Live from the historic River Market District in downtown Kansas City, Missouri, from the banks of the beautiful Crystal Blue Waters of the Missouri River, it is to you, Spags, and Microphone Podcast.
You're all aware of the Amber Alert, right? Well, get rid of your disinfectants and rubber bedspreads, kids. It's the all-new Amber Heard Alert system. This fantastic early warning device helps one stay dry and rid of all those annoying mattress invoices.
Simply hook up to Child Under Six or Psychopath and wait for the running water sound. This clever machine has three distinct settings, babbling brook, ocean waves, and roaring river for those close calls. Order today and get a free Cinnabon Renews It Cartridge.
Oh shit, what's that over there? Oh no, it's the island of horrible jokes.
My hotel tried to charge me for air conditioning. That's not cool.
Two thimble dicks and a crash cart will be right back.
Alright, two douchebags and a microphone. Welcome, we are at the Filthy Bean. We love coming back to the Filthy Bean. Yes, we do. We can never get enough of the Filthy Bean. Let me do a little audio adjusting here on the fly. Is Rick even here? I haven't seen him.
Yeah, I saw him a little earlier. He looked like he was dressed to go out. Oh, maybe he left. Yeah, I was going to talk to him about that one thing, that one project we got going on. I can't find him. He did look like he was dressed up. He looked like he was going to some premiere or something. He wasn't dressed up for us, I'm pretty sure.
No, as a matter of fact I'm going to say he left because I have not seen him at all. I told him that we were going to talk about that so he had to be in a hurry. Anyhow, it doesn't matter. I'll catch up with him later. It didn't need to be today.
Anyhow, let's see. We've got all different kinds of different stories. Yeah, we've got a wide variety of fun, crazy, scary. Let's start with the Lissa Milano's meltdowns. Yeah, that sounds good. I like that. Got a dear douchebags. You got questions? We have bad, bad answers.
Let's see, where do we start with the Lissa Milano? Well, the first thing I saw about her... She used to be very, very hot. I don't know if she is anymore. Most people I think would say she still is pretty attractive. But most people are currently saying she's pretty unhinged right now.
Well, I know she's unhinged. Yeah, she apparently doesn't have a very good grasp on reality. She's been losing it for quite a while as a problem and it's been progressively getting worse from what I can tell. I wonder if she has a degenerative disease or whether she's just... maybe it's a mental illness that's getting worse.
I think it's a mental illness because she started off like a lot of people do, just kind of on the fringe edges and then all of a sudden everything is just... you know. Well, the first thing I heard in this recent blow up of hers was she wanted to do a reboot of Who's the Boss? And she took it to Netflix and it was too woke for Netflix.
And they turned her down and said, uh-uh, this is not entertainment, this is nothing, this is garbage. And apparently she had a really, really bad reaction to their rejection to the point where Netflix was calling her unhinged and wants nothing to do with her in the future.
So I guess she blew up in the meeting and started yelling and screaming. That's my conjecture. But she left the meeting with Netflix with them saying, we have nothing to do with her in the future, she's not mentally well.
Wow.
So she started shopping it around and claiming that there was a vast MAGA conspiracy against her, Make America Great Again, the Trump... Yeah, yeah. Red hat, whatever.
Yeah. So then she got all bent when Elon Musk bought Twitter and said he was going to return it to full free speech and restore people's accounts and quit blocking accounts just because people were unpopular.
And she lost her mind again because she doesn't want Donald Trump to get his account back. So she started making comments about Elon Musk and Twitter and Musk's company, Tesla.
Now she owns a Tesla. And she was saying, well, I don't think I can own this Tesla anymore because, you know, it comes from a company full of Nazis and white supremacists and haters and bigots.
She actually said that?
Yes.
About Tesla. Because it's owned by Elon Musk.
Now I'm not a legal expert, but that seems like that's a gateway to quite a bit of problems.
Yes. Tesla has filed a $200 million lawsuit against her for defamation.
Ding ding ding ding ding ding.
Yes.
She made a very...
Listen, I cannot blame him.
I know.
And look, I know Elon's been kind of fringe here and there too. And he's done some questionable stuff too, but I'm glad he did.
But all he's doing is saying he's restoring free speech and restoring people's accounts.
Which I agree with 100%. Sure.
Sure. If you don't like it, quit listening in on Twitter.
Exactly. Look, I may not agree or maybe I do agree. I never really, truly ever say on this podcast how I truly feel about certain things.
Yeah, that's just a trap.
Yeah, I won't either. That's not what this podcast is for. If you want political stuff, you have plenty of choices and you can go there.
We make fun of, we ridicule, we make fun of ourselves. We're designed to have fun.
But I believe that Donald Trump needs a platform and also I believe that people have the right to not listen to him, to not buy stuff that's associated with him.
Whatever. You can boycott whatever you want to to get your point, but to take someone's right to say it away is wrong and unnerving.
Right, right. That's the thing where I get stuck is if you don't want to listen to him, don't listen to him. But if you're trying to keep other people from listening to him, then you're overstepping.
And if you're denying him and his account because you don't want the person next to you to possibly listen and be swayed by his words, that's not up to you.
No. And also, that is exactly what you should be fighting against.
Yeah, yeah. These are the same people that burn books.
Yes. Oh, I don't want to know it and I don't want you to know it either.
Like this has always been said to me and I agree with it 100%. I agree. I understand it even more now as I go along with life than I have before.
The most protective form of speech should be the speech that you hate the worst.
Exactly.
Because that ensures that we have free speech.
