WEBVTT

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Well, well. We see you made it back. That's right.

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It's time for your favorite podcast, Two Douchebags

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and Microphone, live from the historic river

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market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri. But

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only on Tuesdays and sometimes Wednesdays. Otherwise,

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you get live from the Duck Wine Studio in Wheatland,

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Missouri, and the Talk is Cheap studio from extreme

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southern tip of the Kansas City Metroplex and

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the surrounding areas. Let's grab a seat and

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see what kind of garbage they throw at us today.

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Enjoy. Welcome again. We're happy you chose us.

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Come on in. Wash yourself off. Would you enjoy

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a bourbon and coke? There's a liquor store down

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the road. If you go, I need rolling papers. Well,

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since you're here, let's get this daily douchebag

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pledge out of the way. All right, bitches, swing

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your hips and pelvic thrust. Shout it out with

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me. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise to download

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every podcast. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise

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to make all friends, family members, and workmates

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download this show. I, Joe or Jane Listener,

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promise to grab idle computers, work computers,

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friends computers, community computers, and other

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assorted phones and listening devices and download

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the show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener,

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will download the show and constantly barrage

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everyone with show name and platforms. I, Joe

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or Jane Listener, promise to wear a chicken costume

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and scream the show's name from my front yard.

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And finally, because of our 13 -year -old boy

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humor, we must go to Knoblick Cooter Licking

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in Uranus, Missouri to take selfies with the

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signs. If you go to Uranus, go to the Fudge Factory.

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Yes, there's a Fudge Factory in Uranus. No joke.

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Here at Two Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't

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stand behind our journalistic integrity. Go ahead

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and assume we got the story wrong. At least we

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admit it. Not like all those other guys, we can

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and will lie if it makes the story better. Two

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douchebags and a microphone? This is Joshua Belmont,

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your food for thought man on the hustle. So I

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just realized a genius that gets absolutely no

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credit. His name is Marshall Taylor. He is credited

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with the first bag of salad mix that was bagged

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and sold. Yesterday was his birthday. I believe

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he is still alive. This guy's genius will never

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be fully appreciated. Before this man, we settled

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for iceberg lettuce with maybe a couple of croutons

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and some cheese. Was Mr. Taylor satisfied with

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that? Hell no. He realized that Billy Americana

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would never go out and buy a couple of radishes,

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a couple of carrots, a head of purple cabbage,

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maybe snow peas, and possibly some cute romaine

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bladders for extra bougie. Mr. Taylor, you should

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have a national holiday. Hello, this is Phineas

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J. Altaris III. I'm here to deliver your music

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news this evening. Another Ozzy story alert.

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ELP, Deep Purple, and Sabbath were all playing

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at the 1974 California Jam. The bands had to

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be flown in by helicopter to the gig. Ozzy said

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after the bands had been flown in, they were

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all standing behind the trailer. They look up,

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and there's a pinball machine hanging below a

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helicopter flying through the air. Turns out

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the members of ELP owned a pinball machine and

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demanded it to be flown to the Jam. Then other

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bands wanted their own pinball machine, and by

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the end of the gig, Everybody had their own pinball

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machine to play before and after the show. This

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is Phineas J. Baltaris III. That has been your

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music news for this evening. I have one burning

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question for you all. Do people really skip around

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the Maypole? Hey peeps, it's time for the police

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blotter. That's right, stories about stupid criminals

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and the dumbassness that ensued. Let us begin

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now. An Ohio man was arrested after authorities

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said he mistakenly sent a baggie of crystal meth

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through a tube at a bank drive -thru last week.

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Jason G. Smith, 46, was cuffed on December 3rd.

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After a swift investigation in to an unexpected

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deposit, he made at the bank in Woodsfield, Ohio,

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according to a press release from Monroe County

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Sheriff's Office. Smith drove away from the bank

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without realizing his mistake. An employee reported

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the baggie he left. He was picked up on a drug

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charge soon after. Hey, if you're a fan of paying

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way too much for trinkets and food, well, your

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wish is coming true. Han City International Airport

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Guest Pass program is starting today. Yes, you

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too could overspend on workless trinkets and

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$15 cups of coffee. You want to buy a $50 cheap

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t -shirt that has KC Western Auto Building image

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on it? We got you covered. Want a barbecue sauce

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gift pack? No problem. Just a mere $40 and you're

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first born. Hurry. You know rubes are jumping

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all over to get to this complete ripoff. Because

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people are sheep. Hi there. This is your ears.

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Why are you listening to this garbage? I thought

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we were friends. Good evening, friends and neighbors.

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I'm going to read to you a list of hypocrites,

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self -righteous assholes that want to tell you

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what you're doing wrong, but will not address

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this for themselves. One newer issue among these

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dullards is the stolen land gimmick. They tell

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us we need to give up the land back, but when

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they were confronted, they offered nothing. Therefore,

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hypocrites and liars. Alyssa Milano, hypocrite

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and a liar. Mark Ruffalo, hypocrite and a liar.

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Jane Fonda, longtime hypocrite, liar. Elizabeth

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Warren, longtime idiot, liar, hypocrite. Leonardo

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DiCaprio, your name might be on a list somewhere

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that just came out. I don't know, possibly. Maybe

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you need to shut your mouth. Yeah, you probably

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do. Billie Eilish, liar. Ben and Jerry, liars.

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We go on for another hour, but you get the point.

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I once again present to you the You First Movement.

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This is when you mouth off about stolen land

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or anything else, you go first. You live on stolen

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land, you give your land back, but until this

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happens, shut the fuck up. Out. Two douchebags

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and microphone. This is Mark here in the Kansas

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City area at the Talk Is Cheap studio. And I

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am Rob in Wheatland, Missouri, home of the magnificent

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Lucas Oil Speedway and Water Track, and also

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home of Hickam Oak Country Store, where you can

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find all your needs, including a selfie with

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the Sinclair Dinosaur with the enormous penis.

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All right. Thank you, Rob. Okay, I'll tell you

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what. Sunday nights is slightly different. Okay,

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yeah. Okay, you do whatever you need to do, and

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it's fine. Oh, yeah, yep. I got this whole thing.

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Sorry about that. I'm sorry I did that to you.

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No, well, actually, you did not. I did it to

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myself. Well, yeah, that's true. Yeah, yeah,

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yeah, that's true. But, yeah, Sunday night, just

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do whatever you can. You want to just narrow

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it down to, this is Rob Rad at the Duck Blind

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Studio. Wah, wah, that's fine. I mean, because

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I don't do that much either. I'm just kind of

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like, you know, here I am talking to Cheap Studio.

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Southern Tampa, Kansas City, Metroplex. I'll

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figure out another way to give this area knowledge.

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Don't worry. Okay. Oh, I know you will. Okay.

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Well, last week, if you remember, I reported

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on the spells and stuff that they were getting

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a cultist to do on Etsy, and Etsy finally outlawed

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the spells. AI is ushering in a new era of Satanism.

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Exorcists warn religious leaders. Is this Texorcist?

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I didn't write that. So anyhow, with religious

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rifts widening around the globe, an enterprising

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Christian leader has potentially devised a way

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to unite the faiths against a common foe. A Mexican

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priest named Father Luis Ramirez is inviting

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rabbis, evangelical preachers to join a special

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exorcism. Oh, I'm sorry, I can't speak tonight,

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but it's really not that much different than

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any other night. So, anyhow, just deal with me,

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okay? I can see where that's hard. Well, one

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of the things, I need to get another ink cartridge,

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and one of the problems I'm having is these light

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spots that are hard to read. But anyhow, I can

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get through it. So, Okai said, evangelical preachers

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to join a special exorcism training course that,

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among other evils, specializes in battling the

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scourge of AI -fueled Satanism. The Times of

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London reported, artificial intelligence is a

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great power. a force for both good and evil,

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and can therefore be used for devil worship,

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and he warned at a press conference announcing

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his course on the ministry of exorcism and prayer

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of deliverance. Boy, that's kind of a long name,

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isn't it? Hell yeah. Held at some Vatican -affiliated

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university. That's too long a name for us blue

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-collar people. This is true, yep. This niche

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training draws over 170 participants interested

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in performing exorcisms. While participants aren't

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granted the authority to conduct a demonectomy,

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that license can only be bestowed by a diocese

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bishop. Per Catholic law, the university promises

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on its website to deepen their knowledge of the

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ministry of exorcism and deliverance prayer in

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a serious and... disciplinary way. I'm not sure

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what they meant by that, but whatever. Do they

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grant scholarships for this? I don't know what

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it would be titled. Okay, going on to something

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a little less serious here. Rob, what did Bill

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Clinton say to Hillary after having sex? Honey,

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I'll be home in 20 minutes. That was a good one.

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That was a good one. Yeah, they do. Oh, shit.

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collectible in recent weeks after playing a key

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part in a viral story about a bullied baby monkey

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at the city zoo in Japan. Punch, a seven -month

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-old macaw, was given one of the IKEA toys for

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comfort after both his mother and other monkeys

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rejected him in his enclosure. Heartwarming photos

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of Punch playing with a plushie immediately went

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viral worldwide, prompting the toy to sell out

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at all Ikea stores in the U .S., Japan, and South

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Korea. It's pretty cool. If you get a chance,

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look it up. It's been on all the world news and

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a lot of local news. But it's a small little

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baby orangutan. It's just as cute as hell. It's

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as cute as cute gets. And it was pretty much

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just left just thrown away. The parents didn't

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want it. None of the other monkeys liked it.

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Well, the orangutans didn't like it. They all

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shoved it aside. You know, kind of like Rudolph

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the Red -Nosed Reindeer. You know, he got shunned

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and all that stuff. So, anyhow, they gave him

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this little plushie. orangutan monkey, right?

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And he loved it. He laid on it, kissed on it.

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He was just so happy with it. And he pretty much

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acted like he thought this stuffed toy was his

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mom. And it's really heartwarming. It's really

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cool. I mean, even a real asshole would love

00:13:39.830 --> 00:13:42.970
this, you know what I mean? Even a real dickhead

00:13:42.970 --> 00:13:45.289
would be like, oh man, that's pretty cool, you

00:13:45.289 --> 00:13:49.889
know? So, anyhow, and now people are buying these

00:13:49.889 --> 00:13:52.870
plushies because they're throwing them into other

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animals that are alone and watching what they

00:13:55.269 --> 00:13:58.049
do. It's pretty interesting. You can watch all

00:13:58.049 --> 00:14:03.409
of this on the Internet. So, anyhow, let me go

00:14:03.409 --> 00:14:05.950
on here. Sorry, I've got a little bit of the

00:14:05.950 --> 00:14:10.269
allergies because... Oh, I know that one. Oh,

00:14:10.269 --> 00:14:14.590
boy. Yeah, it's been out in full force. Coincidentally,

00:14:14.710 --> 00:14:20.730
it might snow. Sunday or Monday. So, okay. Yeah,

00:14:20.730 --> 00:14:23.450
from the weather I see, I think it's going to

00:14:23.450 --> 00:14:26.690
be Monday. Okay, all right. At least down here.

00:14:27.009 --> 00:14:29.549
No, I think it's Monday up here, too. I wasn't

00:14:29.549 --> 00:14:31.870
for sure. I thought it was Monday, but okay.

00:14:32.169 --> 00:14:34.889
That sounds about right. Yeah, we're supposed,

00:14:35.169 --> 00:14:37.590
once again, we're supposed to go from the 70s

00:14:37.590 --> 00:14:41.110
to the 30s. Yes, yes. And you guys down there

00:14:41.110 --> 00:14:44.509
might get some kind of strong storms. They're

00:14:44.509 --> 00:14:46.610
calling for us just to kind of like be a cold

00:14:46.610 --> 00:14:50.789
rain and then switch over to snow. So we'll see.

00:14:50.990 --> 00:14:52.750
You know, they've been saying a lot of stuff

00:14:52.750 --> 00:14:55.389
like it's all winter, and the whole fact is all

00:14:55.389 --> 00:14:59.049
winter we've only had nine inches of snow. So

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I'll believe this when I see it on the ground.

00:15:02.309 --> 00:15:07.190
Exactly. Yeah. Other than that, no. Okay, Rob,

00:15:07.350 --> 00:15:09.629
we all remember that lovable alleged mobster

00:15:09.629 --> 00:15:14.259
John Gotti, right? Oh, Waltie. Yeah, yeah. I

00:15:14.259 --> 00:15:16.320
mean, he was pretty cool. I didn't want to know

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what he did in his spare time, but he was pretty

00:15:18.679 --> 00:15:21.440
cool. You know, I kind of liked his style. He

00:15:21.440 --> 00:15:24.220
was cool to hang out with. Oh, yeah, yeah, hell

00:15:24.220 --> 00:15:30.120
yeah. Yeah, you know, he used to wear suits.

00:15:30.299 --> 00:15:32.720
He used to have a dapper haircut, you know, walk

00:15:32.720 --> 00:15:36.139
around with a little bit of swag. I mean, I enjoyed

00:15:36.139 --> 00:15:39.000
him. He was fun to watch, you know. Like I said,

00:15:39.220 --> 00:15:41.919
the stuff he did on his own time or in business

00:15:41.919 --> 00:15:44.429
and stuff, I didn't want to know. That's on him.

