebody is...
Is illegal.
No, it's perfectly legal.
Is it really?
It's absolutely 100%.
Well, there you go.
As long as you're not making a threat.
I mean, it's not a biohazard because, yeah, it's part of everyday life.
I remember a woman bringing out an envelope and showed me that somebody had been mailing
her dead mice.
Oh.
She says, I don't know who's mailing me these dead mice,
but I don't want them anymore.
What kind of bizarre fucking crazy maniac would mail someone dead fucking mice?
I don't know.
Does she have like an ex-husband or something?
Little old lady, I have no idea.
I guess the neighbors didn't like her.
Have you ever in your whole lifespan ever been prompted to think about mailing someone
dead mice?
I remember one lady in the trailer park that I delivered to.
She got correspondence from her husband who was in jail.
The envelopes are specially marked.
You can tell it's inmate mail, it's stamped, all this kind of stuff.
Okay.
So she would get letters from him, and she would occasionally send letters back.
But every now and then on a Saturday morning I'd be delivering,
and there'd be a strange car in her driveway.
Somebody else's car.
And the following Monday she would be mailing out a much thicker envelope.
Okay.
To her husband in jail.
And this routine would go on and on.
And one time she sent, she put the envelope out, but she hadn't sealed it.
So I took it back up to her door and knocked on it, on the door,
and said, you know, you need to seal this envelope.
You know, I can't seal it for you.
I'm not supposed to, et cetera.
But I had seen what was in it, and it was a pair of her panties.
And there was a dude in there sitting at the table with his shirt off.
And a neighbor filled in the extra pieces for me, and he said,
what's going on is every now and then she'll go out to a bar on a Friday night
and pick up a dude, bring him home, and bang his brains out.
And when he's done, she puts a pair of panties on and rubs it all in her cream pie.
And then the following Monday she mails them to her husband in prison.
Oh, okay.
So the husband was into that.
Yes.
He's like, go bang these guys while I'm here in prison.
And then rub your panties all on it.
And then send me your panties.
And then after he was done with them, he could sell them to other inmates or whatever.
Wow.
Yeah.
Wow.
I was trying to figure out where that was going.
It was kind of weird, wasn't it?
Yeah.
Wow.
The worst part was I had to keep picking up these envelopes every Monday
for a fucking jizz-filled panty.
Now that I knew what they were, I was like, oh my God.
I would bring a little sandwich baggie and pick it up with them.
Oh, God.
Yeah.
Oh.
Wow.
It's how nasty things happen when you're a mailman.
You get exposed to some really awful things.
I would have a hard time looking her in the face after that.
Yeah.
Morning, Ms. Williams.
Nice.
Busy weekend.
But on your dog shit story there, I actually had a house on a route I delivered
where the woman came and went by car.
And she always pulled into her garage and went in and out of her house that way.
So she never went in and out her front door.
She would open her front door and reach her arm out to her mailbox and get her mail.
Or she'd open her front door and let her little dog out,
and she would be in shit all over the front porch, which she would never clean off.
So I'd have to get up and walk up there and dodge around all this crap to leave her mail.
So one time she got a nice large package.
So I walked it up to her front door and I put it down on her front porch
and I mashed it down nice and firmly into a few of those dog piles.
I mean, I didn't go out of my way.
I put it right down under her mailbox, but her little dog had crapped three times under it.
And I mashed that package down into it nice and firmly.
Good.
So she had to take that shit in the house with her when she picked it up.
That's great.
The next day, wow, her whole front porch was cleaned off.
Imagine that.
Got the idea across, didn't it?
I enjoyed that so much.
That's great.
And what was she going to complain about?
I just delivered her package.
I sent it down.
The only place she could.
I don't know.
That's fucking awesome.
That was fun.
Now that would have been fun.
That was a rather upscale, one of the more upscale neighborhoods in Wyandotte County.
This would have been probably around 2000, 2005, something like that.
At the time, those houses would have been roughly $300,000 to $500,000 houses.
So these were big, expensive houses.
So consequently, the people who lived in them treated me like total dirt.
Because they had money and they thought they were better than me.
So the poorer the neighborhood, the better I was treated by the people who were there.
The richer the neighborhood, the more they treated me like property.
Completely believe that, unfortunately.
Anyway, such is life.
Christopher, have you heard about atmospheric rivers?
Oh yeah, I've heard that term in connection with this recent weather we've been having in the western part of the U.S. and some other areas.
Well, the term has been around a long time, but it's just now getting popular because it's happening a lot.
It's fairly rare from what I understand.
Yeah, I mean I've never heard of El Nino or La Nina until...
About 15 years ago.
Yeah, this is to blame for our weather.
Yeah, crazy weather.
I've never heard about this shit before.
Well, this is kind of this atmospheric river thing too.
It may have been on the book somewhere, but nobody ever talked about it.
So, an atmospheric river, they'll form from a long channel when it transports water vapor from the tropics.
And they produce heavy rain or snow when they make landfall.
So in other words, it is in the atmosphere and it is a river.
So it's like the way a river carries a large amount of water from one place to another.
It's a moisture soaked atmosphere.
Yeah.
Okay, that makes sense.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, California is racing for another atmospheric river expected to make landfall as soon as Monday night.
This is a week ago, so last Monday.
As the state has been inundated with the intense rainfall since Friday, well actually a lot more since Friday.
I mean this has been going on for a couple of months now.
Quite spread flooding and mudslides.
That is forecast to bring more rain and snow and more flooding through Wednesday.
California Governor Gavin Newsom, also known as Stupid Fuck, has proclaimed the state of emergency in 21 counties.
And President Biden, also known as Stupid Fuck, has also approved his request for federal assistance.
Officials said at least two people died in the recent severe weather in the state.
A spokesperson for California Governor Office of Emergency Services said Sunday that the agency hasn't received any notification of fatalities.
Which is wrong because there has been. I mean this is over a couple of days.
So anyhow, the rain from the atmospheric river that made landfall Thursday flooded roads and rivers.
Thousands of residents were under evacuation orders.
A river levee in central California breached just before midnight Friday, forcing hundreds of evacuations and dozens of rescuers.
As a small town in Monterey County found itself completely underwater.
Oh my gosh. Yeah.
There are about 17,000 people displaced from their homes in Pejaro.
And the town is inundated with water throughout Monterey County.
I did see a video of that town.
And yeah, they showed people just, you know, walking up the street carrying possessions when the water was slowly creeping up behind them.
Isn't that something? Yeah. Oh gosh. Yeah.
It was a levee.
Or like a river channel that had given way.
And, you know, all the water that's supposed to be flowing by and draining off just dumping out there in this nice broad flat area.
Wow. Yeah. Hey, Rick. Rick. Rick.
That is him. Yeah, that's him. He's ignoring us.
They got some bad product ideas. Oh, those are always fun. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
These are no different. Very fun.
I don't know how practical they are, but they're fun.
Well, this is bad product ideas. Like always, you know, we somehow intercepted the memo.
Didn't work out. So we have some, you know, some of our members of our crack staff are occasionally on these test panels.
The cocaine crack didn't work out and we're not even going to go into it at this point.
No sense of bringing up bad feelings.
But occasionally they serve on these, you know, test panels or focus groups for some of these products.