There is a famous quotation by someone who said, I disagree totally with what you're saying, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
I love that. Yes.
Yep. And that's a truly intelligent person.
That is exactly how I feel and how I felt for a long time.
Yeah. On the first time I read that, I thought, wait a minute, he, oh, and then I got it. It's like, I get it.
Yeah. And also there's another thing to be said for let the idiot talk.
Yes. So anyway, Melissa Milano is not done, believe it or not.
So it's just unfortunate to see what happened to her. You know, seeing her as the who's the boss girl growing up, cute little kid blossoms into this beautiful young woman had all this promise and did so well in life.
And now she's just like become unhinged. She has more capers too. Oh, boy, go ahead.
So she made a big deal about wanting to give her Tesla back. And she did.
You know, she she returned her Tesla and said, I don't want to be associated with your company.
Your company's evil and terrible Nazi people.
And so she decided to get a new electric vehicle and tiny little fist in the air.
Yes. That's what it reminds me of. Guess what, what man company car company she went to.
Volkswagen. A German company that was founded by the Nazis.
Volkswagen means the people's car. It was a socialist idea.
So the workers could all have a cheap, affordable car that was viable.
And the Nazis, that's short for National Socialist German Workers Party.
And they started out pretending to be socialist. So, you know, it's all right there in the names.
Volkswagen, the people's car, Porsche and Hitler both had a hand in designing the VW Beetle, their most iconic car.
And during World War Two, Volkswagen provided tons of material for the German war effort to kill American soldiers and to kill Jews, et cetera, et cetera.
But that's the car company that Alyssa Milano says is good and nice and pure and clean, unlike Tesla, which is full of Nazis.
So the entire world immediately blasted her for her stupidity, her cluelessness for not knowing the history of Volkswagen.
So how she recovered from that was she cooked up this stunt where she went and parked her Volkswagen in this Soho neighborhood and left it running and left.
And overnight it caught fire and burned down and burned up the Chevrolet parked behind her too.
And at first, everyone blamed the car.
And she said, it can't possibly have been the car because it's an electrical car.
There's no gas in it, so it can't possibly catch on fire.
Showing again how clueless she was.
She's never heard of these lithium ion batteries burning up in people's cell phones, those hover boards that people were getting for Christmas.
They all started burning their houses down because the batteries would burn up.
There were certain cell phones that you weren't allowed to take on airplanes anymore because they'd burn up.
I mean, there's a whole big thing about battery fires.
Wow. And she totally missed it and just no, it couldn't. It's electric car.
It can't possibly catch on fire.
So, again, blasted by everybody for being so clueless.
Oh, yeah.
And then some security footage appeared showing three guys in red hats running towards her car, sliding a gallon bucket of diesel under it,
scratching, fuck you, Elon hater on the hood, jumping into a pickup truck with fake testicles hanging from it and driving off.
And then she jumped on it again.
Look, see, they're after me.
It's a big conspiracy. And then people aren't buying that because how did they know she was parking a car right there at that time?
That sounds like a Jussie Smollett deal to me.
Exactly. Exactly.
And who was it, Morton Downey Jr., who faked the attack in the airport bathroom?
Who swastik backwards on his forehead.
There's a real history of celebrities faking an attack on themselves to gain sympathy.
And this smells exactly like that.
There's another one besides Morton Downey Jr. too that did that too.
Was it maybe even Jerry Springer might have done that at one point or something?
I would put it that way.
It doesn't matter.
Yeah. So now no one will go near her. She's getting no work.
No one in the entertainment industry wants anything to do with her because she's just total poison.
I kind of get that, yeah. I get that a lot, actually.
She goes on Twitter of all places and puts out a video weeping to her fans that she doesn't have any money
and they should all start sending her money to help support her.
How'd she get a Tesla if she doesn't have any money?
No kidding.
Yeah.
But now she's like, I don't have any money. But she was on Twitter of all places that she just blasted.
Elon's, yeah.
Elon's Twitter. And apparently her idiotic fans have sent her $1.2 million already.
There's no hope for America.
What you're hearing right now is the sound of fools and their money being parted.
Yeah. Yes. I hope that Elon got a portion of that for facilitating it through Twitter.
But that'd be funny if he got like, I don't know, 10% or something.
And here's the kicker at the end. Now Volkswagen is preemptively suing her.
Just saying, do not say our name. We don't want to hear our company name coming out of your mouth because you're poison.
I can't blame her.
So they're getting basically a restraining order on her saying, we want nothing to do with you.
You do not represent us in any way. And if you talk about us, we're going to come after you.
Oh my God.
So a way to go from people begging you to use their product to now taking you to court threatening you if you use their product.
Wow.
Do you think she crapped herself?
I think she destroyed anything that she could have ever had, ever.
If she was a dude, we'd say she stepped on her own dick. But I guess what? She stepped on her own labia.
Yeah. I guess, yeah.
I don't even know if that even does it justice. She stepped on her own tits. There you go.
There you go. That's the female equivalent of stepping on your own dick.
Yeah. That's insane.
I guess the disconnect from reality that people think they can just flail about doing these destructive things and then squirm and weasel their way out.
And if nothing else, if everything else fails, they just go on video saying, I'm cute. I'm pretty. Send me money.
I've got, yeah, OK, I've got an idea on that and I think that this is somewhat true. Probably pretty close in my opinion is this right here.
People tell you and glad hand you all your life. She was a child star and then she grew up and blossomed into this beautiful young woman.
Still a star. Her whole life, no one has ever told her no or you're wrong.
Yep.
And this is what you get when that happens.