00:15:44.690 --> 00:15:47.809
Yeah, that's on him. So, and, you know, I'm not

00:15:47.809 --> 00:15:49.950
caught up in all that shit, so I wasn't worried

00:15:49.950 --> 00:15:51.250
about it. I didn't think he was going to come

00:15:51.250 --> 00:15:53.549
after me for anything, so I didn't have, you

00:15:53.549 --> 00:15:58.769
know. So, how about his son? You never hear anything

00:15:58.769 --> 00:16:04.909
about his son, right? John Gotti's son? You really

00:16:04.909 --> 00:16:10.970
don't? Well, I heard some things. Oh, okay. I

00:16:10.970 --> 00:16:15.350
haven't heard. anything about it lately. Okay,

00:16:15.450 --> 00:16:19.169
well, Mob Boss John Gotti's grandson, oh, it's

00:16:19.169 --> 00:16:21.409
the grandson, I'm sorry, not the son, the grandson,

00:16:21.830 --> 00:16:28.590
Carmine Angelo, Angelo, no, Angelo, all right,

00:16:28.629 --> 00:16:31.169
39, is headed to prison after pleading guilty

00:16:31.169 --> 00:16:34.870
to fraud in 2024, the New York Post reported.

00:16:35.210 --> 00:16:38.629
As of sentencing's date, March 13th approaches,

00:16:38.850 --> 00:16:42.980
Angelo is, hoping that the federal judge will

00:16:42.980 --> 00:16:45.820
give him a break because he's donated a kidney

00:16:45.820 --> 00:16:50.000
to his mom, Victoria Gotti. But the Eastern District

00:16:50.000 --> 00:16:52.679
of New York isn't having it. Being a kidney donor

00:16:52.679 --> 00:16:56.320
does not constitute extraordinary family circumstances

00:16:56.320 --> 00:16:59.740
and warrant a below -guidelines sentence, the

00:16:59.740 --> 00:17:02.419
office wrote. They also argued that the Bureau

00:17:02.419 --> 00:17:05.599
of Prisons is more than equipped to care for

00:17:05.599 --> 00:17:10.009
Angelo after his kidney donation. So they pretty

00:17:10.009 --> 00:17:12.349
much told him, nice try, but nope, you're not

00:17:12.349 --> 00:17:14.650
getting any more of a lenient sentence because

00:17:14.650 --> 00:17:18.210
you're giving your kidney to your mom. Yeah.

00:17:18.789 --> 00:17:22.630
So now... That'd be like anybody else in prison.

00:17:23.049 --> 00:17:24.990
Yeah, no, no, I agree with it. It's only right.

00:17:25.349 --> 00:17:28.069
It's only right. I mean, I agree with it. Then

00:17:28.069 --> 00:17:29.950
everyone would be giving up a fucking kidney

00:17:29.950 --> 00:17:32.509
to get a lenient sentence, you know? I mean,

00:17:32.569 --> 00:17:36.009
murderers, everything. To your mom, though, that's

00:17:36.009 --> 00:17:38.910
a different story. Well, of course, of course.

00:17:39.170 --> 00:17:42.309
But what the court is saying is that has nothing

00:17:42.309 --> 00:17:44.609
to do with anything. That's what the court said.

00:17:44.690 --> 00:17:50.390
Okay, okay. And, yeah, I agree with it. I mean,

00:17:50.430 --> 00:17:54.430
if you're in prison, you should still do your

00:17:54.430 --> 00:17:57.049
time. No, he's going to do his time, is what

00:17:57.049 --> 00:17:59.390
they said. He's just going to do it with one

00:17:59.390 --> 00:18:05.500
kidney. Good deal. Yep. Now in the who gives

00:18:05.500 --> 00:18:08.960
a shit department, beauty influencer allegedly

00:18:08.960 --> 00:18:13.380
loses 140 ,000 followers after filter glitch

00:18:13.380 --> 00:18:17.460
reveals her true face. A Chinese live streamer

00:18:17.460 --> 00:18:19.880
allegedly lost thousands of followers after a

00:18:19.880 --> 00:18:23.220
beauty filter malfunction revealed her true visage

00:18:23.220 --> 00:18:26.680
per social media post going viral. Allegedly,

00:18:26.680 --> 00:18:29.829
according to now viral clips, which had circulated

00:18:29.829 --> 00:18:32.750
on threads, TikTok, and elsewhere, the unnamed

00:18:32.750 --> 00:18:35.289
beauty influencer was filming a video when the

00:18:35.289 --> 00:18:38.950
aesthetic mishap occurred. In the footage, the

00:18:38.950 --> 00:18:43.029
content creator can be seen pimping for the camera

00:18:43.029 --> 00:18:45.609
when all of a sudden her beauty filter comes

00:18:45.609 --> 00:18:49.349
off, revealing a mature face with a warm complexion.

00:18:49.509 --> 00:18:52.470
The virtual varnish is restored a few seconds

00:18:52.470 --> 00:18:56.130
later, revealing a small pale contingence with

00:18:56.130 --> 00:18:59.329
perfectly symmetrical features. By then, the

00:18:59.329 --> 00:19:01.730
damage had allegedly been done. Social media

00:19:01.730 --> 00:19:04.789
reports claim that she lost 140 ,000 followers

00:19:04.789 --> 00:19:08.009
after inadvertent peek behind the online curtain.

00:19:09.089 --> 00:19:11.549
Well, you know what? Maybe being two -faced isn't

00:19:11.549 --> 00:19:15.910
a good thing, right, Rob? No, it never is. No.

00:19:16.410 --> 00:19:24.490
So, anyhow. So, Rob, do you... That's just old

00:19:24.490 --> 00:19:28.809
age telling you that. Yeah. Well, evidently,

00:19:28.809 --> 00:19:31.950
it sounds to me like per that article is she

00:19:31.950 --> 00:19:35.349
was looking much younger with filters and the

00:19:35.349 --> 00:19:38.910
filter screwed up and went off. And then they

00:19:38.910 --> 00:19:41.230
came back on. So people are like, oh, my God,

00:19:41.269 --> 00:19:43.130
that's what she really looks like. Because, you

00:19:43.130 --> 00:19:46.190
know, they they got to see it firsthand. And

00:19:46.190 --> 00:19:49.779
of course, you know. A lot of people are like,

00:19:49.859 --> 00:19:51.420
well, you know what? We're looking at her because

00:19:51.420 --> 00:19:54.099
we thought she looked like this, but she doesn't.

00:19:54.099 --> 00:19:57.759
So 140 people jumped off of her platform, and

00:19:57.759 --> 00:20:02.200
hence she lost a shit ton of money, which I don't

00:20:02.200 --> 00:20:04.220
care. You know, like I said, in the who gives

00:20:04.220 --> 00:20:06.579
a shit department, but I reported it anyhow.

00:20:07.220 --> 00:20:10.380
So there, slow news week. I mean, there's a lot

00:20:10.380 --> 00:20:12.259
of news, but it's nothing we really want to talk

00:20:12.259 --> 00:20:16.160
about, right? I don't know. I got some shit I

00:20:16.160 --> 00:20:18.740
want to talk about. Oh, okay. All right. Well,

00:20:18.799 --> 00:20:20.500
then let's just go ahead and hand it over to

00:20:20.500 --> 00:20:24.359
you then, Rob. All right. Well, I want to go

00:20:24.359 --> 00:20:29.579
back into my buddy's child above. Oh, no. Okay.

00:20:32.140 --> 00:20:43.720
Yeah, please. Go ahead. Rob, you there? I'm here.

00:20:44.019 --> 00:20:57.059
Give me a second. Okay. My drink of tea went

00:20:57.059 --> 00:21:02.440
down the wrong pipe. What'd you say? I said my

00:21:02.440 --> 00:21:05.339
drink of tea went down the wrong pipe. Oh, okay.

00:21:05.880 --> 00:21:13.259
Oh, shit. Yeah. All right. Are you better? Okay,

00:21:13.880 --> 00:21:17.140
I'm good. I'm good. Okay, go ahead. Let me get

00:21:17.140 --> 00:21:22.400
my eyes to focus now. Gotcha. You know how it

00:21:22.400 --> 00:21:28.599
is. Oh, yeah. Yes, I do. And this goes back to

00:21:28.599 --> 00:21:36.519
Shia LaBeouf and Mardi Gras. Okay. He came out

00:21:36.519 --> 00:21:41.460
with a response to what happened. Oh, okay. I

00:21:41.460 --> 00:21:46.440
didn't see this. Yeah, you're like this. Okay.

00:21:48.940 --> 00:21:52.720
And that's why I didn't need to get it out with

00:21:52.720 --> 00:21:56.500
you and Topher because I like Topher's view on

00:21:56.500 --> 00:21:59.960
this too. You can do it again Sunday night if

00:21:59.960 --> 00:22:03.140
you want. Oh, I got a feeling we're going to

00:22:03.140 --> 00:22:06.420
be talking about this Sunday night. Okay. Sounds

00:22:06.420 --> 00:22:10.549
good to me. Anyway. Shia LaBeouf is sharing his

00:22:10.549 --> 00:22:13.509
side of the story after being arrested on two

00:22:13.509 --> 00:22:16.609
counts of simple battery earlier this month during

00:22:16.609 --> 00:22:24.329
Mardi Gras. My behavior, I got to deal with that.

00:22:24.710 --> 00:22:28.730
Does that mean I got to go to rehab again? I'm

00:22:28.730 --> 00:22:31.950
just not into it, bro. The Transformers actor

00:22:31.950 --> 00:22:34.970
said during an interview with Andrew Callahan.

00:22:43.760 --> 00:22:52.619
Okay. Rob? I'm here. Okay. Like you said, allergies

00:22:52.619 --> 00:22:57.279
too. Yeah, okay. I'm kicking my ass. Oh, me too.

00:23:00.119 --> 00:23:05.019
He goes on to say, I don't think my answers are

00:23:05.019 --> 00:23:09.440
there. I don't. I really generally don't. If

00:23:09.440 --> 00:23:24.200
I generally did, The actor who was ordered by

00:23:24.200 --> 00:23:28.180
a New Orleans judge to return to rehab on Thursdays,

00:23:28.180 --> 00:23:32.140
and this was two weeks ago, said he instead has

00:23:32.140 --> 00:23:42.700
a Napoleon complex. Okay. Yeah, he's not blaming

00:23:42.700 --> 00:23:46.119
alcoholism. He's blaming Napoleon complex. Well,

00:23:46.279 --> 00:23:48.680
that's his first problem right there, not being

00:23:48.680 --> 00:23:51.339
self -actualized about the whole thing and trying

00:23:51.339 --> 00:24:03.220
to do something. Yes, absolutely. Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:24:03.299 --> 00:24:07.180
He's had plenty of... Well, yeah, we weren't

00:24:07.180 --> 00:24:10.000
there. This is what we read, you know. But, you

00:24:10.000 --> 00:24:12.140
know, we do this at the first of the program

00:24:12.140 --> 00:24:15.849
saying we're not to be believed. You know, we

00:24:15.849 --> 00:24:19.269
make shit up. So there you go, guys. But anyhow,

00:24:19.410 --> 00:24:23.630
go ahead, Rob. Yeah, he says, I think I have

00:24:23.630 --> 00:24:25.930
a different problem, and I'm going to address

00:24:25.930 --> 00:24:30.849
it. I think I have a small man complex. He continued,

00:24:31.049 --> 00:24:34.170
I think it's something that has to do with anger

00:24:34.170 --> 00:24:38.990
and ego more so than my drinking. But that's

00:24:38.990 --> 00:24:42.269
where I'm at now on my journey, and I'm trying

00:24:42.269 --> 00:24:46.250
to navigate. I'll figure it out. You better.

00:24:46.730 --> 00:24:52.170
Yeah, okay. In the interview, the monk also claimed

00:24:52.170 --> 00:24:55.869
that recent altercation was prompted when three

00:24:55.869 --> 00:25:03.910
gay men began touching his leg. Huh? Yeah. Now

00:25:03.910 --> 00:25:18.289
he's claiming these guys were gay. I'm like standing

00:25:18.289 --> 00:25:22.109
by myself and three gay dudes are next to me,

00:25:22.170 --> 00:25:27.210
touching my leg. I get scared. I'm sorry if it's

00:25:27.210 --> 00:25:33.109
homophobic, then I'm that. When asked if this

00:25:33.109 --> 00:25:40.650
happens a lot, LaBeouf responded, it just happened

00:25:40.650 --> 00:25:44.710
one time recently. Well, that's why I got arrested.

00:25:45.960 --> 00:25:49.019
Nothing that things shouldn't have gotten physical.

00:25:49.579 --> 00:25:54.500
I am wrong for touching anyone ever. And that's

00:25:54.500 --> 00:25:58.960
the end of my statement on this whole shit. Wow.

00:26:00.819 --> 00:26:08.079
Wow. I didn't... He's claiming these guys touched

00:26:08.079 --> 00:26:12.640
him so he beat the shit out of them. I get that.

00:26:12.779 --> 00:26:15.579
I get that. Yeah, yeah, I get it. I mean, if

00:26:15.579 --> 00:26:19.559
you get touched unwanted, yeah, of course you're

00:26:19.559 --> 00:26:25.740
going to, you know. So now he straight up and

00:26:25.740 --> 00:26:33.779
said he may be homophobic. Okay. Which won't

00:26:33.779 --> 00:26:37.619
help his career at all. Okay, Rob, help me clarify

00:26:37.619 --> 00:26:43.690
this. Okay, so is it short man disease? Or is

00:26:43.690 --> 00:26:48.029
it being homophobic? Which one is it? He said

00:26:48.029 --> 00:26:49.769
both of them. Yeah, see, that's the thing. Yeah,

00:26:49.829 --> 00:26:53.410
that's what he said. He's dancing around it.

00:26:54.349 --> 00:26:57.289
Yeah. What he's doing. Okay. And if it's drinking

00:26:57.289 --> 00:26:59.430
as a result of that, it doesn't matter. He's

00:26:59.430 --> 00:27:03.730
still drinking. But he don't have any drinking

00:27:03.730 --> 00:27:08.750
problem. Even though any time we read about it,

00:27:08.849 --> 00:27:12.789
he's been drinking. It is just like that. In

00:27:12.789 --> 00:27:15.970
altercations. Exactly, yeah. It's just like a

00:27:15.970 --> 00:27:17.190
good buddy of mine used to say. There was one

00:27:17.190 --> 00:27:20.470
at a restaurant here a while back, like last

00:27:20.470 --> 00:27:23.789
year. Yeah, there was. I think it was at a restaurant

00:27:23.789 --> 00:27:25.990
or something. Actually, I think there was a couple

00:27:25.990 --> 00:27:29.390
last year. Yeah, yeah. I mean, he's known for

00:27:29.390 --> 00:27:35.910
it. No, it's not the alcoholism, Shia. Okay.