They break their confidentiality agreement to tell us about them.
And they throw us a little piece here and there about what's going on. Yeah.
And we pass it on to you. Yes, we do. You're welcome. Because we're good.
You're welcome, America.
And if you ever missed any of the bad product ideas in the past, you are to, after this show, go download all of them, listen to all of them.
And if not, you're a bad person. And quite frankly, you're a user and a taker.
Harsh. Yes.
So, yeah, without any further ado, the number one, stainless steel infant pacifiers.
I guess it didn't go over too well. You know, they don't have teeth.
So I used to worry about hurting their teeth. But then supposedly stainless steel has a deodorizing effect. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. So, wow. Yeah. I don't get why it didn't go over so well. Yeah.
Now, they could also the baby could look at itself in the stainless steel. True. And identify itself.
I mean, it'd be a learning a learning behavior deal.
Could hold the stainless steel pacifier up in front of itself and says and say there is no spoon.
There is no spoon. Yes.
I would go for a cast iron pacifier. I think that would be the best. Yeah.
Babies absorbing some, you know, much needed iron for their, you know, vitamins and minerals.
Yeah. You can always heat it up and cook eggs in it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If the baby's old enough, you know.
And if they lose their pacifier, you hear it go clank onto the ground. Yeah, that's true.
So shit, man. Junior just lost his pacifier. I know it broke my fucking toe.
Oh, yeah. With cast iron pacifiers, who would want stainless steel?
No, you know what? And just like that, we solve an age old problem.
Just a little critical thinking and just a little know how and want to. Yeah. And voila, we got it.
We're so cool. Yes, we are. I am hurting my shoulder patting ourselves on the back.
Ow, ow, ow. We're we're like the Aaron Rodgers podcasting.
OK, right after right after our list of bad product ideas, we've got to go into the Aaron Rodgers.
I'm hyperventilating thinking about Aaron Rodgers.
I mean, it's been done in cheek not getting to him by now. Oh, my gosh. OK. OK.
Number two, very concentrate, just mix with water.
I like that. Yeah. Well, it didn't go over very well.
Now imagine be like, hey, what are you doing? Hang on. I'm getting my beer pouch.
You turn it open like one of those little things of.
Oh, sure. You're really. Yeah.
Cool later. Turn it open.
Now, there was somebody who invented instant alcohol.
Just add water. And that was declared illegal.
Yeah, because it was the guys put gas because it was too dangerous because we used to poison people or date rape drug or that kind of stuff.
So the technology is there for instant beer.
And then they had the alcoholic. And this wasn't that long ago.
This may be 10 years ago at the most. It was whipping cream.
Yes. Yeah. With alcohol infused. Yes.
Yeah, I remember that. Yeah.
And they still occasionally put nitrous in their cans of whipping cream. Yep.
But yeah, yeah, that was a big thing there, too.
And then they took that away promptly, too.
So number three, wool socks that retain moisture.
Yeah. How about that?
Man, wet, wet wool. That is not a good thing.
Yeah, that's no fun at all. Yeah.
That didn't go very well.
Number four. This one kind of got me.
I can't believe it didn't work out. Yeah.
Toilet seat frosters.
Wow. Yeah.
You can frost up your toilet seat before sitting on it.
Make it extra cold. Yeah.
And then that frost melts and you're all slick and wet and slidey.
Oh man, don't you hate it when you have to get out of the shower to take it dump?
Yeah. Oh, that's the worst.
It ruins your euphoria. Yeah.
I mean, you're all sliding around on the toilet seat.
Yeah. And you're soaking wet and you're trying to wipe.
Oh, guys. Now, a frost would be cool because you jump on it, it's nice and cold.
Yeah. And just as long as your ass didn't like refreeze on it.
Oh yeah. That'd be a danger there.
Let's say you're in the shower and you've got to take a dump really bad and you jump on there.
Maybe that's how come it failed.
But you know, this could be a great product for like pranking people with or putting in public toilets or...
Yeah. I'll be right back. I can take a dump.
Oh, I left three layers of skin on the toilet seat.
Oh my God.
And then you could like even turn it up a little bit and give someone like some frost nip.
Maybe not bite, but a little frost nip.
Yes, yes.
Number six. No, number five.
Speedos for Unix.
That did not go over well.
Yeah. I couldn't believe it.
Imagine wearing a Speedo and it's loose.
That's just kind of horrifying.
Is there something you want to talk... No.
Are you sure you don't... No.
Everything OK? Yes.
OK. Forget it.
What was it? There was a movie, The Last Emperor.
It was about the actual last emperor of China. His name was Puyi.
Puyi. Puyi.
There was a scene when all of the court Unix were being sent out of the Forbidden City
because the rest of China had turned into a communist state.
And they were tired of supporting the emperor in his big entourage.
So the court Unix were all being sent away and every one of them came out holding a jar.
And the kids like, you know, the child emperor, he's like, you know, what's in the jar?
And he said, that's their manhood. No one can deny their right to be buried whole.
So they were turned into Unix so they could serve in the court and no one had to worry about them sleeping with...
But they got to keep their balls.
Sleeping with the royal women's or whatever.
But their balls were preserved in a jar.
So when they were buried, they could be buried with their balls.
So as they were leaving the palace, they carried their little jar of their own testicles with them.
Horrifying.
But you know, they could have used the speedo for Unix.
Yeah, that's true. Yeah.
Yeah, they could just like put them in there and just walked around like everything was fine.
They'll come like nudicles or whatever.
National Lampoon had an article back in the 70s about it was making fun of the concept of penis envy,
of how women supposedly are jealous of a man having a penis.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Which is the most ridiculous bullshit ever.
But they satirized it by talking about giving women fake testicles so they could have that well-hung feeling.
And they promptly said no thank you and gave it back, didn't they?
Well, the whole article was showing it as if it was this wonderful breakthrough in cosmetic surgery.
Women were no longer going to get boob jobs.
They were going to get testicle implants.
And they were showing all the different scrotums you could get and you could choose testicle size
and you could even choose whether they were uneven like real men's testicles were.
It was hilariously satirical of the whole thing.
And I remember there's a picture of this really attractive blonde model and she was wearing a bikini
and there were these two big hairy balls stuffed into her bikini.
She had this big grin on her face like, wow, I'm so happy.
Look at this, I got my balls.
National Lampoon had their moments, didn't they?
Yes.
You know, most people think they just had movies, but they were a magazine.
No, they were a magazine.
Yeah, a magazine is way better than it is.
They did Cracked Magazine.
Oh, that was part of National Lampoon?
It wasn't the National Lampoon Magazine, right?
Then there's National Lampoon Presents, Cracked.
Oh, OK.
Look it up.
And it had the guy kind of like Alfred E. Newman.
Yeah, it was kind of a competitor for Mad Magazine.
It was kind of a spoof of Mad.
Yeah.
And they had the guy that looked like Alfred E. Newman a little bit.
Yeah, the Cracked Kid.
And it was good.
I mean, they didn't have some of the famous artists that Mad did, you know, like the one guy, Martin,
that had the guy with the hands and feet that flopped over.
Yeah, that was Dick Martin.
And the Spy vs. Spy Guy.
Dick Martin, I think.