That's what doomed Michael Jackson.
Exactly. No one was ever there going, Michael, you should not use propethol to go to sleep. You're going to end up killing yourself.
You should not do some of the stuff that he probably done.
Yeah. And Michael, you shouldn't have underage children spending the night in your house, regardless of what you believe may or may not have happened.
Yeah. Yeah.
And let's say nothing happened. Still a horrible idea. Horrible idea. Especially when you have all this capital that someone could see and take.
But you know, everyone around him thought to themselves, do I say no and risk getting fired or do I say yes and keep making money off this guy?
I'm going to say yes and keep making money off this guy.
You see, if he'd run a little bit more honest of a campaign, people would have been like, hey Michael, come here. Look, you know me.
You know me a long time. I'm just telling you this as a friend.
Yeah. See, that would be someone who cared about him. But he surrounded himself with people that would do whatever he wanted.
Yes, man.
Yeah. Without any interference or talking back or hesitation. You're paying the bills. Heck yeah. I'm doing what you say.
You see, they say that that's what happens with a lot of head coaches in football and I don't know, basketball and wherever.
They hire too many yes men. Not enough men to go against them and go, I think that this is a bad idea.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If the people around you are telling you you've never had a bad idea in your life, you know they're lying their asses off.
Number one, you've got to think about what's in it for them. If they've never told you that once, think about what's in it for them and go from there.
Yep.
If you enjoy two douchebags in a microphone, you'll definitely enjoy a shovel to the head.
Swimming in toxic masculinity and wiping their ass with politically correct washrags.
Two douchebags in a microphone invade your ear holes in three, two, one.
Two Shirley temples and a bottle of scotch will be right back.
Because if someone really gave a shit about you, they'd let you know.
Yeah. No kidding.
Yeah, I kind of thought, I've been going into origin stories. I've got a short one and a medium one. A short one.
Okay.
You've seen the traditional, I guess it's a trope of people, their TV is messing up and they bang it with their fist or their hand on the side.
Sometimes a radio, even if it's a car radio, you bang on it with your fist on the dashboard.
I discovered what I believe is the origin of banging electronic devices.
Okay. I thought I knew where that came from.
Check it with you and see.
Okay. You want to guess?
Yeah, I want to guess.
You used to have these horizontal and squelch and all these little knobs.
Oh yeah, a lot of different adjustments you could make. Tint and contrast.
Yeah, and all that. This is on these big old zeniths with a huge back and they weighed all kinds of weight.
There were standalones. They sat there.
They were a piece of furniture.
A big piece of furniture in your room.
Old solid state zenith or Phillips or whatever.
So if you hit the side of those, sometimes that would take one of those lines, the vertical lines that used to run up and down whenever something was wrong with your TV, and it would prevent it from doing that.
Yeah, I remember there was a vertical hold and a horizontal hold adjustments on those, and I never really understood why they couldn't just set it and lock it in, why we had to adjust it.
Because it always seemed to screw things up.
I know, and then it took an act of God to get that thing right.
Oh really, TV repairmen come in and go, there you go, no don't mess with it.
Well what I found.
A week later.
Yes, well what I found was the origin of banging something with your fist is the majority of the electronic devices in the beginning had vacuum tubes in them.
And the vacuum tubes would heat up as part of their, in order to function they had to heat up and their emitting elements and voltages going through, etc.
And then you turn it off and they'd cool down and then you turn it back on, they heat up and that cycle of heat up and cool down, the vacuum tubes would work loose in their sockets.
And it would start malfunctioning and if you bang on the top or the side, you could wiggle the tubes back more into place and make a better electrical connection.
So that's what this article said was the origin is you're banging it because the tubes are loose.
Okay.
Because if you didn't know what you're doing and you reached in to push them down into their sockets, one you'd probably burn yourself on a hot tube.
And two, if you touch the transformer you'd electrocute yourself.
Yeah.
So unless you know what's what in there, you know.
But you know a technician would just wait till the sets off, just reach in, you know, pull each tube out, make sure the pins are straight, seat it back down in its socket and make sure it was there.
Eventually what they started doing was putting a spring harness over the top of the vacuum tube.
So you'd have a constant spring tension pulling it down into the socket and that solved the problem.
Okay.
But people still bang on their equipment because that's what you've seen in movies and TV shows.
Yeah.
It really does nothing of what it was originally intended for because nothing has vacuum tubes in it anymore.
How interesting.
Yeah.
So.
Completely different than what I thought.
Yeah.
And then my other origin story was on the concept of giving back.
Okay.
You know I hear a lot about giving back from businesses or athletes.
Like say you've got a football player that signs a big contract and then he creates a reading center for at risk youth in his hometown.
I mean in the town where he's playing football.
Yeah.
And you know that's considered giving back.
Or like a business builds a library or a food bank.
You know in a center that an area that needs that.
It's all these kind of things that help and aid the community.
What strikes me as odd is these are all things that we can vote to do anyway.
But we don't.
Like the city council can say we need this reading center in this neighborhood for at risk youth.
And they put it on the ballot and we all go no.
But we'll go spend you know three to five thousand dollars on season tickets for the chiefs.
They keep most of that money give some of it to the wide receiver.
He keeps most of that money uses some of it to build the at risk center for reading center for at risk youth.
And we all go yay what a nice guy.
We could have just voted to do that and spent you know like seventy five cents each.
Instead we said no we want to go watch a football game then have them pay him and have him pay them and have them pay them.
Why do we do that?
We do the same thing with with lotteries and the casinos.