00:27:37.470 --> 00:27:40.700
Anyway. I'll put it like this, like a good friend

00:27:40.700 --> 00:27:43.420
of mine that used to say, he can't say it anymore

00:27:43.420 --> 00:27:46.440
because he passed away, but he used to say, I

00:27:46.440 --> 00:27:48.880
don't have a drinking problem. I get drunk, I

00:27:48.880 --> 00:27:53.960
fall down, no problem. Mr. Hasler. Yeah, I mean,

00:27:54.000 --> 00:27:55.900
I know that's an old one, but he used to say

00:27:55.900 --> 00:27:58.299
that all the time. He'd show up with skinned

00:27:58.299 --> 00:28:01.740
up knees and a blackened face. Ah, you got a

00:28:01.740 --> 00:28:03.960
problem. It's like, well, it kind of looks like

00:28:03.960 --> 00:28:05.660
you do, dude. You know, you're all black and

00:28:05.660 --> 00:28:08.299
blue and scuffed up. No, no, no. I get drunk,

00:28:08.339 --> 00:28:11.539
I fall down. It's no problem. Like, okay then.

00:28:11.700 --> 00:28:15.359
All right. Let's go ahead. I know a few people

00:28:15.359 --> 00:28:20.279
like that. I do too. Okay. We had some technical

00:28:20.279 --> 00:28:23.980
problems there. If you heard some sort of a whatever.

00:28:24.579 --> 00:28:29.440
So we apologize for that. Anyhow, let's go ahead

00:28:29.440 --> 00:28:31.039
and take our first break, and maybe I can get

00:28:31.039 --> 00:28:35.039
this shit figured out, okay? Sounds good. Okay.

00:28:35.380 --> 00:28:48.859
We'll talk to you guys in a minute. Yes, it's

00:28:48.859 --> 00:28:52.059
true. Mark is an old bastard. It's also true

00:28:52.059 --> 00:28:55.539
that Mark uses a lot of ibuprofen. But Mark would

00:28:55.539 --> 00:28:58.460
like to tell you... If you see any pictures of

00:28:58.460 --> 00:29:02.440
improved ibuprofen, it's obviously fake, and

00:29:02.440 --> 00:29:04.279
you're to take the pictures and tear them up

00:29:04.279 --> 00:29:08.140
immediately. People often ask, how do we cram

00:29:08.140 --> 00:29:11.099
so much funny into one little show? Well, it's

00:29:11.099 --> 00:29:14.079
simple. We buy funny in bulk on the Internet.

00:29:14.940 --> 00:29:17.559
Hey, Mark, you're wanted at the front door. There's

00:29:17.559 --> 00:29:19.680
a big bag of funny they need you to sign for.

00:29:20.799 --> 00:29:22.960
Okay, thanks a lot. I'll be right there. I'm

00:29:22.960 --> 00:29:24.900
still sorting out the funny we got from yesterday.

00:29:25.690 --> 00:29:28.230
There's your answer we buy funny in bulk on the

00:29:28.230 --> 00:29:31.410
internet. Since the dawn of time, weird shit

00:29:31.410 --> 00:29:34.329
has happened. Strange occurrences, unexplained

00:29:34.329 --> 00:29:37.569
phobias, and other odd happenings. Over the next

00:29:37.569 --> 00:29:39.769
minute, we would like to bring you odd, rare

00:29:39.769 --> 00:29:43.349
phobias and conditions. Harlequin ichthyosis

00:29:43.349 --> 00:29:45.849
is a genetic disorder that babies are born with

00:29:45.849 --> 00:29:48.089
a thickened skin nearly over its entire body.

00:29:48.250 --> 00:29:51.109
The skin forms a large diamond trapezoid rectangle

00:29:51.109 --> 00:29:53.829
-shaped plates that are separated by deep cracks.

00:29:54.359 --> 00:29:56.279
These affect the shape of the eyelids, nose,

00:29:56.559 --> 00:29:59.140
ears, mouth, and limit the movement of the arms

00:29:59.140 --> 00:30:01.480
and legs. There are treatment options, finally.

00:30:01.759 --> 00:30:05.539
The survival rate is much higher. Have you ever

00:30:05.539 --> 00:30:07.720
wondered what something is about? Have you ever

00:30:07.720 --> 00:30:09.759
looked at something and said, Hey, I wonder what

00:30:09.759 --> 00:30:13.500
the origin of that is? Well, so have we. That's

00:30:13.500 --> 00:30:18.299
why we give you The Origin Of. This is the origin

00:30:18.299 --> 00:30:22.299
of Rob Rant's loincloth. Rob used to strip in

00:30:22.299 --> 00:30:24.920
a nightclub called McCock's on the city's east

00:30:24.920 --> 00:30:27.660
side. Rob was the only completely nude dancer

00:30:27.660 --> 00:30:30.059
at the club. The other dancers were jealous of

00:30:30.059 --> 00:30:32.339
Rob making all the cash and made him use a loincloth

00:30:32.339 --> 00:30:35.079
to dance with. Rob soon had to wear his loincloth

00:30:35.079 --> 00:30:37.299
daily. He found out that he could get out of

00:30:37.299 --> 00:30:39.920
traffic tickets, sell vinyl siding, and pick

00:30:39.920 --> 00:30:42.400
up hotties at the come and go. Rob now wears

00:30:42.400 --> 00:30:44.940
his loincloth everywhere except work. Sparks

00:30:44.940 --> 00:30:48.970
plus pubic hair equals to bad things. Now it's

00:30:48.970 --> 00:30:55.809
time for pickup lines from a loser. Hey girl,

00:30:55.930 --> 00:30:59.309
do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me

00:30:59.309 --> 00:31:02.109
a foot long. Tomorrow morning while grinding

00:31:02.109 --> 00:31:04.349
your coffee beans for your double mocha latte,

00:31:04.630 --> 00:31:07.269
remember to not get your genitals caught in the

00:31:07.269 --> 00:31:10.970
grinder. It really hurts. Who can afford plastic

00:31:10.970 --> 00:31:17.269
surgery? Stay safe everyone. And now deep thoughts

00:31:17.269 --> 00:31:26.230
with Mark hmm let me think here my car keys have

00:31:26.230 --> 00:31:33.170
actually traveled further than my car hmm weird

00:31:47.279 --> 00:31:49.480
Two douchebags and microphone. I'm Mark here

00:31:49.480 --> 00:31:53.579
in the Kansas City Metroplex at the extreme southern

00:31:53.579 --> 00:32:02.299
tip of at the Talk is Cheap studio. And I am

00:32:02.299 --> 00:32:05.799
Rob in Wheatland, Missouri, home of the magnificent

00:32:05.799 --> 00:32:09.619
Lucas Oil Speedway and water track, and also

00:32:09.619 --> 00:32:12.920
home of Hickam's Country Store, where you can

00:32:12.920 --> 00:32:16.180
find all your needs, including a selfie with

00:32:16.180 --> 00:32:20.079
me. green Sinclair dinosaur. It's a huge penis.

00:32:20.799 --> 00:32:26.079
For Mark. In the Duck Mart studio. Alright, thank

00:32:26.079 --> 00:32:30.240
you, Rob. We have some emails. Awesome. I love

00:32:30.240 --> 00:32:33.859
hearing from everybody. I do, too. It makes the

00:32:33.859 --> 00:32:36.779
show. It really does. Man, every time I listen

00:32:36.779 --> 00:32:41.140
to this show, the emails are the best part of

00:32:41.140 --> 00:32:43.400
it. I don't know if we should feel bad or good

00:32:43.400 --> 00:32:49.269
about that. I guess it doesn't matter. I think

00:32:49.269 --> 00:32:52.990
we feel good because they keep emailing us. You

00:32:52.990 --> 00:32:55.390
know what? Like my buddy that, well, I can't

00:32:55.390 --> 00:32:57.569
say exactly what he does, but he works for a

00:32:57.569 --> 00:33:00.529
big media company. Something along the lines

00:33:00.529 --> 00:33:03.730
of what we do. And he was saying that, like,

00:33:03.789 --> 00:33:07.250
he goes, even the biggest shows don't get regular

00:33:07.250 --> 00:33:11.509
emailers. He was amazed. Not like we do. No,

00:33:11.509 --> 00:33:14.329
I know. And when I first presented this to him,

00:33:14.730 --> 00:33:18.490
He thought I was exaggerating or something. And

00:33:18.490 --> 00:33:20.289
then I just started sending them to him in a

00:33:20.289 --> 00:33:23.529
folder, you know, through the Internet. And he's

00:33:23.529 --> 00:33:25.690
like, dude, he goes, whatever you're doing, he

00:33:25.690 --> 00:33:28.130
said, keep doing it. He said, because most people

00:33:28.130 --> 00:33:31.269
don't get engaged like that to any type of a

00:33:31.269 --> 00:33:34.210
show, a podcast, or even one on air, you know,

00:33:34.210 --> 00:33:36.769
like on FM or radio. We want to hear from our

00:33:36.769 --> 00:33:40.210
listeners. Yeah, we do. So he was pretty impressed

00:33:40.210 --> 00:33:42.650
with that. So, you know, I'm going with that.

00:33:42.730 --> 00:33:45.799
I think it's a compliment, too. So, all right.

00:33:46.799 --> 00:33:49.740
The first email. Any way you guys could raise

00:33:49.740 --> 00:33:54.420
Topher's audio level? Ronnie in Tulsa. The Tulsa

00:33:54.420 --> 00:33:58.579
King. Yeah, Ronnie. Okay. I think I'm going to

00:33:58.579 --> 00:34:01.259
look for another Bluetooth, or I'm going to try

00:34:01.259 --> 00:34:03.980
the Bluetooth I have one more time and see if

00:34:03.980 --> 00:34:07.720
you can hear it better this time around. So you're

00:34:07.720 --> 00:34:10.239
going to get both of us? Yes. I'm going to try

00:34:10.239 --> 00:34:12.280
to do that. That's the problem we were having.

00:34:12.599 --> 00:34:16.000
He was picking up me, but not him. Yeah, so we'll

00:34:16.000 --> 00:34:18.980
see what, yeah, we'll try some different things.

00:34:19.340 --> 00:34:21.340
But we'll get it figured out. I mean, we just

00:34:21.340 --> 00:34:23.599
started doing the douchebag gangbang, which I'm

00:34:23.599 --> 00:34:26.579
going to start calling it. Yeah, I love it. I

00:34:26.579 --> 00:34:29.920
love that name. I do, too. I told Frances that

00:34:29.920 --> 00:34:33.360
she just rolled her eyes at me. That means it's

00:34:33.360 --> 00:34:36.860
good. That means it's good. If a female rolls

00:34:36.860 --> 00:34:42.639
her eyes at it, that means it's great. All right.

00:34:44.260 --> 00:34:46.719
Next one. I watched the cleaning people scrub

00:34:46.719 --> 00:34:49.659
down that goofy -ass fireplace monument. It's

00:34:49.659 --> 00:34:53.440
almost as goofy as Mark. Fucking asshole. Yeah.

00:34:54.320 --> 00:34:58.820
Rob, I got you on the carp stew anytime. And

00:34:58.820 --> 00:35:03.340
Topher, too, if he would like. Mitch. Yeah, so

00:35:03.340 --> 00:35:08.320
if Topher likes carp stew, there you go. And

00:35:08.320 --> 00:35:11.150
Mitch. Even if you did like me, I still would

00:35:11.150 --> 00:35:15.090
turn you down on Carp Stew. So fuck off. That

00:35:15.090 --> 00:35:18.789
is one thing I want to look up for tonight that

00:35:18.789 --> 00:35:22.869
I did not, which I might do during this podcast.

00:35:23.030 --> 00:35:26.190
I want to see if somebody did actually vandalize

00:35:26.190 --> 00:35:30.170
it. You know what? I would think if you were...

00:35:30.170 --> 00:35:33.250
I have not heard nothing. I haven't either. So

00:35:33.250 --> 00:35:36.750
maybe he's just joking around about this. I mean...

00:35:37.130 --> 00:35:40.710
Yeah, see if you can find it. We will let you

00:35:40.710 --> 00:35:43.409
know Sunday night whether that actually happened.

00:35:44.190 --> 00:35:47.690
Yeah, yeah. And it's set right in front of Cass

00:35:47.690 --> 00:35:51.789
County Jail. Well, that's what I said, too. Someone

00:35:51.789 --> 00:35:55.889
could have done it, I guess, but they have cameras.

00:35:56.050 --> 00:36:00.829
It is out by the highway. The cameras are in

00:36:00.829 --> 00:36:04.369
towards it. Someone with dark clothing on at

00:36:04.369 --> 00:36:07.269
night. Could have probably done it. So it might

00:36:07.269 --> 00:36:10.170
be true. But you know what, Rob? Do some research

00:36:10.170 --> 00:36:12.030
and let me know if it happened. Let everybody

00:36:12.030 --> 00:36:14.750
know. I guarantee I want to do research on that.

00:36:15.090 --> 00:36:19.110
Okay. Thank you, Rob. Anyhow, it says, Mitch,

00:36:19.610 --> 00:36:22.949
President and CEO of Lake Freeman Bonfire and

00:36:22.949 --> 00:36:26.849
Whiskey Alliance. Now, I like that. That's good.

00:36:27.210 --> 00:36:31.389
Thank you. Thank you, Mitch. All right, Mitch.