And then Spy vs. Spy Guy and all that.
But they had their own style of writing, too, that was very good.
So, I enjoyed Cracked and also National Lampoon's magazine.
They also had an X magazine, Triple X magazine, too.
Oh, I didn't know that.
Yeah, was it like, it was kind of like Beaver Hunt?
But it wasn't.
I'll have to look it up later.
Hang on.
But yeah, they had their own form of Triple X magazine.
And it was like Beaver Hunt or what it was.
Was that Hustler that did the homemade version, like the girl next door?
Yeah.
They call it like Beaver Hunt or something.
Or Swag.
You know, National Lampoon had a magazine like it.
It was Outlaw Biker.
Oh, okay.
Outlaw Biker.
National Lampoon's Outlaw Biker.
That's right.
And in the section of that, they had like their own Beaver Hunt.
I remember looking in there and there's a biker chick with fucking gape and gash hanging on the floor.
Yeah, in National Lampoon magazine itself, they would do frontal nudity.
Yes.
They would do topless.
But so they already had an urge to do nudity.
So Outlaw Biker gave them an outlet where they could show boobs all day long.
Yeah.
I think they even fucking showed lungs on some of that stuff.
Probably so.
Yeah, they're kind of like Hustler on that aspect.
I do believe that if I remember correctly.
Yeah.
Oh, anyhow, let's see.
That was Speedos for Unix is that we got onto.
Yeah.
Yes.
If anyone's keeping track still.
I don't think, let's face it, they already hung up on us.
They're already going.
Yeah.
Number six, thank you notes for the makers of Kale.
Those will collect dust.
That was a horrible product idea.
Wow.
Hey, I ran across an actual bad product idea.
You're familiar with Adele, the singer.
She put out an album called 30.
And she pressed a lot of it on vinyl.
Nobody bought the vinyl.
It's all turning up in Goodwill.
Really?
And in the thrift stores.
It's being dumped by the distributors because nobody wanted the vinyl versions of Adele.
I don't think I want the vinyl versions of Adele either.
I don't want any versions of Adele.
No, me neither.
Not my style, but whatever.
Real miscalculation there.
All the money they spend on those vinyl discs.
Yeah.
Someone got fired down at Sony.
Wow.
I'll be damned.
Number seven, ice cube makers for bidets.
Now who in the hell would not like that?
You tell me, what kind of an evil bastard would not like an ice maker for a bidet?
Yeah, make your wee-wee shrivel up and go inside.
Can you imagine?
My testicles might not come down until next year.
I normally don't have to hold steady, but on this one I got to hold steady.
Oh my God.
Look at it.
It looks like a little meat whistle.
It's so cold.
Somebody explain to me how something that looks like what a drinking fountain puts out,
just some little stream of cold tap water.
Now show me how that can clean a porta potty that's been parked outside the Renfest for three days.
No.
It's not going to clean anyone's ass.
Sulfuric acid won't clean that.
I'm sorry.
Lyso-Clorox bleach and sulfuric acid all mixed together would not clean that.
You know that oil and dirt residue that builds up on the bottom of your engine?
Go under there with a little kid's toy squirt gun and show me how it cleans right off.
It's not doing anything, Paul.
That's right, because you're a stupid ass.
Get out of here.
I mean, Americans eat about five pounds of fat a day, and it creates an oil slick when it comes out their ass.
And cold water ain't touching that.
Yeah.
If you eat like a rabbit and fart little rabbit pellets, then all you need to do is dust yourself with a feather duster.
You go to Japan and they're like farting.
They're like shitting like little round little balls that don't stick to anything.
They look like cocoa puffs.
Yeah.
Rabbit shit or deer shit.
Yeah, they only have to wipe.
They just jump up and go, oh, I'm good.
It's because they don't eat what we eat.
No, we eat greasy, fatty.
It takes your average American about an hour and a half to squeeze that turd out.
It's not going to rinse off with a little sprinkle of cold water.
No, no.
Especially when you see that fucker laying against the bottom of the stool.
Yeah.
And it just starts like splatting and screeching out.
It looks like the blob just took a hold of somebody.
You flush the toilet and there's skid marks all over it, so you flush again, and there's still skid marks.
And you flush again, and there's, yeah, you tell me that cold water is going to clean your ass.
Yeah, you look out to make sure nobody's around so you can sneak out there without anyone knowing it was you that did that.
If there's someone still out there, you just go, hey, I'm having some issues.
You might want to come back later.
So.
Oh, you'll never get me to believe in bidets.
No, me neither.
Not unless you're a rabbit.
Yes.
Yeah, and then I don't think rabbits do either.
No.
Get out of here.
Number eight, squeaky toys for alligators.
Did not go over well.
Hey, that's a good warning.
You hear that squeaky toy like, oh, the alligator's.
Oh, shit.
You know, we're near a lagoon.
What I used to call people.
Lagoon.
Hey, hey, what's that?
That's squeaky toy.
Oh, shit.
There must be an alligator.
Let's get out of here.
You call them gator people.
Shit, there's a gator.
My brother John and sister Jennifer spent a summer down in Florida with my grandparents.
This would have been probably 74 or 75, somewhere around there.
And they mailed back a picture of the neighbor's pool with a three foot alligator in it.
And sometime during the night, the alligator just come and gotten into their swimming pool.
Where was this at?
This was Stewart, Florida.
It's on the Atlantic coast.
OK.
So this alligator just decided to go, you know, hang out in their pool.
They had to call people to come and it was down in the bottom of the deep end.
So they had to go in there and get it.
Of course, you're in the alligator's element when you're in the water with it.
Those guys must get paid a lot.
They're just alligator hanging out in your swimming pool.
It's like they live here too.
Actually, they were here before we were.
You left a nice inviting place there.
So yeah, I don't blame it.
Well, number nine, healthy drink mixes for East Palestine, Ohio.
Wow, they put me too soon for that.
Oh, OK, too soon, too soon.
Sorry.
Sorry, guys.
No harm, no foul, right?
OK, moving right along.
Fish flakes for lionfish.
I like that one.
What was that company, Tetra Min?
They made all the fish food flakes for the tropical fish.
As a matter of fact, I still use it for my goldfish in the Koi pond.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
They actually, it's pretty good because the stuff that they, whatever, engineer, whatever,
actually makes the goldfish turn a different color of orange, a different shade.
Oh, thanks.
Yeah.
I know a high school friend of mine who was, he was out of weed and really hard up,
and he tried smoking those Tetra Min fish food flakes.
Did it work?
He said it gave him a hell of a headache.
Oh, I bet it did.
OK.
You gotta be desperate to smoke fish food.
It just reminds me of Spicoli on Fast Times of Ridgemont High.
He's talking to that guy on the phone, and he takes this fucking moccasin
and starts smacking himself in the skull with it.
He goes, dude, what that is?
Oh, no, man.
That's my skull, man.
I'm baked.
That was a fun movie.
That was a great movie.
And finally, number 11, passing yard championship plaque for Aaron Rodgers of the Jets.
Aaron Rodgers, yes.
Which goes into our Aaron Rodgers talk.
Didn't Brett Favre go to the Jets?
Yes.
So Aaron Rodgers.