OK I'll tell you one of the things is nobody gives a shit.
That's why apparently.
Yeah no one gives a shit.
Yeah they don't care if the center gets made or not.
So the reason the reason the wide receiver does is because that's probably pretty much what they're taught in that I felt a lot of it is look they're required to.
But yeah they're required legally required to buy the NFL.
Yeah so which is a good thing that they do make them do that.
But let's not pretend that every one of them out of the goodness of his heart is doing something.
No they're fulfilling a legal legal obligation.
Yeah and the ones that are really doing it because they want to do it is because they're they're the ones that you can tell because they're the ones that start their own foundations up.
And they're not just like going out and like build a new center they have an ongoing foundation.
They're always a part of that they're always participating in.
You know like the 15 and my homies or what's Travis Kelsey's found there's so many different foundations that that they do.
I think Chris Jones has one.
And this is you know where they actually actively do things to whether it's like you know going to a child's cancer center and reading to them or or helping the parents out or giving money for you know.
Yeah there are acts they'll do in the community and then there's also a lot of them as you say to do the foundation and and that's smart in another way because when their career is over they've got this nonprofit going.
And if they do it right then running that nonprofit can be their career for the rest of their life and support them.
Yeah and you know win win.
I just found it interesting.
I remember when the casinos were being voted into existence here in Kansas City.
Everyone's was saying oh it's going to be so great for the schools because you know part of the money that you give me that the casinos take in will go to these schools and blah.
And I told you guys and why don't you just give the money directly to the school.
Why do you have to give it to casino and make them rich and then have them give a little bit to the county and then the county decide whether or not they want to give it to the school.
So you can just walk right down to your school board and write them a check.
These are people that want to justify having bad activity coming to the area.
They go oh well we're not really doing it because we want to gamble we're doing it because we want to help the school because you know people aren't going to just go give to the school but they'll go gamble.
Yeah and like the walk a thongs for you know oh let's do a walk a thong for breast cancer research.
The walking serves no purpose.
It's a gimmick to make people give you money.
Why aren't they just willing to give you money for breast cancer research anyway.
Why do you have to trick them by doing a stunt like walking 10 miles.
And what I hate is a strong arm.
Yeah.
I'm going to walk this much and you're going to give me this much.
Well what if I don't want to give you this much.
What if all I have to deal with my discretionary funds is 10 bucks cap.
How come I got to give you 80 because you say I have to give you 80 because you walk this.
Yeah.
And then they get mad and they're like well it says here.
Wait a minute.
Yeah I remember the first time somebody came up and there was a minimum amount per mile.
It's like wait a minute.
What if I don't want to give that much.
You're saying my 20 dollars isn't good enough for you.
You want at least 45.
I've went through before saying you're not giving me 20 bucks.
Yeah.
Yeah and even pledge drives for like public radio and public television.
They won't take money lower than a certain amount.
They say oh well it's just not cost effective to process it.
OK so be it.
Yeah.
It's all right.
Whatever.
But somebody made the point why can't we have instead of a walkathon for breast cancer research
why don't we have people build habitat for humanity houses to raise money for.
Do two things at once.
Hey pledge 20 dollars per house I built for homeless people.
You know why does it have to be something like tying up traffic by walking which does no good whatsoever.
I agree.
Yeah.
It's if the cause was that good why do you have to trick and coerce and gimmick people into giving you money for it.
Exactly.
That's a great way of putting it.
If it was that great it'd be no questions asked.
Sure.
Where can I do this.
Yeah.
So when when like a tornado hits nearby people buy stuff and go donate it.
They don't they don't run down to the casino and stick money in a slot machine and hope some of it filters its way to the Red Cross.
I remember the Joplin tornado.
Some people approached me in the city in the town that I was living in.
It's like hey we did this whole thing here and we've got some people are going to run all this down there personally.
Sure.
You know and I knew him really well so I just gave him the money so they could go buy it.
Yeah.
But you know that was very cool because I knew it was going directly there.
So how come that can't be more of a norm instead of like you said tying up traffic.
Yeah.
Or.
But you know the nice thing gets done for community but why do we have to make a bunch of other people rich in the process.
Exactly.
We're spending and making people rich and winding up getting what would have cost us one one hundredth of the cost in the first place.
You know we're getting the library or the road or the hospital wing or whatever.
But 17 people made millions off of it and that money is leaving our community.
I mean that was the original thing is you give back so if someone's paying you a million dollars to play baseball here and you go take it home to Denver and spend it there then you've taken out of the community.
Yeah.
You know if you stay here and spend it here that's the whole idea.
And that's why a lot of these pro teams they want their players to at least live in the area during the season.
Yeah.
You know as opposed to Aaron Rodgers who lives in out in San Francisco.
Somewhere in California.
We can get to him here in a little bit.
You know the whole thing about Aaron Rodgers is the more he talks the more and more you realize that the guy is.
You know what we'll get into it here in a little bit.
Yeah.
We'll get there and Roger sometime during this podcast or the next one or the next one because we divide them up as we all know by now.
So yeah.
Anyhow yeah Aaron Rodgers one of those guys that should just shut up.
Yeah.
Oh my gosh.
So one last thing that I'll let you talk for a while.
Short question.
I was trying to come up with reasons why you would want to own or possess something.
And I only came up with two.
Okay.
One is you want it yourself.
Two is.
From the makers of who bit my asshole board game and balloon art with ball sacks video series.
It's two douche bags in a microphone and action figures.
And now we get a free bag of flaming hot cheetos a bottle of antibiotics and three free bullets.
That's right.