00:36:32.489 --> 00:36:35.010
Mitch, that was a great email, but go fuck yourself.

00:36:37.150 --> 00:36:41.869
Like always. Like always. The next one. More,

00:36:41.889 --> 00:36:45.889
more, more of the three of you on the same show.

00:36:46.090 --> 00:36:50.329
Bravo. Rossington and Dallas. Ross, thank you.

00:36:50.690 --> 00:36:57.610
Yes. Actually, it brings something out in us,

00:36:57.630 --> 00:37:00.769
the three of us together. It really does. Oh,

00:37:00.769 --> 00:37:03.820
yeah. I've listened to it. I hear it. You hear

00:37:03.820 --> 00:37:07.199
it. I think a lot of people hear it. Yes. Yeah,

00:37:07.320 --> 00:37:11.619
we're going to do it as often as we can. So far,

00:37:11.800 --> 00:37:15.139
the feedback I've got on it, I have not heard

00:37:15.139 --> 00:37:18.300
one negative thing. Everybody is just raving

00:37:18.300 --> 00:37:20.619
about it, which tells me we're doing good with

00:37:20.619 --> 00:37:24.099
it. Especially people I trust, like Ronnie and

00:37:24.099 --> 00:37:32.380
Tulsa. Mitch, I trust him. Rossington. Terry

00:37:32.380 --> 00:37:37.280
from Omaha. All of them. Yeah, Terry from Omaha.

00:37:37.340 --> 00:37:41.480
Yeah, all of them. So all of you royalty that

00:37:41.480 --> 00:37:43.619
write in occasionally or write in all the time,

00:37:43.719 --> 00:37:47.139
everyone that I trust has really liked the show,

00:37:47.260 --> 00:37:50.460
the new one, the Gang Bang Show. So we appreciate

00:37:50.460 --> 00:37:53.260
it. And keep them coming in your comments. If

00:37:53.260 --> 00:37:55.960
you don't like them, let us know. Like we've

00:37:55.960 --> 00:37:58.059
always said, hate mail goes to the front of the

00:37:58.059 --> 00:38:01.320
line. So if you bother to hate us that much,

00:38:01.460 --> 00:38:04.539
we're kind of proud of it, aren't we? Yeah, always.

00:38:05.159 --> 00:38:07.559
Yeah. Oh, we wear that like a badge of honor.

00:38:07.659 --> 00:38:09.280
It's like, oh, you hate us? Oh, yeah. Really?

00:38:09.500 --> 00:38:15.019
Oh, thanks. Yeah. All right. We roll around,

00:38:15.300 --> 00:38:18.980
and we swivel in their hate, and we love it.

00:38:19.639 --> 00:38:23.630
All right. Mark, still no Johnny Dare on any

00:38:23.630 --> 00:38:26.690
station. I saw where Nikki Pace got a job. Nikki

00:38:26.690 --> 00:38:29.989
Pace was his sidekick, one of them. And she did

00:38:29.989 --> 00:38:32.349
the news and stuff. That was the female of the

00:38:32.349 --> 00:38:35.630
show, of the Johnny Dare morning show. So anyone

00:38:35.630 --> 00:38:39.289
that doesn't know. So I saw where Nikki Pace

00:38:39.289 --> 00:38:43.599
got a job in Kansas at a station out a bit. I

00:38:43.599 --> 00:38:46.159
think it's out of the Wichita area or somewhere

00:38:46.159 --> 00:38:48.320
around there, or maybe Hutchinson. I forgot.

00:38:48.519 --> 00:38:51.059
It's called the Rock of Kansas, and it's a big

00:38:51.059 --> 00:38:55.320
booming fucking station in that area. It's probably

00:38:55.320 --> 00:39:00.880
Wichita, then. Probably. Wichita or Topeka, one

00:39:00.880 --> 00:39:03.599
of the two. I don't think it's Topeka at all.

00:39:04.639 --> 00:39:07.420
Then it'd be Wichita. I think it's Wichita, probably.

00:39:07.780 --> 00:39:11.099
Big booming station, yeah. Yeah. That makes sense.

00:39:11.579 --> 00:39:16.460
Yeah, so it's like ROK is what the call letters

00:39:16.460 --> 00:39:18.500
are on it. I don't know what the first one, maybe

00:39:18.500 --> 00:39:24.019
it's, well, anyhow. Okay. Are you still standing

00:39:24.019 --> 00:39:29.760
by your prediction of Johnny being on the station,

00:39:29.920 --> 00:39:32.219
on 101 The Fox, basically, is what I've been

00:39:32.219 --> 00:39:36.500
saying? Yeah. Johnny and OP. Johnny, thank you.

00:39:36.579 --> 00:39:38.300
Appreciate that, even though his name is not

00:39:38.300 --> 00:39:43.000
Johnny. Okay. I had them going to Cumulus, but

00:39:43.000 --> 00:39:49.099
Topher did a story from the city market, Tuesday

00:39:49.099 --> 00:39:52.659
it was, about how Cumulus is going bankrupt again.

00:39:53.699 --> 00:39:57.320
Okay, I have not heard that. Yeah, no, it's true.

00:39:57.500 --> 00:40:00.420
I have not heard that episode. Oh, okay, yeah,

00:40:00.500 --> 00:40:04.519
it's the latest one. It's the alternative universe

00:40:04.519 --> 00:40:09.000
douchebags. So they're going bankrupt again.

00:40:10.619 --> 00:40:13.179
Yeah, I think, you know, once like Chuck Nasty

00:40:13.179 --> 00:40:16.880
or Doug Metlock retires, two legends in Kansas

00:40:16.880 --> 00:40:20.719
City, you know. They'll bring in another legend.

00:40:20.780 --> 00:40:22.800
Yeah, I think they'd bring in Johnny. But the

00:40:22.800 --> 00:40:26.539
thing is, the money thing is probably going to

00:40:26.539 --> 00:40:30.440
be not nearly, well, nobody's getting it. Not

00:40:30.440 --> 00:40:32.780
just, you know, nobody's getting the money they

00:40:32.780 --> 00:40:35.119
used to in radio because the ad revenue simply

00:40:35.119 --> 00:40:40.550
is not there. So the answer is yes, I think he

00:40:40.550 --> 00:40:43.949
still will be on 101 The Fox if he wants to do

00:40:43.949 --> 00:40:46.070
it for whatever they offer him, and I don't know

00:40:46.070 --> 00:40:47.969
what that would be. I don't know what the going

00:40:47.969 --> 00:40:52.769
rate is. All I know is it is considerably less.

00:40:52.849 --> 00:40:55.309
I mean, like, a lot less than it used to be.

00:40:55.449 --> 00:40:59.769
You know, really good shows in a good market,

00:40:59.789 --> 00:41:02.110
in a large market, would command over a million

00:41:02.110 --> 00:41:05.909
dollars, usually. For the top ones, you know,

00:41:05.929 --> 00:41:08.610
well over a million, if not more. And then all

00:41:08.610 --> 00:41:10.650
the endorsements and stuff. Nowadays, I don't

00:41:10.650 --> 00:41:13.309
know what it is. I mean, is it $70 ,000? Is it

00:41:13.309 --> 00:41:16.050
$100 ,000 for a really good show? I don't know.

00:41:16.510 --> 00:41:19.389
All I know is it is quite a bit less than it

00:41:19.389 --> 00:41:22.969
used to be. So I guess the whole fact is if Johnny

00:41:22.969 --> 00:41:25.769
wants to do that, he'll probably get an opportunity.

00:41:25.909 --> 00:41:29.429
This is my feeling. I've spoke about this ever

00:41:29.429 --> 00:41:34.989
since The Rock cut him. And I still say that

00:41:34.989 --> 00:41:37.429
he's too good to not be on Kansas City somewhere

00:41:37.429 --> 00:41:41.409
unless he chooses not to. So I think one way

00:41:41.409 --> 00:41:43.230
or another, there's going to be stations that

00:41:43.230 --> 00:41:46.829
will try to get his services. But like I said

00:41:46.829 --> 00:41:49.150
before, it's not going to be the whole crew.

00:41:49.269 --> 00:41:52.769
They don't do that anymore. They usually hire

00:41:52.769 --> 00:41:54.929
one person, the most famous person. That would

00:41:54.929 --> 00:41:57.710
be Johnny. And go, all right, you know, you're

00:41:57.710 --> 00:41:59.949
just doing a solo thing here, so, you know, play

00:41:59.949 --> 00:42:02.710
three songs, get on air, talk about something

00:42:02.710 --> 00:42:04.909
that happened to you, you know, like you tripped

00:42:04.909 --> 00:42:07.170
and I don't know, whatever it is that you want

00:42:07.170 --> 00:42:10.110
to talk about. And then that should last about

00:42:10.110 --> 00:42:12.949
three minutes. Go into commercials, come back,

00:42:12.969 --> 00:42:15.250
play another three songs. You see, that's the

00:42:15.250 --> 00:42:16.969
way it is anymore. That's another reason they

00:42:16.969 --> 00:42:19.829
don't pay that much is they don't want the personalities

00:42:19.829 --> 00:42:22.829
to really engage that much. They want it to be

00:42:22.829 --> 00:42:27.710
fleeting. Have you noticed that, Rob? Yeah. Yeah,

00:42:27.730 --> 00:42:30.550
they want to go, oh, yeah, it's like it's 72

00:42:30.550 --> 00:42:32.630
degrees, and I was reading an article the other

00:42:32.630 --> 00:42:35.070
day, and it was talking about people, I don't

00:42:35.070 --> 00:42:37.210
know, biting their nipples, some new syndrome,

00:42:37.389 --> 00:42:39.710
you know, and just thought that was a little

00:42:39.710 --> 00:42:41.190
weird, you know, and then they come up with some

00:42:41.190 --> 00:42:43.449
sort of a little ha -ha, and then they go straight

00:42:43.449 --> 00:42:45.289
into commercials, and they go into three more

00:42:45.289 --> 00:42:49.110
songs, you know. It's like a formula they do

00:42:49.110 --> 00:42:52.690
anymore. They don't want the DJ or the personality

00:42:52.690 --> 00:42:56.610
on there too much. They want the songs, they

00:42:56.610 --> 00:42:59.329
want the commercials, and they don't really want

00:42:59.329 --> 00:43:01.489
that much personality. And this is all the big

00:43:01.489 --> 00:43:04.429
media companies are all like that now, you know,

00:43:04.449 --> 00:43:06.989
where they used to want you to have a personality.

00:43:07.210 --> 00:43:09.789
They used to want you to engage the audience.

00:43:09.829 --> 00:43:11.650
Now it's kind of like the opposite. It's like,

00:43:11.730 --> 00:43:14.929
look, you're a glorified jukebox, so don't get

00:43:14.929 --> 00:43:17.969
fancy and don't get, you know, don't get fucking

00:43:17.969 --> 00:43:21.130
all cocky on us. Just, you know, know your role.

00:43:22.429 --> 00:43:24.849
All right, that is the end of the emails. Rob,

00:43:25.030 --> 00:43:26.849
you might have something coming up here, right?

00:43:28.289 --> 00:43:33.590
Oh, you know I do. Yes, yes, yes, yes. I'm reaching.

00:43:33.849 --> 00:43:41.730
I'm reaching. Yay. Got it. Rob's bag of garbage.

00:43:42.550 --> 00:43:47.690
Rob's bag of garbage. Yes, it is. Greatest segment

00:43:47.690 --> 00:43:51.539
ever. In the history of podcasting and anything

00:43:51.539 --> 00:43:57.719
like that. That's a pretty funny one. Okay. Sounds

00:43:57.719 --> 00:44:03.920
good. In 2016, a gas station in Russia launched

00:44:03.920 --> 00:44:08.679
a publicity stunt operating a free -filled tank

00:44:08.679 --> 00:44:13.579
of fuel to customers who arrived in a bikini

00:44:13.579 --> 00:44:19.090
under the promotion's rules. Okay. So anybody

00:44:19.090 --> 00:44:22.670
in a bikini could get free text gas. Even me?

00:44:23.869 --> 00:44:27.949
The promotion later drew many men who showed

00:44:27.949 --> 00:44:32.730
up in bikinis. Okay. Some even wearing high heels.

00:44:34.329 --> 00:44:40.429
Send me pictures of COVID. Crowds quickly formed

00:44:40.429 --> 00:44:46.630
with a lineup for fuel stretching almost a block.

00:44:47.949 --> 00:44:53.309
expecting mostly female participants. The station

00:44:53.309 --> 00:44:59.449
ran the event for about three hours. An unspecified

00:44:59.449 --> 00:45:02.389
amount of fuel was given away during the promotion.

00:45:03.710 --> 00:45:06.909
What was meant to be a clever marketing stunt

00:45:06.909 --> 00:45:13.510
ended up becoming a lesson in promotions. Always

00:45:13.510 --> 00:45:16.670
think carefully about the rules. Because people

00:45:16.670 --> 00:45:25.289
will follow them very literally. Mm -hmm. That

00:45:25.289 --> 00:45:28.829
was a good one. I love that. Yeah, they show

00:45:28.829 --> 00:45:32.690
guys in bikinis. Well, I mean, they kind of have

00:45:32.690 --> 00:45:39.329
to. They got the tube tops. That's fucking hilarious.

00:45:39.349 --> 00:45:43.510
That is good. I like that a lot. You got another

00:45:43.510 --> 00:45:47.550
one, don't you? Yeah. Yes, I do. Oh, yeah. I'm

00:45:47.550 --> 00:45:50.469
reaching and grabbing. Greatest segment ever.