And then he went to the Vikings after the famous dick pics started circulating
that he was sending the trainer and would not leave her alone.
So Aaron Rodgers comes up.
So that's probably what Aaron will do next.
Aaron Rodgers is obviously probably in a Hall of Fame style caliber quarterback.
Brett Favre is still there.
Brett Favre is a dick to Aaron Rodgers.
Doesn't want him on the same field.
This is my house, bitch.
Well, they heads there, get together, and they're like, you know what, man,
Aaron Rodgers has a lot more time left.
We can get a couple of good draft picks for Brett Favre, so let's just go ahead and trade him.
So they trade him to the Jets.
They got a couple of decent draft picks.
And Aaron Rodgers comes in and he's the next thing.
Next big thing, yeah.
Next big thing.
And he's doing great.
Won a Super Bowl with him and all these MVPs.
One of the best quarterbacks ever.
Yeah, yeah.
He writes up good statistics and he wins a number of games.
Hasn't won all that many Super Bowls.
Won.
Just won, yeah.
And the other thing that's more disappointing is he's only been to one.
That's true.
Favre was in two, I believe, and won one.
And he could have been to another Minnesota championship game where he could have ran it for a first down.
Yeah.
But he threw it.
And got the interception.
Anyhow, so I would say that to me that Aaron Rodgers and his list of demands to go to the Jets is way out of line.
Way inappropriate.
And quite frankly does not come off well.
Yeah, yeah.
There was a meme showing Aaron Rodgers saying, Green Bay won't give me the weapons I want.
Then he goes to the Jets and says, give me all the weapons Green Bay gave me.
Yeah.
If you think about it over time it's true.
The only thing that's different is they did not keep a lot of them like Randall Cobb.
They tried to keep Devonte Adams like they believed, didn't they?
Yeah.
Well part of it you can trace back to Rodgers himself anyhow.
He doesn't take the necessary restructuring or pay cuts, if you will, to do it.
So they're always in a bind financially.
Yeah.
He doesn't realize everybody else wants to get paid too.
Yeah.
Well I'm sure he realizes he just doesn't care.
He doesn't care.
He doesn't think it should affect him at all.
Yeah, we took Valdez Gantling away from the Packers who was kind of a possession receiver.
He could stretch the field.
And he's coming back next year I do believe.
Yeah.
And then yeah, Devonte Adams left.
But this thing lately where Aaron has declared that he believes himself to be the best player ever in franchise history for the Packers.
I don't know if that's true.
I don't think so either.
Bart Starr won two or three.
He won five championships total.
Oh, well.
Because he had two Super Bowls.
Yeah, that's right.
Two Super Bowls.
But five NFL championships.
Because the AFL and the NFL hadn't merged yet.
Yeah, because he played in the first one against Lenny Dawson.
That's what happened.
And the second one they beat the Raiders.
Yes.
So Bart Starr right off the bat five rings.
Aaron Rodgers won.
Yeah, so Bart Starr would be a better one.
And then number two would be Brett Farr because he was in two Super Bowls.
Let's see.
Paul Horning running back.
Yeah, another good one.
Who was the defensive?
Reggie White.
Yeah.
I mean, they've had a lot of good players over the years.
Yeah.
The Packers are a very old franchise.
I mean, for Aaron Rodgers, a breeze in.
Already Mahomes has lapped him.
Three Super Bowls, two wins.
Yeah.
Five championship games ever since he has been starting in the league.
Yeah.
So already Mahomes has lapped him.
Yeah.
You know, I mean, how is Jordan Love?
Does Jordan Love look good?
He looked good last year on what he played.
Yeah.
Is he going to be a superstar like Aaron Rodgers?
Hard to say.
I don't think so.
But I think as in terms of success, you're going to have about the same thing if you keep going to the playoffs and not winning.
That's what you're doing now anyhow.
Yeah.
But if someone else had said, let's talk about whether Aaron Rodgers is the best player ever to wear a Packers uniform, that'd be one thing.
But for Aaron himself to say, I am, and then he backpedaled slightly and said, well, at least I should be in the conversation.
Yeah.
It's just arrogance.
I'm sure probably the look on the people's face when he said that.
Yeah.
Dude, his name is Ergon Rodgers now.
It's not Aaron Rodgers.
I think it should be.
Yeah.
God, he's vying with George Clooney for how smug and arrogant he is and how much he thinks his own shit doesn't stink.
Yeah, I would agree.
He's up there in Clooney territory.
Yeah.
That's hard to do too.
And Bono.
Yeah.
Bono is another one of those guys who's perfect, but everybody else is a piece of shit.
Yeah.
Bono is simple with me.
If Bono loves America so much, kind of like Roger Waters, and they're always criticizing it just like Roger Waters, go tamp your bank account out and pay off our national debt.
You love America so much and more than us, then just go ahead and do that.
Prove your love.
Quit taking our money.
Yeah.
You start showing us love by fucking paying up our national debt then.
And if not, then I don't want to hear you.
Yeah.
So.
Yeah.
A number of musicians have said about other musicians, just shut up and play your music.
That's true.
That's all I wanted from you is your music.
I don't care for your opinions on modern art or classic cars or who I should vote for.
It's not what I'm here for.
Nope.
Same here.
I'm here to hear your music and that's it.
These guys suck and so do you for listening.
Just saying.
Oh shit.
What's that over there?
Oh no.
It's island of horrible jokes.
Ugh.
If I ever find that doctor that screwed up my limb replacement surgery, I will kill him
with my bare hands.
This, Angborn Ass Radio Kid, it's the next generation podcast.
Two douche bags.
And a microphone.
Mark.
Topher.
All right.
Topher, you were coming up with a couple of interesting little tidbits just a second
ago off air.
Whichever one you want to lead off with is fine with me.
Both of them are ready.
Well, I was just thinking about how it's going to be tax filing time fairly soon.
I'm already seeing commercials for TurboTax software.
Interesting how initially TurboTax was, hey, download our software and you can do your
own taxes.
Now they are, hey, download our software and let us do your taxes for you.
They have become the very people that they were trying to put out of business in the
beginning.
Yeah.
And then all of a sudden it became more profitable for them to do it the old fashioned way.
Yeah.
It occurs to me this time every year that tax time in the US sucks.
And it sucks on purpose because it doesn't have to be this way.
There are European countries where at the end of the year you get a statement from the
government saying here's what has been done for your taxes, this is how much you were
taxed for these reasons, blah, blah, blah.
And then if you have a problem you dispute it.
Yeah.
But it's all done.
And it's all written right out there in a statement for you.
In the US, places like H&R Block and Jackson Hewitt and Turbo Tax, they pay lobbyists to
convince our politicians to keep the tax code incomprehensible so we can't figure it out
ourselves and we have to pay someone to do it for us.
So the very people that we're paying to do our taxes are creating the situation where
we have to pay to do our taxes.
Lovely.
Yeah.
Isn't that fucked up?
But then we run to H&R Block and say oh I love you because you got me this big refund.
No they didn't.
You overpaid all year.
And you would have gotten that money back anyway.
And in fact if it were done correctly you would have had that money all year long.
Exactly.
Instead of waiting for it into the year like some big bonus.
Yeah it's not like you got interest on it.
No.