Dress your douche bag up and send them off to horrible scenarios all day long.
Or we're going to get a free at home tank piercing kit.
That's right free home tank piercing kit new from Chizbro.
Oh shit.
What's that over there.
Oh no.
It's an island of horrible jokes.
I asked my date to meet me at the gym.
She didn't show up.
I guess we're not going to work out.
Hi there.
This is Fucknut from Two Fucknuts and a Recorder podcast.
Two douche bags and a microphone are our favorite podcast ever.
Please go to your friend's computer and download it from there.
Go to your church's computer and download it from there.
Go to people you don't know and grab their phones and download it on there.
These fuckers need all the help we can get.
Somebody else wants it.
Yeah.
I can't think of any other reason to own or possess something other than those two.
Because there's lots of things you don't want but as soon as somebody else wants it you're like oh gimme.
Because they want it.
The good old keep away mindset.
Some people don't even realize they're doing it is what I find out.
Yeah.
Ooh fairy dust.
Hey is that Rick over there?
It's a guy in a suit.
It could be Rick.
I think Rick's back.
I think he is.
All right.
Cool.
Who knows maybe today will be our lucky day.
Maybe he'll just come over and start talking.
Let's hope so.
We'll see.
Maybe we can hear that lovely singing voice that we've heard he has.
Yeah.
I keep hearing about it.
More than five people have told me this.
Yeah.
So.
He's not even looking over here.
I don't even know if he knows we're here.
Seriously would you make eye contact with us if you didn't have to?
Yeah you're right.
Yeah.
I'm always ready to put us down.
I wouldn't make eye contact with us either.
Let's be honest.
I'd be like hey.
Let's say it's yeah okay I'm Elmo and you're Burford.
Yeah.
Burford.
What's that oh what's those guys over there?
What's that?
What are they doing?
Oh my god it's them douchebag dudes.
Is that the two douchebags?
That's them two douchebags.
Oh fuck don't look at them.
Turn around.
Don't encourage them.
No no just turn around.
Let's go the other way.
Don't even look at them.
That's what would happen right there.
I hope they don't follow us home.
Oh my god.
Look at them.
They think they're funny.
Look at them laughing.
Gosh.
Oh I can just see their stupid coming out of their ears when they talk.
I feel my brain cells dying.
Ugh.
I'm choking on a vat of fucking dumb ass right now.
Quick somebody hand me a dictionary.
I want to read something smart.
Oh my god Mark.
That Mark Guy Butcher is a fucking English language.
I'm going to do more too.
All I want is a few complaint letters just to feed into it.
I've heard that there is a drinking game going.
They listen to our podcast and every time I say so they have to take a shot because apparently I do that a lot.
And every time I butcher the language I mean I think people already died from alcohol poisoning so it's already over with.
So alright I got a little thing about Mcmars again.
Oh yeah.
You know how Carmine him and Carmine Apacey or a piece or whatever.
I've heard it pronounced either way.
Yeah I think this is the way I understood it.
Okay Ronnie James Dio when Vinny Apacey was in his band Dio is 100% Italian and of course Apacey is Italian.
Dio refused to mispronounce it.
So he would say Apacey which is the way it should have been pronounced.
And he refused to because it was a strong Italian name.
He was like no I'm not going to call it a piece.
It's not a piece it's Apacey.
Yeah Carmine called it, pronounced it a piece.
Because it just fit better.
People thought it was a piece.
It was easier.
It was easier and it was recognizable so he stuck with it.
But I don't know if that's true or not but from what I read Dio was like no no no it's Apacey and I will not change it.
So that's how come one is Apacey and one is a piece.
So Apacey a piece whatever Carmine great friends with Mick Mars.
He has more to say about the whole retirement supposedly from the Motley Crue.
Yeah which looks to me more and more like bogus bullshit.
And I contend with this.
I talked to my friend Dave the other day and he confirmed it with me.
And you do too.
People know music is.
We want Mick Mars.
We don't want John 5.
Mick Mars has.
John 5 is fine.
He's a great guitarist.
But Mick Mars has feeling.
He's got that 80s rock and roll swagger.
Yeah he's crotch rock.
John 5 is kind of mechanical in my opinion.
He's too mechanical to me.
Yeah.
I mean I'm okay with John Karabi subbing for Vince Neil which is a rumor I've also heard is that.
In addition to John 5 they're going to have John Karabi come back and take over for Vince Neil because Neil's not cutting it in their opinion.
Neil is not cutting it.
And you know what I would love to see that.
You know what this sounds like to me.
What.
Hetfield and Ulrich in Metallica running the show and running everybody else out and demanding everything their way.
You're right.
Nicky Six and Tommy Lee are running the show and anybody else can't have any power or influence whatsoever.
Well okay yeah.
All right.
They may be able to get away with John 5 being up there just because people just don't know better.
Yeah.
But the Vince Neil experiment has already been tried and has failed.
Where they take him out and put in someone and who's a great singer.
But I really don't know if that holds any water because John Karabi is not a fan of Motley Crue or Nicky Six.
He's friends with Vince Neil.
Yeah.
He's friends with Mick Mars but he's not friends with Nicky Six or Tommy Lee.
I think he'd do it if they paid him enough but he wouldn't be enjoying it.
It's not like oh yeah this is great.
It's like this is a job.
It's a job and I'm going to do my job.
I've seen him solo.
And he talked about that great length.
Yeah because he did this thing there at his little solo show like Ask Me a Question.
Yeah.
And he pretty much went into that.
You know he was like you know what he goes I don't really have the beef with him.