00:45:54.289 --> 00:45:58.550
Oh, this bag sucks. It's plastic. What the shit

00:45:58.550 --> 00:46:02.230
happened? I just had to vacuum it. Didn't you

00:46:02.230 --> 00:46:05.389
have a Hikimo bag for a while? That's what it

00:46:05.389 --> 00:46:08.670
is. Oh, it is. Okay. Yeah, the first one was

00:46:08.670 --> 00:46:11.849
a paper bag. This one's plastic. Oh, okay. Yeah,

00:46:11.929 --> 00:46:13.570
the paper bag works much better. Yeah, the paper

00:46:13.570 --> 00:46:16.489
work. And it sounded better on the air, too.

00:46:16.809 --> 00:46:19.090
Yeah, it sounded really good, the paper bag.

00:46:19.289 --> 00:46:22.789
Yeah, I might get another paper bag if I can

00:46:22.789 --> 00:46:26.550
find a store that's got them anymore. But anyway,

00:46:26.849 --> 00:46:36.329
next up, in 1916, Sisters Adeline and Augusta

00:46:36.329 --> 00:46:39.650
Van Buren became the first women to ride solo

00:46:39.650 --> 00:46:44.219
motorcycles across the United States. They covered

00:46:44.219 --> 00:46:49.840
roughly 5 ,500 miles from Portland, New York,

00:46:49.920 --> 00:46:54.340
across the country on to Southern California

00:46:54.340 --> 00:46:59.800
in about 60 days on Indian Power Plus motorcycles

00:46:59.800 --> 00:47:06.920
facing bad roads, rain, mud, mountains, and desert

00:47:06.920 --> 00:47:17.829
heat. and leather gear, which led them being

00:47:17.829 --> 00:47:24.110
stopped or arrested multiple times by local police.

00:47:24.909 --> 00:47:29.849
Not for speeding, but simply for wearing men's

00:47:29.849 --> 00:47:37.369
clothing. Okay. Yeah, he's 1960, yeah. Okay,

00:47:37.469 --> 00:47:39.789
all right, all right. Or a loud dress like that.

00:47:40.090 --> 00:47:43.559
Each time they were evicted. allowed to continue.

00:47:44.440 --> 00:47:48.019
Their journey proved women could handle long

00:47:48.019 --> 00:47:52.079
distance motorcycle travel and help push for

00:47:52.079 --> 00:48:01.980
greater equality. Okay. Yeah. I never knew that.

00:48:02.159 --> 00:48:06.599
I didn't either. Yeah, they did that. Now that

00:48:06.599 --> 00:48:11.440
was... If you could drive 5 ,500 miles on a motorcycle,

00:48:13.840 --> 00:48:19.880
1916, you're better than most men. I think. That's

00:48:19.880 --> 00:48:23.500
my opinion. You know what? I couldn't agree with

00:48:23.500 --> 00:48:26.280
you more, Rob. I think your opinion's dead on.

00:48:27.260 --> 00:48:33.639
Alright. Ronaldo, a man from Sao Paulo, Brazil.

00:48:34.179 --> 00:48:38.280
Actually, Paulo. I go back to my printer needing

00:48:38.280 --> 00:48:41.150
more ink. Actually, I think I'm just going to

00:48:41.150 --> 00:48:43.010
buy another printer, actually. The ink costs

00:48:43.010 --> 00:48:46.170
more than the printer. They've been doing this

00:48:46.170 --> 00:48:50.190
for years. It's so weird. But anyhow, so Ronaldo,

00:48:50.429 --> 00:48:55.809
a man from Sao Paulo, Brazil, was walking to

00:48:55.809 --> 00:48:58.510
work when two vicious dogs attacked him. The

00:48:58.510 --> 00:49:01.309
dogs lunged at his neck, and as he fought them

00:49:01.309 --> 00:49:04.150
off, one bit down on his cell phone in his shorts

00:49:04.150 --> 00:49:08.050
pocket, which turned out to be a fortune. The

00:49:08.050 --> 00:49:11.349
phone exploded, scaring the dogs off. That moment

00:49:11.349 --> 00:49:14.150
was terrifying, but that very mobile phone saved

00:49:14.150 --> 00:49:17.949
my life, Ronaldo said. He did sustain some minor

00:49:17.949 --> 00:49:20.550
burns on his leg. The dog's owner apologized

00:49:20.550 --> 00:49:23.289
and agreed to cover his medical expenses and

00:49:23.289 --> 00:49:27.070
the cost of a new phone as well. So, I mean,

00:49:27.170 --> 00:49:31.409
that's pretty cool that his phone blowing up

00:49:31.409 --> 00:49:33.329
saved his life because those dogs would have

00:49:33.329 --> 00:49:36.699
mauled him to death. But wouldn't it be funny

00:49:36.699 --> 00:49:38.960
if those annoying pukes that walk around screaming

00:49:38.960 --> 00:49:41.739
in their Bluetooth at any given public place,

00:49:41.940 --> 00:49:47.260
if their phone would magically explode? Oh, definitely.

00:49:47.599 --> 00:49:50.099
Oh, that'd be great. Yeah, I mean, I hate it.

00:49:50.139 --> 00:49:52.860
You know, you're, yeah, I had, I had Fruity Pebbles

00:49:52.860 --> 00:49:55.480
for breakfast. Oh, yeah. Ha, ha, ha. I remember.

00:49:55.619 --> 00:49:57.400
And it's like, motherfucker. It's like, dude.

00:49:57.840 --> 00:50:01.199
It's like, number one, nobody gives a shit about

00:50:01.199 --> 00:50:04.300
your business. Number two. Why do you have to

00:50:04.300 --> 00:50:08.219
yell into thin air looking like a fucking maniac,

00:50:08.340 --> 00:50:10.519
which you probably are, looking like a complete

00:50:10.519 --> 00:50:14.179
idiot and a fool like you are? It's just ridiculous.

00:50:15.280 --> 00:50:18.500
So, anyhow, I mean, I'm glad this guy was saved

00:50:18.500 --> 00:50:21.099
by his phone blowing up, but I wish we had some

00:50:21.099 --> 00:50:23.260
sort of a mechanism, like if someone's walking

00:50:23.260 --> 00:50:26.539
around a public place screaming into thin air

00:50:26.539 --> 00:50:28.360
to where you can just blow their Bluetooth up

00:50:28.360 --> 00:50:34.190
like that, or their phone, or both. Anyhow, Rob,

00:50:34.550 --> 00:50:38.949
I got a question. The new stuffy English -sounding

00:50:38.949 --> 00:50:43.469
guy I use with the police blotter section, am

00:50:43.469 --> 00:50:48.170
I using him too much, or do you like him? I like

00:50:48.170 --> 00:50:52.690
him. Okay. I do, too. Actually, technically,

00:50:53.309 --> 00:50:56.010
I'm starting to take a liking to the new guy,

00:50:56.090 --> 00:51:00.989
too. He grows on you, doesn't he? Well, he's

00:51:00.989 --> 00:51:05.510
calming down a little bit. He's not as cantankerous

00:51:05.510 --> 00:51:09.230
as he was. No, no, no. And that's because, you

00:51:09.230 --> 00:51:10.769
know, I've been yelling at him quite a bit and

00:51:10.769 --> 00:51:14.010
kicking him out. Well, we both have. Yeah, we

00:51:14.010 --> 00:51:16.969
both have. And as you notice, we're not doing

00:51:16.969 --> 00:51:19.250
as many segments with him in it, and I think

00:51:19.250 --> 00:51:21.050
he's starting to get a little bummed out about

00:51:21.050 --> 00:51:24.349
it, so he's got to play by the rules. Well, yeah,

00:51:24.449 --> 00:51:28.820
his pace. Yeah, I told him, I said, we know you

00:51:28.820 --> 00:51:30.559
hate us and we know you think we're a couple

00:51:30.559 --> 00:51:33.440
of fucking jerk asses. We know this. But can

00:51:33.440 --> 00:51:36.820
we get past that and just do your job? He said

00:51:36.820 --> 00:51:42.579
he's going to try to. I see where he's been trying.

00:51:43.059 --> 00:51:46.820
Yeah, yeah, I'm reasonably happy with him now.

00:51:46.980 --> 00:51:51.719
So, okay. Let's take our second break and then

00:51:51.719 --> 00:51:55.440
come back with some more garbage. Not like your

00:51:55.440 --> 00:51:58.780
bag of garbage, but other garbage. All right,

00:51:58.860 --> 00:52:01.340
everybody, we will be right back. I know, it's

00:52:01.340 --> 00:52:04.420
all garbage. You know what, you're right. Yes,

00:52:04.500 --> 00:52:07.119
what am I saying? Right, yeah, yeah. All right,

00:52:07.179 --> 00:52:15.900
we'll be right back. Long time ago, there was

00:52:15.900 --> 00:52:18.789
this party house. And this is when I worked at

00:52:18.789 --> 00:52:21.949
Jesse Jim's Steakhouse. Oh, yeah. Okay, and all

00:52:21.949 --> 00:52:23.690
of us partied at night. And the guy that worked

00:52:23.690 --> 00:52:27.849
there, he lived back behind Jesse Jim's. And

00:52:27.849 --> 00:52:33.510
anyhow, he was divorced. So he had kind of like

00:52:33.510 --> 00:52:36.710
a party house back there. So me and a buddy of

00:52:36.710 --> 00:52:39.449
mine were sitting back there one night, and we're

00:52:39.449 --> 00:52:41.969
bored as hell. So we're daring each other to

00:52:41.969 --> 00:52:44.829
do stupid shit. So I told him, I said, all right,

00:52:44.829 --> 00:52:46.969
I forgot what he dared me. He probably ran around

00:52:46.969 --> 00:52:49.650
the block naked or something like that. Something

00:52:49.650 --> 00:52:52.190
stupid, you know, clucking like a chicken or

00:52:52.190 --> 00:52:55.909
like, I don't know, you know, just stuff that

00:52:55.909 --> 00:52:58.469
we could come up with that we could do. So I'm

00:52:58.469 --> 00:53:02.489
looking around. I look next door, and I guess

00:53:02.489 --> 00:53:04.369
there's like some party or something going on,

00:53:04.449 --> 00:53:06.650
and neither one of us heard about it. So we're

00:53:06.650 --> 00:53:09.409
the only two tool bags sitting here at that party

00:53:09.409 --> 00:53:11.030
house. We're just sitting there going, fuck,

00:53:11.030 --> 00:53:13.800
man, this is boring as hell. So, you know, we're

00:53:13.800 --> 00:53:15.679
doing this stupid shit that we're daring each

00:53:15.679 --> 00:53:19.320
other to do. So I look out, and there's a house

00:53:19.320 --> 00:53:21.500
next to it with this little porch. I go, hey,

00:53:21.639 --> 00:53:26.800
go out there, take a dump on the porch, light

00:53:26.800 --> 00:53:29.539
it on fire, bang on a door, and then come back.

00:53:30.699 --> 00:53:34.260
Sure, no problem. So, hey, I'm sitting there,

00:53:34.360 --> 00:53:37.480
and I see this silhouette of a moonlight, this

00:53:37.480 --> 00:53:42.769
shadowy figure fucking squatting. See these fucking

00:53:42.769 --> 00:53:46.030
couple of turds come out. And see him fucking

00:53:46.030 --> 00:53:48.389
throw up his shorts real quick. And all this

00:53:48.389 --> 00:53:51.389
is just a shadowy figure. Then I see him stooped

00:53:51.389 --> 00:53:54.269
over. It took him a long time to get this fucker

00:53:54.269 --> 00:53:56.909
lit. I see him over there laboring. And I'm like,

00:53:57.030 --> 00:53:59.889
oh shit. So then he like throws some leaves or

00:53:59.889 --> 00:54:01.489
some shit on it. And finally I see this little

00:54:01.489 --> 00:54:05.690
flame. And I see this like, he kind of clenches

00:54:05.690 --> 00:54:11.269
up like, yeah! And all of this is shadowing,

00:54:11.269 --> 00:54:15.369
right? So anyhow, I'm like, ah, good, good job,

00:54:15.550 --> 00:54:18.769
well done. So he comes back, he sits down, and

00:54:18.769 --> 00:54:20.550
we're sitting there waiting, waiting, waiting,

00:54:20.650 --> 00:54:24.349
nothing. We both end up passing out. So three

00:54:24.349 --> 00:54:26.710
in the morning, I wake up, and I see like this

00:54:26.710 --> 00:54:30.090
glow. It's kind of an orange glow through the

00:54:30.090 --> 00:54:35.230
blinds. What the hell? And I hear a bunch of

00:54:35.230 --> 00:54:38.179
rustling and shit and people talking. All of

00:54:38.179 --> 00:54:41.559
a sudden, it dawned on me, oh, fuck. Oh, shit,

00:54:41.679 --> 00:54:43.940
he burnt down the house next door. Oh, my God.

00:54:44.340 --> 00:54:48.719
So, yeah, I get up, I go over there, and there's

00:54:48.719 --> 00:54:51.000
like four firefighters with this hose, and a

00:54:51.000 --> 00:54:53.480
guy standing out there shaking his head, and

00:54:53.480 --> 00:54:58.300
they're all laughing. Because... Someone shed

00:54:58.300 --> 00:55:00.480
his shit on the porch, lit it, and it caught

00:55:00.480 --> 00:55:05.400
their porch on fire. Because nobody fucking answered

00:55:05.400 --> 00:55:07.840
the door. They were probably sound asleep. Maybe

00:55:07.840 --> 00:55:12.739
they're on sleeping pills or something. I'm like,

00:55:12.820 --> 00:55:15.059
dude, dude, wake up. He's like, oh, fuck, man.

00:55:15.239 --> 00:55:19.760
I'm on probation. I'm going to go to jail. I'm

00:55:19.760 --> 00:55:21.739
like, dude, calm down. It didn't burn the house

00:55:21.739 --> 00:55:24.860
down, man. Nobody died or nothing. Listen, they're

00:55:24.860 --> 00:55:27.900
all out there laughing and stuff. And the homeowner's

00:55:27.900 --> 00:55:29.639
like shaking his head like, who the fuck did

00:55:29.639 --> 00:55:38.099
this? So anyhow. Hey there. We all have those

00:55:38.099 --> 00:55:41.719
annoying co -workers that do nothing. There's

00:55:41.719 --> 00:55:44.000
nothing we can do about it because HR departments

00:55:44.000 --> 00:55:47.119
are running scared of lawyers. So we have to

00:55:47.119 --> 00:55:48.860
work with these worthless pieces of garbage.