Did they get in a lawsuit though I thought?
I could be wrong on this but I thought.
I could be wrong.
Not for sure but I thought they got in a lawsuit for being too cautious and not getting people
enough money back.
Yeah.
There's the only two times that I've done the tax returns myself through the software
were the lowest refunds I ever got.
And I went back to having an actual human being do it and my refunds went way up.
And then they showed me how to adjust to where I'm not getting a huge refund into the year.
Instead I'm getting more money every paycheck.
And I was like I like that idea.
Oh I like that better yeah.
So I adjusted it and I got more money every paycheck and then end of the year I pretty
much broke even and I was done with it.
It was like cool.
Yeah.
You know that was fine with me.
It shouldn't be as difficult as it is but it's none of those created situations.
Yeah.
People with more money than us are making it this way because it makes money for them.
Yeah that's fucked.
And then I got on to instances where I mean don't you hate a line jumper?
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
Someone who pushes their way in and says hey I'm friends with the owner I get that table.
Or something.
But openly in advertisements businesses and companies will tell you pay extra and you
can line jump.
Yeah.
Let's see you can do that with like the TSA at the airport.
Preselect.
Yeah if you pay extra you can skip some of the security line and some of the security
precautions.
Well I used to do it because of my old job but I was on TSA preselect and here's why.
Because you didn't ever have to take off your shoes.
Mm hmm.
And also you didn't have to like you know if you had like a big thing let's say a box
full of tools.
Uh huh.
They just ran it through the x-ray and that was it.
They didn't open it up.
Yeah.
Now if you went through the regular TSA nine times out of ten they opened it up and they
got a look through everything and all that.
Yeah.
If you're preselected supposedly they done all the elbow work first.
Yeah.
Which I think is complete it's a complete lie.
True because that's exactly what a person who's decided to blow up an airplane could
do.
Get preselected.
Yes.
Before they start doing anything suspicious.
That's what I always thought too get preselected.
Uh huh.
And then you know incrementally work your way up to being able to do something.
And then you just walk right onto the airplane with a bomb in your shoes because they don't
make you take your shoes off anymore.
Yeah.
Yep.
So that hurts the rest of us.
And all that is doing is designed to get them money.
Yeah.
That's all.
Yeah.
And it's not designed to stay help us stay safer we know this.
And there are ways the airlines themselves do it.
Uh huh.
Uh you'll get there like Southwest would have their boarding groups.
Yes.
You'll get there and there's boarding group A B C or whatever.
Uh huh.
But at the last minute they'll say we have some of the special boarding passes left if
you want to pay an extra fifty five dollars.
Oh that drives me nuts.
You can come right up and join the special boarding group and get right on.
Yeah the thing that pisses me off is let's say you're A14.
Uh huh.
Let it go.
You can get through A to 15.
It's like oh great so you're going to push some motherfucker in front of me.
Uh huh.
Yeah.
Because they're willing to spend more money than they get ahead of me.
When they come up and do that.
Uh huh.
They don't go line up in A to 15.
They just do the special boarding.
Uh huh.
So there's actually two A15's.
Yeah.
Or two A14's.
It's a lie.
It is.
In my opinion I hate it.
And then how often does Disney do it?
Oh the fucking time.
Oh by this special pass you get to skip the lines.
Yeah.
That's just it's a flagrant.
That's how they came up with all those problems about it.
I'm better than you because I have more money.
That's what they're saying.
They're basically renting mentally handicapped children to get in front in line.
Uh huh.
Yeah.
But they actually sell passes.
Like you know you can just come in like a regular person and get them back in the line.
Or you can be you know Disney whatever this select class of whatever and pay extra.
And you'll have your own Disney ambassador who will whisk you to the front of the line in front of everybody else.
Now how does that look to everybody else who's been waiting three hours in line to see these rich ass snobs come floating by and smirking at you?
Yeah.
It makes me want to say fuck you Disney I'm never coming back.
But you know the suckers flood in every year so what do I know?
Well I haven't.
I've not liked Disney in a long time anyhow.
Yeah.
So it doesn't do anything for me except confirm what I already thought.
But other people I'm pretty sure it's turning them off.
Yeah.
You save up for years and take your child there and they virtually get to do nothing because the elite get to go in front of you because they paid extra.
Yeah.
It's wrong.
Yeah.
And I would hope that it leads to maybe some of these places not doing so well at the very least.
It's it seems to me to be bad business in the long run.
It's horrible business.
Yeah.
Cell phone providers do it too.
Yes they do.
You'll see a minor like a boost mobile or metro PC or whatever.
Mint mobile those kind of places they say you know this we use this.
Do you have the same coverage as the big providers?
We use the same cell phone towers as the big providers.
In some cases they say they are.
Yeah.
And I think it's like total total goes this is total by Verizon.
Yeah because they bought them.
Verizon just bought Mint Mobile too.
Oh they did.
That's right.
Because what's his name.
I remember he.
Ryan Reynolds.
Yeah.
But you know a number of these what they're doing is they're they're buying time on the cell phone towers.
So yeah you're getting the same cell phone towers to the same coverage the same call reliability.
But the thing is the people who are paying more than you are still going to line jump because when traffic gets heavy your call your data etc.
Gets pushed to the side.
Yes.
And the people who are paying full price don't see a single interruption in their service.
But since you're paying less you know you're kicked to the side of the road and you had to wait.
Yeah.
You know if that's OK with you then go ahead and do it but over and over we're told if you have some money you get this.
But if you have a lot of money look what else you get.
Anything.
Anything you want.
Yeah.
Isn't that grooming us all to just dedicate our lives to making more money so we can get more.
Yeah.
We get the more that other people are getting.
No it is.
We're being groomed to become slaves to the wage.
It's kind of sickening.
No it is.
I would agree.
All right Topher you hear about the new yellow sections in stadiums.
Yellows.
Football stadiums.
No I haven't heard of yellow sections.
OK.
Yellow sections is a new alcohol free section.
Oh what a great idea.
It's actually not even that new.
It's just not that well known.
Oh.
At first I've heard of it.
See.
It's been going on since 2009.
Oh OK.
Yeah.
Section yellow is co founded by John Plagman.
2009 a few months into his recovery from alcohol abuse he attended a concert by rock band
Phish.
He feared the alcohol heavy environment might disrupt his recovery.
Oh yeah.
Until he found out that Phish had this yellow section.
That you could go to this alcohol free.
Remember the rock band Phish.
Yeah.
They were interesting.
Yes.
They were what would you say almost reggae kind of.
They were a real jam band.
Jam band.
Yeah jam band would probably be a better way to describe them.
I like them but it's never been my whole thing you know.
They were good but yeah.
I actually ran into the percussionist for Phish.
Really.
At a local drum shop.
He came in to get some percussion items and he had this little set of bongos that were
they were so small they could fit in the palm of your hand.
And they're called finger bongos I think but you kind of held them between a couple fingers
and you play them with one finger.
Yes I saw that on the internet.
They're really interesting little things.
They're actually really little bongos.
Yeah.
And he had come in to get something else but he found those and he was just in love with
them and he was standing at the cash register and he was just tapping around on it having
a good old time.
That's awesome.
He's wearing tie dye and long hair and he looked like.
About what you'd imagine.