But he said I can tell you this for a fact.
I'm friends with Mick Mars and I'm friends with Vince Neil.
And that's the guys that are on the edge.
Yes.
And him and Vince Neil.
Vince Neil actually kind of this is what he said at his show.
He said that Vince Neil actually called him up and talked to him when he was let go.
Yeah.
He said the rest of the band refused to talk to him.
Well I think Mick Mars did but the rest of them just kind of like fuck you get out of here.
And because they blamed him for the band not doing well without Vince Neil.
Instead of blaming themselves for letting Vince Neil go.
Yeah. So but he said that like Vince Neil called him and talked to him for a while and they were cool suddenly.
You know Vince Neil never had any animosity toward him.
He was like hey you know what they call you up and say you want to be you know you want to be the singer of one of the biggest rock bands around.
Sure. Yeah.
I do that.
Yeah.
So anyhow and John Krabi is a very talented singer.
He is.
Very talented guitar player.
And songwriter too.
And a really good songwriter and I love the album they did with him.
Yes I do too.
The single titled.
Yeah that thing it's not Motley Crue.
No it really isn't it.
You know it doesn't fit in with the rest of their albums does it.
No.
No it's not the same thing.
It's more like an Aerosmith type of an album or something.
Yeah.
I definitely see that.
John Krabi brought a lot out of Vince Mars of Mick Mars not Vince Mars.
He brought a lot out.
Yeah.
He really did.
He brought some stuff out that was in there that was real.
I mean Mick Mars is an excellent guitarist.
I love his bluesy feel.
It's really good that crotch rock that dirt rock kind of.
Yeah.
But the way they wrote songs together I thought was phenomenal.
I really enjoyed it.
Imagine if they'd released it as like some sort of super group album like The Firm or Power Station.
That'd be excellent.
I've always wanted them to do that.
Be like okay this isn't Motley Crue but this is I don't know whatever you know they could name it whatever they want.
They could name it whatever they wanted to.
The Six Karabes or something.
Yeah.
Whatever.
So and I thought it had been discussed for a while but yeah probably not.
So yeah Carmen a piece.
We'll just call him a piece.
Famous drummer from many classic lineups and we know them all from Jeff Beck Rod Stewart stuff to Vanilla Fudge.
Vanilla Fudge yeah.
God he's been in so many.
I can't even.
Well anyhow a blue murder.
They used to say everyone wants a piece of a piece.
Yeah.
And a matter of fact Black Sabbath.
Oh yeah.
When Bill Ward stepped down because of health reasons this after Dio joined the band they wanted Carmine but he was on tour with Rod Stewart.
He said he goes I can't do it but you know my brother could do it.
And then Sabbath had some fun and they go oh man we don't want that fucking guy.
But anyhow the rest is history.
And I love I love Vinny Apis's drumming on anything that was done with Sabbath or Heaven and Hell.
I mean the guys just he just fit the type of stuff that they're doing.
But anyhow famous drummer many classic lineups.
Carmine has let loose with some not surprising accusations from his good friend guitarist Mick Mars and Motley crew and his sudden departure from the band.
He recently confided in Carmine that his reason for leaving the band was mostly because Motley tapes all of their live shows.
He claims that very little is actually live.
So you know he thinks most most of us real rockers have known this for a while.
You know a lot of backing pre-recorded backing track.
Yeah he said virtually nothing.
Nothing is live.
Yeah.
And then that's another reason I don't know if I believe that John Krabbe stuff is because they're getting away with Vince Neil up there.
You know and they're they're using so many voice tracking you might hear some of his flub ups but you don't hear you don't hear all of them like his shows his solo shows.
Yeah.
And the more most of the video you see he's got the microphone right up in front of his face and he's constantly moving and turning and twisting so you can't catch him.
Exactly.
He's become very good at becoming elusive and moving his face around to where you can't see exactly how he's singing or even how he's his facial expressions when he's singing.
Yeah.
Because I personally personally I like Vince Neil. I think he's a very honest guy.
Yeah.
Maybe too honest in some ways.
Okay so when he sings you can see that if he's not really singing it. You see look on his face like okay guys.
And I'm not kidding you look at it sometime and watch him.
Yeah.
I know you guys aren't stupid asses you know.
There was a there was a video I found on YouTube the other day.
You know that famous scene and Back to the Future where Michael J Fox's character gets up on stage and plays guitar with the band so his his parents can have their first dance together and their first guess.
Yeah.
And then he plays you know kind of a Johnny B Good version and rocks ass.
This YouTube video they deleted the dubbed in guitar part and the guy played exactly what Michael Jackson's fingers were doing on the guitar.
So when you saw the movie it looked like he was playing exactly what you were hearing.
But when this guy did recreated he said I'm taking out all the overdubbed guitar.
And when I can see his fingers I'm going to do I'm going to play you exactly what he's playing.
It was awful.
I believe that it was out of key. It was out of time.
It had nothing. It was it was just terrible.
But that shows how easy it is to fake it.
Because nobody ever really commented on it. It looks perfectly normal when you're hearing it.
I guess your brain fills in the blanks.
I imagine some it does it does.
I imagine some good guitarist could watch these live shows and tell you whether or not the musicians are actually playing what YouTube series where there was guitarist doing that.
Yeah.
They're not calling out bullshit. They're like bullshit right there.
You know.
Yeah.
And I've seen the video where Tommy Lee is standing beside his drum set while the drum tech works on it.
And you hear the count in for the song.
You know someone's hitting the hi hat four times in a row.