00:55:49.559 --> 00:55:52.380
But we have to communicate about them without

00:55:52.380 --> 00:55:55.119
them knowing about it. Here at Two Douchebags

00:55:55.119 --> 00:55:57.199
Microphone, we developed a way that you can speak

00:55:57.199 --> 00:55:59.400
about them right in front of them without them

00:55:59.400 --> 00:56:03.239
knowing about it. Stay tuned. Cordless only works

00:56:03.239 --> 00:56:09.260
40 minutes. ET always wants to go home. Kit Kat

00:56:09.260 --> 00:56:13.179
always taking a break. Muffler always exhausted.

00:56:13.559 --> 00:56:18.940
Seaweed floats around all day. Sensor light only

00:56:18.940 --> 00:56:24.119
works when someone walks by. Wheelbarrow only

00:56:24.119 --> 00:56:40.880
works when pushed. My mechanic told me I couldn't

00:56:40.880 --> 00:56:44.539
repair your brakes. So I made you a horn ladder.

00:56:48.360 --> 00:56:50.659
So you want proof that we love you here at QD

00:56:50.659 --> 00:56:53.400
Spades and Microphone Central? Here's a proof

00:56:53.400 --> 00:56:55.519
right here. How about the drink of the week?

00:56:56.260 --> 00:56:58.800
Hey, all you drunk belly dancers. This one's

00:56:58.800 --> 00:57:00.940
for you. This is a Butch Wacker. This is from

00:57:00.940 --> 00:57:04.199
Norwegian Cruise Line's Best Drinks. This is

00:57:04.199 --> 00:57:08.280
a chocolatey, delicious drink. Thick. You can

00:57:08.280 --> 00:57:11.400
make yourself. It starts out one ounce of rum,

00:57:11.559 --> 00:57:15.000
one half ounce chocono, chocolate flavor liqueur.

00:57:15.300 --> 00:57:17.869
One half ounce of vodka. 1 1⁄2 oz of Bailey's

00:57:17.869 --> 00:57:21.650
Irish Creek, 1 1⁄2 oz of Kahula, and 1 1⁄2 oz

00:57:21.650 --> 00:57:25.349
of Amaretto. Shake all together, put in a glass,

00:57:25.650 --> 00:57:29.829
and there you are. Delightful, chalkwoody goodness.

00:57:30.309 --> 00:57:34.829
Enjoy. Hello, this is Phineas J. Altaris III.

00:57:35.670 --> 00:57:38.309
I'm here to deliver your music news this evening.

00:57:42.650 --> 00:57:45.230
Faith No More and Mr. Bungle lead singer Mike

00:57:45.230 --> 00:57:48.449
Patton. was falsely identified as a sexual predator

00:57:48.449 --> 00:57:52.090
in Ohio. A person that has Mike's same name confused

00:57:52.090 --> 00:57:54.789
Google AI and then identified the singer as the

00:57:54.789 --> 00:57:57.710
predator. Mike Patton, the singer, is working

00:57:57.710 --> 00:57:59.769
on getting the false information scrubbed off

00:57:59.769 --> 00:58:03.010
the internet. This is only the tip of the iceberg.

00:58:03.829 --> 00:58:09.230
This is Phineas J. Baltar S. III. That has been

00:58:09.230 --> 00:58:12.210
your music news for this evening. I have one

00:58:12.210 --> 00:58:15.239
burning question for you all. Do people really

00:58:15.239 --> 00:58:22.619
skip around the Maypole? Strange, but true. There

00:58:22.619 --> 00:58:24.860
are deep -sea fish with transparent heads and

00:58:24.860 --> 00:58:27.340
visible brains. The barrel -eye fish looks like

00:58:27.340 --> 00:58:29.880
something from an alien autopsy. Its head is

00:58:29.880 --> 00:58:31.800
literally see -through, and you can watch its

00:58:31.800 --> 00:58:34.199
eyes swivel inside like little green orbs of

00:58:34.199 --> 00:58:39.219
doom. Hey there, fuckstick. You're just in time

00:58:39.219 --> 00:58:41.719
for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit

00:58:41.719 --> 00:58:45.000
about. Every Model T that was ever manufactured

00:58:45.000 --> 00:58:50.500
was in the color black. Hello, this is a new

00:58:50.500 --> 00:58:54.860
guy, and these two dum -dums want me to explain

00:58:54.860 --> 00:58:58.420
what happened about a girl that seemingly knocked

00:58:58.420 --> 00:59:04.619
over a ton of beer coasters that someone did

00:59:04.619 --> 00:59:08.340
for a world record or something stupid like that.

00:59:09.179 --> 00:59:13.210
Okay, a girl... elicited gaffes from viewers

00:59:13.210 --> 00:59:15.969
after toppling a near -world -record beer coaster

00:59:15.969 --> 00:59:18.630
tower that took an artist over a month to build,

00:59:18.730 --> 00:59:22.110
as seen in a clip with millions of views. In

00:59:22.110 --> 00:59:24.730
total, I spent about 120 hours constructing this

00:59:24.730 --> 00:59:27.989
sculpture, creator Benjamin Kapler, 49, told

00:59:27.989 --> 00:59:31.909
Jam Press of his office. This was located on

00:59:31.909 --> 00:59:34.050
the Rhein Center Shopping Center in Cologne,

00:59:34.190 --> 00:59:37.309
Germany. The German artist repulsively constructed

00:59:37.309 --> 00:59:40.429
the impressive structure out of 63 ,000 beer

00:59:40.429 --> 00:59:42.690
coasters in an attempt to set a new Guinness

00:59:42.690 --> 00:59:45.429
World Record. He began constructing the work

00:59:45.429 --> 00:59:48.230
on October 31st of last year and finally completed

00:59:48.230 --> 00:59:51.369
it on December 8th. Then on January 10th, his

00:59:51.369 --> 00:59:54.650
dream came crashing down. The now viral footage,

00:59:54.849 --> 00:59:57.570
the young gal seems to be pulling out a piece

00:59:57.570 --> 01:00:01.409
of veritable beer mat, Mount Everest, causing

01:00:01.409 --> 01:00:04.170
it to tumble like a house of cards. Thankfully,

01:00:04.190 --> 01:00:07.710
fall... is not as it seemed. Kapler noted that

01:00:07.710 --> 01:00:09.710
the tower had partially collapsed under its own

01:00:09.710 --> 01:00:12.309
weight just before the completion, so he invited

01:00:12.309 --> 01:00:15.090
guests to play bare mat jenga. So therefore,

01:00:15.230 --> 01:00:18.690
when this happened, the girl was the one that

01:00:18.690 --> 01:00:24.610
picked the wrong card. So there you go. I don't

01:00:24.610 --> 01:00:27.530
know what else to say. 50 bucks isn't worth it,

01:00:27.550 --> 01:00:40.560
and those pencil shavings marks an idiot. of

01:00:40.560 --> 01:00:50.000
at the Talk is Cheap studio. And I am Rob in

01:00:50.000 --> 01:00:52.460
Wheatland, Missouri, home of the magnificent

01:00:52.460 --> 01:00:56.579
Lucas Oil Speedway and Watertrap, and also home

01:00:56.579 --> 01:01:00.139
of the Hickamos Country Store, where you can

01:01:00.139 --> 01:01:04.139
find all your needs, including a selfie with

01:01:04.139 --> 01:01:07.579
the green sequoia dinosaur with a huge penis.

01:01:08.369 --> 01:01:16.929
Oh, Rob, check this out. I'm going to be doing,

01:01:17.050 --> 01:01:19.489
you know, I barbecue a lot. I smoke a lot, right?

01:01:20.030 --> 01:01:26.409
Okay. I get a corned beef brisket, and I am going

01:01:26.409 --> 01:01:30.190
to smoke that, yes. And we're going to do smoked

01:01:30.190 --> 01:01:33.210
Reuben's. I saw this recipe on the Internet the

01:01:33.210 --> 01:01:38.010
other day, and then I saw a restaurant. that

01:01:38.010 --> 01:01:41.829
sells them. I guess it's kind of like, I don't

01:01:41.829 --> 01:01:43.590
know if it's a new thing, but it's kind of getting

01:01:43.590 --> 01:01:47.869
popular again, or it's first time being popular,

01:01:47.989 --> 01:01:51.050
I'm not sure which. But I will let you know how

01:01:51.050 --> 01:01:54.210
that turns out. Man, to me, that sounds phenomenal.

01:01:54.349 --> 01:01:58.010
What do you think? Sounds awesome. Oh, yeah.

01:01:58.170 --> 01:02:00.800
But when I do the Reuben... You know, you slice

01:02:00.800 --> 01:02:02.900
up, you know, you smoke the corned beef, okay,

01:02:02.980 --> 01:02:05.119
and then you cut it all up, you slice it up,

01:02:05.139 --> 01:02:07.280
you know, into strips, kind of like you do barbecue

01:02:07.280 --> 01:02:10.539
beef, and then you make your Reuben. But when

01:02:10.539 --> 01:02:13.019
I put the cheese and the sauce on it and everything

01:02:13.019 --> 01:02:15.539
and the bread, I'm going to put it back in the

01:02:15.539 --> 01:02:18.219
smoker and let it smoke a little bit more and

01:02:18.219 --> 01:02:19.880
toast the bread in there. What do you think?

01:02:20.340 --> 01:02:23.139
Oh, hell yeah. Yeah. That sounds good. Yeah.

01:02:23.480 --> 01:02:25.579
You know what? I mean, when you come up for the

01:02:25.579 --> 01:02:27.969
concert, maybe I'll have... Well, damn it. We

01:02:27.969 --> 01:02:30.750
want to go to all these restaurants, too. No,

01:02:30.750 --> 01:02:34.889
the main one is going to be Jess and Jim's. Yeah,

01:02:34.929 --> 01:02:36.949
yeah, yeah. We've got to go back there. Because

01:02:36.949 --> 01:02:41.349
when we walk out of Jess and Jim's before we

01:02:41.349 --> 01:02:44.650
go to the concert, you and I are going to be

01:02:44.650 --> 01:02:48.710
holding hands when we walk out that door. It

01:02:48.710 --> 01:02:51.929
may be the last time we walk out of Jess and

01:02:51.929 --> 01:02:55.150
Jim's together. It could be, very much so. I

01:02:55.150 --> 01:02:57.570
thought of that today, man. We got to be old

01:02:57.570 --> 01:03:01.090
man's. Like, remember how we used to, like...

01:03:01.090 --> 01:03:04.750
That was a wise behavior, old man's. We used

01:03:04.750 --> 01:03:06.570
to run people out of there that were lingering

01:03:06.570 --> 01:03:09.369
at night. Yeah, we did. By acting like we were

01:03:09.369 --> 01:03:11.210
making out, we'd put our hand in front of our

01:03:11.210 --> 01:03:16.789
mouth. That's back... This is back in the 80s.

01:03:17.360 --> 01:03:21.579
It wasn't as accepted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And

01:03:21.579 --> 01:03:24.480
it wasn't as accepted back then as it is now.

01:03:24.940 --> 01:03:26.860
Nowadays, it'd be like, okay, two guys making

01:03:26.860 --> 01:03:29.039
out. But back then, it was still kind of shocking.

01:03:29.820 --> 01:03:33.380
But if restaurant hours is over, we want your

01:03:33.380 --> 01:03:36.039
asses out so we can go on. Yeah, we couldn't

01:03:36.039 --> 01:03:38.699
fucking leave until they left. And it's like,

01:03:38.739 --> 01:03:42.519
motherfuckers, they're not ordering from the

01:03:42.519 --> 01:03:45.519
bar. They're not doing anything except just sitting

01:03:45.519 --> 01:03:49.679
there wasting our fucking time. Yeah. It's like,

01:03:49.760 --> 01:03:53.840
go home and talk, asshole. Don't waste our time.

01:03:53.920 --> 01:03:57.579
Jeez. Talk in the car on your way the fuck out

01:03:57.579 --> 01:04:00.900
of here. Yeah, whatever. So, all right, Rob,

01:04:01.079 --> 01:04:12.750
let's go to you for the next story. Yes, I'm

01:04:12.750 --> 01:04:15.690
here. I told you, how are you, dude? You've got

01:04:15.690 --> 01:04:21.550
the worst timing. Anyway, you're good. We're

01:04:21.550 --> 01:04:23.309
going to make it through this, one way or another.

01:04:23.630 --> 01:04:26.750
Next time, if you can get out a little signal

01:04:26.750 --> 01:04:30.989
so I know to start talking. I don't know, two

01:04:30.989 --> 01:04:36.250
taps? Two taps on your phone? I don't know. I

01:04:36.250 --> 01:04:38.949
don't know. When the cough comes, I've got to

01:04:38.949 --> 01:04:41.260
answer. No, no, no. I understand that. I'm not

01:04:41.260 --> 01:04:43.179
bitching about that at all. I understand that.

01:04:43.699 --> 01:04:49.480
Okay. Just like right there. Good thing is I

01:04:49.480 --> 01:04:55.960
have you. I do, but when I'm taking a call, it's

01:04:55.960 --> 01:04:58.860
kind of complicated to get to. Right, I know.