Yeah.
And when he left the owner of the drum shop who was a long time friend of mine he said
oh that's you know so and so for Phish there in town.
I was like oh really okay.
So my brush with a famous touring musician.
That is cool.
He also ran into Pat Tomick there the drummer for the Rainmakers.
And he also played with some other some other local talents and man I'm going to miss that
drum shop because now that it's closed.
Yeah.
Ran into.
Remember.
Did you ever see the store Unique Fashions.
No I don't think I did.
It was right next to the Lone Star in Westport.
You ever been to the old Lone Star in Westport.
Yeah.
OK yeah the metal bar.
Well it was a rock bar too.
But it was known if you ever wanted to see a heavy band play.
Yeah.
That would have been where it played.
OK.
Yeah.
The Lone Star is a pretty cool place.
That run down place is nothing special but there have been some really good concerts
went on there for a long time especially in the 80s early 90s.
Yeah.
So a lot of glam stuff a lot of real metal stuff went there.
It was John Sinclair was hanging out in front of Unique Fashions.
Oh wow.
Yeah.
And he was playing for some newer band.
I'm talking about you know the keyboardist.
Yeah.
And he was playing for some newer band.
And I never did recognize the name.
I don't think it ever got over it but he came in there to get fitted by the guy from Unique
Fashions.
And he goes yeah he goes it's kind of a glam band and all that but I didn't know who he
was at all.
He had to explain it to me a little bit later.
Yeah.
Because I was there getting some stuff to look cool and yeah.
Me and Baby thought we're starting our first conception of this band that we called Circus
at the time.
Oh wow.
Yeah.
Well it blew but anyhow.
So anyhow I'm in there trying to get some cool looking fucking digs and anyhow he's
there and he's like yeah he goes yeah I'm getting fitted by so and so I guess the guy
that started Unique Fashions like really high up on the fashion design for glam and metal.
He did Judas Priest remember when they did the turbo stuff.
Yeah.
When they got out of leather and started wearing more glamish stuff and all that.
Of course he did a oh shit it was it was the big band here for a long time.
Glam band Tommy Lee Flood and all those guys.
Banshee.
Yeah.
He did Banshee.
He did some of Motley Crue's and he was affiliated with Banshee somehow but anyhow.
Yeah.
Anyhow John Sinclair and he had to tell me who he was.
You know.
Because yeah he goes and he goes I'm going to be in this new band and I'm like yeah I
go you look really familiar and he goes yeah he goes I'm John Sinclair.
And he goes I'm going to be keyboardist for this guy and he's a really nice guy.
And I direct him to Tori's Pizza right next door and all that stuff because he's looking
for a good slice of pie and all that stuff.
Anyhow but that's kind of like how did we even get onto famous oh the guy from Phish.
Yeah.
Okay anyhow that kind of happened to me too and I had no idea who he was until but he
actually ended up telling me who he was and what he was doing there because we were just
you know I was just telling him you know hey we're just going to stick around.
Well he was really cool because he listened to me and he wished me well on the band and
he told me practice practice practice practice practice practice right right right right
practice.
He was like very dead on he was a very nice guy and I believe he's English I didn't even
know he sounded English but anyhow very cool.
But I was going to Yellow Sections.
Yeah.
Well you know this Phish concert that this guy was at had a yellow section for non-alcoholic
and this is where he had the idea.
A few years later after finding out about this yellow section Plague Men become a volunteer
for a sober community project for fellow Green Bay Packer fans which evolved into these new
yellow sections.
These new yellow sections for people that do not want to be around alcohol but still
want to enjoy a game at the stadium and here are the NFL teams besides the Packers that
partake in this Arizona Cardinals Seattle Seahawks Kansas City Chiefs Tampa Bay Buccaneers
yeah yeah for the Chiefs too.
New England Patriots yeah Jacksonville Jack wires.
Cleveland Bozos oh no Browns.
That's probably a good idea because they get a little too maniacal and start throwing batteries.
Yeah remember that yeah.
Or was that that was Oakland too.
I remember this famously it was the the Bengals coach saying you know quit throwing snowballs
on the field you live in Cincinnati not Cleveland.
Oh yeah yeah yeah that's right.
Philly fans are the ones that booed Santa Claus and yeah it pelted in with snowballs.
Yes.
And the Raiders are batteries they threw batteries.
The Detroit Femmes oh no no Lions I'm sorry I read that wrong yeah.
The Chicago Crossdressers no no no Bears yeah.
Soon to be no longer in Soldier Field yes.
The Buffalo Billies and Billy and Billy Buffalo and Billy.
The Miami Porpoises no porpoise no all the all the Florida teams yeah yep and the Pittsburgh
Squealers Squealers.
Squeal like a pig.
Squeal like a pig fat boy.
Name the movie.
Oh my god.
And that is why I never you know speaking of deliverance movie you're speaking about.
That is why I never want to go on to those riverboat cruises down the Mississippi.
Because if you hit one rock and you're stuck that's it you're hearing banjos.
Yes.
It's over.
Oh but anyhow let me go and wrap up this yellow section.
The yellow section also has literature on how to stay sober.
It has areas there that you can go to and speak to counselors if you want.
And these are stadiums that are in existence then they have them right now.
That's smart.
Yeah it really is.
So Arrowhead Stadium at KUH field yeah yeah.
You go into KUH field at Arrowhead Stadium yeah and they have this.
As soon as they start paying us to say their corporate name we'll say it.
Yeah but other than that it's KUH field.
Yeah and Sandstone it's not whatever name it is because they don't pay us to.
No Sandstone.
Well yeah I see that's a smart idea and you have this yellow zone and you have some guy who's hammered and he looks into the yellow zone and says gee they're having fun and I'm really not.
So he can go there and say you know I want to get help you know.
And it's awesome that they can you know it's not like they're going to be you know dragging people in and yelling at you to you know they're there if you want to.
I'll put it like this I've never had an alcohol and I know you're the same.
Never had an alcohol or an addiction issue of any kind.
Well eating maybe.
Yeah.
But I consider that somewhat normal in America good food so cheap.
Yeah.
But thing is is I've never had these issues at the same time I think it's fantastic that they're doing this.
Yeah absolutely.
Yeah so maybe people can go unwind and not worry about relapsing because some fuck just spelt like three pounds of Coors Light on.
So and you know that's been the big sticking point for public marijuana consumption is when you exhale or whatever is burning off the end of your joint or whatever the surrounding people are inhaling it whether they want it or not.
So it doesn't make sense to put it in a public place where people who want to stay sober are going to be forced isn't the right word but they're going to be there to breathe it in whether they want it or not.
It does make sense to make public areas where you gain entrance knowing that weed is going to be smoked in there and you will get some in your lungs etc.
So it's not like you know oh my god I'm smelling weed and I'm going to get drug tested at work tomorrow I'm screwed.
Yeah.
That shouldn't happen.
No.
But if you want to go to a public area and you're you know away from everyone else and you can smoke you know that's already you know trying to get put into place here in Nevada in Las Vegas they're trying to have public consumption areas so.
Keep that separation to where if people don't want that as part of the experience they don't have to have it.
I agree.
Yeah these yellow zones are a great idea it's going to make it a lot more family friendly in those areas too.