But Tommy Lee is standing there not doing anything.
And then the drums start and he hasn't even sat down yet.
And the drum tick runs out of the way and he sits sits down and then starts faking along.
That was the drum track is pre recorded.
I bet you Tommy Lee doesn't even know how to fucking play anymore.
He's erased his mind so much.
Probably so.
And then another problem I have with Nikki Sixx is Nikki Sixx has never been that great a player either.
No.
But the way he parades around he acts like he's this fucking philosophical fucking genius.
And yeah that's probably just to make make him a harder to see to see if he's actually playing or not.
Probably.
Yeah.
I went to a drum clinic put on by Explorers Percussion.
It was Mike Portnoy the drummer for Dream Theater.
Oh he's good.
Oh yeah.
Oh I love winery dogs.
I didn't know you knew about them.
They're really good.
He played in the Venge Sevenfold when their drummer died.
Anyway he was he was talking about they did a tour as an opening act for Metallica.
Uh huh.
And he said the entire tour they have a second drummer backstage playing Lars' part.
Because Lars couldn't do the double kick drums anymore.
He was so out of shape and just wasn't physically capable of it.
He could do you know he could fake around hitting the drums and the cymbals.
But that precise double kick parts and all that he couldn't.
I can do that.
So they had a guy backstage doing all those parts for him.
And so this is directly from the drummer of Dream Theater who was on tour with him at the time and saw this happening night after night.
Lars couldn't play his own drum parts.
I believe that.
This is what 96, 7?
And let's face it Lars was never that fucking great in the first.
And this is 25 years ago they were doing it.
And Lars is a little bitch.
They're really good at doing it now.
On a little side note here I read something about Kip Winger saying about how you know how James Hetfield was like throwing fucking darts at him.
And Lars were in his picture and then Beavis and Butt-Head jumped on him.
And they pretty much fucking destroyed Winger's career making fun of him and ripping him and all that shit.
He said that a couple of years ago James Hetfield saw him and Lars did too.
James Hetfield apologized to him and Lars didn't.
Oh yeah that figures.
Yeah so he doesn't like Lars and I don't like him.
Lars is a little bitch anyhow and I completely believe that Lars doesn't know how to play his instrument.
And not only that but I've never liked that little fucking squirrel dick anyhow and I never will.
No he's irritating.
He's a little piece of Euro trash.
Little piece of little snot nose fucking Euro trash.
And he's like, he's playing guitar and he's doing the Metallica.
I'm so good. He probably likes kale.
Oh he probably does like kale.
Yeah he does. Yeah yeah yeah.
Yeah that's right I'm not deviating from kale even though some of my friends came into work and seen me yesterday.
And I know that guy he really loves kale.
I'm still not deviating from it.
By the way I know you keep coming into work just to see me.
You don't really, you're not buying anything.
You're just coming in to see me because you fucking miss me.
So just admit it okay?
Alright.
They come in hoping you're doing worse than them and then they go away and leave you realizing he's not.
He's fine and we're screwed.
Yep.
Oh yeah I have, speaking of kale there's another use for kale that is now no longer allowed.
People were using it to shingle their roofs because you know it holds up to hail.
You know branches crashing out, ice storms everything.
But they realized that just the kale being there was a toxic environment and it was causing brain damage among children.
Oh yeah yeah yeah.
You're not allowed to roof your house with kale anymore.
And you know like in hell, like you know like there's Lizzie hail right?
Yeah.
Okay. Well in hell there's hell like heaven and hell.
There's duplicates of everything that's good right?
Uh huh.
And it's bad.
Well in hell there's Lizzie kale.
Not Lizzie hail.
Oh my god.
It's Lizzie kale.
And she stinks horrible and looks horrible and her crotch smells horrible and she vomits on people.
Yes.
And there's probably also a JJ kale only it's spelled with K-A-L-A instead of C-A-L-A.
We are really fucking reaching but I love it.
Oh I got an angle.
Let me get to the rest of this Carmine piece.
Sorry.
I don't even know where the fuck I left off now.
We got some.
We just drift away.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
I'm going to just start right here.
Okay for a long time real rockers like me and you, Davey and people like that, we've known what Motley Crue's been about.
So when they came by our Elk of a Fan really don't like to see them anymore.
Yeah it's just not the crew.
No it's not the crew.
No it's not the band that I grew up on at all.
So I only wanted to go see the stadium tour last year because A I wanted to see Joan Jett.
B I wanted to see Mick Marsch run last time because I knew it was coming in his time.
Yeah.
You know and he's such an influential guitarist in my genre of music that I love so much.
Most people I know that truly know music are also fans of his style of playing and enjoy his heavy grinding rhythmic style of playing.
Carmine also claims that the band hasn't gotten along in years and it's really a horrible environment to be in.
He also has little respect that he went through years. This is he's talking about Mick Marsch having little respect that they have little respect for him.
That he went through years of physical therapy just to be able to hold his guitar on stage let alone play it.
Mick has a genetic condition that has caused his joints to fuse together.
His condition is known as ankylosing spondylitis.
Mick went through years of therapy while the band was on one of his long breaks.
They're on years and years of doing nothing.
He started off just by holding his instrument for an hour a day.
After three years of therapy he was able to play his guitar.
He even said that his new style of playing on stage actually made him a better guitarist by doing it the way the guitarist had to retrain him to hold his guitar and play his guitar.
Because this spondylosis deal had gotten so bad to where he couldn't even play.
Wow, relearning to play.
He relearned to play.
I guess unlearning bad habits.
Yeah.
Cool.