01:04:59.079 --> 01:05:01.500
And then the microphone, I'm afraid to touch

01:05:01.500 --> 01:05:04.760
it. I'm telling you. Because sometimes I'll hit

01:05:04.760 --> 01:05:07.469
the wrong button. and then it takes me five minutes

01:05:07.469 --> 01:05:10.230
to figure out how to get it going again, so I

01:05:10.230 --> 01:05:14.130
essentially don't have mute. It is haunted. It

01:05:14.130 --> 01:05:18.750
is haunted. It really is. Yeah, it is. Yep. It's

01:05:18.750 --> 01:05:24.329
his own co -host. Yeah, it really is. It does

01:05:24.329 --> 01:05:28.969
what it wants to. It really is. Yeah. All right.

01:05:29.730 --> 01:05:34.369
Yeah, we're going into another weird story. Okay.

01:05:36.429 --> 01:05:40.889
During the tense years of the Cold War, intelligence

01:05:40.889 --> 01:05:44.949
agencies consistently searched for creative ways

01:05:44.949 --> 01:05:49.590
to spy on their rivals. Satellites, submarines,

01:05:50.130 --> 01:05:53.110
hidden microphones, and undercover agents were

01:05:53.110 --> 01:05:56.889
all part of the game. But sometimes the most

01:05:56.889 --> 01:06:01.110
unusual ideas came from the most unexpected places.

01:06:02.730 --> 01:06:07.570
One of the strangest espionage concepts in all

01:06:07.570 --> 01:06:14.550
they fish. Okay. Yes, you heard me. Espionage

01:06:14.550 --> 01:06:19.309
and fish in the same sense. That's going to be

01:06:19.309 --> 01:06:22.690
interesting where it's going. It is. It really

01:06:22.690 --> 01:06:29.170
is. And I love it. In the 1990s, engineers working

01:06:29.170 --> 01:06:31.480
with... with the Central Intelligence Agency,

01:06:31.519 --> 01:06:36.119
developed a remarkable experimental device known

01:06:36.119 --> 01:06:44.840
as Charlie the Catfish. Instead of sending human

01:06:44.840 --> 01:06:49.380
agents into dangerous waters, the agency explored

01:06:49.380 --> 01:06:54.019
the idea of using a robotic fish to secretly

01:06:54.019 --> 01:06:59.679
gather environmental intelligence. The goal was

01:06:59.679 --> 01:07:03.079
to monitor rivers and waterways in territories

01:07:03.079 --> 01:07:08.500
connected to the Soviet Union. Intelligence officials

01:07:08.500 --> 01:07:13.300
feared that hidden industrial facilities or weapons

01:07:13.300 --> 01:07:17.460
programs could be releasing chemical or radioactive

01:07:17.460 --> 01:07:23.360
waste in the nearby rivers. But setting obvious

01:07:23.360 --> 01:07:26.699
monitoring equipment into these areas risked.

01:07:29.210 --> 01:07:34.070
So engineers designed something that looked completely

01:07:34.070 --> 01:07:40.750
natural. Charlie the Catfish was a remote -controlled

01:07:40.750 --> 01:07:44.789
robotic fish built to move through water like

01:07:44.789 --> 01:07:48.369
a real animal. Instead, his body was specialized

01:07:48.369 --> 01:07:53.230
equipment that could quietly collect water samples

01:07:53.230 --> 01:07:57.960
and measure contamination levels. To avoid suspicion,

01:07:58.360 --> 01:08:01.980
the robot was carefully designed to mimic the

01:08:01.980 --> 01:08:08.239
movement of a real fish. Its internal motors

01:08:08.239 --> 01:08:12.039
allowed the tail to sway naturally, while hidden

01:08:12.039 --> 01:08:15.719
electronics transmitted data back to researchers.

01:08:16.899 --> 01:08:20.600
Even more cleverly, the communication system

01:08:20.600 --> 01:08:26.289
was disguised. A small antenna was hidden along

01:08:26.289 --> 01:08:30.010
the fish's spine, allowing operators to control

01:08:30.010 --> 01:08:33.369
it and receive information without relieving

01:08:33.369 --> 01:08:38.590
its true purpose. The concept showed how far

01:08:38.590 --> 01:08:42.250
intelligence agencies were willing to go in their

01:08:42.250 --> 01:08:46.229
technological experiments. Though projects like

01:08:46.229 --> 01:08:50.170
this often remained secret for years, they highlighted

01:08:50.170 --> 01:08:56.029
the unusual creativity the divine cold war espionage.

01:08:57.369 --> 01:09:02.109
Today, this strange robotic spy fish has become

01:09:02.109 --> 01:09:07.170
a fascinating historical curiosity. The prototype

01:09:07.170 --> 01:09:12.949
of Charlie Catfish can reportedly be seen at

01:09:12.949 --> 01:09:16.989
the CIA museum, where it serves as a reminder

01:09:16.989 --> 01:09:22.869
that in the world of espionage, An ordinary fish

01:09:22.869 --> 01:09:39.710
might not be what it seems. Okay. I have questions

01:09:39.710 --> 01:09:43.029
about this. Yeah, I do too. Okay, that was in

01:09:43.029 --> 01:09:48.050
the 90s. Okay, 90s, never mind. My answer is

01:09:48.050 --> 01:09:53.199
a question. Okay. I was saying, when did they

01:09:53.199 --> 01:09:57.579
come out with remote control monster trucks and

01:09:57.579 --> 01:10:00.060
cars and stuff? That was probably... This was

01:10:00.060 --> 01:10:04.720
in the 90s. Yeah. Yeah, that, okay, yeah. Well,

01:10:04.800 --> 01:10:09.720
I had a Koi pond here at this place for quite

01:10:09.720 --> 01:10:13.199
a while. And I ended up having to, you know,

01:10:13.199 --> 01:10:16.920
just dig it out and fill it in because it kept

01:10:16.920 --> 01:10:20.829
leaking and... And it was just a big pain in

01:10:20.829 --> 01:10:23.869
the ass. The fish kept dying. And we had our

01:10:23.869 --> 01:10:26.630
granddaughter really took to the goldfish, right?

01:10:26.930 --> 01:10:30.130
And the other fish that we had in there. But

01:10:30.130 --> 01:10:33.710
they kept dying. So I actually found a couple

01:10:33.710 --> 01:10:38.890
of robot fish online. And they're remote controlled.

01:10:39.109 --> 01:10:41.789
And I put them in the water because she was really

01:10:41.789 --> 01:10:44.550
young at the time. Just so she would think that

01:10:44.550 --> 01:10:48.279
it had fish in it. And so they do have robotic...

01:10:48.279 --> 01:10:51.640
Yeah, you can buy one right now. You can buy

01:10:51.640 --> 01:10:55.439
a robot fish if you want. And it is really realistic

01:10:55.439 --> 01:10:58.760
looking. I mean, if you're a grown -up, you can

01:10:58.760 --> 01:11:00.960
tell it isn't, but it takes a second. You've

01:11:00.960 --> 01:11:03.359
got to look at it and go, okay, that's not real.

01:11:03.779 --> 01:11:07.300
But to a child, that really looked real. That's

01:11:07.300 --> 01:11:11.260
how close it is. And so... Back in the 90s, I'll

01:11:11.260 --> 01:11:13.680
bet you they did have that robot fish. Yes. Yeah,

01:11:13.680 --> 01:11:15.939
put them in a river, you wouldn't be able to

01:11:15.939 --> 01:11:19.140
tell. No, in a river you couldn't. In a koi pond,

01:11:19.359 --> 01:11:21.979
you know, you've got a certain amount of area

01:11:21.979 --> 01:11:24.899
that isn't that large. Yeah. And, you know, it

01:11:24.899 --> 01:11:27.279
never went in the waterfall or anything, of course.

01:11:27.420 --> 01:11:29.140
It probably would have destroyed it. Actually,

01:11:29.159 --> 01:11:34.319
it was what they were, the information they were

01:11:34.319 --> 01:11:40.760
wanting was the radioactivity. All the chemicals.

01:11:42.539 --> 01:11:47.640
Nobody probably ever seen this fish. You know,

01:11:47.680 --> 01:11:50.899
because it was deeper in the water. No, no, I'm

01:11:50.899 --> 01:11:52.819
pretty sure they probably didn't. You know what

01:11:52.819 --> 01:11:55.539
I mean? And not only that. But they designed

01:11:55.539 --> 01:12:00.119
it in case somebody didn't see it. No, I like

01:12:00.119 --> 01:12:01.960
that idea, in case someone didn't see it. Yeah,

01:12:02.159 --> 01:12:05.720
that's brilliant, I think. I thought it was a

01:12:05.720 --> 01:12:07.979
good, yeah, I think it was a good idea. Cool.

01:12:08.060 --> 01:12:12.720
All right. Thank you, Rob. All right. Call into

01:12:12.720 --> 01:12:14.979
the Washington State Department of Licensing,

01:12:15.119 --> 01:12:18.899
and you'll have the option for Spanish language

01:12:18.899 --> 01:12:22.500
communication. At least that's what you'd expect.

01:12:22.899 --> 01:12:26.560
But instead, the Associated Press reported an

01:12:26.560 --> 01:12:30.680
automated AI voice just speaks English with a

01:12:30.680 --> 01:12:37.300
real strong Spanish accent. All right. Yeah.

01:12:37.720 --> 01:12:41.640
No joke. For real. Maya Edwards, whose husband

01:12:41.640 --> 01:12:44.500
pressed two for Spanish, said, It was hilarious

01:12:44.500 --> 01:12:48.340
to us in the moment because it was so absurd.

01:12:48.520 --> 01:12:52.180
But at the time, it was real accessibility issues

01:12:52.180 --> 01:12:55.260
for people who need to speak in a different language.

01:12:55.439 --> 01:12:58.819
The DOL... Department of Licensing apologized

01:12:58.819 --> 01:13:02.640
and said the glitch had been fixed as of February

01:13:02.640 --> 01:13:05.739
27, but calls through the service still resulted

01:13:05.739 --> 01:13:09.260
in the accented voice and using Spanish words

01:13:09.260 --> 01:13:12.300
only for numbers, as in your estimated wait time

01:13:12.300 --> 01:13:20.960
is less than tre minutes. Isn't that funny? Yes,

01:13:21.100 --> 01:13:29.060
it is. Dos minutes or uno minutes. Yeah, so whoever

01:13:29.060 --> 01:13:34.479
came up with that, you know what? I think that

01:13:34.479 --> 01:13:36.199
might get an ass paddling. What do you think?

01:13:38.020 --> 01:13:41.279
Yeah, maybe. You know what? I'm going to write

01:13:41.279 --> 01:13:47.500
that down so I remember. And we will see what

01:13:47.500 --> 01:13:51.380
Shia LaBeouf gets. Oh, yeah. Well, I'm going

01:13:51.380 --> 01:13:54.159
to leave that for you. I have something in mind.

01:13:54.159 --> 01:14:00.050
Okay. Oh. Maybe a big and ball bite. No. No?

01:14:01.630 --> 01:14:06.609
Well... Oh, yeah, you know what? Before this

01:14:06.609 --> 01:14:09.569
show ends, I've got to explain the big and ball

01:14:09.569 --> 01:14:13.310
bite because people are kind of relentless about

01:14:13.310 --> 01:14:17.390
this. Yeah. And you were right. Ever since I

01:14:17.390 --> 01:14:20.050
mentioned him a couple of times... People don't

01:14:20.050 --> 01:14:22.109
go that far back on the podcast, so they have

01:14:22.109 --> 01:14:25.229
no idea how big the ball biter is. But before

01:14:25.229 --> 01:14:27.350
I do that, you got another story you want to

01:14:27.350 --> 01:14:32.369
go into? Yeah, I do. I got one real quick. Okay.

01:14:35.229 --> 01:14:38.630
And this is another person that I personally

01:14:38.630 --> 01:14:44.630
knew that I personally worked with. Okay. And

01:14:44.630 --> 01:14:47.710
she came from around the Lake of the Ozarks.

01:14:48.210 --> 01:14:54.880
Okay. Sorry for the bad news late. A captain

01:14:54.880 --> 01:14:58.279
man has been charged after a deputy was injured

01:14:58.279 --> 01:15:04.880
during a foot chase. On Sunday, March 1st, deputies

01:15:04.880 --> 01:15:08.619
went to Osage Beach to arrest Mark Lawrence.

01:15:11.020 --> 01:15:18.220
Mark was wanted for felony property damage. Which,

01:15:18.260 --> 01:15:20.819
that property there, I'll tell you right now.

01:15:21.960 --> 01:15:31.220
Okay. He was in a local rehab. All this is allegedly,

01:15:31.359 --> 01:15:36.279
allegedly. Yeah, allegedly. Allegedly in the

01:15:36.279 --> 01:15:41.020
courtyard. But he put, but I know different.

01:15:41.840 --> 01:15:48.789
But he put his, allegedly, Broke a window with

01:15:48.789 --> 01:16:00.550
his arm and ran out of this rehab. Okay. I happen

01:16:00.550 --> 01:16:05.550
to know for a suspect. But we still have to say

01:16:05.550 --> 01:16:11.770
allegedly. Allegedly. Okay. When the deputy or

01:16:11.770 --> 01:16:16.949
Lawrence or yeah. When the deputies got to the

01:16:16.949 --> 01:16:20.729
patio of the apartment where Lawrence was, court

01:16:20.729 --> 01:16:23.630
documents state that Lawrence ran out of the

01:16:23.630 --> 01:16:28.029
door and jumped over the handrail. He landed

01:16:28.029 --> 01:16:32.750
on the ground and took off running. The documents

01:16:32.750 --> 01:16:36.109
state that a deputy gave him verbal command to

01:16:36.109 --> 01:16:40.930
stop running, but Lawrence did not stop. I worked

01:16:40.930 --> 01:16:45.689
with him. I understand. Lawrence ran toward the

01:16:45.689 --> 01:16:48.890
road. He jumped over the guardrail, crossed the

01:16:48.890 --> 01:16:51.489
street, and went over the guide wires in the

01:16:51.489 --> 01:16:58.569
median, which at that point is Highway 54. The

01:16:58.569 --> 01:17:03.130
actual Highway 54. Yeah, the new floor lane.