I agree.
Yeah.
I agree 100%.
It's funny you'll get to the stadium and one parent is going to go sit in the regular seats and get hammered and the other parent's going to be in the yellow zone with the kids.
Instead of the doing in his family is like you know it's either mom or dad is going to get stuck with the kid and the other one's going to get out there hammering down beers.
So you got sober parents to drive home with the drunk ass parent puking out the back window.
That'd be awesome.
I'm all for that.
I got a little chief story here.
Oh I love it.
It actually started it's actually from a couple of weeks ago but I figured we might as well just go ahead and get it now.
According to multiple sources for cancer the chiefs the chiefs are trying to resign Juju Smith which did not happen.
Yeah.
That's why I had to preempt it with a couple weeks ago and most if not all the receiving core including wide receiver special teams guy McColl Hartman.
They're trying to retain all of them if they can but they've already lost Juju and I don't know who else they're going to lose either.
Okay the interesting fact is what was said afterwards the sources said that some top name wide receivers have been blowing up my home's phone expressing interest in joining the team.
The actual names they declined to say in public.
One source also chimed in that a pair of big name running backs also called to fill the water.
Well I personally think Pacheco and McKinnon have definitely earned their roles as starters.
Now Kaderius Tony he's earned his spot as special teams and a wide receiver.
Yeah.
Now.
Valdez Gantling.
I think that he deserves another shot.
Yeah he put up good numbers.
Yeah.
Yeah and he had some catches.
Yeah.
Downfield that if he can expand on that.
Hardman I think that he's really good at special teams.
Good return man.
He's a good return man but he has never been that one solid guy.
Number two guy like they thought he was going to be.
So he's got to be a right money guy.
Yeah I can see that.
So.
So it's going to be pretty interesting you know to see exactly what they settle on because I'm not so sure if maybe the chief style is not going out and getting an Odell Beckham Jr.
Yeah not him specifically but someone like him.
Yes like that.
Yeah.
I'm not so sure that that is her style as a matter of fact I would say that their style is the opposite of that.
Yeah I'm trying to think of any time that they've gone out and got.
Well when they got Marcus Allen as running back that was a big deal but I'm trying to think of when they've ever gone after a big name wide receiver.
It's I can't think of one.
About the closest might have been in recent memory with Jeremy Macklin.
Yeah.
But I mean he was a really good one not not an upper echelon.
Yeah.
I mean I personally think that they probably could have got a couple of wide receivers that were on the market earlier in the year if they wanted to.
But they didn't.
And you know to me it seems like the chiefs are always losing receivers.
You know Tyree Hill seems to me like they're too many times but they're they make the receivers.
Yeah.
And then they let him go.
I tell you that's not going to be completely true.
Smith did a hell of a job in Pittsburgh wasn't it.
Yeah.
He did a hell of a job in Pittsburgh.
He was great.
He did a hell of a job here.
He was great.
Now I think his growing is going to stop.
Maybe.
Yeah.
Where did he land I forgot.
New England.
Mack Jones only going to do so much.
Yeah.
He's had good quarterbacks pushing him and helping him.
At this point he's going to have to do some of the pulling.
He's going to be a nine hundred thousand yard guy at best.
Yeah.
For a few years and then he'll start dropping off in my opinion.
Yeah.
I think he's reached his top and the reason he's reached his top is because he reached
the best quarterbacks he could have early in his career.
And let's face it Rothlisberger wasn't that great and by the time Smith started playing
with him really I mean.
He was yeah.
Rothlisberger was tough and good in the short game short game.
Yeah.
So I remember Smith Schuster saying before the offseason that he said I like Kansas City
I would like to resign and keep playing here but it's not up to me.
But I think it ultimately it was they offered him something and he turned it down.
I think that Schuster might be like he's got Jack Rabin in him.
You know he's not afraid to leave.
Yeah.
He's fine with jumping to a new team.
Yeah.
So I think there's something for that psyche.
Yeah.
That you don't care.
There's people like Kelsey Mahomes like I want to retire here.
That's where I want to be.
Salvador Perez if you will must stay in Kansas City win or lose.
You know he got his super he got his World Series World Series ring been there twice
won one he's happy.
Yeah.
Juju is like the opposite.
He's got his ring.
Got ring will travel.
Yeah.
Which is fine.
And you know he might be chasing the Hall of Fame numbers.
He might be just you know trying to get some good earning years in and then get out.
To me he reminds me of a good receiver but not a top upper echelon.
Yeah I don't I don't think we're going to be talking about him for Hall of Fame anytime.
No.
But he'll be remembered fondly by a few.
He's kind of like Jeremy Macklin who I forementioned.
Yeah.
Warm feeling your tummy highs.
Pretty good pretty good receiver.
Yeah and we liked him.
He did good.
Yeah.
That's about it.
Yeah.
Or a stoop menace.
Yeah.
Yeah he was good.
Yeah but.
Yeah.
That's about it.
In one of the Madden football games they have when you look at some of the football rosters
players are tagged by members of your staff as a good fill in player for the meantime
but trade him while he's still young.
And I think chiefs do a lot of that with receivers.
They really do.
Yeah.
They don't want any old receivers.
Tight ends yes.
You know they're willing to keep Kelsey for a long time.
They were willing to keep Gonzalez for a long time.
Yeah.
Gonzalez is the one that wanted the trade to go chase the Super Bowl.
Yeah.
Yeah he made it the one and if the fucking owner didn't come out on the field to celebrate
they might have won one.
Yeah.
So yeah.
It seems like teams make a decision on which positions they want older players and which
positions they want just keep young players rotating through.
Let's just be glad that Matt Ryan is finally going to retire.
What an ass bag.
Man he had a great run in Atlanta but then he just I don't know he really tainted his
legacy.
Yeah he did.
Yeah taint.
Tainted.
Yep he took his legacy and rubbed it on his taint.
Yes he did.
Yeah.
Anyhow Beluga whales.
Right.
Those are cool.
Yeah they are very cool.
There's a Beluga whale that let me get this little story here.
Alright.
Well it's not that uncommon to encounter Beluga whales out in the ocean.
Recently Norwegian fishermen came across a whale that really surprised them and made
headlines all over the world.
When a friendly whale approached the fisherman's boat they noticed something odd about it.
The animal was wearing a harness that once the fisherman removed it they noticed it said
equipment of St. Petersburg written on it.
So and that didn't even mean the real story.
They don't know where it came from or why.
This out in the middle of nowhere.
Yeah.
So although the reason the whale was wearing the harness is still a mystery what is not
a mystery is the young Beluga whale and how very thoughtful it was.
When the young lady had dropped her smartphone in the ocean seemingly lost her phone forever
that was there along on the expedition.
The whale left briefly and then resurfaced on the lady's phone.
Oh wow.
The whale was never accounted for by any water show.
Not part of any research.
Nothing.
This Beluga whale just showed up with this harness that said property of St. Petersburg
equipment.
They took it off because it looked uncomfortable.
And then the lady like reached over she had her phone like somewhere on her.
She reached over to take a closer look at the Beluga whale and her phone fell in the
water and she could see it going like way down there and the Beluga whale disappeared
for a second and came back with the phone and handed it to her.
To her.