So anyhow I can understand his frustration.
He goes through all that and these fuckers are having a big fucking party and then they're mad at you anyhow.
So you know I will go see Mick when the opportunity arises.
I'd rather watch him instead of Motley on stage.
You know disappointment doesn't even come close to how I feel about the band anymore.
I feel like I was lied to by Nicky.
He was always the self promoted outlaw not part of the establishment.
He used to make fun and ridicule people of that status.
This is why we here at Two Douchebags called bullshit on him and continue to stick by it.
If you haven't heard that show you are a taker and it hurts.
You need to download that show and listen to it right now after this show or I'm hurt by your thoughtlessness and selfish actions.
So go find it wherever it is.
The I call bullshit on Nicky Six and you download it and you listen to it.
You know we did a segment on bands where we said band mates are coworkers.
And Motley Crue we said definitely band coworkers.
Bad Company coworkers, Foreigner coworkers.
See a band like Foreigner the only original member left is the guitar player Mick Jones.
Everybody else is a replacement.
And some of them don't even have Mick Jones.
Yeah sometimes Mick Jones takes some time off.
He doesn't play either so it's basically death.
And Foreigner is one of those bands that does not put out new music they just tour recreating their heyday.
Yeah they go to these festivals and there's like 20 bands there.
And they're like you know number 5 or 6 or something like that.
And you play for like 60 minutes and then get the fuck off stage.
They are basically a tribute band.
Yeah but you know Bad Company isn't putting out new music.
No.
Neither is Aerosmith.
Neither is Foreigner.
Foreigner, Kiss, Motley Crue are they putting out new music?
No.
So it becomes a business I think when you're just trying to recreate the heyday and so your fans can have a memory.
Who's the two that are putting out music and they're our two favorite?
Alice Cooper and Ozzy Osbourne.
See Alice comes and he...
And who are the two best?
Oh yeah.
Alice and Ozzy.
You know when Alice comes he does tons of his standards but he does some of his new music too.
And look.
And he is putting out new albums.
Here's another thing very important to realize.
He's not making money off of this really.
No I don't think so.
He's doing it because he wants to.
Yeah.
He wants people to have his new music and so he's going to promote it a little bit.
But it's not obnoxiously promoted just like Ozzy's new stuff.
If he was touring right now he'd hear a couple of new songs but everything else is the old stuff that you know.
Yep.
So and the same way with Alice.
You know and as a matter of fact there's so much to where it's kind of a complaint to me and Christopher.
We don't want to hear Schools Out.
Yeah.
We don't want to hear Paranoid.
We want to hear something that we haven't heard a thousand times.
Yeah some of those deep tracks you know off your 17th album.
I would kill to go watch a concert of those two with nothing but deep tracks that people suggest.
I have the last few times I've seen Alice he's done some songs that I've never heard him do live before.
Yeah.
Like Halo of Flies off of Killer.
Uh huh.
I heard him do Teenage Lament 74.
Oh that's cool.
Yeah which he hadn't done forever in a day.
God I don't think he's done that since 74.
Yeah.
Now I have yet to hear him do anything off his first two albums live.
I don't know if he's ever going to do that though because that was so different than you know.
Yeah there are some songs on there that would definitely go over well live if you wanted to do them.
But I don't know there shouldn't be any ownership rights.
Those first three albums were on Frank Zappa's record label.
So I don't know.
But if the rights were tied up then all those hits off his third album like I'm 18 and Ballad of Dwight Frye you know then those would be tied up too.
But it's weird he never does anything off his first two albums.
I think what it is is people don't recognize those two anyhow.
Yeah.
So he doesn't bother.
I mean even hardcore like us we would know them.
But let's there's ten of us in a room.
Me you and someone else might know them and the rest wouldn't even on the hardcore fans.
Yeah.
Because that's how kind of obscured the first two are.
Yeah.
He doesn't do songs off of his blackout albums either.
Yeah that's true.
There are three albums that he just doesn't remember doing recording.
He only toured one of them that was Special Forces, Zipper Catches, Skin and Dada.
And he has no memory of making those albums at all.
Yeah and I could understand that because there's nothing personal in it because he doesn't remember them.
Yeah.
So.
About the most personal song in the bunch is the last song on the last of those three Dada.
The song is called Pass the Gun Around.
And that song is a cry for help for somebody who's about to kill himself with his addiction.
And which is exactly what he was doing.
Exactly yeah.
So that one I think was a little bit of his rational mind coming through and saying we're going to die.
And also another thing that I admire about Ozzy and Alice is they never hid their addiction issues.
Yeah.
And they've always been very open and frank about it.
Yeah.
Now Alice has had his more under control over the years.
Yeah what was the...
He went into rehab in 78 for alcohol.
When his wife was going to leave him.
And came out in 79 and immediately got himself addicted to cocaine.
Yeah.
And then I think he was...
It's either 85 or 87 is when he finally kicked everything for good.
He hasn't had anything since then.
Yeah one of those two yeah.
Yeah.
So.
So he's had a long period of sobriety.
Where Ozzy's was off and on in the 90s, 2000s, what have you.
Steven Tyler relapsed just a few months back.
Pain killers.
I forget.
I think they were opioid painkillers.
Opioid yes I believe so yeah.
And took a bunch and got high.
So oops.
So it happens.
Yeah.
Well anyhow.
I have a dear douchebags letter.
Oh excellent.
I'm in the mood to give advice.
Alright good.
Hey where did everybody go?
Where are the douchebags?
Oh my god someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh jeez.
Ugh I'm glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man that smells.