01:17:03.710 --> 01:17:07.090
Oh, okay. Not the old one. I know what you're

01:17:07.090 --> 01:17:09.510
talking about. Not the business 54 that goes

01:17:09.510 --> 01:17:13.350
through everything. The new bypass. Yeah, the

01:17:13.350 --> 01:17:18.670
bypass. The deputy who was chasing Lawrence tried

01:17:18.670 --> 01:17:21.630
to jump over the guide wires but got tangled

01:17:21.630 --> 01:17:25.869
in the wires. The sheriff had severe injuries

01:17:25.869 --> 01:17:29.710
to his leg and knee. Deputies eventually arrested

01:17:29.710 --> 01:17:32.750
Lawrence. He was taken to Camden County Jail.

01:17:34.829 --> 01:17:37.729
Prosecutors charged Lawrence with second -degree

01:17:37.729 --> 01:17:43.890
assault, special victim, resisting arrest, detention,

01:17:45.099 --> 01:17:49.180
Stopped by fleeing, creating a substantial risk

01:17:49.180 --> 01:17:53.180
to serious injury, debt to any person, or first

01:17:53.180 --> 01:17:59.680
-degree property damage. Well, here's the thing

01:17:59.680 --> 01:18:05.739
about Mr. Mark Lawrence. Okay. He was on parole.

01:18:07.220 --> 01:18:18.539
Oh, allegedly. If he'd be a legend. You know

01:18:18.539 --> 01:18:23.939
the rules, dude. I know. But I also know the

01:18:23.939 --> 01:18:37.039
truth. Allegedly, he was on the rules. Now, he's

01:18:37.039 --> 01:18:42.119
looking at probably 10 years straight. Yeah.

01:18:45.350 --> 01:18:48.829
Well, what he did that day, on top of his parole,

01:18:49.069 --> 01:18:53.949
he's looking at probably 10 years straight. Okay.

01:18:54.510 --> 01:18:59.829
Good for you, Mark. I'm proud of you. You did

01:18:59.829 --> 01:19:07.510
real good coming out of prison. Well, okay. Well,

01:19:07.529 --> 01:19:11.770
thank you, Rob. Just saying. Okay. Big in the

01:19:11.770 --> 01:19:13.510
ball biter, and then we can go ahead and shut

01:19:13.510 --> 01:19:17.770
this whole shit show down. Sound all right? Sounds

01:19:17.770 --> 01:19:23.029
good. Okay. Well, this all started back a long

01:19:23.029 --> 01:19:25.989
time ago in the 80s. I was playing football,

01:19:26.289 --> 01:19:31.949
high school football, at Cass Midway. And we

01:19:31.949 --> 01:19:36.119
were a very small school. And so we used to have

01:19:36.119 --> 01:19:38.520
to have, we didn't have the capital to really

01:19:38.520 --> 01:19:41.659
play football, but we did. I mean, but we had

01:19:41.659 --> 01:19:44.560
to do a little trickery to be able to because

01:19:44.560 --> 01:19:47.380
the money wasn't there. We had to buy most of

01:19:47.380 --> 01:19:49.840
our stuff ourselves. But one of the things that

01:19:49.840 --> 01:19:52.520
we had given to us were the old football helmets,

01:19:52.760 --> 01:19:55.840
like I think it's like maybe like Notre Dame

01:19:55.840 --> 01:19:59.979
or St. Pius, stuff like that. The schools that

01:19:59.979 --> 01:20:02.579
had more capital to work with gave us their old

01:20:02.579 --> 01:20:06.000
helmets. Now, these helmets were, like, old.

01:20:06.319 --> 01:20:10.060
You know, they'd been hid a lot. So they were,

01:20:10.100 --> 01:20:13.000
like, distorted, you know. And so we'd put them

01:20:13.000 --> 01:20:15.500
on our head, and they would pop off really easily.

01:20:16.020 --> 01:20:19.340
So we had this guy we called Biggin. He was just

01:20:19.340 --> 01:20:23.979
this farmhand. I'm not going to speak too bad

01:20:23.979 --> 01:20:25.899
of him because he did pass away not too long

01:20:25.899 --> 01:20:31.189
ago. Yes. So... He would like to grow out his

01:20:31.189 --> 01:20:34.270
thumbnail and his index fingernail and sharpen

01:20:34.270 --> 01:20:37.029
them. And then when you're in the dog pile there,

01:20:37.170 --> 01:20:40.369
he would reach in there and he would pinch the

01:20:40.369 --> 01:20:42.890
inner part of your thigh up there right next

01:20:42.890 --> 01:20:45.840
to your junk. And, oh, my God, that would hurt

01:20:45.840 --> 01:20:49.079
so bad. But the problem is, is you couldn't turn

01:20:49.079 --> 01:20:51.840
anyone in. The coach was so adamantly against

01:20:51.840 --> 01:20:54.020
it because we had this one guy that used to always

01:20:54.020 --> 01:20:57.239
go, hey, he held me, or hey, he tripped me. And

01:20:57.239 --> 01:20:59.539
he would make us run, our coach would make us

01:20:59.539 --> 01:21:02.340
run gassers when someone would rat on somebody

01:21:02.340 --> 01:21:06.720
about a penalty or whatever. And gassers were

01:21:06.720 --> 01:21:10.720
the side -to -side football field twice. And

01:21:10.720 --> 01:21:13.180
he'd make us run quite a few of them. So, you

01:21:13.180 --> 01:21:15.060
know, the snitch would get his ass kicked in

01:21:15.060 --> 01:21:17.300
the locker room. And that's what it was designed

01:21:17.300 --> 01:21:21.220
to do. In other words, quit being a pussy. Yes.

01:21:21.319 --> 01:21:24.420
Yeah. So just accept it. Yeah, pretty much quit

01:21:24.420 --> 01:21:26.359
being a pussy. Figure out a way around it. I

01:21:26.359 --> 01:21:30.399
don't know. Whatever you got to do. So Biggin

01:21:30.399 --> 01:21:32.060
was getting away with it because we couldn't

01:21:32.060 --> 01:21:34.159
tell on him because we didn't want to run gassers.

01:21:35.039 --> 01:21:38.340
So we had this little running back named Jimmy.

01:21:39.240 --> 01:21:42.020
And he was a little kind of shorter, a little

01:21:42.020 --> 01:21:44.399
kind of skinny guy. But he could get underneath

01:21:44.399 --> 01:21:47.500
people. He could dodge tackles and stuff. He's

01:21:47.500 --> 01:21:50.180
a really good running back. And he's very instrumental

01:21:50.180 --> 01:21:53.960
in us winning a lot. So this was a really hot

01:21:53.960 --> 01:21:57.100
September day. And Biggin was out there with

01:21:57.100 --> 01:21:59.079
us practicing. And like I said, you know, he

01:21:59.079 --> 01:22:02.000
liked to grow out his fingernails. Now, one thing

01:22:02.000 --> 01:22:04.180
that happened is, is occasionally his helmet

01:22:04.180 --> 01:22:07.500
would pop off. And whenever it did, instead of...

01:22:08.250 --> 01:22:10.529
getting you with his fingernails. He would reach

01:22:10.529 --> 01:22:12.810
in there as far as he could with his mouth, and

01:22:12.810 --> 01:22:17.050
he would bite you on your inner thigh. And, oh,

01:22:17.170 --> 01:22:19.869
shit, I had black and blue bite marks there and

01:22:19.869 --> 01:22:22.590
stuff. So did some other guys. We're like, motherfucker,

01:22:22.989 --> 01:22:27.390
it hurt. And so... Me and him could have been

01:22:27.390 --> 01:22:32.729
friends, just saying. So, anyhow, Biggin, you

01:22:32.729 --> 01:22:36.119
know, I mean, I don't want to... be too ill of

01:22:36.119 --> 01:22:39.159
them but kind of psychopathic behavior you know

01:22:39.159 --> 01:22:43.800
so um so anyhow um we it was really hot september

01:22:43.800 --> 01:22:47.279
day and jimmy the little running back he was

01:22:47.279 --> 01:22:50.340
wearing white pants he was acting like the opposing

01:22:50.340 --> 01:22:53.399
team and we're getting ready to play drexel which

01:22:53.399 --> 01:22:58.340
was our arch nemesis and so He had some sort

01:22:58.340 --> 01:23:00.800
of a weird, I don't know, jockage type of stuff

01:23:00.800 --> 01:23:03.460
going on. Or, I don't know, some fungal thing.

01:23:03.640 --> 01:23:06.920
Or maybe just like, you know, maybe some chafing

01:23:06.920 --> 01:23:09.800
because it was really hot. And he couldn't wear

01:23:09.800 --> 01:23:11.840
his jock straps. So, you know, his stuff was

01:23:11.840 --> 01:23:14.340
kind of like hanging down a little bit there,

01:23:14.399 --> 01:23:20.560
right? So, you know, he's running, bam, you know,

01:23:20.560 --> 01:23:24.500
underneath the dog pile. And Biggin's helmet

01:23:24.500 --> 01:23:27.539
popped off. And he reached in there and got him

01:23:27.539 --> 01:23:32.039
a bite. And all of a sudden, Jimmy jumps up,

01:23:32.140 --> 01:23:35.619
holding his fucking junk, and there's blood coming

01:23:35.619 --> 01:23:37.439
out everywhere, and he's wearing white pants.

01:23:37.680 --> 01:23:41.260
And the coach is like, ah! Coach runs over there.

01:23:41.340 --> 01:23:43.699
He pulls his pants down to see what was going

01:23:43.699 --> 01:23:48.479
on. And he had a fucking bite mark on his nutsack.

01:23:50.300 --> 01:23:53.279
The coach is like, who did this? Who the hell

01:23:53.279 --> 01:23:58.220
did this? Everyone pointed at Biggin. So, Biggin

01:23:58.220 --> 01:24:00.739
got in a lot of trouble, and I don't think he

01:24:00.739 --> 01:24:03.180
went to court over it or nothing, but I do remember

01:24:03.180 --> 01:24:07.319
he got in a lot of shit for doing that, and deservingly

01:24:07.319 --> 01:24:11.020
so. No one had to narc him out. He finally did

01:24:11.020 --> 01:24:13.279
it to himself because his helmet popped off.

01:24:13.359 --> 01:24:15.960
When he reached in there, you know, Jimmy wasn't

01:24:15.960 --> 01:24:18.020
wearing a jockstrap, so his stuff was hanging

01:24:18.020 --> 01:24:21.220
a little bit lower, and he bit his nutsack and

01:24:21.220 --> 01:24:26.770
drew blood. Jimmy was hurting really bad, needless

01:24:26.770 --> 01:24:31.050
to say. And, yeah. And Biggin got into a bunch

01:24:31.050 --> 01:24:32.989
of shit. Yeah, I would say, too. The coach grabbed

01:24:32.989 --> 01:24:36.170
Biggin by his ear, I believe, or maybe it was

01:24:36.170 --> 01:24:37.890
his Scotty, his little thing in the back. It

01:24:37.890 --> 01:24:39.449
was something like that. I can't remember. It

01:24:39.449 --> 01:24:42.029
was a long time ago. And he practically drug

01:24:42.029 --> 01:24:47.869
him inside. And poor Jimmy and the nurses and

01:24:47.869 --> 01:24:49.770
stuff had to go over there and fucking play around

01:24:49.770 --> 01:24:52.149
with his bag and stuff, and he hated it, you

01:24:52.149 --> 01:24:54.090
know. It was already hurting, and they're over

01:24:54.090 --> 01:24:57.210
there fucking throwing alcohol and swabbing it

01:24:57.210 --> 01:25:01.149
and stuff. He's like... So, anyhow, Big and in

01:25:01.149 --> 01:25:03.289
the Great Beyond, you're still talked about.

01:25:03.489 --> 01:25:06.470
It may not be fondly, but you're still remembered.

01:25:06.810 --> 01:25:10.689
So, all right. That is something he would want

01:25:10.689 --> 01:25:13.789
to be remembered. for. Yes, because he sure loved

01:25:13.789 --> 01:25:18.869
doing it, that's for sure. Anyhow, Rob, you got

01:25:18.869 --> 01:25:23.109
anything else? Honestly, brother, that's all

01:25:23.109 --> 01:25:26.649
I have for tonight. Like I said, it's been a

01:25:26.649 --> 01:25:29.649
very long week. I've had a lot more going on

01:25:29.649 --> 01:25:33.789
than normal. Oh yeah, I'm worried. It's been

01:25:33.789 --> 01:25:35.909
the same here, starting with Thursday night's

01:25:35.909 --> 01:25:39.550
huge -ass hailstorms and tornadoes and all that

01:25:39.550 --> 01:25:43.369
bullshit. And it's just been kind of like a clustered

01:25:43.369 --> 01:25:46.289
week ever since. So, yep, I've got to get two.

01:25:46.609 --> 01:25:52.390
All I'm going to say is kids are a pain in the

01:25:52.390 --> 01:25:58.270
ass. But the older they get, the bigger a pain

01:25:58.270 --> 01:26:01.270
in the ass they get. That's all I've got to say.

01:26:02.729 --> 01:26:05.329
All right. That's how my week's going, okay?

01:26:05.649 --> 01:26:11.689
I can't complain, but anyhow. All righty, everybody,

01:26:11.850 --> 01:26:13.909
thank you for listening. Have a good night, assholes.

01:26:14.789 --> 01:26:20.329
Good night, assholes. Oh, no. Looks like the

01:26:20.329 --> 01:26:23.369
show's over, kids. Mark has explosive diarrhea

01:26:23.369 --> 01:26:27.329
and can't afford a wireless mic. Fear not, assholes.

01:26:27.409 --> 01:26:29.649
They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.