Not anyone else.
Her phone.
They are very smart animals.
It is within definitely within reality that a Beluga whale like that is smart enough to
know that this woman lost this and he can go get it for her.
Or she can go get it for her.
It is funny you bring this up because just the other day I saw a video of a guy who was
kayaking in a certain area and a sea otter came up with her baby and kept trying to put
the baby on the guy's kayak.
Okay.
And they couldn't figure out what was going on and then somebody looked into it and said
okay there is a sea otter rescue in the area.
So that is probably an otter who was rescued and returned to the wild by humans and it
is grateful and likes people and it was coming up to show its baby.
It was coming up to the kayaker saying hi human look at my baby.
Look at what you did.
Thank you for saving me and this is my baby.
I can believe that.
Yeah.
See all these critters are smarter than we give them credit for.
I mean they are not like Disney would have us believe where they are just like people.
They are smart in the way animals view the world.
They have limitations.
They don't care what is happening on the International Space Station and they never buy cryptocurrency.
But they know gratitude and friendliness and just random acts of kindness.
No it is true.
Yeah.
You don't have to convince me honey.
I have seen enough and know enough.
That is so cool though.
Yeah that is very cool.
So I like that story a lot and I love the fact that it didn't just like grab it and
bring it back up.
It brought it to the lady.
Yeah.
It was kind of like here this is yours I believe.
Uh huh.
Yeah isn't that amazing.
That is neat.
I have also seen video of a sloth was trying to cross a road.
Uh huh.
And a guy picked it up and took it across the road and put it part way up a tree.
And the sloth turned around to look at the guy and reached his arm out with his claw
as a thank you.
And the guy came up and you know bumped it.
Did a fist bump with the sloth.
That is pretty damn cool.
It was saying thank you.
It knew the guy was helping it and it was thanking the guy.
That is very cool.
Yeah.
I love that.
And then after a guy's returned the mother sloth had dropped her baby.
And the guy picked it up and handed it to the mama.
And she took her baby and then she stuck her paw out for the guy to fist bump.
Wow.
She was saying thank you for my baby.
You know human beings don't always act that good.
I've got one for you.
Okay you know Westport right.
Westport is an entertainment bar district in Kansas City.
One of the oldest ones.
Yep.
Westport was like the original city that was built around here.
Yeah that was the jumping off point.
So kind of the last point you could get provisions.
Yeah and then after that was the big state of Kansas and all the prairie land.
What they called Indian territory.
Yeah rough terrain and Indians that would kill you.
Yep.
Because you're in their territory.
You have a history of killing them.
We were the invaders.
Yes.
So Westport was like the last area that you could go there and get provisions.
And hopefully make it through this terrain that you're going to go through.
So me I would have stayed on the other side and said that's alright.
I'll stay over here in Westport.
Go ahead.
I don't need to go get killed.
So anyhow.
I'm sitting there.
Okay I'm at Westport and I was going and getting something from somewhere.
And I'm walking along and all of a sudden a friend of mine calls.
And they have a lot of stuff going on.
I'm like okay.
So I'm sitting there listening and listening.
And I wasn't thinking fuck this or that.
Just was like okay this is going to take a bit.
Because they were really having some emotional stuff going on.
So I sat down.
And I sat down on this bench.
And there's this bookstore.
This is on Pennsylvania.
You know Pennsylvania Avenue there?
Yeah.
Okay.
You remember where Californios used to be?
Californos?
Not exactly.
Okay well there's this bookstore.
There's this little U driveway.
And you can pull up to Californos.
Get out and then your car will drive off and go park somewhere else.
Oh yeah.
Okay.
Well at that corner that little U driveway.
Is a bookstore.
One end of the U is the back of the bookstore.
And then the front is the one facing Pennsylvania.
Oh yeah.
So I'm sitting out on Pennsylvania sitting there.
And all of a sudden I see this little one squirrel walk up to the back door.
Looks up and down.
And goes.
And I'm like what the fuck.
I could swear the squirrel is knocking at the door.
And then it says there a second.
Then knocks again.
Oh my god.
And I'm like what the hell.
And also this lady opens up the door and gives him a couple of peanuts.
That's awesome.
He grabs them, walks off.
Then a little bit later.
And I got video of it but man this is years and years ago.
So I don't know where it's at.
He did it again.
And obviously they're talking to my friend.
And I go hang on, hang on.
I start giving play by play.
I'm like there's this little squirrel that's walking up.
And now it's like knocking on the back door.
Oh bullshit.
No really.
Not kidding man.
I'm going to take some video.
I'll send it to you.
Yeah that's pretty cool.
So I know animals are really smart.
And squirrels as small as they are, smart.
The last house my mom had in Hillsboro.
She had a dog door at the back of her house.
And outside the back there was a covered wooden patio.
And she kept a big bowl of peanuts on a piece of furniture just inside in the dining room.
And occasionally she'd grab a handful of peanuts, walk over and reach through the dog door and throw them out onto the patio.
And the squirrels and other birds could come up and get them.
There was one of the birds that got smart enough to realize that the peanuts were coming from the other side of that dog door.
And it was a scrub jay.
They don't have blue jays there.
They have scrub jays.
A scrub jay or a stellar jay?
Scrub jay.
What is the difference?
Stellar's jays, I remember those being in the mountains.
But in Oregon they had scrub jays more than stellar's jays.
I think stellar's jays have more of a crest.
The scrub jay doesn't really have any kind of crest.
It's more of a grayish bird.
Yeah, grayish.
It doesn't have the blue one.
Okay, gotcha.
I'm just trying to identify what you were talking about.
Because some people call them different.
Some people call the stellar jays one and the scrub jays another.
Anyhow, go ahead.
They kind of look, color wise, they kind of look like a dove.
Longer beak.
But anyway, this scrub jay realized the peanuts were coming from inside that dog door.
And it got bold enough to where it came in through the dog door, looked around, saw that bowl of peanuts up on that counter or dress or whatever.
And it flew up there, grabbed a peanut, flew back down and hopped out the dog door.
And it started doing that on a regular basis.
Because I was visiting once and I was sitting at the table having some coffee.
And the bird came in, took a peanut and went back out the dog door and I said,
Mom, this bird just came in and took a peanut.
And she said, yeah, I know.
Wow.
And the dog didn't care.
The dog probably thought it was funny.
She had a cat at the time, but the cat would have been scared of it.
So the bird was perfectly safe just coming in any time it wanted to and grabbing a peanut.
Wow.
That's awesome.
I enjoy sharing my life with animals.
I do too.
Animals are awesome.
I don't like the rat that was in my garage.
No, but he's stinking you out now, isn't he?
Yeah, it's dead.
I knew it was going to happen to you.
That motherfucker is going to find a place to go die that you can't get him.
Yeah, so I have to empty out the garage and find that little rat body.
Yep, fucking kicking on out of here.
Yep.
Well, thanks, Kansas City, Missouri, for your big sewer project and not letting anyone know.
Driving all the rats out of this.
Thanks for all the dogs that died from LEPO.
Yep.
Thanks for not warning us.
Yeah, yeah, thanks a lot.
Hey, where do they go?
Where are the douchebags?
Oh my God, someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh jeez.
Glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man, that smells.